Iceni Magazine Norfolk Issue 90

I C E N I N O R F O L K

ISSUE 90

Focus On: Parenting

Helping A Child

Overcome Death Anxiety

Women Of Norfolk

Joan Larke (c.1490 - c.1532)

How Are The Men In Your Life?

Instagram Tips

What Works And What Doesn’t

Welcome To Iceni Magazine, “The end of the summer is not the end of the world. Here's to October...”

- AA Milne Welcome to Issue 90 of Iceni Magazine – we are now on the home straight to our one-hundredth!

How is that possible?

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This month’s focus is on Parenting – something everyone always has a view on. Find out more about the county’s favourite home-educator, Missy Hitchcox, and her parenting philosophy (Pages 38 & 39).

Vicki from Blossom Tuition tells you all about how she got started and the new way she is helping parents and their children during lockdown (Pages 40 & 41). With talk of death all around us at every turn right now, Pages 46 & 47 see grief counsellor, Lianna Champ, share helpful advice to support our children to overcome death anxiety.

competitions@icenimagazine.co.uk

Elsewhere, business owners take note as Fiona Thomas shares her dos and don’ts for Instagram on Pages 26 & 27. Susan Leigh offers wisdom for supporting the men in our lives with shocking statistics relating to male suicide highlighting the need for a significant change in attitudes and approaches from all (Pages 15 – 17). With noisy celebrations likely to be happening soon with Halloween, Diwali and Bonfire Night rapidly approaching, Dogs Trust advise owners to prepare their dogs now with top tips on Page 8.

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While household arguments ensue about whether October is the right time to put the heating on, snuggle up on the sofa with a blanket and enjoy reading Issue 90.

Stay safe and take care!

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CONTRIBUTORS Becca Hamling, Cheryl Cade, Fiona Thomas, Keri Beevis, Lianna Champ, Luke Wells, Matt Porter, Mark King, Missy Hitchcox, Patrick Arundell, Serena Fordham, Susan Leigh, Thomas Hamling, Tim Barnes-Clay.

Page 3 Image Benjamen Terry - www.definedetail.com

Disclaimer

Copyright © Iceni Magazine Limited.

All rights reserved. No articles, adverts, content or design in this magazine may be used or reproduced either in whole or part, online or in print. The views and advice from contributors are not necessarily those of Iceni Magazine Limited. Every effort is made to ensure the contents are accurate, however Iceni Magazine Limited can not assume responsibility for errors, omissions or incorrect information. Iceni Magazine Limited accepts no liability for loss, damage or difficulties resulting from contracts between The Client and their customer. Inclusion within the magazine does not imply a recommendation.

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Contents 54

pages

Full of absolute dynamic

creative content!

“You Reap What You Sow”

08

46

HELPING A CHILD OVERCOME

WHIZ-PUP! DOGS TRUST ISSUES

Death Anxiety

Firework Advice For Dog Owners

15

26 22

SOCIAL MEDIA Instagram Tips

06

The Benjamin Foundation Monthly Update

08

Iceni News Dogs Trust Issues Advice

09

Iceni News Norfolk Open Gardens

11

Iceni News More Good News For Minidonks

12

Iceni News Make A Will And Support

13

Women Of Norfolk Joan Larke

15

How Are The Men In Your Life?

18

Iceni Columnist Mark King

19 20 22 24 26 28 29 37 38

HOW ARE THE MEN In Your Life?

Iceni Columnist Keri Beevis

40

Blossom Tuition Private Tuition

Nibbles & Tipples October

42

How Do You Feel About Christmas This Year?

44

Parenting Children Do Not...

46

Helping A Child Overcome Death Anxiety

48

See What Mummy Says Couldn’t Believe Our Luck!

Best Of Norfolk Readers Images

50

Iceni Asks...

Parenting Advice

Focus On: Parenting

51

Just For Fun ‘The Murderous Nanny’

Home Education And Parenting

52

Iceni Horoscopes What Do Your Stars Hold?

Motoring Review Suzuki Swift Sport Hybrid The GadgetMan Review Kebao Air 3 Social Media Instagram Tips Nova Silver October

THE BENJAMIN FOUNDATION Issue 90 2020

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The Benjamin Foundation The Benjamin Foundation is a local charity which helps people across Norfolk and Suffolk to deal with some of the challenges that life throws at them.

Whether it’s the prevention of youth homelessness, helping families to build stronger relationships or providing positive activities for young people with limited opportunities, our work brings hope, opportunity, stability and independence to the people we support.

STAY:UP - A New Virtual Fundraising Event For 2020

On Friday 9th October 2020, we’re challenging you to STAY:UP all night to help us end youth homelessness in Norfolk and Suffolk.

Whether you STAY:UP solo or as part of a team or a family, the challenge is simple: Tackle your tiredness, fight the fatigue, banish bedtime and whatever you do, don’t fall asleep! Get sponsored for your challenge and your one night without sleep could help a local young person to turn their life around.

We're running this virtual fundraising event because each night, The Benjamin Foundation provides a safe home and support for over 100 vulnerable local young people aged 16-25. That’s over 40,000 safe nights every year.

We help the young people to gain confidence and life skills so they can take their next steps towards forging successful, independent lives.

During our STAY:UP event, we'll provide interesting and fun content through the night on the hour, every hour, to help you keep awake.

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THE BENJAMIN FOUNDATION

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Issue 90 2020

If you are #UpForTheNight register here: https://bit.ly/TBFstayup

Huge thanks to our headline sponsor Clapham & Collinge Solicitors for supporting this event.

About The Benjamin Foundation - In Kerry’s Own Words “The Benjamin Foundation gives you somewhere safe to live if you come from somewhere where you feel unsafe. Support for the charity helps young people like me to create a better future.

“The staff have been great; they’ve helped me so much. I have also been given financial support too.

For example, when I arrived, I didn’t have many clothes so they gave me a £100 voucher for Primark - this was a huge help, especially in the Winter.”

The News At Ben The News at Ben is our e-mail newsletter.

Usually sent quarterly with some special editions when we have exciting news to announce, News at Ben is packed full of the latest news from The Benjamin Foundation, how you can get involved in events, fundraising, volunteering or making a donation, and how your support makes a real difference to young people in Norfolk and Suffolk.

Sign up and stay in touch here: https://benjaminfoundation.co.uk/keep-in-touch/ Twitter: @icenimagazine

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ICENI - NEWS

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Issue 90 2020

Whiz-Pup! Dogs Trust Issues Firework Advice For Dog Owners With firework season set to whizz-pop into our lives again with the approach of Halloween, Diwali and Bonfire Night, Dogs Trust is issuing advice to dog owners whose pets are scared of fireworks.

The charity says that the time to prepare your dog is now as leaving it until the night to try and relax your dog is likely to be too late.

Jenna Kiddie, Head of Canine Behaviour at Dogs Trust, says: “Dogs have approximately four times more sensitive hearing than humans, so the loud cracks and bangs of fireworks can often be a terrifying experience for them. Fireworks also tend to be sudden, unpredictable and bright. This combination can be distressing and have a lasting impact on dogs.

“There are lots of things dog owners can do to help make fireworks less stressful for their dogs. Simple steps such as providing safe spaces for them to hide or settling them before the fireworks start can make a big difference.

“We would also urge anyone thinking of putting on their own fireworks display to consider the welfare of their four-legged friends and others in the neighbourhood by following our Firework Dog Code.”

Advice for dog owners:

● Make sure your house and garden are secure during the fireworks as fear may make your dog try to escape. ● Try to settle your dog before the fireworks start - if your dog is in familiar safe surroundings, it will help them cope with the noise. ● Provide a safe hiding place - make sure your dog has somewhere safe in their favourite room, perhaps under a table. Close curtains, turn lights on, and turn up the volume on your TV or radio to drown out firework noises and flashing lights.

Advice for people wishing to host a private display ● Let your neighbours know well in advance, so they can prepare their dogs.

● Walk your dog before dark - make sure your dog is well exercised and has had a toilet break before the fireworks begin.

● Limit your display to 30 minutes or less.

● Feed your dog before the fireworks begin as they may become unsettled and not want to eat during the fireworks.

For further advice about preventing and dealing with fear of loud noises such as fireworks, please visit: www.dogstrust.org.uk/fireworks

● Opt for quieter, lower decibel fireworks.

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ICENI - NEWS

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Issue 90 2020

Norfolk Open Gardens: October 2020 October means that we have arrived at the last month of open gardens for 2020 and what a strange year it has been.

We sadly lost around forty garden openings due to Covid 19, which will of course have quite an impact on the amount we are able to donate to our beneficiaries this year.

However, we are extremely pleased that some gardens have been able to re-open or offered alternative dates or guided tours.

Visitors have appreciated being back out in our gardens, and despite the lack of refreshments and facilities, and having a time-slot for their garden visit, their interest in spending time in a lovely garden hasn’t diminished.

Two Norfolk gardens will be open during October and will comply with social distancing guidelines.

Entry is by pre-purchased tickets only. Tickets can be purchased via the National Garden Scheme website. All buildings will be closed to visitors and unfortunately gardens will not be able to offer refreshments. Tickets will go on sale on the Monday prior to opening date: Wednesday 7th October, Manor Farm, Coston 11-4pm Saturday 17th October, East Ruston Old Vicarage 12 - 5.30pm.

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ICENI - NEWS

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Issue 90 2020

Minidonks Run Into More Good News Melanie and Richard with Russet Maude Magic, the Minidonk Mascot

Minidonk MD after her first ever 5k run

Miniature Donkeys for Wellbeing (Minidonks), a Norfolk-based social enterprise, which delivers mood-boosting miniature donkey visits across the region, has had a huge boost to their finances thanks to a local marathon runner.

When Melanie Sturman heard that the Minidonks had lost most of their income due to the pandemic, she decided that she just had to act.

“As a dementia nurse I understand the positive impact that the Minidonks have on the people they visit. I just couldn’t stand by and see them struggle. It is so important that they are able to survive the current crisis and are able to get out and about delivering their amazing wellbeing Minidonk visits.” Said Melanie.

Melanie is an ultra-marathon runner and organises Thetford Iceni Marathon and Half Marathon running community. She decided to hold a virtual 5k and 10k fun run for the Mindionks which took place over the weekend of 5th/6th September.

“200 runners from as far afield as New York and California took part. The messages of support for the Minidonks were so heartwarming and I am delighted to have been able to donate £1,500 to the Minidonks.”

Sarah McPherson, Founder and Managing Director of Minidonks said, “We can’t thank Melanie and all the runners enough for what they have done. The support they have all shown means that we will be here, ready and waiting, to start our visits again as soon as it is safe for us to do so. And as a bonus, it has got me running for the first time, and I even managed my 5K in a donkey suit!”

Miniature Donkeys for Wellbeing Ltd (Minidonks) is a social enterprise (not for profit) that provides therapeutic visits by miniature donkeys to people in a wide range of settings. They take their donkeys to care homes, hospitals, psychiatric units, dementia groups, special schools, youth groups, autism groups and more. They have delivered over 350 visits across Norfolk and Suffolk since their foundation. The motivation for setting up the enterprise was the founder’s experience of both her parents developing dementia and benefiting from interacting with the donkeys. www.minidonks.org.uk FB @minidonks.org Theford Iceni Marathon

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Issue 90 2020

Make A Will And Support Your Hospital Charity Will writers in Norwich are taking part in the N&N Hospital Charity’s first annual Make A Will Month initiative in October where local professional will writers will make a donation following the finalisation of a supporter’s will.

Heritage Wills, Drayton, and Face to Face Finance - Estate Planning Services, Norwich, will waive the fee of £75 for a basic will for a single person or £150 for a couple and instead donate that fee to the charity which supports the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust.

Both companies will provide a percentage donation in support of the charity for those wills written outside of the month of October.

This is the first time the N&N Hospitals Charity has taken part in Make A Will Month.

Louise Cook, Head of Fundraising, said: “A huge amount of our income comes from legacies. Just last year, we received more than £1m in a legacy from the late Douglas De Bootman which will help pay for a cancer care centre at Cromer Hospital.

“So not only does Make A Will Month highlight the importance of having an up-to-date will, it also raises awareness of our charity and how a gift left to us, however large or small, can make a huge difference to the work we do caring for the people of Norfolk.”

Those who leave a gift to the N&N Hospitals Charity can specify a specific department or area of the Norfolk and Norwich hospital including Jenny Lind Children’s Hospital or Cromer and District Hospital to benefit and can be used to purchase state-of-the-art equipment or enhancing an environment.

To book your appointment between 1 and 31 October 2020 contact: Heritage Wills: Paul Rowlands, 01603 894500, 13 Hellesdon Park Rd, Drayton High Rd, Norwich NR6 5DR. Face to Face Finance: Julie Hunt, 01603 625100, Suite 6b, Cringleford Business Centre, Intwood Rd, Cringleford, Norwich NR4 6AU. If you would like to support our charity, go to www.nnuh.org.uk and follow us on Twitter or Instagram @NNUHCharity or https://www.facebook.com/nnuhcharity1

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WOMEN OF NORFOLK

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Issue 90 2020

Women Of Norfolk Joan Larke (c.1490 - c.1532) Joan Larke was born in Great Yarmouth circa 1490 to a Peter Larke and his wife, whose name was (unfortunately) never recorded.

Her father’s occupation has many in disagreement as some believe he was an innkeeper in Theford while others argue he was a common councilman of London, however, the majority of historians document Peter Larke being a gentleman of Huntingdonshire. What is known is that her family had a strong religious influence, with both her uncle and brother taking the cloth.

Her uncle, John Larke (d.1544) (better known as ‘Blessed John Larke’), was a Catholic Priest and martyr who was a close personal friend of statesmen and social philosopher Sir Thomas Moore (1478-1535). John was executed in 1544, during the reign of King Henry VIII, and then beatified in 1886 by Pope Leo XIII (1810-1903).

Joan’s brother, Thomas Larke, later become Dean of Bridgnorth (at the collegiate church, Church of St. Mary Magdalene) in 1508. Prior to being the Dean, Thomas was chaplain to a Thomas Wolsey (1473-1530); the future Cardinal Wolsey.

In 1509 Wolsey served as an almoner (a pastor who was in charge of distributing donations to the poor) to the King, Henry VIII of England, when he met the young Joan. It is believed they met on the introduction by her oldest brother, Thomas. They soon became close and began an affair out of wedlock - at this time the edict

of celibacy among clergymen was not fully adopted and influenced within England. Joan was then moved into Bridewell Palace (the main residence of Henry VIII in the early years of his reign) to live with Wolsey, where they entered into a form non-sacramental marriage for nearly ten years - it is counted as ‘nonsacramental’ because it is believed that, though having both uncle and brother as clergymen, Joan herself was never baptized. During their relationship Joan had two children (out of wedlock); Thomas Wynter (c.1510-1542) and Dorothy Clancey (b.1512). Thomas was sent to live with a family in Willesdon in North West London and Dorothy was adopted by alderman of Worcester John Clancey - this was done to hide their illegitimacy (hence not sharing their mother’s or father’s surname), though whether they were in fact Wolsey’s children has been brought into question by historians.

Thomas would soon study divinity and scripture at the University of Padua, in Italy, and on his return (not soon after Wolsey was arrested and executed) he was financially supported by Queen Anne Boleyn, who was a close adversary of his father’s. From his close relationship with the King and Queen (who were said to have taken pity on him) he would enjoy influential positions such as; Dean of Wells, Archdeacon of York, Archdeacon of Richmond, Archdeacon of Suffolk and Archdeacon of Norfolk. Dorothy, on the other hand, entered Shaftesbury Abbey in Dorset and became a nun. In 1539, during the English Reformation, the Abbey was dissolved and she received a pension personally from PAGE

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WOMEN OF NORFOLK Issue 90 2020

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Sir Thomas Cromwell (1485-1540), a powerful minister to Henry VIII and the very man to have the Abbey dissolved.

As Wolsey rose swiftly within the Church and the government, from Bishop of Lincoln to Archbishop of York, Cardinal Prince of the Church of Rome and finally, to Lord Chancellor of England. During this time he was rumored to have become embarrassed by Joan Larke, the reasons of which are unknown as she was known to well spoken and a woman of great beauty. In 1519 he arranged Joan to be married to George Legh (whose surname has been documented as having different variations, such as ‘Legh’, ‘Leigh’ and ‘Lee’), who was a squire of Adlington Hall in Cheshire and had inherited his father’s estate. Wolsey provided Joan with a dowry and would later go on to be crucial within a property dispute involving the Leghs who enjoyed great privilege during the Tudor period. During this marriage Joan had four children; Elizabeth Legh (1525-1583), Thomas Legh (1527-1599), Mary Legh and Ellen Legh.

In 1529 George Legh passed away and left Joan a widow. The Legh estate was inherited

by Joan’s and George’s only son, Thomas, who went on to marry Maria Grosvenor of the very influential Grosvenor family (a family whose descendants went on to receive the title of ‘Duke of Westminster’ by Queen Victoria).

The following year Joan Larke married a second (and final) time, to George Paulet who would be knighted and created a Sir in 1553 (twentyone years after Joan’s death). Two years after they got married, in 1532, Joan died during childbirth - it is unknown whether the child survived, however, there are no documentation of George taking care of a child or remarrying after her death.

Article By Luke Wells.

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HOW ARE THE MEN IN...

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Issue 90 2020

How Are The Men In Your Life?

‘It’s not the men in your life that counts. It’s the life in your men.’ When actress Mae West made that comment it was meant to be a saucy innuendo, designed to raise a laugh.

Today I’m turning that somewhat risqué remark on its head and asking ‘how are the men in your life?’

Men’s mental health has become an area of increasing concern, with 3/4 deaths among men under 50 in the UK being registered as suicides (4903 in 2018) and male suicides in England and Wales at its highest for twenty years. 1/8 men are diagnosed with a common mental health problem, yet only 36% of referrals for psychological support are for men.

Many men still regard it important to be the breadwinner, protector, provider and often measure success in terms of income,

possessions and status. Even hobbies and interests can have a competitive edge to them, where being the fastest, fittest, strongest brings with it the admiration and respect of others in their group.

Their early male role models may well have been strong, silent types, taught to ‘be a man’, not be ‘a girl’ and ‘man up’ in times of stress or difficulty. Far preferable to keep quiet rather than share any troubles or issues with family, partner or friends.

Even today the archetypical male is regularly portrayed as fit and athletic, lean and goodlooking, motivated, successful, focused, coherent, driven. Yet we also want our men to be in touch with their feelings, able to communicate their emotional challenges and have a gentle side, things not every man feels able to do.

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HOW ARE THE MEN IN...

Issue 90 2020

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Thus worrying times can result in feeling stressed, isolated and ill-equipped. Exposing doubts and fears may risk appearing vulnerable and not in control. But equally, holding back may appear hostile, reluctant or distant.

Ambition is seen as a positive trait in a man; promotion and progression often viewed as natural and desirable.

But not everyone wants to be a high-achiever or pursue the next level of success. They may have various other interests and goals that inspire and motivate them too.

Today many homes are turning family life on its head by re-evaluating their priorities and discovering a less acquisitive way of life. The family, home, nature and more simple living are what matters in their happy, fulfilling lives.

We’re all different and need to remember that what inspires one person may turn another to despair!

Let’s look at ways to support the men in your life ● Encourage regular conversations where you listen and resist the temptation to finish his sentences, second-guess or formulate your reply whilst he’s speaking. By establishing easy, regular exchanges, it becomes natural and comfortable to regularly talk about anything and everything, without leaving it to fester. ● Lead by example. Don’t be afraid of admitting failure, uncertainty or of asking for help and ideas. By nurturing a team/family mentality, it enables others to feel good about asking for input and support too, even when they’ve made a poor or unsuccessful decision.

Sharing and asking for help becomes positive and inclusive rather than a sign of weakness. ● Be happy if he has other allies and confidantes. Don’t be jealous of others in his core circle. They may have a better perspective on what’s going on in specific areas of his life.

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Sure, you need to know if a situation’s going to impact on your household, but accept that he doesn’t need to share everything personal. ● He may find his ‘people’ in several areas of life. Friendships from school, college, university, travels, sporting interests, clubs, work and hobbies may each provide valuable contributions, opinions, support and perspectives on life. From travelling, amateur dramatics, flower arranging, politics, encourage him to be true to himself and find his interests. ● Accept that there are many versions of success. For some, it’s in the trappings; the house, car, status and bank balance. For others, it’s time in nature, family and having less work-related stress. Some manage to successfully navigate a fine line between the different areas of life, but oftentimes it’s hard to truly find a balance. ● Is he experiencing self-imposed pressure to please others, to make the family proud of him? If he’s struggling with not wanting to go into the family business, go to university, commit to a professional career or follow traditional relationship or lifestyle choices, it can be daunting for a young man, especially when compounded by his own confusion and need for acceptance. Respect and support his wishes. ● Be ready to support him in finding an appropriate confidante; a mentor, therapist, religious leader, family doctor,

Issue 90 2020

Accept that there are many versions of success teacher, someone who’s in tune with him.

Someone sensitive and trustworthy who’s able to offer the most suitable support, without pushing too hard for ‘big reveals’. Or online forums and charity phone lines may offer more anonymous options for sharing, advising or simply a listening ear. ● Encourage him to make space and time for things he enjoys and is good at. He may feel that he’s not able to make significant life changes, that he’s committed to certain obligations for now. Frustration build-up can sometimes be managed through introducing positive outlets, where he feels capable and appreciated. Sport, volunteering, creative hobbies can sometimes fill the void and remind him of his skills, talents and abilities. And they’re far healthier options than becoming desolate, lonely or taking refuge in alcohol.

Men are under pressure from many areas of life, especially at this time. Uncertainty about future education, work or travel opportunities plus the pressure to achieve status, spending power or achieve peak fitness are all areas of potential stress. Providing support through being present, sensitive and aware are ways that the man in your life can feel accepted for who he is and gain in confidence.

Article By Susan Leigh Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor, has published her third book, 101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday (ISBN 9781910275160) based on her social media series. A glossy, pocket-sized book, it's full of inspirational quotes & pictures, a treat to give or simply keep for yourself.

For more information visit: www.lifestyletherapy.net PAGE

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ICENI - COLUMNISTS

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Issue 90 2020

The Diary of a Norfolk Family

By Mark King Things come in threes. I don't know who ever came up with that sentence, but it has been true for our family recently.

It's horrible seeing your children in pain and after my daughter had an operation on her knee, the first week was very upsetting for us all. She was in a lot of pain, the likes of which she had Above: Mark King never experienced before, and the whole affair was upsetting for everyone in the family. It can be just as worse when a beloved pet is in distress and this happened to our dog Percy while out for a walk on Marriott's Way the very day our daughter was strong enough to join in for a family walk. Once there, we took a detour through a meadow to the river, and along the way a whole host of very prickly seed pods got stuck to Percy’s furry paws. Being a dog, he pulled then off and then decided to eat them. Then they got stuck in his throat and he started to panic as he failed desperately to cough them up. He gnawed at grass trying to make himself sick, and then collapsed to the floor with his tongue hanging out, and struggling to breathe.

In that moment, I bent down, picked him up by the scruff of the neck and stuck two fingers into his mouth to try and clear the obstructions. It didn't work and, with the panic in his eyes begging for air, I had no other choice than to try a second attempt, but this time I went down his whole throat until it made him sick. It started to work, but I had to do it twice more to make him empty his bowels and thus clear his airway in the process before finally his throat was free, and he could breathe once again. And this is when the rule of three came into play because, during the panic, I pulled something in my back! I say something because I don’t know if it was a muscle or skeletal, but boy does it hurt.

Over the last five weeks, the pain has got so bad I’ve ended up in the accident and emergency department at the Norfolk and Norwich Hospital.

I'm now on very strong prescription painkillers, and waiting for an MRI scan to find out what's wrong, and I just hope my dopey but lovable dog doesn't decide to eat anything else out of the blue in the mean time! www.always-hanging-around.blogspot.com Follow on twitter: @author_king

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Issue 90 2020

Busy Month A very busy month for me.

Not only did I celebrate my birthday - a socially distanced lunch with four friends (which was lovely, but I really do miss being able to hug people) - I have also been busy with our new horror and thriller podcast, Above: Keri Beevis writing my new book (my second one since lockdown) plus, almost a year after it was first released, Dying To Tell topped the Australian Kindle Chart.

I honestly had to pinch myself. And it was made all the more special, as my fab publisher sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers and some bubbly.

Not long after my book topped the chart, I was out for a walk with my mother and she was marvelling at just where I get my imagination. I am not the only creative one in our family. My brother is a pretty good artist and my sister isn’t bad at writing or drawing.

‘I just don’t understand where it comes from,’ my mother told me. ‘I don’t have a creative bone in my body, and neither did your father.’

She’s not fibbing there. My mother is the least imaginative person and while I think my dad would have quite liked to be an author, he couldn’t tell a story to save his life.

Thank goodness then my aunt stepped forward to take the credit. After seeing me achieve success, she announced that she has always quite fancied writing a book and off she went to sign up to a writing class.

My aunt stared out of the window, spotting a tree in the field, and chewed thoughtfully on her pen as she considered her story. Feeling inspired, she started to write.

‘I look out of the window and there is a tree in the field. It has green leaves.’

After that her mind went blank.

Never mind, maybe she would do better with the second writing prompt. Waking up on a cold morning to find the water pipes frozen.

This was better, there was more to work with here.

My aunt started to write.

‘I woke up and the water pipes were frozen, so I picked up the phone and called the plumber.’

Needless to say, my aunt didn’t continue with her writing classes and no more has been said about her book.

As for my imagination and creativity? Heck knows.

Maybe it was a gift from the fairies.

During the first lesson, the teacher gave the class a writing prompt. She wanted them to look out of the window and develop a story from what they could see.

My crime thriller, D For Dead is available to buy in paperback and Kindle now.

Follow me on Facebook or Twitter for more information.

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NIBBLES & TIPPLES

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Issue 90 2020

Nibbles &Tipples October Article By Cheryl Cade, Beer Educator Over the last few weeks, I have been visiting a few pubs, not for the beer, but for the food.

Starting at the The White Lion (Oak Street), I entered a burger heaven with a beer or cider of a quality to match. The side of chips was perfectly cooked, but the burger was the star of the show. With no Brioche bun in sight I already knew I was in for a treat. The handmade buttermilk coating for the chicken breast in my burger resulted in a tender, juicy breast without the dry crunchy coating I have experienced in other venues. This was paired with a homemade red coleslaw and pickles. If anything, the pickled red onion alone is worth the trip to this award-winning cider home.

Venturing further north, hidden in between the 1900 Victorian terrace houses is The Rosebery, AKA The Lord Rosebery. This pub has experienced many changes over the last few years, yet it was good to welcome back a previous manager as its new landlord. Tim and his wife have brought a new ethos with them; they want to be a pub for the community but with something different. They are looking to expand their continental drinks range and already have a good choice of Lager, Real Ales, Craft Beers, Spirits and Ciders. Combining these with a good range of bar snacks (the Victoria Sponge looked great), they will also have special food weekends supporting local food trucks.

The next pub is easily missed yet is a hidden gem in the centre of Norwich. Just off the Market place in Old Post Office Court is The

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NIBBLES & TIPPLES

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Walnut Tree Shades. With wholesome home cooked food Claire and her husband’s passion, they have chosen the 10-year anniversary as its licensees to launch a new menu. Claire has kept her star attractions of Chilli and a Caribbean Chicken Curry (now Gluten Free and a creation of her former chef Tim). To this are added more Vegan dishes and an amazing fish cake. What takes this above the mundane fish cake is the addition of mackerel, giving a fish cake that tastes of fish rather than hints there may be some hiding in the potatoes. Being a popular music venue, Claire and the team are taking the opportunity to bring their historic pub back into a food limelight.

Issue 90 2020

as a drinks-only pub, the Rose did not qualify.

Yet with the community, friends and family behind her, Dawn has come back fighting. As one of the leading lights of the Campaign for Pubs, she has also invested in a pizza oven. The dough on my Parma Ham, with Rocket and Balsamic Dressing was light and fresh. Oodles of ham were balanced with a rich tomato sauce.

I will be back; there’s so many more to try.

Cheers, until next month.

Cheryl Visit: https://cherylcade.com

Our final pub with a new food venture is the Rose Inn on Queens Road. This is a pub that has been hit hard over the last few months.

Dawn’s partner, Carl, took his life the day it was announced that pubs had to close. When the government launched their Eat Out to Dine Out, PAGE

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MOTORING REVIEW

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Issue 90 2020

Suzuki Swift Sport Hybrid Review

Follow Tim Barnes-Clay, Motoring Journalist on Instagram: @tbarnesclay and Twitter: @carwriteups.

It’s small, it’s sweet, yet it’s a speedy motor. That just about sums up Suzuki’s Swift Sport Hybrid.

It looks almost naughty from the back with its cheeky twin tailpipes - and with five aboard the car appears suitably hunkered down. Hang on, did I say five? Yes, that’s right - I got the whole family into this Japanese supermini. That involves “her indoors” and me in the front - and the three nippers in the back. Well, they’re not all tiny anymore - so it surprised me that two fairly grown youngsters could fit alongside their smaller sibling in her child seat.

Was it a squeeze? Hell, yes - but we did it! And the car still didn’t lack power. That “Sport” moniker doesn’t lie - the Swift in this guise does zero to 62mph in just over nine seconds, and its maximum speed is 130mph. What’s more,

we went on a long trip to the wilds of Norfolk - and the 50mpg we got on our 200-mile round trip impressed us. Emissions are only 127g/km CO2, too.

So, what’s all the hybrid stuff about, then? Well, I won’t bore you with the details; all you need to know is that a bunch of tech, including a 48V battery and an electric motor, assists the car’s 1.4-litre Boosterjet turbo engine. The new powertrain helps improve fuel consumption by six per cent, but it also enhances driving feel by adding more pulling power to the party.

Behind the wheel, you get a real sense of fun sat in the Sport’s bucket-like seats, but any nutteresque driving is best done without your kids in the back. The Swift’s bodyshell is so light that you can chuck the car into bends and zip along straights like you stole it. On top of that, the

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“

Issue 90 2020

manual The six-speed e s through th gearbox tear ad thing gears like a m

”

The Suzuki's safe, too - due to six airbags, blind-spot monitoring, and traffic sign recognition. six-speed manual gearbox tears through the gears like a mad thing. I swear down, the car’s 0-62mph sprint genuinely feels quicker than the figures on paper state.

hand, the little five-door hatch’s raunchy rear is a tell-tale sign that it’s at a similar level to some hot-hatches. For £21,570 you get a lot - for a little car.

The supermini is noticeably quieter than it used to be as well - possibly due to a roof spoiler that helps to reduce wind resistance, but also because of the decent materials in the cabin that help muffle unwanted sounds. The Suzuki's safe, too - due to six airbags, blind-spot monitoring, and traffic sign recognition.

Fast Facts - Suzuki Swift Sport 1.4 Boosterjet Hybrid - as tested:

So, the Swift Sport Hybrid is a bit of devil really - on the one hand, from the front, it looks “butter wouldn’t melt” innocent. On the other

● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Max speed: 130 mph 0-62 mph: 9.1 seconds Combined mpg: 50.1 Engine layout: 1373cc, four-cylinder turbo petrol Max. power (PS): 129 CO2: 127 g/km Price: £21,570 PAGE

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23

THE GADGETMAN

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Issue 90 2020

Kebao Air 3: Game-Changing Air Purification Comes To The UK Poor air quality has become one of the largest environmental risks to the health of people of the United Kingdom and, with the Coronavirus pandemic, it has become more important than ever that we breathe healthy air that is free from harmful particles and unpleasant viruses.

So, it was incredibly timely that I was recently contacted by Kebao to test their new ‘filterless’ air purifier, namely the Kebao Air 3.

The Air 3 combines sleek design with cutting edge technology, which in turn completely eliminates 99.99% of airborne pollutants, viruses, bacteria and allergens and consequently provides ‘Surgical Grade’ air and deodorisation.

Instead of using standard High Efficiency Particulate Air (HEPA) filters that can capture

particulate matter of 0.3 microns or larger with 99.95% efficiency (human hair is between 17 and 181 microns), the Kebao Air 3 is capable of eliminating particles down to a size of 0.01 microns. This is a big deal because COVID19 particles are around 0.12 microns in size, small enough to pass through a HEPA filter, but too big to pass through the Air 3!

The Kebao Air 3 does this using a brand-new type of 5-stage filtration. Stage 1 is a pre-filter which removes larger particles from the air and can be cleaned and reused for the lifetime of the product. Stage 2 uses a high-voltage negative charge to deactivate viruses and bacteria and retains the debris on charged plates stopping re-release. Stage 3 using a mind-blowing ‘Photocatalytic Oxidisation’ based on Albert

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THE GADGETMAN

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Issue 90 2020

Einstein’s ‘Photon Energy’. UV light initiates a stepwise free radical decomposition of organic compounds, which produces water and carbondioxide as a by-product.

The Air 3 has 48 LED bulbs and a Ti02 alumina ceramic photocatalytic ozone-free filter.

Stage 4 uses 4kg of loose granulated carbon, impregnated with amines which absorbs and decomposes any harmful gasses. Stage 5 Surgical grade, deodorised air is circulated through your room, clear of 99.99% of harmful particulates!

The display shows air quality in two readings: the first two numbers are the temperature and humidity; the second set are PM2.5 and TVOC readings. PM2.5 is a measure of the number of particles less that 2.5 microns in size and are caused by burning fuel, chemical reactions and forest fires. PM2.5 particles are very unhealthy, causing eye, nose and throat irritations, coughing, sneezing and shortness of breath.

They can also cause asthma, chronic bronchitis and heart disease. In the UK, air must remain below 25, the WHO recommend below 10, London’s average is 10, my house is currently 1 after having the Air 3 running for over a week!

The second setting is TVOC (Total Volatile Organic Compound) which is another way of

measuring air quality, again this was negligible at 0.02 after week of running.

All of this amazing technology comes at a price.

The unit is aimed at commercial enterprises who want to keep their staff and customers safe, so it would suit a restaurant or office space as it is actively cleaning the air the whole time.

The price of £1600 reflects a premium commercial product, but I can honestly see it becoming something of a norm in the UK especially due to the current crisis!

Stay safe. See you next month!

Matt www.thegadgetman.org.uk

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Issue 90 2020

Brilliant Tips Of What Works And What Doesn’’t On Doesn Instagram

I didn’t plan to create a and sell their products without thinking about business that uses Instagram as a the human element of social media and that can come across as disingenuous. With that in marketing tool. mind, here are some dos and don’ts for what I set up my Instagram account to talk openly about mental health and find friends when I moved to a new city.

But what I learned from doing it this way round is that showing up as a real person on social media will always get positive results.

I got to know my audience as people first and as customers second. This meant that when I eventually started promoting my freelance services and my new book Out of Office: Ditch the 9-5 and Be Your Own Boss, my followers were already engaged with my content and more likely to buy from me. I created a community who are my biggest supporters.

A lot of business owners use Instagram as a marketing tool, putting up product images

works best on Instagram.

DO be yourself. I mean, really, be yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of making content that you think you should be making. Stay true to your roots and your personality, even if that includes showing up with messy hair, dark circles under your eyes and something to complain about.

Sharing your failures alongside your successes is a simple way to get your followers on your side. Try and fake it and you’ll blend into the masses while rendering yourself exhausted from the charade.

DO write in your own voice. Captions are the place where you can really express yourself.

Don’t worry about sounding smart or well-read.

Instead, write the way you talk and include personal anecdotes - these will always stick

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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in people’s memory. Don’t be afraid to use colloquial terms (I’m from Glasgow so I always use the word ‘wee’ when I mean small) but stay away from buzzwords or anything that comes across to pushy or sales focused.

Issue 90 2020

Pictured: Fiona Thomas

DO think about the emotional impact. Instead of panic posting a photo of your breakfast, think about how you want people to feel when they look at your Instagram. As a mental health advocate, I always want people to feel validated in their feelings, so I talk a lot about depression and anxiety in a bid to help people feel less alone. It’s not that everything you post needs to be deep and meaningful. If your aim is to make people laugh then that’s OK too! Tell people a funny story or reflect on an embarrassing moment. Connecting emotionally with people is rewarding and has a lasting impact.

DON’T make your caption one single block of text. Longer captions are great and can often reel your followers in, especially if you’re telling a captivating story. But try to break up big chunks of text by leaving lots of white space, making each paragraph no longer than two sentences.

Experiment with different formats, such as bullet-point lists with emojis to represent each point you want to get across.

DON’T use too many different fonts or designs.

This can work for some accounts, but if you want to create a cohesive look on your grid

Stay true to your roots and your personality, even if that includes showing up with messy hair, dark circles under your eyes and something to complain about.

then pick a few key colours and use them in any graphics you make or subtly introduce them into each photograph with props like flowers, paper or clothing. When you do make graphics, pick one or two fonts that are easy to read and use them consistently.

Article By Fiona Thomas Fiona Thomas is author of Out of Office: Ditch the 9-5 And Be Your Own Boss, published by Trigger Publishing, £9.99.

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NOVA SILVER

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Issue 90 2020

Nova Silver With the change in the seasons comes a chance to re-think our wardrobes.

Gone are the summer tops and out come the snuggly warm jumpers. Jewellery can be a great way to change the look of an outfit and it needn’t prove too costly. If you’re finding yourselves in lots of Zoom calls, it can be a great way to feel a bit different!

Simply putting a pendant onto a new length of chain can really give a brand-new look to an existing pendant, for example, a longer length of chain offers a way to wear a pendant over that chunky knit! Alternatively, swapping a pendant onto a choker can give a much more elegant effect.

Layering necklaces with varying lengths is a trend that we’ve seen people going for, and we’ve got a number of pendants that work really nicely. If you’re not sure where to start, it’s a good idea to pick a theme, for example nature, or circles or love and then take it from there. For a nature theme, you might choose to layer an oak leaf pendant on a shorter chain with an acorn on a longer one. This can be a great way to build up a set of earrings and necklace too, without being too matchy-matchy.

Our range of Shrieking Violet jewellery with real flowers set into a resin can be a lovely way to add a splash of bright colour onto an outfit and also make fantastic gifts.

The cheerful colours and sentiments behind each flower add personality to any outfit.

We’re still offering free delivery, click and collect and a warm welcome at out Lower Goat Lane store.

Contact Details:

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Email: info@novasilver.co.uk

Visit: www.novasilver.co.uk

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BEST OF NORFOLK

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Issue 90 2020

Best Of Norfolk - Through The Lens Of Our Readers Thanks to a huge influx of photographs from our followers on Facebook, have a look at these marvellous September images of our stunning region.

Laura Baxter - Coastal views taken from Sheringham Park

Gavin Jaynes - Blue hour reflections, Cromer Pier PAGE

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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 90 2020

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Becca Gibbons - Wells-next-the-Sea

Gavin Jaynes - Last light, Happisburgh PAGE

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BEST OF NORFOLK

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Simon Rudd - Dusk In Bacton

Issue 90 2020

Gavin Jaynes - Follow the light, Happisburgh Lighthouse

Jill Watkinson - Novi Sad Friendship Bridge, Norwich PAGE

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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 90 2020

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Laura Baxter - Sunset In Poringland

Simon Rudd - Happisburgh

Kerry Ellis - Happisburgh Beach PAGE

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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 90 2020

Gavin Jaynes - Blue hour reflections, Cromer

Chris Elliott - Cromer sunset - 1st September PAGE

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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 90 2020

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Simon Rudd - Happisburgh evening

Rachel Farrow - Taken near Diss PAGE

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Issue 90 2020

Gavin Jaynes - Under the boardwalk, Cromer Pier

Rebecca Frost

Gavin Jaynes - Three is the magic number, Holkham beach

To be in with a chance of having your own photographs featured in the future, look out for our regular Facebook posts where you can add your images. Alternatively, send an email with your image and caption to: submissions@icenimagazine.co.uk PAGE

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Focus On:

Parenting

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HOME EDUCATION

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Issue 90 2020

Home Education And Parenting

Home education and inextricably linked.

parenting

are

The decision to provide a child with home education is typically made on no other basis than parental perspective, with careful consideration of a child’s best interests.

Some parents are instantaneous in this decision, while others partake in lengthier deliberation. Nevertheless, following the initial plunge into the lifestyle of homeschool, parents are presented with an abundance of additional options. Such as whether to offer adult-led teaching, or instead opt to be childled. To endeavour to follow the National Curriculum, or create unique homeschool content. From Steiner Waldorf to Montessori and Unschooling, there are copious choices, and the preferred educational approach is likely to be directly influenced by parenting style - and of course, this can be a mixture of many.

If, like I do, you favour gentle parenting and attachment parenting, you will probably be familiar with pioneers of these areas such as Sarah Ockwell-Smith, whose literature paves the way for gentle parents seeking relevant and insightful guidance.

Elements of Montessori learning are in keeping with gentle parenting, by showing children respect as individuals and granting them space to discover and learn in their own way. I also value practicality in my parenting approach, using honest communication and a comprehensive vocabulary, and this method of parenting unwittingly connects with guided learning techniques.

I am equally drawn to the ideology of Steiner Waldorf education - encouraging children to develop not only their minds but every aspect of themselves emotionally, physically and spiritually. Our society is recognising a more

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HOME EDUCATION

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Issue 90 2020

Overall, I would describe our home education journey as primarily child led. holistic approach to self-care and it makes sense to introduce these concepts to children, to shape adults who are proficient in self-awareness.

Overall, I would describe our home education journey as primarily child-led. No matter what we aim for, or pencil into our schedule, we are flexible and embrace change and spontaneity.

If the children feel captivated by nature, we can spend the day outdoors. If a subject or activity doesn’t enthral them, we can shelve it and perhaps revisit it later. Of course, the drawback of this method, along with any other method, action or inaction decided by a parent, is self-doubt.

The honest answer is no one knows for sure how to parent ‘the right way’ because every child is different. To combat my own self-doubt as a parent, I keep in mind that nobody else knows my children like I do, and my children know themselves better than I know them.

So, if we can find and maintain a balance somewhere between my guidance and their assertion, I hope we are covering all bases for a nurturing environment.

en feel r d l i h c e h If t ure, t a n y b d captivate d the day en we can sp . outdoors

Article By Missy Hitchcox Missy Hitchcox is a Norfolk mother of two. She has a background of English Literature and Creative Writing studies. Her professional career has centred on the Beauty industry, and she now home educates her children.

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PRIVATE TUITION

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Issue 90 2020

Private Tuition The idea of private tuition often points were below average, especially in terms of their speech and language. A class of 30 divides people.

In fact, I once felt pretty strongly against the idea. Considering I am now a fully-fledged private tutor, that is perhaps a rather odd declaration to make.

Prior to establishing myself within the education system, I saw tuition as something that could divide classes. Many used it as a way to increase the possibility of their child gaining entry to a prestigious school using the 11+ test rather than as a boost to their child’s academia.

I started teaching in 2005 in an area of social deprivation. Many of the children’s starting

children with just one teacher, one TA and a 1:1 LSA for a child with significant special educational needs: I felt out of my depth and somewhat unable to help. Just two years in that school and my perception of private tuition was already changing. Thoughts of Wouldn’t it be great to have half an hour a week with Jack to improve his mental maths skills? popped into my head regularly.

In summer 2018, I established Blossom Tuition.

I had years of teaching under my belt and, although I had moved in the special education sector working in a complex needs school, I felt I still had much to offer mainstream pupils.

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PRIVATE TUITION

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Issue 90 2020

ossom l B

Tu iti o n By the time I started sessions in September, I had two pupils. By October half term, I had five.

I couldn’t believe how many people in my local area actually desired a little extra support for their children. I felt privileged that these parents entrusted their children’s learning in my hands.

I adored (and still do!) tailoring the lessons to their needs and interests. We had Harry Potter word problems and instructions texts about worms. I even taught one lesson where we baked a cake and then wrote about it afterwards - yes, the child got to take home the cake!

However, in the end, it wasn’t anywhere near as daunting as I thought. In fact, some of my pupils are flying much higher than they were face to face. I’m being more inventive with my methods and challenging myself in the process.

Lockdown has changed my approach. I am only offering online tuition now. The thought of teaching via Zoom absolutely petrified me for the first couple of weeks.

from Blossom Tuition

As with Donald Schön’s swampy lowlands, where things can feel uneasy and too difficult at times, overcoming this has undoubtedly made the outlook much brighter.

Article By Vicki www.blossomeducation.co.uk

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HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT...

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Issue 90 2020

t u o b A l e e F u o Y o ? r How D a e Y s i h T s a m t s Chri

Are you looking forward to Christmas this year?

It seems that for many of us, the thought of something bright and festive to look forward to offers a beacon of hope and optimism. Noone has been untouched by the global pandemic and many have been affected by serious health, loss or financial considerations. So, the thought of comfortable familiar touches and a home that’s bright and Christmassy provides a definite feel-good factor.

Yes, there are people who have thrived, even seen their businesses boom, but the downbeat mood across the world has cast major shadows. We’ve had time to reflect on what’s really important in our lives and for many we're realised that it's the relationships with those closest to us that are the most important thing in their lives.

Nine out of ten people who’ve worked from home have said they want to continue doing so.

Putting less emphasis on power-dressing, status and impressive spending and instead being at home, dressing more casually and mostly working their own hours to suit have become more important for many.

After so much time spent in lockdown, being constrained and restricted for much of the year, the thought of celebrating true family values at Christmas offers something to look forward to, a time to spend with loved ones, to appreciate our home, family and friends, even if it’s via online communication.

These months in lockdown have demonstrated that money and expensive gifts aren’t love, even though it may have felt like it in previous years when there was a spending frenzy to buy the

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HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT...

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latest toys, devices and all the items the children said they wanted. Those times when we spent money we could ill afford to compensate for working long hours, being a single parent or trying to invest everything into making that time special. Some families became so indebted that they needed up to three years to pay it back.

Lockdown has reinforced many family bonds and values, shown us that home, relationships and time in nature are what truly matter. So, this Christmas, even if we’re ‘just’ exchanging homemade cards and inexpensive gifts, or maybe because of that, the true spirit of Christmas will be especially evident. And, what's lovelier than receiving a card that’s been made with you in mind. Or a jar of preserves, a homemade cake, a knitted scarf. All these things that have been made, given and received with selflessness and love.

Thoughtful gestures make all the difference too.

When someone gives you a Christmas present that will really benefit you, perhaps a voucher for babysitting, an offer to cook dinner, to help in the garden or with decorating, tuition in a

Lockdown has reinforced many family bonds and values, shown us that home, relationships and time in nature are what truly matter.

Issue 90 2020

foreign language or in playing the guitar you know that it’s been given with some thought.

Far more relevant to you than an expensive fragrance picked up in a department store.

Gifts for our partner may also be extra thoughtful this year. When a loved one gives us a compilation of ‘our’ special music, a scrapbook of our time together told through tickets, souvenirs and mementoes or a special photo gallery then we can feel especially loved and cared for.

After the year we’ve had, many of us have come to realise what's really important. We’ve recognised how much of what we’ve previously strived for is no longer as important to us as it once was. We don’t need all the trappings and may not care to spend money on things that are now seen as wasteful or which require excessive expense. Especially when previous Christmases have seen many families overspend so much that it's caused them serious anxiety and hardship.

So, Christmas this year can be a time to celebrate our homes, families and friends and make for a festive, comfortable and welcoming holiday. We can take some inspiration from US Thanksgiving, a time when more families travel home to celebrate together over a family meal and yet no gifts are exchanged.

I may be wrong, but this year I’m guessing that many of us will be keen to display our Christmas decorations and trees with gusto! Let’s celebrate the true meaning of Christmas!

Article By Susan Leigh Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor, has published her third book, 101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday (ISBN 9781910275160) based on her social media series. A glossy, pocket-sized book, it's full of inspirational quotes & pictures, a treat to give or simply keep for yourself.

For more information visit: www.lifestyletherapy.net PAGE

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PARENTING

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Issue 90 2020

Parenting “As I started parenting, I realised there is no formula to it.” - Sonali Bendre Children do not come with their own manual.

From the minute you give birth to that little human being, you must start to figure out how to address their needs. Even when you don’t know what those needs are, it becomes a case of trial and error.

And that is the interesting thing about being a parent. We would all like to be the best parents to our children, however, there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a child who is confident, kind and successful. The most important thing to remember is that there is no right way to raise a child.

Parenting is about balancing priorities, juggling responsibilities and quickly flipping between the needs of your children, family, friends and yourself.

Parents nowadays are even luckier because they have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t have to follow any single authority.

Although it’s hard to know whom or what to trust when seeking advice.

“When you hold your baby in your arms the first time, and you think of all the things you can say and do to influence him, it's a tremendous responsibility. What you do with him can influence not only him, but everyone he meets and not for a day or a month or a year but for time and eternity.” - Rose Kennedy For every parent, the most important issue is to help your child grow up to be a person you really like and appreciate, without losing yourself in the process. Many mothers often feel like they lost their identity when they

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PARENTING

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Issue 90 2020

have children - you become someone’s mother.

That is why it is important to make sure that you make time for yourself, to be your authentic self - it is hard to teach your child about respecting self when you your self feel lost in motherhood.

Even more importantly, your children should see you with your friends, enjoy your passion, be it cooking, singing or sports - children imitate what we do, not what tell them they should do.

Research tells us that to raise a self-reliant child with high self-esteem, it is more effective to be authoritative than authoritarian. What does that mean?

Well, you want your child to listen, respect and trust you rather than fear you. Some of us grew up being afraid of our parents which made it difficult to tell them when things where not going right, especially if you were being bullied or things were not going well in school.

your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Your child needs to know you are the parent and not their play mate. Help your child learn through experience that trying builds confidence and helps them learn to tackle challenges.

You want to be supportive, but not a hovering, helicopter parent. All these things are easy to set as goals but hard to achieve. It’s all about finding the right balance.

As your child grows, amend your expectations about what your child can do independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts.

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child's success is the positive involvement of parents.” - Jane D Hull As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but

Ultimately, as parents, we all want to raise good and happy children - so just remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life.

Article by Serena Fordham, Founder and MD of HER Business Revolution, Glow Virtual Assistants and Mums Empowerment Movement CIC. www.herbusinessrevolution.biz www.glowva.co.uk www.mumsempowermentmovement.co.uk

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HELPING A CHILD...

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Issue 90 2020

Helping A Child Overcome Death Anxiety With the pandemic and new government regulations creating massive change in our lives, how do we keep our children on an even keel and help them to navigate these unprecedented times without becoming anxious about the future, dying and death?

Children learn their coping mechanisms from the adults around them - their parents, guardians and carers.

We are in unusual times and we have no instruction booklet for helping our little ones at this time. It is natural to try and shield our children from the harsh realities of life, but sometimes, in an attempt to protect them, we may distort the facts of life and death to soften the truth. This can inadvertently create

a mystery around death which forces children to use their own imagination to fill in the blanks. • Create a safe space where you can share your feelings about the pandemic - please talk about the statistics and the fact that most of us are safe. You go first and be honest about how you feel. Let your child know that they can say what they want without interruption. Allow little silences in the conversation to give time for the words to be understood and also so your child can think before they speak. Moments of silence really are golden in these conversations. • Remember children are still learning and are desperate to fit in. Allowing them to express their own reactions without comparing will give them emotional confidence. Accepting

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HELPING A CHILD...

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Issue 90 2020

Children learn their coping mechanisms from the adults around them - their parents, guardians and carers. their words allows them to have a natural, unquestioned reaction.

• Use simple and factual words - by telling the truth, we are teaching our children a very important fact of life - that at some stage all life comes to an end. By using straightforward language to explain what ‘dead’ means, we are teaching children a truth - that people can die when they are old, or if their bodies stop working properly through illness or if there had been an accident. In the case of suicide, it is alright to admit that we don’t always know why someone has died.

Pictured: Lianna Champ

The way we teach children how to cope with their losses in childhood sets a pattern for the rest of their lives.

We can teach them to embrace all life experiences and to process their emotional responses - good, bad, happy or sad - as they arise. Life is not an endless series of happy moments and is always interspersed with traumas.

By accepting and experiencing all life events as they occur, we can live fully and meaningfully as long as we can process emotional events, deal with them and move on.

Article By Lianna Champ Lianna Champ has over 40 years’ experience in grief counselling and funeral care and is author of practical guide, How to Grieve Like A Champ PAGE

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SEEWHATMUMMYSAYS

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Issue 90 2020 Credit: Memories 2 Treasure

See What Mummy Says When we saw that the topic this month was parenting, we couldn’t believe our luck!

How easy was it going to be to come up with a piece for a subject that we fill an entire blog with?! Well… it was surprisingly difficult!

Eventually, we decided that with all the worries and stresses in the world at the moment, we would share with you a few of our favourite things about being parents.

Children are honest. There is no escaping it, and it will creep up on you when you least expect it, or rather when you least want it to. A recent outburst of “They’re not two metres away from me!” reminded us of this.

It’s also very reassuring to know that feedback is something your children will have readily available for you. One of my favourites has to be when our daughter declared “You’re not very good at running are you Daddy?!” No… no I’m not. I didn’t realise it was quite so obvious to everybody else though.

Being called “Daddy” is by far one of the best things I’ve ever been called… and as a retail manager, I’ve been called a fair few different things throughout my career. Daddy can be said in a variety of different ways… It comes in, but not exclusive to, the following forms: Happy you’re home, sad you’ve got to go, I’ve asked Mummy but now I’m going to ask you, angry you’ve agreed with Mummy, I’ve just had a nightmare, I’ve just broken something and

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SEEWHATMUMMYSAYS Issue 90 2020

disbelief that you actually expect them to sleep at some point. *Quick Fact: Our blog name was inspired by our children asking me something, and me very quickly deciding to double check with Mummy by telling them “See What Mummy Says” Sometimes, life just gets a bit much. We struggle and we need support around us. It’s an amazing feeling when you are one of only a handful of people in the entire world that can make your child feel better, reassured and calm enough to continue with their day… and as we calm them, we take assurance that we are needed and have worth also. Got a bit serious there, didn’t it?

With the exception of our dog, I’ve yet to meet anyone more pleased to see me when I get home than our children. Even the little one of eight weeks seems to be saving smiles now for those familiar voices. Hearing about everyone’s days at school and work, sharing stories and catching up before we do it all over again tomorrow makes it all worthwhile.

Now, we can’t really talk parenting, and favourite things without mentioning the “C” word… I’m going to do it… Christmas!

Even with current restrictions and uncertainty, I’m excited for Christmas. I lost the Christmas excitement when I reached late teens, but it was completely reenergised when we had children.

Even when they’re so young and they don’t actually have an understanding of any of it, there’s no denying that it is a truly magical time.

We always enjoy hearing from our followers, and we’d love to continue to celebrate parenting favourites… let us know yours through: www.seewhatmummysays.com or on Twitter: @whatmummysaysuk Thanks for reading!

Tom PAGE

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ICENI ASKS

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Issue 90 2020

What’s the best piece of parenting advice you could offer?

“There is no such thing as a supermum. Many will pretend to be or you might view someone as such. In reality, we all struggle at times and worry that we aren’t good enough.” Victoria

“You’ll have good days and bad days. Try to remember that a bad day does not make you a bad parent.” Bethany

“You will receive millions of pieces of advice throughout your years of parenting. Always be polite and thank them then make your own choices.” Mark

“Don’t feel guilty about taking time out for yourself. Being a parent is hard work - but remember, that’s not all you are!” Wendy

“Despite how hectic most of our lives are, we always make sure that we set time aside for family. Dinner time is essential for our household.” Thom

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JUST FOR FUN Issue 90 2020

Think you know the answer?

Let us know via our Facebook page and we will reveal the answer at the end of the month.

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ICENI - HOROSCOPES

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Issue 90 2020

Horoscopes For October Aries 21 March - 20 April

Gemini 22 May - 21 June

Taurus 21 April - 21 May

Cancer 22 June - 23 July

The Full Moon in your sign on October 1st, highlights the need for good communication and negotiation. Mercury will rewind from the 14th, and offers a chance to review financial matters and issues around deep soul bonds, although delays need factoring in. The week three New Moon is perfect for teamwork, and new beginnings on the relationship front Aries. Need to get your money working harder for you? The October 31st Full Moon could inspire savvy ideas.

Getting your routines streamlined and deciding to have more fun, can bring a sense of buoyancy to the month ahead. Feel overwhelmed? Find a way to cut back or jettison activities that no longer appeal.

The October 16th New Moon is perfect for kickstarting new habits or perhaps a new job, Taurus.

A delightful Jupiter/Neptune angle could coincide with an offer that opens new doors, and that helps bring a dream to life. Welcome the unexpected on October 31st.

While a volatile Full Moon on the 1st could coincide with an exciting and romantic encounter, this might also be the time to turn over a new leaf if a romance has lost its sparkle. As Mercury rewinds from week two, plans may be subject to delays, and yet this is the ideal time to review your schedule and make it more efficient. From the 22nd, some radical decisions can usher in a new and uplifting phase. Need to get your spiritual bearings? October 31st brings inspirational guidance.

The start of the month may require a decision concerning your career, goals and work/life balance. Lovely Venus’s move into Virgo, spotlights opportunities to close deals and negotiate good terms. Ready to make a bold idea a reality? A superb Jupiter/Neptune tie can be perfect in this regard.

As savvy Mercury rewinds from October 14th, a reunion with someone from the past could have quite an impact. Romance sizzles with promise from October 22nd.

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ICENI - HOROSCOPES

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Issue 90 2020

Leo 24 July - 23 August

Sagittarius 23 November - 21 December

Virgo 24 August - 23 September

Capricorn 22 December - 20 January

Libra 24 September - 23 October

Aquarius 21 January - 19 February

Scorpio 24 October - 22 November

Pisces 20 February - 20 March

Have something to say? The 1st could find you and another engaged in discussions that may be a game changer. But you’ll also be eager to invest wisely, and make your money go further as Venus enters meticulous Virgo. Ready for something more? The New Moon on the 16th, is one of the better times to launch a project or online business. Go easy though, as Mercury retro suggests it’s vital to read the small print. Avoid impulsive moves around October 31st, Leo.

Lovely Venus’s move into your sign, makes this one of the better times for a makeover or for enhancing your image. Need to impress? This is a time when you can wow everyone. Eager to collaborate? Your practical side, combined with someone’s creative ideas, could find you doing well. Mind, as Mercury goes into reverse, be careful when it comes to buying or signing. October 31st might be a gamechanger, as a powerful idea may inspire you. Avoid impulsive actions though.

If something doesn’t seem quite right within a relationship, the October 1st Full Moon can encourage discussion with a view to finding a way forward. The Sun in your sign until October 22nd, is a call to share your perspective, rather than be too complacent.

The New Moon in your sign on the 16th, is perfect for embarking on a new idea or project that might open doors for you Libra. As Mercury rewinds back into your sign in week four, a reunion can have quite an impact.

Finding the balance between work and rest can be crucial, and the Aries Full Moon on the 1st, could push you to make positive changes that may be truly beneficial. With Mars and then Mercury rewinding, it’s worth considering your priorities and simplifying your schedule. As Venus sashays into Virgo, romantic and social opportunities will be enhanced. As the Sun enters your sign on the 22nd, a surge in confidence and energy could see you accomplishing much.

If something is niggling you regarding your creative or romantic life, a powerful lunar phase on October 1st, can highlight the cause and assist you in doing something about it. Being around others could boost your mood, while their advice give you the confidence to move in new circles and explore your options. With Venus entering your sector of goals, a little charm might help you move further towards a big goal. Need some quiet time? Go for it from the 22nd, Archer.

There may be tensions around your work/life balance, and your perspective could be invaluable in sorting things out. Try not to get caught up in feelings that can influence your decisions. Ready for a fresh start on the career front? If so, the October 16th New Moon might be an excellent launching point to further success. As Mercury rewinds, a reunion may reconnect you to someone special. Your social life is buoyant from the 22nd, with a sparkling encounter on the cards.

There is the potential to make promises or agreements, without a full awareness of what you are letting yourself in for. Searching for information or advice? Check your sources, just to be sure Aquarius. Your sector of shared assets is lit up by Venus from the 2nd, which can smooth the way regarding business and financial affairs. From the 22nd get ready to shine, as the Sun in Scorpio could be a call to promote your talents and CV. A dazzling opportunity might result from this.

As Venus enters your relationship zone, her presence can ease difficult conversations, aid negotiations, and enhance warmth and good feelings between you and others. Plus, a very practical, yet spiritual Jupiter/Neptune aspect, is perfect for a collaboration that combines imagination and experience to create success. Communication is key to keep things up and running, although care is needed from week two, as delays could derail travel and other plans.

Astrologer Patrick Arundell provides a unique take on Horoscopes and Astrology. Join him daily for your Daily Horoscope and his penetrating insight into this fascinating subject. Also FREE Horoscope Videos.

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