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Published by: Marc Belsky Ltd Editor: Shani Belsky

Health The War Against Fat [10] Avoiding Weight Gain This Winter [14] Keep Your Cool on the Road [16]

Product Review Diaper Bags Galore [18]

Photography Photo Phobia [20]

Fashion Sample Sale Syndrome: It's Serious [24] The Perfect Veil [28] To Pony or Not to Pony? [30] Keeping You Out of Hairy Situations [36]

Finance The Roth IRA: Should You Convert? [38]

Interior Design A Plan For Success [40]

Philanthropy A new Look for a Familiar Name [46] The Fundraiserâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chavrusa [48] Ohr Naava: Behind the Scenes [52]

Social Media Part II: Where Do I Start? [56]

Dating Ask the Shadchan [66]

Contributing Editors: Robert van Amerongen, M.D., Diana Braun, Miriam Eichenstein, Yisrael Friedman, Leah Helfgot, Moshe Kinderlehrer, Dayna Klinger & Cindy Merrill, Tova Marc, Martin Meisels, Tanya Rosen, Riki Wagh Account Executives: Avi Begun, Miriam Gottlieb Design & Layout: Sam Belsky Marketing: Barry David Printing: TNT Design Group Distribution: Victor Distribution Please submit all questions and comments to: Info@InFashionFT.com For advertising information please call

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or email Sales@InFashionFT.com In Fashion is published monthly and is distributed at 170 locations throughout the affluent communities of the Five Towns, Brooklyn, Queens, and Great Neck. Not responsible for typographical errors. The publisher and In Fashion do not promote or endorse any products or advertisers in this magazine. No editorial or art content may be reproduced without prior written consent from the publisher. All rights reserved. The publisher reserves the right to refuse any editorial or advertising content that does not fit our journalistic and advertising policy.

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[ The War Against “Fat” ] By: Karen Kahn, RD, CDN

casual stroll through the streets of New York City would confirm that America is definitely a foodoriented society. Restaurants of diverse ethnic and cultural origin, coffee bars, health food stores, and even food vendors line the city streets. The fact is Americans like to eat well. The paradox lies in the infatuation Americans have with being thin. In this culture, which dictates the “thin is in” principle, Americans strive to attain this glorified goal. Health clubs and fitness centers are becoming increasingly popular. Exercise regimens are incorporated into daily schedules as a vehicle to attain weight loss and to promote general good health. Fad diets promising to take off unwanted pounds resulted in a multimillion dollar industry. With obesity on the rise, many people are desperately seeking an instant solution to the battle of the bulge. As a result, the fatfree frenzy has emerged and given a new face to supermarket shelves. New items claiming to be “fat free,” “light,” “low calorie,” and “reduced fat” continue to entice the consumer by promising to satisfy the palate without increasing the waistline. Americans, however, are still heavier for their respective age groups than they were ten years ago. This realization encourages one to seek the truth about fat and to look beyond the hysteria. What

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qualities does this mysterious nutrient possess that has propelled it to the center of attention in recent years, and what is its role in promoting weight loss? Fat gets its bad reputation due to its high caloric density. Fat has 9 calories per gram, where as carbohydrate and protein—equally important macro nutrients—provide only 4 calories per gram. Therefore, it is calorically sensible to choose food items that are high in protein or carbohydrate rather than fat. In some cases, society has taken this notion to the extreme by assuming that one may liberally consume unlimited quantities of fat-free food items. Yet, fat-free diets that provide an overabundance of calories from protein and carbohydrate sources will not result in weight reduction. Portion size and lifestyle changes are the keys to success if health is your goal. The emphasis should be placed on caloric intake and portion sizes, in addition to monitoring fat intake. Individuals should be aware of calories per serving as indicated on a product nutrition panel. A label stating that a food item is fat-free is not a license to eat the entire package. Individuals opting to lose weigh must be aware of appropriate portion sizes and commit to an exercise program that appeals to them. In addition, following the current recommendation that less than 30 percent of one’s daily caloric intake should come from

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fat will yield positive results. The bad news is that no quick and easy solution to this battle exists. Sedentary lifestyles and poor eating habits must be corrected before success can be achieved. Current nutritional guidelines emphasize the importance of consuming a well-balanced diet. Research continues to confirm the significance of proper nutrition intake in the prevention and treatment of various disease states, including cancer, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease, to name only a few. Fat is a macro nutrient that is an essential component of the well balanced diet. Perhaps all the recent negative publicity associated with the macro nutrient has undermined the necessity of it in the diet. The body stores fat to provide energy for daily tasks. In addition, fat provides the body with essential fatty acids, it serves as insulation and protection of the body and various organs, and it transports fat soluble vitamins, such as A, D, E, and K, throughout the body. Will the benefits of fat be rediscovered in a society increasingly becoming more health and diet conscious? That question has yet to be answered. In the meantime, it is essential that the health-conscious public recognize that in moderation, fat has its benefits. The key word is moderation. [IF] Karen Kahn is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Dietitian Nutritionist. She practices clinical nutrition in addition to having a private practice in which she specializes in pediatric, adolescent, and adult weight management. Karen frequently lectures, writes, and speaks about nutrition and health topics. She can be reached at 516-993-9420 or at KarenKahn10@aol.com.

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[ Avoiding Weight Gain This Winter ] By: Tanya Rosen

inter seems to be a time when many people put on some extra weight. Have you ever considered why that is? Here are some of the top reasons and what to do about them. More layers = more room to hide. The bulky sweaters and loose coats give us that fake comfort and temporary ability to feel denial. I always tell my clients to have one summer outfit easily accessible and to try it on, on a regular basis. Aside from serving as a reminder that summer is just a few short months away, it will be an accurate measurement of how your more fitted (and less layered) wardrobe feels. Hot comfort drinks. Don’t we all associate those hot chocolates and creamy lattes with cold winter days? Did you know that these drinks can contain up to 700 calories? Many people falsely assume that “liquid calories” don’t count. This is obviously false. Try herbal teas instead, or lower calorie versions of your favorite drink. Substitute whole milk for skim, skip the whipped cream, and use cinnamon powder for flavor, instead of flavored syrup. 14

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Feeling too lazy to exercise. Many people feel a lot less energetic in the winter months and that is understandable. The days are shorter, it gets dark sooner, and getting out of the house requires bundling up, and even warming up the car. Outdoor exercisers find it more challenging to stick to their routine with the unpredictable weather, and the fact that it gets dark so early in the day gives them fewer hours of “ideal workout conditions.” My suggestion? Adjust your schedule or routine accordingly. See what works for you. Changing weather and conditions should not deter you from your fitness goals or routine. If you’ve been exercising outdoors, consider joining a gym. If you are more tired at night because it gets dark so early, consider getting in your workout in the morning instead. Chanukah parties, office holiday parties, Chinese auctions, dinners, and fundraisers...need I say more? As always, plan ahead. Do not ever starve yourself the day of a function, planning to make up for it later on. Eat regular balanced meals throughout the day, and try drinking two glasses of water before

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the event. When you get there, plan what you will have before you fill up. Treat a buffet style table as a visual menu. It is just there for visual display, and it is up to you to make choices from it. As always, having professional guidance is one of the best tools you can invest in. Whether it’s a nutritionist helping you plan your menus, or a personal trainer working out with you and measuring your results, having that professional guidance is extremely valuable. Remember that summer is right around the corner. With just some planning and willpower, you can avoid weight gain traps this winter. [IF] Tanya Rosen is the owner of Shape Fitness, a women’s fitness studio chain in Kensington and Flatbush. As a certified and experienced Personal Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, and nutritionist, Tanya offers these three services to the community. Tanya specializes in prenatal and postnatal fitness, and is best known for her personal and caring approach towards every member of the Shape Fitness family. Tanya can be reached at 718-438-2400 or 718-338-8700.

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[ Keep Your Cool on the Road ] By: Phil Berkowitz

oes it seem to you that the highway is a much more hostile place than it used to be? Do you notice a lot of rude drivers tailgating you, cutting you off, blocking you when you want to pass, weaving from lane to lane to bear the flow of traffic, maybe even making unfriendly gestures? If so, you’re not alone. Aggressive driving has become one of America’s most talked about traffic safety issues. On occasion it may lead to “road rage”—use of violence to settle a dispute related to driving. A major reason for today’s aggressive driving is traffic congestion. Construction of new roads and widening of existing ones has lagged far behind the ever-increasing number of cars on the road. In some metropolitan areas, the concept of “rush hour” is virtually outdated because the roads seem to be packed at all times. Another factor is that many of us lead fast-paced lives and are always in a hurry to

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get somewhere. This may lead to speeding and aggressive behavior towards motorists we believe are impeding our progress. In some areas, special law enforcement and public awareness programs have targeted aggressive driving. Counseling has been tried with some angry drivers, but many people seem to regard rude driving as “the other guy’s” problem. According to the National Highway Safety Administration (NHTSA), here are a few things you can do to avoid becoming an aggressive-driving victim or offender. •

Don’t tailgate.

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Avoid eye contact with the aggressive driver.

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Don’t make obscene gestures or return those of others.

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Use your horn sparingly

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Don’t block a passing lane. Avoid blocking a right-turn lane

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Signal before switching lanes

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Don’t weave in and out of traffic.

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Allow adequate rest for your trip. Realize that you can’t control traffic—only your reaction to it.

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If you think someone is driving dangerously and may be breaking the law, consider reporting that driver to the authorities. If you have a cellular phone and can do so safely, call the police.

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When parking, don’t take up more than one space. Don’t allow your door to hit the car parked next to yours.

If someone provokes you, take a deep breath and resist the urge to retaliate. The important thing is that you reach your destination safely. [IF] Phil Berkowitz is the office manager of State Farm Insurance, specializing in all lines of Personal & Business Insurance and located in Hewlett, NY. He can be reached at 516-374-2100.

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[ Diaper Bags Galore ] By: Miriam Eichenstein

o matter what your taste and style, there is a diaper bag out there for you. The first question to figure out is how big of a diaper bag do you need? Are you the type to take everything with you? Do you typically use a large pocketbook or something small just big enough to carry a wallet and cell phone? Think about the diaper bag the way you think of size in a pocketbook. Once you decide on the size, you can go on to style and color. Kalencom has a great range of diaper bags from $50–$80. Most of the bags are messenger style and available in two different sizes. One is a smaller bag great for someone who likes the look of the larger bag but takes less and doesn’t like the bulkiness of the original size. These bags are pretty and practical. They are coated for easy care and come with a changing pad. Some of the bags also come with an insulated bottle holder and an extra pouch. There are many different colors and patterns to work with different people’s tastes and to match many different strollers. The JJ Cole System bag is $70 and a great choice for the more conservative mom or dad. The messenger style of this bag along with its clean, smooth look makes it something that is liked by many. This diaper bag comes complete with a removable changing pad and pacifier pod that can be used alone or with the bag. It also has stroller attachments to easily attach the bag to any stroller. The System bag has numerous large and small pockets,

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a wallet organizer, and an MP3 player pocket with a headphone cord opening. This diaper bag is practical, nice, clean looking, and wears extremely well. Skip Hop has a great concept with great execution. It is a simple bag with a multitude of pockets and compartments to easily organize your diapers, bottles, keys, food, and toys, while keeping your personal items including your wallet and phone in a separate and easily accessible compartment. The Skip Hop diaper bags all have built-in clips to easily attach to all strollers. The simple and sleek design of this diaper bag makes it great for any mom or dad to carry. It’s extremely lightweight, compact, and available in a few different styles. This bag starts at $50 and goes up, depending on the style. Moving up just a bit in price would be the Fleurville diaper bags. There are a few styles and patterns to choose from and they are all multi-purpose bags loaded with features that every new mom needs. These bags start at $89 and go up from there. These bags come in many different shapes and sizes, giving new moms with various taste a good selection within their product selection. If you’re looking for a smaller Hobo style bag, the Hana Re-Run is a great choice. For a larger, more-stuffable bag, the Mothership is an excellent choice. All the Fleurville diaper bags come with their nice signature wipes case. If you like a more stylish diaper bag, a stunning and very popular choice would be the Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bags. Starting at $145 this bag is pricier, but F a s h i o n

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definitely a great fashion statement. It has many pockets and comes in different sizes. This allows moms who don’t want a large bag and moms who take the kitchen sink with them to have a beautiful option. All of the bags have stroller clips available and some even come with them. Mia Bossi has a diaper bag that is like no other. Its magnificent style and fabric make this bag a top choice for someone looking for a bag that makes a statement. Most of the bags are on the larger size, but look amazing on almost anyone and any stroller. The pricier ones are made with leather handles and accents, adding a sleek and luxurious feel to this beautiful bag. This bag is not for everyone. It’s for that special someone looking for something different yet classy. These bags start at $200 and go all the way up to $1200. You can definitely get the look from their lower priced bags, but the better bags are in a class of their own. There are a lot of choices out there. The main distinguishing factor would be the look. Pick something you like and go with it. Make sure the features that are important to you are available in the bag you love. [IF] Miriam Eichenstein is the cofounder of Oh Baby! located at 1408 Coney Island Avenue, between Avenues J and K in Brooklyn, NY. She can be reached at 718-998-7373 or on the web at OhBabyGifts.com. If you have any questions or baby products you would like reviewed, please email miriam@ohbabygifts.com.

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Photo Pho bia : ( fotofo-bee-a) A persisten n. t, irrationa l fea r of ge picture ta k tting your en that le ads to a desire to av compelling oid ca mera s. Mostly st a prima ry ems from condition k nown a s horrible in “I come ou pictures!” t

[ Do You Suffer From Photo Phobia? ] By: Rina Schiffman

o you pull the tablecloth over your head when you spot the photographer nearing your table at a wedding, (even if it means the people sitting near you get second degree burns from the hot soup now in their lap)? Do you set off your own cell phone ringer and make frantic “I have to take this” motions when grandma asks you to pose with the kids? Do you cringe when looking at photos of yourself and then late at night, sneak the photos out of the family album and run them through the shredder? If you can relate to any of the above scenarios, you may be one of the millions of people suffering from Photo Phobia. Although there is no known cure, I can give you some tips that are guaranteed to alleviate the condition of “I come out horrible in pictures” and thus eliminate your photo phobia for good.

Study them. What makes you look good? Was it your natural smile? Was your head angled a certain way? Notice what works and what doesn’t so you can replicate it in future photos.

Here are some Foolproof Tips for Coming Out Good in Pictures

Straighten Up—Good posture is so important in photos (and in life). Whether you are sitting or standing, make sure your back is straight and your shoulders are not hunched.

Practice—It may feel silly at first, but try practicing different smiles and poses in front of the mirror. Most of us are not really aware of how we look when we smile a certain way, so using a mirror can help you figure out how to smile so that you look your best. Once you see a smile and expression you’re happy with, do it over and over again so that whenever a photoop arises, you know exactly what to do. Past Photos—Get out some photos of yourself where you love the way you look, and some where you feel you came out horrible (for instance, your driver’s license). 20

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Smile Naturally—This can be hard to do on cue, but try this: keep your tongue behind your teeth when you smile. This relaxes the muscles in your face so you look completely comfortable and very natural. It’s so easy and it totally works. Use Angles to Your Advantage—Never look at the camera straight on. Rather, turn your body slightly away from the camera and keep your head at a slight angle to the camera. This creates pleasing angles in your face and will result in a much prettier photo of you.

Minimize Your Flaws—None of us is perfect. (Those of us who are almost perfect are probably successful models, and wouldn’t need to be reading this article in the first place.) Know what you’d like to minimize in photos and keep it in mind when posing or preparing for a photo shoot. For example, if you tend to look like you have a double chin in photos, make sure to extend your neck and tilt your head slightly upwards. If you’re overweight, try to wear darker colors and stand with your body at a 45 degree angle F a s h i o n

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from the camera. If you have a large nose, try tilting your head back slightly to make it appear smaller and shorter (not too far back, or you risk giving the photographer an unflattering nasal view). If you have problem skin, use cover up or concealer to even out your skin tone. A little extra makeup before a planned photo shoot is always a good idea. Dress Well—Wear clothing colors that flatter your skin tone and hair color. Darker colors are always slimming. Relax—The most photogenic people are the ones who enjoy having their picture taken, making them relaxed, cheerful, and confident in front of the camera. You can fake this by taking a deep breath and exhaling right before the picture is taken. As you exhale, smile and relax the muscles in your shoulders and arms. Think happy thoughts and that will show up in your pictures. There you have it! Make use of these tips and your camera shyness/photo phobia will be drastically reduced. And remember, when all else fails, there is always a brown paper bag. [IF] Rina Schiffman is the owner and photographer of Rina Schiffman Photography. She specializes in capturing natural, emotive portraits of babies and children. Her complete portfolio can be viewed at www.RinaSPhotography.com. Her home studio is located in Brooklyn, NY, and she can be reached at 917-750-3424 or Rinaschiffman@yahoo.com.

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E L P SAM

E L SA [ Sample Sale Syndrome: It’s Serious ] By: Riki Wagh

he Scene: A disheveled closet, clothes strewn across the floor as they are non-methodically pulled from their hangers. An event invitation for something that didn’t merit an outfit planned in advance hides underneath the pile of rejection. The fashionista looks wildly around the room, her frenzied gaze darting between the clock and the wardrobe as time begins to run out. Her hair (European of course) is all messed up from being shoved through endless shirt openings, her cheeks flushed and her palms sweaty. Any interruption during this process, let’s just say, stay away, the danger is real. The ferocity of a fashionista with nothing to wear rivals only that of a fashionista at a sample sale. Which brings us to our subject matter. There are three types of sample sales: designer, store, and warehouse. Undeniably you can find deeply discounted clothing at any of these sample sales (although store sample sales tend to be from several seasons ago). Finding out where and when the sample sales are is just the beginning of the challenge. The biggest appeal of sample sales stems from what many of us inwardly wonder. How do so many women in our neighborhood afford their tremendous style? While some are blessed with trust funds and rich husbands, others just know when and where to shop. And we can’t help wondering, where are their secret shopping hot spots? Are they on the list at that exclusive private sample sale or are they really shelling out thousands of dollars for that one gorgeous dress? And that other outfit you saw her wear to the dinner, and yet a different one at a Bar Mitzva the following night. Is it okay to accuse someone with an enviable wardrobe of multiple dress syndrome? Perhaps. Or 24

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maybe, just maybe, the voice inside your head becomes shoptimistic and causes you to think you’ll find something just as fabulous to add to your closet at the next sample sale. I noticed a disturbing trend amongst my fashionable peers. Through my observation, which has been gathered from years of extensive research I like to call people watching, I have found that being on the receiving end of excessive atelier complimenting can cause serious harm. Too much of anything is not good. There is a strong chance that these females might have developed a condition called Sample Sale Syndrome (SSS). I have found that this condition can be easily transferred through any form of interaction. Sample Sale Syndrome can cause a perfectly rational, polite, and sane woman to become a raging, paranoid, and jealous psycho. Okay, so I may be exaggerating a bit, but sample sales can be dangerous. A fire hazard is the least of her worries. Addictive. Aggressiveness. Irrational behavior. Possessiveness. These are just some of the characteristics that manifest themselves. Did you know that one in three women suffer from SSS? Sufferers usually simultaneously experience the Everybody Does It Syndrome. Her motto: That which doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger at the next sample sale. We are facing an epidemic here. The illness when transferred to a male can become socially deadly. Sample sales are for clothing companies to get rid of excess merchandise, essentially their leftovers. Can you imagine lines of people circling all the way around the corner waiting for your Shabbos leftovers? I don’t care how good your yerushalmi kugel, is I won’t be on that line. F a s h i o n

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Unfortunately, I do have some recurring flashbacks (wince), memories of a more naive girl shivering in line for hours to get into New York sample sales, then shoving her way through throngs of other shoppers looking for deals on designer clothes. When in the chaotic, free-for-all sample sale environment, getting that deer-inthe-headlights syndrome that renders you completely frozen because everything is just $20 or $30; not knowing what to grab first because who are we kidding, sample sale etiquette does not exist—it’s every women for herself, no curtains to hide behind, if you know what I mean! Whether I need it or not, how can I pass up these prices? Exactly the attitude the industry is depending on. When you empty out your closets and donate things to a gemach (which you should be doing at least once a year for the obvious reasons: to make room for new stuff and to help others—not in any specific order), your sample sale purchases stare at you. You find that you are discarding excess merchandise just like the original retailers that sold you that same merchandise. Something to ponder. I’ll leave you some space. Ok, so now you’re remembering that the sample sale wasn’t that great, the information was misleading, and there was clothing lying around from past seasons, but mostly you remember the shame of it. How when the New York Times quoted a salesperson working at the Burberry sample sale saying, “I’ve watched people viciously fight over clothes, even physically; I saw one woman’s wig fly off in the middle of it,” you wondered, could it have been you? The best advice I can give is know your budget and know what you need versus what you want. Make selective choices and buy pieces you really truly love. You’ll find you’ll wear them over and over and feel good about yourself. During these financially limiting times, isn’t it better to save your dignity? Support your local stores and you’ll find that everyone wins. [IF] Riki Wagh is the owner and lead designer at the women’s clothing store CHICK, which carries casual to dressy moderately priced clothing, outerwear, and accessories and is located at 2400 Ave L (side entrance). She can be reached at 347.229.7726.

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[ The Perfect Veil ] By: Tova Marc

n today’s world of high fashion, choosing the perfect veil is just as important as choosing the perfect wedding dress. The veil must complement the gown in every aspect, from style and silhouette of the dress to the formality of the wedding. Every veil has a different story to tell. Years ago, you would attach your veil to your headpiece. Well, not anymore. Nowadays, veils can be freely placed anywhere on your head regardless of where your headpiece lays. But where is the veil placed? There is no right or wrong way on how high or low to place your veil. It’s really a matter of preference and is mostly determined by your hair style. Some brides who have their hair flowing down may prefer to wear their veil higher up on the top of their head, while others may prefer the veil tucked underneath their up-do, towards the back lower part of their head. Let’s discuss the veil fabric. Veils are typically made of tulle, a mesh material. However, there are other options for the bride that prefers something a little different. Veils can also be made in chiffon, organza, lace, georgette, and charmeuse. Ask to feel the different textures and see which fabric looks best with your dress. The next thing to consider is the veil embellishments. Do you prefer an understated veil with simplicity, or a fabulous crystalized dramatic veil? The embellishment of the veil will be determined mostly by the formality and style of the dress. Some of the options include:

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Satin Cord or Satin Ribbon: A thin layer of Satin attached to the edge of the veil. Pretty for understated gowns. Pearls: Some veils have scattered pearls sewn on throughout the veil. This is most beautiful if the dress already has pearls. Crystals: Crystals scattered throughout the veil, sometimes in teardrop shapes are stunning. This veil can be worn with almost any style dress. It can dress up an understated gown and also complement an elaborate gown. Lace/Mantilla: Fabulous to pair up with a dress made from Lace. Lace and mantilla veils are Spanish inspired. And finally, we can’t forget the length of the veil. Veils come in several lengths. You should choose the appropriate length based on the style of the dress. Blusher: This type of veil is short and single layer, typically worn over the front of your face during the ceremony. It is then flipped to the back or removed. A blusher can be worn independently, but is mostly accompanied by a longer veil. Elbow Length: An elbow length veil extends to your elbows. This length is typically worn with more casual styles. Fingertip Length: This is one of the most popular veil lengths because it is most flattering to the bride and the gown, whether you’re wearing an understated sheath, or a dramatic princess style ball gown. A fingertip veil extends through the fingertips when your hands hang down and can be worn during the ceremony and reception. F a s h i o n

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Ballet Length: This style extends straight down, but does not touch the floor. It typically falls between the knees and ankles. This veil is very pretty when worn with gowns that do not have a train. Chapel Length: This veil length extends all the way to the floor, about 2½ yards from the comb. This beautiful length is quite fabulous and is most appropriate for formal gowns and gowns with Chapel length trains. Cathedral Length: Also called the Royal Veil, is extraordinarily formal. It extends about 3½ yards from the comb. It looks stunning with a gown that also has a Cathedral length train. An important thing to keep in mind is whether you plan on keeping your veil on during the entire reception. You will want to discuss this option with your hair stylist to determine the most appropriate way to maintain your hairstyle undisturbed while maintaining a beautifully flowing veil. The cost of the veil will depend on the style you choose. Veils can run anywhere from $100 to $2,000 depending on the length and embellishments. Couture De Bride by Tova Marc in Teaneck, NJ stocks all the latest veils that are available for rent as part of a bridal gown package. Couture De Bride can also custom design veils to match your gown perfectly. [IF] Tova Marc is the designer and owner of Couture De Bride by Tova Marc. Her showroom is located at 406 Cedar Lane in Teaneck, NJ, and she can be contacted at 201-357-4877 or contact@couturedebride.com, tovamarc.com

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[ To Pony or Not to Pony? ] By: Gitel Rosenzweig

or my first column, someone suggested I address ponytail related questions: “Should I spend that kind of money on something that can only be worn in a pony?” “Can it only be worn up in a pony, or also down as a full sheitel?” And of course, “What’s the difference between a $400 pony and a $1200 pony?” Why buy a pony: For starters, I am a big believer in the philosophy, “You get what you pay for.” In most cases, and if you have an honest sheitel macher, more expensive wigs are more expensive for a reason, and cheaper wigs... You get the point. If you’re thinking about buying a new, gorgeous, expensive wig but can’t afford to go all out, then don’t buy a cheaper sheitel and expect it to be the same. Wigs made to be worn in a ponytail and priced accordingly are made from cheaper, more processed hair and will behave poorly when worn down. Often

this is because the hair is so processed that it gets stick straight right away, knots, oxidizes, and changes color much faster than other, better quality hair. Processed hair refers to dyed or otherwise color treated, relaxed, body-waved or permed hair. Each of the above mentioned treatments compromises the quality of the hair, and shortens the lifespan of the sheitel. Manufacturers and hair suppliers have to do something with their frizzier, coarser hair too, so they apply all sorts of treatments to make it useable. This treated hair often goes into ponytail wigs so that they can’t get all knotted if they’re up in a pony all day. That being said, there are lots of motivating reasons to get a pony sheitel: price, comfort, and flexibility in styling.

They are cheaper than comparable length, better quality wigs. The lower cost comes primarily from money saved on the hair. There are very few shortcuts

taken in production that can save the manufacturer money, so just understand that the lower prices come from lesser quality hair. Then again, for less money, you don’t mind abusing it and working it a little harder than your more expensive wigs.

They are believed to be more comfortable, as the hair is off of your neck. Unfortunately, this is only part true. Most people fail to realize that a pony wig has to fit better than any other wig, because you need full coverage. When you pull all the hair away from your face and neck, you have to be completely covered for tznius and aesthetic reasons; it just won’t look natural if your own hairline shows. The pony wig has to be extra snug, actually, with lots of extra clips and combs to keep it in place and to keep your coverage intact. They can also be very back-heavy when you sweep all the hair into a ponytail and put all the weight of (continued on page 32)

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the hair into one central place in the back of your head, putting even more pressure on all those extra clips and combs. But the bottom line is that if you get very sweaty (I see a surge of ponytail sales in the summer months), then you can’t beat having all that hair off of your neck, but still having the full coverage that a full sheitel (as opposed to a fall) gives. They serve more purposes than just wearing it in a full pony. Again, you have to be careful not to expect a ponytail to able to be worn down if the hair or construction just won’t cooperate, but if it will, you can wear it half up, in a full pony, under hats (like those cute new knitted berets everyone is wearing pushed back on their heads), in a bun... Also, more of my customers would rather put their ponytail wig into an “updo” for a wedding than abuse their more expensive wigs with all that hairspray, bobby pins, and teasing involved in getting dressed up. Doing that actually frees up your dressier wigs for sheva brochos the week after, too.

How to pick which ponytail is right for you? Do your research. Just because ponytails wigs are cheaper than other wigs, doesn’t mean you can’t get burnt. Make a couple of phone calls first. There are several manufacturers who make wigs exclusive for ponytails, and those several brands are carried by dozens of sheitel machers, so if you get prices over the phone, make sure you ask for which brand names you are being quoted for. There are also a couple of key points to keep in mind: Price is obviously the most important. Decide your price range and stick to it. Spending outside your budget can make you resent the wig and never really love it. You will always have problems with it. In the $400–$600 price range, you will only find very processed human hair (which often includes Asian hair, even if you’re told it’s European). These wigs can be counted on to get knotty or stringy looking very quickly. In the $700–$900 price range, you will still find processed human hair, but this category often lasts longer. This may be because the hair is less processed, relaxed, but not dyed, or vice versa, or because it uses a higher quality process that lasts longer. These wigs are most often constructed to be worn down, but still will not compare to your better quality wigs. Once you go over $1000, all

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the way up to $1600, you can count on the hair behaving more nicely and oxidizing less quickly, but still the possibility of knotting exists. These will have higher quality hair, but also have some minor processing that makes it still not the best hair around. Then you could always go to $1800 and up. In this price range, you can buy a quality virgin European hair wig that is long enough to put into a ponytail, cut a few bangs, and wear it like that for a few years. Then when you get bored of the look, you can recut it into another look and wear it down. It may take a little refurbishing after a couple of years, but this hair is going to last a lot longer than any of the other options, and your sheitel macher should help you out if there is any knotting on a wig in this price range. (All of the above prices are based on my personal markup and may differ based on individual sheitel machers’ different prices and/or sale prices.) How the wig fits is equally important. As I mentioned earlier, when you pull all the hair away from your face and neck, you have to make sure you are completely covered. Any of your own hair sticking out may make the edge unnatural and obvious. Small, medium, and larger sizes are available from some companies, making the right fit much easier to find. After choosing your size, check if it needs to be taken in at all. A good pony needs to be snug to stay put all day.

Construction and how the hair is sewn is also important. Only one or two companies make their ponytail wigs without a multi-directional top, so that aspect of construction is almost equal among most ponytails. How the back of the wig is sewn makes the most difference. Many pony wigs are made with machinesewn “wefts” (the strings of hair that are stitched onto the cap). This hair can only be pulled in the direction in which it is sewn, so they sew in the last few rows on the bottom facing upwards, to go into the ponytail smoothly. This construction is only good if you are wearing the wig ONLY in a ponytail. When worn down, those hairs that are sewn upwards will “jump” away from the head and split in a funny way, exposing your cap underneath. There are exceptions to this, but they are very rare and you should consider wearing this construction only in a ponytail. One other brand combines machine-sewn and hand-sewn construction, which allows

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the thinnest distribution of hair, making it lighter and thinner in a rubber band. When sewn into the proper stretch net, these hand-sewn stitches can flip up or down, allowing this ponytail to be worn up or down. Other companies just sew all of the wefts downward, but they add the hair at the nape of the neck a little more thickly, so that you have extra coverage when you lift up your pony. These wigs cannot be worn in a pony too high up in the back of your head, as you will likely leave some of your cap underneath exposed.

Last and most difficult to figure out is whether or not the wig you are buying matches all your needs. Seriously, spend time practicing in the mirror, maybe on an older wig, on a friend’s ponytail wig, or even go into a few stores and tell them you are just looking. Try to see if you would wear the pony higher up or lower down, or if you don’t like the look of a pony at all. If you are wearing it down, ask around to find out if it gets knotty when worn down. Also, if you have more expensive sheitels at home, be aware that the most common reaction to cheaper quality hair is that it gets “dirtier” faster. This may mean that it looks greasy or frizzy earlier than you would expect from your more expensive wigs, and may need to be washed and set more often. For people who are accustomed only to more expensive hair, a ponytail wig may seem like a brief reprieve from spending too much on your wigs, but in the end, you may never be happy with it. My last but most important recommendation is not to buy on sale. Many of these sales force you to make an impulse decision, and the best way to decide on your wig is to take time to research your options. If you’ve already done the research and you happen upon a sale at the exact brand you chose to buy, then just make sure to check if the cut is included. If not, make sure to add that to the cost in your head so that you are comparing prices properly. Hatzlacha! [IF] Gitel Rosenzweig, a wig stylist with 12 years experience, is the owner of Gitel Wigs located at 3708 Avenue S in Brooklyn. For any questions or comments to be addressed in future articles, she can be reached at 718-758-1022 or via email at: gitelrosenzweig@yahoo.com.

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[ Keeping You Out of Hairy Situations ] By: Shira Michelle

ver experience a day where you’re feeling positive and upbeat and realize it has to do with what you are wearing and that extra bit of makeup you put on that morning? Like the maxim goes, when you look good, you feel good about yourself. What better way to start than on top, with your hair! Here’s a guide to achieving your best hair days—every day.

Hair Down–Straight Hair: The first step is to make sure your hair is trimmed to avoid seeing damaged and split ends. After towel-drying your hair, apply an alcohol-free product to your hair. Alcohol products will weigh your hair down and 36

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disrupt your natural oils from doing their job. Blow-dry your hair in sections. If you must, use a hair iron to achieve a less puffy look. Hair Down–Curly: If you have curly, dry hair, it is best not to wash your hair daily as this will dry it out even more. Be sure to use a good amount of conditioner in the shower to remove the knots. Apply a light leave-in conditioner or hair crème. Be wary of gels or moose with alcohol as they will weigh your hair down and make it appear stiff. Headbands: Wear a headband with any hair type to cover problem areas and to add a little spice up top. Headbands work F a s h i o n

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for all occasions as long as you own the proper array of pieces. Low ponytails for all hair types: Tie your hair back so that it lines up with the bottom of your ears. Secure with elastic for a low ponytail. For a bun, twist your hair around in a circular motion and tie an elastic over it. High Ponytails: For those with thick hair, you may want to wear low ponytails as high ones can put unnecessary pressure on your head. For all other hair types, pull your hair back tightly and apply a dab of leave-in conditioner on the top part. Tie with an elastic. Now that you know the basics, be sure to take that extra ten to thirty minutes (depending on your diva-ness) in the morning to apply some makeup and think about your outfit from head to toe. Now that you have the tools, you are on your way to a happier, healthier, and prettier 2010! [IF] Article written by Shira Michelle, CEO and Co-Founder of The Michelle Mara Collection. Visit MichelleMara.com for Sophisticated, Fun & Wearable Headbands.

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[The Roth IRA: Should You Convert?] By: Martin Meisels On January 1, 2010 the income limits on converting a Traditional IRA to a Roth IRA will be eliminated. That means everyone is eligible to convert to a Roth and after investors complete the conversion process, they will not be taxed on future investment growth. But a Roth conversion may not make sense for all investors. If you’re thinking of converting to a Roth, here are some things to discuss with your tax advisor..

Beginning in 2010, the income limits on Roth IRAs will be eliminated, so investors of all income levels will be able to convert their Traditional IRA assets to Roth IRA assets. This is signiﬁcant because today your modiﬁed adjusted gross income (MAGI) must be $100,000 or less for you to be able to convert.

Your Tax Advisor Can Help You Consider These Key Points:

Roth IRAs:

you’ll pay taxes on the amount being

• Once you have held the Roth IRA for at least ﬁve years and you are at least age 59½, withdrawals are tax-free • You don’t have to take required minimum distributions when you turn age 70½ • If you don’t need the money, you can leave your Roth assets to your children or other heirs

converted. But because of market volatility,

Traditional IRAs:

your account balance may be lower than it

• Contributions may be tax-deductible* • Offers incentives for taxpayers who expect to be in a lower tax bracket during retirement • The taxpayer gets the tax beneﬁt immediately

• You may pay less in taxes – If you convert your Traditional IRA balance to a Roth IRA,

was when the market was stronger. In effect, you may pay less in taxes. • Option to spread the tax burden over two years – When you convert to a Roth IRA, you will have to pay taxes on any deductible contributions and investment earnings. But, if you make the conversion in 2010, you can pay the taxes in 2010 or you can spread the taxes over the subsequent two years, 2011 and 2012.

* Contributions to a Traditional IRA may be tax deductible depending on your income and whether or not you participate in an employer-sponsored retirement plan.

Is a conversion to a Roth IRA right for you? Here are some points to consider: My tax rate will not decline when I retire. YES

• No required minimum distributions – Unlike Traditional IRAs, Roth IRAs do not require that you take required minimum distributions when you reach age 70½. That means your account can continue to grow

I won’t need to withdraw the money for at least ﬁve years and I will be at least age 59½ before I need to make a withdrawal.

tax-free until you – or your heirs – are ready to withdraw the money. • Income limitations still apply – You may not necessarily be eligible for further

I can pay the taxes due on the conversion without dipping into my IRA.

contributions to a Roth IRA. Income tions. Talk with your tax advisor to

If you think you’ll be in a lower tax bracket in retirement, then converting to a Roth IRA might not make sense for you. You may prefer to leave your assets in Traditional IRA and pay the taxes when you take the withdrawals. If this is not a long-term investment, the Roth’s potential for tax-free earnings may not make back the money you pay in taxes on the conversion and early withdrawals are subject to penalties.

YES

limitations will still apply to Roth contribu-

If you can’t pay the taxes from sources other than your IRA, then converting to a Roth may not make sense. There are two reasons why paying the taxes with your IRA may not make sense: 1) you will lose the potential beneﬁt of tax-free growth on that amount and, 2) if you’re under 59½, you will also incur a penalty for early withdrawal.

You may want to consider converting your Traditional IRA balance to a Roth IRA. Talk to your tax advisor to learn more about the important tax and retirement planning considerations.

learn more.

A Hypothetical: Spreading the Tax Burden • Matthew’s Traditional IRA has a $50,000 balance. • He converts it to a Roth IRA on

Not A Deposit

Not FDIC or NCUA Insured

May Lose Value

No Bank or Credit Union Guarantee

February 1, 2010.

Please note that neither Guardian Investor Services LLC nor any of its afﬁliates or agents are authorized to give legal or tax advice. Investors should consult with their tax advisor or an attorney regarding their speciﬁc situation. This material provided by: Guardian Investor Services LLC (GIS)

• Matthew decides not to pay the taxes on the conversion in 2010. • Matthew elects to include $25,000 in

GIS is wholly owned subsidiary of The Guardian Life Insurance Company of America, New York, NY. GIS is a member: FINRA, SIPC

Martin Meisels is a Registered Representative and Financial Advisor of Park Avenue Securities LLC (PAS), 355 Lexington Avenue, 9th Floor, New York, NY 10017, (212) 541- 8800. Securities products/services and advisory services are offered through PAS, a registered broker/dealer and investment advisor. PAS is an indirect, wholly owned subsidiary of Guardian. Wealth Advisory Group is not an affiliate or subsidiary of PAS or Guardian. PAS is a member FINRA, SIPC. Martin Meisels – 845.634.7300 ext. 317 martin_meisezls@parkavenuesecurities.com.

gross income for 2011 and $25,000 in gross income for 2012.

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[ Hiring The Right Contractor—A Plan For Success ] By: Diana Braun

“You’ll forget about the price you paid long before you’ll forget about a bad job that you have to look at every day.”

ue to the global economic recession and the tough real estate market, recent studies have found that a lot of people are choosing to remodel their homes instead of buying or building new homes. The good news is that many contractors have dropped their prices by at least 10 percent in order to get the work and keep their crews busy. Despite the showroom and construction discounts, remodeling your house isn’t cheap; so the best advice for most cases is to stay in your home for a few years to recoup the cost of the job, and to work on kitchens and bathrooms, which often bring the best return on investment. If you’re venturing beyond a simple home repair project to new technically challenging installations such as adding electrical circuits or adding a sink, you should first

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check to see if a permit is required from your local building department. You don’t need a permit for many home repairs, but you may need a permit for “new work,” especially for electrical, heating, cooling, and plumbing. In some cases, the permit will require that a licensed contractor do the work to protect the public’s health, safety, and welfare. In some cases, it may be required that the job be filed, and that will require that a local Building Inspector review your work during construction and after its completion. People who hire contractors that they have worked with before were happier and had fewer time and cost overruns than those who hired someone new. Hiring pros recommended by a friend or neighbor were more satisfied than those who hired an unknown contractor—those who went F a s h i o n

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that route generally faced many delays and extra costs. Of course, it’s not all about the price; the quality of the work is just as important. If the price seems too good to be true, it pays to dig deeper and find out the reason for the good deal. It could be that the contractor is really hurting for work, or, it could also be that he does a horrible job and can only compete on price and not on skill and experience. Finding the “perfect” contractor can sometimes feel like “finding a needle in the haystack,” but following some basic guidelines should help you in the search and hopefully find the right contractor for your home renovation project. Before you even begin the search for a contractor, you must know what type of project you are undertaking and the desired end result. Prepare a “scope of work” that (continued on page 42)

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clearly describes what you are planning to do and most important, a realistic budget. This plan will be what you’ll be receiving your bids on, so be specific in expressing your “wish list.” List the tasks to be completed; try to be as specific as possible. For example, if you are planning a bathroom renovation, make notes as to any change in the existing plumbing—are you relocating a tub or toilet, or are they staying in the same location? Are you planning on enlarging the room, by either bumping out or extending into another room? You don’t have to know all the minute details of laying a foundation or putting up drywall—just a clear vision of the finished job and the major components. On your information sheet, indicate if you want to supply your own materials such as plumbing fixtures and tiles, or if you want the contractor to provide you with a complete “al-a-carte” renovation. Become an integral part of your project, not just the person who writes the check. Start by visiting your local home store or lumberyard; they feature a wide selection of building materials, windows, doors, plumbing fixtures, lighting, etc., plus extensive catalogues of products with exact sizes and specifications. Once you have a basic idea of the types of products you want installed and the costs involved, you are in a better position to discuss these with your contractor. He may even have opinions on the products you have chosen, and you can weigh his opinions against what you have learned on your own. Then, you can work with the contractor to fill in the details of your job. Doing your homework demonstrates to the contractor that you are involved in the job, not just a source of money. This mutual respect is important so that you will not have problems communicating later should a problem arise or a “change of course” in the job become necessary...a not infrequent occurrence in home projects! How to find the right type of contractor depends on the size and complexity of your project. General Contractors manage all aspects of your project, including hiring and supervising subcontractors, getting building permits, and scheduling inspections. They also work with your architect and designer. Specialty Mechanics install particular products, such as cabinets, fixtures, and tiles. Architects design homes and plan additions and major renovations. If your project includes 42

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structural changes, you may want to hire an architect or an engineer. Designers have expertise in specific areas of the home, such as kitchens and bath, and Design/Build Contractors provide one-stop service. They see your project through from start to finish. Some firms have architects and designers on staff to assist you through the entire project. Once you’ve assembled a prospective list of contractors, make a call to each of your prospects and ask them the following questions. The answers to these questions will reveal the company’s availability, reliability, legitimacy, and how much attention they’ll be able to give your project. • Do they take on more than one project at a time? • Can they give you a list of previous clients? • How long have they worked with their subcontractors? • Can they provide a copy of their contractor’s license and insurance certificate? Based on the phone interviews, pick three contractors to meet at your home for an estimate. A contractor should be able to answer your questions satisfactorily and in a manner that puts you at ease. It’s crucial that you two communicate well because this person will be in your home for hours at a time. On the other hand, don’t let personality fool you. Check in with your state’s consumer agency and your local Better Business Bureau to make sure your contractors don’t have a history of disputes with clients or subcontractors. Now that you’ve narrowed your list, put your research to use. Check his references—call up former clients to find how their project went and ask to see the finished product. Don’t rely on the finished results alone. Even more important, visit a current job site and see for yourself how the contractor works. Is the job site neat and safe? Are workers courteous and careful with the homeowner’s property? Get three bids to gauge the going rate for work. Get your estimates in writing. To compare bids, ask everyone to break down the cost of materials, labor, profit margins, and other expenses. Generally, materials account for 40 percent of the total cost; the rest covers overhead and the typical profit margin, which is 15 to 20 percent. But F a s h i o n

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don’t jump at the lowest bid; surveys have shown that people who hired the lowest bidder generally got inferior quality work and in many cases had to hire another contractor to “clean up” and finish the project. Beyond technical competence, comfort should play an equal or greater role in your decision. The single most important factor in choosing a contractor is how well you and he communicate. All things being equal, it’s better to spend more and get someone you’re comfortable with. Don’t sign on the spot. Review the contract at your leisure; don’t be pressured by the contractor who comes to your home with a premade contract. The contract spells out the who, what, where, when, and cost of your project. The agreement should be clear, concise, and complete. Make sure the following points are covered: The contract should detail every step of the project—payment schedule, proof of liability insurance and worker’s compensation payments, a start date and projected completion date, specific materials and products to be used, and a requirement that the contractor obtain lien releases (which protect you if he doesn’t pay his bills) from all subcontractors and suppliers. Insisting on a clear contract isn’t about mistrust; it’s about ensuring a successful renovation. A written contract will specify what will be done to complete the job, associated costs, and the payment schedule. Never sign a blank contract or one with blank spaces. Making changes to scope of work after work begins generally leads to cost overruns and delays. As any good contractor will tell you, estimates/ contracts are only limited to what they can visually see. During the course of the work, incidental items may come up, such as pipes behind the walls needing to be changed as evident in older homes, or asbestos abatement. These types of issues will cause the price to increase and the project to get longer. Payment schedules can also speak to a contractor’s financial status and work ethic. If they want half the bid up front, they may have financial problems or be worried that you won’t pay the rest after you’ve seen the work. For large projects, a schedule usually starts with 10 percent at contract signing, three payments of 25 percent evenly spaced over the duration of the project, and a check for the final 15 percent when you feel every item on the punch list has been (continued on page 44)

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completed. Pay by check. Write out the check to the contracting company rather than to an individual. A reasonable down payment is 30 percent of the total project cost to be paid upon initial delivery of materials. Make final payments only when the work is completed to your satisfaction. A reputable contractor will not threaten you or pressure you to sign documents if the job is not finished properly. Try to make payments during the project contingent upon completion of a defined amount of work. This way, if the work is not proceeding according to schedule, the payments also are delayed. Don’t make the final payment or sign an affidavit of final release until you are satisfied with the work and know that the subcontractors and suppliers have been paid. Lien laws in your state may allow subcontractors and/ or suppliers to file a mechanic’s lien against your home to satisfy their unpaid bills. Make sure the following points are addressed on your contract: • The contractor’s name, address, phone number, and license number (copies of home improvement license and workers comp. certificate). • The payment schedule for the contractor, subcontractors, and suppliers. • An estimated start and completion date. • The contractor’s obligation to obtain all necessary permits. • How change orders will be handled. A change order—common on most remodeling jobs—is a written authorization to the contractor to make a change or addition to the work described in the original contract. It could affect the project’s cost and schedule. Remodelers often require payment for change orders before work begins. • A detailed list of all materials, including color, model, size, brand name, and product. • Warranties covering materials and workmanship. The names and addresses of the parties honoring the warranties—contractor, distributor, or manufacturer—must be identified. The length of the warranty period and any limitations also should be spelled out. • What the contractor will and will 44

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not do. For example, is site cleanup and trash hauling included in the price? Ask for a “broom clause.” It makes the contractor responsible for all cleanup work, including spills and stains. • Oral promises also should be added to the written contract. • A written statement of your right to cancel the contract within three business days if you signed it in your home or at a location other than the seller’s permanent place of business. During the sales transaction, the salesperson (contractor) must give you two copies of a cancellation form (one to keep and one to send back to the company) and a copy of your contract or receipt. The contract or receipt must be dated, show the name and address of the seller, and explain your right to cancel. Keeping Records Keep all paperwork related to your project in one place. This includes copies of the contract, change orders, invoices for materials, and warranties. You also might want to take photographs as the job progresses. These records are especially important if you have problems with your project—during or after construction. Completing the Job: A Checklist • Before you sign off and make the final payment, use this checklist to make sure the job is complete. Check that: • All work meets the standards spelled out in the contract. • You have written warranties for materials and workmanship. • You have proof that all subcontractors and suppliers have been paid. • The job site has been cleaned up and cleared of excess materials, tools, and equipment. • You have inspected and approved the completed work. Avoid the “Home Improvement” Loan Scam Not all contractors operate within the law. Many contractors solicit door-todoor, offer you discounts for finding other customers, only accept cash payments, ask you to get the required building permits, do not list a business number in the local telephone directory, pressure you for an F a s h i o n

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immediate decision, ask you to pay for the entire job upfront, or suggest that you borrow money from a lender the contractor knows. Should you take the contractor up on his offer to arrange financing, read all loan or financing agreements carefully. Without due diligence, you may find yourself signing papers that are a home equity loan instead of financing. The interest rate, points, and fees may be very high and to add insult to injury, the work on your home isn’t done right or hasn’t been completed, and the contractor, who may have been paid by the lender, has little interest in completing the work to your satisfaction. You can protect yourself from inappropriate lending practices by reading all the small print. Don’t agree to a home equity loan if you don’t have enough money to make the monthly payments. Don’t deed your property to anyone. First consult an attorney, a knowledgeable family member, or someone else you trust. Don’t agree to financing through your contractor without shopping around and comparing loan terms. Where to Complain If you have a problem with your home improvement project, first try to resolve it with the contractor. Many disputes can be resolved at this level. Follow any phone conversations with a letter you send by certified mail. Request a return receipt. That’s your proof that the company received your letter. Keep a copy for your files. If you can’t get satisfaction, consider contacting the State and/or City licensing agencies to file a complaint. If all other mediation methods fail, a small claims court—depending on the dollar amount at stake—may be your only hopes of resolution. Never leave a home renovation project up to someone else. Although trade professionals can guide you, ultimately it is your living space. Putting what you want out of your renovation in writing leaves very little to subjective interpretation. This is your dream, your vision; so be a part of it, and by following proven guidelines, it hopefully won’t turn into a nightmare. [IF] Diana Braun is the owner and lead designer of Cosmopolitan Kitchen & Bath located at 291 Burnside Avenue in Lawrence, NY. She can be reached at 516-569-8453.

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[ A New Look for a Familiar Name ] By: Derek Saker

Director of Communications at OHEL OHEL Marks 40th Milestone with New Logo and New Branding

HEL Children’s Home and Family Services is a well known brand, an organization that for over 40 years has strengthened the community and whose reputation of clinical expertise and dedicated care are well recognized by both the community and regulatory agencies. While the embryonic calling of OHEL was in providing safety and loving Jewish foster homes for abused and neglected Jewish children, today OHEL meets the diverse social needs of the community through a comprehensive umbrella of pioneering programs and services. Whether providing comfort and love for a foster child, rebuilding the life of an abused woman, cultivating independence amongst developmentally disabled individuals, nurturing social skills and enabling dating opportunities for those managing mental illness, or providing groundbreaking professional training for clinicians, OHEL has transformed the communal social services landscape. Given this exponential growth of OHEL services, and increasingly diversified mission, OHEL has begun a rebranding effort to further articulate the breadth of services provided by an organization that serves thousands of individuals and families in need every day. OHEL’s new branding configures the organization into OHEL Foster Care, OHEL Bais Ezra, OHEL Mental Health Services, OHEL Lifetime Care, and OHEL Institute for Training.

OHEL Foster Care provides loving Jewish foster and adoptive homes for the most vulnerable in our community, as well as 46

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comprehensive support services for foster children and the OHEL foster family. From the early to senior years, OHEL Bais Ezra provides a range of residential and out-patient habilitative services for children and adults with developmental disabilities. OHEL Mental Heath Services provides a range of psychiatric services, community education, and counseling services for children, adolescents, and adults. OHEL Lifetime Care ensures high quality care of clients beyond the lifetime of their parents and provides homecare solutions for senior citizens. The OHEL Institute of Training is recognized as a leader in advanced professional education and provides seminars and workshops throughout the year for both clinicians and lay members of the community. Moishe Hellman, President of OHEL, reflects that, “While we are mindful of OHEL’s notable accomplishments of the past 40 years, we recognize the increasing community needs for tomorrow.” OHEL hopes the new branding will drive increased awareness, value, and recognition of OHEL’s work. As Norman B. Gildin, Chief Development Officer at OHEL, comments, “Many in the community are unaware of the enormity of OHEL programs which receive little to no government funding and are solely reliant on our fundraising efforts. Where there is a need, there is OHEL—whether government funded or not.” OHEL’s new tag line of “Elevating Lives Every Day” speaks to the gamut of services provided and is deliberately results-centered. As Derek Saker, OHEL’s Director of Communications, conveys, “Our 1,500 devoted and professional staff and volunteers don’t just come to work; they come to listen, to care, to help in each life situation, working to elevate the life of that individual or family.” OHEL’s new logo developed with NYC Branding and Design House, F a s h i o n

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Red Rooster, embraces the concept of “elevating lives” and creatively integrates an uplifted individual who forms the letters of “OHEL.” Importantly, the new logo and tag helps to position OHEL as a social service provider that meets the needs of typical individuals and families faced by any number of life challenges— not just those facing a disability or some monumental crisis. In addressing these needs, OHEL recently opened its new flagship center in Far Rockaway—The Elly & Brochie Kleinman OHEL Regional Family Center located at 156 Beach 9th Street Far Rockaway. OHEL continues to expand its reach in New Jersey, New York, and South Florida. David Mandel, CEO of OHEL, comments that, “So much of OHEL’s work lies in breaking down stigmas within the community. From stigma associated with someone with a mental illness who is looking to find employment, of parents of a sexually abused child who wish to report abuse, of the sister of a developmental disabled brother looking to get married, or of an abused wife looking to rebuild her life and social standing—these are but some of the many callings of OHEL.” As much as stigma is about the wrong impression, OHEL believes the new branding will not only better articulate the gamut of services it provides, but better impact its message and a forthcoming antistigma campaign promises to stimulate the conversation. [IF] OHEL Children’s Home and Family Services is a pioneering social services agency that is marking its 40th milestone this year. From the early to senior years, OHEL delivers a breadth of community services through OHEL Bais Ezra, OHEL Lifetime Care, OHEL Foster Care, OHEL Mental Health Services, and the OHEL Institute for Training. OHEL provides innovative and cuttingedge programs and services for individuals and families at risk, and individuals with developmental or psychiatric disabilities, in both residential and out-patient settings. With close to 100 residences and apartments, OHEL services have been consistently ranked #1 by New York City. Touching the lives of thousands of individuals at every stage, and every day, OHEL’s professional services are available throughout New York, New Jersey, and South Florida.

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[ The Fundraiser’s Chavrusa ] By: Moshe Kinderlehrer

recently sat with a friend of mine who is the executive director of a well known institution. We sat and talked warmly about the challenges we’re both facing, traded war stories on events and finding honorees, discussed our board, lay leadership issues, etc. As the hour passed, I decided to go a bit further in our schmoozing. I started to push him about his fundraising goals for the year. I asked him what he was telling his board about 2010 and if he was predicting a rise in donations. I asked him if he felt that he was working at 100 percent and what he needed to get him there. Did he need to hire an associate director to help with younger donors or events? Where was he lacking? What were his goals for the year, what were his plans for 2010, and how did he plan to achieve them? I hit him with question after question and he was soon reeling under the onslaught. Critical Upon Request Why was I asking all this? Why was I being the biggest nosybody, yenta, and critic all rolled into one? Simply because he asked me to. Although I don’t claim to be a leading fundraising expert, I will say that I have learned a few things (a lot of NOT todos…but also some things to do) over the past 11+ years in the field. This was not

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the first time that I have been asked by other development directors/fundraisers/ executive directors to spend some time with them and critically review their methods, tactics, and approaches. The Fundraiser’s Chavrusa I call this practice the fundraising chavrusa and it’s something I recommend for all in this field. I include lay-leaders and board members in this recommendation as well. Over the years I’ve engaged in a number of these “chavrusas” of varying durations with fellow fundraisers. Some I’ve met with monthly, some twice a year, and some don’t stop calling me. I do draw the line when one of my “partners” asks me to draft their organization’s High Holy Day mailing…just as a favor for a friend of course. Sure, I’ve tried to call some of these interactions “consulting sessions” or “professional development and mentoring” and attempted to bill for my time, but have found this difficult to achieve. I am admittedly, too nice sometimes… and I guess that’s partly why I am not on anyone’s major gifts hit list. Truth be told, I’ve enjoyed all of these interactions to varying degrees and often feel that I gain tremendously from dishing out constructive criticism, attacking their closely held assumptions, and helping F a s h i o n

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them prepare and plan for their board meetings and major gift solicitations. On a simple level, interacting like this reminds me clearly of my own goals, todos, and strategic plans. Even better than a reminder, these conversations put into clear focus everything that I need to do and be thinking about. Often when I am offering constructive criticism to others, I know that I am speaking to myself as well. It is so easy to criticize someone else’s operation, but I always keep in mind where the criticism is coming from and where it’s really being directed at. For this alone, these relationships are worth it. Enough with the self-mussar for now. The Lonely Fundraiser However, I believe that there is another element that is important in these relationships. That is, simply put, the need for friendship. What I will say next may seem strange, but it’s something that I believe to be true. Oftentimes, the best fundraisers who excel in building the strongest relationships and even close friendships with their donors and neighbors are often among the loneliest people out there. They’re not lonely because they lack “friends” per se. They often have many friends and usually many “close” friends as well. In fact, they are often masters at the art of making and keeping friends. But when it comes (continued on page 50)

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down to it, they often have few people to share what it is they are going through as a fundraiser. They often don’t have many real friends that they can truly and deeply share their professional ups and downs with. I am not saying this about all fundraisers and I think that some are better than others at dealing with this issue, but the fact remains that once your job consists of figuring out increasingly sophisticated ways to separate people’s money from their pocketbooks for good causes (with only the promise of a mitzvah earned and perhaps some Olam HaBa–World To Come–thrown in), you are always going to be a bit different from your average lawyer, doctor, banker, accountant, and teacher. Even Fundraisers Need Friends So us fundraisers need good, true friends in our field to be able to share with at times. In the words of Pirkei Avos 1:6, “Acquire for yourself a friend,” we see that it’s not only just a good idea but in fact a religious imperative as well. Although we’ve all heard, read, or learned this maxim, who

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really thinks that making friends is a Jewish law? Well, clearly it is. Many commentators explain why friendship is so important and there are indeed many answers. Perhaps the simplest is the Rambam who says succinctly: “A man must befriend someone who loves him because if he achieves this, all of his actions and affairs will be improved.” As an anonymous Sage said (in Taanis 23a), “Either friendship, or death,” (referring to Choni Hame’agel’s (The Circle Drawer) death after sleeping for 70 years, waking, and not being recognized by anyone, and being absolutely alone in this new, unfamiliar world. The Rambam doesn’t talk about the need for the friend to “improve” his fellow man or offer constructive criticism. Rather, just having a friend will lead to these improvements. So friendship is really important (especially if the flipside is death) and we need these “chavrusas” with friends who can truly understand and appreciate all of our challenges. It is also clear to me that the best friends are those that can truly understand your respective strengths, talents, flaws, and foibles.

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To all my fundraising “chavrusas,” I look forward to our next meeting or call and to what advice or constructive criticism you are bringing to me and hopefully, what I am bringing to you. I relish the chance to deepen our relationship and learn from you about what I myself need to be more serious about. But be aware that I am not giving you my list of major donors and how to get to them. Even the closest friendships have limits. [IF] Moshe Kinderlehrer is currently the Director of Development of American Friends of Table to Table Israel, Israel’s Food Rescue Network. Prior to that, he was a nonprofit and fundraising consultant with over a decade of experience working for and with a wide variety of nonprofits. He is also an ordained Orthodox rabbi (Yeshiva University/RIETS) and holds an MA in Politics from NYU and may one day get a Ph.D in Political Economy. He resides in Bergen County, NJ, with his wife and four children. He enjoys talking about development and fundraising with all who ask but prefers that you call after business hours.

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[ Ohr Naava ] By: Riki Wagh

’mon, admit it. Everyone likes to name drop a little and say they were at that party where so-and-so was. You know which events I’m talking about. In this case, it was Ohr Naava’s Welcome Home Auction Event which took place on December 9. The party was a smash hit, really the party of the year. The results were spectacular. A substantial amount of money was raised, community awareness of our amazing cause was successfully achieved, and an awesome time was had by all. But while we’re being honest here, what we all really want to know is, WHO WON THE HORSE! The event theme of the all-day affair was “Welcome Home.” The party was held at the exquisite “home” of Hennie and Yossi Rubin in an effort to portray the importance of our Ohr Naava foundation, a “home away from home” for women who are looking to grow and share in spiritual development at any stage of life. We

wanted to throw the ultimate party. We started with an unforgettable evening at the pre-auction viewing for men only the night before. Although Ohr Naava is an organization dedicated primarily to women, men need chizuk, guidance, and inspiration as well, and as Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein is the founder and backbone of Ohr Naava, who better to give it to them? The food for the evening was catered by the talented Binyomin Grossman of Kikar Shabbos. A broad range of fine wine tasting presented by Avi Kadosh of Schnapps Wines & Liquors was elevated by our very own gifted food stylist Etty Deutsch who always brings something pretty to the table! The day activities for the women included breathtaking entertainment featuring premier chefs from the Kosher Culinary Institute showing off their culinary talents. Tammy Polacek wowed us with her floral arrangements and DIY demonstration. Lisa Elefant met with

single women to help them find their path to build their home, (while Lisa may help build homes, our gracious host, Mr. Rubin does the same!). Guests placed their bids on the many luxurious live auction items including vacations to Italy, Florid, and Israel, a baby nurse, a two-year Skyline Leasing car lease, all-expense-paid shopping expeditions, and a horse and buggy (my nickname for the Bugaboo)! Amidst the bevy of auctions and benefits that seem to regularly fill the social calendars of all who live in our area, the Ohr Naava Welcome Home Auction Event stood out as the true achiever of an important mission. The day brought together a great place of conversation, sharing, and understanding. How apropos it is that this event was organized by all different types of women to benefit, you guessed it, all different types of women. OHR NAAVA is truly a woman’s best friend and from their intelligent board to their community members, it distinguished itself as what it claims to be: a force to be reckoned with and a strong, meaningful institution of spiritual growth and Ahavas Torah. Thanks to Hennie Rubin for allowing over 800 women to (continued on page 54) A full house with all eyes on Tammy Polatshek, as she reveals the art of floral design.

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(L to R) Malky Safrin, Goldy Stern, Elisheva Perlman and Chavie Alter, taking delight in hosting the crowd

Malky Zicherman sending one lucky winner off to Italy

Building Homes, Building Lives’ the Founder and Director of Ohr Naava, Rabbi Wallerstein (R) in discussion with our host Yussie Rubin(L).

Rivky Tepler (R) and Nitza Loketch (L), two of the event auction committee hostesses, greeting the guests at the all day auction event.

Lisa Elefant(L), Ohr Naava’s in house Shadchen, working through her schedule meeting girls at the event, with Goldy Zwick (R) who assisted in arranging the appointments.

Nitza Loketch (L) and Esti Lapidus (center), the events decorators, unwind over a cup of soup

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Etty Deutch, auction hostess and food stylist for the pre auction wine night event, made sure to take a copy of InFashion to read after the event was over.

Estee Wallerstein (L) announces “…and the Jackpot winner is…” as Elisheva Perlman (R), the Organizer of the Welcome Home Auction helps the crowd listen in

grace her home in order to help Ohr Naava raise money for its mission. Don’t get me wrong, there were also loads of people-watching fun. The clothing was extraordinary (was anybody able to count just how many fur vest there were?! And that one “CHICK” in that fabulous caramel colored leather skirt was stunning—sorry I just couldn’t resist!). The decor of the house was outrageously beautiful, with unbelievable moldings and gorgeous stained glass windows. The party planning done by Esty Lapidas and Nitza Loketch was feminine chic, upscale but not overdone. As Goldy would say, “This one was just right.” (Locks, not to be confused with Goldy Stern, who did a fabulous job of handing out the brochures to schools and stores, twice!) The theme of the eye catching work of the art brochure was created by a work of art herself, Elisheva Perlman (if you know her, you know what I mean—she’s colorful and full of personality with depth that captures your attention and keeps you focused, and boy did she have her work cut out for her, heading our auction and planning meetings, trying to do exactly 54

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that!). It featured different frames with pictures of the prize packages and their descriptions inside. This idea was brought to life at the actual auction by the hands of Chavie Alter, who actually stapled, glued, and ruined her manicure (I took notice and felt for you Chavie!), assembling these frames to perfection. Even the morning rain couldn’t keep the thousands of people our resident PR guru Rivky Tepler invited away. Everyone loves a good party, but without organization, little can be accomplished. Malky Safrin was our prized gem who simplified the planning process and diligently dedicated herself to making all aspects a success, with her creative and fashionable flair. She worked closely with Avivit Mikhli, who ran all the presale calls, orders, and ticket processing, working until all hours of the night for many, many nights. Our other Malky (Zicherman) was in charge of the unique service part of the auction and got people to get creative in how they donate their time and talents, ranging from tax help to wardrobe assistance, from baking a kugel to a session of hypnosis! It was a riot! F a s h i o n

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And of course we can’t forget about the food, even if we tried. We delighted in teaser tastes of Shmuly Friedman of Posh New York Events’ food—the up and coming delicious Brooklyn caterer. I admit that the tiny quiches and cupladen soups by Batya Kahn from Batya’s Kitchen were divine and left you feeling all warm inside, which was precisely what Ohr Naava aimed to achieve! I’ve taken you a bit behind the scenes and you can surely get an idea of how hard we all worked. Some might even say we worked like a horse. But only the new owner of a horse can be sure if that’s true. So if you still want to know exactly who that is, we’ll give you the tiniest bit of work: just click on OHRNAAVA.COM to find out more about the horse and how you can get involved. [IF] Riki Wagh is the owner and designer of the women’s clothing store CHICK. She wrote this article because she feels that being involved is better than not being involved. Being accomplished and accomplishing something are not the same thing. It’s important to help out in the way you can.

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[ Social Media Part II: Where Do I Start? ] By: Leah Helfgott

You may have read our previous story, entitled “I Use the Web, But What’s This Twitter? The Social Media Revolution Explained,” where we explored the impact of social media in politics, business, and culture. Here we take a practical look at social media, offering you and your company or organization a guide on how to get started with your own social media campaign.

o doubt about it, it’s been a tough year. From back offices to board rooms, everyone’s been feeling the pinch. And somehow, suddenly, there just isn’t a whole lot of money for getting

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your message out. Ads and direct mail campaigns are too pricey and maybe you’ve been eyeing the Internet as an inexpensive option. Indeed, you realize, people are flocking in droves toward social media, and isn’t it time you get on the bandwagon? Yes, it is time. If you have a website, it is almost assumed at this point that you also have some of those social media icons on it. You know, the blue “f ” for Facebook, the aqua “t” for Twitter, and maybe an icon for a Blog. And if you don’t have a website yet, you’re probably thinking it’s cheaper to start with social media. It is. F a s h i o n

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But where do you start? First, it’s important to know a few things about social media—what it is, and what it isn’t: Social Media Is: Social media is a good way to increase your exposure. People who have never heard of you before will now be shown your work, products, or services. This is a great thing! Be ready to answer questions about what you do, and to hear some feedback, both negative and positive. And remember, make sure you are always presenting yourself the way you want to be presented.

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Social media is personal. You will get the most out of social media if you show some elements of your own personality and even some glimpses into your own life. If you are just announcing the latest sale, people will begin to treat your messages as spam. They will simply turn you off. If, however, you are funny, witty, or quirky, people will be drawn to your message through the magnetism of your personality. That said, for the good of humanity, please do not post your conversations with your therapist. Social media is fun. You may find yourself meeting some very interesting people, following links to sites you never saw before, learning new things, and having great conversations. If it isn’t fun—make it fun! Social Media Is Not: Social media is not a one-shot deal. If you commit to running a blog or a Facebook or Twitter account, you must keep it active or all your efforts will essentially amount to nothing. And nobody likes to find a dead end—a blog with outdated posts, a

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Twitter account with just two tweets, or a Facebook account with no posts at all. If you’re in the game, you need to be in it all the way. Social media is not a quick road to success. Unless you are already very famous, you won’t have a thousand people paying attention to you overnight. Your social media presence will take time to develop. A good way to look at social media is 1-3 months at a time. Social media is not free. There is overhead, labor, and potential expenses involved (depending on what you plan to do). Indeed, the biggest cost is probably labor, as you will likely spend a lot of time on it. A good campaign refreshes its message regularly, so you may find yourself quite busy. Social media is not a quick road to prosperity. Yes, social media will raise awareness of your brand or cause, but, as the old saying goes, “You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” Thus, you may have amassed hundreds of fans on Facebook, but they still may not buy your product or donate to your cause. There is no guarantee. But don’t despair;

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we will discuss strategies for engaging people a little later on. Now that you have the basics, your first step is to make sure you have a URL (Uniform Resource Locator—the address of a webpage). It can be a website or a blog. Either one will do. But there is no point in generating interest and then leaving people hanging with no place to go. So make sure you get a URL first. If you already have a website, a blog is a good place to start with social media. It will create the “less formal” persona of your company or organization and be the base of your social media campaign. How Do I Start a Blog? There are several free websites that make it very easy for you to start your own blog. The most popular by far are Blogger.com and WordPress.com. If you just want to get your messages out and aren’t particular about design, then either one of these sites will be fine. If, however, you are technically-oriented, or you think you may want to customize the features or the look of your blog, you (continued on page 60)

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may want to look a little closer at the different possibilities with each. If you need help making this decision, know that there are 17 million Google search results for “blogger vs. wordpress.” If this sounds daunting, don’t worry; just pick one and start. You can always transfer your data later. Since we happen to love WordPress, let’s walk you through a typical WordPress signup. We are doing this to show you that it’s really fairly simple: • •

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Go to wordpress.com and click on the link that says “Sign up now.” Fill out a Username, a Password (confirm it), and your Email Address. (Yes, this needs to be a real one!) Make sure to agree to the Legal Terms. Check “Gimme a Blog!” Click the “Next” button.

On the next page, you will be asked to confirm your desired URL. Note that your URL will end with “…wordpress.com.” This is because we have opted to show you the simplest kind of blog—the type that is hosted by WordPress. This means you do not have to pay for a domain name or hosting services in order to have a blog. If you aren’t sure, just go with us on this one. You can always buy a domain name and hosting services later. • •

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Confirm your blog title (which can always be changed later). Tell Wordpress what language you want (leave the default if you will use English). Make a quick decision about Privacy. If you want to spread your message wide, leave the default setting. This will keep your blog public. Click “Sign up!”

The next page will ask you to check your email. In your Inbox, you should have a message from WordPress confirming your registration. Click on the link in the email. It will take you to a confirmation page. Click on “View Your Site.” And that’s it! You now have your very own blog! 60

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How Do I Post to My Blog? To post to your blog, you must be logged into what we call the “back-end.” This is the part of the site that your readers don’t see. It’s where you edit your posts, upload your photos, make changes, etc. Your site should have a link to “Log in.” In WordPress, you can always go to your URL in the browser and add “/wp-admin” at the end of it to get to a login prompt. To continue the WordPress example: When you log in, you will be taken to your Dashboard. Note the left side column of options. Find the Posts dropdown on the left side and click on the down arrow. You will see the options to Add New and Edit. In this case, you want to Edit the first post, which WordPress put in as a default. It is called “Hello World.” Click on it to edit it. There you have a nice text box where you can enter your title and another one for your text. When you are done editing, click “Update” on the right side. WordPress will save your first post. View it by clicking in the yellow message box where it says “Post Updated. View Post” or you can always use the “Visit Site” link on the top left, or open a new window with your blog’s URL. And that’s basically it. You can now post away! What Do I Post? Your posts will depend on who you are and the message you want to send out. For instance, if you are a non-profit, you may want to post updates of funds you have raised as you move toward your campaign goal. Or you may want to highlight the stories of individuals you have helped. Another idea is to post information about events you are running, and then display photos after the event takes place. If you are a business, you might want to post sales, special discount codes, or info about upcoming new products. You could also showcase customer testimonials that maybe didn’t fit on your website. Another option is to run contests and giveaways through your blog, and we’ll discuss this a little later on. First get your blog up and running, post to it often, and then we can get fancy with some social media magic. Whatever you post, make sure you use proper grammar and spelling and include important keywords in your blog. And

remember to keep the blog active so you can start on the next stage of your social media campaign. Beyond Blogs Now that you have a URL, you’re ready to start sending people to it. Both Facebook and Twitter make it very easy to meet new people and create links to your site, so either one will do. However, the two sites function differently and it’s important to know how they work. Facebook If you are a business or organization, Facebook is now requiring that you use a Fan Page, and not a regular friend account. To start a Fan Page, go to www.facebook. com/pages/create.php. The signup process is pretty easy, especially if you are already comfortable with Facebook. Once the account is set up, follow these simple steps to get started: First, you will want to enter in lots of information about your company or organization. Include your mission, your offerings, and most importantly, your URL/s. Second, you should post photos for your profile image and in the Photos tab. Upload images of your logo, your events, or your products. Next, you will want to start posting to your wall. Write a few short posts with links to your URL or just to get a conversation going so it doesn’t look bare. When all of this is done, it’s time to start to gathering fans. How Do I Get Fans? The first, most obvious place to start is your own personal Facebook account. Here, we will assume that you have one and that you have a bunch of Facebook Friends. • • •

Log out of the Fan Page and log into your personal account. Search at the top right for your new Fan Page. When you find it, view the page, and click “Become a Fan” at the top. You are now a fan of your company or organization’s page. (continued on page 62)

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Now look under the image on the left. There should be a link to “Suggest to Friends.” Click “Suggest to Friends” and start telling all your Facebook Friends about this new page you just started for your company or organization.

This should get you started with your circle of people you know. To add more people, ask your friends and fans to use the “Suggest to Friends” link, just as you did. Put a link on your website or blog to your new Facebook page. Insert a Facebook link in your mass emails. Soon your fan base will grow, and it will include a good number of people you don’t even know. When you post to your wall, all your fans will see your messages on their homepage. This is how you use Facebook to increase awareness of your brand or cause. Facebook works best if you already have many personal friends on Facebook, if you already have customers, clients, or donors who use Facebook (which is likely—they just need to be told that you are now on Facebook), and if you post items regularly to the page. Twitter Twitter is also very easy to set up. Start by going to www. twitter.com. Fill in their simple form, and in just a few short minutes, you will have your very own Twitter account. Then, here’s what you want to do: First, make sure you have your URL in your profile’s top right corner. People are almost guaranteed to click on it the first time they come to your page. Next, you should upload a photo for your profile. This is very important so people know you’re active. Lastly, you might want to play around with your background design and colors, but it truly isn’t terrible if you just pick one of their templates. And now you’re ready to starting tweeting. It’s worth mentioning here that Twitter is a little different from Facebook. You still have a homepage, where you view what other people are saying, but there are no “comments” or trails of conversation. Instead, each “tweet” is a separate entity. 62

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Also, you may post as often as you like, but you must keep it within 140 characters. And if you like something someone said, you don’t click “like” (as in Facebook). Instead, you “re-tweet” it. In other words, you repeat what they said to all your followers. If this all sounds too scary, don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it soon enough.

they’re into, what they re-tweet. Chat with them about random things that will endear you to them as a real-life friend, not just a faceless part of the machine. This will go far in terms of gathering more followers. And as more and more people get to know you and your brand or cause, your number of followers will climb higher and higher.

How Do I Get Followers? Twitter lends itself very well to meeting random strangers interested in the same thing. The best way to join this conversation is to search for people who tweet about your area of interest. Pick some keywords related to your work and enter them into the Search button on the right side of your homepage. Alternatively, you can go to http://search.twitter.com and search there. When you find some good people (and there doesn’t need to be an exact match!), click the “Follow” link on their profile. If you are “following” them, it means you will see their tweets in your homepage. Read what they say and decide if you like it. At any time, you can go to their profile and “Unfollow” them. As you begin to follow people, people will start to follow you. Anyone you follow will be able to see you in their list of followers and will most likely receive an instant email message that you are now following them. (This is a default Twitter setting.) If they read their email, they now know about you. They will probably check you out by visiting your profile and clicking on your URL. Bingo. This is where complete strangers find out about your company or organization. If they like what you say, they will click to “follow” you. This means that your every tweet will appear in their homepage when they are logged into their Twitter account. It’s true, they may not be logged in all day. And your tweets are mixed in with every other person they follow. But you’ll see that many people are, indeed, actively reading their homepage and are very likely to see your tweets. And when people like what you say, they will re-tweet it to their followers who may, in turn, re-tweet it to their followers. Your goal is to use your twitter account to direct people to your website or blog. However, along the way, you should also be making friends. Get to know the people who follow you. See what they like, what

Engaging People Here’s where our thinking gets a little more sophisticated. So you have a blog, a Facebook account, and a Twitter account. And you are posting to all three. Now what? First, know that the best social media campaigns connect all three. This means that a user of one of them should be offered links to the other two. And if you have a website or e-newsletter, all three of your social media links should appear there as well. Second, it’s probably not a good idea to post exactly the same thing to all three places. This will get boring, and people will find out quickly that it is all the same stuff. Keeping separate content has other benefits too: You can easily offer Facebook-only discounts, or Twitter-only giveaways—which can give an extra boost to numbers in one place or the other. Next, consider your goals and set them realistically. For instance, you may want to see how fast your follower list is growing in Twitter and then decide that your goal will be X number of followers by the end of the month. Another way to set goals is to expect social media to increase your URL’s unique visitors. Thus, if you have Google Analytics or another type of tracking software, you can set your goals based on increased traffic. You may even want to set goals related to actual dollar amounts. However, be realistic, as social media takes time (and trust) to bring in actual conversions.

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Be Clever It’s important to be creative. There are many people “listening” to you. What you do with them is up to you. You can run activities, offer games, or ask people to do things. Engage with them and listen to them. One great way to engage with people

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and increase your numbers is to run contests or giveaways. Facebook has recently released new rules regarding running contests on their site. (See their guidelines at http://www.facebook.com/ promotions_guidelines.php.) Basically, they don’t allow them unless you have their express permission and use a thirdparty application. However, your own blog and Twitter are excellent places for such contests and giveaways. Here is how a blog contest typically works: You decide what the prize is. It can be a discount, a free product, or anything that will entice users to join the contest. You decide what constitutes an entry into the contest. The best contests are when users have to go to your URL and comment on something in order to enter. You may ask them to comment on an article, a product, their favorite post, anything. This makes sure they see your site. Then you use their comment as their entry. You decide on additional entries. For users who want more entries into the contest, you offer such options as: • • •

Fan us on Facebook (2 additional entries) Follow us on Twitter (3 additional entries) Sign up for our newsletter (5 additional entries)

You set a date for the ending of the contest. You announce the contest and all the rules on your blog and make sure to mention it in all your other media as well. When a user enters the contest, they first look at your URL and then comment about it on your blog page where you posted the contest rules. That is their first entry. Then, if they decide to go for some of the others, they comment again on your blog to tell you that they fanned you on Facebook or followed you on Twitter, etc. You take their word for it (unless you really want to check) and then enter them in your list of entries the number of times they qualify for. One entry per line works best. When your contest is over, you number your list of entries. You use a site like 64

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Random.org to randomly select a winning entry. You announce the winner on the blog and ask the winner to contact you to claim their prize. If the prize is an actual item, and the winner is in the US, you are usually expected to ship it for free. However, your rules may state whatever you like. Just stick to your rules, everyone will have fun, and nobody will complain. You would be surprised at how many people participate in—and run—these kinds of contests. They are a very popular and fun way to gather more people to your social media campaign and call attention to your site. One concern is that some of the people who join the contest may be in it just for the chance to win, and not really interested in your topic long-term. This is okay. As long as the medium spreads your message to more people, it’s great. Other creative strategies include polling your fans, offering to display their photos or videos, running a “design our new X contest,” and hosting Twitter parties with giveaways. There are many other clever ideas out there. Once you get your social media up and running, take a look at what other companies or organizations are doing to engage their fans. Ready? If you’ve read this article, we estimate that you can get started with your own social media campaign in half an hour. You’ll have a blog, a Facebook account, a Twitter account, and even some posts. However, what you do with your social media will be what makes the difference. If you leave your Twitter account inactive, or make spelling mistakes all over your blog, you are not likely to gather folks around your message. If, however, you take your social media seriously, and think strategically, you can grow your numbers exponentially. And if you tie your social media to your emails and website, you will find your message spreading faster than ever before—and you might just meet some interesting people along the way. Welcome to the world of social media. Go for it and have fun! [IF] Leah Helfgott is Designer and Social Media Specialist at i-Point Web Design (i-pointwebdesign.com). She may be contacted at leah@i-pointwebdesign.com or at her newest Twitter account: @ipointwebdesign. F a s h i o n

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[ Ask The Shadchan ] By: Yisrael Friedman

Two months ago my son went through a serious parsha where he was ready to commit to marry a certain girl, but unfortunately she decided not to go through with it. It seems like he was emotionally scarred by the whole ordeal. He went out with one other girl since, and it was a complete disaster. Now he seems to be constantly thinking about this first girl and it seems as though he is not getting over this emotional distress. Any eitzah you can give us how to move on? –Chava B., Brooklyn, NY

ot a month goes by where a boy can’t be found on my front steps stooped and halfway in tears saying things like, “You don’t get it—she was the one!” or “My soul mate is gone—I’m never getting married.” Ten out of ten times the boy gets engaged to another wonderful girl a bit later down the road. Dating is an emotional roller coaster and young boys and girls, and often their parents as well, have to cope with rejection worse than any disappointment they had ever had to encounter thus far. Getting turned down by a boy/girl that you are ready to commit to is not only heart wrenching; sometimes it also keeps a child from opening up in future relationships. Nevertheless, the show will go on. My advice to you is to let your child take a break from dating for a week or two at the very least so he can heal and become ready

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to go into the next parsha with an open mind. One mother called me the night her daughter ended a two-month-long saga with a boy and said, (thick Hungarian accent), “NUUUU, vhats next? Ve must get moving on Raizy right away. She just ended a langa parsha vith a boy and she really needs a date right now to get her mind off of dis mesheegana!” Needless to say, the next date she went out with (that very same week) was a complete disaster. Raizy started crying in the middle of the date remembering the last boy and what an amazing person he is. A very prestigious balabos told me that the period when his children were in shidduchim was the most humbling time of his life. Many of the families he thought would be suitable for his child to be mishadech into turned him down for one reason or another. Sometimes the rejection was from families he thought were beneath his own stature. And the reality is that often people whose children have just entered into shidduchim have very unrealistic expectations for their child. As one absurd mother of a boy once told me, “Our son needs to live very comfortably. He appreciates the finer things in life. He would also like to start off learning for the first maybe seven years or so. He also loves to travel, so we need a girl who is worldly. Has she ever been to F a s h i o n

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Europe?” Slowly but surely, people realize how unreasonable they are and begin to lower their expectations while broadening their horizons. My following word of advice comes from close encounters with shidduchim driven depression and aggravation. When your child is in the parsha, it is very important to be super sensitive to their needs. Shidduchim can be a wonderful experience if you maintain a healthy perspective and a supportive relationship with your child. Saying things like, “What are you doing wrong?” or “Why are we having such a hard time?” are counterproductive and can often deal a brutal blow to your child’s self esteem; it is detrimental to the whole shidduch process. You are your child’s best advocate. Don’t push them up too high lest they may fall down. On the other hand, believe in them. Instill in them the self confidence that they have all the qualities it takes to find their basherte. You will most certainly be right. [IF]

Yisrael Friedman is a full time shadchan for Connections, the Shidduch division of Gateways. For questions or interesting and funny dating stories to be published in future articles, please email yfriedman@gatewaysonline.com. For all shidduchim inquiries, email connections@gatewaysonline.com.

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