 
imagine Issue 4 • October 2014
Assertiveness and Resilience: the keys to coping La Mia kitchenette offers salted caramel
Gay parents and adoption the new frontier
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FEATURES 04.
Gay parents and adoption the new frontier
" Food & Nutrition 07
Chicken and lentils with balsamic glaze with Oliver
08
La Mia kitchenette oers salted caramel
" LIFESTYLE " 10
"
Our Attitude Toward Life Determines Life's Attitude Towards Us!
Wellbeing 11
Sex Clinic for Men in London and in St. Albans!
16 Assertiveness and Resilience: the keys to coping"
"
FROM THE EDITOR In this edition the topic of gay parents is topical as the government now for the last year have spear headed the change of adoption services to include applications who are gay, single parents, persons with disabilities and those on benefits to volunteer to be an adopter of children. There are many challenges to adopting but one hurdle that has been removed is the length of time which used to between 2-5 years which used to be absolute headache and stressful for the applicants. Now the process thanks to Minister Gove is now 9 months ensuring a good journey with reduced unnecessary stresses ensuring healthy parents and not ones worn out/burnt out by the process. If you are considering the to apply to become an adopter then the tower hamlets child agency is the best in London and they have open evenings to attend and find out more about the initial processes
" Matt & the team
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Editor In Chief " Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com "
Associate Editor" Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com
Contributing Writer" Phoebe Doyle
Contributing Writer" Brian Morton
Art Director" Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com"
Graphic Artist" Brian Morton
Circulation OďŹƒcer" Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com"
Sales OďŹƒcer" Joe O'Brien
 
Gay parents and adoption the new frontier For some gay men have experienced the joy of parenting through the use of lesbian friends who want to create a family also. Now with adoption being
Eric Smith
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broadened to include, lone parents, people on benefits and gay people this has made the new possibilities amazing and exciting as the acceptance of other family forms other than nuclear are now coming into mainstream thinking. Moving away from the nuclear family has been necessary for a long time why? Because it was never the norm is the first instance. The norm is a collection of types of family that exist to survive. This is our heritage as a race of people that we know how to survive and moving with the tide is essential to survive. Many famous people have not had the nuclear family experience but still it has been peddled as the family type of virtue and aspiration. Gay parenting is one that has been trodden before but not on a mass scale before. The possibilities of discovering new ways of approaching parenting dilemmas are here as with gay parenting comes a fresh approach that does not keep up with the Jones's. After all coming under scrutiny is not new and the journey involves children who may
research about gay parenting is extensive showing that children of gay parents exceed in education compared to the straight counterparts. health of the kids who are raised by gays and those raised by heterosexual parents. The gay couples are the only ones who exempted from the rights and privileges of parenthood. The good part was that the children were not facing any problems which many people thought they would be
also be targeted by prejudice. In
when the children of gay couples
Holland research about gay
were taken from them and given to
parenting is extensive showing that
heterosexual relatives or friends. It
children of gay parents exceed in
has been blindly decided that the
education compared to the straight
gay parenting has any kind of
counterparts with a significant
negative effects on the children.
margin. There are many pros and
There have been various studies
cons to this group but it's the same
that have proved that there are a
with straight parenting give or take
number of positive affects of having
the prejudice. What is important is
gay parents. The children would be
that children know that they are
having high empathy and tolerance
loved and know that life is to be
capacity. Apart from that the child
lived in full viewing life as half full
would accept things and facts very
rather half empty. Gay parenting is
easily. There is a misconception in
one of the things that are not
the minds of most of the people that
accepted in the society very easily.
the gay parenting would be
The gay couples are viewed as an
affecting the sexual preference of
inferior class. The worse thing is
the child. This was one of the
that the children are affected in a
arguments for not accepting gay
major way. It is not just by the
people adopting. But it is important
common man but also law
to spread awareness regarding this,
differentiates between those from
that there is no affect on the child's
straight parents and the children
sexual preference. The study even
having gay parents. If you check the
reveals that there is no difference in
legal records there have been cases
the emotional as well as mental
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facing. Evidence has been collected that proves that the children having gay parents socialise well with other c h i l d re n h a v i n g h e t e ro s e x u a l parents. However, all the evidence goes to waste as long as people remain intolerant quoting Freud as evidence for dysfunction. Children brought buy the gay couples would be having a number of positive affects, but, have to face numerous problems due to the society's behavior towards them. There is a big need to spread the awareness among the common man so that the living of the children and gay p a re n t s b e c o m e s b e t t e r a n d comfortable. It is very important for the society to accept gay couples now or else it would be discouraging them in having children. In fact it is proved that the gay
fathers
are
more
c o m p a s s i o n a t e t o w a rd s t h e i r children, why is this bad stuff?
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imaginemagazines.com
Imagine•
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"
FoodDessert For 4 portions:
by Elisabetta
sheet of baking paper, and a second
Pour into a small jug and allow to
tray on top to prevent from puffing
cool.
cream, 2 tbsps icing sugar, 1 tsp
3. Bake for
15min. Remove the
8. To assemble, place one square of
vanilla extract
tray and paper on top and bake for
puff pastry on a plate, spoon the
an additional 5 minutes, till golden
cream inside a piping bag with a
1 sheet of puff pastry, 300ml double
For the salted caramel sauce: 300ml double cream, 85g unsalted butter,
plain tip, pipe the cream all over the 4. Remove, set aside to cool
pastry. Repeat two more times
5. In a bowl, pour the double cream,
9. Generously dust the top of the
sugar and vanilla. Beat with an
third and last pastry square, with
electric whisk till it forms soft
icing sugar and drizzle the caramel
peaks. Set aside
sauce
6. In saucepan, pour the double
Tip: I have used medium size flower
cream, add the butter and sugar,
cutters, however feel free to make
over a low heat and bring it to the
the shapes you wish.
boil. let it simmer till toffee coloured
"
100g muscovado sugar, 1/4 tsp sea salt Preheat the oven to 170C. 1. Place the puff pastry between two sheets of baking paper. Roll thin and cut 12 squares of 8cm 2. Place the squares on a previously lined baking tray, cover with another
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7. Remove, add the salt, stir well.
 
Interior design bringing relaxation into your life Interior design is putting your identity on a space and calling it your own. It's the hallmark of your life in a moment in time and can say a lot about you. Here at Weeraddana Designs Pradeep will guide your through the process of designing your space with charm and elegance. He will firstly get to know you and then your desires for your space. Getting to know a client even for the shortest of time is his skill in being able to deliver the design of your dreams.
Next to buying a
home is the stress of designing, decorating and furnishing it but here at Weeraddana Designs we take that pressure of you and guide you with ease through to the finished product. For contact pradeep@imaginemagazines.com
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The natural beauty of this world can bring together ethic design, bringing together colour and vitality of living to be used in your space
"
Our Attitude Toward Life Determines Life's Attitude Towards Us! By David H Evans
Determine to live your life with purpose and passion.
There's a well-known quote that goes "Our attitude
far better than you believe. Take a walk if you are
toward life determines life's attitude towards us."
frustrated. Just look at life as you walk until the
Attitudes do make a difference. Salesmen using the ideal
disappointment is out of your system. Determine to live
attitude beat their sales quotas; students using the
your life with purpose and passion.
proper attitudes make A's. Suitable attitudes pave the
where you wish your life to go and all which you would
way to a truly happy married life. Correct attitudes make
like to accomplish. Get a clear vision, to ensure that
you powerful in coping with other people to ensure that
you've got some thing to reach for. When you have got
it is possible to be effective as a leader. Among the very
your objectives firmly established, then you'll be able to
first qualities men and women notice when they meet
turn your new positive attitudes into action.
you is what you attitude is towards whatever you're
method for sustaining the proper attitude. Prepare your
responsible for. If your attitudes are negative, then you
self to deal with any difficult scenarios that may well
might want to undergo an "attitude tune-up”. Fully grasp
threaten your attitudes and throw you off course. You
the importance of attitude. Your attitude impacts every
ought to create some self-motivation tactics like
little thing you do, feel and say. If you wish to turn your
affirmations, visualization, positive talk, enthusiasm and
attitude about and get into action towards your destiny,
heightened expectations Read books and articles on
you might want to have the ability to resist negative or
these subjects and build understanding and abilities to
pessimistic thoughts that creep into your
boost your attitude.
consciousness. surround your self with positive men and
above, and create attitudes which will transform your life
women, and maintain in mind your ultimate objective of
and assure that you get the success you deserve
achieving the, respect, good results and wealth which you deserve. Opt to remain positive. Power to choose is God given. You are going to encounter some hurdles and encounter some failures in life; but is really crucial that you simply manage how you respond to whatever takes place, and maintain your positive attitude , whilst working towards your objectives. The bible says "I have set before of you blessings and curses, life and death. So choose life" What will likely be your choice? Program" your attitude by training your self to remain upbeat. Identify negative attitudes that continually set you back. Assess your present day attitude and identify aspects of which could be stopping you from becoming prosperous. What are the underlying causes of one's negative attitudes? Remind your self that you simply are
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Reassess exactly
Create a
Follow the five steps outlined
"
Sex Clinic for Men in London and in St. Albans! By Matt Broadway-Horner
This is when a man can’t get it up, or keep, an erection. Most men experience it at some time in their life
and some physical. Psychological issues tend to affect younger men, such as first night nerves and so on. Often, these problems don’t persist. But there can be more serious psychological problems about sex that need the help of a psychosexual therapist. Worries about work, money, your relationship, family, and even worrying about not getting an erection, can all be factors. Physical reasons for erectile dysfunction include: Heart Disease. Diabetes, Raised Blood Pressure, Raised Cholesterol: this can lead to clogging of arteries, including the arteries in the penis, which are very narrow (1-2mm in diameter compared with around 10mm in the heart artery), Low Testosterone: testosterone levels fall as men “Sexual dysfunction is when he’s not able to perform with his sexual partner,” says Matt Broadway-Horner. “The main problem is being unable to get an erection. It’s much more common than people realise. In the 20-40 age group it affects around 7-8% of men, in the 40-50 age group it affects 11%. In the over-60s it affects 40%, and more than half of men over 70”.
Male Sexual
Problems, It can affect any man, whether he is straight, gay, bisexual or transgender. Read more about erectile dysfunction (impotence) and premature ejaculation. Erectile Dysfunction (Impotence), This is when a man can’t get it up, or keep, an erection. Most men experience it at some time in their life. It only becomes a problem when the man or his partner considers it a problem What Causes Erectile Dysfunction? A variety of things cause it. Some psychological
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get older, but not all men are affected by it. Those who are affected will have symptoms such as feeling tired and unfit, and loss of interest in (and inability to have) sex.
For more information on the clinics and how to
book an appointment please call 02074671508
 
Online Bollywood Indian Style Dresses "
The best way to learn about Indian fashion is by watching the celebrities on the television in bollywood Indian style dresses. They are one of those set of people who are always high on trends. And since our Bollywood stars are constantly in the limelight, they indeed have to look stylish through all hours. Moreover these celebs have the responsibility of representing the country at large, they ought to look stunning all this while. This is the reason why our fashion designers constantly strive to make our celebs look like true Bollywood stars. Additionally, these bollywood Indian fashion designers put in their hard work and creativity while designing the Indian dresses for them. And this bollywood Indian style is well appreciated by the masses not only in India but also across the globe. A few of our Bollywood stars have left an impeccable mark on the masses in terms of their Indian Style. To begin with Kareena Kapoor's sexy saree, which she had worn in Chameli, received her accolades from the people. Ladies planned their private parties with dress code: chameli sarees. This was not first time that bollywood clothes created hysteria. Aishwarya Rai's Sarees in Devdas, Sushmita Sen's stunning look in the movie Main Hoon Na, Madhuri Dixit created a mind-blowing impact with her Indian outfits in Hum Apke Hain Kaun. To cut the long story short, these were just a few instances wherein our bollywood stars created a terrific mark on the classes and the masses. Talking about Bollywood Indian style dresses, we cannot forget the pleasing looks of our stars at the time of the award functions. Our bollywood heroines carry Indian dresses in all shades like shimmery orange, blue, hot pinks with utter grace. This earns them insane amount of compliments. But the best part is that now even people like us can avail the benefits of wearing such well-designed outfits by using the option of online shopping. Due to increasing demand of these classy bollywood Indian style dresses not only in India but worldwide more and more websites are coming up and trying to offer variety of bollywood Indian style dresses. www.utsavsarees.com is among few of Indian websites offering wide variety of bollywood style Indian saree, salwar kameez and lehnga cholis for the people miles away from India but are interested in bollywood Indian styles.
"
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Extensions To You and Your Life
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iPads, iPhones Therapy However it can prove difficult to take time off work to see a specialist due to the growing pressures of working in a recession and extensions to you and your life. Bosses are trying to juggle many aspects of the business and simply can’t afford to allow team members to take time off. Or you could be a stay at home parent who is struggling with a problem and don’t know how to manage or cope. Whatever the problem video online therapy will help and be a source of support and encouragement. But why suffer in silence when technology now is better than before and you can contact a specialist via a smartphone, ipad, laptop and desktop through using online service
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Available now payment for therapy from your phone, iPad, s m a r t p h o n e www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/
"
14 • Imagine•
cbtinthecity.com
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"
City living comes with its stresses, slow down and look around what do you notice? Be like a tourist and describe what you notice
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Imagine• cbtinthecity.com• 15
 
Assertiveness and Resilience: the keys to coping
By Matt Broadway-Horner
We are going to look at how to be assertive and develop resilience and bounce back from setbacks on the road to recovery from Depression. Lets look at a simple model of what fuels depression: Diagram 1"
" "
" " " " " " " "
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If we take a look at isolation this being the area that leads you to withdraw from meeting with friends, family and not living to your general ideas of living, then there is the tendency to feel stuck and not moving forward. So lets take a look at one Idea for Living (IFL), this being as a father: I want to be a father that is warm, approachable, consistent with a caring hand to ensure they are loved and know right from wrong. Now the situation is being Depressed and not wanting to get up and face anything-but ask yourself Q: Is being stuck in bed brooding about the couldashoulda-woulda thinking helping to get back to the Idea for Living of fatherhood or am I moving away from my IFL? If the answer is moving away, then ask what steps do you need to take to move toward the Idea for Living for fatherhood. It maybe that you can think of one action and that is better than none and it may surprise you in that the one action may have a domino effect into other actions which then lead to lifting the mood. Ideas for Living areas for consideration: Intimacy, Spirituality, Social, Politics, Mental Health, Parenthood, Leisure, Work
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Self comforting for set backs !
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The ability to self soothe is important when recovering from Depression and so lets take a look at some tips. The road to overcoming Depression is abit like a dance, three steps forward 2 steps back but remember the one step that is covered. The one step that is covered will then be followed by 5, 6 ,7 and so on. The positive data log is useful here in acknowledging the positives and spending 20 minutes daily to review on the large and small things that are positives. Acknowledging the positive is like learning a new language and just like the language muscle takes a while to build. Once built it is then strong and able to hold conversation developing in strength. Lets look now at some positives to build the muscle of balance and view the bigger picture making it strong. Positive data log is like a reality check to see what your achieving every day in line with your Ideas for Living. The reality check is important in Depression as it has a way to darken everything. But when you step back look through the glasses of ‘what If I was not depressed’? and How would I view this?What would a friend say? If I were to look at this from the perspective of a reality show from a lense of a camera what would I see on the TV? Do I wish to edit this view? And act inline with how you would like to be remembered in those situations. These can be useful questions to ask one self when trying to incorporate different perspectives other than the Depressed perspective. Depression is all about paying attention to the negative as though Pandora’s box has been opened and everything including the kitchen sink has been thrown in aaarh!!
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Imagine• cbtinthecity.com• 17
 
But try asking yourself : Is this me talking or the big black dog of Depression talking? If it is the black dog then do what you would normally do when not Depressed. Also try the tourist exercise, first rate your mood out of ten. Ten being bright in mood and zero being low in mood. And then try the exercise.
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Pit Stop Exercise-This exercise is using your senses of looking, smelling, tasting etc and being curious about what you do. No worrying or brooding is allowed here just be in the moment and the next walk you go on then try the Tourist exercise. Then rate your mood again.
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Does your mood improve? Great then you are on the right track and remember you can do it! Good luck
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Pit Stop Exercise- Notice and Describe skill
Just spend 5 minutes now to close your eyes and now focus on your breathing-describe what you notice which maybe your chest rising and falling with each inbreathe. Then focus on how you are seated and the imprint of your body in the chair- the key here is to notice and describe but without making a judgment “ I notice that my hands are resting in my lap and my legs are resting together with both feet on the floor�. Then move your attention to sounds within the room and again describe what you notice. Repeat this for your thoughts and feelings remembering just because you think it or feel it does not mean you have to act on it but just stay in the chair observing your experience with sounds, thoughts and emotions. This 5 minute exercise can be useful in changing your relationship with emotions and intrusive thoughts
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Discovering you already know how to do it!
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The ideas for living are a good place to start as we all want to led our lives in a way that would make ourselves proud and fulfilled. Lets set the scene and look at some examples of Pradeep who is a man separated from his partner after a 17 yr relationship and has become depressed. He is house bound and feels old and life is over! Lets uses some examples by starting with Friendship:I want to be thought of as an easy going friend who enjoys being in the company of others being approachable and consistent as a friend.
Pradeep is waking up constantly through the morning but does not get out of bed until 2pm and he is ignoring calls from friends and family
"
Look at diagram 1
Idea for living: I want to be thought of as an easy going friend who enjoys being in the company of others being approachable and consistent as a friend. Pradeep decides that ignoring the phone is moving away from his idea for living and that he wants to get back to some normality but cannot due to the low horrible feelings of
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depression. But what would happen if Pradeep would acknowledge the low mood but act inline with his IFL?
So here you can see that Pradeep is having to acknowledge the negative automatic thoughts but to treat the thought with some skepticism and move towards the IFL friendship and when thinking of this the first behavioural goal that pops into his mind is he has set to answer the phone the next time it rings.
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In Depression there is no room for spontaneity, is a controlling illness that acts like a thief robbing us of our idea of self and how life is to be lived. So use the Therapy to fit your situation. There is a time to challenge thoughts and find evidence for and against but there is also time to just allow thoughts to be there acting inline with how you want to be thought of and or how you want others to think of you. Ideas for living tap into our sense as human beings as we are wired for the process of self actualisation this being a term used by Psychologists to describe the process of growing and being the person you want to be.
Depression kicks in when you are feeling stuck not able to live according to a idea for living. This shrinkage of life can be over a long period of time but once recognized then make steps to reverse the shrinkage. For tapping into the process of self actualization then look at your IFL’s and ask yourself 2 questions for each area. Q1: How do I want to think of myself? And Q2: How do I want to be remembered when I am dead? Lets take a look at Pradeep’s idea for living with Family: I want to be a loving and caring son
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who is always there for his parents. I want to be available to my brothers and sisters being the old John, loving and fun to be with, living the life I was born to live. Again Pradeep can see that he is moving away from this and makes steps to call his brother to have a chat, rating his mood out of 10, 10 being bright in mood and zero being low in mood before and after the phone call. This is tapping into what we all do. Have you ever done something and then said “ I did not think I would enjoy that but I am glad I went!”
This is tapping into what we all do. Have you ever done something and then said “ I did not think I would enjoy that but I am glad I went!”
Make the journey’s end
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!