Poestory
Poestory By
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Dedicated to my…
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Poestory
Copyright notice All rights reserved. No part of this book may reproduced or used in any manner without written permission. Send all requests to isos4life@gmail.com
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www.michellescarlett.com 4
Table of Contents Introduction I Write Hidden Talent A poet, a writer, full of glee. Writing is Right A Mother's Message Daughter’s Cry Children’s Cry Not My Mother? Father Gratitude is a Must Her Revolution Bye Orange face Will You Do For You Another Day Sex The act that brought us here Take a Break Keep Your Dream Alive Do It Anyway To Laron with Love My Children The Thing Inside Me Giving You Up Singled Out One, Two, Three Innocence Taken Children Live what they Learn Against All Odds Looking For Love Running Away Not My Fault Loving Her To Him With Love Still, We Go Back
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Poestory
Introduction
I had no idea I could write poetry until I wanted to write down the emotions I felt as a child. Whenever I felt like crying, I jotted something down on a piece of paper. Sometimes I would be at work in the middle of a project and the memories of the past just floods my my head. The more I wrote, the better I felt. I realized that I was healing myself through writing. So I kept writing down my thoughts and hid them in my pocket books, under my mattress, in jacket pockets, and various other places. Then one day while I was searching for something, I found one of the poems. I began searching for the rest and decided to write a whole book from the stories found in my poems. My intention was to help teen moms find their way. “In Search of Self”, my first book, has a poem that matches each chapter, and was very successful in delivering a message of hope to more than just teen moms. It made sense to give my poems its own book since each one tells a different story. It’s like short stories in the form of poems, hence the name Poetstory. Some poems are random thoughts or emotions that just pop up, so I seize the moment by writing it down. I’ve always wondered what my talent was, I had no idea I was an author and poet, but it’s been an amazing journey of becoming the truest, highest expression of myself. I chose to serve humanity through my writing.
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A WRITER’S MIND
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Poestory
I Write
I’m a writer, so writing is what I do, I write when I’m happy, I write when I’m blue. I write about the things I experience, So, you can learn about resilience. I write about the law of attraction, For every action there is a reaction. I write about the power of forgiveness, Holding a grudge for years is madness. I write about the importance of helping each other, It feels good to put the smile on the face of another. I write about the power of positive thinking, But hey if you want to remain negative, do your damn thing. I write about Mother Nature and the things she does, Sometimes she brings tranquil and other times she brings woes. I write about my entire life story, Who knew it would set me free?
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Hidden Talent
Who Knew I had it in me? A poet, a writer, full of glee. Who knew that I could heal? Through the art of words spoken so real. Who knew that I could even break through? These barriers that one made me feel so blue. Who knew that this once sad lonely little girl, could see beauty in what she thought was a cruel world? Who knew I could have the courage? To accept what was and is, after gaining some knowledge. Who knew I could learn how to fly? My wings were broken as a little child. Do you know that there is more to you? Dig a little deeper, believe in yourself and you will realize, this is true.
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Poestory
Writing is Right Writing is therapeutic, writing is fun. Writing makes you hear music when there is none. Writing brings comfort in times of despair. Writing takes you to a place with no one else there. When you feel like you are in a dark place, write yourself through. Tel yourself of all the things you really want to do. When your heart gets broken from the people you love, Put your pen to paper and write about your wow. Write about what happened and what you can do, indulge in the energy to help make your grey skies blue. When life throws you curve balls and things seem unfair, write a letter to yourself that it isn’t your fault, make it very clear. Write a letter to your mother, your sister and brother too, tell them how you feel, and how thy hurt you. Write about something that means nothing. Write about all you want to, write about anything.
Just write.
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Children’s Cry
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Poestory
A Mother's Message Dear woman who gave birth to me I think of you and wonder how could it be That you carried me for nine months and yet, I really feel like we have never really met Do you think of your children and how we do? Do you know that some still need you? And what of your grandchildren, aren't you curious? Wouldn't you like to have a day with all of us? Why are you keeping your distance? Is something wrong? Could something really be wrong for this long? When we are going through stuff do you feel anything? The thing that moms feel when their child is hurting Although thoughts of you doesn't make me sad anymore, I still wonder what it would be like to see you once more. It's always been awkward because it's really strange, That from you I came, but no emotions are exchanged. If you want to reach out to me, I'm still here, If not, I don't understand, but do take care.
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Daughter’s Cry Dear mother how could this be? I’m crying out, it’s your daughter, can you hear me? After your first, second, and third child, did you not know? That life would be hard, and yet you had two more? I waited for you to come, I wanted you so much, I longed to be looked at with pride and joy of my existence, I wanted to feel my mother’s tender touch. Wherever you are, I’m thinking of you, Although those thoughts often make me feel blue. I am an adult now, but the little girl in me cries out, Oh mother, please rescue me from myself, I just can’t figure this life thing out. I am 28 now, but I still want directions, Where do I go from here? What awaits me in the distance? Should I just give up now, or should I continue to be persistent? You never abused me verbally or physically, But when you left you ripped me apart emotionally. I still don’t care what you did or didn’t do, Dear Beryl Brown, oh how I needed you.
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Poestory
Children’s Cry Where are you? Don’t you hear us calling your name? Your baby boy needs you; he’s locked up in jail again. Where are you? Don’t you hear us calling your name? I need to talk to you; my first period just came. Where are you? Don’t you hear us calling your name? You have two daughters and three sons who would be glad if you came. Where are you? Don’t you hear us calling your name? To turn your back on five children is a dog-gone shame. Where are you? Don’t you hear us calling your name? Your eldest had her fourth child, do you know their names? Where are you? Don’t you hear us calling your name? Your youngest was gunned down in Railway Lane. 14
Oh! Here you are, you came to pay your respects, but he doesn’t need you now, his soul is at rest.
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Poestory
Not My Mother? So, you are not my mother? How could that be? Since you are the only woman Who has been taking care of me. So, I’m not your child? Is it really true? My eyes are opened wide, All I know is you. And what of your children? Are they not my siblings? Why do you tell them, With me they should have no dealings? Is it my fault my mother left? Is it possible? Could it be? Do you see her resemblance? Every time you look at me? You don’t like me you say, But I don’t unterstand. 16
I’m only but a child, Things are getting really wild. Why do you hate her? Why do you hate me? I’m a reflection of her, But she is not me. I am sorry if she caused you pain, I don’t know the whole story. She probably won’t do it again, She’s gone with the wind, so don’t worry.
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Poestory
Father To the man whose last name I carry, I'm glad that I have you as my daddy. The past was painful but we got through, See, I had the opportunity to get to know you. The way you showed love was not ideal, But you tried hard to give us meals. For a long time, I was angry at you, But those emotions made me sad and blue. We both needed time to heal and grow, And now the old me and you I no longer know. You are one of the main men in my life, Your grandsons are happy you are in their lives. You don't have riches and that's okay, My dear daddy I love you anyway.
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Live Love Laugh Give 19
Poestory
Gratitude is a Must I remember when, I had nothing, A teen mom in need of everything. Diaper for my baby was nonexistent, The cloth ones only held for a second My baby daddy was only sixteen, Give me money? What! are you kidding? We both were in shock of what happened, 1 teen, 2 teens, now a little being. How depressed I was you have no idea, You probably wouldn’t get it even if I told ya. Sleepless nights and endless days, My shameful feeling never went away. Even years later I didn’t want anyone to know, That I’m only 24 with a 9-year-old. But thanks to the Women’s Centre I went back to school, It was a struggle but I pulled through.
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Now it’s my time to return the favor, Thanks to you all, a little baby will have diaper. What doesn’t seem like much is a whole lot, Cause I smelled like piss some days when I had not.
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Poestory
Her Revolution I really like who she’s become, Though with hardships and pain her life began. Life didn’t stop her from reaching her dreams, Though sometimes it had her begging ....LORD PLEASE! You shouldn’t believe what people say, Your voice inside should lead the way. Speak positive words to yourself, Rise up, stand up, and be well.
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Bye Orange face For 4 years we waited, worried, irritated, Wondering how the heck you got elected. Late night shows were no more fun, All they spoke about was this son of a gun. I even stopped watching the news, I hated the venom that this monster spewed. Social Media was his new toy What did he post today? Boy oh boyyyy!! America sure has its many issues, But orange hair dude his power, misused. His face is most times in a frown, Except for when he's being a clown. Yesterday was such a beautiful day, We watched past Presidents laugh and play. Oh, how refreshing to see the ladies, Gorman, Obama, Biden, Harris. Now take the lessons and teach to many, Especially the ones about humanity.
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Poestory
Will You Do For You There comes a time when you just gotta do, Whatever the heck is best for you. Only you know what you are feeling, It's up to you bring yourself healing. Don't allow yourself to continue to suffer, To some of them your feelings don't matter. Walk away even though it may hurt, In the days to come you will realize your worth. My dear friend and sister, I'm talking to you, Oh, and men, I know you go through the same things too. Don't be fooled by the sob stories and tears, Before you know it, you've given up years. Take the lessons and go your way, Otherwise, your mental state will decay.
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Another Day Today I don't feel like getting out of bed, It started with all the thoughts in my head. Why the heck is it so cold outside? No exercise equals weight on my belly and backside . I have a book interview today with a lady, I'll probably get a book sale, 5 maybe. I miss my son in California I would probably visit him again if not for Corona. My 19-year-old is being 15 with an attitude, For the most part though, he's a good dude. The 11-year-old gets on my last nerve, But I still have to give him the love he deserves. I have a big ole grin on my face I wish you could see, I am blessed to have sons, counting...1 2 3. Although this Rona thing makes me upset Believe it or not...this is my best year yet....
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Poestory
Sex The act that brought us here The art that creates What pays the bills for some people Heaven if the connection is right A disaster if done with the wrong person Addictive just like any drug We can't get enough in our twenties We've had enough in our thirties Back to it in our fifties Shouldn't be looked at as dirty Shouldn't be given to who isn't worthy Comes in different forms and ways Extremely erotic on rainy days The lack thereof can give us the blues Can be done wherever you choose Without consent it is a crime It can also cost you every dime It can be a quick morning fix It can sometimes get us sick If your relationship is boring without it Do something to spice it up, make it quick
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Poestory
Take a Break Instead of complaining about life today, Grab your family or some friends and go out to play. There are so many things that you can do, Take a walk through nature, absorb the beautiful view. Do something other than stay home, wash, clean or cook, Heck, go under a tree and read a good book. The troubles of life will be there tomorrow, But for a moment; exhale, relax, even get in a little trouble
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Let it Go It is much easier to forgive and let it go Sometimes we are mad, and the truth we don't even know. Is it your pride that is getting in the way? What do you have to lose in the scheme of things anyway? There are some people who don't deserve your hello But others want to make amends and don't really know how. Give them a chance and you will see. It hurts them that they hurt you, so let it go and set yourself free.
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Poestory
Keep Your Dream Alive It is okay to want more; you deserve better than sleeping on the floor I know the path seems impossible, but have faith, and your dreams coming true is inevitable Don’t worry about what people say, what do they know about you anyway? Plan to fail, but don’t fail to plan, don’t give up, you can do this, yes you can!!! Aim for the stars and humbly climb, don’t leave your fellow men behind When you get there don’t ever forget, where you came from and the people you met Give of yourself as much as you can, the universe will listen and give you a helping hand The lady Karma repays you for what you do, but bad things happen to good people too. Don’t give up when things get rough, nothing good comes easy, life is sometimes tough. Keep moving forward and you will see, things work themselves out, do believe me. 30
You are not the only one who has trouble, check your neighbor, theirs may be double Look in the mirror and smile at yourself, now keep the smile on, don’t keep it to yourself.
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Poestory
Do It Anyway Sometimes it's hard to be the bigger person. Be that anyway. Sometimes it takes everything not to react to someone's bad behavior. Remain calm anyway. Sometimes you feel like you need to treat someone exactly the way they treat others. Be kind anyway. Sometimes you want to really tell someone what you think about them. Be quiet anyway
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A MOTHER’S HEART
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Poestory
To Laron with Love Dear little boy who came into our lives suddenly, The challenges you brought was far from easy. But oh, how you have grown in the last two years, If they took you from me, it would bring me tears. I watched your confused face when I talked Patwa, Now you understand that it means you are in hot wata. I watched you cry when I asked about your past, I need you to know, some of the pain I'll help you cast. Dear child I wish I could tell you the rest of your life will be perfect, But that would be a lie, because trouble comes in every aspect. I'll do my best to protect you from evil, and give you the tools, But after all that my son, the rest will still be up to you.
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My Children I didn’t plan for them but they are here Say what you want, I don't really care At least not anymore, because for me They are the part of my life that is meant to be It was tough at times but God saw us through If not for some kind folks, I don’t know what I would do They saw me suffer and cry rolled up in my bed They witnessed the times when I lost my head. I said unkind words to them out of frustration I explained when I could, about the situation. I love the men they have become I love the name they gave me it’s called mom.
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Poestory
The Thing Inside Me Pregnant at fourteen, how could that be? I don’t even remember what happened, Did he even penetrate me? My friends said it was fun, but I can’t remember a thing, I have to ask for forgiveness now, for I committed a sin.
“Before you be a mother be a woman,” The song on the radio played. Can anything else go wrong in my life? And what of the rest of my days?
I am already an outcast. Dear God, why me? Why is this happening? I only kissed him. Such a lonely, shameful place to be.
Finally, the truth is out; I can’t hide it anymore, My dad kicked me out of his house. I’m three months going on four. Before there is a baby, there should be a spouse.
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I watched through the window as my friends go back to school. I am pregnant because I broke a bible rule I looked at my stomach, all I felt was disgust, I barely had anything on my chest one could call a bust.
I cried for nine months, and every day I prayed, I did believe in miracles, but this thing won't go away. It woke me up at the crack of dawn, I’m in so much pain, It must be ready to come out, God knows I feel the same.
The thing finally came out of me, oh, what a relief, “Hey nurse, leave me alone now, I just want to go to sleep.” It’s time to feed it now? I don’t know what to do! I’m scared, I’m nervous, will someone show me how?
I held the thing in my hand, this surely feels weird, Its mouth opened to my breast; I felt a drop of tear. Again, something moved inside me, I felt it in my core, I think this is love, the thing is not a thing anymore.
I wonder what God was thinking. A mini human being? I can’t even take care of myself, I’m only fifteen. I looked deep into his eyes, maybe hoping to see, What the future holds for my baby boy and me.
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Poestory
Giving You Up I wanted to take care of you, but I couldn’t Deep down my heart was saying I shouldn’t I cannot take care of you, I’m only fifteen I don’t have a job and people around me are mean
I hope you understand when you get older I didn’t abandon you, I was waiting ‘till I was older I wanted to go back to school to be a better mom Now, I don’t know where the next meal is coming from
I will come back for you; I promise I will I hope when I see you again you will love me still I will come back for you just wait and see I cannot live without you, for you are my destiny
I have to say goodbye for now, I’ll see you soon I’ll come and visit you and I’ll bring you the moon Please take care of my baby and remember he’s mine I am coming back for him, it’s just a matter of time.
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TITLE
I called my son today, he wasn't doing too good, The killing of another black man, just can't be understood.
I've never really seen him cry and so it broke my heart, I felt so helpless, so weak, I wondered if I did my part.
As the mother of black boys, what can I say? Do I lie and tell them it's gonna be okay?
I'm proud of my son, he's done well, he's a King. But to some white folks, he is still nothing.
As much as I know he's a decent human being, His skin is what they see, not his decency.
Mr. Officer, I hope you never see the light of day, Yes, I'm fucking pissed so call me what you may.
My dear son Peter Cuban Gentles, I wish I was there to hug you. For now I'm sending love from afar, like only a mother can do.
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Poestory
Singled Out The calls came almost every day, He did this, he said that, I wonder what it will be today? Yes, this is his mother, now what? So, he shouted out an answer in class? What’s the big deal? He said you never call on him anyway, Unless he shouts and screams. Someone called him a nigger, Nothing was ever done. Now he calls someone a douche bag, You called me and sent him home? “Why don’t white people like black people?’ The question came one day, I looked at him sadly and didn’t know what to say. Why do they say no whenever I ask to play? He invited them to his party, no one ever came, Now he is asking me to sleep over, boy are you insane?
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This is truly sad, but I have to point it out, You are the only black boy in your class, You will always be singled out. Don’t worry my son, just be bold. They are only children; they do what they are told. I’m sure it’s not personal, you will see, Just be the best human being you can possibly be.
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Poestory
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TITLE I won't always get it right, I won't always have the right words to say. I think of you through the night, You are the thoughts that make my day. As I sit here thinking of you, the tears are coming through, I wonder what would my life be, without you two. I think of all the struggles and pain we went through, I think of the times I missed, when you were feeling blue. Boys don't really talk much but I feel your pain, Remember there is sunshine after the rain. My dear children, I love you so, Thanks for your unconditional love for me, Without it, God only knows where I would be.
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Poestory
One, Two, Three
30 years ago you came into my life, At 15, I too was only a child. Some things I didn’t know how to do, So I’m sure my son, that I’ve hurt you. I know some things you keep inside You are a boy who is filled with pride. I want you to know you make me proud, For 11 years you are all I talked about. Then came another one like you, With this one I had a little more clue. I learned to be a mom from loving you, God only knows how we made it through. It’s a really tough job to be a mom, Yet I still went and adopted another one. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, In my heart you three will always stay.
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BROKEN
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Poestory
Innocence Taken You said you were my friend, but I find it very strange, You didn’t want anyone to know the games we played. Don’t hold me there, I just busted and it hurts, Why does your hand always find its way under my skirt? I don’t want to play anymore, it’s too uncomfortable, I don’t want your lollipop or money even if it’s double. I won’t tell my mother because she won’t even care, I will tell my father though, so touch me again if you dare. I told all my friends, so now you are in trouble, That will teach you, stay out of my bubble! Wait! they told my parents, I didn’t know they would, But why do I feel so scared, I should be feeling good. The secret is out, and you are keeping your distance, Eventually I’ll forget about your existence Wait! It’s my fault? How could that be? He was the adult, I was only seven, eight maybe. I should have kept it to myself, but it was such a burden, I don’t care what they say, I won’t beg your pardon. 46
Stay away from me, I am just a child, I learned a name for you now, you are a pedophile.
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Poestory
Children Live what they Learn If a child is abandoned, they will lack trust. If a child is ridiculed, they will lack self-worth. If a child isn’t shown love, they won’t know how to receive love. If a child lives in pain, they will project the pain onto someone else. If a child feels rejected, they will push people away. If a hurt child was never healed, the pain follows them through adulthood
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Against All Odds Am I awake, or am I asleep? Why does these wounds still feel so deep? I can hear your words just like yesterday, “You will become nothing.” I hear the voices say. Are the voices in my head, or are they my own? Are they really from the past? Answers still unknown. I can still hear them but I no longer listen, They were lies damn lies, took me long to learn that lesson. What do you say of me now? Do you still think I’m nothing? I am wearing a cap and a gown, oh please, do say something.
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Poestory
Looking For Love There was a little girl inside of me, Sad and lonely as can be. She looked for love in different places, She tried to read the many faces.
They all lied and said they loved her, but then again, so did her father. Why me? She would ask herself, She had little memory of herself at twelve
It was hard for her to accept love Loving someone back was really rough I tried my best to suppress her When she came out, it was always anger.
No matter where she went the past haunted her Even when she wanted to forget, the voices told her You are no good and nobody wants you You will become nothing, your own mom refused you.
Your words are not true, can’t you see I found a guy who is interested in me 50
He showed me love more than you all did He gave me gifts I never got as a kid
I don’t need you all now because I am in love I get butterflies and he showers me with love This is real, I feel it in my heart Wait! Why does it still feel like there is a missing part?
He tells me how to wear my hair, And for my friends I shouldn’t care. He talks about the size of my foot, My dress he said, didn’t deserve a second look.
He adores me, that’s all that matters, When I see him, I am totally flattered. Never mind the writing on the wall, All the warning signs doesn’t matter at all.
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Poestory
Running Away When you try to run away from your troubles They come following you on the double Stand and fight and face your fears Do what you need to, be it tears. There will be things to face wherever you go You will only leave a trail of things to pick up tomorrow The baggage you carry will be heavier Even if you take it on a Boeing 747 carrier. You cannot run away from yourself You can maybe lie to everyone else No need to cover up with clothes and shoes Yourself will show up and bring you the blues. Forgive, love and be at peace Let go of the baggage, every single piece People may have hurt you but if you don’t let go You are only hurting yourself, ‘cause they may not even know.
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No one is out to get you it’s all in your head Think of all the positive people instead Look in the mirror and you will see The awesome human you were created to be.
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Poestory
Not My Fault I am not ashamed, I am not to be blamed. For the things that you did to me. Then say you are sorry. You say you love me, But I have to disagree. How can you love someone? And hurt them so easily. I thought I was getting over my childhood pain, But that evil look in your eyes brought me there again. He cried out “Daddy I Love You.” But you pushed him away. Pain!! Oh pain!! Please go away. Don’t you come back, not another day.
Punctuation
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Loving Her The girl within became silent and peaceful She is in there somewhere; she is where she belongs You can tell by her gestures and she is now grateful She was given a little time to right her many wrongs A little girl in a grown-up body feels somewhat trapped She pretends to be a woman, but the little girl keeps coming back How does she get over all the things she has been through? How does she convince the woman that they are one and not two? Finally, their eyes met and their hearts became one What a precious little girl, so innocent and sweet They both found what they were looking for all along Right there where two hearts meet. Come on little girl, let’s go get ‘em together This self-love makes life so much better
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Poestory
To Him With Love I don’t know what drew you to me or me to you, Was it my smile, my body, or the energy from the picture online you viewed? In just a few days you said you liked me, but that made no sense, You have no Idea what you are about to experience. What did you like? Was it my laughter? Did you not notice the sadness that came after? The memories of my most recent mistake still haunted my mind, So, after a smile, a gut wrenched emotion came rushing behind. Do you even know what you are getting yourself into? Do you have a clue? Did you know that a broken woman can tear you apart too? It is mostly not intentional, but that’s just what hurt people do, It is a defense mechanism to prevent you from hurting them too. 56
Now that you’ve heard the stories and seen the tears, Why do you want to stick around? Don’t you have fears? What of my wounds that may never completely heal? Do you want to tolerate them if they begin to bleed? I cannot promise to love you the way you want me to My love usually hurts because that’s the love I’m used to. But if you stick around, I’ll do my best by you, And if I ever hurt you, just know, it’s the last thing I want to do.
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Poestory
Still, We Go Back Inside we feel like a fire burning, our soul yearning for freedom, YET WE GO BACK! After a bitter tongue lashing, that make us feel disgusting, YET WE GO BACK! Nightmares follow restless days, hunger strikes, because food has no taste. YET WE GO BACK! The children scream, and beg on their knees. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! YET WE GO BACK! We almost lost our lives, there was even a threat with a knife YET WE GO BACK! We crumble at a sound, that is familiar to the one that caused the wound, YET WE GO BACK! The emptiness in our souls, the smile hides our woes, YET WE GO BACK! Today! Today! Today! may just may be the last day, to die or run away, DO NOT GO BACK! 58
