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APRIL 15, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Parenting Pearls
Keeping the Count Meaningful By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
W
e’ve recently begun the unique time period of sefiras haomer. It’s quite a combination of events. We have the excitement of counting up to receiving the Torah while simultaneously mourning the loss of Rabbi Akiva’s students. To add to the intrigue, there are multiple customs for when we observe this mourning period. It’s actually rather confusing for kids to hear that we don’t have weddings during this period but that their parent is attending a wedding that evening.
dren a prize or special treat if they remind their adult to count each night. This helps the adults to make sure they count each night. Upon completing the counting of sefira, just before Shavuos, the child receives their agreed-upon treat. I’ve successfully used this method, and it’s a great incentive to keep kids motivated and excited throughout those seven weeks. It also helps younger kids gain a greater, practical awareness of this once-a-year mitzvah.
The Count
During this time period, we have a greater focus on improving various parts of our behavior. Learning Pirkei Avos is one of the tools we traditionally use. Pirkei Avos is very unique for many reasons, including that the focus is on practical middos improvement. It’s more universally taught. Even women who shy away from other Talmudic learning will routinely study Pirkei Avos. Another unique characteristic to Pirkei Avos is that even young children can readily understand some of the lessons. There are various child-friendly editions of Pirkei Avos that include easy-to-understand translations and wonderful pictures. Whether you
Children can often understand the idea of being excited for something and counting up to a big event. Take advantage of that natural tendency and use it to help them to understand that we are excited about receiving the Torah again. While those who attend shul have automatic reminders after Maariv, those who don’t attend Maariv in shul can easily forget to count. Giving children the job of reminding or counting with a parent each evening is a great way to involve them in a meaningful way. Counting is normally done when kids aren’t in school anyway. I don’t know where I originally heard about the idea of giving chil-
Pirkei Avos
read with a child from the beginning or pick out a Mishna of interest, Pirkei Avos is a wonderful way to introduce even the youngest of budding scholars to some of our Sages’ teachings. There are so many practical lessons that children can understand and learn straight from the text. The basic text can easily become a springboard for more in-depth lessons. Teens, as well, will enjoy the many discussions and lessons in human nature that come straight from our Sages. For example, even young children can benefit from hearing that they should think positively of themselves and not judge themselves negatively (Avos 2:18), the importance of good friends (Avos 1:6), and of avoiding bad influences (Avos 1:7). Many parts of Avos are easily relevant to each of our lives.
Middos by Example During this time perio,d we often focus on improving our middos and interactions with others. This section is something we all know but can, at times, benefit from a reminder. Kids learn from what we do more than what we say. If we want our children to have good middos, then we need to display good middos. It’s rather frightening to sometimes see what
kids pick up from the adults around them. It’s easy to lecture kids and tell them how to behave. It’s a lot harder, but far more effective, to demonstrate it ourselves. It’s easy for a parent to tell a child to not talk during davening but a lot harder to keep oneself quiet for the entire duration. It’s easy to say, “No speaking lashon hara, kids” but a lot harder to remember to watch our speech on the phone. We can lecture day and night about honoring a parent but we will give the lesson over that much more profoundly by honoring our own parents, in-laws, or grandparents in our child’s presence. Getting a Shabbos afternoon drink for a parent while briefly saying that you’re fulfilling the mitzva of kibbud av v’eim is more to the point than a lecture your child is going to ignore anyway. When you say “thank you” to your child, spouse, or the cashier you are, through personal example, teaching your child gratitude. Your interactions with your children, relatives, and the other adults in your life are a natural lesson for your child in the behaviors you want them to learn. Think of what you’d like your child to improve on and see how you can show them the lessons in real life. It’s
