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MAY 6, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Parenting Pearls
Celebrating You As a Mother By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
W
e are officially approaching the day when the entire country takes a few moments to appreciate the maternal figures in our life. I say maternal figures because I don’t think that Mother’s Day and the role of motherhood is reserved only for those who have given birth or directly raised children. There are many women who step into the role to provide for a child, and they, too, deserve to be acknowledged. Throughout this article I refer to all these women when I use the term “mother.” Being a mother is such a large role in a person’s life that it’s really hard to discuss this in an article. We buy flowers, chocolate, or some other treat and include a little note but truly this never does justice to someone who has made us, and our children, into who we are. Still, it’s important to take the time to recognize our mothers, and ourselves, in some small way. Making time in your busy life and finding ways to allow your mother (and self) to enjoy nachas is probably the biggest thank you any of us can give. I will take this moment to publicly thank my mother for all she has done for me throughout the years. I know I’m not the only one that felt they could never be the mother their own mother was to them. I would also like to take this moment to acknowledge the woman I never met but made my husband into
the man he became. Though I’ve never met her, we are forever connected.
Make Time for Yourself Mothers are people, too – just don’t tell the kids because they won’t believe you. Make time for yourself to recharge your batteries. I don’t mean only on Mother’s Day but on a regular basis. You have a herculean job that requires massive emotional and physical strength. You can only do this when you are up to the task. Find something that will help you destress and that can realistically
like a BOGO sale. It’s easy to say we don’t need time or we’re too busy, but the time you give yourself will pay itself back in energy and emotional strength later. You can only give your children from what you have to offer.
You’re Human Again, don’t tell the kids. You will make mistakes. We all make mistakes. It can be very upsetting as a parent when we do the wrong thing. Sometimes, we snap at a child who didn’t deserve it, accuse the wrong
Seeing how much they glow from your pride can only make you enjoy it more.
work into your schedule. A trip to Hawaii may help many of us recharge ourselves but may not be practical on a weekly basis. Mothers, and everyone, may also benefit from trying to find enjoyment in the small pleasures throughout the day. It’s surprising how much you can enjoy a hot drink, a good book, or anything relaxing when you take the time to appreciate it. If you’re already doing it, you might as well get the extra bonus of making it a way to enjoy some extra calm. Think of it
child of something, or respond inappropriately to a hurt child. The examples are endless because parenting is a 24-hour job that lasts for decades. Don’t believe that 18 years nonsense. It’s impossible to be on the job fulltime, even when sick, and not err. It’s not ideal but it’s reality. The truth is all parents learn on the job and that means we learn as we go and grow from our mistakes as part of the natural process. In my humble experience, the two steps after making a mistake are per-
sonal forgiveness and introspection. Beating yourself up and feeling terrible is generally not effective. I guess taking a few minutes to feel horrible won’t do much damage, but after that, you want to accept a mistake was made and do what you can to move on. Kids are surprisingly resilient, and Hashem made the world in a way that mothers will make mistakes. The first step is to forgive yourself, and move on. It’s easy to feel guilty and tempting to feel terrible about yourself but it’s not ultimately productive. Making yourself feel bad can actually be counterproductive. Feeling pathetic, helpless, and like you can’t do anything right will more likely make you a worse parent in the long-run. Forgiving yourself, accepting that we all make mistakes, and allowing yourself to think more clearly can bring you to step two and making the best out of an error. When you have peace of mind, try to see what caused the error and what you could have done differently. This can make a real difference in parenting and is the second step in what needs to be done. It’s easy to keep making the same mistake repeatedly, but it takes great internal strength to see what changes can be made to be more successful the next time. Don’t be afraid to ask for outside assistance. We can’t do everything ourselves, and sometimes we need a little extra help. Whether it’s a friend, relative or neighbor, there are many
