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OCTOBER 2015 || The The Jewish Jewish Home Home JANUARY 29, 14, 2021
The Power of Positivity BY REBBETZIN CHANIE WOLOWIK
It
is refreshing to hear so much talk about positivity lately. We certainly need as much of that as we can get nowadays. However, I often hear people say things like “Have a positive attitude” without ever explaining what that means practically or, more importantly, how that can actually be attained. So I would like to share with you some ideas that have been extremely helpful to me in pursuing positivity in my own life. One of books that has been most influential in my life is the book of Tanya, written by the first Rebbe of Chabad, Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi. Tanya is a
book rich with so much practical wisdom, and the more I live, the more I rely on it for strength and guidance. I continue to study Tanya daily on my own and in classes, and I always gain more insight each time. I strongly recommend to everyone to study the book as well. One big idea of Tanya is that it teaches us to distinguish between feelings and behaviors. There’s a huge difference between how I feel and what I do. I may not be able to change how I feel right now but I can always choose my behaviors. That means that I can act “as if” and do the right thing even when my heart isn’t in it.
Furthermore, Tanya even categorizes thought as a behavior. I know that comes as a surprise to many people. But thought is an activity, something I do (albeit in my own head) and that means that I have the power of choice over it, just like I can choose my actions. No, I cannot choose which thoughts pop up into my head, but I do get to choose whether I will ruminate on a given thought or let it float by without focusing on it. The thought arises on its own, but it is I who chooses whether or not to give it any attention. I think this distinction is so essential. It’s really been a lifesaver for me. Sometimes,
life is painful and there is nothing we can do about that. But even at those times, we can refuse to let our thoughts spin out of control. Indeed, this is what I have come to recognize as true positivity. True positivity does not mean that I will always feel good. Not at all! It means that even when I feel bad, I can choose where to focus my mind. I don’t relish sharing details of my personal life but in the hope that it may help someone I am willing to do so. When I was sitting shiva for my son Levi, alav hashalom, I remember being quite understandably consumed with grief. However, along
with the visceral pain, there were also a lot of thoughts – questions like wondering if anybody could truly relate to me, how will I go on, etc. My thoughts were racing. Then there was a moment of sudden realization where it became clear to me that although there was nothing I could do about the pain, I did have a responsibility to deal with those thoughts. I had an epiphany right then and there that I was allowed to feel the pain – there was nothing that could stop that – but I was not permitted to torture myself with negative, disempowering thoughts. Trust me when I say that such a decision is not a one-
