No one can berate and beat us up better than ourselves. Why is it that we can offer others second, third, tenth, or what seems like a million more chances, but we cannot offer the same to ourselves? If Jesus, in all his divine perfection, can forgive us repeatedly for the mistakes we make, who are we to not be able to forgive our imperfect selves for imperfect deeds?
Worthy of Your Own
ForgivEness Vanessa Carpenter explains what self-forgiveness looks like.
W
hen we experience hurt from others, we tend to develop tunnel vision and view life and circumstances only from a negative and self-centred point of view--making forgiveness a challenge. When that hurt comes from within, it makes forgiveness that much more difficult. We can find self-love exclamations and affirmations everywhere and repeat them, yet we prove we don’t really love ourselves when we cannot forgive ourselves. Part of selflove is being able to forgive ourselves for things we regret doing. So, how do we accomplish this? How can we handle and conquer the little voice in our heads that whispers, with malice, the notion that we are unworthy of our own forgiveness? There is a tendency in all of us to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Perhaps we think that we must remember the mistake so that we don’t forget and repeat it again. However, when God forgives us, the Bible states that He remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34). This does not mean that God forgets, but because He forgives us, He chooses not to remember the sin anymore. He won’t remind us of our sin after He has forgiven us of it. He forgives everyone who believes in Jesus Christ and has a relationship with Him.
Forgiving yourself is not about forgetting. It is about not bringing the offence to your mind, in negative ways. Forgiving yourself means letting go of the offence you are holding against yourself so that you can move forward with God and in life. If God has moved forward, shouldn’t we do the same? To continue to ruminate on our mistakes opposes Philippians 4:8 which tells us to dwell on whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and admirable. Unforgiveness is not on that list. Proverbs 16:25 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death”. The energy it takes to harbour anger, hatred, and resentment towards ourselves is exhausting. Every bit of energy we attend to dwelling on regrets, robs us of the energy we could use to become the person God wants us to be. Forgiving ourselves does not erase the mistake, it does not justify our mistake, and it is not a sign of weakness. Forgiveness is a decision that takes courage and strength, and it provides an opportunity to become a victor instead of remaining a victim of our own mistakes. Unforgiveness is also a form of pride. Whenever we establish a higher set of standards for ourselves over others, that is pride. When we can find it within ourselves to forgive others, but not ourselves, we are inadvertently saying that we are less capable of making a poor decision than others.
We are somehow wiser, more insightful, more careful than others, and therefore, we are without excuse and should not forgive ourselves. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall”. Not forgiving yourself will bring self-destruction, but forgiveness will bring peace. Forgiving ourselves is also important for those around us. It is a well-known fact that hurting people hurt others. The longer we avoid forgiving ourselves, the more negative we will become, and therefore, the more likely we are to hurt others. The reality is that we cannot change what has happened. The mistake has already been made. However, we can make a different choice from the present onwards. Forgiving ourselves will change the direction of our lives. It will allow us to live as God intended us (His children) to live. Forgiveness is an extremely difficult process. The enemy has a sneaky way to whisper negative thoughts into our minds, and sometimes we truly believe his lies! We must hold onto the promises of God and His Word, to overcome those negative thoughts and feelings. When we begin to ruminate on the sins we have committed and the enemy tries to make us feel that we are unable to be forgiven because we have done too much for God to forgive, we should remember
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