the magazine of the sirens • by the sirens • for the sirens
February 2014
Immortal Beloveds Beauty Simple pleasures Passion The Pretty City . Nature Love bugs great & small
c h oc olate ~ f low er s ~ c of f e e romanc e ~ f r i en dshi p
Volume 1, issue VIII
Published by Siren School
The Love Issue 3!
Love defined
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The Roots of Romance
8!
The Legend of St. Valentine
10, 42, 50 The Immortal Beloved letters
82! A Letter from Mom shared by Bonnie Ramsburg 83! Dear Mom and Dad shared by Bonnie Ramsburg 84! What I Love by EJ Sankey
12! Courtship in the World of Jane Austen by Shannon Lopez
85! Hearty Ravioli recipe
16! Body Language & Courtship Displays
86! Image of Romance, original photography by Robert Buhl & RB Images
34! Table for Two by Alexander Armstrong 36! Siren School’s Sweetheart Seduction class
87! Chocolate Wisdom - quotes
37, 62 Famous Love Letters
88! A Wee Bit o’ Chocolate - the history of cacao
38! Mating Rituals in the Animal Kingdom
90! Chocolicious - recipes from Susan Fleming
43! The love poems of Lyle Dagnen
92! Chocolate Uniquities - unusual chocolate recipes shared by Erin Sankey
44! Vows of Beauty & Love shared by Bonnie Ramsburg
93! The History of Coffee - a love story
45! Romance Shines into the Sunset of Their Lives
96! A Warm Cup of Inspiration from Lisa Andrews Selph of Coffee & Quotes
46! Glassheart by Megan Reichelt
98! My Love of Coffee by Lyle Dagnen
48! Not a Typical Love Story by Genevieve Poston
99! Mocha Coffee Cake with Espresso Glaze recipe
52! Endless Loves - famous couples
100!The Secret Ingredient by Bonnie Ramsburg
65! To My Love, an anonymous Valentine 66! Girls’ Night In 70! Valentine’s Day at School shared by Anonymous
101!Better Than Anything Else in the World Brownies shared by Bonnie Ramsburg
71! Hearts Around the World
102!Love and “Recognition” between the Barbarian and the Healer by Amanda Roncalio-Meyer
74! The Romance of Tasmania shared by Leigh Meredith Moorhouse
104!Doing What You Love – Loving What You Do by Susan Fleming
78! A Love Story - Living a Life of No Regrets by Lore Raymond
108!Love of Country by Lyle Dagnen
80! The Love of a Mother by Genevieve Poston 81! Cheddar Bacon Slow-Cooker Soup recipe shared by Genevieve Poston
109!Red, White & Blueberry Bliss recipe 110!My Mackerel by Bonnie Ramsburg 111 !My Brindle Bundle of Love by Joy de Vivre
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! "Love" is the meaning of being (living existence) —both the inner spiritual and psychic sense of wholeness within a being’s mind and body, and the outward psychespiritual sense of living validity and affirmation, from and for, other beings and other elements within one's greater world. ! The word "love" can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals. ! Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (storge), friendship (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape). Sources: Dictionary and Wikipedia
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The Roots of
Romance
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Romance: The definition of this word has depreciated over the years to its present day meaning, used mainly to describe feelings of intimacy between two people with a hint of passion and a leaning towards Love. But for a time during the 19th century, sandwiched between the reliance on reason and logic of the 18th century, and the gradual trend towards symbolism and surrealism of the 20th century, Romanticism was a way of life, a trend that made devout followers of philosophers, poets, and artists around the world. It was an age of emotions, when the heart was considered to be more sensible than brain. It was a time of courtship and carefully arranged marriages, a time when the actual romances were nothing like the ideal love esteemed so highly in literature and art. It was an age that nurtured philosophers and writers and poets and artists, and brought them up to abhor the cold logic of the 18th century in favor of emotions and feelings. Women were trained to be wives and bred for marriage, and men courted them, some for their love, some for their dowry, some for their beauty, and if they were really lucky, they married them for all three… By the late 18th century in France and Germany, literary taste began to turn from classical and neoclassical conventions. The generation of revolution and wars, of stress and upheaval had produced doubts on the security of the age of reason. Doubts and pessimism now challenged the hope and optimism of the 18th century. Men felt a deepened concern for the metaphysical problems of existence, death, and eternity. It was in this setting that Romanticism was born. -5-
Origins Romanticism was a literary movement that swept through virtually every country of Europe, the United States, and Latin America that lasted from about 1750 to 1870. However, the Romantic Movement did not reach France until the1820's. Romanticism's essential spirit was one of revolt against an established order of things-against precise rules, laws, dogmas, and formulas that characterized Classicism in general and late18th-century Neoclassicism in particular. It praised imagination over reason, emotions over logic, and intuition over sciencemaking way for a vast body of literature of great sensibility and passion. In their choice of heroes, also, the romantic writers replaced the static universal types of classical 18th-century literature with more complex, idiosyncratic characters. They became preoccupied with the genius, the hero, and the exceptional figure in general, and a focus on his passions and inner struggles and there was an emphasis on the examination of human personality and its moods and mental potentialities.
The Romantic Style The term romantic first appeared in 18thcentury English and originally meant "romancelike"-that is, resembling the fanciful character of medieval romances. But a mood or movement whose central characteristic is revolt, and whose stress is on self-expression and individual uniqueness, does not lend itself to precise definition. Among the characteristic attitudes of Romanticism were the following: Libertarianism Many of the libertarian and abolitionist movements of the late 18th and early 19th centuries were engendered by the romantic philosophy-the desire to be free of convention and tyranny, and the new emphasis on the rights and dignity of the individual. Just as the insistence on rational, formal, and conventional subject matter that had typified neoclassicism was reversed, the authoritarian regimes that had encouraged and sustained neoclassicism in the arts were inevitably subjected to popular revolutions. The general romantic's
dissatisfaction with the organization of society was often channeled into specific criticism of the Bougeois society and the feeling of oppression was frequently expressed in poetry. Political and social causes became dominant themes in romantic poetry and prose throughout France and other parts of Europe, producing many vital human documents that are still pertinent. Romanticism stresses on self-expression and individual uniqueness that does not lend itself to precise definition. Romantics believed that men and women ought to be guided by warm emotions rather than the cold abstract rules and rituals established by Bourgeois society. The bourgeois, who promoted, defended, and openly profited by the Revolution of 1830, brought with them, when they rose to power, certain social customs. No doubt all the Romantics would have furiously denied that they were bourgeois, and many of them would indignantly have repudiated Napoleon III, rather than declare allegiance to whom Victor Hugo went into exile for 18 years. In the period of its most active fermentation, the Romantic Movement was nothing more than a protest against bourgeois conventions, bourgeois society and morality. To be extreme and flamboyant and unusual and violent even at the risk of becoming grotesque was the desire of every young Romantic. The Romantics were, in fact, bourgeois origins, who were trying hard to escape from their own shadows. Nature The Romantic association of nature and spirit expressed itself in one of two ways. The landscape was, on one hand regarded as an extension of the human personality, capable of sympathy with man's emotional state. On other hand, nature was regarded as a vehicle for spirit just as man; the breath of God fills both man and the earth. (Shroder, 80). Delight in unspoiled scenery and in the (presumably) innocent life of rural dwellers was a popular literary theme. Often combined with this feeling for rural life is a generalized romantic melancholy, a sense that change is imminent and that a way of life is being threatened. -6-
The Lure of the Exotic In the spirit of their new freedom, romantic writers in all cultures expanded their imaginary horizons spatially and chronologically. They turned back to the Middle Ages (12th century to 15th century) for themes and settings and had an obsessive interest in folk culture, national and ethnic cultural origins. They found delight notions of romantic love, mystery and superstition, and placed an emphasis upon imagination as a gateway to transcendent experience and spiritual truth. The Decline of Romanticism By about the middle of the 19th century, romanticism began to give way to new literary movements: the Parnassians and the symbolist movement in poetry, and realism and naturalism.
source: Mt Holyoke
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The Legend of St. Valentine The history of Valentine's Day--and the story of its patron saint--is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned
Valentine actually sent the first "valentine" greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl--possibly his jailor's daughter--who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine," an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and--most importantly--romantic figure. By theMiddle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Origins of Valentine's Day: A Pagan Festival in February While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial--which probably occurred around A.D. 270--others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to "Christianize" the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. -8-
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat's hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Valentine's Day: A Day of Romance Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity and but was outlawed—as it was deemed “unChristian”--at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine's Day should be a day for romance. Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois. Typical Valentine's Day Greetings In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of -9-
affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Readymade cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging handmade valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first massproduced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap." Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest cardsending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines. source: History.com
TheImmortal Beloved After Beethoven's death in March 1827 two documents were discovered in his desk. These were the Heiligenstadt Testament and the love letters known as the “Immortal Beloved” letters. The passionate feelings manifested in these letters where addressed to a person unknown. The Immortal Beloved (German "Unsterbliche Geliebte") is the mysterious addressee of a love letter which composer Ludwig van Beethoven wrote on 6–7 July 1812 in Teplitz. The apparently unsent letter was found in the composer's estate after his death, after which it remained in the hands of Anton Schindler until his death, was subsequently willed to his sister, and was sold by her in 1880 to the Berlin State Library, where it remains today. The letter is written in pencil and consists of three parts. Since Beethoven did not specify a year, nor a location, an exact dating of the letter and identification of the addressee was speculative until the 1950s, when an analysis of the paper's watermark yielded the year, and by extension the place. Scholars have since this time been divided on the intended recipient of the Immortal Beloved letter. The two candidates favored by most contemporary scholars are Antonie Brentano and Josephine Brunsvik. Other candidates who have been conjectured, with various degrees of mainstream scholarly support, are Julie ("Giulietta") Guicciardi, Therese Malfatti, Anna-Marie Erdödy, Bettina Brentano, and several others. sources: Swipnet and Wikipedia
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oved The Immortal Bel First Letter
July 6, in the morning
My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be Your faithful LUDWIG. -11-
The Art of “Making Love” Courtship in the World of Jane Austen
by Shannon Lopez
Our hearts have fluttered every time the handsome Mr. Darcy locked eyes with the young and spirited Elizabeth Bennet. We also could not help but "awww" and sigh with content when Anne Elliot received a passionate declaration of love written by the stoic Captain We n t w o r t h . T h e r e i s s o m e t h i n g irresistibly charming about the trials and
protocols of courtship in the classic works of Jane Austen. The manners, the rituals, and the oh-so elegant turn of phrase, they are all as intriguing as they are utterly foreign to those of us in the 21st century. So, in the spirit of the Month of Love let us explore the social rules and regulation of courtship in 19th century England or a Jane Austen put it, the art of "making love".
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A Bit of History... During the Regency Era, a single woman's greatest venture was the acquisition of a suitable husband. Historically the upper crust of society, the nobility, did not choose their spouses on the basis of physical attraction or for the notion of "love". Rather it was an affair of the State and was to serve as a union of two families for the mutual benefit of procuring monetary and political advantage. It was the lower classes which held greater flexibility in term of marriage partners and a greater possibility for "marrying for love". There was also the unavoidable issue of social class. To marry outside one's own class was hardly acceptable. To marry up was considered the move of an undesirable social climber. To marry down was believed to debase one's station and to be equally detested. In other words, great wealth and titles sought other great wealth and titles. Adversity through the separation of wealth is a constant theme throughout Austen's books such as Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, etc. However, it must be noted that Austen's characters and settings were not based on the high nobility. To better specify, characters such as Mr. Darcy and his friend Mr. Bingley while they were indeed wealthy gentlemen they were by no means royalty. On occasion a heroine would encounter a Lord or a Lady soand-so but the main focus of Austen's books were from a sort of 19th century version of a "middle class". Definition: "Making Love". The very term in context with the time period of Miss. Austen did not imply sexual or physical contact. Rather it implied the verbal flirtation or casting of an 'interested' gaze towards another individual. Furthermore, in Austen's Emma the term "making violent love" is used as a Mr. Elton (Austen’s Emma) expresses passionate overtures of love to an unsuspecting Emma. However, one's imagination must not run wild as the extent of Mr. Elton's passion is limited to taking Emma's hand which she then promptly pulls away. -13-
The Duchess of Richmond's Ball by Robert Alexander Hillingford (1870s)
Of Marriageable Age The marriageable age of young men was greater than then that of a young lady. For one, a man could not enter into any sort of marriage contract until his 21st birthday without parental consent. Also, before he could make any proposal of marriage, a gentleman must first prove his ability to keep a wife and to maintain a quality of lifestyle to which she is accustomed. He must either inherit his father's property or enter into an acceptable sort of occupation such as a clergyman or to purchase a commission as an army officer. For a young lady, before she could even seek a husband she must first have her social debut or her "coming out"; usually between the age of 17-18. This was a sort of coming of age ritual whereby the young lady of gentle birth would be introduced to the various adult social circles and thus deemed ready for the "marriage market". Such interactions often took place between the months of April to June a time that was known as "The Season" and if she had enough in way of finances she could make her debut in places of high society such as London or Bath. Best Place to Meet Communication between ladies and gentlemen outside of the family were extremely limited. Serious damage and even ruin could befall one’s social status should an unengaged or unmarried couple be caught alone together.
The Afternoon Visitor Charles Joseph Frederick Soulacroix (1858-1933)
There was a code and a socially acceptable procedure for finding a spouse. So where would one go to be properly introduced to a potential husband? Why what better place than a ball? Balls and dances were greatly anticipated by young people as it granted them an opportunity to meet and interact with members of the opposite sex. There were rules however such as one could not dance with the same partner more than twice. But each dance could last on average 30 minutes each so if you found someone you fancy then take heart that it you could at least spend an hour with him on the dance floor. After the Ball Then What? The ball is over and you have found yourself struck with an overwhelming sense of affection for a certain someone. Now how do you proceed? • Home Visit: Well, if invited, a gentleman could visit a lady at her home, with her parents present of course. This would provide the opportunity to get to know each other better then !could be expected at a ball. However privacy could not be expected.
• Take a Walk: While impossible to walk alone without a chaperone, it would be productive to take a stroll in the countryside or even a turn about the garden. Breathe in the fresh air and become better acquainted with your partner. What are his likes and dislikes? Some degree of privacy could be gained if the couple happened to “fall behind” the rest of the party. But be careful! The further behind you fall the more tongues will wag with gossip. • Written Correspondence: This was not advised. As tempting as it would be to pour out your declaration of love with quill and paper it was just not done. For a young man and woman who wrote letters to one another it was assumed that they were engaged. Interestingly enough, though the observance of Valentine's Day was established in the 17th century, in the Regency Era however, it was not permissible to send your love a Valentine's Card unless you were already engaged to them. • Witty Banter: The best and truest lovers in the world of Jane Austen are those who speak from the head as well as the heart. If their conversation is matched in wit and education it is often a conduit for a much deeper affection. It is a sign of "mental compatibility". It is through the use of words that love can be found. ! The Art of Flirting A smile. In today's society a smile might not be conceived as one of the greatest romantic techniques of the 19th century. But low and behold the power of a simple smile could convey the most potent and unspoken expression of romantic interest. Think of it. There you are at a simple gathering, everyone dressed in their finest. You in a pretty muslin gown with a low cut bodice, beads and flowers weaved into your upswept hair. You fan yourself and occasionally nod in response to the endless dry conversation of the group. Your focus however is the handsome young bachelor whom you had just met at a ball not two weeks past. You glance his way, he sees you. This is your moment! In Pride and Prejudice, Jane Bennet sister of Elizabeth nearly loses her love interest, a Mr. Bingley, as she was too shy to pay any special affection to him. While it may seem tacky to cast a loving glance across a room but in the world of Austen it makes all the difference. So bat your eyes, flash that lovely charming smile. You can let him know your feelings with just a look. -14-
A Proposal at Last! Finally, after all of your efforts, your feelings have been reciprocated and your love has decided to make his proposal of marriage to you. How should he proceed? Well, any respectable gentlemen would first seek the permission of the lady's parents to make his intentions known. If they approved then a private meeting would be set for the young couple so the gentleman can make his proposal. It was not unusual however for a lady to receive an unwelcomed proposal. In fact, it is cause for many a cringe worthy and awkward moment in many Austen tales. In the case of Emma Woodhouse in Austen's Emma, the young lady finds that her attempt at matchmaking has gone horribly awry when a Mr. Elton, and man whom she had intended to propose to her friend Harriet Smith, believes that he has been encouraged to propose to Emma herself! He does not take rejection well however as he then becomes increasingly rude to Emma throughout the rest of the story.
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Also, who could forget the moment when Mr. Collins, a cousin to the Bennet family desired to take Elizabeth for his wife when his hope of taking her sister Jane had been dashed. It is both comical and somewhat embarrassing to witness the plight of Elizabeth who despite her refusal of Mr. Collins' proposal of marriage must repeat herself as Collins rejects Elizabeth’s rejection and instead insists that she is just playing "hard to get". *Once a Proposal was made it was considered a binding contract and could not be broken by the prospective groom. The lady could break off the engagement after careful consideration but to do so was a serious act indeed.* Now that you have met your love, a proposal has been made and accepted…congratulations! All that is left is to announce the wedding bands and wait for the church bells to ring! That is… unless you desire to elope, which would be a deliciously scandalous affair indeed… Happy Valentines Day!
Body Language — The Definitive Book by Allan and Barbara Pease
Chapter 15
COURTSHIP DISPLAYS & ATTRACTION SIGNALS
Dr. Albert Scheflen, author of Body Language and the Social Order, found that, when a person enters the company of the opposite sex, certain physiological changes take place. He found that high muscle tone became evident in preparation for a possible sexual encounter, 'bagging' around the face and eyes decreased, body sagging disappeared, the chest protruded, the stomach was automatically pulled in, pot-bellied slumping disappeared, the body assumed an erect posture and the person appeared to become more youthful in appearance. He noted that both men and women walked with a livelier, springier gait as a
display of health and vitality and to convey their suitability as a partner. A man will stand taller, protrude his jaw and expand his chest to make himself appear dominant. A woman who is interested will respond by emphasizing her breasts, tilting her head, touching her hair, exposing her wrists and thereby making herself appear submissive. The ideal place to observe these changes is on a beach when a man and a woman approach each other from a distance. The changes take place when they are close enough to meet each other's gaze and will continue until after they have passed each other, at which time their original posture returns. -16-
Body language is a fundamental part of courtship because it reveals how available, attractive, ready, enthusiastic, sexy or desperate we are. While some courtship signals are studied and deliberate, others, such as those just mentioned, are completely unconscious. It is still unclear how we learn these signals but research now shows that many may be inborn.
women, make his choice and, in almost recordbreaking time, would be seen heading towards the exit with her, escorting her to his car and driving back to his apartment. He would return to the function and repeat this process, sometimes several times in the same evening. He seemed to have a built-in radar for finding the available women at the right time and getting them to go with him. No one knew how he did it.
The Emergence of the Colorful Male
Research by animal courtship behavior zoologists and behavioral scientists reveals that male and female animals use a series of intricate courtship gestures, some obvious and others subtle, and that most of this is done subconsciously. In the animal world, courtship behavior in each species follows specific and pre-determined patterns. For example, in several species of bird, the male struts around the female giving a vocal display, puffing up his feathers and performing many intricate body movements to gain her attention, while the female appears to display little or no interest. This ritual is similar to that performed by humans when courtship begins.
In the majority of mammals, it's the male that 'dresses up' to impress the less than colorful females. Humans, however, do it the other way around. For centuries, women have done most of the sexual advertising by decorating themselves in colorful clothing and jewellery and painting their faces. The exception to this was during the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries in Europe when men adorned themselves with beautiful wigs and colorful clothing and outdressed the average woman. Keep in mind also that, historically, while women have dressed to attract men, men have dressed in clothing to either show status or to frighten away enemies. Today we see the re-emergence of the selfobsessed male who is again beginning to decorate himself like a peacock. We see soccer players having facials and manicures, and wrestlers tinting their hair. In the US we have seen the emergence of the 'metro-sexual' male — a heterosexual male, more often in urban environments, who copies women's behavior patterns — he has manicures, pedicures and hair coloring, wears fancy clothes goes to the jacuzzi, eats organic vegetarian food, has botox treatments, a face-lift and is in touch with his 'feminine side'. While the 'metro-sexual' male strikes many straight men as odd, 'metrosexuals' would seem to fall into a couple of categories: gay or effeminate men, and men who realize that assuming traditional female behaviors is a great way to meet lots of women.
Graham's Story Graham was a man who developed a skill that most men would kill to have. He would attend a social function and somehow quickly 'scope out' the available -17-
Human flirtation involves sequences of gestures and expressions not unlike the
courtship dances of birds and other animals, as seen on wildlife programs. The bottom line is that when a person wants to attract the opposite sex they do so by emphasizing sexual differences. To discourage the opposite sex we play down or hide these differences. Highlighting gender differences is what makes a person look 'sexy'. Graham's technique was first to spot women whose body language indicated they were available and then to respond with his own male courtship gestures. Those who were interested would return the appropriate female signals, giving him the non-verbal green light to proceed to the next stage. The success women have in intimate encounters is directly related to their ability to send courtship signals to men and to decode those being sent back. For a man, success in the mating game relies mainly on his ability to read the signals being sent to him, as opposed to being able to initiate his own moves. Most women are aware of courtship signals but men are far less perceptive, often being completely blind to them, which is why so many men have difficulty finding potential mates. Women's difficulty in finding partners is not about reading signals, it's more about finding a man who'll match their criteria. Graham somehow knew exactly what to look for and women would describe him as sexy, masculine, humorous and 'someone who makes me feel feminine'. This was their reaction to the constant attention he'd give them and the courtship signals he used. Men, on the other hand, described him as 'aggressive', 'insincere', 'arrogant' and 'not particularly funny' ~ their reaction to the competition Graham represented. Consequently, Graham had few male friends for obvious reasons - no man likes a potential rival for the attentions of his woman. This chapter is devoted to the female signals Graham could see and to the body language he used in return.
Why Women Always Call the Shots Ask any man who usually makes the first move in courtship and he will invariably say that -18-
men do. All studies into courtship, however, show that women are the initiators 90% of the time. A woman does this by sending a series of subtle eye, body and facial signals to the targeted man, who, assuming he is perceptive enough to pick them up, responds to them. There are men who will approach women in a club or bar without being sent the green light but, while some of these men are regularly successful with finding partners, their overall statistical success rate is low because they weren't invited first - they're simply playing the numbers game. In courtship, women call the tunes most of the time - men do most of the dancing. In these cases, if a man detects that his approach will be unsuccessful he's likely to pretend he's come to talk to her about other unrelated things and he will use corny lines like, 'You work at the National Bank don't you?' or Aren't you John Smith's sister?' To be successful in courtship by playing the numbers game a man has to approach a lot of women to make a sale unless, of course, he looks like Brad Pitt. Any man who crosses the floor to chat up a woman has usually done so at her request after picking up her body language signals. It just looks as if he made the first move because he made the walk across the floor. Women do initiate up to 90% of flirtatious encounters but it is done so subtly that most men think they are the ones taking the lead.
Differences Between Men and Women Men find it difficult to interpret the more subtle cues in women's body language and research shows that men tend to mistake friendliness and smiling for sexual interest. This is because men see the world in more sexual terms than women; men have 10 to 20 times more testosterone than women, which makes them see the world in terms of sex. To some men, when a lady says 'no' she means maybe; when she says 'maybe'she means 'yes'; but if she says 'yes' she's no lady. When they meet a possible partner, women send out subtle, but often deceptive, courting signals to see whether he's worth pursuing. -19-
Women tend to bombard men with courting rituals in the first minutes of meeting them. Men may misinterpret these signals and make a clumsy pass. By sending erratic and ambiguous signals in the early stages, women manipulate men into showing their hand. This is one reason why many women have trouble attracting men — men become confused and won't make an approach.
The Attraction Process As with other animals, human courtship follows a predictable five-step sequence that we all go through when we meet an attractive person. Stage 1. Eye contact: She looks across the room and spots a man she fancies. She waits till he notices her then holds his gaze for about five seconds and then turns away. He now keeps watching her to see if she does it again. A woman needs to deliver this gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what's happening. This gaze process can be repeated several times and is the start of the flirting process. Stage 2. Smiling: She delivers one or more fleeting smiles. This is a quick half smile that is intended to give a prospective man the green light to make an approach. Unfortunately, many men are not responsive to these signals, leaving the woman feeling that he's not interested in her. Stage 3. Preening: She sits up straight to emphasize her breasts and crosses her legs or ankles to show them to best advantage or, if she's standing, she tilts her hips and tilts her head sideways towards one shoulder, exposing her bare neck. She plays with her hair for up to six seconds — suggesting she is grooming herself for her man. She may lick her lips, flick her hair and straighten her clothing and jewellery. He'll respond with gestures such as standing up straight, pulling his stomach in, expanding his chest, adjusting his clothing, touching his hair and tucking his thumbs into his belt. They both point their feet or entire bodies towards each other. Stage 4. Talk: He approaches and attempts to make small talk, using cliches such as, 'Haven't I seen you somewhere before?' and -20-
other well-worn lines that are purely intended to break the ice. Stage 5. Touch: She looks for an opportunity to initiate a light touch on the arm, either 'accidental' or otherwise. A hand touch indicates a higher level of intimacy than a touch on the arm. Each level of touch is then repeated to check that the person is happy with this level of intimacy and to let them know that the first touch was not accidental. Lightly brushing or touching the shoulder of a man is done to give the impression that the woman cares about his health and appearance. Shaking hands is a quick way to move to the touch stage. These first five stages of courtship may seem minor or even incidental but they are critical to starting any new relationship and are the stages that most people, especially men, find difficult. This chapter will examine the signals that are most likely to be sent by men and women - and Graham - during these stages.
The 13 Most Common Female Courtship Gestures and Signals Women use most of the same basic preening gestures as men, including touching the hair, smoothing the clothing, one or both hands on hips, foot and body pointing towards the man, extended intimate gaze and increasing eye contact. Some women will also adopt the thumbs-in-belt gesture, which, although it's a male assertion gesture, is used more subtly: usually only one thumb is tucked into a belt or protrudes from a handbag or pocket. Something in the way she moves Attracts me like no other lover; Something in the way she woos me... —George Harrison Women become more sexually active in the middle of their menstrual cycle, when they are most likely to conceive. It's during this time that they are more likely to wear shorter dresses and higher heels, to walk, talk, dance and act more provocatively and to use the signals we are about to discuss. What follows is a list of the 13 most common courtship gestures and signals used by women everywhere to show a man that she could be available. -21-
1. The Head Toss and Hair Flick This is usually the first display a woman will use when she's around a man she fancies. The head is flicked back to toss the hair over the shoulders or away from the face. Even women with short hair will use this gesture. It's a way for a woman subtly to show that she cares about how she looks to a man. This also lets her expose her armpit, which allows the 'sex perfume' known as pheromone to waft across to the target man. 2. Wet Lips and Pouting, Mouth Slightly Open At puberty, a boy's facial bone structure alters dramatically as testosterone gives him a stronger, protruding jaw-line, larger nose and more pronounced forehead - all the essentials for protection to the face during encounters with animals or enemies. Girls' bone structure remains largely unchanged and child-like with more subcutaneous fat, which makes the female adolescent face appear thicker and fuller, particularly the lips. Larger, thicker lips therefore become a signal of femaleness because of their contrast in size to male lips. Some women have collagen injected into their lips to overstate this sexual difference and thereby make themselves more appealing to men. Pouting simply increases the lip display. A woman's outer genital lips are proportionately the same thickness to her facial lips. Desmond Morris describes this as 'selfmimicry', as it is intended to symbolize the female genital region. The lips can be made Sex sirens instinctively know how to use mouth and lip displays to get attention to appear wet either by the use of saliva or cosmetics, giving a woman the appearance of sexual invitation. When a woman becomes sexually aroused her lips, breasts and genitals become larger and redder as they fill with blood. The use of lipstick is an Egyptian invention that is four thousand years old and is intended to mimic facially the reddened genitals of the sexually aroused female. This explains why, in experiments using photos of women wearing various lipstick colors,
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men consistently find the bright reds the most attractive and sensual. 3. Self-Touching As stated earlier, our minds get our bodies to act out our secret desires — and so it is with Self-Touching. Women have many more nerve sensors for experiencing touch than men, making them more sensitive to touch sensations. When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh, neck or throat it infers that, if a man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these same ways. At the same time, her self-touch lets her imagine what it might feel like if the man was initiating the touch. 4. The Limp Wrist Walking or sitting while holding a Limp Wrist is a submission signal used exclusively by women and gay men. In a similar way, a bird feigns a damaged wing to distract prey away from its nest. In other words, it's a great attention getter. It's very attractive to men because it makes them feel as if they can dominate. In business situations, however, a Limp Wrist seriously detracts from a woman's credibility and others will fail to take her seriously, although some men will probably ask her for a date. Birds will feign an injured wing to get attention; women use a Limp Wrist 5. Fondling a Cylindrical Object Fondling cigarettes, a finger, the stem of a wine glass, a dangling earring or any phallicshaped object is an unconscious indication of what may be in the mind. Taking a ring off and on the finger can also be a mental representation of having sex. When a woman does these things, a man is likely to symbolically try to possess her by fondling her cigarette lighter, car keys or any personal item she has nearby. 6. Exposed Wrists An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside skin of her wrists to -23-
the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrists as her interest grows. The wrist area has long been considered one of the highly erotic areas of the female body because it is one of the more delicate skin areas; it's uncertain whether this is a learned behavior or is innate but it certainly operates on an unconscious level. The palms are also usually made visible to the man while she's speaking. Women who smoke cigarettes find this wrist/palm exposure simple to do while smoking by simply holding the palm up beside the shoulder. The Exposed Wrist and head toss gestures are often mimicked by homosexual males who want to take on a feminine appearance. Exposing the soft under side of the wrists is a powerful attraction signal Women put perfume on the underside of the wrist believing it has something to do with the wrist pulse distributing the perfume. But its real purpose is to thrust the wrist forward towards a potential partner. The perfume simply draws attention to the woman and lets the man see her under-wrists. 7. Sideways Glance Over Raised Shoulder The Raised Shoulder is self-mimicry of the rounded female breasts. With partially drooped eyelids, the woman holds the man's gaze just long enough for him to notice, then she quickly looks away. This action produces the feeling of peeping in the woman who does it and being peeped at by the man who receives it. Raising the shoulder highlights the femaleness of roundness and curves 8. Rolling Hips For childbearing reasons, women have wider hips than men and have a wider pelvic gap between the legs. This means that when a woman walks she has an accentuated roll which highlights her pelvic region. Men can't walk like -24-
this, so it becomes a powerful sex difference signal. Marilyn Monroe reportedly cut off a small piece of the heel of one shoe in a number of pairs so that the rolling of her hips became more exaggerated. This anatomical structure also explains why few women are good runners because their wider hips make their legs splay out to the side when they run. Rolling of the hips is one of the subtle female courtship gestures that has been used for centuries in advertising to sell goods and services. Women who see these advertisements have the desire to be like the model depicted, which results in an increased awareness of the product being promoted. Wiggling when you walk highlights the differences between men and women 9. The Pelvic Tilt Medical evidence shows that a woman in excellent health and most capable of successfully bearing children has a waist-to-hips ratio of 70%, that is, her waist is 70% the size of her hips. This gives her what's known as an hourglass figure. Throughout recorded history this is the body ratio that has proved the most dramatic male attention-grabber. Men begin to lose interest when the ratio exceeds 80% and, for most men, the greater or lesser the ratio the less attentive he will be. He completely loses interest when her ratio reaches 100% but still maintains a level of interest even when it drops below 70%, but 70% still remains the perfect ratio for reproductive success. The way a woman highlights this ratio is simple - she simply tilts her pelvis when she stands. Professor Devendra Singh, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Texas, studied the physical attractiveness of Miss America beauty contestants and Playboy centerfolds over a period of 50 years and found that the hips-towaist ratio that holds the greatest appeal for men is between 67% and 80%. Tilting the pelvis while standing highlights a woman's ability to bear children successfully. -25-
Professor Singh conducted a test using images of women who were underweight, overweight and of average weight and showed them to groups of men who were asked to rate them in terms of their attractiveness. Women of average weight with a hips-to-waist ratio of around 70% were found to be the most alluring. In the overweight and underweight groups, the women with the narrowest waist got the vote. The experiment's remarkable finding was that men gave the 70% hips-to-waist ratio the highest rating even when the woman's weight was quite heavy. This means a woman can be physically larger but will still turn male heads if she has this ratio. 10. Handbag in Close Proximity Most men have never seen the contents of a woman's handbag and studies show that most men are afraid even to touch her handbag, let alone open it. A woman's handbag is a personal item that's treated by her almost as if it's an extension of her body and so it becomes a strong signal of intimacy when she puts it close to a man. If she finds him particularly attractive, she may slowly fondle and caress her handbag. She can ask him to pass the handbag or to even retrieve something from it. Placing the handbag near him so he can see it or touch it is a strong signal she's interested; keeping it away from him indicates emotional distance. Placing her handbag close to a man is a sign of acceptance 11. The Knee Point One leg is tucked under the other and points to the person she finds the most interesting. This is a relaxed position, which also takes the formality out of a conversation and gives the opportunity for a fleeting exposure of the thighs. l2. The Shoe Fondle Dangling the shoe on the end of the foot also indicates a relaxed attitude and has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe. This action unsettles many men without them knowing what is happening. -26-
13. The Leg Twine Most men agree that the Leg Twine is the most appealing sitting position a woman can take. It's a gesture that women consciously use to draw attention to their legs. Albert Scheflen states that one leg is pressed firmly against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone, which, as previously mentioned, is a condition that the body takes when a person is ready for sexual performance. Other leg signals used by women include crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand, indicating a desire to be touched.
How Beautiful People Miss Out Most people are tempted to believe that physical appearance is the key to attracting a potential partner, but this is largely an idea promoted by television, films and the media. Extremely attractive people are rare, and are erroneously promoted as the standard to which we should all aspire, but studies show that most of us are skeptical about beautiful people. The studies found that we prefer to find mates who are roughly as attractive as we are, which means they are more likely to stay and not look for a better offer. This preference appears to be inborn, as babies show a preference for looking at average faces rather than at beautiful ones.
What Men Look At in Women's Bodies Research is clear in summarizing which body parts men and women look at on each other — men's brains are wired to be attracted to women who show the most healthy reproductive ability and sexual availability. When it comes to body shape, both men and women prefer someone with an athletic body shape. To men, this signals high levels of health and a woman's ability to successfully reproduce his genes. Evidence shows that men are more attracted to women with a child-like face - large eyes, small noses, full lips and cheeks — because these signals evoke paternal, -27-
to nurture, communicate, be a domestic goddess or play the piano. They see discussions on this subject as degrading to modern women. But almost every study into attraction conducted over the last 60 years reached the same conclusions as the painters, poets and writers over the past 6000 years - a woman's appearance and body and what she can do with it is more attractive to men than her intelligence or assets, even in the politically correct twentyfirst century. The twenty-first-century man wants the same immediate things in a woman as his forefathers did at first sight, but, he has different criteria for a long-term partner. The reality is that you need to attract a man first before he can find out about all your inner virtues. When you go fishing you bait the hook with what the fish likes, not with what you like. Have you ever tasted a worm? You might be repulsed by the thought but, for a fish, it's his favorite dish.
Is He a Butt, Boobs or Leg Guy?
protective feelings in most men. This is why most advertising for cosmetic surgery places so much emphasis on these features. Women, conversely, prefer men with adult faces that show the ability to defend - strong jaws, larger brows and strong nose. Women with child-like faces cause the release of hormones in men that make them want to protect females. The good news is that a woman doesn't need to be naturally beautiful to attract a man beauty certainly gives her an initial edge over competitors - she mainly needs to be able to display the signs that she could be available. This is why some women who are not particularly physically attractive always seem to have plenty of suitors. Overall, a man is more attracted to a woman by the signs of her availability than by her physical attractiveness, and you can learn and practice availability signals. Some women are appalled at the idea of modern men being initially attracted to a woman based on her appearance and availability instead of wanting her for her ability
When it comes to a man's favorite female body part, men are universally split into three fairly even groups - boobs, butts and legs. In this section, we will be analyzing only the physical characteristics of the female body and why each part has such an impact on the male senses. A woman's body has evolved as a permanent, portable sexual signalling system which is purpose-built to attract male attention for reproduction and butts, breasts and legs play the most significant part in this process. This may not be politically correct, but it is biologically correct. 1. Butts Men find rounded, peach-shaped buttocks the most attractive. Female human buttocks differ from other primates in that other primate females display enlarged, protruding buttocks only when they are ready for mating. Human females display enlarged buttocks permanently and are almost always sexually available to males. This is because one of the main purposes of regular human sexual activity is to encourage long-term pair-bonding for the successful rearing of children.
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Humans are the only primates that mate face-to-face — in other primate species, the males approach females from the rear and use her swollen red buttocks as a signal that she's ready for mating. And therein lies the key to men's attraction to women's butts - they always give the impression that she's available for him. Women's buttocks also have two other purposes: they store fat for breastfeeding and act as an emergency food storage in lean times, similar to a camel's hump. Wearing designer jeans has also become popular because they highlight the buttocks and give them a firm, rounded look. High-heeled shoes make the wearer arch her back, push out her buttocks, and make her wiggle when she walks, which invariably draws male attention. Marilyn Monroe reputedly chopped threequarters of an inch (2cm) off the heel of her left shoe to emphasize her wiggle. The females of several species of beetle also wiggle their rears in front of potential mates to attract attention. 2. The Breasts Most of the world has developed an obsession with breasts in recent years and cleavage and cosmetic breast enhancement is now a multi-billion dollar business. This is remarkable considering that human breasts are little more than enlarged sweat glands. Most of the breast consists of fat tissue. This gives them their rounded shape and most of this tissue is not involved in milk production. Overall, breasts serve one clear purpose — sexual signalling. Breasts mimic a woman's rear view — a relic from the days when humans walked on all fours. If a monkey or chimp walked towards you on two legs you'd be unable to tell whether it was male or female. Humans walk upright on two legs and enlarged female breasts evolved as a mimic of the female rear. Tests conducted with pictures of butt cracks and breast cleavage convincingly show that most men are unable to differentiate one crack from the other. Low-cut dresses and push-up bras emphasize this signal by creating cleavage. Fortunately, nearly all sex research surveys show that men love breasts in most shapes and -29-
sizes - it's the cleavage that stimulates men the most. It doesn't matter whether a woman's breasts are the size of a small lemon or look like watermelons - most men are keenly interested in them all and love a cleavage. A woman who is attracted to a man is likely to lean forward and bring her arms closer to her body, which presses her breasts together and makes a cleavage. Men's favorite breasts are those of a woman at her sexual and reproductive peak - in her late teens and early twenties. These are typical of the breasts seen in men's magazine centerfolds, on erotic dancers and in advertisements that trade on sex appeal. Researchers at Purdue University in America found that a woman hitchhiker can double the number of rides she is offered by increasing her bust size by adding 2 inches (5cm) of padding. 3. The Lure of Long Legs There is a biological reason why men love women's long legs. When a girl reaches puberty, her legs undergo rapid lengthening as hormones
When Someone is 'Hot Stuff' The core temperature for the human body is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit but the skin temperature varies depending on our emotional state. People who are described as 'cold', 'aloof', or 'stand-offish' are usually also physically cooler people because their blood is drawn into the leg and arm muscles for the 'fight or flight' response created by tension. So when you call someone a 'cold fish' you are correct on both the emotional and physical levels. Conversely, when one person is attracted to another, their blood rises to the surface of the skin, making them warmer. This is why lovers who are in the 'heat of passion', give a 'warm embrace', have 'steamy encounters' and can be 'hot stuff. In many women, this increase in body temperature can be seen as their chests will become flushed or covered in red blotches and their cheeks also flush.
Male Courtship Signals and Gestures
flood her body and change her into a woman. Her extra long legs become a powerful nonverbal signal telling males she is sexually maturing and is now capable of childbearing. This is why long legs have always been associated with potent female sexuality. Men love high heels on a woman because it gives her the illusion of having fertile-looking legs. High heels enhance a woman's sexual shape by lengthening her legs, arching her back, forcing her buttocks to protrude, making her feet appear smaller and thrusting her pelvis forward. This is why the shoe with the highest heel — the stiletto - with its bondage straps, is by far the most efficient sex aide on the market. High heels lengthen a woman's legs, make her buttocks sway and her breasts protrude. Most men also prefer a woman with shapely, thicker legs over those with thinner, spindly legs, because additional fat in the legs highlights the sex difference between male and female legs and is an indicator of better lactation. Men like women's legs to look athletic but will be likely turned off if she looks like she could win bodybuilding competition.
Male displays involve the show of power, wealth and status. If you are a woman, you will probably be disappointed with our summary of male courtship signals. Compared to those of women, there are not too many. While a woman will dress sensually, wear make-up and use a wide range of courtship gestures, men rev their car engines, brag about how much they earn and challenge other men. When it comes to courtship rituals, most men are as effective as someone standing in a river trying to catch fish by hitting them on the head with a big stick. Women have more lures and fishing skills to land their fish than any male could ever hope to acquire. In this section we will cover the most common male body language signals you are likely to see, much of which is focused around his genitals. Men are generally not good at sending or receiving the signals used in the mating game and, as we mentioned earlier, women not only control the game and make the rules, they own the scoreboard. Most of the time, men simply react to signals they see. Some magazines try to convince readers that men's courtship skills are improving because of the increase in the numbers of men who are paying more attention to their -30-
appearance. Men now have facials, do their nails and toenails, tint their hair, straighten their teeth, use hair conditioner and face creams and wear face powder. In the UK in 2004, a study by Gillette showed that Scotsmen were Britain's most vain men, spending an average of 16 minutes a day in front of a mirror preening themselves. But most of this behavior is an increase in male vanity levels - not in men's ability to read women's courtship signals. An American survey found the three words women would most like to hear from their male partner were not 'I love you'. They were 'you've lost weight' As with most male animals, the human male displays preening behavior as a potential partner arrives on the scene. In addition to the automatic physiological reactions already mentioned, he will straighten his tie, smooth his collar, brush imaginary dust from his shoulder and touch his cufflinks or watch, and rearrange his shirt, coat and other clothing. W h y M e n Ta l k t o Wo m e n a t t h e Beginning of a Relationship Many men understand that talking at length to a woman about the personal intimate details of his or her life wins points and can open her mind - and more — to him. At the beginning of a new relationship a man will often use the talking strategy but after the honeymoon period he's likely to go back to his stereotypical behavior of not talking - sticking only to facts, information and solutions to problems when he does talk. The Male Genitals Obsession The most direct sexual display a man can make towards a woman is the aggressive thumbs-in-belt gesture that highlights his genitals. He may also turn his body towards her and point his foot at her, use an intimate gaze and hold her gaze for longer than usual. When he is seated or leaning against a wall, he may also spread his legs to display his pelvis. In troops of baboons, and with several other primates, males display their dominance by using a penis display. By spreading their legs to give others a full view of the size of their wedding tackle and giving it the occasional adjustment from time to time, they can -31-
constantly assert and reassert their dominant status. This same display is used by human males to assert their manhood, though it is more subtle than the baboons, mainly because of the hefty prison sentence the baboon display would carry. The fifteenth century saw the introduction of the not-so-subtle codpiece, which purported to display the size of a man's masculinity and therefore his social status. In the twenty-first century, New Guinea natives still employ penis displays, while Western men can achieve the same effect with tight-fitting pants, small-size Speedo swimming trunks or dangling a large bunch of keys or the long end of a belt in front of his genitals. These hanging objects give a man the opportunity to reach down from time to time for any necessary adjustments. Most women cannot imagine being in a public place and reaching down to scratch their genitals and are amazed that men will do this nonchalantly and with regularity. It is the same message for all male primates, they just use different approaches.
suit and tie, but wear the tie slightly off to one side and put a little lint on one shoulder. Any women who find you attractive can't resist brushing the lint off and straightening your tie so that you look just right.
The Pelvic Adjustment The most common form of public male sexual display is the Pelvic Adjustment. "Women everywhere complain that they will be talking with a man and suddenly, for no apparent reason, he will begin adjusting or handling his genitals. The inference is that his genitalia are so large and cumbersome that they need constant attention to prevent the cut-off of blood circulation. The great thing about being a man is you do not have to leave the room to adjust yourself. Watch any group of young males together, especially where manly attitudes are encouraged, such as on sporting teams, and you will see random continuing adjustment of guys' genitals as each male unconsciously tries to assert his masculinity in front of the others. Women are horrified when a man then proceeds to get her a drink using the same hand he just used for his adjustments and he then greets people with a handshake. Wearing a Tie to One Side If you are a man and you want to find out which women like you, wear a neatly pressed
Men's Bodies - What Turns Women On the Most Surveys show that women continually express a preference for men with deeper, smoother voices because deep tones are directly linked to testosterone levels. The change in voice tone is noticeable in boys because, when they reach puberty, their bodies flood with male hormones as they begin to change into men and their voices 'crack' virtually overnight. When a man is around a woman he fancies he's likely to start speaking in deeper tones to highlight his masculinity while a responsive woman is likely to start talking in higher pitched tones to contrast her femaleness. Since the feminist movement began in the 1960s, women have taken on male job roles and tasks that require the production of testosterone, the hormone that drives us to achieve and that has been described as the 'success hormone'. Research now shows that in countries such as the US, United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand where feminism has been more influential, women's voices have become deeper because women have become more assertive and authoritative. Hopefully, the hairy chest won't follow.
Is She a Chest, Legs or Butt Woman? Women's sexual responses to men are triggered visually by certain aspects of the male body. When it comes to a woman's favorite male body parts, women are also universally split into three groups - legs, butts and chests/arms with butts taking 40% of the votes for first prize. In this section, we will be analyzing only the physical characteristics of the male body and why each part has such an impact on the female senses. Overall, women also look for athletic body shape, broad shoulders, muscular chest and arms and a tight butt. Even in the twenty-first century, surveys overwhelmingly show women still want a man who looks as if he can wrestle animals and fight off invaders. Male bodies are purpose built to chase, catch and wrestle animals, carry heavy things and kill spiders. -32-
1. Broad Shoulders, Chest and Muscular Arms
Summary
The upper torso of the hunting male is wide and tapers to narrow hips, whereas a woman's body is narrower at the shoulders and widens at the hips. Men evolved these features to allow them to lug heavy weapons over long distances and carry home their kills.
The world is in the grip of a singles epidemic. In all Western countries, marriage rates are the lowest they've been in 100 years — half the rate of 25 years ago. In places such as Australia, 28% of adults have never married.
Women are attracted to a well-defined male upper body, but most dislike the 'muscle man' bodybuilder look; a woman feels he is likely to be more interested in his own beauty than in hers.
The fact that men and women are initially motivated by body features may be disheartening to some but, on the plus side, everyone has the chance to improve their appearance and make a conscious decision to increase their attractiveness to the opposite sex. For those who choose to stay as they are, online dating, IT matchmaking, flirt-a-thons and speed-dating events are booming everywhere and the New York Times estimated that it had an annual turnover of 3 billion dollars worldwide in 2003. And because men have more difficulty than women in meeting the opposite sex, most flirting classes worldwide have more male attendees than women.
The male chest developed to house large lungs enabling more effective distribution of oxygen and allowing him to breathe more efficiently when running and chasing. In past generations, the bigger his chest, the more respect Women are attracted to a well-defined male upper body, but most dislike the 'muscle man' bodybuilder look; a woman feels he is likely to be more interested in his own beauty than in hers. and power a man commanded, and this is still the case with most surviving primitive tribes. 2. The Small,Tight Butt A small, compact butt is the favorite of women everywhere but few understand its magnetic attraction. The secret is that a tight, muscular rear is necessary to make the strong forward thrusting motion needed for successful sperm transfer during sex. A man with a fat or flabby derrière has difficulty with this forward movement and has a tendency to throw his entire body weight into the thrust. For women, this isn't ideal, as the man's weight can be uncomfortable on her and make it difficult to breathe. By contrast, the small, tight rear promises a greater chance of doing an effective job. 3. Narrow Hips and Muscular Legs Men's legs are attractive to women only insofar as they are symbols of masculine power and endurance. The powerful, angular legs of the human male are the longest of all primates and his narrow hips allow him to run swiftly over long distances to chase and hunt. Women's wide hips cause many women to have difficulty running, as their lower legs and feet often flay out to the side to balance body weight. Leading US neuropsychology professor Dr Devendra Singh discovered that women find male hips with a 90% waist-to-hips ratio the most appealing. -33-
Table for Two by Alexander Armstrong I never go out on Valentine’s Day. Does my sweetheart consider me a miserly cynic? Happily, no. The truth of the matter is, I love to cook; and I know what my paramour enjoys. So I do all that I can to make the evening intimate and memorable, tending to the details I might otherwise overlook, and preparing my queen’s favorites elegantly and with incredible love. We both look forward to this sacred evening far from the madding crowd, when we can dine at our leisure, surrounded by candlelight, serenaded by music we’ve chosen just for the occasion. When I was contacted by author CJ Paul to submit my original recipes as the basis of a romantic — nay, seductive — cookbook, I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would be interested in my funny little recipe posts, and then it dawned on me — it’s not because of the ingredients I put into my
cooking; it’s because of the passion. And, of course, that most important component — love and respect for my dining companion. The result of CJ’s efforts, along with those of errant intern Jeff, is a compendium of 30 recipes designed to cause stirrings in the kitchen as well as the bedroom. CJ has shrewdly enlisted the services of a chic event planner to add some flair in the way of suggestions for creating ambience, even supplying links for music to cook to. Written with tongue-in-cheek humor and irreverence, it makes for a fabulous novelty gift for a friend or Valentine. If you’re coupled, you’ll enjoy sharing the epicurean experiences with your mate. If you’re single, following the book’s advice is a good way to catch a mate! Either way, you’re in for plenty of light-hearted smiles and some of my favorite food. Bon appétit, friends and lovers, and Happy Valentine’s Day! -34-
"This is a sexy, fun book filled with great recipes, wit and charm. Anyone who enjoys sex or food will love it!" —Julia Child, beloved French cuisine chef and television personality “It’s The Joy of Cooking meets The Joy of Sex. Now, why didn’t I think of that?” —Irma Rombauer, co-author of The Joy of Cooking “Makes me want to remodel my house and put a bed in the kitchen and a stove in the bedroom.” —James Beard, host of television’s first cooking show, I Love to Eat “At last, the sensual arts have met and married. Congratulations, CJ Paul!”—Emily Post, etiquette sage “A place where one can indulge in epicurean and boudoir hedonism. I know that place well. It’s called a hotel. I predict great things for this author.”—Auguste Escoffier, father of haute cuisine and grand fromage at London’s legendary Ritz and Savoy hotels “Ce livre saura satisfaire tous les appétits.”— François Vatel, chef to Louis XIV, and regrettable seafood suicide “Pandora’s spice box has opened. What next? Women in the kitchen?” —Bartolomeo Scappie, author of the very first recognized cookbook, Opera Dell'arte del Cucinare, 1577. The weighty volume contains more than a thousand recipes and the first known picture of a fork “I never got lucky in the kitchen or the bedroom. Till I got Conquered in the Kitchen.” — Name withheld until the family has been notified. Former World Wrestling Federation star and recently deceased food truck owner whose demise was blamed on a faulty parking brake
Conquered in the Kitchen Recipes for Seduction is available for Kindle at Amazon.com and in a variety of interactive formats on the Conquered site where you can find a sample. -35-
Siren School’s Sweetheart Seduction online workshop
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via videochat, from the privacy of your own boudoir
Could you use some pointers on how to be absolutely irresistible to your paramour? Join your siren sisters for a day of sassy, silly, sensuous, sensual, seduction instruction. Offered on selected Saturdays, 9am-2pm PST/12noon-5pm EST (timetables written in Pacific time)
• 9am - The Psychology of Seduction & the 'Feminine Mystique' Debunked! We will break the ice of intimacy with a sort of Comedy of Eros, a lighthearted look at what really makes a man tick... as well as drool. Includes a mid-session 'how-do-you-take-it' coffee break • 10:30am - Finishing School! We may not ask you to walk with a heavy book balanced on your head, but we will teach you how to glide and sit and do all sorts of things that would make Prof. Henry Higgins proud • 11am - Ambience and amour: Setting the scene from Bedroom to Boudoir... or even bordello: • 12 noon - Alluring Lunch: Learn how to own the dining table with confidence and grace. We'll literally eat together online with instruction on etiquette and elegance, so be prepared to grab your food quickly and bring it back for consumption and, if needed, correction. We'll also discuss how to prepare a menu and meal that is suited to romance • 1pm - brief break • 1:15 - Kiss & Makeup - tips for hair, nails, scent, and yes, even makeup. -36-
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Courting Nature
Mating Rituals in the Animal Kingdom Buying flowers, offering chocolates, dipping a girl’s hair in an inkwell — we’re all familiar with the time-honored rituals of romance. But as Mother Nature shares ever so tenderly, we are not the only species to do engage in the dance of romance. from Treehugger.com
Dusky Dolphins are current examples of the 70's hippy movement all over again. They much prefer to Make Love, Not War. These mammals live in rather promiscuous societies, or communes if you will, engaging in frequent group sex to build upon their society’s closeness as a whole. The prelude to these group acts includes chases, leaps from the water, and swimming belly to belly (sounds a little like Woodstock).
Adélie Penguins live in small nests made of stone. The one thing these little mammals have a lot of is rock, so when it comes to getting on their mate’s good side, the male penguin will often bring her a carefully chosen stone as a courtship gift to enforce their bond. Does it work? Yeah, just as much as any other 3 Karat rock works for us humans! Masked Boobies have their own brand of mating ritual. The males attract a female’s attention in much the same as the Adelie Penguin, by giving her gifts, except in addition they also offer small token of themselves in the form of feathers. African Elephants are some of the most gentle and affectionate animals on earth. Just as a true romantic couple prefers to go everywhere holding the hand of their chosen soul mate, male and female elephants gently caress and entwine their trunks as a sign of affection and dare we say love for each other. -38-
The Blue Bird of Paradise finds his mate their a very breathtaking courtship display. He hangs upside down from a tree branch, while rhythmically enlarging and contracting a patch of feathers on his chest. At the same time he spreads his violet-blue plumes, swaying back and forth, arching his tail feathers, and then calling to his lover softly in a low, sultry, sexy voice. Male Mandarin Ducks have succeeded where most construction workers have not. When these guys see a lady they are interested in, they bark and whistles combined with a dramatic display of shaking, preening, and drinking. If the girl happens to see something that she likes, she calls back at her chosen man, giving him the signal she is ready to leave with him and embark on what could be described as a one-night-stand. While many women prefer the male to make the first move, when there is nobody knocking at the door, some decide to take matters into their own hands, similar to the female Baboon. Baboons live in rather promiscuous groups where if a
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receptive female decides she wants to get it on, all she needs to do is shake her booty in front of her chosen mate. Before and during the consummating of the mating ritual, the female will emit a distinctive groan with her mouth closed and cheeks puffed out. In human terms, this often results in neighbor complaints and a police officer knocking at the front door during that crucial moment.
The Scary Thing Is
by Cara Nicole Neo The scary thing is that you can never know. The scary thing is that he can be sitting across from you staring intently at your computer screen at ten minutes past midnight, having come straight from home two hours ago to help you fix your laptop; and you can still be wondering, worrying about the girls he could meet, the girls who might smile at him and his friends, the harmless little glass splinters of glances. The scary thing is that inadequacy isn’t glamorous, and so you try to hide it. Occasionally it escapes, crawls its treacherous little fingers out of your mouth in an unattractive, blubbering 2AM phone call. His reassurances feed its ugly little mouth just enough to fill its ugly little stomach, and it retreats, snuffling and sighing, back into the hollow of your throat. For a time. Only ever for a time, because before long it’s back again, and hungrier. And when it’s hungry, you feel the damning urge to be hungry as well. To empty yourself of everything else until you are beautiful. You see yourself, years from now — all pearlescent eyelids and inflated breasts and hard smiles that crack at certain corners — and realize, with a snatch and a thump, that it is ugly. You don’t want to be ugly, but you have this terrible, spiraling feeling that in your quest to forever stay the peachy-cheeked, dark-eyed young girl he found you as — you will end up at the opposite end of the map. Watching, from under heavy eyelids, in a form-fitting cashmere dress, as your place is taken by a newly peachycheeked, dark-eyed young girl. This haunts you. It is your greatest fear.
You’re not quite sure where you got it from. TV, perhaps. Some poems, the kind that end with extolling the virtues of having a whole king-size bed to sleep in alone. No matter. The imaginary flame has kindled a real lick of flame. it spreads slowly, nibbling along the edges of paper, despite his best efforts to stop it. Most days you feel nothing except a dim gnawing, uncomfortable enough to notice, but little enough to ignore. Occasionally it yippees in a spiteful little flicker and this, you think (it feels like) is enough to break you. It’s already happening. Nothing wrong has happened between you both and already you are disintegrating, alone. The man you love is holding on to sand, and you are the grains counting down your gradual descent through his fingers. Better he had never tried to piece you together with mud and water, maybe. Better you end up back in the ocean, anonymous and unfindable where you began, bits of you settling in blue nooks everywhere. People in love do not, should not, have these thoughts, and that is the scary thing. That is the scariest thing of all.
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Be a u t y by Marc Prudhon
The beauty of the face and body is but ephemeral. What shines forth from the heart and soul is eternal. Thoughts and ideas of beauty alter without reason or rhyme. The glory of the spirit mocks and forever transcends time. The Goddess who made us each had no ideals in her plan, No age, no beauty, nor ugly, merely woman and man. The lily is pale and fair, many praise its beauty. But there are others to whom we also owe duty. Pansies and roses can be dark in their parts; Should we then, deny them our hearts? So judge not any person by their physical whole. Rejoice and enjoy them for what they show of their soul. -41-
oved The Immortal Bel Second Letter
Evening, Monday, July 6
You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven? -42-
The Love Poems of Lyle Dagnen “How neat and clean a life would be with out the mess that love always seem to make. Edges clean, everything crisp, with such a hollow ring.” —Lyle Dagnen
Love’s Pure Fool
Magic
The only fool where love's concerned, is one who did not try, To sit in safety, all alone, and be proud you did not cry. Not once a pain or broken heart, no emotion floating by, No tear 'ere shed, over love gone wrong, feeling love just die.
There must be magic, right there in your hands, Warm, tingling, just a touch, my heart leaps, Breathing becomes difficult, standing impossible, Hands shaking, a mind without coherent thought. There must be magic , right there in your hands. Sweet soft lips that can set a soul ablaze with need, Steel banded arms so gentle, embracing, protecting, Standing still, holding out the world, holding love in. There must be magic, right there in your hands. Head on your chest, moving so slow, music playing, Lovers clinging, whispering, touching, dancing, Night enfolding, lips covering, hands holding, warm, There must be magic, right there in your hands.
The only fool who walks the earth with stoic strength and smiles, Is the fool who turned and walked away, while love calls and cries. It takes a strong and beating heart to answer and make replies, To love's strong call, to drop the guard that answers love's surprise. What kind of fool? Why, I'm love's pure fool, my heart lies broken there, Upon the rocks of taking a chance, to know a passion, to share. For the thrill of love, for passion's power, I'll never walk with care, No fool am I, for love has meant, that I've walked with angels fair. Silence of the Night The scent of sandalwood reveals your nearness, Silent steps in the mist of the moon bring you close. Power enfolding as your lips find mine in darkness, Taking possession your power holds, trapped in passion. A willing slave to the demands unspoken on your lips, Two bodies blending into one as the moon travels the sky. Words no longer needed, silently the kiss of the wind holds, Large hands holding my face as you leave me, Knowing you will return and I will wait.
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Two sides of my Lover Sometimes when you come to mind, Feelings so primal surge from within, Your fist in my hair, slammed to the wall, Driving deep within in me, passion wild. Sometimes when you come to mind, Feelings of gentle touching soothe my soul, Hands gently stroking, gentle kisses shared, Closeness as if we blend into one being. You are power, you are passion, you are gentle, Feelings that consume all that I am or will be, A body that is mine and a soul blended with mine, Loving and lusting, our passions combined. A Lover's Touch A hand on my shoulder, a breath on my neck, A touch filled with passion, unleashed in my soul. Arms strong and tender enfolding my body, Standing together, our bodies are as one. Heart beats exploding, mouths locked with lust, Falling and tumbling, entangled in love, Opening, receiving, exploding with joy.
Vows of Beauty & Love The personally written wedding vows of Wayne and Michelle Burketh, wed August 19, 2001; shared by their friend, contributor Bonnie Ramsburg HIS: My dearest, it is you that I love and whose hand I do now hold at this glorious moment and promise this day to marry. The love I felt for you since I first cast my eyes upon you will never grow cold. You are the Queen of my world, and the beacon that shows me the way. It is you whom I will rejoice to love forever and to protect. You have brought a light into my life that I will always cherish. I will savor your laughter and wipe away the tears and we two shall be as one. I am proud to stand beside you this day and forever. I pledge to be at your side when prosperity makes us secure, and to please you and to spend the rest of my days building a life with you. I love you because you are you and that will never change. I wish to hold you in my arms and in my heart; my every thought goes with you and I vow to ever love and adore you as we go through life as man and wife. No one could love you more eagerly, more completely or more passionately than I love you today. I am yours until our dust returns to the earth.
HERS: Dear heart, you are here beside me and that is what makes me happy. I give you my hand gladly in willing love, eager to complete the vow and do not ever want to let go. I promise the love I hold for you my dear one will burn brighter every day. I love the smile that is always on your face and the strong sound of your voice, as I have loved you from our first embrace. I shall continue to love you through the years, I am here for you in whatever life brings and will be there beside you forever. I give you my heart to hold and to protect and I vow my love, my trust and my adoration. I do promise to love you and to always be your companion and friend. Your face is always before me; my day is not complete unless I hear the sound of your voice. My delight is to be with you as companion and soul mate, to laugh, to be silly or serious, and to enjoy you all of my life. Come and take me to your heart, to be your loving and delighted wife, forever and ever.
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Romance Shines into the Sunset of their Lives
One of the most popular romantic comedy movies of all time is Rob Reiner’s When Harry Met Sally. It is particularly noteworthy for one unforgettable scene set in a deli where Harry (Billy Crystal) brags to Sally (Meg Ryan) of his prowess in the bedroom, assuring her that he has left a legacy of satisfied females. In response, Sally feigns a moment of unbridled erotic bliss, proving her point in no uncertain terms.
In Their Own Words
But despite the film’s snappy dialogue, and leading players’ chemistry, the part that touched me most was the series of cutaway scenes featuring seasoned married couples, strewn throughout the piece. Each couple was cuter than the last, as they spoke of the road they’d traveled together as husbands and wives married for multiple decades.
"Married people have to love one another unselfishly, keep doing for each other. And you have to like one another." ~ Louis Goldberg
Perhaps even sweeter still is the number of real-life couples who, after 50-80 years of marriage, are still enamored of their sweethearts. Many a veteran twosome has been plied for their “secret” to matrimonial harmony. And while each pair is as unique and individual as their storied romance, there are definite similarities in their approach and advice.
"For those about to get married — Do not over romanticize. Marriage is not the panacea. Marriage probably will not be problem-free. Rather, be problem-aware. If and when problems appear, work them through. Sometimes these are easy, other times difficult." ~ Arthur Cohen
By and large they tended to stress things like friendship, kindness, compromise, support of each other’s interests, shared views, time together, time apart, unselfishness, mutual respect and the importance of commitment to staying together, not to mention the proverbial truism, “Don’t go to bed angry.” -45-
Here are some pearls of wisdom from couples married 50 years or longer, excerpted from Everlasting Matrimony "Your partner is not a mind reader. Say what’s on your mind." ~ Gilda Gittleman "Physical closeness is important; intimacy is important, sharing a bed. And couples need to take time out to do something for themselves. I believe in life together, but you need some time to yourself, too." ~ Fleurette Kurtzman
"We both have a sense of humor, and that’s what gets us through. You’re doomed without it." ~ Louise Fradkin "Trust is most essential to a successful marriage. I always felt that my husband was honest and reliable." ~ Helen Bronson
"Don't discuss sensitive subjects before dinner—eat first." ~ Renee Flager
New blood pumps through the fragile heart of a beloved, centuries-old tale by Megan Reichelt “The latest incarnation of Oedipus, the continued romance of Beauty and the Beast, stand this afternoon on the corner of 42nd Street and Fifth Avenue, waiting for the traffic light to change.” –Joseph Campbell From its inception, Rorschach Theatre in Washington DC has been exploring the idea of undying love. The Scarlet Letter gave us the chance to wrestle with the forbidden love between Hester and Dimmesdale. Living Dead in Denmark tackled literal undead romance and what can be forgiven after death as Hamlet and Ophelia clash during a zombie uprising. The Minotaur showed how even love preordained by myth is not always the best path.
photo courtesy of C. Stanley Photography
In our newest play, Glassheart by Reina Hardy, we explore a love story so treasured and so often retold that it is stitched into the very fabric of our culture: the story of Beauty and the Beast. Even before Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve wrote the first published version of the tale in 1756, the idea of a beast and his beautiful bride reverberated throughout history: Cupid and Psyche from Greece, East of the Sun and West of the Moon from Norway, the Monkey Son-in-Law from Japan, and many more. In all of these tales, a woman must live with a beast, often to save her family, and over time she comes to love him. It is a story that has been adapted over and over again, changing its form or symbolism or time period to fit the culture, but it never changes that essential core. Fairy tales have a way of speaking directly to our blood, giving shape to the patterns we repeat throughout our lives and throughout time. A woman falls in love with a man that others do not think deserves her love. A man has such self-loathing that he sees himself unlovable. Two people are paired together through outside powers and must navigate each other until they finally click. We feel the truth in fairy tales because they have been tossed and smoothed through the waves of history, wearing them down to that emotional core that speaks to all ages. Author Catheryne E. Valente calls them “the best-edited stories of all time... boiled down, espresso-like stories that go straight to the back of your reptile brain." Glassheart recognizes that. This story carries the weight of all the Beauty and the Beasts that have come before. We know how the story is supposed to go. And yet Beauty has not come. After almost 500 years of waiting for her, the Beast’s one remaining servant, a devoted lamp, uproots the reluctant Beast, sells the castle, and moves him to Chicago in a desperate attempt to find a woman to break the curse. The lamp struggles to keep him -46-
moving and hoping and trying as the Beast sinks further into despair until one day, a lost cat brings a young woman to their door. Reina Hardy’s Glassheart has the beautiful duality of showing both the grandeur of the fairy tale and the intimate reflection of the tale in a modern life. On the one hand, we have the Beast and his magical servant, the rose bush (a last precious vestige of his old home), enchanted dwellings, the witch, the entrapment, the rejected proposal, the waltz, the desire for home and the promise the Beast will die. On the other hand, we have a sad and lonely recluse in the apartment downstairs who finds a friend in the new girl who has just moved in and is looking for her cat. As one of the characters, a landlady with a taste for gingerbread and children, says “Humans… simply refuse to see” the more extraordinary natures of the fairy tale creatures that walk among them. To that end, director Lee Liebeskind made the choice to show the Beast as a man. No fur, no horns, no scales. The human audience sees only the man, and the Beast is inside. In this way, the audience gets to see both the fairy tale and the human parallel in every moment of the play. There is a further element that makes this adaptation unique. Most versions of Beauty and the Beast, fairy tale or human, focus on the love between the two title characters. The other characters of the tale stand on the edge of their limelight. Yet Reina Hardy has refocused the tale a little to encompass the loyal, loving Lamp. The Lamp’s devotion to the Beast and her determination to break the curse forces the Beast out of his comfort zone, allowing him to take the steps towards salvation.
The patterns of fairy tale echo through our lives: a young, abused girl who decides to take destiny into her own hands and rise to success is Cinderella; a woman who sacrifices her happiness for the man she loves is the Little Mermaid; an enterprising young man is Jack. These patterns connect us to those who came before. They give structure and familiarity to our lives. And yet, Glassheart underlines a very important element to human life that these comfortable patterns often make people forget: everyone has a choice. Glassheart is running from January 17-February 16th at the Atlas Performing Arts Center in DC.
Our beloved little Lamp’s knowledge of the world comes from the beautiful stories she has heard the Beast read as she stood over his shoulder and gave him light: fairy tales where everyone gets a happy ending. Yet as modern, human life permeates her story more and more, she realizes that not all stories have happy endings and she must make a terrible decision. This dance between the fairy tale and the human is reflected throughout the play. It questions which is the most valuable: the mundane routine or the extraordinary, though risky and painful, experience? -47-
photo courtesy of C. Stanley Photography
Not a “Typical” Love Story by Genevieve Poston *She, again, sits at her desk, cup of coffee. She takes a good long swig of it and sets it down. She begins to type and looks back to that first meeting and smiles.* My love story isn’t conventional, but it is special. Well, at least to me it is, of course. My fiancé means everything to me. I know there are days when we argue and don’t agree on things. But I literally couldn’t do a thing without him. I mean it — nothing. I work and he is Stay at Home Daddy to our daughter, and he takes care of managing the finances and what not. Sure, I have had people tell me that they think that is strange and weird, but it works for us. *she shrugs a little* It all started about 4 years ago…. We met via the internet. We are both gamers and role players. For those who don’t know what “Role Play” is: role-play [rohlpley] - verb (used with object) to assume the attitudes, actions, and discourse of (another), especially in a make-believe situation in an effort to understand a differing point of view or social interaction. Basically, we each had a character that we created. They had stories, “lives”, and e xp e ri e n ce s tog e ther. Our characters eventually ended up falling in love. At the time, we ourselves held no romantic connection for each other. In such games you are not your c h a r a c t e r. “ R o l e Play” is nothing more than story-telling involving more than one person really. Well, we began to talk more “outside of character” and became friends, and a little something more as time went
on. Then one day we decided “Why not?” and figured that we would meet for a weekend. Sure it was a crazy idea, some people think, but you only really have a few chances for good things, right? Why let the chance slip away? So, he took a huge chance and came to visit me — eight hours away from the place that he grew up. He came via a Greyhound bus on what he told me was “the most nerve-racking bus ride of his entire life”. He said he was so nervous the whole way. I remember picking him up at the bus station. I remember it down to the very clothes that he was wearing. I was never a believer in “love at first sight” but seeing him walk through those doors solidified every single feeling of love and affection that I had begun to feel for him. And it was that moment that I knew. I knew this was the end of a search, but the beginning of something real. So naturally, I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck for a big hug. After all, he had become a best friend in the previous months, as well as a spawning romance. Best hug of my entire life. *She sits and smiles, remembering that first hug*
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Well, the weekend went as fast as it arrived, and the time for him to go back home with it. It was with sad smiles and small tears that we gave each other our temporary goodbyes, with promises to call as soon as he got home safely. We talked non-stop for about a week or so before I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. The distance was too much…. I had to be near him. He was all I could think about. I was a complete mess. Every single song on the radio made me think of him. There was literally no escaping the feeling that he was where I was meant to be. So, as the tunes of Shinedown’s “If You Only Knew” and “Second Chance” and “Vanilla Twilight” by Owl City played loudly in my car, I drove eight hours. I drove eight hours straight, no stops, straight to his arms. I spent two weeks with him and decided that I wasn’t going to let it end. So I made the choice to move. My drive home was only a drive to get my things, give my Daddy a big hug (trust me, leaving home wasn’t easy and we cried, but I had a new home waiting for me too). Of course, not every love story is a smooth and easy ride. Shortly after I moved, we ended up conceiving our daughter, fondly referred to as “Little Guppy”, “Little”, and “Daughter Beast” <3 . I am not dishonest when I tell people, she was completely an unexpected accident. But the best and most cherished accident in our life together, even when she is a stinker and “rotten”. Things aren’t always easy, nor do they happen the way that we planned. But we make it. There have been bumps in the road and other things as well. But I love him more than anything. Crux is many things. He is a good father, a good man, an honest man — even when I don’t want to hear the truth, a godly man, and a wonderful person. He is many things. Of all these things that he is, there is one thing he is most. He is my everything. I cannot say that my life is anything like I ever imagined it would be. But am I glad it is the way it is? Yes, even though there are days it seems so damn tough. And the only reason that I have an ounce of sanity left in me is because of him. He may never even read or
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see this, and I know that I am terrible with words and sometimes my actions might reflect the opposite of how I feel. But one thing for sure — I am so glad that I listened to my heart and took a crazy leap of faith four years ago. I wouldn’t change a thing. Improve? Perhaps. There is always room for improvement, but that is mostly on my part. Am I saying that he, or our life, is perfect? No, but I wouldn’t change a single thing — not even a tiny bit. Take it from me — if you are ever unsure where to go when it comes to love and the battle between mind (thinking practically) and heart (only feeling happiness and joy), Flip a coin. I know it sounds silly, and perhaps too simple. But do it. For that single passing moment of when that coin is in the air, lingering in the undecided, you will know exactly where you are meant to be. The answer isn’t where the coin lands, it’s the choice that calls out the loudest in that one moment. I can bet you 99% of the time, you will say heart. I hope that maybe my story helps someone to perhaps take a chance, a crazy leap, to follow their heart. I know, for me personally, I am so glad that I did.
Pregnant, happy and in love
oved The Immortal Bel Third Letter
Good morning,
July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. ever thine ever mine ever ours -50-
Many have speculated over whom might be the recipient, made more difficult by the fact that there is no year or place given on the letters. But Solomon, following Beethoven's date on the letters, his movement during the period (1812) and studying the persons close to Beethoven, has come to the solution that Antoine Brentano must be the answer, now generally accepted as being correct. Antonie von Birkenstock was born in Vienna on May 28, 1780, thus 10 years younger than Beethoven. She underwent eduction with the Ursuline order in Pressburg. On July 23, 1798 she married the Frankfurt merchant Franz Brentano, 15 years her senior. Her first child was born in 1799 but died a year later. She then had four surviving children. Solomon states that her marriage was unhappy.
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In June 1809, Antonie's father was seriously ill in Vienna and she went there with her children in early October. Her husband followed a short time later and set up a branch of his firm in Vienna. In May 1810, Antonie's sister-in-law Bettina Brentano introduced her to Beethoven for the first time. The Brentano's remained in Vienna until late in 1812 - she didn't like Frankfurt much and was ill most of the time. During her illnesses Beethoven would often play the piano for her. The Immortal Beloved letters were written at a time when it was evident that she would be leaving Vienna. After her departure at the end of 1812 she and Beethoven never met again. Antonie Brentano died in 1869 at the age of 89. [source: Swipnet.se]
Copy of Beethoven’s original letter shown below
Endless Do you believe in true love? Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you believe in love lasting forever? These immortal love stories, both factual and fictional, may very well renew or reinforce your faith in love... Shared from Amolife, they are considered by many to be the top twenty most famous love stories in history and literature. There are also a few of my own thrown in post hoc. 1.Romeo and Juliet - This is probably the most famous lovers ever. This couple has become a synonym for love itself. Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy by William Shakespeare. Their love story is very tragic. The tale of two teenagers from two feuding families who fall in love at first sight and then marry, become true lovers and then risk it all for their love. To take your own life for your husband or wife is definitely a sign of true love. Their "untimely deaths" ultimately unite their feuding households. 2.Cleopatra and Mark Antony - The true love story of Antony and Cleopatra is one of the most memorable, intriguing and moving of all times. The story of these two historical characters had later been dramatized by William Shakespeare and is still staged all over the world. The relationship of Antony and Cleopatra is a true test of love. They fell in love at first sight. The relationship between these two powerful people put the country of Egypt in a powerful position. But their love affair outraged the Romans who were wary of the growing powers of the Egyptians. Despite all the threats, Anthony and Cleopatra got married. It is said that while fighting a battle against Romans, Antony got false news of Cleopatra's death. Shattered, he fell on his sword. When Cleopatra learned about Antony 's death, she was shocked. And she took her own life. Great love demands great sacrifices. -52-
Loves 3.Lancelot and Guinevere - The tragic love story of Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere is probably one of the best-known stories of Arthurian Legend. Lancelot fall in love with Queen Guinevere, King Arthur's wife. Their love grew slowly, as Guinevere kept Lancelot away from her. Eventually, however, her love and passion overpowered her and the pair became lovers. One night, Sir Agravain and Sir Modred, King Arthur's nephew, led a band of 12 knights to Guinevere's chamber where they burst in upon the lovers. Discovered, Sir Lancelot made a fighting escape, but poor Guinevere was not so lucky. She was seized and condemned to burn to death for her adultery. Fear not. Sir Lancelot returned several days later to rescue his beloved Guinevere from the fire. This whole sad affair divided the Knights of the Round Table and weakened Arthur's kingdom. Poor Lancelot ended his days as a lowly hermit and Guinevere became a nun at Amesbury where she died. 4.Tristan and Isolde - The tragic love story of Tristan and Isolde has been told and retold through various stories and manuscripts. It takes place during medieval times during the reign of King Arthur. Isolde of Ireland was the daughter of the King of Ireland. She was betrothed to King Mark of Cornwall. King Mark sent his nephew, Tristan, to Ireland to escort Isolde back to Cornwall. During the voyage, Isolde and Tristan fell forever in love. Isolde did marry Mark of Cornwall, but could not help but love Tristan. The love affair continued after the marriage. When King Mark finally learned of the affair, he forgave Isolde, but Tristan was banned from Cornwall. Tristan went to Brittany. There he met Iseult of Brittany. He was attracted to her because of the similarity of her name to his true love. He married her, but did not consummate the marriage because of his love for the "true" Isolde. After falling ill, he sent for Isolde in hopes that she would be able to cure him. If she agreed to come, the returning ship's sails would be white, or the sails would be black if she did not agree. Iseult, seeing the white sails, lied to Tristan and told him that the sails were black. He died of grief before Isolde could reach him. Isolde died soon after of a broken heart. -53-
5. Paris and Helena - Recounted in Homer's Iliad, the story of Helen of Troy and the Trojan War is a Greek heroic legend, combining fact and fiction. Helen of Troy is considered one the most beautiful women in all literature. She was married to Menelaus, king of Sparta. Paris, son of King Priam of Troy, fell in love with Helen and abducted her, taking her back to Troy. The Greeks assembled a great army, led by Menelaus's brother, Agamemnon, to retrieve Helen. Troy was destroyed. Helen returned safely to Sparta, where she lived happily with Menelaus for the rest of her life. 6. Orpheus and Eurydice - Orpheus and Eurydice story is an ancient greek tale of desperate love. Orpheus fell deeply in love with and married Eurydice, a beautiful nymph. They were very much in love and very happy together. Aristaeus, a Greek god of the land and agriculture, became quite fond of Eurydice, and actively pursued her. While fleeing from Aristaeus, Eurydice ran into a nest of snakes which bit her fatally on her legs. Distraught, Orpheus played such sad songs and sang so mournfully that all the nymphs and gods wept. On their advice, Orpheus traveled to the underworld and by his music softened the hearts of Hades and Persephone (he was the only person ever to do so), who agreed to allow Eurydice to return with him to earth on one condition: he should walk in front of her and not look back until they both had reached the upper world. In his anxiety he forgot that both needed to be in the upper world, and he turned to look at her, and she vanished for the second time, but now forever. 7. Napoleon and Josephine - A marriage of convenience, at age 26 Napoleon took a fancy to Josephine. An older, prominent, and most importantly wealthy woman. As time drew on,Napoleon fell deeply in love with Josephine, and she with him, but that didn't deter the adultery on both sides-their mutual respect for one another kept them together, and their burning passion between them didn't falter, and was genuine. They eventually split, as Napoleon deeply required something Josephine could not give him, an heir. Sadly they parted ways, both bearing the love and passion in their hearts, for all eternity.
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8. Odysseus and Penelope - Few couples understand sacrifice quite like this Greek pair. After being torn apart, they wait twenty long years to be reunited. War takes Odysseus away shortly after his marriage to Penelope. Although she has little hope of his return, she resists the 108 suitors who are anxious to replace her husband. Odysseus is equally devoted, refusing a beautiful sorceress's offer of everlasting love and eternal youth, so that he might return home to his wife and son. This Valentine's Day, take a cue from Homer, and remember that true love is worth waiting for. 9. Paolo and Francesca - Paolo and Francesca are made famous by the Dante's masterpiece "Divine Comedy". It is a true story: Francesca is married with Gianciotto Malatesta an awful person, but she has Gianciotto's brother, Paolo, as lover. The love between them grows when they read together a book (according to Dante) about Lancelot and Guinevere. When the two lovers are discovered they are killed by Gianciotto. 10. Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler - "Gone with the wind" can be identified as one of the immortal pieces of literary works in this world. Margaret Mitchell's famous work has chronicled the love and hate relationship between Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler. Proving that timing is everything, Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler never seem to be quite in synch. T h r o u g h o u t t h e e p i c s t o r y, t h i s tempestuous twosome experience passion but not permanence, and their stormy marriage reflects the surrounding Civil War battles. The flirtatious, promiscuous, and perpetually pursued Scarlett can't make up her mind between her many suitors. When she finally decides to settle on being happy with Rhett, her fickle nature has already driven him away. Hope springs eternal in our devious heroine, however, and the novel ends with Scarlett proclaiming, "Tomorrow is another day."
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11. Jane Eyre and Rochester - In Charlotte Bronte's famous tale, friendless characters find a cure for loneliness in each other's company. Jane is an abused orphan employed as a governess to the charge of an abrasive, but very rich Edward Rochester. The improbable pair grow close as Rochester reveals a tender heart beneath his gruff exterior. He does not, h o w e v e r, r e v e a l h i s p e n c h a n t f o r polygamy - on their wedding day, a horrified Jane discovers he is already married. Heartbroken, Jane runs away, but later returns after a dreadful fire has destroyed Rochester's mansion, killed his wife, and left him blind. Love triumphs, and the two reunite and live out their days in shared bliss. 12. Layla and Majnun - A leading medieval poet of Iran, Nizami of Ganje is known especially for his romantic poem Layla and Majnun Inspired by an Arab legend, Layla and Majnun is a tragic tale about unattainable love. It had been told and retold for centuries, and depicted in manuscripts and other media such as ceramics for nearly as long as the poem has been penned. Layla and Qays fall in love while at school. Their love is observed and they are soon prevented from seeing one another. In misery, Qays banishes himself to the desert to live among and be consoled by animals. He neglects to eat and becomes emaciated. Due to his eccentric behavior, he becomes known as Majnun (madman). There he befriends an elderly Bedouin who promises to win him Layla’s hand through warfare. Layla’s tribe is defeated, but her father continues to refuse her marriage to Majnun because of his mad behavior, and she is married to another. After the death of Layla’s husband, the old Bedouin facilitates a meeting between Layla and Majnun, but they are never fully reconciled in life. Upon death, they are buried side by side. The story is often interpreted as an allegory of the soul’s yearning to be united with the divine.
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13. Eloise and Abelard - This is a story of a monk and a nun whose love letters became world famous. Around 1100, Peter Abelard went to Paris to study at the school of Notre Dame. He gained a reputation as an outstanding philosopher. Fulbert, the canon of Notre Dame, hired Abelard to tutor his niece, Heloise. Abelard and the scholarly Heloise fell deeply in love, conceived a child, and were secretly married. But Fulbert was furious, so Abelard sent Heloise to safety in a convent. Thinking that he intended to abandon Heloise, Fulbert had his servants castrate Abelard while he slept. Abelard became a monk and devoted his life to learning. The heartbroken Heloise became a nun. Despite their separations and tribulations, Abelard and Heloise remained in love. Their poignant love letters were later published. 14. Pyramus and Thisbe - A very touching love story that is sure to move anyone who reads it is that of Pyramus and Thisbe. Theirs was a selfless love and they made sure that even in death, they were together. Pyramus was the most handsome man and was childhood friend of Thisbe, the fairest maiden in Babylonia. They both lived in neighboring homes and fell in love with each other as they grew up together. However, their parents were dead against them marrying each other. So one night just before the crack of dawn, while everyone was asleep, they decided to slip out of their homes and meet in the nearby fields near a mulberry tree. Thisbe reached there first. As she waited under the tree, she saw a lion coming near the spring close by to quench its thirst. Its jaws were bloody. When Thisbe saw this horrifying sight, she panicked and ran to hide in some hollow rocks nearby. As she was running, she dropped her veil. The lion came near and picked up the veil in his bloody jaws. At that moment, Pyramus reaches near the mulberry tree and sees Thisbe's veil in the jaws of the lion. He is completely devastated. Shattered, he pierces his chest with his own sword. Unknown to what just happened, Thisbe is still hiding in the rocks due to the fear of the lion. When she comes out after sometime, she sees what her lover did to himself. She is totally shattered when she sees the sword piercing right through her lover's chest. She also takes the sword and kills herself. -57-
15. Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy - Actually Jane Austen has personified two attributes of human nature, pride and prejudice in Darcy and Elizabeth. Darcy comes from a very high social hierarchy and Pemberley. He typifies the educated aristocracy while on the other hand, Elizabeth is the second daughter of a gentleman of modest means. Mr. Bennett has five daughters who have been allowed to grow up the way they wanted, there has been no school education for them, nor has there been any governess at home. Elizabeth’s very indulgent mother and irresponsible father never gave any thought to the future of the daughters, it is always taken for granted, that they will do well for themselves. To a woman of Mrs. Bennett's understanding, doing well exclusively means finding a rich, well to do husband. For a man of Darcy's social stature, these were very serious failings of the family and totally unacceptable to his polished, educated and refined mind. Darcy adores Pemberley, and the future mistress of that estate can only be just as polished and refined and from an equally prestigious family. He falls in love with Elizabeth only to be refused by her initially, and then much later she realized that she can love no one but Darcy. How they become united and understand the love for each other makes very interesting study. 16. Salim and Anarkali - The love story of Salim and Anarkali is a story that every lover knows. The son of the great Mughal emperor Akbar, Salim, fell in love with an ordinary but beautiful courtesan Anarkali. He was mesmerized by her beauty and fell in love as soon as he saw her. But the emperor could not digest the fact that his son was in love with an ordinary courtesan. He started pressurizing Anarkali and devised all sorts of tactics o make her fall in the eyes of the young, love smitten prince. When Salim came to know of this, he declared a war against his own father. But the mighty emperor's gigantic army is too much for the young prince to handle. He gets defeated and is sentenced to death. This is when Anarkali intervenes and renounces her love to save her beloved from the jaws of death. She is entombed alive in a brick wall right in front of her lover's eyes. -58-
17. Pocahontas and John Smith - This love story is a famous legend in the history of America. Pocahontas, an Indian Princess was the daughter of Powhatan. Powhatan was the powerful chief of the Algonquian Indians in the Tidewater region of Virginia. Pocahontas for the first time in her life saw Englishmen in May 1607. She found John Smith most attractive and developed a liking for him. Smith was taken to the official residence of Powhattan and he was tortured. It was Pocahontas who saved his life from the attack of the Indians. Pocahontas then helped Smith to stand on his feet and Powhattan adopted Smith as his son. This incident helped Pocahontas and Smith to become friends with each other. Pocahontas after this incident made frequent visits to the Jamestown and passed on to the Indians messages of her father. John Smith after getting badly injured due to gunpowder explosion, returned to England. When Pocahontas made a visit to the fort, she was informed that Smith was dead. Sometime after, Pocahontas was taken prisoner by Sir Samuel Argall. Argall hoped to use Pocahontas as abargaining chip with her father Powhatan in effort to get English prisoners returned. During her captivity, she decided to become a Christian, taking the name “Rebecca” when she was baptized. A year later, she married John Rolfe. She made a visit to London, where he met his friend John Smith after eight long years and it was their last meeting. 18. Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal - In 1612, a teenage girl, Arjumand Banu, married 15-yearold Shah Jahan, ruler of the Mughal Empire. Renamed Mumtaz Mahal, she bore Shah Jahan 14 children and became his favorite wife. After Mumtaz died in 1629, the grieving emperor resolved to create a fitting monument. It took 20,000 workers and 1,000 elephants nearly 20 years to complete this monument - the Taj Mahal. Shah Jahan was never able to complete a black marble mausoleum he planned for himself. Deposed by his son, Shah Jahan was imprisoned in the Red Fort of Agra, and spent lonely hours staring across the Jamuna River at the monument to his beloved queen. He was eventually buried beside her in the Taj Mahal. -59-
19. Marie and Pierre Curie - This is a story about partners in love and science. Unable to continue her studies in Poland because universities did not admit women, Maria Sklodowska Curie traveled to Paris in 1891 to attend the Sorbonne. Known by the French "Marie," she spent every spare hour reading in the library or in the laboratory. The industrious student caught the eye of Pierre Curie, director one of the laboratories where Marie worked. Curie ardently wooed Marie and made several marriage proposals. They were finally married in 1895 and began their famous partnership. In 1898 they discovered polonium and radium. The Curies and scientist Henri Becquerel won a Nobel Prize for Physics in 1903 for discovering radioactivity. When Curie died in 1904, Marie pledged to carry on their work. She took his place at the Sorbonne, becoming the school's first female teacher. In 1911 she became the first person to win a second Nobel Prize, this time for chemistry. She continued to experiment and lecture until her death of leukemia in 1934, driven by the memory of the man she loved. 20. Queen Victoria and Prince Albert - This love story is about English royalty who mourned her husband's deathfor 40 years. Victoria was a lively, cheerful girl, fond of drawing and painting. She ascended the throne of England in 1837 after the death of her uncle, King William IV. In 1840, she married her first cousin, Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. While at first Prince Albert was unpopular in some circles because he was German, he came to be admired for his honesty, diligence, and his devotion to his family. The couple had nine children. Victoria loved her husband deeply. She relied on his advice in matters of state, especially in diplomacy. When Albert died in 1861, Victoria was devastated. She did not appear in public for three years. Her extended seclusion generated considerable public criticism. Several attempts were made on Victoria's life. However, under the influence of Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, Victoria resumed public life, opening Parliament in 1866. But Victoria never stopped mourning her beloved prince, wearing black until her death in 1901. During her reign, the longest in English history, Britain became a world power on which "the sun never set." -60-
Honorable Mentions Buttercup & Westley (the Princess Bride) “As you wish.”
Noah & Allie (The Notebook)
Harry & Sally (And when they met!)
❤ Carrie & Big Jack & Rose Ross & Rachel Ron & Hermione Superman & Lois Lane
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true n w o My love, em so d e s s d Wor hackneye in so trite, nadequate ow and i arison to h for comp eart sings ul my h and my so et you, for you. Y longs s are all Iu. word to give yo have
Words
of
Love
Ernest Hemingway to Marlene Dietrich
Oscar Wilde to Lord Alfred Douglas
I can’t say how every time I ever put my arms around you I felt that I was home. [Source]
Everyone is furious with me for going back to you, but they don’t understand us. I feel that it is only with you that I can do anything at all. Do remake my ruined life for me, and then our friendship and love will have a different meaning to the world. I wish that when we met at Rouen we had not parted at all. There are such wide abysses now of space and land between us. But we love each other. [Source]
Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the green-gold of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth. The hollow of your armpits is my shelter. My fingers touch your blood. All my joy is to feel life spring from your flower-fountain that mine keeps to fill all the paths of my nerves which are yours. [Source] Georgia O’Keeffe to Alfred Stieglitz Dearest — my body is simply crazy with wanting you — If you don’t come tomorrow — I don’t see how I can wait for you — I wonder if your body wants mine the way mine wants yours — the kisses — the hotness — the wetness — all melting together — the being held so tight that it hurts — the strangle and the struggle. [Source]
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My Own Boy, Your sonnet is quite lovely, and it is a marvel that those red-roseleaf lips of yours should be made no less for the madness of music and song than for the madness of kissing. Your slim gilt soul walks between passion and poetry. I know Hyacinthus, whom Apollo loved so madly, was you in Greek days. Why are you alone in London, and when do you go to Salisbury? Do go there to cool your hands in the grey twilight of Gothic things, and come here whenever you like. It is a lovely place and lacks only you; but go to Salisbury first. Always, with undying love, Yours, Oscar -62-
Henry VII to Anne Boleyn But if you please to do the office of a true loyal mistress and friend, and to give up yourself body and heart to me, who will be, and have been, your most loyal servant, (if your rigour does not forbid me) I promise you that not only the name shall be given you, but also that I will take you for my only mistress, casting off all others besides you out of my thoughts and affections, and serve you only. I beseech you to give an entire answer to this my rude letter, that I may know on what and how far I may depend. And if it does not please you to answer me in writing, appoint some place where I may have it by word of mouth, and I will go thither with all my heart. No more, for fear of tiring you. [Source] Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defenses. And I don’t really resent it. Virginia Woolf to Vita Sackville-West Look Here Vita — throw over your man, and we’ll go to Hampton Court and dine on the river together and walk in the garden in the moonlight and come home late and have a bottle of wine and get tipsy, and I’ll tell you all the things I have in my head, millions, myriads — They won’t stir by day, only by dark on the river. Think of that. Throw over your man, I say, and come. From Gustave Flaubert to Louise Colet I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge yu [sic] with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die. I want you to be amazed by me, and to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports… When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them. Franz Kafka to Milen Jesensk No, Milen, I beg you once again to invent another possibility for my writing to you. You mustn’t go to the post office in vain, even your little postman — who is he? — mustn’t do it, nor should even the postmistress be asked unnecessarily. -63-
If you can find no other possibility, then one must put up with it, but at least make a little effort to find one. Last night I dreamed about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember, all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me. Finally you somehow caught fire. Remembering that one extinguished fire with clothing, I took an old coat and beat you with it.
But again the transmutations began and it went so far that you were no longer even there, instead it was I who was on fire and it was also I who beat the fire with the coat. But the beating didn’t help and it only confirmed my old fear that such things can’t extinguish a fire. In the meantime, however, the fire brigade arrived and somehow you were saved. But you were different from before, spectral, as though drawn with chalk against the dark, and you fell, lifeless or perhaps having fainted from joy at having been saved, into my arms. But here too the uncertainty of trans mutability entered, perhaps it was I who fell into someone’s arms. From Edith Wharton to W. Morton Fullerton There would have been the making of an accomplished flirt in me, because my lucidity shows me each move of the game – but that, in the same instant, a reaction of contempt makes me sweep all the counters off the board and cry out: – “Take them all – I don’t want to win – I want to lose everything to you!”
Frida Kahlo to her husband Diego Rivera Diego, my love, Remember that once you finish the fresco we will be together forever once and for all, without arguments or anything, only to love one another. Behave yourself and do everything that Emmy Lou tells you. I adore you more than ever. Your girl, Frida (Write me) Jimi Hendrix to a girlfriend little girl….. happiness is within you….so unlock the chains from your heart and let yourself grow— like the sweet flower you are….. I know the answer— Just spread your wings and set yourself FREE Love to you forever Jimi Hendrix
Ernest Hemingway to Mary Welsh Dearest Pickle, So now I’m going out on the boat with Paxthe and Don Andres and Gregorio and stay out all day and then come in and will be sure there will be letters or a letter. And maybe there will be. If there aren’t I’ll be a sad s.o.a.b. But you know how you handle that of course? You last through until the next morning. I suppose I’d better figure on there being nothing until tomorrow night and then it won’t be so bad tonight. Please write me Pickle. If it were a job you had to do you’d do it. It’s tough as hell without you and I’m doing it straight but I miss you so [I] could die. If anything happened to you I’d die the way an animal will die in the Zoo if something happens to his mate. Much love my dearest Mary and know I’m not impatient. I’m just desperate. Ernest -64-
I love you — ou do, at y not for wh ou are. y but for who
air, your h r u o y , m r o ly — your f s of the centuries, e m o c y l b i t re incred d the secre nt grace. l o h s e y True, you a e r e u se eyes! Yo y and pati smile, tho humility, generosit h shared wit I really do. — u o y t u o b gle thing a n i s y r e v e ight say m e I love m o s e s po s irks? I sup u q e able thing l r t o t d i a l e y h n t n f u o ve f ms — some u -- and I very much s Do you ha 'i u o 'y e r nly yo they a so. To me e think of you and o m that make ng of you. i k n i h t e no doubt y 'v I enjo , e b o t e m you think ou see so much good n o s r e p e h world. Y tually t just the 's t a h If I were ac -handedly save the t t u err seen. B gle I could sin gs I've certainly neve uty in every thing, p in bea u in me — th You see the good and not love yo I d l u o c w o e. counter. H e sweetly shown me a n way you ar e u o y n o i tuat d hav son and si e love incarnate an aginings. m i t s e d l i 'r u w o beyond my madly?! Y n o i t c e f f a nd person I've kindness a n u f t s o m you are the Your love is what t a h t t c a f goner. t the sh they i w s Add to tha it's clear why I'm a m o c m o nd what the r , t u o b ever met, a a n e s are writt the ballad r could be. ever take fo n d l u o c I It is a gift an anything, thank . e m g n i v o th for l ous. More re. i Thank you c e r p o o t you a 's just granted. It you, exactly the way ng you for bei only love. d n a e n o y e's Day, m n i t n e l a V Happy
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Valentine Girls‘
Night In
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February 14th used to find dateless girls crying into their pillows and gorging on sweets in full wallow mode. Not anymore. Nowadays, single females look forward to Valentine’s Day as a celebration of friendship and girly fun. Frankly, it’s about time! As children we gave Valentine’s to more or less every kid in class. It wasn’t a romance thing. It was a love thing! So why not spend the Valen-time with your own little love bugs, spoiling one another with treats of all sorts. • Enjoy the obvious girly delights such as facials, makeovers and mani/pedi sessions • Host a lingerie party • Exchange novelty Valentine gifts, whether a votive candle, decorative popcorn balls, or glittery nail polish • Whether going healthy or downright decadent, keep the foodstuffs festive and girly. Like all holidays, this celebration comes but once a year • Go caroling! Serenade your neighbors with favorite love songs and leave them with some Valentine sweets at the end of your performance • Play the Sex & the City trivia game • Watch a favorite chick flick or binge-watch a steamy series • Make sure to dole our party favors or goodie bags using kitschy items you’d put in a little girl’s bag • Above all, enjoy one another’s company. Girlfriends are precious and this is your chance to let them know as much -67-
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Valentine's Day At School shared anonymously Valentine's Day, that day of L – 0 – V – E! A day that the public schools in my home area chose as a day for the room mothers to get together and throw a party at the end of the day for the students in the classroom. Let me say at the outset, these mothers made sure that every child had a great celebration, nobody and I mean nobody, was left out. The preparations began days before the “Big Day.” We read about the day, we colored about the day, we all made little paper sack mail boxes to hang at the bottom of the bulletin board to hold our valentines. The sacks hung empty for two days, the teacher promising that each sack would be filled with valentines on the day of the party. I had my doubts, but if my teacher said so, I believed her. Mom, got me a box of little Valentine Cards with messages and little white envelopes. No matter what I get for Valentine's Day as an adult, those little cards are forever etched on my brain as a Valentine Card. With great effort and labor, I signed my name and wrote each class member's name on the outside. I was so proud; I just knew each and every classmate was eagerly waiting for my card. For some reason, we all tried to be sneaky about putting the cards in the sacks. I now realize that some of the kids had actually
not given everyone in class a Valentine and that some of the kids had bought special little candy hearts for BFFs. Upon observation of this behavior, I felt I had been deprived of vital, needto-know, information. It was an introduction to the fact that the playing field was not level. A hard lesson to learn at the age of six; Daddy tried to explain it to me, but I did not quite grasp the concept of me doing the right thing whether anybody else did or not. There were no names for attention deficient disorder, no concept of a specific learning disability, Aspergers wasn't on the map anywhere, dyslexia with numbers was simply referred to as not paying attention. All of these things combined to make me kind of an odd bird with my classmates. The teachers suspected I was smart because I was reading so far above grade level, but they really didn't know what to do with me. What saved me was that Mom was a strong advocate for children, otherwise education might have eluded me. Back to Valentine's Day. I was not a candidate for Valentines. The celebration of the day of love became a day for me to do an “In Your Face” to my classmates. Dad supported me in my efforts to always give great cards to every one. I dropped candy kisses in each bag, cinnamon hearts, and candy message hearts. Everybody got some, often anonymously, but they all knew it was me; they saw me doing it. Sometimes is was hard for me to do, because I hurt knowing that no one was doing it for me, but Dad assured me it was the right thing to do. This idea helped me learn lessons about the different kinds of love. Giving an unkind teacher a box of chocolates, learning to love the concept of love, to see love as something greater than having a boyfriend, to see that to have a friend I had to be one. I'll be the first to admit, those were hard days when I was a kid. But, they were valuable days. When my kids came along, I passed on the same lessons I had learned. Still, when Valentine's Day rolls round and I see those little boxes of cards with little envelopes my heart does a double beat with the memory of those first efforts at sharing love and friendship. To Daddy in heaven I say: “Lesson learned, Sir. Lesson learned.” -70-
Hearts Around the World from Travelblog.Viator.com
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, stores are flooded with candy hearts, chocolates and stuffed animals. In the US, shelves brimming with teddy bears and boxes of chocolate are typical Valentine’s Day fare, but not every country turns to greeting cards and heart-shaped candies to declare love. Some exchange wooden spoons and pressed flowers, while others hold a special holiday for the loveless to mourn their single lives over black noodles. Here is a look at how 10 countries celebrate Valentine’s Day traditions all around the world. Denmark Although Valentine’s Day is a relatively new holiday in Denmark (celebrated since the early 1990s according to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Denmark), the country has embraced February 14th with a Danish twist. Rather than roses, friends and sweethearts exchange pressed white flowers called snowdrops. Another popular Danish Valentine’s Day tradition is the exchange of “lover’s cards.” While lover’s cards were originally transparent cards which showed a picture of the card giver presenting a gift to his sweetheart, the term is now synonymous with any card exchanged on Valentine’s Day.
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On February 14th, men also give women gaekkebrev, a “joking letter” consisting of a funny poem or rhyme written on intricately cut paper and signed only with anonymous dots. If woman who receives the gaekkebrev can correctly guess the sender, she earns herself an Easter egg later that year. France Paris is considered one of the most romantic cities in the world. With a reputation as one of the most romantic destinations in the world, it’s little wonder France has long celebrated Valentine’s Day as a day for lovers. It’s been said that the first Valentine’s Day card originated in France when Charles, Duke of Orleans, sent love letters to his life while imprisoned in the Tower of London in 1415. Today, Valentine’s Day cards remain a
popular tradition in France and around the world. Another traditional Valentine’s Day event in France was called loterie d’amour, or “drawing for love.” Men and women would fill houses that faced one another, and then take turns calling out to one another and pairing off. Men who weren’t satisfied with their match could simply leave a woman for another, and the women left unmatched gathered afterward for a bonfire. During the bonfire, women burned pictures of the men who wronged them and hurled swears and insults at the opposite sex. The event became so uncontrollable that the French government eventually banned the tradition all together.
Welsh love spoons from Lovespoons.info
Wales South Korea Valentine’s Day is a popular holiday for young couples in South Korea and variations of the holiday are celebrated monthly from February through April. The gift-giving starts on February 14th, when it’s up to women to woo their men with chocolates, candies and flowers. The tables turn on March 14th, a holiday known as White D a y, w h e n m e n n o t o n l y s h o w e r t h e i r sweethearts with chocolates and flowers, but up the ante with a gift, too. And for those who didn’t have much to celebrate on either Valentine’s Day or White Day, there is a third holiday: Black Day. On April 14th, it’s customary for singles to mourn their solitary status by eating dark bowls of jajangmyeon, or black bean paste noodles.
Heart-shaped oranges in South Korea Photo credit: James Creegan via Flickr
You won’t find the Welsh celebrating Saint Valentine—instead, people in Wales celebrate Saint Dwynwen, the Welsh patron saint of lovers, on January 25th. One traditional romantic Welsh gift is a love spoon. As early as the 17th century, Welsh men carved intricate wooden spoons as a token of affection for the women they loved. Patterns and symbols were carved into these love spoons, each signifying a different meaning. A few examples include horseshoes, which stand for good luck, wheels, which symbolize support, and keys, which symbolize the keys to a man’s heart. Today, love spoons are also exchanged for celebrations such as weddings, anniversaries and births. China The equivalent to Valentine’s Day in China is Qixi, or the Seventh Night Festival, which falls on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month each year. According to Chinese lore, Zhinu, a heavenly king’s daughter, and Niulang, a poor cowherd, fell in love, married and had twins. When Zhinu’s father learned of their marriage, he sent his queen to bring Zhinu back to the stars. Upon hearing the cries of Niulang and their children, the king allowed Zhinu and Niulang to meet once a year on Qixi. During Qixi, young women prepare offerings of melon and other fruits to Zhinu in hopes of finding a good husband. Couples also head to temples to pray for happiness and prosperity. At night, people look to the heavens to watch as stars Vega and Altair (Zhinu and Niulang, respectively) come close during the star-crossed pair’s annual reunion. -72-
Italy Originally, Italians celebrated Valentine’s Day as the Spring Festival. The young and amorous gathered outside in gardens and tree arbors to enjoy poetry readings and music before taking a stroll with their beloved. Another Italian Valentine’s Day tradition was for young, unmarried girls to wake up before dawn to spot their future husbands. The belief was that the first man a woman saw on Valentine’s Day was the man she would marry within a year. Or, he’d at least strongly resemble the man she would marry.
Philippines While Valentine’s Day celebrations in the Philippines are similar to celebrations in Western countries, one tradition has swept the country and led to thousands of couples sharing a wedding day on February 14th. Mass wedding ceremonies have gained popularity in the Philippines in recent years, leading hundreds of couples to gather at malls or other public areas around the country to get married or renew their vows en masse. In 2012, more than 2,000 Filipino couples were married or renewed their vows in mass wedding ceremonies throughout the country.
Today, Italians celebrate Valentine’s Day with gift exchanges between lovers and romantic dinners. One of the most popular Valentine’s Day gifts in Italy are baci perugina, which are small, chocolatecovered hazelnuts wrapped with a romantic quote printed in four languages.
England On the eve on Valentine’s Day, women in England used to place five bay leaves on their pillows—one at each corner and one in the center—to bring dreams of their future husbands. Alternatively, women wet bay leaves with rose water and placed them across their pillows. In Norfolk, Jack Valentine acts as a Santa of sorts for Valentine’s Day. Children anxiously wait to hear Jack Valentine knock at their doors, and although they don’t catch a glimpse of Old Father Valentine, children enjoy the candies and small gifts left on their porches.
Photo credit: Chrys Omori via Wikimedia Commons
Brazil With Carnival held sometime in February or March each year, Brazilians skip the February 14th celebration and instead celebrate Dia dos Namorados, or “Lovers’ Day,” on June 12th. In addition to exchanges of chocolates, flowers and cards, music festivals and performances are held throughout the country. Gift giving isn’t limited to couples, either. In Brazil, they celebrate this day of love by exchanging gifts and sharing dinner with friends and relatives, too. The following day is Saint Anthony’s Day, which honors the patron saint of marriage. On this day, single women perform rituals called simpatias in hopes that St. Anthony will bring them a husband. South Africa
Valentine’s Day gifts in England. Bob Hall via Flickr
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Like many parts of the world, South Africa celebrates Valentine’s Day with festivals, flowers and other tokens of love. It’s also customary for women in South Africa to wear their hearts on their sleeves on February 14th. Women pin the names of their love interest on their shirtsleeves, an ancient Roman tradition known as Lupercalia. In some cases, this is how South African men learn of their secret admirers.
Tasmania —You Romantic Devil a look at the romance of Tasmania, shared by globetrotter, Leigh Meredith Moorhouse Tasmania, by the far-off Tasman Sea. Even the Aussies don’t go there. But my adventurous partner, with whom I travel often on business, decided this was the place for a unique romantic getaway. He’s brilliant, adorable, funny, and very sweet, so for me a “romantic getaway” is where ever he is. We had been traveling several weeks through Malaysia, China and Australia, managing the business side of life, negotiating contracts, networking, schmoozing. We had a mere six days to ourselves without any agenda, without any necessary distractions tugging at our sleeves. “But Tasmania?” I thought, “Are you kidding me?!” We boarded a small plane for the flight from Melbourne to Launceston (Tassie’s most northern city). We landed at the small and unassuming airport in a drizzly, chilly fog. A voice from the rental car counter said, “No worries, Mate, it’s quite easy to find the highway. Just turn left. And to the left we drove. Our destination? Cradle Mountain. Cradle Mountain is part of Tasmania’s Wilderness World Heritage Area. The Cradle
Mountain area is a popular tourist destination as well as the starting point of the bushwalk called the Overland Track. This track takes approximately six days to complete. This is a must-do for hikers and is an experience full of some of the most beautiful scenery anywhere in the world. But for our little “getaway”, we would be content with spending some quality time at a lodge, relaxing and enjoying a little down time. As far as I could see at this point in the trip, this is a tiny and quite backward place. No much going on. Only a few cars beyond the town of Launceston’s airport. Interesting looking characters walking along the side of the road for no apparent reason. I started thinking about all that I’d read in the tourism brochures. “Best vacay for foodies & wine lovers.” So far I wasn’t impressed, there wasn’t one single gourmet restaurant or winery anywhere in sight, just simple country roads dotted with small houses here and there. After a couple of hour’s drive in a southerly direction, as the roads began their twists and turns, the landscape changed as quickly as that of a handmade quilt sporting multiple -74-
fabric textures and colors. Suddenly, I felt as if we were on the movie set of Lord of The Rings. With forests and mountains of such fantasy and so cinematic, I began looking for Frodo Baggins! These were some of the loveliest landscapes I’d ever seen, ever, in all of my travels to many corners of the globe. Suddenly a rustic and but efficient-looking lodge appeared before us. We had arrived at Cradle Mountain Lodge. We were greeted by a very courteous staff who arranged for our lunch in the bar around a blazing fire pit. I was still sporting my sandals and tee shirt, having left Melbourne when it was 85 degrees. Both of us were now cold and wet and rummaging through luggage to find warm dry clothing, shivering and giggling the entire time. As I reminisce about which was better, I’m truly unsure… the comfort of my partner’s lingering embrace or the warmth of that crackling fire pit in the middle of the room!? After a quick bowl of soup and some coaxing, I agreed to a short stroll deeper into the forest floor. Oh dear! I was finally dry and warm! Why must I venture outdoors again! It is important to note here that I’m a Florida girl, born and raised. Winter is not my thing, nor anything that resembles it. This cold and wet place wasn’t my idea of paradise. I longed for an island dotted with huts built over turquoise waters with warm humid breezes. But after a short time, I did found these luscious shades and textures of green very intriguing. Seriously, there were greens I’d never seen before, even in the Pacific islands. And then there were the marsupials. Tasmania, Tassie for short, has some of its own species of marsupials, such as small wallabies, the Tasmanian Pademelon, and the infamous Tasmanian Devil. Large numbers of small wallabies and pademelons have taken up residence around the lodge for obvious reasons: the food is plentiful. While they normally graze on grasses and other common vegetation found in wet forests, these particular ones had also grown to love some of the same fruits and vegetables we eat, particularly apples! Our rustic cabin was positioned in such a way that no other resemblance of life was in view accept for the breath of ferns and the continuous foggy mist. This enchanting cozy space was decorated with browns and creams that you would expect in rustic cabin -75-
The weather was much the same next morning and we bundled up after a quick breakfast for some much needed exercise. Hikes along the lush and damp floors of the neighboring forest paths proved to be so mesmerizing that our planned jogs and hike gave way to stopping every few steps to simply take in the panoramas that can only be described as truly breathtaking. My husband took my hand as we walked through the fog along a lake we couldn’t see at the time. Native birds chirping on occasion, shuffling of small creatures in ferns and hollowed-out fallen logs on the forest’s mossy carpet. We were both overwhelmed by colors and textures we had never seen in a forest. Thick fog gave way to occasional drizzle rain. I didn’t care that we were soaked or that I was chilled to the bone. The warmth of his hands on mine was like warm sunshine on my heart. After 27 years of marriage he can still melt me like a young girl getting her anticipated first kiss.
décor. The only other color in our quarters was the brilliant red of a large bowl of apples on the sofa table. Situated between the den and bedroom was an enormous stone fireplace. Upon arrival it is customary for the staff to prepare a fire for you. And the view of the warm, golden flames was visible from sofa or bed. We settled in with a warm drink and it was off to bed while the crackle of the fire was still sending swirls of light and shadows around the room.
A large fire was ablaze in the fire pit back at the lodge. This was quite a welcoming site for us as well as that of a few other tired hikers staying at the lodge. On our approach to the lodge, several pademelons and wallabies were grazing in the grasses. They were so tame that they didn’t notice how close we were to them. Retiring to our cabin, a young man followed us so that a fire could be built in our fireplace. Showers, lengthy conversation, some red wine, and cuddle time seemed to quickly pass. Suddenly the dinner hour was upon us. We quickly dressed and walked back to the lodge and were seated in a lovely dining room with tables adorned with white cloths and lit candles. Small floral centerpieces were placed on each one. The cuisine was divine and all local, the wine wellpaired, and the atmosphere so much more than I expected from a lodge in the middle of nowhere, in a country so rarely visited even by those who lived in the same hemisphere. Throughout our stay, I frequently thought about the red apples resting in that large wooden bowl in the cabin. We had been asked not to feed the animals, but I had also overheard a waiter at dinner talk about how much the pademelons loved big red juicy apples. Before retiring that evening, I decided to leave an apple on the front porch to see if it would still be there next morning. The entrance to the cabin had two doors. The outer door was glass while the second, the inner door, was of solid wood. On a warmer day the wooden door could remain open so that the view of the forest’s hillside could be enjoyed. -76-
Next morning, my husband asked if I’d checked on the apple left the night before. I knew instantly that he knew the answer to this. Edward had not grown up around animals and in contrast I spent a lot of childhood in a rural area of Florida and had lots of animals, both farm and pets. We have two cats and when traveling I miss them dearly and cling to everyone’s pet or animal I happen to see. He enjoys teasing me about this, but at the same time, it endears me to him. Upon gently and slowly opening the inner, solid wooden door, and gazing out, there was no apple! And looking back at us was a sweet little paddy waiting to see if perhaps another apple would appear! She looked as if she had previously knocked on the door, and we, the inhabitants, had not heard the knock. She appeared to be waiting patiently for us to discover her presence, her demeanor and manners very prim and proper. She was the only creature in sight. So lovely were her twinkling brown eyes, she held her short front limbs close to her body; she was resting, sitting upright on her larger hind legs and flat feet. I quickly retrieved another apple from the wooden bowl. We carefully opened the glass door wide enough to lay it at her feet. She scooped it up quickly while not moving an inch from the door. All of a sudden, four other pademelons appeared! And so went all of the apples in that large wooden bowl resting on the sofa table, not a single one consumed by us. I’ll always remember her sweet face and adoring eyes. I felt a real connection with this little creature and she still resides in my memory today. I think she always will. On this our last morning at Cradle Mountain, we had time for one more exploration into a different area of the surrounding forest before our departure. Bundling up once again for the misty fog and chilly light rains, we set foot along the trail. While the scenery was much the same that we had experienced on previous hikes, there was nothing boring about our final walk. And once again, our attempt to gain some speed in our steps, to get our heart rate up a little (an effort to work off all the scrumptious calories consumed the night before), was impossible. There was scenery that any painter would be envious to see. These forests had not been touched by man in many years, if ever. Large old trees, some rivaling the California redwoods, had fallen to the forest floor, some recently, some many years before. They laid so gracefully near lovely streams and on hillsides and in gullies as moss and ferns had covered them with -77-
fanciful decoration. Vines, leaves, ferns, mosses. Textures and colors of green that I thought until now only existed in fantasy. We continued our drive south after visiting Cradle Mountain and over the days that followed we had many wonderful experiences on this lovely island off Australia’s southern coast. But we often think back to Cradle, that lush landscape, the friendly faces, the fascinating wildlife and we know we’ll return some day. It was, indeed, the perfect setting for a “romantic getaway”.
A Love Stor*:
Living a Life of No Reg3ets! by Lore Raymond
“Regrets are often the consequences of doing things or staying places a person knew weren’t right for them,” says Doe Zantamata. And there I was, 45 years old, unhappy, separated, and yearning for something so much different in my life: My Heart knew the marriage was over. My Mind knew I couldn’t stay in the relationship. My Soul knew I deserved something different. Have you been there or are you there now?
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Rewind to 1999 for an unexpected love story… "It’s freeeeezing here in Virginia! What a crazy way to start New Year’s Day,” I said to my sister, Cathy. “Well, I loved coming to this Buddhist temple on my lunch beak so I thought you would love it too.” That’s EXACTLY what my soul needed right now. Because I was separated from my husband and our future was grey. So my sister and I entered the building, and then tip-toed into the empty, large sanctuary in shoeless silence, meandering around the room's perimeter lined with huge crystal boulders. “Oh, my! It’s so beautiful,” I said. I could hear my breath…then my heart beat… boom, boom boom, BOOM BOOM.
And this beautiful daughter, born of my heart, entered the world in February. And, of course, her birthstone…is amethyst. Fast forward to now My daughter is now a successful, young professional making her way in the USA. We are blessed to live near one another and my mom, her grandmother. There aren’t enough words to share how my heart and soul feels every day when we talk or see one another. It hasn’t always been easy, but there’s always been LOVE there. I am grateful, I am. My lessons learned Take chances…Give everything…Be Fearless… Ask…and have NO REGRETS! Final Thoughts
Then we stood in front of an altar with the statue of Tara, the Mother of Buddha. My eyes feasted on the glittering offerings of brass bowls filled with fruits, candies, and flowers.
“In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we are afraid to have, and the decisions we took too long to make.” ~Unknown
“I know you’re very sad,” says Cathy.
What chance can you take? What relationship or love story do you yearn for? And what decision can you make right now that will move you closer to living a life with no regrets?!
“So if you died tomorrow, what one thing would you regret never having done? “Not having a daughter.” WHERE on earth did this answer come from? Was this really ME talking? The workaholic, career-focused, 45 year-old and maybe soon-to-be-divorced woman? Couldn’t be. “You need to leave something…an offering of sorts…before we go,” Cathy said. I prayerfully took off my amethyst necklace and placed it on the altar. And just six months later a bright, brown-eyed little girl from the island of Roatan, Honduras with a passion for learning sits in my third grade classroom. I’d decided to move there to re-start my life, alone, and as a teacher. We fell in love…and in time came to know one another as daughter and mother. She visited me for Spring Break and never left. -79-
Lore is Founder & Chief Inspirator of Women as Visionaries. Women as Visionaries with Lore Raymond Magazine is a Facebook page that serves to empower women through the wisdom of nine gifted contributors who share spiritual inspiration and information. The Women as Visionaries group is a vibrant open page for Divine Dialogue where a daily VisionQuestion is asked.
The L ♥︎ v e of a M ❤ ther by Genevieve Poston “But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin.” ― Mitch Albom, For One More Day
*She sits at her desk and sips her tea. “Now where to begin…?” She thinks carefully, setting down her cup. Her fingers poise over the computer keys and she collects her thoughts as images of “Little Guppy” fill her mind… A smile spreads over her face, and she begins to type.* There are many different kinds of love out there… romantic love, friendship love, the unconditional love of pets and companions, love of family and relatives, and more. Love can come from anywhere and in any form. But there is nothing more cherished then a first love. And no, I am not talking about that boy or girl you hold hands with in the school yard or pass notes to in your classes. I am referring to the very first love we encounter, a mother’s love. It is, often – and I must include the word “often” because not everyone has the same cards in their hand to be played – the love of a mother, and of course, “often” father that bring us into this very world and give us breath of life. I have learned a lot in the past three years of this thing called motherhood! Some lessons being harder learned then others. A few of the lighter ones? However many years you spent getting to sleep in and take delightful hot bubble baths, cherish them! You are likely going to spend those first few years rising early enough to get a shower with only time to scrub up, hoping you got out all the conditioner before that “pitter- patter” is heard thundering down the hallway, ready to break down that bathroom door for food like a zombie horde out for brains! Then, that yummy bagel you just spent five minutes preparing as your breakfast? You only think it is your s because your three year-old lets you think that. I have also observed that if something makes a lovely sound, it’s theirs. If it glitters or sparkles, theirs. If it looks, smells, and tastes even a little bit yummy? Oh you bet your sweet backside it’s theirs!! BUT! The moment that little bauble’s batter dies, the glitter no longer has glamour and that half-eaten bite in that tiny chomper loses its flavor? No, No then it’s yours! To start, pregnancy isn’t always easy! I won’t get into the nitty gritty, because no one wants to read that muck, but let’s just say sometimes it’s flat out awful. Other times it is great to be able to sit and think about the little life that you are growing and will meet in 9 month’s time. Every mother and child is different. There is no set way to be a
mother. It is all about what works for you and your child. Advice is always good to have, though! I know I couldn’t do this without asking for a couple of pointers along the way! I have also come to learn, though it is a constant lesson being taught, to try and remember to be patient and flexible. Be like a river of water and let it flow. There are things that you can control, but mostly it’s taking it one moment at a time! Things happen! Oh boy, do they happen… And lastly, I have learned is probably the most important thing of all. I have learned to live. My daughter has taught me to just slow down. Yes, it is the hardest lesson to remember and adhere to. I still forget it a lot, and by a lot, I mean daily… So much is a “do now” mentality. But when you are three years old and discovering the world around you, you have nothing but time! “Little Guppy” has taught me that it is okay to just stop and smell flowers, giggle with the snowflakes, and dance in the puddles. She has taught me to enjoy the beauty of life; it is far too easy to forget if you are too busy otherwise. She has taught me to be more open-hearted. I have never met another person so quick to smile and say hello to everyone. Above all, she has taught me that it is ok to sometimes just put on that tiara and dance around the room, to just...if even for a moment...let it all go and have a little fun! I know that there are many mothers in this world just like me. There are those that have had their time and now get to watch as their children are mothers too. There are those that have opened their hearts and homes to children that need them. And to those that are mothers to sweet angels looking down at you, you are just as much a mother too and never let anyone say otherwise. No matter what sort of mother you are, or may be some day, remember this: you are the first true love of your child’s life, and nothing can compare to you... *She sits back, takes up her tea and takes another sip. “Really hoping that ‘Snotface’ <3 takes a long nap today…” She chuckles to her sleepy self, as she saves and sends the text on its way.* -80-
image from Betty Crocker
Cheddar Bacon Potato Slow-Cooker Soup “This is my fiance’s and daughter's favorite soup recipe! And with good reason! Not only is it super delicious, it is perfect for the cold winter month of February!” shared by Genevieve Poston • • • • • • • • • •
1 & 1/2 30oz. bag of frozen, cubed hash browns {I used Walmart brand} 3 14oz. cans of chicken broth {I used Swanson} 1 can of cream of chicken soup {Campbell’s} 1/2 cup yellow onion, chopped {Optional, my family aren't onion fans, so we use much less} 1 pkg. regular cream cheese {do not use fat free. It won’t melt!} 1 & 1/2 bags of finely shredded cheddar cheese {other half of bag to be used as sprinkled on top of bowls when served} Bacon bits - real bacon bits {I use two bags of Oscar Meyer brand, to be found in the salad aisle} Ground pepper {"to taste" in this house hold} Salt {"to taste"} Optional extra yums for serving: chopped green onions, more cheese, more bacon
1. 2. 3. 4.
Put all of the basic ingredients, into the crockpot except the cream cheese! Set crockpot on low and cook for at least 6 hours. One hour before serving, take the cream cheese and cut it into cubes. Scoop 3-4 good size ladlesful of soup mixture into a blender. Add cream cheese. Blend till smooth. then put this blended mixture back into the crock pot. Let cook for final hour. 5. Serve with whatever complimentary toppings you like! This recipe makes tons of soup! I don't even know how many servings for sure.... but this soup is super yummy the day after! -81-
A Letter from Mom shared by Bonnie Ramsburg My mom wrote this letter a year or two after she was diagnosed with bipolar. The year I graduated was a rough one, but a good one. That was the year they finally found a combination of medicine that helped her. She's continued to do well, and for several years now, she hasn't had to take medicine.
June 10, 1993 My Dearest Daughter, You are about to enter your last year of High School soon. No words can ever describe how proud I am of you. There have been so many times that I wouldn’t have blamed you one bit if you would have come to me and said, “Mom, I can’t deal with all this stuff. I want to quit school.” But you didn’t. It seemed at those times you drew strength from God and you became more determined to finish. Not only in school, but in your personal life as well. I know there has been many a time that you felt as though you could just check out of life and not come back. As well as I have and many people before us. And many people after us will. But again you went inside yourself and found what you needed to turn you to God and He helped you through those terrible times too. I feel the need to apologize to you for the kind of life you’ve had to live. You had to do without a lot of things in your life. Things that most kids get everyday and take for granted. And parents give so freely. THEMSELVES! As your mother I have failed you in the materialistic department as well as the mental and emotional departments. Somewhere during your growing up I put an invisible wall up between us. It’s not even between us. It’s around me. People can talk to me, they can hug me, or whatever but they just can’t get to close to me. In doing this I felt there wouldn’t be that bond to be broken in the future and no one would have to feel that kind of pain that I felt when I left my mother. A bond that I wasn’t sure existed when I was there but found out in a hurry when I left that it was. There is nothing I can do to take away past actions and reasons. But what I can do is start over fresh and try to give you and receive from you the emotional and mental support that you’ve needed all your life while building that precious bond between a mother and daughter. So if it’s not to late I’d like to volunteer for that role of mother, confidant and friend if you’ll have me. I’m so proud of you Bonnie and glad that you’re my daughter. I love you so much Bonnie. If only words could tell! Love Always and Forever, Your Mother -82-
Dear Mom and Dad
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by Bonnie Ramsburg Do kids ever really tell their parents “Thank you?” Or even, “I love you,” often enough? As a kid, we don’t always see or understand why our parents do the things they do, or why our lives are the way they are. If we are lucky, we learn before we have our own children just how much our parents love us. I don’t have children, but here’s my “Thank You and I Love You” to my own parents. Dear Mom and Dad, Thank you. Thank You Mom, for giving me life. Thank You Dad, for choosing a ready-made family. Even though neither of you were ready to be parents at such a young age, you did a pretty good job of it. Thank you both for helping me through all the “firsts” a young girl has to go through, including my first puppy love. Wasn’t that just a fun few weeks? Thank you for going back to school, to try to help your family financially by getting a college degree. Even though you Dad, left a job that tried to make you work instead of coming to bring me home for school. And Mom, at the time, who knew that you were fighting your own battle with a disease that would affect not only you and your ability to work, but the rest of us; especially me personally as I was diagnosed with it several years later. Watching your battle with Bi-Polar helped prepare me for mine. Thank you for the non-materialistic childhood. Although you wish you could have given us “more,” I can honestly say, I enjoyed the Cauliflower Patch Kid (she was cuter and more fun looking (the pink hair and plastic cauliflower was a hoot!) than the Cabbatch Patch Kid I eventually got. And the year I received the talking Wishbone dog, that was a GREAT year for me! I had learned long ago not to ask for specific things for Christmas, but that year it was the one thing I really wanted and I got it. Thank you Mom, for instilling a sense of “be prepared” for any thing, even if it drives Dad crazy when he has to pack the car for trips. Winter coat, light jacket and sweater? Check to all of the above. And Dad, thank you for teaching me how to pack a car for a trip; little did you know it would be used for scrapbook supplies, but that knowledge has helped on more than one occasion. And while you guys did it to be economical when we traveled, thank you for the memories of the roadside picnics that we had. These instilled a sense of, “You don’t have to spend money on those overpriced rest stops unless absolutely necessary!” Thank you for allowing me to spread my wings and proving to myself that I could spend a year away from my family by going to school out of state and staying on campus; Grandma was only a half hour away, but I didn’t take advantage of that by calling her to come and see me all the time. Thank you for dropping everything and coming to me when I had my episode of seeing skulls and thinking of suicide. That normally six-hour trip was probably done in less than five hours. Thank you for loving me, even when I’ve said probably one of the most hurtful phrases a kid can say to their parents, “I want to go live with (insert name of non- custodial parent here).” Thank you for being my Mom and my friend. And for enjoying the simple things in life that make us happy, like eating pizza in a park during a rainstorm, or the “scenic routes.” And for being silly and funny, and all the other goofball moments we have had together. Sharing laughter and fun times together, although there are times I just look at you and shake my head, are always welcome and I hope and pray that I get many more with you. Thank you for being my Dad and supporting me in different ways. For thinking I’m “good enough” to be a manager, or to do something better with my life, although I have as yet found that better thing. Thank you for letting me know when you really accepted the fact that I was an adult, granted it was the first “dirty joke” you ever told me. But it let me know that you thought of me as an adult. And thank you for your wry sense of humor and Cheshire Cat grin. We’ve had our differences, and man I know it wasn’t always easy, but we made it together, and I appreciate all that you both have done for me. I love you and hope that you realize it. Oh yeah, one more thank you, I guess. Thank you for NOT taking Kevin back where he came from when I told you to after he was born. He’s turned out to be a pretty decent younger brother. Love Always and Forever, Bonnie Kay -83-
What I Love by EJ Sankey I can personally say that I fell in love twice over. Once 17 years ago to a not so small, pink, wrinkly baby that I named Adam. He has been the sunshine in my life. And again, 14 years ago to a perfectly round 8l pound, 20 inch baby boy named Weston. He has been the heartthrob of my life. I love the morning dew, I love how it glistens off the flowers and grass with the sun just peeking over the horizon. I love when the moon is full, high up in the sky, it shines so brilliantly. I love the the beauty of the ocean, how the waves cascade over the sand and rocks. I love all animals and babies, how beautiful each one can be. I love random acts of kindness, both to human and animal alike. Love is a four letter word — it should be sparingly used only when someone means it. And I mean what I said about what I love; and now I am sharing it with you. -84-
Hearty Ravioli source: Vegalicious
This is a vegan and low in fat dish suitable for a romantic Valentine’s dinner — classic spinach ravioli floating in an Italian tomato sauce Serving Size: 4 Ingredients: for the filling: • 450 grams of spinach, large stems removed and chopped • 1 tbs. grainy mustard • 1 teaspoon sesame oil • 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg • 2 tbs. bread crumbs • pinch of salt • for the raviolis: • 1 c. semolina four • 2 tsp. olive oil • 1/2 cup water • pinch salt for the sauce: • 1 can crushed tomatoes • 1 onion, minced • 1 tbs. olive oil • 1 clove garlic, minced • various Italian herbs (fresh would be best) • salt and pepper to taste • dash of lemon • pinch of cayenne pepper Directions: for the ravioli dough: 1. In a bowl, combine the pasta dough ingredients to make a dough. 2. Wrap in a towel and let sit for 30 minutes. 3. for the filling: 4. Wash the spinach and remove the large tough stems. 5. Chop the spinach and steam or saute in water. (sweat) 6. Place in a large mixing bowl. 7. Add the mustard, salt and bread-crumbs and mix well. 8. Season further with salt, cayenne and pepper. -85-
for the sauce: 1. Saute the minced onion in the olive oil until the onion is glassy. 2. Add the minced garlic and saute. 3. Add the tomatoes and reduce heat to simmer. 4. Add the herbs, lemon juice, salt and pepper and continue to simmer on a low heat. 5. Season to taste with additional salt, pepper and cayenne. making the ravioli: 6. Divide the dough in fourths and roll out each portion on a floured work space, allowing the first sheet of pasta to sit while rolling out the second. One of the tricks to the pasta is to make sure you’ve rolled the dough out very thin. 7. Cut out your ravioli shapes and fill with the filling. Place the top part of the ravioli over the filling and close with a fork. 8. If you have a form or press, then of course that saves time you merely place 1 sheet of dough on one side, put the filling on the dough and then lay the 2nd sheet of dough on top. Close the form to seal and cut off the extra using a knife. 9. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salty water to boil. 10. Put your ravioli into the salty water and cook. They are ready when they come floating to the top. I would suggest cooking only a few raviolis at a time. 11. Place the first cooked raviolis in the oven to keep warm until they are all ready. 12. When ready to serve, put a layer of sauce on the plate and lay the raviolis on top. 13. You can garnish with some fresh cut herbs or if you have soy cheese, you can dust some on top.
“Good living is an act of intelligence, by which we choose things which have an agreeable taste rather than those which do not.” —Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
Photography by Robert Buhl, staging by RB Images
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Chocolate Wisdom from Virtual Chocolate
“Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.” —Judith Viorst Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets Milton Zelman, publisher of "Chocolate News" “There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE.” —Linda Grayson, "The Pickwick Papers" Chocolate: Here today .... Gone today! “Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate!” —Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences Forget love — I'd rather fall in chocolate!!! Nobody knows the truffles I've seen! “Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing.” —Milton Snavely Hershey Seen recently on a tee shirt ~ EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY. This guy found a bottle on the ocean, and he opened it and out popped a genie, and he gave him three wishes. The guy wished for a million dollars, and poof! there was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! there was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women... poof! he turned into a box of chocolates. “It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man.”—Miranda Ingram “All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!” —Lucy Van Pelt (in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz) Exercise is a dirty word... Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. Chocolate is good for three things. Two of 'em cannot be mentioned on public television. Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be. -87-
I don't understand why so many "so called" chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies, 'nuff said. Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. Michael Levine, nutrition researcher I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter. I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994) Chocolate - The breakfast of champions! “Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen. Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus), and because it can, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can as persuasively be made in favor of dirt.” —Sandra Boynton, author of Chocolate: the Consuming Passion Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. Chocolate doesn't make the world go around ... but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile! Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can. Everything I eat should contain either garlic or chocolate, but rarely both “... the taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex... For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate... entirely by myself. Furtiveness makes it better.” —Dr. Ruth Westheimer Simply put... everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!
A Wee Bit o’ Chocolate
A Brief History of Chocolate — Uncover the bittersweet story of this ancient treat Etymologists trace the origin of the word "chocolate" to the Aztec word "xocoatl," which referred to a bitter drink brewed from cacao beans. The Latin name for the cacao tree, Theobroma cacao, means "food of the gods." Many modern historians have estimated that chocolate has been around for about 2000 years, but recent research suggests that it may be even older. In the book The True History of Chocolate, authors Sophie and Michael Coe make a case that the earliest linguistic evidence of chocolate consumption stretches back three or even four millennia, to pre-Columbian cultures of Mesoamerica such as the Olmec.
by Amanda Bensen for Smithsonian When most of us hear the word chocolate, we picture a bar, a box of bonbons, or a bunny. The verb that comes to mind is probably "eat," not "drink," and the most apt adjective would seem to be "sweet." But for about 90 percent of chocolate's long history, it was strictly a beverage, and sugar didn't have anything to do with it. "I often call chocolate the best-known food that nobody knows anything about," said Alexandra Leaf, a self-described "chocolate educator" who runs a business called Chocolate Tours of New York City. The terminology can be a little confusing, but most experts these days use the term "cacao" to refer to the plant or its beans before processing, while the term "chocolate" refers to anything made from the beans, she explained. "Cocoa" generally refers to chocolate in a powdered form, although it can also be a British form of "cacao."
Last November, anthropologists from the University of Pennsylvania announced the discovery of cacao residue on pottery excavated in Honduras that could date back as far as 1400 B.C.E. It appears that the sweet pulp of the cacao fruit, which surrounds the beans, was fermented into an alcoholic beverage of the time. "Who would have thought, looking at this, that you can eat it?" said Richard Hetzler, executive chef of the café at the Smithsonian's National Museum of the American Indian, as he displayed a fresh cacao pod during a recent chocolate-making demonstration. "You would have to be pretty hungry, and pretty creative!" It's hard to pin down exactly when chocolate was born, but it's clear that it was cherished from the start. For several centuries in premodern Latin America, cacao beans were considered valuable enough to use as currency. One bean could be traded for a tamale, while 100 beans could purchase a good turkey hen, according to a 16th-century Aztec document. Both the Mayans and Aztecs believed the cacao bean had magical, or even divine, properties, suitable for use in the most sacred -88-
rituals of birth, marriage and death. According to Chloe Doutre-Roussel's book The Chocolate Connoisseur, Aztec sacrifice victims who felt too melancholy to join in ritual dancing before their death were often given a gourd of chocolate (tinged with the blood of previous victims) to cheer them up. Sweetened chocolate didn't appear until Europeans discovered the Americas and sampled the native cuisine. Legend has it that the Aztec king Montezuma welcomed the Spanish explorer Hernando Cortes with a banquet that included drinking chocolate, having tragically mistaken him for a reincarnated deity instead of a conquering invader. Chocolate didn't suit the foreigners' tastebuds at first –one described it in his writings as "a bitter drink for pigs" – but once mixed with honey or cane sugar, it quickly became popular throughout Spain. By the 17th century, chocolate was a fashionable drink throughout Europe, believed to have nutritious, medicinal and even aphrodisiac properties (it's rumored that Casanova was especially fond of the stuff). But it remained largely a privilege of the rich until the invention of the steam engine made mass production possible in the late 1700s. In 1828, a Dutch chemist found a way to make powdered chocolate by removing about half the natural fat (cacao butter) from chocolate liquor, pulverizing what remained and treating the mixture with alkaline salts to cut the bitter taste. His product became known as "Dutch cocoa," and it soon led to the creation of solid chocolate. The creation of the first modern chocolate bar is credited to Joseph Fry, who in 1847 discovered that he could make a moldable chocolate paste by adding melted cacao butter back into Dutch cocoa. By 1868, a little company called Cadbury was marketing boxes of chocolate candies in England. Milk chocolate hit the market a few years later, pioneered by another name that may ring a bell – Nestle. -89-
In America, chocolate was so valued during the Revolutionary War that it was included in soldiers' rations and used in lieu of wages. While most of us probably wouldn't settle for a chocolate paycheck these days, statistics show that the humble cacao bean is still a powerful economic force. Chocolate manufacturing is a more than 4-billion-dollar industry in the United States, and the average American eats at least half a pound of the stuff per month. In the 20th century, the word "chocolate" expanded to include a range of affordable treats with more sugar and additives than actual cacao in them, often made from the hardiest but least flavorful of the bean varieties (forastero). But more recently, there's been a "chocolate revolution," Leaf said, marked by an increasing interest in high-quality, handmade chocolates and sustainable, effective cacao farming and harvesting methods. Major corporations like Hershey's have expanded their artisanal chocolate lines by purchasing smaller producers known for premium chocolates, such as Scharffen Berger and Dagoba, while independent chocolatiers continue to flourish as well. "I see more and more American artisans doing incredible things with chocolate," Leaf said. "Although, I admit that I tend to look at the world through cocoa-tinted glasses." VIDEO: A Brief History of Chocolate
s u o i c i l o c Cho recipes shared by Susan Fleming
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Brownie Pie Ingredients • 1 stick butter, softened • 1 cup sugar • 2 eggs • 1 teaspoon vanilla • 3 Tablespoons cocoa powder • 1 teaspoon salt • 1/2 cup all purpose flour. Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350. 2. Cream butter and sugar with electric mixer until light and fluffy about 3 minutes. 3. Add eggs and vanilla and mix in well. Add cocoa powder, salt and flour and stir until well combined. Grease a 8" pie plate with butter or Pam. 4. Pour mixture in pie plate. Bake for 30 -35 minutes until center is set. If you like, you can dust with powdered sugar and serve
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meat mallet. When the Oreos have turned into fine crumbs, you are done. Transfer the Oreo crumbs to a large bowl. Stir in 6 tablespoons melted butter and use a fork to incorporate the butter into the cookie crumbs. When the butter is distributed, transfer the mixture to a 9 x 13 inch baking dish. Press the crumbs into the bottom of the pan. Place the pan in the refrigerator while you work on the additional layers. Mix the cream cheese with a mixer until light and fluffy. Add in 2 Tablespoons of milk, and sugar, and mix well. Stir in 1 and 1/4 cups Cool Whip. Spread this mixture over the Oreo crust. In a bowl, combine chocolate instant pudding with 3 and 1/4 cups cold milk. Whisk for several minutes until the pudding starts to thicken. Use a spatula to spread the mixture over the previous cream cheese layer. Allow the dessert to rest for about 5 minutes so that the pudding can firm up further. Spread remaining Cool Whip over the top. Sprinkle mini chocolate chips evenly over top. Place in freezer for 1 hour, or refrigerator for 4 hours before serving.
Chocolate Lasagna Ingredients • 1 package regular Oreo cookies (Not Double Stuff) – about 36 cookies • 6 Tablespoon butter, melted • 1-8 ounce package cream cheese, softened • 1/4 cup granulated sugar • 2 Tablespoons cold milk • 1-12 ounce tub Cool Whip, divided • 2 – 3.9 ounce packages Chocolate Instant Pudding. • 3 1/4 cups cold milk • 1 and 1/2 cups mini chocolate chips 1. Directions Begin by crushing 36 Oreo cookies. I used my Manual food processor for this, but you could also place them in a large ziplock bag and crush them with a rolling pin or -90-
“Chocolate is magic. It makes the heart pitty-pat when you see it. It makes the pupils dilate. It makes the lungs breathe in deeper and sigh out loud audibly. It is pure seduction, quite simply.”
—Sanndi Thompson
Chocolate Pie ( you can use prepared crust) Ingredients • 1-1/4 cup of sugar • 1/2 cup of plain flour • 1/4 cup of cocoa • dash of salt • 4 egg yolks • 2 cups of milk • 1/4 cup of butter • 1 tsp of vanilla • 1-9" pastry shell baked Directions 1. Bake pie crust until golden 2. Combine first 4 ingredients in a sauce pan; set aside. 3. Combine milk and egg yolks. 4. Stir milk and egg yolks into mixture; add butter. 5. Cook over medium heat, and stir constantly until mix 6. thickens and boils. 7. Remove from heat; stir in vanilla; spoon into pastry shell.
For meringue • 2 egg whites • 4 tablespoons sugar • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla Directions 1. Beat egg whites until frothy; gradually add sugar, continuing to beat until stiff peaks form. Add vanilla 2. Spoon onto pie, spreading to crust edge to seal filling in. Bake at 325° for 15 to 18 minutes, until nicely browned.
Quick Chocolate Fudge Ingredients • • • • • • • •
1 2/3 cups white sugar 2/3 cup evaporated milk 1 tablespoon unsalted butter 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 (6 ounce) packages milk chocolate chips 16 large marshmallows 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1 cup chopped nuts
Directions 1. Combine sugar, milk, butter and salt in a medium sized saucepan. Bring to a boil, cook 5 minutes, stirring constantly. 2. Add in chocolate chips; cook until melted. 3. Remove from heat; stir in marshmallows, vanilla and nuts. Mix well. 4. Pour into a 8-inch pan. 5. Cool and cut into equal pieces ..Enjoy! 6. -91-
Chocolate Uniquities shared by Erin Sankey
CHOCOLATE SWEET POTATO OATMEAL Ingredients • 1/4 cup rolled oats • 1 Tbsp ground flax seed • pinch salt • 1 Tbsp unsweetened baking cocoa • 1/8 tsp cinnamon • 1-1/4 cups water (or milk) • 3/4 cup uncooked shredded sweet potato • 1 tsp vanilla • 1 Tbsp agave or other sweetener, to taste Directions 1. In a medium saucepan, combine oats, ground flax seed, salt, baking cocoa and cinnamon. 2. Stir in water and bring to a boil. Reduced to medium and cook several minutes. 3. Stir in shredded sweet potato and continue cooking and stirring until mixture has thickened. 4. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla and sw eetener to taste.
Directions 1. Place about 2 inches of water in a small saucepan, and place chocolate in a heatproof bowl. 2. Set the bowl over, but not touching, the simmering water to melt the chocolate. 3. Once chocolate is melted, remove bowl from the pot and set aside to cool slightly. 4. In a medium bowl, whisk together goat cheese, melted chocolate, sugar, vanilla, and peppercorns until fluffy and well incorprated. 5. Cover the mixture in plastic wrap & refrigerate for 1 hour or until firm. 6. Once firm, portion a heaping teaspoon of the goat cheese mixture into clean hands and roll into a ball. Coat the bottom half of the ball in cocoa powder, place on a cookie sheet and top with a few flakes of coarse sea salt. Serve slightly chilled. 7. Truffles will last, in an airtight container, in the refrigerator for up to 3 days. Yield: makes about 20 truffles
CHOCOLATE & BLACK PEPPER GOAT CHEESE TRUFFLES Ingredients • 4 ounces dark chocolate, coarsely chopped • 4 ounces fresh goat cheese, at room temperature • 3 tablespoons granulated sugar • 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract • 1/4 teaspoon coarsely crushed black pepperc orns • 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder • Coarse sea salt
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The History of Coffee - A Love Story from International Coffee Organization
The global spread of coffee growing and drinking began in the Horn of Africa, where, according to legend, coffee trees originated in the Ethiopian province of Kaffa. It is recorded that the fruit of the plant, known as coffee cherries, was eaten by slaves taken from present day Sudan into Yemen and Arabia through the great port of its day, Mocha. Coffee was certainly being cultivated in Yemen by the 15th century and probably much earlier. In an attempt to prevent its cultivation elsewhere, the Arabs imposed a ban on the export of fertile coffee beans, a restriction that was eventually circumvented in 1616 by the Dutch, who brought live coffee plants back to the Netherlands to be grown in greenhouses. Initially, the authorities in Yemen actively encouraged coffee drinking. The first coffeehouses or kaveh kanes opened in Mecca and quickly spread throughout the Arab world, thriving as places where chess was played, gossip was exchanged and singing, dancing and music were enjoyed. Nothing quite like this had existed before: a place where social and business life could be conducted in comfortable surroundings and where - for the price of a cup of coffee - anyone could venture. Perhaps predictably, the Arabian coffeehouse soon became a centre of political activity and was suppressed. Over the next few decades coffee and coffeehouses were banned numerous times but kept reappearing until eventually an acceptable way out was found when a tax was introduced on both. By the late 1600’s the Dutch were growing coffee at Malabar in India and in 1699 took some plants to Batavia in Java, in what is now Indonesia. Within a few years the Dutch colonies had become the main suppliers of coffee to Europe, where coffee had first been brought by Venetian traders in 1615. This was a period when the two other globally significant hot beverages also appeared in Europe. Hot chocolate was the first, brought by the Spanish -93-
from the Americas to Spain in 1528; and tea, which was first sold in Europe in 1610. At first coffee was mainly sold by lemonade vendors and was believed to have medicinal qualities. The first European coffeehouse opened in Venice in 1683, with the most famous, Caffe Florian in Piazza San Marco, opening in 1720. It is still open for business today. The largest insurance market in the world, Lloyd's of London, began life as a coffeehouse. It was started in 1688 by Edward Lloyd, who prepared lists of the ships that his customers had insured. The first literary reference to coffee being drunk in North America is from 1668 and, soon after, coffee houses were established in New York, Philadelphia, Boston and other towns. The Boston Tea Party Of 1773 was planned in a coffee house, the Green Dragon. Both the New York Stock Exchange and the Bank of New York started in coffeehouses in what is today known as Wall Street. In 1720 a French naval officer named Gabriel Mathieu de Clieu, while on leave in Paris from his post in Martinique, acquired a coffee tree with the intention of taking it with him on the return voyage. With the plant secured in a glass case on deck to keep it warm and prevent damage from salt water, the journey proved eventful. As recorded in de Clieu's own journal, the ship was threatened by Tunisian pirates. There was a violent storm, during
which the plant had to be tied down. A jealous fellow officer tried to sabotage the plant, resulting in a branch being torn off. When the ship was becalmed and drinking water rationed, De Clieu ensured the plant’s survival by giving it most of his precious water. Finally, the ship arrived in Martinique and the coffee tree was replanted at Preebear. It grew, and multiplied, and by 1726 the first harvest was ready. It is recorded that, by 1777, there were between 18 and 19 million coffee trees on Martinique, and the model for a new cash crop that could be grown in the New World was in place. But it was the Dutch who first started the spread of the coffee plant in Central and South America, where today it reigns supreme as the main continental cash crop. Coffee first arrived in the Dutch colony of Surinam in 1718, to be followed by plantations in French Guyana and the first of many in Brazil in the state of Pará. In 1730 the British introduced coffee to Jamaica, where today the most famous and expensive coffee in the world is grown in the Blue Mountains. The 17th and 18th centuries saw the establishment across Brazil of vast sugar plantations or fazendas, owned by the country’s elite. As sugar prices weakened in the 1820’s, capital and labour migrated to the southeast in response to the expansion of coffee growing in the Paraiba Valley, where it had been introduced in 1774. By the beginning of the 1830’s Brazil was the world’s largest producer with some 600,000 bags a year, followed by Cuba, Java and Haiti, each with annual production of 350 to 450,000 bags. World production amounted to some 2.5 million bags per year. The rapid expansion of production in Brazil and Java, among others, caused a significant decline in world prices. These bottomed out in the late 1840’s, from which point a strong upward movement occurred, reaching its peak in the 1890’s. During this latter period, due mainly to a lack of inland transport and manpower, Brazilian expansion slowed considerably. Meanwhile, the upward movement of prices encouraged the growth of coffee cultivation in other producing regions in the Americas such as Guatemala, Mexico, El Salvador and Colombia. -94-
In Colombia, where coffee had been introduced by the Jesuits as early as 1723, civil strife and the inaccessibility of the best coffee-growing regions had hampered the growth of a coffee industry. Following the “Thousand Days War” of 1899 to 1903, the new peace saw Colombians turn to coffee as their salvation. While larger plantations, or haciendas, dominated the upper Magdalena river regions of Cundinamarca and Tolima, determined peasants staked new claims in the mountainous regions to the west, in Antioquia and Caldas. New railways, relying on coffee for profit, allowed more coffee to be grown and transported. The opening of the Panama Canal in 1914 permitted exports from Colombia’s previously unreachable Pacific coast, with the port of Buenaventura assuming increasing importance. In 1905 Colombia exported five hundred thousand bags of coffee; by 1915 exports had doubled. While Brazil desperately tried to control its overproduction, Colombian coffee became increasingly popular with American and European consumers. In 1914 Brazil supplied three-quarters of U.S. imports with 5.6 million bags, but by 1919 that figure had fallen to 4.3 million, while Colombia’s share had risen from 687,000 to 915,000 bags. During the same period Central American exports to the U.S. had risen from 302,000 to 1.2 million bags. In spite of political turmoil, social upheaval and economic vicissitude, the 20th century saw an essentially continuous rise in demand for coffee. U.S. consumption continued to grow reaching a peak in 1946, when annual per capita consumption was 19.8 pounds, twice the figure in 1900. Especially during periods of high global prices, this steadily increasing demand lead to an expansion in production throughout the coffee-growing regions of the world. With the process of decolonisation that began in the years following the Second World War, many newly independent nations in Africa, notably Uganda, Kenya, Rwanda and Burundi, found themselves in varying degrees dependent on coffee export revenue. -95-
For US coffee drinkers, the country’s wettest city, Seattle, has become synonymous with a new type of café culture, which, from its birth in the 1970s, swept the continent, dramatically improving the general quality of the beverage. This new found 'evangelism' for coffee has spread to the rest of the world, even to countries with great coffee traditions of their own, such as Italy, Germany, and Scandinavia, adding new converts to the pleasures of good coffee. Today it is possible to find good coffee in every major city of the world, from London to Sydney to Tokyo; we are drinking more and, more importantly, better coffee. The importance of coffee to the world economy cannot be overstated. It is one of the most valuable primary products in world trade, in many years second in value only to oil as a source of foreign exchange to producing countries. Its cultivation, processing, trading, transportation and marketing provide employment for hundreds of millions of people worldwide. Coffee is crucial to the economies and politics of many developing countries; for many of the world's Least Developed Countries, exports of coffee account for more than 50 percent of their foreign exchange earnings. Coffee is a traded commodity on major futures and commodity exchanges, most importantly in London and New York. View Smithsonian video here!
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A Warm Cup of Inspiration ☕
I have a favorite page on Facebook that I rarely take the time to visit. It’s full of all sorts of wonderful things, from pretty images to pretty words, and perhaps most important, coffee! And so when the ideas for this month’s theme and topics were settled on, I immediately asked page creator, Lisa Andrews Selph to share some of her warmth with us here. ~Joy, editress Introduction: my name is Lisa and I live near Memphis, Tennessee in a small town in Mississippi. I am also the owner of a small but humble Facebook page that is my hobby called Coffee and Quotes. As it says on my page I like to, "Share daily quotes that I find inspiring and thoughtful as the day breaks over the Delta! Hoping that others might enjoy them too! Open for all to join! My mission -- to encourage and inspire others with a thought for the day! Quotes... Since 2008 I have enjoyed posting quotes to my personal page and decided it was time to put it out there for others! Hope you enjoy them as much as I do! Share my page!" After going through tough times and surviving as a single Mom (including moving back home from Florida after 20 years during mid-life) I discovered that a new day, a warm cup of coffee and a lovely quote could do wonders in starting a conversation with others and lifting my spirits as well. I also started sharing my quotes and realized that not only did it connect, it resonated with others. My love for literature and quotes was also fueled by
going back to school for my bachelors later in life. I won't bore you here but suffice it to say I love women writers and enjoy analytical papers. Particularly, writings during the 1800's in a patriarchal society -but we'll save that for another time. Going back in mid-life, I have to admit I was a little more excited over Brit Lit and Philosophy than some of my 19 year old counterparts. I especially want to encourage others that if you have college dreams, it is never too late and you can't start soon enough. Follow your dreams. Because of my love for education, for women especially, I support a group that does fundraisers for women's scholarships. Getting back to the quotes, during my studies, the beautiful thing to me about studying great literature, writers or philosophy -- is that it can connect with us over time no matter how long ago it was written or how contemporary. You can appreciate Plato, Socrates, Twain, Thoreau just as much as a J.K. Rowling if they said something that connects with -96-
you. I could list dozens of writers and philosophers but you get the idea. Also, quotes connect at many different levels and make you think. My favorites are the ones that uplift and encourage, of course. So in the morning over the years I found myself having a cup of coffee, contemplating a quote that made me think, "Wow, yes hundreds of years ago people were still contemplating and struggling with the same issues we do today" and I started trying to share that feeling. That is how my hobby turned into morning posts fueled by the likes of Messrs. Coffee and Starbucks. Sharing a cup with people from all over the past several years has been a beautiful experience. Just to know that there are basic things that resonate with others no matter where they are -- like a great cup of coffee and an inspiring word. There are things that happen behind the scenes on my page that inspire me as well. Such as the women in a certain country who follow but don't comment because they are somewhat restricted by their culture. I noticed one university in particular. I think that if there are things I am posting that even these women are thinking about and finding worthwhile -- then they inspire me by following. These are the little things that inspire me on my page along with the fun aspect of hosting it. There are even the Coffee houses that share it now which has been an
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unexpected but welcome by-product of my posts. But then, who doesn't love great coffee? I like to think the page crosses over and connects with a diverse audience. I haven't advertised and have grown strictly with the support of Coffee and Quotes' followers who share. They are just the best and keep me inspired. The goal is to one day sell logoed coffee cups and t-shirts. A girl can dream can't I? My hope is that if just one quote uplifts another person who is having a hard day and it makes them smile, gives them courage or hope -- then it is worth it. When I receive messages from all over (Australia, Canada, U.K. or Portugal) saying how much they love the page or how a certain quote made their day -- then I know I'm doing something right. There are some things that are universal like great coffee, a warm cup of tea and quotes. I hope that I am sharing love, hope a n d encouragement over a cup the world over and that makes me smile! I am just trying to share the love one cup at a time...
My Love of Coffee by Lyle Dagnen Who wouldn't desire a lover that never disappoints, is ready to go in a matter of minutes and always leaves a smile on your face? That lover was introduced to me late one night in 1970, that was my first time. My lover was hot, steamy, gentle and very pleasing. In all the years my love has never faded and has in fact grown stronger. My lover is coffee. Mornings are not my best time, most people give me lots of space and do not try to talk to me. My love is there. in my face, at my lips, bringing me joy. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent, my hands warm from the firm grasp, the strength fills me with passion. Thanks to my constant, true lover, I am transformed from a slavering, knuckle-dragging zog to a functioning human being. My coffee caresses my mind and brings me to a joyful meeting of the morning. While I have been told that many of my other loves have to be put aside, coffee Is the the love that stays with me. For many years my lover had a companion, I enjoyed a cigarette with the morning brew. Alas, my days of a twosome were halted and I stayed with the single love of a cup of coffee. This love of mine can make demands. The constant companion can become a need that has to be met or you can experience a slight headache and a bit of a letdown. Too much too fast and the buzz becomes a set of jerks and frenetic actions. This lover is a stimulant and must be respected. Coffee reminds me with a gentle nudge that I need it; I willingly answer the need. Hot, warm, cold, creamed, straight, it's there to quench my thirst and complete a need for a buzz of energy. Coffee has seen me through stressful times, happy times, boring times, active times. At work it was a
quick drink to wet the throat; during late night graduate classes it kept my eyes open and my brain concentrating. Hot it warms me, cool it refreshes me, what more could a woman ask of a lover she has had a constant affair with for so very long? Coffee is a traveling companion. It can be obtained in most places from the most expensive gourmet shop to a truck stop open all night on the interstate. I have found comfort in my friend in late night stops along the interstate, always hot, always a choice of brews, and most of all, forever comforting on a long, late night journey to somewhere. Coffee is there when friends come over and we talk until the sun disappears and comes back again. Coffee is there when my heart is breaking, alone, and trying very hard not to cry. Coffee is there when I'm laughing so hard that I lose it and fall out of the chair. Coffee is by my side when I write, I have an empty cup beside me now; I enjoy the fragrance of the earlier cups from today. The reason that I only enjoy the fragrance late in the day is that this stimulating brew can make sleep go somewhere else or be disrupted. Although decaf versions are available, I simply choose not to drink coffee late in the day. One last warning about this lover of mine, too much of it, especially too strong, can create a stomach upset that really destroys all the positive benefits of the brew. As with all stimulants, even mild ones, don't abuse yourself by overdoing it. Keep the experience a joy and a passion, not a kick in the gut. For the most part, it relaxes me. Coffee is my companion when I meditate and allow my mind to go where I want to be. I'm making no recommendation of brands, types of brew, strength, shops. Introduce yourself to coffee, meet coffee face to face and fall in love. -98-
Mocha Coffee Cake with Espresso Glaze Ingredients Cake: • Baking spray with flour • 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder • 1 teaspoon kosher salt • 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder • 10 tablespoon unsalted butter (at room temperature) • 2 cups granulated sugar • 3 large eggs • 3/4 cup fat-free sour cream (at room temperature) • 3/4 cup strong freshly brewed coffee • Sugared coffee beans: • 3 tablespoons superfine sugar • 1 tablespoon honey • 12 whole coffee beans Glaze: • 1 cup powdered sugar, sifted • 2 tablespoons espresso powder combined with 3 tablespoons boiling water • 1 tablespoon coffee-flavored liqueur (such as Kahlúa), optional
Preparation 1. Heat oven to 350° with rack in the center. Lightly coat a 12-cup Bundt pan with baking spray; set aside. 2. To make cake: Combine flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoa powder in a medium bowl, whisking well; set aside. Place butter in a separate bowl; beat with an electric mixer at mediumlow speed, until soft and creamy. Add sugar; beat well. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. -99-
Gradually beat in flour mixture, alternating with sour cream first, then coffee. Stir well with rubber spatula; scrape any batter at the bottom to combine. 3. Spoon batter into prepared pan, spreading evenly. Bake until knife tip inserted in the middle comes out clean (45-55 minutes); let cool. 4. To make sugared coffee beans: Sprinkle some superfine sugar onto a sheet of wax paper. Dip 1 coffee bean into honey, transfer wet bean to wax paper, and sprinkle with superfine sugar. Continue with the remaining coffee beans; let dry. 5. To make glaze: Combine powdered sugar, espresso powder mixture, and liqueur (if desired) in a medium bowl; stir well with a fork until smooth. Transfer cooled cake to a serving platter. Drizzle glaze generously over cake; decorate with sugared coffee beans. source: Health.com
The Secret Ingredient by Bonnie Ramsburg I have no recipes to share for our Immortal Beloveds Issue. I hate to cook, hate to bake, so I don’t develop my own personal collection like some people do — I collect recipes and cookbooks like they are going out of style though. My mom, on the other hand, loves to cook and bake. She passed that love onto my brother, Kevin, and he’s a pretty darn good cook too. He likes to experiment with different spices and ideas. “Why don’t I ask them for recipes?” you ask. Simply put, my mom is old school. She can look in the exact same cabinet that I do, and pull stuff out to make a meal that is good and fulfilling; yet when I look in it, I see nothing to put together. Mom cooks what I call comfort food, so what she makes is from years of making — no recipes, no amounts written down. It’s the basics, she knows what goes in it, and goes from there. When it’s time to add the spices, she knows it’s right by smell, look, texture, and taste-testers. We never have the same dish twice it seems, Mom has made more than one dish that we’ve enjoyed immensely, but we will never have it again because it was a mistake, or she was just throwing stuff together for a meal. Kevin is the same way with his cooking, but he does more modern cooking. My Mom has made homemade noodles to go in homemade chicken noodle soup, homemade beef stew, and homemade meatball soup. She has no recipe for these noodles. So my brother and I can’t even try to duplicate them. But even though she dislikes eating soups and some stews, she will usually willingly make these dishes for us so we can enjoy the noodles. She wasn’t going to make them one time — she was going to go buy some and my 6 foot tall brother blocked the door and wouldn’t let her leave, because he wanted homemade noodles. She made them, just because he wanted them. My Mom also loves to bake. She gets a baking bug bite sometimes and we enjoy the sweet delicacies she makes for days afterwards. I love her chocolate chip cookies, and most people would say, “You can make them yourself. She
just uses the Nestle Toll House recipe on the back of the package.” And they would be right, I could. But Mom’s taste so much better. Just like most of the stuff she makes. Now at the beginning, I said I hated to cook and bake, and it’s true. I do have a couple of things I enjoy making, usually. My deviled eggs have been fought over at work functions before, and I enjoy making a quick dessert that has been featured in the magazine — Multiple Choice Bars — for the friends. Through them, as testers, I found a combination that tastes the best. Most of the time, I’d say 99% of the time, our dishes turn out pretty good. We enjoy making them and sharing them. Then there is that 1%, the times that they just don’t turn out the way we expected them to. They don’t taste the way we know they should and we can’t quite figure out why; and no, I’m not talking about leaving an ingredient out, like the all-important sugar in a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving dinner...true! My Mom and I talked about this once before. I couldn’t figure out why something she had made, that I knew was supposed to be absolutely delicious, just didn’t deliver on my expectations. When I said something to her about it, she told me, “I didn’t really want to make it. I felt obligated to do it, so my heart wasn’t in it.” Which in turn, taught me why sometimes my dishes that I do make didn’t turn out as well as usual. My heart wasn’t in it; I had felt obligated to make them. My mom taught me an important lesson that day as we talked about recipes not tasting the same. She taught me what the Secret Ingredient to all cooking is: Love. Just Love. When you love what you are doing for your family, the taste comes through. They can tell the difference in it, even if they don’t know what or why. So my friends; read and learn, when you put your heart and love into what you are cooking, it tastes so much better than when you don’t really want to do it, but have to. REMEMBER, LOVE IS THE SECRET INGREDIENT! -100
Better Than Anything Else in the World Brownies shared by Bonnie Ramsburg as given to Grace Goff by Ed Rogers, from the Cowboy Cookbook
• 1/2 cup Butter • 1 cup Sugar • 4 Eggs • 16 ounces Chocolate Syrup • 1 ¼ cups Flour • 1 cup Chopped Walnuts (or your choice) • 1/4-1/2 cup Chocolate Chips (optional, we used them because we didn’t put the chocolate glaze on them) 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using a mixer beat butter and sugar till fluffy. Add Eggs, beating afterwards. Add Syrup and Flour and mix well. For thin brownies, pour into a 9x13 pan or use a smaller pan for a thicker brownie. 2. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in middle comes out clean. 3. Let cool and enjoy! Quick Chocolate Glaze • 2/3 cups Sugar • 3 tablespoons Milk • 3 tablespoons Butter • 1/2 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips 1. Heat first 3 ingredients to boiling, then add Chips. 2. Continue to heat and stir till smooth and then pour over the Brownies.
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Love and “Recognition” between the Barbarian and the Healer an Article about “ElfQuest” (a Graphic Novel series by Wendy and Richard Pini) by Amanda Roncalio-Meyer, life-long ElfQuest fan and fantasy-lover “Soul meets Soul when Eyes meet Eyes” That is how the elven instinctual phenomenon known as “Recognition” is described from the graphic novel series, ElfQuest, by Wendy and Richard Pini. While Recognition does not take Love or current relationships into account, it can in-fact occur between two elves who cannot tolerate each other’s presence, it ensures the continuation of the elfin race, that the offspring of the two elves will be strong and powerful, and can actually lead to some of the most powerful love ever known to their race. This happens to two of the main characters of ElfQuest, and sets the stage for one of the best love stories I have ever read and many haven’t even heard of. Cutter, the fierce, strong, and wise young chief of the WolfRider tribe of elves, has no idea what’s in-store for him when he raids a small “...Tho’ driven by savage hunger and half mad with thirst, Cutter is brought up short...”
*From “Fire and Flight,” book one in the ElfQuest Reader’s Collection by Wendy and Richard Pini
elfin village named Sorrow’s End out of desperation to save his own tribe-mates. He rides astride his powerful wolf-mount, Nightrunner, to steal bread and water, for his tribe has just spent several days crossing the Burning Waste, a desert they were tricked into entering without hope of return by the selfish (and sometimes slightly evil) Trolls. As he leads the raid on the village, his eyes fall upon Leetah, a beautiful elf maiden and the desert tribe’s Healer. Leetah, the fairest maiden of her tribe of Sun Folk elves, is in-a-way betrothed to the tribe’s head hunter, Rayek, an elf with a very powerful (yet at the time, mostly dormant) gift of levitation and can stun others with a single glare. Just before the WolfRiders attack, Rayek is once again trying to convince Leetah to stay with him, and she playfully pushes him away. She turns to find the tribe of WolfRiders swarming down from the surrounding mountains onto her peaceful tribe, but cannot take her eyes from the young warrior-chief who rides towards her. Soul meets Soul when Eyes meet Eyes. Cutter and Leetah stare for long moments at each other, unsure of what has just happened between them. As if acting on instinct, Cutter swoops a terrified Leetah up into his arms and rides away with her, back to the WolfRiders hidden camp in the mountains. Rayek stares after them in anger before arranging a rescue party… That is how Cutter and Leetah meet for the first time. They do not immediately love each other, in-fact Leetah hates Cutter for kidnapping her without thought. But just as Love at First Sight can be a very powerful emotion and nearimpossible to ignore for humans, Recognition is even more powerful of an instinct, one that absolutely cannot be ignored (as other couples
Image ©2014 Wendy and Richard Pini, WaRP Graphics, Inc. Used with permission
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of elves find out the really hard way in other parts of the stories). Time and again, Cutter tries to convince Leetah that ignoring Recognition will only sicken them both, but Leetah refuses to be with a “barbarian.” It’s only after hearing the WolfRiders daring story of how they got to be who and where they are that Leetah’s heart finally opens up to Cutter, and from then-on they share one of the strongest and most beautiful love stories I have known. From murderous trolls, to evil human leaders, to a 10,000 year forced-separation, Cutter and Leetah’s love never falters once. They each have their own trials and tribulations to endure, but after all the war, after all the tears and blood, Cutter and Leetah will always love one another. And they will always have a very special place in my own heart.
Image ©2014 Wendy and Richard Pini, WaRP Graphics, Inc. Used with permission
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Elfquest is the longest-running independent fantasy series, with more than 15 million comics, graphic novels and other publications in print. The story of Cutter, chief of the Wolfriders, and his quest to find others of their own kind on the World of Two Moons, Elfquest was first published in 1978 by creators Wendy and Richard Pini. The latest cycle, The Final Quest, is being published by Dark Horse Comics. Everything up until the new “Final Quest” can be read online, for free, at the official ElfQuest website. And be sure to follow all of the awesome updates on their official Facebook page.
Amanda as Moonshade with ElfMom Wendy Pini, one of ElfQuest’s creators! Used with permission
Doing What You Love – Loving What You Do
by Susan Fleming The beginning was not a noble one, it was born of desperation and a severe need for a job. Plans had been neatly laid out in my brain; those plans were crumbling to dust. Never destined to be a Fine Arts major, I had done a back door major in drama. How was that done? It seems that a Secondary Education major in English, minoring in Speech would do the trick for me. Since I had set my goal on teaching in college, the education courses had to have some significance. A secondary area at the time consisted of grades seven through twelve. It's an important thing that you observe the promise I made myself. I would never teach seventh or eighth grade. Upon graduation, I began my tromp through the application process. Since my practice teaching had been in a volunteer project in the deep Appalachian mountains, I was seeking employment in these closed communities. Not being hired and being told that they would give me the worst classes if I had the nerve to show up or they wanted me to teach some oddball class that I was not certified to teach had been a brick wall I had not expected. Over the years of being in college and being friends with people in my rural neighborhood, the neighbors informed me, “They're hiring in Murray County.” Bless Daddy, he was so excited he volunteered to drive me to the wilds of North Georgia to “check on” a job. So that you will know, I was not hired for my stellar qualifications of having a degree from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, these people were desperate. Walking into the tiny Central Office building, I informed the secretary that I wanted an application. From the recesses of the building a male voice hollered, “Can you teach English?”
Answering the disembodied voice, in a very unprofessional manner, I hollered back, “Yes.” The second booming question, “Can you teach seventh grade?” Having been taught not to prevaricate, I swallowed deeply and once more hollered back, “Yes.” The voice yelled again, “You're hired! Rachel, give her an application.” Notice, on day one, I had broken my promise to myself. It seems I was going to teach in a junior high school in a rural North Georgia county. Stumbling out to the car I sat stunned beside Daddy. “I got a job,” I muttered. Not at all what I meant to do and not at all a grade I wanted to teach. What the hell had just happened to me? The grand plan was that I would drive from my family home every day to teach in the next state. Only a thirty-minute drive and since I had no money and no car, I had to be flexible. My letter for Pre-Planning was late so I missed the first day and was dressed wrong for the second day. All of the people there got a good laugh about “Our Miss Brooks” being late and not dressed for a day of work. Have your ever prayed that a crack in the floor would open and swallow you? I used up all my prayers that day. I was the new kid on the block and had two strikes against me. It was certainly a day for mixing metaphors. My teaching supplies for the year were a new box of chalk and a new eraser. My companion grade level teacher was a person from the county and the darling, it appeared, of the staff. Her books were carried in, the desks arranged and her room set up. I received some mysterious commands about the empty science room on hall two. She and I were to decide who would teach grammar and who would teach literature. I don't know how I lucked out on this, -104
but I had the literature section. There was an explosion coming and people were about to discover that “Our Miss Brooks” would take no crap from anyone. At the faculty meeting at the close of the day, the principal asked if anyone had any questions. My hand popped up. “I cannot find my books. Could I have some help?” I was trying to be nice and not whine, but I had wandered the building fruitlessly, searching for books. A smart ass response came from behind me, “I told you they were in the empty science room on hall two.” Having had about all I was going to take, I turned on said smart ass and spoke in an even voice, “I don't even know where hall one is, let alone an empty room on hall two. I'll haul the damned books, I don't need any of your grudging help, I just want my books. Now, if there's some problem with me I don't know about, I want to hear it now.” Turning to face the startled principal, he slowly smiled. “We'll get you your books tomorrow morning.” He looked at the room, “We have a room full of strong young men who'll be glad to help you.” It seems that I was hired without a principal interview and he had been miffed about being overlooked. Then the superintendents office had looked at my transcript and they had determined all of the things I could teach if needed, and they had suggested I might move to the high school at Christmas leaving him short a teacher. There was a seventy percent turnover in the county at that time, a high percentage of very young and inexperienced personnel filling the teaching slots, which created, in rodeo terms, a bucking bronc hard to control. A teacher's first year is a thing to be survived. Many discoveries come fast and furious. The first being that most of what you learned in college is useless. Classes in classroom management, discipline principles, and learning how to speak to a class were not part of the curriculum. Planning lessons, setting goals, all of that had been mostly covered in practice teaching, but how to be adjusted to a different environment was not included. It was little things that made the day a trial and tribulation. -105
Day one began with my homeroom class, keeping them an extended period to “explain” things to them. Things I did not fully understand myself. The secretary called me on the intercom and asked where my absentee sheet was. “I don't know,” I responded expecting information as to where it might be gotten. “Well, you better get it up here or I'll turn you in,” and click it was off and my kids were looking at me like I had been put in my place. Finally, after about three interruptions, some person claiming to be from the office brought me a hand full of absentee sheets. I looked at them blankly and handed her back one. “You're suppose to fill it out,” she grumbled. “OK, but with what information am I to fill it out?” Looking back, I know that everyone was trying to make the day work out, everyone was keyed up and since we were a sea of inexperience, it was like trying to row a boat in stormy seas. Me, having my back up, was not making me a popular character; when I stopped by to let the secretary (whom I discovered could do no wrong) have it for speaking to me in an unprofessional manner, was not the most marvelous beginning to what turned into a thirty year career. These experiences did teach me something that stuck with me for the rest of my career. New teachers were always greeted warmly, time was allotted to answering questions, no question was laughed at, and the little day-to-day business details of running a
ler Gerard But was here!
classroom and school were shared. I never wanted anyone to experience the feeling of going to the parking lot and driving away, never to return, after the first day was completed. The discovery, on my part, that merely having content information for the subject assigned was not even close to the knowledge I needed to be in a classroom was enough to really get my attention. I later discovered, that since I was new, from out of town, I was assigned the grouping of students that were considered at the low end. Many were fifteen years old and just waiting to drop out, get a job at a carpet mill, and forget school forever. Over half of them were not reading on grade level and many far below grade level. Having never had a reading class, I was stunned and did not know what to do for these kids. Had it not been for Mother and her classroom experience, her no nonsense approach to my whining, the first year might have just ended at Christmas. She wisely let me know that what happened in my classroom was my responsibility. She showed me enough that I began to clue in to teaching kids from a book they could not read. I learned from her to let the 'quitters' alone; to simply tell them that they could not interrupt class and they could join when they wanted to join. Most of them grudgingly joined and grinned at their passing
grade. I was lucky, we had three quarters and each quarter I got a new group of students. I got three years of first day experience in one. It made a difference and is probably the reason I stayed in the field. That and my principal promised me that he would let me leave at Christmas the next year if it didn't get better. One of the first things Mother pounded into my head was to use the Pygmalion Principle; to treat every kid like they were the brightest penny in the pile and to make them think I was so happy they were with me that I was beside myself with happiness. You see, while I was working on them, they in turn, reflected my behavior. Children do rise to the level of your expectation and they respond to someone they think cares about them. An early adolescent needs this, perhaps more than a preschooler. She helped me to learn the discipline needed was to be simple, clear, and firm. Over the years I always used the rule, “Treat other people the way you want to be treated.” Simple, clear and firmly upheld. Remember that promise I made to myself? Turns out that I fell in love with what would later be termed middle schoolers. I did teach seventh grade but ended up for most of my years in eighth grade. I discovered my old joy of “going to school.” Everyday was an adventure to me, I got to go to school and teach. -106
My first payday was proof positive I was not in this for the money. Georgia, like many states, offered very low pay for teachers. In Georgia, as in may of the Southern states we were paid a yearly salary that fell below the poverty line. A teacher's kids qualified for free lunches. I worked seven weeks without a pay check; when pay day rolled round I looked at the check; three hundred twenty six dollars and change. I remember thinking, “Is that all there is?” I worked for years with a hand-to-mouth budget. I paid my bills and had about eighty dollars for the rest of the month. In a job I had only planned to keep a year of so, the fourth summer I married and had sunk my roots into the place. I was now referred to as “one of us.” The phrase “Life happens while you are making other plans” certainly holds true for me. While I was planning to return to UT, get a masters in college teaching in speech and drama, I found a place where I was needed. I learned to be a reading teacher, I learned to be a middle school teacher, I learned to be a composition specialist, I learned to teach all levels of kids. I have often said, give me some kids, a piece of ground and a stick to mark on the ground and we'll have school. When my last day was quickly approaching; I wasn't overly emotional about leaving. I managed to move out of my room, telling the teacher who would be taking my place to force me out or I'd never get it done. Jennie was gentle but she pushed and I made it through. Moved some things to the library where I would stay and would leave my key on the desk for her, she had a copy. I walked to the door, looked back at the room that was already starting to be someone else's room and sighed. A million memories swam through my head. That year, I had taught the children of the children I had taught the first year. Voices of the kids I had taught, saying ‘thank you’ and the kids I had taught that year saying ‘goodbye’ whispered in my ears. This time when I left I would not be coming back to school. The smell of kids, crayons and erasers would not be a part of my daily routine. God help me, I loved it, I had loved it even at first when it was so difficult. I had done the job when I could have worked a creel rack in a carpet mill for twice the pay. I had managed to keep a secret, I'd have paid them to let me teach if need be. Teaching is a heartbeat, it's a way of thinking and speaking. Teaching is something you either have in you, you cannot learn to teach. -107
Making sure the door would lock behind me, I closed my door for the last time. My hands went to the wood as I leaned my head against the window looking in at the room. It was the closest I could come to an embrace; I cried like a baby. Perhaps is was the second year that I realized that I had found a secret. I was getting paid doing something I loved to do. Teaching was a love. I loved the kids and told them on a daily basis. I loved the subject matter, I loved to read and tried to teach them to love to read. I read in front of them and had “reading days” in my classroom. We wrote, individually and in groups, we plastered the walls and the library with things they had done. I developed what I called a “Rolodex” brain, constantly flipping trying to find what would work with each group and each child. Lessons I had learned from good and bad teachers followed me. The memories are good. I walked away while I still loved to teach. Teaching is something that I loved, and I loved being a teacher. If someone had looked into a crystal ball at the University of Tennessee on a warm June day in 1974 and told me that I would spend the rest of my life in a rural North Georgia community, married to a part-time farmer and full-time math teacher; if they had mentioned that I would have two children and absorb another into my heart; if they told me I would learn to love and adore eighth graders; I would have rolled on the floor laughing. I might mention here that I would still be laughing. Nothing like that was part of the plan. But the plan was mine; God had another idea in mind.
Love of Co u n t r y by Lyle Dagnen Dad sat me on the kitchen table so that I could face him. He had decided that it was time that I learned the “Pledge to the Flag” as he called it. Dad had some very serious ideas about things he thought his children should know and understand. He was the kind of man that a child wanted to please so that when he began to teach us anything we were very apt pupils. At the tender age of eighteen, Dad volunteered to join the United States Army. Japan had just bombed Pearl Harbor, the United States needed soldiers. The deal was if the high school would agree that the senior boys had completed enough of their school work they could graduate early and join the armed forces. Dad and his buddies joined. The years that most young men his age would have been in college, he was in Europe doing the job that was thought necessary at the time. He felt very strongly about loyalty to the country and the flag that is the symbol of our country. So, before I began school I learned to pledge to the flag. Words I did not fully understand at the time. In my child's mind I wasn't even sure where town was, let alone what a country was, but I still knew the pledge and could say it. As I grew, my teachers taught me about the pledge. I learned about what made our country great in my history classes. I began to understand what the pledge meant when I said it. Dad never shared many war stories with me because I was a girl and girls needed to be protected. I did, however, sneak around and listen when he did not know I could hear the stories he shared with my brother or when he spoke with my uncles. As I grew to adulthood and began to innate conversations with him, he shared pieces of stories with me. He spoke of how between battles he and the men in his group would play baseball with the gloves and bats they always carried with them. He spoke of a young German girl he was friends with while stationed there after the war. He spoke of a young man who relieved him on guard duty one night and was then shot and killed. He spoke of
being still while a column of German tanks rolled by on the road below him. He spoke of liberating a death camp and the ovens still being warm and the starving people glad to see the Americans walk through the gate. Dad is buried in the National Cemetery in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He is there with the men with whom he spent four years. It is fitting that he is there with his band of brothers. He had a deep and abiding love for the country that he risked so much for in his youth. He passed that love of country to me. I sit now recalling the words to the “Pledge to the Flag”. He always reminded me that his coffin did not have to be expensive because it would be draped with the flag. We have that flag, presented to the family in gratitude for his service. National Cemetery Here they are, row on row, Silent now, they say not a word, A granite stone, a simple name, Their deeds are songs seldom heard. If you stand in the quiet on a misty morn, Close your eyes and stand really still, You'll hear the stories of courage born, Together they lie, under the grass so green. Your heart will tell you their stories true, Of a life that they gave for me and for you, A stone marks the place, a final truth, Where they gained their rest, a last tribute.
-108
Red , White & Blueberry Bliss from KraftRecipes
Ingredients • 3 cups boiling water, divided • 2 pkg. (4-serving size each) JELL-O Berry Blue Flavor Gelatin • 2 cups ice cubes, divided • 2 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened • 1/4 cup sugar • 1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed, divided • 2 pkg. (4-serving size each) JELL-O Strawberry Flavor Gelatin, or any red flavor • 2 cups halved strawberries • 1/2 cup blueberries
Directions 1. STIR 1-1/2 cups of the boiling water into dry blue gelatin in medium bowl at least 2 min. until completely dissolved. Add 1 cup of the ice cubes; stir until ice is completely melted. Pour into 13x9-inch dish. Refrigerate 20 min. or until gelatin is set but not firm. 2. PLACE cream cheese, sugar and half of the whipped topping in large bowl; beat until well blended. Spoon over blue gelatin layer in dish; spread carefully to evenly cover gelatin layer. Stir remaining 1-1/2 cups boiling water into strawberry gelatin in separate bowl at least 2 min. until completely dissolved. Add remaining 1 cup ice cubes; stir until ice is completely melted. Let stand at room temperature 5 min. or until slightly thickened. Spoon over cream cheese layer in dish. Refrigerate 3 hours or until set. 3. SPREAD remaining whipped topping over dessert just before serving. Decorate with strawberries and blueberries to resemble a flag. Store leftover dessert in refrigerator. -109
My Mackerel by Bonnie Ramsburg He entered my life exactly one day after his sister did. He left my life one year and one month before she did. For sixteen years I had the pleasure of being owned by him. For any who think he was “just a pet, just a cat or just an animal,” bite your tongues and don’t you dare say it to me and mine. For we know better. He was so much more. I adopted him from Friends of Pets at the local PetSmart the day after my brother adopted his sister. He started his life kind of rough in our house, not a good idea to draw blood from the man of the house (my dad) your first night in. Dad was his favorite guy though; I guess he thought he owed him for scratching him up. His fur was a silvery gray and as soft as rabbits fur, his eyes were the same shade of gray while he was still a kitten. I so hoped they would stay that color, but it wasn’t meant to be, they changed and it was fine, I still loved the little bugger. He had many names during his lifetime-Mackerel, Macks, Little Man, Big Baby, Fuzz Nuts (my brother’s contribution, plus a couple of other not so nice ones), when he purred so loudly in my ear or so that I could feel it in my chest, he was My Little Lawnmower, and for whatever reason, one of my cousins decided he was Macaroni. He was my confidant, my secret keeper, my furry four-legged heating pad-I fell many times while I had him, and every time, he’d lay on or as close to the area of my body that hurt and purr and try to keep it warm. His rabbit like fur soaked up many a tear as I went through cycles with my bi-polar, he never complained, and he never tried to get away while I was holding and crying on him. He was my troublemaker; he liked to be up high, which resulted in many broken items. Those times he was called Mackerel Ramsburg Goff, so he’d know I was really upset with him. Did it do any good? Not at all, he was a cat after all. They say animals don’t have expressions, not true! My Macks would give me the most quizzical expressions some times; he could even look confused, surprised and sad. He had this one look and a move that went with it; he knew it melted my heart He had allergies and twice a year I had to take him in for shots, I hated it almost as much as he did. Although we usually got the only room with windows when we went in. Which made the whole trip worthwhile for him. He owned my clothes, I had a lightweight jacket when he was a kitten; I was messing around with him while wearing it and put him in it with me. I zipped it up and the next thing I know, he’s crawled down the sleeve and popped his head out the armhole. Forever after, if he was cold and I was wearing that jacket, if it was zipped, he’d come and paw at
the zipper until I unzipped it and let him crawl in to get warm. He was my alarm clock and my lifesaver. He got used to my alarm going off at the same time every morning, so on my days off, he’d try to wake me up. And my family and I truly believe that he saved my life more than once during his ownership of me. I was just diagnosed with sleep apnea about a year ago, but my parents suspected it for years. On more than one occasion, I’d wake up to my Mackerel pawing at my face and mouth trying to wake me up. We believe I stopped breathing or he could sense that I was going to. (OR he just couldn’t stand the snoring!) He wasn’t as much of a hunter or druggie as his sister (she had real cat-nip issues), but he did catch a bird that had somehow gotten into the house one time. Besides flies and spiders-that was the only “live” hunt either of them went on. He was a long and lean cat, he could sit on his haunches and stretch all the way up and touch my waistline to get my attention when I was doing something else. And he’d always give a little, “Mreorw” to make sure I felt sorry for him. I knew I was being played, but I didn’t care, he wanted attention and I was more than willing to give it to He didn’t like lying on the table itself. There had to be something on it for him to lie on, papers, potholders, place mats. It didn’t matter if it was just one envelope, as long as he wasn’t directly on the table, he would lie on it. I was proud to be owned by such a specimen of cat. When I had to make the decision that his quality of life wasn’t up to par with what it had been because of his health, it just about broke my heart in two. I requested that we get the room at the vet’s that he liked the best, and he got put in his favorite lightweight jacket of mine. It’s been three years, and my heart still isn’t healed, but I lived with and loved a silly, goof ball of a cat named Mackerel, and one day, there will be another. -110
My Brindle Bundle of Love by Joy de Vivre Where do you even start when describing the best thing that ever happened to you, your most treasured gift, and the source of more joy than you’d ever thought possible? Looks like I start by grabbing some Kleenex. I am at a loss for how to put into words what my dog meant to me. Sure she was my best friend...the best one I ever had...in my entire life. But she was so much more. It was through her that I first grasped the concept of unconditional love, and it changed me, on a very fundamental level. I’ve had lots of pets and have cherished each one. I’ve had a cat, 3 dogs, a few frogs, and lots of birds. — still hoping for a tortoise some day — .but none has ever affected me the way Victoria did. She was literally my hero, because of the qualities she expressed. She had incredible courage, a distinct lack of ego, and just an all-around wonderful disposition. She never got mad when her counterpart Winston (the attention hog) would whine or slam into her when they played way too hard, nearly igniting WWIII in the process. All she wanted to do was love — and lick — she was something of a lickaholic... that’s how she showed her affection. At the time her health began to deteriorate she was 50% older than the life expectancy of her breed, and every extra day with her was a bonus. One weekend just before Christmas she had a very scary episode involving congestive heart failure. Wouldn’t you know, it started right after the vet’s office had closed mid-day Saturday. I determined that I would take her in when they re-opened first thing Monday morning, and, despite every inclination I had, I decided I would stop her suffering and have her put to sleep. She was in too much distress to do otherwise. It was the hardest weekend of my life. Poor little thing was so bad off that she was unable to sleep or even lie down or sit...for two and a half days straight! Which meant I didn’t sleep either. Instead, I prayed. When dawn broke Monday morning I looked at the clock and thought, 'Well this is it. In a couple of hours we will head for the vet’s office and I will say goodbye to my girl...the only family I have left,' having lost all of my other pets and human family as well. About half an hour later my sweet pup at last collapsed from exhaustion after standing up all weekind, and actually fell asleep. I decided I would let her rest a bit, before our departure time an hour and forty-five minutes hence. When she awoke three or four hours later she was her usual perfect and perky self! In fact, her eyes were clearer than they’d been in months — cataracts had slowly dulled them — and her hearing which she’d recently lost had begun to return. In fact, she was up and down the stairs like nothing had happened. She was a true Christmas miracle! -111
On Christmas Day I decided to stay home with her instead of going off to dine with loved ones. It just seemed like the thing to do. A week later I opted to ring in the New Year with her also. I decided to practice some dance choreography that night and she was right there with me, underfoot, dancing the night away with me as we used to do when she was a puppy. Three nights later her health declined again. The next morning we went to the vet’s office. That afternoon I came home without her. While at the vet’s I just held her in my arms, thanking her for everything she did for me and brought to my life. To my astonishment, the doctor who was administering the sleeping solution, and who had cared for her throughout her whole life, whispered to her, “I love you. You’ve always been my favorite.” When I mentioned this to the front office staff I tearfully quipped, “I bet she says that to all the pets.” The workers looked at me in utter bewilderment, shook their heads, and said, “Umm, no.” When I went in to pick up Toria’s ashes a week or so later I was greeted with hugs, tears, and a sympathy card signed by the entire staff. I have never kept a greeting card in my life. I kept that one. The things they said about my darling dog, as well as about me as her dog mom, are among the loveliest sentiments I have ever received. I don’t have many photos of her, and I am not sure if I still have any videos — computer and phone changes have resulted in some lost treasures — but I carry her in my heart with me wherever I go. And there is not a day that I don’t thank God for her — the love of my life...forever.
