Kisser Magazine Issue 5

KISSERM THE HULL AND EAST RIDING LADS LIFESTYLE MAG

16+

GIRLS - GADGETS - GAMES - SPORT - MUSIC - FILMS - COMEDY

NATASHA

PLUS: SCARLET LIGHTS / REVIEWS / OLLY MURS / DAPPY / CHIPMUNK

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WELCOME TO

THE HULL AND EAST RIDING LADS LIFESTYLE MAG Hello to everyone in Hull and the whole East Riding area (and any ex-pats or general nosey people from elsewhere who wish to know what we like to get up to in the coastal side of Yorkshire). This month we thought it was all going to be the smoothest yet - as it happens, it has been the most hectic! Running round like a football manager on deadline day (which is quite ironic, as we’re putting the finishing touches to this issue on deadline day, or should that now be #deadlineday?). Anyway, we’ve managed it and we hope you have a good read and enjoy it, while we get ready to do it all again and prepare for the October issue. We enjoyed the ups at the start of this month from meeting the likes of Olly Murs and Dappy from N-Dubz, then everything went into a mad frenzy. This is issue 5, nearly half a year old! Anyway, Thanks for continuing to read, do keep in-touch! we’re always on the look out for new models, contributors, designers etc - email readers@kissermag.com THIS MONTH SEE’S A GREAT LINE-UP IN KISSER: We’ve got the lovely Natasha as the second part ‘sexy mod feature’, reviews of Brid Bash, Dirty Goods and Quadrophenia, a great update of all the sporting goings-on in the area, reviews of some brilliant eateries and gadgets, games, music ...and much much more fun inside!

This magazine contains adult content and is for people aged 16 and over.

Not all the comments made are that of Kisser Magazine and we will not be held responsible for any content you may disagree with. Views expressed are those of the writers not necessarily those of the magazine. All content and rights; Kisser Magazine Ltd.

IN THIS MONTH’S...

KISSERM

TOP CLOBBER GADGETS COMEDY FILMS/MUSIC OLLY MURS/CHIPMUNK/DAPPY FEMALE FEATURE GAMES SPORT FREEDOM FESTIVAL PREVIEW REVIEWS/GOING OUT/WHAT’S ON FUNNY AND/OR INTERESTING COMPETITION

GAMES

P.30

M FEMALE FEATURE

P.24

SPORT P.32

COMEDY

P.8

OLLY & CO SPEAK

P.16

WHATS ON

P.57

reviews

P.44

....PLUS MUCH MORE

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TOP CLOBBER!

BLOCK STRIPE T-SHIRT W/FRONT POCKET - RIVER ISLAND (HULL X2) - £18.00

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GADGETS!

Argh?!! Try explaining how cleverly named these mini mugs for taking shots from are, after using them for just that! So; mugshots as they are mugs, used for shots, as they are shot sized, they have mugshots of people on them and are in a shooting range ready to be shot at! Wow! you taken all that in? clever buggers!

THE MUG SHOTS - GADGETS.CO.UK - 4 IN A PACK - ÂŁ9.95

COMEDY!

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Hola amigos, So what a summer it’s been! We’ve seen Cheryl Cole go from hero to zero, The News Of The World has disappeared up its own ass and Amy Winehouse surprised nobody by meeting an untimely demise...never say no to rehab kids!

So the nights are drawing in and the summer sales are nearly over, (unless you want a size 22 vest top with a make-up stain) and we at Scarlet Lights HQ are looking forward to staying in in our primark pyjamas (please see photo) and enjoying the new X-Factor line up! Who’d have thought Kelly Rowland could talk without Beyonce’s hand up her arse! Speaking of queen Beyonce; that’s right boys, she’s officially a MILF! Let’s hope the sprog has a face like it’s mum and a wallet like it’s dad!

Katie Price was recently spotted at a Spanish bull fight, apparently she was horrified, not as horrified as the bull when he spotted her leathery, deformed face in the crowd *shudder*. Surely it can’t have been dissimilar to watching Alex Reid in the ring, or in the sack for that matter!

OK! On to your problems (we’ve got our own too ya know, do you care?? Do you buggery) “Hey Scarlets, I’m always low on confidence and ‘they’ say that is a massive turn off for women - how do you think I could overcome my lack of confidence in myself to get a woman?”

Thanks - Pete from Brough Well Pete, an over confident man in the public forum is nothing but a whimpering, insecure lover with a small knob; this is FACT! Aint nuthin better than the quiet type turning into an animal when the lights go out! So, remain cool in public and get yourself a copy of The Karma Sutra! God speed Pete.

“Howdy ladies! You seem like good, honest down to earth gals - the TV shows always try to dispell the rumours that ‘bigger ISN’T better’ for women, they say it’s actually just a myth. C’mon, be honest with us - are they talking a load of rubbish? or is it really all about the motion in the ocean?”

Thank Yee! Colin from Hull OK Colin, this is a hard one! (no pun intended) In our humble, but well informed and educated opinion, the truth is…… it really is individual preference! Some girls like a deodorant can, while others are happy with a roll on! So good luck in finding the girl that can fit your foot in her slipper!

Well that’s all from us boys, keep em coming! See you next month!

want your problem solving by Scarlet Lights? send them in to readers@kissermag.com

When I was a child, my dad tried to forcefeed me.

After a while, my mum said, “Just use a fucking spoon, Mike. You’re not a Jedi.”.

It is a little known fact that the Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle.

Until one side mysteriously disappeared

Josh - Brid

Mark - East Riding

I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.

As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted “Whatever you do, don’t look down”.

I broke down in tears of joy as all 6 of my lottery numbers were read out.

So I started smiling.

Rob - Goole

“Can you just confirm these are the ones you want printed you weirdo,” replied the shopkeeper.

J - Hull

BBC News: David Cameron calls rioters and looters “sick”.

Unfortunately, they took it as a compliment.

Lee - Skirlaugh

I was staring over the fence at the neighbour’s arse today until the wife appeared.

“Enjoying the view?” she said icily. “What?” I said, “Oh right. I just thought Jenny had the same bikini bottoms as you, dear.”

“And does she?” she shot back, arms folded. “Almost” I replied, “They’re three sizes smaller.”.

Nick - Bridlington

COMING TO OUR AREA! The Boy With Tape on His Face Hull Truck Theatre 9-10/9/11

Jason Manford Hull City Hall 9-10/9/11

Wil Hodgson Fruit 10/9/11

EMAIL IN YOUR JOKES!!! SEND YOUR JOKES TO: readers@kissermag.com

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FILMS!

KISSER’S FILM OF THE PAST MONTH: RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Ok, so we had planned on The InBetweeners being our film of the month - expecting it to be good no matter what. Having gone to the cinema on the opening night to find all the showings were fully booked, we resorted to checking out Rise of the Planet of the Apes and was pleasantly surprised at how good the film actually was. It builds up a good story via the relationship between Ceasar (the main ape) and the professor who makes a drug which enhances the apes IQ and by doing so makes for a heartfelt battle of emotions for both the humans and the apes. The story is good in the fact both men and women can enjoy this film - plenty of ups and downs and some good action scenes.

UPCOMING AT THE CINEMA: It’s that time again - time to check out the totty in upcoming films in a cinema near you this September. I think this month, your best bet is to check out one of either two films... or better still, both! In ‘Friends with Benefits’ - A film obvious by it’s title, you get Mila Kunis and Emma Stone. The other film is The Change-Up a story of two blokes who each think the other has an easy life... one being a father and husband, the other being a bit of a player, which stars beauties such as Olivia Wilde and Mircea Monroe. picture: idlegalz.com

picture: ontv-blog.com

picture: slymf.com

picture: zedge.net

Other films out this month include: Weekender - a film starring a host of great British actors many from the likes of Skins and Shameless to name a few, based on the beginnings of the early 1990s rave scene. Apollo18 - the story of why we’ve never been back to the moon. The Art of Getting By, which is a bit of a cheesy love story, but one of those that is bareable enough to take the missus to see.

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MUSIC!

KISSER’S TUNES OF THE MONTH

[check out what’s been on the Kisser office stereo]

Eminem - Space Bound [ http://youtu.be/JByDbPn6A1o ] Olly Murs ft. Rizzle Kicks - Heart Skips a Beat [ http://youtu.be/j5dFe-WKuPs ] Emeli Sande - Heaven [ http://youtu.be/cwHe0ddggig ] Dappy - No Regrets [ http://youtu.be/WoImizvsj5w ] UPCOMING GIGS

THE CHAPMAN FAMILY - LAMP 9/9/11

MYSTERY JETS WELLY - 18/9/11

VIVA BROTHER HULL UNIVERSITY23/9/11

THE PREVIEW

KISSER MEETS... THE AUTONS up and coming post-punk band from Hull

We met up with local band The Autons to have a chat with band members Connor, Aaron, Luke and Jackafagga McFaggawookie to talk to them about their aim for fame in the world of music.

Alright lads - so, how did you start out and what inspired you to form a band/push on to succeed as a band?

We started as a band about a year ago, but have only started doing live gigs about 4 months ago, so fairly new to the scene. Connor’s dad pushed us to go further really, he’s been in quite a few successful local bands including The Happy Shoppers, The Sorry Loves and is now in Horse Guards Parade. Also, seeing a band like The Neat doing so well, as they’re from Hull too, it shows us that we can do it too.

How often do you practice, how do you practice and who is the main focus in the band, any leader when it comes to song-writing?

We practice 3 times a week for 5 hours at a time. Jack’s grandad has a warehouse which he lets us use a room in to practice so we don’t disturb the neighbours which is cool. As for writing songs, we end up just writing them on the spot and everyone chips in really - you can see in most bands who has the most influence, but it isn’t like that with us. We all gel really well, so we never have a problem with that.

THE AUTONS

THE PREVIEW

Who influences you when you’re writing music / influences your sound - and what sets you apart from other bands locally?

We’re influenced by post-punk like Joy Division - definitely. Also, the likes of The Clash, Arctic Monkeys and early Kings of Leon stuff. We’ve had many say we remind them of The Buzzcocks a little bit too. What sets us apart from other bands? I think our energy - we always look to improve on each gig and we just look to put all our effort into the shows. We like to move about and put something into the performance, it’s not all about performing the songs. We also looked at other bands and wanted to do something a bit different - we like to mix punk with normal singing, like taking traditional British punk and mixing it with traditional British pop music, like a more punky Brit-pop.

Where would you like to see yourselves in the future, where to from here and if you make it big, would you forget about Hull?

No, Hull is our Hollywood! It’s home, we love Hull - if it’s your hometown, no point fighting it, you won’t change where you’re from, so just be proud of it! We’d always love to do shows in Hull, even if we became really big. Playing at The Adelphi if we were a big band would be an amazing show! As for the future, well, we’re playing Freedom Festival and supporting Mystery Jets at Welly, so hopefully people will come down and check us out - we just want to get big in Hull for now, then go on from there. At the moment we’re just trying to spread the word. It’s all about building up some money for equipment, recordings and transport, but we like the fact we’ve got here all by ourselves without much help. We don’t wanna be controlled by the mainstream, but we want to be known. I think we’d revel in that with people recognising us.

THE AUTONS

MUSIC FEATURE: BRID BASH On August 11th, Kisser attended Viking FM’s Brid Bash and took the opportunity to have a chat with a few of the stars who were set to perform:

Hi Olly, what you been up to recently?

Just been doing auditions on the Xtra Factor, getting ready for that - it start’s on the 20th August and obviously doing promotion for the single which is out on the 21st.

Good to be back in Brid for Brid Bash?

Yeah it’s great - I was really nervous last time, but the crowd were fantastic so I’m hoping I’ll get the same response this year performing my new single for them. It’s a lovely place and a good venue to come and perform.

You’ve worked with Rizzle Kicks on your new single - what were they like to work with?

They were great to work with, they’re great guys - very creative. The single is good, but we felt we just needed that extra 15-20% on the track and we needed someone who was going to bring that and Rizzle Kicks did. They did really well, their single is doing really well and my ‘Heart Skips a Beat’ so far, hopefully when it’s released it’ll do even better.

Loick Essien! Hello, you looking forward to tonight?

Yeah, it’s great. The line-up, I’ve done songs with Dappy, Chipmunk and many others, so it’s like a big reunion back stage.

How We Roll - you happy with it going in at no.2 or annoyed you missed top spot?

I couldn’t have wished for any better success for the song. It kinda exceeded everyone’s expectations. I didn’t want to put a limit on it, but then it got to no.2, battling for the top spot with someone I found out I’d worked with early on in my career; DJ Fresh - so big shout out to him for

getting that no.1 spot as well, and it was just an amazing feeling, y’know what I mean - just to know I’d made a record people felt they could connect with.

What do you see for the future? Anyone you’d like to work with?

The future? I’d like to say laid on a yacht somewhere married to Rihanna, hahaha! Nah, just been able to headline a big tour or something, a few more records under my belt as well that people can sing along to. I’m just about to go on tour with Wretch32 as well in October. As for working with someone, I’d love to work with Kings of Leon some day.

You’ve done a bit of singing, dancing, modelling and acting do you have any preference? Any you prefer doing more?

Music right now, definitely music. But hopefully in the future I’d like to go back into the acting after I’ve maybe made my prescence in music.

So down the same route, sort of like Plan B has gone?

Yeah definitely, Plan B is another big inspiration for someone who does music to a very good degree and does the acting thing well as well, so I’d definitely like to sort of emulate what he’s done.

Starboy Nathan - Welcome to East Yorkshire - you worked with Wretch32 on your latest single, what was that like?

We went for a night out last year, had a really good night out and we talked about writing a song about that night out and we did it. We didn’t write anything down, just went to the studio and started rapping.

Have you had a chance to check out the stage area yet?

Yeah, I actually went out into the crowd. It’s a tactic I have - I think if you want to make it exciting for the crowd, you’ve gotta get a feeling for what it’s going to be like for them at this show, so picked my spot in the crowd and sort of pictured myself up there and thought about how I’m going to do it.

You’ve worked with quite a lot of the people on the line-up tonight... does it make things like this easier for you? more comfortable?

It makes it fun. It’s not really about being easier, it’s just about being fun, being around friends, y’know what I mean? I might hear a Loick Essien track like 3 months ago before anyone else and now I see him performing it today. It’s that comradery as well that makes it just that bit more friendly and familylike.

The Reason 4 - can we get a quick question? Your image doesn’t reflect that of a boyband - does your music reflect that of your own musical tastes?

No, not really. We love the music we’re doing. We write all our own music, so it’s from the heart what we write. As we’ve gone on since X-Factor we’ve added in live drums and guitars so it reflects our image a little bit more really. We’ve all got different influences and we just write music we’re going to enjoy performing really.

Six-D! Quick question? Music or Dancing - which do you prefer?

Aww man! Both come together for us, we couldn’t choose - it’s both or nothing really - I mean both are big things in our lives.

Hey Chipmunk - you’ve worked with quite a lot of the people here today - have you thought about tapping up a few of the other artists you haven’t worked with today?

Who’s here? I’ve just woken up and don’t really know where I am or how I got here. [checks event poster] Oh, who’s that? Olly Murs - yeah I think he’s really good. I think Dionne Bromfield is amazing - she’s very very mature for her age though - it’s kinda scary. Everyone else I’ve kinda worked with, but I mean I’m always open for collaborations, but those two would be a first if I’m honest.

What you going to perform tonight?

Er, I think I’ll pick when I see the crowd, I don’t know yet - I like to think I’ve got plenty of hits - haha - so yeah, hopefully it’ll be a good show.

What do you want to achieve in the next few years?

I just wanna be steadily consistent. I don’t ever wanna make a record that is bigger than me, y’know? There is a new X-Factor soon, so that’s another 4 or 5 artists...

storming the charts again next year. The beauty of it is, I’m all for finding new talent - but I think the show accidently became more about the judges.

Talay Riley - Quick question? You’ve wrote songs for Jessie J and The Saturdays - do you prefer song writing or performing/making music?

It’s kinda like a girlfriend - sometimes you love her, sometimes not, haha. But I love writing, there’s nothing like hearing a song you wrote being sung by someone who sings it so amazingly, but making music is great, doing tours and everything, seeing fans enjoying your music...

Ey up Dappy! This was your first live solo performance - was you nervous?

Yeah, but once I got out there and saw everyone singing all the words to ‘No Regrets’ which has only been on the airwaves a few weeks is amazing and a great feeling that makes me want to carry on making great music for the masses.

Hopes for the new single?

It’s my dream to have a no.1 single! I want my gran to go into the petrol station and hear it and my mum at the butchers! I was aiming for a new sound, so I hope it pays off - I wanna take things to the next level!

It’s got very British lyrics, but the production sounds quite Yanklike. Is that what you mean by something different? [dips shades down] You saying I’m goin American? I ain’t going American man!

No, we mean UK lyrics and a US sound, sort of going for a good mixture?

Yeah, compromise is what I was going for - you’re right, I get you now. It’s a more universal sound. I aren’t trying to be American. It’s British, but make the American’s happy. The bloke at Def Jam tried to tell me what to do - I told him I ain’t gunna do what he’s saying!!!

BRID BASH WAS A CAPACITY EVENT HOSTED BY VIKING FM

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ARTSY FARTSY

LOCAL ARTY TYPE? WANT YOUR ART/CRAFT/CREATIVE BUSINESS FEATURED? EMAIL: ed@kissermag.com

HULL & EAST RIDING

PHOTO: Flamborough North Landing - FLICKR USER: I.bailey_beverley

POOL PHOTO: Cyclists - Hull waterfront FLICKR USER: D A N I E L

urban poet

There’s always times when we look to the future, when it’s bright, when it’s light like fuchsia, Remembering the days when it was just a city in Pokemon, Things have changed now, it’s all about how life’s a con, Gotta catch ‘em all, Enjoy it while you can, get ready for the fall, the fall of life, taking a slaving and strife, tryna earn bread for a wife, Now it’s more ‘bout Gotta fuck ‘em all, in the good sense and the bad, these are the best days we’ve never had, Giving some stick ‘cause that dudes a prick, then giving some lick ‘cause she’s one fine chick, That’s the best life can propose, while the ‘mighty’ look down and turn up their nose, Yeah those are examples of how to fuck the bad and then fuck the good - just living the life how a poor man should, Should’ve give up, like they thought I would, instead of trying for their lives like pigs in mud.

Local Urban poet ‘IBC now UBC’ takes his name from the old Hull City shirt sponsor IBC, who later became UBC. He claims to be a shy bloke and isn’t bothered about being recognised - he just wants to see if anyone actually likes his stuff. He states his influences as; Eminem, Plan B, Morrissey, Bowie, Giggs, Mike Skinner and Andrew Marvell (because he wrote a poem about getting an erection whilst stood beside the Humber). IBC now UBC is also a budding digital artist, who created the above to accompany his poem.

SHOULD be coming to Facebook - Sept 2011.

ibc now ubc

M No not really that was well before my time... [smiles] If you wanted the readers to buy you a drink, what would be your drink of choice?

I’d have sambuca and lemonade I love it !!!

What’s the worst chat-up line someone has tried on you?

I’ve never had one I don’t think [laughs] ..as I am careful who I give my number to.

What kind of blokes do you go for? ...a man that has a heart! [smiles]

Meet Natasha - She’s here in issue 5 to show you what’s what. An up-coming model who has worked for East Coast Models and is ready to feature for you, our readers, in our sexy mod girl theme part 2.... enjoy!

Hi Tasha, how does it feel to be a Kisser cover girl?

Hi, well it feels great to be part of Kisser Magazine.

I found it fun and I enjoyed working with both you and Sarah of Babydoll Photography. It gave me a boost of confidance.

How did you find the It’s a mod theme, photoshoot, did you do you know much about mod culture? enjoy it?

So, techincally anyone with a pulse?

Ok, we’re taking you on a date – but we’ve only got £10, how do we impress you?

Money isn’t everything and there’s other ways to have a good time with £10!

Do you like to be wined and dined, or do you prefer more of an ‘average Joe’ approach?

Well of course I do. Every girl does don’t they?!! That’s what a man should do!

If you could appear in 1 TV show – which would it be and why?

I’d like to be in Benidorm [laughs], It would be a right laugh while tanning it up in the sun!

Ok, onto the bedroom... If you could give blokes one sex tip, what would it be?

I’d say always wear something!

“Plenty of ways to have fun with £10!!!”

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Have you ever done anything with another woman?

Who is your celebrity girl Is there anything sexwise that you haven’t crush? tried, but would like to?

Cheryl Cole and Beyonce!

No, only my girl friends I think they’re both ace!

No not really, haha. with a peck on the cheek [smiles] haha!

What would you say is the most outrageous thing you have done?

Well I’ve done alot of outrageous things...

but can’t really say what you suggest? they are! haha.

Well it would take a while to get back into If a bloke is to buy their missus one gift my good books, but a nice bunch of flowers to get in their good would do. books, what would

Many Thanks Tasha for your insight into the world of the woman - that concludes Part 2 of the sexy mod feature, with a new theme in issue 6 next month!

kelly-lou & NAT

10

TASHA

GAMES! provided by: THIRTEEN1

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fROM DUST As part of Xbox Live’s Summer Arcade lineup, From Dust is definitely one of the more ‘premium’ titles available. Developed and published by Ubisoft, From Dust is a refreshing visit to the rarely-used-on-console genre of god simulation. Unlike the most popular God sims, such as Black & White, where you would use an animal to do your bidding; From Dust challenges you to use “Breath” to control the elements. You’re god – it’s just cooler that way. As you progress through the story mode, you gain access to different ‘Breaths’ and abilities. It all looks great, sounds great, and is guaranteed to keep you scratching your head. All for the measly price of 1200 Microsoft Points too. Bonus!

insanely twisted shadow planet When we played Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet, we was hit with flashbacks of Metroid and Castlevania - and that’s a good thing! It’s a beauty of a game to behold; the protagonist is a none gravity-anchored biped.

The player controls an alien spacecraft complete with 50’s flying saucer aesthetics, and the little ship is a silhouette against a large, unforgiving world, kind of like LIMBO. The prevailing point of ITSP is to explore and collect new tools for your craft. The controls are simple and you’ll find new tools and skills along the way. This is a well-paced and clever game that brings back non-linear platforming for a new generation, and putting an emphasis on brains over brawn gives a welcome break from the gamut of alien shooters we’ve seen forever.

Ms splosion man Yeah, it might look pink. Like, really pink. But this is follow up to one of our favourite games of all time - and do you know what, it’s only gone and bettered the original! Ms ‘Splosion Man starts with a party back at Big Science Labs, where someone accidentally knocks a bottle of bubbly over the controls and the machine creates the sequels titular character, Ms ‘Splosion Man. The game keeps everything that was good about the levels in the original, but there are few subtle changes to remind you this is not just a complete repeat outing, such as zip-wires and electrified walls that keep you fully charged and able to ‘splode’ at will. The single-player is great, and once again the multi-player is even better.

Especially if you’re getting wasted with your mates!

FOR A MORE INDEPTH REVIEW AND OTHER GAMES, PLEASE VISIT: WWW.THIRTEEN1.COM

SPORT!

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HULL STINGRAYS The Excel Hull Stingrays kicked off a five game pre-season schedule in the last weekend in August in the best possible way, beating ownership rivals Coventry Blaze by three goals at Hull Arena. Sylvain Cloutier handed Rays debuts to no fewer than 11 members of his squad including five new blueliners in an all new defensive corps, entering the game with just four returning players. However, it was new Czech forward Frantisek Bakrlik that caught the eye most with a man of the match worthy performance which saw him notch two goals and one assist. With both squad’s having spent less than a week together it was always going to be a case of getting used to systems and team mates, and so it proved in a relatively scrappy opening five minutes.

Despite its pre-season nature early on the game showed periods of being far from friendly with hits raining in midway through the first and throughout. The battle saw the home side sealing a somewhat surprising 5-2 Stingrays win. If Cloutier was looking for a near perfect start then - save for a Bakrlik treble - that is what he got. A win but more importantly a good team performance. Of course, it is very early on but those early signs are overwhelmingly positive at this stage. The club’s mooted weakness - its defence - was largely solid, with imports Ondrej, captain Joshua Mizerek and Dmitri Rodin proving that age and stats do not tell the whole picture. They were well complimented by Brits Sam McCluskey and Dan Scott who both seemed to defy their age, seeing regular minutes on the blueline. Up front the Rays initially looked a little scrappy - as is to perhaps be expected - but they grew into the game and proved deadly on the counter attack as well as clinical and forceful going forward - which is something the club has perennially struggled with. The majority of that offensive brunt came from Bakrlik whose puck handling skills, size and power proved a real highlight with home fans.

Similarly there were positive signs from the performances of player-coach Cloutier - who was robbed of a goal Silverthorn, Matty Davies, Jack Watkins, Tristan Harper and Bobby Chamberlain, whose enthusiasm on debut was another highlight. With former ECHL forward Osman also bagging an important first goal for the club, it looks like Cloutier may not have to just rely on Tendler for another 50 goal year in the season ahead.

In reality, while there were zero poor performances, there is still a long way to go for the Stingrays, and Cloutier will only be too aware of that heading into his next four pre-season fixtures and two weeks of training.

The Rays take part in the reverse fixture in Coventry before facing English Premier League side Sheffield Steeldogs on Tuesday and Dutch sides Geleen and Tilburg in Coventry in early September. Their opening EIHL regular season fixture comes the following Friday in Belfast before their home opener against Yorkshire rivals Sheffield the following Sunday night.

BY Christian Ward aka @F_BLOCK_BLOG // check out his blog at: www.hullstingraysblog.blogspot.com

HULL CITY AFC

To all our readers who enjoy Lambrettaman’s chats in the pub with ex-Tigers, he’s giving the ex-City stars a breather this month and will be back next issue.

Ok, so our issue comes out as the transfer window slams shut, but that doesn’t mean we cannot give you a little bit of information regarding how the transfer window could have shaped out to be, as we take you behind the scenes of the last few weeks at the KC stadium.

Our source claims Nigel Pearson had been tracking a number of attacking options, had various names on his shortlist and was all but ready to tempt Spurs into a season-long loan deal for young striker Harry Kane. Then everything changed as Sven blurted out to the world that he was happy to see Pearson’s former Leicester signing Martyn Waghorn, leave. Pearson then went in for Waghorn, the club bauked at having to pay such a large fee when there have been doubts over most of our other striker signings since Pearson took charge, so a loan deal became the aim.

Pearson also enquired about taking Lloyd Dyer on loan, but Dyer stated he was happy to stay and fight for his place at Leicester. As we all know, Habib Beye was a main defensive target after Ayala chose Norwich instead, but Villa were unwilling to subsidise the amount City weren’t willing to pay on his £45k a week wages. A move for a defender when the emergency loan window opens will now be a priority.

FOOTIE MANAGER 2011 Right, people are often saying we’re too weak here, we’re too weak there etc, etc... as fans of the footie manager games, we thought we’d stick our two pennies worth in and show you all what we’d have done in Nigel Pearson’s shoes, but as fans who can sit back, say ‘this is what we’d do as boss’ and not worry about being sacked! Easy!

LIAM TROTTER:

MICHAEL O’CONNOR:

MARVIN EMNES:

MARCEL SEIP:

STEPHEN BYWATER:

BOUDEWIJN ZENDEN:

McKenna isn’t a massive step up from Harper and this lad looks a class act he breaks up play brilliantly, supports attacking play and also chips in with goals - hence being watched by Prem clubs. Sammy Clingan at Coventry would be our cheaper alternative option should Trotter prove too expensive.

Just what Matty Fryatt needs alongside him - a bloke with strength to do the donkey work and this bloke fits the bill.

If he was out of our reach, alternatives could be found in Sylan Ebanks-Blake, Victor Anichebe, Heidar Helguson - or cheap options Stephen Dobbie or bring back ‘The Beast’ Jon Parkin.

Ok, if we had the money there are plenty of keepers out there who we’d spend cash on, such as Vito Mannone, Julian Speroni and Scott Loach but Stephen Bywater is surplus to requirements at Derby and we could do with his experience to battle with Basso for the no.1 shirt, so lets bring him back to the KC. Hahnemann the cheap alt.

player of the month So, as we conclude the above, which would leave us with a team along the lines of: El-Hadary, Rosenior, Chester, Hobbs, Dudgeon, Brady, Trotter, O’Connor, Zenden, Emnes, Fryatt Subs from: Basso, Seip, Evans, Cairney, Koren, McLean, Dawson, Barmby, Adebola, McKenna, Pusic, Devitt and the likes of McShane and Stewart still to come back into the squad.

----------------------------------------------------------------Player of the month... Liam Rosenior. It’s been quite a tough decision on who to pick for the first month of the season as the team has been chopped and changed and there hasn’t been very much consistancy, but we opted for Rosenior as most deserving of player of the month due to his non-stop effort to both defend and attack. Cairney a close second for us.

Has been watched quite often by City scouts according to our source, but while City look for a freebie option, we feel what Michael O’Connor would offer would benefit our midfield greatly.

Still only young and in the last year of his contract, so won’t cost too much.

Alternative: Nenad Milijas of Wolves.

Currently on a free transfer having been released from his contract at Plymouth who couldn’t afford him in League 1, nevermind League 2, which is why he was loaned out for the last 2 seasons, including being part of the Blackpool side which gained promotion to the Premier League. Good, experienced head. Jody Craddock the alternative.

On a free - Someone who could come in, create a bit of a show and take the pressure off the need for the young ones to perform and create a buzz in the way Okocha did in the last promotion season.

He would also add a bit of balance out wide, taking pressure off Brady. Cheap alternative wide men include: David Cotterill and Jason Koumas.

THE VIEW FROM E2: What a first month this has been - just when we think the rollercoaster rides had finally stopped, the Tigers seem to lose their memory and jump back on. I’m not even going to bother having a rant about the pube-haired cockney, but it’s a shame about what has happened to Corrigan because of his actions and how we’ve allowed Bullard to strengthen a direct rival instead of packing him off to a Prem side (I hope we don’t do that when Olofinjana is back fit again, but I can see that being the case sadly), but at the same time I’m already licking my lips thinking about standing in E2 on Bullard’s return. As sod’s law happens, we ended up losing to Blackpool on the opening day of the season after my ramblings about how it’ll be a pain sat watching others picking up points if we hadn’t. This was true, but it wasn’t long till we faced Ipswich to heal the urge for that first win. With the next game against a weakend Leeds team we were all in high spirits and expected a result, but we remembered that we’re on a rollercaster and decided to put on a horrorshow which has shown Peter Gulasci’s weaknesses and has seen Nigel Pearson opt to drop him, which although may seem harsh, I think it is the correct decision - Matt Duke got dropped as soon as we had a new keeper in and he made a mistake, and for a lot less. The early season has already brought about what looks like the unfavouring of Jay Simpson already, only a few games into the season. I can’t help but feel this is a tad harsh, as he’s probably missed less chances than Fryatt and had a heck of a lot less time on the pitch. That said, McLean is looking sharp so far in the couple of cameos plus a start in the win against Reading. That win saw an emergence of a better style of football that was much more entertaining to watch compared to that of the previous games this season - it has to be said, the new style really suits us, so lets hope it continues. Now the style of play is sorted out, there are only a few things I feel we need to work on, those are: creating chances - we still didn’t create enough clear cut chances to really threaten the Reading goal, we need more if we’re going to win more convincingly. Another thing we need to work on is corners - each corner we’ve taken this whole month seems to have been a waste of winning one in the first place! They’re supposed to be a positive, not a defensive mechanism for the opposition. Lastly, I think we just need to continue to enhance Robbie Brady’s skills - the lad is no doubt talented and can hurt teams, but his inexperience shows at times. His on-field positioning sometimes is questionable, as he seems to follow others and get lost, finding himself too close to the play instead of in space and he also needs to learn when to lay the ball off - if we can do this and play to his strengths, we’ll be laughing as he’s already a danger to the opposition as he is. Another big plus this month has been the continuous form of Tom Cairney which has seen him bring his pre-season form into the league games, controlling large periods of play - if this continues he’ll be a real asset for us this season.

Though I still don’t think McKenna is the answer in the centre of the field, he had his best game in a City shirt in the win over Reading - if he could keep it up till next summer, we should do OK - though I’d prefer Olofinjana to come back into contention. Finally, Devitt on loan in League 2 - surely League 1 would have been better for his development?

HULL KR After the tame Challenge Cup exit Rovers followed up with a patchy performance at Huddersfield. Although the team showed endeavour and some good attacking play, yet again flimsy defence made a positive result nigh on impossible. Shame, because Huddersfield were well short of their formidable best and perhaps could have been run much closer. With Cockayne gone and Briscoe injured an opportunity arose at full back for Louis Sheriff. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong for him and now we find he has a bad injury that will keep him out for several months. Rotten luck but this kid does have tremendous ability and I have no doubt he will come back and show what he is capable of.

So another away defeat and Rovers travelled to Bradford with their play off hopes hanging by a thread. Bradford of course have themselves struggled all year and came into the game on the back of a 60 point hammering at Warrington. However their previous home game saw them winning 36-0 against the same Huddersfield team who had put 46 past Rovers.

So no one was taking anything for granted. And indeed for 30 minutes the game at Odsal made hard watching for Rovers fans.

Bradford pretty well dominated that opening half hour but the one good thing was that Rovers were hanging in and restricted them to just one try and 8 points. Backs against the wall stuff maybe but a glimpse of better things came when a Dobson pass sent Benny Galea racing away only for the try to be ruled out for a forward pass. But the same duo produced the same move and this time Galea neatly stepped inside to score and Dobson goaled to make it 8-6 at half time. Probably a bit flattering to Rovers but importantly there were clear signs that the tide was turning. SKY viewers saw an animated Justin Morgan in the away dressing room trying to lift his team and his message seemed to be ‘you’ve done the hard bit now go on and win it.’ And the team responded. Within no time at all after the restart Rovers had scored 2 tries and the game was turned on its head with a 8-18 score line. A little bit of good fortune didn’t do any harm, the first of those tries following a Bradford penalty failing to reach touch and the second a kick & chase after a Bradford attacking move produced a loose ball. But Rovers made the most of it especially the excellent Blake Green with his trademark show & go for the first of those tries. Rovers defended stubbornly for a good while after that and it seemed maybe they would settle for that but a flurry of late scoring saw them run away with a 8-34 final score. In the end a very satisfying outcome and the season still alive. But now Rovers had to do it all over again and this time against their Cup conquerors St Helens. Yes Rovers at home this time but surely the previous 54-6 outcome left no room for doubt about this game? Actually no - not at all! After a few early scares and a Saints try of sheer class Rovers settled and pretty well bossed the rest of the game. Blake Green got the first try after superb work from Liam Watts & Michael Dobson, this was followed when Dobson fed winger Sam Latus who still had a bit to do but stepped inside to score. Blake Green got another via his ‘show & go’ which everyone knows about but no one seems able to stop. Shades of Paul Mansson. Craig Hall was excellent throughout including some strong defence and he capped it with a stunning try when he leaped high to grab a Dobson kick, twisted in mid-air to face the try line and then quick as a flash grounded the ball in the nick of time. Superb! Surely he can’t be dropped again after this? But the real story of this game and perhaps of many more to come for many years - I’ll put it this way, Scott Taylor-Liam Watts-Jordan Cox! These 3 provided go forward up front like we haven’t had all season. Watts has previously attracted international attention and this game showed that after set backs on and off the field he still has what it takes. The two young local lads Taylor & Cox are the most promising forwards to emerge from the City of Hull for years and years. They will be first team fixtures next season as will Liam Watts and the overseas players will be the add ons not the other way round. Oh and I would like to include the excellent Scott Wheeldon who is a very good forward much under rated. Saints should have been scoreless in the second half but after the final hooter had gone and the crowd counted down the last seconds, half the Rovers team seemed to be walking back to the dressing room as Saints carried on and got a consolation try which in the end flattered them. Having talked about the young forwards, the only problem I can see for them is keeping ahead of U20 player of the year James Green who is younger, bigger and maybe potentially even better than any of them! So Rovers can now make the top 8, their fate being in their own hands. Unfortunately Blake Green is banned for the next game and that won’t help but even if they should lose that penultimate game at Catalans most likely they will still qualify if they beat Cas in the final round of matches. And suddenly they look like a team that deserves it. And well done to Justin Morgan his half time enthusiasm at Bradford showed he has no intention of easing off until the very end. In a months time when I write again, Rovers season will only be alive if they have made the eight AND won 2 play off games. That still seems unlikely, beating teams above you in the table away from home not once but twice, well I think you see my point. But I hope that at the very least Rovers will have given further cause for optimism as indeed they have done this time. BY HIS BOBNESS

Justin Morgan will leave Hull Kingston Rovers at the end of the season. If that statement had been made at the start of this campaign rather than towards the end, no doubt most people would have thought it impossible. For many Rovers fans Morgan has been regarded as a messiah and could do no wrong. ‘Trust in Justin’ was the reply to any hint of criticism. But a disappointing season and rather too many heavy defeats had seen a shift in opinion of many fans. At the start of 2011 many Rovers fans were feeling optimistic and predicting a high Super League finish perhaps even top 4 and it was generally thought Rovers had assembled their best ever Super League squad. Perhaps that is why it has been so unpalatable to be down in the lower reaches of the table all year. Of course it has not just been fans who have had their faith tested it has been clear for some time that doubts had set in at board level. The official line is that Morgan & Rovers mutually agreed that the time was right for him to go. I don’t know if that is just diplomatic speak or not but certainly it is only right & proper that Morgan be afforded a dignified exit it’s the very least he deserves.

Where he goes now is unclear as I write but he has been linked with several jobs both in Super League & NRL. I suppose the question is whether this is a good move for Rovers or not and on balance I would say yes the time was right. Nothing lasts forever and some say that 5 or 6 years is as long as any coach can keep saying essentially the same things to the same players and that seems to be true in most cases. And after several years of continual improvement Rovers have been going down the league table in the past 2 years now. Season 2009 saw Rovers in 4th place and while that may have represented over achievement it has been surprising that Rovers have not been able to build on that and find 2 years later to be struggling just to make the top 8. Especially when on paper Rovers have a better team and a stronger squad now than in 2009. Rovers slipped to 7th in 2010 but this was sweetened by a first ever play off win so it could still be argued that progress was being made especially with the ‘best ever’ squad assembled for 2011. As ever when results are not good questions are asked which maybe wouldn’t be otherwise. For example Morgan’s team selections came more and more under scrutiny by fans with many feeling that some players were Morgan favourites while others were treated unfairly. From the outside it is impossible to know whether accusations like that have any substance but certainly many have been surprised at the repeated omission of players like Matt Cook and Craig Hall. It’s not that anyone is making a case that these players should be automatic picks just that they should get a bit more game time than they have. One wonders why Morgan signs these players when clearly he really doesn’t want to pick them. Equally there are some players who seem to make the 17 almost always and without ever giving stand out performances. If the team was winning then as I say these questions wouldn’t be asked but one wonders about Morgan’s man management. Some players respond best to a ‘kick up the backside’ others need an arm round the shoulder. Does Morgan always get this right? Don’t know but I have wondered why some players seem to get the cold shoulder and why so many assistant coaches have come & gone under Morgan’s tenure. People have also been wondering if young players have been held back a little too much under Morgan. The recent encouraging performances of Scott Taylor and Jordan Cox have fuelled this debate personally I think Morgan has got it about right really. Rovers youth systems have been in their infancy so it is only now that the quality is coming through. It’s one thing demanding that young players get picked but if they are not ready or not good enough then that won’t help anybody. Where I do have an issue with Morgan is the persistent failure to improve the teams ability to defend. It’s been a problem all season and it seems to be more a case of poor defensive structure than a mass of missed tackles. It’s also been noticeable that Morgan has never been able to come up with a game plan to make the team competitive against the likes of Huddersfield. Time & again Nathan Brown seems to get the better of him and basically by doing the same things every time. Rovers cup exit this season was tame but even worse was last seasons exit at Huddersfield when 3,000 travelling Rovers fans made for a tremendous atmosphere but the team didn’t respond at all. It seemed that Rovers & Morgan just didn’t have a clue how to deal with the ultra efficient Huddersfield style. What a lot of people forget is that when Morgan started his coaching career at Toulouse he was just 28 years old and when he signed for Hull KR still under 30. A year later and barely turned 30 he finds himself a head coach at a Super League club. People like Nathan Brown & Michael Maguire learned their trade as assistants under expert guidance and in the most demanding Rugby League environment in the world, the NRL. Morgan basically is self taught picking up experience at a vastly lower level first in France and then in NL1. So you see Morgan really was a novice when he came to Rovers. A very talented, driven, intelligent, articulate and motivated individual destined for a good coaching career but a novice nevertheless. No wonder Nathan Brown & Michael Maguire maybe have a bit more know how in some areas than Morgan they certainly should have. It’s also fair to say the teams they inherited were a million miles better than what Morgan started with at Rovers. What Morgan has achieved at Rovers is remarkable. Full stop. But what Morgan has achieved at Rovers given his dearth of previous coaching experience is more than remarkable it marks him out as a man of supreme coaching talent, for all the doubts I and others have raised. So I hope Morgan gets an offer in Australia and can get the kind of experience Nathan Brown & Michael Maguire already had when they came to Super League. Goodness, when he’s done that he’ll be just the sort of coach that would make Neil Hudgell and other SL chairmen tear up their shortlists and say ‘name your price!’. We’ll observe with interest how Justin Morgan’s career develops I don’t think it’s the end of his story not by a long chalk. But sadly his time at Hull KR is indeed drawing to a close. Right time for him, right time for us but now we both have to go our separate ways. Messiah? Well words are misused and misunderstood but not by me so I won’t go that far. But this talented articulate novice coach assembled and coached a set of players and together they ended nigh on two whole decades in the wilderness for Hull Kingston Rovers. Could another coach have done it anyway? Maybe but they didn’t and Justin Morgan did. Thanks Justin you will not be forgotten, you will get the send off you deserve from Rovers fans and you are etched into the folklore of our famous club. BY HIS BOBNESS

HULL FC First up for Hull was the Super League Champions the Wigan Warriors. Hull started that game well after a high shot from Joel Tomkins gave the Black and Whites good field position and Kirk Yeaman slid over for his 19th try of the season. Sam Tomkins who has been in imperious form this season latched onto a Brett Finch kick for a controversial try.

The Black and Whites then imploded before half time conceding an interception try to Pat Richards who added a second from a dreadful Jordan Turner pass from dummy half, and a fortunate bounce from a kick saw George Carmont touchdown in the corner.

However Jordan Turner made up for his mistake with a try just before half time making the score 22-10 at the break.

Willie Manu scored for Hull just after the break, but a penalty from Pat Richards stretched Wigan’s lead to 8 points. That was the closet Hull came and the reintroduction of Sam Tomkins proved decisive as he scored his second to give the Wigan Warriors a 30-16 victory. Next up for Hull was a visit from the vast improved and surprise package of the season the Catalans Dragons, who are fighting for a place in the much coveted top four to insure they have two bites at the cherry in the play off’s. Sam Moa took in Danny Houghton’s short pass to barrel his way over after three minutes, with Danny Tickle adding the extras from the kick. However this was cancelled out shortly after by a Daryl Millard try for the Dragons. A try from Kirk Yeaman converted by Danny Tickle and penalty from the same man increased the Black and Whites lead, Steven Ganson the referee lost patience with the Dragons constantly giving away penalties and he sent Cyrille Gossard to the sin bin three minutes before the interval, with the score at 16-4 to Hull at the break.

Hull were intent on making the most of their numerical advantage and took just 50 seconds of the second half to do so.

Strong-running England wing Briscoe was again involved, fending off Damien Blanch before handing inside to Richard Horne, the scrum-half having the sense to return the ball inside to Phelps who crossed.

Tickle again converted, his ninth and 10th points of the night taking him past 1,000 for the club since joining from Wigan in 2007. This was shortly followed by Lee Radford going through a large gap under the posts to score, the return of Gossard did little to help the French side and Joe Westerman showed and stepped his way through the right-hand side of their defence for a third score to have come down that flank.

Another was not long in coming, Horne getting his just rewards after picking up a Yeaman offload, before Vincent Duport crept in for a scarcely-deserved consolation. Yeaman would end the game in the sin bin, though, after being given a yellow card for fighting, but the game was already won with Hull running out 40-8 victors after a strong performance. Next up was a trip to the Crusaders down in Wrexham for what was an emotional last game in the Super League as they decided not to apply for another licence to stay in the Super League for another three years, a decision which was not greatly received by the crusaders fans or the players, who now face uncertain futures. Hull FC quickly found a big hole in the home defence, allowing loose forward Craig Fitzgibbon to stroll over for a converted touchdown followed by Mark O’Meley scrambling over and Danny Tickle once again converting. The visitors moved 16-0 in front when Tickle sent centre Richard Whiting in at the corner. Hull upped the tempo once more as the home side struggled to keep pace. Fitzgibbon went over for his second try but they lost Danny Tickle straight afterwards. However replacement Lee Radford made an instant impact as he touched down next to the posts with Joe Westerman kicking the goal. Just before the half-time hooter, Houghton made it six tries in the opening period when he went through the defence for another converted try, Hull going into the break 30-0 up. Further tries from Phelps, Westerman, Turner and two from Sam Obst, in-between three consolation tries for the crusaders gave the Black and Whites a 58-18 win. At the end of the game the travelling Black and White faithful showed what Rugby League is all about by singing the crusaders songs and applauding them as they entered the field to soak up the atmosphere and the emotion of what has been a great journey for the crusaders fans, this was highly appreciated by the Crusaders fans and it was a very emotional moment and send off even for the Black and Whites fans. Next up is a crucial game against the Castleford Tigers which could determine which team makes the plays off’s followed by a tough last home game against the Warrington Wolves with the Black and Whites looking to achieve an impressive double over the 2nd place team in the Super League.

BY JEDRUST

I have taken this opportunity this month to plug a book which has been written by a life long fan of Hull FC Pete Allen, he puts several hours of his own time into the team he loves, he is also Chairperson of FC voices, FC Voices are the independent supporters group of Hull FC. The group meet on a regular basis to discuss the various facets of being a supporter and then discuss this with the various representatives of the club when necessary.

Recent examples of their involvement have been consultation over the high profile fans survey, discussions around the alcohol ban at the KC Stadium and of course, helping to organise Hull FC Fans Forums.

This is a little extract of what can be expected from the book: Roamin’ the Range Together Part One ‘Living in the Shadow of Giants’ “....is the story of an ordinary guy growing up in a remarkable community in the shadow of an extraordinary Rugby League team.”

Hull FC have always been part of Pete Allen’s life, even before he says, he can remember them being there. Brought up in the heart of Hull’s fishing community and living just 40 yards away from the famous Boulevard Stadium, his Mother was a Season Ticket holder and his Father a committee member at the fledgling Hull Supporters Club.

This book follows his team’s fortunes and chronicles the changing world of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s in a Yorkshire City, reflected through family life, schooling, music, work and Hull FC. The book is in part a social history of that famous community, with all its tragedy, hardship and humour, as well as a chronicle of the highs and lows of Hull FC, that communities own Rugby League team. However it also attempts to analyse what life is like for a hopeless sports fanatic who appears to be linked to his ‘Family’ club through his very DNA and is powerless to do much about it. “....a rugby league book that not only celebrates 30 years in the life of a famous club and a lad born and bred in West Hull but also the way by which that same club influenced a sport, a community, a City and one hopelessly fanatical fan for whom everything is best in Black and White”

‘Roamin’ the Range Together’ Available from 1st November 2011 At Hull FC retail stores at The KC Stadium and in Savile Street Hull PRICE £12-50

BY JEDRUST

CONFESSIONS SHOPPING SPREE BETTER THAN USUAL!

KNOCK! KNOCK! WHO’S THERE?

I live alone, one night I’d been Me and my friend went lingerie watching some ‘adult entertainment’. shopping last month, as I’d planned a I’ve been wanting to try a few big night of passion with my fella, so new things out, as I’ve led quite a decided it was time to pull out all the conservative lifestyle. One of my stops and show myself off to him, in favourite’s of these adult films was something new and exciting. were a lonely woman answers the We tried out all the usual spots door to a delivery man and decides seeking out something sexy, going to give him a ‘tip’. I went round a in and out of changing rooms. I few local takeaways to see where a man I’d fancy works. Once I found don’t know if it was the thought of one, after I plucked up the courage, knowing what I was buying the new I ordered a takeaway from that place lingerie for, but I was getting far too - I’d had aIt’s few drinks to build up my Hull Truck isn’t just a theatre. also a vital excited. I convinced my friend to try confidence and got ready for his something on too. We posed in the creative resource for the city,bythe region and arrival stripping down naked andthe mirror together and started joking putting on a robe. When he arrived, about, grabbing each other’s boobs. nation.

Through our work andI with hewith came inschools whilst I got money.

Before I knew it we were having a full my robe and asked if he’d on snog!community, Wow it felt good! I never the wetold help dropped toaraise aspirations like ‘tip’. He then pulled his member my boyfriend though... naughty! out and I took him there and then. and give life-changing creative Ellie - Hull opportunities Danielle - Beverley

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A REVVED UP NIGHT!

ALL A BIT OF FUN, DEAR!

AThis few weeks backstory my boyfriend went I work office at a construction firm success – nearly 40 years oldin–the will continue over the for a night out with his mates and with the builders coming in and out of the next thebyface of the severe cuts to arts funding for left little3ol’years me at in home myself...

I mostoffice all day. I’m the only woman on site, bet you think you know thisthat is HullsoTruck a generation.

Thiswhere means have which a shortfall of I get all will the attention, I love! going, don’t you? Well, you’re wrong!

All the lads know I’m married, but it Council between now and 2014.

Whilst the Arts Asnearly I’m nice,£500,000 I offered to drive into doesn’t stop them flirting with me, but I town pick him Council up. Sat atcontinue home by to support andand Hull City us, they have made cuts enjoy it anyway, so would never ask them myself got me horny though, so when to stop. Anyway, one of the blokes I’ve we up, have toalook at alternative funding. it which was timemeans to pick him I had taken a bit of a shine to. He’s younger little surprise ready for my hubby. Our than me, good looking and although he’s house is in a remote area. As I was If everyone who reads this brochure gave as he’s little £5 we very flirty with me, alsoas very polite driving, I decided to reach over and and the all the other’s pull his zipmake down and playingshortfall. would upstarted half that Weperfect knowgentleman; these are tough with him. He was half-asleep whilst i are a bit too ‘show us your tits luv!’ - this times forhe everyone, soup inand asking you to support Hullso Truck’s did this, but soon perked younger bloke is nicer, decided future to give thought we were home when I pulled a treat one day. I wore skirt as with success we want to make it as easyhim and affordable for ayou up and stopped - wrong! I found a no knickers and when he came into the possible. lay-by and decided to pull in. I lifted office, I dropped my pen and asked him up my skirt to show my boyfriend I if he’d mind picking it up for me. That’s wasn’t wearing any knickers. It wasn’t when I opened legs to the give him a Please us continue workmy within Theatre long beforehelp he pushed the seat our backinspirational cheeky flash and he left with a huge grin. and wethroughout were having steamy car sex and the wider community.

Natasha - E.Yorkshire Beth - East Hull Village

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Box Office: over thetophone or in person You were fun and easy work with and are great models. A real credit.

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Become a Hull Truck Friendgo and receive lots of loyaltyWhat a brilliant job– you havedevelopment@hulltruck.co.uk done (again!) and we’d have been lost benefits contact forwithout further you (again! even more so this time than last!). details WRITERS/CONTRIBUTORS: Lambrettaman, Jedrust, His Bobness, Voracious_Vixen, Scarlet Lights, Dan at Thirteen1, and Christian aka F_Block_Blog; You’ve all done another brilliant job - Thanks for the contributions, (once again) more of the same next month please!

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THE PREVIEW

KISSER TAKES A CLOSER LOOK AT… Freedom Festival 2011 September 1st - September 3rd 2011 This year see’s a massive change in the direction of Freedom Festival in the way the organisers have done away with cameo’s from pop stars, because, let’s be honest, a lot of them were only here to plug their latest single - though looking back on Freedom Festival in 2009 when there was a great mix of acts big and small for all kinds of audiences, it’s safe to say that year will forever be the year to top.

So, does this year’s new look festival look like it can challenge 2009 as the best Freedom Festival yet? Well, looking at it from an artistic point of view, we’re not sure Luc Amoros will be as big and as awe-inspiring a spectacle as Transe Express, the floating monsters or the flamed glow of Carabosse, but it will be an interesting spectacle in it’s own right. With massive canvasses suspended in the air via scaffolding, Luc Amoros sees each individual canvas being painted by a different person, which links up with the canvasses next to it, to create one giant picture, all this alongside some funkny French hip-hop. Other than Luc Amoros, the art offering seems to simply be by Architects of Air who will install a huge Luminarium – a monumental inflatable structure whose maze of winding paths, soaring domes, incredible ambience and light are explored from within. The Mirazozo structure will measure 55 metres long and joins Freedom as part of a global tour this year which has included shows at Sydney Opera House, Segovia(Spain) and Prague. Will this be enough in the form of art, for what is attempting to be known as an ‘arts’ festival?

The live entertainment this year does however showcase Freedom’s credentials as an arts festival. Without pop acts, the festival has opted to show off the talent of live musicians, comedians, actors, poets and beat-boxers, of which is to be applauded, as that is what festivals are all about, showcasing art forms and alternative cultures.

On the live front, there is a great mixture of local and national acts, from famed punk poet John Cooper Clarke, beat-boxer The PeteBox (who is excellent!), Tribes - who will be heading to Freedom Festival straight from performing at Reading and Leeds festivals and Kyla Le Grange (who is very good live and featured in Kisser Magazine earlier this year when she supported Wolf Gang live at Fruit) to great local acts such as our faves The Talks, The Neat, Lavellion, Hekima and the Bongo Flava and friends of Kisser Magazine - Endoflevelbaddie and The Autons.

Be sure to get down to the festival and check out some amazing live acts. It’s going to be good.

FREEDOM FESTIVAL

REVIEWS

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WOK&GO - ST.STEPHENS - HULL

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My main reason for eating out so often is because I love food. The process of shoving tasty things into my mouth and maneuvering my jaw in such a manner so that my teeth may best crush up the bits of tasty things and send them along the lengthy, squishy, mucuslined journey through the series of digestive tubes so that I may reap the alimentary benefits or gain another subcutaneous layer of fat fills whatever part of my brain that feels joy with joy.

Wok & Go is a new restaurant that has opened in St Stephen’s shopping centre. The atmosphere is loud, crowded, frenzied, has horrible seating (be prepared to share a table and make new friends) but it does have amazing and very flavourful food. Not just good, but amazing. The portions are enormous, the service is nearly nonexistent but efficient, and the menu is long and varied.

All meals are prepared with a standard mix of raw ingredients based on noodles or rice, and packed into those little boxy take-away containers ready to be thrown into the frying pan. You can request extra ingredients plus a selection of sauces before it is cooked. Your meal is cooked in what look like authentic Chinese woks at the front of the restaurant, exactly as they do in cheap restaurants in China and you can watch if you like. There is a bit of a wait, as it is cooked fresh to order, but the taste clearly makes up for it. It tastes fresh and they don’t add MSG. Chop-sticks are available as well as plastic cutlery.

On the menu are various items, my favourite is the Teriyaki Lime Beef Salad Box. It is a warm beef salad with a Japanese soba noodle teriyaki sauce and a twist of lime. AND it’s 98% fat-free for those of you that care about your health. This is also available with chicken or as a vegetarian option.

I am a bit disappointed that they don’t do more variety or vegetarian options in their menu as I would really like to try out a more varied selection of dishes. I do like that they do a special kids dish.

One of the best things about the restaurant is that they stay open until 11PM and they offer a delivery service.

VORACIOUS_VIXEN

KISSER MAGAZINE’S LOCAL FOOD EXPERT. CONTACT HER ON TWITTER @VORACIOUS_VIXEN

PIZZA EXPRESS - QUAYSIDE - HULL With many pizzerias from which to choose in the City Centre area, one of the best bets for a delicious pizza or a fantastic pasta is the new Pizza Express located at the bottom of Princes Quay. Pizza Express was founded in the 1960’s with one humble restaurant near Museum Street, London, WC2. They aimed to offer good, wholesome, authentic Italian-style pizza and they have done. Plus, you only have to look on the Pizza Express website to have a look at their extensive menu and even book a table.

Your taste buds are primed before walking in the door, because the aroma of freshly cooked pizza wafts up the steps to the shopping centre and throughout the outdoor seating area.

To compare Pizza Express with Pizza Hut would be like comparing McDonald’s to a Steak House. The Express menu is traditional Italian - GOURMET Pizzas, is how it was described to me and certainly they were superb. Not that doughy, mass produced, stodgy and heavily artificial pap you tend to get in the ‘Hut?’ Originally on my first couple of visits here there were problems with the service.

Waiting an hour for a vegetarian pizza, then having one brought to us covered in chicken and then subsequent mix-ups over desserts on more than one occasion had me feeling a bit concerned.

But I powered through it and have been back a couple of times since with a muchimproved level of service.

The pizzas have wonderful charred, thin, soft, chewy crust of yum and they are not overwhelmed by toppings! I tend to go for the Giardiniera (Asparagus, artichokes, mushrooms, red peppers, santos tomatoes, olives, garlic oil, tomato & pesto base) pizza, but recently had the Padana (Goats’ cheese, spinach, red & caramelised onions, garlic oil). It’s like a party in your mouth! With goat’s cheese! And onions!

And spinach. And dough. It’s a weird party, I won’t deny that.

If you can believe it, I didn’t actually plan for us to eat dessert out after dinner until my friends suggested it. Yes, someone else had to implant the idea into my head of mobbing a sugar-laden eatery post-pizza coma. They have a selection on Dolcetti (mini-puddings that come with a selection of coffees) and the chocolate fudge cake is pretty scrumptious!

I would highly recommend Pizza Express for someone looking for a good pizza or pasta. The menu lists plenty of family-pleasing options and they take the Taste card!

reviews

Truc k hull

QUADROPHENIA The Who’s famed rock opera hits the stage at Hull Truck Theatre.

Quadrophenia hits the stage in Hull and we thought we’d check it out to see if it can live up to the billing and fame of it’s film-based original. The stage production was performed by a cast of 25 members of the Hull Truck Youth Theatre, led by lead actor Seb Pryboda, who plays Jimmy. Seb is the icing on the cake for what is a really good show, having portrayed Jimmy

perfectly with all the same characteristics you see in the on-screen version of the rock opera and wouldn’t look out of place starring as a young mod influenced by Jimmy in the rumoured Quadrophenia 2. The lighting, production and sound was perfection - with a great live band accompanying the addition of the cast singing all the great songs from the original. The

performances show Hull is beaming with talent, who’ll have great futures starring in other things. The only thing traditionalists may have questioned is the change in parts to the storyline. Personally we’d have kept it the same for nostalgia reasons, but the stage production is a very good show in it’s own right - well worth going to see - we hope it returns soon.

Quadrophenia is a rock

1979 with an all-star

ne and Sting. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s based

opera written by The Who

cast including Phil

on the mod culture of

guitarist Pete Townshend.

Daniels, Toyah Wilcox,

the 1960s and their

It was made into a film in

Leslie Ash, Ray Winsto-

rivalry with rockers.

reviews

Spa brid

BRID BASH

more at: www.flickr.com/photos/heysarahbeth

reviews

Spa brid

BRID BASH Viking FM bring the party to Brid with chart-topping line-up.

Be it your thing or not, Viking FM make sure once a year the youngsters of our region get to see some of the people they idolise on MTV, 4Music, X-Factor and the like... For the people who didn’t make it, we’ve got a quick summary for you. A capacity crowd in full voice, in a sweaty atmosphere saw Brid Spa rocking, bringing smiles to many. Olly Murs was his usual

cheeky chappy self, bringing about masses of screams.

Parade were, er...fit! great to watch prancing about.

Starboy Nathan was a surprise star performer - a good live act. Six-D, an act we have to give credit to - street dancing+singing live = heavy breathing - it didn’t sound great, but respect for not miming.

Loick Essien had the crowd

wanting more, Talay Riley was super cool, also a good live performance. Dionne Bromfield has an amazing voice which gripped the audience. The Feeling put on a good fiery performance that got the crowd really in the mood for Chipmunk who had the crowd in the palm of his hand, before Dappy came on stage to close the event with a very energetic performance.

Brid Bash is an annual

lot of success in recent

Tinchy Stryder, Pro

event put on by local

years that has seen

Green, McFly, Texas,

radio station Viking FM.

acts such as Dappy,

The Sugababes and

The event has seen a

Chipmunk, Olly Murs,

The Feeling perform.

reviews

Fruit hull

DIRTY GOODS Welsh trio bring their smooth tunes to East Yorkshire.

The boyos are back in town...

Ok, that’s me with the Welsh jokes out of the way. We nipped down to Fruit to check out cool dudes - Dirty Goods. Sadly the crowd wasn’t as big as we had hoped or expected for such a cheap entrance fee of only £3.50, with nothing else to do on a Thursday night - what are the people of East Yorkshire doing going to sleep instead of staying

out and enjoying themselves at a gig? We got a glimpse of an up and coming local band as a support act to Dirty Goods in The Autons, who for their age, have quite a mature, tight-knit sound - they look as though they’ve been a band for about 10 years and the sound that comes from singer Aron’s mouth isn’t one you’d expect - The Susan Boyle of indie-punk?!!

Dirty Goods came on and soothed the crowd with their bass-led indie-dance tunes, creating a sound that would have worked well with a bigger crowd. The lead singer has a hint of Caleb from Kings of Leon in his voice and it works really well with the music they make.

I’m sure they will make in-roads with recording singles and an album in the near future.

Dirty Goods are a trio

Chromeo, MSTRKRT,

aditional 3 piece of

from Newport, South

Daft Punk, Calvin Harris

drums, guitar and bass

Wales. They state their

and Michael Jackson.

- they state they are

influences as; Prince,

Although they are a tr-

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Dirty electronicâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;.

reviews

Geor

gies

driffie

ld

KISSER PROMO Kisser Magazine brings HomeSweetHome to Driffield.

On August 19th we decided we’d bring something a little different to the East Riding town of Driffield. Home Sweet Home a popular clubnight in Hull, led by well known DJ; Endoflevelbaddie is what we brought to the town. Georgies Bar on Market Walk was the venue for the night with it’s modern decor and cool vibe which made it the perfect setting

for an enjoyable Friday night mixture of drinks and tunes.

The Home Sweet Home crew brought their eccletic mix of music from multiple genres and eras which soon saw the people of Driffield opting for Georgies over the town’s other offerings.

Home Sweet Home also brought their trademark visuals to the event with amazing graphics and 3D animations

which include a funky dancing Ryu from Street Fighter, along with lasers, UV lighting and smoke machines. Despite Driffield being like a morgue on a Friday night, Home Sweet Home ensured those who were out to party had an outlet to do so. We had fun meeting you lot, thanks for coming out for some fun - we hope to see you all again soon.

Home Sweet Home is a

Endoflevelbaddie, Vox

join their group on

forever expanding live

Celeste, Eyesaw, Myth,

Facebook and find out

electro night in Hull

Wd40 and Mr. Prez.

where the fun is at

with live DJs such as

Check them out now,

party people.

GOING OUT

WANT YOUR BAR/BOOZER/PUB/CLUB FEATURED? EMAIL: info@kissermag.com

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DRINK OF THE MONTH

KOPPARBERG - MIXED FRUITS Everyone has an ‘anthem to their summer’ - if this drink was a song, it’s fair to say this would be our anthem. I think it’s safe to say we may have died this summer had it not been for this drink on some of the warm days we’ve had (despite them being few and far between this year!) Bang this in a pint glass with loads of ice and you’ll feel on holiday where ever you are, whether it’s in Spain, Scotland or Skeggy!

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’

WHAT S ON

COMING TO OUR AREA!

FREEDOM FESTIVAL HULL 01-03/09/11 As they say ‘Freedom is coming’ this year the festival takes on a different approach, but will still be packed full of cool and quirky things to see and enjoy.

THE CHAPMAN FAMILY LAMP 09/09/11

MYSTERY JETS WELLY 18/09/11 A band that don’t really need any introduction, their music speaks for itself. Expect a great set including ‘Two Doors Down’ and ‘You Can’t Fool me Dennis’.

BLOOD BROTHERS HULL NEW THEATRE 19-24/09/11

The Chapman Family an

A classic in Blood Brothers

alternative rock group from

arrives in Hull for a week of

Stockton on Tees. In 2009 they

performances live on the New

were in a list of NME’s ‘Top 10

Theatre stage. Expect a big

tips’.

production.

THE BOY WITH TAPE ON HIS FACE

HULL TRUCK THEATRE 09&10/09/11

VIVA BROTHER HULL UNIVERSITY 23/09/11

A silent comedian! I bet you

A cool exciting band that have

never thought you’d see those

been tipped for the top and as

words! Well, you definitely

the band most likely to bring

won’t hear them with this act.

back a revival of 90s Brit-pop,

Said to be utterly brilliant to

proclaiming their music as

watch - check it out.

‘Grit-pop’.

JASON MANFORD HULL CITY HALL 09&10/09/11 Viking FM host the Brid Bash again with a line-up that includes Six-D, The Reason 4, Parade, Loicke Essien, Dionne Bromfield and top-ten chart sensation; Chipmunk.

TWO BROTHERS ONE WORLD CUP HULL TRUCK THEATRE 23&24/09/11

Sibling secrets, lies, laughs and songs set against the backdrop of football World

Cups 1982 - 2010. Follow ‘The Vindaloo Brothers’ - as they try to reconnect with family.

LOCAL NEWS Heritage Open Days are back! Ok, not the most exciting event on everyone’s calendar, but we’ve checked out this event for the last couple of years and there are some really cool insights into the history of our area, as you can see...

Places open include the plotting parlour in Ye Olde White Harte, Neptune Inn above Boots - Whitefriargate, St.Charles Borromeo - Albion St, Holy Trinity, Humber car museum, City Hall, Maister House and loads more as well as old town tours and an open-top bus tour of Hull’s history... www.hodshull.co.uk

Some of you may have noticed a changing piece in Hull’s skyline recently. It looks like the new Wilberforce Health Centre will soon be scaffold-free and add a shiny new piece to the streetscape of Hull, which will bring a 365 day a year GP and dental service (for everyone) to Hull City Centre - it is hoped the build will spark regeneration in Albion Square.

Some of you may also have noticed the tall arm of a crane along the river Hull.

The crane is finally (after long delays) currently hoisting parts of the new river Hull footbridge into place - the first of it’s kind in the world as users can ‘ride’ it. It is hoped it will kickstart regeneration along the East Bank.

MYTHS & LEGENDS RIVER BY NAME: Hull is possibly the only place in the world that get’s abbreviated to it’s river name e.g. Stoke-on-Trent = Stoke, Newcastle-UponTyne = Newcastle... Kingston-Upon-Hull = Hull... we’ll reveal why that might be next month...

RANDOM LEGEND THIS MONTH’S RANDOM LEGEND IS...

A MALLARD DRAKE

LOCAL NEWS

HULL IS PROUD! HULL HAS A SMILE LIKE A CHESHIRE CAT AT THE MOMENT - OR DOES IT?!!

We’ve recently had riots and looting in our ‘great’ capital city, London - those then sparked further riots and looting in the likes of Birmingham, Bristol, Nottingham, Liverpool and Manchester with small disturbances also in Wolverhampton, Leeds and West Bromich. As these were taking place, we took it upon ourselves to keep tabs on anything spreading our way and to see what was happening elsewhere. Now we think it’d be a fair comment for people to make negative and/or mocking comments regarding the rioters in these places, but we weren’t seeing any of that, we were seeing people showing an understanding saying it was against the character of these places, yet these same people took it upon themselves to mock Hull! Hull was actually getting mocked for NOT rioting it seemed - this city cannot win it seems. It is even mocked when it does something good! How ridiculous is that?!! They were doing all this whilst we could clearly see their s**tholes being turned over and looted by tramps live on telly! Could you imagine the comments being thrown our way if Hull had been the first to riot, not London? You can bet your last penny it’d be reported as the worst thing ever to happen on earth by the Southern-based media. We saw people commenting that Hull was too lazy to riot - yes, the fourth busiest place for cyclists in the UK is too lazy #sarcasm.

Another point was that people here are too stupid to riot! What are these people on?!!

Yes, those rioters in London were very smart people. Just face it - the people of Hull have more common sense and values than the people of your s**t-tip city!

kisser campaign CREATE MORE JOB OPPORTUNITIES IN OUR AREA!

Yes, we had this in the magazine last month too, but we’re yet to hear anything back from the ‘powers that be’ on this matter - proving why nothing ever gets done around here and why there are still bombsites from the war used as car parks! Why do we have people in power who take an age to do anything?!!

Hull’s current mayor is looking for a way to ‘celebrate’ Hull getting it’s 100th mayor next year and has asked people to send in their suggestions of what we should do locally to celebrate it. Here at Kisser, we have decided to send in our own idea, to help you! We all know there is a lack of job opportunities available to people, so instead of proposing something naff like has been suggested so far, like the ‘erection of another clock’ or ‘build a raft to sit around doing nothing’ our big idea is this: There are loads of shops empty on every street with more and more closing every month - we propose councillors to do a deal with local estate agents to LET long-term empty shops FREE for ONE full year’s trading to NEW businesses and businesses in their first year of trading. This will not only encourage and help new businesses and the unemployed to be able to create a job for themselves by making creating your own business a heck of a lot more possible, but it will help the city by establishing new trade, as well as also helping new businesses establish themselves, evolve to take on extra staff, creating more jobs for local people.

As well as all of that, it will also help in getting rid of the negative image of empty shops on every street. Estate agents also win, because if the shop succeeds, after a year they get full rental income that they would never have got, because the business would never have existed.

Email civic.office@hullcc.gov.uk - tell em what YOU want!

’ THAT’S A BIT FUNNY AND/OR INTER

’

According to a book by Professor Brian Ford which is set for release later this September, in which he reveals previously top secret files on Britain’s alternative options to put an end to World War 2, one of the options included turning Hitler into a woman! The plan was to use spies to sneak female hormones into his food to try and curb his aggression.

SOURCE: DAILY MIRROR

Talk about a room with a view! A bored office executive in Manhattan, New York the other week spotted a porno being filmed in the room of a building directly opposite to his office.

The executive sent his iPhone snaps, taken on Monday, to editors at Curbed.com.

He called the voyeuristic sighting ‘a New York Lottery of sorts,’ noting the chance sighting in a city so congested you never know what you might see through an open window.

SOURCE: DAILY MAIL

Don’t you just love bored editors of national newspapers?

The other week we spotted a gem in The Daily Mirror in a football transfer story regarding Leicester and West Brom’s Simon Cox. The headline for the story?

‘LEICESTER LOOKING TO GRAB COX’ haha!

SOURCE: DAILY MIRROR

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RESTING...

QUOTES OVERHEARD: “I CAN’T BELIEVE HE TOOK THE CARPET ON THE BUS! WHY WOULD YOU TAKE YOUR OLD CARPET ON A BUS?!! SERIOUSLY?!!”

QUOTES OVERHEARD: “BABE, YOU GOT YOUR CK BOXERS ON?” “NO, WHY?” “AWW! THEY GIVE YOU A RIGHT PERKY PENIS”

ELSEWHERE: ‘Anonymous’ a group of ‘hacktivists’ are claiming they will make us ‘remember, remember the 5th of November’ this year... no, they aren’t going to attempt to blow up parliament like Guy Fawkes, instead they’re going to ‘bring Facebook crashing down’. A big ask, considering the whole point of a ‘plot’ is to keep it secret. Ah well, I suppose we’ll all just have to use Twitter till Zuckerberg does some work for once.

SOURCE: POCKET-LINT

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COMPETITION!

WIN!

WIN! WIN!

WIN A PROGRAMME FROM BRID BASH SIGNED BY LOICK ESSIEN, SIX-D, THE REASON 4, TALAY RILEY AND DAPPY FROM N-DUBZ!!!

We were recently at Brid Bash for this month’s issue of Kisser Magazine to give you all the best insight into the event and what went down. We chatted to various acts at the Spa in Bridlington throughout the show and managed to get Loick Essien, Talay Riley, Six-D, The Reason 4 and Dappy from N-Dubz to sign a programme for us, and that programme could be yours!

To win this great prize, it could not be more simple: SIMPLY TELL US: WHAT IS THE NAME OF DAPPY’S NEW SINGLE (OUT 19TH SEPTEMBER)

To enter, please email your answers to readers@kissermag.com A winner will be picked at random and notified via email on 19th September.

THANK YOU! KISSER would like to say a massive Thank You, in no particular order to: MODEL: Natasha PHOTOGRAPHY: Babydoll Photography, plus Joey Aitchison [The Autons], Karl Andre Photography [outside photos - Quadrophenia] and Louise Buckby [inside photos - Quadrophenia] WRITERS/CONTRIBUTORS: Lambrettaman, Jedrust, His Bobness, Voracious_Vixen, Scarlet Lights, Dan at Thirteen1, IBCnowUBC, and Christian aka F_Block_Blog INTERVIEWEE’S: Olly Murs, Chipmunk, Dappy, Talay Riley, Six-D, The Reason 4, Starboy Nathan, Loick Essien, The Autons LOCATIONS: Tina’s.

WEB: Impression11 OTHERS: I.bailey_beverley and D A N I E L (Flickr), Bridlington Spa, Hull Truck Theatre (especially Alice), Russ at Georgies, the HomeSweetHome crew, Viking FM and Dean at Fruit.

competitive rates available to suit your needs - get your business advertised to thousands of readers each month with us: sales@kissermag.com to make an enquiry.

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