IceMaidensInvadeSeniorQuad

by Debbie Reece

I've concluded that heat must make some people's body thermometers go crazy

When theheatand humidity soar, theywant itcold inside. We'renot talkingrefreshinglycool;Imeandigout-the-sweatshirts-and-wool-socks-or-your-toenailswill-turn-bluecold.

Unfortunately, thesepeopledecidetheircallingisto control the temperature inside buildings such as DeMoss Hall Thus,we are all affectedby theirwarped body temperatures. Even ifit's90 degrees outside, most LU studentsknow they can'twear shortsleeves without being prepared tofreezeinatleastone classroom.

However, this species of human being has now invaded my own quad W e (theothereightpeoplein the quad) affectionatelycallthem the "Ice Maidens."If the temperaturetops60 degrees,theycomplain, "Y'all, it's hotter than Hades in here!"

Much to the despair of the rest of us, they were assigned to the room right next to the temperature controlfortheentirequad. They feel perfectlyfree to use itto their advantage, too. Ifthe sound of teeth chattering startsto drive one ofus crazy, we have to cautiously tiptoeby theirdoor and as silentlyaspossibleadjust thetemperature gauge.

Within a few days of their arrival this semester, everyone else in our quad was sporting sorethroats, runny nosesand coughs. It's become a cat-and-mouse game with everyone trying tostayup laterthan them so they can turn offor atleastturn up the airconditioner. Then maybe we could all getone night'ssleep without seeing our breath in the airor having icicles form on oureyelashes

One night it was 30 degrees outside, and still they keptturningon the air conditioner.They seem to have no concept ofopening thewindow tolet coolair in.

"Theymusthavegrown up in Alaska,"you say. No, they call North Carolina home. W e have yettofind a logical explanation for their constant state of being overheated.

If we trytoexplain thatwe do notenjoy constantly feelinglike we'relocked in ameatfreezer, they simply say, "Well, can't y'all closeyour vents You just don't understand how hot it is inour room."

They don'tunderstand that our ventshave notonly been shut, they'vebeen covered, insulated and nailed shut.Evenifwe had wanted to open them,we couldn't because they'refrozenshut.

Until someone finds a cure for their mysterious malady, Iguess we're destined to a life of sleeping under flannel sheets on balmy nights, suffering from frostbitewhen our bare feethitthebathroom floorin themorning and gathering around the microwave to absorb every bit ofheatpossible.