Living Hope Ministries 2012 IMMOVABLE

LIVING HOPE MINISTRIES

Women’s Ministry A Cultural Maelstrom Men of Character and Heart Bryan/College Station

Into My Africa A Place of Victory The Hope House

Reaching Around the World

IMMOVABLE Standing on the Truth in an Ever-Changing World

Forever Changed My Dangerous Friends

Our Tsunami Mighty Warrior My Secret Sin Impacting the Academic World

Table of Contents 4 - Women’s Ministry

18 - Forever Changed

6 - A Cultural Maelstrom

20 - My Dangerous Friends

7 - Men of Character and Heart

22 - Our Tsunami

8 - Bryan/College Station

24 - Mighty Warrior

10 - Into My Africa

26 - My Secret Sin

12 - A Place of Victory

27 - Impacting the Academic World

14 - The Hope House

28 - Partner Churches

16 - LHM Reaches Around the World

31 - LHM Board of Directors

Living Hope Ministries, Inc., is a 501(c)3 non profit organization. All gifts and donations are tax deductible. Š 2012 Living Hope Ministries, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. Visit our website for more information or to contact us. www.livehope.org

IMMOVABLE I sat in my office talking with a young man and woman whose wedding I was to officiate. At the end of our time together, the young man became teary-eyed. I asked what was wrong, and he shared: “Four years ago I walked into this office thinking I was gay and confused about my life. You put my life on a whiteboard and explained to me why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Jesus met me in this office that day. Today, I sit here with my fiancé talking about our wedding. Four years ago I never thought that was possible. I am just so thankful for what Jesus has done.”

I remember that first day with that young man and the countless numbers of other men and women who have entered the office of Living Hope Ministries as a last effort to find hope and help. What they find is not the answer to every question about their attractions or sexuality, but a God who can and does transform hearts and lives.

In this ministry it is easy to become discouraged by the never-ending onslaught of critique, criticism, and lies about what we do, who we are, and the inability of God to work real change in a person’s life. Headlines, newscasts, magazines and websites are filled with “proof” that people are simply “born this way” and cannot change. Pop icons to mainline denominations espouse the necessity to “reinterpret” the Word of God to justify their feelings of same gender attractions. The arguments are endless, the opponents are formidable, and their message is non-stop.

In the midst of this confusion and chaos, Living Hope Ministries continues to be immovable in its belief in the God of Scripture, in the validity of God’s Word as the Truth, and in the power of the Gospel to transform, liberate, and set the captives free.

As the world dials up the rhetoric, LHM continues to be blessed by God. Our groups are stronger and larger than ever. We now have a successful satellite in Bryan/ College Station and another satellite planned in the North Dallas/Denton area early next year. Hundreds of people are attending our in-person support groups for young adults, men, women, friends and family, and

- Rev. Ricky Chelette, Executive Director, LHM

wives of men who struggle, with some traveling from all over the US and around the world to participate in our ministry. Over 7,400 are involved in our online support ministry from over 168 countries. Each week we are adding people to our in-person ministry and every day people are joining our online support groups.

Request for speaking in churches, schools, seminaries, universities and groups continue to increase as people reach out to us for help and understanding from around the world. God is using LHM to share His truth in an ever-expanding way. The opportunities are enormous, but the resources are few.

We are convinced the ministry of Living Hope is needed now more than ever before. We cannot do this ministry without your ongoing support. We need your prayers, we need you to tell others about LHM, and we need your financial help. With just two full-time staff and three part-time staff, LHM reaches out to thousands around the world with the message of the Gospel that can change and transform lives. We offer what the world believes is impossible—a living hope!

That young couple and I shed a few tears together that evening—tears of joy and gratefulness to our God who is immovable in His love and pursuit of us. After they left my office the Lord reminded me that not everyone who comes to LHM will end up married, surrendered to Christ, or even faithfully following Jesus, but many will.

I was reminded that though we are fighting upstream against enormous adversity, God is with us and God is still redeeming lives for His glory. I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 15:58, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” If it were just for that one young man it would be worth it, but there are countless more. It is for those who have yet to hear that we continue to declare His unchanging truth. I pray you will join us.

A Blessed Time f D’Ann Davis has served as the Women’s Ministry Director of Living Hope Ministries for four years.

What an incredible year it has been for the Women’s Ministry of Living Hope! We are experiencing unprecedented growth, as we have more women consistently coming than ever before. We had more women attend both the adult and youth retreats and the Exodus Freedom conference than we have ever seen at Living Hope.

We were able to hold our first Living Hope Women’s Day in May, and we continue to have a growing contingent in our online ministry. We have had women move here specifically for LHM from Wisconsin, the D.C. area, Arkansas, and south Texas, and others are currently searching for a way here, as they want to be a part of what God is doing at LHM, too. God has been gracious to give us lovely women of the Lord who seek to know and love Him better every day. The road to holiness is a hard-fought journey and we are seeing camaraderie develop among the women that spurs them on toward healing and holiness.

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It is a blessing for me to get to tell new women who come through an intake that “there has never been a better time to come to Living Hope as a woman.”

While the camaraderie is a big motivating factor for women to attend and invest in the ministry, the true reason for our growth is the work of Christ in the hearts of the ladies. We are growing because women are seeking to develop their foundation on the immovable rock of Christ Jesus. The numeric growth is merely a manifestation of the spiritual maturation of the women as they leave behind patterns and sin of old and press forward toward the “goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14). The reason our women’s ministry is bearing fruit is simple: Jesus is moving in the hearts and lives of our ladies, and He is a foundation that does not shift.

for Women’s Ministry First Corinthians 3:11 tells us, “For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Christ Jesus.” Personalities, leaders, numbers, and camaraderie can all come and go, but Jesus Christ stands immovable forever. That is what so excites me about this season - tears, laughter, fellowship, and growth are rooted in something deeper than a fun group of women. Everything is rooted in Christ and His work on the cross and how that transforms us as believers.

It warms my heart and encourages my spirit to know these women who are so committed to walking with Jesus and submitting their lives to Him. They bank their identities and lives on the firm foundation of Christ in a way that many in the church might miss

because they do not know their need. The women of Living Hope know their need, and they know their Savior, Jesus. We know from Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Thankfully Jesus never changes, but He loves His children enough to tirelessly transform and change us! This is the fruit we are seeing in this blessed season of the women’s ministry at Living Hope.

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A Cultural Maelstrom The confusion and chaos surrounding the issue of homosexuality seems to grow exponentially week by week.

California has now passed a law which prohibits parents from retaining mental health professionals to assist their own children even if the minor requests the therapy. A senator in California has said about another law mandating teaching about homosexuality in public schools that “it is not that schools ‘can’ teach these things, it is that they ‘must’ teach this.” The NAACP has taken a stand for gay marriage as a civil right. Even the President says his views have “evolved” to the extent that he now favors gay marriage. While the culture is awash in claims and counter claims about these issues some Christian ministries are giving uncertain answers.

Rev. Bob Stith

In the midst of this cultural maelstrom Living Hope Ministries remains unchanged from its beginning over 23 years ago. Indeed it is unchanged from the message given over 2000 years ago. Christ came to set captives free, to break every chain and to offer hope – a Living Hope.

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Living Hope Ministries has been blessed with an incredible director, Ricky Chelette, who frequently points out that we are a discipleship ministry more than a recovery ministry. This

message is reinforced in all that we do.

We exist to come alongside the church to assist in helping those impacted by homosexuality and to offer a clear message in a chaotic and uncertain world.

I urge you to join us in this time of crisis in our nation. Help us get this message of hope and change into our churches and Christian schools. We must be immovable in our confidence in Christ. We must be immovable in proclaiming a message of hope, love and compassion in spite of the accusations of hate. We must be immovable in offering hope for change in a doubting world.

I’m very careful and particular about giving my money or my time to ministries. I want to know they are solidly grounded in the Bible, that they are producing fruit, and that their finances are above reproach. LHM excels in every category. I have no hesitation in encouraging you to give generously and stand with the men and women of Living Hope.

Rev. Bob Stith (right) is the Chairman of the Board of Directors of Living Hope Ministries where he has served for seventeen years. He is also retired from the pastorate of Carroll Baptist Church, Southlake, TX, and as the National Strategist for Gender Issues for the Southern Baptist Convention .

Rev. Darrel Auvenshine (opposite page, top) is the interim Men’s Ministry Director, pastor of Southside City Church in Fort Worth, TX, and is on the Board of Directors of LHM. Darrel has been involved with LHM for twenty years.

Darrel and Kim Auvenshine

Men of Character and Heart The men of Living Hope Ministries are the most steadfast, immovable men I know. Weekly support group meetings are an absolute shining point at LHM because of the honesty and faithfulness of those who participate and desire transformation made possible through the ministry of the Holy Spirit and the Word.

I’m reminded of the beatitude, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness; for they shall be filled.” There is a deep hunger and thirst among our men to live righteously; to experience daily, the freedom that has been purchased and is theirs through the power of the cross.

Jesus paves the way for healing and wholeness. I hear the men of LHM speaking honestly and challenging one another to live in the light of grace and truth.

There is a brotherhood among broken men who realize our common struggle with SSA , but more so our common hope in Christ.

The intensity of this battle produces men of character and strength of heart and mind. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be numbered among these brothers whose labor is not in vain. The richness of God’s grace is heard in the testimony of men who are not giving up hope, but learning to live with hope in the face of great opposition.

The acknowledgment of need, paired with a complete dependence on

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LHM

Bryan/College Station It has been a great start for the Living Hope satellite in Bryan/College Station! In the fall of 2011, I began meeting with pastors of local churches and leaders of Christian campus organizations to let them know about Living Hope and that we would be starting weekly meetings in the spring. The Lord sovereignly paved the way for many of these meetings – I was almost always well received and most of the pastors I met with were aware of how big an issue same sex attraction (SSA) is in our community and within their own churches or organizations, but few knew how to respond. As a result, most of these men and women were immediately supportive, and many began referring people to us. Most of the people who have come to Living Hope in Bryan/College Station have come from referrals by local pastors and leaders, demonstrating the much needed partnerships between Living Hope and local churches.

We had our first in-house meeting in February 2012, where we had a sparse, but motivated crowd. The rest of the Spring semester saw at least one new person join us every week. The summer was slow, as one would expect in a community so influenced by the presence of a large university, but contacts picked up again as the fall semester neared.

What is more encouraging than our numbers is the change we’ve seen in men and women that have been a part of Living Hope in Bryan/College Station. Young men that expressed a sense of hopelessness during their intake interviews regularly express a deepening satisfac-

tion in Jesus and often tell me how grateful they are to have a group like Living Hope, where they can meet, be understood, and be challenged to follow Jesus. Young women for whom confusion dominated their outlook on life are now often filled with a life that can only come from Jesus! After “vetting” us for a few weeks, one participant began referring several others from his church and student organizations who are frustrated by their attractions, disillusioned by the gay lifestyle, and hungry for the Spirit of God to lighten their burden by placing it on Jesus. What a privilege it has been to say to these people, with assured faith, that Jesus wasn’t speaking rhetorically when He said His “yoke is easy and [his] burden is light!” What a privilege it has been to watch the Lord begin to give freedom and life where there was such darkness and death! The Lord has begun a process of change in many of the men and women that join us every week.

As is so often the case, while we have been privileged to watch the Holy Spirit work in the lives of others, He has been working in our lives as well. Brittney and I frequently meet people at a point where they feel there is no hope for them if Jesus doesn’t rescue them from this struggle. How true that Jesus is our only hope! But, so often we don’t live that way. We have been deeply convicted of our need to constantly return to the Lord and remind ourselves that there is no hope for us in a career, or a retirement plan, or even a good church community.

Our only hope is in Jesus! How different would our lives look if we lived in that faith? We at Living Hope so often

Brittney & Brock Faulkner

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talk about the Lord’s ability to set our people free from their addictive sins, and we fully believe He can. You can only say those words so many times before you realize that you also have your own “medications,” from which the Lord wants to grant freedom (and a better, fuller, richer life). The Spirit has certainly used Living Hope in our lives to illuminate our own depravity and the dependencies of our hearts, and to call us gently and lovingly to return to Him. Finally, as we have seen the liberation and change brought on by the Spirit in our people at Living Hope, it has renewed and refreshed our faith in God’s ability to work in the lives of His people. There can be no doubt that the change we’ve seen in people in Bryan/College Station has been orchestrated by God. We have prayed for these men and women, and we have seen the Lord answer our prayers. Seeing the Lord respond has increased the fervency of our prayers for our children, our church, our friends at Living Hope, and the nations.

The Lord is clearly at work in Living Hope in Bryan/ College Station. We have been blessed to have men and women from diverse ages and walks of life participate with us. We have a strategic opportunity to help young students who are “on their own” for the first time and confused about their sexuality, see that the Lord has a better life for them than they can find anywhere else. It’s exciting! So how can you be a part?

reach out for help. Pray for our leaders to be wise and discerning and upright in their thought and conduct.

Pray that the Lord will protect our people and give them perseverance as they follow Him in the midst of their struggles. And, please pray for us to know what our ministry to women should look like in the spring as Brittney and I anticipate the arrival of our third child.

2. Please give to Living Hope. If it weren’t for the work that Ricky, D’Ann, Darrel and Sam have done and continue to do for us every week, from training to support to answering the many questions that come up, we would not be able to do what we do in Bryan/College Station.

3. Please send people our way. If you know people in Bryan/College Station, Houston, Austin, or anywhere in the vicinity that struggle with SSA and want to follow Jesus, please let them know that there is a safe place where they can come for encouragement and to be equipped to live well for the Lord.

Dr. Brock Faulkner, Director, Bryan/College Station

1. Please pray for us. Pray that men and women in and around Bryan/College Station who struggle with SSA will find us and have the courage to

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Africa Into My

Three years ago I was sitting in a Living Hope banquet, flipping through one of these magazines, trying to stay focused on getting home to my girlfriend so we could go out to the bar. She did my hair that night. I remember how ironic all of it felt.

I sat there so desperately wanting Christ, but also desperately convinced that every testimony I heard and read was quite obviously a lie. I had been trying since I was a teenager to break these chains--to find true and real healing for this festering heart I dragged around everywhere and dumped on everyone.

If I couldn’t do it, with all the praying, begging, and bargaining I had done with God, what made these people think they could really be free?

It’s something of a pure miracle I even attended that night, but a combination of a very dedicated, loving mentor and the incredible power of the Holy Spirit led me to a seat on the front row.

My past is much like anyone else’s who comes through this group. It’s filled with broken, manipulative and misguided needs, pain evasion, anger, hurt, and sadness; all manifesting itself in lethal sexual relationships with women; all in the pursuit of someone finally paying attention to how bad I was

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hurting; all in trying to fill this overbearing longing to be accepted, loved and understood by someone.

It still took me several months after that night to officially join. I convinced myself that I would try this whole “God-thing” again, but I was going to do it alone. When that left me even more broken than before, I reached out to Living Hope.

After six months of regularly attending in-house meetings and going to the Exodus International conference, God moved me to the other side of Texas for work. For two years I was isolated from basically everything and everyone, both the good and bad. It was an incredibly challenging and gut-wrenching period to walk through.

I still struggled and fell several times back into my old patterns. But it was also during this time that God absolutely broke me. Over and over He called me back to Himself. I continually found myself being faced with blatant life or death. Even when I chose death, He still chose me.

He wooed me like a tender lover. He started to take the form of everything I wanted and desired in women. He became love to me.

Another breaking point and further development of this journey for me happened during our Living Hope Youth Retreat this year (2012). Two major shifts formed in my thinking: 1. I realized I had to be much more diligent about reading the word. The word is life. No matter how hard I wanted to fight, I had nothing to stand on. I wasn’t putting truth back into my heart. I wasn’t training myself to be ready for those really hard days.

2. It became extremely obvious there was still some major unforgiveness going on in my heart. I still blamed countless people for my problems, for not being the person I needed them to be, for not loving me the way they should have. And in return was not allowing myself to receive God’s forgiveness. I was still trying to be the perfectionist that didn’t need forgiveness.

Working through these two concepts has completely

transformed my life. I can finally say that I am “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”

This is not to claim that there is some formula for our relationship to Christ, but instead to show that He is in the business of continually scraping away those parts of our old lives we so dearly want to cling to.

Two days after the retreat I moved to Africa; isolated and alone is my daily life once again. But the Lord has been training me for this and has blessed me incredibly through the online forums. Yes, I could walk away right now and no one would know. I could create a new life for myself away from God and my community in the States.

But God has become more vital to me than any human, man or woman, could ever be. So I choose to submit myself to God and the leadership at Living Hope. The forums allow me to continue to be held accountable and check my actions and thoughts against truth.

I would be lying if I said I don’t struggle anymore. And if Living Hope promised to take away the struggle, they would be lying too. But what they have promised is to walk alongside us, through the really crappy days when it doesn’t seem worth it anymore, and through the days when God’s glory radiates so clearly to us. What they do provide is a safe community without condemnation.

They provide a training ground for healthy, appropriate relationships. If I have ever seen a clear representation of the body of Christ in community, living daily life together in a holy way, it’s here.

This isn’t a one-stop shop for fixing all our problems, no matter how hard I tried to make that happen. What we strive toward is shifting the end goal from “not being gay anymore” to having a correct and real understanding of God, his love, and our relationship with him. When I stopped trying to be straight and started pursuing God, the struggle was put back into its proper place of sin instead of claiming my whole identity.

Living Hope didn’t save me. God did that. Living Hope just helps me to keep growing and learning so that even on the hard days, Christ holds firm in his position as my only hope. Without Christ, there is no hope for any of us.

Christena

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Victory A Place of - by Nicky

When I was thirteen I realized I was not like other girls. I was a “tomboy,” and as I hit puberty I became “aware” of myself through self-stimulation. I fooled myself into thinking this was a way I could stay pure and still find sexual satisfaction. Only I didn’t; I felt guilty, dirty and ashamed.

Over time it developed into a severe addiction. Having been exposed to pornography by the time I went off to college, I began to question my sexual identity. While I had always found guys attractive, and I had avoided looking at women sexually or even being attracted to them, I was still more and more confused by my own desires and behaviors. Toward the end of my second year of college, some friends accused me of being gay. Even though I had put my own questions behind me, and despite the fact that I had been through some opposite sex relationships, it brought my troubles back to the surface.

In order to escape dealing with these issues, I convinced myself that there was no way that I could be gay because I wasn’t attracted to women, and I also knew it was a completely unacceptable thing for me to be. So I refused to face the questions burning within me. I did know that I was aroused by sexual images of women, but since a friend explained to me that this was natural because God designed the female form to be pleasing, I was able to use this lie as a way to cope and to bury my pain along with

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my conflicting desires and beliefs. As you can imagine, I was very confused both sexually and spiritually and I hated myself for it.

I desperately wanted God to heal me from this ‘thorn in my flesh’ in such a way that I would never have to tell another living soul.

The Bible talks about how rebellion leads to all kinds of evil. I really had no idea the door I was opening into my heart when I chose to rebel against the authority God had placed in my life. I was so hurt and broken; I wanted someone to take all of my pain away. As a result, I opened my heart to a new friend and out of this rebellion, began to have feelings toward her. I praise God now that I was protected from any physical interaction and was too fearful to have ever expressed my feelings to this person. However, the door had been opened and the addiction I had managed to suppress for so long came roaring to life again, this time with

more ferocity than before. By that time, I had been exposed to more pornography, and I went to the internet to fill the craving for a woman’s love. I drank on the weekends because my kids were gone to numb the pain of loneliness. I nearly gave myself alcohol poisoning trying to drown my sorrows, and landed one night in the ER. My heart ached because of the conflict within me, and I knew I was in serious trouble. It was only my fear of the negative consequences to my children that kept me from falling into a seriously sinful relationship with someone, male or female.

One day in the midst of my sorrow, I was surfing the internet looking for visual images to produce that high, deep in my heart knowing it was wrong. I had one window open with soft porn and another window open looking up Christian ministries that might be able to help me anonymously. I was still looking for a solution that would keep the façade of ‘good little girl’ intact; I just could not face the possibility of negative backlash from any of my circles of influence.

The messages I had received from church and family said admitting my sin of desiring a same sex relationship was tantamount to a death sentence. I knew I would be ostracized and left out on my own in an even deeper pit of loneliness than before. I knew I couldn’t handle that.

I cried out to God in prayer and asked for help and happened upon the Living Hope Ministries (LHM) website.

They had an anonymous online discussion forum, and anonymity was VERY appealing. I registered for the site and had access within a day. I poured over the pages of the site, reading everything I could. I spent hours and hours learning about the causes of same sex attraction (SSA) and began to learn I wasn’t alone. I had finally found a group of people who understood me and I felt as if I belonged. There were other people like me, who had grown up knowing the truth of God’s Word, professed their faith in Christ, and still found they were tempted by this detestable sin. There were even people like me who were still ‘in the closet’, had never engaged in a relationship, and were dealing with emotional dependencies with people of the same gender and addictions to self-stimulation and pornography.

The woman in charge of the women’s ministry was just the type of person I needed to kick my butt. It was she who pointed me in the right direction by telling me the truth without sugar coating a thing. Oh, I got offended, but I knew she was right. I was headed down a road that would only end in more misery and pain. Now I had accountability, and someone was praying for me who knew what really was going on in my heart. I still hadn’t wanted to let go of the hope of someday giving in to my sinful desire. Though I fought it tooth and nail, I still held out hope that something good could come of it.

Everything I had read on the forums, however, told of countless stories about how it never did. I didn’t want to submit my will to God’s; I wanted CONTROL of my life in every way, even though I knew I couldn’t do it and I was spiraling out of control at every turn.

Through my desperate plea for help, I was finally able to pray and began to surrender my will to His and to let go of my control over my own life. Over time, God showed me the causes of my struggle and the solution for healing.

When I joined LHM, I thought there would still be a way for me to be There were other set free and never share people like me, the struggle I had been who had grown up through. My shame over my sin was so great it knowing the truth overshadowed my witness of God’s Word, for God’s work in my life.

Even after I had been professed their set free, I still wanted to faith in Christ, keep it a secret and only share with a very select and still found few people. Over time they were tempted and through the ministry by this detestable of LHM, I have grown in boldness over what God sin. has done in my life. I was never ashamed to tell people my opinion of the Bible and Jesus if they brought it up in conversation, but continued on page 30

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T

he Hope House is a discipleship program where sexually broken guys are seeking a deeper relationship with God. I applied to live at the Hope House because, somewhere deep down, I recognized I couldn’t remain in control of my life much longer. I once lived in the gay lifestyle and, though it was spiritually and physically harmful to me, returning to this stomach-ulcer-of-a-life was still a large desire in my heart. In 2010, the Lord called me out of the “lifestyle” and brought me to Living Hope. A few months later the Holy Spirit made colossal changes in my heart, calling me into a relationship with Him, and a few months after that I found myself applying to live at the Hope House.

Living at the Hope House has been a great experience.

However, when I look at the person who moved into the Hope House 15 months ago, I see someone trying to control God’s grace. “If I live at the Hope House then God will save me from living in the gay lifestyle again.”

I clearly misunderstood the idea of wanting a deeper relationship with Christ, and completely overlooked the condition of my heart in every other aspect of my life.

Scratch my heart and it would reveal a boy struggling with porn and masturbation, clueless about who God says he is as a man, and what his worth is as a man. In addition, you would see a boy grasping onto the memories of unhealthy relationships of his past and idolizing them. Even deeper was an easily overwhelmed new Christian, scared and confused about how to surrender his past, and how to walk forward with his Heavenly Father as a man. I entered the Hope House a bigger mess than I was willing to admit or reveal.

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Moving into the Hope House was a huge shock and struggle at first. Clear boundaries, required weekly Bible studies, meeting weekly with Ricky, daily journals and accountability 24/7 from the other guys living at the House, and honesty and vulnerability were the norm!

These were all overwhelming and many times unwanted. In spite of being unwanted, these boundaries are what make living at the House conducive for pointing our broken hearts to the Gospel.

Our weekly bible studies have been particularly great for my growth. These studies consistently showed me that seeking my flesh, idolizing relationships, and seeking acceptance from others to fulfill me was sin. In fact, anything that does not come from God is meaningless!

God desires to be in a deep relationship with me; I needed to stop running from Him and start trusting in who He says He is. It was in the Bible studies that my walls came tumbling down and the condition of my heart was revealed to me.

Through the difficulties of living a life surrendered to God, I have come to realize that I am not master, redeemer, judge, or savior. But I am a LOVED child of God. This has begun to break down idols of old unhealthy relationships and the lie that my masculinity is defined by the world and not by God. I am now leading the Hope House, which is something I never thought I would or could do. Living at the Hope House has allowed the Lord to redeem my heart. I am now assured that whenever temptation arises, no matter how strong,

I can fully rely on my Lord now and forever.

- John, 24, Texas

The Hope

T

he Hope House is a place where we can be real about the battles taking place in our hearts, and in turn encourage one another to pursue Jesus amidst the chaos. It is a place of accountability and discipleship only found when brothers unite with one goal: Jesus.

The Hope House lives up to its name; it truly is a house of Hope. As I look back on how God brought me here, I marvel at His faithfulness and His Grace. I know God allowed me to hit rock bottom because it made me realize I needed His help, and I needed it fast. I had been living a double life for so many years, and on the day after Christmas 2011 I finally broke. I packed my car with all my belongings and I ran away from home, running away from all those who truly loved me and running towards a lie that had gradually become my truth. God was gracious to me in that moment and in a little outback town of Australia, He wrapped His arms around me as I wept, longing to be free, and longing to be loved.

I turned back towards my home, not really understanding why, but knowing I needed to give Jesus another chance. This time, however, I could not do it alone.

Through an extensive search I found that Australia had little to offer, so I went global and found Living Hope.

Within two months, through God’s miraculous intervention, I was on a plane to Texas not really knowing what the next year would bring.

The past eight months have been such a rollercoaster ride, full of ups and downs and unexpected turns. I liken the experience at the Hope House to open heart surgery. Through many years of rebellion and rejecting the Gospel, my heart was hardened and became infected with countless lies. Moving here, I

had to surrender and trust that Jesus knew what He was doing with the scalpel. At times I have wanted to take back control and even run away from the surgery table, my heart fully exposed, revealing both how wicked and how broken I really am. But through my rebellious moments, God has graciously called me back to the table, revealing that even in the pain He remains good and thus desires the best for me. The Hope House is the perfect operating room for God to begin the healing process and allow me to walk out the man God indented me to be.

Through many chats with the guys in the house, and meetings with Ricky, I believe I have been able to surrender to the process and allow Jesus to perform His healing work. Coming into the house I didn’t know how God could love me with my same sex attractions. My time here so far has broken that down and I am slowly learning what it is to be in a relationship with a God that loves me despite of my sins and struggles. I have learned that His love is not a permissive love, but rather a love that guides me forward and rejoices in the truth.

This truth is that I am a man, called and chosen by a loving God who desires to be with me as we walk this life out together.

With the months I have left in the house I know there will be difficult times, but having my brothers to walk with, I know it will be a time I will never regret nor forget. In the times ahead I place my hope in Christ alone, knowing He is able to fulfill and sustain me. I hold onto the hope found in Ezekiel 36:26-27 “…I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.”

- Steven, 22, Australia

e House

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LHM Reaches Around I discovered LHM forums ‘by accident’ after discovering my boyfriend struggled with SSA. I had no idea where the journey would take me, but I found so much wisdom, kindness and support within the pages. So many of the people there knew exactly what I was going through-it got me through some incredibly dark days.”

- Zoe, 37, UK Sharing in the struggles and joys of my fellow forum folk is such a huge blessing to me. Reading back over my own posts it’s so clear that God has used the forums to bring me closer to Him and to help me grow in maturity and integrity. The safe community, the Gospel focus, the relationships, the solid leadership, the accountability, and the accessibility are just some of the things that have really impacted me. The forums provide something I just don’t have in Australia and I’m so grateful.

- Culturedshock, 24, Australia LHM has been pivotal to my healing from ‘heart’ wounds that have been buried for decades, giving me a new faith for freedom from the bondage of SSA. In 20+ yrs of confronting unwanted SSA, I could not find a resource as valuable as LHM is.. nor a place safe enough to get really honest. In 6 months, LHM has taught me more about Jesus, His Word, and especially His love than I would ever have thought possible or believable.

- Rhonda, 45, Alberta, Canada I struggled in secret with SSA. I tried everything I could to rid myself of these feelings. My Christian family and friends only spoke of the abomination that homosexuality represented. At 53 I was at the end of my hope.

Then a friend shared her story and told me about Living Hope. The compassion and unconditional love I receive from everyone opened my heart to deeper truth. They accepted me without ever condoning my sin. Hope has returned to me, but more importantly, I have a deeper relationship with Jesus. LHM didn’t just talk about the sin, but stresses the point that true freedom only comes

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through an intimate relationship with a loving and righteous God. I look forward to freedom in the light.

- Susan, 53, NW Arkansas The forums have been a huge blessing to me by providing me with godly support and allowing me to look back and see God’s work in my life. Because of the Christ centered nature of the forums, along with the boundaries, I have been able to grow closer to Jesus. It’s such a blessing to watch my brothers and sisters overcome their struggles and grow in their faith.

- Becca, 18, Canada The forums have really helped me because everyone on there is so nice and they also give me great advice, help and encourage me toward a better relationship with God. They are like a big family to me, and I feel like they really understand me. To all who are struggling with SSA I encourage you to join the forums because they will not reject you, but welcome you and take you as you are.

- Esther, 19, The Netherlands

The World With Hope Overcoming SSA is a long and complicated path given an extra dimension of confusion when your natural longing to confide in a partner is actually your problem. Who do you talk to? Where do you turn? God has shown me so much love through the LHM forums and the awesome men and woman who post there. He has provided a sanctuary where I can confide in privacy among others who understand. It is a hub of love and wisdom and I would be utterly lost without it.

- Vee, 22, Australia

I live in an area of the world where people are still killed for being gay. It’s not something you talk about. The forums give me a safe environment to process my struggles that I can’t find anywhere else.

There I found loving accountability and truth coupled with the healthy freedom to be honest. I can’t imagine my life without these people or this place.

AfricanNomad, 24, East Africa

Nicholas here…at 62 years of age and a part of LHM…there have been times I was totally isolated, friendless, churchless and in tears looking for Mr. or Mrs. Whoever to care enough just to lend an ear, but it did not happen… However,

LHM was there and the cyber anonymous comments saved more than the day!

- Nicholas, 62, Virginia I found LHM after living a double-life for some time...

This has been a very difficult journey, but LHM has consistently pointed me towards Jesus, and they aren’t afraid to give us the hard truth even when it hurts. Their ultimate goal is to honour the Lord and to help me become the woman Jesus intended for me to be. I am so grateful for this ministry and especially for D’Ann. Her job is a difficult one, still, she speaks the truth without compromise and for this I am truly grateful.

- Linda, 51, Toronto, Canada In 2004 I had an affair with a woman after having been married for 14 years. I thought I had gotten past this lifestyle, but have since realized I got married because I thought it was the right thing to do. LHM has helped heal the brokenness in my life, which in turn has helped me grow my relationship with God and my husband.

- 88keys, 45, USA When I came to the LHM Forums I was ready to completely walk away from God and embrace the lesbian lifestyle again, after 13 years of struggling alone as a Christian trying to walk away from SSA. The forums have completely changed my life through teachings, support and prayers from everyone online and just having a place to be real and share my struggles with others who relate. I now want more than anything to know Jesus more.

- Cindy, 35, Canada The LHM forums have been a vital part of my healing process. This a safe community where I have been able to share, be encouraged and challenged to see things from God’s perspective. Without the support of the LHM community I would have returned to the GLBT community and abandoned my relationship with God. - Hope, 52, East TX

LHM has participants in 168 countries. page 17

Chang

Forever

My husband and I had been married for about 4 years. I was very happy to be married to such a Godly man who was a great dad to our small children. He was a respected church leader and teacher. I thought he was just perfect and he took my breath away when he taught on Sunday mornings. Occasionally I would see a disconnect at home. He did not want to get to know the neighbors or let anyone in to our lives as friends, but I figured he needed his down-time. Our entire world changed the day I discovered the real reason those walls were up.

My husband received a text on his phone that I thought was weird. I called the number back several times and finally found out this man on the other end knew my husband through a random hook-up. When I confronted my husband, I found out my husband had been hooking up with men for years. Long before we got married, this pattern was established in his life. I was in complete shock and intense grief and pain. I had nowhere to turn.

My husband was devastated and completely broken over his sin. He was committed to changing. I was convinced he loved me and our family. I decided that if he was serious about changing and was truly repentant, I would stand by him. I also decided I would not and could not speak of this to anyone. No one must know.

I remember driving around in my car, sobbing, wishing that I had someone to talk to. I wanted to talk to another wife who had stayed by her husband’s side and figure out how she did it!

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As the years went by, my husband was having incredible victory and growth in his life. He poured himself into a 12 step program to stop his cycle of sexual addiction and I could see he was growing in his relationship with the Lord. I, on the other hand, had stuffed all of my feelings inside. I was becoming more and more bitter and angry.

I was happy that he was having victory and was truly changing into this authentic wonderful man of God, but I also felt still very alone and sad.

My husband started going to Living Hope after he completed his addiction work. His cycle of addiction was broken, but he felt like he needed to really work on his same sex attractions. He told me that Living Hope had a wives group and I was interested, but scared. By this time, I had kept this big secret for so long, I wasn’t sure I even needed to talk about it anymore. I also thought that he was the one with the problem, not me!

I finally attended my first wives group meeting. I was sure that my story was going to be much worse than any other wife there. I didn’t even know how to tell my story!

I blubbered through that first meeting. I was so excited to find women who understood my story, had my story, didn’t judge my story, and loved me (and my husband) in spite of my story. It was amazing.

Over the weeks and months to follow, the Lord started doing a huge work in my life. I finally started to see my own brokenness and not just my husband’s. The Lord revealed hidden sins in my heart as well and showed me the love and grace to deal with my own struggles.

ged

Eventually, I was sharing my story more and opening up to the other women. I was also dealing with the hurt and bitterness I had kept so deep inside. I was starting to have joy in my life again. There was great power in getting the hurt out of my heart and out of my mouth. It was so much more healing than I ever anticipated! The verse that always assures me of the power of my testimony is Rev 12:11. We do overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony!

I never thought I would be able to appreciate my husband’s struggle. I promise you now that I would do it all again if I got to know the Lord like I do now.

My husband and I have never been stronger in our marriage. I laugh and ask, “what can we not talk about?!?” My healing began and continues at Living Hope. I am now privileged to lead the wives small group at Living Hope.

I am now serving in a ministry that I never would have chosen, but have been forever changed by its existence! Praise God for a safe place to share, to cry, to grow, and to change.

“I would do it all again if I got to know the Lord like I do now.”

- A Wife, Texas

Living Hope is one of few ministries who offer an ongoing support group for women both in house, and online. If you are interested in attending the wives group, please contact our office for an intake interview.

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Dangerous

My “The water is deep, the river is wide and God has promised that I will be standing on the other side.”

room screaming, but all I saw was an amazing atmosphere of Grace in response to my confession.

I have three very scary friends. Any of them could knock me out and I fully expected at least one of them to do so. These three friends sat with me in my newly rented apartment on the only three pieces of furniture I owned: A futon, a rocking chair and a camp chair. I sat on the floor. They had just come from a deacon’s meeting that I was not allowed to attend. For about three hours, I started at the beginning and outlined the depth and breadth of my sin and my struggle with same sex attraction. I had fallen into pornography, spas, illegal massages and prostitutes. It was all coming out.

Only a few days before that meeting, my wife had filed for divorce after reading a journal filled with my issues and sin. She was afraid and wanted to protect the children and didn’t know how I would react to being exposed. She knew that I cared more about what people thought about me than anything else.

From that meeting, we put together a team that has walked with me over the last two years and God has done great things. I need to tell that story but it will have to be anonymous for now. The disclosure of my struggle with same sex attraction is still fresh on the mind of my church and my former wife. My restoration group and I also decided not to discuss it with my children yet. Discretion is still important for the sake of my family. Everyone that needs to know; knows. My mother knows. My family knows. My pastor knows.

Everyone in my Sunday School class knows. The enemy really doesn’t like light to move into dark places.

I have always had the feelings of same sex attraction since I was young. For most of my life, I managed my sin and was able to serve in the church and see fruit.

God sustained me every day and I clung to Him. When my marriage started to suffer later in life, I dove into sin.

Not all at once but a little further every time with no sense of the consequences. I tried to repent and turn the other way but nothing helped. .

On that Saturday morning, my dangerous friends responded to my confession in grace. They responded like people are not supposed to respond. I know they all went home in anger and grief, but they didn’t show any of that to me. I was certain that they would run out of the

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Friends

I thought about disappearing. I had business partners in Mexico and that would be a place to restart my life. My other choice would be to face my kids, my wife and my church. That did not seem very appealing, but it really was the only choice. It was the only way to maintain connection to my kids and pursue possible restoration with my wife not to mention my only chance for an intimate relationship with the God that created me. I chose the hard road.

I didn’t choose it because I was so strong, or really spiritual or so devoted. I chose it because those dangerous friends were carrying me and they encouraged me to choose it. I was too emotional and couldn’t trust how I felt, but I could trust that they had my best interest at heart. They carried my burden and helped me make good decisions. They were carrying my burden until the point I could carry my own load (Galatians 6:2,5).

Those friends knew they were not totally equipped and encouraged me to seek help with a counselor and with Living Hope. What I found at Living Hope was the same atmosphere of grace. When I showed up at Living Hope, no one was shocked by my confession. No one questioned my salvation. No one was under the illusion that the battle for my heart would be easy. They simply loved me. They normalized my situation and told me that there is hope. They told me God didn’t want me to just manage my sin, but be delivered from it. Their kind compassion and outpouring of grace continued to make a difference.

Long before everything came to light; long before there was any fruit of repentance in my life, God was working for my restoration. My reconciliation with Him had been one of the many issues He dealt with at the cross. I was on His list when He took the nails for me. 2000 years ago in His sovereignty, He was starting to build an atmosphere of Grace for me. God also prepared a group of men with hearts of compassion who would help me be restored. He prepared a Sunday School class and a church who responded in a mature and loving way. He prepared a ministry called Living Hope who knew how to meet me where I was.

Up to the point of that meeting with my dangerous friends, my repentance had been incomplete. I had joined a 12 step recovery group and confessed I suffered from sexual addiction, but not same sex attraction. I manipulated anonymity to meet my own personal goals. I lied to my accountability partners about the extent of my sin and abused their trust. I experienced a life in shame and fear. I did not fully confess and repent and I remained where the enemy wanted me until God’s grace was demonstrated by God’s people in my life.

If you are reading this and there is secret sin in your life the clear and basic will of the Lord is to expose your sin. Acts 3:19 calls us to come clean and let a time of refreshing come over us. Come clean. Confess. Repent, Bring light into your dark places. Every ounce of your body says that it is a bad idea. The enemy wants to convince us not to tell our story. He convinces us that we will be rejected and you will suffer for truth. Full disclosure is the only road to repentance.

However, that road can be long. The atmosphere of grace also allows perseverance. People ask what is it about Living Hope that is so powerful? The most powerful things in my mind is the commitment to persevere. Dealing with issues of abuse and addiction are overcome by the power of the Holy Spirit over time. 1 Cor 1: 18 talks about the Word of God saving us. Every day I am becoming less defined by my sin and more defined by who I am in Christ. Change is a process. God sanctifies us over time.

Despite the confession and the perseverance over the last two years, I can’t claim complete victory over my sin, yet. I have more work to do. There have been stumbles and falls. BUT... I am still here. I am still taking the hard road. Submitting to accountability. Under church discipline. Sometimes I want to simply escape and disappear. I am determined to keep walking and many are walking with me.

If you are a brother or sister caught in sin, you need to experience the same atmosphere of grace. Living Hope is just that kind of place, but God also wants to provide that place for you in your local body with people who can love on you. Why? Because you can lie at Living Hope and we would never know. You need to find a church like mine -- a church that is not surprised to find sinners in the pews.

I can hear the excuse of someone reading this article – “He was lucky to have those people and that ministry in his life. I don’t have that.”

Really? You are the exception? Are you saying that you are the only person in the world, that God hasn’t sovereignly devised a plan for your redemption and restoration? Are you saying that Jesus is sitting at the throne of God excited that he delivered the whole world from their sin, but frustrated because it was too difficult to deliver you? I think not!

God has prepared a way of repentance and restoration for you. His hands and His feet are waiting to minister to you. They may be right in front of you or you may have to go find them, but God has already prepared them. God didn’t send the people of Israel into exile without a plan for their redemption. God is still God and He is a redeemer, restorer, rebuilder and rewarder.

You are not the exception to the finished work of Christ and He has prepared a way of escape for you. Find it. It is worth your life.

- Men’s Group Participant, Texas

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Our

Tsunami - A Mom, Friends & Family Group, Texas

“Dad I need to tell you something... I’m gay” Two and a half years ago those words were a tsunami that rolled over our lives. It was his last spring break of college when shared the secret he’d been carrying inside for years—he had same sex attraction. Raised in a Christian home, he was very intelligent, very artistic, had gone on several mission trips with our youth group and was the student teachers loved. At the time, he assured us that though this was his orientation, he believed God was calling him to be celibate. He began raising money to go onto the mission field full time right out of college. We had concerns, but he knew what God wanted of him. He was on the mission field for a short time when he began struggling with depression, anger at the missionaries he was working under, and frustration at how little impact he was having. Little did anyone know, but during this time he began seeking out other gay Christian blogs and pro-gay sites and quickly developed a relationship with a young man out of town.

When his bosses found out, they tried to set parameters, strong accountability, and regular questions about his computer use, etc.

Our son was trying to lead two different lives, when he finally got caught visiting his boyfriend. He came home for Christmas and didn’t tell us anything about what was happening in his private life. It wasn’t until he got back on the mission field and was confronted with proof about his double life that he was asked to leave.

We only learned about his relationship with this other young man when he had to return to Texas. He tried to tell us what a godly man the boyfriend was, how God had made him this way, and that as soon as financially possible, he would join this young man.

We were shocked, embarrassed, and humiliated because many who had supported his work were friends of ours.

The cover story to protect the ministry was that our

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son’s depression from the weather had led to his leaving the ministry.

Our son soon joined his boyfriend and we retreated more and more into ourselves. We had backed out of any ministries we had been involved in because we felt we no longer had any credibility. We couldn’t tell anyone of our hurts and had no one even to join us in praying for our son. I can honestly remember thinking that moving out of state would be easiest.

But God, as He often does, had other things in mind.

I was busily researching and reading any books on homosexuality I could find and passing the good ones along to my husband to read. I combed through Focus on the Family’s website looking for answers to where we had gone wrong in raising our son, and what would “fix” him. I read a book by Mike Haley, 101 Frequently Asked Questions about Homosexuality; and the author hit me in the face with one of his comments. He chalI was... looking lenged the parents reading the book to begin praying for answers to for your child’s boyfriend/ where we had girlfriend because we don’t know God’s plans. He gone wrong in said by loving the partner raising our son, of your child the partner might come to Christ and what would even if your child does “fix” him. not. If that would happen, wouldn’t that be worth it? I began sobbing and told God He would have to change my heart for me to pray for this guy who had “sullied” my son.

Meanwhile, our pastor gave a sermon on suffering.

Prior to it, My husband had told me he wanted to grab

many of these young people from, you know why their one of our elders to meet with him that week. The last worship is so rich. Ricky taught us from the Word and point our pastor made was that when we are suffering, it fed our spirits and our thoughts. We met with the we “need other humans to be there for us to weep with Friends and Family group. They asked everyone to tell those who weep” - that’s what the fellowship of faith who they are, what brought them to Living Hope and is to do. My husband was so overwhelmed with grief, how their weeks had gone. I dreaded saying a word, he couldn’t speak. We had been suffering in silence, thinking they would think we were such failures as and trying to just get through each week - we had no comfort, and certainly had no one else to help carry our parents or that our son was so different from theirs. My husband spoke for both of us while I just wept. There burden. was no condemnation, there was no accusation, there

was only encouragement with a promise to pray for us Two months later, my husband still hadn’t talked to as we try to reach out to our son. anyone about our son. I had finally told two friends

in whom I felt “safe” in telling - I knew they wouldn’t gossip, and I knew they would join me in praying. I was Attending Living Hope regularly is a commitment for us. We usually leave our home around 5 and get home honest about how God was challenging me to love my anywhere between 11 and midnight. son’s boyfriend. My husband got a But the teaching of Truth, the encourphone call from an old friend who God has used agement of fellow prayer warriors and is on staff at our church, wanting to knowing that our story is so similar to meet with him. He shared with my our broken many others, has made the long hours husband what all was going on in hearts over our so worth it. We were told the very first the life of his family, then he look at week, God has used our broken hearts my husband and said, “I don’t know son to make us over our son to make us more usable by why God kept telling me to call more usable by Him. you?” My husband responded, “I do.” He broke down and shared the Him. What happened to that first boyfriend agony he was living with for the first of my son’s? They have broken up, but time and this precious man said that we have plans to meet him when he’s in he would go with my husband to Texas in a few months. I’ve had the opportunity to pray meet with one of the elders in our church. My husband felt like he’d had a boil lanced. It was so good for him to with him over the phone and ask for his forgiveness for being bitter towards him. I pray for him often, and hope know we weren’t in this trial alone anymore.

God will reach him and pull him out of the darkness

that has entangled him.

Our elder also had met Ricky Chelette at Living Hope

and arranged to have us meet with Ricky to go through We have a surface relationship with our son, because the interview process to attend their support group for if we don’t say things just right, he will punish us with families of homosexual children. Ricky listened to my silence. But we believe God has other things in mind husband share our grief and told us that he believed we even for our son and we pray for Him to use us and our needed time to heal and be encouraged at Living Hope. pain for His purposes.

Before we left Ricky’s office, God let me spot several copies of the Mike Haley book that had been such a God has used Living Hope in our lives to turn the tsublessing to me, on Ricky’s bookshelf. nami of confusion about our son to a calmer storm that comes and goes. We are learning to hang onto God’s Our first Living Hope meeting was in March of hand as He walks with us. We don’t know the future, 2012. We had a hard time making eye contact when but as we depend on Him, it’s not as scary as it was two we walked in. We weren’t sure what to expect. We and a half years ago. We have hope, a living hope, and listened to some of the most beautiful praise songs I’ve His name is Jesus. ever heard—and as you learn what God has rescued so

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Warrior Mighty

- by Thomas, 23

I grew up in a “Christian family” which, in my case, meant both my parents had church keys and we were there almost every time the doors were open. But that (and praying at meals) was about the extent of my dad’s spiritual involvement in our family. My mom on the other hand, was very involved and taught us kids Bible stories, prayed with us, and encouraged us to grow on our own.

From the outside I grew up the perfect kid with a normal family: dad with a solid job, mom at home homeschooling her kids, two older brothers and a little sister. We lived in the suburbs of Seattle, WA, with no end of rivers, lakes, and mountains to explore. I loved to play sports, build tree forts in the woods, and play computer games.

I was the kid who always cared for people, always had a smile on my face, always had a kind word to say, and always excelled academically. I was a leader in everything possible: AWANA, youth group (service projects, worship, and small groups), math club, and several academic projects. I knew all the right church answers and pointed people to them. I didn’t do the things “bad kids” did like drinking, drugs, and sex. So I had it made, right?

No one knew that at the same time I was miserable, depressed, lonely, and uncomfortable in my own home! All growing up I felt like I didn’t belong and no one wanted me. I felt like I had no purpose, no place in the world and no reason to live. I think a good portion of this had to do with the things that went on in my family that no one else saw.

My oldest brother picked on me mercilessly and loved nothing more than to get me in trouble for things that I didn’t do.

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My dad and I never really hit it off and I didn’t know why. It seemed like he connected with my two older brothers and I just didn’t fit in. If I’m perfectly honest, as a sensitive young boy I was scared of his temper. Because of our lack of connection I thought he didn’t love me, even though now I see he really did. I still remember to this day the night he called me a sissy. The words pierced my heart like a dagger and stuck like glue in my mind.

All through the teen years I wore the identity “sissy,” and every time I thought about it I was angry because I thought, “surely it is my fault He thinks I’m a sissy.”

My mom eventually stepped in and started meeting needs in my life, and I didn’t know any better than to let her. I didn’t know she was meeting needs through me that should have been met by my dad. She would force me to over connect and if I pulled away, she would punish me or make cutting remarks toward me. Later on she admitted to trying to “guard” me from my dad so he couldn’t hurt me and in doing so, made it impossible for me to connect with him.

My whole childhood I lived a double life. On the outside my life was perfect, while on the inside my life was falling apart. I eventually grew to hate my parents, my oldest brother, myself, and even God! I don’t remember how it started, but I soon found that self-injury quelled all the intense emotions swirling around in my brain; the pain seemed to wash it away. One of the reasons I self-injured was to somehow substantiate and put into physical terms a very overwhelming pain. I think the other was because I honestly felt like I deserved it because I saw myself as a failure.

When I entered my teen years I had no clue who I was.

Was I a man? Was I not a man? I thought I was, but I sure didn’t feel like one. There was no one for me to ask,

so I did the most sensible thing, I asked the internet. It said I was gay and I should celebrate my gayness. This started a self-deprecating cycle of porn, then self-injury, more porn, and back to self-injury. This cycle went on for years and seemed inescapable.

When I left for college I wanted to get as far away as possible and landed me studying engineering at a small Christian college in East Texas where I soon realized two things: 1) The only reason I wanted to be an engineer was because my dad didn’t approve of my dream to be a math teacher 2) My problems were going to follow me.

Spring semester of my freshmen year I began to fall apart once again. I tried in vain to make myself happy, but life continued to get worse and worse. Then one day at a college retreat I met Jesus and everything changed! Anger was replaced with joy and hate with love. This began a very broken and rather short-lived attempt at a relationship with God and repairing my relationship with dad.

Unfortunately, life didn’t stay easy and 6 months later I met “the love of my life,” (James). We lived 1000 miles apart so we remained “just friends.” I did not know how to face the conflict of what God said about homosexuality and who I thought I was, so I just ignored the problem and kept pursuing a deeper friendship with James. By the time I graduated college in 2010, I could not ignore that I was blatantly headed in the wrong direction and frankly didn’t care. I was grasping for hope and ready to give up.

Sitting in the hospital with a staph infection after a knee surgery, I cried out to God and opened my Bible randomly to Philippians 1:6 “And I am sure of this that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus.” This left me rather intrigued and a little confused. I knew God had begun a work in me, but I honestly didn’t want Him anymore and didn’t really understand why He hadn’t given up on me yet. A couple months later I moved to Houston to “find myself.” It is only by the miraculous grace of God that I never hooked up with any guys despite the ample opportunities that came my way.

In a desperate attempt for something to change, I opened up to the pastor at my church and he told me, “I love you

and will walk through this with you, but if you screw up you’re kicked out of the church.”

Not exactly what I was hoping to hear and to me didn’t sound like love at all. Again I was searching for answers and remembered a speaker mentioned a ministry in Dallas called Living Hope. I found them online, joined the online forums and found out they had lots of answers.

However, I quickly realized these answers were not at all what I wanted to hear. I was done with God doing things His way and did not want to hear anyone tell me I needed to get right with Him and pursue a relationship with Him. Around Christmas I decided I was going to ditch my church and everyone I knew to embrace a gay lifestyle. There was only one problem: God said NO! With the help of my Living Hope family and several of the guys at my church, I learned what it meant to have a relationship with God and began to unpack who He made me to be. This meant a lot of wrestling with God, a lot of tears, releasing a lot of anger, frustration, and bitterness I’d kept locked up deep inside. It also meant cutting ties with things and people in my past who were dragging me in the wrong direction. Even though it was hard to say good-bye to my best friend and “love of my life,” I knew following Jesus was worth it!

I soon found that self-injury quelled all the intense emotions swirling around in my brain; the pain seemed to wash it away.

My friends at Living Hope helped me see that change does not necessarily mean changing from gay attractions to straight attractions, but a change from following sin to following God. I attended a Living Hope Retreat where God repeatedly showed me He had been continually faithful in my life even though I was far from Him. God opened the door for me to process through my self-injury addiction. This was a time of intense pain and anger as I dug into my past and tried to understand

continued on page 30

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secret My Sin

I grew up in a loving home, I knew of Jesus, but not much about a relationship with Him. We moved often: four elementary schools, two junior high schools and two high schools. I was pretty shy so it was hard for me to make friends. I missed out on those years when girls learn to be girls since my early years were so interrupted. I always found myself drawn to women, always trying to figure out how to be one.

As the years progressed this drawing became sexualized, however, I did not “act out.” I simply struggled with this forbidden and shame-filled secret. I was introduced to pornography and masturbation at the age of 22 and it was my secret sin for several decades. Even after I got saved I continued to struggle. I had no one to talk to about this struggle and no one to point me to Jesus.

My struggle intensified when I met someone who used my desire for affection, attention and affirmation to satisfy her own neediness. I was so desperate to be loved that I was willing to give up Jesus for her. My life came to a point where my closest friend told me she could not continue to ride the endless cycle of sin and repentance with me any longer. This was my wake up call. I did not want to lose this friend and her honesty led me to Living Hope Ministries.

I searched for help online, just typing “homosexuality.”

I was surprised to find that Living Hope was located in the city where I lived. I called, had my intake interview and began a new chapter of my journey. That was 2003.

I was able to make changes necessary to prevent further contact with my girlfriend and was able to stop and overcome my addiction to pornography. I left the ministry thinking I was okay without ever having dealt with the masturbation issue. So even though I was certainly encouraged to pursue a close relationship with Jesus and the Word of God, I was really unable to do so. There was this sin that so easily beset me and it kept me from a fully intimate relationship with Jesus. I was living a

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- Jennifer, Texas

medicated life, never able to experience true feelings, and never able to quite connect with God.

In 2011 I went to the LHM Fundraising Banquet after several years of absence and left there with a sense that I could overcome my addiction to masturbation and that I could have the life with Jesus I so desired. I came back to the in-house meetings and in October of 2011 and I made a six week commitment to stop masturbating. As I stopped medicating, I started to experience feelings that had been buried for many years - not all of them good feelings, but feelings nonetheless. I was always encouraged to read the Word. After seven months of being encouraged to read the Word, I finally began a 30 day challenge to read the word each day. For the first time in a long time, I began to enjoy my time with Jesus.

My life now is so very different. I love my time in the Word; with Jesus. I don’t seem to struggle anymore with same gender attractions, pornography or masturbation.

I am truly experiencing the joy of the Lord.

I have no idea what my life would be like without Living Hope Ministries, the love they have shown me, and the consistent encouragement to be in relationship with Jesus. They gave me a place where I was accepted, where nothing I confessed shocked anyone, and where the goal for me is a close relationship with Jesus. They walked with me, prayed for me, cried with me, encouraged me and loved me so that I can now walk in assurance of the woman I am in Christ. Thank you Living Hope Ministries.

c i m e d Aca Impacting the

by Sam, Assistant to the Executive Director

World

This year has been pivotal in the life of Living Hope Ministries. We have had more opportunities to shape conversations in the realm of academics than ever before. From an apologetics conference at a local high school to the largest gathering of youth pastors and leaders in the southwest, Living Hope is a voice showing that divisive words can be replaced by compassion without compromising the truth of Biblical sexuality.

Baptist Student Ministry Leaders Training for Texas.

We were thrilled at the chance to speak to those who have the ear of thousands of college students across the state and region. In a single afternoon, we were able to take leaders who had either no clear understanding of homosexuality or had begun to believe that change is not possible to a place of being able to speak Biblically and confidently on the cultural issue of our day.

Living Hope has a long-standing relationship with Dr. Johnny Derouen and the Student Ministries department at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. For the last several years we have been invited to speak every semester on our understanding of the development of homosexuality and how to best understand and minister to youth and adults who are struggling with this issue in our churches. Dr. Derouen has also invited Ricky to speak in his class at Dallas Theological Seminary. This year, we were also asked to speak at Youth Ministry Lab, one of the premier national training events for staff and volunteer youth workers in the country hosted by the Student Ministries department at Southwestern. Over 200 student ministry leaders from all around the country attended the sessions offered by Living Hope. It was a blessing to see leaders go from confusion about sexual brokenness to feeling equipped to teach their churches and lead their students from a prospective of redemption rather than condemnation. The team at Southwestern received such positive feedback that we have been asked to return in the Spring for the 2013 conference.

On this well-established foundation at the collegiate and graduate levels, we have also had opportunity to build new relationships with Pantego Christian Academy in Pantego, TX and Prestonwood Christian Academy in Plano, TX. These schools have sought out Living Hope in order to help shape the thinking of those who will carry the truth for the next generation. From the Spring Apologetics Conference at Pantego, to the Parent/ Teacher/faculty training at Prestonwood, Living Hope has shown that there is another way forward other than what the culture is offering.

There are more stories to share than one article can encompass, and more of a need than we could ever express. The culture is actively seeking to silence the truth about homosexuality and God’s grace to those who struggle with this issue and their families.

If you would like Living Hope to speak to your church or school, please contact us at info@livehope.org. We would love to partner with you as we stand immovable on the solid rock of God’s truth.

Living Hope was also invited to speak to the regional

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Thank You Partner Churches

First Baptist Church Arlington, TX Friendswood Community Church Friendswood, TX Park Cities Presbyterian Church Dallas, TX Alsbury Baptist Church Burleson, TX Bent Tree Bible Fellowship Carrollton, TX Rockpointe Church Flower Mound TX Victory Life Church Battle Creek, MI Antioch Community Church Waco, TX Southside City Church Fort Worth, TX The Avenue Church Waxahachie, TX Community Church College Station, TX The Village Church Flower Mound, Denton, Dallas, Fort Worth

If you are interested in becoming a partner church, please contact Ricky Chelette at ricky@livehope.org or call our office at 817-459-2507 If you are looking for a Gospel-centered congregation, join one of these great churches.

We are indebted to their support, prayers, and partnership in the transformational work of the Gospel.

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How Can Living Hope Ministries

Help You?

Living Hope Ministries offers a variety of services to help those who are struggling with sexual and relational brokenness, homosexuality, and those who love them.

Support Groups We offer FREE weekly support groups. These meetings are confidential and a person must go through an intake interview prior to attending the group. Intakes can be arranged by calling our office at 817-459-2507, Monday Friday, 10a-6p or by emailing us at info@livehope.org.

Arlington, TX location:

• Men

• Women

• Youth (up to 26)

• Friends and Family

• Wives of men with same gender attractions Bryan/College Station, TX location:

• Men (18+)

• Women

• Friends and Family North Dallas/Collin County, TX location:

Opening in early 2013

• Men (18+)

• Women

• Friends and Family

Retreats Retreats are concentrated times of exploration, examination, worship and fellowship. In the midst of God’s creation individuals are encouraged to experience God in deep and personal ways. Worship, Bible Study, and teaching are parts of these red-letter events.

• Thursday through Sunday retreat for young adults (18-26) in the Spring.

• Friday through Sunday retreat for adults 27+ in

Participants must be active members of LHM in house or online to participate and agree to the conduct and confidentiality agreements of Living Hope Ministries.

Online Support LHM offers the world’s largest, FREE, moderated, online support forums, open 24/7. You must complete an application online and be approved. Our online support mirrors our in-house offerings.

Education LHM offers free education to the church, universities, seminaries, and community on understanding homosexuality and gender development as well as how to have a Christ-like, redemptive response to those who are struggling with their sexuality. We also have teachings on sexual addiction, masculinity, femininity, raising gender-healthy children, and host of customizable teachings on sexual and relational wholeness. For more information or to book one of our staff, please call or email info@livehope.org.

Living Waters Living Waters is a closed, intensive, discipleship program and a fee is charged for this group. Living Waters is offered once per year for 21 weeks, beginning January.

Register online.

Mentoring Pastoral mentoring/counseling is offered on a limited basis for those with same sex attractions or their family members. You must call or email for an appointment.

Online Resources Visit our website for articles, testimonies, resources and products at www.livehope.org

the Spring.

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continued from page 13 I couldn’t bring myself to expose my own faults to make the point hit home.

After I began to walk in freedom, I chose to get water baptized again to demonstrate publicly what God had done in my life, but I still felt something was missing. I wasn’t able to share the excitement of my newly found freedom as it applied to my life with very many people. Something else changed in my heart that day as well: I committed to going to the LHM retreat where I could meet others going through a similar journey and receive instruction geared toward our specific struggle. The fear of being found out was still there, but it was no longer preventing me from doing the things I needed to do in order to receive the healing God wanted for my life.

The theme of this year’s retreat was “not ashamed”, and by the end of the weekend I was a new woman inside and out.

I came away from that trip knowing I would never be the same again. While I am not perfect and don’t always make the best choices, each day I am growing and maturing in my faith and trust in God. As Paul said, I work out my salvation daily. I am no longer ashamed of what God did and is doing in my life. And while God has used many ministries to get through to me over the years, it was LHM’s insistence on pointing me to the Word of God and its truths that brought me to a place of victory in my life.

continued from page 25 how to turn those intense feelings over to God instead of defaulting to self-injury. Living Hope turned out to be a safe place where I could get Godly answers as I wrestled through deep issues that I didn’t yet have the ability to open up about with anyone at church.

Recently I was amazed when my dad wrote me a letter blessing me and telling me how proud he is of me. He ended the letter by saying “So, go forth our son, be a mighty warrior for God.” My dad gave me a new name: “Mighty Warrior.” Soon after I wrote my Dad a letter opening up to him about my struggle with same-gender-attraction, and by the grace of God my dad and I began to mend our broken relationship.

A year and a half after beginning this journey toward God it is still very messy, but I have seen God close the doors on my old life and open doors to a new one. This has been hard at times because it means permanently letting go of things and people (like James), but at the same time brings so much joy and freedom that I don’t doubt my new life is much better than my old life of sin.

In the past month, God miraculously opened the door to start dating a girl from church. Honestly, this is a completely new experience. I am learning how to lead

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and be the godly man in a relationship. I know dating or marriage is not the goal. My goal is following Jesus and seeking out intimacy with God. But I have to admit that God is doing things I never imagined possible!

Those dark days of despair and hopelessness seem so distant now. The intense cravings and lust for every guy have significantly diminished. God has graciously put many men in my life, both in person and at Living Hope, who show me how to relate to guys and share life as a friend and brother instead of an object to be fantasized about or manipulated. Yes, I still have same sex attractions, but they do not own me. I find myself turning less and less to old coping mechanisms like self-injury, porn, anger and depression. The words of Paul best fit where I am: “I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus“ (Philippians 3:13-14). I am setting my eyes on God and falling more in love with Him, continuing to strive for purity while working through my issues. As I step into manhood I feel like God has been saying to me what he said to Gideon in Judges 6: “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.”

P.O. Box 2239 Arlington, TX 76004 817-459-2507 LHM is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.

Your donations are tax deductible as allowed by law.

Living Hope Ministries Board of Directors Rev. Bob Stith, Chairman of the Board, Retired Pastor and National Strategists for Gender Issues of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Sue Bohlin, Secretary of the Board, Calligrapher, Webservant for Probe Ministries, and speaker.

Larry Forkner, Retired attorney.

Rev. Darrel Auvenshine, Pastor, Southside City Church, Forth Worth, TX. Dr. Brock Faulkner, Assistant Professor, Texas A&M University, Elder Community Church, Bryan, TX. Rev. Ricky Chelette, Executive Director, LHM, Minister of Pastoral Ministries, First Baptist Church, Arlington, TX.

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OUR MISSION Living Hope Ministries seeks to proclaim God’s truth as we journey with those seeking sexual and relational wholeness through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

livehope.org