Process of Recovery Pattern 2: Preparation to Enter the Process of Recovery

girl liked. I went asking, “Does Sid like this

event?” “Does Sid like this food?” I used to just go with what other people wanted. I started to

experiment with the idea that I had skin and I could try to be comfortable in it. I have linked

this identity problem to the early abandonment of my biological father.

Another healing time in my life came out of an ongoing relationship with 4 other guys

in my M.Div. candidacy. The more of my crap they got to know the more I felt they accepted

me. I knew they had my back and that we would bleed for each other. I have never forgotten

the men in my life whom I felt accepted me deeply. I have called it true friendship, but

recently have begun to label it as loyalty and immense acceptance. Something about having

good loyal friends is extremely important to me. I would say the same material came up for

me when I lived in a community house for 2.5 years but they weren’t all men so it wasn’t

quite the same. Having that acceptance and respect from men seems to give me something

that is really important to me.

There is this sense of comradery that I really needed, especially back then. I often have

wondered if this all relates to the hole left by my biological father and the attempts I've made

to feel accepted.

I found all of these healing times very illuminating. I cannot directly relate my healing

process to my therapist because I didn’t know him. What he did give me was the question,

“What do you like to do?” I spent 6 months asking that question. I reshaped my world to

incorporate activities and friends that fit in with what I wanted. In sessions, I kept trying to

figure out the counsellor but I couldn’t. I couldn’t figure out who he was and that was different

for me. Looking back, I wanted to be able to translate myself to his framework and shape