The Experience of the Researcher

dissociation), emotion (e.g., alternating between rage and affective emptiness), behavioural

self-management (e.g., dangerous impulsive risk taking), bodily functioning (e.g., somatoform

disorders), self-perception (e.g., believing oneself to be permanently damaged), interpersonal

functioning (e.g., alternating between enmeshment in and devaluation of primary

relationships), and sense of purpose in life (e.g., loss of sustaining spiritual beliefs) (van der

Kolk, 2010).

The men in this study manifest various forms this kind of dysregulation and identity

confusion including emotional reactions like confusion, aloneness, fear, sadness, anger,

numbness, shame, embarrassment, exposure, and inadequacy. As Sid recounts, "I grew up not

feeling just like a fish out of water but wondering if I am a fish at all." Or Rick, "I felt so alone

and scared shirtless. It was like fuck! I really don't count! I broke down and felt like such a

child." Cory recalls the destruction turned inward and the Civil War that was going on inside.

But the participants also talked about their struggle to figure out how to become a man. Cory

recounts, "I struggled so much to figure out how to become a man I made a list of male figures

like doc Savage, John Wayne and other movie characters so that I could decide the kind of

man I was going to be." Danny, "I was trying to fit that mode of being a man but I was so

anxious I couldn't." Rick says "he (his father) was so powerful he was scary. He tried to act

like a man but. “This reduced me to tears. I cried and cried.” Dean described his fear of not

being able to protect his family while simultaneously being afraid of that the pent up rage that

exists inside of him will become violent. Sid sees himself "like a little boy who is still asking 7

or 8 year old questions." This study shows that men who suffer an injury in their relationship

with their father may be at risk of both suffering the symptoms of developmental trauma and

likely will be at further risk of suffering the symptoms of masculine gender role trauma.

Masculine gender role trauma.

Let’s briefly revisit again masculine gender role trauma theory (Pleck, 1995).

Masculine gender role trauma occurs when men or groups of men experience harsh and

traumatic events that invalidate, restrict, or violate their internal or culturally defined

standards of what it means to be male. Masculine gender role trauma is one kind of gender

role strain theorized by Pleck (1995) as internal conflicts that arise in men and are caused by

rigid masculine ideologies.

Pleck (1995) believed that masculinity and gender roles are social constructions and

yet they create powerful expectations that are designed to outline what is acceptable

behaviour for men. Masculine gender role socialization process means that gender roles are

developed in accordance with the expectations of society and the particular culture in which

a man was socialized (Thompson & Pleck, 1995).

Understanding the presence of masculine ideology within Pleck’s (1995) male gender

role strain theory and gender role trauma is important because it is a backdrop that

contextualizes his thinking and his conceptualization of gender role strain. Pleck (1995)

proposed that “male gender role strain is related to beliefs about the importance of men

adhering to culturally defined standards of male behaviour” (p.19). When men endorse and

internalize the cultural belief systems about masculinity and male gender they are adhering to

a “masculinity ideology” (Pleck, 1995, p.19).

Some messages of the masculine ideology are; men must be stoic, stable and

independent; men never show weakness; boys are not to grieve, cry, or openly share pain.

Boys can be shamed and feminized if they are considered to have broken this guideline for

instance, if they whimper, cry, or complain they can be told that they "cry like a girl" or are

"gay" or that they need to "man up". Popular male role models in the media often personify

the male hero as emotionally restrictive, independent, daring, having bravado, and being

attracted to violence.

Meja (2005) points out that men and boys are socialized to avoid shame at all costs and

to wear a constant mask of coolness. This pressure to maintain a posture as though everything

is under control even if it's not drives boys and men to repress feelings of failure, inadequacy,

and unhappiness. Perhaps the most challenging and dangerous message placed on boys and

men is the idea that feelings like dependence, warmth, and empathy are feminine (Pollack,

1998). When

boys and men do behave differently they are often met with ridicule, taunts, and threats that

shame them for their failure to act and feel like real men. As a result, they learn never to act

that way again (Kimmel & Mosmiller, 1992; Pleck, 1995; Pollack, 1998). These are

important examples of how masculine gender role socialization is linked to shame and the

shutdown of emotional and communicative coping capacities in boys and men (Meja, 2005).

Masculine ideology holds up rigid masculine gender role standards that can be

dysfunctional and have negative consequences. Ridged masculine ideology and the gender

socialization process results in three the GRSs, “discrepancy-strain”, “dysfunction-strain”

and “trauma-strain” (Pleck, 1995). The men in our study experienced trauma-strain.