NAME: Rachel Engel, business development manager at ShiftMed. Married to Amanda Engel, counselor at a Long Island high school. FAVORITE QUOTE: “Be your own reason.” Levi’s used it back in the ’90s in an ad that stuck with me all these years. Every time I question anything, that quote pops into my head and helps me clarify my thoughts. WHEN DID YOU COME OUT, AND WHAT DID THAT JOURNEY LOOK LIKE FOR YOU? I came out to myself when I was about 15. I realized I was having different feelings, and although I wanted so badly to feel “normal” and like boys the way my friends did, I just didn’t. I started telling friends in 1999, when I left for college and could separate myself from having to face them. The support from my friends was amazing. A few of them were younger, so I know they went back and told their parents so that they could process the information with the help of an adult, but most of them either thought they already knew or were just happy that I was happy. Telling my parents was a little harder. I know they wanted what was best for me and what would make my life “easier.” They wanted to make sure that I had explored all my options before cementing the idea of being “gay.” Once they saw how happy I was in a relationship, they became a lot more understanding and accepting. Things were so different then, and I’m grateful that I had the love and support that I needed along the way. Amanda came out to her friends right before she met me. They were incredibly supportive and loving. She came out to her brother and then her parents after she met me. They were also very loving and supportive and welcomed me into the family. WERE THERE UNFORESEEN EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS ALONG THE WAY? Quite a few. Back in June 2011, when it became legal to marry your same-sex partner in New York—that was something I never thought would happen. To be alive and in a beautiful and loving relationship at that time, to be engaged to my girlfriend and know that we would legally be considered the same as any other married couple, was an emotion I’ll never forget. I married that person a year later. Her name was Abby, and she and I had spent years together. We had a beautiful wedding and honeymoon. Another unforeseen emotion was her being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passing away nine months later. Having the chance to marry Abby was one of the best memories life has offered me. I was able to stand by her side for better or for worse and until death did we part. I took care of her through her illness, something I may not have been able to do if we weren’t married legally. 24
New York City – Long Island
Another unexpected feeling was falling in love again— not necessarily moving on, but moving forward, with Amanda. She is loving and caring and incredibly supportive of me. Now we have a 3-year-old, Ruby, and another baby on the way. I’m so grateful to have Amanda as my wife and life partner. I love her endlessly. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIFIC MEMORY THAT CONJURES UP YOUR JOURNEY OF LIVING A LIFE OF TRUTH AND AUTHENTICITY? I’ve never been one to “stay in the closet” for long when meeting someone new or starting a new job. My entire teenage and adulthood has been a journey of living my best life and being as authentic and truthful to myself as possible. HOW HAVE YOU OVERCOME SELF-IMPOSED AS WELL AS SOCIETAL LIMITATIONS? I try not to think too deeply about limitations. I’m the product of a family of Holocaust survivors. I’ve heard stories of sadness, terror, horror, loss, struggle, grief and depression. We lost so many incredible family members, but I am here today because my grandparents were “lucky enough” to have made it through World War II. Their stories give me the strength, compassion, empathy, knowledge, intelligence and confidence to keep go-
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