June/July 2020 On the Minds of Moms by on the minds of moms

SUMMER 2020

Inside:

‘YOU CAN’T DESCRIBE THE FEELING’ MOM OF FOUR REFLECTS ON SURROGACY STORY | 26 The valley’s for today’s

Angels With Fur

Hospice

Lily Rudningen and her golden retriever, Remi, volunteer with Ethos Home Care & Hospice's pet therapy program to help patients feel happier and more calm.

Ethos Home Care & Hospice

nd of life care is about making every day as comfortable as possible for those with terminal or life-limiting illnesses. And whether that time in hospice is days, weeks or months, the quality of that time is equally important. Ethos Home Care & Hospice in Fargo believes that every person deserves to live every day to its fullest, and that it takes an array of life-enriching services to meet the unique needs of each individual. Pet therapy is one of the newest ways Ethos is meeting those needs. “Remi, a golden retriever, helped launch our program a little over a year ago,” said Shelby Morrow, director of hospice at Ethos Home Care & Hospice. “She and her volunteer human, Lily Rudningen, LPN, have spent time with patients to help them feel more calm and happier. It just makes their day a little brighter and distracts them from anything else that may be going on.” According to a study in the June 2013 issue of Anthrozoos, a scholarly publication focused on human-animal interactions, patients who received 11 weeks of dog-assisted care reported improved depression scores than those who interacted only with humans. “Overall, there is a positive response from all the patients Remi has visited,” Morrow said. “Special bonds are noted with patients who have been lifelong animal lovers.” Ethos performs a one-on-one assessment with each patient to personalize their care plan and ensure the right therapies are in place to meet their specific needs. When it comes to selecting pet therapy, it’s often a combination of a patient’s love for animals and when the team feels they would benefit from the experience. Remi visits patients weekly either in their homes or at a skilled nursing facility for 30- to 60-minute sessions. She also has a few furry

team members joining her team soon — Chloe, a golden retriever, and Summer, a black Lab. Morrow said the therapy ties in well with many of the other hospice services Ethos provides. The team of volunteers specializes in a variety of unique talents, including massage and reiki energy healing. Volunteers also provide emotional and spiritual support, spending time sitting, talking and praying with patients. “I would love to see us continue to onboard more certified therapy dogs so we can provide this special care to more patients. Any patient who likes animals would benefit from pet therapy,” Morrow said. Dogs like Remi undergo special training at facilities like FM Dog Obedience and Pet Partners of the Red River Valley, to ensure they feel confident in their role and can safely interact with patients. This includes in-person behavioral testing as well as an online course for owners. “Remi always seems to put a smile on the faces of our patients,” Morrow said. “In fact, many family members have commented on the delight she has brought to their loved ones and have even said these canine therapists are angels with fur and tails.” In addition to pet therapy, Ethos Hospice provides bereavement support, home health aides, medication, equipment and supplies, therapy, social workers and full-time chaplains. Ethos Home Care & Hospice serves patients in Fargo-Moorhead. Ethos Hospice also serves those within a 30-mile radius of Detroit Lakes. For more information visit ethoscare.org or call 701-356-3803.

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CONTENT

IN EVERY ISSUE

SECTIONS

EDITOR'S NOTE....................................................... 9 SHUTTERBUG............................................................ 24

RESOURCES

SUMMER EVENTS.......................................... 40

Connect, find help, get answers, make a difference........................................ 4 1

READY, SET, GROW

A guide to help kids appreciate a simplified summer....................................... 44

Photo courtesy of Jessi Lee Photography / Special to On the Minds of Moms

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

44 ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

FEATURE & PROFILES

Save time.

. e n i l n o hop

MOD MOM

Kathy Schommer.......................................................................... 10

MOMS' WELLNESS

Lessons learned in isolation will help make summer great.............................................. 14

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

Graduations 10 years apart teach importance of appreciating moments.......................... 18

MOMS IN-DEPTH

A guide for moms used to schedules in unscheduled times....................................... 21

COVER STORY

How one friendship inspired the gift of love, sacrifice to create family in Argentina............ 26

RAD DAD

Get fresh, handpicked groceries

delivered to your home

Justin Eiler.......................................................................................... 34

JUST A THOUGHT

Simple times ahead, but first we must face the darkness.................................................. 36

INTUITIVE EATING

in as little as

Teach children to trust their body.................................. 38

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

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Moms, we’re in this together MARY JO HOTZLER

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MISSION AND VISION On the Minds of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family. On the Minds of Moms is an online community and magazine for and about local moms. We strive to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a national audience.

On the Minds of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

oms wear a lot of hats.

That was true before the pandemic. I’m sure it will be true after. Lately though, many of us feel like we’re running out of room on the hat rack as we are confronted by additional duties of working from home, leading our kids through distance learning, and well, 24/7 family togetherness. Of course, each one of us has a different set of circumstances. Different challenges, different struggles. We aren’t sure what lies ahead, but we know we can’t give up hope. As we look ahead to summer in the Red River Valley, we know it will look a bit different. Probably not as many large family get-togethers or community celebrations, concerts and sporting events. If we’re lucky, things might start getting back to “normal” before all of that sunny summer warmth gives way to the crisp fall air. The summer edition of “On the Minds of Moms” was supposed to look a little different, too. We hoped it would be jam-packed with summer activity

listings, things to do and places to take your kids. Coronavirus was barely a word in our vocabulary when we began planning this issue, and that changed a few things, to put it mildly. In the end, we decided to keep the theme we had planned, “Simple Savory Summer.” In fact, after some thought, we decided it seemed more fitting than ever. After all, what’s so bad about slowing life down just a bit and focusing on the simple things this summer? Like sunsets or evening bike rides with your family. There’s nothing grand about those activities, but maybe that’s the point of all of this. Let’s enjoy what is simple and good once again, without expectation for something more. And above all let’s remember, we — and all of our hats — are in this together.

Mary Jo Hotzler is Forum Communications Company’s Chief Content Officer and the interim editor of On the Minds of Moms. She lives in Fargo with her husband, Heath, and twin boys.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Kathy Schommer

Age: 34, Fargo, N.D.

By April Knutson

hen one stay-at-home mom desired to connect on a deep level with locals moms, she didn't think she’d launch a site two months before the COVID-19 virus created a global pandemic. "Returning to Fargo, now as a mom, I felt a pull to start the same online community I found," says Kathy Schommer, founder and owner of FargoMom.com. Schommer and her husband, Eric, lived in Jacksonville, Florida, for more than five years, but as North Dakota natives, they knew they would eventually return home. The mom of three — fraternal twins, June and Lucy, age 5, and Margot, age 2 — says becoming a new mom away from her friends and family really motivated her to get connected once she returned to the area. "Transitioning to be a stay-at-home mom away from Fargo, I leaned into any resources I could find for support," she says. "I came across a website called Jacksonville Mom, which was a part of a national network of websites through City Mom Collective” Schommer says the support she found through JacksonvilleMom.com inspired FargoMom.com. After she moved back to Fargo in 2018, she decided to sign up with City Mom Collective and launched FargoMom.com in January of 2020.

Kathy Schommer, founder of Fargomom. com, hugs her three daughters: 5-year-old twins, June and Lucy, and 2-year-old Margot. Photo courtesy of Bell's Photography

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

MOD MOM

Since its launch, Schommer says she's enjoyed connecting with the volunteer team of writers and hopes the community will help each other as everyone deals with COVID-19's lasting effects. "I’ve seen people step up to donate items to perfect strangers when they’ve struggled to

find it in stores. I’ve seen people buy gift cards, order online, and order take-out to help keep local businesses afloat," she says. "I’ve seen Facebook groups crop up to help support people, businesses donate food so families that rely on school meals don’t go hungry, and friends flock to blood donation centers to do their part." To deal with an uncertain future, Schommer says moms should just take it day-by-day, and try to find balance. "Families are dealing with so much change right now, and with everything you see on social media, it’s easy to feel like you have to have it all figured out," she says. "Think of what your kids are going to remember about this time: extra time at home with family, unique ways they were able to spend their time, and how special it was to be home with mom or dad for an extended period of time." While her calendar may be filled with fewer coffee or play dates due to social distancing guidelines, Schommer's life as a mom is eventful as ever. Here's a glimpse into her life. 1. My self-care practice during the pandemic is… to get outside as much as I can and watch funny Netflix shows. 2. The secret to cultivating creativity as a mom is… to find the things you truly enjoy and make sure you have the proper resources on hand. I love finding new uses for everyday items or things around the house. Almost anything can be repurposed if you find the right purpose for it! ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

MOD MOM

MOD MOM When it comes to my creativity with my kids, I make sure to have plenty of simple art supplies (I sometimes stock up at the dollar stores or thrift stores when I find things), and certain ingredients on hand to get creative in the kitchen. I find if you see an idea or think of one yourself, you’re more likely to follow through if you have most things on hand already. 3. I want to teach my kids to… always be kind. One mantra we have in our home is, “Kindness is the most important thing.” I want them to always see the best in people and treat everyone how they want to be treated. 4. The secret to multi-tasking is... prioritizing, lists, and reminders! I make sure to know which tasks need to be done and in which order, make lists for everything, and set reminders in my phone for things I don’t want to forget. 5. The biggest misconception about being a “stay-at-the-home mom” is… I know many people feel a misconception of stay-at-home parents is that we “do nothing all day,” but I honestly have received nothing but support from anyone I’ve spoken to about my role as a stay-at-home mom. I think as family life and dynamics change so much, everyone knows how challenging it is to raise kids, no matter if you work full-time, part-time, from home, or stay at home. For me personally, I would say the biggest misconception can be that it’s the only thing I want to be doing. For many stay-athome-parents, there are various factors that led to their decision to stay home with their kids, whether it’s financial, personal, situational, or a combination of these. While we appreciate the opportunity we have to be home with our kids, there are still careers, goals, and other personal factors that had to change for it to happen. 6. What I wish I knew five years ago…

Kathy Schommer transitioned to a stay-athome mom in Fargo after earning her master's degree in social work and working as a family case manager at a homeless shelter in Florida. Photo courtesy of Bell's Photography

As a first-time mom to twins, I wish I would have known how OK it all will be and how all the little things I worried about wouldn’t really matter. Like a lot of first-time moms, I tried so hard to do all the right things with my babies and worried too much about things out of my control. I wish I would have known: • It’s OK if you don’t breastfeed. • It’s OK if they don’t sleep through the night the first year (or two). • It’s OK to do things how you want to do them, not how everyone else tells you to do them. All that matters is that you love them. The rest will fall into place.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Kathy Schommer and husband Eric pose with their three daughters. Photo courtesy of Jessi Lee Photography 7. My kids remind me to always… “Take a deep breath.” We talk about and practice this a lot in our house, so when I start getting a little huffy about something they remind me to do this. It actually really helps. 8. My husband and I recharge by… date nights to a local restaurant and brewery. (We love Drekker Brewing Company.) Or a good Netflix series at home. 9. I love to write because… I love the connections it can make with other women and moms. Being a mom is wonderful, overwhelming, super hard and draining, and such a great joy all at the same time, and what keeps me going is reading the experiences of other moms to know I’m not alone. I’m not alone in my fears. I’m not alone in my triumphs. I’m not alone in my confusion and questions. We are all in this together and can learn so much from one another. 10. As moms we can support each other by… always, always, always be a source of light and support. We all aren’t going to do things the same

way, make the same decisions or go through the same struggles. But we can be there for one another, support each other through the hard things, and celebrate the victories, big and small. 11. I’ve simplified my life by… letting the kids make a mess and teaching them how to properly clean it up. letting the laundry pile up once in a while and not worrying about how clean the house is. I’ve realized that our friends and family don’t care about the mess, and it will be there again tomorrow anyway. 12. The one thing I cannot live without… As cliche as it sounds, it’s coffee. Give me all the coffee. 13. During summer, my family’s favorite pastime is… Anything and everything outside! We love spending time in the backyard, visiting our family at the lake on the weekends, and hanging out with the neighbor families. We live in a great neighborhood. ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

MOMS’ WELLNESS

Lessons learned in isolation will help make summer great

Calliope Hoalcraft experiments with vinegar and baking soda. Photo by Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft

age, I oversee everything in her email address

By Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft

he past couple of months have been unlike any other in recent memory, and we can’t predict exactly what will happen this summer, but at least some aspects of social distancing, isolation and caution are likely to stick around through the season. That makes parenting this summer a challenge as what’s worked for us in the past might not work this summer.

Introduce order, choices

Here are some ideas on how to adapt to the disruption in our lives, to make it easier to keep your kids occupied (and sane) and to simplify your life a little in the process.

that my daughter must do every day:

Embrace technology I can’t imagine going through what we endured this spring without technology, and I’m planning to institute many of the things we did into our normal routine after this to help us keep the connections going through the summer and beyond. My favorite use of technology has been weekly family dinners via Google Hangouts or Zoom with my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. My daughter now has her own email address so she can email her aunts, uncles, and cousins, as well as set up Google Chats with her classmates. This not only keeps her connected but also helps her writing and social skills. (Because of her 14

including who can send her emails.)

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Our biggest struggle on days we’re home, whether that’s weekends, summer days or quarantine time, is lack of a schedule and order,

Embrace learning opportunities

which almost always leads to cranky kids and

When we found out our daughter would be in distance learning programs for the rest of the school year, I talked to friends who are homeschoolers for their tips. I quickly learned that their routine was upended, too. Homeschoolers used outings and social gatherings as part of their curriculum. But one thing really stuck out during our conversation — homeschoolers said learning was about what’s around us, not just worksheets.

parents. During social distancing, we devised a system we’ll keep going throughout the summer and beyond. I wrote on popsicle sticks six things

1. Take a walk 2. Tidy up or clean 3. Learn one new thing 4. Read 5. Have family game time 6. Write someone a letter We let her choose how she wants to do them — select one at random or take them all out and pick the order herself — so she has control over what she does, but with clear expectations and rules on what has to be done before we move on to the rest of our day (and before she even has a chance at more screen time). This could easily be adapted to older or younger kids by doing things like swapping popsicle sticks for pictures with magnets or a checklist, and it’s customizable.

When I received our distance learning information from our school, it seemed the teachers were already on to this, as most of the assignments weren’t the “sit down and learn this” activities I remember from school. So in our household we focus most of our learning on everyday things. We haven’t done a single math worksheet, but we’ve gone on a walk and counted our steps by twos and played store with real money to talk about budgeting and costs. We haven’t watched a scientific documentary, but we’ve watched ants build hills on our sidewalk and learned what happens when you mix vinegar and baking soda.

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MOMS’ WELLNESS

MOMS’ WELLNESS to protect your hands without using personal protective equipment). We also placed paper hearts in our window in support of the #aworldofhearts movement to share joy.

Talk about feelings

ABOVE: A color wheel scavenger hunt can keep kids occupied while teaching them about art. Photo by Mara Morken LEFT: Calliope Hoalcraft and her father sword fight during a walk to keep occupied and have "gym class" as part of distance learning. Photo by Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft

Everyone entertains One of my daughter’s favorite pastimes is drama, putting on concerts and plays, dance recitals and gymnastics routines. When she’s experiencing a tough day during this isolation, I ask her to act for me. Then, I put my phone and laptop away and focus for 15 minutes on whatever imaginative story she weaves for me. A friend said she does a similar thing with her children, but schedules it for a certain time and then uses Zoom to “broadcast” their concert to family and friends.

Use what’s available The internet is full of fun ideas for how to keep kids engaged without spending a dime. Here’s a list of few my favorites: • Color wheel find: Kids find items around the house and arrange them into the color wheel. 16

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

• Scavenger hunt: Make a list — something with wheels, something made of metal, something older than you, something green — and give it to your kid(s) to search for each item. • Movie theater at home: Pick a family movie and pretend you’re watching it at the theater, with popcorn and snacks (bonus points if you can get your children to pay you movie theater prices for these).

Isolation and change bring up big feelings in our kids, and it’s important to give our children a chance to express themselves. Each day when we sit down for dinner, we say a feeling word that describes our inner world. About half the time, my daughter doesn’t want to discuss it beyond that, but it helps me keep track of how she’s doing. Telling her our feelings in an age-appropriate way helps her understand that we’re all in this together and that it’s okay to tell the people you love what you’re feeling. You can also search “questions games for kids” for ideas for prompts to get kids to engage with you over dinner, in the car, on walks or any time you’re together and want to focus on each other. For more ideas, check out the Facebook Group, Coronavirus Parents: Parenting in a Pandemic at Facebook.com/ groups/coronavirusparents. This group has more than 35,000 members and they have some great ideas on activities for all age groups, many of which would be great even when life has returned to “normal.” Do you have a story about #ParentinginaPandemic that you’d like to share? Email us

Serve others together

at moms@forumcommm.com.

We’ve talked a lot as a family about doing things for our community. In addition to the obvious staying home (the simplest way we can support our community right now), we’ve picked up trash in our neighborhoods when we go on our walks (if you don’t have something that will work as a trash grabber, washable dish gloves work great

Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft is manager of integrated media operations production for Forum Communications. She lives in Moorhead with her husband, Brian, and their 6-year-old daughter, Calliope. When she’s not working or parenting, she enjoys reading too much, reorganizing her cabinets too often and watching too much “Real Housewives.”

ABOVE: Calliope Hoalcraft performs as part of an impromptu musical play in her home. Photo by Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft RIGHT: Calliope Hoalcraft and her cousin stay in contact via email. (Don't worry if you don't understand what's happening here - these girls' parents were also confused about what they're talking about.)

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Graduations 10 years apart teach importance of appreciating moments

By Tracy Briggs

ver the years, I’ve written a couple of columns about high school graduation including thoughts on “The Sunscreen Song”, by Baz Luhrman, a spoken word hit song from the ‘90s sharing tips to savor the moments for graduates, and a stark realization how fast time passes after my niece graduated in 2010. These thoughts that first occurred at my niece’s graduation more than 10 years ago return now and pull even harder on my heartstrings as I near my own daughter’s graduation this May. When Peyton was born in 1992, I didn’t have my own kids and wasn’t yet married. So in many ways, she felt like my baby too. When she and her brother Drew were little, I’d stop over to my sister’s house in south Fargo for something we called “Burgers and Fries Friday.” I’d bring McDonalds or Burger King for my sister and the kids before going to my job producing TV news in the afternoon and evening. I spent a lot of time over at that house and cherished watching the kids grow up: Peyton’s love of all things leopard and Drew’s fascination with the Spice Girls. By 2000, I was married, and shortly after in 2002 and 2004 my own children were born. At Peyton’s graduation in 2010, my daughters were 8 and 6, so the high school years seemed so far away. But it took just a few glances at Peyton’s graduation poster board that day at her garage open house to understand just how fast the time would all go. I fought back tears when I 18

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

looked at how little she once was and what a lovely young woman she had become. I swore to myself that day, that I would cherish every, single day of my daughters’ growing up years. All of the older parents at the open house advised me to do the same. Laura was in second grade, Jordan in Kindergarten. I thought I had plenty of time. Yeah, right. Well, here I am 10 years later. Laura is about to graduate and Jordan is a sophomore and in the blink of an eye, I’m the older parent advising all of you parents with little ones to savor the years. Did I manage to do it like I swore I would in 2010? Pause for self-reflection. I don’t know if I know the answer to that. I’d love to say during the past 10 years, I never became frustrated with the dirty dishes left in her room or driving her to and from her countless after school activities. I did. And I’d immediately get mad at myself because I wasn’t fully savoring her growing up years the way those wise 2010 parents did. I am so blessed to have these amazing girls in my life and I shouldn’t be irritated and crabby at them so often. The fact is, I haven’t been the perfect mom. Who is? Maybe Carol Brady or June Cleaver? I lack the groovy shag hairdo and seldom wear pearls and high heels while vacuuming, so perhaps I wasn’t meant to live up to their ideal. The problem is none of these parents in 2010, quantified just how much of the time I should be savoring the growing up years. If I had known that, perhaps I could have put together a Google spreadsheet with hourly goals to meet per day. “No, Tracy, I know you’re tired and you just want to go to your bedroom, relax and watch ‘Downton

"Savoring the growing up years" at the American Girl store with my daughters, Jordan (center) and Laura (right). Tracy Briggs / The Forum Abbey’ but you are short 17 minutes of savoring quality time with your daughters. Go in their room and ask them to share their thoughts and dreams.” If only it were that easy. We have goals for other parts of our lives. How many Weight Watcher’s points I can have in a day, how many steps to record on my FitBit? But no one tells you just how much time you’re supposed to be “savoring” the growing up years and how much time you are allowed to be a trainwreck — juggling life and sometimes playing bad cop with them. So you’re left to try and strive for perfection like Carol and June and when you fall way short, and you will, you beat yourself up. But I’ve come to learn that is a total waste of time. I can look back at the last 10 years, and in fact, the past 18 years with Laura to see that motherhood was the toughest, most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Both of my girls have challenged me, humbled me, and made me realize the depth I can love another human being. As Laura is about to set off into the world, I know she’s ready. Will I miss that smiling little face looking up from me from a daycare photo of “Pudding Painting Day?” Maybe. But as I look at her face, now wearing lipstick instead of chocolate, I know that little girl is still in there.

She’s just older, wiser, and a lot more fun. And potty trained. Did I mention potty trained? I can look back now through the high school musicals, the figure skating competitions, and the school concerts and know I did the best I could with the day I had. Somedays, the day was difficult. Work was challenging, the house was a mess, and I didn’t feel like being a grown up, let alone a mom savoring every moment. Other days, I nearly rocked the pink velour track suit and strived to be like Amy Poehler’s cool mom in “Mean Girls.” What is the old saying?: “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” I hope my daughters know I’m their biggest fan and I always will be. Was it enough? Do I have regrets? Could I have been a better mom for the past 18 years? I’m sure I could have been. But unlike Marty McFly I can’t take that DeLorean back in time and change anything. I have to trust that it was all enough. I can just look at my daughter and the awesome person she is right now and know — I was a part of that. I can’t be all bad. And I hope you parents in 2030 will feel the same way. ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Planning for uncertainty

MOMS IN-DEPTH

A guide for moms used to schedules in unscheduled times

By Danielle Teigen

this singular fact: We are all in this together.

any moms thrive on planning, certainty and being prepared for what is coming up

No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, we can rest in the fact that other

in the near future, such as play dates, milestones,

families are facing similar challenges at this

birthdays, sporting events, etc. Pinterest offers

unprecedented time.

endless ideas for being an organized, well-planned mom whose family runs like a well-oiled machine through extensive color coordination and a million bright sticky notes. So what happens when that well-oiled machine grinds to an immediate halt in the midst of a global health crisis?

Emily Coler Hanson, a mental health therapist at Anne Carlsen who specializes in working mostly with kids and families, said she’s been most surprised by the resiliency in children during these uncertain times. “It’s surprised me how well kids are doing; anytime our world shifts … we worry about how

Birthdays, graduations, spring dances or

kids will handle it,” Coler Hanson says. “It has

proms, quinceañeras, school, concerts, recitals,

floored me that kids are doing much better with

performances, sports seasons, church services . .

this than parents are.”

. all of it — canceled.

She observed that perhaps the immediate

In the blink of an eye.

standstill to modern life is a sign kids enjoy not

All of the best laid plans evaporated in a matter

“As moms, we want to give our kids

What happens when we can no longer know what

that much,” Coler Hanson says.

just for our own families but for the entire world? What happens when we have anxiety about not knowing, and we have to help our children navigate that uncertainty as well? It’s hard. And as mothers, we often feel the burden to carry the emotional load for our families in

When it comes to parents who are helping their children with distance learning plans, we need to keep in mind that engagement is more important than completion, so fighting about kids not wanting to complete an assignment will only make the situation worse for everyone. Parents do need to keep tabs on what is being required of their children, but remain flexible about how and when work is being done.

Coler Hanson is practicing what she preaches in many ways because she’s expecting her second baby in June. As the Center for Disease Control and Prevention continues to amend guidelines for hospitals to remain safe, Coler Hanson knows how her pregnancy and subsequent delivery is handled could change on a day-to-day basis. Like many other aspects of life, frequent prenatal appointments are being handled virtually, and she recently purchased a blood pressure cuff and fetal doppler so she can keep tabs on her health

Does your child prefer to lounge in bed with her learning device? Great, let her.

and that of her unborn baby at home.

Maybe your child likes being set up at a designated work station with resources piled neatly nearby. That’s fine, too.

professor of practice at North Dakota State

“Even if we have a great plan, we have to be willing to throw it out the window and do something else,” Coler Hanson says. That can be hard if an investment in time or money has been made into the activity, but continuing to push for completion will ultimately result in the child not learning much in the end. “Parents have to give themselves grace and know their kids will be okay,” Coler Hanson explains. “It’s better to have a sane parent than to have everyone crying over worksheets that needed to be done.”

Fellow expectant mother Kate Tulibaski, a University, is also taking in stride the many changes happening as she awaits the birth of her second child, due at the end of the month. She’d already been feeling some angst about a pregnancy issue that could alter her delivery, so when an early April prenatal appointment was rescheduled for weeks later, she struggled with being patient. Her go-to for being prepared in an uncertain situation has been turning to evidence-based research about the coronavirus regarding pregnancies and newborns. “I like information, so I’ve been reading up,” Tulibaski says. “I talk about it a lot, and we have about 50 different plans.”

opportunities, but it turns out kids may not need

Being flexible is key What kids do need is flexibility and positive emotional role modeling, she explains. Dealing with uncertainty can feel less scary when kids are brought into a conversation about different options or scenarios and how to handle those. That exercise can make children feel less worried about a situation and more in control.

times of uncertainty, which can wreak havoc on

Coler Hanson used a simple example of grocery

our own mental state.

shopping — if a particular product is gone,

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

brainstorming ahead of the trip about the best options to pivot alleviates stress and anxiety.

being so overscheduled with activities and events.

of minutes.

the coming weeks and months will look like, not

Fortunately, we can take heart and find hope in

MOMS IN-DEPTH

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218-287-9499 ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

MOMS IN-DEPTH ones (even if it’s in a different way than before), having meals to eat and toys to play with. You can also help identify constants like love, faith, family and food on a bigger scale and talk about how those things don’t have to change during uncertain times. “It’s about finding pieces that are reliable and consistent,” Coler Hanson says. Take some time to talk about what has been good about the new situation we all find ourselves in, whether that means being able to spend more time together or helping family and loved ones figure out how to connect via technology.

Helping children with school work can be fun for many people in the family when it becomes a group activity. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

“I just know it’s an emotionally charged situation, so we don’t want them to feel like we don’t want them around,” she explains.

yourself up again,” Coler Hanson says.

Tulibaski said in addition to finding research that is informing her, she also participates in several online groups of women who are dealing with similar situations. She’s found the support helpful and informative.

Don’t try to shield children from stress during this uncertain time. Be willing to talk about your own stress in front of your children, but make sure you point out how you’re managing those anxious feelings. Children who see their parents identify their feelings and deal with them in a positive, helpful manner “gives kids permission to have those big feelings, too”, she explains. 22

Telemedicine is making it possible for people to access resources even during times of crisis and social distancing, and Coler Hanson notes she’s been impressed with insurance companies who are making sure telemedicine is covered under plans. That’s just one less thing for people to have to worry about.

Find — or be — the support

Uncertainty is stressful for most people, especially considering what is happening on a global scale. What parents need to be mindful of is how they are experiencing and demonstrating their own emotions to their children during this time, Coler Hanson says.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

And if a person has tried to manage this uncertainty but still feels overwhelmed by it all, seek help.

“Take care of brains and bodies,” she said. “Focus on how to just take care of these kids and we’ll do OK.”

— will happen. It’s inevitable. What’s most

Identify and honor emotions

That perspective is important, especially to re-frame the situation. While this uncertain time feels like it could last forever, it won’t.

“It never hurts to reach out and talk to someone,” Coler Hanson says. “There’s a lot of strength in letting people know you need help and being able to model that for your kids.”

Meltdowns — by both parents and children

“They have to see the ‘after’ piece where you pick

Tulibaski has a friend expecting her first child, and her baby shower had to be canceled. “I mean, she gets it, but still…” she says.

Coler Hanson says at the very least, taking a step back from the situation and just focusing on the very basic things like eating and sleeping can relieve a lot of pressure.

In addition, she’s being very open with family members who are excited to meet the new little one so they can feel included and part of the celebration, albeit at a safe distance.

important is what follows the meltdown.

She and Coler Hanson both recognize being fortunate to have been through pregnancy and labor before, and neither can imagine being a firsttime mom trying to navigate this uncertainty.

For Tulibaski, she’s had to recognize the

HELPFUL RESOURCES

disappointment she feels about how different it will be to welcome this baby into the world compared to when she did nearly three years ago when her son Brooks was born. “It’s just a really exciting part of welcoming a new baby — having family coming to visit and loving on the baby … so it’s disappointing to think you won’t have that this time,” she said. “I get it...but the emotional part of you feels like we’re sneaking him away to hide him.”

Focus on constants During uncertain times, try to focus on what is the same. Bring kids into the conversation to help identify constants — bedtime routines, learning, having fun, connecting with friends and loved

• Apps: Specific apps like Calm, Slumber, Aura, and Moodpath are helpful in reducing anxiety. Coler Hanson recommends trying several free ones first before deciding to invest money in one. • Trying going screen free: This can be difficult if both parents are working from home and kids are distance learning, but even if people had an opportunity every day to not be inundated with messages from technology for a small amount of time, it can greatly reduce anxiety. • Practice bubble breathing: Coler Hanson works with kids to pretend they are blowing the biggest bubble possible with soap and a bubble wand. Children should wait a few seconds before

blowing and eventually work up to practicing without the wand. This type of calm breathing technique can help in many different situations when emotions need to be regulated. • Peter Vermeulen video: This is geared toward those on the autism spectrum, but it’s reassuring for all people at this time. Watch it at https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=67CfqQRyHsk. • Get moving: Being outside, even if certain activities are limited, is a great option and when the weather isn’t cooperating Cosmic kids yoga videos on YouTube offer many different types of calming activities for children.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

shutterbug

exposures by j.linnea

Alicia Marie Photography

Ten Little Chickens

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Shutterbug is a section dedicated to partnering with area photographers who have a passion for family portraits. Interested in partnering with On The Minds of Moms? Email moms@forumcomm.com.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

ALEX KOEPPLIN

By April Knutson

uring early spring in 2018, Alex Koepplin leisurely scrolled through Facebook when a photo of a Fargo mom and surrogate captured her attention.

“I was just scrolling through my newsfeed and saw a picture of a surrogate with her family and her intended parents on a friend’s photography page,” Koepplin explains. Feeling brave, she reached out to Heidi Fritz, the Fargo mom of two sons — Caden, 14, and Beckham, 10 —who shared her surrogacy experience. The two moms met for coffee where they became fast friends.

A surrogacy story How one friendship inspired the gift of love, sacrifice to create family in Argentina

"As soon as we sat down to talk, I knew I had just made a lifelong friend. We realized we went to high school together and had a lot of mutual friends,” Koepplin says of their first meeting. During this coffee date, Koepplin says they discovered that her stepson, Kaden, and Fritz’s son Caden, both played for West Fargo hockey. “A few weeks after we met, we discovered that our boys had just been put on the same hockey team that season,” she says. From the first meeting, their relationship grew. And when Koepplin felt curious about surrogacy, she reached out. When asked what it was like to be a surrogate, Fritz gushed: “When you see the parents hold their baby for the first time, it is life-changing.” At 32, Fritz has carried two children to term as a surrogate and says she feels complete but would consider it if it presents itself again and aligns with her goals. “It is not only about giving life, but it is the opportunity to give back to the world and create long-lasting relationships with those whose lives you’ve changed,” Fritz says.

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography / Special to On the Minds of Moms 26

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

A SURROGACY STORY

“They had a lot of good reviews from other surrogates and many intended parents,” she says. “Knowing Heidi, and knowing that she makes very well researched and educated decisions, helped me choose IARC right away.” Despite still having a bit of anxiety — What would it be like to give the baby she carried to another couple? — Koepplin continued her research and decided it was time to talk with T.J.

Alex Koepplin holds an ultrasound picture showing the baby she carried for a couple from Buenos Aires, Argentina. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photographer / Special to On the Minds of Moms

Finding ‘the guys’

And Koepplin worried about how she would feel carrying the baby.

Grounded in her beliefs, encouraged by Heidi and inspired to help, Koepplin began her application and screening process on September 17, 2018.

“When it came to getting attached to the baby, I had anxiety," she says. "I talked with Heidi, and she reassured me that the feeling is completely different than when you’re pregnant with your own child.”

After a background, medical records check and physiological assessment were completed, surrogate coordinators created a profile for Koepplin so she could be matched with couples looking for help.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

a strong relationship with their surrogate, who shares photos and updates during the pregnancy,” Fritz says. Luckily, Koepplin didn't have to wait long to find the two men who would ultimately become nickname — "the guys" — as she and her whole family calls them. Less than two months from when she reached out to IARC Surrogacy, Koepplin matched with 40-year-old Mathis and

“There is no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to who wants to pursue surrogacy to grow their family,” Fritz explains. “The beauty of surrogacy is it enables intended parents to be involved in the pregnancy and birth of their baby.”

45-year-old Sebastian on November 8, a couple

Intended parents — or the couple or person looking to find a surrogate — are approved by the surrogate. Fritz highlights the intended parents can be part of every milestone in the process from embryo creation to delivery day.

IARC. “They wrote, ‘We both have this inner

BLIC S C

“I just kept thinking what I would do if I couldn’t have my own children,” she says. “ How heartbroken I would be and how I would be so thankful for someone else to give that sacrifice and help me have a baby. I wanted to be that person for a family.”

an integral part of her life, complete with the

“I really wanted to experience being pregnant again,” Koepplin explains. “T.J. and I discussed that our family was complete.”

Encouraged by T.J's acceptance, Koepplin thought deeply what surrogacy would require of her and her family and if she had the inner strength and motivation to carry a child for people she didn't know.

Koepplin says she was only interested in an open surrogacy experience where she could be close contact with the intended parents. Fritz says this is common, so the journey to be matched with the right couple can take some time.

Koepplin, who often jokes she misses being pregnant, was intrigued by Fritz's positive experiences but remained hesitant. Her life is filled with working in an insurance agency with coworkers she loves as well as a busy family six: wife to T.J. for more than 7 years, mom to 4-yearold Porter, 6-year-old Piper, and stepmom to 13-year-old Leighton and 15-year-old Kaden. Still, she felt like surrogacy would be right for her.

“His initial response was that I was crazy to want to do this, but once I explained what I wanted out of it and why I wanted to do this, he was totally on board,” she says. “He knew it was my body, and ultimately my decision, but without his support and love, I don’t think I could do it.”

“They (intended parents) are able to develop

Koepplin felt reassured, so she began to research the idea seriously. She Googled "surrogacy in North Dakota" and found IARC Surrogacy, headquartered in Maple Grove, Minnesota.

"I was first matched with a couple from Nebraska on October 12, 2018," Koepplin recalls. "I ended up not going with them as their morals and goals did not align with mine when it came to how they wanted to maintain a relationship throughout the process."

FA R G

In fact, Fritz says the babies she’s carried as a surrogate are more like “belly buddies” and encouraged Koepplin to become her “surrosister” — an affectionate term the pair now use to describe their relationship.

living in Buenos Aires, Argentina. “Looking at their pictures in their profile, I could just feel the warmth,” she says as she recalled reading their autobiography listed with inexplicable desire to become dads’.” Koepplin’s heart ached for these two men who were still, at the time, strangers.

kiNdERgaRTEN REgiSTRaTiON Kindergarten Registration for Fall 2020 is open at:

www.fargo.k12.nd.us/registration

Registration is a two-step process: STEP ONE: Complete registration at home online anytime or at computer kiosks in the office at each Fargo Public elementary school building. STEP TWO: Families MUST bring their child’s certified birth certificate, child’s current immunization record, and a document (i.e. current city utility bill or bank statement) that includes parent/guardian name and address to verify the correct neighborhood school.

Child must be age 5 by July 31, 2020 to attend school in the fall. If you do not know which school your child will attend, call 701.446.1043 or check online at www.fargo.k12.nd.us/boundarymaps ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

A SURROGACY STORY “I instantly started crying and just knew they were my people,” she says. After virtual meetings, Mathis came to visit Koepplin and her family on December 1, 2018. "The kids absolutely loved him, as did we," Koepplin says of her and family’s first meeting with the Buenos Aires man. After the whole family met Mathis, Koepplin and the two soon-to-be fathers planned for their surrogacy to be gestational, meaning she would not be genetically related to the baby. So the embryo that would be “transferred” to Koepplin was created using the eggs of a donor and the sperm of one of the intended fathers. Once the intended parents and Koepplin agreed and signed the Carrier Agreement, Koepplin felt comfortable going forward with prepping her body for embryo transfer, the next step in the surrogacy process.

Explaining her ‘kangaroo pouch’ Alex and T.J. traveled to a fertility clinic in San Diego, California, for the transfer appointment on May 8, 2019. “That little embryo stuck right away and decided to make me his home for the next 9 months," Koepplin explains. "We were so blessed that it all worked out the first time, and we didn't have to go through another transfer.” During the next doctor’s appointment back in Fargo on May 16, she learned the transfer was successful. During this appointment she used the messaging app, WhatsApp, to share a recording of the baby’s heartbeat so the guys could hear it. Now that she had her own "belly buddy", Koepplin discussed with her husband how they would tell their kids. “I really wanted my kids to see how great it is to do something for somebody else," she says. "To be able to give the gift of a child and create a family is something you can’t explain." Koepplin purchased a book called “The Kangaroo Pouch” by Sarah A. Phillips and read it to her two young children to help explain surrogacy. 30

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

A SURROGACY STORY “The older ones understood what surrogacy was,” Koepplin says of when T.J. and her shared their decision to be surrogate with all four of their children. "Kaden didn’t really express much interest, being a 15-year-old boy. Leighton was super excited and couldn’t wait to meet 'the guys'." Although her two kids under 7 were excited, they had trouble explaining it to others, but eventually developed their own way of communicating it. "Piper and Porter took awhile for them to get that it wasn’t their brother and that we weren’t going to be keeping the baby," she says. "Piper had told her teacher at school: 'My mommy is having a baby for two daddies that love each other. They have to use my mommy because they don’t have a mommy'.” Alex and T.J. announced the surrogacy to their parents during family dinners. "My mom was really excited but my dad had a bit of reservation, being from a different generation, but it didn’t take him long to come around,” Koepplin says. “We told T.J.’s family at Thanksgiving. It took them a while to understand, but once we explained more and why we were doing it, they were totally on board.” When Koepplin told close friends about the surrogacy, she was surprised by their skepticism. "They were all very excited, but a lot had the reaction of wondering how I was going to ‘part with the baby’,” she says.”Their biggest concern was how my mental well-being would be after the baby was born.” After her friends met Mathis they understood why she would do this, but a few friends still struggled to comprehend her decision.

Photos courtesy of Alex Koepplin

"People couldn’t understand why I would want to put my body and myself through something like this for someone else," she says. "They just felt it was too much of a sacrifice. I never saw it that way since I had two very easy and healthy pregnancies with my own children." ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

A SURROGACY STORY Heidi Fritz with her husband Chad, sons Caden and Beckham while she carries the intended parents' child pictured on the left: Gavin amd Elizabeth Waletich from Britton, South Dakota. Photo courtesy of Michelle Warren Photography

A different, emotional pregnancy Although Koepplin had been pregnant twice, she says carrying this child to term was different. "When I was pregnant with my own children, I was so looking forward to raising them, seeing if they’d look like me or like TJ, etc.," Koepplin remembers. "Obviously, I knew I wouldn’t feel any of those things with this baby since he had none of our genetics." During the beginning of her pregnancy, Koepplin says she spoke biweekly with Mathis and Sebastian through WhatsApp. As they approached the due date, they spoke at least once a week. The guys would inquire about Koepplin's health as well as their growing baby. They would also send letters and gifts, and Koepplin says these frequent conversations helped her manage the pregnancy. "Physically, this was my worst pregnancy," she says. "I was exhausted, sick all three trimesters, and gained no weight," she says. And at 36 weeks and 3 days on New Years Eve, Koepplin was diagnosed with preeclampsia, a possibly dangerous complication that causes high blood pressure and swelling in her hands and feet. Their birth plan included a Caesarean section for Jan. 20, but with Koepplin’s diagnosis, her doctors decided they couldn’t wait. Mathis and Sebastian's baby was ready to meet the world, even if his intended parents weren't. 32

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Koepplin says the guys even stayed with her in post-op to make sure she was healthy and stable.

"It's beyond what I imagined when we started

“They didn’t want me to be alone even though my mom and TJ were also in there with me,” she says.

'The Big Family' and it couldn't be a better

The ‘gift that keeps on giving’ Costantino Rosales Pellado was born on Jan. 3, 2020. But his birth is just the start of two families becoming one “large one”, Koepplin says. "Their (Mathis and Sebastian) hospital room was directly next door to mine, so we were able to go back and forth the entire time in the hospital," she says. "Then once they were able to take Costantino home, they rented our neighbor’s house for a month and we were able to go back and forth in seconds." "Luckily the guys were able to change their flight to arrive the day before he was born," Koepplin says. Koepplin — who had C-sections with her son and daughter — said her preeclampsia symptoms made this birth experience very different and at times scary. “My blood pressure got to 176/112, and I was in danger of seizing or having a stroke,” she says. "The epidural didn’t take all the way, and I was only slightly numb on the left side.” Koepplin explained that during the surgery, she started to feel pain so the doctors administered nitrous oxide (known as laughing gas) to reduce her pain. “The gas made me feel very light headed until I passed out,” she says.

Less than six months since she gave birth to "little Constantino", Koepplin says she feels more purposeful and completely satisfied with her decision. To her, it feels like she created another extension of her family, half a world away.

this whole process," she says. "We call ourselves description of us. We're so blessed to now have family in Argentina, and continue talking to them often with lots of pictures of Constantino as he grows." Alex and T.J. are planning a trip to visit the guys in Buenos Aires this fall, although they aren’t sure what may happen regarding travel and the coronavirus pandemic. Still, Koepplin would agree with Frtiz: Surrogacy is a gift that keeps on giving. “Not only did I bring two wonderful children into this world, but I got to do that for somebody else,” she says. “I had the honor of creating a family and making a lifelong dream come true for these two amazing humans. You can’t describe a feeling like that.”

Guiding couples back to Love

Koepplin awoke suddenly when she heard the baby she’d carried for almost a year cry. “I just lost it emotionally, like, literal gutwrenching sobs,” she says. Mathis and Sebastian, who were present for the brith’s rollercoaster ride, couldn’t leave Koepplin in this state. ”The guys couldn’t leave me in the operating room, so instead of taking their baby to their own room and spending alone time with them, they brought the baby into the OR to see me and make sure I was OK,” Koepplin says.

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th2fargo.com * 4654 Amber Valley Parkway, Fargo th2fargo@gmail.com * 701-541-4092 ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

RAD DAD

Justin Eiler shares a hilarious photo of his two sons and wife Michelle. Photo courtesy of Justin Eiler / Special to On The Minds of Moms

RAD DAD

Justin Eiler Age: 38, Fargo, N.D. By Mary Jo Hotzler

ustin Eiler loves a good adventure.

This Fargo dad is happiest when he’s able to get outside and explore a new trail or park with a camera in his hand. Inspired by his experience in graphic design, Justin looks for unique geometric shapes and textures when on an outdoor photo adventure. Taking photos is both passion and purpose for Justin. He’s worked as a photographer at North Dakota State University for almost five years. Eiler also loves to travel. Some of his favorite places to visit have been Seville, Spain, where he says every street is like a movie set, and the Portugal countryside, which is like a fairytale with beautiful palaces and gardens. Closer to home, Justin says Utah is filled with some of the most stunning landscapes: Arches National Park is his all-time favorite.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

But Justin also has his own adventures at home.

5. My favorite thing to do with free time is... play soccer in the backyard with my kids. Also, getting outside for a walk or bike ride. 6. What we enjoy doing together as a family… travel.

He and his wife Michelle are parents to two boys,

7. The best part of my job is…

ages 11 and 9.

getting away from my desk and out on campus

Being a dad keeps Justin busy, and he enjoys spending time with the boys and especially loves a good game of backyard soccer. Here’s a glimpse into this outdoorsy dad’s life.

on a nice day. 8. I want to teach my children about…

12. How have you been spending your time during this pandemic… It’s been one Zoom meeting after another. In between those I’ve been helping our boys with their school work and trying to get outside as much as possible. 13. What have you learned about yourself during this time… I would be a terrible teacher — a huge “thank you” to all the educators out there.

treating others with respect and being kind.

14. What has been the best part about this change in routine..

9. If your wife described you in three words,

learning new skills as I adapt to working remotely.

1. Three words I would use to describe myself...

she would say…

adventurous, curious, adaptable.

eats too much.

2. The talent I wish I had..

10. I’m happiest when…

16. Cooking at home or takeout..

singer. I would love to learn to play guitar.

I'm exploring a new city/park/trail with a camera

I’d rather cook at home and I’ve always been that way. There’s a lot of satisfaction that comes from making your own meals.

3. The talent I’m most proud of… dominating at Pictionary. 4. What I wanted to be/ do when I was a child… professional baseball player.

in hand. 11. What does being a dad mean to you… It means I have a responsibility to raise two boys who will make a positive impact on others and the world around them.

15 What has been the most difficult part… staying focused.

17. What is the one meal you could (and maybe do) eat over and over again… BLTs — double bacon.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

JUST A THOUGHT families, neighbors, volunteers and strangers are stepping up to help.

Simple times ahead, but first we must face the darkness

By Kathleen Wrigley

y the time you read this, things may be different, better and brighter.

There is an imminent deadline for the 2020 summer edition of On the Minds of Moms. The tricky part is it’s April. I’m sitting at my desk, in my home office, in the middle of a global pandemic. I have loads to say, little motivation to write it, and am scattered-brained on how to streamline my thoughts into something meaningful for our readers. Do I pen something light and funny? Should I crack open my heart and let the love and sadness and support seep out onto my computer screen and into your hearts? This virus has robbed all of us in one way or a hundred. I want to acknowledge, validate, and grieve our losses together. And, yet, this column will not go to print until May. What lies between now and then? Our daily news briefings these past couple of months lay out grim facts and straightforward, kindergarten-like instructions: wash your hands, say your prayers, be kind and helpful, stay in your bubble — a 6-foot-wide bubble. OK, so I added “say your prayers.” 36

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

The theme for this issue is “Simple savory summer”. Let that sink in … a simple and savory summer. Let’s hope. None of the scientists, epidemiologists, researchers or experts are predicting next week, let alone May or June. So, let’s reflect on this day: Sunday, April 5, 2020, Palm Sunday. Palm Sunday marks the beginning of Holy Week for Christians and Passover for my Jewish friends. Many, including my own children, are bummed because Easter — the commercialized aspect and the family gatherings and traditions — is overshadowed this year. It is different, for sure. It is also an opportunity to dig deeper. This crisis heightens the significance and the absolute essence of the journey to the Resurrection. Hold on to one another. Have faith. All will be well.

We have never been more alike than we are now. None of us are immune to the devastation and destruction of this virus, personally, professionally, financially or otherwise. We are in this together. The ingenuity and creativity to serve and connect with one another is astounding and heartwarming. United we stand, albeit six feet apart. Look ahead to a simple savory summer. We crave simplicity and I would imagine we will savor our summer, even if there are restrictions. My 50th birthday is on June 25. To be honest, I have been a bit ambivalent about it. Prior to this crisis, I was anxious and unhappy about entering another decade. My thirties were childbearing and health recovery years. Those years were exciting and fast-paced. I gave birth to three of our most precious gifts, Quinn, Patrick and Harper, and I survived and recovered from three brain aneurysm surgeries. Nice work, good and faithful servant. Turning 40 was my redemption from health scares. I was given a second chance at life, and, boy, was I thrilled to see 40. My forties

were blurry. And, since everything else is being canceled, I could surely call off my 50th birthday and reschedule it for next year. But, I won’t. I can’t. We need to get through the Holy Week, the darkness and fear, to grow and learn. I need to close the chapter of my forties, savor the taste and bask in the simplicity of 50. I am looking forward to a summer of reflection and gratitude. Join me, virtually, as we follow the light of a restored hope. For now, we must continue to hunker down, follow the rules of quarantine, find joy in the simplicity of our quiet days, pull our resources and strengths, and live like a kindergartener by washing our hands and staying within our (6-foot) bubble. Take a moment this summer to reflect on Holy Week 2020. Remember how the darkness, the fear, the anguish, the infection, isolation, and suffering beautifully transformed into unity and healing, recovery and hope, and a revitalized life. Live simply this summer. Savor the deliciousness of summertime smells and flavors. Wrap yourselves in the warmth and comfort of the sunshine. Good times are ahead!

Kathleen Wrigley is a wife, mom and advocate. She is made with equal amounts of grace and grit, with gobs of giggles and gratitude.

The Easter season of 2020 was a stark reminder of the crossing from gloom, despair and isolation to hope, light and victory. The journey requires pain and suffering. We know that we are amid the darkness of the coronavirus pandemic. We know that there are blessings in hard times. We know the blessings are abundant, even in the gloom. There are heroes revealing bravery and selflessness, unity and perseverance. Everyday people, medical professionals, janitors — who are now considered essential personnel — educators, big money businesses (sports, travel and automobile industries, to name a few), professional athletes, ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

INTUITIVE EATING dinnertime or advertisements telling us to eat even when we are not hungry.

Teach children to trust their body How to incorporate ‘intuitive eating’ in their lives

the mind and body, where you put trust in your hunger and fullness cues to guide your eating. By Kerrie Leonard and Dr. Elizabeth Blodgett Salafia

ood is not simply sustenance to keep us alive; it is part of our culture, our family histories, and our daily lives. Food also elicits emotions, memories, and symbolism. If I tell you to think about cake, several things may come to mind. You may think about how cake makes you feel happy, the memory of your child eating cake on their first birthday, or how it is not a party if there is no cake. We all have a relationship with food, whether good or bad, and this relationship impacts daily life. Just as parents are responsible for feeding their children, they are also responsible for building a healthy relationship with food in their children. It is important to note that a healthy relationship with food is not just about eating well – it is about having balanced attitudes toward food and not developing a diet mentality. Why should parents teach their children how to have a healthy relationship with food? Building a healthy relationship with food in childhood can set the foundation for healthy habits and attitudes throughout life. It can help prevent the later development of guilt and shame towards food, the urge to diet, and even eating disorders. Intuitive eating is a framework to help foster happy and healthy relationships with food. Intuitive eating is the alignment of food with 38

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

The foundational premise of this framework is that the human body naturally knows what types of food and how much food to eat to maintain health and weight. According to one model developed by registered dietitian nutritionists, there are 10 main principles to intuitive eating:

1. Honoring your health 2. Reliance on internal hunger and fullness cues 3. Making peace with food 4. Unconditional permission to eat when you feel hungry and eat the food you desire 5. Rejecting the diet mentality 6. Finding pleasure and satisfaction in eating 7. Challenging the food police 8. Respecting your body 9. Finding joyful movement 10. Coping with emotions in other ways than eating.

Eating intuitively is naturally what our bodies want to do. But the problem is that in modern American culture, we do not operate in an intuitive way. We let outside cues dictate what we eat and how much, such as having a set

Society also tells us that to be healthy is to be thin. These messages bombard us every day. This is diet culture – a system of beliefs and values that promote rules and restrictions for “health.” The presence of diet culture prevents us from eating intuitively because diet culture tells us to restrict what we eat, when to eat, and to feel guilt or shame about eating certain foods. Diets are representative of an unhealthy relationship with food. Dieting has been shown to be ineffective, and it is associated with body dissatisfaction and eating disorders. Our bodies do not want to be on a diet. While most research and applications of intuitive eating have been with adults, teaching and modeling principles to children may be an act of prevention against unhealthy eating behaviors, body dissatisfaction, and eating disorders. In today’s culture, this is important since dieting behaviors are seen in young children and many are unhappy with their bodies, which may lead to the development of an eating disorder. So how can parents begin teaching their children intuitive eating? Here are five tips for teaching children how to have healthy relationships with food.

Tip 1: Be a model of behavior Parents are models for behavior. Children learn from watching their parents, and they are sponges, picking up on many signals. So, it is important for parents to also build a good relationship with food and model that behavior for their children. One way parents can model a healthy relationship is by not participating in diets, such as the Keto diet, Paleo diet, Atkins diet, etc. for the purpose of losing weight. By seeing parents participating in diets, children will learn that to be healthy means to restrict and eliminate certain foods. In fact, research has found that children as young as seven years old have tried dieting behavior. This, in turn, also signals to children that foods are good and bad. This leads to the second tip.

Tip 2: Do not assign labels “Good” or “Bad” to foods Language about food matters. It is the positive or negative associations people attribute to food that creates feelings of guilt or shame. Labeling also enforces restrictive behavior by pressuring you to not eat so much of the “bad” foods. Labeling can also increase the desire to eat those forbidden, “bad” foods, which can lead to overeating and emotional eating. Children can learn this language about food, building these associations which follow them into adulthood. Instead, practicing food neutrality could prevent these negative associations.

Tip 3: Food is not a reward Similar to labeling food as good or bad, giving treats (often highly palatable food like ice cream) as a reward can also create unhealthy associations to food. Offering foods as a reward increases the liking of those highly palatable foods. Conversely, it creates the association that non-palatable foods are not enjoyable and not rewarding. An alternative option to offering food as a reward could be watching your child’s favorite movie or doing a special activity such as going to the museum.

Tip 4: Teach your child to notice fullness cues Parents often feel the need to control what and how much their child eats, which comes from good intentions of wanting their child to be healthy and eat enough. However, children’s bodies are capable of knowing when they have eaten enough, and children should be given the agency to listen to those fullness cues. One practice that parents can do to help their child notice their own fullness cues is to not say or do anything once the meal is presented to them. Let your child tell you when they feel full and do not force them to eat everything on their plate. Another practice is to eat meals without distractions such as the television or cell phones. ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

INTUITIVE EATING Without those distractions, children can better pay attention to their fullness cues.

Tip 5: Do not discuss weight Children are far too young to be concerned with their weight, and it is unhealthy for them to experience dieting at such a young age. Children are growing and their bodies will undergo many changes over time, so it is unnecessary for parents to be overly concerned with their child’s weight status. Criticizing your child’s weight and discussing weight with them can be harmful for their self-esteem and body image as they grow up. Fostering a healthy relationship with food by way of intuitive eating in children may be highly beneficial for them. As opposed to being an adult untangling years of damage, building healthy attitudes and behaviors from early childhood may prevent negative outcomes like poor body image and eating disorders. Indeed, recent

research has shown that eating intuitively over time is connected to healthier eating habits and better mental health. With the prevalence and harmful effects of poor body image and eating disorders in the United States, it is crucial to address our relationship with food, or rather, heal our relationship with food. Parents are a child’s first teachers, and teaching about healthy food relationships is just as important as any other subject.

Kerrie Leonard is a PhD student in Developmental Science at North Dakota State University. Her interests include intuitive eating, social media effects, and racial differences in body image. Dr. Elizabeth Blodgett Salafia is an associate professor in the department of Human Development and Family Science. Dr. Salafia leads the Healthy Eating and Body Image Lab, where she studies how sociocultural factors impact body image and eating behaviors in adolescents and emerging adults. Dr. Salafia and her graduate students aim to spread awareness on body image issues and find ways to foster healthy body image and eating behaviors in youth.

But as state and local officials provide guidelines to keep us all safe during the COVID-19 pandemic, family-friendly events — large and small — are being changed, postponed or canceled.

SUMMER EVENTS

Find more information at InForum.com/on-the-minds-of-moms

Do you have events you’d like to share with On the Minds of Moms? Submit your even by filling out the form at www.inforum.com/on-the-minds-of-moms or email us at moms@forumcomm.com.

CONNECT, FIND HELP, GET ANSWERS, MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Coronavirus resources North Dakota Department of Health: Call 1-866-207-2880 for questions related to COVID-19, the NDDoH hotline is open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. seven days a week.

or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide. FirstLink Suicide Lifeline is connected to a national network of crisis services, so no call for help is unanswered.

Medical and hospitals

FirstLink: Text 211 or call 701-235-SEEK (7335) for a free, confidential service available to anyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week for listening and support, referrals to resources/ help, and crisis intervention.

If you suspect you are infected or have symptoms of COVID-19 and need medical advice, call ahead before you go to a clinic or physician's office. If you do not have a primary care provider, you are able to use the below numbers for either hospital. Essentia Health: Call COVID-19 Hotline, 1-833-494-0836, or start an e-visit online at Essentiahealth.org/COVID-19

Prairie St. John’s: Call 701-476-7200 for many services for children and adolescents facing mental health concerns, substance use disorder, or co-occurring disorders. They are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Sanford Health: Call 701-234-5000 for “My Sanford Nurse” or start an e-visit online at Sanfordhealth.org/campaign/covid19-care.

ParentsLead.org: Get tips on Talking with Children about COVID-19 Based on Their Age ranges from early childhood to high school.

Mental and behavioral health

Food support

Suicide lifeline: Call 1-800-273-TALK to reach the 24-hour suicide lifeline if you

Cass Clay Food Partners: Find a list of up-todate programs at z.umn.edu/cassclayfoodre-

Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Services [PPAS] The PPAS program provides decision-making counseling, parenting support and adoption services to those facing unintended pregnancies. For expectant parents who choose to parent their child, PPAS provides resources to help them prepare for their new baby. For more information,

The team at On the Minds of Moms works to curate fun events, activities and experiences for parents and kids in Fargo-Moorhead, West Fargo, Grand Forks and its surrounding communities.

In an effort to keep information as accurate as possible in this magazine, we opted to use this space to ask for online submissions so we can offer up-to-date information even if we have to continue social distancing well into this summer.

RESOURCES

call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org. Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect. PCAND, formerly known as the

FARMERS UNION

sources or information via th Cass Clay Food Partners Facebook page. The Great Plains Food Bank continues their operations and has more information on their website at www.GreatPlainsFoodBank.org. The Emergency Food Pantry is operating and has more information on their website: www.EmergencyFoodPantry.com. Small business support Small Business Development Center has a web page devoted to Assisting ND Small Businesses to Prepare for and Recover from COVID-19 Impacts. The U.S. Small Business Administration has more information about the SBA Disaster Loan program that is available to all for-profit small businesses in North Dakota, as well as some non-profits. The online application portal is DisasterLoan.SBA.gov.

North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www.pcand.org. Post Adopt Support Group Any ND adoptive family or any ND family providing guardianships

are invited to attend this group meeting. If you have questions, please email postadopt@pathinc. org or call 701.551.6349. Visit our website [www.ndpostadopt.org] for meeting times across the state of North Dakota. Jeremiah Program Empowerment. Education. Success. It is what the Jeremiah Program was built on, what participants strive

ndfu.org

CAMP

Farmers Union Camp is for city and farm kids in grades 3-6 and 7-12. Camps are held near Valley City, Elgin and Devils Lake in June, July and August. Transportation is provided. Cost includes meals, lodging, t-shirt and educational materials. Financial scholarships are available. For more info or to register, go to ndfu.org, like “North Dakota Farmers Union” on Facebook or call 800-366-8331. ndfu.org

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

RESOURCES for and what the program helps participants achieve. At the Jeremiah Program, lowincome single mothers make a commitment to completing a post-secondary education, launching a successful career and creating stability and prosperity for their children—all while living in our affordable, safe housing environment. For more information, call 701.361.3873, email fargomoorhead@ jeremiahprogram.org or visit www.facebook.com/ JeremiahProgramFargoMoorhead. Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome. For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.446.8056 or karaljones@gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com. Hands & Voices Hands & Voices is a non-profit, parentdriven organization dedicated to supporting families of children who are deaf or hard of hearing without bias around communication modes or methodology. What Works for your Child is What Makes the Choice Right™ Contact us for more information at 701.484.1605, contact@ndhandsandvoices.org, or visit www.ndhandsandvoices.org. Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit wwww.rrvmothersofmultiples. weebly.com. Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.rvcscc.org. Gigi’s Playhouse A Down syndrome achievement center providing resources, specialized teaching, and support to individuals with Down syndrome, their families and the community. All programs are free. For more information, call 701.551.7529 or visit www. gigisplayhouse.org/fargo. Adults Adoption Special Kids [AASK] The AASK program is North Dakota's program providing adoption services to children in

RESOURCES foster care and the families who adopt them. The program is a collaborative effort of Catholic Charities North Dakota and PATH ND, Inc. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org. Parent Professional Learning Network The Parent Professional Learning Network is a Parent Navigator Team with Family Voices of North Dakota offering an opportunity for parents of children with special needs and the professionals who work with them to come together to learn and grow. For more information email parentproflearningnetwork @gmail.com. The Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:00pm at Faith Lutheran Church [127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo]. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information email chapterleader@tcffargomoorhead. org, call 701.491.0364 or visit tcffargomoorhead.org/. Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from 1pm to 3pm at Essentia Health South University 6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call 701.364.8066. La Leche League of FargoMoorhead 2nd Thursday of each month at 7pm. For more information visit www.lllofmndas. org/fargo-moorhead.html. MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead IR, ND Provides monthly activities, playgroups, special projects, and support for local moms. This group is open to moms and their children in the F-M area. For more information contact momscluboffm@gmail. com or visit www.facebook.com/ MomsClubFargo. Harlynn’s Heart Providing multiple services, resources, and comforts to parents, families, and friends who have or will experience perinatal loss. For more information, visit www. harlynnsheart.org or email info@ harlynnsheart.org. North Dakota Reading Corps The North Dakota Reading Corps is a regional initiative to help every child become a successful reader by the end of 3rd grade. The program places AmeriCorps members as literacy tutors in the Fargo, Jamestown, and West Fargo

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

school districts to implement researched-based, early-literacy efforts to help struggling readers. All AmeriCorps members receive free training and work 1-on-1 with K-3 students. A living allowance is provided, dependent on amount of hours chosen to work (15-20 or 20-25 per week). Hours fall during school hours, run five days a week August – May, and must be on a set schedule. An education award is also available upon completion to pay qualified student loans or tuition expenses. For more information, visit www.ndseec. com/readingcorps or contact Jolene Garty at 701.446.3173 or gartyj@ndseec.com. Catholic Charities ND Counseling Professional and confidential counselors provide services to individuals, couples and families dealing with relationship issues, stress or anger management and a variety of other issues. We work with most insurances, EAP’s and have a sliding fee scale for those that don’t qualify for other resources. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org. Child Asperger Support Group Every Tuesday from 12:00pm to 1:00pm at Olivet Lutheran Church [1303 S University Dr, Fargo]. For additional information visit www. rrvan.org Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group Hospice of the Red River Valley [www.hrrv.org], in partnership with Harlynn’s Heart [www.harlynnsheart.org], offers an ongoing pregnancy and infant loss support group, meeting the fourth Tuesday of each month from 6:30pm-8pm at the Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St S, Fargo]. Please use the west door. This is an ongoing support group for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first year of life. The purpose of this group is to provide compassionate grief support, understanding, and resources to bereaved parents while allowing them to share their grief in a safe place with others who are experiencing a similar journey. This group is free and open to the public. For more information or questions, call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department.

Marine Moms Support Group If you are the Mother of a Marine, [or any other branch of the military], then you are one of the family! Join other Marine Moms from Sub-Station Fargo [Sub-Station Fargo, ND covers west to Valley City, ND, east to New York Mills, MN, north to the Canadian Border & south to the South Dakota state line] once a month for: Support, Hugs, Advice, Praise, Tears, Love, Stories, Laughter, Inspiration, Encouragement, Experiences, Insight, Information, Motivation, Pictures & more at 1:30pm the 3rd Saturday of each month. For meeting location and more information contact Ruth Danuser at 701.799.8946 or ruthddanuser@ gmail.com. OORAH! Beyond the NICU Doors A community support network for parents who have experienced time in a NICU. Monthly gathering starting in September will be the 4th Tuesday from 7:00pm-8:30pm at the Anne Carlson Center located behind Subway on the corner of 13th Ave S and 25th St S in Fargo. Gatherings include a speaker and children are welcome as there are toys and space available. This is open to all NICU families regardless of location of NICU experience. This is a cooperative effort between Region V Experienced Parent and March of dimes NICU Family Support. Any Questions please call Moe Schreoder at 701.237.3558 or Colette Christoffers at 701.235.5530 FM Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7:00pm-9:00pm at YMCA Downtown [401 1st Av S, Fargo]. For more information, visit www.facebook.com/FM-AutismSupport-Group-171027578792. DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand. North Dakota Home School Association Providing information on the North Dakota home school law, contacts for area support groups, a free downloadable Home School Packet, convention information, the current statement of intent form, and thoughtful articles on various aspects of private, parent-directed home education. Visit www.

homeschool-life.com/nd/ndhsa for more information. Healthy Steps A health insurance program for North Dakota children age 18 or younger who do not have health insurance coverage, do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program, and live in qualifying families. The benefits are offered at no or very low cost. For more information 877.543.7669 or www. healthystepsnd.com. HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@hopeinconline.org for more information or visit www. hopeinconline.org. Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley, Inc. Provides lodging and emotional support to parents and siblings of children requiring medical treatment who also benefit by knowing their families are close by. Visit www.rmhcfargo. org for more information. Riding On Angels’ Wings Therapeutic horseback riding for children with disabilities. Volunteers are always welcome. Contact Bette Shipley - Felton, MN 701.793.5153 or www. ridingonangelswings.org Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families. For more information visit www. rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.512.1555. ALS Support 2nd Tuesday of each month those living with ALS and their loved ones share concerns and ideas about living with ALS. For more information call 701.235.1988. Eating Disorders Monthly Family & Friends Support Group If

you have a loved one with an eating disorder, you are invited and encouraged to attend this support group dedicated to providing a comfortable, supportive, and confidential environment where you will be provided with information about eating disorders and tools to aid in your loved one’s recovery. This group is open to friends, parents, partners, caregivers and adult children. Registration: for more information, contact Kara Woodbury Fladland, LPCC 701.234.4111, or visit www.sanfordhealth.org/ classesandevents/ClassDetail/ cb9a7533-e6f9-41cb-b5623a7c0fc46f45. FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com. Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110 or afspnd@gmail.com. Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 218.477.1977 or www.birthright.org. PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www. pathinc.org or 701.293.9968. Gluten Intolerance Group of Fargo/Moorhead GIG of F/M holds gatherings for education, fellowship, and support for those living with Celiac Disease, Gluten Intolerance, or Gluten Sensitivity. You do not need to be a paid member of this group to attend any meetings. For more information, visit www. gluten.org/localbranches/ fargo-moorhead. Special Olympics Provides year-round sports training for all kids and adults with intellectual disabilities. To inquire about volunteering

opportunities go to www. specialolympicsnorthdakota.org. MOMS Club of West Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information, visit www.facebook. com/MOMSClubWestFargo or email momsclubofwf@yahoo.com South East Regional KIDS Program An Infant Development Service providing home-based family focused services at no cost to families having an eligible infant or toddler under the age of three. Call 701.446.3927 for more information. Experienced Parent Support Group Support and Resource to families who have a child that is active with the South East Regional KIDS Program. For more information please contact Moe Schroeder at 701.237.3558 or mrschroeder@nd.gov. Hospice An end-of-life care that provides comfort and support for patients and their families, Hospice also provides support groups for adults and children grieving the loss of a loved one. For more information or to make a donation, visit www.hrrv.org. Cullen Children’s Foundation Provide financial resources to organizations that support children’s healthcare needs, with an emphasis on cancer. For information on volunteering, being a part of a committee or to make a donation, visit www.cullyskids.com. Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/part-time, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424. United Way of Cass-Clay Our Goal: To make our community a better place to live, work and raise our families. We are driven by this mission because underneath everything we are, underneath everything we do, we are all people, connected, interdependent, united. Our Mission: United Way of Cass-Clay brings people together to create lasting change that will improve lives. For more information visit www.uwcc.net. Basic Training for New Dads With an experienced dad leading the way, new dads discuss adjusting to fatherhood, what to expect

from a newborn baby and how to support mom during this time. For more information visit www. essentiahealth.com. FM MOMSnext For moms of school aged children kindergarten to college to discuss various topics on parenting, motherhood and women ministries. Meet the 2nd Wednesday of the month at First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] from 6:00pm to 7:30pm. Children's programming also available at the same time and need not be a member of the Church to have your children involved. Contact 701.232.4416 or email fmmomsnext@hotmail.com for more information. North Dakota College Save A 529 college savings plan, including a matching grant for ND residents. For more information www. collegesave4u.com or 1.866. SAVE.529. MOPS [Mothers of Preschooler] A place to find friendship, community, resources and support for you as a woman and mother so you're not alone. • Olivet Lutheran Church [1330 S University Dr, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:00am to 11:00pm • First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:15am to 11:15am • Heartland MOPS [1751 Main Ave E, West Fargo at Heartland Community Church] 2nd Thursday 6:00pm to 8:00pm • Atonement Lutheran Church [4601 University Dr S, Fargo] Every other Tuesday 9:00am to 11:00am. Meetings include brunch, speakers, crafts, discussion and service projects. First meeting free. For more info call 701.237.9651 or visit www. atonementmops.org. • Hope Lutheran Church [3636 25th St S, Fargo] 3rd Saturday 9:00am to 11:00am To submit a group or resource for consideration to published email information to moms@forumcomm. com On the Minds of Mom staff does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Back to basics A guide to help kids appreciate a simplified summer

READY, SET, GROW

Nurture a love of nature and help little ones realize the value of time spent in the great outdoors.

READY, SET, GROW

Wee ones [0-18 months]

Little ones are the perfect audience for developing a love of all things nature because every experience offers wonder and engages the sense. Though we may think we need perfect weather to take a wee one outside, consider instead the safety first and the learning opportunity second. The best part about encouraging a love of nature is that research shows time spent outdoors can help your baby sleep better. Who doesn’t want that?

Visit a zoo or dog park: If you have a local zoo, check out all the great animals living nearby and identify them for your baby. Don’t forget to make all those awesome animal sounds too! If you don’t have a zoo (or it’s closed) find a local dog park. You might have fewer animals to identify and imitate, but you’ll definitely have some sights, sounds and even smells to talk about with your baby.

Here are some ways you can nurture an appreciation for nature in the littlest of explorers:

By Tracy Briggs, Melissa Davidson, Mary Jo Hotzler, Paula Quam and Danielle Teigen

rom holidays, family reunions, summer camps, and lake days, our short summer slips away all too quickly.

After cancellations due to the coronavirus and social distancing regulations to prevent the spread of COVID-19, our summer may look different than we first envisioned. But no matter your children’s age, as moms we can get back the basics and still savor what the season has to offer. In these next few pages, Tracy Briggs, Melissa Davidson, Mary Jo Hotzler, Paula Quam, and Danielle Teigen consider ways to slow down, soak up the sun, and discover memorable yet simple pleasures that you and your kids will never forget.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Encourage touching: Put your baby’s bare feet in grass and watch him realize the feeling of those blades on his soft skin. Or put a crawling caterpillar on your daughter’s arm and watch her face light up as it makes its way up her arm. These experiences allow babies to make connections about the things in nature and how they interact with them, so don’t hesitate to keep them clean (just safe) and let them get those little hands dirty, literally. Talk to your baby about his senses: Did you hear a bird chirping and your baby turned his head? Explain what that is to him. When raindrops fall, don’t immediately rush inside. Instead, let those drops delight your baby as you talk about how the water comes from the sky (bonus if you chat about all the different ways precipitation falls). Do you smell a campfire or grill nearby? Talk to your baby about using her nose to explore what’s happening in the world around her.

Let your baby explore the great outdoors to foster a love of nature. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

READY, SET, GROW

Tots

[18 months to 3 years]

Summer is the perfect time to let your little explorer discover nature.

The toddler years are all about exploring and now that the days are warmer, that discovering can extend outdoors. Here are some fun activities your little adventurer can do this summer while learning about the world around them. Rock hunt: What kid doesn’t love collecting rocks? The feeling a child gets when discovering a neat rock must be similar to an archaeologist discovering dinosaur bones. So let your little archaeologists explore. Grab a collection bucket and start hunting. Bonus activity: paint your rocks! Nature color hunt: Experiencing nature, learning colors, and having fun — a nature color hunt includes everything. Grab an ice cube tray, egg carton, or something similar and place colored paper at the bottom of each section so your little one knows what colors they’ll be hunting. As they walk around outside and discover something of each color — a flower or a leaf for example — they can place them in the corresponding section of the tray. Toy hide and seek: Challenge your toddler to a game of outdoor toy hide and seek. Place some of their favorite toys and tchotchkes around the yard and let them hunt. You can also make things a little more exciting by hiding a few tasty surprises.

Let your toddler find fun outside using his own toys hidden around the yard. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

Unearthing treasures: We all know kids love getting dirty. So why not let them indulge sometimes while appealing to their inner explorer? Hide toys (preferably some you don’t mind getting dirty and are easy to clean) in dirt or sand and let your toddler use his or her hands, shovel, or whatever to unearth their “treasures.”

If anybody knows anything about getting "squirrely", it's children this age. They invented the concept.

READY, SET, GROW

Preschoolers [3 to 5 years old]

But if anyone knows how to tame the squirrel, it's us moms. Here are some ways we can help our kids to expend some much needed energy. Outdoor yoga for kids: Now is the perfect time to begin developing healthy coping skills, and yoga is one of those. There are countless videos online that can help our tiniest little wild people find some major zen. So get a beach towel, find a nice spot outside and start with the downward dog. Build a fort: This can be an inside fort or an outside fort, but as long as you don't get caught in any hot lava, it's a fun, creative way to pass the time. Let kids stretch their brains as they roam the house looking for items to "build" and decorate with. Sleepovers in those forts are always an added bonus. Learn a few magic tricks: Get some black construction paper, make your own little top hat and wand, and get ready to rock. From disappearing coins to "spoon-bending", even the tiniest little magicians can learn to amaze audiences. And voila! The whole family is entertained. Include outdoor photography in letters to grandparents: Send kids out into the backyard to take “nature” photos to develop and share with grandparents. Not only will this help kids this age practice writing their letters and numbers, but it can help them see the beauty in their own backyard and connect the little ones to the older folks they may be missing. Plus, children feel a sense of importance

Encourage peace and physical activity by hosting yoga outside. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms if they know their letters and colorful pictures will brighten the day of somebody else. Start an indoor/outdoor herb garden: With a handful of little containers, some soil and seeds, little thumbs can start turning green. Sage, rosemary, basil … little ones can learn how they can single-handedly grow beautiful plants that they can then help clip and throw into some soups and salads. And just like that, they helped make supper. ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

READY, SET, GROW

There are so many activities your kids can do in the summer and often some of the best are just a backyard away.

Big kids

This summer, you can have fun with your tweens and make your very own family-friendly challenges at home.

Tweeners

[6 to 9 years old]

[10 to 12 years old]

The warm glowing sun of long summer days is upon us and as a mom, you know that also means so are those dreaded words all too often uttered by kids — “I'm bored.” Be ready to fire back with these backyard activities that will keep them entertained and engaged. Backyard Twister: This classic game is always a fun activity for kids and they’ll think it’s even more fun creating an outdoor version. Make a circle stencil from cardboard and use chalk spray paint to create the board. Grab a spinner from the boxed game or make your own using a board and paperclip. Giant matching game: Who doesn’t love playing the matching game? Making the large yard cards for this game is easy and a task your kids can handle. Have them draw pairs of shapes on heavyweight paper or if you’re looking for something that will hold up a bit more, you can spray paint stencils on pieces of square corkboard. Obstacle course: Children in this age group thrive on taking ownership of tasks. Having them make their own (safe) obstacle course is a great way to tap into that while letting their imaginations run wild. Anything goes: wood, outdoor pillow cushions, pool noodles … you get the idea.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

READY, SET, GROW

What tweener doesn’t like a good challenge?

creative and look for a few unique ones - and

Not just any challenge, of course.

place a scoop of each flavor in its own bowl. Each

We’re talking about the fun, friendly YouTube variety. The ones where kids record themselves biting into sour candy or playing a game of jelly bean roulette. Will you get a lime jelly bean or one that tastes like boogers? This summer, you can have fun with your tweens and make your very own family-friendly challenges, YouTube-worthy or not, from the

Have fun in your very own backyard with even the simplest of activities. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms Water balloon pinata: Throwing water balloons at your siblings is pretty gratifying, but so is smashing them with a bat. Just tie the balloons from an elevated space, such as a playground, tree or gazebo and let ‘er rip. Water blob: The water blob. It’s been all over Pinterest for some time and if you haven’t tried one yet, this might be the year to give it a go. It’s fun to lay on, it’s fun to slip and slide on and it’s relatively easy to make. All you need is plastic sheeting at least 3.5 mil thick and duct tape. You can also find tutorials online on how to seal the edges for less risk of leaking.

comfort of home. Here are a few ideas to get started: Summer photo scavenger hunt challenge: Make a list of summer items that might be found in your house or in the yard or neighborhood. For example, a bottle of sunscreen or a yellow flower. Next, issue a family scavenger hunt challenge to find all of the items on the list. As you find them, take photos of the items. To add a little competition to the mix, have it be a timed scavenger hunt. Whoever finds the most items in a timed session wins. Mix it up with a new list every week.

person takes a turn with a blindfold and taste tests each ice cream. The person who gets the most right, wins. If you all ace this test, time to branch out with some new flavors of ice cream. Popsicle stick builder’s challenge: This one is simple. Eat a lot of popsicles, save the sticks. Use the sticks and ask each family member to build a “summer home” out of the popsicle sticks (and glue). Secret ballot voting will determine the winner. Vocabulary challenge: Feel free to throw a little learning into the mix this summer by challenging your tween to look up and learn one new word every day this summer. MerriamWebster makes this easy through its word of the day site: www.merriam-webster.com/word-ofthe-day. Challenge your tween to use the word three times that day in a sentence. If you want to up the ante, for every day they succeed in this challenge, drop a quarter or some change in a bucket. By the end of the summer, your tween will have earned enough money to buy his or

Ice cream taste test: Who doesn’t love ice cream

her very own dictionary. Or at least, enough

on a hot summer day? For this challenge, get

money to treat the whole family to Dairy Queen.

yourself a few different flavors of ice cream - be

And really, what could be better than that?

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

READY, SET, GROW

Teens

Help them soak in their last few years of childhood before adult responsibilities take over.

[13 to 18 years old]

“What time is it? Summertime. It's our vacation.

Do a weeklong social media detox: It might be

What time is it? Party time!”

the toughest week of the summer for them. But

Today’s teens might have sung those lyrics from the Disney movie, “High School Musical 2” when they were young children. Now that they are teens themselves, how will they fill these precious days away from school? Some will get

studies have shown that high social media usage is linked to anxiety in teens. See just how good they’ll do with a week away. Teens who’ve tried it say they experienced a little FOMO, but they slept better, stopped comparing themselves to others

jobs, others might hibernate in their room on

and actually found new ways to enjoy their

social media, but encourage your teenager to

family and friends.

think outside the box.

Act like a tourist and see what your town has to

Here are five ways for teens to make the most

offer: The entire family can do this. It’s a proven

of summer:

fact that when you live somewhere you don’t

Earn some money: Sure, it’s easy to say “get a job.” But earning money doesn’t just mean getting

always take the time to check out what your town has to offer. Do it. You’ll learn a lot and have fun.

a job. Think about all of the stuff your teen has

Savor these years: Help them soak in their

accumulated through the years. Their room is

last few years of childhood before adult

probably packed. Why not hold a yard sale with their friends where they all sell their things and they pocket all the money - like an older version of a lemonade stand. Have an outdoor sleepover: It’s easy to sleepover

responsibilities take over. Consider keeping a “Summer 2020” scrapbook documenting five things you tried. Remember actually printing photos? Do it and put them in a real book and not just online.

in front of the TV and watch movies. But how about camping out under the stars? Have them sleep in the backyard, on your trampoline or in their old childhood playhouse. Just pick a nice night and don’t forget to give them insect repellent.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

SOURCES: Communityplaythings.com Goodmorningamerica.com Pinterest Spaceshipsandlaserbeams.com/25-awesome-backyard-activities/ Wehavekids.com/parenting/100-things-to-do-this-summer-teens

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020

from home.

WE’LL SEE YOU —

GO ONLINE FOR A VIRTUAL VISIT Right now, staying well means staying put. That’s why Sanford Health offers virtual visits if you’re feeling sick or need to see your doctor.

Have COVID-19 symptoms? Complete an e-visit to determine what’s next.

Need everyday care? Request a video visit with a Sanford physician.

Home is the best place to be. Stay there – and know we’re still right here. Learn more and request a visit at sanfordhealth.org/covid19-care.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | SUMMER 2020