Aug/Sept 2020 On the Minds of Moms

AUGUST | SEPTEMBER 2020

Inside:

LOCAL MOTHER USES HER STORY OF STRUGGLE, SURVIVAL TO HELP OTHERS | 26 The valley’s

for today’s

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

CONTENT

IN EVERY ISSUE

Ten Little Chickens Photography

EDITOR'S NOTE........................................................ 8 SHUTTERBUG............................................................ 24 FALL EVENTS............................................................. 40

24 ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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CONTENT

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SECTIONS RESOURCES

Connect, find help, get answers, make a difference......................................... 41

READY, SET, GROW

Help your child succeed academically at any age with these ideas................................................. 44

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CONTENT

FEATURE & PROFILES MOD MOM

Leigh Dornfeld................................................................................ 10

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

Reframing mom’s senior-year drama of getting ready to let go....................................... 14

GETTING OLDER

Rollin’ with the Wrinkles.......................................................... 16

MOMS' WELLNESS

How to choose the best cleaning product for your home....................................... 18

READING FOR KIDS

Raise anti-racist kids with the help of these books........................................................... 22

COVER STORY

Local mother uses her story of struggle, survival to help others................................. 26

RAD DAD

Steve Smedshammer............................................................... 34

BEYOND SPORTS

Learning life lessons in many different situations................................................. 38

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CONTENT

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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moms@forumcomm.com

PUBLISHER Forum Communications Company

EDITOR Mary Jo Hotzler mhotzler@forumcomm.com

ASSISTANT EDITOR Danielle Teigen danielle.teigen@forumcomm.com

WRITERS Tracy Briggs Melissa Davidson Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft Paula Quam Danielle Teigen Kathleen Wrigley

ADVERTISING Mark Von Bank adfeatures@forumcomm.com

DESIGN AND LAYOUT Sara Slaby specialsections@forumcomm.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen

CONTENT INQUIRIES moms@forumcomm.com

SFI-00574

MISSION AND VISION On the Minds of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family.

On the Minds of Moms is an online community and magazine for and about local moms. We strive to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a national audience.

On the Minds of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

MARY JO HOTZLER

Back to school brings uncertainty, determination to forge ahead

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hen I was a kid, I loved summer.

I soaked up every minute of those long, lazy days at the pool, riding my bike, and sleeping in late.

As great as summer was, there was always one season I loved even more: back-to-school season.

For me, it truly was a season. I was always happy to trade in swimsuits for backpacks, and school supply shopping was almost as thrilling as Christmas.

I loved the hunt for matching folders, notebooks and pens, and I also loved the promise of new beginnings … not knowing what was around the corner but feeling hopeful.

I’m still this way (even the matching pens and notebooks part). But this year feels different. It IS different.

The cloud of COVID-19 still hangs over all of us and will follow our young people into this new school year. We don’t fully know what’s around the corner, which makes it more difficult to be optimistic.

As moms, we’re all doing the best we can and know we must forge ahead

and adapt to whatever this next season brings us. It’s what we do.

We are taking the same approach with On The Minds of Moms magazine. In this edition, we go full steam ahead with topics related to this special time of year. We introduce you to some inspiring moms, like Katherine Kiernan, who is no stranger to facing a challenge head on. And we tackle a few important topics, like Danielle Teigen’s article on educating children about complex topics like racism.

For parents and kids, the next few months will be trying, but we will forge ahead - as we must - with an open mind, and of course, with clean hands!

We hope you enjoy this issue of the magazine and as always, please share with us your feedback and ideas for future stories. Also, be sure to look for new articles throughout the week on InForum.com/on-the-minds-of-moms.

Mary Jo Hotzler is Forum Communications Company’s Chief Content Officer and editor of On the Minds of Moms magazine. She lives in Fargo with her husband and twin boys.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Leigh Dornfeld is beginning her seventh year as the gifted and talented coordinator at Moorhead Public Schools.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

Leigh Dornfeld Age: 39, Moorhead, Minn.

MOD MOM

Mom empowers kids, women to realize their strengths

L

By Danielle Teigen

eigh Dornfeld knew at a young age that she’d likely become a teacher; she enjoyed children and babysitting, and she taught swimming lessons.

After college, she taught elementary school and coached high school volleyball, but a move to central Minnesota offered an opportunity to work as the gifted and talented coordinator, and Dornfeld never looked back.

That was 14 years ago, and this school year marks her seventh year with the Moorhead Public School District. Her goal is to challenge students who are academically and intellectually gifted in a project-based setting with a focus on four Cs: collaboration, communication, creativity and critical thinking. Her role is to brainstorm a problem, then walk alongside students as they work toward a solution.

“This style of education covers 21st century learning skills, so we are getting these kids ready for jobs that don’t exist yet,” Dornfeld explained.

“They do most of the work, and I help guide them once the project gets started.”

As the gifted and talented coordinator, Dornfeld collaborates with community members or organizations to brainstorm ideas and possible projects, but she also finds inspiration elsewhere, specifically in nature and often when she’s hiking. The activity has become so therapeutic for Dornfeld that she’s started a women’s hiking group in the area called She Ascends. When

it formed last November, the chapter was the seventh in the state of Minnesota, and the group meets monthly for a guided hike in a nearby state park. Information about planned activities is available on Instagram and Facebook at SheAscendsNorth(Clay County).

“We want to bond women together to help everyone realize our strengths,” Dornfeld said.

“Hiking is a huge passion of mine; I can just go get in the woods to de-stress and decompress.”

Her passion for hiking is also being passed down to her children: 9-year-old daughter Svea and 8-year-old son Kieran.

“My son just comes alive hiking, and my daughter just relaxes,” Dornfeld explained, noting that her biggest role in the summer is being with her kids full time, relaxing and being outside as much as possible.

With the school year getting underway, Dornfeld is excited to get back in the classroom to see what creative solutions her students develop.

Here’s a look at what her life as a mom and the gifted and talented coordinator involves.

What I love about my job is… the constant change and creativity that I get to be part of and watch. Our projects are always changing, along with the environment, and the students I am working with. The best part of my job is seeing that little flicker of excitement in the student's eyes when they are really enjoying what they are learning and working on.

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MOD MOM I want to teach all kids… to have respect for each other, problem solve through disagreements, and effectively work toward solutions. These are the most important skills that I want them to walk away with when they leave our buildings to go out on their own.

What I have learned after years of teaching is… being flexible and open to change are necessary.

Have a plan, but be ready for the plan to change because it will! Also, that kids haven't changed.

They are still the same and just want to be loved, noticed and appreciated for who they are.

My favorite thing about summer is… all of it! The sun, the water, the play, and the time with my kids make me the happiest. We love to slow down and really enjoy it. Whether we are hiking, swimming, biking, etc., we do it with intention and don´t take it for granted.

I find inspiration… during my down time, when I am relaxed, and when I am can be naturally curious in outdoor environments. I also surround myself with “idea people” to brainstorm projects for school. My friend Carrie Leopold from The Inspire Lab in Moorhead is my lifeline when it comes to helping to inspire me.

What I want people to know about hiking is… it can bring peace and calm to your hectic life.

It’s like free counseling! When I feel the pressure of life creeping in I hit the trail and let all of that stress go. If you have never heard of “forest bathing” look it up! And if you want to come hike with me check out my She Ascends Women's Hiking Page/Group on Facebook - She Ascends North (Clay County)!

I aim to empower my children and students by… asking questions and giving them their power back. Children come to us to help them solve their problems. We can either just do it for them or we can teach them to do it for themselves.

If you ask the right and strategic questions you can empower them to do their own thinking 12

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

and problem solving. I want my children and students to think for themselves. They don't learn that unless you start by asking them what they think and then ask them what they are going to do.

I want to empower women by…

• helping them find and keep their power • recognize their strengths and utilizing them in a positive way • using their voice to maintain healthy relationships As women we are sometimes taught to give these things away in order to be compliant with gender stereotypes or to submit to powerful personalities. We can be true to ourselves without giving these away, but sometimes need to re-learn how to hold onto them when society teaches us they are not ours.

Unique names are important for kids because… it creates immediate individuality. I love my kids´ names! (Dornfeld’s daughter’s name Svea is Scandanavian, and her son’s name Kieran is the Irish version of an East Indian name.)

I am curious about…

SO many things….we “google” all the time at our house. I am especially curious about history (I am a documentary nerd) or about real-life trials someone has been through and overcome. I love a great “campfire” discussion on random topics or better yet my friend Mindi Jenson and I have the BEST discussions on hikes together. I love it when we get lost in our own conversations because they go so deep that my mind can't get around the topic, so we have to slow down, back up, and try again.

I drink my coffee… black and sometimes with a little butter...yum!

I feel proud when…

• my kids snuggle up out of the blue and show affection to each other or me.

• when I watch my students present their final products.

MOD MOM • when I finish a really hard workout at my gym, EHP Crossfit.

• when I look back at where I´ve been and how far I´ve come.

• when I look around at the end of the day and see and feel my family next to me.

that I genuinely care about them and LOVE my job because of them.

I enjoy collaborating with… “ideas people”. I am a “closer” and good with organizing the final details. I am okay at coming

What I want students to remember about me and the time they spend working on projects in my classroom is…

up with the ideas, but it isn't my strongest

that they learned how to be a team player, that they had fun, felt inspired, and had an overall positive experience. I also want them to walk away feeling understood and loved. I have approximately 200 students, but getting to have them multiple years in a row helps me get to know them on a deeper level. I hope they know

I dream about…

quality. If you come up with the great idea I will tell you how we can execute it.

living on a lake someday with my partner Ty and our grown children coming home for visits often to enjoy family time. Quality time is really important to me, and it's the biggest gift I can give and one I appreciate to receive.

Leigh Dornfeld is passing on her love of the outdoors to her children: son, Kieran, and daughter, Svea.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Reframing mom’s senior-year drama of getting ready to let go

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By Paula Quam

t all started with one of those stupid, senseless, sibling fights that grind on a parent. We were on a little road trip vacation with our camper when the fight broke out between what seemed like all four of our kids.

"Why are you guys all fighting? Don't you know our time together like this is limited?" I yelled, with some strange emotion that seemed to come out of nowhere. "Parker is graduating and moving out in a little over a year, and life for us will never be the same," I continued, as the ugly cry began to peel over my face and my voice quivered.

I didn't know what was happening or where that was coming from (because seriously, with four kids, bickering is almost like background noise to me now, so it wasn't that), but I'm pretty sure the unexpected emotion weirded them out, too, because they got uncharacteristically quiet.

I realized then, my mourning for our original family unit had begun . . . just like I remember it beginning during my older brother's senior year 28 years earlier. I remember things shifting back then; it was the end of an era because we'd never all be living under one roof again. Too many moments would feel like we were missing somebody because he didn't happen to be there for everything. And now, I was preparing myself 14

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

for our first child to begin her senior year. It would be the beginning of all the "lasts". And soon after would come my son, then my other two daughters . . . my gosh, who has got the emotional energy for all that?

I typically feel much more sentimental than I act, so my little outburst made me realize that I was going to have to put my big-girl pants on and switch perspectives if I was going to get through four senior years and four moments of our kids leaving home. I don't want to be the blubbering mom who steals the joy and excitement that this transition can actually be full of — that would totally cement my husband's status of being "the fun one" — so I've come up with a new way of thinking that I hope can serve as a little armor in the fight against over-dramatic shows of sentiment and sorrow.

First of all, drama queen, she's not going halfway across the world (like I did when I was a little older than her age and joining the Air Force, knowing I'd be stationed in Europe the whole time . . . sorry, Mom); she's just going to college. I don't know where, but even if she goes somewhere far away, I know it'll be fine. You know how? Because first of all, I love to travel and am always looking for an excuse, but also because we raised a human being who is good and kind and funny. The reason this is critical in my emotional survival plan is because she's the sort of person I actually like to hang around, and despite the fact that she believes her sense of humor is slightly superior to mine, I think she, for the most part, likes hanging around

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES me, too. It had hit me — I was going to gain an awesome "friend" as she got older. I had made sure (although totally unplanned but now completely convenient) that she was just enough like me to make for a good, adult buddy.

Yes! The world was not ending.

With this in mind, I started breaking it down and doing the math. My other three kids are in the same boat. They're all on their way to becoming good, cool humans. This started getting me excited because it means that while, yeah, things are changing, they might just be changing to my benefit. I believe, if I play this thing right, we will likely have a future full of good times with them. Maybe they'll be even better times than the ones we had raising them because there won't be as much pressure to "raise them right". That job will, for the most part, be coming to an end as they graduate, and I can, more or less, sit back and enjoy my work. (I don't know why, but I feel like I can hear the faint sound of parents of young adults everywhere snickering at me, whispering something like, "It's never over". . .)

But really, this is good. I'm well on my way to being able to enjoy our creations — those little people we've worked so hard to try to mold. All we have to do now is stay steady, keep our eyes on the ball and bring it all home. We're too far in the game to screw them up now! Right?

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Rollin’ with the Wrinkles Matters of the heart create hidden marks and knobs of pain. Suffering comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes and is part of the privilege of aging. Everyone has a story, sometimes leaving wrinkles on our hearts.

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By Kathleen Wrigley

ell, I turned 50. A new decade.

Older. Wiser. More wrinkled.

I am passive-aggressively sifting through reflections that come with this middle-aged milestone.

For fun, I re-read my very first “On the Minds of Moms” column, “Rollin’ with the Punches.” I wrote that debut column 11 years ago as a token for my kids prior to a landmark date in my history: brain surgery on September 1, 2009.

Penning that piece was for our children, Quinn, Patrick and Harper, to document how significant and whole they make me. Eleven years later, here is the sequel, “Rollin’ with the Wrinkles.”

Wrinkles and dimples — in all the wrong places — are a natural part of aging. There are multibazillion dollar businesses built around smoothing out the lines in an effort to . . . what?

Pretend they don’t matter? Or perhaps to erase the past? As if it were that easy.

Believe me, I get it. I spend whole minutes smearing anti-aging creams over the cracks and crevices of my face, neck and hands, trying to reverse the years of skin-damaging, baby-oillathering sunbathing.

The skin exposes age blemishes. Other wrinkles are buried deep in the cracks of the heart.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

A Bismarck writer and television personality recently asked me to be part of a panel to share the journey of my wrinkled heart. She said it would help others. The request took my breath away. Although touched by the invitation, I politely declined.

I have built some hefty gates around this vital organ these last few years, which goes against every grain of my being. The specifics are unnecessary here, but the painstaking process of healing and mending the broken pieces is critical.

Does the heart have to be fully intact before helping others? The flight attendants tell us to “put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.” Some hurts will change the landscape of our hearts forever. Do we suffer a lifetime without helping our neighbors? Heck, no.

Suffering is a bad word in our society. Plug your ears. Gate your hearts. Do not talk about matters of the heart. Often people would prefer not to listen to private heartache. Let the social media highlight reel roll. Ultimately the results can be devastating. Silent suffering with wrinkled hearts. We march on, hurting, nevertheless pretending. The restrictions make us bitter, not better. The pain ensues and then multiplies.

This is not God’s will. Recovery and healing are excruciatingly raw and soulful chapters.

Whatever the circumstances, healing is our responsibility. That process ultimately falls on our shoulders. Healing belongs to us. Maya

GETTING OLDER Angelou once said, “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

The path to healing is full of humongous potholes, steep hills and dark valleys. The journey fools us into feeling lonely. Climb out of the hole, friend.

Find another course. There is help.

There is hope. Squint to see the light. Human beings waste gobs of time and energy on trying to make sense of our suffering. We want answers: how, why and when will it stop hurting?

It is exhausting and shoves us back into the black hole of despair.

We are not called to make sense of (fill in your blank). We cannot control anyone but ourselves.

Our response to struggles gives us power. We were created to live fully alive, not to wither and hide.

I understand. Shrinking feels safe. It is a trap. Do not fall for it.

I have coaxed, from the edge, women left in heaps of wrinkles on the floorboards in fetal positions, literally. One of those women-friends sent me a quote from the wise and wrinkled warrior and author, Brene Brown.

It reads, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.”

support groups. Suffering and healing gives us freedom to open our wrinkled hearts and be raw and vulnerable.

Recovered crumpled hearts know the infectious beauty of joy and peace. Wrinkly souls are empathetic and know how to comfort others.

Hurt hearts roll with the wrinkles.

A friend once likened suffering in life to the elements of a pearl: a unique gem created by another living creature, formed when something harmful enters the host oyster, formed in a cold and dark place, takes years to mature — maybe even five decades — and the pearl coats an irritant with a layer of nacre, turning it into a mother-of-pearl, bringing beauty from the irritant that was meant to harm it.

Suffering comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes and is part of the privilege of aging. Everyone has a story, sometimes leaving wrinkles on our hearts.

This. I am barely qualified to write this column, let alone any life guide. But it has dawned on me, perhaps I — no, we — can help one another rise by sharing our sufferings, our wrinkles and our stories … by celebrating our similarities and our differences, by showing up. Not shirking.

Wrinkled hearts are part of the human experience. Commemorating a fifth decade on this earth has thrust me forward, reflecting on the wrinkles from a rearview mirror. But more importantly, my milestone birthday has taught me that wisdom comes through suffering.

Suffering teaches us to learn and grow, to lean into our resources: faith, friends, counselors,

Women. Moms. (Dads, too, if you are reading.) You may be celebrating the absolute privilege of smearing anti-aging creams on your face, neck and hands to iron out the surface wrinkles.

Slather on.

Work on the private wrinkles, too. Get help. Seek joy. You are not alone. Take the time you need to heal. There is no statute of limitations on healing. It may be a messy process, one step forward, sometimes two steps back. Pursue peace. Find your tribe of wrinkled soul sisters who will help you laugh, let you cry and lift you up.

In 2009, just before being released from the Neuro-Intensive Care Unit at the National Brain neurysm Center in St. Paul, Minnesota, my neurosurgeon gifted me with a brief and deliberate lifetime prescription: “Go and live.” And roll with the wrinkles that come with the absolute privilege of aging. Carry on, Wrinkled Warriors.

Kathleen Wrigley is a wife, mom and advocate. She is made with equal amounts of grace and grit, with gobs of giggles and gratitude.

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Deciding what type of cleaner to use depends on whether you are cleaning a mess or trying to disinfect the surface. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

Overwhelmed with options

MOMS' WELLNESS

How to choose the best cleaning product for your home

By Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft

T

he pandemic has everyone hyper-aware of their cleaning routine as health organizations around the globe have issued cleaning advice for homes and workplaces.

Adding to the stress of worrying about disinfecting properly is the confusion over the various types of cleaning products from bleach to cleaners labeled “natural” to essential oils and homemade cleaning products.

Dani Swanson, a physician’s assistant with Sanford Health’s integrative medicine department and a mom of two young children, says choosing what to use in your home comes down to things like your comfort level and whether anyone in the home has been exposed to a serious illness such as COVID-19.

The first thing to consider is whether you’re cleaning - wiping dirt, grime and other messes on surfaces - or disinfecting - cleaning to destroy bacteria and other germs.

“If there is any risk for contamination,” Swanson says, “surfaces should be disinfected.

An example would be if you were to use your countertop to unload groceries or if you ever have guests in your house outside of the individuals living in that home, it is important to disinfect surfaces. Give more attention to contact surfaces (light switches or door knobs). Rule of thumb is to disinfect your most commonly

touched surfaces and kitchen countertops morning and night.”

The most common and powerful disinfectant is bleach. But those powers don’t come without risk.

Swanson

“The risks of using common household cleaners are the added ingredients that can be harmful,” Swanson says. “Some ingredients are harmful when inhaled and can exacerbate underlying lung disease (such as asthma). Some common household cleaners have preservatives in them which can increase risk for developing disease, like cancer.” Bleach can also stain clothing and damage some surfaces.

Added fragrances in any cleaning product carry the risk of allergic reaction or exacerbating some health conditions.

So is the answer “natural” cleaners?

Cleaners labeled “natural” or homemade cleaners can have disinfectant abilities, but not all natural products adhere to the same guidelines. The word “natural” when it comes to cleaning has no regulation so it can be added to any product. So how can you tell what’s truly a natural product?

“It is hard to say what the difference is without looking and comparing exact ingredients listed, Swanson says. “Most natural products avoid ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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MOMS' WELLNESS the added fragrance chemicals and use natural ingredients to give a pleasant smell or they simply go as ‘fragrance-free.’ Natural cleaning products avoid the use of preservatives, which also means their shelf-life is not as long.”

So are natural cleaning products a risk-free way to clean and disinfect?

Not necessarily, Swanson says.

Essential oils, for example, a popular ingredient in natural cleaners, aren’t safe for everyone, regardless of what their brand marketing may say.

“There are some essential oils that have shown to have anti-microbial effects, but you run the risk of reaction to certain oils if you are prone to allergic reactions,” Swanson says. “I also do not recommend essential oil use around infants or children. Some oils have been shown to disrupt certain body systems in developing babies and children. I would also caution (against) essential oil use in anyone with underlying lung conditions.

“I like essential oils - I use them on myself and in my home and in some of my products, but I do try to avoid my children having exposure to them.”

Another popular natural cleaning product is silver-infused cloths. Swanson says silver has been shown to have anti-microbial benefits, so these can be a great option for wiping down surfaces. She cautions that there is concern with the environmental impacts of silver-infused products, so she urges mindfulness on how many of them you use and how you dispose of them.

Norwex, a large distributor of silver-infused cloths, notes on its website that the silver in its cloths is solely designed to inhibit bacterial odor, mold and/or mildew growth within the cloth itself, not necessarily to disinfect surfaces.

What about homemade cleaners?

Another more natural — and cost-effective — option for cleaning products is to make your own. Swanson recommends using mixtures of vinegar and water or hydrogen peroxide

No matter what you use, Swanson says, “the best way to clean is always use some elbow grease.”

iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms 20

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

MOMS' WELLNESS and water. Both have been shown to have disinfectant properties.

Hydrogen peroxide is toxic if ingested, Swanson cautions, but safe on the skin, and vinegar can cause irritation to skin if applied directly, so these products still have some cautions.

Photoillustration

by Darren Gibbins The Forum

So how do you decide what’s right for your home?

“It’s just mainly the choice of the person cleaning,” says Swanson. “For me as a mom, if in the morning I want to give the counter a wipe down, I don’t want to get bleach on my work clothes so I’d rather use vinegar or hydrogen peroxide.

“There’s definitely a time and place for more natural cleaners and I love that people are realizing the harmful effects of added fragrance, added ingredients and some of those preservatives that are added in cleaners, but if that’s all you have on hand and you have someone in your home that you know has had exposure or has tested positive, I would steer more toward the harsher chemicals and cleaners to ensure the virus doesn’t spread. It’s a risk versus benefit.

“There’s definitely a time and place for natural cleaners but during COVID, you have to use the heavy hitters.”

No matter what you use, Swanson says, “the best way to clean is always use some elbow grease.”

She added, “Good old-fashioned soap and water on a dish rag is one of the best ways to clean as well. I do this every evening after dinner.”

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Raise anti-racist kids with the help of these books

D

By Danielle Teigen

iversity, inclusion and racial equality are terms being used in daily conversation these days, following several national protests sparked by the brutal death of George Floyd while being detained by Minneapolis police officers. The movement has bloomed here in Fargo-Moorhead, too, with marches, protests and events aimed at illuminating issues of systemic racism and creating an inclusive community.

While many adults struggle with talking about racism, imagine how hard it is for kids to comprehend the complex topic. Perhaps one of the best places to start is to find books on the subject that make the subject more approachable for both parents and children.

"Shaking Things Up: 14 Young Women Who Changed the World" by Susan Wood Featuring the stories of 14 revolutionary young women who sparked change in the world through persistence and determination. These women span the history of the U.S. and the many races that make up our population. This picture book features artwork by 13 different women artists. (By the way, there's even a teaching guide to help you make the most of this compilation.)

"A Place to Land: Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Speech that Inspired a Nation" by Barry Wittenstein

At Zandbroz in downtown Fargo, people can find a number of titles for readers of all ages, with a specific list of recommended books shared June 4 in a Facebook post.

In lyrical prose and striking illustrations, this picture book brings to life the renowned “I Have a Dream” speech of Martin Luther King, Jr., that continues to inspire and inform new generations.

Josie Danz, general manager at Zandbroz, said many of the titles are in stock at the store or are in such demand, they are being reprinted and re-stocked. Zandbroz staff members provided the following insights on their favorite titles geared toward children and young adults:

"The Hate U Give" by Angie Thomas

"Not My Idea: A Book about Whiteness"

by Anastasia Higginbotham A picture book about racism and racial justice, inviting white children and parents to become curious about racism, accept that it’s real, and cultivate conversation and justice. The collage 22

artwork and the curiosity of the child character make this a great introductory book for a discussion about racism.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

“What’s the point in having a voice if you’re going to be silent in those moments you shouldn’t be?”

Though "The Hate U Give" is a work of fiction, it gives the reader an intimate look into the life of protagonist, Starr, so much so that it feels all too real at times. Angie Thomas gives readers an approachable exposure to black culture, cultural appropriation, covert and internalized racism, and how the weight of those things impacts one teenage girl’s life. Though, the subject matter is heavy, it’s delivered with grace, honesty, humor and hope. (Plus, there's a teaching guide.)

READING FOR KIDS "Brown Girl Dreaming"

by Jacqueline Woodson "Brown Girl Dreaming" is a poetic, autobiographical account of Woodson’s upbringing in South Carolina and Brooklyn during the 1960s. Each area of Woodson’s upbringing provided a vastly different experience, culture and perspective that allows her to vividly describe the civil rights movement across a variety of social and geographical environments. Woodson describes this YA book as “my past, my people, my memories, my story”, but her words are so powerful that they will no doubt leave an imprint on every reader’s heart and understanding of our country’s history and divide during the civil rights movement of only decades ago.

"The Watsons go to Birmingham"

by Christopher Paul Curtis Winner of the Newbery Honor and the Coretta Scott King Award, "The Watsons go to Birmingham" is highly acclaimed and widely

embraced for Curtis’s ability to capture the voice of the hilarious, smarty-pants pre-teen boy, Kenny, as he encounters racism and experiences race driven tragedy for the first time during a family trip to Birmingham, Alabama – a different world from the family home in Flint, Michigan.

This book provides a way for parents and young readers to navigate a dark and difficult terrain etched in America’s history as the Watson family witnesses firsthand the violence of the civil rights era and a tragic hate crime that claims the lives of four black girls.

If these or other titles on the list are not available, Danz said customers are welcome to call in a special order or pre-order a title and a staff member will call when the book is ready.

For more suggestions on other books about racial equality, check out these suggestions.

For more information on family-friendly ways to discuss race relations, visit The Brown Bookshelf, EmbraceRace, and CommonSense Media.

Zandbroz Variety in Fargo carries several books for kids and young adults focused on diversity, inclusion and being anti-racist, and many other titles can be ordered from publishers. Dave Samson / The Forum ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

Soul Tree Photography

My2Peas Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

shutterbug Ten Little Chickens Photography

Soul Tree Photography

My2Peas Photography

exposures by j.linnea

Shutterbug is a section dedicated to partnering with area photographers who have a passion for family portraits. Interested in partnering with On The Minds of Moms? Email moms@forumcomm.com.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Back from the brink Local mother uses her story of struggle, survival to help moms

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

KATHERINE KIERNAN

By Danielle Teigen

F

Photos courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

or months, Katherine Kiernan didn’t feel right. The vivacious mother of three who also owns her own real estate company slowly began noticing how sad and anxious she often felt and the realization was taking its toll on her mental health.

So she reached out to her therapist who recommended Katherine visit a psychiatrist, who prescribed her a very common medication for treating Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Hoping to find relief, Katherine instead felt herself slipping further down a dark path until the situation reached a frightening zenith in August 2019. *** Five years ago, Katherine experienced something no parent ever wants to encounter: one of her 2-year-old twin sons, Jack, became unexpectedly and gravely ill, and her family began a terrifying battle to help him survive his ordeal and recover. After nearly four weeks of scary tests and diagnoses, Jack was released from a Twin Cities hospital but the experience caused significant stress on Katherine’s relationship with Jack’s dad, and the couple ended up filing for divorce.

That’s when the stress and anxiety began increasing. Katherine and her ex-husband, Kelly, officially separated in 2017, and preparations for their trial began in earnest and with scary results.

Katherine Kiernan, owner of Aspire Realty, experienced a terrifying downward spiral of depression, anxiety and addiction that she survived and is now sharing as a way to encourage others to seek help.

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Katherine credits the presence of her daughter, Eva, and sons, Owen and Jack, with inspiring her to finally seek treatment for the mental health and addiction issues she was struggling with.

“When you’re going through a divorce...when you get all these people involved, they’re throwing rocks and trying to paint you to be a terrible mom, a terrible person...and it got to the point where I was believing what I was hearing,” Katherine says, explaining how the stress during that time made her crumble as she leaned heavily on her team at Aspire Realty to continue on without much involvement from her. “My team literally carried the business when I had really good days and really bad days.”

As the fog thickened and her depression worsened, she sought help and the hope that she would be able to focus again and feel happy again.

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remarked to him that she didn’t even know what the purpose of waking up was.

Joy was lost to Katherine. She began canceling on friends, not showing up for events and avoiding the office. Worst of all, she stopped engaging with her three kids — daughter Eva and sons, Jack and Owen.

“I’ve wanted kids since I was 7 years old, and suddenly I didn’t want my kids around,” she says.

“I didn’t have the energy to deal with anything.”

When her therapist noticed Katherine didn’t seem to be improving, she encouraged Katherine to get a second opinion from her primary

She recognized right away that the medication seemed to be making her depression worse, but her psychiatrist encouraged her to give it time to work. He even added a performance enhancing prescription. She soldiered on, hoping for relief.

physician, who started her on an antidepressant.

“I remember very clearly the day I was talking to Beau, my fiance, on the phone and I said, ‘I don’t know what is happening, but I am just so sad,’ ” Katherine remembered, noting that she

Katherine discovered the medications caused

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

But Katherine just couldn’t shake herself out of the darkness. So she was prescribed an antianxiety medication. The cocktail of medications in her system proved difficult to handle, as her to not sleep or eat for days and gave her a pounding headache only prescription painkillers would ease.

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Katherine is engaged to be married to her fiance, Beau Flom.

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*** On Saturday, Aug. 24, 2019, Katherine’s world spiraled out of control.

She was at the lake with her children and her sister, trying to enjoy the day while taking her medications as prescribed. When that nagging headache reared its head, Katherine turned to a prescription pain medication like usual. That’s the last thing she remembers about that night.

The next morning, she awoke to discover she was missing patches of hair and bruises covered her body from head to toe. The cabin was a mess, and so was she.

Something broke, Katherine says. By the grace of God her children hadn’t witnessed whatever happened that night with her sister, but Katherine knew she needed help to heal.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t survive.

“If my kids hadn’t been there that morning, and I had been left alone, I was done. I had everything with me to do it, I was ready to do ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Katherine says not wanting to engage with her children Jack, Eva and Owen was a frightening realty during her struggle.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

BACK FROM THE BRINK it, I was checked out, I was done,” she says. “The fact that they were there that morning saved my life.”

She says when Beau came to the cabin, she fell to her knees and explained how desperately she needed to get help.

Days later, Katherine checked herself into a Hazeldon Betty Ford Foundation in the Twin Cities area and began an intense, three-week in-patient program to break her addiction to prescription medications and get control of her life back.

It was the best decision she’s ever made.

“As women and moms, we hide because we are terrified...that someone will take our kids,” she says. “That is our number one fear. That is what was plaguing all of us there. Nobody wanted to get help when they knew something was wrong because they thought it would get used against them later.”

Katherine returned to the Fargo-Moorhead area and continued the program remotely for two weeks before beginning an out-patient portion that lasted six weeks.

Looking back, she wishes she’d have stayed longer, but she wanted to get back to her kids once her system was completely free of the medications she’d been taking, a toxic combination that could have killed her.

“When the doctor (at Hazelden) looked at the list of medications, he said, ‘You should be dead,’ ” Katherine says.

“He said, ‘The fact that you didn’t have a significant cardiac event...I don’t know how you made it here but you’re lucky to be here.’ ” With a new lease on life and her addiction gone, she focused on maintaining her health and mental wellness while enjoying time with her family. *** After returning to the area, Katherine began hearing things, crazy things. Whispers and rumors about where she’d been, what she’d been doing, what was happening with her mental state, and she didn’t like that the stories being told were first, inaccurate, but more importantly, taking her truth and dialogue away.

So instead, she took control of the situation and told the truth — her truth about what had happened and what she had been dealing with.

“This is my biggest, most hidden secret, and I am willing to share my demons to raise awareness and help others,” Katherine says.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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BACK FROM THE BRINK That’s why, in March, through a partnership with local marketing agency Tellwell, she launched Katherine’s Story, a website dedicated to offering help and resources to others who may be struggling with anxiety, depression and addiction. She laid bare her story — and struggles — and once she did, she was taken aback by the response.

“To have people around you who you would never in a million years imagine are struggling with something and they call you...it just made me want to share this,” Katherine says.

Only after sharing her incredibly private struggle publicly did Katherine realize she was not alone.

“The number one reason that I was willing to share my pain and struggle with anyone — let alone the whole community — is because I am committed to being vulnerable enough to be a beacon to anybody who is out there who isn't getting the help they need because of the allconsuming fear I too had,” Katherine says.

She talks frankly about how she and so many people — women in particular — feel the need to maintain a “Facebook perfect” lifestyle even if it means struggling in silence.

“I want to take this to a much more public platform because there are so many resources right here,” she says. “There is no shame in what you struggle with…People around you have lived it but you have to be willing to reach out and as soon as you say you need help, you will have millions of hands reaching and grabbing you out of the black hole.”

Katherine’s Story initiatives, says offering people a place to share their stories that isn’t Facebook was important.

“Putting it on social media is not for everyone,” Bridget says.

Katherine’s Story is an outlet for anyone wanting to share their stories and seek help, because Katherine herself knows how critical that step is.

“If I hadn’t gone through treatment, I wouldn’t have survived,” she says. “Be brave enough for even one second — that’s all it takes.”

As Katherine looks toward the one-year anniversary of that dark, dark moment and the scary path that led her to it, she sees hope and excitement for the future and what Katherine’s Story can become for other people struggling.

She envisions fundraising to make sure any person who seeks help doesn’t have to worry about the financial aspect of treatment or having kids safely taken care of or bills getting paid.

She’d also like to see Katherine’s Story became a collaboration between other agencies that can offer resources and assistance.

Dreaming about what Katherine’s Story can become brings a huge smile to Katherine’s face, but she’s been through enough to recognize that her journey requires daily strength and self-awareness. She’s embracing all the beautiful imperfections of life by being more vulnerable and learning how to forgive herself.

“I have to continue to grow so there’s accountability for me, too,” she says. “By the grace of God I’m sitting here today.”

Bridget Kruger, a marketing assistant at Aspire Realty who also works closely with Katherine on

If you’re struggling, please seek help. Katherine’s Story offers several resources in one location, but Katherine says one of the best places to start is FirstLink. She also offers other advice like: • Take pause and look at what you’re feeling and when.

• Trust your gut. Be okay with being vulnerable.

• Seek another opinion or referral to another medical professional.

• Forgive yourself.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

Katherine Kiernan is pictured with her fiance, Beau, and children: Jack, Eva and Owen.

BACK FROM THE BRINK

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Steve Smedshammer

RAD DAD

Age: 36, Fargo, N.D.

From piercing to pediatrics

Fargo native takes less-than-traditional path toward medical career

S

By Tracy Briggs

omething remarkable happened early on in Dr. Steve Smedshammer’s pediatric rotation in the

Twin Cities when he met with a woman and her autistic teenage son and began asking questions.

“I asked, ‘before I even talk to your son, what are his triggers? Can he be touched? Can I do a physical exam? If he allows me to listen to his heart and lungs, will the cold metal be a trigger?’ ” Smedshammer says.

He continued asking whether the boy was bothered by loud sounds and if he should turn the lights down in the exam room.

“She started crying,” Smedshammer says. “She said in all of the years of doctoring for him, no one ever asked that.”

Even early in his career, Smedshammer seems to grasp that bedside manner is as important as medical knowledge. Caring for others seems like something he was born and destined to do. But his road to residency was far from smooth and straight. It was full of detours, a few potholes and even a real-life “Wheel of Fortune.” But the tale of his journey should be required reading for any

“I had a phenomenal childhood,” Smedshammer recalls. “My parents were remarkable people.”

At Fargo’s Shanley High School, he was interested in technology and figured after graduation in 2002, he’d pursue a degree in computer science at North Dakota State University. That summer he got into the subculture of music.

“I’m a kid of the '80s. I was raised on Nirvana, Soundgarden, those kinds of ‘90s grunge bands,” he says. “I was 18, it was my first taste of freedom. I got a tattoo and I was all rebellious.”

He even took on an apprenticeship doing piercings at a tattoo shop in Fargo. Once school started, he found his entry-level college computer classes less than challenging. He says he became “disenchanted” after about a month and decided to quit school. When he told his parents they said ‘okay’ but he was 18 and he should move out of the house.

“Without any argument or fanfare, I packed my bags and moved out without a game plan as to what I was going to do,” he says.

their education and career path is headed.

He says he wasn’t really scared about the uncertainty because he’s always had confidence in himself to figure things out.

A great start, a “rebellious” turn

The ‘couch circuit’

Smedshammer was born and raised just north

For the next year and a half he lived on tips from his unpaid apprenticeship and relied upon the

student feeling pressured to know exactly where

of Fargo to a mom with a master’s degree in 34

nursing and a Master Sergeant dad. He had two older half-siblings and one younger sister.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

Dr. Steve Smedshammer, holding daughter Stevie, says he always wanted to be a dad. "I love it. And I'm still learning.

I'm always a work in progress," he says of his role as a father. Photo courtesy of Kensie Wallner Photography

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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generosity of friends who, when he wasn’t sleeping in his car, let him sleep on their couch.

“I like to call it ‘the couch circuit,’ ” he says.

He says when he went home at the holidays with everincreasing tattoos and piercings, his parents didn’t say much.

“As supportive as they were, it wasn’t really their jam,” Smedshammer says.

But as the year-and-a-half went on Smedshammer says he was starting to build a strong clientele.

“I love people. I’m very outgoing and very social. I would talk to a wrong number for an hour if I had the opportunity,” he says. “So people were starting to come back for repeat services.”

At that same time, Smedshammer put his love of music to work, forming a band with some friends.

“Metal, screaming, loud stuff. We had a wonderful, affectionate name, ‘Necktie Suicide.’ The kind of thing where you cringe when your grandma asks,” he says with a big laugh.

Dr. Steve Smedshammer describes his wife Christine as "amazing and supportive" as he navigated a career journey that took him from doing piercings at a tattoo parlor in Fargo to working as a pediatric resident in the Twin Cities. Special to On the Minds of Moms.

TOP: The Smedshammer family includes, from left, Sloane (6), Christine holding Stevie (1 1/2), Steve holding Saint (4). Photo courtesy of Kensie Wallner Photography

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

They put out two albums and toured the Midwest, all while Smedshammer continued his piercing work. But it was an interaction he had with a woman who came in for a nose piercing one day that would change the course of his life. The woman, impressed by Smedshammer’s people skills during the piercing, asked if he ever considered becoming a doctor because he already had an “impeccable” bedside manner.

“I kind of laughed and said, ‘no, I’m pretty happy with what I’m doing.’ She’s like ‘well, you gotta think about what you’re going to do when you grow up.’ I was in my mid-20s at this point so I was a little burned by that,” he says.

Back to class Nonetheless, he says, that conversation struck a nerve and that next weekend he found himself applying to go back to school and get his undergraduate degree at the University of Mary in Bismarck. He says he felt like becoming a doctor was a little outside his scope, but he thought nursing would be an option. But that changed after a lecture one day in a nursing class.

“The lecturer was putting up images of people of various walks of life and having us shout out what our stereotypes or gut reactions to the people were,” he says. “She said

RAD DAD something like, ‘Steve, you’re going to love this one.’ It was a photo of some guy with a huge septum ring and ears stretched like mine were.

She asked what the incorrect perceptions were and they said things like ‘dirty.’ I was like ‘hey, I’m right here. I’m kind of offended.’ ” Smedshammer, who at his peak had about 23 piercings and close to 100 tattoos, said he immediately left nursing for pre-med where he felt he might be in more of a position to change perceptions.

“I have a ton of respect for the nursing world, but something about that moment put a bad taste in my mouth,” he says. “I’m the one that always fought for the marginalized. I met people from all walks of life, especially when I was with the band. They were down on their luck and I always felt like you shouldn’t judge anyone. I felt like I needed to do something to curb this. Help make more of a systemic change in perceptions.”

In other words, if patients walked in and saw a doctor with tattoos and piercings it could have a greater impact to affect change.

“So why not aim for the fences and go for doctor?

And it worked I guess,” he says.

By 2010 he was seeing his now wife, Christine, who was living in Fargo. He transferred to Concordia College in Moorhead, where he says as a ‘scrawny, bearded, tattooed guy” he never felt judged.

“I felt accepted. It’s a very accepting, progressive kind of environment,” he says.

And the acceptance of his alternative look extended once he graduated and attended medical school at the University of North Dakota.

“I was the oldest person (32) in my class. On the flip side we had a girl in our class who was 19 — a homeschooled prodigy. But we all respected each other and took care of each other,” he says.

By this point, Smedshammer was also taking care of a family. He had married his “amazing and supportive” wife Christine and they had one daughter, Sloane, who is now 6. (Son Saint, 4, and daughter Stevie, 1 ½, came along a little later.)

Raising a family while going to school can be a costly affair, but Smedshammer got help from an unexpected place — the “Wheel of Fortune” game show where he was chosen to be a contestant.

“The Wheelmobile was in Fargo and my wife said, ‘you watched the show as a kid and you’re awesome. You should go do it,’ ” he says.

He competed against hundreds of others in town to get a chance to be on the show where he eventually won more than $33,000 — money that helped the Smedshammers buy a house.

The road to residency After a series of interviews and applications for residency programs which Christine describes as “The Hunger Games meets Tinder,” Smedshammer was accepted in the University of Minnesota pediatrics program, with the eventual goal to be a pediatric oncologist. He’s currently working at Children’s Minnesota in St. Paul.

He says medicine, for him, is the perfect marriage of the people skills his dad instilled in him with the compassion his mom brought to the table. His father died a few years ago, but he says his mom is proud of where he is now.

He’s come a long way since sleeping on people’s couches and driving around in “a stinky van with a bunch of smelly guys playing music.”

Not only is Smedshammer pursuing a medical career, he’s also using his less-than-traditional career path to mentor undergraduates and medical students about their own goals — teaching them how to evaluate themselves and learn how to trust their own instincts.

And what about Smedshammer’s own children?

What would he tell them if they chose a less than traditional career path like his?

Like a lot of dads, he says he just wants his kids to be happy.

“If it makes you happy, that’s what I want,” he says. “I don’t want somebody toiling away at a job that they hate because they felt that was the track they’re supposed to do. I don’t want regrets. And I’d encourage people to look at life the same way.”

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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Beyond sports Learning life lessons in many different situations

who is also an author and project manager and designer at RC Homes. “Allowing those strengths in each child to shine truly makes their hearts sing. While they will still make mistakes in life, we will always be their biggest cheerleaders.”

A

By Melissa Davidson

s a parent you want nothing more for your child than to help them develop into a smart, independent adult. We know organized sports can go a long way in building the skills that set that foundation. But as we head into fall, during one of the most unusual years ever, what if those activities are no longer an option, or you have a child who just isn’t into sports? How can you help them develop those same skills?

Be a good coach “One reason why sports are so successful in building confidence, mastery and problem solving is that there is a coach there,” says Kathryn Tidd, MSW, LICSW therapist at the Village Family Service Center. “They train, mentor and teach.

This is where you come in, Coach!”

There are endless coaching opportunities between you and your child: plant a garden, play board games, host a family bake-off, or plan out the logistics of a lemonade enterprise. Tidd notes that the most important thing to remember, however, is to talk about it. This is your chance to offer feedback, provide encouragement and help motivate them.

“Whether it’s a business idea or sport, we allow our girls to pursue whatever speaks to their heart,” says mom of three Miranda Dietrich, 38

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

For families with multiple children, these teachable moments also go the extra mile in the life lesson category with plenty of cooperation and compromise learning opportunities.

Problem solve Problem solving ranks high on the most important skills list and rightfully so. There are many ways to solve a problem, and sometimes we just need to shift our perspective to get there. Teaching our kids fluidity and flexibility in how they approach challenges is a great way to help them flex their creative problem-solving skills. On the court, field or ice this may look like working with your team to come up with the perfect play that will dominate your competitor.

Day-to-day, this can be anything from STEM games to entrepreneurial endeavors.

“Our middle child, Ainsley, decided a few months back to sell DIY lip gloss infused with essential oils and pair them with the ever popular hair scrunchies,” Dietrich says. “We worked together to develop a plan, create a budget and find a way to execute it. Even down to the product label and shipping, she was in charge. It’s teachable moments like these that have allowed our kids to really shine and evolve.”

Providing guidance as your child takes ownership over executing an idea is a rewarding experience. It’s an opportunity to really see those minds working and growing. It also builds their

BEYOND SPORTS confidence and confirms that they indeed have all they need to figure things out — a good coach and their growing brains.

“One of my favorite things about my work is the challenge to think creatively; there is always more than one way to accomplish something,” Tidd says. “That is the beauty of seeing people and their environment in a holistic way.”

Parents also come away from these moments with enhanced skills as well. After all, you’re practicing your coaching abilities and this is one area that really tests them.

“This stuff is hard!” Tidd says. “As parents we often overthink things, but the reality is you literally need one thing to connect and teach your kids: parent-child communication skills.”

Explore opportunities While group activities may look a little different this year, there still may be some local opportunities your kids can take part in.

“School-based clubs such as student council, band/orchestra, debate, yearbook or kindness initiatives are all great options,” Tidd says.

stand,” Dietrich says. “We donate 50% of the profits to a local charity. This year we have chosen Down Home. We’re happy to see our kids learning what it means to have a servant heart.”

Do what feels right Every child is different. When it comes to building their skillset, what may work for one kid may not work for the next. So it’s important to remember that there may be some trial and error. How else are they supposed to know what their jam is? The important thing to remember is to communicate.

“Validate their worries, fears, or uncertainty and help them understand the ‘why’ behind these activities — a confident, resilient and smiling kid,” Tidd says. “The goal is to build mastery, so start with attainable, reasonable goals and expectations.”

For example, kids who are quiet may be more drawn to participating in a book club or online program. Motivation level is also an important consideration. If they have low follow through

She also noted how teachers have a profound ability to boost kid’s skills by providing positive praise, helping kids work through conflict and teaching them new educational concepts. While the school year may not look the same as others past, their teacher will still hold a pivotal role in nurturing their abilities.

There are opportunities beyond the classroom too, including local and online classes such as art and music.

YouTube can also be a great resource here. Volunteering not only helps those in our community, it also helps kids learn that their actions can have an impact on others.

“Any chance we get we are constantly sharing about how to give back and help others. We are currently working on planning our sixth annual lemonade

Addisyn, Ainsley and Ahlera Dietrich learn many different skills by pursuing a variety of activities and projects. Special to On the Minds of Moms ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

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BEYOND SPORTS and motivation, for example, pick an activity with a short-term commitment. This can include things like a one-time class or a two-day camp.

“It’s really important to just include them in these decisions,” Tidd says.

Being patient and keeping your child’s differences in mind will help ensure they know they can rely on you to help them figure it out. It will also help them stay engaged long term.

“Every child, regardless of mental health or developmental differences, has the capacity and need for these skills,” Tidd says. “Without them, risk for mental health conditions increase and they risk falling behind with those developmental milestones which can create problems with self-esteem, worth and hopefulness for the future.”

Use your resources In addition to exploring what’s available in your community, Tidd recommends a few other resources that can help both kids and parents.

“I highly recommend the Big Life Journal. There are kid, teen and even adult versions available,” Tidd says. “These books are interactive, which is great in helping your kids recognize their awesomeness,” Tidd says.

Tidd also recommends “The Whole-Brain Child”

by Dr. Dan Seigel, which is a great resource for parents who want to learn about development and the brain. “Your Fantastic Elastic Brain,” by JoAnn Deak PhD helps kids learn and understand how the brain grows and works. In addition, educational shows that focus on socialemotional development such as Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street model those same skills we are talking about, and usually include jingles to help your kids remember.

“The most important factor needed to instill these life needs in your children is your relationship with them,” Tidd says.

“Go get em, Coach.”

The team at On The Minds of Moms work to curate fun events, activities and experiences for parents and kids in Fargo-Moorhead, West Fargo, Grand Forks and its surrounding communities.

But as states slowly re-open, family-friendly events are being changed, postponed or canceled.

In an effort to keep information as accurate as possible in this magazine, we opted to use this space to ask for online submissions about fall events.

Find more information at www.inforum.com/tags/ON-THE-MINDS-OF-MOMS/MOMS-EVENTS.

Do you have events you’d like to share with On the Minds of Moms?

Submit your even by filling out the form at www.inforum.com/on-the-minds-of-moms or email us at moms@forumcomm.com.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

FALL EVENTS

RESOURCES

CONNECT, FIND HELP, GET ANSWERS, MAKE A DIFFERENCE

COVID-19 resources North Dakota Department of Health: Call 1-866-207-2880 for questions related to COVID-19, the NDDoH hotline is open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. seven days a week.

Medical and hospitals If you suspect you are infected or have symptoms of COVID-19 and need medical advice, call ahead before you go to a clinic or physician's office. If you do not have a primary care provider, you are able to use the below numbers for either hospital.

Essentia Health: Call COVID-19 Hotline, 1-833-494-0836, or start an e-visit online at Essentiahealth.org/COVID-19.

Sanford Health: Call 701-234-5000 for “My Sanford Nurse” or start an e-visit online at Sanfordhealth.org/campaign/covid19-care.

Mental and behavioral health Suicide lifeline: Call 1-800-273-TALK to reach the 24-hour suicide lifeline if you or someone you know is having thoughts

Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Services [PPAS] The PPAS program provides decision-making counseling, parenting support and adoption services to those facing unintended pregnancies.

For expectant parents who choose to parent their child, PPAS provides resources to help them prepare for their new baby. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect.

PCAND, formerly known as the North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www. pcand.org.

of suicide. FirstLink Suicide Lifeline is connected to a national network of crisis services, so no call for help is unanswered.

FirstLink: Text 211 or call 701-235-SEEK (7335) for a free, confidential service available to anyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week for listening and support, referrals to resources/help, and crisis intervention.

Prairie St. John’s: Call 701-476-7200 for many services for children and adolescents facing mental health concerns, substance use disorder, or co-occurring disorders. They are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

ParentsLead.org: Get tips on Talking with Children about COVID-19 Based on Their Age ranges from early childhood to high school.

Food support Cass Clay Food Partners: Find a list of upto-date programs at z.umn.edu/cassclay-

Post Adopt Support Group Any ND adoptive family or any ND family providing guardianships are invited to attend this group meeting. If you have questions, please email postadopt@pathinc.org or call 701.551.6349. Visit our website [www.ndpostadopt.org] for meeting times across the state of North Dakota.

Jeremiah Program Empowerment. Education.

Success. It is what the Jeremiah Program was built on, what participants strive for and what the program helps participants achieve. At the Jeremiah Program, lowincome single mothers make a commitment to completing a post-secondary education, launching a successful career and creating stability and prosperity for their children—all while living in our affordable, safe housing environment. For more information, call 701.361.3873, email fargomoorhead@ jeremiahprogram.org or visit www.facebook.com/

foodresources or information via th Cass Clay Food Partners Facebook page.

The Great Plains Food Bank continues their operations and has more information on their website at www.GreatPlainsFoodBank.org.

The Emergency Food Pantry is operating and has more information on their website: www.EmergencyFoodPantry.com.

Small business support Small Business Development Center has a web page devoted to Assisting ND Small Businesses to Prepare for and Recover from COVID-19 Impacts.

The U.S. Small Business Administration has more information about the SBA Disaster Loan program that is available to all for-profit small businesses in North Dakota, as well as some non-profits. The online application portal is DisasterLoan.

SBA.gov.

JeremiahProgram FargoMoorhead.

Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome.

For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.446.8056 or karaljones@gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com.

Hands & Voices Hands & Voices is a non-profit, parentdriven organization dedicated to supporting families of children who are deaf or hard of hearing without bias around communication modes or methodology. What Works for your Child is What Makes the Choice Right™ Contact us for more information at 701.484.1605, contact@ ndhandsandvoices.org, or visit www.ndhandsandvoices.org.

Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month.

For more information visit wwww.rrvmothersofmultiples. weebly.com.

Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health

screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.rvcscc.org.

Gigi’s Playhouse A Down syndrome achievement center providing resources, specialized teaching, and support to individuals with Down syndrome, their families and the community. All programs are free. For more information, call 701.551.7529 or visit www.gigisplayhouse. org/fargo.

Adults Adoption Special Kids [AASK] The AASK program is North Dakota's program providing adoption services to children in foster care and the families who adopt them.

The program is a collaborative effort of Catholic Charities North Dakota and PATH ND,

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Inc. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Parent Professional Learning Network The Parent Professional Learning Network is a Parent Navigator Team with Family Voices of North Dakota offering an opportunity for parents of children with special needs and the professionals who work with them to come together to learn and grow.

For more information email parentproflearningnetwork@ gmail.com.

The Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:00pm at Faith Lutheran Church [127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo]. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information email chapterleader@ tcffargomoorhead.org, call 701.491.0364 or visit tcffargomoorhead.org/.

Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from 1pm to 3pm at Essentia Health South University 6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call 701.364.8066.

La Leche League of FargoMoorhead 2nd Thursday of each month at 7pm.

For more information visit www.lllofmndas.org/fargomoorhead.html.

MOMS Club of Fargo/ Moorhead IR, ND Provides monthly activities, playgroups, special projects, and support for local moms. This group is open to moms and their children in the F-M area. For more information contact momscluboffm@gmail.com or visit www.facebook.com/ MomsClubFargo.

Harlynn’s Heart Providing multiple services, resources, and comforts to parents, families, and friends who have or will experience perinatal loss. For more information, visit www.harlynnsheart.org or email info@harlynnsheart.org.

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North Dakota Reading Corps The North Dakota Reading Corps is a regional initiative to help every child become a successful reader by the end of 3rd grade. The program places AmeriCorps members as literacy tutors in the Fargo, Jamestown, and West Fargo school districts to implement researchedbased, early-literacy efforts to help struggling readers.

All AmeriCorps members receive free training and work 1-on-1 with K-3 students. A living allowance is provided, dependent on amount of hours chosen to work (15-20 or 20-25 per week). Hours fall during school hours, run five days a week August – May, and must be on a set schedule.

An education award is also available upon completion to pay qualified student loans or tuition expenses. For more information, visit www.ndseec. com/readingcorps or contact Jolene Garty at 701.446.3173 or gartyj@ndseec.com.

Catholic Charities ND Counseling Professional and confidential counselors provide services to individuals, couples and families dealing with relationship issues, stress or anger management and a variety of other issues. We work with most insurances, EAP’s and have a sliding fee scale for those that don’t qualify for other resources.

For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Child Asperger Support Group Every Tuesday from 12:00pm to 1:00pm at Olivet Lutheran Church [1303 S University Dr, Fargo]. For additional information visit www.rrvan.org Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group Hospice of the Red River Valley [www. hrrv.org], in partnership with Harlynn’s Heart [www. harlynnsheart.org], offers an ongoing pregnancy and infant loss support group, meeting the fourth Tuesday of each

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month from 6:30pm-8pm at the Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St S, Fargo].

Please use the west door. This is an ongoing support group for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first year of life. The purpose of this group is to provide compassionate grief support, understanding, and resources to bereaved parents while allowing them to share their grief in a safe place with others who are experiencing a similar journey. This group is free and open to the public. For more information or questions, call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department.

Marine Moms Support Group If you are the Mother of a Marine, [or any other branch of the military], then you are one of the family! Join other Marine Moms from Sub-Station Fargo [Sub-Station Fargo, ND covers west to Valley City, ND, east to New York Mills, MN, north to the Canadian Border & south to the South Dakota state line] once a month for: Support, Hugs, Advice, Praise, Tears, Love, Stories, Laughter, Inspiration, Encouragement, Experiences, Insight, Information, Motivation, Pictures & more at 1:30pm the 3rd Saturday of each month.

For meeting location and more information contact Ruth Danuser at 701.799.8946 or ruthddanuser@gmail.com.

OORAH! Beyond the NICU Doors A community support network for parents who have experienced time in a NICU. Monthly gathering starting in September will be the 4th Tuesday from 7:00pm-8:30pm at the Anne Carlson Center located behind Subway on the corner of 13th Ave S and 25th St S in Fargo. Gatherings include a speaker and children are welcome as there are toys and space available. This is open to all NICU families regardless of location of NICU experience. This is a cooperative effort between

Region V Experienced Parent and March of dimes NICU Family Support. Any Questions please call Moe Schreoder at 701.237.3558 or Colette Christoffers at 701.235.5530 FM Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7:00pm-9:00pm at YMCA Downtown [401 1st Av S, Fargo]. For more information, visit www.facebook.com/ FM-Autism-SupportGroup-171027578792.

DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis.

Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand.

North Dakota Home School Association Providing information on the North Dakota home school law, contacts for area support groups, a free downloadable Home School Packet, convention information, the current statement of intent form, and thoughtful articles on various aspects of private, parent-directed home education. Visit www. homeschool-life.com/nd/ndhsa for more information.

Healthy Steps A health insurance program for North Dakota children age 18 or younger who do not have health insurance coverage, do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program, and live in qualifying families. The benefits are offered at no or very low cost. For more information 877.543.7669 or www.healthystepsnd.com.

HOPE, Inc. Provides a yearround sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@ hopeinconline.org for more

RESOURCES

information or visit www. hopeinconline.org.

Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley, Inc. Provides lodging and emotional support to parents and siblings of children requiring medical treatment who also benefit by knowing their families are close by. Visit www.rmhcfargo. org for more information.

Riding On Angels’ Wings Therapeutic horseback riding for children with disabilities.

Volunteers are always welcome. Contact Bette Shipley - Felton, MN 701.793.5153 or www.ridingonangelswings.org Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate.

Call 701.293.7273 or visit www. raccfm.com Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families. For more information visit www. rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.512.1555.

ALS Support 2nd Tuesday of each month those living with ALS and their loved ones share concerns and ideas about living with ALS. For more information call 701.235.1988.

Eating Disorders Monthly Family & Friends Support Group If you have a loved one with an eating disorder, you are invited and encouraged to attend this support group dedicated to providing a comfortable, supportive, and confidential environment where you will be provided with information about eating disorders and tools to aid in your loved one’s recovery. This group is open to friends, parents, partners, caregivers and adult children. Registration: for more information, contact

Kara Woodbury Fladland, LPCC 701.234.4111, or visit www.sanfordhealth.org/ classesandevents/ClassDetail/ cb9a7533-e6f9-41cb-b5623a7c0fc46f45.

FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices.

Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com.

Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com.

Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month.

Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly.

For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110 or afspnd@gmail.com.

Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support.

All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 218.477.1977 or www.birthright.org.

PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www.pathinc.org or 701.293.9968.

Gluten Intolerance Group of Fargo/Moorhead GIG of F/M holds gatherings for education, fellowship, and support for those living with Celiac Disease, Gluten Intolerance, or Gluten Sensitivity. You do not need to be a paid member of this group to attend any meetings. For more information, visit www.gluten. org/localbranches/fargomoorhead.

Special Olympics Provides year-round sports training for all kids and adults with intellectual disabilities. To inquire about volunteering opportunities go to www. specialolympicsnorthdakota.org.

MOMS Club of West Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information, visit www.facebook.com/ MOMSClubWestFargo or email momsclubofwf@yahoo.com South East Regional KIDS Program An Infant Development Service providing home-based family focused services at no cost to families having an eligible infant or toddler under the age of three.

Call 701.446.3927 for more information.

Experienced Parent Support Group Support and Resource to families who have a child that is active with the South East Regional KIDS Program.

For more information please contact Moe Schroeder at 701.237.3558 or mrschroeder@ nd.gov.

Cullen Children’s Foundation Provide financial resources to organizations that support children’s healthcare needs, with an emphasis on cancer. For information on volunteering, being a part of a committee or to make a donation, visit www. cullyskids.com.

Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/parttime, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424.

Basic Training for New Dads With an experienced dad leading the way, new dads discuss adjusting to fatherhood, what to expect from a newborn baby and how to support mom during this time. For more information visit www.essentiahealth.com.

FM MOMSnext For moms of school aged children kindergarten to college to discuss various topics on parenting, motherhood and women ministries. Meet the 2nd Wednesday of the month at First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo]

from 6:00pm to 7:30pm.

Children's programming also available at the same time and need not be a member of the Church to have your children involved. Contact 701.232.4416 or email fmmomsnext@ hotmail.com for more information.

North Dakota College Save A 529 college savings plan, including a matching grant for ND residents. For more information www. collegesave4u.com or 1.866.

SAVE.529.

MOPS [Mothers of Preschooler] A place to find friendship, community, resources and support for you as a woman and mother so you're not alone.

• Olivet Lutheran Church [1330 S University Dr, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:00am to 11:00pm • First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:15am to 11:15am • Heartland MOPS [1751 Main Ave E, West Fargo at Heartland Community Church] 2nd Thursday 6:00pm to 8:00pm • Atonement Lutheran Church [4601 University Dr S, Fargo] Every other Tuesday 9:00am to 11:00am. Meetings include brunch, speakers, crafts, discussion and service projects. First meeting free. For more info call 701.237.9651 or visit www. atonementmops.org.

• Hope Lutheran Church [3636 25th St S, Fargo] 3rd Saturday 9:00am to 11:00am To submit a group or resource for consideration, email information to moms@forumcomm.com On The Minds of Mom staff does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

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A love of learning

Help your child succeed academically at any age with these ideas

By Danielle Teigen, Melissa Davidson, Paula Quam and Tracy Briggs

A

cademic success doesn’t start only when a child walks through the kindergarten classroom doors; the foundation for learning can be laid long before that ever happens. Don’t get too caught up worrying about test scores and ACT prep just yet; instead start cultivating a positive attitude around learning and reading, and you’ll have your little one off to a great start.

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Babies may seem very far from the school years, but you can start setting the stage for a great academic experience even now.

Wee ones [0-18 months]

When it comes to babies and school success, don’t get too worried. The most important thing is spending time with your baby and talking to him as much as possible.

Read, read, read Research has shown countless benefits of reading to babies as soon as they are born. According to KidsHealth.org, babies will have learned all the sounds needed to speak by the time they reach their first birthday, and the more you read aloud to them, the better they’ll be able to speak.

Repetition is key Reading “Goodnight Moon” hundreds of times may not sound that appealing to you as a parent, but your baby loves to hear the same stories over and over. It’s another way their little brains make connections between words and images and emotions, so let them reach for their favorite book as many times as they want.

But it’s not just about the words. When you read to your baby, you’re also teaching her about emotion and expression, which promotes social and emotional development. Books also offer babies the opportunity to look and point and eventually ask and answer questions, which is an important step in developing critical thinking skills.

Pictures and sounds Reading to your child helps your baby’s brain comprehend that certain images represent objects, according to KidsHealth.org, and your baby will start to develop preferences and respond to what you’re reading with sounds or reactions.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | AUGUST • SEPTEMBER 2020

Reading to your baby is a proven way to help him develop language skills. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

READY, SET, GROW

Toddlers love to read as well, and at this age, it’s about making the occasion even more special and fun.

Tots

[18 months to 3 years] Encourage participation Make sure your child understands that reading can be a shared experience by asking him to turn the pages or by quizzing him about what’s happening in the story. Chances are your child will love answering your questions, and you can gradually make them more complex by asking about emotions or details included in the story.

Venture into the nonfiction category

Make reading together a shared activity by asking your child to point out things she sees in the story. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms If you’ve already been reading to your child since they were born, you’ve laid a great foundation for developing the joy of reading and what the act can bring to your child in terms of language development. Now it’s time to bring the fun.

Embrace the silly Humor goes a long way with kids this age, so don’t shy away from acting out stories in a theatrical way or picking up a story full of silly rhymes. Don’t hesitate to make funny noises or create silly voices for various characters.

Now that your toddler is exploring more of the world and trying to figure out how everything works, she will be even more interested in nonfiction books about things such as vehicles, animals, the environment, places, etc. Embrace her curiosity and start exploring the world together through a great book.

Make it special When your toddler wants to read a book, do your best to devote your entire attention to him and the occasion you are about to share. Turn off phones, televisions, computers, etc., to show him how important reading together is. You might also consider having a special reading location in your home that is filled with comfortable furniture, cozy blankets, and, of course, lots of favorite books.

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Preschoolers are just dipping their toe in the academia water. There’s a lot you can do at home to ensure as they dive in they stay afloat.

Preschoolers [3 to 5 years old]

Preschool-bound kids not only are preparing for a more structured environment, they’re also getting ready to engage those brains on an academic level. Getting them ready with plenty of reading, interactions and play will help develop a good base set of skills that will lay the learning foundation.

The basics Singing is a useful (and fun!) tool in helping kids learn the basics, whether it’s colors, the alphabet or numbers. As you belt out those tunes, incorporate visual examples such as crayons or magnetic letters to help improve association.

Make it even more fun by using actions and finger play. There are also many opportunities to learn the basics all around us. Get outdoors and see what colors you can spot. Exploring the town with your child is also a great opportunity to talk about the sights and sounds.

Critical thinking Spark your little one’s critical thinking skills with reading. It’s a huge part of learning and personal development so it’s no wonder we’re always told to do this from day one. Check out the library where little ones can explore all types of books and see what piques their interest. As you read, discuss the challenges the

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character is facing and how they think they will overcome those challenges.

Problem solving Problem solving is a valuable lifelong skill that you can start building at home, too. Puzzles, memory games and building blocks are perfect for this. Take it large scale and have them help you figure out how to build the best fort.

Confidence Toddlers love to help out. Giving them ownership over some household activities helps fuel their confidence and independence. Have them set the table or help you prepare food. Most kids this age love cracking eggs and stirring food. Dusting surfaces and washing windows are also good options. While patience may be required and you may need to do some touch ups, the rewards are well worth it.

Have fun!

Keep them active with singing and dancing, playing tag or riding a bike. The most important thing is to have fun! When we make these experiences fun in a supportive environment kids are more likely to fully engage and absorb those valuable skills.

READY, SET, GROW

At this age, make sure your child knows you’re here to help her navigate her school journey.

Big kids [6 to 9 years old]

it remains a functional space that allows for students to focus.

Set expectations nice and high

Set academic expectations for your child high to allow her to reach her potential. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms These are some big years for big kids, as they begin to develop the academic habits that could continue to help them as they get even bigger.

Here are a few tips to set them up for success: Create a homework ‘zone’ If kids know how to do anything, it’s how to create their very own spot they can own and love. Make sure their homework zone is quiet, free of screens and loud distractions. Let them spice it up with all the school supplies they need — scissors, crayons, markers, pencils, paper and a simple, organizational system. If possible, create regular homework zone hours and rules such as, “Homework before play or screens” or “Homework zone is for homework only” so that

Don’t let kids sell themselves short. Insist they reach their own individual potential. Not every kid is going to be able to get As in every class, and that’s okay, as long as you and the child’s teacher are in agreement that they are, indeed, topped out at their potential. But if they’re not, don’t feel bad for making them work for a little bit better grade than what comes easily. They’ll develop a work ethic and pride that can take them far.

Talk about school At this age, kids aren’t usually as “shut down” with parental conversations as they may be in a few years, so take advantage of it and let them know you’re really interested in their school days. Take the time to actually talk about the problems and successes they’re experiencing in school. Show them that no matter how big or small, you’re there to help them navigate the crazy years of growing and learning. Extra chit-chat about school also impresses upon them that it’s important to you and should be important to them.

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Help your child develop good study skills he will use for years.

Tweeners [10 to 12 years old] Teach study skills No more messing around with naps and exploratory playtime — it’s big kid time. And with this comes real homework and tests that are more challenging. Teaching your child how to study now can be a great tool for them for many years to come. This can include keeping tabs on when their tests are and making sure they begin studying days prior, not cramming the night before when it can be too much, overwhelming

to go, whether it’s problems with classmates, not being prepared for tests or homework or a gamut of other tough things to face. But letting them stay home sends the message that they’re not strong enough to face it and address it. The problem could then become prolonged and their confidence weakened. If they’re not sick, give them your best parental advice with their problem and encourage them to make it through the day.

and stressful. Making sure they have good

Stay positive

study guides and proper materials can help, as

As a parent, you may not agree with every

can old tricks like mnemonic devices and word association. (How else would we have learned all 50 states, had it not been for the states song that listed them in alphabetical order?)

Take attendance seriously

decision your child’s teacher or local school district makes, but when that happens, remember to express your dissent in a constructive way rather than a purely negative one. Bad-mouthing teachers or aspects of your child’s school gives them the impression that they’re not a part of

We’re not talking about sickness here — if they’re

something good, and with that can quickly come

sick, keep those little honeys home. But we all

a bad attitude. If there are issues that need to be

know that some kids have a tendency to want to

addressed, put your problem-solver hat on and dig

stay home if they’re just not feeling it, and while

in with a positive attitude that shows your child

we all could appreciate those mental health days,

that it’s okay to respectfully disagree and even

try to keep those few and far between. Sometimes

better to be a part of the solution.

Sources: KidsHealth, National Parent and Teacher Association

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issues at school can cause a child to be reluctant

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READY, SET, GROW

Teaching resilience and perseverance during the teen years will serve your child well into the future.

Teens [13 to 18 years old]

Teenagers are entering some of the most exciting, yet stressful times of their life. High school means social pressures, extracurricular involvement and more challenging academic material. The grades they get in the years from 13 to 18 can impact their chances of getting into a college of their choice. Here is some advice from the National Education Association and the National Parent and Teacher Association on how parents can help guide their teen for greater academic success.

Catching some ZZZs Two out of three teens are not getting enough sleep, which can lead to depression, weight gain and poor academic performance. Help your child keep a sleep routine. Encourage them to shut off the devices and turn out the lights at the same

Help them understand work/life balance Help teens to understand, homework is their job and should come first. But extracurricular activities are an important part of high school too. Life-enriching memories are made on the school stage, basketball court or football field. However, having too much on their plate, between homework and activities will add stress they don’t need. Most of the time, teachers will work with students to extend deadlines if needed.

Teach resilience and perseverance Not every kid is a math whiz or talented writer.

Your teen might not shine in every class in school. But teach them to do their best when they can and stick to it. The class they dislike or are struggling with won’t last forever. Once they pass the class, they might have more

time every night.

opportunities to take classes they enjoy.

Plan ahead

Get involved

Mornings can be hectic even if you had a good

It is vitally important that parents show interest

night’s sleep. To lesson the hustle and bustle of

in their child’s education. Learn about the school

school mornings, encourage your teen to plan

by going to back-to-school night and visiting the

ahead for the next school day the night before.

website. Stay in touch with teachers (but don’t

Lay out clothes, put homework inside backpacks

hover) and ask your teen to talk about their

and know what the schedule is for the day.

favorite subjects.

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