Oct/Nov On the Minds of Moms

OCTOBER | NOVEMBER 2020

Inside:

MOM FINDS PURPOSE BEING AN EDUCATION ADVOCATE FOR LOCAL KIDS | 26 The valley’s

for today’s

Save time.

. e n i l n o p o h S Get fresh, handpicked groceries

delivered to your home in as little as

two hours 2

Visit Hornbachers.com ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

today!

CONTENT

IN EVERY ISSUE

Ten Little Chickens Photography

EDITOR'S NOTE........................................................ 7 SHUTTERBUG............................................................. 14 FALL EVENTS............................................................. 40

14 ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

3

CONTENT

8

SECTIONS RESOURCES

Connect, find help, get answers, make a difference......................................... 41

READY, SET, GROW

Raise inclusive kids..................................................................... 44

36 4

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

CONTENT

FEATURE & PROFILES MOD MOM

Morgan Bylund................................................................................. 8

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

I stopped trying to rid myself of anxiety, and I finally found freedom.................................................. 12

EDUCATION

How different education looks this year, thanks to the pandemic........................................................... 16

MOM HACKS

Meal plan an entire month?

Here's how to do it....................................................................... 22

COVER STORY

Mom finds purpose being an education advocate for local kids................................... 26

JUST A THOUGHT

“COVID Twister” forces honesty, courage and a whole lot of patience............................ 34

RAD DAD

Terry Horan...................................................................................... 36

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

5

moms@forumcomm.com

PUBLISHER Forum Communications Company

EDITOR Mary Jo Hotzler mhotzler@forumcomm.com

ASSISTANT EDITOR Danielle Teigen danielle.teigen@forumcomm.com

WRITERS Tracy Briggs Melissa Davidson Paula Quam Danielle Teigen Kathleen Wrigley Jessica Rerick Robin Huebner

ADVERTISING Mark Von Bank adfeatures@forumcomm.com

DESIGN AND LAYOUT Sara Slaby specialsections@forumcomm.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen

CONTENT INQUIRIES moms@forumcomm.com

SFI-00574

MISSION AND VISION On the Minds of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family.

On the Minds of Moms is an online community and magazine for and about local moms. We strive to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a national audience.

On the Minds of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

6

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Fall brings optimism, opportunity for transformation

MARY JO HOTZLER

T

ypically, the onset of fall brings about feelings of nostalgia and reflection. The leaves will soon do their last dance, and each passing day will become shorter and darker than the last.

It’s an ending, of sorts, as we prepare to close the books on a not-so-spectacular 2020 and hunker down for winter.

But fall is also full of majestic color and beauty. Optimism.

That’s what I’ve been trying to focus on during this season of change. The kids are back in school a few days a week and I’m getting back to doing more of the things that make me feel normal, like occasional trips to Target and unnecessary stops at Starbucks (fall is also a time for pumpkin spice, after all).

Maybe I’ve finally surrendered to this new reality or have just gotten used to my face mask and to all of the social modifications.

Even so, there is reason to be hopeful.

This edition of On the Minds of Moms reflects that perspective and embraces the transformation that can come from new beginnings.

In our cover story you’ll meet Rachel Stone, who turned her very own new beginning here in Fargo-Moorhead into an

F. Scott Fitzgerald said it best: “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the Fall.” opportunity to shine and to help others do the same. It’s an uplifting story of perseverance and following your calling, despite the obstacles.

In this edition we also explore all of the ways area parents are adapting to new educational environments and offer some tips for talking about and modeling kindness, compassion and inclusion with kids of all ages.

And for those of you spending more time at home making meals this fall, we introduce you to Jessica Rerick. She’s a chef by trade, but with four kids at home, she also understands the need for simplicity and family-friendly menus.

We hope you enjoy the magazine. As always, please feel free to reach out and share your story ideas and feedback.

Mary Jo Hotzler is Forum Communications Company’s Chief Content Officer and the interim editor of On the Minds of Moms. She lives in Fargo with her husband Heath and twin boys

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

7

Morgan Bylund of Dilworth, Minn., recently gave up her job as a full-time accountant to focus on being a social media influencer.

Dave Samson / The Forum

8

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Morgan Bylund Age: 28, Dilworth, Minn.

By Robin Huebner

M

organ Bylund always considered herself to have an entrepreneurial spirit.

The 28-year-old Moorhead native who lives in Dilworth, married to her high school sweetheart, Michael Bylund, loves to create home decor with her husband. They have a 5-year-old daughter, Kaia, and 20-month-old son, Ryker.

The two own and operate a home design and DIY business called M & M Rustics, and Morgan runs the social media accounts for it.

In the early days, it was just a side gig for both, and Morgan also worked a typical nine-to-five job as an accountant.

But in early 2019, while pregnant with their second child, Morgan’s life began taking a much different path.

She’d been a years-long fan of YouTube videos about “mom things” and even had her own channel with a small following.

At 42 weeks of gestation with her son and feeling miserable, she unloaded, online.

“I was overdue with him so I took my frustrations out… and my channel really took off,” Morgan said.

During labor and delivery at Sanford Medical Center in Fargo, she created a “birth vlog.”

“Right now, we're sitting at about 350,000 views on that video,” she said.

MOD MOM

With that, and the online following she’s gained since, Morgan now considers herself a “social media influencer.”

She quit her accountant job in May and is now putting her focus on her online presence, the family business, and of course, being a mom.

What is your social media following like?

On YouTube, I have 15,000 subscribers and on Instagram, about 7,500 followers.

As a micro influencer, it kind of gives me that edge over somebody with larger numbers because I'm really able to get to know my audience.

What subjects do you address? What resonates with your followers?

Showing you what it looks like to be a younger mom to kids, now working from home. I like to do motivational videos. You’ll see on my channel I do a lot of cleaning motivation videos. I like to talk about home decor. That's one of my passions.

What’s a day in the life of Morgan Bylund like?

I bring Kaia over to preschool and Ryker stays home with me. Typically, I’ll play with him, I’ll engage with him. I'm on my phone, engaging with some of my followers. I like to respond to comments and messages right away in the morning and I try to get back to every single one.

Then, I start filming… it may be a grocery haul, maybe I’m talking about home decor or just showing what my day looks like. Once my son goes down for a nap, that’s when I will edit my videos. I’m still working a lot of hours, but I control it. If I want to take an hour break and ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

9

MOD MOM go for a walk with my son and give him some snuggles, I'm able to do that, which is nice.

How does the income side of being a social media influencer work?

It's almost like a secret society. You don’t start a social media journey as being your full-time job.

Nobody hands you like a handbook, right? It’s been a lot of trial and error.

What drives my income every month are my (video) views… through AdSense.

I get about 100,000 views a month. In addition, I get sponsorships and brand deals. Those are by far my biggest moneymakers. I only accept brand deals and sponsorships that I actually love. I’ve worked with Huggies before and that's what we diaper my children in.

On average, it’s about $1,500 dollars per sponsorship. But there are some bigger ones…

There's a lot of money to be made there.

What’s your endgame? Would you like to become a macro influencer someday?

I am not necessarily in this for the views. I love being a voice for maybe those who aren't being heard. You see so many mom influencers and women influencers on social media and their life

looks perfect. That’s not what I'm about. I like to share the nitty gritty. I like to show the real-life stuff, the hot mess stuff. . . letting other women and mamas know that it's okay to be a chaotic mess sometimes.

Any concerns about having your work and family life online, so to speak?

I'm very aware of what I talk about, what I show. You'll notice on my channel that I don't show my kids a lot and it's for good reason.

We also get a lot of weird comments. Those troll comments . . . can be kind of rough, you know… but you just . . . push past it. That's probably my least favorite thing about what I do.

Any advice for other women wanting to do what you do?

Just jump into it. Do what scares you, because if you weren't afraid of anything, think of the things that you could achieve. I wish I would have started this so much sooner.

Even though it looks like a dream life on the outside and it absolutely is… I worked 24/7 for the past almost two years. I remember staying up until 2 in the morning, breastfeeding my son and editing videos to make it happen. If you put in the effort, you will see the outcome. You will see your dreams delivered to you.

Morgan manages the social media accounts for herself as a microinfluencer as well as for the home design and DIY business she operates with her husband. Dave Samson / The Forum

10

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

MOD MOM

Morgan Bylund and husband Michael have two children: 20-monthold Ryker and 5-year-old Kaia. Dave Samson / The Forum

Find out more about Morgan through her various social media channels: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/morganbylund https://www.youtube.com/channel/ UCW3lKPPtjkbebuCZJ7kxeFw Instagram: www.instagram.com/morganjackelyn www.instagram.com/mandmrustics Facebook: www.facebook.com/pg/morganjbylund www.facebook.com/mandmrustics Blog: https://www.mandmrustics.com

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

11

I stopped trying to rid myself of anxiety, and I finally found freedom

H

By Melissa Davidson

ave you ever lost yourself in a movie that strings you along with juicy unexpected plot twists that leave you on the edge of your seat?

It feels good, right? For an hour and a half you escape to a world where your own internal battles are emulated on the big screen and in the end, it all works out. You turn the TV off and life goes on as normal.

Now for the harder, more honest question: Have you ever lost yourself?

I’d speculate that if you’re reading this your answer is “yes.” I mean, haven’t we all at one point or another questioned our existence? But I think when you throw parenthood into the mix, facing this existential question is guaranteed.

Because while being a parent is great, it is also really hard on so many levels and our world really is no longer just ours. Maybe you were ready for it, or maybe it hit you like the ton of bricks that everyone warned you about, but you never really took seriously until the day you’re staring at that tiny, beautiful little face you need to keep alive.

For me, I was surprised, yet not. Because this internal unknowingness is not unfamiliar.

Parenthood just exaggerated the issue and brought me to a tipping point.

There I was, in cliche fashion, looking at my thirty-something face, recognizing how it’s 12

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

changed over the years. But the physical changes of my reflection are not what bothered me the most. What really hit me to my core was that I struggled to know who I was looking at, which is very unnerving. I didn’t know me! How could this have happened? I should have this figured out by now. But nothing bubbles things to the surface like a good life challenge, and with three kids piled on top of adulting, I was certainly being challenged.

All of a sudden I was flooded with emotion, disappointment and shame. I realized I drifted so quickly from one life milestone to the next, never able to stop, listen to myself and live life for me. Ever.

Because you see it’s never just been me on this journey. I’ve had an unwanted “friend” along the way since I was nine. She wasn’t really my friend, but rather an annoying enemy and she goes by one name: anxiety. I hear she gets around.

For me she showed up at the worst times: around friends, family, people I didn’t know, in class, literally in any social situation. She never left me alone. Her presence made me feel small, inadequate, worthless and often her overpowering personality would stifle my tongue. She even let me have it when we were alone, mocking my words and putting me down.

I let her take over. Because with a voice that loud, she must know what she’s doing right?

I started to avoid activities, events I deep down wanted to participate in, speaking up when I should speak up, spending time with family and friends, and the list goes on, from adolescence into adulthood. We were really getting into a groove now, albeit a dysfunctional one. It was

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

the anxiety show and I was just along for the ride year after year. I was living life for her, not me.

But deep down I knew this wasn’t right. I wanted to “fix” this problem and send my unwelcome life guest forever packing. I voraciously consumed self-help books, podcasts and documentaries.

I tried any technique, from hypnosis to sound therapy and I forced myself into uncomfortable situations — all in an attempt to eliminate her.

I have to say, all of those things did get me to a better place. But there was still a part of her that lingered with every move I’d make and on every word I’d say.

I knew it because there I was, staring into a mirror questioning every fiber of my being. “So here we are; me and you, anxiety.

What’s next?” I decided neither she nor I were capable of making that decision, so therapy it was.

anxiety. I hugged her and welcomed her on this journey. This, this it what I needed. Just feeling the heaviness of my arms hang at my sides because there was no longer a battle to fight. Letting go made way for the energy that I needed to allow myself to get to a place where I could push on and truly begin to feel good in my skin. It made way for the part of me that I thought I lost. Turns out, it was there. In fact, it was there all along, just a little buried.

Anxiety is a part of me and you know what, that’s okay.

Maybe if we just ease up a bit, embrace our internal enemies, hug them and love them, we can work together.

We learned a lot from our therapist; good tips, information and practices. But one thing impacted me the most and helped guide me into the next part of this journey — self love. I know, buzz word, right?

But I’m not talking about self love for me per se, but rather for anxiety. Because whether I like or not, it turns out, she is a part of me. A scared and hurt part of me that was lashing out. And you know what? Loving her felt good. Really good.

As I settled into embracing my lifelong friend instead of pushing her away, I felt a weight lift.

There was no more trying to shove her out the door or having internal fist fights with my

I think all of us face internal battles with unwanted life guests like anxiety at some point, and parenthood has a way of sparking these battles or exaggerating them. It’s easy to surrender ourselves to these, allowing them to shape our thoughts and decisions and opening the door to feelings of shame, guilt and vulnerability. We fight, trying to abolish them at all costs, burying and ignoring them.

But maybe that’s not the answer.

Maybe if we just ease up a bit, embrace our internal enemies, hug them and love them, we can work together. Things might become clearer and life, well, a bit easier. When you love yourself, and I mean ALL of you — even the you that yells at your kids out of exhausted frustration, even the you who might not have the answer or has the wrong answer, and even the you who beats yourself up — maybe that’s when we’re really able to find our way.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

13

shutterbug

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Shutterbug is a section dedicated to partnering with area photographers who have a passion for family portraits. Interested in having your photographs featured?

Email moms@forumcomm.com.

14

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

5.94X8.44_Best Maternity Hospital_Layout 1 8/20/2020 10:47 AM Page 1

Dedicated to High-Quality Care

altru.org/baby ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

15

EDUCATION

The coronavirus pandemic has changed education in a variety of ways. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

How different education looks this year, thanks to the pandemic

G

By Danielle Teigen, Melissa Davidson and April Knutson

etting families ready to head back to school is always a challenging time considering the mix of anxiety and excitement parents and kids both feel. Adding a global pandemic to the mix heightens the anxiety and diminishes some of the excitement if the start of the school year isn’t exactly what we had in mind.

In a Chamber event last month, the superintendents of the three largest public

16

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

school systems in the metro thanked the community, parents and students for their patience and understanding since the pandemic upended every aspect of daily life in March. They asked that everyone continue to operate from a place of grace and understanding as well all deal with the uncertainty of a global pandemic.

Because families are dealing with a variety of educational situations this year, we at On the Minds of Moms wanted to break each down for our readers. Here’s what we learned:

EDUCATION

Homeschooling Homeschooling — sometimes called home education — allows parents to create individualized curriculum and schedules to fit their children’s needs. Parents use a variety of public and private resources to create unique learning opportunities and partner with other families to create interpersonal skill building and partnership.

What it looks like: • Parents create their own curriculum based on the child's needs, interests and family schedule.

• Curriculum must meet state requirements.

• Separate learning space or classroom is created.

• Parents should check with local school district to confirm state of residency’s subject matter requirements and hours of study.

• At the end of each year, some state agencies require standardized testing periodically if parent/guardian does not have a teaching license.

Benefits include: • Flexibility and the ability to provide her children with more opportunities for extracurricular and volunteer activities.

• Confidence about trying new things.

• Children develop the ability to work together when only siblings are available.

Private schools Because private schools do not operate with state or federal funding, they are not required to follow the same protocols as public institutions and can operate independently when implementing educational plans during the pandemic.

What it looks like: • In-person instruction five days a week with masks and social distancing guidelines in place.

• Plans regarding quarantine or change to instructional method will be evaluated and re-visited on a regular basis.

• Face masks may be required only for upper grades.

• Personal learning devices available for all or some grades if distancing learning plans are put in place.

• Parents may have to sign a liability waiver related to the coronavirus.

• Parents may be asked to screen students for possible symptoms before going to school and possibly report the results to the school.

Benefits include: • Students have regular interaction with teachers and peers in classroom setting.

• Students have a consistent schedule five days a week.

• Social distancing made easier due to smaller class sizes.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

17

EDUCATION

Hybrid learning Depending on the school and grade, students will experience a mixture of in-person instruction as well as virtual learning. Students and staff will employ safety measures as described by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention while on school premises. On days they are learning outside of the building, students will engage with instructors and peers through online activities and conferences, and complete assignments through district-issued devices.

What it looks like: • In-person learning for all or some grades is divided into a limited number of days.

• Distance learning activities and assignments are expected to be completed on “off days”.

• Students are assigned in a groupbased rotation.

• Capacity is restricted to 50% for students and staff so the building has fewer people and reduced instances of exposure.

• If campuses are closed, teachers may still be allowed to work on site and occasionally schedule small groups of students for assistance.

18

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

• Students participate in scheduled video conferences.

• Student work is evaluated on a weekly, not daily, basis.

• If in-person learning is offered four days a week, the fifth day is used to give custodial staff the opportunity to clean school buildings thoroughly.

• Visitors not allowed in the building to reduce potential exposure.

• Masks required on school grounds to reduce potential exposure.

Benefits include: • Children will get some in-person instruction with teacher.

• Students will be able to socialize with peers in safe setting.

• Some consistency in scheduling provides level of stability for students.

• Students able to be in familiar educational setting part time.

• Students will wash and sanitize hands frequently on site.

• Meals may be provided by the school district even when not in the building.

EDUCATION

Virtual academy Virtual Academy is a 100% remote learning option for students K-12. The program, available for the semester or whole year, includes unscheduled instruction as well as three to six courses provided via EduCal, the schools’ realtime district learning management system.

What it looks like: • 100% remote learning • Both scheduled, real-time virtual instruction & unscheduled instruction • Staffed with Fargo Public School teachers • Available to K-12 students • Most IEP and ILP services provided virtually Benefits include: • • • • • •

Peer learning Plan consistency throughout the semester/year Real-time interaction with instructors Stability and reassurance for students No need for masks and social distancing during school day

The virtual academy is an option for families who don’t feel comfortable with students attending any in-person instruction. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

FAR LEFT: Masks are required for teachers and students during in-person instruction.

CENTER: Larger metro school districts are using a hybrid model that includes students being in the classroom a few days a week and completing assignments virtually the other days.

RIGHT: Being able to interact in a socially distant setting is a benefit for many students. Photos from iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

19

EDUCATION

Learning pods/private tutoring Sometimes called pandemic pods or microschools, these groups involve a small number of students (anywhere from 3 to 10 students) in the same grades who have a private tutor hired to help them complete their homework on a daily or weekly basis.

What it looks like: • Small group • Not an official effort of the school district • Option for families with similar schedules

• Teachers may be hired but are done so as independent contractors and not as school employees Benefits include: • Peer learning • Safe social interactions with peers • Reduces scheduling anxiety for working parents with demanding jobs • Pools resources efficiently • Stability and reassurance for students

Hiring a private tutor for a pandemic pod for learning may be a solution for families where both parents work demanding jobs. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms Sources and resources: New York Times article, Pods, Microschools and Tutors: Can Parents Solve the Education Crisis on Their Own? Selected for Families SchoolHouse Facebook group about Pandemic Pods

20

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

EDUCATION

Opportunity for optimism Parents should be aware that the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act (known as FERPA) and the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (known as HIPAA) protects student education and health records, so public schools are not required to disclose information about positive COVID-19 cases to the public. In North Dakota, the state will compile information but individual school districts can decide whether to provide that information publicly.

If the COVID-19 cases affect the instructional plan level, that information will be disclosed.

Moorhead Public Schools will follow a similar plan, according to Brenda Richman, executive director of public relations.

In a Chamber event last month, the superintendents of the three largest public school systems in the metro shared that all students in every grade will be given a personal learning device (PLD), thanks to federal funds made available because of the pandemic. All three superintendents also explained that having students in the classroom all the time is the goal for each district, but that will be done only when it is safe and sustainable to do so. All three superintendents – Rupak Gandhi (Fargo

Public Schools), Beth Slette (West Fargo Public Schools) and Brandon Lunak (Moorhead Area Public Schools) – also pointed out some opportunities the pandemic has offered.

“We understand this year will be different … but we don’t think that will be a detriment down the road,” Gandhi said. “Schools have been shut down in the past for things like floods and that has been a life experience for those students. I think this will be a life lesson for our students.”

Slette noted that the situation has created the need to personalize education and make it work for all students. “The one-size-fits-all education is no longer the reality,” she said.

“Education hasn’t really changed in 100 years and, in two weeks, we changed that model … we can do hard things; every generation has had a challenge and this is ours.”

Gandhi closed with a final comment to all community members about their role in shaping our students.

“Your words matter. Be conscious of your word choice,” he said. “As adults, our actions, attitudes and beliefs are reflected in our students, and we want to reflect optimism and hope.”

The three superintendents of the metro’s largest schools discussed education during the pandemic at a recent Chamber event.

Danielle Teigen / On the Minds of Moms

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

21

MOM HACKS

Meal plan an entire month?

Here's how to do it

By Jessica Rerick

Instant Pot Salsa Chicken is a versatile main course that can be made in a variety of ways.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms Recipe on page 25

22

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

I

’m a former chef, I work in food service, I run a food blog and I own a food products business, so naturally, I have crazy delicious, nutritious and creative meals on the table every night for dinner, right?

Did I mention I’m also raising four boys?

It’s safe to say that I’m losing steam on most weeknights and feeling rather “spent”, so if dinner takes longer than 30 minutes to prep, to be honest, I’m going to choose to make something else. I think we all can relate!

One way that I am able to keep my sanity in the kitchen is that I rely on our menu board. I got the idea from an old friend to use a monthly dry erase calendar and, instead of filling it with activity and task lists, I fill it in with a meal plan.

It’s been life changing! It helps me stick to my budget by stopping some of those “I might need that” purchases. It also helps answer the “what’s for dinner?” question.

Here’s how I do it. Around the third week of the month, I start making a couple lists. One for the foods that the kids or my husband have mentioned that they have been craving lately and recipes that I need to test. The other list is for the freezer or pantry items that I would like to use.

Then I start jotting down some ideas here or there.

During the last week of the month, I sit down with my monthly dry erase calendar and colorful markers (just for fun) and I fill out the entire month. If the kids aren’t home for the day, I don’t waste time with lunches. Sometimes this might be a two-day process if I don’t have a lot of items on my lists, but it really does come together quickly when I have done the prep work.

This might sound overwhelming, but try not to overthink it.

I include things like date nights, pizza nights, order out nights, leftover use and other special events that will be over the dinner hour.

Sometimes the items aren’t even all that specific and I simply put sandwiches or hotdish. It just helps to have a rough plan. Of course, the plan is always subject to change at the discretion of the chef. Because, life happens.

MOM HACKS Another way that I keep things as easy as I can on weeknights is that occasionally I take the time to make a large batch of an item that I can use in multiple ways over the month or two.

Instant Pot Salsa Chicken is one of my go-to items. It’s one of the most versatile items that I make. As added bonuses, the kids love it and it freezes beautifully.

When I make Instant Pot Salsa Chicken, I generally make 5-6 pounds at a time. Most of the time I use it for the meal that night and freeze my leftovers, but occasionally I will just make it on a Saturday afternoon because I found a good price on chicken. (When you have four kiddos, you have to take the deals when you can find them.)

I simply put the leftover cooked chicken into freezer bags, about two cups each, lay them flat, remove all the air, and label the bags. Laying the bags flat and spreading the chicken evenly into a thin layer serves two purposes: 1.

If I forgot to pull my chicken out ahead of time, it will thaw more quickly.

2.

It also saves space and keeps things looking nice and neat in my freezer so I can find it when I need to. I just pull out one or two bags the morning I want to use them.

Here are a few of our favorite uses: Bowls: Use rice or cauliflower rice (try making cilantro lime rice), pinto or black beans, avocados, tomatoes, frozen corn, limes, or other toppings.

Burritos: Fill a flour tortilla with rice, beans, chicken and then serve immediately or wrap in foil and keep warm in a low temperature oven until you are ready to eat.

Tacos: Soft or hard shell along with your favorite taco toppings.

Taco salads: Top romaine or iceberg lettuce with toppings and crushed tortilla chips.

Baked potato popper: Slice baked potatoes, fluff with fork and top with the chicken, cheese, extra salsa and any other toppings you like.

Quesadillas: Top a flour tortilla with Mexican shredded cheese blend, chicken and ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

23

Cheesy Salsa Chicken Spaghetti is a rich, warm meal perfect for cool weather.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms another tortilla. Heat in a non-stick pan or on a griddle until cheese is melted and the tortillas are light golden brown.

Sheet Pan Nachos (recipe below) Cheesy Salsa Chicken Spaghetti (recipe below) I am sure the list could be longer and some of the options above are healthier than others, but all are delicious! We do have a couple favorites though. My kids are big fans of the Salsa Chicken Sheet Pan Nachos. Most of the time they only eat the chips, cheese, meat, beans and corn, but occasionally they will dabble in jalapeno-eating contests and have some fun with it. I usually make one “boring pan” and one “fun pan”. They

also absolutely love that when it’s time to eat, I just put one or two sheet pans of nachos in the middle of the table, and they can serve themselves.

Another one of our favorite ways to use the Salsa Chicken is to make Cheesy Salsa Chicken Spaghetti. This is a little more of a splurge because it’s so rich and cheesy, but sometimes after cold soccer or football games, it’s just the warm, comforting meal that we all need to warm up. It’s also a great dish to assemble ahead of time and keep in the refrigerator until you are ready to bake. If you are going to make it ahead of time, just increase your bake time by 20 minutes to ensure that everything is heated through.

Cheesy Salsa Chicken Spaghetti

24

Serves 6

Directions:

Ingredients:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

16 ounces spaghetti 2 cans cream of chicken soup 16 ounces Velveeta cheese, cut into 1 inch cubes 1 - 10 ounce can tomatoes and green chiles (optional) 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1 cup shredded Mexican blend cheese 2 cups Salsa Chicken (or shredded plain rotisserie chicken) Parsley, chopped (for garnish)

In a large pot, cook the pasta according to the package directions, leaving it slightly al dente.

Strain and return the pasta to the pot.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Add condensed soup, cheese, tomatoes, cumin, garlic powder, oregano and chicken. Gently stir until all of the ingredients are evenly combined.

Pour the spaghetti mixture into a greased 9x13 baking dish and top with shredded cheese.

Bake for 15-20 minutes or until cheese is melted and the edges of the pan are bubbling. Remove the pan from the oven and serve.

MOM HACKS

Instant Pot Salsa Chicken

Ingredients:

5-6 pounds of boneless/skinless chicken breasts, raw, not frozen (can also use thighs) 16 ounces salsa, medium heat 2 tablespoons ranch dressing mix 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1/3 cup lime juice, fresh squeezed or from a bottle Directions: Place all ingredients in the Instant Pot. Stir. Lock and seal the lid. Cook on manual - high pressure for 12 minutes. Use the natural release method. Once all of the pressure

is released, carefully remove the lid and remove the chicken from the juice. Make sure it has reached 165 degrees. Shred the chicken using either 2 forks or the paddle attachment to a stand mixer. Once the chicken is shredded return it to the sauce in the instant pot and let it rest for 5 minutes to soak in. The chicken is now ready to use or let it cool and freeze into 2 cup packages to use later.

Salsa Chicken Sheet Pan Nachos can be customized for individual family members or every time you serve it.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms

Yields 10 cups shredded chicken (will vary depending on brand and cut of chicken used)

Salsa Chicken Sheet Pan Nachos Serves 4 Ingredients: ½ large bag of tortilla chips 3 cups shredded Mexican style cheese 2 cups shredded salsa chicken, warmed in a saute pan or microwave ½ cup canned black beans, drained and rinsed (optional) ½ cup thawed frozen corn (optional) Shredded lettuce Diced tomatoes Jalapenos, sliced Cilantro, chopped Sour cream or plain Greek yogurt Avocados or guacamole

Directions: Preheat your oven broiler. Line a rimmed half-size sheet pan with

parchment paper or spray with pan spray. Spread tortilla chips over the pan and sprinkle with 2 cups of the shredded cheese.

Place the sheet pan under the broiler and heat until cheese melts.

Remove the pan from the oven and evenly cover the chips and cheese with the salsa chicken, black beans and corn. Top with the remaining cup of shredded cheese and place under the broiler for another 1-2 minutes or until the cheese has melted and the edges of the chips start to brown.

Remove the pan from the oven, top with lettuce, tomatoes, sliced jalapenos, and other toppings of choice before serving ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

25

Model citizen

Mom finds purpose being an education advocate for local kids

26

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

RACHEL STONE

G

By Danielle Teigen

rowing up in the suburbs of Chicago, Rachel Stone is the eldest of three pastor’s kids (or PKs, as she says) who never would have imagined that she would follow her father, mother, and faith to Fargo, North Dakota, to help establish a new church in the northern plains city. As a young wife and mother to three small boys, Rachel found the move challenging in a variety of ways.

“This is a small town to me,” Rachel explains. “I would equate it to the old Western where a cowboy no one knows walks into a saloon and everything stops as they all just look at him … I felt like that for a long time. I would walk into a store or the library, and everyone would just stop and stare. I had to get used to that.”

She adapted quickly and soon found herself enrolling her oldest son in the local Head Start Program, which provides early childhood education, health, nutrition and parent involvement services.

Little did she know that the decision would change the course of her life.

Rachel Stone is mom to three sons as well as a childhood education advocate and empowerment coach. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

27

MODEL CITIZEN

It doesn’t take a lot of money to make a difference and do something big. I like to tell kids that so they know that you don’t need a lot of money; you only need determination and passion to do big things.

Rachel Stone

Rachel dove into volunteering for various committees, then branching out to other area nonprofits. Those experiences quickly planted the seeds of childhood education advocacy that have now blossomed into her life’s calling and passion.

“Fargo was my blessing and my family’s blessing in disguise,” Rachel says.

A dream fulfilled As Rachel got involved in her new community, she soon met Sheila Christenson, owner of Christensen Modeling and Talent with her daughter Stephanie, in 2006. Rachel signed with their agency and a new future unfolded in front of her.

Rachel's youngest son, Gabriel, far left, is a senior at Moorhead High School while Immanuel, far right, is attending MSUM. Middle son Samuel graduated high school and is taking a break before attending college.

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

28

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

MODEL CITIZEN

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

29

MODEL CITIZEN “I believe in family, I value family,” Rachel explains. “I wanted to take care of my kids and nurture them, but (modeling) enlightened me and showed me that there are still opportunities for me and my dreams.”

Modeling led her to cross paths with Kathy Yohe and her daughter Allison, who were co-directors of the Mrs. North Dakota International and Miss Teen International Pageants. The mother-daughter duo asked her to run for Mrs. North Dakota.

“My reaction was, ‘Are you serious?’ ” Rachel remembers.

They were serious, and she ran, earning second runner-up with her platform of youth missions. Though she didn’t win, Rachel says the experience helped her realize that being authentic to who she is as a person is crucial in any situation.

“I learned it was okay to be Rachel and that being yourself will stand out like no other,” she says.

Rachel took what she learned and ran again the next year, this time advocating for Head Start and earning the title of Mrs. North Dakota, the first African American woman to do so.

“I could hear a pin drop when they announced it,” Rachel says. Now when she shares with students about her experience, she makes sure to point out that finances were a challenge when she was running for the title; she tells students she borrowed the dress she won in, bought the suit for the interviews at a garage sale and purchased the shoes for the athletic portion at a discount store. “It doesn’t take a lot of money to make a difference and do something big,” she shares. “I like to tell kids that so they know that you don’t need a lot of money; you only need determination and passion to do big things.”

As a titleholder, Rachel traveled nationally as a spokesperson for Head Start at organizations and in schools.

“And that’s when my purpose began to unfold,” she remembers.

30

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Making a difference on a daily basis As Rachel’s modeling career took off, she switched to a Christian modeling agency that aligned more closely with her faith. Her travels took her all over the country and even landed her on a television show counseling other models who struggled with their self-worth. As she was coaching them, Rachel realized she was missing important time with her own children and that working with other youth would bring her much greater satisfaction.

She decided to apply for a job with Fargo Public Schools and was initially dismayed to find only a lunch lady position available. Rachel admits she struggled with the notion of being a titleholder and national spokesperson serving chicken nuggets and wearing a hair net, but after wrestling with it for a while, Rachel applied.

“Sometimes making an impact isn’t always pretty,” she says.

But Rachel’s warmth and authenticity allowed her to connect with students on a deeper level, and she consistently brought joy and encouragement to those young kids.

Chris Triggs was the principal at Madison Elementary at the time Rachel worked there, and he saw every day how great she was with the kids.

“She brought high energy and positivity,” he remembers. “Some people are just naturally good at relating to kids, and she’s one of those people.

She knows what to say and what to ask them and how to build that relationship . . . she’s just a good person, and she loves kids and believes in them.”

As Triggs observed Rachel, he realized the school and students would benefit from her serving in a bigger role, so he called her into his office one day.

“I was called to the principal’s office, and I thought, ‘Lord, what have I done?’ ” Rachel laughs.

But she wasn’t in trouble. Far from it. Principal Triggs shared with her how students had come to him to say how much they loved her and how great of a job she was doing, and he offered her a position as a paraprofessional who worked specifically with kids with behavioral issues.

MODEL CITIZEN I have had many challenges and struggles even in my personal life, but God has walked with me all along this journey. I am a woman of faith all the way. My faith is what keeps me strong and grounded.

Rachel Stone

Rachel was able to relate to many of those struggling students because she herself battled similar issues as a child in Chicago, and she could identify with them.

“I’m the oldest so I didn’t have a big sister, but I made a vow that when I got older, I would be the big sister for these kids that I never had,” Rachel says.

Empowerment meets resilience Working with those kids and helping them deal with their struggles in a positive way inspired Rachel to develop an empowerment program geared towards upper elementary students, specifically girls. Rachel named the program “P’s & Q’s Etiquette” with a double meaning about princesses and queens as well as the expression referring to minding your manners. She started the program in the basement of her church with two students but quickly grew to nearly 30 students. The program teaches elementary, middle and high school girls leadership skills, resilience, goal setting and conflict resolution.

She offered the program in Fargo Public Schools before bringing it to Horizon Middle School in Moorhead, where she currently works.

Rachel’s journey in Moorhead’s educational system started as a lunch lady – again – but soon grew into becoming a support services staff member with her own classroom where students came for understanding and assistance.

Suddenly Rachel realized she could do even more by serving on the Moorhead School Board.

“I had thought about running back in 2012 … but my focus was on Ps and Qs,” she says. “But the more I thought about it and how passionate I am about kids, I said, ‘Why not?’ ”

Campaigning for kids Two years ago, Rachel filed her candidacy and began campaigning, sharing with prospective voters her experiences in both the Fargo and Moorhead school systems and talking about the need for workable policies on behavioral issues and supporting students on a variety of issues.

As she was out knocking on doors, Rachel realized that the students she had seen every day in the lunch room and hallways and her classroom were some of her most ardent supporters. They would come to the door and tell their parents about “Miss Rachel” from school and how they would vote for her if they could. One of the most powerful examples happened during a parade when some of Rachel’s supporters weren’t able to walk with her, and Rachel was feeling pretty down about being by herself.

She gets choked up thinking about what happened next.

“I saw my students out there, and they saw me and the signs and they came out and marched ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

31

MODEL CITIZEN Rachel says moving to Fargo from Chicago as a young mother was a blessing in disguise. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

32

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

MODEL CITIZEN with me,” Rachel remembers. “I didn’t have a trailer or a whole group of people, and I was fairly new to Moorhead … but the kids knew me, and they were cheering for me.”

That Tuesday night in November, Rachel watched the election results with her friend and fellow candidate Kara Gloe, and she saw that she earned 17 percent of the vote, enough to land one of three open seats on the board.

“I started crying, I was so excited. It was a surreal moment; I just couldn’t believe it,” she says. “I’ve never fit in, I’ve never felt like I had the qualifications to do what I wanted to do, but it’s the call that kept pulling me. I had an opportunity to be a voice for the voiceless, and God led me to this community to be part of the solution, to bring understanding and work together.”

Working toward unity As Rachel works toward understanding and advocating for local school children through her school board position, she is not unaware of what is happening on the national level regarding racism, equality and inclusivity. As the mother of three African American sons, Rachel has to be aware. And the last few months have weighed heavily on her.

“It’s been scary . . . that could be my son . . . I don’t want to lose my babies or my loved ones,” she says.

Rachel encourages her sons to realize that listening to authorities and cooperating with them means they would live to see another day.

“I’ve always tried to teach my sons never to react to your emotions, but take the time to really process things and think them through before making choices,” Rachel says. “Life is about choices, and there are always consequences to every choice that we make in life . . . Violence is never the answer. You have to know your talent and use that avenue and opportunity to speak out for justice and for others.”

But even as her sons are armed with all the good advice in the world, it doesn’t mean she won't still worry.

“I’ve been scared and afraid for them,” Rachel says.

She herself is not immune to negative experiences based on her race. She said when she was running for Mrs. North Dakota, she was called a racial slur, and when she was door knocking during her Moorhead School Board campaign, someone came to the door with a gun and commanded her to get off the property immediately.

Rightfully so, Rachel was shaken by what happened and shared it with a small group of Moorhead residents, including former mayor Del Rae Williams. Williams volunteered to knock on doors with her.

“I felt she needed to feel and be safe,” Williams says in an email. “I really enjoyed getting to know Rachel. The more I know her, the more a fan I become.”

Through all of it, Rachel continues to preach positivity, to all the students in her empowerment program and to her sons. Her two oldest have graduated from high school; Emmanuel is attending MSUM and Samuel is taking a break before he heads to college. Gabriel is the youngest and a senior football player.

Rachel says the notion of being an empty nester soon is daunting, but she has faith that her sons will be able to draw on the many lessons she’s taught them over the years about pursuing their goals, finding their passion and being smart.

After all, faith is what led her to Fargo-Moorhead where she found her our purpose and passion.

“I have had many challenges and struggles even in my personal life, but God has walked with me all along this journey,” she says. “I am a woman of faith all the way. My faith is what keeps me strong and grounded. I truly believe that we were all born for a purpose . . . I want to continue to be a role model to our young people. To show our brown children that they can be and do anything that they set their minds too.”

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

33

“COVID Twister” forces honesty, courage and a whole lot of patience

By Kathleen Wrigley

Honesty requires courage. Here is the truth: I

I

do not like roller coasters.

A long time ago, I went on a date to Hersheypark in Pennsylvania. My date spent the entire two-hour drive bragging about his infatuation with roller coasters. The thrill. The speed. Upside down. Backwards. Backwards and upside-down spinning in circles while dropping 15 stories. He could not wait.

I, on the other hand, was excited for Hershey's chocolate. I wanted to lose myself in the factory assembly line droplets of kisses. I wanted to smell the chocolate, taste it and lick it off my fingers. I imagined leaving with a stockpile of chocolate. But my date was obsessed with inflicting terror on himself, and now on me, on death-defying roller coasters. It made me lose my appetite. I was too embarrassed to be honest, so I pretended to be brave.

It is worth repeating: I do not like rollercoasters. I want to feel joyful, not terrified. I want to scream with delight, not panic. Roller coasters make me sick to my stomach. Yet there I stood, in a long line, waiting to be voluntarily strapped to a metal cage. Buckled from my head to my toes, for safety … or so that I could not escape.

The whole thing lasted about 70 seconds. I should have been grateful to be alive, but I was too nauseated. I threw up on my date.

34

I was naively brave, but not honest. Lesson learned.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

am nervous about our world. There is unrest and uncertainty. But we soldier on and look for the good. There is always good.

We are in the middle of a pandemic. Schools, businesses, industries and activities have been shut down. Anxiety, depression and domestic abuse rates continue to rise. Our country has never been more divided, angrier, more suspicious, in my lifetime. If I am being honest, I do not always love my neighbor as myself. I judge. I can be unkind. I am a sinner. Like you, I am in the middle of this mess. Strapped in, nauseated, but ready to grow. What can I do?

I read this quote in a novel recently: “As the twig is bent, so is the tree inclined.”

As parents and leaders in our families, we have an enormous responsibility to be the light of truth and love and grace and hope for our children and those kiddos around us. I can easily become overwhelmed with the what-ifs, catastrophizing our current world. I constantly remind myself that our children are watching and they will mimic us.

It is our job to be their calm, not their chaos.

For lots of people, January is a new beginning. For educators, students and families with children, September is their new year. A fresh start.

JUST A THOUGHT As a school counselor in Bismarck, I have watched kids fall through the cracks these last few months of being isolated and unstructured.

Human beings need connection and community.

Children need structure and schedules and routines to feel safe and successful.

Our school has opened its doors of operation for in-person learning, five days a week. Most North Dakota schools have started with a hybrid or distance-learning schedule. The North Dakota High School Activities Association is allowing extracurricular pursuits and fall sports to return, while following social distancing rules.

We crave connection.

Here are my observations from the beginning of the school year: • Students are exhilarated to be back in school • Children adapt easily to the new COVID rules and restrictions • They will follow our lead.

I challenge every angry adult to spend an afternoon in a kindergarten class. These precious babies can see right into people’s souls.

They sense goodness and safety. They know love.

They spread their untainted love freely.

Let’s be more like a kindergartener.

Educational leaders are squarely in the middle of this horrendous roller coaster ride called “COVID Twister.” Inevitably, they will be criticized for being both brave and honest. Pray for them. Support them and be kind, especially in front of children. They are doing the best they can to keep us securely fastened and safe while whooshing through the uncharted ride, together.

Principals, teachers, school counselors and support staff are white-knuckled and leaning into the twists and turns of the new school year while doing their best to keep kids and staff safe, masked, distanced … and together.

Kathleen Wrigley is a wife, mom and advocate. She is made with equal amounts of grace and grit, with gobs of giggles and gratitude.

Anne Carlsen Mental Health

Services

Let Anne Carlsen be there for you and your family

Are you struggling with stress and anxiety as Covid-19 continues?

Are you or a member of your family struggling with grief, depression or difficulty coping? Do you feel it may be affecting your family? Let the team at Anne Carlsen Mental Health Clinic be there for you.

Anne Carlsen has appointments available with our new Nurse Practitioner as well as our seasoned therapists immediately.

Appointments are available in person or via telehealth services.

For more information: Call 1-800-568-5175 Visit annecarlsen.org.

Anne Carlsen is closer than you know.

Doing more than you think.

www.annecarlsen.org

Visit a location near you: Fargo • Jamestown • Bismarck • Minot Grand Forks • Bottineau • Devils Lake • Moorhead

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

35

Terry Horan

RAD DAD

Age: 54, Moorhead, Minn.

A

By Tracy Briggs

s an All-American football player at Concordia College in Moorhead, Minn, in the mid 1980s, Terry Horan made a name for himself by staking claim to several school records including ‘Most touchdowns in a single season.”

Following graduation in 1989, he turned his love for football into a successful career in coaching in Willmar and Breckenridge, Minn.

But, fate and maybe “a nudge” or two convinced him to apply for the head football coaching job at his alma mater following the retirement of his former coach Jim Christopherson, who had been at Concordia for 32 years. Horan got the job and is now beginning his 20th year. He and wife Michelle and their four children call Moorhead home. He took the time out of this busy start of school to visit with “On The Minds of Moms” about how he mixes parenting and football.

Tell me about your upbringing and your siblings.

I was born in Ortonville, Minn., and as a family, we moved around central Minnesota with my dad’s work until we settled down in Willmar, Minn., when I was in seventh grade back in 1980.

I have three other siblings.

My oldest brother, Tim, lives in Gurnee, Illinois, with his family; my sister, Sue, lives in Fargo with her husband, and my youngest brother, Ted, lives in Moorhead with his family. My upbringing was a very typical and traditional late ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s upbringing where our family was very lucky to have my mom as a stay-at-home mom.

My mom passed away almost six years ago as she battled through Alzheimer’s disease, and my dad is 83 now and lives right around the corner from us in Moorhead.

36

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

What do you remember about how your parents raised you and do you use some of their tips to raise your own children?

We were very lucky to have my mom stay at home.

I just always remember coming home when I was growing up in grade school to a hug and a snack from my mom. Michelle and I made this a priority for our kids too. We wanted Mom at home as I remember this as a huge positive growing up. My dad was a hard worker and had a crazy schedule, but my mom and dad never missed an event that I was in and or my siblings were in. My mom and dad made family a huge priority and the love my dad had for my mom was evident until the very end and still is evident today honoring her memory in the way he lives his life.

I will also say as busy as Michelle and I are with our work schedules, we always will make time to be at our kids’ events. We might have to tag team sometimes if there are multiple events going on, but for sure one of us will be there and most of the time it’s both of us.

Also, both Michelle and I had a chance to coach our two oldest children; Michelle coached Meghan during her travel basketball years, and I was able to coach my son Tommy with his baseball from Pre-K until 10th grade every summer. This time with them brought great enjoyment.

And your dad is still in Moorhead. How special is that to you?

My parents moved to Moorhead from the Willmar area in the early 2000s to be closer to family, and that was an incredible blessing. My parents live just around the corner from our house, and the back of their townhome is the local park with play equipment. It was so nice for them to be around their grandkids and for my four kids to run over to Grandma and Grandpa

Terry Horan is a busy dad of four who is also the head football coach at Concordia College.

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

37

RAD DAD anytime they wanted (most of the time they would leave on a sugar high).

Also, as stated earlier, my mom passed away almost six years ago, and I’m certainly glad my dad had my sister, my youngest brother and me in town to help with the caring of my mom. This wasn’t easy as anyone who has experienced a parent go through a battle with Alzheimers surely knows the drain and sadness this disease has on everyone involved. I often say my dad is my rock. He showed all of us family members what it is to be a great dad and husband as he never missed a day with my mom when we finally had to put her in an assisted living and memory care unit. She might not have recognized him all the time, but he always recognized his wife, and he was by her side until her last breath.

We still keep my dad busy with all the grandkids activities and Cobber football games too.

What kind of kid were you? Did you always love football?

I was a very active kid growing up — football, basketball and baseball consumed my every day.

My favorite sport was always the season I was in. If it was the fall, I loved football the most, basketball was in the winter, and baseball was my spring and summer passion.

Tell me about your family today.

My wife, Michelle, and I have been married 28 years now. We met her first week at Concordia in the fall of 1988. I was a senior and she was a freshman.

Michelle and I are truly blessed with four amazing kids. Michelle manages the Moorhead Country Club and she has been successful in hiring three of our four kids to work out at the MCC. The most impressive part of this is that she hasn’t had to fire them...yet.

Our oldest daughter, Meghan, is now 22 and she graduated from Concordia in 2019 with a communication studies major and a writing minor. She is now the director of sales for National Hospitality Services in Fargo. If I could take anyone on a recruiting trip with me it would be Meghan, as she has a personality to die for.

38

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Our oldest son, Thomas, is 19 and will be a sophomore at Concordia where he is majoring in business accounting. He plays baseball for the Cobbers, too. He should be playing football as well, but he didn’t want to play for the head coach.

Our number two son is our 16-year-old Tate, and I often say I’m raising my brother Ted with Tate. He’s our artsy member of the family. Tate has added a lot of culture to our lives. I can say with a huge smile on my face that we love every minute of it.

Our youngest daughter, Annie, just turned 14, and she is a very active teenager – she is interested in basketball and volleyball and is a Tik Tok machine. She will get away with anything because my wife and I are usually too tired to make a fuss over what she wants to do.

Coaching football can be time-consuming and stressful. How do you make time for family?

Coaching football at the college level is very demanding. You really have to put the time into it to be successful. First and foremost I have hired a great staff around me that are really good at what they do. I’m not a micromanager – I give a long leash for my guys to be able to coach.

From the season to the recruiting to spring ball and spring recruiting, there really isn’t a ton of free time if you want things done right. But, I make sure my staff knows that it’s important for you to be around your family. It’s important for you to have your family be around our team . . . Family is too important to all of us coaches to have them take the back seat. Family is always a priority in our Cobber football program.

Do any of your coaching methods work on your own children?

My kids would tell you they fear their mother the most. I’m too much of a softy I guess with my own kids, until the voice raises a few notches then they will all scurry away. But, honestly, I will say this, and this is no different than what I tell my own players, my kids know the difference between right and wrong, and that they need to be accountable for your actions. If this doesn’t

RAD DAD

Family is important to Terry, which is why he said he and his wife make it a priority to support their children in any way they can and be at their events no matter how much scheduling juggling needs to happen. The Horan children include (from left, front) Thomas, Meghan (back row), Annie and Tate. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

39

RAD DAD fall in line then we have problems, and there will be consequences too.

What lessons have you learned from

What are your biggest surprises about being a dad?

That after hard losses I can come home, and my

I love every minute of it — the good times and the bad times. These are all really solid teachable moments. One of the biggest surprises for me being a dad is I find myself hurting when my kids are hurting, and I find myself very happy when they are excited about something that they accomplished that went really well. Also, being a dad means to treat with protective care. It means being involved, being emotionally engaged, physically able, providing financial support and having influence.

put life in perspective a little bit more for me.

What makes you the most proud of your children?

That each and every one one of my kids are incredibly caring, loving and treat everyone with respect. These kids would stop anything they are doing to help out another sibling and or their parents.

your children?

kids just want to see Dad being happy. Their hugs

If your wife and kids were to coach you, what would they have to coach you on?

My wife and kids need to coach me up in the kitchen. I am not a great cook. I can make great breakfast options for everyone, and easy lunch stuff, but my biggest shortfall is supper, especially in the summer when my wife is working late at the Moorhead Country Club and I’m in charge of supper (a lot of pressure comes with knowing that you need to put something together for the kids). My go-to is grilling, frozen pizzas, or going out to eat when I’m getting home from work and too tired to cook something. This brings plenty of eye rolls from my wife.

The team at On The Minds of Moms work to curate fun events, activities and experiences for parents and kids in Fargo-Moorhead, West Fargo, Grand Forks and its surrounding communities.

But as states slowly re-open, family-friendly events are being changed, postponed or canceled.

In an effort to keep information as accurate as possible in this magazine, we opted to use this space to ask for online submissions so we can offer up to date- even if we have to continue social distancing well into this summer.

FALL EVENTS

Find more information at www.inforum.com/tags/ON-THE-MINDS-OF-MOMS/MOMS-EVENTS.

Do you have events you’d like to share with On the Minds of Moms?

Submit your even by filling out the form at www.inforum.com/on-the-minds-of-moms or email us at moms@forumcomm.com.

40

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

RESOURCES

CONNECT, FIND HELP, GET ANSWERS, MAKE A DIFFERENCE

COVID-19 resources North Dakota Department of Health: Call 1-866-207-2880 for questions related to COVID-19, the NDDoH hotline is open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. seven days a week.

you know is having thoughts of suicide.

FirstLink Suicide Lifeline is connected to a national network of crisis services, so no call for help is unanswered.

Medical and hospitals

FirstLink: Text 211 or call 701-235-SEEK (7335) for a free, confidential service available to anyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week for listening and support, referrals to resources/ help, and crisis intervention.

If you suspect you are infected or have symptoms of COVID-19 and need medical advice, call ahead before you go to a clinic or physician's office. If you do not have a primary care provider, you are able to use the below numbers for either hospital.

Essentia Health: Call COVID-19 Hotline, 1-833-494-0836, or start an e-visit online at Essentiahealth.org/COVID-19.

Prairie St. John’s: Call 701-476-7200 for many services for children and adolescents facing mental health concerns, substance use disorder, or co-occurring disorders. They are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Sanford Health: Call 701-234-5000 for “My Sanford Nurse” or start an e-visit online at Sanfordhealth.org/campaign/covid19-care.

ParentsLead.org: Get tips on Talking with Children about COVID-19 Based on Their Age ranges from early childhood to high school.

Mental and behavioral health

Food support

Suicide lifeline: Call 1-800-273-TALK to reach the 24-hour suicide lifeline if you or someone

Cass Clay Food Partners: Find a list of up-todate programs at z.umn.edu/cassclayfoodre-

Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Services [PPAS] The PPAS program provides decision-making counseling, parenting support and adoption services to those facing unintended pregnancies. For expectant parents who choose to parent their child, PPAS provides resources to help them prepare for their new baby. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect.

PCAND, formerly known as the North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www.pcand.org.

Post Adopt Support Group Any ND adoptive family or any ND family providing guardianships are invited to attend this group

meeting. If you have questions, please email postadopt@pathinc. org or call 701.551.6349. Visit our website [www.ndpostadopt. org] for meeting times across the state of North Dakota.

Jeremiah Program Empowerment. Education.

Success. It is what the Jeremiah Program was built on, what participants strive for and what the program helps participants achieve. At the Jeremiah Program, low-income single mothers make a commitment to completing a post-secondary education, launching a successful career and creating stability and prosperity for their children—all while living in our affordable, safe housing environment. For more information, call 701.361.3873, email fargomoorhead@ jeremiahprogram.org or visit www.facebook.com/ JeremiahProgramFargoMoorhead.

Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome.

For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.446.8056 or karaljones@gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@ gmail.com.

Hands & Voices Hands & Voices is a non-profit, parent-

sources or information via th Cass Clay Food Partners Facebook page.

The Great Plains Food Bank continues their operations and has more information on their website at www.GreatPlainsFoodBank.org.

The Emergency Food Pantry is operating and has more information on their website: www.EmergencyFoodPantry.com.

Small business support Small Business Development Center has a web page devoted to Assisting ND Small Businesses to Prepare for and Recover from COVID-19 Impacts.

The U.S. Small Business Administration has more information about the SBA Disaster Loan program that is available to all for-profit small businesses in North Dakota, as well as some non-profits. The online application portal is DisasterLoan.SBA.gov.

driven organization dedicated to supporting families of children who are deaf or hard of hearing without bias around communication modes or methodology. What Works for your Child is What Makes the Choice Right™ Contact us for more information at 701.484.1605, contact@ ndhandsandvoices.org, or visit www.ndhandsandvoices.org.

Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month.

For more information visit wwww.rrvmothersofmultiples. weebly.com.

Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.rvcscc.org.

Gigi’s Playhouse A Down syndrome achievement center providing resources, specialized teaching, and support to

individuals with Down syndrome, their families and the community.

All programs are free. For more information, call 701.551.7529 or visit www.gigisplayhouse.org/ fargo.

Adults Adoption Special Kids [AASK] The AASK program is North Dakota's program providing adoption services to children in foster care and the families who adopt them. The program is a collaborative effort of Catholic Charities North Dakota and PATH ND, Inc. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Parent Professional Learning Network The Parent Professional Learning Network is a Parent Navigator Team with Family Voices of North Dakota offering an opportunity for parents of children with special needs and the professionals who work with them to come together to learn and grow.

For more information email parentproflearningnetwork@ gmail.com.

The Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:00pm

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

41

RESOURCES at Faith Lutheran Church [127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo]. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information email chapterleader@ tcffargomoorhead.org, call 701.491.0364 or visit tcffargomoorhead.org/.

Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from 1pm to 3pm at Essentia Health South University 6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call 701.364.8066.

La Leche League of FargoMoorhead 2nd Thursday of each month at 7pm. For more information visit www. lllofmndas.org/fargo-moorhead. html.

MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead IR, ND Provides monthly activities, playgroups, special projects, and support for local moms. This group is open to moms and their children in the F-M area. For more information contact momscluboffm@gmail. com or visit www.facebook.com/ MomsClubFargo.

Harlynn’s Heart Providing multiple services, resources, and comforts to parents, families, and friends who have or will experience perinatal loss. For more information, visit www. harlynnsheart.org or email info@ harlynnsheart.org.

North Dakota Reading Corps The North Dakota Reading Corps is a regional initiative to help every child become a successful reader by the end of 3rd grade. The program places AmeriCorps members as literacy tutors in the Fargo, Jamestown, and West Fargo school districts to implement researchedbased, early-literacy efforts to help struggling readers.

All AmeriCorps members receive free training and work 1-on-1 with K-3 students. A living allowance is provided, dependent on amount of hours chosen to work (15-20 or 20-25 per week). Hours fall during school hours, run five days a week August – May, and must be on a set schedule.

An education award is also available upon completion to pay qualified student loans or tuition expenses. For more information, visit www.ndseec. com/readingcorps or contact Jolene Garty at 701.446.3173 or gartyj@ndseec.com.

42

Catholic Charities ND Counseling Professional and confidential counselors provide services to individuals, couples and families dealing with relationship issues, stress or anger management and a variety of other issues. We work with most insurances, EAP’s and have a sliding fee scale for those that don’t qualify for other resources. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org.

Child Asperger Support Group Every Tuesday from 12:00pm to 1:00pm at Olivet Lutheran Church [1303 S University Dr, Fargo]. For additional information visit www.rrvan.org Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group Hospice of the Red River Valley [www.hrrv.org], in partnership with Harlynn’s Heart [www.harlynnsheart.org], offers an ongoing pregnancy and infant loss support group, meeting the fourth Tuesday of each month from 6:30pm-8pm at the Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St S, Fargo]. Please use the west door. This is an ongoing support group for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first year of life. The purpose of this group is to provide compassionate grief support, understanding, and resources to bereaved parents while allowing them to share their grief in a safe place with others who are experiencing a similar journey. This group is free and open to the public. For more information or questions, call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department.

Marine Moms Support Group If you are the Mother of a Marine, [or any other branch of the military], then you are one of the family! Join other Marine Moms from Sub-Station Fargo [Sub-Station Fargo, ND covers west to Valley City, ND, east to New York Mills, MN, north to the Canadian Border & south to the South Dakota state line] once a month for: Support, Hugs, Advice, Praise, Tears, Love, Stories, Laughter, Inspiration, Encouragement, Experiences, Insight, Information, Motivation, Pictures & more at 1:30pm the 3rd Saturday of each month.

For meeting location and more information contact Ruth

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Danuser at 701.799.8946 or ruthddanuser@gmail.com.

OORAH! Beyond the NICU Doors A community support network for parents who have experienced time in a NICU. Monthly gathering starting in September will be the 4th Tuesday from 7:00pm-8:30pm at the Anne Carlson Center located behind Subway on the corner of 13th Ave S and 25th St S in Fargo.

Gatherings include a speaker and children are welcome as there are toys and space available.

This is open to all NICU families regardless of location of NICU experience. This is a cooperative effort between Region V Experienced Parent and March of dimes NICU Family Support.

Any Questions please call Moe Schreoder at 701.237.3558 or Colette Christoffers at 701.235.5530 FM Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7:00pm-9:00pm at YMCA Downtown [401 1st Av S, Fargo].

For more information, visit www.facebook.com/FM-AutismSupport-Group-171027578792.

Lend A Hand Up Offers free resources and boost funding to help people host successful fundraisers for families in medical crisis. Start or support a fundraiser for someone: www. lendahandup.org, 701.356.2661.

North Dakota Home School Association Providing information on the North Dakota home school law, contacts for area support groups, a free downloadable Home School Packet, convention information, the current statement of intent form, and thoughtful articles on various aspects of private, parentdirected home education. Visit www.homeschool-life.com/nd/ ndhsa for more information.

Healthy Steps A health insurance program for North Dakota children age 18 or younger who do not have health insurance coverage, do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program, and live in qualifying families. The benefits are offered at no or very low cost. For more information 877.543.7669 or www. healthystepsnd.com.

HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for

children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges.

We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play!

Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@hopeinconline.org for more information or visit www. hopeinconline.org.

Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley, Inc. Provides lodging and emotional support to parents and siblings of children requiring medical treatment who also benefit by knowing their families are close by. Visit www.rmhcfargo. org for more information.

Riding On Angels’ Wings Therapeutic horseback riding for children with disabilities.

Volunteers are always welcome.

Contact Bette Shipley - Felton, MN 701.793.5153 or www. ridingonangelswings.org Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families.

For more information visit www. rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.512.1555.

ALS Support Second Tuesday of each month those living with ALS and their loved ones share concerns and ideas about living with ALS. For more information call 701.235.1988.

Eating Disorders Monthly Family & Friends Support Group If you have a loved one with an eating disorder, you are invited and encouraged to attend this support group dedicated to providing a comfortable, supportive, and confidential environment where you will be provided with information about eating disorders and tools to aid in your loved one’s recovery.

This group is open to friends, parents, partners, caregivers and adult children. Registration: for more information, contact Kara Woodbury Fladland, LPCC 701.234.4111, or visit www.sanfordhealth.org/

RESOURCES classesandevents/ClassDetail/ cb9a7533-e6f9-41cb-b5623a7c0fc46f45.

FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices.

Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com.

Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com.

Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110 or afspnd@gmail.com.

Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support.

All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 218.477.1977 or www.birthright.org.

PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www. pathinc.org or 701.293.9968.

Gluten Intolerance Group of Fargo/Moorhead GIG of F/M holds gatherings for education, fellowship, and support for those living with Celiac Disease, Gluten Intolerance, or Gluten Sensitivity. You do not need to be a paid member of this group to attend any meetings. For more information, visit www. gluten.org/localbranches/fargomoorhead.

MOMS Club of West Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information, visit www.facebook. com/MOMSClubWestFargo or email momsclubofwf@yahoo.com South East Regional KIDS Program An Infant Development Service providing home-based family focused services at no cost to families having an eligible infant or toddler under the age of three. Call 701.446.3927 for more information.

Experienced Parent Support Group Support and Resource to families who have a child that is active with the South East

Regional KIDS Program. For more information please contact Moe Schroeder at 701.237.3558 or mrschroeder@nd.gov.

Cullen Children’s Foundation Provide financial resources to organizations that support children’s healthcare needs, with an emphasis on cancer. For information on volunteering, being a part of a committee or to make a donation, visit www. cullyskids.com.

To submit a group or resource for consideration, email information to moms@forumcomm.com On The Minds of Mom staff does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

FM MOMSnext For moms of school aged children kindergarten to college to discuss various topics on parenting, motherhood and women ministries. Meet the 2nd Wednesday of the month at First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] from 6:00pm to 7:30pm. Children's programming also available at the same time and need not be a member of the Church to have your children involved. Contact 701.232.4416 or email fmmomsnext@hotmail. com for more information.

EARLY CHILDHOOD

SCREENING Help your child succeed in school!

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT 218-284-3800

North Dakota College Save A 529 college savings plan, including a matching grant for ND residents.

For more information www. collegesave4u.com or 1.866.

SAVE.529.

FREE TO ATTEND • KIDS 3-5 YEARS OLD • REQUIRED IN MN

MOPS [Mothers of Preschooler] A place to find friendship, community, resources and support for you as a woman and mother so you're not alone.

• Olivet Lutheran Church [1330 S University Dr, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:00am to 11:00pm • First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:15am to 11:15am • Heartland MOPS [1751 Main Ave E, West Fargo at Heartland Community Church] 2nd Thursday 6:00pm to 8:00pm • Atonement Lutheran Church [4601 University Dr S, Fargo] Every other Tuesday 9:00am to 11:00am. Meetings include brunch, speakers, crafts, discussion and service projects. First meeting free. For more info call 701.237.9651 or visit www. atonementmops.org.

• Hope Lutheran Church [3636 25th St S, Fargo] 3rd Saturday 9:00am to 11:00am

EXPERIENCE THE DIFFERENCE Providing exceptional faith-based education while inspiring excellence.

3 yr old Little Deacons - 12th Grade For information or a tour call 701-893-3271 jp2schools.org

HOLY SPIRIT ELEMENTARY

NATIVITY ELEMENTARY

SULLIVAN MIDDLE SCHOOL

TRINITY ELEMENTARY

SHANLEY HIGH SCHOOL

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

43

Raise

READY, SET, GROW

By Danielle Teigen, Melissa Davidson, Paula Quam and Tracy Briggs

R

aising children who are kind and compassionate toward others starts at the most basic level: with their parents. Mothers and fathers who model kindness and love toward each other and everyone else they encounter are the best depiction of what being inclusive and kind really means. And you start modeling that all-important lesson to your children from the very first day you meet them.

44

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

inclusive kids At a time when the world could use more love, here’s how your kids can be compassionate and kind

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

45

READY, SET, GROW

Babies are sponges, so they’ll start absorbing your behaviors and language instantly.

Wee ones [0-18 months]

No to worry though. That just gives you great opportunities all day to start developing a kind, compassionate human. Use kind words in your everyday life, and talk with your little one about what you’re saying and what it means.

like animals, food and flowers to help babies understand the vast array of differences that exist in so many situations.

Encourage waving and smiling This simple act of friendliness is one of the most basic gestures of kindness we can offer another person. It’s a small but powerful act. Babies will also associate the positive reaction their wave and smile produces with happiness and be more likely to do it without prompting.

Read diverse books Because babies love reading, one of the best things you can do is fill your homes with books about love, kindness and respect for all people.

Look for stories that include people from all walks of life so they can see how beautifully diverse the world around them is. Some great titles include “Baby’s First Kind Words”, “I Am Every Good Thing” and “If You Come to Earth”.

Celebrate differences Positively point out differences in people you notice when talking to your baby as a way to help him understand how unique each person truly is. Chat about what you see as well as what you may not see, and use other positive references

46

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Waving and smiling is the simplest way for your baby to learn about kindness. iStock.com / Special to On The Minds of Moms

READY, SET, GROW

Toddlers begin making important connections about the world around them, led by your powerful example and guidance.

Tots

[18 months to 3 years] Talk about service to others regularly, and be sure to point out to your toddler when someone else performs an act of service.

Own your mistakes and apologize for them

Simple chores help your tot understand service to others. iStock.com / Special to On The Minds of Moms Here are some ideas to help you keep in mind just how pivotal your role in her life is.

Talk positively about yourself and others The words you choose and how you talk will leave an impression on your toddler that they will eventually emulate. This is also a great way to start teaching toddlers about empathy by discussing with them how to recognize emotions in other people.

Introduce acts of services Teach your toddler about helping by giving him easy chores to complete, but don’t frame them as chores. Instead, emphasize what it means to help someone else and how that makes a person feel.

It’s crucial for kids to understand that Mom and Dad know how to say they are sorry if they have done something wrong, and it’s equally important for parents to talk with their children about how they could have acted differently, especially if they are apologizing for unkind behavior.

Be mindful of media Chances are that at this age, your child is starting to show interest in media. That’s okay. Just make sure you take advantage of their natural curiosity by introducing and encouraging a range of television shows that celebrate diversity and inclusivity. Kim Berglund, executive director of development for Disney Jr, said during a webinar about kids’ media that children are never too young to start learning what it means to be anti-racist, anti-sexist and anti-homophobic. That means introducing them to media that offers a wide range of diverse characters to help kids understand what diversity and inclusivity really looks like. Shows like “Doc McStuffins” and “Mira, Royal Detective” are two specific examples geared toward young children that show people in a community of color in a positive way.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

47

READY, SET, GROW

These kiddos are at a critical age where they begin to understand the complexity of the world around them. And what a beautiful world it is.

Preschoolers [3 to 5 years old]

At this age, it’s tough to hammer home the larger picture of why being kind and inclusive is

Read and discuss

often get selected as one of those characters — a

“Be Kind,” is a great book that shows empathy and compassion one little girl expresses in different scenarios, including the bullying of a classmate and when a friend gets left out at playtime. It helps kids understand that others have feelings just like them and demonstrates how to just be a good human. Some other great books about empathy and inclusivity include; “Hello, My Name is Octicorn,” “Spork,” “Lovely,” and “All Are Welcome.”

perfect opportunity to help teach your child

Bring it full circle

important. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start planting the seeds.

Interactive play Pretend play really goes to a new level during these years. The plots are more thought out and the characters become far more dramatic. As a parent of a child who likes to pretend play, you

these lessons in an immersive way. Some things your character could say are “I lost my toy, can you help me find it?” or “I want to play, but I don’t know anyone” and see where your child takes it, offering guidance when needed.

Lead by example A great way to show them we should all be kind and think of others is to spark conversations and small talk with people around you of all ages and ethnicities — neighbors, people in the grocery store, wherever. Be aware of people who may feel left out and offer a welcoming conversation.

Kids in this age range are just starting to be able to understand more complex situations and how some of those can bring about feelings of sadness and isolation to others. Often, your child is more likely to talk about when this happens to them rather than others. This is a good opportunity to discuss how to handle that situation from both ends. Talk about what happened and how it made them feel. Then discuss what would have made them feel better and help them see the bigger picture. For instance, “Abby asking you to play would have made you feel better huh. We should always try to include others, right?”

SOURCES: https://www.brighthorizons.com/family-resources/how-to-raise-inclusive-child https://www.brighthorizons.com/family-resources/how-to-teach-empathy-through-play

48

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

READY, SET, GROW

Teachable moments are everywhere and can pop up in a moment’s notice.

Big kids [6 to 9 years old]

every day through little actions: thanking a server at a restaurant, holding the door for the next person behind you, saying “excuse me” if they bump into somebody, picking something up for someone when they’ve dropped it.

Talk positively about differences so your child understands the beauty of diversity. iStock.com / Special to On The Minds of Moms These are good years to take the concepts of feelings and kindness to the next level and put them into action.

Reach out to new Americans As we come across new Americans in our various circles, go sit down by them, introduce yourselves and get to know them. If English is not their first language, learn a few words with your child from that family’s native language to “break out” the next time you see them. It shows respect, is a great conversation starter and shows your child that it’s good to learn about and welcome other cultures.

The daily grind As much as we wish it would, being kind and inclusive doesn’t always come naturally. This is where the daily grind comes in. Ensure your child is showing manners and kindness to people

Don’t be afraid to talk about differences When a child sees an obvious difference on full display and asks about it, don’t treat it like you’re having to give them the birds and bees talk. Avoiding it and pretending it doesn’t exist only sets a tone like that difference is something bad. Talk about differences to your child using positive language and wrap it up by pointing out some similarities that are bigger and more binding than the differences.

Point out a superpower When your child comes across another child with disabilities or sees them on TV, encourage your child to think about what that other child’s “superpower” must be to overcome their disability. Are they in a wheelchair?

Surely they must be developing other, not-socommon abilities to help them navigate their unique situation. Maybe a child with a learning disability has their own, special strength to help them with their struggle, or perhaps a child born without a hand has learned some pretty cool one-handed tricks over time. Make sure they know that adversity is cool.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

49

READY, SET, GROW

By now, kids may know more than you now with regards to technology, social media and everything that comes with that. But you know more about life.

Tweeners [10 to 12 years old]

It’s important to put what they’re already seeing and hearing from their devices into a good context full of teachable moments and lessons on kindness and inclusivity.

Help out an elderly neighbor As parents, we are so wrapped up in taking care of our children, so we might inadvertently send the message that they are the center of the universe just because it’s obvious they’re the center of ours. Show them how to step outside of themselves by having them help an elderly neighbor with things like yard work, shoveling or getting the garbage out. They may just make a valuable, wise friend in the process.

Cast a wide net Encourage your child to explore various extracurricular activities and clubs — without going overboard and burning them out.

Participating in things like church groups, sports, theater, academic clubs or whatever helps enrich them, exposes them to a larger and likely more diverse set of friendships. And removed from the pressures of a school setting, those friendships can sometimes have a way of thriving.

Teach them to stand up for themselves It isn’t just the classroom bully who can cause pain and anxiety to your child and others, but 50

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

Helping an elderly neighbor is a great lesson in kindness. iStock.com / Special to On The Minds of Moms they may soon realize that their so-called “friends” can be just as bad. By teaching your child that they don’t have to stay friends with others who are toxic or treating them or others poorly, they are also learning that they are free to choose friends based on something deeper and kinder. And once they’re able to stand up for themselves, they’re often much more likely to stand up for somebody else.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em It’s an uphill battle to try to keep kids away from social media and YouTube. Instead of dying on that hill, live on it. Send your child little videos and stories that show examples of what kindness can do. Maybe it’s somebody buying a homeless person a meal, maybe it’s rallying around a child with disabilities or somebody in need — there are endless videos out there. Constantly “remind” them of how powerful that is and how, if they choose, they could make a lasting impact on the lives of others.

You might think that by the time your child reaches the teenage years, it’s too late to teach them skills like kindness, compassion and inclusivity. Not so.

READY, SET, GROW

Teens [13 to 18 years old]

Compliment little things Challenge your teen to try and compliment at least one person once a day. It can be something unimportant, like telling someone

Smiling will make your teen seem open and approachable. iStock.com / Special to On The Minds of Moms While the seeds might be planted in preschool, in high school those seeds might just bear fruit. By the high school years, as adulthood creeps closer, teens can start to see that the little things they

you like their haircut or their shirt. You never know how badly that person might be feeling about themselves. That compliment might just make their day.

Listen, listen, listen Studies have shown that people who are considered to be good listeners are perceived to be more likeable, popular and open. Doesn’t

do can impact others lives for good or bad.

everyone want that? Teach your teen to pay

Talk less, smile more

Don’t just wait until you can talk again. And

Composer Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote that lyric for Aaron Burr to sing to the headstrong

attention when someone is talking. Really listen. encourage them to put down the phone while talking one on one to friends (that could be a

Alexander Hamilton in the Broadway smash

tough one for all of us).

musical “Hamilton,” but “talk less, smile more”

Make a bigger circle

is something we could all practice. Suggest your teen smile more often, even while walking down the halls of school. The smile will make your teen seem more open and approachable and could make the receiver of the smile feel better even for an instant.

SOURCE: Dr. Barbara Greenberg, Clinical Psychologist

It’s easy for teens to get comfortable with their small circle of friends. But encourage them to widen their friend group when they can. It will bring new experiences and new possibilities.

There will be times when they might just need one or two close friends and that’s healthy and comforting. But sometimes, when the stakes aren’t as high, include others for everyone’s sake.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020

51

Make your health matter.

3D Mammography Screening Get the most from your yearly breast exam by scheduling a 3D mammogram.

3D technology offers a clearer picture of your breast health, meaning earlier detection and fewer false alarms.

Call your local Sanford Health clinic to schedule your mammogram

031004-00268 8/20

edith.sanfordhealth.org 52

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | October • November 2020