My kids have boundaries too, and I should honor them BY MELISSA DAVIDSON
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arenting is hard. Just as you think you’re getting a moment to come up for air, “hard” slaps you in the face with something new. It’s a great shapeshifter, too, morphing right alongside those little humans and eventually replacing sleepless nights with complicated emotions and social issues. The latter is where I’m at — new territory and a double dose with 10-year-old twin girls. A few weeks ago, one of my daughters came to me nervous and teary-eyed. When I asked her what was wrong, she reluctantly told me she didn’t want to play in her upcoming basketball game because she was too nervous and scared she was going to screw up. I wasn’t surprised. During her first game, I could see the fear of failure take over and paralyze her as she fought back tears. She would rather have been anywhere but there. It broke my heart. I felt helpless and wanted
Melissa Davidson poses with her 10-year-old daughter Mya. Special to On the Minds of Moms
16 | On the Minds of Moms • December | January 2022
nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and take her home. But what good would that do? A few weeks prior, as we were talking about enrolling her in the sport, I told her I expected her to try her best, see it through and finish the season. Because up until then, she had a pretty decent rap sheet of ditching out on activities. I thought it was best to let her work through it. So my first reaction was to tell her “no, you need to power through and you’ll come out stronger and more comfortable in these situations in the end.” But really, I had no idea if pushing her into playing would have benefitted her. She’s a different human than, well anyone, with different perspectives and life experiences. What if pushing her would send the wrong message? One that said her feelings and fears were not real when I could clearly see, to her, they were very real.
