April/May 2015 On the Minds of Moms

april ∙ may twenty fifteen

the valley’s modern resource for today’s parent

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Save time

and shop online at hornbachers.com

Your child may not remember their first visit to the doctor.

But we will.

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Essentia Health-South University Clinic 1702 South University Drive | Fargo 701.364.8900 EssentiaHealth.org

contents

in every issue contributors .

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otmom list . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

food for thought

. . . . . . . . . . . . . 52

oh, by the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80

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contents

sections contest

resources

2015 cutest baby face . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

what to do, what to do summer camps & activities 2015 . . . . . . . . . 56

what’s on your mind? crying . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

body + being letting go of your try-hard life . . . . . . . . . . . 38

gettin' through it

just a thought big girl panties? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

ready, set, grow they grow up so fast! capture your child’s memories at every age . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72

jars are for labels; you are not a jar . . . . . . . . 44

48

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contents

feature & profiles mod mom profile teresa lewis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

mompreneur chelsey winter—chelsey dannielle salon & mini spa . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

rad dad profile mark qual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

cover story jane nelson—doing more . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

Preventive medicine keeps our kids healthy today, but the benefits also include better school attendance, better grades, and a healthy future!

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2015 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Crying happens.

Shaking cannot.

caring hands Babies cry. Some cry a lot. As a parent or caregiver, you may feel frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed, which is normal. But shaking a baby is never an option.

Shaking a baby can cause brain damage, or even death.

When your baby cries, you need a plan to help stay calm.

• P ut the baby in a safe place such as in a crib or playpen in another room.

• B reathe slowly and count to 10.

• S tep outside onto a patio or front step for fresh air.

• C all a trusted friend and family member to talk to.

Have that person come over if possible.

“Stay Calm, Walk Away, Call a Friend.”

Learn more at sanfordhealth.org, keyword: kohl’s caring hands.

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contributors

my greatest ambition… heather bjur fargo | nd body + being: page 38 is to raise my two boys to know the love, grace, and forgiveness of Jesus Christ, that their highest aim in life would be to walk with Him all their days, sharing the love, grace, and forgiveness they've found in Him with others.

kari klingsporn hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 52 is nothing fancy. I just want to die happy. So far, happiness to me is being glad about who I spend my time with, have lots of fun pursuing my passions, which of course includes good food, but most importantly, be the best mom and wife I can be, letting my family know how much I love them every day.

melissa schaff fargo | nd what’s on your mind: page 24 was climbing the corporate ladder when I was younger. Now? It’s to empower, inspire, and enlighten.

rebecca undem oakes | nd gettin’ through it: page 44 is to write a book that offers practical advice to women about how to fully utilize their gifts and stop feeling guilty about wanting to strive for more. If we want our kids to shoot for the stars and chase their dreams, we have to show them how.

deb uglem moorhead | mn oh, by the way: page 80 to find happiness, fulfillment, and security for my family and myself. Basically, I want the "happily ever after!”

patricia carlson naples | fl ready, set, grow: page 72 to relive my 20s in my 70s. And 80s. And 90s.

kathleen wrigley bismarck | nd just a thought: page 58 to provide our kids with a most enduring example of the power of positive thinking and the unbeatable WILL that God can bring to those who live by the adage that “things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out.” My life’s purpose is to demonstrate [to our own children and those around them] the earth-shaking power of extending acts of kindness and understanding, love and prayer, and forgiveness and redemption when we fall short. Challenges are opportunities for us to refocus and to witness the uncommon good in the world. It is my life’s hope that our children intentionally live using these tools for peace and hope.

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otmom list

1

child dies every two weeks, on average, when a TV, furniture, or appliance falls on him. Have you considered ‘anchoring’?

53

percent of American kids today now own a cell phone by the age of seven. What is too young?

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

sources: sheknows.com | parents.com

SHOP FOR TONS OF NEW MERCH IN APRIL

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

otmom list

63

percent of kids ages 2-5 consume caffeine on any given day. Primary source: hot or cold tea, with pop a close second.

Why not water instead?

80

percent of parents say the Internet led them to talk about sex with their kids at a younger age than planned. Less screen time maybe?

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

contest

contest winner gigi 20 months old parents: brian & chilly from: grand forks | nd

my name comes from… my dad. He really wanted a "Gigi," so the 'rents went with Georgina and my mom really hoped that "Georgie" would stick. the best eats ever… fruit snacks and bananas. i heart… my big sisters [and anything that is explicitly theirs!], the cat, and Legos. when i was born… it was the best Monday EVER.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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contest

contest runner-ups

sunny 8 months old parents: kayla & cody from: ashby | mn my name comes from… both my mom and dad. My real name is Sunday [dad's choice] but everyone calls me Sunny [mom's pick]. My personality is definitely sunny so the name suits me well. i always giggle… at my four big brothers. i'm not a fan of… my dad sneezing. It makes me cry every time! i heart… my blankie and my stuffed bunny.

Monday Conference: 8 AM–4 PM, May 18 | $45 | Ramada Plaza Suites | Fargo appreciate your mind body spirit

Give yourself a gift by joining in conversation and action focused on you, your wellness, nutrition and fitness.

Register: womens-health-conference.com Follow: @WomensHealthCon

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Kelly Kim Wagner Swanson helps us will have realize that you laughing within our your way to imperfections a healthier we find you. authentic, fabulous character.

Check out the Preview: 7–9 PM, Sunday, May 17 | $25

Dr. Joanne OwensNauslar reminds us we must move to improve our health.

contest

lukis 36 months old mom: cori from: moorhead | mn i always giggle at… my Auntie Nans when she's being silly. I also always giggle when my puppy, Opie, chases me around the house or when we play tug-of-war. the best eats ever…

PIZZA! Or any fruit except pineapple. i'm not a fan of… leaving my Namma's or Grandma and Grandpa's houses.

Mommy and I moved out of our hometown last summer, so when we go back for visits, it never seems like a long enough visit with all of our family! i am happiest… when I can sleep in on the weekends and crawl in my mommy's bed to snuggle before we get up for the day!

T

eresa grew up in Rothsay, MN, came to Fargo for college, and never left. She took an untraditional approach to college as she discovered how much fun the business world was; she worked nearly full time and went

to college part time at night. When Teresa’s dad passed away unexpectedly in 2005, she learned much from his life and his legacy, and that has greatly impacted her journey. Today, Teresa is an Inspirational speaker, mindset coach, and morning co-host on Life 97.9. When she isn’t juggling the three, or working on her first book, Living Life by Design, not Default, she and Steve, husband of 21 years, and daughters Alyssa [18] and Tara [15] treasure their time together.

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

mod mom

teresa lewis

mod mom

horace.nd

i am super passionate about…

helping others look at things from a positive perspective. Life is better there.

homework. I’ve learned that all their stages are necessary as they evolve and grow. Be grateful for who they are and love them, even amid the challenging times.

i would do anything to avoid…

i have always wanted to…

spending time with negative people. And, ironing… life is too short to iron!

have a personal helper for ME—I, uh, kind of leave a trail, and it would be nice to have someone to clean up behind me.

my personal motto/mantra is… the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

i wish i could tell my younger self… dream big, don’t settle, take risks, be careful about what you let into your mind, and don’t worry about what other people think.

greatest mistake i ever made… too many to decide which is greatest, but every choice has made me the person I am today.

something that inspires me every day… the world can be a dark place and I need to be a light!

all families really should experience…

i can always find peace in… prayer, quiet moments, going to church.

what i have learned most about raising daughters is… it’s important to be there and be present, whether that’s at 10:30 at night or as they are taking a break from

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those precious moments where everyone is home at the same time and unplanned, unexpected, and meaningful conversations transpire. I push aside thoughts of the dishes, the laundry, and the stuff to do and just enjoy those moments.

Products

mod mom

something quirky about me…

I have a bad habit of not closing things—caps on water bottles and the toothpaste, dresser drawers, and cupboards.

i find it necessary to… trust in God’s plan and not get attached to mine.

my all-time favorite movie is… apparently Grease, because I watched it about 40 times when I was a teenager.

i couldn’t live without the support of…

Steve, Alyssa, Tara, my mom, my mother-in-law [Edna Mae] and father-in-law [George], and sister-inlaw [Jeannie]. My schedule can get a little intense, and they’ve been there to help make it all happen and love me in spite of how crazy I can get.

i never thought i… www.onthemindsofmoms.com

would be on a morning show at a radio station.

if i could live one day over again it would be… two days—the births of both of our daughters. I don’t think I fully appreciated the miracles that were unfolding, so it would be awesome to experience those days again.

something i admire most about my husband… he takes risks that always work out, he volunteers for Horace Fire & Rescue, and he’s a great dad.

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

Photo courtesy of Laura Leigh Images.

everything times three

sanford health fargo cares for natural, identical triplets

H

aving natural, identical triplets is literally a one in 2 million shot. But for Terri and Pete Pazdernik from Twin Valley, MN, it’s part of their new normal.

Dr. VanEerden be my Internet and not to Google things that are just going to scare me. And he is brilliant and really the best resource we could have.”

“We were really excited and a little scared when we found out,” says Pete. “But I also knew that together we could handle it.”

a quick arrival A C-section was scheduled for the 36-week mark in the hopes of allowing the babies plenty of time to grow. But the girls decided to arrive a little ahead of schedule at 32 weeks and four days.

“You never know what’s here until you need it. And having this level of expertise and the NICU at Sanford was such a blessing.”

—Terri Pazdernik

Terri, Pete, their 4-year-old son, Ben, and their 2-year-old daughter, Evie, welcomed Hannah, Natalie and Elise to the family on New Year’s Eve. And after a little less than a month in the NICU, the girls are now doing well enough to go home.

“You never know what’s here until you need it,” says Terri. expert care close by “Having this level of expertise and the NICU at Sanford And there to help them handle it was Peter VanEerden, was such a blessing for our family.

MD, the only maternal fetal medicine physician in North Dakota and trained to handle high risk pregnancies like Terri’s.

“You just get nervous about what could happen,” says Terri. “But a nurse told me the best advice. She said to let

What an {AMAZING, EMPOWERING, UPLIFTING, HILARIOUS} experience a t o t m o m L I V E ...

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

h e r e a r e a f e w s n a p s h o t s o f t h e b i g d a y. . .

*Visit our facebook page for more photos & video clips!

facebook.com/OnTheMindsOfMoms | www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

{A M ILLION} to the all of the otmomLIVE sponsors & exhibitors

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Amanda McKinnon with ItWorks

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Jenny Craig

Inspiration Point Christian Camp + Retreat Center

Park Christian School

T h a t ' s a wrap! {UNTIL NEXT TIME}

what’s on your mind?

crying story by | melissa schaff

D

o you apologize to others for being happy or for being afraid? Sounds odd, right? But how many times have you apologized for crying in front of someone?

Aha! I’m willing to bet almost every time.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Why? Why do we do this?? Crying is a human emotion.

It’s no different from anger or fear or even joy. And yet we don’t apologize when we’re feeling happy. “Oh gee, I’m so sorry. I can’t seem to stop smiling. I’m SO embarrassed!”

I was raised by a dad whom I never saw cry. He certainly may have, but he didn’t do it in front of me. My mom was just the opposite. When she was sad, frustrated, or hurt, she openly cried. I was a momma’s girl so it’s no surprise I cry openly, too.

If you’re lucky enough to have two parents as a child/ young adult, you had two role models on which to create your emotional behavior. If you related to the 24

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

‘unemotional’ one, then the one who cried is going to be perceived as a baby or weak. If you connected with the ‘emotional’ one, then the other one is going to be viewed as unfeeling or cold.

I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve heard, “she’s such a strong woman” or “I’m trying to be strong.” Both of these statements infuriate me because they imply that showing emotion or crying makes you weak. Quite frankly, I’m fed up with this archaic and untrue line of thinking. It doesn’t matter what gender you are, either. Crying [emotion] does not discriminate.

Both genders should feel empowered to have a good ol’ cry without fear of being viewed as weak. Oye!!

When I’m seeing new clients, at Inner Focus Reiki, I cue them that they may have an “emotional release” while receiving Reiki. I let them know that they shouldn’t be embarrassed by tears or hold them back. I tell them that crying is therapeutic and crying often triggers the healing process to begin.

what’s on your mind?

The most common reasons we cry are stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, or frustration. But we also cry tears of joy or when we feel overwhelming relief. Is there a difference between the tears? Yes. According to several websites, including 5 Health Benefits of Crying, there are more toxic byproducts in tears that are shed for emotional reasons than, say, in response to an onion or the birth of a baby. Hmmm.

Something else I found interesting is that, if you were to compare crying to, for example, sweating while exercising, the same detoxing and de-stressing process occurs. If you hold back your tears, you can increase your level of stress [duh]. This can lead to health issues such as high blood pressure, depression, and fatigue.

Crying helps your mood. Plain and simple. Studies show a good cry can elevate your mood by releasing endorphins which allow your emotional and physical body to feel calm again.

It can help with cold and flu prevention, too. Tears contain natural antibacterial and antiviral solutions that work to fight the germs we get in our eyes. Our

tears are capable of killing up to 95% of all bacteria that enter our eyes within minutes. What the WHAT?! WOW! Last, but not least, tears literally enable us to see. Kind of a biggie, don’t you think? Tears moisten our eyes and prevent dehydration. You don’t say! Well, then, how come after I cry my eyes feel like a sand pit?!

Crying is essential to healing grief because it helps us process loss. Tears are a sign of courage, strength, and authenticity. Please remember that the next time you’re feeling embarrassed or ashamed of an emotion whose very purpose is designed to help us grow, heal, and cleanse.

Melissa considers herself a Fargoan, although Minot is her hometown.

Melissa is quick to state those native to Minot pronounce it “MiNET,” not “MiNOT.” She owns Inner Focus Reiki where she helps empower, inspire, and enlighten her clients through intuitive messages, Reiki, meditations, and classes. She is passionate about her work, loves the role of teacher, and gets crazily excited when clients report positive changes. In her daily life she is, among other things, a former diarykeeper-turned-blog-writer, mom to a strong-willed, fully potty-trained toddler, a bonus mom to a teenage, self-proclaimed ‘ginger,’ and the air her husband, Trinity, breathes.

Secondhand smoke doesn’t stay in the next-door apartment.

Learn more at

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

If smoking is allowed in an apartment building, more than a wall is being shared—because secondhand smoke can travel through ventilat i o n s y s t e m s —p u t t i n g c h i l d r e n a t r i s k o f Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. To understand the dangers of secondhand smoke and how to reduce the risk of SIDS, visit BreatheND.com.

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Brought to you by the North Dakota Center for Tobacco Prevention and Control Policy and Fargo Cass Public Health. april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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april events Child Abuse Prevention Month www.stopchildabusend.com www.pcamn.org

3&6

Help strengthen families and prevent child abuse and neglect.

If school is out for the day, come to TNT Kid’s Fitness & Gymnastics [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] to play 7am-6pm! Our S.O.D.C. ensures that your kiddo [ages 5-14] will receive well over 60 minutes of physical activity, healthy snacks, and a noon meal, quiet reading time, and creative/open play in the gym. Your kiddo is guaranteed to have a fun-filled day and meet new friends!

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WF Moms On The Run Registration Open www.momsontherun.com Spring registration continues for West Fargo Moms On The Run! The fun starts the evening of April 22nd at Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Ave W, West Fargo]! For more info and registration, go to www. momsontherun.com and go to the West Fargo, ND location. Save $10 with code "MomsMag10!"

3&4

Easter Eggstravaganza 701.232.6102 www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org Meet the Easter Bunny! Hop on over to the Extraordinary Egg Hunt at 11am, 1pm, & 3pm. Spring crafts, live chicks, and tons of other great family activities at the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm [1201 28th Ave N, Fargo] starting at 10am.

School’s Out Day Camp 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org

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Saturday Fun Nights www.ymcacassclay.org/funnights Parent's Night Out while the kids enjoy the YMCA! 4:30pm-9:30pm, Schlossman YMCA [4243 19th Ave S, Fargo], grades K-6, $18 for members, $25 non-members.

Registration is required.

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Training to be Tremendous 701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.org There are many reasons why zoo animals are trained. From 3:15pm-4:45pm, visit and discover how the Red River Valley Zoo [4255 23rd Ave S, Fargo] keeps its animals healthy

through training and what techniques are used. Meet the Zoo Veterinarian and practice your skills with real blow darts, too.

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Safe Kids 701.780.1856 www.safekidsgf.com Did you know that 4 out of 5 car seats are used incorrectly? Could your child's be one of them? Safe Kids Grand Forks, in partnership with Altru Health System and Rydell GM Auto Center, offers a monthly car seat check-up event on the second Thursday of each month. This event is from 4pm-7pm, free, and no appointments are necessary. Come to Rydell's and certified car seat technicians will check on your seat and ensure your children are riding safely.

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Child Passenger Safety Class 701.234.7233 www.sanfordhealth.org Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants knowledge about correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary. $30/participant.

17 & 24

Cyber Bowl 218.233.6153 www.bowlingsunset.com Enjoy late night bowling with colored lights and music for all ages at Sunset Lanes [620 Hwy 75, Moorhead] starting at 10pm. $9/person, all you can bowl.

17 & 24

Friday Night Races 701.780.0999 www.rivercitiesspeedway.com Cheer on your favorite drivers while Outlaw Sprints, Late Models, Midwest Modifieds, and Street Stocks all compete for the checkered flag on one of the best 1/3-mile dirt tracks in the nation.

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B.L.A.S.T. Babysitter's Day Camp 701.364.1704 www.fmambulance.com The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children.

They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques. They will also learn when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance.

Your Pet’

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State-of-the-art facility focused on the best care for cats and dogs

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

events event calendar | april

The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

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Gigantic Rummage Sale 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org

Over 185 vendors will be selling antiques, crafts, collectibles, closeout items, and garage-sale items at the Veterans’ Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo], 7am-2pm. Free parking. To register for a booth please contact the park office.

Concessions will be available. $1 admission [17 & under free].

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Gold-N-Motion 701.280.0400 www.americangoldgymnastics.com Don’t miss this opportunity to see why our local talent is considered some of the top competitive & show gymnasts in the country! The show starts 3pm at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo].

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Alive at 25 701.223.6372 www.ndsc.org Vehicle crashes are the No. 1 cause of death

for young adults ages 14-24! Help protect your young driver by enrolling him or her in Alive at 25, an interactive classroom course that encourages young drivers to take responsibility for their driving behavior to keep them safe on the road. All classes are held at Altru Psychiatry Center, Room 201 [860 S. Columbia Rd – Grand Forks] from 5pm-9:30pm. Registration is required.

are just a few of the many crazy ways we create in this class. BONUS: Clean up is fast and fun when we all work together! This is a non-separating parent/child class for kiddos ages birth to kindergarten entry. Head to Early Childhood Family Education [2410 14th St S, Moorhead] 6 Wednesday, 4/22-5/27, 12:30pm-2:30pm, $48 [$42 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

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Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment and be at the Sanford Office Building [1711 S. University Dr, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8:30pm. Space is limited.

Pre-registration is necessary.

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Weird, Wild, Wacky Art 218.284.3400 communityed.moorheadschools.org Paint with balls, plungers, fly swatters, ropes and sand-filled socks. Paint or draw under the table while lying on your back! These

are OUR business breakfast

April 28th, 2015 • 7:30 am

Garden Party 701.499.6090 www.fargoparks.com Kids and parents, get in the gardening mood at this pre-summer event. Kids and parents will enjoy creating take-home garden arts and crafts and a Plant Petting Zoo at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St. S. Fargo] from 1:30pm-4:30pm. There will also be a bug hunt, face painting, plant walk, and more! Free admission!

24–26

KEM Shrine Circus 701.772.7125 www.theralph.com

Tickets are FREE for all children through 8th grade [with accompanying adult] and $14 for adults at the door [$12 pre-sale].

26

Unraveled Crafters 701.476.5977 www.fargolibrary.org

All interested crafters are invited to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for some unraveled fun!

If you are new to knitting or crocheting, they'll teach you!

28

Kids Are Our Business Breakfast 701.293.7273 www.raccfm.com Join the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center for breakfast at the Ramada Plaza Suites in Fargo at 7:30am & help out a great cause.

Seating is limited, so call today for ticket information! Table & event sponsorships available. Pre-registration encouraged.

The KEM Shrine Circus returns to Ralph Engelstad Arena for three days of fun for all ages. Friday 3pm & 7pm; Saturday 10am, 2pm, & 7pm; Sunday 2pm & 6pm.

April is Soy foods Month!

Ramada Plaza Suites & Convention Center Tickets available online at: www.raccfm.com 65 individual tickets Table and event sponsorships available $

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

North Dakota Soybean Council Our World Is Growing.

For free recipes and information on soyfoods, 24-Hour Crisis Line: (701) 293-7273 or (800) 344-7273 call 1-888-469-6409 or email swolf@ndsoybean.org 317 N. 8th Street, Fargo, ND 58102 • www.raccfm.com www.ndsoybean.org april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

27

may events 1

Marathon Open Gym 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org Drop your kiddos [ages 5-14] off and let them warm up and train for the Fargo Kid’s Run! Head to TNT Kid’s Fitness & Gymnastics [2800 Main Ave, Fargo], 7pm-8:30pm.

1, 2, 7-9, 14-16, 21-23 & 28-30 Preschool Open Gym 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org

Kiddos ages 12 months to 5 years old can have a blast at TNT Kid’s Fitness & Gymnastics [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] during open gym. Thursday 11am-noon, Friday 10am-11am & Saturday 8am-9:30am. $6 per child or purchase $50 punch card worth 10 visits. For every 2 children 1 active helper is required.

2, 9, 30

as well as diaper changing techniques. They will also learn when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

3

Fargo Belly, Baby, and Beyond Expo www.fargobabyexpo.com Head to the Hilton Garden Inn [4351 17th Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-5pm and enjoy expert speakers, educational events, and exhibitors that offer healthy and empowering services and products. We want as many young families as possible to join us to explore, learn, and celebrate the experience of growing a healthy family. The mission of the Fargo Belly, Baby, and Beyond Expo is to connect local families with resources and education that promote healthy birth and parenting and celebrate the experience of becoming parents.

B.L.A.S.T. Babysitter's Day Camp 701.364.1704 www.fmambulance.com

9

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children.

They will learn CPR and first aid for children,

This interactive event at Others [17 7th St S, Fargo] is for youngsters of all ages. Each workshop involves a variety of activities

Little Kids Big Hearts Workshop www.othersshop.com

Uncommon at the Core

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

Enrolling

K-12 28

218-236-0500

ParkChristianSchool.org

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

to help our young community members see the ways in which they can positively impact the world around them. We will create artwork, read stories, go on a mini adventure, and brainstorm ways we can all do our part to help others in need moving forward. For more information, email Laura [laura@othersshop.com].

9

Let’s Go Fishing 218.284.3400 communityed.moorheadschools.org Let’s have fun talking and learning about fishing through exploratory play. For kiddos ages birth to kindergarten entry, we will fish, explore water and talk about water safety. Head to Early Childhood Family Education [2410 14th St S, Moorhead], 9:30am-11:30am, $8 [$7 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

10

Happy Mom’s Day! Enjoy your day…all day!

11 & 18

CPR/AED – Heartsaver 701.364.1704 www.fmambulance.com This course covers basic adult, child and infant CPR plus how to use an AED

[Automated External Defibrillator]. Class starts at 7pm and is held at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo]. $50 fee.

12, 19 & 26

Party in the Park 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Meet your neighbors at this fun family event 5:30pm-8pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play on inflatable games, take home a craft project and get your face painted.

Enjoy free food while supplies last. May 12th @ Clara Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo], May 19th @ Madison Park [3010 11th Ave N, Fargo], May 26th @ Jefferson Park[1622 3rd Ave S, Fargo].

13

Hershey Track Meet 701.241.8160 www.fargoparks.com It’s the District State Qualifying Track and Field Meet for boys and girls ages 7-14 as of December 31, 2015. Events include: 50, 100, 200, and 400 meter dash, 4 x 100 meter relay, 800 and 1600 meter run, standing long jump and softball throw. Head out to Fargo South High Track [2001 17th Ave S, Fargo] for a 5pm check-in and 6pm start time. Pre-registration deadline is May 8th.

The first two places in each event will

events event calendar | may

advance to the Hershey State Track Meet.

14

Super Science 218.284.3400 communityed.moorheadschools.org

Calling all scientists, 1 year old to kindergarten entry! Come play, explore and learn through hands-on experiments and investigations. Held at Early Childhood Family Education [2410 14th St S, Moorhead], 6pm-7pm, $5 [$4 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

15

End of the Year Bash Open Gym 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org Drop your kiddos [ages 5-14] off for a fun night celebrating with friends at TNT Kid’s Fitness & Gymnastics [2800 Main Ave, Fargo], 7pm-9pm.

17

Women’s Health Conference Preview womens-health-conference.com Give yourself a gift to join in activity and conversation focused on you, your wellness, nutrition and fitness. The Women’s

Health Conference Preview is tailored for on-the-go women to propel your journey toward health. Join us 7pm– 9pm at the Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo]. Tickets are $25.

16

Nature Adventure 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Bring the family out for a fun afternoon outdoors at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm Street N, Fargo], 2:00pm-4:00pm. Bring your camera to this is a FREE event and take pictures with Smokey Bear, visit with Don the Bug Guy, a Zookeeper from the RR Zoo, go on a scavenger hunt, make nature arts and crafts and so much more.

17

Summer Grind 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com The Summer Grind Exhibition at Dike West [310 4th St S, Fargo] provides divisions for 13 & under and 14 & up participants.

Participants are required to wear a helmet and should bring their own skateboard.

Prizes will be given to participants in each division. Registration begins at 4:30pm with a start time of 5pm.

18

Women’s Health Conference womens-health-conference.com

A powerful day with experts, speakers and educators whose mission is to coach, motivate and rejuvenate you towards a healthier life. Take a journey with us – nurture with self-focus, connect through conversation, and educate through sharing.

Appreciate your mind, body and spirit 7:30am–4:30pm at the Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo]. Tickets are $45.

18 & 20

of pregnancy, but welcome during any month of pregnancy. Participants are encouraged to bring a car seat, however, it is not necessary. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

20

Steve Miller Band 701.364.3672 www.scheelsarena.com Enjoy one of rock music’s all-time greats, live in concert.

Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org

25

This "Baby's First Ride" class focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Parents, grandparents, and other caregivers are encouraged to attend. We recommend attending this class during the 6-7 months

Get to Newman Field and catch the home opener for the FM Redhawks as they take on the Joplin Blasters.

FM Redhawks Home Opener 701.235.6161 www.fmredhawks.com

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

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april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

29

june events 1

Outdoor Pools Open www.fargoparks.com All Fargo public pools open for the season at 1pm.

2, 9, 16 & 30

Party in the Park 701.499.6060 www.fargoparks.com Meet your neighbors at this fun family event 5:30pm-8pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play on inflatable games, take home a craft project and get your face painted. Enjoy free food while supplies last. June 2nd Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo], June 9th Centennial Park [4101 25th St S, Fargo], June 16th Osgood School Park [5400 44th Ave S, Fargo], June 30th Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St. N, Fargo].

3-6

RibFest 2015 www.fargoribfest.com Great food, live entertainment & fun for the whole family.

4, 11, 18 & 25

8

Trout Fest 701.499.6060 www.fargoparks.com Explore North Woodhaven Pond [4300 44th Ave S, Fargo] and learn about trout and fly fishing! Trout Fest is for anyone who enjoys fishing. Youth, 15 and under, will learn about fly fishing, casting, entomology, conservation, equipment demos, and much more. An awards presentation will follow the derby. Registration: 5:30pm. Derby: 6:15pm-7:45pm. FREE.

8 & 15

CPR/AED – Heartsaver 701.364.1704 www.fmambulance.com This course covers basic adult, child and infant CPR plus how to use an AED [Automated External Defibrillator]. Class starts at 7pm and is held at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo]. $50 fee.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Park It! 701.499.6060 www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art teacher at the park & create take home arts & crafts 1pm-4pm.

This is a FREE event. June 4th Village West Dog Park [4415 9th Ave Circle S, Fargo], June 11th @ Bennett Park [1900 58th Ave S, Fargo], June 18th @ Brunsdale [1702 27th Ave S, Fargo], & June 25th @ Clara Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo].

9

Down on the Farm 218.284.3400 communityed.moorheadschools.org Moo! Baa! Oink! Head on over to our classroom farm for an incredible barnyard bash. Kiddos ages birth to kindergarten entry, learn unique facts about animals you see on a farm, enjoy a story and participate in irresistible ECFE fun. Head to Early Childhood Family Education [2410 14th St S, Moorhead], 9:30am-11am, $6 [$5 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

9 & 23

RiverArts 218.299.5340 www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30pm-8pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

11

downtown Fargo businesses while enjoying great art and witness artists working live.

13

Anything Goes Sale www.aleruscenter.com The Region's largest Garage Sale, flea market, swap meet is coming to the Alerus Center [1200 42nd St S, Grand Forks]. Be the first to snag all the best deals during early bird specials from 7am-8am with a $5 admittance fee. Regular $2 fee from 8am-2pm.

13

Hooray for Horses 218.284.3400 communityed.moorheadschools.org Clip! Clop! Clippety Clop! Come horse around with your “neigh”-bors and have a giddy-up good time exploring horses through art, movement and play. Held at Early Childhood Family Education [2410 14th St S, Moorhead] for kiddos ages birth to kindergarten entry, 9:30am-11:30am, $8 [$7 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

Corks & Canvas Art & Wine Walk 701.364.9867 www.downtownfargo.com

14

Sample select wines as you stroll through

A physical activity festival where walkers,

Streets Alive 701.356.3132 www.fmstreetsalive.org

Experience All Fargo Public Schools Has to Offer!

Your child’s future starts here!

Contact us to find out more about class sizes, academic offerings, test scores, school safety and extra-curricular activities.

701.446.1000

www.fargo.k12.nd.us 30

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

events event calendar | june

bikers and any form of human-powered movement bring downtown FargoMoorhead alive.

16

Wild West Jamboree 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org

Enjoy a Rootin’ Tootin’ good time of activities including music with Silverado, free carriage rides, gunny sack races, barrel car rides, a petting zoo, roping demos, face painting & other western games at Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Ave W, West Fargo] 5:30pm-7:30pm. Pony rides will be offered for $2. Hotdogs, chips and beverage will be available for $1. Bring your lawn chair or blanket.

19

Midwest Kid Fest & Teddy Bear Parade 701.241.8160 www.fargoparks.com Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] will be filled with music, laughter & bright colors 11am-7pm as children play & learn. Bring a teddy bear to the Dike West parking lot and begin the day with a march in the parade starting at 10:30am. All activities are free!

21

Happy Dad’s Day!

22

Park Movie Night 701.499.6076 www.fargoparks.com

Come to Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] at dusk for some fun in the park at the annual Summer Movie Nights! The fun starts when the sun goes down with a movie with free Pepsi and popcorn while supplies last.

24–27

101 Dalmatians 701.235.6778 www.fmct.org Keep your pups on their leashes! 101 Dalmatians Kids adapts the familiar animated tale of kidnapping villains and courageous puppies for a whole new generation of young performers. The FM Community Theatre [333 4th St S, Fargo] brings this classic to life. Show times vary so be sure to check online for schedule details.

Tickets: Adult & Senior $10, Students & Children $5.

24-28

Grand Forks County Fair 218.773.7114 www.grandforksfair.com

A large midway full of fun rides, there will also be 4H exhibits, dog and horse shows, baking contests, pie and ice cream socials, concerts, demolition derby & much more!

25

Fargo Rock Concert www.fargoparks.com Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome at Dike West [310 4th St S, Fargo] from 7pm-8:30pm. Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians. These shows are free and all ages are welcome to attend.

26 & 27

Midwest Viking & Scandinavian Festival 218.299.5452 www.hcscconline.org

re-enactors dressed in period clothing, cooking over an open fire, glass bead making, coin-striking, silver-smithing, wood carving, pottery making and even a battle demonstration. $10 per day for Adults, $5 ages 13-17, and kiddos 12 and under free with a paid adult. Enjoy two festivals for the price of one!

30

Dynamic Dinos 218.284.3400 communityed.moorheadschools.org Bring your little paleontologists and dig for dinosaur bones, make a fossil, search for dinosaur eggs and maybe even discover a new type of giant lizard. Held at Early Childhood Family Education [2410 14th St S, Moorhead] for kiddos ages birth to kindergarten entry, 9:30am-11am, $6 [$5 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

Celebrate Nordic culture from ancient times at the Hjemkomst Center [202 1st Ave N, Moorhead]. Enjoy an outdoor of gathering of craftsmen, musicians and history enthusiasts who are bringing the Viking Age back to life. There will be

Summer Adventure

at Holy Spirit

A fun, faith centered adventure

Your LIFE Workshops: small-group workshops that explore the lessons in the book.

May 2 & 3 or June 6 & 7, 9-4

Catalyst Medical Center, Fargo.

Email darcy@insightswithdarcy.com SUBJECT: WORKSHOP for more information.

www.insightswithdarcy.com – 701.893.9999

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

When your ready to live a life you love!

12 weekly options of Adventures May 26 – AugBe 14 a Part of t jp2schools.org Monday – Friday 7:30 a.m. – 5:30 p.m.

FOR INFORMATION CONTACT: Lori 701.893.3271 or Lori.Hager@jp2schools.org

jp2schools.org april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

31

pr C

osmetology wasn’t always on the career radar for Chelsey Winter [26]. As a matter of fact, after graduating from Northern Cass High School, she attended college with an interest in Exercise Science. Then one day when Chelsey

was getting her hair done she began to feel at a crossroad in her life. Her stylist suggested, as she had for years, that Chelsey consider cosmetology. The stylist knew that Chelsey had the flare and personality for it. A week later, with a ‘why not?’ attitude, Chelsey took a tour of the local academies and it was love at first sight. In November of 2009 she enrolled at the Salon Professional Academy in Fargo. She graduated the following year and began her career as a stylist.

During her time in school and while building clientele at a local salon, she married Brad. They started their family, which now includes Brynlee [3] and Joss [8 months]. In March 2014 Chelsey took a leap of faith and went off on her own, opening Chelsey Dannielle Salon & Mini Spa, located in Sola Salon Studios, a decision she calls the best career choice she could have made for herself and her family.

photos: caitlin killoran photography | caitlin killoran

mom chelsey winter reneur mompreneur

chelsey dannielle salon & mini spa

what was the inspiration behind opening your own salon space?

what has been a welcome surprise about opening your salon?

I love making people beautiful inside and out. Doing hair, makeup, and nails is my passion. Making my guests feel their greatest is just a bonus.

Returning clients. Moving from one place to the other is pretty scary, not knowing if all your guests will be willing to make the transition with you.

Another welcome surprise has been returning clients giving out my name to bring in new referrals—it’s the best thank you in the world.

what salon services do you offer?

I offer full hair services from cut, colors, and styles, to blowouts. I do shellac nails. I also specialize in hair extensions, eyelash extensions, airbrush makeup, facials, and spray tans.

what is a typical day like for you?

I usually wake up with my youngest one around 6:30 a.m. and I spend some one-on-one time with him.

Drink some coffee and eat some breakfast before “the Tornado” wakes up about an hour later. From there it’s usually a blur, bouncing back and forth from one kid to the other. Once my childcare arrives I always head to the gym, my alone time, before I get ready for a full day at the salon. I love that I offer a wide variety services because I am constantly moving and I am never bored.

Families Making the Difference

how would your clients best describe you?

do you have a least-favorite part of the business?

Not enough time in the day. I tend to chat my clients’ ears off, as well as listen to them. Conversations always get cut short by the hands on the clock.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Spontaneous, outgoing, and willing to try anything; at least that’s what the client in my chair just told me!

A child needs you!

Become a foster parent, Call today!

Treatment Foster Care and Family-Based Services 701-280-9545 800-766-9321 www.pathinc.org

april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

33

mompreneur what one quality do you think is necessary to be a mompreneur?

Being a great multitasker. Not only do I have my business to manage, I also have my home life. Always putting my family first has been a major priority.

how do you make time for you?

I always schedule my childcare for a couple hours before I have appointments that day. I use that time to have lunch with a friend or with my husband, go to the gym, or run errands.

best business decision you’ve made?

Not listening to family and friends when I decided to open my own business. My family had a lot of doubts— maybe more concerns as to whether I was really ready for such a big step. They didn’t want me to make a mistake and regret it if things didn't work. Happily, it all worked out and I have a thriving business.

year-old has a way with words and gets almost everything she wants and the eight-month-old is close behind her.

anything else you would like to share about your business?

I love keeping up with the latest trends in the industry. I attend regular classes and hair and makeup shows throughout the year. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for me. My main goal is to just make women feel beautiful. As a mom of two myself I understand how hard it can be to feel beautiful after a sleepless night with a baby crying and a toddler scared of a monster in the closet, then having to get up for a full work day. My goal is to make that easy for moms, with easy-to-style haircuts and colors. The extras are just for fun!

away from the store, what might we find you doing?

I take every Monday off and stay home with my kids.

I try to do one-on-one activities with them. We’ve been to Skyzone, gymnastics, swimming lessons, etc.

Those moments of their lives are very important to me. I’m blessed to be my own boss so I can schedule my work life around my family, rather than my family life around my work.

is there one thing you vowed you would never do when you became a mom that you find yourself doing?

That I would never spoil my kids! Well, my three-

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Love Hope Family

34

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

Chelsey Dannielle Salon & Mini Spa [located in Sola Salon Studios] 3475 45th St S, Fargo ND 701.212.3918 Hours: M: Closed | T: 3pm–10pm W: 8am–10pm | Th: 8am–3pm F: 8am–7pm | Sat: 7am–6:30pm Sun: By Appointment Only

mompreneur

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

35

shutter bug

caitlin killoran photography

emily zaun photography

exposures by j.linnea

shutter bug

tiny sprout portraits

emily zaun photography

expressions by ashton

expressions by ashton

exposures by j.linnea

caitlin killoran photography

body + being

letting go

of your try-hard life

story by | heather bjur, ma, lmft

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

B

eing a modern mom is a complex thing and, if you’re anything like me, I’m betting you’re reading this article because something about the words ‘Try-Hard Life’ resonated in the depths of your soul…overscheduled days, bodies weary with lack of rest, feeling like something is missing but knowing you can’t add a single thing more to the calendar, knowing you once had dreams but not knowing where they went. You fear you may have missed something, somewhere, that may never be found again. You have an inkling that the path you're searching for is not paved with busyness and chaos, nor with endless obligations and to-do lists, but you’re not sure what to do…or not do. Sound familiar?

It does to me, and I’d like to share with you about what happened when I realized my try-hard life had to go.

Last July I was sitting at the She Speaks Conference in 38

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

Charlotte, North Carolina, with 700 other like-minded women. Lysa TerKeurst, the founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries—the group putting on the conference—was promoting her latest book, which was scheduled to release in August, just a couple weeks after the conference. The book is entitled, The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. Sounded like a great book.

But it was a question from Lysa that sunk deep into the recesses of my somewhat empty soul: “Are you living with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule, and aching with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul?”

That. Was. Me. That sentence landed on my heart and stuck. But the overwhelmed schedule was just one portion of it. I knew my soul was underwhelmed in more ways than one and it was time to do something about it. That weekend in North Carolina, along with a couple other events over the past year and a half, have changed the way I do life forever.

But before I get too far ahead of myself, I’m afraid I have some confessing to do: As I was writing this article, there were several lies running through my mind…“You have to be perfect… it must be flawless…they have to love you…,” and so on.

Oops, did I just say that out loud?! I was sitting in front of my computer struggling to put words on the page, feeling that I was not “in the flow,” so to speak, and a heavy dread hung over me like a thick, dark rain cloud.

I ate a snack [or two] and I went to bed. I got up the next morning with the same sense of dread. So I told my husband. “I don’t think anything I’ve written so far is what I’m really supposed to be saying. I’m stuck; I feel it needs to be perfect. I feel all this PRESSURE that I have to have some magical words to write to these dear women.” Do you know what he said to me?

elim children’s center 701.271.1810

• 3534 University Dr S

www.elimcare.org/ecc

a ministry of elim care, fargo nd

loving.

learning.

growing.

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re supposed to be writing about? Not trying so hard?”

Unbelievable.

This, folks, is why I have a husband. Well, that and many other reasons. Sometimes his common sense must boldly come out to tame the CRAZY that goes on inside my head.

Instead of believing those LIES that were flying around in my brain, I decided to focus on what is true. I can say that I’m on a journey to letting go of my try-hard life. I don’t get it right all the time. I’m a performance-driven person who does want things to be perfect. I want to do ALL THE THINGS! And I want people to like me, and, of course, for everybody to read this article and feel that they’ve been fed and helped and All The Magic has happened.

So I’ll let you in on some of my journey, and my hope and prayer is that something of my story might enlighten your journey.

Won’t you join us next fall?

St. Joseph’s School Now Enrolling for 2015-2016 Schedule a tour with Andrew at (218) 233-0553 or ahilliker@stjoesmhdschool.com Visit us anytime at www.sjs-saints.com april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

39

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

One of the paths that I was already on when my heart stumbled over Lysa’s words that day last July was that of rediscovering who I am. When we are living a try-hard life, we don’t have time to focus on much, including our very own souls. I’ve always had a strong sense of drive, self, and of my future, but at some point in the last six or seven years, I forgot. In fact, it felt like it was beaten out of me; between two pregnancies in two years, two rounds of post-partum depression, a husband with sleep apnea which led to depression and job struggles, and a house that was on the market for over two years, I felt crushed.

body + being My sense of purpose, my sense of self, of knowing who I am, was all but gone. I was trying SO hard. And nothing brought satisfaction. So I kept searching and looking and trying more things, only to get overwhelmed and have to back out of them, and then go searching for more.

Until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

who just seemed to delight in you? Maybe it’s your husband or your best friend, maybe even a stranger.

But something about the interaction left you feeling ENJOYED. Don’t we all LONG to be enjoyed? I LONG for the feeling of knowing that someone SAW me and what he or she saw they valued and found special. So my first step, that I sort of stumbled onto, was that I found someone who enjoyed me. Get yourself around people who will build you up, who will help remind you of yourself, who will encourage, love, enjoy, and let you be you.

Then a new trajectory began to form. At the time I’m not sure that I can say I was even intentional about what was going on. But the first change of direction was that I started to Remember and Rediscover. I started to remember not only who I am, but also what brings me joy. I remembered the dreams that felt like they’d “Coco Chanel once said, “Beauty begins the moment you decide been lost amidst the chaos of babies and depression and to be yourself.” Letting go of our try-hard life is all about frustration. And I started to do the things that bring letting go of the temptation to be someone you’re me joy. This didn’t happen quickly, but it happened not, and to really enjoy being the YOU you really are. steadily. And the beautiful thing that resulted is that in Next, I looked deeply at my personality. I’ve always been doing the things that brought me joy, I started hearing pretty critical of myself when it comes to my quirks. I’m from others around me that I was on the right course. very passionate and I get really excited about things. I Confirmation, so to speak, that yes, this is the real me; like to talk and sing—anywhere. I’m not afraid to be in I was MADE for this. So what did this look like? front of the camera, I like being in the limelight, and I 1. Remembering Myself love to throw my head back and laugh loudly. Sometimes Have you ever been in a conversation with someone I can see these qualities about myself as self-centered or attention seeking, if I’m believing lies about myself.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

One of the tools that I took advantage of was the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator. It evaluates personality based on four pairs of personality traits: Extrovert or Introvert; Intuitive or Sensing; Feeling or Thinking; Perceiving or Judging. I actually took the Meyers Briggs inventory back in grad school, and I know that I’m an ENFP: Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving. I started researching examples of my type. I wanted to soak in what it was that made me the way I am. I wanted to absorb it into my being and ACCEPT it as beautiful.

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

body + being I easily noticed how much each example I found reflected something that was true of myself. Finding the resonance—the things that are true of me because I have this particular type of personality—was so clarifying and edifying. I still read over the examples I found on a regular basis. It’s good to be reminded of me. Understanding yourself is the beginning of letting go of your try-hard life.

As a therapist, I LOVE exploring personality with people and watching them begin to embrace and love who they are. Things begin to make sense in ways they didn't before...I hear exclamations such as, "Oh! That's why it felt so difficult to do x, y, or z! My personality isn't made that way!" Or "No wonder...this totally adds up." To see someone’s interior world begin to make sense is priceless.

2. Rediscovering My Joy The other thing that sort of happened at the same time was that I began intentionally looking for places to do the things I enjoy. And when I started doing them, I received feedback that made me want to keep doing them. And do you know what that did? It fed my soul.

Do you know what you enjoy? I often speak with women who don’t know. That’s okay—you only need to start exploring. Don’t be afraid to TRY something. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m just checking this out—it may not be a long-term commitment.” Take guitar lessons [this is actually next on my list], learn to quilt, try a new language.

What’s stopping you? You will never know if you don’t try.

Ask yourself these questions: What stirs excitement inside my heart? What makes me feel alive? When you find that thing, do it, as much as you care to. And when you are faced with the decision of taking on something that makes your soul come alive versus doing something out of obligation or guilt, learn to say no. Letting go of our try-hard lives means letting go of the extra things that don’t bring joy to our souls.

It’s saying yes to the things that are life-giving and feed our souls.

A word of wisdom: this will take a lot of intentionality.

In your quest to rediscover yourself, discovering your joy and doing what you were made to do, you will have to be intentional. Unless we put our time and priorities

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

41

body + being in order, opportunities will pass us by, buried under countless Facebook memes and failed Pinterest crafts.

Finally, we must put some practicality to all this remembering and rediscovering: our schedules. The overwhelmed schedule will breed an underwhelmed soul, to borrow Lysa’s words. She couldn’t be more accurate. How do we find ourselves with overwhelmed schedules? There are two primary ways: a. We search for the next thing to bring us fulfillment, the next vacation, the next milestone, the new book club, and on and on. We pile our plates high with things that promise meaning and satisfaction, only to leave us wanting. b. We’re not very good at saying “no.” Ask yourself, “Do I have permission to evaluate my schedule, and say no to the next five things that come my way? Or even to remove a couple activities that already exist.”

The two small words yes and no are the most powerful ones we have. Learn to use them effectively and wisely.

It will save you heartache and probably a lot of precious time. There are gracious ways to say no to people who

ask things of you that you can’t take on right now: “I’m so flattered you asked me, and I’m so sorry that I can’t say yes.” Or “I’ve made a commitment to focusing my time on ________, so, for now, I have to say no. Thank you for understanding.” A polite and gentle ‘no’ goes a long way.

Here’s the take away, friends: when we KNOW who we are, and when we KNOW what brings us joy—WHAT WE’RE MADE FOR—we will be empowered and emboldened to let go of our try-hard lives. Throw off the overwhelming schedules, throw off the striving, and BE the YOU you were created to be. Your family and friends will thank you for it.

Originally from northern Iowa, Heather [a UNI alum] and hubby Chris [an NDSU alum] joke about having a friendly rivalry right in their own home. She practices marriage and family therapy at Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo, where her areas of interest include: women and couples experiencing infertility, marital counseling, premarital counseling, anxiety, depression, abortion recovery, and stress management.

Heather is a regular guest on KVLY's North Dakota Today Show where she offers her expertise on relationships and emotional health. When she's not conducting therapy sessions, she's playing Legos, reading books, and being personal chauffeur to her two sweet boys, Elijah [6] and Ezra [4]. An avid baker and cook, her secret wish is to one day become the next Barefoot Contessa.

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

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THE DAY OF BEAUTY

gettin’ through it

labels are for jars; you are not a jar

story by | rebecca undem

L

abels are on jars for a reason. They tell us what to expect when we look on the inside.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

The contents are ALWAYS the same. The contents are ALWAYS predictable.

So here’s the problem with attaching labels to motherhood: no two mothers are ever exactly the same. There’s not a woman on the planet who’s likely to ever be that predictable.

I think deep down we all want this kind of judgment-free world. But, honestly, I think it’s a long shot. And it’s not because we’re not kind enough. Or tolerant enough. It’s because most of us aren’t living in the truth of our gifts.

Let me tell you a little story…

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

Earlier this week I had planned an overnight away from my kids for work. As I was backing out of the driveway of my daycare provider’s home the morning I was leaving, I may or may not have been dancing in my car. The song “Freedom” by George Michael may or may not have been playing in my head.

I felt like the day was chock full of possibility. I was going to eat at a restaurant where no kids would be.

I would sleep in a bed without a monitor next to it. I would wake up and not have to rush to make breakfasts, pack a backpack, or put a pacifier back in.

I was excited. Almost giddy, even.

Then it hit me. What kind of mother gets excited about leaving her kids? Enter my old friends: guilt, shame, feelings of inadequacy, slight self-loathing, self-doubts, and the like.

gettin’ through it I spent the next day and a half reconnecting with women I love and meeting new ones who had me at hello. I was surrounded by women who challenge me and want to help me reach my dreams. They want to support me.

Me. Not the mother in me. Not the wife in me. Not the business professional in me. Just me.

My heart and cup were full. And my kids were nowhere in sight.

Then it hit me. I haven’t thought about my kids for the past several hours and I feel so alive. What kind of mother feels more like herself when she’s working than when she’s home? Damn it. Here they come again: guilt, shame, feelings of inadequacy, slight self-loathing, self-doubts, and the like.

What I just described? That’s motherhood. It’s one big ball of conflicting, ever-changing emotions. I can love and loathe motherhood almost simultaneously. I can laugh with my kids in one minute and have the urge to run away from them in the next.

I didn’t take drugs to deliver my children and I didn’t breastfeed.

My kids go to daycare four days a week, and I work from home. [Oh, and I don’t feel they’re being raised by someone else, either.]

I vaccinate my children and I use essential oils to try and keep them out of the doctor’s office.

I want to instill good eating habits in them and I still feed them chicken nuggets.

I don’t want to stay home with my kids and I don’t want to work full-time for someone else, either.

There. Label that.

Being a mom doesn’t change that I have goals I want to achieve and dreams I want to pursue. I have gifts that I want to use. God-given gifts that were bestowed upon me. Gifts that only I possess.

All of my choices as a mom are just that. Choices. I’ve chosen these things for my life and my family so I can feel the most ‘me.’

For you the choices will look different. If your gifts are fully utilized by being home with your kiddos or climbing the corporate ladder while your kids are in full-time childcare, that is okay.

But for the love of Pete, make sure you choose it. Design it. OWN IT. Quit making excuses for yourself or justifying your choices. And worst of all, quit judging others for not being like you.

There is no ingredient list for motherhood.

Labels are for jars; you are not a jar.

Imagine a world where we just owned our choices. Our feelings.

Our gifts. If we were to consciously allow ourselves to be okay being who we are instead of pretending to be what we think we’re supposed to be.

If we were to stop wearing masks.

If were to stop comparing our gifts to others.

If we learned to love ourselves and all our contradictions.

Lace Up for Lend A Hand!

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All youth and adult events qualify.

Learn more at www.dakmed.org/lendahand or call us at (701) 356-2661. april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

45

gettin’ through it I have a little homework for you. Take out a journal, think about your life, and answer the following questions: 1. In what area of your life are you being less than authentic? Less than the full you?

2. Why? 3. How would you feel if you gave yourself permission to show up?

4. What’s holding you back from doing it?

5. Who can help you overcome that obstacle?

6. What’s one simple thing you can do, right now, to move you in that direction?

Your gifts deserve to be used. Brought to light and shared with the world.

When you honor yourself, you are showing your kids to do the same.

As it turns out, if we are to create this world of less judgment of moms, we do need one ingredient.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Is it patience? That might help. Is it compassion?

Certainly doesn’t hurt. Is it kindness, a calm demeanor, empathy, a sense of humor? Sure, all those things could round out the list.

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

But I maintain it’s only one.

That ingredient is LOVE. Love for you leads to love for others. Don’t rob yourself of what you so freely give to others.

Rebecca is a work-from-home mom balancing three separate business roles: she's a certified performance consultant with Dale Carnegie Training of North Dakota, an Executive Consultant with Rodan + Fields Dermatologists, and Founder of How Mommy Got Her Groove Back, an online resource for moms. Her passion for helping people become the best version of themselves is what led to her involvement with each business. How Mommy Got Her Groove Back includes a blog, www. howmommygothergrooveback.com/blog, where Rebecca shares the ups and downs of motherhood, with the intent to remind moms that they don't stink as much as they feel like they do and the more they talk about and share the burden they all feel, the less it heavy it becomes. Rebecca truly believes the best way to raise self-confident, empowered kids is to model those qualities, so moms can't afford to put their needs on hold to raise their kids. When she's not attempting to inspire the world, she focuses on keeping Andrew [5], Carter [2], and Brynlee [7 months] alive and relatively unscathed. Rebecca and her farmer husband, Jeremiah, reside in Oakes, where Rebecca was raised.

Join us at the Ramada Plaza Suites, Fargo May 17th & 18th for the

May 18th CommonGround North Dakota volunteers will be on a panel discussing farming and food choices.

For tickets and more information on the Women’s Health Conference visit http://www.womens-health-conference.com Connect with North Dakota farm women at: facebook.com/CommonGroundNorthDakota

G

rowing up near Lisbon, ND, on the family dairy farm, Mark Qual has always had a love of country living and small-town atmosphere. Staying true to his roots, Mark earned a B.S. Degree in Dairy Production and a minor

in Business from South Dakota State University in Brookings, SD. He then returned home to the family farm to pursue a career as a Dairy Producer – a profession Mark calls ‘a unique opportunity to work with animals and the land.’ Away from the demands of the dairy farm, Mark is a committed husband to Angie, wife of nine years, and dad to Hailey [8], Black [6], and Case [2]. Mark enjoys snowmobiling, obstacle course races, spending time with family, visiting with friends, and being involved in his community – he is humbled to be the Vice President of the Lisbon Public School Board.

photos: rialee photography | lauren kupfer

rad dad

mark qual

rad dad

age 33, lisbon.nd

three things on my bucket list…

i’m a sucker for…

go on a backcountry snowmobiling trip in Alaska; take some laps in a NASCAR racecar; qualify and compete in the Obstacle Course Racing World Championship.

trying something new. I really like going to places I’ve never been and taking in new experiences.

i would consider myself pretty good at…

is making the commitment to be an active member on the Lisbon Public School’s Board. It is something that takes a lot more time than most would expect.

Being on the School Board is challenging but important because the Board makes decisions that directly affect the educational opportunities of the children in the community.

multi-tasking. I seem to be constantly juggling the “bowling pins” of work, family, and other commitments. Luckily, I have my wife to help keep the “pins” from falling down when I get too many in the air.

my idea of a good date night… would be going to a nice Italian restaurant for supper, then seeing a funny movie.

if i could have any talent it would be… to be able to play the guitar

recommended

1

my Dodge MegaCab. At all times I’m either working or hauling the family. be a volunteer firefighter. It isn’t that I don’t think

is always wearing seat belts.

at

the vehicle that best describes me…

something i admire but would never do…

the parenting rule i never break…

1st visit

something i’m proud of myself for doing…

year of age!

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rad dad that I could do it, but I definitely wouldn’t be able to dedicate the time that it takes. I truly do admire their self-sacrifices and bravery.

my go-to gas station goodie grab…

Buffalo Blue Cheese Combos and a Mountain Dew.

my profession gives me… a unique opportunity to work with animals and the land. I also enjoy being able to educate people about where their food comes from and how much care is put into the entire process to get it from my farm to their tables.

no one knows i… several years ago I helped a Fargo police officer control and handcuff a person on 13th Ave who was resisting arrest.

i unwind by… catching up on whatever shows we have recorded on our DVR.

my dad was right about… how fast time goes by. I really can hardly believe that in May Angie and I will have been married for ten years and that our children are growing up so fast.

the single greatest lesson i can teach my kids… is to appreciate and respect the simple things in life, because they are normally the things that matter most.

my wife… is one of the hardest working and driven people I know.

Enjoy an afternoon all about your growing family! www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

food for thought

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

gluten-free breakfast casserole

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

food for thought

shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

need:

how to:

½ lb. meat of your choice [bacon, sausage, ham, or any combination, chopped into bite-size pieces, or omit to make a vegetarian casserole] ½ C. onion, chopped ½ C. red or green bell pepper, chopped 12 eggs 1 C. milk, or half & half, or cream—whatever you have on hand 1 package [16 ounces] fresh hash brown potatoes or frozen hash browns, thawed 8 oz. shredded cheddar cheese 1 t. salt ½ t. pepper 1–2 T. dill weed, or chives, or thyme, or any fresh or dried herb you like

1. Preheat oven to 375° and place rack in center of the oven.

Cook meat until done.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, salt, pepper, and herbs.

3. Add the meat, hash browns, cheese, onion, and pepper to the egg mix. Combine thoroughly.

4. Pour the whole mix into a greased 9x13 baking dish.

Spread the mixture around in the baking dish to distribute ingredients evenly.

5. Bake for 30-40 minutes or until a knife inserted into the middle comes out clean.

6. Allow to cool for a couple minutes before serving.

Excellent when served with hot sauce or salsa.

[Optional—to boost nutrition and flavor, add up to 2 cups of your favorite vegetables to the mix. I personally like cooked mushrooms and spinach!]

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food for thought

spring cleaning story by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

I

t’s time to spruce up our lives before the main event: SUMMER! While some moms focus spring-cleaning efforts on dusting, deep cleaning, and de-cluttering closets and storage rooms, our kitchen pantries could use some attention, too. Having a clean, organized pantry will help you make meals in less time for your family. Plus you won’t be spending time sifting through the black hole that is your pantry looking for ingredients. But don’t let your good cleaning efforts go to waste—be mindful of what you put into your tidy pantry by rethinking how you shop. Here are some cleaning and shopping tips to help you stay organized and ease meal planning.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

get ready Have at least two containers ready before you begin: a garbage bin for expired goods and a bin for items to donate. Gather up your kids or husband to help you if you are feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand.

Little kids like to help their mamas and this is a perfect project even young ones can help you conquer. purge and evaluate Take all of your shelf staple food out of your cabinets or pantry. While you sort food by use, recipe, or category, check all labels to make sure things aren’t expired. Toss anything expired; when in doubt, throw it out! Are there items that you bought on a whim and no longer want?

Chuck those into the donate box. Also, this is a good chance to get rid of food you DON’T want in your pantry and in your diet. Did you buy an item that you feel bad 54

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

about having in your house? Perhaps you bought some unhealthy uber-processed junk that you really don’t like to feed your family. Get rid of it! Toss it in your donate box and feel good that you took a step toward better food choices for yourself and your kiddos. If you have recruited family for help, older kids can help look for expired foods and sort goods into categories, while younger kids can put items into designated bins with your prompting. clean Once the shelves are empty of boxes and cans, wipe out your cabinets with hot soapy water. Better yet—let the big kids do this task for you. Allow time for the shelves to completely dry before you restock, or wipe cabinets out with a dry towel to make sure no moisture remains.

Also, make sure to wipe off bottoms of cans before putting them back on shelves so as not to reintroduce the goo you just wiped off of your shelves. Bonus points: purge and clean your refrigerator, too! Get your crisper drawers ready for all of the lovely garden, farmer’s market, and CSA treasures you are about to welcome! restock time Now that you’ve sorted through everything and cleaned, it’s time to put it back. I like to organize food by recipe or product in my cabinets. For example, I have a shelf dedicated to pastas on one end, rice and grains on the other. I have another shelf where I keep taco shells, refried beans, and my homemade taco-seasoning mix all together so when I make tacos, I have everything I need in one spot. If space allows, you can even put like things in their own bins so you can pull out the bin as needed for recipes or baking projects.

food for thought shop smarter I don’t shop to “stock up” anymore. I have found over time the more I have on hand, the less efficiently I use what I have.

I used to think stocking up was a great idea—oftentimes buying a dozen or more of the same thing because it was on sale or to have on hand “just in case.” But you know what? I wasted so much space in my kitchen and money out of my budget on items I really didn’t need or forgot I had until I found them months expired lurking in the far reaches of my cabinets. A family could survive a long time on a pared-down pantry with some creativity. Sticking to your grocery list to help focus your shopping trip saves time and money. If I am really not organized when I hit the grocery store and have no list [or inspiration], I go back to the well and buy ingredients for about three quick and healthy recipes I know by heart. Now I am set for a few more days without stressing out about it. Buy foods [and brands] you know you love and use regularly, but think twice when you find a “good deal”—it’s not a good deal if you end up throwing it away! Just because it is on sale doesn’t mean you need it! I live only a few blocks away from a grocery store, so, for me, there is no need to buy two weeks’ worth of groceries at a time. Also, I no

longer automatically purchase the largest size an item is sold in. If you are buying something especially for a new recipe, you may never use it again and then you aren’t saving money!

Take a few hours to spring clean your pantry in order to keep your kitchen running smoothly and maintain your organized cupboards by being more selective about what you put back into them. Get your indoor tasks taken care of before the summer months so you can enjoy precious sunny days with your family. Happy spring cleaning your kitchen and your grocery-shopping habits!

Kari's passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on her beloved Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in both Social Studies and English from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. She enjoyed a brief stint as a caterer and cooking instructor, but has proudly spent most of her motherhood as a stay-at-home mom. Her husband, Brent, and three children, Gunnar, Ava, and Ella, have all [mostly] been eager taste testers to whatever is on the table for dinner. However, these days, having a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a first grader is providing new challenges of feeding everyone homemade and healthy meals, as well as giving her oven an intense workout most weeknights!

college for KIDS & TEENS 4 Weeks of Engaging Courses for K - 12 Students

June 8-11 AND June 15-18, 2015 July 13-16 AND July 20-23, 2015 Classes include arts, science, technology, fitness, nature, computers, sports and much more!

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Minnesota State University Moorhead is an equal opportunity educator and employer and is a member of the Minnesota State Colleges and Universities system.

april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

55

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Contact: Shireen Alemadi, Director cfk@mnstate.edu 218.477.2579

resources

what to do, what to do… summer camps & activities 2015 FAITH FaHoCha Bible Camp An interdenominational camp nestled beside South Lake Washington, 25 miles East of New Rockford, ND, we are small camp that packs a big impact on kids and teens! We are small enough to know everyone individually and big enough to have a great time in a safe and fun environment. We are famous for our home cooked food, our family like atmosphere, the crazy fun games and skits, our affordability, the faith challenges we give, and a place meet lifelong friends. Camp dates include: June 14–19 — Varsity Camp [ages 16–19], June 21-26 — Middler Camp 1 [ages 10-12], June 28– July 3 — Jr. Varsity Camp [ages 14–16], July 8–10 — Beginner Camp 1 [ages 8-10], July 12–17 — Middler Camp 2 [ages 10–12], July 19–24 — Jr. High Camp [ages 12–14], July 26–29 — Beginner Camp 2 [ages 8–10]. Please contact 701.674.3211, jay@fahocha.org or go to www.fahocha.org for more info.

Inspiration Point Christian Camp + Retreat Center Located on Spitzer Lake, 90 minutes Southeast of Fargo/Moorhead, Inspiration Point offers an action-packed Christian camp experience for students in grades 1-12. Inspiration Point is known for its well-trained staff dedicated to quality service and care, modern accommodations, and excellent food service. Family camps are also available. Register online at www.ipoint.org or call 218.998.4572 for more information.

Miracle Bible Camp MBC is a non-denominational Christian youth camp in "God's Backyard," a beautiful setting on Woman Lake in central Minnesota. MBC offers a full range of activities including swimming, fishing, canoeing, kayaking, campouts, archery, air rifle, ball sports, and nature education. We provide a fun and enriching environment in which kids can get to know the Creator. A small ratio of staff to campers ensures each child gets personal attention; staff undergo background checks and are trained to enhance safety and improve effectiveness. Your camper will come home with happy memories and a closer walk with God. Weekly youth camps are offered in June and July.

Registration is open on-line now [www.miraclebible.com] or call for a mailed brochure and registration form.

SPORT American Gold Gymnastics Offering classes for kids ages 18 months to 18 years. Classes develop physical awareness, work on coordination, balance, listening skills, fine and gross motor skills and incorporate lots of fun! For more info, www.americangoldgymnastics.com or 701.280.0400.

British Soccer Camp Offering Introductory to Advanced Camps, July 20-24 for kids 3 years to 16 years old at the Kennedy Fields [4501 42nd St S, Fargo]. Coaching provided by British soccer coaches, 1 hour to all-day options, free jersey and ball, lots of fun! Register now through June 5. For more information visit www.fargosoccer. org or contact Matt Noah, matt@fargosoccer.org or 701.866.1949 Camp Summer Splash At Camp Summer Splash our campers will experience a variety of water activities. Campers, ages

6-11, will learn new swimming techniques and water safety.

From swimming and diving to creating waves at the water park campers will have an outstanding time with new friends and staff. Come create a splash this summer at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] August 3-7, from 9am-4pm [before and after care available]! Family Wellness and YMCA Members: $175/ Nonmembers: $195. Registration opens March 1st. For more info, contact Matt [701.234.7001 or matthew.melchior@ sanfordhealth. org] or visit www.familywellnessfargo.com/ schedules/.

Dragon Swim Camp Improve your swimming skills June 14-19 or June 21-26 on the MSUM campus in Moorhead, MN. Our camps focus on technique improvement for already proficient swimmers and fun. Swimmers will work on all four strokes, starts, turns, race strategy, motivation, and dryland training. Camp fee: $475/ Resident $375/Commuter Register by March 15th and get a discount on your camp registration fee! Registration open until camp is full. For more information, contact Katie Diiro at diiro@mnstate. edu or visit www.dragonswimmingcamps.com.

School’s Out Day Camp Our goal at TNT Kids Fitness and Gymnastics [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] for No Bummer Summer is to get students physically active and teach kids how to make healthy choices. We accomplish this by utilizing our gymnastics facility to the max, along with area parks, and pools at our weekly camp sessions. Our goal is building character, increasing confidence, and engaging in a healthy lifestyle. For more information contact Adam [701.365.8868 or adam@tntkidsfitness.org] or visit tntkidsfitness.org.

Super Summer Sports Camp This sports camp is packed with fun for campers of all ability levels, ages 6-11. Campers will learn and play sports of all sorts in a positive and encouraging environment at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] June 8-12, from 9am-4pm [before and after care available]. This camp will focus on teamwork, sportsmanship and giving your best effort at all times. Campers will learn new skills, make new friends and have a blast exploring new sports and activities. We will cap the week off by going to a Red Hawks baseball game!

Come join our Super Summer Sports Camp to start your summer out with a Homerun! Family Wellness and YMCA Members: $175/ Nonmembers: $195. Registration opens March 1st. For more info, contact Matt [701.234.7001 or matthew.melchior@sanfordhealth. org] or visit www.familywellnessfargo.com/schedules/.

SELF I AM I CAN Summer Camp for Girls 2015 marks the 25th year of the "I AM I CAN" Summer Camp for Girls, a day camp held at the Academie Agencie in downtown Fargo. This camp is designed to be a fun and learning-filled week [M-F from 10am-5pm] where the camper will develop her self-confidence and self-expression. The camp is open to girls ages 9-13, running June 22-26 and Aug 3-7. The seminars and events are age appropriate and include but are not limited to, attitude, social graces, table etiquette, visual poise and presentation,

resources modeling, fitness, confidence- building, skincare, and wardrobe.

To register call 701.235.8132 or visit www.academieagencie.com.

Camp Family Wellness Camp Family Wellness will provide an exciting, hands on learning environment filled with activities and healthy choices. Campers, ages 6-11, will have the opportunity to take age appropriate Family Wellness fitness classes, healthy cooking classes, and create their own fun projects. This camp will also provide our campers with a variety of activities in the gym and our swimming pool at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] July 13-17, from 9am-4pm [before and after care available]. Brighten your summer with Camp Family Wellness!

Family Wellness and YMCA Members: $175/ Nonmembers: $195. Registration opens March 1st. For more info, contact Matt [701.234.7001 or matthew.melchior@sanfordhealth.org] or visit www.familywellnessfargo.com/schedules/.

ND Farmers Union Camp At North Dakota Farmers Union camps, attendees learn about the cooperative business model by organizing and operating their own store and selling snacks, beverages, and camp souvenirs. Campers are educated on real-life issues affecting their generation through hands-on lessons in volunteerism, government, cultural diversity, legislative process, mock trials, and patriotism. Held at Wesley Acres [near Valley City] and Heart Butte [near Elgin], sessions start June 14th and run through August 7th. 4 day, 3 night camps for grades 3-6: $75 cost; 5 day, 4 night camps for grades 7-12: $125 cost. Transportation provided. Registration starts March 1st. For more information, call 800.366.8331 or visit www.ndfu.org/youth-camps.php or www.facebook.com/ NorthDakotaFarmersUnionYouth.

YMCA Camp Cormorant Enjoy the spirit and tradition of Camp Cormorant! Get the full camping experience with camps such as Water Ski, Adventure, Cooking, Horsemanship, Fishing, Ropes Course, Wilderness, Basketball, Canoe Trips, and more!

Weekly Sessions run June 14—August 14 for ages 7—15. www. campcormorant.org. Registration open until spots fill!

DANCE Fairydell Day Camp This day camp at Red River Dance & Performing Company [2921 Fiechtner Drive S, Fargo] is for children 3–5 years of age who love fairytales and dancing!

Each day dancers will read a story, enjoy a snack, make an art project, participate in creative movement, and learn a dance that fits to the theme of the day. Family and friends are invited to watch a mini Fairydell Performance held the last day of class. Sessions run 9am-noon on June 1-3, July 6-8 and August 10-12. Camp fee: $75 per student/camp. For more information, contact 701.280.0004, info@redriverdance.com or visit www.redriverdance.com.

Dance Mania Day Camp This is a camp for children 5-7 years of age who are constantly on the move! This Red River Dance & Performing Company [2921 Fiechtner Drive S, Fargo] camp is designed for children who are especially interested in Hip Hop. Dancers will warm up to fun upbeat kids' music, learn how to stretch, enjoy a snack, make a cool project, and learn a Hip Hop routine. Family and friends are invited to watch a mini Dance Mania Performance held on the last day of class. Sessions run 9am-noon on June 1-3 and July 6-8 and 12:30pm-3:30pm August

10-12. Camp fee: $75 per student/camp. For more information, contact 701.280.0004, info@redriverdance.com or visit www. redriverdance.com.

Momentum Dance Convention Held at Trollwood Performing Arts School [801 50th Ave SW, Moorhead], this is a jam-packed day of dance, with conventional classes in ballet, tap, lyrical, contemporary, jazz, musical theater, hip hop, and modern.

Momentum was created to bring more dance opportunities and top regional talent to the Fargo-Moorhead area, spreading the love of dance in an innovative, collaborative way. Session runs July 25 & 26. For more information, email momentumdanceconvention@ gmail.com or call Red River Dance & Performing Company at 701.280.0004 or visit www.momentumdanceconvention.com.

EXPLORATION College for Kids College for Kids is a summer camp program for children ages 6 to 18, held on the beautiful MSUM campus in Moorhead, MN June 8-11, June 15-18, July 13-16, and July 20-23.

Expert instructors teach classes that encourage exploration, adventure, and creativity while cultivating young people’s understanding and appreciation for a variety of topics. Art, nature, science, technology, space exploration, fitness and sports, writing, and more! Registration opens February 16.

For more information visit www.mnstate.edu/collegeforkids or contact Shireen Alemadi at cfk@mnstate.edu.

Creative Builders Camp If your child likes a challenge and is always wondering “why?” come find out at Family Wellness Creative Builders Camp. Children, ages 6-11, will be able to create and experiment with a variety of fun hands on science and engineering projects designed for kids at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] July 20-24, from 9am-4pm [before and after care available]. Come explore why and how at Creative Builders Camp! Family Wellness and YMCA Members: $175/ Nonmembers: $195. Registration opens March 1st. For more info, contact Matt [701.234.7001 or matthew.melchior@sanfordhealth. org] or visit www.familywellnessfargo.com/schedules/.

Fine Arts Camp Shakespeare, Picasso, and Mozart all had to start somewhere! Find your inner artist while exploring a variety of fine arts. Kids will have the freedom to express themselves through art, music and even acting. This summer camp will have you cheering for an encore at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] August 10-14, from 9am-4pm [before and after care available]! Family Wellness and YMCA Members: $175/ Nonmembers: $195. Registration opens March 1st. For more info, contact Matt [701.234.7001 or matthew.melchior@ sanfordhealth.org] or visit www.familywellnessfargo.com/ schedules/.

Wild Wilderness Camp Explore the world around you this summer during the Wild Wilderness Camp. Kids, ages 6-11, will learn about different animals, climates, and even survival skills. Come find your wild side at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] June 22-26, from 9am-4pm [before and after care available]! Family Wellness and YMCA Members: $175/ Nonmembers: $195. Registration opens March 1st. For more info, contact Matt [701.234.7001 or matthew.melchior@sanfordhealth. org] or visit www.familywellnessfargo.com/schedules/.

just a thought

big girl panties? story by | kathleen wrigley

P

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

arenting is a good gig. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more loved and needed in my whole life. There are pieces of parenting where I fancy myself as being pretty capable, but other parts where I, admittedly, fail miserably. But I won’t stop trying. Hard.

For instance…talking about the birds and the bees.

Okay…SEX. There, I said it. I’m a total prude when it comes to our kids. I wasn’t ever looking forward to “the talk.” Some parents are mature and brave and dive right in…without even blushing or stuttering. Up until fifth-grade health class—which forced a pre-birds and bees prep-talk at home—I may have loosely described the process of making babies to include something involving prayers and God planting a seed in mommy, and, wah-lah! Magic. It’s sorta true. There are prayers.

And implantation is part of the deal. And you have to admit the whole thing is magical.

So it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that I’ve never been one for using the anatomically correct terms for genitalia with our little kids. Parent-friends chided us for years for seeming so infantile about the words penis 58

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and vagina. We thought, “How could anyone call their kids’ “privates” anything other than front bottom and back bottom? Seriously. Hearing a four-year-old talk about her “bah-gina” was uncomfortable. She’s four.

“Front bottom” seemed way more age-appropriate.

I’ll never forget the first time our kids, then ages three and four, heard the words penis and vagina from their cool, new-age pediatric friends. “Front bottom” and “back bottom” became so yesterday. I’m fairly certain my reaction encouraged these little rebels to look for ways to repeat the words again…and again…and again.

Like the time we hit turbulence on an airplane flight into Philadelphia. I was traveling alone with the kids. Patrick, then a bright-eyed, beautiful four-year-old cherub of a boy, caught the attention of all the passengers when he giggled and yelled, “This ride makes my penis tickle.”

What? Well. Of course, I put my hand over his mouth.

Newer moms: I have a tiny bit of advice for you. Don’t do what I did, because after I whispered—no, pleaded, through clenched teeth—not to say the word “penis” out loud, he cried out, “Why don’t you want me to say the wud penis, mommy? It’s my fav-ah-wit wud. I yike saying PENIS.” I’ve never wanted to free-fall through the

just a thought friendly skies more than I did at that moment. “Please, God,” I prayed, “just make it stop.”

Never mind the dirty looks and stares from the little old ladies who—minutes before—complimented me on my well-behaved, well-mannered travel companions.

These ladies were old-school, too. They reprimanded me with their squinty eyes. I wanted so badly to tell them how he meant to say front bottom. “We use the words ‘front bottom.’” But I was paralyzed with my hand covering his mouth.

I miss the toddler years. I was good. No, really. I was first-rate at “Peek-a-Boo,” “Pat-a-cake,” “Itsy Bitsy Spider,” and “How Biiiig.” I know all the words to “Do Your Ears Hang Low,” and “Hush Little Baby.”

The longer I parent, the more complicated once seemingly innocent, silly, off-putting topics quickly escalate into talks about sex, alcohol, appropriate behavior, drugs, and other uncomfortable matters. It’s awkward at first—hello…I could barely say the words “penis” and “vagina.” And some conversations don’t get easier—for me. But lest we think it’s unpleasant for parents, imagine how awful and embarrassing it is for a kid. From under a blanket we heard “Gross, guys. Okay, okay. I get it. Are we done now?”

Still. Keep having these open discussions. These talks are essential to have—at home with parents. In a safe, protected, educated, loving manner. Because our society is chomping at the bit to get its grimy hands on our kids.

storefront with my kids in tow [Harper [7] covers her eyes and says, “Inappropriate.”], I started researching the logo and the company. What I learned is appalling.

Victoria’s Secret/PINK recently launched a new brand called, “Bright Young Things.” Items for sale include lace-back panties with the word “Wild” inscribed on them, green-and-white polkadot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?,” and a lace-trimmed thong with the words “Call me” on the front.

I read this on Huffington Post: “Chief Financial Officer Stuart Burgdoerfer of Limited Brands, of which Victoria’s Secret is a subsidiary, announced the company’s new marketing demographic at the unveiling, claiming this about younger girls: “They want to be older, and they want to be cool like the girl in college, and that’s part of the magic.” Quite a turn-around from just a few years ago, when Victoria’s Secret promised it would never try to appeal to a pre-adolescent market. “We don’t market to that age group,” said Anthony Hebron, a Victoria’s Secret spokesman. David A. Morrision, who at the time was President of Twentysomething, a

Pop culture is nothing new. But the widespread use of the Internet, cell phones, and other technology allows marketers, media, and vendors a one-way, fast-pass to our children, normalizing and encouraging them to act in adult, sexual ways. It is our responsibility to protect them, and educate them, and nurture them—at home.

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I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I do know this: the hyper-sexualization of young children—boys included—is happening right under our noses. Marketers target younger and younger audiences, and kids are bombarded with adult influences and perceptions that they’re not near ready to understand. A whole new slew of television shows like “Toddlers and Tiaras” and “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” focus on vanity and appearance and hyper-sexualization of young children.

Marketers are pursuing young audiences—on purpose.

A good example is the Victoria’s Secret/PINK brand. This fashion label is all the rage among middle-school-aged girls. And since I don’t even like walking past the april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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just a thought company focused on marketing to young people, and had studied the Victoria’s Secret product line, reassured concerned parents, “If Victoria’s Secret is blatantly catering to seventh and eighth graders, that might be considered exploitative.”

“While Burgdoerfer may try to sell the notion that Victoria’s Secret is only responding to market demands for middle-school lingerie, it was just a few years ago that Victoria’s Secret claimed it would never try to appeal to a pre-adolescent market. But that was then and this is now. With young teens representing about $335 billion worth of spending power, according to Retail Analyst Hitha Prabhakar, there is money to be made, loyalty to be won, and an entire consumer group to milk and manipulate. Apparently, exploiting young girls with beginner-level lingerie in hopes that they will deliver a lifetime of loyalty to Victoria’s Secret was too big a temptation for Burgdoerfer to refuse—dollar signs overrode decency.”

most recognized trends among middle-schoolers right now. Believe me. I know. It’s a hotly debated argument in our own home, where our rules are non-negotiable.

I read that when NBC’s TODAY show covered the “Bright Young Things” product launch, the reporter admitted, “The latest campaign features underwear too racy to show here.” Too inappropriate for a morning television program? To be fair, not every item is sexy. There are bright-colored, cute t-shirts and yoga/workout pants. But this is a carefully formulated campaign, purposefully and unabashedly targeted towards young girls in an effort to sexualize and objectify them.

I understand my duty as a mom. I’m well over the “penis” and “vagina” vs. “front-bottom” and “back-bottom” dilemma. I don’t expect society to do my job. But where are the cries for moral responsibility and societal ethics?

Hyper-sexualization and self-objectification are already national health problems. Female human sex-trafficking is a hot-button issue. And yet we are bombarded with While Victoria’s Secret/PINK brand is not the first, last, debates and federally mandated restrictions on food nor only retailer peddling hyper-sexualization to our and sugary drinks marketed to our children. I’m not young daughters and sons, their line is perhaps one of the suggesting the latter are not worthy discussions, but where is the outcry for responsible marketing?

If there’s one thing I’m learning as my kids grow, it is that I’ve still got a lot to learn. That, and I’m a shakyat-best sex-ed teacher. But I also know that we are their gatekeepers. We cannot shield them from all the ill-wills of the world—though I may die trying—but we must not wince in the pursuit of their safety.

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Let’s pull up our big-girl panties, and do our darndest to talk to and teach our children to love and cherish and to protect and celebrate their precious, miracle-machines, strong bodies. Don’t stop talking.

Kathleen serves on a number of community and statewide boards, committees, and leadership councils, and enjoys volunteering in church, in her kids’ school, and community programs/events. Kathleen is passionate about victims’ rights and helping to promote balance and fairness in the criminal justice system. She is also deeply interested in advocacy, education, programs, and research relating to the protection of children. Fitness is an integral part of Kathleen’s daily routine and helps her sustain her own mental health! Kathleen’s column “ just a thought” has been a regularly occurring piece in “on the minds of moms” since 2009. This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan and ND’s Lieutenant Governor, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speechwriter. Kathleen received a BS from Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

10 Essentials to Keep Kids Thriving

by Abby Tow — Executive Director of Imagine Thriving

Mental wellness isn’t just a New Age buzz-phrase anymore. Now more than ever, we know how important it is to keep kids’ developing minds unhindered by fear and depression.

10 Essentials to Thriving

At Imagine Thriving, our biggest champions are mental health care professionals, like Dr. Read Sulik. Dr. Sulik’s expertise in the areas of helping kids “thrive” is incredibly helpful for parents, guardians and teachers when it comes to helping kids achieve ideal mental wellness. In fact, we have a whole page on our website devoted to his advice. Read the full article about thriving at imaginethriving.org.

SLEEP – keep bedtimes consistent

Here are 7 additional ways to help kids thrive, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): 1) Make kids feel safe. Talk with teachers and PTA members about ways you can work together to encourage positive behaviors.

EAT – balance proteins, carbs, fruits and veggies MOVE – exercise to boost mood BREATHE – take deep belly breaths for calmer minds

2) Praise good behavior. A simple high-five or a hug will go a long way toward making kids feel like they’ve done something good.

THINK – teach kids how to process thoughts and focus on healthy thoughts

3) If at first you don’t succeed. Teach kids that sometimes life isn’t fair and things can go wrong. But when it does, there’s always a learning moment.

SPEAK – verbalize and ask questions

4) Model good behavior. Children are sponges, and they tend to mimic the behaviors and language they see and hear around them.

5) Check in with school counselors to find out about support or programs that may be available at your child’s school or in the community.

6) Know your family’s history of mental wellness. Sometimes, but not always, depression and anxiety can have genetic factors.

7) Turn off the TV and all electronic devices. The AAP suggests limiting screen time to less than two hours a day.

For more information, visit Imagine Thriving’s website at imaginethriving.org for a list of therapists, counselors and programs that support mental wellness in children and teens.

CONNECT – be a participant in your child’s life and help your child connect with friends and family BUILD – build your child’s esteem, confidence and sense of self through experiencing successes TEND TO THE SPIRIT – tend to your child’s inner spirit through art, music, nature, faith, meditation and mindfulness SEEK – look for mental illness warning signs

You can help Imagine Thriving by joining our Fargo Marathon running team, Cam’s Crew, or donating at ImagineThriving.org.

Our children are in crisis. But there is hope. It begins with you.

imaginethriving.org

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Used with permission of Dr. Read Sulik

doing more jane nelson story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

J

ane, her husband, and daughter walked to the car without saying a word. This was their first group home visit of the day as they explored options for Taylor. As the last car door closed, Jane heard her daughter burst into tears. “We aren’t sending him there,” the teenager proclaimed!

Then she shared her plan: “He needs to stay at home forever with us and when you die, he will move in with me and my husband.” Jane could only smile at the display of love and compassion this girl had for her older brother. While she agreed this wasn’t the place for Taylor, she didn’t think living his entire life with his parents or siblings was right either. There had to be more options…or she would create one.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

doing more “When you get that diagnosis or unexpected news… provide services to children with special needs from it’s like how everyone remembers 9/11. Everybody birth to age three. The Experienced Parent Project gave remembers where they were, what they were doing, parents of children with special needs an opportunity and how they felt,” social worker and mother of four to lean on each other. Jane was the perfect fit to head [Ryan 29, Taylor 26, Tessa 23, Christian 16], Jane Nelson the program, says her friend Vickie Piepkorn, mother explains. “When I talk to doctors or specialists about of two boys, one with special needs, who participated delivering difficult news or a diagnosis to a parent, I in the Experienced Parent Project. use that example because the people receiving that “When I think of Jane, I just smile,” says Vickie. “Personally, information will remember that moment exactly.”

I met Jane at a very difficult time. We had been told our Jane can speak to that as a professional and as someone son, Will, would not be a typical child. But we had no with first-hand experience. “I remember I was literally idea what that meant. What that would mean for his sick. It was like I was going to throw up,” she recalls of future, our future as parents, or our future as a family the day she heard her then six-month-old son, Taylor, unit? There are so many emotions that go through your was diagnosed with a rare syndrome called Cornelia mind…’how could this be? Am I the only one with a de Lange syndrome [CdLS]. child like Will? My friends all have children who are normal…will they still accept us? Will children be mean CdLS is a genetic disorder estimated to occur once to him; to our other son? Will he survive?’ Jane met in 10,000 births. A range of physical, cognitive, and us all where we were and she told us it would be okay. medical challenges is present. “He looks like he is higher functioning than he is in a lot of ways,” Jane says of her son. “He is high functioning in some ways. Socially, he is right on cue, but his verbal skills are very limited, and he needs quite a bit of help with his daily living skills and self-care.”

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Jane’s husband Steve, a neonatologist, agrees that receiving Taylor’s diagnosis was difficult and that he knew the years to come would not be easy. But he remembers that signs of Jane’s compassion and the mother she’d become were evident early on.

“In college, Jane worked at a school for people who were visually impaired and she spent the two summers before we met as a waterfront counselor at a camp for children with special needs,” Steve explains. “Jane's eyes sparkled on our first date as she regaled me with joyful stories about the campers. The sincerity of her love and concern for these kids made a very strong first impression. Jane is by nature a patient and loving person, but there's no doubt in my mind that experiences during her college years helped prepare both of us for the challenges we would face parenting a child of our own with special needs.”

As she did before having children, Jane continued to work with individuals with special needs as a social worker after becoming a mother. In 1997 she was asked to start the Experienced Parent Project, which provides support services to parents with children enrolled in Early Intervention programs. Early Intervention programs

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“I remember I was literally sick.

It was like I was going to throw up,” she recalls of the day she heard her then six-month-old son, Taylor, was diagnosed with a rare syndrome called Cornelia de Lange syndrome.

And that everyone’s “okay” was different. She showed us we could and would smile again.”

Jane was able to offer parents comfort, first-hand experience, and honesty about being a parent of a child with special needs. “I started a parent support group, although we didn't call it “support group” because then men wouldn’t want to come,” she says with a laugh.

“We just called it Parent Group.”

Vickie says the group was a place parents could learn about each other’s children and find a sense of belonging as they learned from one another about the journey ahead.

doing more

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doing more

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

from thedoing inside more out “There were a lot of kids with issues that needed therapists or specialists, so you could ask, ‘who did you go to for that?’ and ‘how'd you deal with this?’ and ‘what did you do when a stranger said something inappropriate about your child?’" Jane explains. “We were all living it.”

involved. Even though Taylor is developmentally and cognitively lower functioning and needs assistance, he has a full life. We have a lot of people coming and going in our home, he goes to church, movies, and exercises at the YMCA. He has a lot going on, which is more typical of young adults with special needs now as opposed to 40, 50 years ago when they weren’t included in the community. Now they go to school and do everything everybody else does.”

“Jane was our fearless leader,” says Vickie. “She was an angel to us…she had “been there and done that” and came out the other side with a smile and ready to continue on. And she encouraged us to do the same. Jane has an inner and outer beauty that shines through in all she “I saw all the options I had for my future and I wanted does. She has made such a difference in my life and the same thing for Taylor,” Tessa says. “I want Taylor to all the other families and individuals she has touched.” live someplace where he is not just content, but where he is valued and given opportunities to thrive.”

Jane was in charge of the Experienced Parent Project for 14 years, until she felt it was time for someone else Jane agrees. "When our other kids finished school the to take over. The Nelsons wanted to do foster care and world was their oyster. Anything was possible. When possibly take in children with special needs. Jane also Taylor finished school we worried that his world was needed more time to focus on a new project that was looking like it was going to close in on him. Who wants pulling at her heart. to live like that?" seeing more Due to his developmental disabilities and qualifying for special education services, Taylor was able to go to high school until he was 21. At age 17 his Individual Education Plan began to transition toward adult life. That is when the Nelsons were provided a list of facilities in our community with adult living options for their son.

What should adult living look like for her son and others with special needs? Jane kept mulling the subject in her head. Couldn’t it be modern and welcoming? Couldn’t it offer residents privacy but also a sense of family?

Couldn’t it be a meeting place for the community?

Couldn’t it be full of life?

"I haven't had a parent in a nursing home, but 40 years ago if I had put a parent in a nursing home I would have thought is this the only option we have?" Jane says. "But since then somebody, and I'm guessing it was probably families, said, 'We want more options for our parents who still have a lot of living left to do! Options for if you need a little care, or a lot of care, or if you're really independent. They have to be more fun!' And look at where care facilities are now. They have movie theaters, Jane appreciates what the existing facilities do for coffee shops, beauty parlors, and people come and go. their residents. “Bless their hearts! The people who It's like the real world. That is where group homes need are working in these places care and are doing their to be. They need to be brought up to what life is like best, but I just kept thinking, ‘this doesn’t cut it!’” Jane now. Options for care facilities have changed. And if recalls after making facility visits.

I'm sending my son, who hopefully has 70 more years “I was disheartened by the options,” Jane’s daughter, in front of him, why can't he have cool things like that Tessa, remembers. The locations wouldn’t offer Taylor where he lives?” the atmosphere, interaction, and activity he had grown Jane saw a need. Ideas for a new model of congregated up with. There should be more options, right? These living kept coming to her. It would need to look like a kids deserved it. home, not a facility. It should have a family feel with a single person or a couple serving as house parent[s] "We need a new, updated model. We need to have a place who would give the home a consistent presence where kids go to live and continue to grow and be active and would live in an apartment in the same home. in our community.” Jane declares. “Our son is active and For families who have children with special needs, when, or if, they will move their child out of their home can be a very emotional decision. “It is a very personal decision and sometimes a very difficult decision to make,” Jane says. “We felt that having Taylor transition out of our home as a young adult would be the best option for him and our family.”

doing more

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Residents could be of varying abilities with trained staff attending to their needs. Each of the four to five residents would have his or her own room on the main level outlining the commons area. The facility would offer a sense of independence and family at the same time. There would be the option for more community and family involvement in everyday life. There would also be large meeting rooms that families could use for special occasions like birthday parties or Thanksgiving.

And the community would be welcome to use those

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

meeting rooms for different gatherings, such as book clubs. It would be beautiful inside and out. It would offer families peace of mind and assurance that their loved ones were safe, happy, and thriving.

Every idea Jane had she wrote down. Each time she added to her list was like pouring gas on a fire. Her desire to make this happen grew stronger and stronger. Those close to Jane know she is a combination of realist and dreamer, positive thinking and hard work. She was going to see this through, but she needed help.

doing more planning more While watching Christian play hockey one day, Jane saw someone she believed would be able to help her fulfill her dream. Jane wasn’t sure she should talk to this gentleman; their sons played hockey together, but they had never worked together professionally. But considering all she had heard about him, she knew he could offer her some insight and direction to implement her new group home model. She finally approached Pat Traynor, President of Dakota Medical Foundation

[DMF], about setting up a meeting. He pressed her for details right then and there. Jane explained her vision.

“She impressed me as a kind, smart person who had the commitment to do whatever it would take to see this idea through,” says Pat. “Her personal situation illuminated a need within her own family, but it was evident she had a passion to impact quality of life for vastly more people in our region.”

Pat wanted to hear more and an official meeting was set.

Jane needed to get all of her ideas in order. She turned to her trusted friend, Dave Morstad. The two worked together at Camp Grassick, a camp for children and adults with disabilities. Jane worked there a number of summers in college and Dave had been a part of the camp for 35 years. The two friends share a passion for helping those with disabilities meet their potential and Jane knew Dave would give her the feedback she needed to move forward.

Dave told Jane she was on the right track and he would help her any way he could. Together they built a proposal and shared Jane’s idea with different organizations in our area that dealt with adult living for special needs individuals. She met resistance. They said her model was outdated and it was best for individuals to work toward complete independence. Jane agreed that might be right for some, but for individuals like her son, it would be a lonely existence to live by himself. Oh, and the funding, where would the funding come from?

While she had never done it before, Jane was willing to do the necessary fundraising. For every objection given, Jane had a counter. She was ready to meet with DMF.

DMF hired a consultant who helped Jane shape Taylor Made Living from a vision to a concrete business plan.

Through the process Jane realized she wanted to be a part of the project, but not the one in charge and responsible for things such as hiring staff or getting

april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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Dave and Jane brought their proposal for what they called Taylor Made Living to Pat. He knew a good idea when he heard it and that DMF could help Jane make it reality. “Our strategy as a foundation is to help great leaders achieve exceptional results, taking a great dream and helping assemble resources, remove barriers, and create partnerships that will bring success,” he explains.

“The Foundation helped Jane build clarity around her vision and sponsored a strategy consultant to help her navigate to a practical, workable plan.”

doing more calls in the middle of the night to handle issues. An outside organization would be the best option to manage the project. The consultant put out a Request for Proposals. Jane was not confident that anyone would be interested in partnering, considering the resistance she previously received. Jane and her team were encouraged and thrilled that several North Dakota organizations came to Fargo to pitch proposals to Jane.

Steve has found many reasons to be in awe of his wife over the last 30 years. Seeing her passion over the past eight years to make Taylor Made Living a reality is no surprise.

A builder had to be chosen. It all seemed daunting, but there is no giving up in Jane Nelson’s world.

Funding has been made possible through a combination of an investment by the Anne Carlsen Center and generous donations from people who believe in the opportunity Taylor Made Living can give individuals with disabilities. Property has been purchased in South Fargo that will allow building additional units in the future. And Heritage Homes will be constructing this first beautiful building.

“We are honored to be given the opportunity to be a part of such a great organization,” says Steve Larson, Heritage Homes Director of Sales. “At Heritage Homes, we strive to positively impact the lives of others every day; much like our three Extreme Home Makeover builds, the multiple homes we’ve built for Access of the Red River Valley, and homes for over 850 families in our community.”

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Heritage Homes immediately understood the concept of ensuring Taylor Made living didn’t look institutional.

“Our goal was to listen and capture their vision for a residential building well suited for independent living, “It was so cool! They had PowerPoints and everything! I while maintaining the security of all being under one couldn’t believe they were coming to us!” she remembers roof,” explains Steve. “We feel our designer and Heritage with a giggle.

Homes team created a home that is comfortable and inviting, while being functional and efficient. We care One of those organizations was the Anne Carlsen Center. as much about the details as they do.”

“For nearly 75 years, the Anne Carlsen Center has been a leader in providing life changing services for individuals It’s exactly what Jane has worked for. It’s finally all with developmental disabilities or delay,” says Patrick coming together.

Kirby, Chief Development Officer for the Center.

“The concept of having your child move out of your home In addition to the Jamestown campus, Anne Carlsen is a challenge for any parent, but having a child with Center has community based service offices in Fargo, special needs move out? It seems so overwhelming.”

Grand Forks, Bismarck, Devils Lake, Bottineau, and Vickie says. “Taylor Made Living will be a place that Minot. They explained to Jane their desire to do more in feels like home, where we are welcome to visit, where serving the state and saw the need for residential living there are new and innovative things and things that for those with disabilities. The concept of Taylor Made are tried and true. Jane and her team have done their Living fell in line with their mission and they wanted research and we will be lucky to be a part of this great to work with Jane. This felt like the perfect partnership. new idea!”

“Jane’s love, spirit, and tenacity to make the lives of those with disabilities better is an inspiration to all,” Patrick says. “There are very few individuals like her out there, and we are blessed to consider her part of the Anne Carlsen Center family!”

Now she had a partner, but there was still work to do.

Funding was needed. Property needed to be secured.

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And according to Patrick, this is just the start for Taylor Made Living. “We see Fargo as just the beginning. We envision this concept to be duplicated in cities throughout North Dakota!” accomplishing more This spring Jane will stand in a barren field with her ceremonial shovel and dig into the rich, black dirt that

doing more will support Taylor Made Living. It has been eight years in the making with plenty of ups and downs, but one constant remained...Jane’s determination to change the old thinking and to help others.

“Despite initially limited experience and resources, overwhelming obstacles, disappointing setbacks, and, as a busy mother and wife with plenty of distractions, Jane has never lost her vision of a new style of person-centered congregate living that emphasizes family, dignity, and the full achievement of human potential,” Steve says of his wife as her vision is now becoming reality.

Vickie finds it hard to put into words how truly amazing her friend is. “She is a ray of sunshine, never self-serving, and works hard to make life easier for others,” Vickie says. “All that she does is working to benefit others. She is a true blessing with a love for life and other people.”

“My mom is relentlessly optimistic. She sees the best in all situations and in people, which is why she has been so successful in her work on Taylor Made Living,” Tessa says. “The amazing part about this project is

that, while it started because of Taylor, it has grown into a vision for the community. This isn't just a home for her son, but a new approach to adult life for people with disabilities. She has kept that selfless idea at the core of the project.”

Steve has found many reasons to be in awe of his wife over the last 30 years. Seeing her passion over the past eight years to make Taylor Made Living a reality is no surprise. “Jane is the most remarkable person I know.

She attends to details that others often overlook, brings light to dark places, and finds joy where others might find despair. She puts people squarely on the path to become the people they are meant to become. Taylor Made Living is a bricks-and-mortar manifestation of her life. A life overflowing with love, joy, and compassion.”

For more information about Taylor Made Living, please visit www.annecarlsen.org/taylor-made-living/. If you are interested in helping make Taylor Made Living a reality for many more, please contact Patrick Kirby at patrick.kirby@annecener.org or 701.252.3850.

Anne CArlsen Center

Enjoy Our Journey. Love Your Livability. www.HeritageFargo.com | 701.281.7184 Licensed with Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Premier Properties | 701.356.3600 april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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Proud future Builder of the Taylor Made Living

ready, set, grow

they grow up so fast! e your s e r i u r t o cap ’s mem d l e i g h a c y r e v at e

ready, set, grow

story by | patricia carlson

I

magine you’re 90 years old and relaxing in your rocking chair. In previous generations you might have been left with just your memories of your precious babies, who then turned into spunky little kids, who then grew into capable, yet moody, teenagers. Lucky for us, we have so many more ways to capture our children’s memories [Hello, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!], and, better still, to help them begin to track their own life stories so we can see how they view their own transitions into adulthood.

It’s a remarkable time to be a parent and have this capability literally at our fingertips. Whether you choose to record your wee one’s milestones in the time-honored traditional written baby book or explore phone and video technologies, by the time you become a nonagenarian you’ll be able to re-visit your children’s [and grandchildren’s] life stories through words, pictures, and videos, any time you wish.

Here’s some of the best ways to bring their stories to life.

ready se there are so many milestones that seem worthy of capturing on video. joya, a free ios [apple] compatible app, sends the video

through email or text and your peeps can view it through a private link when it’s convenient for them.

wee ones [0–18 months]

I

f you are welcoming your first child home, chances are you have the traditional baby book ready to go.

Good for you…now just make sure you use it. Those first months, and, well, year of your baby’s life can be challenging, overwhelming, and just plain busy.

Sometimes it’s hard to stop what you’re doing and enter the magnificent moment by hand into your baby book.

You might be exhausted. You might be knee deep in a blowout. You might be visiting with family. Here’s the thing, though. You’ll kinda regret not seeing these milestones in your own handwriting. There’s something

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on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

that truly makes your baby’s firsts ‘yours’ when you see them in your script. And, unlike digital apps where you may enter the most basic of information like date and time, a baby book encourages you to add precious details that really bring the moment to life.

Here’s a tip if you struggle with finding time to write in your baby book. Keep it in a central location, like the kitchen. If the book remains stashed in your baby’s room, you may become deterred by having to go and get it and start writing. An accessible baby book is a well-used baby book. pictures, pictures, and more pictures Ahhh…the pictures of your little cutie. They’re on your phone, your tablet, your camera. The problem is that’s where they’ll stay unless you spend time organizing and printing them. And, let’s be honest, who has time for that anymore? Enter GrooveBook, an amazing iOS and Android-compatible app that burst onto the scene courtesy of a Shark Tank appearance. For a $2.99 per month subscription, GrooveBook will print up to 100 of your phone photos and create a beautiful 4.5”x6.5” photobook that is automatically mailed to you each month. Download it and you’re done. Voila!

set grow ready, set, grow

for inspiration, check out the popular tumblr blog “spaghetti toes.” a dad has turned the funny things his daughter says into illustrations and posts his images on the blog for all to see.

tots

[18 months–3 years]

I

sn’t it insane how quickly your kiddo goes from baby babble to full-on sentences? Your kiddo’s vocabulary is probably progressing by leaps and bounds and you’re enjoying [almost] every moment of it. Except for that time he asked you what ‘boobies’ were in the grocery store… kids say the darnedest things You never know what’s going to come out of your tyke’s mouth and that’s one of the sweet and salty surprises of these ages. Don’t let these silly sayings pass without recording them. Grab your phone and shoot impromptu videos with your tot. She’ll love the opportunity to ‘act’ in front of a camera and you might get a spontaneous

question or comment that will have you in stitches.

Even better, download Evernote, a clever cloud-based app that allows you to access any notes you’ve written in it from any device. Simply log in, jot down the amazing thing your kiddo said and it’s stored forEVER. Get it?

sources: babble.com | babycenter.com | codenamemama.com National Catholic Register [online] | journalbuddies.com teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com | groovebook.com artkiveapp.com | expandedramblings.com pewinternet.org/2008/04/24/ what-teens-tell-us-encourages-them-to-write/

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ready se a cool way to store your children’s artwork is to keep a digital archive of the projects. download the artkive app [available on ios and android] and snap pics of the artwork they bring home. if you want, you can even have the images turned into a book.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

O

k, here’s the deal. From drawings to paintings, and crafts to whatisthatevensupposedtobe, your preschooler is going to come home with a lot of STUFF from school. And he’s going to be pretty darn proud of himself, too. He’ll probably learn to write his name.

And paint a monster. Maybe even draw his family [yes, that’s you, the pink blob, third from the left]. It’s adorable and awe-inspiring. After years of finger painting, your kiddo has learned to properly wield a paintbrush and the results bring you to tears.

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pick and choose It’s tempting to want to keep everything. This may shock some of you: DON’T. If you keep every little thing your child creates, you’re quickly going to become overwhelmed, disorganized, and lost under mounds of papers, some of which may only have a smear or two of

marker on them. Although it may be difficult to do, you need to use some discretion in what you keep. There are lots of ways to tackle this: • Collect the projects each week and then at Friday family dinner let your child pick three or four she wants to keep.

• Invest in a three-dimensional frame so you can rotate projects in and out as new ones roll in. When an old picture is to be replaced, decide at that moment whether or not to keep it.

• Buy a large folder with monthly dividers for flat keepsakes that you pick. You can get a new folder each year. It might make a great high school or college graduation gift one day.

Whatever method you choose, always remember to write the date and age of your kiddo on the back.

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remember those time capsules you used to make in elementary school? now would be a great time to create your own with your kiddos.

big kids [6–9 years]

B

y this point, your children are really coming into their own. They have their own likes and dislikes.

Opinions. Views of the world. And they have a newfound ability to communicate these things. Whereas when they were little you could gently explain to them ‘that’s not the way we do things,’ now, as big kids, they might question you and want to learn the ‘why’ factor. These conversations all help them to become informed, curious individuals and, in turn, develop their own thoughts about things. If you haven’t already, it’s a great time to start asking them about their opinions. put the camera on me, mom There are so many ways you can accomplish this.

Family dinners. Nightly tuck-ins. Long drives [hey, it’s a captive audience!]. But if capturing these conversations is really important to you, why not try an interview?

You can do it on video, through email, or even with a digital voice recorder so years from now you can hear their sweet, angelic voices excitedly describing the virtues of Minecraft.

• What do you want to be when you grow up? Why? • I’d love to know some of your favorite things. Can we talk about food, and color, and sports teams?

• When do you feel happy? When do you feel sad?

Frustrated? Surprised? Proud? Etc. These interviews can be completed as often as you like, but should, at the least, be done once a year. The most important thing to remember about these interviews is that they’re less about the question-and-answer routine, and more about having a conversation with meaningful, active listening. This is not a chance for you to interrupt their thoughts with your own opinions or advice [unless they ask; in that case—bravo!]. These interviews are about allowing your child to express himself and his views and to feel supported without judgment by the people who love him most.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Here’s some questions to get you started: • Can you please tell me your age and grade? Where do you go to school? Who is your teacher?

• What has school been like this year? Have you found any parts challenging? Are there some favorite moments you’d like to share?

• Who are your friends? What are they like—can you describe them to me? What do you like best about your friends? april • may twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

77

ready se if you’re comfortable with your child using the internet and you have taken all the necessary internet

safety precautions, you may also consider helping your tweener start his own blog. a blog is essentially an online journal and can be a great way to express himself through multimedia [words, pictures,

and videos]. most blogging platforms are free to use, too. if you have a particularly private child, an anonymous blog may offer tremendous insight into who he is and how he feels he’s fitting into the world around him. but, seriously, make sure he knows what’s not okay to post on the internet.

tweeners [10–12 years]

W

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

here has your confident, exuberant, opinionated youngster gone [thank goodness you have those interviews to watch, huh]? Body changes, peer pressure, academic prowess, social standing, and extracurricular abilities—all of these things are weighing heavily on your tweeners. Their thoughts, much like their hormones, are a jumbled mess and they don’t yet have the emotional maturity to process all the drama that’s running through their minds. They no longer want to show you their school projects and they certainly don’t want to sit for family pictures, not with their acne and gangly features. So what can you do to capture this stage of your child’s life?

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write it down Buy them a journal. Until now, preserving your kiddos’ memories has been your responsibility; it’s time to get them in on the action. And, according to research, they’re yearning for a chance to spill their guts. The Pew Research Center reports that 93% of teens write for themselves. “Most teens say that they very much enjoy the writing that they do to communicate with their peers via Facebook, and text and instant messaging,” reports Pew. “Many also report finding satisfaction in their creative writing of poems, plays, journals, songs, raps and multimedia pieces.”

If your tweener struggles with your suggestion to start journaling, gently suggest he start with writing down his strengths and what he likes about himself. This exercise is extremely important for young girls, who often struggle with self-esteem issues.

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photography is an everyday occurrence for our teens with 56.4% of internet users, aged 14-17, using Instagram. 30% of those teens consider this their most important social network.

teens [13–18years]

It’s time to step back and let someone else take the reins—namely, your teenager, who is probably quite savvy with a phone, camera, and video. The next time you go on vacation or attend a family celebration, give your teen the camera. If you want to put together a photo album for your youngest child’s birthday, let your teen organize the images and pages. Eager to edit a video for the next family reunion? Talk to your teen.

When you empower your teen to lead the charge in capturing your family memories, you’re encouraging her to step beyond her comfort zone, explore a new skill, and complete a task—all very adult things to do. Most importantly, you’re getting the rare opportunity to see your family through your child’s eyes. A child you raised who is now showing you everything she learned about family through pictures, video, and words.

Patricia Carlson is a freelance writer who specializes in developing and writing strategic website content and email marketing materials for businesses across the country. Patricia’s roster of clients includes a diverse group of organizations from banks to fitness facilities: Redstone Federal Credit Union, Active Screening, i1Biometrics, Buzz360, and Fit Revolution, to name a few. Her editorial work appears in publications nationwide, including Minnesota Parent, FOP Journal, On The Minds Of Moms, and Lake and Home Magazine. When she’s not interviewing sources, Patricia is enjoying breakfasts on the beach with her two young children. Keep track of her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com.

3475 45th st. S, Studio 19 Fargo | 701-212-3918 www.onthemindsofmoms.com

do something Your teen may balk at your suggestion to become your family’s memory keeper. That’s okay. Maybe your kid simply wants to make a few more memories of his own before leaving the nest. If that’s the case, instead of giving gifts at Christmas or his birthday, shake things up by planning things that create experiences, and memories, for him. Get him concert tickets, but send him along with his own camera. Collaborate on a family cookbook, and ask him to find recipes for his favorite foods. Plan a whitewater rafting trip, and do an interview with him about it before he leaves, and once he returns.

Even though he may begrudgingly comply with your requests now, he’ll be really glad he has these memories—and the images and video to prove it—when he’s 90 sitting in his own rocking chair.

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79

oh, by the way

my girl story by | deb uglem

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

I

am knee deep in Google searches for the perfect dress.

As we enter our last prom season all I can think of is how far this little girl has come.

t’s prom season. I don’t care how old your kids are, you experience it. Whether you are sitting in the salon It seems like yesterday…but it was prom 2013 and we staring at up-dos or waiting at Applebee’s as a parade had two boys and one “little” girl still at home and, of pretty dresses and colorful cummerbunds take the unfortunately, I was in Chicago for work. The texts were next available table. Some of you may even be lucky flying.

“Where do I pick up the flowers? What time is enough to be picking out dresses or renting a pinstripe my haircut? Everyone is coming over here after prom, tux. Years ago prom was nothing but excitement. What do we need food?” All of this from my two boys—I a big night. It included limos and breakfast at “who guess I should say three. My husband obviously wasn’t cares” o’clock. I even scored the nickname “devil with listening when I was giving instructions before I left. the blue dress” one year [but that story is for a different Well, there was only one thing left to do; I had to call article]. Since I became a mother prom season has taken in the big guns: my daughter. I quit texting the boys on—well, let’s just say I have a new perspective. I don’t and started texting her with shopping lists and camera like strategically placed openings in prom dresses and I instructions.

Then I received a text from my husband, am not real fond of staying out until 4 a.m. I also have a friend who loves the classic “off like a prom dress” joke. “Your daughter is a spaz, a lot like her mom right now .”

I guess we will see how funny that is when her son is As if the smiley face makes up for the little jab. At first I was taken aback and then I got the perfect text from picking out that first tux. But as spring starts again I my daughter, “No Problem! I got this!” It hit me. She’s 80

on the minds of moms | april • may twenty fifteen

oh, by the way on it. I love this girl! Let the record show I have great photos and no one starved during the prom of 2013.

This is not the first time that I have heard that my daughter is just like me. For 16 years family, friends, and strangers on the street would comment on how much we are alike and I would agree immediately when they point out our similarities. But was I hearing them right? I have always been unbelievably proud of my girl. So confident and independent. I am just not sure I thought of myself the same way. She always walked steps in front of me, even into new experiences. I never had to pull her into a situation [I am talking literally and figuratively]. I, on the other hand would second guess myself on decisions and today as I sit back and look I see her growing into this beautiful, strong, kind, confident woman. I ask myself, “Am I that self-assured?”

It is ironic that I am not at a loss for wonderful adjectives for my little girl, but I cannot find any words to describe myself. I guess it’s time to work on that!

That is right, moms, it is time to practice what we preach.

Act how you would tell your child to respond—confident and self-assured. Countless times I have worried about my pants size, workout regimen, or my dirty house. The piles of laundry staring at me as I try to get through yet another week of work. It has taken me a while to understand that I wasted some time thinking some not-so-great things about myself. I marvel how my daughter questions honestly and without hesitation.

She doesn’t think about how people will react, she just is. It is time to learn from our own lessons.

I consider February 16, 1997, as one of my luckiest days.

It was the day that we were graced with the green light to buy pink. After three boys in two years this was a very welcome surprise. Today, when her stubborn side arises, my husband will simply say, “How do you like dealing with you? Welcome to my life.” Now when I hear that I think to myself, “Oh, I hope I am like that!”

I hope I am following her lead as she is maturing into a confident woman. She is kind and insightful, full of love and energy. She gets upset over hair and clothes.

She is excited about sleeping in and working out. What she feels, she expresses. I genuinely enjoy her company.

Last week as she and I were finishing our yoga class the instructor reminded us that our intention for today’s class was to eliminate self-doubt and negative thoughts about ourselves. I have to admit I was moved.

Class finished and I opened my eyes and looked at my favorite yogi and she looked at me strangely when she saw the water in my eyes. We both pretended like it wasn’t happening, then she simply smiled and I thought, I could learn something from that little girl.

Namaste, everyone.

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 13 years. A graduate of Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Marketing & Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children, Jake [21], Tony [20], Nick [20], and Emily [18] for inspiration.

Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time with their kids and on the golf course.

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