Aug/Sept 2018 On the Minds of Moms

august– september

twenty eighteen

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I AM CALLED

because the moment a child is born, so is a mother DENISE POWELL | MIDWIFE

We are called to make a healthy difference in people’s lives.

contents

in every issue food for thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 shutterbug

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contents

sections what's on your mind when is good good enough? . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

gettin' through it make mine a midwife . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

just a thought teen mental health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33

ready, set, grow food: filler up! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

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photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

contents

feature & profiles

mod mom profile shelle hagen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

rad dad profile andrew hilliker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

cover story danelle johnson the invisible battle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

moms

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Helping students read with confidence & pursue their dreams!

Helping Students Overcome Dyslexia, Mathematics and Language Comprehension Difficulties

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2912 15th Street S, Suite C Moorhead, MN 56560 218.359.0505 ReadingTherapyCenter.com

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PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITORS Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com Dani Parkos Fluge e: dani@onthemindsofmoms.com

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ADVERTISING Patty Nystrom p: 701.269.4180 e: patty@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen – ten little chickens photography Josette Hayes–exposures by j.linnea Scott Thuen-thuen studios DESIGN AND LAYOUT

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AD DESIGN Casie Beldo Scott Thuen Tara Kessler Stephanie Drietz CONTACT mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107 e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com p: 701.297.2138 SUBSCRIPTION print www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe digital issuu.com/onthemindsofmoms

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

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helle Hagen learned many life lessons growing up on a grain farm in Elbow Lake, MN, with her older sister. Bob and Connie Ehlers taught their girls how to work long hours, appreciate the small blessings in life, and the importance

of looking out for her neighbor’s success as much as her own. The girls were also encouraged to dream big and go after those dreams. Sister Kristi is currently President of the United Way Cass-Clay and Shelle is the owner of Elite Therapeutic Massage, which she started in 2002. Shelle is married to the love of her life, Scot Hagen, whom she met while teaching XaBeat at the YMCA. Scot also teaches at the YMCA and one day on his way to cycle class got “lost.”

The rest is history! This blended family affectionately call themselves the “Party of 7”, which includes Neko [13] and Mari [11], who were both adopted from Guatemala when they were 7 months old, and stepchildren Audrey [15], Evan [12], and Stella [5]. Shelle enjoys teaching fitness classes at the YMCA, lifting weights, and relaxing by the lake whenever possible. Her burning desire is to encourage others around her to reach their fullest potential.

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

shelle hagen age 39, moorhead.mn

mod mom

one word that best describes my parenting style…

Hair and Nail Affair is my stylist who keeps me looking fabulous!

strategic. Being a mom/stepmother to five children requires planning and modifications to manage their different personalities and extracurricular events, as well as teaching life skills! We have two large whiteboards in our kitchen to provide directions for chores, reminders, and daily schedules. Our family goals are very visible so we can measure our successes!

the best part of my day…

the one question i get asked most…

bedtime, because it is the finish line for the day and it means I have survived another day of parenting and I can finally stop and breathe! Motherhood is much harder than I ever dreamed. I really wished that I would have learned earlier that it is a challenge for everyone. It would have saved me a lot of guilt and pressure that I was putting on myself to be perfect.

“What is there to eat?” Growing children eat and eat and when they are done eating they come back for more. Sam’s Club is the only store that can keep our family full!

my biggest splurge or guilty pleasure…

Vanilla Coke and Hershey’s Chocolate with almonds!

[Perhaps this explains the extra ten pounds I have added in the past year!]

the hair product i can’t live without… my red hair coloring! Stacey Griffith with Stacey’s

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august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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mod mom i find strength in… knowing that I have a husband who is ready to jump in when I need to “tap out.” One of our children is on the Autism spectrum which means we have some pretty violent meltdowns and unique social challenges. It is a two-person job at minimum and his support is what makes it possible.

the greatest lesson my kiddos have taught me… a round-house kick while playing the Xbox will put a hole in the sheet rock! We have found that limited screen time has not only enhanced the quality of our family interactions, but also has made our kids far more creative and physically fit—not to mention saved wear on the walls in our home!

one thing i’ll never do again, but don’t regret doing in the first place…

I competed in a bodybuilding competition…it was my debut and retirement in one night! Nothing will keep you from the donuts better than walking across a stage in a swimsuit with all the lights and cameras!

my biggest mom challenge…

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has been to raise/understand/manage an autistic child and a child with ADHD. I had a storybook script written in my head of what being a mother was going to be like and how my children would behave and what their personalities would be. I have learned quickly that motherhood really is more like a rollercoaster ride. It has ups and downs and scary twists that make you want to jump off. But each morning

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

you go get back in line to ride another day, because no matter how hard it is you love your children and would do anything to improve their lives.

time with my husband is usually spent… watching our favorite movies. We seldom get time to sit and watch something uninterrupted, so when we are childless, we rest!

i feel beautiful when…

I catch my husband looking my way with his big blue eyes and his adorable smile!

the quality i admire most in my husband… is his commitment to our family. He always makes time to listen and put us first.

people are always surprised to learn i… was Mrs. North Dakota America in 2004 and Mrs. North Dakota International in 2011.

outside of my family, i am passionate about… helping others succeed! I have been a business owner for 17 years of Elite Therapeutic Massage. It is an office where Fargo/Moorhead’s highest quality of therapists practice. Each therapist strives to encourage, uplift, and inspire all those they work on or work with. Elite has been thriving for 17 years following the Platinum rule: “Always exceed others’ expectations.”

i want my kids to grow up knowing... how much I love each one of them. The love of a mother has nothing to do with blood lines or DNA. It is a choice and devotion I make to give them the best of me I can every day.

...but

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what's on your mind

when is good good enough? “you don’t have to be perfect in order to be amazing!” story by | miriah sannes

T www.onthemindsofmoms.com

here is a true story lived by the Navajo women who weave their rugs so intricately. They leave a space, a purposeful imperfection, where the spirit is to move in and out. These wise women make sure to include what they call “deliberate mistakes,” for nothing in this world is perfect, yet it is still beautiful.

Our family started implementing a “Quote of the Week” board. It’s nothing fancy- actually just an old cabinet door that has been adorned in chalk paint from a past summer. It sits propped up on a wall in our dining room, all haphazard and kittywampus. Attempting to start the week off on a positive note, Monday became the day that either my husband or I began choosing a quote. It had to be something we felt was inspiring and was relevant to challenges we were facing as a 14

on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

family at that particular point in time. Eventually, it transitioned into each family member [all three girls included] taking their individual turn to pick out a preferred quote for the week.

Alas, as many great intentions work, we started out energetic and eventually fizzled out around the holidays.

The following month was one of those months where the ebbs and flows of life just flat out included more ebbs. January required my husband to travel for work a total of 11 out of the 23 days there had been counted on the calendar. Now, I realize that to some people this timeframe is nothing compared to the weeks many others are gone for work, or months and even years that others are gone for service. I sound like a whiny baby, and that’s okay. Nevertheless, we aren’t used to him being gone that length of time, much less back to back. Frustrations were beginning to rear their ugly

what's on your mind heads, sensitivities were showing up in the form of over-exaggerated emotions, and my mom patience was dwindling. Thus came an epic Monday-night freak out, that Every. Single. One. Of. Us. took part in [minus the husband in New Orleans].

“I hate reading! Why do you make me read ALL THE TIME!?! I’m bad at it!!!!“ [One book per night, by the way.]

“I don’t want to go to *insert favorite activity*! NOBODY ever *****! I’m not even GOOD at it!”

“My sisters are the worst sisters in the world! Maybe I’M the worst sister in the world since everyone hates me!”

“Well maybe I’M just the worst MOM in the world since you guys are acting like this!”

Yes, we all have a flair for dramatics. Oh, how words were thrown around in those 3-4 minutes and eventually one of them said something [I’m not going to say who said what] that literally made me gasp in horror.

Something so mean and awful spirited that I FLIPPED MY LID. We have expectations in this house. They’re not unreasonable and [by most standards] may be pretty lax but being downright mean to each other isn’t tolerated.

Tuesday morning came. As I was wrapping my mind around the day ahead, sipping my morning coffee in the quiet, my eyes landed on the ignored chalk board. An old quote sat there from the last week of December [now being the last week in January] and I thought to myself, “Today is a new day.”

Grabbing the board down, I reached over for the stubby chalk and decided this seemed like a good way to begin this newness. The girls woke up one by one and sat down for breakfast, and while I’d love to say it began renewed and refreshed, that just wasn’t the case. The arguing and bickering immediately began, because one looked at the other the wrong way, someone said something in the wrong tone, blah blah blah.

Rather than reacting I took some deep mama breathes and interrupted the arguing, “Stop it. Stop right now.

Today is a new day, remember? We’re all feeling stressed out, we all have pressure on us, and sometimes we feel really down on ourselves for not being the best, or getting 100% on a test, or having the perfect hair or the perfect teeth, or having a bad attitude. Sometimes we aren’t the sisters, daughters, and mothers we hoped to always

The rest of the night was subdued and quiet, all of us stewing in our own shame. We turned in early for the evening, each of them getting a hug and kiss, and a reminder that tomorrow is a new day.

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what's on your mind be either, and that’s okay. But today is a new day, so we’re going to work TOGETHER to pick out a new quote for the week.” As the words came out of my mouth, I silently cursed, just anticipating the fight that would come from each of us wanting a different quote. Instead their heads perked up and they listened. The teacher in me panicked and googled inspirational quotes. I picked a completely random four quotes [because the teacher in me isn’t dumb enough to provide endless options] and read them out loud. I read three of the quotes, and we all agreed, after a little debate over two and three, that three was the winner. I don’t even recall what the others were because when I looked at number four and read it out loud all three girls immediately squealed a collective “Yessss!” with big eyes and smiles. Number four, hands down, beat out the others, especially after our conversations the night before: “You don’t have to be perfect in order to be AMAZING!” That one resonated.

You see, there is this pressure in today’s society. It’s the pressure of perfection in every sense. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, but the saying from Talladega Nights [yah, I’m using it] always comes to mind: “Ricky Bobby, if you’re not first, you’re last!” It’s funny stuff,

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

I’m even laughing now, but it’s sadly true. We don’t celebrate success in terms of an individual person; so much of the emphasis is based on being the BEST. The best singer, the best mother, the best at sports, the best Christian, the best child, the best, the best, the best. We’re constantly striving for perfect, and anything less than perfect makes us feel inadequate. AND MORE. We live in a society that encourages everything in excess. More, more, more. More money, more stuff, more food. If you meet a goal, you create a new one to get MORE. MORE duties with a bigger promotion, thus MORE money, so you can buy MORE and do MORE. Don’t get me wrong, hard work is absolutely necessary. The learning that happens while striving for a goal and achieving it is priceless. But we’re creating a society of human beings constantly feeling inadequate due to placing the worth of a person on how much you can take on, and how well you can do it, without any help. Sadly, how well we take care of ourselves AND others comes in second.

I’m seriously gearing up to repaint a bunch of rooms in my house, because they need “updating” since we moved in 2.5 years ago. WHAT?!?! People like to paint, or get new things, and have nice things, and do fun things. I

what's on your mind get it, and there’s truly nothing wrong with that. But to renovate a home for the reason that it’s outdated? That’s where the problem lies. Does everything work? Then why isn’t it good enough? Why aren’t we good enough for getting a B in school, or being the fourth-best singer in the choir, or making $30,000 per year? Why aren’t we okay and content with what we have in the here and now? Why is there no pride in doing our personal best?

Or even our best in a particular moment?

Looking into the National Geographic’s annual report on the happiest countries in the world, the one thing that stands out to me is where their populations’ time is allocated. Denmark has been on the list for six years and counting. The biggest difference? They emphasize people, relationships, a sense of community, and respect for others while using their time. Material items are minimal, many people live in modest homes the size of our US apartments [or smaller]. Working hours are minimal, while vacation days and maternity/paternity leave isn’t even comparable to our society. It’s not about being the best, doing the most, or having the biggest, it’s just about being.

As a mother of three beautiful, kind, and talented daughters, this warped belief that perfection is what we need to strive for is probably my biggest concern.

Most parents will agree that all we want is for our children to be happy. That’s it. In order to create that chance for them we need to let them be good enough.

We need to teach them that good enough is wonderful, good enough is something to take pride in, and good enough is something WE are proud of in them. Life

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isn’t always happy, we can’t constantly protect them from everything, and we can't always guarantee that every moment is going to be a perfect one…because that would mean life is perfect. This is where it gets dangerous. Perfect will never equal happiness. Success does not come from being the best or having the most.

That isn’t something they’re ever going to find in this imperfect world.

Encourage them to find their passions, foster an environment where they can explore without fear of failure; heck, encourage failure and the learning that comes from it. Push them to do THEIR best and be THEIR best. And let that be good enough, let them be proud of who they are, where they are.

Some days I can run a 10k and get my work published in a respected Fargo/Moorhead Journal. Some days my own personal best is just getting dinner on the table, and that dinner is frozen pizza. Some days their own personal best is going to be getting that B or C in school, OR, depending on the day, getting that D, and is cause for celebration. It’s going to be getting third or fourth place, or, depending on the day, just finishing the race. You don’t have to be perfect in order to be amazing. As long as we are being amazing by being the best version of ourselves, at that particular time there is growth and that’s good enough. In fact, it’s so much better than perfect.

Miriah Sannes resides in Hawley, MN, with her husband and three daughters. Miriah’s day job is a special-education teacher, she enjoys writing and photography in her spare time, and will be promoting world peace indefinitely.

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august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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food for thought

stuffed bell peppers shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

I

f your idea of stuffed bell peppers is over cooked, mushy peppers and bland meat and rice filling, think again! My version really is flavorful and full of options for a variety of fillings. Want a little Greek flavor?

Use ground lamb, feta cheese, oregano, and some fresh lemon juice. Do you like smoky flavor? Try smoked paprika and cumin, paired with smoked mozzarella. How about caramelized onions and goat cheese?

A dollop of pesto in the middle of each pepper is always a winner, too. The combinations are endless!

Serve these with a light salad or for full on comfort food mode, go for mashed potatoes. Many recipes call for parboiling the peppers, but I don’t think that step is necessary: I like the peppers cooked, but not disintegrated. I used to always make two pans of these- one vegetarian, and one with meat- but I found my family liked the vegetarian pan better than the meat-filled batch! Who knew? Either way, stuffed bell peppers are versatile, easy, and soul warming after a long day at school or work.

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

you need: 4 large bell peppers [any color, but I prefer red], cut in half vertically; seeds, stem, and membranes removed 2 cups prepared grain of your choice [quinoa, couscous, farro, or rice]. If using meat, cut back your grain amount to 1 cup. To save yourself some time, use 1 cup of uncooked Minute Rice.

2 Tablespoons Italian seasoning or Herbs de Provence 1 teaspoon each salt and pepper 4 cups roughly chopped hearty green such as spinach, kale, watercress, Swiss chard, or collard greens 1 lb ground beef, lamb, pork, Italian sausage, or your favorite beans, such as chickpeas or cannellini [optional] 20-36 ounces of your favorite marinara sauce- depends on how saucy you like your food 8-12 ounces cream cheese or Boursin cheese 1 medium white onion, finely chopped 4 tablespoons chopped fresh herbs such as parsley, basil, or chives [optional] 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese [optional]

how to: Preheat oven to 375. Prepare grain or rice per directions on package. While the grain is cooking, combine in a large bowl the Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, onion, greens, ground meat [if using], half the Parmesan [optional], and about 2/3 cup of marinara sauce. Add grain once it finishes cooking and stir all the ingredients together. Lay the 8 pepper halves in a 9x13 glass pan and fill them evenly with filling mixture, compressing the mixture to pack it into the pepper, and mounding the filling on top as high as it will go without overflowing so as to use all the mixture up. Pour marinara sauce over and around the entire pan—add 1/3 cup water to the empty jar, shake it up, and pour into pan to get the last bit of sauce out of the jar. Roughly cut up the cream cheese and scatter around the pan, pushing it down into the sauce. Cover tightly with foil, place the pan into the preheated oven and bake for 45 minutes, uncover and bake 15 more minutes. If using meat, check internal temperature, making sure the filling mixture has reached 165 degrees. Scatter the remaining parmesan and fresh herbs over the top, serve with a salad or mashed potatoes smattered with the tomato-cheese sauce, and enjoy!

feeding your family TIP: I dread meal planning. I feel like I am trying to reinvent the wheel every week as I think about what to make for dinner.

Yet I know we all appreciate variety in our diets! My goal in meal planning is to plan out our meals for the week and not use up every ounce of creativity I have to make our meals interesting, all while not have the same thing every day. For me, the key is to cover a variety of cooking methods and favorite ethnic foods every week out of our family’s favorite categories, all in coordination of our family schedule. For example, when I know a certain night is going to be crazy between meetings and kids’ activities, I’ll go for something simple, such as tomato soup and grilled cheese.

Everyone loves tacos at our house, so I usually make some type of tacos almost every week, mixing it up with various fillings or adding a side of cilantro-lime rice [featured in the june.july 2018 issue of otmom]. If I know it’s going to be nice weather one night, I’ll choose something for the grill. I’ll try a new recipe on a day that I am open and have some time to tinker. Also, I find pasta or rice a great way to use up produce, so I’ll plan a fried rice or sautéed vegetable and pasta night. There’s a work week’s worth of dinners ideas planned out in a few minutes without stress! Keeping life simple yet interesting in all aspects of our lives is the goal, and meal planning is no exception. Happy cooking!

Kari's passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on her beloved Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in both Social Studies and English from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. She enjoyed a brief stint as a caterer and cooking instructor, but has proudly spent most of her motherhood as a stay-at-home mom. Her husband, Brent, and three children, Gunnar, Ava, and Ella, have all [mostly] been eager taste testers to whatever is on the table for dinner. However, these days, having a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a second grader is providing new challenges of feeding everyone homemade and healthy meals, as well as giving her oven an intense workout most weeknights!

august events

2, 6, 9, 13, 16, 20, 23, 27 & 30 Farmers' Market & Beyond 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 3:30pm-6:30pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Av W, West Fargo].

2, 9 & 16

Park It! www.fargoparks.com Meet the Xcellent Art staff at the park and create take-home arts and crafts, 1pm-4pm. The fun travels weekly to different neighborhoods. All supplies provided and different projects each week. See you on the 2nd at Lewis & Clark Park [1807 6th St S,

Fargo], the 9th at Madison Park [3010 11th Av N, Fargo], and the 16th at Centennial Park [4101 25th St S, Fargo]. This is a FREE event. Adult supervision is required.

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6

Children’s Day & Hawkeye’s Birthday www.fmredhawks.com

Spend the day celebrating all things German at Rheault Farm [ 290225th St S, Fargo].

Enjoy food, demonstrations, entertainment, and more from noon-5pm.

Come out to Newman Outdoor Field [1515 15th Av N, Fargo]to cheer on the FM RedHawks as they take on the Chicago Dogs and celebrate Children’s Day and Hawkeye’s Birthday sponsored by Sanford Children’s! Inflatables in the playground sponsored by Games Galore. 7:02pm start.

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German Folk Festival www.fargoparks.com

B4 Baby www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events The decision to start a family can be exciting and yet stressful. From the health considerations to the financial obligations, couples may feel overwhelmed in the unknown territory. Sanford Women’s is launching a new class for couples called B4 Baby to help answer questions, prepare couples and offer advice. The sessions cover fertility and preparing your body, insurance and financial resources/planning, what to expect at OB visits, classes and amenities available, what to expect at the hospital, planning for a newborn’s care, and more. You will hear from a physician and birth designer and other Sanford specialty areas and have the opportunity to tour the family birth center. Choose from a 6:30pm-7:30pm or 7:30pm-8:30pm session. Register online.

Night to Unite www.wfparks.org West Fargo Police Department is hosting the annual Night to Unite at North Elmwood Park [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo], 5pm-9pm. Come and celebrate our community and check out Police & Fire Demonstrations, FM Ambulance, Roll-Over Simulator Demo, TaeKwonDo Demonstrations, Police K-9 Demonstration [Officer Orr and ToSti], free helicopter tours, free ice cream floats and cotton candy, dance performances, meet local mascots and more! Food vendors will be on site.

7 & 14

Party in the Park www.fargoparks.com Join us in a different park each Tuesday night for an evening of family fun, 5:30pm-8pm.

Sing your favorite karaoke song, play in the bounce house, create a craft project,

get your face painted, and take home a balloon animal. Enjoy free hot dogs and Pepsi products while supplies last. All are welcome! See you on the 7th at Jefferson Park [1622 3rd Ave S, Fargo] and the 14th at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo].

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Concert in the Park www.fargoparks.com Head to Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo], 7pm-8pm, and relax on the grass while listening to the 3rd Street Blues Band! While you’re there enjoy some face painting, the bouncy castle, and take home a craft project.

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ChalkFest @ the Zoo theartspartnership.net/chalkfest/ Let’s fill the Zoo with art! ChalkFest features free admission to the Red River Zoo [4255 23rd Av S, Fargo], Noon-7pm. Zoo demonstrations, artists doing live demonstrations, food vendors, live music, and all-abilities chalking spaces! See you there!

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Lego Club www.larl.org All ages and abilities are welcome to come make their own Lego creation at the Moorhead Public Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] Lego Club, 6pm-8pm.

Supplies provided to build, but make sure to bring your imagination!

Foster Parents are Needed In our area, there is a shortage of foster homes for children.

Foster or Adoptive Parents can be: Single or Married  Owner or Renter  Working Foster & adoptive parents truly make a difference in a child’s life by providing a loving & safe environment. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Please contact us at 701-239-6804 or visit us at www.redriverfosterandadoptcoalition.org

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

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Babysitting Training www.familywellnessfargo.org This eight-hour American Red Cross Babysitting Course held at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 8am-5pm, is a hands-on way to learn everything you need to know about babysitting.

Start your babysitting business on the right foot and learn how to be a safe, professional, and reliable sitter. Included with the course is American Red Cross First Aid and CPR Certification that is valid for two years. This course will teach you to be safe on the job, how to recognize an emergency, and how to handle it as well. $65 Members/$95 Nonmembers.

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Movie Night in the Park www.fargoparks.com Bring a blanket, pillow, or lawn chair to Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] & enjoy a starlit night of fun. Watch COCO on an inflatable screen when the sun goes down [approximately 9pm]. Free Pepsi products and popcorn while supplies last.

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Furry Friends Pet Walk www.courtsplus.org Walk to save the lives of homeless pets in the FM Area. Join us for our annual fundraiser for Adopt-A-Pet at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. Registration begins at 5:30pm with the walk starting

at 6pm. A 1.5 mile walk with or without your pet will benefit Adopt-A-Pet, whose primary goal is placing rescued pets in loving and responsible homes.

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RiverArts www.moorheadparks.com There's always something to enjoy at Moorhead RiverArts, 5:30pm-8pm at Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead]!

Each night features free horse-drawn carriage rides, inflatable games, art and craft vendors, food, ice cream, hands-on activities, and more! All concerts begin at 6pm.

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Kid’s Healthy Cooking: Rainbow Fritters www.familywellnessfargo.org Come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6pm-7pm and we’ll turn a fun assortment of fresh veggies into an easy-to-grab patty. This alternative for an on-the-go-snack will test your culinary skills!

Ages 5-12; $12 Members/$20 Nonmembers.

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Community Play Day www.fargoparks.com Free play for all ages at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9am-11am & 1pm-3pm!

Play yard games, do a take-home craft, climb on the playground, and move to music outside in the sunshine! Daycares are welcome. Adult supervision required.

18 & 19

Pioneer Day 701.282.2822 www.bonanzaville.org

august events

Pioneer Village at Bonanzaville [1351 W Main, West Fargo] comes to life with authentic parades, demonstrations, costumes, and crafts.

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MN Twins Game-Day Bus Trip www.ymcacassclay.org Join the YMCA for a trip to Minneapolis to cheer on the Minnesota Twins at Target Field as they take on the Detroit Tigers!

Beat the stress of traffic and parking while spending time with family and friends and taking part in a classic summertime tradition! You may bring a small cooler with non-alcoholic beverages and snacks on the bus. Travelers will stop in Alexandria on the way home for dinner. Bus leaves the Fercho YMCA at 7:30am. Kids 12 and under must be accompanied by an adult.

Price [Members $50, Nonmembers $65] includes transportation and game ticket.

PREREGISTRATION IS REQUIRED. No refunds are available three weeks before game day or due to weather.

this FREE carnival! Enjoy carnival games, inflatables, arts & crafts, water games & more! This is for children of all ages and open to the Public.

25 & 26

Island Park Show www.fargoparks.com Bring your friends and indulge yourself!

Spend a day at Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] shopping in the shade! Find unique items, enjoy excellent food, and listen to great music from 10am-5pm.

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Playground Carnival www.courtsplus.org Looking for something fun to do before school starts? Head to Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo] 5:30pm-7pm for

O

OO LS

FA R G

BLIC S C H

PU

Inspiring Dreams....

Building Confidence...

Achieving Excellence

701-280-0400 www.americangoldgymnastics.com

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Give your child the advantage of gymnastics! Classes are offered for kids 18 months to 18 years old with all levels available from beginners to advanced.

Check out our website or call today!

Proud to educate and empower more than 11,200 students to succeed in 23 buildings across our district.

For more information about Fargo Public Schools, visit www.fargo.k12.nd.us or call 701-446-1000.

august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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6-13

september events

Greater Moorhead Days www.ci.moorhead.mn.us/ Greater Moorhead Days features a variety of events including the annual Greater Moorhead Days parade, the Bridge Bash, Kids Fest, and much more!

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Fall Rummage Sale www.wfparks.com

4, 6, 11, 13, 18, 20, 25 & 27 Car Seat Check www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events

Statistically, four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Is yours installed correctly? Don’t chance it! Head to The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] where trained technicians will be available Tuesdays 10:45am-7:15pm and Thursdays 1:15pm-5pm to teach parents, grandparents, and caregivers how to use and install their car seats correctly. You may bring your child with you if desired and the seat can be fitted to your child properly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required.

Head to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 7am-1pm, for some treasure hunting! $1 per person, 17 and under free.

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B.L.A.S.T. Babysitting Camp www.sanfordhealthemseducation.org Babysitting Lessons and Safety Training is the initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children.

Held at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], 9am-3pm. Participants will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques. They will also learn when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

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Walk to Fight Suicide 701.371.1194 www.afsp.org/fargo Join us for the Fargo/Moorhead Out of the Darkness Community Walk, 2pm-4pm at the Scheels Arena [5225 31st Av S, Fargo].

Proceeds benefit local and national suicide prevention and awareness programs of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

9, 16, 23 & 30

Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events The Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies series at Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo] will focus on giving you the tools to develop a healthy lifestyle now and to commit to lifelong changes.

Prenatal Yoga is offered 4pm-5pm on September 9, 16, 23 & 30. Prenatal Nutrition 2:30pm-3:30pm.

13 & 22

Lego Club www.larl.org All ages and abilities are welcome to come make your own Lego creation at the Moorhead Public Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] Lego Club, 6pm-8pm on the 13th and 2pm-4pm on the 22nd.

Supplies provided to build, but make sure to bring your imagination!

15 & 16

West Fest www.westfargond.gov Craft fair, family fun, softball tournament, pancake feed, grand parade, WF Jam, and much more in West Fargo!

15, 16, 22 & 23 Fall Festival www.fargoparks.com

Head to Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] for a ton of Fall fun! Arts & crafts, carnival games, face painting, inflatable bounce house, and so much more. Free admission [ticket purchase required for games and rides], doors open 10am-5pm on the 15th & 22nd, noon-5pm on the 16th & 23rd.

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL We love Jesus. We love children. We love learning.

Call for an Educational Success Consultation

218-236-0500

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Enrolling K-12 now

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

ParkChristianSchool.org 22

on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

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%

- 5670 38th Ave S, Suite E, Fargo just east of Sheyenne High School

Find us online

Can’t wait to meet you

Connect for the inside scoop at Tootsie’s

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22 & 29

Spend the day at Hjemkomst Center [202 1st Av N, Moorhead] celebrating German cultural heritage of past immigrants and of contemporary Germany with a combination of old arts and modern performances and demonstrations.

Sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable for families with special needs children to attend movies together. West Acres Cinema [4101 17th Av SW, Fargo] offers a welcoming and comfortable environment - lower sound, lights up - where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre.

Be there at 10:30am to see The House with a Clock in its Walls on the 22nd and Smallfoot on the 29th.

German Kulturfest www.hcscconline.org

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Women’s Health Conference www. womens-healthconference.com Take one full day to focus on you. Women’s Health Conference features inspirational speakers and home-grown experts in health, nutrition and fitness. YOU DESERVE IT! Get your ticket [$75] online and see you at the Delta [1635 42nd St S, Fargo], 7:30am-4pm!

Reel Movies for Real Needs www.marcustheatres.com

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Pregnancy & Infant-Loss Support Group Hospice of the Red River Valley [www. hrrv.org], in partnership with Harlynn’s Heart [www.harlynnsheart.org], offers an ongoing pregnancy and infant-loss support group, meeting the fourth Tuesday of each

month from 6:30pm-8pm at Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St S, Fargo]. Please use the west door. This is an ongoing support group for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first year of life. The purpose of this group is to provide compassionate grief support, understanding, and resources to bereaved parents while allowing them to share their grief in a safe place with others who are experiencing a similar journey.

This group is free and open to the public.

For more information or questions, call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department.

26-30

Cirque du Soleil Crystal www.cirquedusoleil.com/crystal Crystal is not just an ice show -- it's the very first experience on ice from Cirque du Soleil. Watch world-class ice skaters and acrobats claim their new frozen playground with speed and fluidity as they challenge the laws of gravity with never-before-seen

september events

acrobatics at the Ralph Engelstad Arena [1 Ralph Engelstad Arena Dr, Grand Forks].

A new kind of performance as Cirque du Soleil meets the ice to defy all expectations.

Follow Crystal, the lead character, on an exhilarating tale of self-discovery as she dives into a world of her own imagination.

Feel the adrenaline as she soars through this surreal world at high speed to become what she was always destined to be: confident, liberated, empowered.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. More events found online at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/event-calendar. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

we w& e www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“ My smile has brought out the model inside of me.”

Visit www.we-ortho.com or call (701) 293-5300 to take the next step towards a better smile. WE can do it.

august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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exposures by j.linnea

exposures by j.linnea

shutterbug

ten little chickens photography

ten little chickens photography

exposures by j.linnea

ten little chickens photography

gettin’ through it

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

make mine a midwife jill finds care that matches her first birth experience in Germany

photo: ockhardt photo | jill ockhardt

Jill Ockhardt Blaufuss chose a midwife when she was pregnant with both her children. Margot was born last April; Harry is 9.

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

gettin’ through it story by | connie wirta

W

hen Jill Ockhardt Blaufuss became pregnant, she knew she wanted a midwife. While living in Germany, Jill had had one for her son Harry, who’s now 9.

“I loved the midwife experience so much, I always joked I’d want to go back to Germany and give birth there again,” she says. “So when I saw that Essentia Health offers midwives, I knew that’s where I’d go. After my experience in Germany, I was surprised when I felt it was even better at Essentia.”

Jill, who lives in Breckenridge, Minnesota, was having a difficult time when she had her first appointment with Certified Nurse Midwife Amanda “Mandi” Brodeur, who sees patients at the Essentia Health-32nd Avenue Clinic in Fargo and the Essentia Health-Wahpeton Clinic.

“I was feeling terrible with headaches, constant nausea, and being tired,” the 38-year-old mother recalls. “Mandi prescribed some anti-nausea medications that didn’t help but she kept trying and kept listening to me. I felt she actually cared for me.”

Jill developed a strong relationship with Mandi during her pregnancy. “Mandi is like a caring friend—a smart, medically educated friend,” she says.

As her labor intensified, Jill was reassured to see her midwife. “Mandi came into the room with her calm demeanor,” Jill recalls. “I felt so much better because I knew I was in her good hands.”

“I loved the midwife experience so much, I always joked I’d want to go back to Germany and give birth there again” Jill trusted Mandi and knew she could rely on her. “Mandi told me: ‘Just listen to my voice, Jill,’ and that’s all I wanted to do is listen to one person. She was so reassuring. That’s what I needed. Someone to tell me what to do when I was feeling a little out of control,” she says.

PATH

NORTH DAKOTA A

Mandi worked for eight years as a labor and delivery nurse at Essentia Health-St. Mary’s in Detroit Lakes and Essentia Health-Fargo before studying to become a midwife. She enjoys developing relationships with her patients as she cares for them throughout the months of their pregnancies rather than just during a day of labor and delivery.

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“This is my passion,” Mandi says. “To be with a woman on one of the most important and memorable days of her life, supporting her, is a blessing. I’ve been at hundreds and hundreds of births and every time I still think that crying and screaming baby is the most beautiful thing on earth.”

changing one life

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

When Jill went past her due date she and Mandi decided to schedule an induction at Essentia Health-Fargo’s Birthing Center. Jill’s labor and delivery nurse, Amber Sorenson, met her at the door and stayed with her and her husband, Andy. “Amber is such a happy and strong person,” Jill says. “She was so caring and she stayed with me throughout the whole day.”

CHANGES EVERYTHING

Families Making the Difference 877-766-7284 • www.pathinc.org

august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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gettin’ through it Margot Helene Blaufuss was born at 4:17 p.m. April 2. She During this transition mothers and babies start bonding. weighed 9 pounds 2 ounces and measured 22¼ inches. “Babies feel safe because they can smell mom, hear her voice and her heartbeat, which they’ve heard in the “I felt pretty rough, both physically and emotionally, womb,” Mandi explains. “Babies and mothers totally during the last part of delivery but afterwards it was tune in to each other. Babies really settle down when so completely wonderful,” Jill says. “They set Margot on they hear their moms’ and dads’ voices. They know those voices.”

the first hour after birth, called “the golden hour,” is a key time for mother and baby.

my chest and I just held her close. It was so emotional.

I just couldn’t believe this little person was finally here.”

The first hour after birth, called “the golden hour,” is a key time for mother and baby, Mandi explains. Skin-to-skin contact helps mother and baby physically transition from the birth. The experience helps regulate their heart rates, breathing rates, and body temperatures.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“It’s crucial that baby’s first interaction be with mom,” Mandi says. “They’ve been through so much together and they’re still there for each other.”

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

Babies instinctually want to eat during this time and mothers pick up their cues. The experience helps get them off to a good start for breastfeeding, Mandi says.

Babies used to be whisked away after birth to be cleaned, examined, measured, weighed, and vaccinated before being swaddled and reunited with their mothers. “That could take up to an hour and the baby would be asleep,” Mandi recalls. “The baby didn’t get a feeding and then he’d be passed around to grandparents and other visitors, sometimes before mom got a chance to hug her baby.

Honoring the “golden hour” and encouraging breastfeeding are part of an initiative that has earned Essentia HealthFargo’s Birthing Center recognition as a “Baby-Friendly” hospital. Developed by the United Nations Children’s Fund [UNICEF] and the World Health Organization, the Baby-Friendly designation recognizes hospitals that offer an optimal level of care for breastfeeding mothers and their babies based on the “Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding.” It is considered the gold standard of care for both baby and mother, says Sheri Skogen, the Birthing Center Manager.

gettin’ through it While breastfeeding aids bonding, Birthing Center nurses know not all mothers want to breastfeed and respect that decision. They encourage mothers to still have skin-to-skin contact, talk with their babies and learn their babies’ cues that they’re hungry or need affection.

Jill, who opted to spend three days at the hospital, says she struggled at first to breastfeed Margot. She’d had a similar experience with her son. Visits with lactation counselors helped her understand why feeding was painful and helped her get the hang of it again. “For the most part, I just had to tough out the initial pain,” she recalls. “The lactation counselors were so helpful by showing me how to make it less painful. By the time I left, breastfeeding had already gotten much easier.”

Babies no longer go to a nursery and instead room-in with their mothers. Keeping mother and baby together throughout their hospital stay strengthens their bond and helps new parents learn their baby’s cues. “Another advantage is that the pediatrician does the baby’s exam in the mother’s room so the parents can ask questions,” Mandi explains. “Communication between parents and all our staff is much better when baby is in the room.”

Jill noticed the Birthing Center’s newly remodeled rooms.

“It was like staying in a nice little hotel room,” she says, adding she took advantage of the large bathtub. “The view over Fargo was beautiful. It was just so peaceful in the room.”

find a nurse midwife Essentia Health has 10 certified nurse midwives who serve women in Fargo, West Fargo, and Wahpeton in North Dakota as well as Detroit Lakes, Menahga, and Park Rapids in Minnesota. To see their profiles and short videos, go to EssentiaHealth.org and click on “Find a Medical Professional.” Then choose “Obstetrics” and “Midwifery.” You can also call 701.364.8900.

“baby-friendly” hospital Essentia Health-Fargo’s Birthing Center has earned recognition as a “Baby-Friendly” hospital. Developed by the United Nations Children’s Fund [UNICEF] and the World Health Organization, the Baby-Friendly designation recognizes hospitals that offer an optimal level of care for breastfeeding mothers and their babies based on the “Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding.”

It is considered the gold standard of care for both baby and mother, says Sheri Skogen, the Birthing Center Manager. To learn more, go to EssentiaHealth.org.

Women’s Health Conference

Danielle LaPorte author, truth-seeker, inspirational speaker

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“the best self-help is self-compassion” Monday, September 17, 2018 | Fargo Tickets: womens-health-conference.com /womenshealthconference

@WomensHealthCon #WHCFargo august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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R

aised in western Nebraska before moving to Lisbon, ND, when he was in high school, Andrew Hilliker received his teaching degree from MSUM and has been in the Fargo-Moorhead area ever since. Married to wife Rose for

what Andrew describes as “four years of wedded bliss,” the happy couple have two daughters, Lilly [3] and Adalyn [1]. Andrew spent a number of years in the classroom before transitioning to administration. He is in his ninth year at St. Joseph’s School in Moorhead and is currently serving as principal. “I feel totally blessed to be part of such a great place!” he says. When Andrew isn’t working on house projects or playing with his girls you can find him camping with his young family.

photos: exposures by j.linnea | josette hayes

andrew hilliker

rad dad

age 31, barnesville.mn

if i could live any time in history it would be during…

I grew up hearing depression-era stories and have a huge appreciation for the challenges my grandparents had to endure; I wouldn’t choose to live in the 1930s, but I would like to take a pit-stop there on my way to the ‘Roaring 20s’ to gain better perspective of what ‘challenges’ really are.

growing up i always knew…

I wanted to see the world, and I am slowly working on it.

people are always surprised to find out i… have a bizarre interest in politics. I get a bit obsessed with the process and political structure in our country— much to my wife’s annoyance during election season!

i’m pretty good at…

I am a people person and see myself having strengths in working with others. I also think I am a good teacher, grill-master, dad, and husband.

my dream job…

I think I might have it…I love going to work every day, greeting students, and working with great teachers in a faith-filled environment. In another lifetime, I would like to be a professional traveler with my wife and create a documentary of our adventures [we had a slight Netflix obsession with a similar documentary, which inspired this dream of ours].

my kiddos have definitely taught me… to prioritize my life and realize that “down time” is not a bad thing and can result in really great memories and family time.

one of my wife’s best qualities is… there are so many! Super smart, extremely compassionate, stunningly beautiful, an amazing mother, and she brings structure to my life. We have a smooth-running house and that is 100% due to her.

my parents were great examples of… hard work and compassion. My mom is the hardestworking person I know and she would readily give all she has to better someone else’s situation.

i really admire people who…

i hope my kids know… more than anything that they are loved. I also want them to know they are supported and their limits are endless.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

are immersed in a hobby that they truly love. I enjoy doing a lot but there is not one specific thing that I spend all of my spare time doing and becoming an expert at—still looking.

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august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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rad dad funniest person i know… my daughter Lily; she doesn’t always intend to be funny but she is a 3-year old laughing machine.

the hobby i most enjoy…

I am still looking for that hobby that defines my spare time, however, I have taken up running in the last few years and I love camping. If I am outside, I am happy.

something i can never tell my kids enough… that my greatest hope for them is to be genuinely happy and experience the joy that comes from being a good person…and that I love them a whole lot.

people are always surprised to hear i…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

put ketchup on my mac and cheese and mustard

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

in my chicken noodle soup [I am an open book and don’t have many surprises!].

in ten years i can see myself… figuring out how to parent pre-teen girls. I also see my wife and I spending more time together traveling, and continuing to perfect my career.

three words my kids would use to describe me are… after asking my oldest daughter to describe me she said, “You have blue eyes, whiskers, and are fun and are a boy.” She may think I’m a cat…I think in adult context the girls consider me unrestricted, determined, and loving.

teen mental health story by | kathleen wrigley

S

uicide rates and mental health concerns are on the rise for young people. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death among teenagers, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. These rates rose in all but one state between 1999 and 2016, with increases seen across age, gender, race, and ethnicity, says a report recently released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC reports that “…in more than half of all deaths in 27 states, the individuals had no known mental health condition when they completed their suicide.” Such are the results of undiagnosed mental health disorders.

If this information is accurate, these teens are suffering from significant life stressors and are not getting the help they need, though we talk more about mental health and suicide than ever before. Notwithstanding the unprecedented number of prevention trainings, help lines, and discussions among mental health professionals, we are missing steps to understand and help kids in crisis.

This 2017–2018 school year in the Bismarck/Mandan area four students took their own lives. That takes a while to sink in. Four.

Four precious children. Gone forever. Four sets of parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, classmates, teachers, teammates, church, and com-

munity members are swallowed by the holes these losses have left in our hearts. We can no longer squeeze the sadness, helplessness, and confusion out of their souls. Their suicides irreversibly change the trajectory of their families’ lives.

We are in a crisis. And it’s complex. Like physical health, there are ways to get and stay mentally healthy. Being physically healthy and strong requires us to make choices to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep. The diet industry is a billion-dollar business, and lives are saved and changed by the health and fitness industry.

Mental health needs nourishment as well.

The experts are clamoring for answers. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide rates for teens rose between 2010 and 2015, after having declined for nearly two decades. Half-a-million teens ages 13 to 18 were asked, in a survey, about the youth’s attitudes, behaviors, and interests. The teens were questioned about their use of electronic devices, social media, print media, television, and time spent with friends. These kids were probed about their mood, how frequently they felt hopeless, and whether they ever considered attempting suicide. The complete report can be found in the Journal of Clinical Psychological Science, vol. 6, no. 1, November 14, 2017.

The research results indicated that the teens’ use of electronic devices—including smartphones—for at least five hours a day more than doubled, going from 8 percent in 2009 to 19 percent in 2015. Troublingly, these teens were 70 percent more likely to have suicidal thoughts or actions than those who reported one hour a day of electronic use.

This information is sobering. Raising teenagers in any era is a challenge. And raising kids in today’s technological august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Evidence can be tough to absorb. When reading empirical data we sometimes disassociate ourselves from the statistics until the proof confronts us squarely.

Consider this: suicide rates in North Dakota jumped more than 57% this year, as reported by The Fargo Forum on June 7, 2018.

just a thought

just a thought world is uncharted. That said, I’m not ready to claim that technology or social media can shoulder the blame unaccompanied. There’s a culmination of issues factoring into the mental-health equation.

some of the heavy issues addressed in the series: suicide, rape, social media, and bullying. It opened lines of communication where teenage roadblocks might’ve otherwise barricaded the path.

Parenting teens in the world of social media and technology is especially exhausting. Heck, merely having a conversation with a teenage girl without her taking quick photos of herself pursing her lips to respond to a “snap” on Snapchat is tricky. It’s hard because social media and technology has tremendous benefits. And it can be quite fun and helpful. Just as we taught our children not to respond to a strange person in a car who offered them a piece of candy, we must teach them ways to stay safe on the internet and how to get help if/when they need it. Parents are doing their best to navigate and filter the untethered exposure to some of the pitfalls of technology. Many of us are astounded and unnerved by the accessibility to dangerous content that might threaten our kids’ innocence. I know I am.

Teaching kids the dangers of technology without micromanaging their use is a balancing act. With its immediacy, anonymity, and capacity for bullying, social media has a unique potential for causing real damage to mental health. Parents cannot and should not police all smartphone or web activity. Teens need autonomy; it’s part of their natural development. They also need guidelines and parameters, so they feel safe and secure.

We are their help line, their life preserver. It is essential that we understand the difference between what normal teenage behavior is and what might be troubling.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Last year was the first I’d ever heard of the Netflix series, “13 Reasons Why.” As a school counselor, I had 5th-grade students who watched it and were visibly upset, worried, and anxious. Fifth graders. That’s 10-and-11-year-old children. For your reference, “13 Reasons Why” follows a teenage boy as he discovers a box of 13 cassette tapes recorded by his classmate and friend who had committed suicide two weeks earlier.

The tapes narrate an emotional audio diary, detailing the 13 reasons why she decided to end her life. Each episode is graphic with language, rape scenes of teenagers, drugs and partying, and adults who don’t care or hear the cries for help. I had to watch, dissect, write about, and discuss all 13-episodes for a graduate class I was enrolled in last summer. I did not like this assignment.

The series is disturbing, but it was eye-opening, too.

After the first episode I asked my teenagers, Quinn, 16 at the time, and Patrick, 14 at the time, what they knew about the series. They acknowledged having watched every episode, without my knowledge -- much less permission. We didn’t even have Netflix then. In their defense, we hadn’t talked about “13 Reasons Why,” and they were never told not to watch it. Still, I was saddened that they’d been exposed to such serious topics without us knowing.

Information is power. Being forced to watch this for my class assignment gave me the opportunity to talk to my kids [*insert teenage eye-rolls and grunts] about 34

on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

Teenagers are fickle human beings. This period of a child’s life is challenging for parents. Teenagers begin to naturally separate themselves from family. In the process they may become short-tempered and get angry easily. Teens crave independence and privacy; the very thing parents fear giving them is what teens need. As hard as it is, it’s a normal developmental stage. The natural process of separation begins in early adolescence. Kids spend increasing amounts of time with friends and very little time with family.

Parents worry that teenagers spend hours on their smartphones or computer. Sometimes teens will hole up in their bedrooms chatting on the phone and then get defensive when asked what they’re doing. With access to the good, the bad, and the ugly through technology, parents are justifiably concerned. We often forget that—even before technology—this separation process has been a balancing act for parents and teens from the beginning of time.

Teenagers test their independence. And they often react defensively in the process. During this time your teenager may cringe at spending quality time with the family, yet he or she enjoys hanging out with friends and engaging in healthy social and extracurricular activities outside the home. If your teen is not engaging in his normal activities or if he’s habitually disconnected, angry, and sad, that is a red flag and might require intervention.

I collected a list of guidelines that might be helpful in understanding the difference between normal teenage behavior and concerning behavior. Be mindful that no one sign indicates a mental-health worry. Instead, look at the nature, intensity, severity, and duration of the

just a thought condition. And always seek professional help, even if it’s simply for guidance and reassurance.

Concerning behaviors: • Decrease in enjoyment and time spent with friends and family • Significant decrease in school performance • Strong resistance to attending school or absenteeism • Problems with memory, attention, or concentration • Big changes in energy levels, eating or sleeping patterns • Physical symptoms [stomach aches, headaches, backaches] • Feelings of hopelessness, sadness, anxiety, crying often • Frequent aggression, disobedience, or lashing out verbally • Excessive neglect of personal appearance or hygiene • Substance abuse • Dangerous or illegal thrill-seeking behavior • Overly suspicious of others • Sees or hears things that others do not Parents, trust your instincts. You know your children.

You have instilled a set of values, beliefs, and guidelines for them. Don’t be afraid to seek help or advice. Keep the lines of communication open with your teenagers.

Ask questions and talk to them. They’ll roll their eyes, but they’ll also know you care. Be specific about what you’re seeing, like, “I’ve noticed you aren’t spending time with your friends and you don’t answer their phone calls.” Or “What’s up? You haven’t been hungry, even for your favorites, and your stomach aches.” They may not want to talk at first but plant the seed and give them time and space to respond.

The good news—there is always hope ahead—is that we are not stuck with these terrible statistics. We are not paralyzed by technology. We can fight back by talking to our kids and their friends. We can talk to each other.

We can research, read, and share information on what’s trending for teens. We can find ways to minimize their screen-time. And we can—and must—teach kids coping skills. Life is hard sometimes. And it can be dark. Life stressors are a normal part of our journey, none of us are exempt or immune from challenges, despite the highlight reels we see on social-media posts. Real life is not a social-media post. There are heartaches, and break-ups, and family hardships, and friendships can hurt. And the sun will rise again. That’s a promise.

There are healthy ways to manage stress and sadness.

We are not alone. It is up to us, as parents and gatekeepers of our children, to teach them that challenges are lessons for us to grow and thrive and learn. Help and hope are on the horizon. There are real life preservers: parents, counselors, pastors, religious-youth leaders, and faith. Faith is a reliable resource of strength and optimism. Tapping into our faith can be a life-saving coping mechanism. My faith is my lifeline to hope and joy.

I am not so naïve to think that one column, one discussion, one opinion, can end the mental-health crisis. And I do not believe that all suicides are preventable, as I’ve heard one expert inconsiderately assert. This column is not an epiphany of answers to such a complex issue as mental health. Instead, it’s an avenue of discussion for us to encourage, lift, learn from, and pray for each other as we face this crisis together.

I dedicate this column to the four Bismarck/Mandan students who could not find their way out of the darkness.

God bless and keep their families.

Fitness is an integral part of Kathleen’s daily routine and helps her sustain her own mental health! Kathleen’s column “ just a thought” has been a regularly occurring piece in “on the minds of moms” since 2009. Kathleen is a Philadelphia native, and has called North Dakota her second home for the last 18 years. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speechwriter. Kathleen received a BS from Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia. She recently completed a second master’s degree in School counseling at the University of Mary. august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

During the course of my graduate studies and in my practice as a school counselor and child therapist, I have collected some guidelines that I’d like to pass on to you.

Using these tips may lessen the tension when talking to a teen [or anyone] about their mental well-being: • Speak in a calm voice • Say what you mean and be prepared to listen • Try not to interrupt the other person • Avoid sarcasm, whining, threats, and yelling • Don’t make personal attacks or be demeaning • Don’t assume your answer is the only answer • Try not to use words such as “always” or “never” • Deal with the now, not the past • Don’t try to get the last word • If things get too heated, take a break and come back to the discussion later

• Make allowances for the other person • Parents: remember what it was like to be a teen • Teen: remember that parents frequently react strongly because they know the stakes are high • Acknowledge that you are in this together

invisible

the

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

danelle johnson

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

S

he was doing her best to wrap her head around the whirlwind of emotions that came with her daughter’s type 1 diabetes diagnosis. It wasn’t easy. This wasn’t something that would go away or that she could fix. It was hard. As she walked through the department store, something caught her eye. A ring on clearance, to be exact. It’s Type 1 Diabetes-Awareness-blue center stone was the perfect color and anchored the ring. The surrounding smaller gems symbolized the people around her family supporting her and learning about this disease right along with the her. It was the perfect representation of the journey that lay ahead.

the invisible battle “My daughter, Danika, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on August 11 of 2015,” Danelle Johnson says as she points to her daughter’s eighth grade school photo. “She doesn’t look sick. She looks completely healthy, active, normal. We have quite a memory of eighth-grade registration day, having spent five hours at the Sanford Children's Hospital prior to this photo.”

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Diabetes is a disease that affects how the body uses glucose, which is a simple sugar the body uses for energy. Normally when you eat, glucose from the food enters your bloodstream and your pancreas produces a hormone called insulin, which helps the glucose enter your body’s cells to be used as energy. With diabetes, the pancreas can’t make insulin or the insulin doesn’t work in the body like it should. That means the glucose can’t get into the cells, resulting in the blood-sugar level getting too high and leading to problems.

type I details Sanford Pediatrician Dr. Brenda Thurlow is a general pediatrician with a specialty in diabetes. She has been at Sanford for 15 years and her practice is approximately 50/50 general pediatrics and diabetes.

Dr. Thurlow understand diabetes professionally and personally. “I’ve lived with type 1 diabetes for the past 26 years, and our 14-year-old daughter has lived with diabetes since the age of 13 months,” she shares.

Symptoms of type 1 diabetes [T1D] include increased thirst, increased urination, and weight loss. These symptoms can develop over days to weeks. “A diagnosis is made by checking a blood sugar in a patient with the symptoms noted above,” Dr. Thurlow explains. “Sometimes we will check urine and find sugar in the urine, and then check a blood sugar to confirm the diagnosis. There are other

“I show people this picture because we didn't know anything tests that are sometimes done to confirm the diagnosis, was wrong,” Danelle shares. “She was so active in her but most often these are not needed.” sports that she was sweating out all the sugar. So when “Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune condition,” Dr. sports stopped at the end of July and she had a break Thurlow explains. The body’s immune system attacked before fall sports started, we saw something wasn’t right.” the pancreas and destroyed the cells that make insulin, Danika seemed more tired than usual and kept drinking resulting in the pancreas not being able to produce excessive amounts of water and then needed to go to insulin at all. Without insulin, glucose cannot get from the bathroom urgently. Danelle’s mom was the first the bloodstream into the cells of the body to be used as energy. Dr. Thurlow is quick to point out, “It is not to suggest Danika get tested. “For what?” Danelle remembers asking her mother. “She’s a growing, active caused by being overweight, not exercising, or poor diet. kid. You can justify things because you’re not looking It is not preventable. There is no cure right now, but we for something to be wrong. Type I diabetes wasn’t have very good management tools including insulins, something on our radar.”

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

the invisible battle blood glucose monitors, continuous glucose monitors, and insulin pumps.”

she’s in gym and can’t hear her pump’s alarm? What if…what if…what if?

Approximately 5-10% of people living with diabetes have “You're managing every single day,” Danelle says. “There’s T1D. According to the American Diabetes Association, no vacation. You’re constantly trying to figure out where approximately 1.25 million American children and your activity falls and where your food falls. And are you sick, are you under the weather, are you tired, are adults have T1D. you stressed? Hormones can repel insulin too, so you The Johnsons began learning about T1D and all the have to dose more sometimes than other times. It's not supplies Danika would need to use. They learned how like one plus one always equals two; it's never that. One to count carbs, how to check blood sugar, and how to plus one equals two today, but one plus one equals 2.2 give insulin shots. It was scary and overwhelming, but tomorrow. It's very challenging.” it was the new normal for the whole family.

Dr. Thurlow explains that people with T1D can experience what’s this mean a number of complications from having low blood sugars “I totally went through the whole stages of grief: one, if they take too much insulin, and if blood sugars are denial and isolation; two, anger; three, bargaining; four, too high over a period of time, it can cause electrolyte depression; five, acceptance,” Danelle says. “First I was abnormalities that require treatment in the hospital.

From right to left: Danelle, Danika, Daryl and Kendra

in a state of shock and I was just trying to function those first few days, trying to figure out how can I do this and still maintain our usual busy routine. You feel like you don't have enough time.”

Dr. Thurlow says these complications are largely preventable with good control of blood sugars over time, but also acknowledges that, as good as management tools are, it is still challenging to live with diabetes.

“People living with diabetes [or their parents/caregivers] need to be thinking about how blood sugars will react

august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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Understandably, Danelle found herself in a state of nervousness and worry. While the disease requires 24-hour monitoring, Danelle couldn’t be with Danika every minute of the day. Questions would race through her mind about her daughter. Does she have everything she needs? Who's around her to help her? I’m sure she dosed for all of her packed lunch, but did she have time to eat it all before the bell rang? Do all her teachers know she is T1D? What if her blood sugar spikes and

“This is why it’s important for people with diabetes to monitor blood sugars carefully and to work closely with their medical team to make adjustments to insulin doses as needed,” she says. “Long-term complications of poorly controlled diabetes can include vision loss, kidney failure, heart disease, and microvascular disease.”

the invisible battle to everything—activity, food, illness, schedule changes, stress, heat, cold, sleep patterns, travel, etc.”

can't do this, she can't do that.’ It can all just be very stressful. And there's no vacation from it.”

Danelle was doing her best balancing act trying to keep her stress and anxiety in check, while supporting her daughter and still fulfilling her real-life adult obligations.

It became too much.

No it wasn’t going away. T1D was here to stay for the Johnsons. The further Danelle traveled the T1D journey the more she learned and the more she had to share.

She felt a tug to help others, to educate, to advocate, to simply do more.

a toll “I ended up having a panic attack and going to the walk-in clinic,” Danelle shares. It was a wake-up call that she needed to take care of herself and deal with her emotions. It also demonstrated that while it was Danika who was diagnosed, everyone around her was affected.

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“There is an emotional, physical, and financial toll,” Danelle says. “At first you don’t realize the burden T1D has on you and your relationships every day. I didn’t sleep through the night for almost the first two-and-a-half years. When she was doing injections I checked her in the middle of the night, EVERY night! Now that she has a continuous glucose monitor [CGM] it's a little easier, but I don't always trust the devices because sometimes the CGM server goes down. Sometimes she can have false alarms or pump failures. Sometimes the CGM quits sending you information.”

Financially, Danika’s supplies cost $13.67 a meal, four times a day, to keep her alive. “That doesn’t cover the cost of her food, just her medical devices and supplies,” Danelle clarifies. Additionally, the Johnsons have no problem meeting their insurance deductibles each year. “For us a Health Savings Account is more like a Health Spending Account,” she says with a laugh. “And many things that make living with this disease more manageable are not covered by insurance. And there are numerous bumps in the road you don’t account for.

Recently, our pharmacy [big national pharmacy we are required to use with our insurance] could not get Danika’s insulin prescription in for almost two weeks! I need an assistant just to keep up with all the paperwork and phone calls and straightening out mistakes made by one company or another!”

a voice “God is calling me to do this,” Danelle says of her willingness to share her family’s journey and be an advocate for T1D. Christine Bopp has always looked up to her big sister and seeing her help others is no surprise. “One of Danelle’s best qualities is her willingness to share her heart with others. I know she would set aside her own needs for me and others, and she often does.”

Danelle is currently the Corporate Fundraising Chair for the JDRF One Walk being held September 16 at Scheels Arena in Fargo. She has worked with the Lions Club of Horace to help find avenues for them to support diabetes-related causes in her community.

She is actively involved in Beyond Type 1, which is an organization that uses social media to help advocate and raise awareness about T1D and support those living with T1D. She’s participated in the American Diabetes Association’s Giving Hearts Day campaign for Camp Sioux, which is a summer camp held in Park River, ND, for children with T1D, and she has been a legislative advocate. “Special Diabetes Program funding was not provided for a time this year, first time in 30 years it wasn’t funded by our government,” Danelle says. She has been advocating for insurance coverage and choice in insulin pumps and Continuous Glucose Monitors and for reasonable prescription prices.

Last March Danelle and Danika visited City of Hope, a hospital in Duarte, CA, where synthetic [human] insulin was discovered, and where there are currently 30 research scientists working to find a cure for T1D. “We met with a researcher and even got to see real pancreasorgan-donated islet cells that they use for research to try and help “grow” healthy cells for people whose bodies have destroyed those cells,” Danelle says. But of all this, probably the biggest impact she has had is the personal connections she has made with T1D families.

“It also effects your relationships with your spouse, your parents, your friends, and your siblings,” Danelle says. “Men want to fix things. This can’t be fixed. Then some of your friends and family want to help and learn, while others want to just brush it off that she’ll be fine, “Danelle reached out to my family shortly after Aiden or they bombard you with things like, ‘well, she can was diagnosed in February 2016 at the age of threemanage it, right? Is it in control? She can't eat that, she 40

on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

lessons fromthe herinvisible greatestbattle race and-a-half,” Linsey Davis, T1D mother and co-chair of the JDRF 2018 One Walk, says of first meeting Danelle.

“I’m not sure if it was my post on the area type 1 diabetes Facebook group or what, but she sensed we needed somebody. She showed up at our house with her beautiful daughter and a big smile and hug. She also brought a box of helpful diabetes supplies—good things to treat low blood sugars, low-carb snacks, Sharpies to label carb counts on everything, a notebook with the kindest note written on it, and several other things.

In those early days of diagnosis, I was sleep deprived, very anxious and overwhelmed. When she came over, she brought so much life and positive energy with her.

She really lifted me up and made me feel like things were going to be okay.” not stopping “Danelle is an amazing person,” Linsey says. “She is passionate, energetic, and positive. She is a self-proclaimed talker and connection-maker. She is determined to make a difference for those affected by diabetes by raising awareness and fundraising for research.”

“I feel it is very important for us to be a voice for anyone with T1D, even if others try to silence us because they believe T1D is not a big deal to live with and that it can be managed. Those people really have no idea what it takes to “manage” a disease like this or all the increased risks for everything from heart disease to kidney failure; T1D patients even have a higher likelihood of being diagnosed with another auto-immune disease,” Danelle says.

Danelle offers this advice for the T1D parent • it gets easier “It will get easier because you start to realize what your routine looks like,” Danelle says.

• it’s okay to feel “Yes, it is overwhelming, don't deny the emotional side of T1D,” Danelle advises. “Don't be afraid to tell people this is really hard.”

• connect T1D Families Connect ND MN is a closed-Facebook group for anyone who is a T1D or has a close connection to a T1D individual. “Post any time day or night. One of us T1D moms is up. One of us will see it, one of us is going to help,” Danelle says. “Whatever you need, don't be afraid to let us know. Ask any question you have, just feel free.

And if you just want to vent, no one's judging.”

• trust your doctor “Trust is so important,” Danelle says of your medical provider. “Don't be afraid to change doctors.

Don't be afraid to get help.”

• speak up Whether it’s your doctor, the school, or your family, if something is happening that isn’t in the best interest of your T1D child, Danelle advises, “Don't be afraid to speak up.”

• participate Head to Scheels Arena September 16th and take part in the JDRF One Walk, which has one goal: to create a world without type 1 diabetes. Noon check-in, 1:30 p.m. start time. Find more info at www.JDRF.org.

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Just a few weeks ago a mother who manages a nationwide Facebook page aimed at helping others and advocating for T1D causes and raising awareness lost her four-year old T1D son to Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Within 24 hours his cold symptoms turned into flu symptoms, his brain started to swell, and he lost his life. “He was diagnosed at 18 months,” Danelle says. “This family was very familiar with how to manage this disease, but there are so many things that can very quickly turn deadly for T1Ds.” No, Danelle never expected a T1D diagnosis for her daughter, but she isn’t backing down. There’s more to do and it’s important.

“This disease is extremely dangerous and should not be taken so lightly,” Danelle says. “We sometimes don’t get a second chance.”

august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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ready, set, grow

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

F

ood…a necessary staple of life, but this necessity can also bring many concerns and challenges. As our kiddos grow our focus evolves, but the goal remains the same; to raise healthy, strong young adults. Here are some facts, tips and general info on food for our kiddos as they grow.

food filler up!

ready, set, grow

newborns usually double their weight by five months

wee ones [0–18 months]

T

hat sweet wee one! This miracle of life comes home with a simple schedule: eat, sleep, poop & repeat. The poop happens when the other steps are followed and hopefully the sleep happens more than less. The eating part of the equation allows for some decision making on your part, but still you really aren’t the one in control!

enough?

Initially you have one thing to worry about…breast or bottle?

With our wee ones, our first concern is whether they are eating enough. With formula, the math is rather simple: what you put in the bottle - what is left in the bottle = amount eaten by wee one Prior to solid foods, your wee one will eat about 2.5 ounces per pound of body weight in a 24-hour period. So,

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If ever you have any concerns that your wee one isn’t getting all they need, talk to your trusted doctor.

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10 pound Billy should eat around 25 ounces of formula in a day. Obviously, breastfeeding doesn’t allow you to actually see or measure what your wee one is getting, but there are signs he’s getting proper nourishment: • After eating, your wee one is relaxed and satisfied.

• Your breasts feel softer after nursing because they have been emptied.

• After regaining his initial birth weight, your wee one continues to gain weight [many wee ones lose between 5 and 9 percent of their birth weight but gain it back in the first two weeks].

• Once your wee one is getting milk, not colostrum, he should have around six wet diapers a day.

• Everybody poops! Your wee one should have at least 3 per day the first month. After the first month, he may go less frequently. Breastfed wee ones may even skip a day now and then.

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

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ready, set, grow

the FDA estimates 6% of kids younger than 3 years old have some kind of food allergy

tots

[18 months–3 years]

Y

our sweet tot is growing and you do your best to fuel your little ball of energy. But sometimes the foods you hope energize your tot can have a negative effect in the form of an allergic reaction. Allergies are the result of an oversensitive immune system. Our immune systems are designed to protect us from harmful things such as viruses. Those with oversensitive immune systems react to allergens such as pollen and certain foods. hold the nuts Milk, eggs, soy, wheat, tree nuts, shellfish, and peanuts are among the most common foods causing allergies.

Luckily, most kids will outgrow their food allergy. In fact, about 80% of those allergic to milk, 80% to wheat or soy and about two-thirds of those allergic to eggs will outgrow the allergy. Other food allergies, such as those to peanuts or tree nuts, will see only about 20% and 10% outgrow the allergy respectively. Fish and shellfish allergies are rarely outgrown and usually develop later in life. Knowing the signs of an allergic reaction is important.

A more severe reaction will include: • Swelling of the face or mouth • Difficulty swallowing or speaking • Wheezing or difficulty breathing • Abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea • Dizziness or fainting

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A mild reaction will include: • Itchiness or red bumps [hives] • Mild skin redness and swelling • Stuffy, runny nose, sneezing • Itchy, watery eyes

When a reaction occurs: • Contact your doctor if the reaction is more than mild or you have concerns.

• With a mild reaction, give an oral antihistamine, such as Children’s Benadryl.

• If the reaction is severe and you have an injectable epinephrine, use it.

• Seek emergency medical care if the symptoms are those of a severe reaction, your child was exposed to a food or substance that has triggered a severe reaction in the past or if you administered an injectable epinephrine.

ready, set, grow

the average child will need to be offered a new food 8-10 times before they will give it a try

preschoolers [3–5 years]

P

reschoolers are learning to follow direction whether it is at preschool, church or kindergarten. Unfortunately, this obedience doesn’t always find its way home or during mealtime. Our active preschoolers need nutrients to keep going throughout the day, but sometimes they don’t always see it that way. picky, picky, picky One minute your preschooler loves eggs, the next can’t stand them. With no rhyme or reason your tot’s eating behavior can unpredictably change from week to week, day to day, or even meal to meal. We call them picky, but typically these tots are trying to exert their desire to be in control. It also needs to be remembered that kids taste food differently than we do. Your preschooler is more sensitive to strong flavors and usually will

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prefer bland foods. Pickiness may even be an instinctive protective mechanism as the gastrointestinal tract of your tot is not mature. Pickiness may just be protecting your preschooler from a tummy ache. Here are a few tips to minimize your meal time battles: stay calm Don’t create a battle of wills. Threats and punishments may only reinforce the struggle. watch the clock Limit juices and snacks for at least one hour before meals. Hunger can translate into motivation to eat. be sneaky Add veggies to the spaghetti sauce or hot dish, top cereal with fruit - do whatever works! routine, routine, routine Like everything else, our tots like it when things are the same. Serve snacks and meals at about the same time each day. be a GOOD example They’re always watching! If you eat a variety of healthy food, your tot is more likely to follow suit.

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know when to get help If your tot is growing and energetic, she is probably fine. Talk to your doctor if your picky eater is compromising her growth and development.

Call 701-373-7114

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

A recent survey of ND schools found the average elementary school lunch price was $1.52

ready, set, grow

big kids [6–9 years]

B

ig kids are beginning to get busy with activities and homework. The days go fast, but we still need to encourage and teach healthy eating habits.

sit down already!

We’re all busy. Kids and parents alike! Our hectic lifestyles make it increasingly harder to sit down and eat together, but there are real benefits to doing so. Sitting together promotes conversation and communication. Some research has found that kids will make better choices when dining with their family. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse found that kids who dined with their family five times a week had their risk of smoking, drinking or using drugs cut in half. Makes sense, better communication, talking to your kids and knowing what they are up to is a no brainer in helping them make better choices. So, turn off the TV and cell phones, say your blessing and dig in together!

keep them moving Our big kids are in school, have homework and are increasingly interested in TV and the computer, which has all the makings of a couch potato. Being physically active builds strength, coordination, confidence and sets the stage for a healthy lifestyle. The National Association for Sports and Physical Education recommends our big kids get one hour or more of moderate and vigorous physical activity on most every day. Now that doesn’t mean your big kid needs to jump on the treadmill. Fifteen minute bouts of activity, sports or anything physical will do the trick.

Remember that physical activities can teach your big kid about setting goals, meeting challenges, sportsmanship and teamwork. Our big kids are sharpening basic physical skills such as jumping, kicking and throwing so keep things in perspective regarding her age and developmental level, natural abilities and interests. There is enough time for your big kid to turn into the next Michael Jordon or Mia Hamm so, relax and let them have fun.

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47

ready, set, grow

about one in three US kiddos and teens are overweight or obese

tweeners [10–12 years]

T

weeners are embarking on a time of change. Not just physical changes, but mental and emotional changes as well. They are also beginning to make choices that can shape their health and lifestyle. a national issue Obesity is a huge problem in our country that crosses all ages, including our tweeners. Genetics can be a factor, but often too many calories in and too few worked off is the culprit. In the age of fast food, processed everything, working parents, 100 channel TV selection, internet and video games, there is one factor that should also be closely looked at. It’s called the ‘what you see is what you get’ phenomenon. In other words what your tweener sees from you is likely what they will become.

So, what are you teaching your kids? What kind of an

example are you? Here are some simple obesity fighting steps you can use to help your tweener: walk the walk Live the lifestyle you want your kids to live. Get it done as a family. don’t be a nag Nagging your kids about their weight won’t help. It may have the reverse effect causing them to withdraw and become increasingly self-conscious.

Be supportive and help them change their habits. set limits Layout guidelines and set times for TV watching, video game and computer usage and snack selection. be consistent Change is hard and sticking to your guns with a crabby tweener can be equally difficult.

It’s important to stand behind the rules you set or nothing will change.

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don’t use food as a reward or punishment Talk about mixed signals! Food is fuel and that is how it should be treated.

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on the minds of moms | august • september twenty eighteen

get moving together Make physical activity a family affair. Go for walks, bike rides, build a snow fort—just make it fun! practice good eating habits Get your tweener involved in the kitchen and grocery shopping. Have healthy snacks available and make meal time a family time with no TV. be patient It is going to take small steps to make changes and it isn’t going to happen overnight.

Remember that you are trying to create habits to last a lifetime.

every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder

ready, set, grow

teens [13–18years]

D

ramatic physical changes and constant social pressures can make our teens feel self-conscious and concerned with how they look. These concerns can transition into an obsession that can become an eating disorder.

fm help If you suspect an eating disorder, it is important to intervene and there is help right here in Fargo-Moorhead.

The Eating Disorders & Weight Management Clinic offers treatment on an outpatient basis, or if needed they also offer both partial hospital and full inpatient treatment.

You can visit them online for helpful information, www. sanfordhealth.org/locations/sanford-eating-disordersand-weight-management-center or call 701.234.4111 or 800.437.4010 [ext. 4111] to learn more about their programs or to schedule an evaluation or consultation.

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not just a girl thing While eating disorders are more common in girls, they can affect boys as well. Eating disorders involve self-critical, negative thoughts and feelings related to body weight and food. As many as 2 out of 100 kids in America will struggle with an eating disorder. An eating disorder is different from just feeling fat when you aren't. It is a devastating illness in which your teen becomes so preoccupied with their weight and body image they jeopardize their health.

It is important to know the warning signs: • become very thin, frail, or emaciated • obsessed with eating, food, and weight control • weigh herself or himself repeatedly • count or portion food carefully • exercise excessively • withdraw from social activities, especially meals and celebrations involving food • be depressed, lethargic (lacking in energy), and feel cold a lot • make excuses to go to the bathroom immediately after meals • regularly buy laxatives, diuretics, or enemas

REMEMBER: An eating disorder sufferer DOES NOT need to appear underweight or even ‘normal’ weight. Many appear NOT to be underweight... it does not mean they suffer less or are in any less danger.

Sources: www.feeding.com | www.mayoclinic.com | www.theparentreport.com www.kidshealth.org | www.babycenter.com | www.family.go.com www.anad.org | www.heart.org august • september twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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the past cannot be changed. the future is yet in your power. —unknown

photos: thuen studios | scott thuen

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