June/July 2016 On the Minds of Moms by on the minds of moms

june july

twenty sixteen

the valley’s

for today’s

Fresh Cut

in-store every day! Take prep time out of summer meals with our fresh to go fruits & vegetables

Watermelon & Prosciutto Salad

1 - 5 oz pkg baby arugula leaves 4 cups Fresh to Go seedless watermelon 1 - 3 oz pkg Culinary Circle Sliced Prosciutto, cut into 1/2-inch pieces 1 shallot, sliced 1/2 cup pine nuts, toasted 1/2 cup Culinary Circle Crumbled Feta 1/4 cup light balsamic vinaigrette dressing Combine all ingredients. Gently toss to coat; salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately.

Walk-In Care

NOW AVAILABLE

at Essentia Health-West Fargo Clinic

ESSENTIA HEALTH WALK-IN LOCATIONS West Acres Clinic 3902 13th Avenue South | Fargo Monday – Friday 8:00 am - 8:30 pm Saturday 9:00 am - 4:30 pm Sunday 12:00 pm - 4:30 pm

Orthopedics & Sports Medicine Walk-In Clinic 3000 32nd Avenue South | Fargo Monday – Friday 8:30 - 11:30 am & 1:30 - 4:30 pm

NOW OPEN

West Fargo Clinic 1401 13th Avenue East | West Fargo Monday – Friday 8:00 am - 4:00 pm

Pediatric Walk-In Clinic 1702 South University Dr S | Fargo Monday – Friday 8:00 am - 4:00 pm

52nd Avenue Clinic Opening August 2016

EssentiaHealth.org | 701.364.8900 |

contents

in every issue contributors .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

oh, by the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

contents

sections this & that

shop talk

the suit saga . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10

a parent must-have bright & early nd setting a standard . . . . . . . 26

help and support resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

shop talk in the name of health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18

gettin' through it tongue tie – the facts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

what’s on your mind? working on it… couples counseling q & a . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

just a thought time & love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

ready, set, grow more than please & thank you . . . . . . . . . . . 58

30 38

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

contents

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

contents

feature & profiles

mod mom profile danielle paulus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

rad dad profile kory shae . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

cover story than baardsonâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;hope lives . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

moms

on the minds of

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Charlotte Berg

ADVERTISING Mary Klabo p: 218.791.2848 e: mary@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY

DESIGN AND LAYOUT

Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography Caitlin Killoran–caitlin killoran photography Scott Thuen – thuen studios www.thuenstudios.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo Scott Thuen Tara Kessler Stephanie Drietz EDITORIAL CONTACT e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

SUBSCRIPTION print www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe digital issuu.com/onthemindsofmoms

COVER PHOTO BY

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SFI-00574

Honoring the Past

Shaping the Future

In Minnesota, all children are required to attend a free screening before they enter kindergarten. If your child is 3 years old or older call 218-284-3800 for an appointment.

Early Learning Center s 218-284-3800

OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family. On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision. OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers. Copyright 2016 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

contributors

“one small adjustment that had a big impact on my life was…” kathleen wrigley bismarck | nd just a thought: page 44 daily prayer. I have had to rely on something bigger than myself and my own power. Starting and ending my day with prayers for strength, for comfort, for peace, for endurance, for mercy, for gratitude, for forgiveness, for love, for redemption, for grace, for thanksgiving, for gentleness, for understanding. By spending small moments of my day in prayer, I have gained gigantic freedom to not just survive, but thrive. Faith has been a reliable resource and paves the way for our beautiful, messy blessings to shine.

deb uglem fargo | nd oh, by the way: page 36 using my Spark Planner. It focuses on yearly, monthly, and weekly goals while incorporating weekly journaling. Also when I downloaded Twitter. I love having news, sports, family and fun in the palm of my hand.

sheri kleinsasser stockmoe fargo | nd feature: page 48 ready, set, grow: page 58 five years ago my neighbor, who was new to the neighborhood and I had only met in passing, called to invite me to a weekly bible study she was starting. I’m so glad I said yes! I have met wonderful friends and have strengthened my relationship with God. Who knew just a couple hours a week could be so important? Thanks for making that call, Jen!

pam palmer fargo | nd shop talk: page 26 finally admitting I don’t have all the answers and that’s okay! I am impatient, especially with myself, so frustration when things don’t go my way comes easily. As I creep up in “years of experience” I am realizing the quote, “Don’t sweat the small stuff” has validity! When I take a step back to see the big picture it seems the solutions come easier and those huge problems really aren’t so huge after all.

dani parkos fluge fargo | nd this & that: page 10 my perspective. I am no longer a ‘my cup is half empty or half full’ kind of gal. I’m just happy to have a cup.

phyllis magelky fargo | nd gettin’ through it: page 32 starting my day thinking it is a gift from God. This simple change helps me begin my day in joy.

karissa schmoll moorhead | mn did you know: page 42 I make sure I get a good night's sleep, even if there are chores left undone or work I need to finish. I find that I am more relaxed and am better able to enjoy the little things in life when I am well rested.

this & that

the suit

saga

story by | dani parkos fluge

Finally! A diagnosis…yes, I officially have SSD [Swimwear Stress Disorder].

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

There is no better reminder of your existing body image issues than slipping into a bathing suit after a long season of inactivity and indulgence. Let’s face it, we all have something we are self-conscious about. Whether it’s a boyish figure that doesn’t seem to fill out anything, wide hips that just seem to be expanded by the strings of a bikini, or a bit more chub around the tummy than we want to be flaunting, we’ve all got something. So how will you cope with this year’s swimsuit season? Total denial? A what-the-hell attitude? Something in between? Whatever you muster up is great because there is no escaping that it’s time to get suited up for a blazing day in the sun with bejeweled sandals, flaunting your pedis, and bronzing those legs while catching up on your favorite vitamin D supplement. But who doesn’t dread the ever-magnifying mirrors and florescent lighting in those swimsuit dressing rooms? We’ve all been there. 10

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

Well, for me the new-suit-shopping saga has already been experienced. So sit back and share a giggle with me as I bring you along on my journey through masses of synthetic stretchy material on my quest to find “the right” suit for me. Decisions. Strolling in the mall [which I never do, 'cuz I’m positive I’m allergic to the building], it was never more evident just how many suits there are to choose from and it darn near brought on a migraine to think of sifting through the racks. I delayed the overwhelming feeling a bit longer and grabbed myself a Skinny Vanilla Latte with an extra pump of caramel and found a spot on the pleather couch in the hall to break it all down. Do I want a one-piece or two-piece bathing suit, bikini, tankini, swim dress, aqua-tard [what the heck is that?] or board shorts? What are my options for “the girls?” Removable cups, underwire, or molded soft cups? Do I opt for full-coverage, thigh cut, or cheeky-bottom briefs? Let’s not forget about one of those new magical swim Spanx! Umm, hello, SPANX and swimsuit in the same sentence, that’s almost as heaven sent as an Oreo Blizzard. Should I be bold and go with something hot, sheer, sexy, exotic?

what’s on your mind? Or do I splurge and look for brand-name designers? Do I look on the discount racks at Macy’s, or go online at Victoria’s Secret? Oh, and then there is cut, color, black, white, floral, or florescent to consider. Oh, boy, decisions, so many decisions! It’s no wonder shopping for a suit dries my mouth and brings me to a sweat. Twenty minutes later I take the plunge and enter my first store reclaiming determination over the hunt for “the” swimsuit. My strategy: utilize the “grab-and-go” technique. This way I avoid the darling associate oozing cuteness waiting to help me, and I control my knack to over analyze every detail of the suits. Once inside the dressing room I pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and tell myself, “Just rip off the band-aid and go for it.” I avoid my reflection in the mirror – which I’m sure should have a sticker indicating ‘objects are larger than they appear’—and slip into a pair of navy board shorts that were supposed to strategically hide some of my jiggle, but actually caused me a fair amount of discomfort when the hem started chaffing my fleshy inner thighs. I suppose the way I kept tugging at them right around the crotch area wasn’t exactly flattering either, but every time I tried to walk those suckers would ride up and cause an unsightly bulge that was difficult to overlook. Geez…if I thought starting fires with my inner thighs would be the result of this style, I would have passed, or at the very least started with a suit less discouraging. So now my motivation is fire prevention…how very conscientious of me. On and off, on and off, and on and off was the rhythm

I was in; hangers springing around the dressing room like rubber bands and I was drowning in the pile of suits below me. I was hopeful bathing suit #12 would bring some luck. After all, all I wanted and needed was a style and fit that would cover my gut on a plus-size day or PMS fat attack. With my back to the mirror, I adjusted the girls, straightened the straps, and with a snap of suit I found instant comfort from removing my mini wedgie. Here goes nothin’, I thought, and with my head tilted slightly back and my eyes scanning the ceiling, I turned to face my fate. Would I be a bathing beauty this summer or would I leave empty handed and revert back to my usual method of coping with swimsuit season and hide indoors and talk loudly about the fear of getting sunburned… To spare any more details, the long and short of it was the day made me realize no matter what cut, print, or fabric the suit has, as long as I have thighs and imperfections, I am confident I won’t be gracing the cover of the swimsuit issue of SI anytime soon. But through the entire experience I also realized a suit doesn’t define me. And like I tell my daughters, everyone is made differently, which makes us unique and special in our own ways. So, ask yourself today, what if you didn't have to change anything about yourself? Or, what if you only made changes based on self-love? Once we stop "fixing" ourselves, we become free to invent lives that inspire and excite us; full lives we can actually enjoy. Imagine the possibilities. Now go rock what your mama gave ya!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Love Hope Family

june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

resources

help and support

Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect. PCAND, formerly known as the North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www.pcand.org. Jeremiah Program Empowerment. Education. Success. It is what Jeremiah Program was built on, what participants strive for and what the program helps participants achieve. At Jeremiah Program, low-income single mothers make a commitment to completing a post-secondary education, launching a successful career and creating stability and prosperity for their children—all while living in our affordable, safe housing environment. For more information, call 701.793.5616, email fargomoorhead@ jeremiahprogram.org or visit www.facebook.com/ JeremiahProgramFargoMoorhead.

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Hands & Voices Hands & Voices is a non-profit, parent-driven organization dedicated to supporting families of children who are deaf or hard of hearing without bias around communication modes or methodology. What Works for your Child is What Makes the Choice Right.™ Contact us for more information at 701.484.1605, contact@ndhandsandvoices.org, or visit www.ndhandsandvoices.org. Red River Moms Of Multiples Meeting 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www. rrvmothersofmultiples.weebly.com. Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.rvcscc.org. Parent Professional Learning Network The Parent Professional Learning Network is a Parent Navigator Team with Family Voices of North Dakota offering an opportunity for parents of children with special needs and the professionals who work with them to come together to learn and grow. For more information email parentproflearningnetwork@gmail.com. The Compassionate Friends Meeting 2nd Thursday of each month, 7pm at Faith Lutheran Church [127 2nd Av E, West Fargo]. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information email chapterleader@tcffargomoorhead. org, call 701.491.0364 or visit tcffargomoorhead.org. La Leche League of Fargo-Moorhead Meeting 3rd Thursday of each month at 6:30pm and the 2nd Wednesday of the month 10am-noon. For additional information visit www. lllofmndas.org/fargo-moorhead.html. Red River Valley Asperger-Autism Network Lunch & Learn the 3rd Thursday of the month, noon-1pm. RSVP required. For additional information visit www.rrvan.org or www.facebook.com/redrivervalleyaspergerautismnetwork. Healthy Steps A health insurance program for North Dakota children age 18 or younger who do not have health insurance coverage, do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program, and live in qualifying families. The benefits are offered at no or very low cost. For more information 877.543.7669 or www.healthystepsnd.com. HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@hopeinconline. org. For more information visit www.hopeinconline.org.

resources Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com. Eating Disorders Monthly Family & Friends Support Group If you have a loved one with an eating disorder, you are invited and encouraged to attend this support group dedicated to providing a comfortable, supportive, and confidential environment where you will be provided with information about eating disorders and tools to aid in your loved one’s recovery. This group is open to friends, parents, partners, caregivers, and adult children. Registration: for more info contact Kara Woodbury Fladland, LPCC 701.234.4111, or search: www.sanfordhealth.org/classesandevents/ ClassDetail/cb9a7533-e6f9-41cb-b562-3a7c0fc46f45. FirstChoice Clinic Providing pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www.teamfirstchoiceclinic.com.

MOPS [Mothers of Preschooler] A place to find friendship, community, resources, and support for you as a woman and mother so you're not alone. • Olivet Lutheran Church [1330 S University Dr, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9am to 11am. • First United Methodist Church [906 1st Av S, Fargo] 1st & 3rd Thursday 9:15am to 11:15am. • Prairie Heights Community Church [2801 Broadway, Fargo at Temple Baptist Church] 2nd Thursday 6pm to 8pm. • Atonement Lutheran Church [4601 University Dr S, Fargo] Every other Tuesday 8:45am to 11am. For more info visit www.atonementmops.org. • Hope Lutheran Church [3636 25th St S, Fargo] 3rd Saturday 9am to 11am. For more information visit www.fargohope.org. For more listings, visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms.com. OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

FA R G

Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula, and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 218.477.1977 or www. birthright.org.

BLIC S C H

PU O

Survivor of Suicide Loss Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110.

have your children involved. Contact 701.232.4416 or email fmmomsnext@hotmail.com for more information.

FirstLink Provides telephone support including information and referral of local non-profits, listening and support, crisis intervention, and suicide intervention. Visit www. myfirstlink.org or call 701.235.7335.

FM MOMSnext For moms of school aged children kindergarten to college to discuss various topics on parenting, motherhood, and women ministries. Meeting the 2nd & 4th Wednesday of the month at First United Methodist Church [906 1st Av S, Fargo] from 6pm to 7:30pm. Children's programming also available at the same time and need not be a member of the church to

Kindergarten Registration Register for Fall 2016 online at: www.fargo.k12.nd.us/registration

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MOMS Club of West Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information visit www.momsclubwestfargo. org or www.facebook.com/MOMSClubWestFargo.

Child must be age 5 by July 31, 2016 to attend school this fall. If you have questions or do not know which school your child will attend, call 701.446.1043

june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

s a teenager, Danielle was adopted by her Aunt and Uncle, and her four cousins instantly became her siblings. Grateful for their love and support, she went on to college at NDSU in Business Administration and met her

husband, Kenny, at a sorority and fraternity exchange. Following her college graduation Danielle worked for Wells Fargo for five years as she followed her husband to Iowa and Alabama while he attended Army flight school. They eventually moved back to Fargo and Danielle started working for the family business, Roers Companies, on the real-estate side. When Roers decided to expand into residential-property management, Danielle had the opportunity to create something new as the Director of that branch of the company. This busy mom to Carter [7], Mason [6], and Grace [1], has a passion for volunteering on women’s leadership boards [Women Connect, through the Chamber, and Women’s Leadership Council, through United Way] finds relaxation in hot yoga and laughter with girlfriends. You can find the Paulus family on the weekends in the summer at their lake eating s’mores and Zorbaz pizza [Danielle’s favorite is the peanut butter and pepperoni pizza], winters in hockey rinks watching Kenny coach their two little hockey players, and in the fall this enthusiastic Bison-fan family live to tailgate and attend every Bison football game together.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

danielle paulus fargo.nd

my funniest flaw is… hands down, I am horrible with directions. Thank God for Siri and and friends who like to drive!

best way to spend a day off… at our lake with our kiddos swimming, boat rides, Zorbaz pizza, and s’mores for dessert.

outside of my family i am very passionate about… making a difference in our community. In college Kenny and I were in an organization that taught us the motto “Serving, I Live.” Being of service to others was incredibly important to us when we were in college and we have continued living with this in mind and now we get to involve our kids. We do this by spending our time, treasure, and talent giving back to the United Way. The United Way of Cass and Clay

mod mom

Counties does a phenomenal job providing ways for people of all ages to fulfill its mission of connecting people to people, needs to resources, and experts to advocates to improve lives and advance the common good throughout Cass and Clay counties. Whether we're working side-by-side filling backpacks for the backpack program each summer or having the opportunity to serve on the board of directors, we strongly believe we're able to help the United Way impact the lives of everyone in our community.

my best birthday memory was… my birthday falls during the football season so I get to spend almost every birthday cheering on the Bison or getting prepared to cheer them on!

people would be surprised to know i… am actually an introvert.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

mod mom my parenting philosophy is best described…

i would love to invent…

live in the present and trust God's plan. The best example of this was that Grace was a total surprise! After the shock we embraced the idea fully and trusted that life is not our plan, it's God's plan. Gracie has been such an incredible blessing to us and looking at her each day reminds us just how perfect God's plan truly is! As parents we try to live in the moment with the kiddos and tackle each new phase with excitement.

a machine that lets you be in three places at once. Every Mom would buy that, right?

i would like to become better at… marriage. In reality, people never tell you how much hard work it can be...and then add kids into the mix! I am thankful for the opportunity to work on it each day with my Kenny.

i’m not embarrassed to admit… that Kenny does all the cooking. My friends joke that they watch his Pinterest page for delicious, healthy recipes.

i can always count on a good laugh from…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

my kids. It’s amazing what wisdom kindergartners and first graders have!

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

i find relaxation in… ha! I am a go, go, go person! I try to relax at Hot Yoga, if that counts?!

the most self-indulging thing i won’t give up… gel nails and Starbucks.

something i recently found in my purse i didn’t know i had… unused gift cards. I always forget that I have them until after I leave the store.

my girlfriends would tell you i… am the responsible one. They know they can count on me for anything and I will be there.

if i could travel anywhere it would be… back to Italy. When our oldest son, Carter, was six months old, we flew there to meet Kenny during his two-week leave from his deployment in Iraq. The sights were beautiful and the people were very kind.

WILSONART COUNTERTOPS, TODAY’S FAVORITE PLAYGROUND

Granito Amarelo (1878K)

Built kid tough worksurfaces.net • 701.799.2181 facebook.com/worksurfacesllc

shop talk

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

in the name of health 18

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

shop talk story by | family healthcare

magine a place where you feel welcomed and respected at every step of your healthcare journey, all while you receive personal, dedicated, and high-quality medical treatment. You don’t have fears of being turned away for any reason. If healthcare is what you need, healthcare is what you will receive. Fortunately, in our community, this is a reality. Family HealthCare is a family-oriented primary-care clinic that provides medical and dental care for patients in the Fargo-Moorhead area. First established in 1992, we are conveniently located in downtown Fargo, with a dental clinic in Moorhead, and a newly opened clinic in West Fargo. Have you heard about Family HealthCare? Well, here are some important things we want you to know: all welcome EVERYONE, regardless of age, nationality, or ability to pay, is welcome at Family HealthCare and can expect affordable, quality healthcare. Whether you have health insurance or not we help you get the care you need and deserve. Our Access Plan is a sliding-fee scale, which allows you to pay for services based on your income and family size.

with low incomes and diverse cultures—we minimize unnecessary hospitalizations, emergency-room trips, and complications from untreated health problems. Remember, EVERYONE is welcome at Family HealthCare. You and your family deserve quality healthcare and we are committed to providing just that. Our mission at Family HealthCare is simple: to provide affordable, quality healthcare for every person. We couldn’t provide our medical services without donations and financial support from the communities we serve. Please get involved and show your support by donating and volunteering.

www.FamHealthCare.org Main Clinic & Pharmacy - 301 NP Ave, Fargo Moorhead Dental – 715 N 11th St, Moorhead West Fargo Clinic – 726 13th Ave E, West Fargo

complete care Our providers offer high-quality, affordable health services in a compassionate and personal setting. Onsite dental care, labs, x-rays, radiology, behavioral health assessments, vision care, physical therapy, and a full-service pharmacy are available. We also offer a lifestyle-medicine department that helps patients better manage chronic health conditions such as diabetes and heart disease.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

The quality care and patient-focused atmosphere at Family HealthCare has not gone unnoticed. We have been accredited by the Joint Commission since 2003, receiving the Gold Seal of Approval from the organization, which provides a comprehensive evaluation process in the healthcare industry and represents the ‘gold standard’ in healthcare. This past year we also received National Committee for Quality Assurance Patient-Centered Medical Home recognition. make a difference Family HealthCare plays an important role in supporting the safety and health of our community. By providing preventive medicine and consistent management of disease for the most vulnerable of our neighbors – those

june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

$8 per session. Call to register or go online under events.

june events

Share A Story www.fargoparks.com In 2016 Share A Story will be featuring Peg + Cat from PBS Kids! Bring your camera to Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9am-3:30pm, for a photo opportunity. Enjoy stories shared through music, dance, and performances by community members. Free books, free food, and free admission!

2, 9, 16, 23 & 30 Park It! www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art staff at the park and create take home arts and crafts, 1pm4pm. The fun travels weekly to different neighborhoods. All supplies provided and different projects each week. See you on the 2nd at Elephant/Percy Godwin Park [100 19th Av N, Fargo], the 9th at Eagle Point Park [7210 15th St S, Fargo], the 16th at Brunsdale Park, [1702 27th Av S, Fargo], the 23rd at Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo], and the 30th at Bennett Park [1900 58th Av S, Fargo]. This is a FREE event. Adult supervision is required.

3, 6, 10, 13, 17, 20, 24 & 27

Move & Groove 218.791.0908 www.musictherapyinmotion.com Children's music class ages birth-5 years. Monday 5:45pm-6:15pm & Friday 11am.

6, 13, 20 & 27

Band of Hope 218.791.0908 www.musictherapyinmotion.com This is a community music opportunity for individuals with physical disabilities and friends/siblings. 6:15pm-7pm, $10 per session. June 6,13,20,27. Call to register or go online under events.

7, 14 & 28

BE A PART OF THE TRADITION A Community Inspiring Excellence Through Faith, Learning and Service.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Enroll Now for 2016-2017

for Little Deacons (age 3) - Grade 12 jp2schools.org

FOR MORE INFORMATION OR PERSONAL TOUR Lori Hager, Admissions Director 701.893.3271 Lori.Hager@jp2schools.org

HOLY SPIRIT ELEMENTARY

NATIVITY ELEMENTARY

SULLIVAN MIDDLE SCHOOL

TRINITY ELEMENTARY

SHANLEY HIGH SCHOOL

jp2schools.org

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo], the 14th at Madison Park [3010 11th Av N, Fargo], and the 28th at Westgate Park [2700 Southgate Dr SW, Fargo].

8, 15, 22 & 29

Nurturing Connections Baby Café 701.234.5560 www.sanfordhealth.org Nurturing Connections Baby Café provides a relaxed and supportive environment designed to help you create the most positive breastfeeding experience for you and your baby. This group is held Wednesdays from 1pm-3pm at the Sanford 2801 Medical Building [2801 S University Dr, Fargo]; with an evening group every third Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm.

Dive Into Summer 218.299.5296 www.moorheadparks.com Kick off the summer with a night of family fun at the Moorhead Municipal Pool [800 19th Av S, Moorhead], 5:30pm-7:30pm! Win door prizes, and enjoy free hotdogs, chips and pop while supplies last. Free open swim and water games! Children 8 years of age and under must be accompanied and supervised by an adult. Season pool passes will also be available for purchase.

Music Montage www.fargoparks.com Join in an interactive evening of music outside on the Great Northern Park plaza [425 Broadway N, Fargo], 7pm-9pm. An open mic format invites talented local musicians to perform to a crowd of all ages. Get your shot up on the stage or just enjoy the up and coming talent in our community.

11, 18 & 25

Storytime at B&N Bring the kiddos to Barnes & Noble [1201 42nd St SW, Fargo] at 11am for a fun-filled literature adventure!

Trout Fest www.fargoparks.com Youth ages 15 and under will learn about fly fishing, casting, entomology, conservation, equipment demonstrations, and more at the Woodhaven North Park & Fishing Pond [4406 44th Av S, Fargo]. An awards presentation will follow the derby. Bring your own rod and reel. Night crawlers are provided. This is a catch and release event. Pepsi products will be served while supplies last. Adult supervision is recommended. Registration 5:30pm-6:15pm with the derby running 6:15pm-7:30pm.

Canvas for 2 www.wfparks.org Get your ART on with "Gallery on the Go" at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 6pm-8pm. Come experience an art session of creative learning and fun in this special parent/child session! In this class, create "Kissy Fishy" with your child-each person has their own canvas and they will match up to make one creation. Step by Step art instructions are provided. All supplies will be provided including aprons. For ages at least 3 ½ but less than 99. Participants take home an 11" x 14" canvas after class! Pairs must be one adult and one child. Register online.

Big Screen Movie Matinee www.wfparks.org Head to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo] at 1pm to watch Inside Out! FREE admission and don’t forget your blanket or chair [bleachers will be available too]. Sno-cones, popcorn, and pop available for $1/each.

CCRI SuperHero 5K Fun Run & SideKick Youth Run www.CreativeCare.org The villains will tremble as hundreds of superheroes running faster than speeding bullets descend upon Gooseberry Park [100 22nd Av S, Moorhead] for CCRI’s 11th Annual SuperHero 5K Fun Run & SideKick Youth Run. SideKick Youth Run starts at 6pm with the SuperHero 5K Fun Run following at 6:15pm.

Star Wars Night! www.fmredhawks.com Bring your lightsabers and have some fun with Star Wars themed games all night long at the RedHawks baseball game. Head to Newman Outdoor Field [1515 15th Ave N, Fargo] for a 7:02pm start and may the force be with you!

Midwest Kid Fest & Teddy Bear Parade www.fargoparks.com

Twins Game Bus Trip 701.364.4153 www.ymcacassclay.org Enjoy Twins baseball at their beautiful outdoor Target Field without the stress of traffic and parking! All ages are welcome, but children 14 years of age and under must be accompanied by an adult. Bus leaves from Fercho Y [400 1st Av S, Fargo] at 7:30am. Return time will vary based on length of game. There will be a half-hour stop on the return trip in Alexandria, MN for supper. Ticket [$65 per person] includes bus and game. MUST PRE-REGISTER!

20 & 27

Movie Night www.fargoparks.com Bring a blanket, pillow, or lawn chair and enjoy a starlit night of fun at Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] on the 20th and at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo] on the 27th. Watch our special feature on an inflatable screen in the park. The movie starts when the sun goes down [approximately 9:30pm]. Free Pepsi products and popcorn while supplies last.

21-23 & 27

Pepsi Appreciation Day @ the Pool www.fargoparks.com Free admission all day at the pool 1pm-5pm & 6pm-8pm. Free Pepsi products and hot dogs will be served at the beginning of the first session while supplies last. Head to Island Park Pool [616 1st Av S, Fargo] on the 21st, Southwest Recreation Pool [1840 15th Av S, Fargo] on the 22nd, Northside Recreation Pool [824 19th Av N, Fargo] on the 23rd, and Madison Pool & Splash Pad [1040 29th St N, Fargo] on the 27th.

Wild West Jamboree 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org Enjoy a Rootin’ Tootin’ good time of activities including music with Silverado, free carriage rides, gunny sack races, barrel car rides, a petting zoo, roping demos, face painting & other western games at Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Av W, West Fargo] 5:30pm-7:30pm. Pony rides will be offered for $2. Hotdogs, chips and beverage will be available for $1. Bring your lawn chair or blanket.

worth the drive! 24 & 25

Scandinavian Hjemkomst & Midwest Viking Festival 218.299.5452 www.hcscconline.org Head to the Hjemkomst Center [202 1st Av N, Moorhead] for some authentic

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. More events found online at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/event-calendar. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

june events

Fun & Fit in the Xerzone 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org Head to Fercho Y [400 1st Av S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm and enjoy fitness activities, fun themes, wacky games, healthy snacks, and family fun! This is a FREE event and open to the public. No registration required.

Dr. Doolittle Day 701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.org Dr. Doolittle Day at the Red River Zoo [4255 23rd Av S, Fargo] means kiddos who bring a stuffed animal get in FREE!

Birthday Bash www.doulasrrv.org Non-profit educational support group hosted by Doulas of the Red River Valley hosts its second anniversary of its group with a fun party, featuring entertainment, refreshments, and prizes at Ecce Yoga [216 N Broadway, Fargo], 7pm. Expectant parents, new parents and birth enthusiasts welcome.

Waterama www.fargoparks.com

Spend an afternoon having fun with water at Madison Park [3010 11th Av N, Fargo], noon-3pm. Play water games and do all sorts of activities that involve water and getting wet!

Go Hawaiian for Hospice 701.356.1576 www.hrrv.org Choice Financial [4501 23rd Av S, Fargo] invites the community to “Go Hawaiian for Hospice!” Join us for the fourth annual luau lunch on 11am–1pm. For a suggested donation of $5, attendees will feast on a pig roast, baked potato, fresh pineapple, Hawaiian Punch and a frozen treat. In addition to delicious food, prize drawings will take place during the event—need not be present to win. All proceeds directly benefit Hospice of the Red River Valley. See you at the luau!

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Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] will be filled with music, laughter, and bright colors as children play and learn. All activities are FREE! The fest hosts 30 interactive educational booths, many carnival games, an entertainment stage, petting zoo, inflatables and strolling entertainment. Balloon twisting by Dakota Kid and Jeff Salveson. Concessions are available for purchase. Teddy Bear Parade registration starts at 10am at the main entrance of Dike West with the parade following at 10:30am.

Scandinavian dancing, entertainment, food, Viking-Age crafts, demonstrations, seminars, and more!

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

july events 1, 8, 11, 15, 18, 22, 25 & 29

Move & Groove 218.791.0908 www.musictherapyinmotion.com Children's music class ages birth-5 years. Monday 5:45pm-6:15pm & Friday 11am. $8 per session. Call to register or go online under events.

Bonanzaville 4th of July 701.282.2822 www.bonanzaville.org It’s an old fashioned 4th of July celebration at Bonanzaville [1351 Main Av W, West Fargo]. A BBQ picnic, train rides, a dunk tank, and so much more! Tour the pioneer village and come for the parade.

Ice cream social, rides, parade, and one of the biggest fireworks displays in the area at MSUM Nemzek Field [1104 7th Av S, Moorhead]!

5, 12, 19 & 26

Party in the Park www.fargoparks.com Join us in a different park each Tuesday night for an evening of family fun, 5:30pm-8pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play in the bounce house, create a craft project, get your face painted and take home a balloon animal. Enjoy free hot dogs and Pepsi products while supplies last. All are Welcome! See you on the 5th at Jefferson School Park [1622 3rd Av S, Fargo], the 12th at Rabanus Park [4315 18th Av S, Fargo], the 19th at Lincoln Park [ 2120 9th St S, Fargo], and the 26th at Osgood School Park [5400 44th Av S, Fargo].

Community Play Day www.fargoparks.com Free Play for all ages at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9am-11am & 1pm-3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground and move to music outside in the sunshine! Daycares are welcome. Adult supervision required. Special guest Dakota Kid making balloon animals!

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MSUM 4th of July 218.236.2011

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

7, 11, 14, 18, 21, 25 & 28

Farmers' Market & Beyond 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 3:30pm-6:30pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Av W, West Fargo].

StreetsAlive! www.fmstreetsalive.org Get out and get moving down the streets of Fargo-Moorhead, noon-5pm! Bring friends, family and neighbors to walk, run, pedal, stroll or skate together on a 3 mile loop of blocked off roads. Stop along the way for activities, booths and more!

11 & 18

Heartsaver Class 701.364.1704 www.sanfordhealthemseducation.org This course, held at F-M Ambulance [2215 18th St S, Fargo] starting at 7pm, covers basic adult, child and infant CPR plus how to use an AED [Automated External Defibrillator]. The staff of EMTs and nurses deal with life and death every day and bring their real life situations to the classroom. All CPR and First Aid classes at F-M Ambulance are taught under the guidelines of the

American Heart Association. The AHA certification is good for 2 years.

11, 18 & 25

12-17

Red River Valley Fair 701.282.2200 www.redrivervalleyfair.com It's that time again! Go get some family fun at the fair. For daily events check online.

12 & 26

Moorhead RiverArts 218.299.5296 www.moorheadparks.com Moorhead Parks and Recreation would like to invite you to the annual RiverArts festival at Davy/Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead], 5:30pm-8pm, to celebrate art, music, and community spirit. Enjoy music by FM KICKS Jazz Band. Other activities include the River Keepers fishing clinic, horse drawn carriage rides, hands-on activities for children, arts, crafts, and food vendors.

12, 19 & 26

15, 22 & 29

Get Fresh! Go Local! Head to the Moorhead Center Mall parking lot [Center Av & 4th St N, Moorhead] and find items such as fresh produce, berries, herbs, breads, jams, jellies, syrup, lefse, canned goods, baked goods, flowers, hand crafted items and other agricultural and food related products.

Head to Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Av NW, West Fargo] on the 15th, River’s Bend Park [2548 1st St E, West Fargo] on the 22nd, Maplewood Park [1504 17th Av E, West Fargo] on the 29th for some fun being crafty, 1pm-3pm! Create various take home art projects. Daycares welcome! Please call ahead of time if you have a large group coming.

Farmers’ Market 218.299.5296 www.moorheadparks.com

Movie Afternoon 218.299.5296 www.moorheadparks.com A movie matinee featuring an all-time favorite “Minions” will be shown on the Big Screen, 1pm-3pm, at the Moorhead Sports Center [324 24th St S, Moorhead]! Bring a lawn chair or blanket. Free pop, water and popcorn will be available while supplies last!

14-16, 20-23 & 26-30 Trollwood Presents Disney’s The Little Mermaid 218.477.6500 www.trollwood.org

Enjoy the 38th annual Mainstage Musical production feature our local young talent. Head to the beautiful Bluestem Amphitheater for an evening of entertainment under the stars. Show starts at 8:30pm each night.

Art in the Park 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org

B.L.A.S.T. Babysitting Camp 701.364.1704 www.sanfordhealthemseducation.org Babysitting Lessons and Safety Training is the initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. Held at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], 9am-3pm, participants will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques. They will also learn when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

20 & 27

Concert in the Park www.fargoparks.com Local bands will entertain families with

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

lively music, 7pm-8:30pm at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo] on the 20th and Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo] on the 27th. Get your face painted, jump in the bouncy castle and take home a craft project. This is a free event and there will be limited concessions for sale!

july events

Children’s Day & Hawkeye’s Birthday www.fmredhawks.com Head to Newman Outdoor Field [1515 15th Ave N, Fargo] for a 1pm start and the first 1,000 kiddos [age 17 and under] receive a FREE RedHawks draw string bag. Also, kids 12 and under are welcome to run the bases after the game.

Scavenger Hunt 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org Gather a team and check in at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] at 5:30pm. Enjoy a free hotdog, chips, and beverage before the hunt begins at 6pm! Team will be given a list of clues and sent out to explore the West Fargo parks. At each location team members will need to capture their visit on camera to show judges when they return to the Vets Arena by 8:15pm. All teams who complete these tasks and return on time will be entered in a drawing for the Grand Prize.

Under the Stars 701.373.0397 www.hayleshope.org It’s a night of endless possibilities! This outdoor event held just south of Holy Cross Church [2820 Bluestem Dr, West Fargo] at 6:30pm will a kabob supper and entertainment by Matt Aakre. Experience dyslexia and help raise awareness and funds for Haley’s Hope!

German Folk Festival www.fargoparks.com Dance to traditional German music produced by German American bands at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. Explore German displays, presentations and crafts. Free admission. German/ American foods available for purchase. Event description will be updated as the event items are set.

Families Making the Difference

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

august events 1, 4, 8, 11, 15, 18, 22, 25 & 29 Farmers' Market & Beyond 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 3:30pm-6:30pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Av W, West Fargo].

1&8

Waterama www.fargoparks.com

Hosted by the West Fargo Police Department, head to Elmwood Park [500 13th W Av, West Fargo], 5pm-9pm and enjoy entertainment, food vendors, demonstrations, and various local information booths. This will be fun for the whole family!

2, 9 & 16

Party in the Park www.fargoparks.com Join us in a different park each Tuesday night for an evening of family fun, 5:30pm-8pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play in the bounce house, create a craft project, get your face painted and take home a balloon animal. Enjoy free hot dogs and Pepsi products while supplies last. All are Welcome! See you on the 2nd at Unicorn Park [1603 3rd Av N, Fargo], the 9th at Bennett Park [1900 58th Av S, Fargo], and the 16th at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo].

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Spend an afternoon having fun with water on the 1st at Clara Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo] and on the 8th at Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo], noon-3pm! Play water games and do all sorts of activities that involve water and getting wet.

Night to Unite 701.433.5500 www.westfargopolice.com

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

4, 11 & 18

Meet the Xcellent Art staff at the park and create take home arts and crafts, 1pm4pm. The fun travels weekly to different neighborhoods. All supplies provided and different projects each week. See you on the 4th at Ed Clapp Park [2801 32nd Av S, Fargo], the 11th at Madison Park [3010 11th Av N, Fargo], and the 18th at Kennedy Park [4501 42nd St S, Fargo]. This is a FREE event. Adult supervision is required.

Free Play for all ages at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9am-11am & 1pm-3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground and move to music outside in the sunshine! Daycares are welcome. Adult supervision required. Special guest Dakota Kid making balloon animals!

Park It! www.fargoparks.com

Furry Friends Pet Walk 701.237.4805 www.courtsplus.org Walk to save the lives of homeless pets in the FM Area. Join us for our annual fundraiser for Adopt-A-Pet at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. A 1.5 mile walk with or without your pet will benefit Adopt-A-Pet, whose primary goal is placing rescued pets in loving and responsible homes. A suggested donation of $10 is requested.

Community Play Day www.fargoparks.com

Lantern Fest www.thelanternfest.com/ location/fargo/#214 At The Lantern Fest, thousands of revelers join together armed with lanterns for one unforgettable spectacle. Before sundown friends and families can enjoy food, live music, a stage show, familiar princesses, face painters, s'mores, balloon artists and more. Then, when the time is just right, we will light the sky with our highest hopes and fondest dreams. Each adult needs to register with their own Lantern Pass. Kids 3 and under are free! Kids ages 4 to 12 will need to register with a "$7 kid's pass", which is good for entrance to the event as well as a small gift.

Playground Carnival 701.237.4805 www.courtsplus.org Looking for something fun to do before school starts? Head to Courts Plus [3491 University Dr, Fargo], 5:30pm-7pm, for a FREE carnival complete with carnival games, inflatables, arts & crafts, water games & more! This is for children of all ages and open to the Public.

Head to Newman Outdoor Field [1515 15th Ave N, Fargo] for a 1pm start and bring your little princess to the ballpark to meet some popular Disney Princesses! Also, kids 12 and under are welcome to run the bases after the game.

Enjoy fitness activities, fun themes, wacky games, healthy snacks, and family fun at the Fercho Y [400 1st Av S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm. This event is FREE and open to the community!

Princess Day! www.fmredhawks.com

Pioneer Day 701.282.2822 www.bonanzaville.org

Aloha [Hawaii] in the Xerzone 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org

august events

Meet Booker! www.larl.org Head to the Moorhead Public Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead], 2pm-3pm, and meet the library’s new mascot, Booker! Booker is an owl and the Buffalo River State Park will be here to teach us all about real owls!

27 & 28

Island Park Show www.fargoparks.com

Bring your friends and indulge yourself! Spend a day at Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] shopping in the shade! Find unique items, enjoy excellent food and listen to great music from 10am-5pm.

Pioneer Village at Bonanzaville [1351 W Main, West Fargo] comes to life with authentic parades, demonstrations, costumes and crafts.

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care they receive! We look forward to meeting you and caring for your smile. PAUL FREDRIKSON, DDS PC

RYAN NYGARD, DDS

3011 25th Street South, Suite 1 Fargo, North Dakota 58103 701.280.0088 • www.smilecareteam.com

www.facebook.com/SmileCareInFargo

FAMILY AND COSMETIC DENTISTRY

june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

shop talk

a parent must-have www.onthemindsofmoms.com

bright & early nd setting a standard

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

shop talk

story by | pam palmer

cenario #1 – You are pregnant and anticipating every moment you will have with your bundle of joy, but before you even set eyes on this precious miracle you need to find trusted, qualified child care for your kiddo. You have a list of choices, but you just don’t know which one to choose…how do you compare…what makes one program better than another? You want to narrow your choices and be confident your precious child will not only be safe but also have enriching opportunities every day all day. Scenario #2 – You are already a pro with this child care stuff, but because of facility closings, your job changes, the needs of your kiddo, or just because, you need to change programs.

[Bright & Early programs] enter school with better math, language, and social skills. Young children in North Dakota spend their days in a variety of settings: child care, Head Start, and public pre-kindergarten programs. Bright & Early ND is a tool parents can use to find a quality child care/preschool for their child. Available statewide since January of 2015, we are nearing a 20% participation rate of licensed

finding an early childhood program can be daunting, a bit scary, and time consuming

Whichever scenario you fall into, finding an early childhood program can be daunting, a bit scary, and time consuming. Where do you start? Now there is help…now there is Bright & Early ND. the deets Children have 1,892 days from the day they are born until they enter kindergarten. This is important time. Ninety percent of a child’s brain development happens before kindergarten. Studies show that children in high-quality early care and education programs

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programs throughout the state. Every parent has a choice and we are confident that, with the knowledge available, they would choose programs that follow the Quality Rating & Improvement System [QRIS]. QRIS is a method to assess, improve, and communicate the level of quality in child care and early education.

shop talk Science tells us what young brains need to thrive. Bright & Early ND translates this scientific research into four quality levels:

Health & Safety: Step 1 Quality Rated programs have a clean licensing record with no high-level correction orders.

Space & Materials: Step 2 Quality Rated programs meet specific educational requirements and have had their actual program assessed using tools that have proven validity and reliability, showing the program has the materials and resources needed for children.

Activities & Experiences: Step 3 Quality Rated programs meet guidelines set to make their daily activities with children

appropriate and ensure children are ready for school and beyond. As a side note, this does not mean a mini-elementary school! Children birth to five years old learn best through play, so programs set up the curriculum as play-based with opportunities for learning throughout the curriculum.

Relationships & Interactions: Step 4 Quality Assured programs have met the requirements of all previous steps and have also proven their interactions with children are rich with opportunities to build a child’s self-confidence and self-help skills. the how to Bright & Early ND simply guides parents to Quality Rated programs. If parents are just starting a search for child care options and they receive a list of providers from Child Care Aware [www.ndchild care.org] they will notice specific Quality Rating logos differentiating Bright & Early programs from others. If a parent has a child already enrolled in a program or is looking for child care on her own and wants to make sure a program is considered a quality program, she can look for our logo posted within each of our Bright & Early programs, or visit www.brightnd.org/program-partners to view our state map, which lists all Bright & Early programs according to their ratings.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

Bright & Early ND is a voluntary FREE program. We are funded through the Department of Human Services,

shop talk and every licensed child care/preschool program in North Dakota is eligible to participate. So, what if you find your child’s program is not Quality Rated? You really should ask your provider “Why?” Programs can apply for a Step 1 rating any time. At a minimum, even though Step 1 is the first of four levels of quality,

when more young children are ready for school, we all benefit

at least parents can be assured their child’s program has no licensing violations and provides a clean, safe environment. Or maybe you are a child care/preschool program and wonder how you can join us? As long as you have a clean licensing record, becoming a Step 1 Quality Rated Program is actually quite simple; just visit www.brightnd.org/step1. Surely, you would want free marketing that showcases your Quality? Bright & Early ND is committed to ensuring North Dakota kids

age five and younger receive the quality early care and education they need to arrive at school ready to succeed. When more young children are ready for school, we all benefit. Bright & Early ND connects families to child care and early education programs that go above and beyond to prepare children for school and beyond! Check them out today! Graduating from a Glenburn, ND, class of 25 [the 25 includes both Pam and her husband, Brad, and two exchange students], Pam and Brad both went on to earn degrees from NDSU and currently bleed green and gold! Pam has been working in the Early Care and Education field for about 20 years and specifically with Bright & Early ND since 2009. Pam’s spare time consists of chatting with her daughter, Kyra, who’s attending UND, and chauffeuring her boys, Joren [13] and Brennan [11], to all of their various activities. She loves to read, but reading while playing taxi for the kiddos didn’t seem safe, so she recently started listening to audio books while waiting outside of the various gyms and arenas within the metro area. The wait is much more enjoyable now!

www.brightnd.org facebook.com/brightandearlynd twitter.com/ND_QRIS

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

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701.364.APEX (2739) www.apexptwe ll ness.com

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gettin’ through it

tongue tie

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

–the facts

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

gettin’ through it story by | phyllis magelky

and may become fussy, pull off frequently, or be a noisy drinker.

ergus Falls mom, Megan, remembers the difficulties starting right away with her daughter Scarlet. “It hurt extremely bad to nurse her,” Megan recalls. The hospital lactation consultant assured her this was normal. “She said my nipples needed to toughen up and my daughter’s mouth needed to get a little bigger for her to have a good latch.” That made sense to this first-time mom, but things didn’t improve. “I nursed her around the clock. She ate at least every hour and was never satisfied. I traveled to various lactation consultants who were sometimes more than an hour away from my home only to return with the advice to ‘shove her on harder.’" That wasn’t the answer. Megan could see her daughter couldn’t latch on correctly and was unable to control the flow of breast milk. Fast forward five years, Megan wishes she knew then what she knows now…that her daughter’s tongue tie was a factor in her nursing struggles. Tongue tie is defined as “an impairment of the tongue function resulting from a tight and/or short lingual frenulum,” [Hazelbaker Assessment for Lingual Frenulum Function, 2010]. The frenulum [also called a frenum] is the piece of tissue that attaches the underside of the tongue to the floor of the mouth. Typically, a tongue tie can be identified when a baby experiences difficulty nursing. The baby may experience difficulty latching and/or the mother may experience discomfort, pain, or nipple damage. Even when switched to a bottle, a child will still experience similar oral-motor difficulties

1st visit

recommended

You might assume a tongue tie is obvious to diagnose, but unfortunately that isn’t always the case. Professionals who identify a tongue tie are taught to assess the appearance of the tongue tie [also known as a tethered tongue]. However, to fully assess a tongue tie, a professional must not only look at the frenulum, he or she must also look at where it is attached on the tongue AND the lower-mouth attachment. While it is often overlooked, a thorough history of infant feeding and observation of the tongue function must be made to accurately identify a tongue tie. Additionally, a family history of tongue tie must be obtained, as there tends to be a hereditary factor. As a speech/language pathologist, I received little training in the function of the tongue. It was only through my specialized extensive training as an orofacial myologist [a specialist in abnormalities related to the function of the muscles that make up the mouth and face] that I learned to assess and identify a tongue tie. Through this training I learned I must assess not only the appearance of the shortness and attachment of the frenulum, but also the function of the tongue, to appropriately diagnose and refer people with a tongue tie. The problems associated with tongue tie do not dissipate with age. Alison Hazelbaker, PhD., IBCLC, CST, RCST, a lactation consultant who was also tongue tied, describes in her book “Tongue-Tie: Morphogenesis, Impact, Assessment and Treatment” difficulties she

year of age!

Dr. Chad Hoge, Diplomate,

American Board of Pediatric Dentistry

Dr. Mikala Hoge, Diplomate,

American Board of Pediatric Dentistry

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

gettin’ through it experienced because of her tongue tie, including speech difficulties, gas and bloating, chewing with mouth closed, swallowing saliva, and an increase in dental problems, which were resolved when she had her frenotomy [a procedure to release/cut the lingual frenulum] at the age of 42. what to do There are two procedures that can be utilized to release a tongue tie. The first and least involved is the frenotomy. Depending on the person’s age, a frenotomy can be performed during an office visit and involves a ‘clipping,’ or simple cut to separate the top and the bottom of the frenulum. The other option is a frenectomy, which involves complete removal of the tissue. A frenectomy typically includes the need for a suture; a laser frenectomy can also be performed and may or may not result in the use of sutures. Treatment for a tongue tie is NOT recommended if the tongue can perform all the movements needed to correctly swallow all foods and liquids AND the tongue can adequately rest in its proper position even if it ‘looks’ tied. Both function and appearance must be

impaired before a referral for a release is recommended. If the tongue is not released, the many risks, including digestive problems, inappropriate growth of the palate, dental misalignment, sleep apnea, upper-respiratory problems, incorrect swallowing, speech-sound difficulties, messy eating, picky eating, increase in cavities, etc., remain unresolved. the changes The patient will be able to move her tongue immediately following the procedure and at times will comment on the new freedom of the tongue. However, just releasing the tongue does not teach the muscles the correct function and some amount of therapy to train the muscles to the proper function and rest posture is necessary. Therapy should be initiated sometime during the first week following the tongue release so that the frenulum does not grow back and scar tissue does not limit tongue movement gained by the procedure. The benefits of therapy will be in training the tongue to rest in its proper position so it no longer moves teeth out of alignment to aggravate any dental malocclusion and possibly result in orthodontic relapse. Other benefits of therapy include elimination of messy eating and resolution of some speech errors. After a correct tongue posture is trained, speech therapy may or may not be required to resolve persistent sound errors in conversational speech. The benefits of the release and subsequent therapy are numerous. For the infant, a mother will typically be able to nurse her child free of any pain, discomfort, or damage AND the infant, through nursing, can often experience a normalization of the tongue movements

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

without significant therapy. Research completed by Geddes and Langton, et al. [2008], found that following the release of the tongue tie, the mother’s milk production increased. The child who is not nursing will, following oral myofunctional therapy, experience improved nasal breathing, a correct tongue rest posture, which will result in no further progression of a misalignment of the teeth, decreased digestive problems, ability to clear food from the mouth, etc. It took years for Megan to find the right professional to identify her daughter’s tongue tie. “I had a lot of guilt about my nursing relationship with Scarlet,” she shares. “Had I known why she was struggling, it would have made it much easier for me.” Luckily, Megan knew right away with her son, Lane, that he, too, was tongue tied. “I felt the same chomping motion and knew there was something wrong,” she explains of her early nursing experience. Scarlet and Lane both underwent laser frenectomies. Lane was just two weeks old and Megan experienced a marked reduction in discomfort while nursing and she could see the increased movement Lane had with his tongue. Scarlett was five years old when she had her procedure and experienced improvements in her speech and digestion. It’s been a long road for Megan and she has learned a lot she can share with other moms. “Know that you are the mom and you know your child better than anyone,” Megan declares. “Trust your gut and just keep digging until you find the person who can help you. If your doctor is of no help, find another one. You may have to go to various places and various providers until you find help, but don't give up.”

Phyllis is a wife, mother, and owner of Dakota Orofacial Myology. Dakota Orofacial Myology provides services in the areas of: OMD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, swallowing and feeding, thumb/finger sucking, sensory integration disorders, picky-eater difficulties, articulation, motor planning, developmental speech delay, hearing disorders and auditory processing disorders.

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

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If you suspect your child is tongue tied, talk to your child’s dentist or pediatrician, or contact us at Dakota Orofacial Myology [701.364.9070, www.DakotaOrofacialMyology. com] to talk with one of our five trained orofacial myologists who can assess if further treatment is needed and what treatment is required. Treating the tongue tie helps with overall health and dental needs. Dakota Orofacial Myology is the only clinic with specially trained therapists in orofacial myology/tongue-thrust therapy. So call the experts to help you with the orofacial myology needs of your family.

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story by | deb uglem

g n i d d e w ressing d

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

y husband looked over at me and said, “Be honest; how many did you buy?” I replied with an ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’ expression. Of course, I did know. We were on our way to our nephew’s destination wedding. We found ourselves on 35W heading south with my mom and dad in tow. Not exactly the destination you were imagining, I am sure, but Waterloo, Iowa, is pretty nice in April. So no one was complaining. This would be the first wedding in our family of the kids’ generation and we were all excited to reach this milestone.

It had been an interesting few months for me, as my wedding adventure started right after the engagement. I had been asked to fill the role of ‘personal-attendantto-the-groom’s mother.’ Now, to my knowledge, Emily Post has not written about this role, but that doesn’t make it less important. My sister’s son was getting married and my role consisted of keeping my sister sane, planning a bridal shower, and, of course, assisting in the mother-of-the-groom’s dress selection. And I figured 36

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

at a minimum I could crash the groom’s dinner under the premise of my prestigious title. So I accepted that role and a couple months later found myself traveling to Minneapolis for a very important shopping trip.

Weirdest thing happened, my sister and mom picked me up and we headed straight to the mall—that is not the weird part. The weird part was I found a dress at the first store. What can I say? We were multitasking, and I, of course, needed a dress, too! Shortly after that Mom found her dress. This wedding stuff was a piece of cake. Sister’s turn and, wow, we ran the gamut. We tried short, long, tea-length, red, black [apparently not appropriate], floral pattern, strapless, long-sleeved, beaded, and everything in between. She found a dress that had to be ordered from the maker. Not long after our shopping trip my sister’s dress was shipped to her door and, let me tell you, Ms. Kate Spade did not let her down. She looked amazing. But my dress journey took a couple, and by a couple I mean NINE, U-turns. I am not sure how this happened. About a month before the big event I tried the dress on at home and that’s when it began. I swear that dress

oh, by the way looked perfect when in the store, even my mom said so. Maybe I was on a wedding high, maybe Nordstrom has magic mirrors. But it was clear that my dress was not going to work. Over the next month I basically went crazy. Like the-ninth-dress-is-a-charm crazy. It started with a simple online order of two dresses; both went back the following day. I continued my search at my local TJ Maxx, thinking that the clearance red dress was the ticket—it wasn’t. I moved on to numbers five and six. I guess at this point I thought I was Keira Knightley and European sizes would fit like a glove. That’s when the light bulb went off—I’ll look in my own closet. After one evening of parading through the living room in front of my husband as the fashion police I understood the meaning of the phrase ‘love is blind.’ So with number seven I went big—too big, to be exact. We were leaving for the wedding in two days and I was nowhere closer to an outfit. I am not going to lie. I was getting nervous. Back to Amazon I went [this free overnight shipping and returns were coming in handy!]. This was it: do-or-die, the eleventh-hour, my last resort. Dresses eight and nine showed up at 4:00 p.m. the day before we left and, dare I say, number nine fit perfectly!

emotional about this life change. It’s the only explanation that made sense. I am just hoping my new-found self-awareness will help with the next wedding [I would hate to hit double digits in a dress search]. On the drive home my heart was full. I re-lived the night in my mind. The moment I saw my sister hug her son. The moment the wedding party danced into the reception. The best man’s toast. Watching my own adult children mingle. I was filled with pride. I was proud to be that wonderful mother’s sister, that great kid’s aunt, and those four wonderful dancers’ mom. I was excited to see these two young people start their life together. It also hit me that my own kids’ weddings might be around the corner. The older they get the tighter I hug. Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called the Fargo - Moorhead area her home for the last 14 years. A graduate of Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Marketing & Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children, Jake [22], Tony [21], Nick [21], and Emily [19] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time with their kids and on the golf course.

So as we drove to Iowa and my husband asked me to be honest, after a dramatic pause I simply said, “Nine.” Not my proudest moment and I wasn’t about to go through the whole ugly story. He was kind enough to not ask any additional questions. The truth was this wedding meant something and I wanted to look my best. I was

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loving.

learning.

growing. june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

native of Ulen, Minnesota, Kory and his brother, Andrew, grew up with a love of the outdoors. This current business banker at Union State Bank in Fargo graduated from MSUM with a degree in finance and completed his

MBA at NDSU in 2013. For the past three years Kory has shared his knowledge by teaching a finance course at NDSU to undergraduates. With wife Kristi and son Carson [7] treasured family time involves summer weekends at the lake and fall Saturdays are spent cheering on the Bison and Gopher football teams. When he isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t helping business owners reach their goals, you can find Kory golfing with Carson or hunting with his friends, clients, or brother.

photos: caitlin killoran photographyâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; | caitlin killoran

kory shae age 33, west fargo.nd

rad dad

favorite road-trip music…

when i was younger, i wanted to be…

I listen mostly to current top-of-the-charts music. Carson and I are into “7 Years” by Lukas Graham right now. We like to play our music loud with the windows down.

a banker. My dad is a banker and there was never really any doubt in my mind. My brother is a banker as well.

my best habit…

the opportunity to work with the BEST people. What I do for work is done all over the world by all kinds of people, but what makes it different is the team of people that I get to work with. Working with them every day makes coming to work fun.

I eat healthy and rarely miss a day at the gym.

you would never catch me… underdressed. I try to dress well and keep my own style. Cowboy boots on Friday whenever possible!

i’m not embarrassed to admit… I’ve seen “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” four times in the theater...maybe I should be embarrassed about this.

the most surprising thing I’ve learned about myself… the power of routine. I’m amazed that if I create a routine of doing something it soon becomes the way. This has worked for and against me.

my profession gives me…

i’m a big believer in… local business. I think one of things that make our region thrive is all of our locally owned businesses, from coffee shops to family farms. Having local owners who reinvest back into our community is a blessing. I can be found supporting the local coffee shops feeding my espresso addiction.

the hobby i most enjoy… I really like to play golf. My wife picked it up a few years ago and my son plays as well, which has added

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

rad dad to the enjoyment. It has become something we do together.

i always carry with me… iPhone…but I’m working on not! In the summer I rarely leave my house without my golf clubs and shoes in the vehicle…’cause you never know when the opportunity may present itself.

something I’ve learned from my father about being a dad…

I am forever grateful for this. My wife and I follow the same framework and we have an independent, capable seven year old because of it.

best book i have ever read… I recently read “Good to Great” by Jim Collins for the first time. I like that the concepts apply to business, social sector, and personal life.

my ideal day would be spent… waking up early and hunting the river bottoms of Minnesota or rolling hills of Western North Dakota with Carson present, taking in the beautiful outdoors.

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my dad taught my brother and me independence by putting us in situations where we had to figure things out and make decisions for ourselves. He did the phrase i say the most… not “hover,” rather forcing us to hone our decision“you only go round once!” I need to do a better job of making skills and become resourceful, within reason. living it, though. We have all passed on opportunities because of life’s chores, but you only go round once…so let’s go for it! The lawn will be there when you get back.

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

FARGO-MOORHEAD

TUES 3

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MAY 4

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WED

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13 20

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7:05 pm 7:05 pm 7:05 pm 26

@TEX

7:05 pm 7:05 pm 10:00 am 10:00 am 29

FRI

28 27 WIC WIC 7:02 pm 6:00 pm

SC WIC SC 1:00 pm 6:00 pm 7:02 pm

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TUES

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MON

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WED 1 SC 7:02 pm 8 @GAR 1:10 pm 15 LIN 7:02 pm 22 SF @ TEX 7:02 pm 29 SC 7:02 pm

9 WPG 7:02 pm 16 LIN @LAR 7:02 pm 23 SF 12:30 pm 30 SC 7:02 pm

JULY WED

THUR 2

THUR

FRI @SF

7 STP 5:05 pm 7:00 pm 7:00 pm 7:00 pm 7:02 pm 10 11 12 13 14 GAR GAR GAR GAR STP @LAR 1:00 pm 7:02 pm 7:02 pm 7:02 pm 12:30 pm 19 20 21 17 18 @SF @ @TEX SF @STP @SF 7:05 pm 7:05 pm 12:05 pm 5:05 pm 24 25 28 26 27 SC WPG WPG @ WIN JOP SC WPG WIC 1:00 pm 7:02 pm 7:02 pm 7:02 pm 7:05 pm 31 @JOP 5:05 pm

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

did you know

working on it… couples counseling

Q&A

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story by | karissa schmoll, ma, lmft, with otmom

You schedule your annual physicals like clockwork. Odometer reads 3,000 miles? You get that family truckster in for an oil change. Extended warranty on the brand-spanking new washer and dryer…sign me up! Summer’s coming, better schedule a once-over of the air conditioner to prevent any undesired perspiration. The list goes on and on of all the areas of our lives that we make an effort to keep in tip-top shape. So why wouldn’t you nurture and tune up your relationship to prevent significant problems down the road? Attending couples counseling, even when things are going fairly well in your relationship, can be a tool to prevent a breakdown in the future. Couples counseling involves working together with a counselor trained in treating relationships to create a stronger emotional connection between partners. 42

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

When partners have a stronger connection they get along better, communicate more effectively, and enjoy one another more. Many times people believe that couples counseling is only for people considering divorce, and this is a false belief that can keep people from seeking help before their problems become more significant. You should make every effort to attend couples counseling BEFORE your issues become so ingrained in your relationship that they are more difficult to treat. At any time if you think you might benefit from couples counseling, you should go. what should a couple consider before starting counseling? Before entering counseling partners should ask themselves what their goals are. This is a conversation the counselor should be openly discussing in the first session to ensure that the couple isn’t working on opposing goals. A second question that partners should ask themselves is: “Am

I ready to make some changes in my own behavior?” People often go to couples counseling expecting the counselor to help change their partner, and many hours are wasted trying to convince the partner and the counselor that the partner is the one to blame. Before starting the counseling process, it is important to feel ready to admit to and address your own contributions to the problems in the relationship. who is the right counselor? The most important factor in any counseling relationship, whether couples counseling or individual counseling, is that you feel a good fit with the counselor. In couples counseling, both partners should feel comfortable with the counselor and should feel the counselor understands their perspective on the relationship problems. In couples counseling it is essential that neither partner feels like the counselor is taking sides or ganging up on one partner. While there will be times the counselor challenges an individual partner, this should be balanced between both partners throughout the process. what can couples expect in counseling sessions? In the first few sessions the counselor should try to balance listening to the story of the relationship and offering expertise about how relationships break down and how they can be repaired. As sessions progress partners gain insight into their relationship problems and learn what they can do to change the problematic dynamics. The counselor will provide education about relationships, emotional expression, communication, etc., and will support couples as they begin to experience a new dynamic in the relationship.

what benefits do couples experience through counseling? Through counseling I often see couples realize that their problems are actually quite normal. This doesn’t mean the relationship doesn’t need some work, but it means that perhaps things aren’t as dire as they may seem. It seems to help people to know that many males withdraw

Your relationship is important. Increased conflict and difficulty communicating are often symptoms of a deeper problem, such as not feeling appreciated, respected, or important to the other partner. Couples counseling can keep your relationship moving in the right direction. Remember, if you think you might benefit from couples counseling…GO! Karissa is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10+ years of experience working with couples and families. She currently see couples through her practice, Karissa Schmoll Counseling [218.512.1144, www. KarissaSchmollCounseling.com]. Karissa lives in Moorhead with her husband and two daughters, ages 11 and 6, and in her free time enjoys running, reading, and gardening.

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In sessions with me you will find a very relaxed atmosphere in which we all work together to change the relationship. I do not consider myself to be “the expert,” and I will try to make couples feel like equal partners in the change process. I have expertise about relationships in general, but the couple has expertise on their specific relationship. I find that in addition to tackling tough issues, there is also quite a bit of humor and laughter in couples counseling.

emotionally in the face of conflict, or that many females intensify their emotions when they see their partner withdrawing. Again, both of those are unhealthy, but it somehow seems helpful to know these behaviors occur in many relationships. Couples counseling also helps us understand both our own behavior and the behavior of our partner. It begins to make sense why people act in the ways they do, and it is easier to understand the negative dynamic in your relationship.

www.brightnd.org june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

just a thought

#bekind

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story by | kathleen wrigley

is the season to celebrate parents. Mother’s Day [month] is in May; Father’s Day is in June. By the time this issue hits the stands, these holy days of obligation will have passed. Today, as I sit down at my computer to reflect on my thoughts for this column, I’m remembering a conversation we had with friends 17 years ago, as newlyweds without children. Someone 44

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

asked, “In one word, if you could want one thing for your children, what would it be?” Drew and I thought about it for a bit, and listened to the answers [confident, popular, athletic, healthy] before we mutually decided that we wanted our kids to be kind. Some days are better than others. Seventeen years, three kids, and a lifespan of peaks and valleys since that conversation, and I would answer that question the same way. The world craves kindness. #bekind

just a thought As I’m writing this column, and remembering that conversation from long ago, I amassed a precious Mother’s Day gift today; I’m writing this on Mother’s Day Eve. #bekind Today at a varsity track meet my heart swelled and then melted. You see, our two oldest children, Quinn, who is 15 and a freshman, and Patrick, who is 13 and a seventh grader, competed in the same meet, on the same field, on the same varsity track team. This is the first season their sports have overlapped. Quinn remembers how intimidating it was to be the youngest on the Century High School swim team in Bismarck. She, too, was a seventh grader. Her high school teammates were kind and encouraging and inclusive. These experiences matter. Kindness begets kindness. #bekind My heart swelled with pride at today’s track meet. We watched our little girl take her little brother under her wing, just like her older swim teammates did for her. #bekind

Perhaps I was so touched because this was the first home meet and I got to witness their exchanges for myself. Or maybe it’s because Quinn is a typical teenage girl and not always compassionate towards her siblings. Today, though—today she rose to the occasion. She took her life experience and used it to support her little brother, who was the youngest runner on the field. Patrick looks puny next to these high school men. #bekind I saw my babies walk past one another and discreetly slap hands, without even looking at the other one or pausing. Nothing more than a love tap. It was subtle, but sweet. #bekind As if that wasn’t enough for this momma, Quinn let it rip on the field. Patrick was lining up to run the two-mile event—the longest event of the day. Standing in his lane, jumping, swinging his arms and legs, stretching his knees up to his chest, and sizing up his competition, there she was…big sister, on the sidelines. Talking to him. Calming him. Encouraging him. Being kind and believing in him. The runners—and Quinn—took their marks. The gun went off, and she went with them. #bekind

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june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

just a thought The other moms in the stands and I couldn’t take our eyes off Quinny. She ran back and forth, from one side of the track to the other, yelling and cheering and throwing out mantras for strength and perseverance. She kept his time and told him his splits as he passed. #bekind It was, in a word, heartening, moving, inspiring, beautiful, uplifting. And kind. Okay. That’s the one word: kind. It was this mom’s dream come true. And a most-treasured Mother’s Day gift, if even for a moment—until Monday morning comes, and we’re stuffed in the car on the way to school, and they’re grumpy and terse because someone’s touching them or looking at them. #bekind None of us are perfect human beings or kind all the time, much less unflawed as parents. I don’t have enough space to count the ways I mess up as a mom. But our kids see me doing my best, and when I fail, I own it and try, try again. They’ve heard me be unkind and impatient. And they’re usually pretty quick to call me on it. But my life’s purpose is to be an example for what I want to see in them. They keep me accountable, and make me a better human being. I know they’re watching. And I know they’ll mimic what they see. #bekind

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

I want to use my beautiful, messy life experiences to love and lift children. All children. So when the opportunity presented itself for me to interview for a new career path, as a school guidance counselor at our kids’ school, I dove into the humongous, intimidating task of applying and writing a resumé, submitting an application for another round of graduate school, and sharpening my interviewing skills. #YIKES I am excited to report that after being home with our kids for 15 years, I have been accepted in the graduate program at the University of Mary, Liffrig School of Education and Behavioral Sciences, for a Master’s of Arts degree in School Guidance Counseling. And I’ve been hired as the School Guidance Counselor at Shiloh Christian School in Bismarck. #What? This is a dream job for me. Everyone deserves to have someone believe in them, to have a fierce advocate, a cheerleader. Our world, our kids, need to be showered with kindness. I’m giddy with excitement and hope for this next race before me. #bestillandknow The path to the finish line—whether it’s in the two miler as a seventh grader at a high school varsity track meet or it’s just our everyday life—has twists and turns, good laps and tougher ones, heartaches and victories. I have a dream: it’s that these kiddos are enveloped with kindness and they pay it forward. I want them to count on one another to subtly or obnoxiously be there on the track of life, with a subtle love [hand] tap or a blood-curdling squeal of kindness, for the race of life set before them. #bekind Kathleen serves on a number of community and statewide boards, committees, and leadership councils, and enjoys volunteering in church, in her kids’ school, and community programs/events. Kathleen is passionate about victims’ rights and helping to promote balance and fairness in the criminal justice system. She is also deeply interested in advocacy, education, programs, and research relating to the protection of children. Fitness is an integral part of Kathleen’s daily routine and helps her sustain her own mental health! Kathleen’s column “ just a thought” has been a regularly occurring piece in “on the minds of moms” since 2009. This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan and ND’s Lieutenant Governor, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speechwriter. Kathleen received a BS from Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

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Exercise Your Family Bond For more information please visit www.familywellnessfargo.org june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

than baardson

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

han Baardson remembers walking the streets of India with his friend, a man dedicated to rescuing orphaned street children, and seeing a small hand reach out from under a car bumper, palm up, asking for anything the gentleman had to spare. “The boy was probably five years old and he was with his little sister who was maybe three. She was too weak to even hold her hands up at this time,” Than recalls. Often these young homeless children have an adult trafficker sitting in the wings waiting for the children to deliver their bounty and the cycle of poverty and dependence continues. “It was this sense of total hopelessness, but I was with one of the biggest changers in that area who can actually provide rescue and care to kids like this. That's not what I'm good at. I'm going to guess that is not what you are good at.” But Than knew his God-given talents could help. With awareness, communication, and technology he could help the changers, the rescuers…and the children.

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hope lives Than Baardson has carried the fatherhood title for “He introduced himself, and immediately had me hooked two years. “It changes things, right?” Than confesses with his smile and humor,” Emma remembers. “I didn't about his altered perspective after the birth of his son, think I would go for a guy who had a Mohawk and wore Ronan. The Baardson crew will grow by one more with tight jeans, but I have to admit he looked pretttttty the arrival of Ronan’s little sister this summer. A short good in those tight jeans!” stint in parenthood, yes, but Than knows the important Emma’s cousin was right, they were perfect for each lessons he wants to teach his children. other. “We knew we were going to get married right away,” “Getting a sense of identity and purpose in life is really Than shares. Emma also knew her future husband had important,” Than says of the goals he has for his children. big goals. “He told me on our first date that he wanted

“Knowing who loves them, who cares for them, is also important. And having a sense of a global perspective can’t be overlooked. It's so easy to live in our bubbles and forget the danger that comfort can come with. The danger that apathy can have.”

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The good thing for the Baardson children is they have a walking, breathing example of confidence, drive, love, and generosity in their dad. nothing ventured Than’s roommate kept telling him he really needed to meet the roommate’s cousin, Emma. But being setup wasn’t on Than’s radar, nor on this mystery girl’s, for that matter. While at a church worship gathering, a girl caught Than’s eye. He thought he’d like to meet this girl, but he quickly reminded himself that wasn’t what he was at church for! “But I did say a little prayer that if she could be that Emma person, that would be great,” he says with a smile. It was Emma.

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

to help families and children around the world,” Emma remembers. “He just didn't know how at the time.” always bold Than has been a risk-taker as long as his mom can remember. “He took off by himself to climb, and then jump off of, a very high cliff into the ocean,” Casey Baardson recalls of a young Than while vacationing in Hawaii. “He wasn't very old and even then he had no fear…no regrets…no worry. I admire his spirit!” Than is a combination of adventure and creativity. His parents nurtured that adventurous spirit, taking him to Japan as a child and allowing him to travel to Guatemala with a friend when he was just 15 years old. Upon his graduation from Park Christian School, Than joined the Air National Guard, serving as a firefighter. ”I was able to go on these mini-deployments, two-week trips, all over the world and eventually spent six months in Italy while I went to college at NDSU and MSUM,” he

hope lives explains. “I tell people my college job was working with the Happy Hooligans here in Fargo!” Than completed his degree in journalism and film studies and transferred to the public affairs department in the Air National Guard, where he was able to help create documentaries and broadcasts showcasing the work of his fellow guardsmen and women. “I also started a side production company doing documentary and video production, but I quickly became disillusioned

with the whole game and spent a lot of time working for clients that I wasn't super passionate about,” he recalls. “I just want to go and do something with significance.”

for a year and a half. “Let's do it," she said. The two started meeting each morning before their “real jobs.” The meetings resulted in weeks of brainstorming and pages and pages of notes. “We landed on the fact that there were a lot of groups out there doing everything in their power to help as many people as they can before their time is up. But nobody knew that they were there. They were unseen.” That needed to change. And Unseen was born.

being unseen First Unseen needed to determine what it stood for. “We chose the focus of human trafficking and its root causes, namely cyclical poverty, and orphan care, Emma and Than returned to the church where they because it is such a black-and-white issue,” Than met for another event. This time Than ran into Tonya, explains. “There is no grey area when it comes to kids a college classmate who is a gifted photographer. “I that need to be rescued. The rallying cry behind that had been following her career from time to time and and the preventative measures that can be taken to saw she went to Korea and was working and had some eliminate something so blatantly evil was something june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

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why not Than started looking for opportunities to serve. He looked at successful organizations and what things led to their success. He saw incredible communication capabilities and large budgets to deliver their messages. He knew this wasn’t the case for all organizations, especially those groups rescuing orphaned children and victims of human trafficking. “When it comes down to taking care of kids or the immediate need versus a long-term fundraising plan, often the kid right in front of you is going to take precedence,” Than explains.

big clients. Her photo career just took off,” Than says. “I said, ‘Tonya, it's so good to see you. Here's my wife, Emma. It's been a while. I'm sick of working for clients I really don't care about. What do you say about starting a non-profit together? I don't know exactly what that means yet, but let's just start a non-profit working for groups doing the best work in the world. We'll do it for free or, I don't know, we'll figure something out, what do you think?’” To Than’s delight Tonya said she had been thinking and praying about just such an opportunity

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hope lives

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

hope lives that we felt really strongly about. We just felt called to this issue. We knew we needed to do everything we could to support amazing people who are doing everything they can to rescue these kids.” Next Unseen needed to determine how it could best support the rescuers. People just like Than and Tonya who are talented in media production areas such as photography, video production, graphic design, web design, and story-telling could use their gifts to raise awareness and support for the people doing the work in the field. “We give these people the opportunity to do what they do best and impact the world,” Than says with a smile. Emma loved what she saw happening. “What an amazing idea, that people are able to use their artistic gifts to help bring light to the darkest places on earth, and by doing so helping children and families everywhere,” she says. “It is such a beautiful non-profit, and I am so proud that Than is allowing God to work through him each day.” Than’s best friend, Austin Morris, admits he was a bit nervous for his friend when he first heard about his plans to start Unseen. “But I also knew his personality and work ethic, so I knew, no matter what, he’d forge his path ahead and do amazing things,” Austin says proudly. “Than’s ability to connect the dots, connect others, to do remarkable things for those in need, is impressive.” A board of directors was established. Than approached freelance artists. Funds were raised and things began to snowball. After six months Than was ready to take this new gig full-time.

building Unseen started networking with other non-profits to find worldwide organizations targeting anti-trafficking and the root causes of cyclical poverty and orphan care. Who was making a big impact and who could do more with Unseen’s help? june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“When the day finally came for him to tell me that he was going to quit his regular job to pursue Unseen, I think I was washed over with grace,” Emma says. “I was so at peace with the idea of him starting over and reaching after something he really believed in. That's not to say there weren't and still aren't moments of panic along with questions and prayers sent up to God, but knowing that Than is doing something with the gifts God has given him is more than enough to satisfy. Just think, if we would all allow God to work through us, the amazing things we could accomplish and the people we could help.”

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hope lives

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

hope lives “We knew we needed to be with organizations and “One of our local partners in southern India is working individuals that are laser focused on actual change, with vulnerable kids and women coming out of trafactual rescue, and actual prevention of the world's ficking situations,” Danae explains. “They have donors worst things,” Than explains. “By focusing on this and supporting partners across the U.S. but needed absolute evil that's out there, we're able to make an even the media tools and fundraising training to further greater difference. Because if we try and be everything those relationships and grow their donor base to help to everyone, the danger is we help no one.” even more people.” Conversations were started and plane tickets booked. This organization had hundreds of kids that needed “Our first trip was to Thailand, Cambodia, South Korea, sponsors to cover their schooling and other needs to and Burma,” Than says. “I learned a ton about planning keep them safe. Unseen was able to create videos, and strategy and direction. We went out guns blazing connection cards, a full website, sponsorship cards, and and came back with what we needed to do different. more as well as provide coaching and mentoring support. We realized that a lot of groups needed effective “Unseen has created more than 1,000 sponsorship cards storytelling and communicating, then a fundraising for their kids and is continuing to help more through strategy and direction.” continued services. As the only safe haven for these

kids in a city of millions, the stakes are incredibly high,” says Danae. “Each of these kids is being given a chance to succeed and our office and volunteers here in Fargo and in other parts of the U.S. are playing a role in the organization’s development.”

As Danae looks to the future she sees Unseen gaining recognition on a national level and growing in influence internationally. And she is able to point to one resounding reason. “Than's vision, leadership, and humility has been Danae Moran is the missions director at Unseen. Her the driving force behind our work at Unseen, and it's main focus is connecting and vetting new partners. been a huge privilege to work with him,” Danae says. She then guides them through the decision-making “He values transparency, fun, hard work, generosity, process and helps manage their respective partners. and seeks to make Unseen not just a great mission for Many times she is also the first to hear about the those we serve, but also a great place to work.” influence Unseen is having. june • july twenty sixteen | on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Today, five years after its inception, Unseen is working with 17 missions in 11 countries. Unseen’s mission is threefold: partner, equip, and train. “We partner with groups that can make a lasting impact and who need our services and can use them. Then we equip these partners with effective communication and storytelling tools. Lastly we train, providing ongoing coaching and fundraising training so they can actually apply and use the media tools they now have.”

hope lives

30 million people are living in slavery right now… Globally there are 153 million orphans… 1 billion people will go hungry today… "It's not crazy that these things are happening. What's crazy is when we know and do nothing about it." Author unknown.

You can help fight human trafficking with Unseen right where you are…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

• Contact Unseen and co-host a "Threads of Hope" bracelet-drive fundraiser with your kids and neighborhood! Every $100 raised provides safety, food, and shelter for a family in need. • Give the gift of safety on your birthday, anniversary, or holiday—throw a party and offer safety to children just outside of our rescuers’ reach. Unseen will come and share how and all you need to do is invite your friends and be ready to party! • Contact Unseen and invite them to your service group, church, or youth group to share their vision and join the cause to end human trafficking • Contact Unseen's Volunteer Coordinator at kiesha@weareunseen.org for a list of opportunities. • Provide a financial donation today at www.weareunseen.org “We've seen an incredible return on the generosity of our donors,” Than says. “When you give to Unseen, you're not just giving to one organization, but rather you are a catalyst for accelerated growth of all the missions we're currently serving. We're able to expand your dollars to help groups all over the world, but we have a lot more to go. We've got 35 groups on the wait list right now that we'd love to be working with.”

No gift, hour, or act of service is too small when children's lives are at stake. 56

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

hope lives Unseen is looking into some of the darkest regions of humanity and seeing the people who believe these kids, these women, these men…they matter. “Every rescuer we can lift up and say, ‘You're worth all the work you've been doing, and we know that day in and day out you're faced with discouragement, heartbreak, and really tough stuff, but you need to keep going and you need to rescue more kids.’ We're able to actually do that,” Than says. Than has heard many stories of the injustice happening to children around the world. Stories of a mother faced with the reality that she cannot afford to feed all of her children and is lied to and manipulated into selling her little girl to a person promising to provide her a “better life” as a servant at a resort. Instead that little girl is carted up and shipped to a brothel in Bangkok. There is no gray area when it comes this kind of injustice. Thankfully there are people who want to provide refuge for this little girl and others like her. “The reality is there are hundreds of thousands of kids so close to being rescued right now, but nobody's able to rescue them. That's the part that gets me really fired up!” Than says. “There are rescuers so close to unlocking that door, going in, and taking that child into safety. They have all the steps in place, they have a history of success, they know how to rehabilitate these kiddos… we need to help them unlock those doors.” Unseen ensures doors are opened and children are rescued and loved. This only happens with people like you and I supporting Unseen. “Right now, it's morning here,” Than says. “On the other side of the world in a city of millions there are kids getting ready to go to “work” right now whose night is just starting and the cycle is continuing. However, there are people who can break trafficking off at the knees and bring some love into these kiddos’ lives so that instead they can be getting ready for bed and complaining about going to school the next day and have to get shaken awake…they can be kids. But we've got to do something about it.” Emma exudes pride when she talks about her husband, the people of Unseen, and the work they do. “They love what they do,” Emma professes. “When you allow God to pour out of you, joy pours back in. I am so thankful that five years ago Than took the hand that God stretched out to him and let me join in on the ride. He is everything in a husband, father, leader, and friend I could ask for.”

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more than please & thank you

ready, set, grow

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

When was the last time you heard someone say, “I can’t wait for little Billy to turn into a real jerk”? Never, right? But why do we hear so often that kids today are rude and disrespectful? Time to give some thought to your etiquette teaching.

ready, set, grow

emily post published the first edition of her book on etiquette in 1922.

wee ones [0–18 months]

s you gaze upon your sweet wee one, you daydream of the good boy he will become. Please, thank you, and excuse me will inevitably be major parts of his vocabulary. Admiring adults will reward your offspring-rearing talent with a smile that says, “Thata girl!” WAKE UP! Yes, your kiddo can be all these things, but being polite is a learned behavior that starts with you! do as i do In 1993 basketball player Charles Barkley really stirred the pot with his I am not a role model Nike campaign. Maybe Charles isn’t, but, honey, you have no choice! All too soon your wee one will grow up and you’ll have to start worrying about outside influences; but for now YOU are THE role model. Make sure you are modeling

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

the manners you want your kiddo to emulate: • say what How you say something can be as important as what you say. The tone of your voice helps you express emotion and opinions. Loud, curt tones can portray anger, rudeness, or disrespect. Are you always going to speak in a soft, soothing tone? Maybe if you live by yourself! No one is perfect, but you can be conscious of how you are talking to people and how they react to you. And if you find you’re being a little rude, now’s the time to change your ways. • thank you As your wee one starts to really interact with you, make sure you are using please and thank you as you talk directly to him. No one ever thinks her wee one is going to grow up to be that back-talking kiddo you’ve seen at the grocery store. “My kid will NEVER…” Just remember, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If your manners are lacking, watch out for junior to follow suit.

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children not eating dinner with their families are 61% more likely to use alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs.

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tots

[18 months–3 years]

our tot is now able to partake in one of the most valuable of rituals…family mealtime. Yes, he’s messy, loud, and not ready to sit much longer than it takes to finish his mac and cheese, but now is the time to start instilling table manners. pass the peas, please Obviously, you aren’t going to teach your tot the difference between the salad and dinner fork, but he is ripe for learning the groundwork of mealtime etiquette. Keep in mind, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Teaching table manners takes time and patience and you can’t get hung up on the occasional ill-timed spill or burp: • watch me now Make sure you model proper table manners and really be AT the table. No newspaper, phone, or computer. Put all the distractions away and enjoy time with the fam. • the rules Each family has its own mealtime rules and expectations. Your tot isn’t going to understand the why behind the rules and that is fine. For now

you are just introducing how things work in your home. Use polite words, but don’t hold back items if your tot doesn’t say please right away. Tots are notoriously strong willed and you don’t want to create a power struggle. Encourage him to use his polite words and when he does let him know it makes you happy. • uh oh When your tot exhibits a behavior contrary to your table manners, such as throwing food, don’t get worked up. Tots love attention and sometimes don’t care how it’s obtained, so make sure negative behavior isn’t reinforced. Instead use a firm, non-yelling voice to make your point clear, “No throwing food!” Remember your tot is, well…a tot. He is still trying to master many skills needed for proper table manners, such as fine motor skills and the ability to vocalize needs and wants. Don’t expect the impossible! Keep mealtime happy and enjoyable and as time passes the table manners will fall in line.

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a survey by public agenda found 84% of those asked believe a major cause of disrespect in american society today is too many parents failing to teach respect to children.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

he Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, is often thought to be a religious value. While it is associated with a number of world regions, it really offers a lesson in empathy and tolerance and dates back centuries. Here are a few tips to help teach your preschooler to care about others’ feelings and to embrace differences: • start with mama Be the example of how to treat other people. Make sure you are talking to and about people the way you want them to talk to and about you! Remember…those kiddos are always listening! • daily lessons Take advantage of daily situations to talk about treating other people properly and that differences between people don’t mean wrong or bad. When a situation arises, whether it be on TV, in a

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book, or your child isn’t acting appropriately, take the opportunity to first identify the inappropriate behavior. Then help your child consider the other’s feelings and how he would feel if it happened to him. Lastly, explain what the correct behavior would be in the situation. And when your child asks you questions about diversity, answer his questions honestly. Talking openly about differences lets your child know it is acceptable to notice such things, but you have the opportunity to address how to handle those differences with respect. • rude influences Our tots are exposed to rude behavior everywhere they turn. From the playground to TV, you don’t have to look hard to find a sassy, back-talking example. You aren’t able to monitor every person who enters your preschooler’s world, but you can monitor the shows he is tuning in. Just because it’s on Disney doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for your child. Pay attention to the rude behavior you can control and make it unavailable! ic

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a good housekeeping study found 42% of participants say they encounter rude behavior every day.

big kids [6–9 years]

eaching proper manners is really about interacting with people. It’s about showing an appreciation for words said, kind gestures demonstrated, or gifts given. Here are areas of etiquette you don’t want to forget: • ahh…hum One of the hardest lessons for a child to learn is waiting. Whatever is on his mind needs to be spewed RIGHT NOW! Help your child learn the art of not interrupting by: • Teaching him what things deserve interrupting. Need a cookie? Don’t interrupt. Someone is hurt or the house is on fire? Yes, interrupt. • Teaching your big kid that yelling, “MOM!” isn’t the right way to get your attention. Teach him to wait for a pause in the conversation and then to say, “Excuse me.” Remember to acknowledge his good manners with a thank you even if you don’t address his request at that exact moment. • When your big kid is interrupting make sure you don’t answer the request. Too often we reprimand

him and in the next breath answer his interrupting request. His mission was accomplished and you just reinforced the interrupting! Instead, look your interrupting big kid in the eye and tell him you’ll be with him in a minute and make sure you mean it. Don’t forget! • hi ya Teaching your big kid to properly greet someone is a valuable social skill. Using hello, good morning, good-bye, and good night are four simple greetings that go a long way. You can also determine how formal greetings in your home should be, such as requiring a hand shake. Stress the importance of making eye contact when greeting someone. • ah shucks Another part of being a polite, wellmannered individual is knowing how to respond to compliments. Teach your big kid to make eye contact, smile, and simply say, “Thank You.” Let her know she shouldn’t shrug off a compliment or point out flaws. If a person is nice enough to offer a compliment, take it graciously.

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a survey conducted by public agenda found 60% of participants agreed that even when parents try to "raise their kids right," there are too many negative role models in society that teach kids to be disrespectful.

tweeners [10–12 years]

hen the word respect comes up you might first be reminded of the Aretha Franklin hit…”R-E-SP-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” Well, what does it mean to you and your tweener? what is it Respect is an attitude and a two-way street. You have to respect and value yourself in order for others to respect you. Respect shouldn’t be confused with obedience, nor should self-respect and self-esteem be interchanged.

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Obedience can come out of fear, not respect. Respect is an understanding that you as the parent have your child’s best interests at heart. Self-respect is “a proper sense of one’s own dignity and integrity,” while self-esteem is defined as “respect for or a favorable opinion of oneself,” or “an unduly high opinion of oneself; vanity.” We want our tweeners to think highly of themselves, but we want them to value the fact that they are unique and worthy rather than superior and entitled.

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty sixteen

So, how do we make sure our tweeners have self-respect and show others respect? First we have to show them respect at home: • my bad If you screwed up, admit it. And don’t forget to apologize, too! • i hear ya Be a good listener. Really listening to your tweener shows you care about what she is saying. • cross my heart Keep your promises. Show your tweener you mean what you say. • not so far Set limits. Yes, your tweener is going to test boundaries, but be consistent and stand firm. • thata boy When your tweener exhibits respectful behavior, let him know you are proud of him. Without respect for himself, peers, authority, and so on, your tweener is going to have a hard time being successful. Set expectations, model respectful behavior, and take advantage of teaching moments every chance you get!

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cell phone rudeness is the #1 complaint of diners.

teens [13–18years]

echnology is inevitably a part of your teen’s life. From TV to video games to cell phones to social-media sites, technology is everywhere, and a new gadget or website is introduced daily. But a rise in technology shouldn’t result in a decline in manners. techno conduct Seriously, have you seen how fast teens can text? Their thumbs are flying around at the speed of light! Technology is a fast-paced world of ever-changing conveniences and it has changed the way we communicate. But you’re still the parent and just like you taught him to say please and thank you, you need to teach him technology etiquette as well: • hang it up We see people everywhere talking on their cell phones or texting. Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean it is polite. Calling someone from the grocery store to answer a quick question is one thing, but to have a lengthy conversation in a coffee shop is not needed. Use common sense and

teach your teen that in situations of face-to-face conversation, the phone doesn’t need to be brought out. • email don’t Tone of voice is very important in a conversation. Well, you can’t inflict tone in an email so everything is up to interpretation. Trying to be funny or sarcastic might not come through in the typed words, so be safe and leave it out. • be nice If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t text it or put it on Facebook or Twitter! Or if you wouldn’t want someone texting or posting it about you, then don’t do it to them! • clear consequences Discuss the punishment for breaking any of your technology rules and stand firm. Yes, it is a different world for our teens than it was for us, but that doesn’t mean common courtesy and politeness are also a thing of the past. You can stay connected and have good manners.

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