Oct/Nov 2018 On the Minds of Moms by on the minds of moms

october– november

twenty eighteen

the valley’s

for today’s

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contents

in every issue food for thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

contents

sections what's on your mind ogilvie: the painful reality of 80â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hair . . . . . . .14

body being relearning to communicate . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

shop talk got flu shot? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

ready, set, grow say whaaat? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

contents

feature & profiles

mod mom profile nichole truhlicka . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

rad dad profile jon dahl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

cover story michele mortenson still riding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

moms

on the minds of

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PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITORS Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com Dani Parkos Fluge e: dani@onthemindsofmoms.com

COPY EDITOR Charlotte Berg

ADVERTISING Patty Nystrom p: 701.269.4180 e: patty@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen – ten little chickens photography Josette Hayes–exposures by j.linnea Scott Thuen-thuen studios DESIGN AND LAYOUT

Scott Thuen – thuen studios www.thuenstudios.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo Scott Thuen Tara Kessler Stephanie Drietz CONTACT mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107 e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com p: 701.297.2138 SUBSCRIPTION print www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe digital issuu.com/onthemindsofmoms

COVER PHOTO BY Renee Clasen – ten little chickens photography

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family. On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision. OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hornbacher's and Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers. Copyright 2018 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

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orn, raised and still a resident of north Fargo, Nichole Truhlicka is a 1998 graduate of Josef’s School of Hair Design. She took her cosmetology skills to a local salon for 18 years before opening her own business, Embellish Hair

Studio, with her sister Brook Berlin three years ago. Nichole credits her parents, Dave and Mary, with raising her and her sister with “a strong work ethic, to take pride in what we do, and take responsibility for our actions.“ Together since their first date in March of her freshman year of high school, Nichole and John were married in 2000 and welcomed daughter McKenna [17] about a year later. “Little did we know that we would struggle with infertility,” Nichole says of expanding their family. “After five long years and undergoing in vitro fertilization, we were blessed with Levi [10]. A couple years later along came Ava [7] with no difficulties.” Away from work, Nichole enjoys watching sports, whether it is in-person or on TV, taking pictures, shopping at little boutiques, going to movies, and nothing beats a drive to the lakes for the day.

photos: exposures by j.linnea | josette hayes

nichole truhlicka age 39, fargo.nd

one word that best describes my parenting style… purposeful. Whether it is having fun making memories, scheduling all of their activities, or disciplining, I try to do it with a purpose as to why I am doing it and then I am determined to make sure it happens.

the best part of my career is… getting to know so many wonderful individuals on a personal level, you get to know a lot about somebody when they have been a client for years. Just knowing that in some little way you helped to make them feel better about themselves, not only on the outside but also on the inside. My life would be so different also if I hadn’t gotten to meet all of these clients over the years.

mod mom

people I meet along the way in this journey called life. When it comes down to it they are just like family. Being able to be a good friend who is there to support them during the difficult times and gets to celebrate together during the good times—that is rewarding!

a family tradition of ours… going to the Blenders every year at Christmas time. We have not missed a concert in 19 years. As soon as the kids got to an age where they could sit through the concert, they got to join us. We are on year four this year of the whole family going. We start at Sammy’s pizza, then Atomic Coffee for cocoa, and after that we head to the concert. We have a lot of family traditions but that is definitely one of my favorites.

i can’t live without my…

i want my kids to grow up knowing...

salted caramel toddy from Babb’s coffee house. I go there every single morning, I enjoy the quiet drive there after the hustle and bustle of a busy morning. I often joke that I must own a little spot in that coffee shop by now.

that as long as they are kind to everybody and do their best at whatever it is they are doing, that is enough for me. I don’t care if they are the best one on the team or the smartest one in class, etc. As long as they work hard and it is their personal best I will be

my biggest mom challenge… trying to spend individual quality time with each one of my kids and trying to give them 100% when life is busy and pulling me in so many directions.

the quality i admire most in my husband…

people are always surprised to learn i… am very interested in law enforcement and if there was one career other than hair that I would want to do it would be a police officer. I have done only one cop ride-along but would like to do more.

outside of my family, i am passionate about… having good-quality relationships with friends and

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his dedication to our family; he is always putting the kids and me before himself. He shows that same dedication to his parents and my family as well. When John puts his mind to something that is going to better himself or the family he does it.

See all 019 2018-2 ne! li n o s date

mod mom proud of them. Being kind to on another is the easiest thing they can do and I hope they see that from John and me and apply it in their everyday lives.

the skills to just be at peace with their thoughts and let their minds rest sometimes.

my best advice for a mama expecting her first child…

SpongeBob SquarePants

you will experience a new kind of love like no other, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy and won’t come with challenges. You will make mistakes but don’t beat yourself up. And never say never because you will end up eating your words at some point. Example: my child will never be that kid throwing a temper tantrum and screaming at Target...let’s just say been there! And more than once!

the habit i hope my kids don’t inherit from me…

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over thinking and over analyzing everything. My mind never rests and I hope they can find or learn

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

the one kid show i can’t stand… boy moms know… that boys are very busy and full of energy [I know some girls are also]. I like the saying “boys will be boys” but not to excuse bad or inappropriate behavior. With my son I always get a few more “I love yous” just randomly throughout the day, so they definitely have a very sweet and caring side as well.

raising a teenager has taught me… how important communication is and being able to talk about anything. Also letting them make some of their own decisions within reason, knowing they might make a mistake, but will hopefully learn from it. They are just trying to find themselves and figure out who they are.

Your Passion. Our Recipe.

Healthy Cooking for Chefs in Training.

what's on your mind

ogilvie: www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the painful reality of 80’s hair

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

what's on your mind story by | kristi schmidt

This is going to be long, I apologize in advance. But I made a weird observation the other day. I’m kind of sad that my kids will never experience the pure torture that is the Ogilvie Home Perm. I must share with them and those who don’t know exactly the pain we endured and how GOOD they have it. So much about growing up in the 70s and 80s was pure innocent magic. We didn’t know about things that were bad for you and even if we did, it didn’t matter. We ignored it, that’s for someone else, somewhere else. People were scared of nothing; they just went about their days and lived their lives, damn it. The only things I feared growing up were: my dad’s belt; getting home after the street lights came on; my mom’s tiny pinch; complaint repercussions about the food that was on my plate; the phone-cord wires poking through when I chewed on it or slammed it in the door; quicksand; and the evil Satan spawn that is known as the Ogilvie Home Perm. And I was not alone. Here’s what we went through:

the Rockefellers? Then she’d start rolling your hair on the rods or curlers for no less than three hours. The smaller the curler, the tighter the curl would be. My mom would bring out her shoe box and garbage bag full of curlers, but not until half-way through would she notice that, “Oh crap, I must have borrowed the “good” ones to Eileen next door,” and she’d have to end up using only the smallest ones. Thanks, stupid Eileen. After about 16 hours of rolling hair on the curlers, the magical part ensued. Mom would mix up a concoction that would rival Jessie on Breaking Bad all day long. It smelled like rotten eggs mixed with sewer mixed with lighter fluid mixed with death. She’d squeeze that liquid lava out of the bottle onto your head. You could feel the burn instantly. I can still feel the burn. Sinuses would clear, nose hair would burn off, eyes would water and burn, and your throat could taste the smell and seize. Since it was liquid, you couldn’t really sit up because the thin cotton strip that was the barrier to protect YOUR VISION would instantly become super saturated. Your mom, having only your best interest at heart, would tell you that you need to lie flat. But over her dead body are

The night of a perm would start out in panic because it was usually only remembered right before picture day—or some other event where you needed to look like your great aunt Eunice had procreated with someone your mom saw on American Bandstand. First, your mama would sit you on the hard kitchen chair; no cushion for you, who do you think we are,

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what's on your mind you going to lie on the carpet or a pillow or a blanket, or even the dog bed. The solution is toxic, you know, and even though it’s safe for your head, it’s not safe for my furniture. You will lie flat on the kitchen linoleum floor. Since your head was covered in plastic nails, this was always the best part. After about 32 seconds the complaining of ouch would start, followed by threats of, “If you want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about,” forgetting that she actually was giving you something to cry about. In about four minutes she would move on to something else, letting the timer do her remembering, so I’d risk death and blindness and go fire up the Atari and play Pac-Man or Frogger to pass the time. Thank you, Baby Jesus, the sweet ding of the timer, the worst is over and it’s time to rinse it out in the kitchen sink. You could only rinse though. No shampooing or you’d lose the “curl” and all the pain would be for nothing. So the stink wouldn’t leave. When the perm didn’t turn out, it was always your fault. You didn’t sit still or you just had to go play Atari. It was never the fact that it was a home

perm, you have fine, coarse hair, or the fact that only the smallest curlers were used. The next day at school you’d always smell like the horror that was the night before. You’d enter doing the walk of shame. Smelling like rotten eggs and sewer is awesome in fourth grade—or any grade. You’d look like you got electrocuted for about three months. But then…for exactly 31 hours your hair would be amazing. Absolutely perfect. Awww, it’s all worth it. The planets aligned, even for a short while. The angels sang. And then the next night all the good would be forgotten and you’d hear the curler box come rattling toward you once again. Stupid Ogilvie Home Perm. Oh, my sweet adorable children, I hope you know how blessed you are! Kristi Schmidt is a 40ish stay-at-home mom to two teenage lunatics. She loves New England, the exact temperature of 60 degrees, baseball hats, Joe Biden, dark chocolate, reminiscing about the 80s, and embarrassing her children at one of their sporting events. Originally from Grand Forks, Kristi resides in the west metro of the Twin Cities with Jeremy, her husband of 16 years, and is still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up.

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food for thought

shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

e all really like tomato soup and grilled cheese at our house. We kind of obsess over it. Which is funny to me, because I never knew I liked tomato soup when I was a kid [I hated it]. The canned stuff just wasn’t my bag. I grew to love tomato soup as an adult when I discovered the best kinds were not from a can - they are homemade. But, homemade doesn’t have to be hard nor does it have to mean you’ve spent entirely too much time on, well, tomato soup. But it does have to be delicious if you’re putting the effort into it! This recipe isn’t much more difficult than pouring soup from a can. It’s a super easy, super quick, and a super gratifying soup recipe that works on its own as a complete meal or served with grilled cheese and a salad. Omit the cheese tortellini and it is still just as tasty with the healthy dose of herbs and aromatics included in the recipe. I like to use jarred spaghetti sauce for this recipe—either store bought or scrounged from generous friends who can their own. It can’t be much easier—or much tastier on a cozy fall evening! you need: 1 large onion, diced 3 large garlic cloves, minced 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil 1 sprig fresh rosemary, chopped [or 2 teaspoons dried] 34 ounces low or no sodium jarred spaghetti sauce OR 24 ounce can diced tomatoes and 10 ounce can tomato sauce 1 teaspoon dried oregano 12 large fresh basil leaves plus extra for garnish ½ teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon pepper 4 cups low or no sodium chicken or vegetable stock ½ cup heavy cream 20 ounces cheese tortellini ½ cup shredded parmesan cheese plus extra for garnish salt and pepper, to taste [optional]

how to: Heat olive oil in a 6 quart soup pot or dutch oven over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, and fresh rosemary and saute for 5 minutes until the onions are translucent. Add the spaghetti sauce or diced tomatoes and tomato sauce, oregano, basil, salt, pepper, chicken stock, and heavy cream and stir to combine. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add the tortellini into the soup and cook for 10 minutes or until the tortellini are tender and cooked through. Stir in the parmesan cheese. Serve and garnish with fresh basil and additional shredded parmesan cheese. Serves: 8

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

tomato basil soup with tortellini

feeding your family TIP: I am a proponent of making my life easier, but I try to be really careful when it comes to canned goods. Why? Because they tend to contain too much sodium and sugar. Luckily, there are more and more brands all the time willing to cut the amounts of sugar and sodium in their products- many even with no added salt or sugar. I buy them as often as possible. Sometimes they are few cents more, but I’ll argue your health - and the flavor of your food - are both worth it. You can always add some sugar or salt to your food, but you can’t take it out of something that came prepared with too much in the first place. Neither parents nor kids need unnecessary sodium and sugar! And, I have found the flavor I can add to recipes that include no salt added canned goods always taste better when I can control the amount and quality of salt I am using. I tend to be heavy handed when I add herbs and spices to my food to give my creation a flavor boost - thus lessening the need for too much salt and sugar. Keep reading those labels, mamas! Kari's passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on her beloved Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in both Social Studies and English from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. She enjoyed a brief stint as a caterer and cooking instructor, but has proudly spent most of her motherhood as a stay-at-home mom. Her husband, Brent, and three children, Gunnar, Ava, and Ella, have all [mostly] been eager taste testers to whatever is on the table for dinner.

Av, Fargo], 7pm-8:30pm. Choose from stations such as gymnastics, ninja, tramp & tumble, sports, and a mystery station. Open to boys and girls ages 6 – 14, cost $15 per child. Registration for open gyms available 10 days prior to each open gym at tntkidsfitness.org.

october events

Party in the Pumpkin Patch www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org Head to the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm [1201 28th Ave N, Fargo], 10am-5pm, to create, explore, and discover! Decorate pumpkins, create fall crafts, and explore two floors of fun interactive exhibits.

2-4, 9-11, 16-18, 23-25 & 30-31

6 & 13

Safety Shoppe Car-Seat Check www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events Statistically four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Are you sure yours is right? Don’t take a chance. Head to The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] Tuesday 9am-7:15pm, Wednesday 9am-12pm and Thursday 1:15pm-5pm. Events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

5, 12, 19 & 26

Friday Night Open Gym www.tntkidsfitness.org

Babysitting Training www.familywellnessfargo.org This eight-hour American Red Cross Babysitting Course held at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 8am-5pm, is a hands-on way to learn everything you need to know about babysitting. Start your babysitting business on the right foot and learn how to be a safe, professional, and reliable sitter. Included with the course is American Red Cross First Aid and CPR Certification that is valid for two years. This course will teach you to be safe on the job, how to recognize an emergency, and how to handle it as well. $65 Members/$95 Nonmembers. Register online.

Choose your own adventure at TNT’s new and improved open gyms [2800 Main

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changing one life

CHANGES EVERYTHING

Families Making the Difference 877-766-7284 • www.pathinc.org

Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies: Prenatal Yoga www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events

CPR & First Aid Training www.familywellnessfargo.org

The Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies series at Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo] will focus on giving you the tools to develop a healthy lifestyle now and to commit to lifelong changes. Prenatal Yoga is offered 4pm-5pm and focuses on breathing and safe sequences which can help ease labor and delivery. A Certified Prenatal Yoga Instructor will take you through a basic routine. Our prenatal structure encourages movement into optimal birthing positioning, as well as strengthening and softening the pelvic floor to prepare for a safe labor, and works muscles that mom will need in the early stages after baby has arrived. Our yoga class ends with a deep guided relaxation to help restore the body at this changing time.

Autumn Pumpkin Party www.wfparks.org Head to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for a festive afternoon filled with inflatable games, fall art and craft projects, pumpkin painting [pumpkins available for $5] and the build-a-scarecrow corner! We provide straw and twine, you provide the old clothes and accessories, and our staff assist you in making your very own straw friend to take home!

PATH

Prepare for the unexpected and gain the knowledge and skills needed for effective leadership in the event of an emergency! This course, held at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6:30pm-10:30pm, will prepare you to recognize and care for a variety of first aid, breathing, and cardiac emergencies involving infants, children, and adults. Topics include how to recognize and manage an emergency situation, basic first aid, standard emergency care procedures and administration, CPR, AED, and more. After completion of this class, you will be certified for two years in Red Cross CPR, AED, and First Aid for adults, children, and infants. $44 Members/$95 Nonmembers. Register online.

Action Adventure www.courtsplus.org Calling all boys ages 4-12! Bring your mom, stepmom, grandma, aunt, or other positive female role model to an afternoon of active adventure at Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo], 2:30pm-4:30pm! Spend quality time together trying out group fitness classes, exploring all 7 levels of the indoor playground, being ninjas with Big Blue, and so much more! $10 per child, accompanying adult free.

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7, 14, 21 & 28

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

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Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies: Stress & Anxiety Management www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events

Boo at the Zoo www.redriverzoo.org

The Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies series at Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo] will focus on giving you the tools to develop a healthy lifestyle now and to commit to lifelong changes. Expecting and preparing for a new baby is very exciting but can also bring a lot of stress and anxiety for expectant parents. There are a lot of natural, simple things that can be done to manage stress and anxiety during this time. In the Stress & Anxiety Management session, 2:30pm-3:30pm, you will learn more about these management strategies, as well as what you can do if you feel you can’t manage your stress and anxiety on your own.

F-M MOMS Club facebook.com/MOMSClubFargo F-M Moms Offering Moms Support [MOMS Club] meets the third Friday of every month at the Moorhead Public Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] at 10am. Join other moms and kids for weekly playgroups, community events, and volunteer opportunities. For more information go to facebook.com/ MOMSClubFargo or momscluboffm@ gmail.com.

Join us for a spooktacular day at the Red River Zoo [4255 23rd Av S, Fargo] 10am-5pm! Enjoy a safe trick-or-treating adventure throughout the zoo. Regular admission rates apply!

Spooktacular Night www.familywellnessfargo.org Head to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 5pm-7pm, for an exciting night jam packed with Halloween FUN! Young, old, and everyone in between are encouraged to participate. Enjoy a healthy festive snack and face painting! FREE and open to the community.

Infant Massage www.familywellnessfargo.org This class, held at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6pm-7:30pm, is for caregivers and their infants to learn how to massage the infants. Massage has been shown to improve circulation, help infants to relax, regulate sleep patterns, stimulate digestive system, and may relieve colic or gas. It also can improve communication, attachment, and bonding between caregiver and infant, as well as help caregivers feel more confident in understanding their babies’ cues. The class will be a hands-on experience for babies and their caregivers [bring baby]. FREE for members and nonmembers. Register online.

Moos, Ewes, & More! 701.231.7641 www.ag.ndsu.edu/ansc

october events

Head to the NDSU Equine Center [5140 19th Ave N Fargo], 10am-2pm for some FREE family- oriented fun and take in a little slice of agriculture right here in Fargo. Meet the animals that call NDSU home, enjoy horsemanship and sheep-movement demonstrations, taste ice cream samples, and MUCH more! North Dakota Beef Commission will provide FREE breakfast to the first 500 attendees!

Spooky School Bus Ride www.ymcacassclay.org/events Put on your Halloween costume and head to the Fercho YMCA [400 1st Av S, Fargo], 4:30pm-7:30pm, for a spooky good Moana-inspired time, including a bus adventure through Lindenwood Park to meet all your favorite Dr. Seuss characters along the way! Moana, Maui, and the whole gang will make an appearance! All ages welcome, but geared toward ages 2-10. Y members: $8/child, Non-members: $10/child [parents accompanying kids get in free!]. Call 701.293.9622 or visit us online: ymcacassclay.org/register to register.

Spooktacular Halloween Party www.wfparks.org

this FREE Halloween event at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 2:30pm-4:30pm! Come in your favorite costume and experience our Haunted Maze, Mad Scientist Lab, decorate a cookie, and visit with our friendly witch.

Community Halloween Carnival www.courtsplus.org Head to Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo], 3:30pm-5:30pm for the annual Community Halloween Carnival. This FREE Carnival is for children of all ages. There will be Inflatable Games from Games Galore, Carnival Games, Face Painting & Art Projects by the Fargo South Art Club, Trick-or-Treat Bags, Candy, Candy, and MORE Candy!!!! The Carnival is FREE and open to the Public.

Kids of all ages are welcome to attend

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october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

november events

2, 9, 16 & 30

Choose your own adventure at TNT’s new and improved open gyms [2800 Main Av, Fargo], 7pm-8:30pm. Choose from stations such as gymnastics, ninja, tramp & tumble, sports, and a mystery station. Open to boys and girls ages 6 – 14, cost $15 per child. Registration for open gyms available 10 days prior to each open gym at tntkidsfitness.org.

The scent of fall is in the air at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo]! You will smell apples and cinnamon in the kitchen as we bake this tasty low-fat quick bread, 10am-11am! For ages 5+ [ages 5-7 must be accompanied by adult], $12 Members/$20 Nonmembers.

Friday Night Open Gym www.tntkidsfitness.org

3 1, 6-8, 13-15, 20 & 27-29

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events

Babysitting Lessons and Safety Training is the initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. Held at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], 9am-3pm, participants will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques. They will also learn when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. $60 fee. Register online.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Statistically four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Are you sure yours is right? Don’t take a chance. Head to The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] Tuesday 9am-7:15pm, Wednesday 9am-12pm and Thursday 1:15pm-5pm. Events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

B.L.A.S.T. Babysitting Camp www.sanfordhealthemseducation.org

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

Kids Healthy Cooking: Applesauce Pumpkin Bread www.familywellnessfargo.org

Youth Curling Open House www.fargoparks.com Ages 10-18 head to the FM Curling Club [4300 23rd Av S, Fargo], 2pm-4pm, and learn all about the sport of curling. Everyone is welcome at this FREE event!

4, 11, 18 & 25

Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies: Prenatal Yoga www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events The Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies series at Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo] will focus on giving you the tools to develop a healthy lifestyle now and to commit to lifelong changes. Prenatal Yoga is offered 4pm-5pm and focuses on breathing and safe sequences which can help ease labor and delivery. A Certified Prenatal Yoga Instructor will take you through a basic routine. Our

prenatal structure encourages movement into optimal birthing positioning, as well as strengthening and softening the pelvic floor to prepare for a safe labor, and works muscles that mom will need in the early stages after baby has arrived. Our yoga class ends with a deep guided relaxation to help restore the body at this changing time.

Adult Healthy Cooking: Adult Knife-Skills Class www.familywellnessfargo.org The more efficient you become with this simple yet effective kitchen tool, the more you will enjoy cooking and meal prep. This class at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6pm-7pm, covers basic knife skills such as chopping, slicing, dicing, and mincing. We will also discuss sharpening, storage, and care. All that we slice and chop we get to eat! For ages 15+, $12 Members/$20 Nonmembers.

Turkey Trot www.familywellnessfargo.org The Turkey Trot at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] is a family event to get everyone together to have some fun! This year there is an added optional turkey-themed craft before and after the run so you can really get in the turkey spirit. Young, old, and everyone in between are encouraged to participate. Join us in running, jogging, or walking one mile on

our indoor track at 1pm. All families who participate will be entered into a drawing to WIN one of two free TURKEYS! We will draw the winners at the conclusion of the race. This is a great event to be active and connect with the family… And let’s not forget to mention a chance to win a [frozen] turkey for the holiday season! Turkey costumes welcome! Craft begins at 12:45pm. Run begins at 1pm.

Grief During the Holidays www.hrrv.org Managing grief in times of celebration can be overwhelming. Suffering the loss of a loved one is difficult any time of the year, but the holiday season can intensify feelings of loss. This presentation at Hospice of the Red River Valley office, 1701 38th St. S, Fargo [use west door], will enable attendees to identify and learn how to manage the mixed and painful emotions that can surface when grieving during the holidays. Participants will also learn

important self-care strategies. This class is free and open to the public; no registration required for this class.

Boys Night Out www.wfparks.org A fun-filled night for boys ages 4-12 to get out and play at Rustad Recreation Center [601 26th Av E, West Fargo], 6pm-9pm, with your mom, aunt, grandma, or other important female role model in your life!

Come jump on the inflatable games and burn off some energy. Bring a blanket and enjoy a movie on the big screen after playing on the inflatable games! Pizza and pop will be served. Preregistration is required. $30/couple [$15 for each additional boy].

november events

Holiday Lights Parade www.downtownfargo.com A magical evening with hundreds of participants featuring spectacularly lit parade floats, marching units, and equestrian entries in Downtown Fargo.

24 & 25

Santa Village www.fargoparks.com Celebrate the season of giving at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 1pm-7pm. Santa Village, located on a 15-acre enclosed farm site, is a non-commercial village where children and adults can make holiday memories with Santa and

Mrs. Claus. Visit Santa, see live reindeer, decorate a cookie with Mrs. Claus, write a letter to Santa, participate in special art and craft projects, and enjoy light displays. Admission to Santa Village is free, however, guests are encouraged to bring donations of canned goods, cash, and new or gently used toys.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. More events found online at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/event-calendar. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

we w& e www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“ My smile has brought out the model inside of me.”

Visit www.we-ortho.com or call (701) 293-5300 to take the next step towards a better smile. WE can do it.

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

exposures by j.linnea

shutterbug

ten little chickens photography

shutterbug

ten little chickens photography

exposures by j.linnea

body + being

relearning to communicate

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communication skills for building a lasting relationship

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

body + being story by | kimberly blaker

ivorce rates in the U.S. continue to decline. At the same time, more people find divorce morally acceptable, according to a new Gallup poll published July 7, 2017. So what can couples do to insulate against divorce?

Several risk factors that occur in marriage increase the odds of divorce. Some circumstances are difficult or impossible to change after marriage, say Stanley and Howard Markman, coauthors of Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love. These include: a defensive or reactive personality, financial hardship, having stepchildren, different religious beliefs, marrying too young, and a short courtship before marriage. But often breakups are the result of communication problems. In fact, learning to effectively talk through some of the seemingly irreconcilable differences just might prove those differences reconcilable. Many couples alienate each other throughout their relationships as they try to communicate their needs. As misunderstandings escalate, even minor issues turn into major ordeals. The reason for these serious disputes usually has more to do with the way couples communicate than what they are trying to say. Fortunately, explain Stanley and Markman, some risk factors can be changed if couples put forth the effort. Negative communication styles, poor communication skills for handling disagreements, and attitude differences regarding important issues can be overcome. Couples can also overcome unrealistic beliefs about marriage, low commitment levels, and difficulties working as a team.

Two more ineffective styles of communication are direct and passive aggression. A person who uses direct aggression attacks the other through criticism and name-calling, so it's easy to recognize. Passive aggression is less visible, but equally troubling. A passive-aggressive partner might agree to comply with a request with no intent to follow through. He may also use guilt, jokes, and withholding as weapons against his spouse or partner. Another ineffective style is the indirect approach. A partner may offer subtle hints rather than discussing the issue directly. Sometimes this effectively gets the point across while preventing hurt feelings or a negative response; but it also leads to misunderstandings and the opportunity for the receiver to avoid or ignore the message. Assertive communicators, according to Adler and Rodman, are the most effective because they are direct and clear about their feelings. They don’t try to control or hurt the other person. Assertive partners may not look forward to some discussions, but they’re able to handle these in a manner that ends positively and leaves couples feeling good about each other. If you see yourself or your partner in any of the first four styles, you’ve probably experienced many of the problems these styles often create. Quarreling, escaping, and resentment often result. If these problems become too frequent they can ultimately destroy your relationship. a better approach Changing old patterns isn’t easy and requires work. But learning to communicate with your partner effectively can be achieved. One method of communication therapists teach their clients can make arguing, yelling, and avoidance a thing of the past. Not only do couples learn to communicate more effectively, they may develop deeper bonds and intimacy. This can have a lasting effect on your relationship.

Non-assertive communicators have a tendency not to express their thoughts or feelings when conflict arises. Instead they avoid issues or accommodate their partners. While non-assertiveness can be used to protect oneself from greater harm or embarrassment, this style is often the result of low self-esteem. It can also be an inability to communicate one’s own needs.

This technique, sometimes referred to as Intentional Dialogue, is used in Imago Relationship Therapy. Through this technique, couples learn how to talk to each other, share their feelings, and really hear and understand each other.

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

communication styles There are five communication styles, according to Ronald B. Adler and George Rodman in Understanding Human Communication. Many of these patterns are devastating to relationships.

body + being Also referred to as Couple’s Dialogue, it uses a speakerlistener approach and consists of four steps. Imago Therapist Eleanor Payson A.C.S.W, shares this process in her handout, Making the IMAGO Conscious. But before getting started there are important “ground rules” couples must follow. First, explains Payson, the person who needs to have a discussion must initiate it by making a request for a specific time. Couples often jump into important discussions without making sure it’s convenient for their partner. If the time requested isn’t convenient, your partner should schedule a time better suited to both of you. The discussion should be held within 24 hours though. Also, when making your request for a dialogue, don’t disclose the details. Tell your partner only the topic in order to avoid undue worry. When the scheduled time arrives the person making the request is responsible for reminding the other. During your dialogue, stick to the topic. If other issues arise, save them for later. Finally, your dialog should consist of four steps: mirroring, summarizing, validating, and empathizing. When these steps are complete, switch roles so that each of you has the opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings.

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getting started To begin your dialogue, sit closely, facing each other.

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

The first speaker is the person who requested the dialog. During the four-step process, as explained by Payson, the receiver should not interrupt, except to check his understanding of his partner. Furthermore, he should not discuss his feelings, perspective, or anything else until the roles are switched.

changing old patterns isn’t easy and requires work. but learning to communicate with your partner effectively can be achieved. The first step is to mirror. After the sender describes her concern, the receiver will mirror what his partner said and then ask if he understood correctly. If he has, he then asks if there’s more. This exchange continues until the speaker has finished. Next, the receiver summarizes his partner’s discussion and what he believes she’s trying to say. He should then ask if he got it all. If not, the mirroring process continues until he has received all of the important details.

body + being Now the receiver needs to validate his partner by explaining that he understands her feelings and why. If the receiving partner doesn't yet understand his spouse’s feelings, the mirroring process continues. Once the mirroring spouse understands his partner’s feelings, it's time to empathize. This means to be able to experience the thoughts and feelings of his partner. Learning to empathize is important to any relationship as it “…allows both partners to transcend, perhaps for a moment, their separateness and to experience a genuine ‘meeting,’” says Payson. “Such an experience has remarkable healing power.” Therefore, during this step your partner should indicate he empathizes with your specific feelings. Finally, switch roles and begin the process again. taking care now If communication problems are impairing your relationship, don’t wait for irreparable damage. Other effective speaker-listener techniques are available. In Fighting for Your Marriage, Markman, Stanley, and Susan L. Blumberg teach similar communication skills through the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) approach. Look for other good books as well. Keep in mind that for some couples therapy may be required.

books for improving communication skills and your relationship Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family by Eleanor D. Payson, M.S.W. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work by Matthew McKay, Ph.D., Patrick Fanning, and Kim Paleg, Ph.D. Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition by Howard J. Markman and Scott M. Stanley

In her book The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, Payson describes the narcissistic personality. Individuals with this disorder may not be capable of empathy, a key element of these recommended forms of communication. If this may be a problem in your relationship, or you're unable to work through this process on your own, look for an Imago or similar type therapist.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Finally, as Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg point out, “Good marriages take work. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not how much you love each other that can best predict the future of your relationship, but how conflicts and disagreements are handled.” So learn these techniques early in your relationship—or before misunderstandings escalate—and you’ll dramatically increase your chance for a successful marriage. Kimberly Blaker is a freelance writer and the author of a kid's STEM book, Horoscopes: Reality or Trickery? containing fun experiments to help kids understand the scientific methods and develop critical thinking skills.

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

on Dahl grew up in Fargo, the youngest of four kids. After high school he headed east to St. John's University in Minnesota to complete his undergraduate before enrolling at Creighton University in Nebraska for dental school.

Now a DDS with Dahl & Mack Dental, Jon has been married to Lou forâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;get thisâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;108 months, as he chooses to express it! And he celebrates the 15th of each month by signing and wearing his wedding tie. Jon and Lou have four boys keeping them busy, Charlie [8], Henry [6], Sam [3], and Fred [22 months]. An avid sports fan, Jon has a special appreciation for basketball and running.

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

jon dahl age 36, west fargo.nd

the words that best describe what being a dad means to me…

rad dad

my parents were great examples of…

growing up i always knew…

putting faith and family ahead of careers. My Dad had a saying hanging in his office, ‘No amount of success at work can compensate for failure at home.’

I had the best big sister, who would do anything for her family.

missing the days of constant chaos in the house.

role model.

in twenty years i will probably be…

people are always surprised to find out i…

i’m a big fan of…

remember their birthdays/anniversaries.

Minnesota Timberwolves.

growing up the smartest person i knew was…

of all my kids, the one most like me is…

hands down, my Mom.

Charlie! We keep a running total of ways we are alike—we are currently at 98.

my kiddos have definitely taught me… patience.

one of my wife’s best qualities is…

FA R G

BLIC S C OO

let’s go with two: beautiful smile and absolute advocate for the family.

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Natalie Reiter

For more information about Fargo Public Schools, visit www.fargo.k12.nd.us or call 701-446-1000.

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

rad dad i really admire people who…

a family meal i have mastered…

always put others first. like my grandma Vivian, the most giving person I will ever meet.

French toast.

i hope my kids know i…

one-on-one time with each child.

will always be their biggest fan.

i wish i had more time for… the part of parenthood i fear the most…

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when my kids don't think I am cool anymore!

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

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october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

shop talk

got flu shot? www.onthemindsofmoms.com

story by | essentia health

ne simple way to keep your family healthy is to make sure everyone—from babies to grandparents—gets an annual flu vaccination. Your family’s youngest and oldest members have the greatest risk of complications from the flu.

“Getting a vaccination can protect you from getting the flu or, if you get it, having a less severe case,” explains 34

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

Dr. Stephanie Antony, a pediatrician at the Essentia Health-South University Clinic in Fargo. “That means less time missed from work and school, fewer doctor visits and less risk of health complications.” Get your flu vaccinations as early as possible in October and November, before the flu starts to spread, Dr. Antony recommends. The pediatrician stresses that the vaccine has been proven both safe and effective. “You can’t get the flu from a flu shot because it is a killed

shop talk virus,” she says. “You may get side effects, like a fever or body aches.” An annual flu vaccine is recommended for everyone older than six months. That includes pregnant women and nursing women, who do pass some protection on to their babies. When getting the flu vaccine for the first time, children ages six months to eight years old need to get two shots at least four weeks apart. “This optimizes the result and boosts their immune system,” explains Dr. Antony, who is also the mother of a toddler. This year, the vaccine is available as a shot and as a reformulated nasal mist. Like the American Academy of Pediatrics, Dr. Antony recommends children receive the injectable form since it has been shown to be more consistently effective. However, the nasal mist is a better choice than no vaccine at all, the pediatrician says. She notes the nasal mist is not recommended for any child under age two or children with chronic medical conditions like asthma. Protecting your family also helps protect your community, especially those who cannot get the flu vaccine due to underlying health conditions, Dr. Antony points out. Since the flu vaccine cannot be given to infants under the age of six months, their families and caregivers need to be vaccinated to protect them, she says. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC] recently reported 171 children died from flu-related

1st visit

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causes during the last flu season. Excluding pandemics, that ties the record set in the 2012-2013 flu season. About 80 percent of the children were not vaccinated, the CDC says, and about half had a medical condition that placed them at high risk of developing serious flu complications. Some people are more vulnerable to serious flu-related complications, including children younger than age five and especially those younger than two. Also included in this group are children with certain long-term health problems, such as asthma or other lung disorders, heart disease, or a neurologic or neurodevelopmental disorder, explains Dr. Antony. People over age 65 also have a higher risk of complications and even death. While flu vaccine can vary in how well it works each season, a CDC study published in Pediatrics in 2017 showed flu vaccination can save children’s lives. The study of four flu seasons between 2010 and 2014 found that vaccination reduced the risk of flu-associated death by 51 percent among children with underlying high-risk medical conditions and by 65 percent among otherwise healthy children. To help busy families get their flu shots, Essentia Health offers quick appointments for flu shots as well as walk-in appointments. A special walk-in “flu blitz” is slated for 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Saturday, October 13, at the Essentia Health-52nd Avenue Clinic, 4110 51st Avenue South in Fargo. To schedule a flu shot, call 701.364.8900.

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october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

still riding

michele mortenson

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

ichele always found her happy place in a dusty arena, wearing her favorite blue jeans, broken-in boots, riding a 1,000-pound horse through the barrel pattern as fast as possible. No fear. Just confidence knowing she put the work in. And if she didn’t meet her goal? No worries, no feeling sorry for herself, no blaming anyone else. Just lessons learned. Lessons she’s used outside the arena too. When life is tough, you pull up your jeans, dust off your boots, and get ready for the next ride.

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

still riding A graduate of Moorhead High School, Michele Mortenson “Really look at me,” she said. Her young son looked his wasn’t a fan of school, “And I was really shy,” she adds. mom up and down and said, “Yeah, you look good." But she wasn’t shy when it came to her horses. “I was Michele looked her son in the eye and said, "I just want to just always into horses and barrel racing.” tell you I found out I have cancer. I feel fine, but I'm not After high school Michele continued rodeoing and began gonna look like this. Eventually, I'm gonna lose my hair training horses as well. She eventually bought her pro and I’m not always going to feel well, but I will be fine." card and began competing on the professional circuit And when Michele said it, she believed it. “I didn't think as a barrel racer. She saw much success, collecting it was going to be any other way.” buckles, saddles, and prize money along the way. She even found a bull rider who caught her eye. The two starting over were married, had two children, Garrett [21] and Kellen Michele underwent a lumpectomy surgery to remove the [13], and moved to a farm outside Wolverton, Minnesota. cancer and also received radiation and chemotherapy Michele had no idea of the grit she would need in the treatment. All the while being mom, taking care of her years to come. animals on the farm, and she kept riding. “I gave people a double dose When Kellen was just under a year old, Michele noticed a lump in her breast one day as she breastfed her daughter. Tests revealed it was Stage 3 invasive lobular breast cancer. This type of cancer begins in the lobules, which are the milk-producing glands of the breast. Invasive cancer means the cancer cells had broken out of the lobule resulting in the potential of the cancer spreading to the lymph nodes and other areas of the body. “I was scared shitless,” Michele remembers of her diagnosis 12 years ago. “I was scared that I was gonna leave my kids...that I was going to die and leave my kids.” Michele was also trying to absorb another devastating blow. “My husband left,” she says. “He emailed me and said ‘I don't want to be married anymore. I don't love you anymore.’”

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It was too much. Too much for anyone. As things seemed to be falling apart, Michele knew she couldn’t. figuring it out “I was so heartbroken about my ex,” Michele remembers. “A lady at church one day asked me, ’Well, how are things going for you?’ And I looked at her, and said, ‘I don't think he's gonna come back.’ And she said, ‘No, I mean the cancer.’” It was a wake-up call for Michele. “I said to myself, ‘Get a grip! Get over that and go forward.’ And I did.” And she wanted Garrett, who was eight years old at the time, to know she was in this fight to win. “I took Garrett in the barn. We were cleaning the stall and I said, ‘Look at me,’” Michele remembers. 38

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

riding and barrel racing lessons and I kept running my horse when I could,” she remembers. She made some tough decision for the good of her family too. Like selling her favorite pro horse. “I had to sell my horse to keep us in the house. And that was literally heartbreaking, but I just kept going. I clawed my way back up.” She also became a part of Head Start, which serves children from birth to five years old and their families providing comprehensive early childhood education, health, nutrition, and parent involvement services to low-income children and their families. “When Kellen was little, she had a Head Start home visitor once a week and I was on policy council,” Michele explains. Head Start policy council consists of currently enrolled Head Start parents and interested community members who act as a link between Head Start administration and the people Head Start serves. “I did family recruiting to their kids into Head Start,” Michele explains. One day at a policy council meeting, the group was told about an opening for a teacher's assistant. Kellen was entering kindergarten and the position intrigued Michele. She asked if the position was something she could apply for and the answer was yes. Michele applied and has been working as a teaching assistant for the last eight years with Lakes & Prairie Community Partnership’s Head Start program in Moorhead. “When I got married, the plan was I would stay home with the kids and honestly, I have a two- year

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

still riding fashion merchandising degree, I'm not a school-type person, so I never saw myself going back,” Michele says. But she’s found her passion.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Michele predominately works with children who have behavior problems. “I thrive in that environment,” she says. “Yes, it’s tiring, it’s exhausting, it's frustrating, it's sad at times. But it's so rewarding to see these kids change and advance.”

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

Others respect Michele’s abilities too. In 2017 Michele was recognized as a Minnesota Head Start Hero in the category of Head Start parents who have become early childhood professionals. According to the organization’s announcement brochure: Head Start Heroes is an annual event that honors members of the Minnesota Head Start community who overcame tremendous challenges and achieved personal and family success.

lessons from her greatest still riding race “She shows immense passion for her work,” Garret says. “Caring is something that’s part of her core. It really shows when I see kiddos from past years with her run over to her in public with the biggest smile on their face, screaming ‘Ms. Michele!’ “My mom’s best quality would easily be the care and interest she shows towards others,” “I feel like I'm really good at caregiving,” Michele admits. “Whether it’s my kids, my animals or my students. I'm really good at training horses and dogs. And honestly, I use those same analogies all the time in my work. I'm firm. I'm hard. I expect a lot, but I also do fun things and that's what builds the relationship. I love my job and Head Start has been really good to me, especially when I had cancer the second time.” round #2 After a routine mammogram, nearly 12 years from her first diagnosis, Michele found herself back at Roger Maris Cancer Center working with her oncologist. “It’s highly unusual that you get the same cancer in the same breast.”

herself. “I never ask, ‘Why me?’” Michele says. “Why not me? There's so many people who get cancer. There's so many people who have a spouse leave, not that it's wonderful to go through, but you know what? You still have yourself and your integrity. There's definitely a mourning period, and there's definitely sadness. But you've still gotta get up and go for that ride. I just didn't want to end up being bitter and angry. And it sounds so easy to say. And don't get me wrong. Oh man, I've been bitter. But you can't stay there very long because you have to work on making things better for you and your kids. Don't hold on to that bitterness.” a blessed ride There is no doubt Kellen and Garrett have learned plenty from their mom, including her love of horses and competing. Garrett rides saddle broncs and Kellen is following her mom’s footsteps as a barrel racer, but it’s in the lessons outside the arena Michele hopes she’s made the biggest impact. “There is a lot more to her than just horses,” Garret says of his mom. “She has a lot of depth and love and she has gone through a lot in her life, more than what she’ll ever show. “I think a lot of her strength through adversity came from her love for Kellen and I.”

emotional challenges, but she doesn’t feel sorry for

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Michele would undergo a single mastectomy, chemotherapy treatment, and three reconstruction surgeries. It was tough. “I remember thinking, "How in the world did I even do it the first time?’ Because the second time, “She has taught me there will be struggles and problems the chemo really kicked my butt." But Michele won you will face in barrel racing or anything actually,” the battle again. Kellen says. “It’s part of being a great barrel racer, in order to be great, you face problems.” “She’s a very strong woman,” Kellen says of her mom. “She’ll fight for what is best for her.” “I think I've taught my kids perseverance,” Michele reflects. “My kids saw everything I went through. We While she prays she’s done with cancer forever, almost went under so many times and they saw me “Honestly, I don't really think about it,” Michele shares cry or get mad. But there's something inside all of us matter-of-factly. “I know some people literally worry to be able to keep going because there's only so many their life away thinking they're gonna get it again. And days in your life. And we have to be thankful for them.” I just don't do that.” And Michele is thankful. “Having cancer totally changed the way I think,” Michele continues. “I’m open to pretty much any experience. It's “I see that word "blessed" a lot, and I don't really use like there's almost nothing that I wouldn't do. I would that word,” Michele says. “But when I get into these take on any experience.” situations and look back at everything, my husband left me and the kids, we almost lost our house, I beat Skydiving, scuba diving, or taking your daughter on cancer twice, I mean, just so much stuff. And I think to that crazy carnival ride that slingshots its passengers myself, ‘Holy buckets! You've made it through a lot of into the air a ridiculous distance when her friend is stuff, girl!’ and I think of the people who have helped too scared to go, Michele is game. me and been in my life, and how great my kids are and I realize I’m the epitome of somebody being blessed.” And yes she’s had to overcome both physical and

ready, set, grow

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

hey start out cooing and babbling. Then come a few words that melt your heart. Next those words are strung together to form sentences and soon the questions start! At first they are easy questions like “What’s that?’ But as he grows the questions evolve in complexity. The answers can be as simple as recalling seventh-grade science. Okay, maybe simple isn’t the right word, but the answers consist of straight-up facts, black-and-white details. And then there are the HARD questions. The questions about life with answers that can make any mama shake in her UGGs, stammer, and reply…”Say what?”

say whaaat?

ready, set, grow

nearly four million babies are born in the US each year.

wee ones [0–18 months]

o your wee one can’t talk yet, but being prego or having a new baby can prompt some interesting questions from a curious sibling, niece, nephew, or stranger about the miracle of life. I remember being about seven months pregnant and chatting with my sister in-law as my five-year-old twin nieces watched TV. Out of the blue one of the girls turns to me and asks, “How’s that baby get out of your tummy?” I thought to myself, “Honey, you DO NOT want to know.” in & out lowdown Oh, the miracle of life. Isn’t it an amazing process? Yes, of course…if you’re talking to another adult! When a kiddo inquires about the details of the baby getting in or out, it can stop you in your tracks. You need to give

Helping to

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

an answer, even if you would rather run out of the room. There isn’t one “right” answer, but here are some tips to help you answer appropriately: • come again? Take a moment and ask for some clarification before you answer. A four-year-old asking where babies come from may simply be wondering if your wee one came from Target or Walmart, while a 11-year-old may not be satisfied with an answer as simple as ‘the hospital.’ • who’s yo mama? If the child asking is yours, and you understand her question, the next step is to answer as honestly as you can to satisfy her curiosity, again taking into account her age. If it is someone else’s child, feel free to tell her she needs to ask her parent. • have ya heard of the stork? Again, you want to be honest, but in terms the kiddo asking can understand. You also don’t want to scare the crap out of them! And keep it simple. As adults we tend to make things more complex than they sometimes need to be. Keep your answer simple, truthful, and age appropriate. Your simple answer may do the trick, but be ready for follow-up questions.

the 2017 US Census found 22.6% of U.S. population is under the age of 18 and 50.8% of our population is female.

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tots

[18 months–3 years]

ur tots are observant. They notice EVERYTHING and tend to share their observations in a way which can be considered not politically correct. But noticing differences in people and asking questions gives you the perfect teaching opportunity.

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Early Learning Center • 218-284-3800 october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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hey, look at that! Have you experienced that mortifying moment in public when your tot asks you a question or points out a characteristic of another person that you worry may be taken as offensive? Usually these comments are made right in front of the other person and at a decibel that could be heard outside the store and across the parking lot! But the important thing isn’t the question or statement, it’s how you react! Your tot’s comments aren’t a reflection of prejudice in your family; he’s looking for facts and learning about his world. Shushing your tot and scurrying away implies that what he is noticing is “bad” or “wrong.” When differences are pointed out, you should answer in a matter-of-fact manner and promote embracing diversity and tolerance: • why is he fat? Point out that people are different sizes and being different is okay. Explain how you are a different size compared to him. • why is her skin brown? Let him know that people are born with different skin colors. Just like people have different hair and eye color.

• I don’t like how she talks. Tell him that we speak the way our families speak and not every family speaks the same way. Also point out that the way your child speaks sounds different to that person too. • what’s wrong with him? Children can be curious and even nervous about people with disabilities. First, help him rephrase his question, such as, “Are you wondering about her wheelchair?” This takes away any judgment that was in his original statement. Then you can answer his question, “Sometimes people can’t walk because their muscles aren’t strong enough so her wheelchair helps her move.”

ready, set, grow

a 2016 Pew Research study revealed that U.S. women are more likely now to become mothers than they were a decade ago, with 86% ages 40 to 44 having given birth in their life, up from 80% in 2006.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

eath is a part of life, but talking to your preschooler about it can be very hard. A story on TV, the death of a pet or family member, or the changing of the seasons could prompt questions about death. Regardless of why he is asking, it’s important to answer his questions and reassure him while being honest.

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to everything there is a season You want to provide your preschooler with comfort and coping skills, but when the discussion of death is prompted by the passing of a loved one, it can be especially difficult as you deal with your own grief. Many of your answers to questions related to death will depend on your religious beliefs, but here are some general points to help you explain death to your preschooler:

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

• real meaning Kiddos up to the age of six have a hard time grasping the concept and permanence of death. And there are many ways they can ask you about death. Regardless of how they ask, usually their underlying question is related to their own well-being. Even a question like, “Are you going to die?” isn’t necessarily about you. They may be concerned about being separated from you or who would take care of them. Ask your preschooler additional questions to get at the heart of his concern and then you can reassure him that you would always make sure he is taken care of, even if you aren’t there. • watch your words It’s important you select your words carefully when explaining death. Avoid telling him the person or pet “went away” or “went to sleep” or that the family “lost” him. Your preschooler is very literal and these phrases could inadvertently make him afraid to go to sleep, be fearful each time someone leaves, or he could expect the one that “went away” to be coming back soon. • be open Encourage your preschooler to talk and ask questions. Creating an open environment to share his feelings is important and can be very healing. Lastly, death is a difficult concept, so expect to be asked the same questions many times over.

a recent study found that 74% of women and 63% of men say sending explicit messages to a person other than a partner is cheating.

ready, set, grow

big kids [6–9 years]

ime for you and the honey is sparse to say the least. So when you get a little time for “wink-wink-nudgenudge,” you take advantage of it. Right? The tide turns in a hurry if the heat of the moment is interrupted with a shy big kid asking “Mom, what are you doing?” at the foot of the bed…UH-OH!

asking him what he saw or what he thought he saw. Then you can answer his questions appropriately. • the talk How you explain things really depends on the maturity level of your big kid and what you have discussed in the past about sex. You might not be ready to talk about this, but your big kid might be. A full-blown birds and bees talk might not be necessary, but if your big kid knows there was more than hugging going down, focus your talk on the fact that you and your partner love each other rather than the hard details of having sex.

october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

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what was that Getting caught in the moment can be bit disturbing for everyone involved, but it doesn’t mean years of therapy are in your future. If you get caught with your pants down [sorry, it was too easy] here are some pointers for talking with your peeping big kid: Many of us did some planning when it came to making • deep breath Don’t freak out! Your big kid walking in those adorable kiddos, so consider a little advance planning on you doesn’t mean he is mentally scarred for life. to your mattress mambo sessions to ensure all uninvited Getting hysterical will only make matters worse. guests stay that way. Step one, lock the door! Genius, • you saw what? You need to talk to your big kid about right? Next, turn off the light and add a little music or turn on the TV. Ben Franklin was right on when he said what he saw or heard. For younger kids, you probably just need to tell them you and your partner were “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” hugging or wrestling and no one was getting hurt. For older kids, they know what you were doing and are probably grossed out. It’s pretty universal that no one wants to ever really believe their parents have sex, let alone see it! For your big kid, odds are they are going to have some questions. So start by

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the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development estimates that 3/4 of the American population will likely be overweight or obese by 2020.

tweeners [10–12 years]

he tweener years can be tricky. Still a child, but a budding adult waiting in the wings. Increased self-consciousness is common and you never want to fuel any type of insecurity. So what do you do if your tweener asks you, “Am I fat?”

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you have the right to remain silent What do you say in that situation? “Mom, do you think I’m fat?” Well, don’t answer! A simple yes or no, regardless of your tweener’s body composition, isn’t the right answer. You should put the question back on them [“What do you think? Or, “How do you feel?”] and determine why she is asking. How does she see herself? If your tweener doesn’t have any unrealistic body-image views, what should you do if the honest answer is yes? Well, time to take action and help your tweener make

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty eighteen

some healthy lifestyle changes with these tips: • get the facts Help your tweener do some research on his healthy weight. Set an appointment with your physician and put together a plan incorporating healthy eating and physical activity. • no tunnel vision Make sure you help your tweener keep things in perspective. Focusing only on the numbers on the scale isn’t healthy. Help your tweener focus on eating healthier and getting active. And remind him that what is inside is always the most important part of a person. • be on board Make sure you are “all in” when it comes to being supportive of the healthy lifestyle changes your tweener is embracing. Make healthy food selections readily available and remove the temptations. Be supportive, but don’t nag, and be an example. Make sure you are modeling healthy eating and activity habits. Also, be conscious of how you talk about your own body and respective weight. Talking critically about yourself could prompt your tweener to do the same.

a recent high school survey revealed that 86% of teens know someone who smokes, drinks, or does drugs during the school day.

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teens [13–18years]

ou were no angel. You made some choices in your teen years you aren’t necessarily proud of, but can’t you rewrite history in an effort to make sure your teen follows your rules and makes positive choices regarding alcohol and drug use? So did you ever do drugs? do as I say, not as I do Forever we have preached tell the truth, don’t lie, the truth is always easier. But what if your teen behavior was less than stellar? Do you have to tell the truth? The important thing isn’t what YOU did years ago -- it’s about helping your teen make the right choices in the future. What’s a good mama to do… • be honest If you didn’t use drugs in your teen years, your answer is easy, “Big fat NO!!! And you shouldn’t either!” Now if you did, do you lie? And is it really a lie if you’re doing it for the good of your teen? You don’t want it to appear you are encouraging any bad behavior or giving your teen something to throw back at you to justify his current behavior, but lying could come back to bite ya. You can be honest and say yes, but make it clear why it’s important he doesn’t make the same mistakes you did.

• just the facts Yes, you can be honest, but you don’t have to include all the dirty details of your teen escapades. “Yes, I did drink when I was in high school, but I wish I hadn’t because…” • keep it going Never, ever turn away the opportunity to talk to your teen when she is looking for guidance. Can it be uncomfortable? Yes, but if she is welcoming your opinion, give it! Don’t preach, but rather have a discussion. Ask questions to determine what is prompting her questions of your teen days and help her realize the appropriate and healthy choices.

See. Capture. Compel.

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october • november twenty eighteen | on the minds of moms

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Maya Angelou

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