big kids [6–9

Your big kid looks you right in the eyes and says, “Wasn’t me. I didn’t do it.” I mean looks you right in the eye and you KNOW he did it. What’s up with that?

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

So, why would your big kid lie? This can be very upsetting for you, but it is a normal part of development. At this age your big kid may be trying to test his limits rather than laying the ground work for his future life of crime!

While younger kiddos may not understand lying is wrong, your big kid is at a stage of understanding right from wrong. At this age, big kids lie for a number of reasons such as avoiding punishment, protecting a friend or family member, trying to get something they want, or [sorry] they hear you doing it. We’re not saying you’re some kind of compulsive liar, but there are the times you tell a little white lie to get out of a meeting or appointment you’re trying to avoid and those little ears are always listening, so watch yourself and be a good example. [Of course Santa is the universal exception to truth telling. Keep that one going as long as you can!]

Teaching Time

Here’s your opportunity to do some life’s lessons teaching. Don’t overreact to the situation, but make it clear that lying isn’t acceptable. Set the boundaries and stay consistent in your punishment. Also, understand the power of your disapproval. Letting your big kid know he let you down can have a greater response than any punishment. Then talk about what happened and ask your big kid how lying made him feel. Does he like other people lying to him? Lastly talk about why lying is wrong. Be sure to also consider what is happening in your big kid’s life as stress can prompt some naughty behavior in the effort to attract more attention. If your big kid continues to be dishonest and other destructive behaviors enter the picture, seek an outside professional especially if he isn’t showing remorse for his wrong doings.

Remembera time, not so long ago, when you were the queen jellybean in your kiddo’s world? You were cool, had all the answers and a trusted companion. Things are changing. Now you might be embarrassing and suddenly [cringe] old. NOOOOOOO! Gone are the days of holding your hand in public or kissing you good bye in front of his friends and welcome the closed bedroom door and one word answers.

It Aint Easy

As your tween craves more independence, gets busier at school, has a more important social life, it might feel like your guidance isn’t needed or wanted. Our tweens can be impulsive and easily influenced by their peers and while it may seem challenging, it is still very important [maybe more than ever] that you remain a central part of their life. And don’t underestimate the positive influence and role you play in your tween’s decision making. Here are some tips for staying connected: just do it

• eat up Meal time is a perfect opportunity to talk. Turn off the TV, don’t answer the phone and just be together.

• r-e-s-p-e-c-t Your tween needs and deserves his privacy, so respect it just like you want them to respect yours. But, step in when the situation warrants.

• do as I do Be the model of positive behavior for your tween.

• luv u Say it often and don’t underestimate how powerful those words and a hug are.

• limits please Set clear, consistent rules for your tween. They need them.

• in the know Stay involved in your tween’s interests and activities by being their biggest cheerleader and supporter. Inevitably there are going to be times you need to help him through disappointments. Be empathetic and teach him to never give up. Also, know your tween’s friends. Peers are very influential at this age, so know who he’s hanging with.

• talk with, not at Your tween doesn’t want to always be told what to do, who does? You’ll quickly become the nag. Talk with your tween and really listen to his thoughts and opinions. You have to let him make his own decision and mistakes, but mama still knows best, so get in the mix when it is necessary.

There may be no greater hair-pulling experience than watching your teen underachieve. Whether it is in the classroom, workplace, home or playing field doesn’t matter…frustrating!

Motivation is tricky. Motivation can basically be attributed to love or fear. Think about the things in your life. You are motivated to sit for hours cutting out stencils and going through countless pictures because you love scrapbooking. At the same time you can’t stand your job, but you go everyday because you don’t want to be unemployed. It’s the same thing for your teen. The things they are passionate about won’t need any nudging from you, but in other areas they may need a [figurative] kick in the rear! Truth be told, you can’t really make your teen be motivated, but the world is filled with things we have to do. Here are some tips to help draw out their inner motivation:

• get a goal Your teen has special gifts and talents and like all of us limitations as well. Talk to your teen about what they want to accomplish. Listen to his dreams and help him set realistic goals.

• plan it out Sit down with your teen and work together on a realistic plan for achieving the goal at hand and really listen to him. He needs to feel he’s the main decision maker and calling the shots because it is his plan. Determine the steps that need to happen in order to reach the goal and revisit the plan often. Consistently check how the plan is working and recommit or make changes as needed.

• stay the course Keep encouraging your teen. Talk about and visualize with them the success they will have. Let them know how proud you are of their efforts.

• fear factor Like we mentioned before fear is a motivator, so if the fear of losing driving privileges, or a night out with friends or that new video game works…so be it. Everything in life has consequences so your teen might as well learn that now.

• get help Recognize if your teen needs outside professional help whether it be an academic tutor or counselor for an underlying issue such as depression. Dealing with these issues is essential to your teen’s healthy development.

Sources: www babycenter com | www askdrsears com | www drgreene com www parenting kaboose com | www familytlc net | www positivediscipline com www teenskills com | www kidshealth org | www healthychildren org