how can mama get her groove back?

story by | dani parkos fluge

If you were making a movie about your marriage or current relationship, what would it be called? If it’s closer to The Big Chill than Endless Love, you’re not alone. Let’s be honest, parenthood is famous for squeezing the romance out of a relationship. During the first year as a mom, the reasons are obvious—you’re sleep deprived, suffer from hormone induced mood swings, and the baby consumes your attention 24/7. But long after the nursing bra has been retired, many ladies continue to feel bummed and burned out by the stresses of raising kids, working, cooking, cleaning and etc. The result? A marriage that feels about as romantic as changing a dirty diaper. The bright side is you can revive the romance and passion, but you can’t expect it to simply happen. Here is some food for thought to help you find your romantic groove.

Make time for each other. Ask yourself how much time you’ve spent ALONE with your significant other in the last six months and sleeping next to each other in the same room at night doesn’t count. But seriously, I get the whole we only have 24 hours in each day and our kids and job consume most of it. Is a date night good, yes! But if finding someone to watch the kids is hard and money is tight, just simple free up T-I-M-E for each other even if it’s just a few minutes daily to talk or go for a walk and reconnect. We are all guilty of saying, “I need to make it a point to…” or “tomorrow I will…” Let’s face it, before we know it, we will all be in that empty nest phase and too often couples are left sitting there starring at one another wondering, ‘now what’ and ‘who are you again?’ Make time now so you have it with each other later.

Do the fun things that used to make you feel close. Think back to your pre-kid and even pre-marriage days. What were the things the two of you liked to do as a couple? Try cuddling on the coach together or break out into one of those ‘I almost peed my pants’ tickle matches or blast your old Whitney Houston CD and slow dance around your kitchen island. Rediscover the memories and each other.

Just do it. The kids are asleep. It’s a great time for a little nookie, except for one problem: you’re not in the mood. Here are two words for you – so what? There are days when you feel the same way about work, but you still have to get up and go to the office. Learn to emotional engage even when you have a conflicting thought. If you need to ‘make a date for sex’, by all means do it. Scheduling time for intimacy may sound unromantic, but it really isn’t. Fantasizing about it only heightens the anticipation, not to mention for those ladies a little less likely to consider a nooner; you might just find being pulled out of your shell isn’t so bad. Wink…wink.

Deal with conflicts. If [okay, when] your partner flakes out on his household duties, how do you react? Do you say something, or roll your eyes and zip your lips? Ignoring the problem may seem easier, but do you harbor an unhealthy grudge? Pick and choose your battles and determine when burning a hole through him with a stair is necessary or when simply walking away and putting yourself in a timeout is the better decision. The bottom line is couples MUST keep the channels of communication open. Leave the game playing for junior high and remember a little come to Jesus talk now and then is okay.

Be sexy even when there is no chance of having sex. Kiss on your way out the door in the morning, and I mean the real deal kind of kiss that jump starts your heart rate and sends tingles to all the right places. Maybe it’s a quick cop-a-feel moment or simply leave a sexy phone message during the day [one that doesn’t include a request to make a stop at the grocery store on the way home].

Find out your partners idea of TLC. Ask him to be honest and tell you what makes him feel cared for and respected. Is it the chance to watch a football game undisturbed, a morning to sleep in, a nice dinner or simple just time alone with you—and then make it a point to do one thing on his list regularly.

Express what you want. Some ladies believe in marital ESP. They think, if their partner really loved them, he should know what they want. As if! Unless you tell him, your partner won’t have a clue how romantic you think it would be if he parented the kids so you could have an uninterrupted soak in the tub ALONE. Let’s face it, boys and girls are wired differently and they don’t come with remote controls.

Now, as you sit there pondering what parts of this article remotely apply to you, at the very least consider it’s time to make some changes. I’m not suggesting you turn yourself into some ragging sex hound [although your partner might differ] but rather make an effort to find that spark that started it all. Get your romance back on the to-do list.