PARENTCOACH - 2022-2023

WELCOME

Welcome, my friend! I am so happy to see you here...thank you for spending a few minutes with us! Can you believe this is our Winter edition already? Where does the time go?

How are you managing these days? You know, parenting is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days I get it right, and well, some days I don't.

I put together this community of Parent Coaches to help me with the days I don't get it right. Their ideas and guidance give me space to find tools and strategies to connect with my kids and find calm in my home, but it isn't just that...they also remind me that my bad days don't define me, and I am definitely not alone.

I hope you find their words and ideas helpful. I know I do. But let me back up a bit. Do you even know what a Parent Coach does? If not, you are in the right place to explore what a Parent Coach can do for you and your family. To me, they are everything!

Keep reading because I will:

tell you what a Parent Coach can do for your family introduce you to Parent Coaches from around the world share advice from these trusted Parent Coaches give you the next steps if you need help right now

We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do we are here to love and encourage you on your journey your unique journey. See you inside, you awesome parent, you!

Jennifer McCallum, Mom, and Founder of the Parent Coach Club

club

THANK YOU!

I don't even know where to start when I think about how grateful I am to be here, with you, doing what I love, day in and day out!

This issue is all about the people that help us help our kids to grow into the independent, incredible adults they are destined to be.

I am lucky enough to work with the best Parent Coaches from across the world as they make it their life mission to transform families from chaos to connection.

Please join me as I celebrate each and every one of them in this special issue!

And, if you are raising or working with kids and struggle with anything, please reach out to these Parent Coaches...they are here for you!

https://www.jenmccallum.com/jointheclub

Jennifer McCallum Founder of the Parent Coach Club

Take time to identify what is holding you back from peace in your home.

Find a Parent Coach. Our Parent Coaches specialize in all areas from tantrums to paying for college and everything in between.

Transform your life and relationships. Implementing just one small idea can have a huge impact in your life.

Parent coaches are experts trained to handle many different parenting issues... ...with positive, practical solutions. Unlike therapists who treat diagnosed mental health conditions, parent coaches are consultants who provide tools, activities, guidance and support to parents and families.

WHAT IS A PARENT COACH? FIND A

A parent coach can help you individually or in a group setting by giving you the means to help you and your child:

Successfully achieve your parenting goals by asking the right questions

Implement a step-by-step action plan to handle challenges Find new possibilities by sharing new perspectives and strategies to shift behaviour and family dynamics

Parent coaches offer proactive yet practical solutions

Behavioural concerns

Family changes or crisis

Self-care

Child development

Mental health

Positive parenting practices

Parent coaches offer proactive yet practical solutions to a long list of parenting issues, including: As you can see in the articles in this magazine, they specialize in these topics and many more. Find a Parent Coach to give you and your family the help you need. We are one click away!

OUR STORY

By Jennifer McCallum, Founder of the Parent Coach Club

I guess you could say I was a typical first time mom. I wanted to do it all perfectly and never mess up. I wanted to show the world that I could do it all and do it well.

And then my first child was born.

That was almost 25 years ago. Bringing home our baby was terrifying. I was lost. I was tired. I was frustrated. I needed help but I didn't know where to go to get it. I had trouble with everything breastfeeding, dealing with the lack of sleep, maintaining my relationships and having enough confidence to know what I was doing was right...the whole gambit!

At the time, I was sent home from the hospital with bags and bags of pamphlets and fliers. I was expected to sift through and find the resources I needed. Well, this tired mom couldn't find them at all..there were so many pamphlets to go through and each time I would call a listed organization, they would send me to another one. It was like a wild goose chase just to get a straight answer.

There was no Google to go to when I needed help with one specific thing like breastfeeding, first foods for baby, diapering, and daycare

T H E R O A D H A S B E E N W I N D I N G A N D S O M E D A Y S W E C O U L D N ' T E V E N F I N D T H E P A T H U N T I L I D I S C O V E R E D P A R E N T C O A C H E S

We ended up back in the hospital with our new baby a few days after the birth.

It was a traumatic experience for all of us and thanks to the fabulous nurses, we were able to make it through and leave a few days later with a healthy baby

Fast forward a few months later when I found it difficult to find information about things like: cloth diapering, organic food, community playgroups, and daycare options I felt like it was a full time job to research all the choices I had to make as a parent, and in the process was saddened by the time I was missing out on just enjoying my new baby.

There had to be a better way...and I knew I wasn't alone. If I was going through this, there must be other parents out there who had the same trouble finding information.

I spent the next two years researching in a fog of worry, stress, confusion, and the ever present overwhelm.

I tried to go back to work and wondered if I would ever find any work as rewarding as raising my baby It seemed like life had gone on for everyone else and I was still trying to figure out this new mom gig and failing

And then, one day, it became clear what I needed to do I needed to help other new parents so they didn't have to go through what I did

How could I help other parents? Maybe a pamphlet would help...one that listed all the community resources something like the phone book (remember them?) but just for parents???

I called the maternal newborn care units at the local hospitals and asked them if they would hand out a pamphlet of resources if I put it together Without question, they agreed That pamphlet ended up being a 100 page book!

That first year, with a toddler and 5 month old baby, we delivered our first edition of the books to the hospitals as promised

For 18 years, I printed parenting resource books that went to every new parent after their baby was born. 16 of those years I also printed a School Age edition for parents of kids starting school. I expanded to new cities and before I knew it, we had printed 59 editions!

What a ride.

"THERE HAD TO BE A BETTER WAY...I KNEW I WASN'T ALONE."

And, then my kids grew up and became teens. It was yet another stage I wasn't prepared for.

When my first baby was born, I created resource books...when the first two kids entered school, I created a school age book...but teens...this was a whole new area to navigate...and I wasn't ready!

I felt like I was always the last one to the party the party of understanding teens

I struggled with the everyday things that teens go through, not willing to give up control, and adding a lot of stress, shame, and guilt, onto both my teens and myself

In the midst of this, we also adopted twins

I knew I needed to be better than I was. I knew that if I just had the key to the answers, I would be the best mom ever. I had four kids counting on me now.

That is when I discovered Parent Coaches. They changed my life.

I began working with them and my relationship with my kids became better. I also felt better about myself and that forward positive motion really does create more peace at home. They gave me tools and strategies to use to build our relationship. In fact, one small idea created the biggest impact....and I got this in a 30 minute chat with a Parent Coach!

Readourfullstory& lessonslearned

At the same time, I was also pivoting my business and wondering what I could do next to continue to help parents, without printing thousands of books each year Google was a much better, environmentally friendly way to find resources now

The answer was right in front of me. Parent Coaches! I could help Parent Coaches grow their business so they could help more parents, like me.

But, there was a problem not many parents had even heard of what a Parent Coach could do for their family.

Now, this is a very short overview of how we got here It was not easy and some days I even wondered if I was cut out to be a mom. There is a link below if you want to read more, but I want to leave you with one thing to consider....

What do you want your relationship to be like when your kids are adults?

I wanted mine to be better, and thanks to Parent Coaches, this is exactly what I got. My kids are now 24, 21, 16, and 16. I may be a bit biased, but I think they are the best kids in the world and I am grateful that I worked with Parent Coaches so I could be the mom they needed me to be. It's a work in process, but I am getting there!

XOXO Jennifer

I set out with one main mission: Create awareness of Parent Coaches so that families could find the joy and peace that we were experiencing.

By Aparna Venkataraman, Beauty in Parenting

A mama came to me last week really needing to know how to not always have her child physically on or around her all the timedoes this ring a bell to you?

Here are 4 steps I support moms with to help their toddlers move from attached-at-the-hip to exploring, playing on their own and, overall, a calmer environment at home where the child knows what to expect next and there aren't as many meltdowns or surprises --- as a previous toddler teacher and now parent coach, I understand this situation fully and there's no guilt in needing that "me" time to think or get an important task done!

1.

Figure out with your partner or on your own which time(s) of the day you need more "me" or independent time (like when making meals, getting the other kids ready, right after work, etc.)

2.

Create a calm corner at home (can even be for you, too, as a parent!) - a space that is designated for independent play -

1. 2.

3.

can be a small toddler-sized couch, a basket with books, a little shelf with toys they can easily see and access, and a mat - usually, parents find a corner where eye-level posters are as well as sensory objects to help their toddler soothe themselves if they're having a rough day. Use unique music or another way to transition into the independent play time - can be gathering together the toys, one parent leaving, a song you can sing (like a cleanup song) or letting your child pick which 1-2 (can be 3) toys they can have for the next 15-30 minutes

4.

Stay consistent to help your child enjoy the activities they're playing with and doing - over time, ask them what they like about those activities - and remember to have fun!

The more your child is interested in their activities, the more likely they are to want to keep using them and also build trust with you that it feels safe to play on their own.

THE REAL PACE OF LEARNING

B Y : K I M B E R L Y N N L A V E L L E , Y O U R P A R E N T H E L P

The pace at which true learning occurs is often very different from the expectation.

Holding this in your heart can save a lot of heartache

Children are expected to learn at a steady pace, starting fourth grade at a 4.0, and ending at a 4.9 or 5.0, with steady consistent growth of 1 each month along the way

I have never met that child.

Every child I have ever worked with has had periods of explosive growth and periods of stagnation and even regression

We expect that steady straight line, but the line of spikes and dips and plateaus is closer to reality.

And while it is easy to look at this overall graph and think, “Yeah, there’s nothing to worry about. That kid made great progress!” it’s not so easy to feel that way in November, when a kid who WAS doing really well, hasn’t made growth in months!

So one big takeaway I want you to see here is that kids will make progress, at their own pace, and you don’t need to panic when progress hasn’t happened in a while

But you ’ re probably wondering: Why does this happen? What can we do about these plateaus and dips? Is there a way to maintain better momentum?

Great questions!

Why does this happen?

Kids often get very enthusiastic initially, and then become bored. So their progress can be directly linked to their enthusiasm for learning the skill.

Kids also will have enough background knowledge to make rapid growth initially, before getting stuck on a harder concept for a while. Then when they break through that struggle, they excel again for a while, before hitting another roadblock.

And for some kids, it has to do with self confidence. They don’t feel self assured enough to make progress initially. Then they have a breakthrough and feel great, and make huge growth before getting stuck and losing confidence again

What can we do about these plateaus and dips? Is there a way to maintain better momentum?

One of the best strategies to try when you notice boredom or resistance to daily lessons is to bring in novelty. When things are new again, they feel fresh. This can be as drastic as changing which curriculum you ’ re using, or can be as simple as:

Changing the tool: Crayons instead of pencils

Changing the location: outside, on the couch, under the dining room table Changing the time of day: after lunch instead of after breakfast

Bringing in something new: music, snacks, a “ new student” (the dog or a stuffed animal)

Of course, I am never a proponent of forcing a child to do something they are really against. Have a genuine conversation with your child to see what is going on and why they’re feeling resistant. Give them options, and ask for their suggestions.

You might need to take a break from the lessons for a while, but perhaps your kiddo would be on board to do a little practice to maintain previously mastered skills.

A word of caution

As you can imagine from all the possible learning graphs of spikes, dips, and plateaus, every child is different and comparing two kids is rarely beneficial.

Keep your own feelings about your child’s progress in check.

Your child is an awesomely unique human who is developing their skills in their own way and at their own pace. Another child’s pace does not reflect anything on your own child’s pace.

However, if in your gut, you know that something is off your child needs more help, a different program, etc. make it happen! Don’t ignore those gut feelings, just be sure that you aren’t reacting to expectations or to the progress of other kids!

Takeaway

We expect kids to make slow and steady progress, but I’ve never met a kid who did. Adjust as needed!

By Michele Shilvock, M.Ed. BCBA Michele Shilvock Consulting

As parents and caregivers, each and every school day you pack up your children and send them off, where over the course of the week they will spend more time with educators, than they will you. To a place where a tremendous amount of trust is expected from you and only as much as your child's teacher or your child themselves will share provides you insigth to the day This can be a very big adjustment for any parent, but what if you are a parent or caregiver to a chid with a disability, medical diagnosis or one who is experiencing significant and complex behaviours, well then the adjustment can prove to be even more difficult.

You see, if your child is having a difficult time at school, you often are not a primary voice in the planning phase, but what if I said you should be Who knows your child best, you and your child themselves, or the education team? While you may not know the inner workings of your child's school day, you do know a fair bit about your child, their values and their triggers. So this is where advocating when things are not going well is key. However, it's not just advocating, but how you go about advocating that is key. So here are my TOP 8 tips when considering how best to approach a school team and BRIDGE your knowledge about your child with their education team in a collaborative and supportive way.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

START WITH THE TEACHER Before you move to the support teams or your child's principal, start the conversation first with your child's teacher, keeping things calm. Share your concerns, listen fully from the teacher and see if a common place can be met.

CREATE A PRESENCE - This might mean volunteering in the school, joining the PAC or special events. Essentially, you are creating a precense in the school that is positive and not directly related to your child.

CREATE A PROFILE It's never too late to create a summary about your child. Assessments are great, but in reality they are not always reviewed in full and can easily be forgotten. Instead create a brochure or summary 1 pager that is written as if your child wrote it. One that highlights their strengths, their traits and how they can best be supported. Adding a picture of your child to this also helps educators make the connections faster.

TALK TO YOUR CHILD - Find out from them what they value about school. What do they enjoy and what are the hard parts. Learn from them what they want to get out of the year. When children are provided a platform to share in, they often will provide you with the details you are after.

GO IN WITH A PLAN - If you are going to have a meeting with administration, go with a plan, know what you want to get out of it and be clear. Whether it's your wishes related to a safety plan, 504, or IEP (individual education plan) specific goals, be sure you are sharing these with the team. This should be a collaborative process for all parties.

DOCUMENT - Document along the way, even phone calls and hallway discussions, always follow up with everything written down.

ACTION PLAN Be sure you are leaving any and all meetings with action plans that include dates and times for follow up and a means of tracking progress.

FOLLOW UP Don't be afraid to follow up, it is important to know what is happening.

As a parent or caregiver you may not have all the answers, but you do have connection and understanding for your child that runs deep. Don't ever forget the positive power advocacy can have on your child and their school experience.

Autism and the Holidays

By: Mary Kirchgestner Autism Specialist and Parent Coach

The holidays are upon us….you can feel it in the air. People are beginning to rush to create the perfect celebration. Holidays are supposed to be fun, right? After all, it’s the most wonderful time of the year! We see it on the commercials, in the movies, and in the many stories written about the holidays.

But is that the reality in YOUR life? Do you cringe thinking of all that is expected of you? Decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, visiting relatives, and the list goes on. For many of us this brings feeling of dread and overwhelm.

For our children with Autism it can be even worse. We understand what is expected and we can choose how we spend our holiday. We can go BIG or we can choose to scale down and only take part in the activities that truly bring us joy.

Our children don’t always have that choice. Sometimes adults get so wrapped up (excuse the pun) in making everything perfect that we forget that for our children with Autism, oftentimes less is more.

Click below to read 8 of my best tips to help ease the stress and bring more joy for you and your child throughout the holidays. This is not a list of more to do, but rather suggestions to lessen the overwhelm, allowing your family to experience less stress, more peace and love. After all that’s what the holidays are truly for….a time to reflect and appreciate the many blessings that we have and the people that we love.

Read the full article here to discover 8 ways to lessen the overwhelm of the holidays

8 ways to lessen the overwhelm

WHEN YOU NEED HELP

Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'. If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified parent coaches and counsellors in your area.

w h a t i f t h e a n s w e r t o y o u r l i f e a n d b u s i n e s s s u c c e s s w a s

H U M A N

C O N N E C T I O N

When your child is sick they may have a fever. If you think your child has a fever, use a thermometer. Your child has a fever if their temperature is above the number listed here:

THE IMPORTANCE OF GRATITUDE AND HOW TO RAISE GRATEFUL KIDS

Therese Connolly, Mindful Kids and Families

Gratitude…it’s all the rage lately right? We hear about it everywhere…”gratitude,” “be thankful,” “giving thanks”…I even have a t shirt that says ‘grateful’! Some have called it “Vitamin G”, the new supplement-for ourselves and our kids!

What is gratitude? Gratitude is simply being thankful; showing appreciation for something someone has done or said.

Why is being grateful important? Because practicing gratitude brings more joy and happiness into our lives. Gratitude improves our relationships and our overall sense of well being. In her research over a decade Brene Brown, PhD found that those people who were living a ‘wholehearted life’ and described themselves as joyful all had one thing in common, an “active gratitude practice”.

Studies of adults show that adults who practice gratitude have a feeling of greater well-being, are happier, more optimistic, like their work more, are more resilient, and are less likely to experience anxiety, depression and stress. There have been less studies of children and gratitude, but studies of adolescents have shown less depression, drug use and behavioral problems. Other studies have shown an increase of pro social behaviors, better academic performance and better long-term mental health.

Learning to be grateful can improve a child’s relationships with not only parents but his or her peers. They have a greater ability to empathize, have more compassion and kindness.

In Robert Emmons book, ‘Thanks! How the New science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier’ he posits “I soon discovered that gratitude is a deeper, more complex phenomenon that plays a critical role in human happiness. Gratitude is literally one of the few things that can measurably change peoples’ lives”

So how do we start practicing gratitude with our kids? Raising a grateful child especially in an environment of ubiquitous cell phones, ipads, vacations and the latest trendy sportswear can be tough. Given this context of plenty we can shift our focus towards a more thankful, gracious and giving point of view in small and simple ways but first…

Raising grateful children has to start with us, as parents. Like most parenting skills or tips we learn, the foundation of any positive development between the parent and child begins with looking within ourselves. This isn’t just a “let’s remember to be grateful” attitude, ….it’s a skill to practice and cultivate within our families.

As mentioned earlier, gratitude is a practice, a mindset and a way of being. This requires a shift in our own thinking and how we behave with ourselves and towards others. We need to model gratitude with our children and in our homes in order to help raise a grateful child. We cannot continually demand that they say ‘thank you’ and lecture about how much you do for them, or how hard it was for you growing up. This will defeat the purpose and put them on the defensive.

Amy McCready in her book, The “Me,Me, Me”Epidemic states “true gratitude goes far beyond saying thank you. In fact, thank you is easier to teach than the appreciation behind it, but they go hand in hand, and both are within your grasp.”

Our practice as parents is to show gratitude everyday in simple ways keeping in mind your child’s developmental place too. For younger children, under the age of 5, keep your thankful examples simple and matter of fact. When children are older you can discuss how other’s positive intentions and motivations, and what made someone do something that you or your child appreciated

As Jeffrey J Froh and Giacomo Bono write in their book, ‘Making Grateful Kids, The Science of Building Character’ , “focus children on why good things happen to them and on the people responsible for making the good things happen”.

Here’s some simple, easy ways to “practice” gratitude with your child and ways to model gratitude for them:

Thanking them for something you asked them to do or thanking someone else, like the waitress who brought you your food, the barista at the café, the bank teller or the person who holds the door for you

Notice when someone is being generous or thoughtful and point it out to your child. Praise your child for their own thoughtfulness when they remember to put their backpack away without being asked.

Note how appreciative or thoughtful it was that your friend, partner, or your other child to do something for you and how you feel about that. (Essentially talk out loud about how good that made you feel your child will be learning from you)

Have you and your child volunteer each week if you can or once a month. Call a local homeless shelter or check with your child’s school to see if there’s a club or other parents interested in doing a group volunteer experience.

Write thank you notes this may initially be some work for you to sit down with them and help them write (or draw) what they feel but it will instill a value of being appreciation

Mealtimes are a great way for each person take a moment and say what they are grateful for that day (initially model this for them by starting and be specific and thoughtful about what you are thankful for-they are looking to you for those clues about how to be grateful)

Bedtimes are a great time for reflection and a way to help close the day, and (hopefully a way to help them quiet down)

Use the R.O.S.E acronym:

1) Rose = something you liked that day

2) Bud = something you are looking forward to

3) Thorn = something that you didn’t like that day

You can also ask directly what they were grateful for that day. Gratitude journal keep it on the kitchen table or on the family/living room ottoman and write in it each day, maybe in the morning, or as a bedtime ritual for each family member.

Make use of the Ipad and do a thank you video to grandma, or have your kids video each other and what they are thankful for in their life

Speaking of those Ipads or a new device or toy, have your child participate when you purchase these by using some of their allowance or doing some extra chores around the house.

Example: I bought my 10 yr old son a new mini ipad recently but we made a contract for what he needs to do around the home and with his school responsibilities each week in order to earn his weekend time on the device.

Plant a gratitude tree or use a tree in the backyard, or make an indoor plant a gratitude tree. Here’s how to do this: You can use manila 2x3 cards with wire attached and tie your gratitude thoughts to the tree. Ask guests, grandparents or friends when they come over to write a gratitude note, it can be a word or just a sentence or two about what they’re grateful for, then have them hang it in your yard or home.

Have a “no gift” rule for birthday parties, you know, ‘presence instead of presents’. Instead ask birthday party guests to donate to your child’s favorite animal shelter or cause, then add up the donations and enjoy the feeling of doing something good with them.

Another option for birthdays or holidays, is to give them an experience instead of gifts. Talk about your values of appreciation and gratitude and let them know you’d like to do something or just be with them rather than giving them getting extra toys.

Example: In our home we have a value that is talked about a lot of “experience over things”. For Christmas my son knows he will have an experience gift; a trip to see his favorite baseball game or to see a show. He is aware there will be less unwrapping under the tree but the benefit of that time together will last past that holiday season.

Summary: The benefits of being a grateful parent to your child and living with appreciation are numerous and can truly last a lifetime. Raising a grateful child doesn’t have to be another project we have to embark on, or put off until we have more time, we can start right now, where we are. Gratitude can be found in so many small (and large) ways in our lives. It can start with something as simple as you saying to your child, “thank you for being in my life”.

by

Q: “I’m so frustrated trying to get things done for my 16-year-old with ADHD. Whenever I bring up stuff we need to discuss or decisions we need to make, my son completely shuts me down. He gets angry and stomps off, tells me he doesn’t want to have these conversations, or gives me thoughtless answers to get me to stop. I can’t take it anymore. Can you offer advice?” – DSB

" Y O U R T E E N W O N ’ T E N G A G E . T H E Y I G N O R E O R R A I L A G A I N S T Y O U R Q U E S T I O N S , E V E N W H E N Y O U ’ R E T R Y I N G T O H E L P . H O W C A N Y O U G E T R E A L

O N V E R S A T I O N S S T A R T E D ? T R Y A S K I N G Y O U R K I D

P E N E N D E D Q U E S T I O N S A N D U S E T H E S E O T H E R

O N V E R S A T I O N S T A R T E R S T O H E L P I M P R O V E C O M M U N I C A T I O N A N D G E T T H I N G S D O N E

Leslie Josel ADHD Academic Coach

Hi DSB:

Ever heard of a Momversation? I hadn’t either until my son, Eli, casually floated the term when we were out to lunch a few years ago.

First, a little backstory. Our household was a busy one. Two full time working parents, two children with heavy loads, a never ending to do list, and a constant stream of necessary conversations and decisions.

At the beginning of Eli’s senior year in college, I felt disconnected from him and was desperate to chip away at some of the endless questions and decisions bubbling up. Like you, I’m the one in our family who moves us along. By nature, I’m a planner and an organizer, and the consummate list maker. And boy, oh boy, did I have a list for my soon to be graduating boy.

So, when Eli was home from school on a short break, I grabbed an opportunity to spend some extra time with him. We’d get the chance to have a real conversation away from the house — or so I thought.

Right after the server took our lunch orders, I whipped out my list and got cracking. “Have you thought about Los Angeles or New York?” “Any decision as to whether you want to do the senior internship program?” “Did you reach out to your advisor to discuss the Berkeley program?” Without missing a beat, he sat back in his chair, crossed his arms, and replied, “So this is going to be one of your ‘Momversations?’”

I bit my tongue. I know my reputation in our home. Still, Eli would NEVER refer to a talk with my husband as a “Dadversation!” However, his pointed comment made me realize that my “All Business M.O.” undercut our connection and prevented us from having any productive conversation.

I asked, “Can we go over a few things?” My son intuited that my conversation starter would become a series of rapidfire questions, which made him mentally shut down. He knew I tended to think five steps ahead to feel prepared. And frankly, it’s exhausting. And if I’m exhausted, well, I’m guessing he’s exhausted by me. Not a great foundation for authentic communication or for getting anything accomplished.

What I also learned that day is that my hard-hitting questions overwhelmed him. And that’s very typical of those with attention deficits. Of course, I knew this from my work as an ADHD student coach, but sometimes it is hard to see the forest when it is your child. Guilty as charged! The bombardment of questions overwhelmed his brain and made it impossible for him to find “room” (his word, not mine) to collect his thoughts. He needed time and space to process my questions before formulating a response. And I needed to respect that.

Conversation Starters for Teens: 5 Ways to Improve Communication

Here are a few more techniques I learned along the way to ease the pathway of communication.

Ask open-ended questions. Nothing brings a conversation to a screeching halt faster than asking Yes/No questions. Instead, get the chat following with conversation starters such as, “So how do you feel about…?” For younger children, I love using a rating scale to kick things off. For example, “On a scale of 1 10, with 10 being the best thing ever, how do you feel about….? Why that number?”

Give them opportunities to lead. Put your child in charge of what he wants to discuss. If that is too overwhelming, you can give two choices and allow him to pick one. Set an appointment & agenda. I know this sounds very “boardroom,” but truly, this is still my favorite and most successful strategy when engaging with my son. Asking him to identify a good time to talk and previewing the conversation allows him the time and space to get his thoughts in order. Once I stopped “springing” my agenda on him, our whole communication dynamic shifted.

Honor the power of one. One question at a time. One decision at a time. One voice at a time. Too many are too overwhelming. I even use this method when texting with my adult children. One question = one text message. Ask before offering advice. Yes, you heard me. This was the hardest thing for me to learn. I’m a fixer by nature and always want to jump in with a solution. But offering unsolicited advice almost always shuts down the back-and-forth conversation. As my kids got older, my rule of thumb was to first ask them, “Do you want my advice, or do you just want me to listen?”

So, did we have any “Momversations” that day? Yes. Several of them, in fact, and very good ones just not what was on my agenda. That day, I approached our conversation much more softly. Instead of a board meeting atmosphere and endless rounds of questions, I put Eli in charge of what he wanted to discuss, and the conversation flowed naturally. Did I get all my answers? No. But we made progress, and I quickly learned that the rest could wait for another day.

It has been 2 years since the beginning of the pandemic and it may not be over for some time yet. If you are wondering how to navigate life right now, please know that we are here for you. Our community of qualified Parent Coaches are ready to support you and walk with you through this challenging time. Reach out to them for a free 30 minute confidential call here!

Some Ideas to support your family during the pandemic...

Hold Family Meetings weekly to stay connected and talk about what you like and what you don't like about your time together during the pandemic

Create a contract to include items you want to keep as you move out of isolation Have everyone from the family sign it Once the world opens up fully again you may forget the things that you liked; writing it down will help keep you on track Be careful. Encourage your kids to continue to wash their hands frequently for at least 20 seconds Notice how often they are touching their face and help them recognize when they are doing this Be kind. Not everyone will be ready to integrate into 'normal' activities Never judge or shame someone that is not ready to interact and participate in daily life activities like they did before the pandemic

Stay in touch with your older kids that will be heading back to college or university These are unprecedented times and they will be doing their best to 'get back to normal' but may need your support to navigate their emotions

Think about how you were not prepared for this pandemic and make a decision to be prepared if it happens again. Pandemic proof your work, stay healthy, and create a savings account and put money away each month for emergencies such as this.

If you are struggling with how your life has been affected by the pandemic, reach out for support. Our Parent Coaches can help you work through a range of emotions. They specialize in everything from newborn care, to college success, from toddler tantrums to marriage support and more. Most offer a 30 minute free confidential chat to help you through life during and after the pandemic.

Together we will be stronger and more prepared for our new and improved post pandemic lives. Just don't forget that you have all the power and control to create what that life will look like. It is, and always has been, in your hands. Sending love and strength and wisdom to you all! We have learned so much and now it is time to collectively make sure we live our best lives in our own unique way!