Winter 2019-2020
PARENTTEENS
Alex's Story THE GIFT OF LIFE
Mindful Breathing
Living Apart Together
how to AVOID RAISING ENTITLED TEENS
MEET THE EXPERTS
Meet the ParentTeens Experts
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
FREE 1:1 Consultation with a
PARENT COACH parentteens.club
WELCOME
Welcome to the Winter Edition! I am so happy to see you here...thank you for spending a few minutes with us! Within the pages of this magazine you will find: unique parenting perspectives a community of love and support articles that answer your toughest questions and resources that you can count on Each of the contributors in this magazine will provide you with their best advice and remind you that you are not alone! We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do - we are here to love and encourage you on your journey - your unique journey. Please consider reaching out to other parents in our Facebook Group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentguideteens/ You don’t know who might need to hear from you, as well as what ideas may resonate with you and make your life as a parent just a bit easier. See you inside.
Jennifer XOXO Jennifer, Mom and Founder of Parent Guide and Parent Teens.
P.S. If you are a parent of a younger child you will want to check out our PARENTGUIDE issue. Click here to access it now! Happy Parenting!
PARENTTEENS 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentteens.club
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THANK YOU! I don't even know where to start when I think about how grateful I am to be here, with you, doing what I love, day in and day out! I mean, just take a look to the right and you will see this super impressive line-up of incredibly talented and accomplished people that helped make this magazine happen! I just hope they each know how much I value their contribution! And, you...here, taking time out of your crazy, busy day to spend time with us! Grateful doesn't even begin to express how I feel! And, I really want to get to know you all better. So, here are a few ways that we can stay connected, work together, and if I am lucky, maybe we can even become friends! Jennifer McCallum Founder of Parent Guide
Let's Connect Sign up for FREE Daily Encouragement "YOU GOT THIS" Emails Just a little love to remind you how fabulous you are! https://bit.ly/2yX6Ajf Got a business? Become a ParentGuide or a ParentTeens Member Receive a bundle of ways to grow your business each month while we share you with our parent community. www.parentguide.ca or www.parentteens.club Want to write for us? We are always looking for new ideas, new perspectives, and expert advice for our parent community. We talk about real issues for modern parents. No fluff - just good, solid advice, examples, stories, and ideas to help make parenting just a bit easier. Contact me at: info@parentguide.ca
PARENTTEENS 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentteens.club
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NEW
WHO'S INSIDE
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04 Mindful Breathing 08 Cara Pollard 10 Kim Muench 12 Cai Graham 16 Giving Back 18 Sonja Montiel
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20 Helaina Altabef 22 Dr. Stem 24 Tia Fagan 26 4 Ways to Avoid Raising Entitled Teens 34 Sharon Pope 36 Linda Bolinger 38 Kimberly Northup 40 Deanne Barrett 42 Living Apart Together
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50 Doreen Steenland 52 Laura Lyles Reagan 56 Casey O'Roarty 58 Aparna Venkataraman 60 Lisa Smith 62 Kyle Grappone 64 The Gift of Life
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70 Kat Mulvaney 72 Janet Taylor 74 Sheri Gazitt
PARENTTEENS 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentteens.club
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MINDFUL BREATHING FOR YOU AND YOUR TEEN
My top 3 tips
By: Aparna Venkataraman 4 | WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB
As a meditation teacher and mindfulness educator for teens, parents and a variety of ages: I get asked quite a bit how it works for families to be able to breathe together (and find the time to do so)!Here are the top 3 questions from my community on meditation and mindfulness (p.s.: meditation is one form of mindfulness) and how you can incorporate it more into your life so that you feel less stress daily, rest well at night and have tools when things come up in life:
Aparna at Beauty In Parenting Aparna Venkataraman is a parent coach, motivational speaker, mindfulness educator and wellness advocate for DoTerra Essential Oils. She is the founder of Beauty In Parenting, a space to help families find more flow, joy and ease everyday!
Question 1: I don’t know when I will find the time to meditate or take a breath - are there quick ways that I can do so as a [busy mom of teen boys], [parent of an energetic, strong-willed child], [teen girl who is feeling stressed], etc.? Answer: Meditation and mindfulness are ALL about finding moments of time and physical places or times during the day (and lengths of time) that work for YOU because it is your own comforting, sacred practice where you simply connect to yourself and a higher power (if you feel called to). This relieves stress, helps you to find stillness in your mind and body and you feel recharged and more confident with whatever is going on. For example, I love to use the “4 in and 4 out” technique with parents and children where they count to 4 when inhaling and again when exhaling (closed eyes are optional) as a simple way to reset the nervous system and body with your hands placed over the heart and belly - it only takes a minute! Also, a great way to release any anger and frustration (or even before reacting with frustration to someone or something) is by taking a deeper, longer inhale for 5-7 seconds and breathing out slowly through the mouth for the same amount of time as if you are whistling. If you're curious, you can learn and practice many more techniques like these in a 30-minute session with me here
WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB | 5
Question 2: Do I need to have all of the fancy pillows, cushions, decorations, yoga mats, beads, jewelry, malas, etc. and a religious affiliation in order to meditate? Answer: Nope! You don’t need any of that at all - what helps is simply having a comfortable space, clothing that helps you to feel more relaxed and the openness to find a few moments (even 30 seconds to 1 minute) to breath deeper and deeper so that your body can relax and you can take a moment for yourself before reacting with anger, fear, frustation and much emotion. Breathwork helps you to connect to your body and mind and know yourself best - and in practicing this, your children are able to be shown how to find moments of quiet, too! Whether that be: To start your day While eating a meal Before going for a drive in the car Before an exam or sporting event Before bed so you can rest well Question 3: So then how can I get my child to sit still? What if they don’t want to do it or do it with me? Answer: The great thing about mindfulness is that it works well in a variety of ways - and it doesn’t always have to involve sitting still in the way that meditation is practiced. Mindfulness can be a child who likes to enjoy the quiet moments of trying a new recipe with you, a song that helps them sleep well, creating art that feels fun and playful or a yoga class that you can do with or without your teen. When we find what works best specifically for us: we're more likely to do it again in the future! :) Could you use more help for you or your teen to de-stress? 30-minute guided meditation sessions help me to choose the best music and environment for YOU to feel more relaxed as a parent (and help your child find options, too)! These can be done through FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, and Facebook Messenger video. 1-hour coaching sessions help to get clear on what is and is not working and finding ways that YOU can practice meditation, mindfulness and help relieve stress for your family through effective communication, growth mindset, positive affirmations, ways to release emotion and more - schedule a free introductory phone or video call with me so I can help you find 1 solution right now!
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YOU ARE NOT ALONE
FREE 1:1 Consultation with a
PARENT COACH parentteens.club
d r a l l o P Cara
PCI CERTIFIED PARENT COACH
What do you do?
I am a parent coach and I coach parent of teens
What issues do you deal with? I deal with issues of lack communication, anxiety, motivation, and addictions
How can you help?
I’ve developed a communication process and I offer techniques and strategies to address your current situation. We use the strengths of your family and your intentions to determine ways to proceed toward your preferred way of relating.
What can I expect? I offer a 20 minute consultation to determine if we can work together and if I can help you. I explain my process and we schedule or weekly meetings.
What other parents say about Cara “Cara just, ‘gets it’!” “As a single, divorced mother of two teens Cara was able to really see the dynamics of our situation. I have gone to therapists and counselors but never felt like my true needs were being met. From the first day I met her I was able to communicate more effectively with my children.” “Cara has a plan and if you follow the plan you will see the results you want. She offered simple strategies for me to use immediately to quickly transform my, already good relationships, into even better ones. She also has a way of framing conversations and a way of helping me see things from a different perspective that drive results. Simply becoming more mindful of what I say and how I say it to my children has made my relationships even stronger than before.” “Beyond being educated, warm and kind, Cara is extremely insightful and wise. It is amazing how making simple changes in my communication effected such immediate change. I highly recommend Cara as a Parent Coach!”
Anxiety in Teenagers
How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
h c n e u Kim M
PARENT & TEEN GUIDE
What do you do? I specialize in helping parents of kids ages 10-25 enjoy peaceful homes and relationships within their family. I do this with compassion and without judgment. This work is not about quick strategies, it's about working with the parent to create lasting, generational change in the family environment.
What issues do you deal with?
I have personally experienced and worked with teen pregnancy, adolescent addiction, anxiety, and depression.
How can you help? Together we work to identify the limiting beliefs your child's behavior is triggering inside of you and work through them to discover new beliefs that will better serve the parent/child relationship you are in. We work on parenting with rather than over your child.
What can I expect?
I always offer a 20-minute complimentary consultation in order to learn more about your unique family situation and to help you get to me and how I work with parents. I have a reasonable hourly rate, weekly custom packages, and I also offer an 8-week online course I will personally guide you through one module per week.
How can I find you?
I am on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, you can text me anytime at 972-689-0250 to schedule our complimentary consultation.
What other parents say about Kim "Thank you for caring so much about my comfort on this journey...you pushed enough buttons to get stuff out and done, but not enough to cause dread. I am a better parent for having worked with you." ~Carmen, mom of two "You helped me understand my kids aren't acting and saying things just to hurt me, it is there way of showing me they are growing up and making decisions for themselves. I don't take their statements as personally anymore, I know that this is how teenagers express there need for a feeling of independence." Deb, mom of twin teen boys and college-age girl "Best investment I ever made for our family!" Jennifer, mom of four teens "Thank you for caring so much about my comfort on this journey...you pushed buttons just enough to get stuff out and done but not enough to create dread." Carmen, mom of two "You heard and understood where sometimes I don't feel my wife gets where I'm coming from. Just hearing myself talk out loud and you're asking me the right questions brought me so much peace of mind. Thank you, Kim, for doing this work!" David, stepdad of three
5 Essential Elements of Parenting Teens
How can I find you?
m a h a r G i Ca MUM, PARENTING EXPERT, AUTHOR & SPEAKER
What do you do? I help Parents Support their Children - so that Together we can Build a Mentally Healthier and Happier Generation of Young People.
What issues do you deal with? Anxiety, Confidence, Communication, Discipline, Motivation, Self-Care, Self-Harm.
How can you help? The TEEN Toolbox™ series is basically the Umbrella under which I work. It is my collection of products and services that are specifically geared towards parents and their teenagers. These include: courses, consultations, in-home visits, and retreats
What can I expect? Well that all depends on what product or service you are using. Above all - I want to leave you with takeaways. Practical techniques and tools that will equip you with the challenges that you are dealing with. I offer a free 30 minute call www.caigraham.com/discovery
More on what I offer... Spotlight Course : These courses give you an in depth insight into the specific challenges you are experiencing. You are provided with a deeper understanding and a clear-cut exercises designed to help you conquer these particular obstacles. Many of these courses can be completed in an hour or so. They are child-friendly and are designed to gain rapid results. Flagship Course : Let’s face it - you are your child’s best Role Model. So this course is designed to help you support your child to the very best of your ability. It is a detailed blueprint to help you build both your parenting expertise and confidence. The course is broken down into 8 modules and requires an investment of your time and commitment. There is also the opportunity to be part of our online community. Join me and other like-minded parents where your questions and challenges can be shared and addressed. Take this course - your kids will, thank you, one day! 1-2-1 Consultations : This is the opportunity to work with me personally ( from hourly calls to coaching packages ) I love these sessions, as they are a fantastic opportunity for me to connect with you at a deeper level and a great way for us to work together more closely; without judgement and with a sprinkling of humour! Working with me directly will help you achieve your parenting goals faster. We can address the issues that are unique to your family and deal with everyone’s challenges individually : ✔ Identify the obstacles that are currently holding you back. ✔ Get pointers to will help you better connect with your child. ✔ Understand how to build stronger relationships with the whole family. ✔ Learn new ways to communicate – so that you and your teen can talk more freely. ✔Free App : The TEEN Toolbox™ : Signposts you to my social media channels and some quick exercises that will help you support you immediately. www.caigraham.com/app
✔My Book : The TEEN Toolbox™ : Keep this on your nightstand! It’s a valuable point of reference when you need to gain some parenting answers. www.caigraham.com/book
How can I find you?
All About Teen Anxiety
WHAT IS A PARENT COACH?
A parent coach is a person who helps parents with challenges they may have while they are raising their kids. Parent Coaches work with specific behaviours by offering unique perspectives around family situations. Parent Coaches help uncover the root of the issue and offer strategies to shift behaviour and relationships within the family. Parent Coaches help families achieve their goals either in person, or online through group or individual sessions. FIND A COACH AT WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA âŽ&#x;31
WHEN YOU NEED HELP
FIND A PARENT COACH Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'. If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified parent coaches and counsellors in your area.
WHERE TO LOOK www.ParentTeens.Club Search by professional, location, pricing, and topic Support offered in person and online.
Giving Back ARTICLE
BYÂ JENNIFER
From a very young age, my daughter, Rayna, would save up her money throughout the year for a specific charity. She would set up a lemonade stand at the end of our laneway in the summer, and she would sew and sell her designs (she actually created her own company with the purpose of ending homelessness with the profits). She donated to the Children's Hospital, CAS, local shelters, etc. She volunteered to cook at the Ronald McDonald House and at a street mission close by. And now, as an 18 year-old, she enjoys time at a seniors centre - and she tells me she gets way more out of it than the seniors do! Throughout the years, each of my kids have followed her lead - Cal has organized full day community charity events and on a recent trip, the younger boys planned to take all their allowance to give to the homeless. Thinking about their generosity got me thinking about what giving does for me. When I am giving to someone else, it leaves me no time to think about what isn't going right in my life. I don't have time to think about the dishes, the laundry, the bills, or the long to-do list on my desk! I can focus on something or someone else without distractions - and it FEELS GREAT!
MCCALLUM
(AND
KIDS)
When I am giving to someone else, it leaves me no time to think about what isn't going right in my life. I don't have time to think about the dishes, the laundry, the bills, or the long to-do list on my desk! I can focus on something or someone else without distractions - and it FEELS GREAT!
Giving back is high on our priority list, because we feel good when we do it, we know we can make a difference to someone else, and we can focus on being grateful for what we have instead of worrying about what we don't have. My takeaway from having such caring and giving kids, is that we can't afford not to give. There is so much need in the world, in our country, and in our community. The thing is, you don't need money to give, you don't need huge connections or a lot of time. You just need to find a cause that you are passionate about and get started. You are probably giving so much already and not even thinking about it. I made a list of 'Ways to Give' to help spark conversations with your kids, or just to remind you how much you are doing already to spread love, kindness, and good vibes right now in your backyard!
Ways to Give: spend time with others
sponsor a child
cook for others
donate to a charity of your choice
babysit for a friend
join forces with someone already collecting
collect and donate canned food
for others
grow extra veggies in your garden for the
play with cats and dogs at an animal shelter
food bank
make cards for kids in the hospital
smile at strangers
give blood
hug your family
feed the birds
bake for first responders
use your skills and become a mentor
save your allowance and shop for a family in
volunteer at your chid's school
need (you can contact your local food bank,
be kind and give compliments
Children's Aid Society, or street missions for
sew, knit, or crochet hats and scarves
ideas on what to buy)
How to Give: Brainstorm ideas and choose one
Contact the charity or organization to see what is needed
Let others know so they can get involved too!
. A . M , l e i t n o M Sonja COLLEGE CONFIDENCE What do you do?
While maintaining a compassionate relationship, I train parents to become the best educator for their teens so they can feel confident about plans after high school.
What issues do you deal with?
I focus on communication skills and knowledge specific to helping your teens create a plan ready to implement as they approach high school graduation. Topics include college affordability, college admissions options, career training, identifying the right majors for teens, building the college list, college essay writing strategies, and so much more!
What can I expect? Let’s schedule a 30-minute call to talk about your needs and your starting point! We will determine which service plan is best for you which can include our: comprehensive workbook with action plans, templates, and agenda samples, online podcast training program if you are always on the go, 10-session online parent course, and/or one-to-one coaching
How can you help?
Helping teens plan their paths after high school can create tension and conflict in the home mostly because families are waiting too late to begin, or there isn’t enough information on what the options are, what requirements fulfill each option, and how to engage with teens to ignite their motivation to be active in making a plan. As an expert in the field of college admissions for 20 years, I will provide training and coaching that places teens at the center of planning. Parents and teens will no longer have to face this educational journey with uncertainty, worry, and confusion!
What other parents say about me “Sonja gave me the communication tools to allow me to take charge of the college process. I was familiar with the college application process, however was clueless on how to have impactful and meaningful conversations with my teen. My daughter and I are so much more closer! Thank you so much!” “I have been working with College Confidence for years and I truly will not work with anyone else. Sonja's experience is unmatched. She is professional and an expert in college admissions. She will not only advocate for your child, but will be a critical pillar in your family's journey. She's that good!” “Thank you again for your wonderful presentation/talk for our group. I feel we all (parents and students) learned quite a bit from you that night. My daughter and I both agreed the way you presented the college process, was with a lot of positive influence and enthusiasm. You made it sound challenging about writing ‘your story’ but in a way that made the girls feel special and that it is ok to like yourself and tell college why they would benefit from the you as the applicant. To go for it!”
Navigating College Admissions
How can I find you?
f e b a t l A Helaina TAME THE TEEN What do you do?
I am a parent educator and coach. I have a Crash Course for parents of teens about Authoritative Parenting.
What is Authoritative Parenting?
It's the balance between high expectations and high emotional availability. It's the sweet spot between old school and new school, and kids who are raised by these kinds of parents are most successful across the board.
How can you help? The teen years get a bad rap-they don't have to be miserable! I help you understand your teen and improve how you communicate. Once you learn and implement new tools, your power struggles will disappear.
What can I expect? No judgement, excellent listening skills, fresh perspective and practical strategies.
What other parents say about Helaina Prior to taking Tame the Teen's Crash Course, my greatest struggle was staying calm in the face of my kids' emotional storms. Now that I've taken the course, I know how to remove myself from a heated situation and address is it a more rational way from a place of calm. I've learned more about how teenagers think and feel, and am more empathetic even when I disagree with them. I would recommend this course to all parents of teens who need a lifeline! Paula S, New Jersey Prior to taking TtT's Crash Course, my greatest struggles were communicating effectively with my teenage daughters, setting limits on screen time and getting my daughters to help around the house. Now that I've taken the Course, I've learned how to be more effective in communicating with them and how to set appropriate boundaries. I’ve gotten a lot of tips on setting limits on screen time. I’ve also learned many helpful little tips on just dealing with my teens generally. Now that I have taken the course I see much less yelling and better communication at home and feel like I’ve gotten closer with my daughters and understand much more about how their teenage minds work. Michelle V, New Jersey
Free Download
Parenting Teenagers How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
m e t S . r D TEENS & PARENT SUCCESS COACH
What do you do?
I provide online video or telephone life and career coaching to teenagers; college students and their parents. I help them build confidence, find their passion to become Unstoppable, Free and Fearless in all aspects of their life. My joy and pride is seeing them become the best version of themselves, stress free and creating their best life.
What issues do you deal with?
Confidence, Career, Conflict, Couples, Parenting Teens, Fear, Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Grief, Divorce, Motivation, Inspiration.
How can you help? I help bridge the gap between parents, teens and college students, through supportive coaching, confidence boost, stress management and success planning. Because I am a life-career coach and mental health professional, I am able to address deeper underlying issues, by empowering and encouraging both parents and their teens.
What can I expect? I am excited to offer a free 30 minute discovery call to see if we are a good fit to parents, teens Around the World, yes Around the World. If you decide to work with me, we schedule our calls weekly. You will also have full access to my library of teen and parent resources in addition to confidential support to help you parent your teen at your best, even when things are at their worst.
What other parents say about Dr. Stem I love that you did not use generic one size fits all suggestions, you discussed my situation and helped in more ways than one. Thank you DrStem for the wonderful support. Mary (Parent) Ohio “DrStem has a positive energy that is contagious, and you will feel like you can accomplish anything with her as your coach and mentor!� Finley M. Boston Working with DrStem helped me change the way I think of myself and how I go about my daily life. She taught me that being smart is my ability to overcome challenges and how I persevere in the face of difficult moments. Miriam N. United Kingdom
Get the Book How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
Or call: (781) 254-1602
Fear Based Parenting to Mindful Parenting
n a g a F Tia CERTIFIED PARENT COACH What do you do?
I offer virtual/online coaching to parents. Supporting parents of teens to improve their relationships and find the joy in parenting is my passion!
What issues do you deal with?
· Strengthening Parent-Teen Relationship · Improving Communication · Addressing Challenges such as Screen Time, Disrespect, Anger, Boundaries, Lack of Motivation, Anxiety, and More!
How can you help? I help parents understand why your teen is behaving the way they are and how you can guide, connect, and support your teen and create the relationship you both long for. I provide coaching, tools, and resources to help you through the challenges of parenting teens. My objective is that you feel supported and gain confidence while parenting your teen.
What can I expect? I offer a free 30-minute call to see if we are a good fit. If you are interested in coaching, we determine the coaching frequency that works for you. I do not require a set commitment. I offer coaching via phone or online.
What other parents say about Tia “Tia's incredible capacity to listen without judgement, to hold a mirror up for us as parents to see what does and does not work and to offer insight into the minds of our teens, are a few of her greatest talents. I have seen example after example of how the smallest changes to my parenting styles have led to a blossoming in my daughter's heart and mind. A huge thank you to Tia for having such an impact on our family as a whole.” - A.M.
“I am so grateful for Tia and her wisdom and encouragement. During our sessions I never felt judged for my mistakes. She treated me with empathy and kindness every step of the way. I feel more confident in my own abilities and I know that when my family hits the inevitable bumps in the road, I have a wonderful safe place to gain more wisdom.” - C.S. “I never could have understood the lasting effects my sessions with Tia would have. I understood that I was investing in a long-term process. My hope was that it would offer me different tools to use for parenting. I had no way to truly understand the deep and rich connection it would afford me with my children. A good friend recently remarked about my teenage daughter "You know she really loves you. She looks up to you and knows she can trust you." Wow! The rewards of my investment in this work have paid for themselves more than I could have asked for." - M.A.
3 Ways to Deepen the Connection with your Teenager How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
By: Miranda Lamb
4 WAYS TO AVOID RAISING ENTITLED TEENS
26 | WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB
"As parents, we all want kids that are grateful and thankful. So what steps should we take in our home to encourage responsibility and helpfulness and discourage feelings of entitlement?"
Are you raising an entitled tween or teen? Parents often remark to me how their teen is ungrateful, expecting mom or dad to do everything for them. And yet that same teen never wants to help around the house! Most parents see the symptoms of entitlement in their teens but feel helpless to change the behavior, often citing the society we live in today. While yes, I agree that society adds to this "it's all about me" self-focus, society is not living in our houses. We are. So what can WE do as parents, in our own home, to raise grateful and hard-working teens. Here are 4 ways to avoid raising entitled tweens and teens!
AVOID ENTITLEMENT ISSUES BY STOP DOING SO MUCH FOR YOUR TEENS Did you know that by time a child is the age of 3, if they haven't been doing chores, they have already made the mental decision that chores are someone else's responsibility? Do you have a 13 or 14-year-old living in your house that is only responsible for cleaning their room? Yikes! I hear this often from parents when I ask what their teen is responsible for caring for in the household. If we want to break entitlement issue in our teens, then we need to stop doing so much for them! If you have been doing everything for your teen start slowly giving them one chore to handle on their own. Change is hard and it takes a while to create a new habit, so to create a smoother transition just focus on one thing at a time. If you can, choose a job for which they are naturally suited. Your kids are all gifted in different ways so start transitioning some of the work to them by allowing them to help in an area they are gifted. Do they love to hang out in the kitchen or watch cooking shows? Have them make dinner once a week. Are they great at organizing? Ask them to reorganize the pantry. Work can be fun so make it a positive experience. Tell them, "I could use your help," or "I would love your opinion on..."
BALANCE FREEDOM TEENS ENJOY WITH RESPONSIBILITY Think about all the freedoms and privileges your teen has in your household. Now think about what they help with or they are responsible to do. There should be a balance between the two. Just like as parents, we have more freedoms, we also have a lot of responsibility. Sometimes we can get top-heavy by giving our teens tons of freedom but not attaching any responsibility. If they have the freedom of owning a phone, then they should have the responsibility to "pay" toward it by paying a small bill each month or working around the house. If they make the decision to stay up late, they still have to get up and go to school. And if they can't manage that responsibility then as parents, we need to step in and dictate a specific time and schedule for bedtime. Allowing our kids to face the natural consequences of their action is a helpful way to allow for a balance between freedom and responsibility. If they break their phone by being careless then they will need to work to pay for a new one. If they don't keep their grades up and get let go from the team, we can encourage them to focus on their studies. But we should NOT rescue them by just getting them put back on the team. Find that healthy balance between freedom and responsibility!
EXPECT TEENS TO FIND A JOB
When we as the parents feel like it is the right time for our teen to get a job help them begin to make steps in that direction. And we don't have to wait til they are 16 or 17 to find them a job. I have learned that some kids are very self-motivated and excited about finding a job Others will be rather nervous and have a million reasons it can't happen. But we can help them work through those fears, step by step. Sometimes, we as parents can get caught up in our own fears. Finding a job makes us feel nervous, and we can put all our fears on our kids. Other times, parents are so focused on keeping their kids "happy" that they buy into all the excuses why their teen doesn't want or need a job. You may recognize that you struggle in this area if every sentence about your teen starts off from your kid's perspective! Be creative as you help your teen brainstorm about jobs. Try to find a job that will work for your teen AND your family's schedule. Can they work for a family member or close family friend that has a small business? Should they start their own pet or lawn care business? Is there a business they can start from home, making something?If they are highly involved in sports or the creative arts they may only have a job during their off-season, which is fine. In fact you all may want to look at starting a micro business.There is a great little book called Teen Micro Business by Carol Topp that will walk you and your teen through the steps of starting their own small business.
MODEL RESPONSIBILITY AND GROWTH TO RAISE THANKFUL TEENS Finally, we can make learning and work fun by modelling it. Watch how you talk about work and chores. Instead of bemoaning the fact that you have to do dinner every night mention how you are excited to try out a new recipe. Farm chores can be less fun when it is cold out but we can speak about how well the cows are growing or how happy the chicken seem with their cleaned coop! Mention to your children an interesting new project you are doing at work or a problem you overcame that day. Now, just a hint, if you are a highly driven parent, some teen personalities will see that and directly model it with little persuasion. Other personalities will be more persuaded to work if you allow some of the "work" to be a social occasion or a group project. So don't be surprised if you get contrasting results from different children. They are not "lazy", they are simply motivated and wired differently!!
I'm Miranda. Educator, Speaker and Vibrant Life Mentor. A city girl married to a country boy! At The Reluctant Cowgirl, I share personal growth and parenting advice for busy moms of tweens and teens! Learn ways to care for yourself and cultivate an amazing family life! Welcome to Your Vibrant Life!
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e p o P n Sharo MASTER LIFE COACH
What do you do?
Professionally, I am... A certified Master Life Coach helping women (and a few brave men) improve, heal or release their struggling marriages. I am a seven-time international best-selling author on love and relationships. I’ve been published dozens of times in various publications, including The New York Times. And I’m just getting started...
What issues do you deal with? I’m the relationship coach for anyone struggling in a lonely and disconnected marriage. If you’re seeking confidence and clarity, I can help you fix your marriage or move forward without regret.
How can you help? IIf you’re seeking confidence and clarity, I can help you fix your marriage or move
forward without regret.
What can I expect? I offer a free, 45 minute Truth & Clarity session to see if we are a good fit. If we are a match to work together, we schedule our calls. You also get access to some of my best tools and concepts. I help women either transform their relationship or get absolute
clarity within 8 weeks that their answer is to lovingly release the marriage.
What my clients say about me. “This was the best money I have ever spent. If you would have told me I would be this clear about my marriage eight weeks ago, I wouldn’t have believed it.” “Working with Sharon has completely changed my marriage. After 22 years of struggling to understand each other and on the brink of divorce, she taught me how to do things differently and in turn, saved my marriage (and my sanity).”
A message from Sharon... It doesn’t matter where you’re at right now – married-but-feeling-alone and wondering if this is the end, reeling from an affair, or longing to feel more connected to your husband and wondering if there’s a way back – you’re hurting and unhappy, stuck and most likely terrified. In my Marriage Coaching Practice, I interact with women every day who feel stuck in disconnected and unhappy marriages for years – sometimes decades. They stay for reasons they believe are real and justified. For some, it’s the kids. For many, it’s fear. Big, hairy, “OMG, I don’t know if I can face this” fear... Or “I’m afraid I’ll be alone forever” fear... Or the “Is this all there is?” fear; maybe the grass isn’t greener... For some, it’s simply easier to stay stuck, because then they never have to take any scary action one way or the other.
Should you Stay or Go?
https://www.sharonpopetruth.com/children-and-divorce/ https://www.sharonpopetruth.com/stay-for-kids/ https://www.sharonpopetruth.com/kids-in-the-middle/
How can I find Sharon? You can connect with me here:
r e g n i l o Linda B
INTUITIVE MENTOR & THETAHEALING PRACTITIONER
What do you do?
I help parents and teens strengthen their relationship with SELF.
How is this accomplished? I utilize my intuition to navigate to the origin of emotional blocks, negative experiences and beliefs that are negatively impacting your current relationship with self and others. Together we will peel the layers, with clarity, intent and new perspective, to release what no longer serves you and your teen.
What can I expect? Results. Clarity & new perspective. Resolution to undesired situations & experiences that will leave you feeling light, without carrying the emotional “load.�
How do I get started? I invite you to connect with me via email or social media to book your FREE 30-min clarity call to chat about the specific needs and changes you are looking for in your current relationship. Once enrolled in my mentorship, we will create a plan that is tailored to your specific needs and schedule weekly sessions to jump into desired change.
What can be expected by investing in MYSELF and TEEN via your Mentorship?
You will strengthen your intuition and align to #BYObestself in this 10hr FLEXIBLE program. Let your weekly sessions be tailored to you and the needs of your teen. If you are READY to shift out of your current situation and create change that lasts, this program is for you. Step into joy, positivity and a future that excites you, with the tips, exercises and healing that comes with this program! Invest in SELF to experience the change you are longing for.
Hear it from others who have invested in self & committed to CHANGE in their relationship:
Linda is my absolute go-to person when I need support, clarity and direction. She has helped me find my way through many moments I have felt lost. Linda has also helped my teen-age daughter through many typical teen-age struggles. My daughter is a much happier person after her sessions with Linda. She works with Linda on a regular basis now and is doing amazing!! Thank you Linda for the work you do. My family is very grateful to have you on our side. Jennifer Funnell (Ontario, Canada) Linda is a gifted healer - she intuitively gets to the source of my obstacles and answers questions I didn't even know how to ask. I know that I can get on a call with her and I can trust that I'll feel better in just 60 minutes. She's helped guide me ‌.to follow my intuition and trust how to be in the flow. Before our session today, I felt untethered, lost in space, disconnected from my body - anxious, fearful, and overwhelmed - and definitely not creative! After our session I felt re-inspired, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders - and I felt connected to myself again. I highly recommend you go to Linda when you need help that you can't always put words to - she'll figure it out! -Jen Pillow (British Columbia, Canada) Working with Linda is a great experience overall. Coming in to sessions and working with Linda helped me clear my mind and really think rationally after. As well it calms and relaxes your mind and body during sessions. Working with Linda really helped me think about different aspects of situations, and working on finding out more about myself. After leaving I felt very positive and clear minded always looking forward to the next session. Nicholas ~ 18 years old (Ontario, Canada)
ThetaHealing for Teenagers How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
p u h t r o N y l r e b m i K CERTIFIED SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHER AND FOUNDER OF MISSION LIFE SUCCESS
What do you do?
I help families conquer ADHD and other learning differences such as dyscalculia and dyslexia.
What issues do you deal with? cognitive and executive function skill weaknesses - processing speed, working memory, organization, planning and prioritization, auditory and visual processing, focus and attention
How can you help? Our core program is a nonacademic cognitive skill enhancement program. After improving any weak skills, we teach students the organizational, planning, and study skills they need, and provide the daily accountability to help them fully seat new habits. We also can address gaps in academic knowledge in math, reading or writing. We also have social skills groups for 6 - 12 year olds. Finally, we have support groups for parents to help them learn how to optimize the home environment, communicate effectively, and end the power struggle.
What can I expect? Initially, we will meet with parents (virtually or in person) to determine what their expectations are for their child. Next, we will schedule a 90-minute assessment for your child. Then, we will meet with parents, again to discuss results of assessment, and program recommendations.
What do other parents say about Kimberly? “I am so grateful. You are the first adult he has ever connected with and actually likes (other than me). He enjoys coming to your classes. This is the only thing it hasn’t been a battle to get him to go to. And, it has helped him be able to focus on homework. Although we still have an occasional bad day with homework, those days get fewer and farther between each week. “ “Sxxxx was very hesitant to attend your sessions, but came to look forward to them. She now believes she can overcome dyslexia, and that is huge! She sees the results of her work at school and on standardized tests, and her self-esteem has soared. As a result, she is much more motivated.”
How to treat learning differences How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
Call: 817-506-5955
t t e r r a B e n n a e D RADIANT LEADERSHIP COACHING FOR MOMS
What do you do?
I offer online coaching to sensitive, empathic moms who want to be a strong leader for their pre-teens and teens
What issues do you deal with?
Anxiety, resentment, frustration, energy leaks, boundaries.
How can you help? I help moms connect to deeply sourced LOVE energy to be the compassionate and strong leader their teen needs.
What can I expect? I offer a free 30 minute call to see if we are good fit for one of my private or group coaching programs. Private calls happen once a week over the phone. Group coaching happens over the phone and video conferencing. Ask me how to gain access to my library of resources, and my monthly Radiant Mom Tribe calls!
What other parents say about Deanne This work has transformed the way I see my teens and it has given me a gift to help them develop their confidence and achieve their goals.” –Deb Hemmaway I find that Deanne presents topics in a very positive, mindful and deliberate way. After the coaching calls I feel grounded and inspired to connect with my daughter in a new way. This is in contrast to some presentations when I leave feeling deflated and thinking “I should do this” or “I should be this”. – Jutta Shaw “This is really working! I’m glad I chose this coaching over therapy, because instead of ruminating over what’s not working, I have some clear, practical things that I can try” – Rebecca, mom of a high school aged son
Three things you can do right now to create an energetic connection with your teen. 1- Put your hand on your heart and take three slow, deep breaths 2- Envision a peaceful, connected moment with your teen in your mind’s eye 3- Send love out to your teen. Visualise pink light radiating out from your heart and enveloping your teen.
How to be a Leader for your Teen How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
Living Apart Together LAT: Couples living apart together that have an intimate relationship but live at separate addresses.
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Since 2006 I have been living apart from my husband. It's a choice we both made and it's just not a work issue. Truth is he could work anywhere and so could I. We have both grown and developed in ways that would have not been possible when we lived a more traditional married life. My husband and I are in a committed long term relationship yet we have separate homes. Over the years questions, judgements and unsolicited opinions have been tossed at us from all different directions and I would make excuses about work or let everyone know that we both go back and forth and that we have 2 homes.
My husband and I are in a committed long term relationship yet we have separate homes.
WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA | 13
We do have 2 homes and yes they do belong to both of us yet its clear one is mainly his and one is mainly mine. This works for us and I no longer explain or defend how we define our relationship. Because we got married and had kids young (kids left the nest while we were in our 40ities) living LAT is an option. If we had small kids or teenagers I don't think it would work for me. I am only speaking for myself and although this lifestyle is becoming more common I wouldn't have considered living LAT with little ones. This lifestyle isn't for everyone, I am not promoting it I am only sharing my story. Years ago there were times I thought living LAT couldn't work (I didn't even know it had a name back then), it was hard, at times I was lonely, after too long apart I felt like I had a stranger in my bed, I worried about him, sometimes I was jealous of all the new things he was doing.
Living LAT in the beginning was an emotional chaos crap storm until we created some boundaries and not only made it work we made it into something wonderful. I could feel us growing apart, then realized we are Changing! Change is good in my books. Strange as it might seem I shifted my thinking while researching the terms and conditions for the mortgage renewal. Interest rates, amortization, payment options and insurance are just a few of the decisions we make when we renew. What about treating a relationship the same way? What if we renew terms and conditions to make it work better? What if we agree on time limits, holidays, social events, travel, savings and strategies in times of need? If a relationship feels uncomfortable perhaps it's time for an early renewal. That means ending the existing contract and re creating terms and conditions that work for everyone. And so it is! End the marriage that isn't working and create something that works better. WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB | 45
Yes there are challenges and I may write about that at another time but at this moment I want to talk about all the great things that I get to experience in this lifestyle. We always have something to talk about. Although this is from my perspective I can say clearly we have learned a lot of new skills that previously wasn't part of our regular responsibilities. At least twice a year we meet up in an airport and go somewhere fun. I have developed new interests. When I go out to see him I get spoiled and pampered and I love to plan the same for when he comes here. Priorities...ahh the uncomfortable priority conversation - new strategies have been created with time limits and the bonding feeling with each other and extended family members is stronger than ever.
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Meals are super simple and easy shopping is a breeze when living alone. I'm an extroverted introvert so alone time is plentiful and I function higher and am able to work more, create more and be present with my loved ones. I appreciate him in ways I never did before. Yes we have a lot to talk about when we are together but deeper than that we have some pretty amazing conversations. Even though distance is a drawback I know he has my back and can be here in a day if need be. I never ever feel I can't do something because it wouldn't jive well with my husband. I travel alone and love it.
Be who it is your really are, live your life the way it works for you and stop giving into judgements and opinions of others. You do YOU so much better than anyone else ever could.
Shared with Love: Christine Noble St.Thomas Hypnotherapy and More and KikkyBoo Books
Be who it is your really are, live your life the way it works for you and stop giving into judgements and opinions of others.
YOU DO YOU SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER COULD.
Christine Noble
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d n a l n e e t Doreen S RELATIONSHIP COACH
What do you do? I offer the Parenting with Intention Workshop online and coach parents of teens to help them navigate their changing relationship, married couples who desire to deepen their relationship, and teens who desire to grow in resilience.
What issues do you deal with? Relationship-Managing EmotionsNeuroplasticity-Creating ResilienceDevelopment of Powerful world changing teens
How can you help? I help create awareness, and provide tools and strategies for developing deep, meaningful relationships with your teen, self and God, through coaching and transformational neuroscience.
What can I expect? The Parenting With Intention Workshop is a four week workshop done on Zoom and runs quarterly. For one on one coaching, our calls usually last 45 minutes (30 minutes for teens) and can be done from anywhere in the world. I offer a free inquiry call to see if I’m the right coach for you and your family.
What other parents say about Doreen “After applying the new things I learned, I have figured out ways to defuse situations before they ignite - which avoids unproductive arguing and I'm focused on the message I want to teach her. This class was amazing!” Jennifer Neilson “We learned techniques to bring down the escalated emotions and instead begin productive communication where we can all learn and think constructively. More importantly, we learned great techniques on how to have healthy communication with our kids! sign up...you will not be disappointed.” Elizabeth Renna “Many times, we reacted abruptly from our own emotions. It was eye-opening to learn that we could handle situations in a completely different way. It was also helpful to learn from the other parents that we were not alone in our challenges to better connect with our teens. We learned tools that provided us with the ability to pause before reacting and to look at situations from both sides.” Elizabeth Pilla
Christian Coaching How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
MS , n a g a e R les y L a r u a L
TEEN AND PARENT RELATIONSHIP WHISPERER AND SOCIOLOGIST
What do you do?
I work with parents and teens individually and together to cultivate a more peaceful home by communicating heart to heart. My approach is called conscious cocreation which focuses on growing the awareness and skills that parents and teens need to jointly build the relationship that works for both.
What issues do you deal with?
Tweens, Teens and Young Adults dealing with parent problems, substance abuse, homework hassles, digital dangers and dating Parents in conflict, dealing with substance abuse, navigating divorce, single parenthood and empty nests
How can you help?
I offer online group coaching or individual coaching packages. I have also written a book with sample conversations of conscious communication titled, How to Raise Respectful Parents
What can I expect?
No blame, just support, skills building and a few suggestions for a complicated world! I offer a free introductory phone session. If we are a match, you can enter private coaching or online group coaching. Contact me at 956-250-3689 or email, Laura@LauraLReagan.com.
What other parents say about me Laura has helped me tremendously as a parent coach! My teen son and I were estranged following difficulties with his father. And the counselor we were going to, was unable to coach me to be able to reach my teen, beyond the fences and hurt walls that he'd placed between us. Laura stepped in and with great kindness, understanding and wisdom, was able to get me to change my entire approach to parenting my teen son. Our relationship underwent a radical change as I started implementing her suggestions and advice, and he and I are now affectionate with each other, communicating about big and small matters, without any blocks, and building trust again, thanks to Laura's knowledge and coaching, she has so professionally, kindly and generously shared with me. Priya B., mother of teen son Laura was a Godsend to me. With all I learned, I feel a sense of calm empowerment for the first time in YEARS! I even feel a sense of calm about my teens’ future. Before, I felt my life was flooded in chaos, but she helped me practice positive communication skills that conveyed my heart. I always looked forward to our next session. I highly recommend her! Linda E., mother of twin teen daughters
Get the book
Communication with your Teen
How can I find you? You can connect with me here. Se habla espanol
Click here to pick up your free gift: Conflict Free Communication Checklist
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d E . M , y t r a o R ' O y Case PARENT COACH
What do you do?
I lead live and online parenting workshops, I coach over the phone, and I host a weekly podcast for parents called, The Joyful Courage Podcast.
What issues do you deal with?
My work is really focused on supporting parents with being ON the parenting journey. It is messy, and our teens are exploring who they are, making mistakes, and needing a healthy adult to be in relationship with through it all. An adult who is grounded and clear on how they want to show up and influence the situations they find themselves in with their kids.
How can you help?
There are so many ways to work with me. My weekly podcast is free and available to all through iTunes, Spotify, iheartradio, or anywhere you are currently listening to podcasts. I lead a quarterly program online for parents of teens that is based on Positive Discipline and being a part of an active community of parents on the raising teens journey. I recently published a book, Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey, that is being very well received, all about focusing in on our own self regulation. And I am available for one on one coaching as well. All of these offers can be found on my website - www.joyfulcoruage.com
What can I expect? Expect to feel seen and heard. I do free 15 minute explore calls that gives us time to see if we are a good fit for coaching. I always show up with authenticity and listening. I walk beside you on the path of parenting teens, and have deep respect for the process. I am all about personal growth and development, so you can expect to take a good hard look at what YOU are bringing to the current relationships in your life.
What other parents say about me
"Casey is an amazing coach and facilitator. She is organized, thoughtful, wise, and so vulnerable. I never felt like I was being judged and criticized. I just felt loved and encouraged to be the best parent I can be (mistakes and all!)." - Katie L. "Casey has extensive knowledge to share and an adept way of guiding you through processing what you've learned so you can use it in practical ways as you parent your teens." - Beth H "Working with Casey as a coach is one of the most powerful things my husband and I have done together with regards to parenting. Her kindness and welcoming presence put my husband right at ease and he quickly let his defensiveness down. This allowed for us both to come together and start developing a common language from which to parent." - Juliet P "Casey- you’re an exceptional coach and facilitator. I think it was Katie Lowry who said that you are meant to do this work and I wholeheartedly agree. Sometimes when you talk I feel like you’ve been inside my head. You’re also a really good listener and very genuine. You’ve really influenced the way I parent, and really the way I see myself as a person. Love you!" - Kaite S.
Get the book How can I find you?
You can connect with me here. www.joyfulcourage.com
Joyful Courage in Parenting
Aparna Venkataraman PARENT COACH WELLNESS EDUCATOR MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER MINDFULNESS EDUCATOR
What do you do? I offer 1-on-1 online parent coaching and guided meditation sessions to parents and teens, as well as e-guides and essential oil education.
What issues do you deal with?
Anxiety, depression, self-worth, communication, mindfulness, academic focus, leadership skills.
How can you help?
I offer practical techniques and tips for self-care, emotion self-regulation, communication and overall confidence to help you feel more flow, joy, ease and connection!
What can I expect? I offer a free 30-minute consultation to discuss your needs and we meet either weekly or biweekly. You will also have access to all of my mindfulness and essential oil resources.
What other parents say about me It was really lovely having direct phrases to communicate more with my child and partner, as I felt less stress and more equipped to manage things in the future and love myself more in the process. — Edith D. I really loved hearing her perspective and experiences and how she could relate to what I was going through with my daughter - she’s very compassionate and helped me to be more mindful. — Kelly A. After working with her, my children and I saw a huge shift in how we thought about and connected with one another. Now we all have a loving, fun relationship! — Andrea M.
Book a FREE session here
How can I find you?
You can connect with me here.
Self Care, Confidence & Leadership for Teens and Their Parents
h t i m S a s i L MOM AND PARENT COACH
What do you do? I am a Mom and Parent Coach who knows the joy of transformation, but really I help turn frustrated parents -- who regularly default to yelling, threatening and punishing -- into peaceful leaders within their households. As a former dominant parent, I found the path to Peaceful Parenting and am dedicated to helping other parents find their way too!
What issues do you deal with? Issues affecting parents wanting to connect with their teens
How can you help? My coaching practice, The Peaceful Parent, has now helped thousands of parents. Through online courses, a weekly blog, a free Facebook group, and personal coaching, these families have learned to move from chaos to connection.
What can I expect? Results-move from chaos to connection
What other parents say about me? “Lisa is a stellar parenting coach. I didn’t know how many opportunities and options I had to be a more successful parent until I coached with her. Sharing in-depth and heart-centered lessons from her own experiences in a patient and nurturing way helped me and my husband feel supported, understood and open to a new paradigm in parenting.” “Lisa has walked the road of transforming her own parenting and is an expert guide for those ready to experience a tremendous shift in they way they parent.” “Before training with Lisa, I felt like I was surviving parenting. My oldest would have these huge feelings about everything and it would derail the peace in our home in seconds. I didn’t know really what to do with it. Now that I’ve learned that children are always just trying to get their needs met, now I approach those huge feelings as a detective trying to figure just what he needs. I feel more in control and at peace with my parenting. I’m excited to learn with my boys, and I’m really proud of myself for giving this priceless gift to them. By going through the Peaceful Parenting classes with Lisa Smith, I really look forward to a bright future. Lisa Smith is a wonderful coach and I know she has changed the course for my family. She is simply amazing!!!” “Before my husband and I started training with Lisa, I felt like we were constantly fighting the same battles with our 3 kiddos & resorting to threats (no iPad, no tv, etc). Now that we’ve learned so many great tools, I think what’s changed most for us is our consistency to our family’s values & not reacting each time something doesn’t go as we’d like! We take vacations, eat out and spend so much on their sports, but never invested in making us better parents, one of the most important things! So happy we gave Lisa a go as I feel like the understanding we now have w/ our children has changed everything for the better. Thank you Lisa for your time, honestly and your many great tips & tools to become the best parents we can – it was all so eye opening and something we use on a daily basis!”
How can I find you?
You can connect with me here.
What is Peaceful Parenting?
e n o p p a r Kyle G STUDENT SUCCESS COACH & FOUNDER OF TO THE NEXT STEP
What do you do? I help students discover their passions and prepare for the real world that await them
What issues do you deal with? Lack of focus and motivation when it comes to getting serious about a student's future.
What can I expect? I offer a free 60-minute introductory for both the parent and the student. Here is where I learn about the student and discuss how we can work together. Then I put together a personalized plan complete with goals and learning objectives.
Topics covered... -Discovering Your Passions -Identifying Opportunities -The College Selection Process -Creating Your Own College Experience -Preparing for the Workforce
Welcome to To The Next Step! Let's help your student discover their passion and plan for their future! How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
Email: kyle@tothenextstep.org
ALEX'S
STORY
THE GIFT OF LIFE LIVING AND
A
LIFE
DOING
OF
GRATITUDE
FOR
OTHERS
18
In 1986 I met this incredible human for the first time. We became instant friends and now 33 years later, we are closer than ever, even though we live hundreds of kilometers apart. Due to confidentiality reasons, I can’t tell you my friends name, so we will call my friend Alex. This is Alex’s story - a story of courage, selflessness, caring, and impact. I think you will agree, once you have read this story, there are no other gifts greater than the one that Alex gave. But the point is not to outshine any other gifts (Alex would hate that). The point is that, no matter where you are in life, no matter who you know, where you live, how much you make, or what impact you have made in the past, any small gesture of giving can go a long way. This story is about a much larger gesture of kindness, but no matter the medium, it is the message that Alex wants to encourage.
Be kind and do what you can to make someone else’s life better. I will let Alex tell you all about it... Here's my story. I donated a kidney as an NDAD, short for non-designated Anonymous donor. This all started when I read an intriguing Facebook post. I am sure you have seen these posts from someone you don’t know, asking for something they need. My first inclination is to question whether they are even a real person. But something about this post made me stop scrolling. It was a young person self advocating for themselves. She needed a kidney or she wouldn’t have long to live. I creeped her on Facebook (like any normal person would do:) and saw her profile and realized she was into everything I was, except that she had been living with kidney disease for a really long time
18
(Insert message from editor) “This is where most people would just keep scrolling, but not Alex. For as long as I have known Alex, the question was never, what can I do for myself, it was always, what can I do for someone else?
I signed my donor card when I was 16 years old. My spouse and I have both given plasma and I'm in the 400 mark for donations. The plasma clinic in our city closed and I wondered what I could do next. I decided to donate bone marrow. I put my name on their donor list right after the plasma clinic closed but didn’t hear back. I still check regularly though. As I was coming up on a milestone birthday, perhaps this milestone made me question my purpose and impact more than most other birthdays had, or perhaps I just knew I had more to give. I wondered how I could leave a legacy. As I was thinking about what I wanted my milestone birthday to look like, I saw the post from this young lady asking for a kidney. I contacted her and we began the numerous tests to see if we were blood type compatible. Our blood type matched but our antibodies in our blood did not match. It was a devastating blow to both of us. This is usually where donors give up, but with her encouragement, I decided to keep trying but this time I wouldn’t know who was getting my kidney. She said, “Just because you and I are not a match, doesn’t mean you need to stop trying. You may be a perfect match for somebody else out there.” I took a break of about six months to consider her words and really make sure it was the right decision for me and my family. I still hadn’t had that birthday yet. When I was ready, I got back in contact with the same hospital that I was originally in contact with and told them I was still interested. We started the process again but because of the time in between, I had to re-do a lot of the tests. This involved travelling to another city numerous times to meet with the doctors, nurses, social workers and everyone else involved in the process.
18
(Insert message from editor) I asked Alex a few questions so I could get a better idea of what was involved in becoming a live kidney donor.
What is the process to become a live kidney donor? The process of becoming a living donor (don't quote me on this, but I would assume it would be the same if you were to directly donate to a family member) is to meet with a team of professionals at the hospital. My donation was completely anonymous. This is generally how donations are received for many reasons, some beyond anyone’s control. A nurse went over all the pros and the cons and consequences and lifelong commitments that you need to make as a donor. I also worked closely with a social work team. This social work team also met with my spouse and my family. All of the tests included a: CT scan, ECG, EKG, MRI and lots of blood and urine work. I've lost track of how many vials of blood have been taken. In one day there were 26 vials. I can truly see how people get frustrated at the system and give up or decide maybe this isn't for them because it is a lot of work for the donor and I can’t imagine the tests needed to be done to the recipient. And this is all BEFORE the surgery and recuperation.
So what are some of the thoughts that went through your mind during all this? Of course with the entire process being anonymous, and being a very private person, it started with who do I tell first, who can I talk to about this, who’s going to understand me and believe in me and my crazy plan. lol. This was a major decision to donate a kidney. Making the decision to donate a kidney did not come lightly. It had to fit into my life, in my family’s lives, and my work. I had to be healthy. I had to have time, energy, and finances to be able to travel to and from our home town to another city. I had to take multiple tests to figure out if I was healthy enough to donate. Even after donating my kidney I was nervous to tell some people in my life for fear of being judged or questioned about my decision.
18
If you could leave us with one take-away to think about, what would it be? My message is not that I feel like everyone should donate a major organ but it could be in the little things we do that make all the difference, whether that be donating to a local food bank, buying a backpack for a child in need, putting new shoes on the feet of children that have never had good runners before, or even as simple as smiling kindly to strangers in the street. These things matter and make a difference in the lives of others. I think we all have a legacy inside of us just waiting to be exposed. Mine took a bit of work and time, but with a healthy body and a great support system all around, I was able to achieve my goals and give a true gift of life.
Knowing you, I know this isn't the last good deed in your life. What's next for you Alex? Certainly nothing as major as that again but I will continue with my small charity group work and instill good, pay it forward messages to my children. I feel like we have been so fortunate in our lives. I do hope to find a way to give shoes to kids that have never had good runners. That may be my next goal, but first I need to recuperate. (From the editor) As you can see, Alex is pretty amazing. Lucky me that I get to have a friend like Alex.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT MORE ABOUT BECOMING A LIVE DONOR, HERE IS HOW: Living Kidney Donation at LHSC (video) https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=5XI7uYdwyQE
Multi-Organ Transplant Program, LHSC www.lhsc.on.ca/transplantTrillium
Gift of Life Network www.giftoflife.on.ca
PRELOD Program www.giftoflife.on.ca/resources/pdf/PRELOD FAQ.pdf
Kidney Foundation of Canada, Ontario branch www.kidney.on.ca
Kidney Foundation of Canada, National branch www.kidney.caKidney
Paired Donation Program (Canadian Blood Services) https://blood.ca/en/organs-tissues/becoming-live-kidney-donor
Canadian Cancer Society Guidelines www.cancer.ca/screening
y e n a v l u Kat M HOLISTIC FAMILY COACH
What do you do? I help parents of struggling kids take control of emotions so their child can find happiness and everyone can back to the activities they love. I work with families online or in person in Portland, Oregon.
What issues do you deal with? Missing school, big emotions, bullying, anxiety, anger, depression, and lack of focus. In the long run, I work to prevent addiction and suicide.
How can you help? I help families go from scattered to centered, chaotic to calm, anxious to confident, disconnected to aligned, and lonely to comforted and empowered.
What can I expect? Let’s have a free strategy call to get clear on what you want and if I can help. If we’re a fit to work together, we’ll meet weekly, and I’ll be available via email when you run into challenges and need support. You’ll also receive my book, A Good Day at School, and the video resources that accompany it.
What other parents say about me: “I am hooked! Kat’s tools are amazing for kids and adult humans, too. Get her book now!”-Angie R. “[Kat] has helped me totally re-evaluate my purpose and how to find happiness. This discovery has transformed my parenting, and I can’t express how positively my kids have been affected. Thank you, thank you.”-Rebecca C. “My kid has uncovered her superpowers, and it’s changed everything. She didn’t know life could be this good. Life will certainly never be the same!”-Langdon T.
The secret to raising happy kids How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
Email: kat@katmulvaney.com
r o l y a T t e n Ja
PARENT COACH
What do you do? I empower parents dealing with youth struggling with mental health and addiction issues to focus on the present situation.
What issues do you deal with? I deal with parent's feelings of guilt, shame, anger, anxiety, other relationships that get affected by the stress; and overall mental health of the parent.
How can you help? I offer training I have learned over a period of 6 years in a 6 week program to empower parents in dealing with the areas within themselves that they can control to keep them in a healthy mindset - allows parents to be the role model their child needs and wants and allows the parent to deal with longer term issues one step at a time.
What can I expect? I use Zoom video to connect with you face to face in a confidential space - you can come alone or with your partner. This call is not time sensitive and we will get to talk about your situation, we will focus on the outcome you desire and I will share with you the 6 week program outline and the outcome you can achieve. I also offer a three week intensive course if that applies to your situation.
What other parents say about me: "She helped me tap into my strength and courage and reminded me who I truly am. I felt empowered and stronger after our session. I loved the questions she asked me and enjoyed finding the answers to those questions." Natalia S.
Parents Never Give Up
How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
t t i z a G Sheri TEEN LIFE COACH PARENT COACH
What do you do?
I am a coach, mentor, cheerleader, and guide all wrapped up into one.
What issues do you deal with? Friendship issues, stress, confidence, overwhelm, motivation, parent/daughter relationship
How can you help? My passion is to empower your daughter to discover her positive and powerful inner voice. I will guide her to find what makes her happy, motivated, and joyful. By doing that, she will be able to live a more genuine, purposeful, and fulfilling life. Isn’t that what we are all after?
What can I expect? You can expect an open heart and no judgment. Let’s start with a complimentary parent consult. If I’m what you need, you and your teen will work with me for about 3 months. We can see each other in person, online, or a combination. And parents, you are part of the process! We will have several parent sessions so that you know how to best support your daughter.
What other parents say about me: "Sometimes your mind gets all tangled up and coaching helps to unravel it." 14 y.o. client "Sheri was a God-send. She opened up the lines of communication again." Mom of 13 y.o. client "When my daughter was coaching with Sheri, it let me back off emotionally from stuff that came up. It kept me from being TOO emotional and let me be more of a help to my daughter." Mom of 17 y.o. client "Coaching met and went beyond my expectations. It was exactly what my daughter needed and really seemed to help her in the way she approaches things and thinks about things." Mom of 17 y.o. client
The importance of joy
How can I find you? You can connect with me here:
Email: sheri@teenwiseseattle.com
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