Öfke ve Şiddet Kontrolü

Anger comes from disappointment. When the difference of the value person gives to himself and the value others give to him is getting bigger the level of anger increases. Loosing previous power is a strong anger factor. The definition of Turkish Language Society says; aggression reaction under detainment, offence or intimidation, furiousness, rage, fury step by step anger and stress control Anger is a masked depression. Sometimes people who have depression lives with the depression become introverted or attack to other people. Usually men and macho culture try to hide depression with aggressive behaviour.

In general anger is an emotional reaction given to unsaturated desires, unwanted outcomes and unmet expectations.

Just like other emotions, when anger expressed universal and healthy it’s a positive and can recover communications between people.

However, anger has the potential to transform extremely destroying reactions and aggression when it is not controlled and reflects to behaviours.

Today we see uncontrolled anger emotions reaction in family violence, child harassment and abuse, terrorism, street fights and in traffic.

Usually, instead of asking for help people suppress anger and similar feelings, deny and ignore their feelings. Anger Dance Psychotherapist Doctor Harriett Lerner (USA) In Anger Dance, Doctor Harriet Lerner says when anger happens there is something wrong in relationship.

According to him anger is not the real problem but basis of anger is. When a situation is uncomfortable acting better than the condition or hate don’t solve the problem.

For example ignoring the problem may mean being malleable, easy going and passive. When anger is lived like this it means anger is stored with increasing dosage.

At the end ineffective outbreak or emotional distance occurs. He argues that when anger outbreaks it is not effective and dangerous. The results are lower self-esteem, inability to communicate and blame. A- What are the symptoms? Anger has many dimensions from a small reaction to rage. Anger is felt just like other feelings; with physiologically and biologically changes. If you know to rest, our body gives us signals that we are angry.

Physical Signs of Anger; • Stimulus activates the sense • Stress and anger starts • Increased secretion of adrenaline increases energy • Breathing is more frequent • Fast heartbeats • Blood pressure increases • Body and mind is ready for war or run reaction

WB- What are the reasons of anger? Anger is seen in people who have one straight worldview frequently, called monolithic logic This people get angry when the outside world does not match with what they think. Not getting what wanted, unmet expectations, thought of unfair treats, loosing friends, lost opportunities, fights, detention, not to be understood, disrespect, disappointment, work load etc. causes anger. Every individual gets angry to something. Besides a subject might get someone angry sometimes and sometimes not. In addition to this, people needs to evaluate their goal setting strategies. Having factoid or setting goals that never would come through makes us angry and unhappy all the time.

C- Harms of Anger Physical symptoms when anger is not expressed correctly; • Headaches • Stomach disorders • Breathing problems • Skin problems • Problems in genital and kidney functions • Arthritis • Nervous system problems • Circulation problems • Existing physical conditions getting worse • Emotional disorders • Suicide

D- Benefits of Anger During March 18th Naval War, there was only one cannonball left and its crane to lift the bullet was broken in Rumelia Mecidiye Redoubt. Corporal Seyit lifted the bullet that weights 215kg three times with a big power and push the barrel until the and after the third shot his heroism English Ocean armoured got hurt badly.

There was a goshawk. The bird came to an old lady’s garden. Old lady saw that the goshawk was hungry and uncared, pity him and take him with her. Old lady put bread in front of the goshawk.

Goshawk nourished with meat could not eat the bread in front of him. Old lady said “Your previous owner left you uncared, your beautiful beak is bended you became unable to eat” hold its beak and cut it. Desperate bird fluttered in her hands. merciless owner never straightened your feather and cut the bird’s further in one direction. Old lady’s intention was to help the bird thinking it is miserable and looked at its claws and said “My poor bird! Nobody ever cut your nails?” Said, “How long they are!” and cut his claws with a big scissor. The bird became horrible in the hands of the old lady who showed mercy but did not know how to take care of a goshawk. Its strong wings take him to its hunt are now picked, its sharp and cutter beak is broken, its strong claws which takes its hunt to the sky cut.“Brave” goshawk is turned to a “coward” crow in the hands of merciful but ignorant old lady. (From Rumi)

E- What to do? What do we need to do to cope with anger? - Anger is a healthy emotion when it is expressed correctly. But when its not it may cause devastating results. - Anger might seem in child abuse and family violence, physical, verbal harassment and also causes many social and personal problems to come out. - Anger is an important factor in interpersonal relations and cause serious problems in people’s work and family lives. - People avoid social relations when they cannot cope up with anger and limited problem solving abilities. - When someone cannot cope with anger; smoking, drug use, eating disorders and depression may happen. - Anger control system is, someone increasing his emotional and logical control stronger and developing controlling negative emotions. - For angry people Maslow says “if the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything as if it were a nail” - Anger people’s only solution is yelling. - Common sense limits us to the limits we can take our anger to. - Expressing anger with words rather than violence is the healthiest way. In order to do this we need to realize what we need, and express this to others without hurting them but openly.

Second way is to suppress the anger.

If you hold the anger within yourself, try not to think about it and try to take your attention to positive things it means you are using this way.

This sometimes works but using this frequently may not be healthy. If the anger is not expressed right after a while this feeling turns to the person and problems such as hypertension, psychosomatic disorders (ulcer allergies, etc.) or depression may occur.

When we are angry trying to calm ourselves down is another option.

You may make ease your anger by controlling your breath and heartbeats and physiologically calming yourself.

“Mercy turned a brave goshawk in to a scared crow.”

People are dangerous not because they are hurting us, but dangerous because with injustice they kill the peace in us and cause us to be aggressive.