Issue 2 by Recovery Wire

January February 2013

TOP 10

WAYS TO

GET HAPPY THE OXYNEO SOLUTION IS ADDICTION A TREND? IF ONLY YOU LISTEN TO ME, ALL WILL BE PERFECT. ARTS ARTS & & CULTURE CULTURE

FLIGHT FLIGHT SOARS, SOARS, DESPITE DESPITE A A FEW FEW DIPS DIPS

PILLS PILLS PILLS Q Q& &A A wih wih Dr. Dr. T T

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR What inspired Recovery Wire Magazine, and why is our focus addiction in general? Our Editor in Chief tells the story.

TOP 10 WAYS TO GET HAPPY Are you willing to do what it takes, but out of ideas about how to get happy? We have the top 10 practical ways to achieve a happier outlook on life.

22 IF ONLY YOU LISTEN... From the perspective of the ones who love the addicts in their lives, we get a glimpse at a lesson in detachment.

THE OXY NEO SOLUTION Dr. T takes us on a journey through the trials and challenges of a pill that turned the addictions community upside down, and turned unsuspecting patients into addicts.

PILLS PILLS PILLS! Are trips to the pharmacy becoming epidemic? Do we reach for pills before we even bother trying anything else? Pills Pills Pills!!

28 16

Q & A wih Dr. T Dr. T answers some of the questions you asked about your addiction. Are you drinking too much coffee? Do you have a food addiction?

MOVIE REVIEW Flight soars despite a few bumps. Our resident movie critic takes us to the sky for a review of the latest hollywood glimpse of addiction on the big screen.

CROSSWORD “You are such a pill!”

CLASSIFIEDS

IS ADDICTION A TREND? Do we overuse the word “addiction?” Are there consequences to dubbing everything an addiction? Has “addiction” become nothing but a trend?

ARTS & CULTURE Our resident culture expert tells us how to find our way out of our dark and stormy moods on a budget. Learn how to see the sights on less than a dime!

For a FREE Subscription visit: www.recoverywiremagazine.com 3

Recovery Wire Magazine Issue 2, January/February 2013 Editor in Chief Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com Contributing Writers: Aakilah Ade R.N. aakilah@recoverywiremagazine.com

Letter From the Editor

Kimberly Covey kim@recoverywiremagazine.com Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. drt@recoverywiremagazine.com Russell Powell russell@recoverywiremagazine.com Photography By: Liam Philley, Alloy Photography, surpasspro, Denis Pepin, willeecole, Mopic, Sanjay Deva, michaeljung Illustrations By: Jesus Zapata Designer: Jesus Zapata jesus@recoverywiremagazine.com Printed 6 times yearly: January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August, September/October, November/December Address: 360 A Bloor Street West P.O. Box 68506 Walmer Toronto, ON M5S 3C9 Phone: 416.922.9227 Subscription Rates: $3.95 per issue (Rates apply only to those outside of Canada) Reprints: For permission to reprint any portion of this magazine requests should be sent to: info@recoverywiremagazine.com Copyright 2012, Canada Post Publications Mail Canada Post Agreement Number: 42459522

entered into recovery as a teenager. I recall the nurses giving me an evening pass from the detox centre to go see the Lion King on my 19th birthday. From there I moved into a halfway house with other female addicts. I did my best to fit in. I was a very “low bottom” so they told me. I had a really hard time that first year. I had no idea how to connect to people, especially other women. I kept to myself mostly. I couldn’t carry on conversations all that well, and my outside appearance matched my insides perfectly. My entire wardrobe, make-up collection and hair accessories consisted of nothing but black, and I powdered my skin an even lighter shade of white to accentuate my expiry date. Those were indeed different times. One morning, as part of my rehabilitation, I had to get on a bus at 7:00 am and head to a 12-step meeting in another part of the city. I remember it was a cold morning. I had about six months clean, and there was a frost on the ground. As I waited for the bus I became more and more intolerant, but a new voice was beginning to immerge. The voice of reason and sanity, a quiet voice at the time, but she whispered to me, “Be patient. Breathe. It’s okay. There’s no rush, it’s just cold out.” By the time the bus finally arrived I was so caught up in the mantra that I must have started coaching myself aloud. Because when the doors opened, the old bus driver offered me a special smile which caught even him off guard. “You’re in recovery!” He announced with a wink and a nod. I remember that day as being my first taste of real fellowship. This warm comforting wave washed the cold from me, and I took the seat nearest his. I nodded, and nearly choked up. He asked if I was new, and I nodded again. He then began calmly reassuring me to hang in there. “It’s supposed to be uncomfortable,” he said. “If you were comfortable right now you’d be going the wrong way.” He laughed, and I found

myself laughing with him. He didn’t care that I looked as if I was about to drink the blood of the living, and I didn’t care that he was old enough to be a character from one of the Cocoon movies. We were family, and for the duration of my trip we spoke recovery. When we reached my destination, I bid him a good day. But as I stepped off the bus he said something peculiar to me as the doors were closing. I turned to him and waved, but it would take me a while to realize what his reference meant. I would later discover the man was in a completely different program. I was recovering from substance abuse, while he was recovering from sex addiction. But that morning, during that whole drive, we didn’t once mention our substances. We spoke of the insidiousness of addiction. We spoke of the challenges of finding ourselves again. We spoke a familiar language, and we were family. That frigid December day in 1994 would be considered the birth of Recovery Wire Magazine. I knew then, and have always known since, that once we pass into the realm of addiction, despite all our other differences, we are connected in a very special way. Our fellowship extends beyond the safety of our familiar resources. We might be in a 12-step program, we might not be, but what bonds us is the memory of what it was like to be caught in a cycle so potent and overpowering that at times it superseded our primal instinct to survive. If you can relate, you are not alone, and this magazine is for you.

Dee Christensen Editor in Chief Recovery Wire Magazine

1. MAKE YOUR BED.

TOP 10 WAYS TO

GET HAPPY Overcoming addiction is one thing, but getting happy is quite another.This is our list of practical tools that are sure to help turn your life from “manageable” to “magical.” Happiness is generated through action, and most of us are willing to do whatever it takes to attain it. Here are a few of the best methods to turn your mood around instantly.

We know what you’re thinking, “What does making my bed have to do with being happy?!” The first rule in overcoming addiction is: know your blind spots. Making your bed in the morning is part of good housekeeping in a tangible sense. Remember the last time your mind switched in a millisecond? The last time your mood went from seemingly content to dramatically resentful in a blink? In those crazy moments, our minds look for reasons to believe all is hopeless. A great way to avoid splashing around in a pool of pity for too long is to ensure your physical surroundings are in order. When we are depressed, and our eyes glance at a sink full of dishes, a disheveled bed, clothing strewn on the floor and unwashed floors, it’s more challenging to see possibility amidst disorder. Stop the train before it leaves the station! Make a daily commitment to keep your surroundings in order. It’s a physical act of self-esteem and after all, you deserve a lovely sanctuary don’t you?

2. JOURNAL By “Journal” we do not mean writing a novel each day. There is a magical shift that occurs when we put pen to paper. Perhaps there was a moment in your day that triggered a sensitive reaction? Write it down.Write down your perception at the time, and then write down a different version: “Situation: My boss yelled at me today, he is such a jerk. He can’t see how hard I’m working. I felt like a failure. I wanted to quit, I almost did. Alternative Version: My boss has been stressed lately, sales are low right now, and he must be pretty worried. Having someone yell at me does not make me a failure. Maybe he was blowing off steam, it’s not about me. Quitting just because I’m uncomfortable is silly.” You will be surprised how quickly your mind will relax. Just a few sentences on paper can turn anxiety into compassion and surrender. Imagine how different your life would be if every moment of insane thinking was turned around like this?

3. JUST WAIT! This step is about allowing time for deflation. There is a consistent theme among people who have overcome addiction: we all want to avoid discomfort. Instinctively our brains can shift into fight or flight the moment something becomes uncomfortable. Our partner needs space, we fear that means they want to bail, our brains scream, “Leave before you’re abandoned!” – JUST WAIT! We apply for a loan, we do not get it, our brains scream, “Screw it, go on a shopping spree, you’ll feel better!” – JUST WAIT! We apply for a promotion, we get turned down, our brains scream, “Quit! That’ll show them!” – JUST WAIT! Our mind may offer us a convincing first option, and that option may indeed prove to instantly alter the discomfort, but JUST WAIT. Give yourself an hour, go for a walk, and let that first wave of intensity deflate. Guaranteed once you are back in your calm mind, things will look different. Never make a decision from a place of urgency.

4. MAKE A FEAR LIST

6. MEDITATE

This one can be a lot of fun. It seems tailored to everyone, but for people who have overcome an addiction it can be life altering. Our wheels turn at an unimaginable pace. We need stimulation. We were meant to climb otherwise we would not be capable of such challenges. Make a list of 10 things that scare you. It doesn’t have to be as grand as jumping out of a plane, as a matter of fact, the more practical the fear the more rewarding the outcome.

In the beginning, meditation seems pointless. We read about gurus, sitting in one spot for hours. Inevitably attaining, what we imagine to be, some sort of enlightenment whereby the world seems more optimistic. Perhaps they levitate. Perhaps they share ideas that sound like the itty-bitty pieces of paper we find in a fortune cookie.We do not understand the point to meditation. And every time we try it, we just find ourselves thinking. We sit in one place, and breathe deeply, and we try to be Zen, but the thoughts just keep rolling in. We think about the emails we have to return, the errands we forgot to run, the bill we didn’t pay, that woman in accounting with the mole on her nose…. “I wonder why she doesn’t remove that thing? It can’t be that expensive...” (Wash, rinse, repeat.)

I’m afraid to approach men/women, I’m scared they will reject me. I’m afraid to try a sport; I’m scared I’ll make a fool of myself. I’ve never been athletic. I’m afraid to go back to school, I’m scared I’ll fail. I’m afraid of dogs. I’m afraid of speaking in front of crowds. I’m afraid of running, even though I’ve always admired marathoners.

Initially meditation is a lovely concept, but the purpose of it is lost. But meditation is an essential part of becoming grounded and content. In fact, working through the countless trips that our minds drift back to is the very point of the exercise. Practice sitting through the discomfort: work through the urge to scratch your nose, work through your urge to give up because you think you’re failing at it.Train your mind to take pause, relax, and listen. Meditation is a metaphor for life itself. When we become able to sit, calm the body and mind, clear our thoughts (even for brief moments between trailing off), we achieve a great power. Meditation helps us to shrink the world down to its right size, tolerate mental and physical discomfort, and release the burdens of our perceptions.

Now one by one, pick a fear and overcome it. Heart pounding, palms sweating, try giving that girl your number anyway., and then check it off your list. The feeling of actually doing it becomes far more rewarding than the outcome. Try out for softball! Join a learn-to-run clinic at the Running Room.Take a continuing education class.Take an improvisational class at a local comedy house, make a bloody fool of yourself and have some fun! The more time we invest in fully participating in our lives, the less time we spend obsessing about a vice in order to endure them.

There is no magical rule to meditation. Find a comfortable place to sit, legs crossed or uncrossed, count ohms or don’t count ohms, in a chair or on the floor, incense or no incense, nature sounds or dead silence. Meditate on the subway if you want, simply close your eyes and focus on a single sound or thought. The point is to still your racing brain, imagine how handy that skill would be? In time this process bestows immeasurable rewards.

7. JOIN A COMMITTEE This sounds like a weird one. If you’ve ever listened to the member of any committee the most common feeling expressed is frustration. Committees are groups of people who come together for a common purpose. A room full of alternate personalities trying to attain a singular goal, now that spells chaos! So why would we challenge you to try joining one?! The answer is: sometimes joy is found through learning to adapt and work through challenge. Happiness is not about avoiding conflict, it’s about learning that conflict is a necessary part of life. Conflict, sometimes, is a great thing!

5. REMEMBER YOUR BODY This is not about appearance, and it is not about becoming an elite athlete. This is about taking responsibility for your vessel: your body. If your body is being fed inconsistently, if it’s being fed refined sugars, excessive caffeine, excessive fatty/deep fried/instant foods, excessive animal proteins and not enough plant protein, not getting fresh air, not being stretched, not being utilized: “happy” is going to remain a challenge. Poor eating habits can cause mood swings, like it or not. No matter how much effort we put into achieving serenity for our minds, if our bodies remain ignored, we have achieved a half-measure (which avails us nothing). Commit to daily walks, ask a friend to join. Commit to less coffee. Commit to eating fruit and vegetables every day. Buy a nice yoga mat and have a gentle stretch while you’re watching your favorite sitcom. You’ll be amazed by the joy you can generate simply from feeding your body properly and giving it the attention it deserves. Physically active and healthy people are happier people. Plain and simple.

As part of a committee, we learn to adapt to different perspectives and overcome challenges, because we have a goal to achieve. Sometimes trying to attain this skill, without a goal, is very difficult. Nothing will help you progress in your recovery like being an active member of a committee at least once. Join a 12-step committee, a conference committee, or a charity committee to host an event. Commit to one term, and complete that whole term.You will indeed experience the rises and falls of collective personalities, but you will also learn that conflict is sometimes our greatest asset. Conflict in a group forces us to go back to the drawing board and come up with new and sometimes more exciting ideas. Conflict forces us to get more creative until we achieve consensus, and this process has resulted in some of the greatest inventions and successes around the world. Being able to embrace your autonomy, respect the rights of others, and detach: these are the skills we perfect as a committee member. How much happier would your life be if you could integrate this skillset you’re your everyday? Challenge accepted?

9 12

8. VOLUNTEER If you want to improve your outlook on life, volunteering is a great way to gain an appreciation for what you have. Ask yourself, what do you do with your spare time? Do you spend it watching television? Do you spend it solely in support groups? Challenge yourself to pick a cause outside of your current repertoire and commit to giving of yourself. Maybe you’ve been impacted by Cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, heart disease? Maybe your parents immigrated from another country and struggled with culture shock, so volunteering at a settlement service organization appeals to you? Maybe you want to plan your very own charity event and donate the proceeds to an organization you believe in? We challenge you to incorporate this commitment into your life and not experience a shift in disposition. Volunteering is not just good for the soul, it also places you in the path of gratitude. Miserable people, generally, don’t volunteer. Choosing to give back to your community will surround you with other people who live the same way, and this increases your chances of expanding your social circle to include optimistic, humble and grounded social connections.

10. VACATION No matter how diligent we are about committing to our own happiness each day, nothing quite matches the excitement of working toward something. Remember the last time you took a trip? The weeks leading up to it were decorated with happiness. Each task you performed was suddenly less dismal because it was working toward a goal.Your tolerance was slightly higher because something joyful was on the horizon. Why can’t you feel that way every day? You can!

9. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH JOY This may seem like an obvious notion, but how often do you actually apply it? We challenge you to create a toolbox of joyful inspiration. Make a list of emergency options that you know will help to pull you from the vortex of gloom. Have a song list prepared solely for the purpose of turning your mood around. Songs that always make you dance or smile or feel powerful. What makes you feel joyful? When that gloom starts to strike, put a movie on that always makes you feel inspired. Buy a canvas and paint a picture of your own version of paradise.Watch a music video. Listen to a symphony. Call that friend who is always optimistic and motivated. Make a collage of what brings you joy. List 10 things that you’re grateful for. Gloom is contagious, but so is joy. It’s amazing how easy it is to create a happy life out of patchwork moments of joy. The next time you’re having a bad moment and the opportunity arises to join a conversation in which you can complain about your circumstances, choose joy first.You can always choose to complain later if the feeling still remains, but commit to trying something new beforehand.You’ll be surprised how easy it is to bypass misery altogether.

Even on the tightest budget, a vacation is possible. A group camping trip, with car-pooling and food sharing can be inexpensive and great fun! A road trip to a round-up or a conference can be rewarding and a great way to connect to people. Don’t wait for a leader to immerge, be the leader yourself! Plan a spiritual retreat, and you’ll realize that so many people around you need the same kind of inspiration you do. Plan a weekend getaway to a cabin. Plan a trip to Mexico. Plan a trip to a little town nearby, rent a hotel room and buy tickets to a theatre production. You will be amazed at how exciting life can be when you commit to planning your next getaway. It’s hard to feel pessimistic when even a small holiday is on the horizon.

Shambhala Meditation Centre of Toronto

Making Enlightened Society Possible Mindfulness meditation is the foundation of all that we do. This 2,500 year-old practice of self-discovery is rooted in the simple, but revolutionary premise that every human being has the ability to cultivate the mind’s inherent stability, clarity, and strength in order to be more awake and compassionate in everyday life. http://toronto.shambhala.org

The OxyNeo Solution: Was this the Next Best Thing To Do?

We in the front lines of addiction services know how difficult an opiate addiction is to treat. Many of us have scratched our heads in wonderment. How could medical doctors become such active players in the development of people’s addiction? How did such an abuse of the drug formulary be allowed to occur? What could be done to control our portion of this epidemic of addiction?

By Dr.Vera Tarman drt@recoverywiremagazine.com

s an Addictions Physician, I have long been aware of the tragedies related to opiate abuse. First I saw the haggard heroin addicts seeking methadone treatment or detox - only to see them go back out when their cravings and physical withdrawal got too intense. Then in the last 15 years, this level of desperation has taken on a new face: now alongside the low bottom addicts i.e. people living on the streets, came the lesser stigmatized individuals. These were the many clients whom I see now, those who had become addicted to opiates though legitimate means - by following doctor’s orders, or by abusing otherwise legitimate prescriptions, or by getting opiates from friends and relatives who were getting their drugs from their doctors. Indeed, the clinics and drug treatment centres in Ontario have noted that prescription drug abuse has far outweighed illicit heroin or opium use. And by far, the prescription drug abused the most: OxyContin. Introduced in 1995, OxyContin has been a preferred narcotic of abuse because it contains a significant amount of narcotic in it, enough to be slow released over the course of many hours. However, if the extended release content is tampered with, in order to be injected, snorted or smoked, this drug becomes the most potent of all the opiates. Not surprisingly, people have called OxyContin “Hillbilly Heroin”. Dependence to the drug follows within weeks and for many people - addiction was the result. The increased usage of OxyContin soared when it was included on the drug formulary in 2000. This made the drug highly accessible and free to all who could manage to get a prescription. This was not terribly difficult to do, as many doctors were taught that OxyContin was NOT as addictive as other available narcotics and were willing to prescribe it over other narcotics. Prescription of OxyContin has skyrocketed to an exponential level in the last ten years. This led, as most of us know, to a scourge of prescriptions that were being sold or ‘diverted’ to the underground of the illicit sale of these otherwise legit drugs.

Earlier this year, in an attempt to curb the rapid growth of prescription abuse, the College of Pharmacies implemented changes that have required prescriptions to include identifying data on each prescription so that the prescription of narcotics could be tabulated and monitored via a central database. This has effectively made it possible to determine who is ‘double doctoring’ or who is getting great volumes of prescription drug, as well as more easily identify the heavy prescribers themselves. Weeks later, an even bigger change has occurred. Purdue Pharma, the manufactures of Oxycontin, have stopped the formulation of OxyContin. In its place, they have introduced a new formation of Oxycodone called OxyNeo. When this new version of Oxycodone is crushed with the intent to snort, smoke or inject, the pill merely turns to gel, making it unusable for anything other than it intended oral use - which is the slowest and least addictive route to the brain. The next major change is that this new drug was taken off the Ontario Drug Formulary as of April 1 2013. This means that if a patient is prescribed OxyNeo, they will have to pay the full market price. This means that if people get their monthly script with intention to sell the drug - they will have to increase the cost significantly - for a much less potent drug. To the front line workers, what do these changes mean? Was this the next right thing to do in the face of this recent opiate epidemic? Most of us have been uncertain. We look to the American experience with some trepidation. The immediate effect will be that many people who have been on OxyContin no longer have access to this drug. They suddenly found themselves without their supply or the adequate time needed to taper from their addiction. For those willing to go through withdrawal, access to withdrawal services is severely limited. Indeed, although the government has promised to introduce more services in the medical infrastructure, the response so far has not reached the demand. This of particular concern in the North, where addiction services, from Methadone Maintenance to OHIP subsided recovery beds and clinicians, are in low supply. In some communities, more than 70% of people are addicted to opiates.

While an opiate withdrawal is not life threatening in and of itself, it is a very painful and prolonged withdrawal and will could lead to desperate behaviours to avoid this experience. We fear that the crime rate will increase, i.e., the robbing pharmacies to get the last of the OxyContin supply, or to find other opiates still on the market. Or it can lead to self destructive behaviour such as IV drug use and even suicide. It is very likely that, as our US experience has taught us, many people may turn to other drugs i.e. heroin, or other opiates, or alcohol or stimulants such as cocaine or crystal meth. This is, in fact, what has happened since these changes have been implemented. I am aware of a dramatic increase in more IV morphine and heroin use. If a person is not ready to stop their addiction, or is unable to cope with the withdrawal, this introduction of OxyNeo seems to have merely presented an obstacle to which further desperate solutions are sought. We in the addictions community are quite concerned. There is another side: I have had many patients tell me that this is the change that they personally needed to stop using OxyContin. While they were prepared to continue their lifestyle of addiction through the semi legitimate means i.e. double doctoring, or buying from their neighbours and friends, they are not willing to go â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;undergroundâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; for heroin or for other drugs. In a small number of cases, this was the final straw to make them quit.

Providing that these individuals are dealing with their own disorder of addiction, I believe this may be a major motivator and solution. However, using our new ASAM definition of Addiction, we believe that addiction is a disorder of the brain, irrelevant to the specific drug or behaviour. Therefore, unless the addiction component is addressed through recovery techniques like the 12 step programs, the monkey on the addictâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s back will merely find another venue. Any other drug or behaviour will do, if available and accessible. From my personal physician standpoint, I have been pleased about these changes. It has bothered me a great deal that one of the biggest current drug problems which have effected our most vulnerable (i.e., our youth, our lowest income) has been doctor induced - what we call iatrogenic medicine. We doctors have been part of the problem. I believe it is the next best thing to have done, though I wish it had been done with more preparation and with an eye on the larger picture of the addiction dynamic in the brain. Physicians are now taking some responsibility and have taken the opportunity to amend our prescribing behaviours. We are now at least not part of this problem; it behoves us now to become more of the solution. It is my hope that through this experience, society as a whole will become more awakened to the need and urgency of addiction treatment. Perhaps we can then put our efforts towards the next best thing, which is to provide more care and compassion to the still suffering addict.

Curb Cravings and Reduce Stress! Acupuncture for Addictions 20 VISIT PASS for $100 +hst

www.torontoacupuncturestudio.com Phone: (647) 700-4644

Phone: 647.834.6011 jesus@recoverywiremagazine.com

In-House Graphic Design

Your Ad Here Phone: 416.922.9227 info@recoverywiremagazine.com

Question 1:

Question 2:

“Is it normal that on average everyday I drink three sometimes four pots of coffee I will also drive by Starbucks after work and get two large coffee drinks and they are gone before I’m home and my drive is about 22 minutes.”

“Ok, so lately I have been addicted to sugar/candy such as Mike n Ikes, Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, and I always want to snack on them. Everytime my boyfriend and I go to a movie, I want candy. And it’s bad for my teeth, yeast infection candida lives on sugar pretty much and I get those infections too often. And I just want to know what I can have in place of sugar to curb my cravings. My chocoholicism has turned into candy-holic-ism. And it sounds silly but I haven’t gone to the dentist in a while (going tuesday) cause I am concerned from all the candy I have consumed lately and I just wanted to know if anyone knew of other things I could have instead. I am going to try to go sugar free for a week (meaning no candy.)”

Answer: You certainly drink a lot of coffee in a day!! Here is an estimate of what is considered low to excessive: Low to moderate: 130 to 300 mg per day Moderate: 200 to 300 mg per day High : above 400 mg per day Heavy is more than 6, 0000 mg per day I dont know how many cups of coffee are in your four pots a day, but you can figure out how much you are drinking per day: Plain brewed 8 oz coffee: 135 mg Plain, decaf: 5 mg Tea: 40 - 120 mg Soft drinks: 30 - 70 mg Energy drinks: 80 - 300 mg Meds ie Exedrin: 60 mg Drinking a lot of coffee can cause serious physical and mental health problems. You can experience insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, palpitations, flushed face, lack of hunger and stomach complaints. A fatal dose of caffeine would be 10 grams of coffee or about 80 cups of coffee all at once. While you are not likely drinking anywhere near a fatal dose, you are probably experiencing some serious consequences from your heavy intake of caffeine.

ASK? DR.T!

Are you addicted to the caffeine? It certainly sounds like you are, but you will know for sure if you experience these withdrawal symptoms - especially if these occur 12 hours after your last coffee: Headache, foggy, Depression, irritability, Fatigue, decreased alertness If you are trying to quit coffee, these symptoms can last for a full week. You also mentioned that you are adding whipped cream and syrup to your coffees. These can most certainly be addictive. Please see my website: Addictionsunplugged.com for more info on other food addictions

Answer: You recognize that you are addicted to sugar and it sounds like you would like to get off the craving treadmill of sugar, snacks and candies. You are asking if there is a substitute for sugar. Unfortunately there is not. You probably know that there are many sugar substitutes available, such as aspartame, saccharin, and the natural sweeteners like Stievia. If you are not a food addict, these might work - I would suggest that you try and see if eating sugar free snacks that have these ingredients satisfy you. If you are a food addict, then these will NOT work. Food addiction is a chemical dependency on the ‘sweet’ taste itself, so even honey, fruit and good sugars can be problematic for a food addict. An interesting study on rats showed that they preferred saccharin over cocaine - just the sweet taste alone made the cravings worse. If you switch a substitute for sugar, chances are that you will still crave sugar. It is like an itch - you can scratch the itch with your fingernails or with a wooden back scratcher or with a wet cloth, but the very scratching makes the itch worse. Often people who are sugar addicts will try to eat starches instead. They will go for the ‘savoury’ rather than the ‘sweet’. Savoury items are still quite starchy, and so are ‘hidden’ sugar. The very nature of addiction is that nothing can satisfy the cravings for long .... if it could, there is no addiction. The only way for the cravings to go away is not to FEED them, but to STARVE the cravings. If you could stay away from sugar or refined starches such as bread, bagels, chips (which becomes sugar in a matter of minutes) for one month..... the cravings would lesson and eventually disappear. I know that this is not what you wanted to hear! I know that if you stop, you will likely have to face a good few weeks of withdrawal and increased cravings. It isn’t easy. This is the power of sugar addiction. I have many patients who say that they can quit cocaine, alcohol, even smoking, but not their candy or chocolate.You are not alone. Good luck on your week - see if you can make it a week longer to two or three weeks, and you will find that it will start to get a lot easier.

Do you have medical questions about addiction? 16

Email us at drt@recoverywiremagazine.com

77 Harbord Street

416.966.9642

toronto@sivananda.org 17

By Dee Christensen

dee@recoverywiremagazine.com

hy do we allow such a serious term to be diluted to this degree?

The underlying implication is that addiction is synonymous with the notion of irresponsibility or negligence or flaw. We would never use the term “Cancer” so loosely because it would imply the victim had some choice in the matter. So are we saying that addicts have a choice? When we refer to every bizarre habit as “an addiction,” do we not run the risk of defining addiction as an insipid state of temporary compulsion that a little behavioral modification or willpower might fix? Is a compulsive behavior the same thing as addiction? What is the difference exactly? How can we tell the difference between neurotic tendencies and a full-blown addiction? According to the Journal of Clinical Investigation, addiction involves both, “biological and environmental variables.” Addiction is not just a dangerous habit; it is not just a strange compulsion. Scientists are studying brain scans, genes, protein expressions and other biological factors in an attempt to understand and better treat addiction. But this is not a pissing contest (if you will excuse the term). Perhaps prolonged exposure to any habit forms new pathways in the brain, making it more natural to partake in ones compulsion than not to partake. The question then lies in how we define addiction? How do we quantify it? Addiction is based on compulsive behavior. But people who suffer from mere “compulsions” are said to be trying to alleviate a type of stress, or prevent some sort of dreaded perceived event. People suffering from addictions are hooked on the substance or habit itself.This substance of habit alters their psychology and their biology, to a point where ceasing to participate in their addiction will cause them pain, both physical and mentally. An addict, in essence, consumes their vice until their bodies begin to suffer without it.

Is ADDICTION

TREND?

A 18

he term “Addiction” has become so overused these days it’s hard to spot the conflict through the rhetoric. When do we deem something an “addiction”, and when is the term slapped onto a behavior for the sole purpose of negating responsibility? When any average partner commits infidelity we call them a cheater, but when Tiger Woods does it he’s a sex addict? And with shows like “My Strange Addiction” popping up on primetime, even mainstream television has opted to define addiction in its own way. Anyone with a belief in the disease model of addiction should be offended, because if the term “Cancer” were being overused like this, the world would be outraged. Imagine if we started referring to all uncontrollable hassles as “Cancers?” Imagine if primetime launched a series called “My Cancerous Relationship,” all about twosomes who overtake each other like melanoma? Imagine if every time a celebrity was caught doing something unfavorable they claimed a temporary state of “Cancer” as an explanation?

Addiction results in compromised function of the amygdala. Addiction alters the state of the limbic system in a specific way, reprograming it to the extreme. Addiction causes injury to ones ability to remember, to learn and to experience arousal. Addicts will enter into recovery with a brain that, for some time, is literally not as capable of rational thought due to prolonged exposure to chemicals. In order to obtain recovery, an addict must endure vast physical, environmental and neurological challenges until their bodies and lives are rewritten entirely. Comparing this type of angst to compulsive hand washing seems somewhat trite. I am not suggesting addiction is more medically serious than a woman with a compulsion toward drinking bleach. What I am suggesting, however, is that the seriousness of “addiction” be given a bit more respect than overusing it for the purpose of media-embellishment. “Addiction” as a tagline is becoming quite the “Cancer”.

ARTS & CULTURE

“It was a dark and stormy day...” By Russell Powell

russell@recoverywiremagazine.

t was a dark and stormy day. Or at least I wanted it to be. One of those days you wish was as gray as your mood. It was a period in my life when not a lot of work was coming my way and I was not able to afford much beyond the basics. I had enough to cover rent, phone bill and groceries for the dogs and me. I had also allowed enough for a cup of coffee out of the house every few days, a very necessary luxury.

I had left my apartment with an apple and a sandwich in my bag and enough in my pocket for a coffee and set out to wander the city. Not really paying attention I found myself on one of those streets lined with really posh stores. It was one of those neighbourhoods where people walking down the street wear more money on their backs than I make in most months. To say I felt out of place would be an understatement. I felt envious, underdressed and surly needed to get out of there quickly. I turned up a small side street onto a quieter tree lined street. Most of the Victorian houses on the street had been converted to private art galleries and stores.There I was hungry, angry and lonely. Just ahead of me there was a public bench so I sat down and ate my sandwich. The adage “It doesn’t hurt to look “came to mind as I sat eating.

I can’t say how many windows I looked into as I walked up the street still feeling very out of place. I came to a window showcasing a massive canvas, a painting of an overgrown garden. It was joyous and warm and seemed to have every colour jostling to be seen. So I went in to get a closer look. As I stood there a young lady who worked there came up and asked. “Do you like it?” “Oh, I could never afford it.” “That is not what I asked. Do you like it?” “Yes, it is magnificent!” “Yes it is, we have many more by that painter. Please look around.” I took my time looking around at all of the incredible paintings. As I left I thanked the young lady for her hospitality. I now make it a habit to go into galleries and shops just to look around. Not all of the people who work at them have been as genteel as that young lady. In those cases I remember to say thank you and take away whatever joy a particular piece gave me. So if the personality of the holidays trumped the principles and you’ve overspent, bundle up and find one of those streets lined with galleries, antique dealers or local artisans. Go in! My plan to kick of the new year: an afternoon or two in the spectacular greenhouses at Allan Gardens, an evening of storytelling at Caplanskys Deli, the free Wednesday nights at the Art Gallery of Ontario. I’ve also put a little cash aside to see some of the “Top Ten Canadian Films” as chosen by the programmers of the Toronto International Film Fest and ”The Power of Harriet T.” at the YPT.

Art

Balancing Structure and Spirit. Turning Life into

We are a Toronto based photography studio that specializes in capturing those dening moments for life and commercial imagery. Whether it is your newborn, a precious moment, a family portrait, cause for celebration, or images for your professional life. Auburn Lane delivers creative and memorable compositions. We thrive on the challenge of capturing your spirit with a purposeful balance of candid and structure.

www.auburnlanephotography.com

IF ONLY YOU LISTEN TO ME, ALL WILL BE PERFECT. By Aakilah Ade aakilah@recover ywiremagazine.com

As I repeated instructions anxiety grew. I became exhausted and irritable. I began to imagine I was not being heard. Here I was facing a trip of a lifetime with my wife, and I all I could do was obsess and live in fear of what could go wrong in our absence.

The “Courage to Change” daily reader identifies that fear is all consuming, contained in the same edition is an exercise to practice when fear is present: “As an exercise my Sponsor suggested that I try to maintain my inner stillness even when I felt scared or doubtful. As I did so, I reassured myself again and again that I was safely in the care of a Power greater that myself. I am learning to trust the peace.”

The trip went well, the cats were alive and well on our return. I had wasted a lot of time and energy being obsessing and fearful. “I suspect that if I reclaimed all the minutes, hours and days I’ve sacrificed to worry and fear, I’d add years to my life. When I succumb to worry, I open a Pandora ’s Box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices, and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I pay to this mental static, the more I lose my foothold in reality. Then nothing useful can be accomplished.” Courage to Change daily reader identifies how much time is wasted with worry. The need to control the moment, people and potential outcomes is so strong in my disease that it robs me from living a full and productive life, it takes moments away that can never be reclaimed.

Now when I notice that I have repeated instructions a maximum of 3 times, it alerts me to the fact I am entering my danger zone of obsessing, control and fear. My solution is “Let go and Let God”

Recovery provides me with the calm introspection to see the havoc and chaos I create when I am driven by fear with resulting controlling behaviors. Additional tools provide me with ways to engage my higher power who will take care of everything. My brand of caring becomes obsessive.

Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II (p.10) Courage to Change (p.248) Paths to Recovery Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts (p.22)

friend once told me that I often repeated myself. I remember laughing inwardly and thinking to myself, ‘well… that’s because I have to, otherwise nothing will get done properly’. These days I laugh outwardly as I reflect back on when and why I would hit the verbal repeat button. It was and is usually in times of stress or distrust. As an example a year ago we were planning for a two week trip to Asia. I remember giving repeated cat care instructions to our adult son. A month before departure I started to have interrupted sleep thinking of all the things that could go wrong in caring for 3 cats whose 24 hour lives revolved around sleeping, eating, and a good chin scratch. He could forget to change their water in the morning and maybe he wouldn’t make sure it was ice cold …the way that I do; he might forget to scrape the corners of the cat litter box where Jill hides her urine cache; he could forget to brush their coats on Sunday which is traditionally “cat coat and spa day” from 6-8pm during 60 Minutes and before The Amazing Race. This was my mind in repeat mode. It started with mental repeated dispensing of instructions. The verbal instructions started 2 weeks prior to departure, I pressed play. Every day for two weeks I dispensed pillars of cat care wisdom to our son from my mountain top. I dispensed time schedules, I translated meows and purrs and the appropriate response to each scenario. This was completed with printed instructions that were posted on each level of our home and on stair handles and the fridge in case our son missed any of the other notes.

By Dee Christensen

dee@recoverywiremagazine.com

PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 24

nyone in the field of addiction will tell you that the industry has experienced a dramatic shift over the past few decades. In the 1990’s all the rage was chemical drugs, but these days it’s pills. PILLS, PILLS, PILLS! We officially have in our midst a major prescription drug epidemic. And the issue isn’t just addiction to pills, but reliance upon them for seemingly basic needs even in recovery. Abstinence based agencies are turning away scads of people because it seems everyone is being medicated with some sort of “cocktail”. Whatever your issue, there is indeed a pill for it. If you suffer from overeating, it’s possible you’re depressed (don’t worry, there’s a pill). Perhaps you suffer from a gambling addiction and find yourself deprived of sleep (don’t worry, there’s a pill). Maybe you drink too much, and that pesky anxiety keeps rearing its ugly head (don’t worry, there’s a pill). If I seem glib, there’s a reason. Over the past year I myself reached out for help from my family doctor. After a major career change and the launch of a company, I found myself unable to sleep for days on end and living with a ball of barbed wire in my stomach. During my annual check up, my doctor asked how things were and I found myself telling him the whole truth. He suggested that perhaps I deserved some help, and that I didn’t have to face these challenges alone. Sounded good to me! My doctor sent me to a psychiatrist. I had never been to a psychiatrist before, and I must admit, I was bedazzled by the compassion, cognizance and attention. She listened, and what’s more, she asked probing questions as if she was stumbling onto a diagnosis I was sure would alter my life instantly and permanently. I was eager and willing. She diagnosed me with a disorder of some type and off I went! The experience appealed to that part of my brain, which would rather not have to be responsible. The part of my brain which would prefer to simply be handed a free pass, like getting a laminated doctors note to skip “life on life’s terms” forever. And although I was a skeptic during the elevator ride up, by the time my butt cheeks hit that chair I was a goner. I surprised even myself. And for the 3 months following that first appointment, I was convinced I needed additional help that only a medication could provide. I was put on and taken off 4 different prescriptions in less than 90 days by a woman I’d known less than a full season of How I Met Your Mother. If you’d told me I would get sucked into this vortex, I would surly not have believed you. But there I was, yielding to the notion that I deserved a break from carrying such unyielding burdens alone.

Everyone, at some point, has wished they could be given an instant cure. It’s easier to take a sleeping pill than reduce our coffee and refined sugar intake, get more exercise and eat earlier in the evening. It’s easier to take an antidepressant than adjust to the discomfort of our skin, which acts as a catalyst to challenge ourselves to climb to new heights, and overcome fears. It’s easier to take a muscle relaxant than to meditate, stretch and drink more water. And for addicts, when finally recovering, a subtle feeling of entitlement rears its head whenever any additional effort is asked of us. I would have denied it myself, accept that I knew very well, after this many years of recovery, what other avenues I could take. I knew there were esteem-able acts I could perform; acts that could result in calming my nerves, alleviating my insecurities and helping me to relax enough to sleep. But I was caught up in the feeling of being a victim to my noxious thinking. And so that old committee-of-idiots in my mind latched onto the notion of a pill version of instant gratification. How orderly! By the third month on the antidepressant/sleeping med combination, I felt like a zombie. I was indeed spared the torment of worry and sleep deprivation, in exchange for: lucid dreams, a strange taste in my mouth, an edgy feeling, an inability to reach orgasm and an inability to feel any true range of emotion. I coasted in the middle, one could say. I was neither truly happy nor sad, but simply existing as a stress-free/muted version of myself. The last day I met with my psychiatrist, I told her I’d stopped taking the pills. I’d gone back to my family doctor, and with his help, I weaned myself off everything. She was frustrated. She suggested I was giving up before even trying, and asked if this was a pattern. I almost bought into it too. She was a doctor after all, and I almost believed she knew better than me what my needs were. I snapped out of it a week later when my orgasm returned. Pills have become more of a menace than illegal drugs. I realize this statement will raise a few eyebrows, but I will not retract. Had we the ability to properly measure the number of people impacted (mind, body and spirit) from the swallowing of a pill, I suspect it would far outweigh the population size of chemical drug users. Pills are far more insidious, easier to attain, supported by our loved ones and covered by our insurance plans. And I’m not referring to pill addiction; I’m referring to our societal dependence on pills. When I meet people who truly suffer from forms of physical or mental illnesses, which authentically require medication, an obvious fact emerges. What sets them apart from the vast number of lazy pill poppers is that their medication provides them the ability to fully participate in their recovery process. On the other hand, I believe the bulk of society opts out of participating fully in their recovery process in exchange for medication.

After my stint with pharmaceuticals I developed a daily meditation practice. My climb back to sanity was not instant; it’s not supposed to be. I put the effort in and slowly felt myself returning to level-ground. I started walking instead of taking the subway or driving, I met with a nutritionist and changed my eating habits, I only drink one cup of coffee each day (in the morning), I take vitamins and I schedule time in my daily calendar to be silly with my loved ones. I’m sleeping through the night again, and when my worries begin to gain momentum I jot them down in a journal in order to right-size my irrational perceptions. Working through the experience of my own anxiety and sleep deprivation brought me to a new altitude, one that I would not have experienced had someone instantly eliminated the symptoms of a much deeper malady. Just because something can make us feel better instantly, does not mean we are supposed to.

The highest quality coffee and tea, locally roasted, organic Fair trade Local and/or organic baked goods Sustainable store design Bullfrog powered (alternative green energy) Free wifi

“If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.” ~Robert Fulghum Words to live by.

567 College Street (@ the corner of Manning) Monday - Friday 7am - 10pm Saturday 8am - 10pm

Sunday 8am - 8pm

www.thegreengrind.ca

PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! J.Harry

jfiredawg@gmail.com Phone. 416.859.6550

By Kimberley-Robyn Covey kim@recoverywiremagazine.com

irector Robert Zemeckis’ has put together a mesmerizing and suspenseful film about ethical dilemmas and modern day moral consciousness in Flight. He and screenwriter John Gatins have crafted a movie that masterly interweaves 3 very different subthemes into the main event.

First, we are catapulted into an action packed, terrifying crash scene as a plane carrying 102 souls drops out of the sky due to a massive mechanical breakdown. Frighteningly real and graphic scenes from the cabin show flight staff being tossed around like ragdolls. People are screaming and panicking as the plane commences a violently turbulent nose dive to earth. Moments before certain death, the pilot, Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington), pulls off a brilliant and daring manoeuvre that involves flying the plane upside down and then right siding to land at the last minute. 96 people miraculously survive and the pilot becomes a hero...The ethical dilemma (and the part that we’re interested in here at Recovery Wire) is the fact that the pilot was a drunk and a cokehead and was intoxicated while flying. Despite the truth that 10 other pilots were unable to perform the same life saving emergency landing in simulations, and regardless of his expertise as a pilot, the fact remained that Whip was trustingly charged with flying a plane full of people across the sky...and he breached that trust by flying under the influence.

FLIGHT Soars despite a few dips

The movie then morphs into a classic who-dun-it mystery as authorities try to uncover the facts of what really happened. Airline officials and the Pilot’s Union want to cover up the pilot’s drunken condition while government investigators and the head prosecutor want to make someone accountable for the 6 lives that were lost. Don Cheadle is amazing as the slick smart lawyer who is hired to defend Washington and to spin the facts of the case. He even manages to discredit the toxicology report regarding the levels of alcohol and cocaine in Washington’s blood at the time of the crash. Bruce Greenwood plays a convincing role as the pilot’s union rep and old friend who puts in a monumental effort to keep Whip sober throughout the hearing process. Alanon anyone? Finally and ultimately, Flight becomes an all too familiar story of addiction. It chronicles the consciousness of a man finally emerging from years of belligerent denial to a painful awareness of his alcoholism/ addiction and of all the pain, suffering and destruction he has caused in the lives of others. We see a typically classic scene in which he loses control and falls into a drunken rage at his ex wife in front of his son. We see him in a drunken stupor, weeping and writhing on the floor after being triggered by an emotional old family video. Denzel delivers a superb, detailed and incredibly real performance as a semi-functioning alcoholic/ addict in this movie. His character is both believable and frustrating to behold.

The catalyst that moves him toward admitting his truth is twofold. One, He becomes involved with a recovering junkie, Nicole (Kellie Rielly), who is refreshingly honest about her addiction. Her sincere efforts to recover have a powerful impact on him. In a particularly telling scene, Nicole’s sponsor quietly shows up in a minivan early in the morning to whisk Nicole away while Whip is passed out cold on the floor. There are even a few clips of Nicole carrying around an unmarked big blue book that may appear somewhat familiar. Two, at the inquiry Whip becomes faced with the choice of either telling the truth about empty vodka bottles he left behind on the plane, effectively proving his guilt, or copping out and blaming one of the flight attendants who was killed in the crash. She died after detaching from her seatbelt to save a child. Whip was very fond of her. In fact, she had partied with Whip the night before so there was enough alcohol in her tox screen to make her a perfect silent scapegoat. If he were to blame the vodka bottles on her he would save himself but tarnish the selflessness of her last act before she died. There are a few unexpected but strangely appropriate moments in this film about addiction. In an ironic scene Whip and Nicole and a cancer patient played by James Badge Dale all meet in a hospital stairwell connected to the cancer ward to have a smoke.Whip ends up giving the cancer patient a pack of cigarettes to ‘hold him over’. Further comic relief is provided in the character of Whip’s dealer friend Harley, (John Goodman). Harley is an old hippystyle drug dealer. He steals the scene in a situation where Whip is too drunk to function and Harley is summoned by the legal team to administer enough cocaine to Whip to get him through the hearing. At this moment the film sends a strange mixed message by manipulating our emotions to the point where we almost enjoy seeing Denzel snorting a line to come out of his drunken haze in time to ‘save the day’. In summary, this film is not for the faint of heart or for newcomers to recovery who may trigger easily. The film’s strength lay in powerhouse performances by Washington, Cheadle, Goodman and to some degree, Kellie Rielly, although the chemistry between her and Washington never does seem to really ignite. The storyline is original even though it seemed a bit contrived in certain scenes. The theme is a little worn out. The characters however are diverse and interesting. The acting is awesome. It’s a great movie to see...just keep an open mind!

THE REVIEW 28

CLASSIFIEDS

You are such a pill!

Alcoholics Anonymous Events:

Outside Courses:

January 25 - 27

January 9th and 10th

45th Annual A.A. Rally Naniamo, BC Oasis Convention Centre ‘Journey of the Spirit’ Beban Park Recreation Centre 2300 Bowen Road

YWCA Toronto Choices for Living 10:00 am - 12:30 pm Support groups for women who want to explore mental health wellness, build skills and share knowledge to address loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem or other mental health issues. For information call 416.961.5446 ext. 261 or 260 www.ywcatoronto.org

February 15 - 17 35th Annual Mid Winter Round-Up Dartmouth, NS Holiday Inn, 101 Wyse Road Dartmouth, NS To Register Online Visit: http://www.aahalifax.org/mid-winter-roundup-2013 February 22 - 24 Canadian Eastern Region A.A. Service Assembly Sandman Hotel, Montrea-Longueuil The Eastern Region will hold its first ever assembly. Please show your support to develop greater unity among members, groups and areas of Eastern Canada. For more info: www.ceraasa.org

Narcotics Anonymous Events: January 18th - 20th

Across

1. Kind, caring, compassionate. 3. Kills viruses, bacteria and jet lag on a vacation. 7. Payments made by a corporation to its shareholders. 9. Traditional covering worn by a Muslim woman. 11. Natures antibiotic. 13. Jewish dietary law. 14. Duo used for spices and pills. 17. Fast acting pill, poorly acted film. 19. Capital of Afghanistan. 20. Sixteen in Roman Numerals. 21. Calendar based contraceptive. 22. Most natural source of vitamin D. 24. Known as the “little blue pill” 25. Abreviation for perscription. 27. Natures burn aid. 28. Orgasms and exercise.

Down

2. He was a pill popper, and nothing but a hound dog. 4. A natural brown clay pigment. 5. Peter in Mexico. 6. The slang term for Oxycodone 8. Disbelief. 10. Indigenous North American bread. 12. Result of an iron deficiency. 15. Given to narcoleptics and kids with fervor. 16. A pharmacist of old. 18. Gregory House loves to pop them like candy. 23. Healthiest colour in your diet. 26. Symbol for the chemical element “Xenon.”

Narcotics Anonymous Women’s Retreat Mount Alverno Retreat Centre $150 www.mountalverno.ca 20704 Heartlake Road, Caledon Refunds by January 5th

Alanon/Alateen Events: January 21 50th Anniversary Celebration Monday night Co-Op AFG 82 Sydenham St. at William St. (entrance on William Street) Sydenham United Church Lower Hall, Kingston, Ontario

January 20th Shambala Meditation Centre77 Harbord Street Workshop: Sacred Spaces Price: $25 10:00 am - 5:00 pm Uplifting your environment, uplifting your state of mind. Mr. Stephen Vosper, the first Dean of the Shambhala School of Buddhist Studies, teaches us to use our environment as a platform to bring serenity into our lives. January 27th Toronto Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Centre 77 Harbord Street History and Evolution of yoga Price: $30 4:00 - 6:00 pm Come prepared to be fully fascinated! February 23rd Toronto Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Centre 77 Harbord Street Indian Vegetarian Cooking Class Price: $45 1:00 - 4:00 pm Cook delicious satvic Indian Vegetarian dishes. Discover the wonderful flavours, colours, nutritional qualities, fragrance, and taste of Indian vegetarian food.

CLASSIFIEDS POSTING: Are you hosting an event that could benefit people living in recovery? We’ll post it for free!

Submit your listing at: