Issue 17 by Recovery Wire

July August 2015

WHEN DOES RECOVERY

BEGIN?

Is there a starting point?

Why BOUNDARIES Don’t Work Are your boundaries ignored?

chedelics PinsyRecovery? Could it help for Alcoholism?

TOP 10 QUOTES FOR RECOVERY

REVIEW OF THE FILM “THIN”

Image by Thangaraj Kumaravel

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Amidst a rainy day in the Netherlands, our Editor in Chief gets a lesson in patience. What is the nature of patience, and how does it transform us?

TOP 10 RECOVERY QUOTES This is a composition of our favourite recoveryrelated quotes by some well known people. Keep these little tidbits close to you if you ever need a little boost, a smile, or a reminder that We Are Not Alone.

WHY BOUNDARIES DON’T WORK Darlene Lancer, author of “Conquering Shame and Codependency” gives us the ins and outs of setting boundaries properly. Ever wonder why your boundaries don’t seem to be improving things much? It’s time to rethink the nature of boundary setting.

PONDERING DENIAL Why is it some of us struggle more than others to make the connection between ‘cause and effect’ when it comes to getting help?

MOVIE REVIEW: THIN This is our review of the dynamic documentary, “THIN.” This gripping film allows us to be a fly on the wall in a treatment centre for eating disorders. It’s a fresh look at the challenges of recovery.

PSYCHADELICS IN RECOVERY? It is hypothesized that the use of hallucinogens could interrupt the rigidity of addiction. Could psychadelic drugs really be useful in recovery? Our resident medical expert, Doctor Vera Tarman, weighs in.

WHEN DOES RECOVERY BEGIN? How important are milestones in recovery, and when does the road to recovery officially begin? Is there a starting point, and how do we define it?

STRENGTHENING YOUR RECOVERY WITH

We know that the hardest part of recovery begins right after your treatment ends. That is why we have created a network of community-based supports and services, to help you build a recovery that is strong enough to last a lifetime. At Hope Place Centres, many of us have ‘been there’ and our own lived-experience makes us great when it comes to knowing what it takes to succeed in early recovery. It makes no difference whether your journey began in one of our treatment programs or someplace else; what really matters is the BIG difference that ‘HOPE’ can make in your recovery today. Reach out and connect with ‘HOPE’ right now by email at info@hopeplacecentres.org or give us a call toll-free at 1.877.761.6357

hopeplacecentres.org ‘Healing Trauma CONNECTIONS (Shame & Resiliency) ‘A Woman’s Way through the 12 Steps’ ‘A Man’s Way through the 12 Steps’ Living Sober

Parenting Basics Sober Moms Women’s Peer-Support Group Men’s Peer-Support Group

Couples and Family Counselling ‘Family & Friends Peer-Support Group’ NADA Auricular (Ear) Acupuncture Yoga

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR the suggestion with begrudging enthusiasm. Through the years I’ve found it is in these moments, the least expected, that the Universe could choose to dispatch a message.

Issue 17, July/August 2015 Editor In Chief Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com

We meandered through the streets of Haarlem, the very place Harlem New York was named after. It’s a lovely little spot, much like a miniature Amsterdam, with canals and sweet little bridges separating random areas. Cobblestone walkways and curving sidewalks all lead to a nucleus boasting a border of open restaurants and chairs facing the centre.

Contributing Writers Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Jeff Wilbee Kimberly-Robyn Covey Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. Dee Christensen SSW Editor Partick Nolan Cover Photograph by rawdonfox Published 6 Times Yearly: January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August, September/October, November/December Mailing Address 360A Bloor Street West P.O. Box 68506 Walmer Toronto, ON M5S 3C9 1.416.922.9227 Reprints For permission to print any portion of this magazine requests should be sent to: info@recoverywiremagazine.com

I recently traveled through parts of Europe. I had an idea that I would be moved by the art, the culture, the food and the architecture. I am a sucker for great marketing, and the mere notion that my eyes would land upon fixtures composed mere centuries ago was a thrilling prospect. What I didn’t expect was the profound impact the smallest of moments would have on my recovery. One morning my eyes opened to the tapping of droplets descending along my bedroom window. I was slightly disappointed, since I’d had a big day planned and the notion of standing in long lineups in the rain was not a pleasant one. I sluggishly made my way to the kitchen to bid my hosts good morning. They offered a sheepish grin, and apologized for the rain as if it were an inconsiderate houseguest. I shrugged, and reached for the cup of Dutch coffee they’d prepared for me. With a small amount of caffeine in my system, they offered a solution to the day’s dilemma; we would stay in Haarlem for the day, and tour local museums and monuments. It was my first visit to the Netherlands, and although my agenda seemed much more colourful, I yielded to

“Why are the chairs facing this way and not the restaurant itself?” I asked. “What’s there to see in the other direction?” My statuesque Dutch friend replied. Fair enough. She led me through different museums and parks. We visited a local weekly farmers market in the ‘nucleus’, filled with the smell of cinnamon and the vibrant colours of local produce, which oddly appeared in their natural sizes (half that of the enhanced fruit in North America). We bought bread and cobble squatted under a tree. No one seemed put-off by the weather at all; they arrived in tasteful rain jackets, twirling umbrellas. When the rain would pause, they would remove their hood, and when it started once again they simply pulled the hood back up and continued on. Near the end of the day my friends insisted we visit a famous cathedral: the Cathedral of Saint Bavo. I nodded, faking a bit of enthusiasm. I was tired of the rain, and it had been a long day. In truth I just wanted to go back to my room and wallow a little.

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We stepped inside the building and immediately parted ways, each of us drawn to a different corner. In the wings of the bird I coached myself to be moved by the stained glass, but struggled to stop clock watching and secretly stomping my feet. After a few moments I conceded to stepping inside the grand belly of the quail, and much to my surprise, I found myself awestruck. I peered ahead at the most splendid organ Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d ever seen, stretching a noble thirty feet toward the sky, with heavenly brass pipes adorned with more than twenty gold and silver statues detailed in crimson red. There is no photograph that could capture the sight with self-respect. But the organ, which Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m told Mozart himself played at the tender age of ten, was not what reached me. My eyes trailed up the bullion piping toward the ceiling, and there in the rafters was the lesson of the day, awaiting me patiently. The grand vaulted ceiling was an architectural wonder of soft triangular puzzle pieces lined in stately ribbing. As a singular part, the ceiling is a splendid display of blossoming star-like shapes, connecting to make a monochromatic kaleidoscope overhead. But upon further inspection, inside the skeleton was intricate woodwork; an elaborate and yet subtle display of endless tiny lines of wood placed together thoughtfully. I found myself staring at the tiny wooden lines: hundreds and thousands of tiny delicate wooden lines in the boundless vaulted cover. It would be easy

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to merely glance at the ceiling and miss the wonder of it, distracted by the boastful stained glass, the sculptures, the infamous organ. But there I stood, perplexed and bemused, tempted to count the lines and pay tribute somehow to the myriad hands that constructed the subtle detail, without the modern instruments used to create a far less visual wonder. I took pause for a moment, and found myself contemplating the nature of patience itself. The attentiveness and kindness of it: when these endless human hands constructed such a sight, what motivated them? Surely the endgame was too far off to be an incentive? No, they simple arrived at work each day, placing tiny pieces of wood together, patiently and perfectly. They tasked themselves with a goal that would potentially result in a mere glance upward, and little more reward. This is the nature of patience. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a choice, for the sake of experiencing fortitude, persistence, and serenity. It is not motivated by ego or vanity, but simply a decision to press on, selflessly, despite the terrain, despite the outcome. Let us choose to pay homage to these working hands, and practice patience with a fragment of their dignity.

Dee Christensen Editor in Chief Image by Nikos Koutoulas

TOP 10

QUOTES FOR RECOVERY 6 Image by Lali Masriera

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have a job, a house, a cat, good friendships and, 1. “I generally, a bright outlook… The price of this is

constant vigilance because the disease of addiction is not rational.” - Russel Brand Indeed, he is one of us. Sex and drugs were his vices of choice at one time, but these days he sticks to yoga, meditation, and making us laugh. But don’t be fooled by his goofy antics, this river runs deep, as you can see from his insights about recovery.

“What I’ve learned to do is arrest my addiction: arrest 2. it myself, so I don’t get arrested.” - Rodney King An American taxi driver whose claim to fame was a public beating by members of the Los Angeles police department. He struggled with addiction and found bouts of recovery, getting active in 12 step work in the Pasadena area. In the end, his addiction won the battle and he passed away in 2012, but his wise and witty words live on. RIP Mr. King.

3. “Believe more deeply, hold your face up to the light, even though for a moment you do not see.” - Bill Wilson One of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, and a struggling alcoholic himself. Bill Wilson saw the value in helping others as a means of helping himself, and decades laterlate, his fellowship No more bouncing cheques, no more paying credit cards has grown into a worldwide community of recovery. no more spending beyond the limit of your income. It’s time These are justgreen, a few and of the words that shape foundation of a to live in the be informed of would the fees you the might be community. shelling outgrateful unnecessarily.

a lifetime.” 4. “We cannot, in a moment, get rid of habits2. ofBANKING - Mahatma Gandhi

No, Gandhi was not in recovery. So why are we giving him a nod? He was the peaceful leader of the Independence Movement in India, who saught refuge and strength in meditation, human connection and patience. He understood the prominance of accepting ones shortcomings and showing up regardless. This small man had the inner fight of a titan, and this makes him a valuable inspiration to anyone fighting their own good fight.

but do 5. “Face your deficiencies and acknowledge2. them; BANKING not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.” - Helen Keller Blind and deaf, Miss Keller was born in the latter part of the 1800’s. She would learn to speak, learn to write, and eventually go on to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree and become a lecturer and a political activist. The next time you hear yourself telling a sob story about the obsticles in your life, take a page from Helen’s.

2. BANKING “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and 6. better.”

- Emile Coue This French Pharmacist and Psychologist was known for turning the world on a new method of cards altering ones mental No more bouncing cheques, noto more paying credit late, state. Simply put, he believed in the power of ones no more spending beyond the limit of your income. It’s time thoughts, andgreen, that thinking directly to might mood.be He was one to live in the and be was informed of connected the fees you the first in his field to suggest positive self-talk as a means of shelling outofunnecessarily. improving ones climate.

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“It’s been one of the greatest challenges that ever 2. BANKING came along in my life; it was one of the more difficult things to do.” - Buzz Aldrin You’d think Mr. Aldrin was talking about the massive challenge of being shot into the great beyond inside a moving rocket and taking his first steps onto the moon? But nope, this little quote is all about recovery. One giant leap for humankind? We think so.

“An intelligent person can rationalize anything, a wise 2. BANKING person doesn’t try.” - Jen Knox Author of After The Gazebo, this insightful writer manages to thread a delightful self-loving tone into the bulk of her works. She teaches us to embrace our delectable flaws, and remain tru e to ourselves. We give Miss Knox a nod for summing up the value of acceptance.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those 2. BANKING who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ” - Dr. Seuss

This children’s author became infamous for his witty messages tied into quirky animation. But don’t be fooled by the simple No more bouncing cheques, no more paying credit cards late, and fun nature of his work, beneath the primary coloured no more spending beyond the limit of your income. It’s time cartoons lay a message for those paying close attention, This to live in the green, and be informed of the fees you might be little tidbit is straight from the doctors mouth.Words to live by, shelling out unnecessarily.

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“Every habit he’s ever had is still there in his body, 10. lying dormant like flowers in the desert. Given the right conditions, all his old addictions would burst into full and luxuriant bloom.” - Margaret Atwood No more bouncing cheques, no more paying credit cards late, no moreThis spending the limit yourMargaret income.Atwood; It’s timebeloved brilliantbeyond quote was takenoffrom to live inCanadian the green, and be informed of the fees you might be tender author and literary genius. Written with the shelling compassion out unnecessarily. of someone who understands the temptations and inclinations of living with an addiction.

Dianne Piaskoski BComm, BSc, MMath, MA

but’terfly effect` The “butterfly effect”is a term in chaos theory that depicts how one small change (the flap of a butterflies wings) in one place can result in a large and unpredictable change (a hurricane, say) in another place. The same can be true when we make small changes in our lives.

Addictions Counselling 2. JOUR-

(416) 522-9421 dianne@butterfly-effect.ca www. butterfly-effect.ca

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By Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Author of “Codependency for Dummies” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency” Image by Derrick Tyson

WHY BOUNDARIES Don’t Work 12 Abundance by Hartwig HKD

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Has setting limits not worked? Despite your efforts, are you boundaries often ignored? It’s frustrating to say the least, but it’s not always the other person’s fault. Here’s why and what to do. There are several reasons why boundaries don’t work. As I wrote in Codependency for Dummies and How to Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits, assertiveness is a prerequisite to setting effective boundaries, and it isn’t easy. “Setting boundaries is an advanced form of assertiveness. It involves risk and entails taking a position about who you are, what you’re willing to do or not do, and how you want to be treated and respected in your relationships. It first requires awareness of your values, feelings, and needs, plus some practice in making “I” statements about them.” (From How to Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits.)

Why assertiveness is difficult Learning assertiveness takes self-awareness and practice. Often due to underlying shame and low self-esteem, codependents, especially, find this difficult, because:

approval. 7. They don’t want to be a burden. Instead of being assertive, codependents communicate dysfunctionally, as they learned from their parents, often being passive, nagging, aggressive, or critical or blaming. If you nag, attack, blame, or criticize someone, he or she will react defensively or tune you out. Assertiveness can be learned with practice.

Why boundaries don’t work If you’ve repeatedly communicated your boundaries assertively and it’s not working, it’s likely because: 1. Your tone is not firm or is blaming or critical. 2. There’s no consequence for violating your boundary. 3. You back down when challenged with reason, anger, threats, name-calling, the silent treatment, or responses such as a. “Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?” b. “That’s selfish of you.” c. “Stop controlling me.”

1. They don’t know what they need or feel. 2. Even when they do, they don’t value their needs, feelings, and wants, and put others’ needs and feelings first. They feel anxious and guilty asking for what they want or need. 3. They don’t believe that they have rights. 4. They fear someone’s anger or judgment (e.g., being called selfish or self-centered). 5. They’re ashamed of being vulnerable, showing feelings or asking for what they want and need.

4. You make threats too frightening or unrealistic to carry out, such as “If you do that again, I’ll leave.” 5. You don’t sufficiently appreciate the importance of your needs and values. 6. You don’t exercise consequences on a consistent basis – every time your boundary is violated. 7. You back down because you sympathize with the other person’s pain, and you place his or her feelings and needs above your own. 8. You’re insisting that someone else change. Consequences aren’t meant to punish someone or

6. They fear losing someone’s love, friendship, or

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change his or her behavior, but rather require you to “1. What specific behaviors have you participated in change your behavior. or allowed that violate your values or compromise your needs and wants? 9. You don’t have a support system to reinforce your new behavior 2. How does it affect you and the relationship? 10. Your words and actions are contradictory.

3. Are you willing to put in the risk and effort to maintain your boundaries?

Actions speak louder. Actions that reward someone for violating your limit prove that you aren’t serious. Here 4. What rights do you believe you have? What’s your are some examples: bottom line? 5. What have you said or done that hasn’t worked and • Telling your neighbor not to come over without why? calling first, and then allowing her to come into your apartment uninvited. 6. What are consequences that you can live with? Always mean what you say, and never make threats you • Telling your boyfriend “no contact,” and then won’t keep. Remember, all your effort is undone if you texting or seeing him nonetheless. don’t maintain your boundary and consequences.

• Telling someone not to call after 9pm, but answering the phone.

7. How you will handle the other person’s reaction.

8. Learn the 6 C’s of assertiveness and how to set • Giving attention that reinforces negative behavior, effective boundaries in How to Speak Your Mind – such as nagging or complaining about the unwanted Become Assertive and Set Limits.” behavior, but not taking any action. In the preceding example, answering the phone and saying, “I told you It’s important to take baby steps, get support, and not to call,” still reinforces the unwanted behavior, practice, practice, practice. albeit with negative attention, because you took the call. Consider the wise words of

Things you can do In The Power of Personal Boundaries, I underscore the importance of boundaries for you and your relationships in order to ensure respect, safety, and trust. In formulating boundaries, it’s critical that you identify your feelings, needs and values (e.g. honesty, fidelity, privacy, and mutual respect). Do you honor or over-ride them? Once you know your comfort zone, you can determine your boundaries. Assess your current boundaries in all areas? Codependency for Dummies has self-healing exercises that take you through these steps.

Randi Kreger:

“To maintain your limits over the long haul, you need to have conviction that the limit is necessary and appropriate. Conviction comes when you know how much it costs not have the limit in place. The longer you wait, the more it costs.” (Author of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder) ©Darlene Lancer, 2015

Think about:

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Be sure to check out Darlene Lancerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s NEW BOOK! This essential guide explores the powerful emotion of shame, what can happen if it is not addressed, and provides practical advice on how to break deep-rooted patterns.

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By Sheryle Cruse Author of “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder” Image by Petras Gagilas

PONDERING DENIAL 16

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Recently, my mother was hospitalized for an infected skin issue, worsened by her Type II Diabetic condition. She had severe symptoms of vomiting, a fever over one hundred and two and spiked blood sugar levels going as high as 289. Things were alarmingly serious.

that you may be bulimic’—there! No! She said it! Even more than my secret obsession being discovered, I’d feared being labeled as that this whole time… So… I lied.

‘No, I’m not.’ Simultaneously, I was also mentoring a young ‘I’m just concerned about you,’ she continued woman, Casey (not her real name), who’s struggling carefully. with bulimia and self-injury. She has been fighting her ‘I’m fine,’ still desperately insisting, ‘I’m okay.’ inpatient treatment facility’s care plan for months, She left it at that…” attempting suicide at least twice, along with stealing and hiding pieces of glass to use for self-injury But not for long. purposes. Casey’s also been hospitalized because of these extremes circumstances. You see, not only had I gained a dramatic amount of weight (one hundred pounds in less than a year’s time), One similar thread between these two very different I was also stealing my roommates’ food, dumpster women, however, has been the following response: diving and doing a tremendous amount of lying during “I don’t know why I’m in the hospital.” the entire situation. I thought it was one thing when my mother responded Still, somewhere in my mind, I pondered, “I don’t this way, oblivious to the way her morbid obesity, know why I’m here” (in this uncomfortable moment). sweet tooth and compromised Diabetic condition It wouldn’t, however, be the last of its kind… complicated her health issues. Denial. She thinks she’s perfectly fine, all on her own. “… (My roommates)… enlisted help from my guidance counselor… and another counselor… I had no choice But Casey also responds this way concerning her but to participate…. hospitalization and subsequent treatment center restrictions. She’s also oblivious to how her suicide … We met in one of the college boardrooms…The attempts and self-harm behaviors have brought four expressed concern for me, and my roommates certain consequences. Denial strikes again. confronted me about my behaviors. I was asked to seek professional help that the school could provide for me. It’s troubling and frustrating. And it made me think I reluctantly admitted what I had done and agreed to of how those of us in recovery from eating disorder seek treatment… This ‘meeting’ occurred in March. behaviors often don’t make the connection between I only had two months to go before transferring to cause and effect when adverse reality hits our lives. another school the following year. In short… I don’t know why I’m in the hospital. I don’t know why I’m in this treatment center. I don’t know why I’ve lost my relationship. I don’t know why I have these health problems. I don’t know why I’m in this intervention.

At that time I went to therapy only because I had to go, not because I wanted to go… I thought to myself the whole time, ‘I just need to make it to May, then I’m out of here!’ After two sessions, I canceled any other appointments with (the therapist) through the month of May. I was ‘free’ once again…”

I certainly experienced these kinds of sentiments as (Excerpt taken from Sheryle Cruse’s book, Thin I battled my own disordered eating and image issues. Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living I did not escape the dreaded intervention. Please Death of an Eating Disorder) observe… Denial is some strong stuff in the grips of disorder. It “… One of my guidance counselors asked me to step lulls us into believing other people have those issues, inside of her office as I passed through campus one “not us.” Denial convinces us we have it all under day… I switched into ‘self-preservation, automatic lying control. Sure, we lie, steal, binge, faint, dumpster dive pilot’ mode. ‘Okay, just get through it,’ I told myself… and do any number of disgusting, shameful and/or …She started to speak, ‘I’m concerned about you, embarrassing things, but we have a handle on it all.

Really. We do.

sign of repeated vomiting

• Leaving during meals to use the toilet In both my faith and recovery, Proverbs 14:12 is a • Eating much more food in a meal or snack than is sobering zinger: considered normal “There is a way that seems right to a man. But its end is the way of death.” • Expressing depression, disgust, shame or guilt It speaks to our delusional denial arguments we tell ourselves and anyone else in our lives. It speaks to our faulty belief we don’t need help, even in the face of deadly consequences.

about eating habits • Eating in secret (www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/eatingdisorders/basics/symptoms)

It is because of these reasons, along with disordered There are answers and even recovery results to eating’s insidious and skillful secrecy that I’m, therefore, including some telltale symptoms of one disorder’s ponderings. Dare to confront these “I don’t who may not only be in the grips of the disease, but know why’s.” also within the equally dangerous grips of denial as Approaching Someone With An Eating Disorder well.

Urging a Loved One to Seek Treatment By Mayo Clinic Staff:

• Avoid approaching them when food is present, they will more than likely already be stressed. Your first approach should be at a non-mealtime situation.

• Assure them that they are not alone and that you Unfortunately, many people with eating disorders may not think they need treatment. If you’re worried love them and want to help in any way that you can. about a loved one, urge him or her to talk to a doctor. • Encourage them to seek help. Even if your loved one isn’t ready to acknowledge • Do not comment on their weight or appearance. having an issue with food, you can open the door by • Do not blame the individual and do not get angry expressing concern and a desire to listen. with them. Be alert for eating patterns and beliefs that may • Be patient, expect to be rebuffed, stay calm and signal unhealthy behavior, as well as peer pressure that may trigger eating disorders. Red flags that may focused. indicate an eating disorder include: • Do not take on the role of a therapist – but do encourage them to seek one out, and keep checking in • Skipping meals or making excuses for not eating

on the progress of this if they agree to do so.

• Adopting an overly restrictive vegetarian diet • Excessive focus on healthy eating • Making own meals rather than eating what the family eats • Withdrawing from normal social activities • Persistent worry or complaining about being fat and talk of losing weight • Frequent checking in the mirror for perceived flaws

It is important to remember that when you first approach the person you suspect has an eating disorder, they may react with anger or they may deny that anything is wrong. Stay calm, nonjudgmental and try and make it clear that you’re asking them about an eating disorder is not a judgment, but that you are concerned for their well-being. www.mirror-mirror.org/approach

• Repeatedly eating large amounts of sweets or high-fat foods • Use of dietary supplements, laxatives or herbal

Challenge the denial ponderings with the hard truth; offer love, hope and support. It could make all the difference.

products for weight loss • Excessive exercise

• Calluses on the knuckles from inducing vomiting • Problems with loss of tooth enamel that may be a

Image by Sjoerd Booij

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FOOD JUNKIES

The Truth About Food Addiction

Available at Chapters & Indigo Now! By Vera Tarman with Philip Werdell Overeating, binge eating, obesity, anorexia, and bulimia: Food Junkies tackles the complex, poorly understood issue of food addiction from the perspectives of a medical researcher and dozens of survivors. What exactly is food addiction? Is it possible to draw a hard line between indulging cravings for â&#x20AC;&#x153;comfort foodâ&#x20AC;? and engaging in substance abuse? For people struggling with food addictions, recognizing their condition - to say nothing of gaining support and advice - remains a frustrating battle. Built around the experiences of people suffering and recovering from food addictions, Food Junkies offers practical information grounded in medical science, while putting a face to the problems of food addiction. It is meant to be a knowledgeable and friendly guide on the road to food serenity.

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By Kimberley-Robyn Covey

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OK. All I can say is wow. Initially I had not planned on watching or reviewing this 2006 film about anorexia/ bulimia. Thinking that it would be dated with old information and perhaps no longer relevant, I started watching this film a little less than enthusiastically.

During her stay, she became fast friends with the rebellious Polly, and for awhile, it seemed as though she wasn’t taking her treatment very seriously. Though she did, eventually, show improvement and commitment, we find out that after being released Shelly ended up relapsing, losing 17 pounds and undergoing electric shock therapy. As of the writing of this review, after years of hell, Shelly is now living in recovery and blogging about her journey.

More or less, I expected to see the standard addiction documentary formula. You know the drill; a few shocking scenes of the addict/obsessor (whether it be food, codependence, booze, gambling, drugs, sex… you pick), behaving in extraordinarily sad, dangerous, desperate ways and then a typical narration by some Polly had already been residing at Renfrew for nine sort of addiction guru spouting repetitive commentary weeks when Shelly arrives. Polly is a charismatic ‘bad about tough love. girl’ type, she is defiant and outspoken and a leader personality amongst the residents. Prior to Renfrew, Happily to the contrary, I was absolutely impressed she had attempted suicide after eating two slices of with the footage in this film and its fresh approach to pizza and describes the incident as being part of the shining light on this deep rooted killer disease. catalyst that drove her to seek help. Producer Lauren Greenfield’s study was truly an enlightening view into the reality of what it is to be struggling with an eating disorder. Lauren’s secret to success here is that she showed us rather than told us. Instead of droning on as an outsider to the issue via the traditional verbal voice over narration, Lauren allowed the film’s subjects take us a on a private tour of the darkness of anorexia and bulimia.

She celebrates her 30th birthday at the Center, and we see her painfully struggling to force down a birthday cupcake. Polly continuously breaks the rules, which includes smoking in her bathroom, getting a tattoo while in residence, and giving another resident (Shelly) prescription mood pills. Unfortunately, this leads her to eventually being expelled from the program. The night before she must leave, Polly can’t handle the despair and relapses, purging on camera. Sadly, only a few Essentially a ‘fly on the wall’ observation of life in an short years after Polly’s departure from Renfrew, she eating disorder treatment center, the film is powerful died, after another attempt at suicide. and gripping. Lauren’s unrestricted access to the residents is impressive. Over a 6 month period of time Next we meet Brittany, a 15 year old Goth-ish student Lauren and photographer Amanda Micheli actually lived with charcoal black smudges around her eyes and a at the treatment center amongst the residents and sad, sad aura. She describes herself as a compulsive became blended into the community. As a constant, overeater since the age of 8 and anorexic from age non-intrusive lense in the background, they were able 12. From Brittany we learn that her mother also had to capture their subjects authentically, illuminating an eating disorder. In a nostalgic moment she conjures their individual quirks and personalities, as well as the up memories of how her mom used to engage little grim realities of their respective existences. Brittany in a game called ‘Chew and Spit’ which involved them going out buying copious amounts of candy, Specifically, we are provided with a rare and brutally cramming the candies into their mouths, chewing them honest look into the lives of four young anorexic/bulimic up… then spitting it all out instead of swallowing. Still women between the ages of 15 and 30 during their stay not completely open to recovery, still suffering from at the Renfrew Center, an eating disorder facility in huge misperceptions of her image, and despite the fact Florida. that she is in treatment because she is compulsively starving herself, she explains that she just wants to lose At the beginning of the film we meet Shelly when she “another 40 pounds”. first enters the facility. Shelly, a 25 year old psychiatric nurse weighing 84.3 pounds, has been anorexic for six One of the saddest moments in the film is watching years. She was a child of divorced parents and has a this little 15 year old have a complete breakdown and twin sister of whom she is extremely envious. Shelly has hearing her beg in desperation, crying out, “I just want been fed intravenously by a tube in her stomach for 5 to be thin.” years and has already been hospitalized 10 times. In a very disturbing moment she nonchalantly tells of being In this moment Brittany, for me, became the symbolic able to purge through her feeding tube. product of a society that puts increasing pressure on desperate young women to equate being thin with

beauty and acceptance. With Brittany we are also introduced to the horrible shortcomings of the American medical system when Brittany is forced to leave the treatment she so desperately needs because her medical benefits have run out. The night before leaving she relapses into full anorexia yet still must be released despite medical advice to the contrary. Within a few years of her release, Brittany is alleged to have developed a heroin addiction and, at last report, was entering a drug rehab. Alisa, the last of the four women we meet in the film is a 30 year old divorced mother of two who has struggled with her eating disorder for 16 years. She traces her disease back to being called ‘fat’ at the age of 7 by her pediatrician and then placed on a diet. In a cool and unperturbed manner she states that she joined the Air Force during Operation Desert Storm, “just so I could lose weight.” During the course of her disease she reported being hospitalized on multiple occasions due to dehydration from massive binge/purge sessions which included severe abuse of diuretics, enemas, and various laxatives. In the months leading up to her admission at Renfrew she was restricting her food intake to 200 calories a day. Of the four, despite her initial lack of enthusiasm for the program, Alisa was the one who seemed to have developed a desire for real recovery. For a moment it appeared that Alisa had indeed gotten better. In the end, after her release, Alisa is filmed at home with her children, definitely looking overwhelmed. In a heartbreaking moment she also relapses and is shown purging in her bathroom. The stark reality of these women’s lives while in treatment is very thought provoking. Director Greenfield obviously developed an unprecedented level of trust with the residents. As a true observer, she never intrudes and never makes judgments on their behaviors. The camera access is incredible as we see the subjects first thing in the morning stumbling down the hall for their weigh in and body check. We get to witness a few spontaneous happy, playful and loving moments between the women and the camera is even rolling when the girls are breaking the rules. All four of the women featured in this film, impacted me tremendously by showing me, once again, how very alike we all are when we are in the grips of addiction. Watching these young women struggle with fear, dishonesty, resentment, self-pity, denial,

self-absorption, and self-loathing plus hearing their desperate pleas for ‘more’ ( to be skinnier, to lose 40 more pounds, more restriction, more control, etc) was an acute reminder of how the substance of any addiction or compulsion is never the real problem. The unobtrusive nature of the film allowed viewers a clear picture of the ineffectiveness of the treatment center model in dealing with perceived ‘bad behavior’. A ‘prison’ mind set was deeply entrenched in the program from the new resident admission process to spontaneous room searches. It was deeply frustrating and disturbing to see prison type treatment of women whose only crime was that they were being consumed by a relentless mental and physical obsession. Even more disheartening was the realization that these practices were necessary for the protection of all. Considering the fact that every single one of the women went back ‘out’ as we say in the recovery world, there seemed to be a need for a recovery process by which the women could address the real demons driving their behaviors. When I was looking through some of the mainstream reviews of this documentary I was taken aback at the lack of understanding coming from some of the critics. One critic commented (to paraphrase) that living with anorexia/ bulimia was a ‘type of lifestyle’, stating, “It was very helpful for me to learn what it is actually like to have an eating disorder without all the glamor that morphs it on the internet. It was stark to the point of disgust towards the disorders, persuading me and anyone else, including those who are recovering from anorexia or bulimia, to avoid that type of lifestyle. “ To imply that these women had power over their disease, that they actually chose an anorexic or bulimic lifestyle is, to me, the same as saying that having cancer is a lifestyle choice. After viewing this film I am quite sure that not one of the four women featured ever chose to become victims of a deadly obsession. In summary, Thin was one of the best documentaries on this issue that I have seen. It is as relevant today as when it was filmed 8 years ago. Lauren Greenfield’s brilliant approach in exposing the ugly reality of how eating disorders consume and ravage young women is a real eye opener. If you’d like to see this documentary here is the link. Please paste this link into your browser: http:// documentarylovers.com/film/thin/

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afor people magazine living in recovery

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By Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. Author of, The Truth About Food Addiction: Food Junkies Image by Courtney Rhodes

chedelics PinsyRecovery? 24

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“Oh God,” he utters, “it all makes sense now, so simple and beautiful.” These words have just come from a man who has taken a potion of ‘magic mushrooms.’ He wants to see if it helps him come to terms with his newly diagnosed terminal illness. “From here on,” he gushes, “love is the only consideration. It was and is the only purpose.” He pauses for a minute and then adamantly declares, “No sensation, no image of beauty, nothing during my time on earth has felt as pure and joyful and glorious as the height of this journey.” He has touched the face of God. The thought of death seems of little consequence.

to bearded hippies all extolled the spiritual benefits of the drug. The decade of drug experimentation came to an abrupt end in the 1970s after Nixon signed the Controlled Substances Act and put most psychedelics on Schedule 1, barring their use for any purpose. LSD became available only on the drug underground. It was no longer legal to do further investigations.

The last ten years have invited a resurgence of interest in using psychedelics. The introduction of the harm reduction policy in the late 20th century Despite our current anxieties about traditional and the dismal failure of the war on drugs have led religion, human beings seem to thirst for an altered to a general softening of drug prohibition. Research state of consciousness. Using hallucinogens to into psychedelics and marijuana has reappeared. combat the fear of death is only the latest in our Prestigious universities such as Johns Hopkins, attempts to use mind-alerting drugs to respond to the University of New Mexico, and the University of many of life’s challenges. In the late 1950s, LSD was Zurich are only a few of the centers that are once the most well known of these hallucinogens; a group again wanting to investigate whether psychiatric of scientists were keen to see if it could alleviate such disorders could be treated in this novel way. hard to treat medical conditions as pain management, anxiety, and addiction. It is hypothesized that the use of hallucinogens might disrupt the extreme rigidity of addiction and Could it help for alcoholism? It certainly made help to ‘reset’ negative thoughts to less destructive all the difference for Bill W. The leader of AA knew thought patterns. If drug addicts can be made to that a spiritual awakening was essential for the realize that their perception of reality is entirely ongoing recovery of alcoholism. Indeed, Bill W. had based on a transient set of variables – their mood, already had his own ‘white light’ spiritual experience; diet, sleep, personal background, even family history, possibly sparked by the use of the belladonna he was they might be able to alter their current mindset from prescribed in his hospital stay. This experience was one that craves drugs, into one that does not. so profound that it provided the basis for his longlasting sobriety. Gabor Maté, author of, “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction,” has an When he struggled with depression twenty interest in psychedelics which is a case in point. He years later, Bill desperately wanted to access this has joined other clinicians in this second renaissance ‘fourth’ spiritual dimension again. He knew that of drug research, experimenting with the use of a spiritual awareness of the slower ‘educational’ Peruvian plant Ayahuasca to deal with cravings of his variety, achieved through the work of the 12 steps, drug-addicted patients. was possible. But Bill thirsted for the more vivid immediate route. He was not entirely convinced that Like Bill W., he has been intrigued by the potential his AA program work could match the demands of power of the mystical experience. He writes with his depression. To his intrigue, he found that LSD wonder about his Ayahuasca flavored enlightenment, improved his mood. He wrote, “My reactions to “And I sat there in the dark with my heart open and a things totally, and in particular, have very definitely feeling of delicious nurturing warmth, the tears of joy improved for no other reason that I can see.” rolling down my face, and I got love.” Maté believes that if the supplicant takes this drug under the Others were captivated by the potential of LSD to direction of a Shaman like he did, deep emotions and solve life’s difficulties. By the 1960s, the use of LSD addictive thought patterns can be changed. had spread from the research halls to dominate the drug subculture of the 1960s. Academic professors Maté explains, “…. And I also got how many ways in

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my life I had betrayed love and had turned my back on it, which is a coping pattern.... The Ayahuasca got rid of my coping mechanisms in a flash, and there I was experiencing something, and I knew then that this is something to work with.” So let me ask the obvious question: What is the difference between a euphoric delusion and a spiritual illumination? And, should it matter - if the drug actually does help? One palliative care researcher said it succinctly: “If it is just an illusion, so what? If it helps people to die peacefully with their friends and their family at their side, I don’t care if it’s real or an illusion.” The results beg the question: the mushroomtakers rated their drug-induced mystical experiences as amongst the most meaningful experiences in their lives. The memories were rated to be as important as the birth of a child or death of a parent. In fact, one third of subjects ranked their drug inspired journey to be the most spiritual experience in their life. One year later, these ratings dropped only slightly.

Understanding Addiction, Food Addiction, Obesity and Eating Disorcers

THE POWER IS OURS The Addictions Unplugged website serves as a portal and discussion forum for medical professionals, front-line addiction workers and those affected by addiction to reach out to Dr. Tarman and find out the latest information on treatment.

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Should we care? Dr. Maté is not disturbed by the prospect of attaining spirituality through a drug. What about those of us living in recovery and who follow an abstinence program? Is drug-illuminated insight the kind we should consider when searching for help for “outside” issues? Many of us took drugs in the first place to seek other worldly realms, to escape from our day-today entrenched state of eternal ‘sleep.’ All too many of us lost the spirit of the sublime in that scramble to soar to the outer realms, but fell prey instead to the profane muddiness below. A chemical spiritual experience did not appear to alter the course of a destructive addiction. Quite the contrary: How many alcoholics have you or I known who have used hallucinogens in their preteens to find it a gateway to other drugs in later years? Bill W. knew that he was treading in hot waters with his active investigation of LSD. In fact, by 1958, he removed himself from the AA governing body to be free to do his drug experiments. What about you and me? Would you be willing to take Ketamine to deal with debilitating PTSD and depression, or Ibogaine for chronically relapsing opiate addiction, or marijuana to treat insomnia … or LSD to kiss the sky in those last final moments of life? 26

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By Sanderson Layng President, Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Television Host for Living Clean, Living Well Image by Andrés Nieto Porras

WHEN DOES RECOVERY BEGIN? At what point can we say that someone has started their journey on what is often referred to as the “Road to Recovery?”. Without noting, and celebrating that starting point, the celebrations at the milestones and the eventual destination point are that much farther away. In many respects, that Road begins long before the addiction ever sets in. It begins when we give up and opt out.

Recovery can be long, but a bully in your head can make the path to addiction a very short trip.

Stop bullying yourself is one of the themes of a grades 7 & 8 after school mentoring program called “Kids Now” created by Janet King (www.kidsnowcanada.org). Janet knows that these pre-teen years are critical to a healthy transition into high school where issues like cyberbullying, lack of self-esteem and confidence as Recovery begins at the point when you choose to live well as poor conflict resolution skills can drive many as part of a community of souls, imperfections and all, to poor choices when significant peer pressure kicks by placing your trust in someone or something other in. How many of us were ready for the minefield that than yourself. It begins with accepting that no matter high school presents and how many of the problems we what degree of wealth, acceptance, status, or success face as adults go back to that period of time, especially someone might have, we all need help getting through addictions? the night from time to time and we can’t do that in isolation. None of us are strong enough no matter what In the late 1980’s I created a contest for high school we tell ourselves. aged kids called the “Friend-to-Friend Drug Awareness Challenge”. It was picked up by every Ministry of That’s why there is a new focus on teaching young Education in the country and offered students the people about bullying – not the bullies in the school opportunity to created their own anti-drug messages yard but the bully in your own head; the one that tells for their friends or peers and the winner would have you that you’re not good enough, that you don’t belong, their message professionally produced. It could be a TV that being different is uncool, that you are too short, spot, a poster, a poem and the school that submitted the too fat, too dumb, too ugly and on and on. The Road to winning entry in each province or territory got a cash

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prize provided by Reader’s Digest. The national winning entry was a poem that came from an 11 year old girl in British Columbia:

“Drugs won’t fill the empty spot Where love is meant to be. So reach out my friend, and share your heart And learn to lean on me.” In 20 years in drug and alcohol education, I have yet to hear it put better. For those who are on a Road to Recovery, we need to have cheering sections and milestone celebrations along the way just like they do for the Tour de France. For those who have yet to get on the Road, we need to encourage them and pledge our support for the journey. For those who have not started down the path to addiction, we need to put up a Do Not Enter sign that is backed up by our own willingness to listen, to counsel, to be the friend that is needed. Apparently, 11 year olds already know this.