Issue 11

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July August 2014

Are YOU a PEOPLE PLEASER?

Hitting Bottom with Food Are you accommodating or Addi c ti o n trapped in a vicious cycle?

Is a “bottom” dramatic, or just a choice?

Facebook Addiction Disorder

Is it a fad or is there some truth behind it?

My DOCTOR is a DEALER

Are medical doctors today’s drug dealers?

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Anonymity might be the spiritual foundation of our affairs within 12-step walls, and it’s important not to “out” ourselves as members of one program or another, but beyond that anonymity might be more harm than good.

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TOP 10 BLIND SPOTS Here is a list of things we ignore or forget about.

It’s easy to live “One Day at a TIme” but that’s no excuse for not taking responsibility for what goes on beyond “Just Today.” Here are a few handy tips and reminders to help you keep track of the whole picture.

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ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER? Darlene Lancer, author of “Conquering Shame and Codependency” demystifies the notion of people-pleasing: do you qualify?

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MY DOCTOR IS MY DRUG DEALER Is it strange that your doctor asks about diabetes and heart disease before doling out meds, but never about addiction? Let’s examine.

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FACEBOOK ADDICTION DISORDER Is FAD indeed a fad, or is Facebook Addiction Disorder something to be concerned about? We go indepth and examine the whole story.

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FAD SELF TEST Do you qualify as having a Facebook Addiction Disorder? Here is a self test to help you find out how at risk you are.

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HITTING BOTTOM WITH FOOD ADDICTION Dr. T talks about the hazards of food addiction and what a “bottom” looks like. Is it always a dark and sinister end, or just the spot where you stop digging?

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FEAR AND CONTROL Our old friends: “fear and control.” Just when we think we might be in the clear, they rear their ugly heads again. And where better to get a visit from these culprits than on a road-trip; all aboard! www.recoverywiremagazine.com

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Issue 11, July/August 2014 Editor In Chief Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com Contributing Writers Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Kimberly-Robyn Covey Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. Aakilah Ade R.N. Cover Illustrations Lightworks Veer Illustrations/Photography DNF Style Veer Ammentorp Photography Veer krisda chamchuen Veer BONK! Photography Veer davisales Veer anderm Veer Ostill Veer Creatista Veer jorgenmac Veer

Published 6 Times Yearly: January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August, September/October, November/December Mailing Address 360A Bloor Street West P.O. Box 68506 Walmer Toronto, ON M5S 3C9 1.416.922.9227 Reprints For permission to print any portion of this magazine requests should be sent to: info@recoverywiremagazine.com

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the preceding moment. They have a story prepared; they’re on medication, they have an allergy, they have to get up early, they’re on a health cleanse.

There’s a gamut of ways to avoid the attention of not wanting a drink, but as I think of it now, what a strange concern. We actually invest time into figuring out a way to tell the general public we don’t want booze. We worry they’ll judge us. We worry it will impact their fun. We don’t want anyone thinking we’re square or anything. We come up with creative ways to appear just as participatory without actually challenging our sobriety. It’s a funny thing to waste time on when you think It was 1997, I was twenty-two about it. years old and I’d been in recovery for three years. I was with a friend at a For anyone who knows me well, they nightclub on a Friday night and this know the one thing I struggle with is woman approached me. Her name was memory. I’m not sure if it’s a backlash Amber. What I remember most is that of all the chemicals I snorted/ we were perched on a bench and when swallowed/shoveled into my little Amber came toward us she turned frame, but either way, my memory is away and planted her ass on the bench short. The thing about having a short first. Then with her back facing us, she memory is that one must make certain spun around and tipped her head to adjustments, like always telling the one side with a devilish smile. She was truth. I don’t have the memory for comical and charismatic; I should’ve storytelling, excuses or lies. I have no known right then. choice but to be direct. I wouldn’t be capable of recalling which explanation She came over to tell me she had I fed you the last time, so from the a friend who had been eyeing me all beginning of my recovery, I was always night, you know the rest; I went on to open about my affliction. I’m an addict: date her friend for over a year. During I can’t partake, and that’s that. If I do, the first few weeks of our courtship I’ll inevitably snort my rent money and we hung out with Amber quite a bit. yours. If I do, I’ll make a mockery of I recall the first time the three of us myself and potentially sleep with your met again, Amber tried to buy me a husband (or wife), so I can’t have a drink. drink. Better you know I’m an addict right away. It protects us both in the “I don’t drink.” I said. long run. You’ll likely never offer it to “Seriously?” She asked, perplexed. me again; your own discomfort will “Like, not at all?” keep you from it, and there are worse “Nope.” I chuckled. “I’m a recovering things (oh I can assure you). addict.” And that was that.

I know there are plenty of people who have a multitude of ways to avoid

So once I’d “outed” myself to Amber, the matter was settled. I never thought of it again. We went on to

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become fast friends, the three of us. And in time, Amber and I began spending time alone together. We went to coffee shops and on road trips, we had dinner parties; she became a close friend.

One afternoon, I was at work and my cell phone rang. It was Amber; she was in trouble and wanted to come see me. When she arrived, I could see the distress on her face. Her cheeks were puffy and her eyes crackled like angry glass, her hair was slightly disheveled and she was oozing a mysterious shame. I sat behind the counter of the little décor store I was working in. I was only there part time on the weekends and that afternoon had been terribly slow; not a patron in sight. I was listening to George Michael and polishing finials before she’d called.

Amber approached and began telling me her story. She desperately started spilling her details; somehow knowing she need not explain the lack of premeditation. She’d been hiding a cocaine addiction. She was high the night we met; she was high most nights, other than the time she spent with me. She went on to tell me the lengths her addiction had taken her, and little did I know the burden my friend carried when we weren’t together. I listened intently.

And then she said her first sign of hope was when she met me, and heard the words, “I’m a recovering addict.”

I asked her why.

“You’re happy. You have fun, you’re intoxicating actually; you’re genuinely happy.”

By choosing to be open and honest about my addiction, I wasn’t trying to rescue anyone or take anyone hostage, I simply told the truth: I’m an addict. The same way a cancer patient would out themselves if you lit a cigarette nearby, or a diabetic would share if you offered them candy. It is what it is, no reason to dress it up any differently.

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The shame is in the stigma, and how else will we change that?

Amber said that she wanted whatever it was I had. I’ve always been guarded about twelve-stepping people. I’m not a caretaker; it’s just not in my nature. I gave her the basics: get to some kind of meeting so you have a network of your own people to lean on, and stay present; process what’s in front of you. Do not look up; do not worry about tomorrow. If you want what I have, that’s how I do it.

I took Amber to a twelve-step meeting, and then let her figure things out on her own after that. She’s still clean today.

I tell this story because I see a dismal trend happening. I see too many of us get the help we need, and then put our ego’s first. If we’re being honest, for the most part, that’s what hiding our affliction is about: protecting our ego.

If we started being open and honest, we could literally alter how the world views addiction overnight. Right now, all the general public gets to see is a closeup of life in the trenches. It’s on news broadcasts, in movies, in songs, in raps; it’s spelled out in images of celebrities rapping their spendy cars around trees or overdosing. But there is a splendid, colourful and uplifting side of life after active addiction, and not enough of us are breaking the silence. Anonymity is only valid in protecting our membership to a twelve-step group, but the time has come to drop the veil beyond the rooms.

My name is Dee: I am a former finance manager, a business owner, an editor in chief, a writer, and I am an addict.

Tag, you’re it…

Dee Christensen Editor in Chief

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TOP 10 L I N D B

1. DETOX Now and then it’s important to give the body a rest and a healthy detox can be just the thing. It’s all too easy to get caught up in fried foods, caffeine and refined sugar. Perhaps it’s time to own up to the rigors we put our poor bodies through and give it the attention it deserves. A detox is a great way to stimulate your liver, intestines and kidneys; it not only refuels the body with nutrients it also helps with blood circulation and can improve the quality of your skin. Consulting a nutritionist is the best way to launch yourself into the right detox for you, but if that’s not an option, then do a little research and visit a neighborhood health food or vitamin store. There are several ways to detox, but the premise comes down to eliminating unnecessary items from your diet and boosting your plant-based foods for a while. You’ll be amazed how much a detox can reverse that sluggish feeling you’ve gotten used to.

SPOTS

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2. BODY Our kind has a tendency for the extreme (take a minute, I know this must come as a great shock). We generally see 2 sides of a great polarity where our bodies are concerned: before and after. For most of us, exercising is nothing but a trump card we pull out once a year after we spot a crappy photo of ourselves. We launch ourselves, head first, into a commitment to lose those extra pounds; off to the gym we go!

And generally our motivation peters out after a few weeks. But exercise isn’t about losing weight, that might be a valuable add-on, but keeping the body in motion is such an important aspect of life that we too often ignore. Find a sport you actually have fun doing, join a walking group or take tennis lessons. Whatever it is, just commit to integrating physical activity into your lifestyle. Your body is your temple, and if you want a quality life as the years pass, keeping active is the best way to achieve that.

3. BRAIN We generally don’t think about it until it causes us a problem. It’s not until we start to forget a few too many names or lose our keys a few too many times in a row that we start to amp up our interest in how to keep the brain in tip top shape. It’s been said that crosswords and Sudoku are great ways to keep the brain sharp, but in fact once you master these activities your brain isn’t as stimulated as you might think.The very best way to keep the brain sharp is to learn. Take a class or learn to play an instrument. Commit to new and fun mental activities every season: try knitting, pottery, learn a new language or even join a book club. Challenging the mind through education has been linked to lower rates of dementia, not to mention it makes for a far more interesting story than retracing last night’s television reruns.

4. SEX

6. TEETH

It’s a touchy subject, we know. And for some of us sex is a regular occurrence and this little blind spot will make no sense at all. But if you’re part of the large number of people whose sex drive has plummeted, this one’s for you.

It’s enough to make your belly churn with anxiety. The sound of that drill, the smell of that weird fluoride rinse; the little cup they make you spit into, which always seems like a joke since the gauze in your cheeks won’t allow your lips to close, leaving you drooling on that weird plastic bib they make you wear.

It’s enough to make the bravest souls shudder. The dentist. Ugh.

Did you know that for a woman, more frequent sex actually stimulates lubrication and elasticity in the genitals (which might not mean much to the twenty or thirtysomething crowd, but the rest of us are reading with interest!). And men who have sex more often are less likely to experience erectile dysfunction.

But dentistry has come along way, baby! The discomfort has been reduced to a manageable sum and that picture of the waterfall taped to the ceiling has been replaced with a television, boasting TSN and an assortment of daytime talk shows. The utensils are more sleek, and even the drills sound quieter.

Now we know what you’re thinking, “That’s all well and good, but I’m just not that into it!” Here’s the reality: according to Kimball Johnson, MD in an article titled It’s True: Frequent Sex is Healthy Sex:

Dental health might seem unimportant if you’re not suffering tooth pain; it’s easy to ignore your choppers. What could possibly go wrong? Let’s see: poor dental health can affect speech, breath, and lead to tooth loss, which puts a serious dent in the old self-esteem. Not to mention the impact dental disease has on the pocket book: any idea how costly this sort of thing is to repair? It’s once a year, make the call, get a nice cleaning and let the lovely receptionist have your contact information so she can remind you a year from now that it’s time to pop by once again. Ignore this blind spot for too long and you could be sipping dinner from a straw someday.

You may stop wanting sex if you go a long time without it. This is partially because ”turning off” helps you avoid feelings of sexual frustration. Having more frequent sex can actually keep you interested in sex.

But that’s not all, sex also has major health benefits. Sex increases bladder control, lowers blood-pressure and even reduces your risk of heart attack. According to humanist psychologist Abraham Maslow who proposed Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs, the bottom of the famous needs pyramid reads as follows: air, shelter, water, food, sleep and (you guessed it!) sex. Now that’s a good reason to get back up on that horse.

7. TAXES & TOMORROW It’s too often that we find ourselves settling for the old survival methods when it comes to our finances. Perhaps you’re the exception? Perhaps you’re part of the few who does their taxes each year, has a savings account, a retirement plan and a short/long term financial goal. If so, good for you!

But it’s more likely that most of us are a bit behind on our taxes, or we think we don’t make enough money to develop a “savings plan,” or we live “Just for Today” and tell ourselves that future planning is thinking too far ahead. Nice try, what a cop out! You’re your own parent now, and your future is coming whether you choose to participate in it or not. You can choose mediocrity, or you can choose to climb a bit higher. Sit down with someone at your bank, talk to a few professional financial planners. Allow yourself the freedom to develop a short-term and a long-term goal, like an annual holiday and a certain amount to retire with at a certain age. You may not get everything you want, but you’ll get more than you would have with blinders on. And achieving a financial goal is another type of recovery that produces a freedom that’s hard to match. It’s time to start planning.

5. BOOBS-N-BALLS This is a blind spot too many people ignore. If your family has a history of certain cancers, screening is an annual commitment you cannot ignore.

For the average woman, mammograms to screen for breast cancer begin around forty, but if your family has a history of breast cancer screening can begin a lot earlier.

For men, colon and rectal cancers are two of the most common and pervasive cancers and screening for them generally begins around fifty.

Whether it’s a blood test, having your boobs squished or being poked and prodded, it’s a far cry better than chemo and radiation. Let’s count our blessings and make that annual appointment.You don’t have to like it, but find the courage to do it anyway; it’s for a great cause, after all.

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8. AVOIDANCE This is about that old emotional blind spot: uncomfortable feelings. If it feels uncomfortable, we tend to hide from it.We eat our way out of it, we sleep our way through it; we find any number of distractions to avoid any sensation that renders us uncomfortable. Even once we’ve done a mountain of work in our recovery, after bountiful step work or work with helping professionals, we find ourselves at risk of this blind spot.

When we feel uncomfortable, for most of us a singular instinct takes over. From the core of our bellies a voice shouts: “DO SOMETHING! DO ANYTHING!” Our first instinct when we’re in pain or discomfort is to act, and act quickly. We need to do something urgently or we completely self-destruct. No matter how much recovery we have, at some point most of us fall prey to this old instinct, and the good news is, the answer is simple.

We must learn to endure the discomfort. It will not kill us. We are no longer at risk of our security being challenged, or our safety, or our livelihood; these instincts were born at a time when those were likely our realities. But today, we have each other, and we must retrain ourselves. So the next time you find yourself in pain or discomfort and you start to panic, and your mind demands that you act immediately: for a time, do nothing.

Sit quietly, endure the discomfort, and make your way gently to the other side of it. People do it everyday.

9. CURRENCY Spending: it’s a blind spot that says a lot about a person. Have you given any thought to where your money goes? Just the thought of is makes us cringe. But this is a great exercise to help assess where your financial drains are.

THE CHALLENGE:: For ONE MONTH, use cash only. Pay your bills as usual, but whatever sum you generally allocate to yourself for spending (on food, entertainment and such) take it out in a lump sum and spend it in cash. You’re allowed to spend what you usually spend, where you usually spend it; but use nothing but cash. It seems futile perhaps, what difference would cash make? Well, most of us slap that interact card down and unknowingly perpetuate the cycle of blind spending. Our bank cards relieve us of the burden of watching our money dwindle and taking responsibility for our purchases. You’ll be amazed how much of an impact it has on your psyche to hold your hard earned dollars in your hand and watch it deplete daily. Suddenly that daily non-fat-extra-hot-mocha-latte won’t look so tasty.

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10. GOAL SETTING It’s true, living “One Day at a Time” is an important part of ensuring our recovery is manageable, but now and then it’s important to look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself the question, where do you see yourself in five years?

How about in one year? Do you have a goal? It’s scary to ask these questions because the moment we ask them we’re inevitably choosing to climb, and that means there’s a risk we’ll fall. But what’s the point of having a support network and a higher power if we don’t utilize them to improve ourselves? It’s time to take the risk, and let yourself dream a little.

Are you doing the job you want to be doing? Are you living where you want to be living? Does your life have all the elements you hoped it would have? Make a one year goal and a five year goal. And when it comes time to make a plan to reach those goals, and you’re tempted to complain about how difficult it will be, remember this: there was a time we endured immeasurable discomfort to attain our vice. There was a time we would stand in line for hours, wait in our cars for hours, travel impossible distances, and suffer terrible trials to get one more hit. We, more than anyone else on the planet, can endure the impossible. With this in mind, imagine how handy a tool this is if we use it wisely?

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”

Henry Ford

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By Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Author of “Codependency for Dummies” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency”

Are You a People Pleaser?

Everyone starts out in life wanting to be safe, loved, and accepted. It’s in our DNA. Some of us figure out that the best way to do this is to put aside what we want or feel and allow someone else’s needs and feelings to take precedence. This works for a while. It feels natural, and there’s less outer conflict, but our inner conflict grows. If we’d like to say no, we feel guilty, and we may feel resentful when we say yes. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Our strategy might create other problems. We may put in extra time at work and try to please the boss but get passed over for a promotion or discover we’re doing work we’re not enjoying at all. We may be very accommodating to family and friends and resent that we’re always the one called upon for help, extra work, or to take care of someone else’s problems.

Our love life might suffer too. We give and give to our partner, but feel unappreciated or unimportant and that and our needs and desires aren’t considered. We may begin to feel bored, joyless, or mildly depressed. We may miss earlier times when we were happier or more independent.

The anger, resentment, hurt, and conflict we always tried to avoid continue to grow. Being alone might appear to be a welcome escape from these challenges, but then we’d end up sacrificing our connection to others, which is what we truly want. Sometimes, it seems like we have to choose between sacrificing ourselves or sacrificing a relationship.

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It’s Easier to Just Go Along We often feel trapped, but don’t know another way to be.

Accommodating others is so ingrained in us that stopping is not only difficult, it’s terrifying. If we look around, we might notice other people who are well-liked and don’t people-please. We may even know someone who is kind or admired and is able to say no to requests and invitations.

What’s more, they don’t seem to agonize about it with guilt. How they do that is baffling. We might even envy someone quite popular who doesn’t give a hoot about what others think. If we bother to reflect on all this, we may wonder how we got into such a mess and question our fundamental belief that pleasing is the road to acceptance.

Although there are other people who choose to be cooperative and kind, we don’t feel as if we have a choice.

It can be as hard to say no to someone who needs us as it is to someone who abuses us. In either case, we fear it will negatively affect our relationship, and the guilt and fear of rejection or disappointing someone is overwhelming.

We may have loved ones or friends who would become indignant and even retaliate if we were to say no. Each time, it gets easier to agree when we would rather not or to go along and not object. We can turn into a human pretzel trying to win the love or approval of someone we care for – especially in a romantic relationship.

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KHLT RECOVERY BROADCASTING Starting in Childhood The problem is that for many of us, our pleasing is more than kindness. It’s our personality style. Some children decide that accommodating their parents’ wishes is the safest way to survive in a world of powerful adults and the best way to win their parents acceptance and love.

They try to be good and not make waves. “Good” means what parents want. Their parents may have had high expectations, been critical, had rigid rules, withheld love or approval, or punished them for “mistakes,” dissent, or showing anger. Some children learn to acquiesce merely by observing their parents’ actions with each other or another sibling. When parental discipline is unfair or unpredictable, children learn to be careful and cooperative to avoid it. Many of us are more sensitive and have a low tolerance for conflict or separation from parents due to genetic makeup, early interactions with parents, or a combination of various factors.

People-Pleasers Pay a Price Unfortunately, becoming a people-pleaser sets us on a path of becoming alienated from our innate, true self.

The underlying belief is that who we are isn’t lovable.

Instead, we idealize being loved as a means to self-worth and happiness to the point that we crave it. Our need to be accepted, understood, needed, and loved causes us to be compliant and self-effacing. We conclude, “If you love me, then I’m lovable.” “You” comes to mean just about everyone, including people incapable of love!

Preserving our relationships is our uppermost mandate. We strive to be lovable and charitable and reject character traits that we decide won’t serve that goal. We can end up squelching entire chunks of our personality that are incompatible, like showing anger, winning competitions, exercising power, getting attention, setting boundaries, or disagreeing with others. Even when not asked, we willingly give up separate interests that would mean time away from a loved one. The slightest look of disappointment (which we may inaccurately infer) is enough to deter us from doing something on our own.

Assertiveness feels harsh, setting limits feels rude, and requesting that our needs be met sounds demanding.

Some of us don’t believe we have any rights at all. We feel guilty expressing any needs, if we’re even aware of them. We consider it selfish to act in our self-interest.

We may even have been called selfish by a selfish parent or spouse. Our guilt and fear of abandonment may be so strong that we stay in an abusive relationship rather than leave.

It’s not surprising that we’re often attracted to someone who is the opposite of us – whose power, independence, and certitude we admire. Over time, we can start to think that unlike us, they’re selfish. In fact, we probably wouldn’t be attracted to someone of the opposite sex who is as kind and pleasing as we are. We would consider them weak, because deep down we dislike ourselves for being so compliant. Moreover, getting our needs met doesn’t rank high on our list. We’d rather be submissive – but eventually pay a price for it.

We’re not aware that each time we hide who we are to please someone else, we give up a little self-respect.

In the process, our true self (what we really feel, think, need, and want) retreats a bit more. We become accustomed to sacrificing our needs and wants for so long that we may not know what they are. Decades of conveniently accommodating “just this time” whittles away at our connection to our true self, and our lives and relationships begin to feel empty of joy and passion.

Recovery Talk & Positive Music

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We can change!

It’s possible to change and find our voice, our power, and our passion. It requires getting reacquainted with that Self we’ve hidden, discovering our feelings and needs, and risking asserting and acting on them. It’s a process of raising our sense of self-worth and self-esteem and healing the shame we may not even know that we carry, but it’s a worthy adventure of self-reclamation. Learn more about the steps you can take in my books and ebooks on my website, www.whatiscodependency.com. ©Darlene Lancer 2014

Be sure to check out Darlene Lancer’s NEW BOOK! This essential guide explores the powerful emotion of shame, what can happen if it is not addressed, and provides practical advice on how to break deep-rooted patterns.

Now available at Amazon!

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By Dee Christensen

My Doctor is a

DRUG DEALER

I stepped into my doctor’s office to have my back looked at. I live with a knot in my back, a writer’s knot as I call it, and I’ve named it Ernest. Ernest was especially angry that week, and my usual treatment of sitting nearest an electrical outlet so as to keep my heating pad operable just wasn’t cutting it. Ernest needed a talking to. I hopped up onto the paper sheet and tried to find a comfortable position while I waited.

I began swinging my feet, and then stopped myself. I studied the little jars filled with cotton tape reels and mammoth Popsicle sticks until my physician appeared.

prescription for hillbilly heroine, a prescription that my insurance carrier would foot the bill for no less.

After a few seconds, I came to. I shook my head, (to get my addict-self out of the drivers seat) and declined the kind offer, but not before glancing down at the prescription. It was a beefy script indeed, a testament to how conservative I must appear these days. I imagined how much easier this would be, simply cleaning myself up and wearing pastel coloured fabrics and naïve-coloured lip gloss to fool a doctor into thinking I’m a harmless pain sufferer rather than After a while the door opened and in came my doctor. a shrewd drug addict. And no sooner did that thought I’ve been seeing this man for half a decade, and yet still occur to me, did I start feeling angry. he doesn’t know my name.

Prior to writing me a prescription for a dangerous “Hello Christine. How are things?” narcotic, he considered no side effects, he asked me no “Not bad doc, you?” questions: he neither inquired about a family history “Oh can’t complain, can’t complain. What seems to of addiction nor checked to see if any such evidence be the problem?” appeared in my file (which it does in fact), before handing me a free pass to add synthetic heroine to my I went on to introduce him to Ernest. I was looking for afternoon snack. some hope I suppose. I had imagined he would measure my skeleton and discover some crocked mutation that would send me on the path of bidding farewell to Ernest for good. Or perhaps he’d send me to some bone or muscle specialist who would have the perfect remedy or stretch or topical ointment derived from an herbal concoction found inside an Egyptian pyramid.

Instead he simply nodded.

“Hellova knot you’ve got there.”

And with that, he suggested a heat/ice rotation, and then pulled out his prescription pad. He suggested an anti-inflammatory to take the swelling down, and nervously asked if I had asthma. He then asked if my family had a history of heart disease or hypertension, so as to avoid any dangerous side effects. He began scribbling, and his next words were like butter on warm bread.

“Do you want a pain killer, at least until the swelling is down?”

“4.4 million teenagers (aged 12 to 17) in the US admitted to taking prescription painkillers. (…) The average age for first-time users is now 13 to 14.”

(Foundation For A Drug-Free World, 2014)

I wish I could say this was a rare occurrence, but statistics would suggest otherwise. “In 2010, I said nothing at first. I let the words hover in the approximately 7.0 million persons were current users air briefly, like a dulcet saxophone in an old jazz of psychotherapeutic drugs taken non-medically (2.7 compilation. The lengths I used to go to get drugs, I percent of the U.S. population), an estimate similar to thought; the way I used to rotate through my dealers. that in 2009.” (National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2011) The exhausting chore of calculating whom I owed, and And this isn’t just an American problem; “Canada is now who had the best product against who gave me the the second-largest per capita consumer of prescription best deal and lived the closest to me. It used to be a opioids (exceeded only by the United States), according lot of work, being a drug addict. But there I was, an to the International Narcotics Control Board (2013). innocent visit to my doctor resulted in being handed a Globally, North America consumes approximately 80%

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of the world’s opioids.” (Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse, 2013) North America has become a pill farm: it’s that simple. According to the White House, “The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has classified prescription drug abuse as an epidemic.” (Office of National Drug Control Policy, 2011)

Epidemic. That’s an appropriate term, and despite the fact that Obama’s office coined it, there’s still a surprisingly undisturbed stream of doctors peddling said-plague. Perhaps because when we use the term “Epidemic” we think of historic tragedies like the polio epidemic: a disease viral in nature, which affects the central nervous system. In the 1940s polio was on the rise, creating panic and dread that swept across America. Whole towns were quarantined, and at times travel between cities was prohibited. In 1952, polio reached its peak: 3, 145 deaths and over 50 thousand reported cases, until a vaccine was finally discovered.

One of the greatest recorded epidemics of botulism occurred in 1977, impacting 59 people, and the public health response to botulism is alarming. According to a report from the CDC, “A single case of foodborne botulism represents a public health emergency.”

(Centre for Disease Control an Prevention, 1998)

school curriculums to give greater credence to the study of addiction, and yet in most medical schools addiction is a mere road bump compared to other fields of study. According to the Washington Post “Addiction is linked to more than 70 diseases or conditions and accounts for a third of inpatient hospital costs (and yet) the subject is rarely taught in medical school or residency training.” (Boodman, 2012) Physicians are not aware of the signs of addiction, there is no patient dialogue required to rule out possible side effects, potential longterm complications or familial reoccurrence. Governing bodies are rubber stamping a gamut of differently titled narcotics via a medley of pharmaceudical companies, most of which are dedicated to the management of pain. How much pain are we in? What other sanctioned emergency responses are there to counteract the potential hazards of the latest medical veil? If there was ever a time to get vocal, take action and demand that the leaders we voted into power respond to our epidemic with as much fervor as past epidemics impacting far fewer people: now is the time.

“I’m a drug addict you know,” I stated angrily. “And today doc, you were my dealer.” I said as I crumpled the tiny paper.

I’m in the market for a new physician, any takers?

And yet, results from a national survey on drug use and health indicate far more haunting numbers, “The misuse and abuse of prescription painkillers was responsible for more than 475,000 emergency department visits in 2009, a number that nearly doubled in just five years. More than 12 million people reported using prescription painkillers nonmedically in 2010.” The survey goes on to say that in 2008 alone, “more than 36,000 people died from drug overdoses, and most of these deaths were caused by prescription drugs.” (Office of National Drug Control Policy, 2011)

Works Cited Boodman, S. G. (2012, 09 03). Few Doctors Know How to Treat Addiction. The Washington Post .

Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse. (2013). Prescription Drugs. Canada.

Centre for Disease Control an Prevention. (1998). Botulism in the United States.

Foundation For A Drug-Free World. (2014). THE TRUTH ABOUT PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSE » INTERNATIONAL STATISTICS.

I’m not suggesting this is entirely the fault of physicians, by no means. Physicians and pharmaceutical companies work in tandem to churn out medications, and what happens to them after that is anyone’s guess. I can tell you that in 2005 alone, “4.4 million teenagers (aged 12 to 17) in the US admitted to taking prescription painkillers, and 2.3 million took a prescription stimulant such as Ritalin. (…) The average age for first-time users is now 13 to 14.” (Foundation For A Drug-Free World, 2014) Based on these numbers it would be an insult to deem any government-sanctioned epidemic response as anything but passive. One might expect medical

National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2011). The science of Drug Abuse and Addiction.

Office of National Drug Control Policy. (2011). Prescription Drug Abuse. The White House.

Making Enlightened Society Possible

By Kimberley-Robyn Covey

acebook

Addiction Disorder

OK… Its 3’oclock in the morning… my eyes are red and bleary from straining into the light of my screen, my back is sore from hours of being slumped in a chair, my neck is excruciatingly stiff from being fixed at such an unnatural angle for so long.

My body is begging for sleep. Somewhere in the back of my mind there is a nagging little voice reminding me that I have to get up in a few hours for work. Oh boy, 7 a.m. is gonna be here really soon. I really need to get some rest - got a tough day tomorrow. Gotta shut this thing down…But wait ....Just let me respond to this last comment…

What is it that has me so transfixed? What on earth could possibly demand such undivided attention from me like this, and what could possibly compel me, an extremely busy person, to give up my very precious evening time? Am I passionately writing my memoirs or feverishly pounding out pages to meet a deadline? Am I cramming for my contract law test? Perhaps penning an all important Mother hen note to one of my kids?

Nope.

painstakingly counter their statements with what I like to think are witty and knowledgeable responses, taking much care to sound balanced and calm, the way a person in good recovery should sound…

A lot of people agree with me and have ‘liked’ my comments.

I sit there counting and recounting the likes. I am obsessed.

Ha! It seems that there are more people who like my opinion than who disagree with it. I get a heady buzz from all that approval. After all, my words are an extension of me, aren’t they? Suddenly another comment shows up and I rush to concoct the appropriate response …

There is something disturbingly familiar to me about the sense of instant gratification I feel when I get validated before the world on FB. First, I get totally focused on the activity with the same all consuming intent that I used to pour into my other “using” behaviors, secondly, my self esteem gets such an artificial boost that I can sometimes immediately go from feeling blah (and possibly irritable) to feeling fabulous and loved by the world. It could easily become an alternate method of trying to fill the bottomless void in my soul if I am The ridiculous truth is that I am unable to tear myself not careful. And, after surveying tons of folks in recovery (and away from a controversial thread on Facebook where I have some who aren’t in recovery) , I find that I am not the only one posted my impassioned opinion about 12 step philosophy who has gotten sucked into the FB vortex! versus clinical addiction treatment models. A lot of people don’t agree with me…. and have posted their opposing views. I People have told me about spending hours creeping the

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pages of an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, snooping through all their contacts, completely obsessed with finding out their activities. Others have spoken about becoming paralyzed with rage or jealousy for days at a time, reacting terribly when friends or acquaintances have posted triumphant updates like getting a promotion, buying a car, perhaps posting a happy picture of themselves with a smiling partner. Who among us hasn’t experienced a feeling of embarrassment for comrades who have posted vulgar, inappropriate rants against someone publicly or have published humiliating or damaging photos of themselves or others but yet we can’t tear ourselves away from the drama. At what point does this self seeking need for attention, this drive to be ‘liked’, this obsessive voyeurism into other’s lives, cross the line into full blown addiction?

are more likely to “experience Facebook–related conflict with their romantic partners, which then may cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce,” In the UK in 2012, divorce lawyers surveyed by “http:// www.divorce-online.co.uk/”Divorce-Online UK said that Facebook was implicated in a third of all divorce filings the previous year! Wow, times sure have changed.

Here in Canada, we’ve outdone our good neighbors to the south in the social media category. The US boasts an approximate population of 309,003,000. Based on information posted by Mashable, 116,010,760 Americans are on FB, roughly 38% of the population. Our wonderful country leads the world in this dubious distinction. On average, of our 35 million plus population, approximately 19 million of us are active users on FB every month. That is more than 50% of the According to facebook addiction stats posted on www. population. techaddiction.ca, and on www.lifementalhealth.com , One of the most disturbing facts recorded is that 18% of us approximately 50% of individuals between the ages of 18 and 34 check their Facebook immediately after waking up. More cannot go “more than a couple of hours” without logging in to than half check FB before even getting out of bed. 22% of FB Facebook. Sounds like emotional crack. For any individual in users under the age of 25 and 11 % over 25 can be interrupted recovery who once struggled with trying to stay clean- or not by a Facebook message during a meeting, 24% of younger act out- for a few hours, that makes for a horrific sensation of users and 12% of older users can be interrupted by a Facebook ‘been there, done that.’ Unpleasant nostalgia. message while going to the bathroom and 49% of the younger These statistics and the impact obsessive Facebook use crew ( 27% of the older ones) can be interrupted during a meal. Most incredibly, 11% of FB users under the age of 25 has had on the population has prompted mental health and 6 % over 25 can be interrupted by a Facebook message professionals to actually begin to identify a new mental health during sex! That may account for the fact that in a 2011 study, disorder called “Facebook Addiction Disorder.” While not yet a bonafide diagnosis, the behaviors associated with Facebook Facebook played a role in 1 out of 5 divorces. addiction are a growing problem for many FB users.

In fact, a June 3, 2014 Huffington Post Divorce article entitled, Facebook, Divorce Linked In New Study, clearly suggested that Facebook can be detrimental to a relationship.

The article cited a recent study conducted by Doctorate Why are addiction professionals becoming increasingly Student Russell Clayton of the University of Missouri, in conjunction with colleagues at University of Hawaii and concerned about these continuously rising statistics?

Well, first of all, Facebook appeals to a number of typical St Mary’s U, which found that people who use Facebook excessively (interpreted as checking it more than hourly) character traits of addicts.

Crazy Stats and Facebook Facts

“Every month we spend the equivalent of 1.3 million years on Facebook; the equivalent of nearly 18,000 lifetimes.”

It appeals to the voyeur and the ‘snoop’ in us that seeks to know, judge and control everything. Facebook addiction is partially driven by our never ending desire for more information.

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What does Facebook Obsession look like?

Well, after browsing through a multitude of websites and researching a slew of articles, there appears to be Facebook feeds our often out of control egos, allowing some common behaviors that are typical in FB addicts. us to feel important; we post pics and are able to receive The most common behavior at the top of every list comments and/ or likes from a wide geographic area or is waking up and ‘checking facebook’ first thing in the a wide diaspora of friends and acquaintances. It’s like having our own little fan club. It brings out the ‘wannabe morning and last thing at night. star’ in us. It allows us to fill our social need for love and The next common denominator is that FB addicts affection or stoke our low esteem by getting a boost of approval or recognition and having our worth validated. spend so much time on Facebook that it interferes with We can secretly compare ourselves with others and are getting work done or meeting family obligations. able to indulge our insecurities by seeing what others are saying or doing.

Growing concern

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Joe Carter, 700 Billion Minutes - firstthings.com

For some, not being on FB for a few hours, let alone a day, causes anxiety, sweats, and even physical pain in some cases. Even if not continuously on FB , checking it every hour, or multiple times a day is also compulsive addictive behavior and can dictate our entire daily routine. We become obsessed with the urge to log in.

Lack of adequate sleep is another telltale symptom of FB addiction, characterized by staying up way too late, afraid to miss something, simply unable to turn it off. In short, the Facebook fantasy bubble of friends and approval, and living in the past has become an escape or

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distraction from reality.

Self Test Do you think that you may be addicted to Facebook?

If you are not sure here are 16 questions to ask yourself : 1.) Are you often tired from staying up too late on Facebook?

2.) Do you sneak on to Facebook during work or school hours even though it is not permitted?

3.) Do you often realize that you have spent way too much time on Facebook, much more than you originally intended?

4.) Is checking your Facebook account the first thing you do in the morning? Is it the last conscious thing you do at night?

5.) Do you have a hard time imagining a day without accessing Facebook?

6.) Do you spend less time doing other activities that you used to enjoy and more time on Facebook?

7.) Do you talk more to people online than you do in person?

A Few Suggestions If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions you may wish to examine your Facebook use, your motives and your life more closely. You may want to consider taking some action. Try giving up FB for a specific period of time or for a specific event. During time ‘off,’ watch and make note of your FB obsession. Start really looking at what you’ve been doing online. Have you been wandering around, creeping friends of friends aimlessly? Are you defining your self-worth through the number of friends on your profile instead of the quality of your friendships? Have you been ‘yourself’ in your FB activity or are you playing a role?

Before changing your status for the umpteenth time in a day start asking yourself “is this really important?” Before engaging in new apps or distractions ask yourself, “Is this productive in any way?”

Unless you are a total FB junkie and must admit complete powerlessness over social media, the point is not to stop your enjoyment of Facebook, but rather to identify if you’re using it in an addictive way and, if so, to find ways to power down a bit and connect socially in a less all consuming manner. In other words, step away, take a deep breath and remember there is more to life than Facebook!

Now, back to my post… I’ve gotten 11 more likes and a positive comment! Life is good!

8.) Do you feel bad if you post an update and no one comments on it?

SOUTHERN ONTARIO COCAINE ANONYMOUS

9.) Have your real time relationships suffered because of the time you invest online?

10.) Do you check your Facebook when you are out having dinner with friends ?

11.) Are you late for work, school or other obligations because of your Facebook use?

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using cocaine and all mind-altering substances.

12.) Are you constantly “Plugged in “ to receiving updates about what everyone is doing?

13.) Even though you have a ton of FB friends, do you still feel lonely?

TELEPHONE 1-866-6-CA-INFO 1-866-622-4636 416-927-7858

14.) Have you attempted to reduce the amount of time you spend on FB with no success?

15.) Do you continuously change your profile image ?

16.) Do you post multiple times a day detailing mundane life activities?

CA ONLINE MEETINGS To join go to : www.ca-online.org

WEBSITE: www.ca-on.org 24

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By Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. The following is an excerpt from Dr. Tarman’s upcoming book: The Truth About Foof Addiction: Food Junkies

Hitting Bottom With Food Addiction

For me, hitting bottom was not dramatic. It was not after the night I sat for hours in an emergency department begging to be admitted so that I would not have to face myself alone in my empty apartment.

Facing the terror of being alone with that insatiable hunger that led me to eat and eat and eat. Not yet. Nor was it after the evening that I spent with the “Moonies,” followers of the Unification Church that frequently hosted evenings targeted to recruit lonely people. I was so fearful to be alone with my addictive eating that I allowed myself to play silly games like musical chairs, intended to break the ice with strangers.

The experience of playing a child’s game with a group of people I’d never met was humiliating, but it was better than trying to fight the demons of my food addiction. I hadn’t hit bottom yet, but after this mortification I resolved to find better diversions to escape my relentless binging.

My fear of being alone with myself late at night resulted in extremes that shamed me. It also struck me as peculiar, since I had always prided myself on being ruggedly independent. No matter how well the day had gone, though, by evening I would get the same panicky feelings and before I knew it, my hands trembled, my heart raced and I experienced an incredible rush of excitement, flushed at the prospect of eating all of my forbidden goodies. My resolve not to binge dissipated with this potent combination of dread and excitement.

I could easily eat two full bags of groceries in one night—peanut butter, French bread, cottage cheese, chocolates, doughnuts, bagels, and croissants with Nutella or cream cheese. Then, stuffed and miserable, my belly cramping with gas, I would find it difficult to breathe. Feeling wretched, I would slink to the washroom for relief. The toilet bowl initially soothed me, the porcelain rim cool against my sweaty, bloated face. After vomiting, I cried and held the bowl tight, praying that each binge was the last for the night. But after the relief would come relentless thoughts of food again, taunting me. What else can I eat? What have I not tried? What was still appealing? What could I still eat?

Even while I cried, wanting it to stop, the excitement for more fruit-flavored yogurt or ice cream or candy took over. Eventually my mouth became raw, my tongue burned, my jaws ached and my stomach muscles grew sore from the heaving purges. I felt drunk, puffy and numb. Each night ended after eight or ten of these cycles. I would crawl into bed, sometimes at daybreak, filled with disgust and the resolve to quit. Yet even this was not my bottom.

One night I hosted a party. Food addiction is all about strategies and I had developed one for parties:

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if I drank a “moderate” amount of alcohol and then ate a “moderate” amount, I could get through an evening without overdoing it on either. It was the perfect compromise between my need to soothe myself with food and alcohol and my need to stave off the consequences of being too drunk or too caught up in a bulimic cycle. On this particular evening, I had already drunk my share of alcohol for the night and I was feeling pretty loud and boisterous.

The party was in full swing, so I put down my Martini glass and headed for the buffet. I stuffed myself with all the tasty items people had brought, knowing that I would soon slip downstairs to the basement laundry room where I would vomit. I expected I would do that a few times over the course of the evening. This was my pattern: four double-double drinks and four bingepurge cycles usually got me through a party night.

Later, downstairs trying to throw up food, I was in a panic. Sometimes I just couldn’t quickly purge and I did not want to be away from the party for too long.

What could I say if people noticed I had disappeared? I heaved and heaved, jabbed my fingers to the back of my throat, only grateful that the basement door was locked and the noise of the dancing and shouting upstairs hid the sound of my efforts to vomit. I started to whimper aloud with frustration.

“What’s wrong?”

Mortified, I turned and saw an old friend staring at me with a mixture of confusion, disbelief and concern.

“How did you get in here?” I asked, with a raspy voice.

At first I was more embarrassed than I had ever felt before, then I lashed out. “This isn’t what you think!”

He nervously explained that my partner had given him the keys to the basement so he could get more ice for the drinks from our deep freeze.

“This isn’t what you think,” I repeated. My eyes dropped. I could not look directly at him. The shame was too overpowering.

Over the next few months, my friend and I drifted apart. I kept wanting to call, to explain, to make it right somehow, but I was stymied. What could I say? Perhaps the waning of interests that can occur between two old friends would have happened anyway, but my feeling of mortification at that moment when he found me retching into the laundry tub was enough for me. I was not going to experience such degradation and selfloathing again.

I had finally reached my bottom.

I was ready to do what I had to do. Stop the sugar, the junk foods, pick up the phone and ask for help.

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By Aakilah Ade

Understanding Addiction, Food Addiction, Obesity and Eating Disorcers

THE POWER IS OURS The Addictions Unplugged website serves as a portal and discussion forum for medical professionals, front-line addiction workers and those affected by addiction to reach out to Dr. Tarman and find out the latest information on treatment.

www.addictionsunplugged.com

In partnership with Jackies Place - The Book Room

RECOVERY BOOKS Buy recovery books online from our new book room and support a great cause!

By purchasing your books through Recovery Wire Magazine, you can help contribute to keeping our magazine free of charge for the people around the world.

VISIT: www.recoverywiremagazine.com/the-book-room/

FEAR AND CONTROL 0415: I woke up on time; a quick glance at the silent alarm clock confirmed my suspicions… I was up before the alarm rang. It does not get any better than that. I am powerful, I beat the clock. This was a warning sign.

I woke up feeling in control of my environment, feeling all powerful, I did a step 1, admitted I was powerless and a step 3 to ask for god’s will to be done, not mine. I needed the extra insurance of spiritual banking.

That morning of June 6th was a special morning; we were going to Akron Ohio for Founder’s Day, a yearly celebration of the beginning of all 12 step programs.

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For me it was a journey to a kind of mecca. Our whole community was conceived there, I was going to be able to put faces to the names of the people whose stories I have read many times and identified with in their journeys to recovery.

The group of us were packed into two cars. We drove in tandem, a total of eight people, and I was the driver of one of the cars. The weather was great, sun just coming up in the east, and the sky was clear, no rain clouds in sight. We had some pickups and delays before the highway but this allowed for us to bond over coffee

during our wait periods since none of us had traveled together before. I only knew 3 people well; myself, my wife and her best friend from Montreal, the rest were acquaintances.

During the six hour drive to Ohio I had moments when I struggled with obsessions of my mind; fears and control issues. As I drove, I obsessed over time management, how was I going to get these addicts and alcoholics to participate in my version of time management? How will they get up on time for meetings, meet on time for group activities and tours, and get up on time to leave Akron for the trip home?

I feared having to spend time with people I did not know. I feared driving over bridges on the road trip. I feared having to “perform” like a recovered person.

Fear and control, my life long companions, came back to visit. I fought the desire to exhibit control as well as the desire to lecture everyone about time management.

During the drive my mind slipped in and out of characterdefective spaces.

As I was taught by my sponsor, I did a step-three prayer (“God I offer myself to thee to do with me as though wilt, relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will, take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy love, may I do thy will always.” Thy will be done not mine!). These words helped to redirect my thinking when my negative companions clamoured in my head. The prayer replaced them with positive thoughts of a Higher Power’s will.

When we saw the first signs for Akron, cheers went up in the car, our mood was elevated; we were on fire! This was the moment we were all waiting for. Inwardly I was pleased, I was happy to be on the doorstep of where it all began.

Once we settled, we did a tour of the town, and we saw places that were mentioned in the stories. We visited the 12 step archives, houses, hospitals and the golf club that was famously talked about in the original 12 step book. I spent time meditating, getting in touch with my higher power, and connecting with the purity of the 12 step program.

On one of my 5am walks to get coffee, I could see in the distance a man lying on the sidewalk. As I got closer I could see he was on his back with his legs curled to the side. I figured that the only way he could be in that position would be if he were sitting on the sidewalk and simply tipped over! I was far enough away that I could cross the street and pretend that I did not see him… or I could check to make sure he was breathing. I thought of the inconveniences that I would incur if he was not breathing or if he was in distress. This was not a part of my morning coffee plan. I asked my Higher Power what should I do, I thought of all the voices of the alcoholics

Dianne Piaskoski BComm, BSc, MMath, MA

and addicts who shared their stories with me about the nearness of death and the sudden death with interventions during some of their sprees.

Fortunately the debate in my head distracted me and soon I was close enough to the man to see he was young, well dressed, and he had a club wrist band on from his night of partying. As I got closer, I could hear gentle snoring; he was breathing, he was not in distress. I made a promise to myself to check on him again on my return. On my way back to our accommodations at Akron University, I could see the man had not moved; he was still snoring as I passed him. When I was a block away from him I heard a car horn blowing repeatedly, a cargo van had driven up onto the sidewalk next to the man and the occupant was trying to wake him with his horn. From my vantage position, the man was still not moving. I assumed he may have been up a long time. I walked away knowing someone else was involved in his care.

but’terfly effect` The “butterfly effect”is a term in chaos theory that depicts how one small change (the flap of a butterflies wings) in one place can result in a large and unpredictable change (a hurricane, say) in another place.

The same can be true when we make small changes in our lives.

Five years ago I would have crossed the street away from the man on the sidewalk. I would have walked by full of self-righteous thinking; “He got what he deserved, what a loser! I am off duty today; if he is dead he earned it!” and many other versions of judgment and condemnation.

Today I still struggle to do the right thing and think the right way as a first option when faced with someone in the grips of their addiction. In the face of active addiction/alcoholism my usual instinct is to be negative. Today with the 12 steps of recovery I am able to recognise my old friends, negativity and judgment, and move away before they take up too much space in my head and heart. In recovery I am able to question my motives regarding my behaviors towards the man on the sidewalk. A normal person may have bent down, and try to rouse the man, I could not and did not.

What was ironic is that he was lying in a drunken stupor at the edge of a campus where over 10,000 people in recovery were gathered for a celebration of physical and emotional sobriety; a campus full of co-dependents, alanons, addicts/alcoholics… persons who have walked his journey. I shared my 5am experiences with my travel companions and they did not comment except to let me know that they were listening. I was not judged or lectured on what I should have done. I realized I was safer with them than I am with my own thoughts. In that moment I said goodbye to fear, I said goodbye to control, I was reminded that my true friends were outside of me, around me, and inside the 12 steps. Just for that day I had peace and serenity; the next day is another story.

Addictions Counselling

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