Issue 3 by Recovery Wire

March April 2013

shops e k o Sm & gift

COCAINE:

TODAY’S TODAYS PROBLEM, LIVE YESTERDAY’S YESTERDAY´S NUDE SOLUTION GIRLS GIRLS YOUR ARE MEDS HIGHER POWER? THE STEEL DONKEY IN THE FAMILY ROOM

TOP 10

WAYS TO AVOID RELAPSE

HOT DOCS 101 SHAME THE SHAME, THE REVIEW REVIEW

wih Dr.DR. T T Q & A WITH

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Our Editor in Chief talks about the challenges of living in recovery among the masses. It’s only as difficult as we allow it to be.

TOP 10 WAYS TO AVOID RELAPSE Ever wonder what the people who achieve long term recovery are doing? We’ve collected the answers in this issue’s Top Ten list.

24 STEEL DONKEY IN THE FAMILY ROOM Our “Friends and Family” columnist gives us a glimpse into the cultural challenges of sharing recovery with the ones she loves.

ARE MEDS YOUR HIGHER POWER? Dr. T gives us an in-depth look at what it’s like to be a medical doctor in the field of addiction. How does a total-abstinence supporter function in a pill popping world?

AGENCY OF DISTINCTION: AN OASIS CLOSE TO HOME We tip our hats to a little Canadian agency making impressive waves in a big pond.

28 16

Q & A with Dr. T You sent questions and our very own Dr. T is answering them. What foods should you be eating? And what are the signs of food addiction?

MOVIE REVIEW: SHAME Our resident movie critic provides some insight into a recovery related film du jour.

CROSSWORD: “Reruns aren’t for Everyone.”

CLASSIFIEDS

COCAINE: TODAY’S PROBLEM, YESTERDAY’S SOLUTION A look back at the evolution of cocaine, what was once considered a wonder-drug by the medical community.

ARTS & CULTURE: HOT DOCS 101 Our Arts & Culture expert gives us the ins-andouts of the Hot Docs Film Festival. Affordable, cultural and a great way to expand the mind!

For a FREE Subscription: www.recoverywiremagazine.com 3

Recovery Wire Magazine Issue 3, March/April 2013 Editor in Chief Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com Contributing Writers: Aakilah Ade R.N. aakilah@recoverywiremagazine.com Kimberly-Robyn Covey kim@recoverywiremagazine.com Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. drt@recoverywiremagazine.com Russell Powell russell@recoverywiremagazine.com Photography By: Eddiepfish, Coka, Pablo Scapinachis Armstrong, Andrey Armyagov, Kuzma, Michaeljung, Photopat, Ildi Illustrations By: Jesus Zapata Design Director: Jesus Zapata jesus@recoverywiremagazine.com Printed 6 times yearly: January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August, September/October, November/December Address: Phone:

360 A Bloor Street West P.O. Box 68506 Walmer Toronto, ON M5S 3C9 416.922.9227

Subscription Rates: $3.95 per issue (Rates apply only to those outside of Canada) Reprints: For permission to reprint any portion of this magazine requests should be sent to: info@recoverywiremagazine.com Copyright 2012, Canada Post Publications Mail Canada Post Agreement Number: 42459522

hen we enter into recovery we soon realize that despite our vast numbers, we are indeed choosing a more remote existence. Although our community is enormous, we still have to survive our daily routines unaided in many ways. Despite our support systems, we still have to return to jobs and social situations, surrounded by people without addictions. That’s life. We eventually find ourselves in ordinary circumstances, amidst regular humans who have not had our experiences. People who are not in recovery, and who do not understand why we cannot partake in certain activities. This reality will be as large and as overwhelming as we allow it to be, but it is indeed a truth worth mentioning. If you are new in recovery, let me be the first to tell you, you do not have the luxury of remaining a follower. In a lot of ways, being a leader is what will spare you. When I look at the people with whom I hold the highest respect, they are all leaders in one way or another. They do not follow the herd, which is not to say they are bossy or commanding, but instead to suggest that they have attained their own sense of autonomy and sovereignty. We in recovery have chosen a path that not everyone will understand, and the ability to apply our own rules will serve us well. We must teach people how to treat us, and in doing so we will carve out a spot for ourselves in the general population. This is our responsibility, and in the beginning it is no easy task. Once we begin to accept our own limitations, we have the added challenge of accepting that not everyone else will. I recall applying for a job once at a huge restaurant chain. I made it through three grueling interviews and I aced the practice shift. I was so convinced I had landed this job that I spent my weekend in front of my mirror, practicing how I would casually name-drop my employer to the snobs of my

past, if ever we ran into each other again. I was elated! But on the forth interview the general manager was running through the list of mandatory training courses I would need to take, and one of them was called “Wine Tasting.” I immediately asked if actually tasting the wine was mandatory? She insisted it was, claiming there was no other way to sell a fine wine than being able to describe the bouquet from ones own pallet. She insisted I wouldn’t have to swallow the wine, but simply swish it around in my mouth (which for me would have been similar to wearing rocks of cocaine for jewelry or using marijuanascented perfume). I could have lied; I could have told her I had an allergy. But I suspect even if I had she would have smiled politely and not hired me just the same. Needless to say, I did not get the job. Was my experience an injustice? Perhaps. But despite the semantics, it was a mere sample of the many similar challenges I would face. There will always be invites to house parties I’m better off turning down. There will always be keg parties or concerts I might be safer to bypass. And although I no longer consider myself “at risk” of relapse, the truth is, I take my serenity very seriously; any situation that could result in (even a temporary) spell of romanticizing past vices is not worth the risk. My time is precious. This is a small sacrifice to make for a lifetime of purpose, passion, presence and inspiration.When I look back at the things I accomplished rather than putting myself at risk, the term “sacrifice” seems unfitting. Standing my ground and protecting my recovery has been an honor, and I wish the same journey to you.

Dee Christensen Editor in Chief Recovery Wire Magazine

1. Do Not Isolate It’s staggering how much more convincing our worst ideas sound when there’s no other sound in the room. When we immerse ourselves in public or social environments, our impulsive and hasty thoughts are drown in a sea of other noises. Yet when we isolate, our imprudent thinking is amplified. Our thoughts take on a mind of their own, like mischievous little sprites doing their best to set the stage for failure. They gain little momentum when we choose to participate in our lives and surround ourselves with others, but when our thinking begins to deteriorate, we will put ourselves at the highest risk when we choose our isolation over our community.

2. Define & Avoid the “Scene of Your Crime.” The “Scene of Your Crime” is a playful way of describing the scene of your use.What sort of environment did you use your vice in? Describe it on paper for yourself and reflect on it. Were you alone? Were you in a nightclub? Near a computer? Did you dress a certain way? Did you behave a certain way? Did you surround yourself with certain types of people? Write it out and get a clear image in your mind, because unknowingly we might recreate that scene in recovery, and then wonder why we are craving. Maybe you were a pot addict and you used alone in your home, watching television and eating junk food. How often do you recreate that scene in recovery, lest the pot? Danger! Maybe you are a recovering sex addict and your method was computer porn; perhaps you logged in late at night and roamed chat rooms? How often do you use your computer late at night and recreate that scene, lest the porn? Danger! When we, knowingly or not, recreate the scene of our last “crime,” we are placing ourselves at risk. Our addiction is made up of much more than just the vice itself, most of us loved the rehearsal and the staging. The preparation and the context was as much a part of the compulsion as the vice in a lot of ways. By setting the scene in recovery, we can unintentionally ignite cravings and place ourselves at risk of relapse.

3. Stay Accountable One of the reasons that a 12-Step program is such a helpful tool is that by joining one, a person becomes accountable.When we create a regular routine for ourselves, like attending the same meeting each week, volunteering to make coffee and set up chairs, tending the library of pamphlets or greeting people at the door; we become accountable. Accountability is such an important aspect of healthy recovery. In our moments of darkness, when we cannot muster our own reasons to stay on track, our sense of responsibility kicks in and saves the day. “They’re counting on me, I better get my shit together.” Even in our gloomy moments in recovery, when we feel let down and depressed our ego will keep us from letting others down. Our old ego starts to come in handy and save our skin. No trait is given without some kind of purpose!

4. Help Others Helping others is our secret weapon. This is not about volunteering, this is about saving a life: your life. There is absolutely nothing that will pull a person from the relapsevortex faster and more efficiently than helping others. The first time we experience this, it is life changing. We might be struggling; we might be on the verge of relapse, planning our escape and essentially ready to take a nosedive. But suddenly, a still-suffering addict crosses our path. Within seconds, we forget our own pain. We reach out to them; we let them lean on us, the way others allowed us to lean on them in the beginning. There is nothing more important, nothing more potent than this. Being available to pass it on is a duty and a privilege, and if you ask anyone with solid recovery they’ll tell you it saved them in one way or another, on more than one occasion.

5. Higher Purpose If you opt to live a life in recovery that results in exalting phrases like “Is this it?” this one is for you. You gave up your vice, and now you find yourself plastered to the window watching other people live your old life while you stomp your heels about it.You have 2 options. The first option is to return to the exhausting morning-to-night burden of feeding the bottomless addiction-monster. The second option is to seek out the higher purpose you were likely sent here for in the first place. You’ve been given an incredible skillset, and to this point, you’ve likely wasted it. Now what? Only you know the answer. Perhaps it’s a job, perhaps it’s a practice, perhaps it’s a list of hobbies, perhaps it’s one sole purpose or maybe it’s a splendid array of things you’ve always wanted to try. One thing is for sure, we do not stand still; it’s either forward of backward, the choice is yours.

8. Own it if it’s Yours

6. Surround Yourself with Hero’s

7. Sleep & Eat

Our circle of influence is an important indicator of our recovery. Are the people in your life an inspiration to you? Not everyone needs to be of course, but we should all have a few hero’s in our midst; people who model the sort of humans we want to be. If you want to avoid relapse, it’s important to at least assess the kinds of influences you have around you. How do you feel when you spend time with the people in your life? Do you leave them feeling content and lifted? Do you leave them feeling tense and confused and guarded? Do you leave them with sore stomach muscles from giggling for so long? If you were your own parent, which of your friends would you want to choose for yourself? It’s worth evaluating, since our influences can have a huge impact on our recovery.

This seems so basic one might think it’s a silly point to make, but in fact it’s quite serious. Generally when we reflect on our days in active addiction, we did not take care of ourselves. We did not eat properly and we probably did not get enough sleep. These two factors, if unattended, can result in cravings. Our bodies can actually recognize this sleep-deprived under-nourished state as a stimulus. A great first step when contemplating relapse is to assess your own physical habits: are you getting the right kinds of foods and the right quantities? Are you getting proper sleep? Sleep deprivation alone can result in some wacky and dangerous thinking patterns; each year the number of crimes that share sleep deprivation as a common denominator is staggering. Sometimes the best thing we can do is go back to basics: eat and sleep.

Maybe you and your neighbor got into a fight about a parking space, and he’s mostly in the wrong, but you yelled at him and caused a scene. Own it if it’s yours. Maybe your friend (who isn’t in recovery) made a snide remark, and you opted to teach her an unrequested life lesson, resulting in a fight. Own it if it’s yours. Here’s the bad news: we do not just clean our messes when the fault is 100% ours. We clean our messes, period.We must, otherwise we will find ourselves dodging soiled conditions everywhere we go. It is not easy cleaning our side of the street when the other person doesn’t do it too. It is not easy taking responsibility for our actions when the recipient doesn’t feel the same obligation. But this discomfort lessens in time because it’s counterfeit: nothing but a bruised ego. We do not live with integrity and character because we hope that others will reciprocate, we live this way because we cannot afford not to. We cannot afford to feel a pang of discomfort every time we see our neighbor. We cannot afford to avoid relationships because we would rather be “right” than “happy.” These are luxuries meant for people not at risk. When we leave a mess, we must clean it. We do not have to like it, and it does not have to be fair. We can do so through clenched teeth at first, but we must always do it. We must avoid the risk of creating a minefield out of our surroundings.

9. Do the Opposite When your mind is stuck in relapse-mode, do the opposite of everything it’s telling you. It urges you to go home and turn your phone off: throw yourself in a social situation and call 3 people to make plans for the days to come.Your mind urges you to buy some cheesecake and watch a sad movie: buy a fruit salad and watch a comedy. Your mind urges you to pick a fight because the pain is festering: find someone less fortunate than you and help somehow. Whatever suggestions your mind is making when you are in prerelapse thinking, guaranteed, they are crappy suggestions.You would no sooner take investment advice from a convicted drug dealer or relationship advice from a serial cheater. The next time the wheels start churning, remember: do the opposite.

10. Get Spiritual This is a really difficult topic for a lot of people. What do we mean when we talk about spirituality? Is it a ritual? Is it a place: like a synagogue, a mosque, a church, a temple? Is it prayer? Is it worship of a deity, like “God” or “Allah” or a list of gods or the philosophies of a Swamy, or the Buddha himself? And what is the significance? These questions are fair and logical. Our misunderstanding and discomfort surrounding the topic of spirituality and “God” is reasonable. Most of us require a practical use for something before we are willing to bend our minds around it. And the more complex, pious, potentially righteous and convoluted a thing becomes, the more apt we are to avoid it. So why do such a vast number of happy and functioning people in recovery maintain that spirituality is one of the most crucial aspects of sidestepping relapse? Why is this so important? It’s important because there will come a time when humans will fail you. We are fallible creatures. There may come a time when you reach out to all the right people, on the wrong day. There may come a time when you have tried all 9 preceding options and the thought of relapse is still torturing you. And in that moment, we need something greater than ourselves to reach out to for aid. To suggest that it doesn’t matter what we reach toward would be false. Whatever spiritual aid we rely upon, we

must have an intimate enough connection with to want to reach to it in moments of danger. A connection intimate enough that might grant us the moment of pause, that could save our lives; a moment that a light bulb or a slogan or a hobby will not likely inspire. For some of us, our spiritual journey began with some fun exploring. Some of us read several books, studied different philosophies, attended several different groups, places of worship or practices. Some of us tried many different paths along the way, and what a wonderful new adventure! Maybe one fit, or maybe we enjoyed elements from each and developed our own practice? Perhaps you will develop your own too. Maybe you will develop your own daily ritual: maybe you want to light a candle and share your daily gratitude list with loved ones who’ve passed away. Maybe you talk to Mother Nature, perhaps you find you like to bid Allah a good morning or you like to bid the Moon a good night and thank the sky for watching over you. Maybe you want to pray to your version of God, or possibly you prefer to chant your own mantra to the Universe. Whatever your intimate spiritual path might be, it is suggested that you find one. For if the moment comes when all else fails, this “Higher Power” could be what stands between you and a relapse.

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By Dr.Vera Tarman drt@recoverywiremagazine.com

hen I entered my clinical practice in the early 1990s, I was at the cusp of the introduction of the first blockbuster antidepressant. I was very curious about Prozac. I let myself be wined and dined by the drug reps; they were so eager, young, enthusiastic about their new product. I read Peter Kramer’s Listening to Prozac. I received multiple free samples of drugs to give my patients. I became intrigued. I asked each patient, regardless of the presenting complaint, how their mood was: “ So, how are you really feeling?” I discovered that almost everyone had just experienced a spate of bad days. When I asked those who had chronic health care problems they all said they were depressed most the time. I explained enthusiastically how there was finally a solution in the new generation of antidepressants which had just come out. These were improved in scope and side effect profile. Where once antidepressants like Imipramine and Amitriptyline, created tremendous weight gain, dry mouth, urinary retention, agitation and mental fogginess, the new meds hardly did. And their promised effects! Who wouldn’t want to take a medication that would make you feel good, social, interested and well, not depressed anymore? I signed people up and had a practice full of people taking the new wonder pills. These were exciting early days as each person who took them came back feeling decidedly better than they did the week before. Months later, the same patients were coming, but some with a distressing refrain, “These pills, they were working great, but not anymore. What now?”. I wondered if we should increase the dose or switch to another drug.A few people worriedly told me that whenever they forgot their meds, they experienced the weird ‘zaps’ to the head. I waved away their concerns, telling them that these antidepressants caused no withdrawal symptoms. I clarified this over the drug lunches that I continued to go to. I told patients that all the bad press we were starting to read about ie restless legs, agitation, even suicidality that was due to a Scientology campaign to turn people away from psychiatry and psychiatric medication. All was good, I assured each person, I would find another pill, since new medications appeared on the market year after year: Luvox, Zoloft, Paxil. But clearly, the honeymoon was over. I was less sure of what to expect as people came back to report to me week by week.

Two years later, I found that my happy people were no longer happy. By now, most had tried the four or five medications available by then, and some were even on a few meds at once, and at doses higher than we initially thought was acceptable. A new term was becoming commonplace: the psychiatric cocktail. I learned about patients whom we physicians called “non responders” who needed special “tweaking” of their cocktails, and we referred these patients to psychiatrists. Psychiatrists no longer took on patients for therapy but were interested in managing these complicated concoctions. By now, they were experimenting with off label use of drugs that had nothing to do with mood, other than by hearsay: People who had epilepsy never got depressed, so anti-epileptic medication could be used to augment the failing anti-depressants. By now, I had read the research on antidepressant withdrawal: The medical world finally acknowledged this phenomenon calling it the “discontinuation syndrome”. Sure enough: Whenever someone tried to get off these meds, especially at the higher doses, the nausea, dizziness, zaps in the head, the rebound anxiety, depression and insomnia had them reaching for their medication docket. The meds did not seem to make people feel better (after the initial six months) but at least they were not feeling as awful as they were when trying to get off them. And getting off them was a going concern for some people: Over the years, a high percentage of patients had gained weight, found themselves lethargic, emotionally flat, no longer were as motivated as they had been in the past to get things done. Sexual interest waned. People tended to isolate. Were these meds just as problematic as the first generation of meds after all? Rather than anticipate good news each time I saw a person in follow up, I began to dread hearing more disheartening stories of side effects and disillusionment and outright fear. A few years ago, patients started to trickle in with new diagnoses, exclaiming that it was discovered that they were not depressed after all, but rather were bipolar 11 or Adult Attention Deficit. That was why the meds were not working. The alternative newer medications seemed to be working as well as the first batch or even better. By now cautious, I read about the side effects of these meds, and found that they distorted lipid profiles that made people more at risk for heart disease and diabetes. Thinking ahead about the aftermath of the honeymoon period for these meds, I winched whenever a patient asked to be started on a trial of the new medications. Was this just going to be a replay of excitement and disappointment of the antidepressant saga?

Patients were not interested in my warnings. They were coming to see me for hope, with the general expectation that we all have the right and the means to be happy. Peter Kramer in Listening to Prozac said it well: “Why not have a world of cosmetic pharmacology? Where you can manufacture medication in order to feel good all the time?” Over the years of prescribing these drugs, I have seen unrealistic expectations develop that we should always feel emotionally stable, and if we are not feeling even-keeled most of the time, we should be diagnosed as “clinically” depressed or anxious. This is a very troubling expectation to have in the addiction field, where mood is characteristically unstable, especially in new recovery. People are now being diagnosed with conditions that force doctors to prescribe these meds, even if they prefer to wait out the post acute recovery. In the last 10 years, it has become “bad medicine” to NOT treat with medication. The wisdom of Dr. David’s Healy’s statement: “A good doctor is one who knows when NOT to treat” is now considered old fashioned and suspect to professional censure. It is instead considered good medicine to treat “preventatively”, even if the person is not depressed or anxious. Best to give meds, just in case the person may get depressed, with blatant disregard to the side effects or long term effects that most people experience. Now, I often prescribe medication, feeling slightly sick at the hype, the false promise, the professional obligation to be part of this larger social phenomena that I no longer feel enthusiastic about.

Perhaps what is most heartbreaking to me is seeing people in new recovery on meds attribute the sweet feeling of sobriety to their medication. Almost every one I see who gets clean feels better. It is the rare few who are not on meds who know that their good feelings is simply because of their sobriety. Many of these people attribute their success to their recovery program and to their higher power - the power of their faith. But the majority who are on medications alternatively take their daily meds each morning, grateful that a medication has made them feel good. Their program and need for a higher power seems secondary to the morning ritual of taking their pills. It seems to me that the meds have become their higher power. When I started medicine in the 1990s, medications were meant to be temporary bridges until the person got past their rough patches. Now, the climate is such that we encourage people to be on them for life, indeed to encourage people to take medication to prevent the anticipated rough patches of the future. The higher power that we used to call upon for those moments of despair and anguish - that every one of us feels - is often rejected for the quick solution of taking medication. In our secular society, a focus on a higher power has been relegated to the few who are willing to stand out, seen as slightly odd, somewhat suspect. We have medicalized our spiritual needs, diagnosing them as pathological and we treat these human longings now with medications. Unfortunately, while medications do work in the short term, like any other external solution, they do not have the lasting staying power that community, service and a sense of meaningfulness (aka higher power) provides.

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ASK? DR.T! Do you have medical questions about addiction? Email us at drt@recoverywiremagazine.com

Question: I enjoyed reading your article about food addiction in the first issue of Recovery Wire. As someone who has lived with bulimia for 20 years, I am interested in learning about which foods I should be eating regularly in order to FEEL good. I have been in recovery for four years from an eating disorder with a couple of recent slips and I also suffer from depression. (I am not an addict of alcohol or drugs.) I am looking for direction on what foods will make me feel better, not look better. No more diets for me. Answer: You mention that you are someone who has suffered from an eating disorder (bulimia) as well as depression. You are asking if there is a food plan that will meet the goal of making you feel better. Good for you that your goal is NOT to loose weight - no more diets for you! This is the healthiest and most successful of approaches to take. The irony is that when you address the disorder itself, the weight comes off as a natural consequence. When weight is the primary goal, weight loss is never long term. White-knuckling (dieting) is not sustainable, and only makes the dieter miserable and vulnerable for relapse. You have not identified if you do or do not have a

food addiction. This is important. It is also confusing: It is quite possible to have an eating disorder overlapping an addiction to food OR it is also possible that you have a food addiction that has been misdiagnosed as bulimia. In the early stages, both conditions can look the same - causing much confusion. But knowledge is power: In the recovery 12 step paradigm, this is called Step 1: Are you powerless of food (or some foods, particularly sugar and white starches?). Do you have one and then find that you crave and WANT more? Knowing what the problem is will determine the direction of the treatment. A bulimic needs a moderate food plan (that is, a controlled diet of all food groups, including sugar and starches), along with therapy for the deep seated issues that can trigger a relapse back to bulimic behaviour. A food addict on the other hand has to identify their trigger foods and then abstain from those foods. If you have been in treatment for your eating disorder and have not been successful, it is quite possible that you are also dealing with a food addiction. Are you relapsing despite your best efforts? Is there something else, bigger than you, interfering with your will power and therapeutic efforts? Although alcoholics and drug addicts are highly vulnerable to becoming food addicts, food may be your primary addiction. So, how good does you want to feel? Good, like the excited high of a sugar rush, or the sedated numbness of a savoury starch- fat combo, that will leave you feeling ‘drunk’ for the first hour or so and then wretched and depressed hours

later? Hours that can extend into days? Or the kind of good that has you feeling stable, even keeled, without cravings? If you chose the first or can’t even imagine what this last option looks like, you may be a food addict. Abstaining from sugar will make the biggest difference in your diet; the food addict will be removing the biggest trigger to addictive eating (and hence the emotional highs and lows that follow), and even the non food addict will feel better. Sugar is a mood moderator that will un-stabilize even the best of us. Not eating refined starches that quickly metabolize to sugar is another next step towards better physical and mental health. Keep it Simple: Eating ‘real foods’ is the easiest approach. Stay away from refined products, and stick with the vegetables, some fruits (not juiced/ juices), proteins, healthy fats - is both satisfying, non triggering and healthy. See the new book ‘Fat Chance’ by Robert Lustig to learn more about the theory of this. My website: Addictionsunplugged. com is also a good resource. Question:

Often people who are sugar addicts will try to eat starches instead. They will go for the ‘savoury’ rather than the ‘sweet’. Savoury items are still quite starchy, and so are ‘hidden’ sugar. The very nature of addiction is that nothing can satisfy the cravings for long .... if it could, there is no addiction. The only way for the cravings to go away is not to FEED them, but to STARVE the cravings. If you could stay away from sugar or refined starches such as bread, bagels, chips (which becomes sugar in a matter of minutes) for one month..... the cravings would lesson and eventually disappear. I know that this is not what you wanted to hear! I know that if you stop, you will likely have to face a good few weeks of withdrawal and increased cravings. It isn’t easy. This is the power of sugar addiction. I have many patients who say that they can quit cocaine, alcohol, even smoking, but not their candy or chocolate. You are not alone.

Ok, so lately I have been addicted to sugar/candy such as mike n ikes, sour patch kids, skittles, and I always want to snack on it. Like everytime my bf and I go to a movie, I want candy, and it’s bad for my teeth. Also, yeast infection candida lives on sugar pretty much and i get those infections too often. And I just want to know what I can have in place of sugar to curb my cravings. My chocoholicism has turned into candyholic-ism. And it sounds silly but I haven’t gone to the dentist in a while (going tuesday) cause I am concerned from all the candy I have consumed lately. I just wanted to know if anyone knew of other things I could have instead. I am going to try to go sugar free for a week (meaning no candy.) Answer:

can scratch the itch with your fingernails or with a wooden back scratcher or with a wet cloth, but the very scratching makes the itch worse.

Good luck on your week - see if you can make it a week longer to two or three weeks, and you will find that it will start to get a lot easier.

You recognize that you are addicted to sugar and it sounds like you would like to get off the craving treadmill of sugar, snacks and candies. You are asking if there is a substitute for sugar. Unfortunately there is not.

You probably know that there are many sugar substitutes available, such as aspartame, saccharin, and the natural sweeteners like Stievia. If you are not a food addict, these might work - I would suggest that you try and see if eating sugar free snacks that have these ingredients satisfy you. If you are a food addict, then these will NOT work. Food addiction is a chemical dependency on the ‘sweet’ taste itself, so even honey, fruit and good sugars can be problematic for a food addict. An interesting study on rats showed that they preferred saccharin over cocaine - just the sweet taste alone made the cravings worse. If you switch a substitute for sugar, chances are that you will still crave sugar. It is like an itch - you

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n the side of the Andes, dating back to the sixteenth century, an innocent little shrub was found. Was there a village apothecary whose passion was to dissect the local plant-life for intrinsic value? Did the natives of Peru and Bolivia pluck several leaves of different classes from this region? Did they grind them up and make teas of them? One thing is certain: if they made a habit of documenting the effects of each plant, the Erythroxylon coca bush provided them plenty of material. It was said that when the Spanish arrived,

they used the effects of the little plant to make the natives work harder. The leaves of the coca bush are a stimulant, and this natural fuel was said to help the natives endure the conditions of their mountainous environment. Consuming the little plant would speed the heart, which increased oxygen intake. Perhaps Mother Nature placed the shrub in regions of high altitudes, and thus thinner air, for this intention? One can only speculate.

S 19

By the nineteenth century scientists caught wind of this little plant used by Inca tribes, which was said to produce a type of valuable stimulation. According to Article Garden in a series called Sustainable Living Articles: The History of Cocaine, “Cocaine was first synthesized in 1855. The coca leaves were chemically synthesized, leaving the white crystalline powder, which is now known as cocaine.” A star was born! This snowy white powder would then make its way into tonics and elixirs. And by 1880 the pharmaceutical companies of the time were peddling cocaine as cure for everything, from fatigue to depression to morphine addiction. Its first great advocate would be found in Sigmund Freud, known as the father of modern psychology. Freud’s best friend, Ernst Fleischl-Marxow (a physiologist), suffered an apparent morphine addiction. Freud urged his friend to try this magic cure, and showed his support by bumping a few doses himself. It comes as no surprise to any of our readers, that the inevitable effects of swapping morphine for cocaine resulted in the death of Ernst Fleischl-Marxow, 7 years later, at the age of 45. And the readers of any other publication would assume the impact of losing his friend to the wonder drug would result in Freud rejecting the substance, but not us! Indeed the glorified father of psychoanalysis did no such thing. According to an article published in July of 2011 by CNN

entitled, Sigmund Freud’s Cocaine Problem, “…for the next 12 years, (Freud) continued to sing its praises and consumed a great deal of cocaine to quell his physical aches and mental anxieties.” Fast forward to 1886: the city of Atlanta was amidst its own prohibition, and a young pharmacist was devising an elegant alternative. John Pemberton created a wine-like substance from mixing kola nuts and coca leaves. He dispensed the substance as a soda, since at the time carbonated beverages were known to have a medicinal impact. And so, Coca-Cola was born. It would be almost 7 years before cocaine was eliminated from the recipe. (“Can’t beat the real thing” indeed.) If the history of cocaine tells us anything, it speaks to the foolishness of buying in to the trends of the time. Whether it’s a wonder-vitamin, a miracle drug or a synthetic cure for something, take caution and be your own advocate. You may not want to be the statistic upon which the articles of future challenges are written. What scientists and physicians deem today’s instant solutions, in a few decades, could be deemed tomorrow’s problem. This does not mean to avoid all outside help, but it does mean that the old adage generally still proves accurate: if it seems too good to be true…

To provide support, resources and advocacy on behalf of those impacted by childhood sexual abuse. Our Strategy: Provide information, referrals and linkages Provide resource support and groups that address vulnerable target populations Provide a child-friendly environment, resources and support, enabling Police and Child Welfare Workers to interview families when child abuse is suspected Develop strategies for web-enabled services and support Integrate outreach strategies that will effectively communicate our vision, our mission, our objectives and our services

The Gatehouse Child Abuse Investigation and Support Site, 3101 Lakeshore Blvd. West, Toronto, ON M8V 3W8 Phone 416-255-5900 ; Fax: 416-255-7221 www.thegatehouse.org

ARTS & CULTURE

“Hot Docs 101” By Russell Powell russell@recoverywiremagazine.com

One of the annual festivals that I look forward to each year is “Hot Docs,” a festival of film documentaries from around the world. Over the span of ten days there are hundreds of screenings in several venues around the city. I had known about this festival for years but could never quite get organized enough to go. For many years it was one of those things, I should have, could have, but didn’t do. Finally, three years ago, I got myself organized enough in advance to pre-book a package of tickets. I booked off enough time from my freelance jobs to become one of those people wearing a lanyard, clutching a festival guide and cued up outside of screening venues. That first year I was overwhelmed with choice, so I needed a system to sift through the vast selections. It became a learning experience about organization and time management. Neither one is a strong suit. I was ultimately able to create a short list of films, map out the various venues, and plan my days off, travel times and which snacks to pack in my satchel. I tried to create a mix of films about addiction and recovery, the arts, a few biographies, international struggles for equal rights and a few bits of fluff. To say it might seem eclectic to some would be an understatement, but my film selections spoke to things that have become more important to me in recovery. I knew in advance some of the films had the potential to edify and gut me.Yes, I packed tissues. There are films from past years that still resonate with messages about the human spirit and resilience. I will share some of the films from last year that I cannot forget. I also hope to pique your curiosity about this year’s festival.

“The Kid and The Clown” the story of a therapy clown in a children’s oncology ward. We meet six-year-old Tobias and his family as they deal with diagnosis, extensive chemotherapy sessions and so many harrowing moments. All the while Angus the clown is at his side. “Inocente” a 15-year-old girl whose mother rescued her children from an abusive husband only to be underemployed shunted from women’s shelter to homeless shelters. Inocente’s salvation is art. She cannot contain her need to paint, her sneakers, her face and every inch of canvas she can reach. Her art works are vibrant, mischievous and joyful. It is a powerful film about individuality, creativity and belief in something beyond daily drudgery. There is the story of a young girl and her baby brother who are rescued from a crack house and their crack addicted mother. They are adopted into a loving family only to discover her coping mechanisms are rage fueled, savage and murderous. The film follows the struggles of her family to find healing, support and help. “My Name is Faith” is not only her story but also that of so many children who were unable to begin life nurtured and protected.This is also the story of the new family who love her and a new life awaiting her. “Beauty is Embarrassing” the story of artist Wayne White his quirky creativity and diverse career that explores his backwoods roots through creating “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” to becoming and world renown painter. One never knows where life will take you. Many of these true stories speak to the amazing powers of spiritual belief, creativity, community, perseverance and triumph. These are ideals that may feed a healthy recovery. We may not be truly unique just rare and each of our personal stories may change some one. “Hot Docs” runs from April 25 through May 5, 2013. Student and seniors are admitted free to screenings before 5 p.m. Information about the films I have listed and upcoming festival information can be found at www.hotdocs.ca

hotDOCS

Canadian International Documentary Festival is North Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s largest documentary festival, conference and market. Each year, the Festival presents a selection of more than 180 cutting-edge documentaries from Canada and around the globe. Through its industry programs, Hot Docs also provides a full range of professional development, market and networking opportunities for documentary professionals. Hot Docs was founded in 1993 by the Documentary Organization of Canada (formerly the Canadian Independent Film Caucus), a national association of independent documentary filmmakers. In 1996, Hot Docs became a separately incorporated organization with a mandate to showcase and support the work of Canadian and international documentary filmmakers and to promote excellence in documentary production.

aPRIL25 - mAY 5, 2013 Beginning March 19, 2013, individual tickets to Hot Docs 2013 will be available online at: www.hotdocs.ca, by phone at 416.203.2155 and at the documentary Box Office: 87 Avenue Road Hazelton Lanes, Lower Level Tickets to regular screenings are $14.60. Tickets to Hot Docs late night screenings are $6.20. Hot Docs ticket prices do not include HST

With its lively mix of public and professional events, Hot Docs is the ideal North American market and meeting place for the documentary industry. Last year, the festival attracted over 2000 delegates, including documentary filmmakers, buyers, programmers, distributors and commissioning editors from around the world. Hot Docs is a registered charity and issues full tax receipts for donations over $25. Thank you so much for your support.

“The steel donkey commin’ down so clear out de way, clear de way If yuh tink I tellin’ a lie Yuh could stand up dere, he comin’ he comin’ With his eyes blazing, and he dancin’ and prancin’ ‘bout, a long ting like a muffler hanging out behind him and his tongue hanging out he mouth…….”

By Aakilah Ade aakilah@recover ywiremagazine.com

s a Canadian I refer to “The elephant in the room,” but in my parents’ culture there are songs and stories about “A steel donkey.” The words above are from a Barbadian folklore song about a mysterious donkey made of steel that visits neighborhoods and homes, creating mischief. The steel donkey usually shows up during times of merriment and all night parties. The donkey is a result of addiction. As long as there is song, and we can clap our hands, swing our hips, laugh out loud and let the good times roll, my family can make it through another period of drama. We have a few “steel donkeys” in my family. They lurk in the shadows, and I catch a glimpse of them during family conversations that contain phrases such as “Having a drink at 10 am is part of the culture, it is not a big deal, he can stop when he wants to, it is our way of having fun, it is the reward for hard work…”

“The steel donkey comin’ down…….” I remember trying to explain to my aunt why my cousin was struggling to stay sober and that she should seek her own recovery. It was like speaking another language; she could not understand the cause-and-effect of addiction. She shared her experiences, “My father drank every day and went to work, he was a police chief in our town back home. My son just does not want to work or do better.” She did not mention the fear that permeated the family from gramps unpredictable behaviors and rages. She did not mention that he was reluctant to educate the girls of the family as “girls only grow up to be whores anyway.” All my aunties and uncles developed codependent coping strategies and these have been passed on to me. “….so clear the way, clear the way…..” When I first started going into the rooms of recovery, the steel donkey kept me company. He was a familiar comfort; he was my secret yellow ducky. He was a cultural link, as I stared at the white faces before me, sharing their business publicly. “Be careful how you speak about the family, people do

not need to know our business, we have a reputation in the community, people know your grandfather, you just don’t know enough about your past, don’t shame us, sharing family business is a white thing – we don’t do that.” As my aunt continued to speak, the steel donkey came out of the shadows, took shape, and became solid form. Aunty was protecting the lie, the false image, and the need for us to pretend to be okay and to appear normal. “If you think I telling a lie you could stand up dere…” In recovery from codependency, I have learned that the rooms are confidential, I enjoy sharing about the recovery process, I don’t have to share details about the figure in my family room, I can focus on experiences in a general way, strength and hope. When I share about how I achieved recovery and how I maintain it, all members can identify. I’ll keep talking about recovery to my family; the steel donkey is our elephant in the family room. He is alive and well and being fed with fear and resentments. My recovery takes up space in my room, and there is no space left for donkeys or elephants.

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Agency of Distinction

An Oasis Close to Home By Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com

stepped off the subway and turned the corner onto the Danforth, known to Toronto’s locals as “Greektown.” It was a typically chilly winter day, and through the icy wind I scanned street addresses in search of a particular one. Growing increasingly frustrated by the unnecessary concealment of digits on each storefront, I was relieved to suddenly spot an enormous sign just ahead of me that read “OASIS.” Oasis indeed. As I approached the door I felt comforted by the small group of smokers just outside the entrance. It’s a sight familiar to any 12-stepper; our smokers inadvertently act as preliminary greeters. The lovely gents enjoying their puffs outside the Oasis were no exception; when they spotted me coming they offered me a wide smile and several hands reached for the door at once to open it for me. I thanked them and made my way inside. I expected to see a run-down waiting room. I expected to see mismatched furniture and makeshift desks. I did not expect to find a warm and quaint little café, with a row of pleasant little booths. A room filled with fellowship and coffee drinkers, taking a break from the day programs running on a lower floor. I was excited to meet Takis Liris, the founder of Oasis. A man in his seventies who, for all intents and purposes, need not partake in the daily grind anymore, but shows up every day as he has for the past 20 years. He has received countless awards through the years, for his commitment to the recovery community. I had an image in my mind of what he would be like, yet I was elated to be able to pick his brain about how Oasis has flourished over the past 2 decades. I expected him to be a stuffy old rich guy in an intimidating suit, shaking hands with clients like a politician does before an election. I expected him to take me upstairs to the administrative level reserved for his staff. I expected him to lead me to a large office with a lavish imported desk and no reminders of the ordinary world just down the staircase. But nothing about Takis Liris was what I expected at all. When I walked into the room, there he stood in a nice shirt and jacket, well dressed but comfortable. He smiled sincerely; this wasn’t the boisterous businessman I was anticipating. He shook my hand and welcomed me. He walked calmly ahead of me, leading me somewhere. The café was full, with the exception of a single table near the front. He sauntered toward it and announced “My office” with the soft undertones of a Greek gentleman. He preferred to sit among his community; I chucked and slid into the booth across from him.

Takis founded The Oasis Addiction Recovery Society in 1992 with the help of John R. Campbell and Gary Bradley. All in recovery themselves, they sought to bridge the gap that exists between leaving treatment and trying to re-enter society. Too many of us gain a few months of recovery, but lack the life skills or experience to attain employment and achieve stability. Takis had a vision of creating a recovery society that would lend support to the newly recovering population by providing life skills, job preparation and job placement. He would work with the government and local agencies to provide opportunities and aid to those trying to achieve recovery. Today over 700 recovering addicts each year receive a helping hand by Oasis, through online learning, employment, job retention and personal life management. But what struck me, as a story worth telling, was more than just the important work the Oasis team has been contributing to a mostly-forgotten population. It was the motto of the founder himself that inspired me. He is a man who believes that everything has a value, and thus his society found a way to generate income by turning refuse into revenue. Using a creative and brilliant system of taking in used clothing, through corporately sponsored “Oasis Bins” strategically placed throughout the city, this little agency then turns the donated articles into profit. These large green bins have become fixtures in the community for locals to recycle clothing they would otherwise throw away, and turn their junk into treasures for a worthy cause. Some of the clothing is offered to clients who are struggling to get back on their feet, but the bulk is sold to support their programs. Every dime of the revenue generated through this program is used to offset the cost of helping more addicts find their full potential. It’s green, it’s smart, it’s convenient and it’s gainful. And if that’s not enough, Oasis hosts it’s very own second-hand store ”Yesterday’s Finds” generating even more profit for its endeavors and offering some of its clients a place of employment along the road to success. Recovery Wire Magazine would like to solute the tireless efforts of The Oasis Addiction Recovery Society. A group of people this dedicated to the growth and prosperity of those recovering from addiction is worthy of being deemed an agency of distinction.

SHAME

THE REVIEW

There’s been much talk about sex addiction these days in the media. Celebrity sex scandals and high profile executive figures exposed while engaging in affairs and other types of sexually promiscuous behaviors have helped to bring this issue out of the darkness. What is disturbing, however, is that it seems like society and the media are quick to label all promiscuous behavior as sex addiction. It appears to have become a defense, not just for people who are truly addicted, but also for people who simply get caught cheating. In other words, being an addict has become almost a popular defense for folks who have been caught with their pants down in inappropriate scenarios: “Oh, I couldn’t help it…I’m a sex addict…”

By Kimberley R. Covey kim@recoverywiremagazine.com

s a result, questions are raised regarding the nature of sexual addiction:Who is an actual sex addict? What is real sex addiction?

In light of all the hype surrounding this hot topic, I thought it would be great to review a film that looks at sex addiction as honestly and as non-glamorously as possible. Enter the 2011 movie Shame, a film which gives us an unparalleled in-depth glimpse at the life of a person struggling with the ravages of sexual compulsion. This is the second film for British director, Steve McQueen. In 2008 his first film, ‘Hunger’ garnered critical acclaim as his debut movie. Critics at the time called his work ‘uncompromising and vivid’. In Shame McQueen has followed up with an equally courageous work. His portrayal of human emotional dysfunction and subsequent extreme behavior is bold and unflinching. Before going any further it is important to note that although this film deals with sex addiction, it is not necessarily an “issue” film focused on the topic of sex addiction. It more of a painful reveal about a how an emotionally damaged man became hopelessly addicted to sex as a means of dealing with untold demons. Grim is the first word that comes to mind when I think about this film. It chronicles a few days of the dark and stark reality of life for a character called ‘Brandon’, brilliantly played by Michael Fassbinder, who is unable to connect emotionally with another human being and who is compulsively driven to act out sexually. Brandon appears to be trying to fill an ever deepening emptiness in his loveless world with sexual gratification. He has random encounters with women (and a man), hires prostitutes, watches copious amounts of porn and masturbates profusely at work. He is never happy…you get a sense that he merely ‘exists’ from one day to the next.

We start to realize that there is something seriously amiss about his past when Brandon’s sister, Sissy, shows up and demands to stay at Brandon’s place. The relationship between them is very awkward and painful. Sissy is super needy emotionally. She has sex with Brandon’s boss within 20 minutes of meeting him and one night she even tries to crawl into Brandon’s bed to sleep with him for comfort… an idea to which Brandon reacts horribly. It is evident that some type of serious trauma has occurred in their lives but all we can do is speculate at what might have happened. McQueen doesn’t give it away, preferring to leaves us wondering. At one point Brandon starts seeing a woman to whom he is very attracted. When the woman actually opens up to Brandon and becomes intimate emotionally with him he completely shuts down and becomes unable to function. It is almost painful to watch. The entire film was shot in a detached sort of manner allowing us to look on and see Brandon’s internal agony. The cinematography was great, especially the camera perspectives. For example in one particular scene Sissy asks her brother to put his arms around her as they sit together on the couch. The whole scene is filmed from the behind the couch and we watch the back of their heads as they communicate with each other, eventually ending with Brandon physically extricating himself from Sissy while in the midst of a tense verbal exchange. There is a lot of sex in the film. Personally I think it was a bit overdone. At certain points the film became reminiscent of soft porn. I would have been uncomfortable bringing my mom or a first date to this movie. However, even in the sex scenes, the camera placed a lot of emphasis on capturing Brandon’s face. Fassinger’s acting was phenomenal…his facial expressions while having sex were intense, desperate and hopelessly driven. There was never any joy in his eyes, just the desperation of chasing that fix. His eyes at certain times were dead and emotionless. This film was a real eye opener regarding sexual addiction.Although very powerful, It was equally disturbing and thought provoking. There were no conclusive endings and no clear explanations. Shame was certainly not an uplifting film… although there was a clear point being made that Brandon’s relentless pursuit of this elusive sexual pleasure did not bring him any closer to finding happiness or peace. In fact, it drove him deeper into the darkness.

He lives alone in an apartment that he keeps in fastidious order and works in highly testosterone charged office environment where by day he attempts to live out a normal existence as ‘one of the guys’. When he is not at work he compulsively fills his time pursuing sexual release through a series of increasingly extreme sexual exploits.

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CLASSIFIEDS OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS April 19 - 21, 2013 Joy of Recovery Retreat Location: Scarborough Missions, 2685 Kingston Rd, Scarborough, Ontario Includes: 2 nights single accommodation and 5 meals (3 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday). Meals are based on the Canada Food Guide. Refrigeration is available, if needed. Cost: $170 Email: retreat@oaontario.org SEX & LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS April 5th – Sunday, April 7th Spring 2013 Retreat Scarborough Missions, Toronto 2685 Kingston Rd. Scarborough ON, M1M 1M4 Weekend Cost: $175 Day cost for Saturday: $75 Day cost for Sunday: $50 For more information visit: www.slaa-ontario.org/ ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS April 12th – 14th Ontario Regional Convention “There is a Solution” Location: Fairmont Royal York 100 Front St W, Toronto Register online at: https://register.rcsreg.com/r2/orc2013/ga/ top.html April 20th Cornwall 3rd Annual Spring AA Conference Ramada Inn, 805 Brookdale Avenue, Cornwall “New Beginning” Registration: $10 Registration & Buffet: $40 For more information: cornwallaaspringconf@yahoo.com NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS March 8, 9, 1 17th Narcotics Anonymous Youth Convention Location: Sandman Hotel, 999, rue de Sérigny Longueuil-Université de Sherbrooke Metro Station Registration: $20 Banquet: $30 Brunch: $20 For more information visit: http://www.canaacna.org/english/events.php

March 22 – 24th Narcotics Anonymous Men’s Retreat Mount Alverno Retreat Centre 20704 Heart Lake Road, Caledon Cost: $150 For more Information visit: http://www.torontona.org/events.php March 29, 30 and 31st 23rd Outaouais bilingual Convention “Fulfill Your Dreams” Location: Clarion Hotel at 111, rue Bellehumeur Registration: $15 Banquet: $40 Breakfast: $25 For more Information visit: http://www.torontona.org/events. php ALANON May 3 - 5th Spring Escape Retreat Location: Mount Mary Immaculate Centre, Ancaster Cost: $180 For more information visit: http://al-anon.alateen.on.ca/ OUTSIDE ISSUES March 2, 2013 Toronto Roller Derby, Season Opener Real Women. Real Hits. Real Heart. Location: The Bunker, Downsview Park Costs: $10 - $19 Event Time(s): 5:00 PM to 10:00 PM Email: info@torontorollerderby.com Website: www.torontorollerderby.com April 9th - 21 TIFF Kids International Film Festival Location: TIFF Bell Lightbox Film TIcket Price: $8 For more information: http://tiff.net/tiffkids/festival April 25 - May 5th Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival Regular Screenings: $14.50 For more Information visit: http://www.hotdocs.ca FREE CLASSIFIEDS: Are you hosting a 12-Step Event? Do you want to list a job? Rental? Medallion? Submit your listing at: www.recoverywiremagazine.com

ADDICTION DOESN’T DEFINE YOU Renascent is a gender-specific and abstinencebased residential addiction treatment centre that combines professional counselling with a facilitated introduction to the 12 steps. If someone you know needs support in their recovery journey, call today:

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ANGELS FOR RECOVERY

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“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs.” – The Big Book on Step 12 Your support of Renascent Foundation puts recovery within reach of more than 1,000 people every

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