Issue 16

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May June 2015

JUSTEAT SOMETHING STIGMA

THE RECOVERY

Understanding and loving someone through an Eating Disorder

ADDICTION IN WOMEN

Does gender play a role in addiction?

Why is there no Addiction Awareness Month?

MEDICAL Marijuana What’s all the buzz about?

TOP 10 WAYS TO SAVE MONEY

SOUL MATES & UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Image by Kai Engel Image by

by Franziska Geiser Image Image

by BexJános RossCsongor Kerekes

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR How important is one’s own autonomy, and is the notion of maintaining oneself amidst a twosome a common thread in nature? Our Editor in Chief shares her insights.

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TOP 10 WAYS TO SAVE MONEY This is our list of ways to build a savings that will help you to financially evolve. We learned to be great spenders, but now in recovery, it’s time to start planning for our future and setting some financial goals. Here’s how!

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SOUL MATES AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Darlene Lancer, author of “Conquering Shame and Codependency” breaks down the fundamental qualifications of unconditional love, and the concept of “soul mates.” Do you know the difference, or are you missing some valuable information that might change your relationship?

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JUST EAT SOMETHING Understanding the dynamics of living with an eating disorder: it’s not as simple as eating what’s in front of you.

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ADDICTION IN WOMEN Is the impact of addiction equal between the sexes? Do women suffer differently, or even get hit harder by addiction, or is gender an insignificant factor?

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MEDICAL MARIJUANA Where does Canada’s leading addiction physician stand on the issue of Medical Marijuana? When touting an abstinence based approach to addiction, should the medical use of marijuana garner a free pass?

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THE STIGMA OF RECOVERY The recent impressive Mental Health media campaign championed by Bell Media inspired us to ask, why do we not campaign for addiction in this way?

STRENGTHENING YOUR RECOVERY WITH

We know that the hardest part of recovery begins right after your treatment ends.

That is why we have created a network of community-based supports and services, to help you build a recovery that is strong enough to last a lifetime. At Hope Place Centres, many of us have ‘been there’ and our own lived-experience makes us great when it comes to knowing what it takes to succeed in early recovery. It makes no difference whether your journey began in one of our treatment programs or someplace else; what really matters is the BIG difference that ‘HOPE’ can make in your recovery today. Reach out and connect with ‘HOPE’ right now by email at info@hopeplacecentres.org or give us a call toll-free at 1.877.761.6357

hopeplacecentres.org ‘Healing Trauma CONNECTIONS (Shame & Resiliency) ‘A Woman’s Way through the 12 Steps’ ‘A Man’s Way through the 12 Steps’ Living Sober

Parenting Basics Sober Moms Women’s Peer-Support Group Men’s Peer-Support Group

Couples and Family Counselling ‘Family & Friends Peer-Support Group’ NADA Auricular (Ear) Acupuncture Yoga

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© 2014 Hope Place Centres. *Supports & services at ‘HOPE’ are always free; we also have childcare available at no charge and can even assist you with the cost of transportation.

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR never known myself beyond the realm of being one-half-of-a-whole, and it’s taken me near a decade to do so. Now here I am, weeks from entering my fortieth year, and I am once again in a committed relationship.

Issue 14, January/February 2015 Editor In Chief Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com Contributing Writers Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Jeff Wilbee Kimberly-Robyn Covey Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. Dee Christensen SSW Cover Illustration

by Hartwig HKD Published 6 Times Yearly: January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August, September/October, November/December Mailing Address 360A Bloor Street West P.O. Box 68506 Walmer Toronto, ON M5S 3C9 1.416.922.9227 Reprints For permission to print any portion of this magazine requests should be sent to: info@recoverywiremagazine.com

Copyright 2012, Canada Post Publications Mail Canada Post Agreement Number: 42459522 Follow or Friend us!

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There is a scientific term, Triboelectricity, which refers to the electrostatic charge generated when two objects rub together. This process has always been a metaphor to me, symbolizing the particulars of romantic human interaction. One might believe they are balanced or neutrally charged, as they meander through life independently; it’s easy to believe you’re grounded when there’s no resistance. But take the most seemingly well-balanced individual and observe them in a relationship, and ZAP! Friction. There it is: there’s the build-up of electrons you’ve been storing, devoid of a door-handle to test your neutrality upon. And with one touch, you are reminded that perhaps you’ve been a host to a backlog of “Electronegativity” without even realizing it.

I confess; I am referring to myself.

After a long retreat into the peaceful delusion of singledom, I have immerged and find myself one half of a “Covalent bond” (so to speak). In my twenties I was a serial monogamist; if I went on a date with you, chances are good we remained a unit for an average one to three years (give or take). In my thirties, I confess, I suffered a healthy amount of commitment phobia. I had

The past ten years have been a marvelous time; I admit it. I loved every moment of my relationshipretirement. I threw myself into my own life, as if I’d been officially handed a solitary sentence. As if the Universe had mailed me a notarized contract stating that I would be a lone wolf until the end of my days: I shuddered briefly, and then launched myself into a comeback. (And nobody, I mean nobody does a comeback like we do a comeback!)

I decided somewhere around thirty years old that if I could master being alone, then I would never again have to live with the fear of it. A simple idea which inspired nearly ten years of falling madly in love with myself and my friends, traveling the world, changing careers, delving into longawaited passions, returning to school, taking myself on dates and holidays.

I was not lonely, despite being on my own. And although I packed on a solid ten pounds of hibernation weight, I was so content most days that my walk to the subway in the morning included a brief chat with the forces of the Universe, whereby I listed the details for which I was unfathomably grateful.

“Thank you for my home, thank you for my dogs, thank you for my health and my body, thank you for my amazing friends, thank you for my recovery and my community, thank you for my business, thank you for the ability to write, thank you for my life. Holy shit, thank you so much for my life…”

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So this begs the question, if I was so content on my own, why bother becoming a twosome again? Entering a relationship virtually guarantees that life will, once again, become challenging. Relationships are wonderful and messy; they bring out our deepest fears, our hidden vulnerabilities; our best and worst angles. Relationships heighten the human experience in ways little else can, and yet, the shock of sudden elevation (and all the fears that go along with it) has been known to cause a bounty of unexpected side effects: self-sabotage, retribution, defense mechanisms, guilt, resentment, entitlement, fear of abandonment, fear of relapse, relapse itself. Why bother?

It would be easy for me to simply opt out; I am exceptionally good at being alone. It would be simple enough to choose solitude and avoid the whole potential mess. Yet as I grow in recovery I realize that there is a depth to which one cannot know themselves until they have experienced learning to love another person, unconditionally. There is a type of conflict, which is a mandatory part of the human experience: a conflict which, when avoided, can provide a false feeling of being devoid of friction. This is neither contentment nor growth, but merely an untested magnetic charge with no occasion to distribute itself.

We need to love; we need to bond. We need to connect to someone so deeply that we are inspired to overcome whatever lingering shortcomings are hindering us.

We need to fuck up, and try again; we need to be reminded of our fears and weaknesses at their core, and challenge them in ways we would not bother to do if the only entity awaiting us was a Tabby cat.

Left to my own devices, I will avoid discomfort. But give me a taste of the sweet bliss of bonding with someone in a profound way, and I find myself clawing at my own evolution with a potency I haven’t felt in years. I choose friction, come what may. I choose it because amidst the periodic shocks live a mystifying congruence: a nucleus created by two autonomous cells, which serves to amplify their charge, for better or for worse. One cannot experience the bliss of movement without first suffering bouts of static.

Dee Christensen Editor in Chief Image by Filter Forge

covalent bond [(koh- vay -luhnt)] A chemical bond in which two atoms share some of their own electrons, thereby creating a force that holds the atoms together.

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TOP 10 WAYS TO

$AVE

MONEY Image by Jo達o Lavinha

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1.

FOOD

One of the most common drains on our budget is eating. Sadly we can’t opt out, but if you want to save a heap of money, start planning! Last-minute eating is a huge expense; picking up takeout (a cost that would cover a 4 days worth of dinner meals if planned appropriately) or buying food to make a single meal, despite the fact that buying some items in bulk would save a vast sum of money.

Pick a day each week and deem it “food day,” and on this day, plan meals for the coming week. Make a soup, make lasagna, bake a ham, prepare salads, whatever creative meals you can think of that can stretch into the week. Prepare in advance and watch your funds bounce back substantially.

Image by ATO Photos

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Nobody likes to think about it, but especially those of us who have burned our financial bridges once or twice. The mere mention of banking causes us to cringe. But this is an area overlooked far too often. Financial insecurity is a matter that requires diligence and commitment to overcome. If you’re ready to start saving your money and repairing your financial wounds, be cautious of fees and costs related to banking. No more bouncing cheques, no more paying credit cards late, no more spending beyond the limit of your income. It’s time to live in the green, and be informed of the fees you might be shelling out unnecessarily.

Image by Ken Teegardin

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BANKING

TURN OFF THE TELEVISION

We know what you’re thinking, why on earth would you turn off your television?! Imagine the money you’re saving by not going out and spending every night? But wait! There’s a major problem with this picture: ADVERTISING! You don’t even realize the sheer magnitude of your spending that is directly related to the ads you’re watching everyday. The number of food items you eat because of a craving caused by images you saw, the number of shoes and outfits you bought, places you went, lifestyles you signed up for, hobbies you paid a fortune to try without careful consideration. Read a book, go for a walk, start a puzzle with the family, check out some free events around town. Whatever you do, hide the remote.

Image by Thomas Quine

2. JOURNAL

4.

ONLINE NO-NO!

The moment you’re finished reading this, delete your credit card number from every online account you’re signed up for. Whether you’re shopping on Amazon, Walmart, EBay, or Victoria’s Secret: DELETE.This doesn’t mean you can’t shop online, what it means is that you are committing to keying in your credit card information with every single purchase. That extra bit of time it will take to type those digits could save you some very unnecessary buys. You’d be amazed how much money you’ll save by removing the opportunity to insta-shop.

Image by Feans

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BANKING INVENTORY

You’ve done a forth step, and a fifth step; you’ve reaped the benefits of owning your part and forgiving yourself and others.You know the magnitude of this process, which is why you do a daily inventory as well. Now it’s time to consider a banking inventory; we challenge you to try it three times. At the end of the month, when you’re statement comes in, create categories for each of your purchases and deposits and inventory what you spent and earned. If this kind of eye-opening experiment doesn’t instantly alter your spending, we’ll be shocked.

Image by Images Money

Dianne Piaskoski BComm, BSc, MMath, MA but’terfly effect` The “butterfly effect”is a term in chaos theory that depicts how one small change (the flap of a butterflies wings) in one place can result in a large and unpredictable change (a hurricane, say) in another place.

The same can be true when we make small changes in our lives.

Addictions Counselling 2. JOUR-

(416) 522-9421 dianne@butterfly-effect.ca www. butterfly-effect.ca

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afor people magazine living in recovery

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6.

ENTERTAINMENT

We present you with a challenge: this coming weekend we challenge you to treat your city/town as you would if you were a tourist. A tourist does some research, they look into free local festivals, Shakespeare in the park, free screenings, free concerts, free everything. Every community has a listing page somewhere that boasts ample free entertainment throughout the year. It’s time to start planning your entertainment accordingly, instead of leaving it to the last minute and shelling out $50 to see a 2-hour movie (tickets, popcorn and soda included). Imagine the money you could save with some better planning.

Image by Britt-knee

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DRINK MORE WATER

What does water have to do with saving money? Nothing. But for every time we quench our thirst with a purchased beverage, our savings deplete. And for every cup of water we drink, our stomachs are less likely to beckon another $6 mocha-coffeefrappuccinno. You’d be surprised how much money spend from the purchasing of beverages.You might even pee yourself.

Image by Danny PiG

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BUY USED

There is a thrill that comes with finding an item for a discount, and buying used is no exception. If there’s a purchase on the horizon, any purchase, commit to checking your local Craigslist/Kijiji first. Check some local Goodwill stores (which usually have a furniture, housewares and book/music section). If you can find it used, not only will you save some money, you’ll be recycling and boasting a hearty discount.

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Image by Elizabeth Albert

2. JOURNAL

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Image by Ronalyn Hurley

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IGNORE-A-TRANSFER

Before you do anything else, call your bank and open a second account; a savings account. Make sure this account is NOT attached to your bank card. The idea of this account is to transfer small increments which you’ll ignore. For every $20 you spend, transfer $5 into your secret stash. Ask your bank about automated transfers that will sneak a percentage of each transaction into your new account. Too often we tell ourselves we don’t make enough to save anything, but even $8 a week will buy you a night out at the movies once a month. Now that’s planning ahead!

DREAM BIG

Think about your ultimate goal: retirement, vacation, buying a home or a cottage or a car. Whatever it is, it’s time to sit down and grab a calculator. It’s time to figure out how much your goal will cost, and find a way to make it happen. This task requires patience and commitment. This task requires that you participate in something that will not reap immediate rewards. Is your recovery that hearty yet? It’s time to make your dreams part of your daily reality.

Understanding Addiction, Food Addiction, Obesity and Eating Disorcers

THE POWER IS OURS

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The Addictions Unplugged website serves as a portal and discussion forum for medical professionals, front-line addiction workers and those affected by addiction to reach out to Dr. Tarman and find out the latest information on treatment.

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By Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Author of “Codependency for Dummies” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency” Image by Mattys Flicks

S OULMATES U NCONDITIONAL LOVE and

12 Abundance by Hartwig HKD

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Are you searching for a soul mate or unconditional love?

Your quest can set you on an impossible journey to find an ideal partner. The problem is twofold: Neither we, nor any relationship, can ever achieve perfection: and often unconditional and conditional love are confused.

Usually, we yearn for unconditional love because we didn’t receive it in childhood and fail to give it to ourselves. Of all relationships, parental love, particularly maternal love, is the most enduring form of unconditional love. (In prior generations, paternal love was thought of as conditional.)

But in fact, most parents withdraw their love when they’re over-stressed or when their children misbehave. To a child, even time-outs can feel like emotional abandonment. Thus ,rightly or wrongly, most parents at times only love their children conditionally.

Is Unconditional Love Possible?

Unlike romantic love, unconditional love does not seek pleasure or gratification. Unconditional love is more a state of receptivity and allowing, which arises from our own “basic goodness,” says Trungpa Rimpoche (Trungpa, 1984).

It’s the total acceptance of someone – a powerful energy emanating from the heart.

by the lover himself. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many.” Id. Ideally, the giving and receiving of unconditional love is a unitary experience. Couples experience this most frequently when falling in love. It also happens when someone fearlessly opens up to us in an intimate setting. It’s a being-to-being recognition of that which is unconditional in each of us, our humanity, as if to lovingly say, “Namaste,” meaning: The God (or divine consciousness) within me salutes the God within you. When we delight in another’s being-ness, boundaries may dissolve in what feels like spiritual experience. This allows energy to flow into places of resistance that surround our heart and can be deeply healing. It can happen during moments of vulnerability during therapy.

Yet, inevitably, these occurrences don’t last, and we return to our ordinary ego state – our conditioned self. We all have our preferences, idiosyncrasies, and particular tastes and needs, which have been conditioned by our upbringing, religion, society, and experiences. We also have limits about what we will and won’t accept in a relationship. When we love conditionally, it’s because we approve of our partner’s beliefs, needs, desires, and lifestyle. They match up with ours and give us comfort, companionship, and pleasure.

Love that is unconditional transcends time, place, We’re fortunate to meet someone we can love conditionally behavior, and worldly concerns. We don’t decide whom and, at times, unconditionally. The combination of both forms we love, and sometimes don’t know why. The motives and of love in one relationship makes our attraction intense. It’s reasons of the heart are unfathomable, writes Carson the closest we come to finding a soul mate.

McCullers: “The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. . . The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits.

Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else – but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit.”

The Ballad of the Sad Café (1951) p. 26.

Confusing Conditional & Unconditional Love

It causes stress and conflict when conditional and unconditional love does not coexist¸ and frequently people McCullers explains that most of us prefer to love than be tend to confuse the two. I’ve met spouses who were great loved: companions and best friends, but divorced because their relationship marriage lacked the intimate connection “ . . . the value and quality of any love is determined solely of unconditional love. This can be helped in marriage

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counseling when individuals learn empathy and the language of intimacy. (See my blog, “Your Intimacy Index.”) But it can lead to frustration and unhappiness if we try to force our heart to love unconditionally when other aspects of the relationship are unacceptable or important needs go unmet.

and psychologist Robert Firestone, “It is difficult to find individuals who are mature enough emotionally to manifest love on a consistent basis. It is even more problematic to accept love when one does receive it.”

Firestone and Catlett, Fear of Intimacy (1999) p. 311.

Firestone theorizes that couples try to maintain an ersatz version of their initial love through a “fantasy On the other hand, some couples fight all the time, but bond,” replaying romantic words and gestures that lack stay together because, of they share a deep unconditional authenticity and vulnerability. Partners feel lonely and love for each other. In couples counseling, they can learn disconnected from each other, even if the marriage to communicate in healthier, non-defensive ways that looks good to others. allow their love to flow. I’ve seen couples married over 40 years experience a second honeymoon that’s better than their first!

Opening the Heart

Other times, the problems in the relationship concern basic values or needs, and the couple, or one partner, decide to separate despite their love. It’s a mistake to believe that unconditional love means we should accept abuse, infidelity, addiction, or other problems we can’t tolerate. The saying, “Love is not enough” is accurate.

The relationship ends, but the individuals often go on loving each other – even despite prior violence – which mystifies onlookers, but it’s okay. Closing our heart in self-protection only hurts us. It limits our joy and aliveness.

Dating Dating stirs up unrealistic hopes of finding constant unconditional love. We’re liable to go from one lover to the next looking for our ideal soul mate. We may find someone who meets all of our conditions, yet doesn’t open our heart.

Or, unconditional love may naturally arise early on, but then we wonder if we can live with the other person day in and day out. Our conditional concerns and our struggles to accommodate each other’s needs and personal habits can eclipse the short-lived bliss of unconditional love.

The reverse can happen, too. Sometimes, during the romantic phase of love, people commit to marriage, not knowing their partner well, nor realizing he or she lacks the necessary ingredients that are required to make a marriage work, such as cooperation, self-esteem, and communication and mutual problem-solving skills.

Unconditional love isn’t a high ideal we need to achieve. Actually, striving after it removes us from the experience. It’s always present as the unconditioned part of us – our “pure, primordial presence,” writes Buddhist psychologist John Welwood. (Welwood, “On Love Conditional and Unconditional,” p. 36) He believes that we can glimpse it through mindfulness meditation.

By observing our breath, we become more present and can appreciate our basic goodness. In meditation and in therapy, we find those places we choose to hide from ourselves and others.

In trying to reform ourselves, we necessarily create inner conflict, which alienates us from our true self and self-acceptance. (See Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You) It reflects the belief that we can love ourselves provided we change. That is conditional love. It motivates us to seek unconditional love from others, when we need to give it to ourselves. The more we fight against ourselves, the more we constrict our hearts. Yet, it’s these disowned and unwanted parts of ourselves, which often give us the most problems that are in the greatest need of our love and attention. Instead of self-judgment, exploration and empathy are necessary. People often enter therapy to change themselves, but hopefully come to accept themselves. Trying to change stems from our shame and the premise that we’re inadequate and unlovable.

Relationships

Shame causes problems in relationships, as explained I don’t believe there is only one soul mate destined for each of us. It might seem so, because the conditional and in my book, Conquering Shame. Our self-defeating unconditional rarely overlap. According to researcher beliefs and defensive behavior patterns, which were

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Be sure to check out Darlene Lancer’s NEW BOOK! This essential guide explores the powerful emotion of shame, what can happen if it is not addressed, and provides practical advice on how to break deep-rooted patterns.

Now available at Amazon!

developed in childhood to protect us from shame and emotional abandonment, prevent intimate connection in our adult relationships. Like compliments, we deflect or distrust; we can only receive as much love as we believe we deserve – why McCullers and Firestone agree that receiving love can pose the biggest obstacle to having it. Healing internalized shame (See, What is Toxic Shame?) is a prerequisite to finding love. Moreover, healthy relationships necessarily demand the openness and honesty of assertive communication, which also requires self-esteem.

Relationships can provide a path to opening the frozen places in our hearts. Love can melt a closed heart.

However, maintaining that openness demands courage.

The struggle for intimacy challenges us to continually reveal ourselves. Just when we’re tempted to judge, attack, or withdraw, we open to our hurt and that of our partner. In doing so, we discover what we’re hiding, and triggers from our past yield opportunities to heal and embrace more of ourselves.

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Healing happens not so much through acceptance by our partner, but in our own self-disclosure. This also happens in a therapeutic relationship. No one can accept all of us as we’d like it. Only we can do that. Our selfcompassion (10 Tips to Self-Love) enables us to have compassion for others. When we can embrace our own imperfections, we’re more accepting of those in others.

See, Relationship as a Spiritual Path. ©Darlene Lancer 2015 Works Cited Carson McCullers, The Ballad of the Sad Café and Other Stories (N.Y.: Houghton Mifflin Company, Mariner Books ed. 2005) Robert W. Firestone and Joyce Catlett, Fear of Intimacy, (Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association, 1999) Trungpa, C. Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior (Boston: Shambhala, 1984) John Welwood, “On Love Conditional and Unconditional,” The Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, Vol.17, No.1 (1985)

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By Sheryle Cruse Author of “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder” Image by Pink Sherbet Photography

JUST EAT SOMETHING! 16

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As an eating disorder sufferer in recovery for years Food was not just food. And it was insane to think that now, food issues are never far from my mind. It’s not it could simply and instantly solve any of these deeper just food for food’s sake; rather, it has more to do with pre-existing problems. what it represents.

Yet, that seems to be part of the expectation At the height of my anorexia, food was constantly attached to the hope-laden statement, “Just eat on my mind. I was particularly obsessed with recipes. I something.” Desperation clings to those words, loved the ritual of preparing a dish, smelling the aroma, promising the instant happily ever after, the healed looking at how it filled the plate. family, the restored peace, the lasting relief. Don’t Yet I never ate it. In fact, once I finished cooking, I face the truth, let alone, deal with it. Forget about would then place the contents in Ziploc bags and carry getting family treatment, stopping toxic behaviors, rethem to my family’s outdoor freezer. learning. healthier ones.

“Just eat something.”

I’d never thaw out or eat what was in those baggies.

And don’t think for a second resentment will not rear If you know anything about me, you probably know its ugly head within the eating disorder sufferer as he/ I’m a “Mad Men” fanatic. In a holiday-themed episode, she experiences this cure-all plea. Defiance, resilience we witness an exchange involving mother and daughter. and even more unhealthy behaviors will crop up; the sufferer will rebel. I know I did.

A family member at the table asks the question, “Don’t you like your food?”

Why? And that prompted an uncomfortable force feeding session. Mother is shoving cranberries into daughter’s mouth- against daughter’s wishes.

Pleasant.

Because here’s another hidden meaning found in those three little words. “You are the problem and the only thing which needs to be fixed. Everything and everyone else is fine. You’re the only thing that needs to change. It’s your fault.”

And, even though none of the characters exhibited eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia in the storyline, Really? All that? Yes, potentially so. It’s not about it got me to thinking about how, once again, it is not the vilifying anyone. But it’s delusional and unfair to place food itself, but rather what the food represents that all that is wrong and not working in a family solely on makes things more tangled. the shoulders of an eating disorder sufferer. This is scapegoating. It is painful and unhealthy.

Observing this scene, I viewed the motivation between the mother-daughter force feeding; to me, it As with any other addiction, it usually involves a represented keeping the status quo of appearances. more complex family dynamic. Yes, the individual who And it reminded me how family members often is anorexic, bulimic or in any other way struggling with assumed the solution to my anorexia was, “Just eat food and body image issues is the most visible person something!” affected. But he/she has been affected long before the starving, binging or purging. And he/she didn’t arrive I had numerous battles with my mother especially there without help. The individual- and often other when she repeatedly tried to ply me with cakes, family members- often use food as the vehicle used cookies and pies. Sometimes I was defiant. I exerted my to express and/or mask one’s values, frustrations and starvation rebellion. But, on other occasions, ravenous fears. or obsessed, I indulged. And I remember seeing the look of relief and satisfaction on her face. It was as if What does food represent? It’s an important question my mother was saying, “There, problem solved.” to answer. But, just as important of a question, if not But the problem was far from solved. more so, is, “What does the eating disorder represent?”

Are you paralyzed by fear, denial or anger? What don’t Just within my own family dynamics alone, there was you want to see and deal with? abuse, misogyny, unhealthy enmeshment relationships and addiction elements going on. Food was the coping Resist the easy answer that “eating something” mechanism used to escape and endure those things. is, indeed, the answer to eating disorders. It goes

much deeper. What is plaguing you now did not patterns. happen overnight. Likewise, the recovery, health and improvement will also take time. Nevertheless, it is If the counselor asks you to participate in family possible to experience healing. sessions, do so. Children spend only a few hours a week with their counselors. The rest of the time they Perhaps the phrase should be “just face something,” live with their families. You need as many tools as you rather than “just eat something.” can get to help your child learn new ways of coping Healing and the truth are intertwined. This applies with life. to not just the individual, but the entire family as well.

If your friend is younger than 18: Eating disorders are life-threatening and Tell a trusted adult—parent, teacher, coach, pastor, widespread. They can touch both genders, all cultures, school nurse, school counselor, etc.—about your all socioeconomic backgrounds. Seeking treatment concern. If you don’t, you may unwittingly help your is vital and can be undermined through negative friend avoid the treatment s/he needs to get better. attitudes of loved ones. But a family commitment to recovery speaks volumes. Here’s some helpful advice Even though it would be hard, consider telling if you or someone you love is struggling. your friend’s parents why you are concerned. S/he may be hiding unhealthy behaviors from them, and When You Want to Help Someone You Care About they deserve to know so they can arrange help and treatment. If you cannot bear to do this yourself, ask What to do if… your parents or perhaps the school nurse for help.

If the person is older than 18 If your child is younger than 18: Get professional help immediately. You have a legal Legally the person is now an adult and can refuse and moral responsibility to get your child the care s/ treatment if s/he is not ready to change. Nevertheless, he needs. Don’t let tears, tantrums, or promises to reach out. Tell her/him that you are concerned. Be do better stop you. Begin with a physical exam and gentle. Suggest that there has to be a better way to psychological evaluation. deal with life than starving and stuffing. Encourage professional help, but expect resistance and denial.

If the physician recommends hospitalization, do You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him it. People die from these disorders, and sometimes drink—even when he is thirsty—if he is determined to they need a structured time out to break entrenched follow his own path.

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Some Things to Do… Talk to the person when you are calm, not frustrated or emotional.

Be kind. The person is probably ashamed and fears criticism and rejection.

Mention evidence you have heard or seen that suggests disordered eating. Don’t dwell on appearance or weight. Instead talk about health, relationships (withdrawal?), and mood.

Realize that the person will not change until s/he wants to.

Be supportive and caring. Be a good listener and don’t give advice unless you are asked to do so. Even then, be prepared to have it ignored.

Ask: “Is what you are doing really working to get you what you want?”

Talk about the advantages of recovery and a normal life.

Agree that recovery is hard, but emphasize that many people have done it.

If s/he is frightened to see a counselor, offer to go with her the first time.

Realize that recovery is the person’s responsibility, not yours.

Resist guilt. Do the best you can and then be gentle with yourself.

Continue to suggest professional help. Don’t pester. Don’t give up either.

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Some Things NOT to Do… Never nag, plead, beg, bribe, threaten, or manipulate. These things don’t work.

Avoid power struggles. You will lose.

Never criticize or shame. These tactics are cruel, and the person will withdraw.

Don’t pry. Respect privacy.

Don’t be a food monitor. You will create resentment and distance in the relationship.

Don’t try to control. The person will withdraw and ultimately outwit you.

Don’t waste time trying to reassure your friend that s/he is not fat. S/he will not be convinced.

Don’t get involved in endless conversations about weight, food, and calories. They make matters worse.

Don’t give advice unless asked.

Don’t expect the person to follow your advice even if s/he asked for it.

Don’t say, “You are too thin.” S/he will secretly celebrate.

Don’t say, “It’s good you have gained weight.”

S/he will lose it.

Don’t let the person always decide when, what, and where you will eat. She should not control everything, every time.

Don’t ignore stolen food and evidence of purging. Insist on responsibility.

Don’t overestimate what you can accomplish.

When you want to help someone you care about: <http://www.anred.com/hlp.html>.

Used with permission.

Copyright © 2015 by Sheryle Cruse

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FOOD JUNKIES

The Truth About Food Addiction

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By Vera Tarman with Philip Werdell Overeating, binge eating, obesity, anorexia, and bulimia: Food Junkies tackles the complex, poorly understood issue of food addiction from the perspectives of a medical researcher and dozens of survivors. What exactly is food addiction? Is it possible to draw a hard line between indulging cravings for â&#x20AC;&#x153;comfort foodâ&#x20AC;? and engaging in substance abuse? For people struggling with food addictions, recognizing their condition - to say nothing of gaining support and advice - remains a frustrating battle.

Built around the experiences of people suffering and recovering from food addictions, Food Junkies offers practical information grounded in medical science, while putting a face to the problems of food addiction. It is meant to be a knowledgeable and friendly guide on the road to food serenity.

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By Kimberley-Robyn Covey Image by Guigo .eu

ADDICTION IN

WOMEN Is there a difference?

Vive La Différence!

When this French phrase celebrating the differences between men and women became embedded in popular culture during the sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s, it was mainly used to express an appreciation for the diversity between the sexes. It was often used as a humorous exclamation by a man appreciating an attractive woman or as a playful way to note gender differences in various activities like shopping, communicating and romantic adventures.

Gender differences also manifest within addiction and addictive behaviors. These differences, however, unlike the above, are not cute and are no cause for celebration. The impact of addiction, although terrible for all afflicted, has a unique level of devastation on women and deep rooted psychosocial implications.

Awareness of these differences between male and female substance abuse has been growing steadily over recent years.

In a December, 2006 issue of Psychiatric Times article entitled ‘Substance Abuse in Women: Does Gender Matter’, the doctors who authored the document clearly note that while much past research in addiction focused on men, there was new understanding of the

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different physical and emotional tolls between male and female addicts.

One of the main statistical differences noted was the rate of substance abuse based on gender. Several studies have shown that drug and alcohol abuse are consistently higher among men than among women. A recent survey of 40,000 adults by the U.S. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse found that men are twice as likely as women to meet the standard criteria for drug or alcohol abuse in general. The gender differential for alcohol alone is even higher with men having a three times higher rate of active alcoholism than women.

On the other hand, prescription drug abuse rates in women are very close tothat of males. The National Survey of Drug Use and Health reported 12 month prevalence rates of abuse/dependence on pain relievers to be 1.4% for men and 1.1% for women aged 18 – 25 , and 0.5% for men and 0.4% for women 26 years of age and older.

The Psychiatric Times analyzed studies of patients in treatment and noted another correlation concerning differences between genders.

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Psycho social issues in substance abusers show that the ‘isms’ (spiritual maladies?) common to the majority of female addicts include anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and borderline personality disorders while our male counterparts are more likely to experience antisocial personality or conduct disorders.

Interestingly enough, a number of studies indicated that for most women these ‘isms’ were in place well before the onset of their addiction.

• Women often veil their addiction for years, becoming highly functioning employees, homemakers, community leaders on the outside, while suffering deeply on the inside.

Evidence suggests that for women the relationship between trauma and substance abuse may be of key importance.

Early childhood trauma, particularly sexual abuse, is more common in female addicts than in male addicts and is associated with a variety of A few more facts regarding the variances of substance female addiction disorders, as is a woman’s exposure to abuse between the sexes: violence. And, sadly, continued alcohol and drug usage place women at risk for repeated abuse and perpetuates • Women struggling with depression are 7 times a painful vicious cycle. more likely than women without depression to become dependent upon alcohol, while there is no increase to Anything you can do, I can do better! the risk for men who experience major depressions.

Although studies indicate that a higher percentage of • Female alcoholics are more likely than men males succumb to drug and alcohol dependency overall, to have family members or spouses who suffer from the women who do fall prey to the disease actually fall harder and faster than men.

In other words, alcoholism. afflicted women advance more rapidly than males from • Women suffer much more social disapproval recreational use to hopeless addiction. and stigma regarding their drug/alcohol dependencies.

In addition, when women enter treatment, even • Men, as a rule, tend to suffer more consequences though they may have used smaller quantities of the of their addiction in job losses and career failures offending substance for a lesser period of time, their while women experience more consequences related to symptoms are equal to that of men and the medical, psychiatric and social consequences they suffer are family life.

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actually greater than that of males.

Funny enough, written almost eighty years ago, the book of Alcoholics Anonymous states in one sentence what numerous studies have since then confirmed. In the chapter entitled, More About Alcoholism, in the original 12 step manual for recovery Bill Wilson writes, “Potential female alcoholics (addicts) often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.”

Getting past the shame..

One of the most deeply damaging barriers to recovery for a woman is shame due to particular events or behaviours that she may have engaged in while under the influence or while in a desperate craving mode. This painful feeling contributes to a deeply negative self image. The idea of opening up about shameful episodes is enough to keep women from seeking help.

In order to recover, shame must be processed whether it is through a thorough 12 step inventory, through focused treatment center sessions or counselling.

Without help, in most cases, it becomes too difficult to bear and self medicating with booze or drugs again becomes a desperate solution.

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Girl Talk Women in recovery need women. One of the most supportive factors from inside the rooms of recovery is how the admission of similar situations and behaviours from other women help to alleviate shame and that feeling of being alone with a big dark secret. It’s always comforting and inspirational to hear another woman tell “my story”.

Recovery always begins when one addict/alcoholic shares her/his experience, strength and hope with another. This simple, time tested fact allows a person to let down their guard and self-disclose past experiences without fearing judgment.

When we women discover that sharing our deepest shame filled memories with others actually helps us both to grow, recovery becomes a real possibility.

Our newfound ability to honestly disclose and receive personal information combined with helping others increases our self-worth, our confidence and our sense of meaningful contribution.

Let the healing begin!

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By Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. Author of, The Truth About Food Addiction: Food Junkies Image by MattysFlicks

MEDICAL Marijuana What’s all the buzz about? r“Nope!” I slammed the prescription pad facedown on the desk for emphasis. “I don’t fill these out anymore.” I repeated testily.

who had been coming to see me for years, back when I was a hip doctor who wanted to be the doc who supported pot use, no questions asked. Why not back these sometimes-bogus requests? After all, I was referring to the forms that listed the medical marijuana caused less harm than alcohol or opiates conditions, which warranted medical marijuana. The or cocaine. People were too spaced out to get into patient scowling at me was young and did not have bar fights and it was impossible to overdose on it. cataracts, glaucoma, MS, epilepsy or fibromyalgia. He What was the big deal? Plus, I had many friends who was not requiring palliative care. He did not have HIV smoked and believed as I did that it was not addictive. or Hep C. Looking at the list of criteria, I wondered Most of the people I knew could just take it or leave it. what he could possibly qualify for. He insisted that pot helped with his anxiety and he needed it to get Over time, I changed my mind. Since working through his day. exclusively in addictions, I witnessed people struggling with their addiction to marijuana. The We glared at each other. “Why the change? You ones who asked for help told me about how they had did it last year and the year before!” He sputtered, smoked the most productive years of their 20s away starting to put his books and wad of Internet reports in their basement, in a smoked filled haze. They talked of the virtues of cannabinoids in his knapsack. I about how they did not bother to finish their Master’s shrugged and told him that I had changed my mind. degree or get promotions because the effort to work that hard got in the way of smoking up. Fed up, they As he stormed out, I looked up at my addictions wanted to quit and get on with their life. To their credentials on the wall. Was this the fourth patient consternation, they found that each night they would this week who left my practice, disgruntled because sulk back downstairs into their smoky chip-infested I was no longer willing to fill out these marijuana nightly ritual. They told me they needed it to sleep, authorizations? These were longstanding patients to relax, to eat.

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Making Enlightened Society Possible

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There were also the ones who did not ask for help; the ones who smoked to chill out because otherwise they got so angry that they actually lost friends and jobs due to their rage attacks. I experienced their paranoia. When I asked one patient to wipe his urine off the toilet seat after a particularly bad spill in our washroom, he fumed out of my office, banging the door until it shook at the hinges. “You always had it out for me,” he shouted, his voice reverberating down the hallway, as we stood stunned at his outburst.

He was constantly being evicted from his rented rooms because he accused his landlords of planting bedbugs in his room when he was out or hammering on the floor in the middle of the night just to keep him awake. Sometimes these altercations came to blows. How was the pot helping him chill, I would ask him cautiously as he would tell me these stories in his staccato eruptions?

As an addictions physician devoted to an abstinence model, I had to change my mind. I heard many stories of people who got clean and sober and then some time later, would smoke dope again. They stopped going to meetings, started to hang out with old friends, and would join in when the joints were passed around. It didn’t take too long until these patients would be drinking or using their drug of choice again. The marijuana maintenance program had a short half-life.

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The Canadian Medical Association and the College of Family Physicians of Canada stepped up to publish a statement denouncing this federal mandate.

They claimed that there was not enough research to warrant adding THC - yet another drug with potential addictive qualities, to the compendium of already powerful narcotics. What were the benefits?

While there was research that showed THC helped neuropathic pain associated with HIV and surgery, and lessen the spasticity of MS, marijuana use was also associated with a doubled risk of motor vehicle accidents. There was also an increased risk of chronic bronchitis, heart disease, mood disorders, and schizophrenia. Were the benefits worth the risks?

These governing bodies argued for guidelines that would NOT include conditions such as fibromyalgia or for patients younger than 25 years of age or those with a history of substance abuse. This included most of my patients. The College of Family Physicians also recommended that physicians authorize marijuana strains that constituted less than 9% THC (current licensed producers are marketing strains of 15 - 20% a day) and at doses of no more than one inhalation four times a day i.e. 400 mg a day. Health Canada actually allows up to 5 mg a day – far more than what doctors are comfortable with prescribing.

Doctors are also encouraged to use the oral pill form (Nabilone or Marinol) rather than the smoked form, as this produced less euphoria and did not damage the lungs.

On April 1 2014, the Health Canada’s Marijuana for Medical Purposes Regulations came into effect. It came as a surprise to many doctors. Of course I had heard about the debate but few doctors expected that we would be asked to prescribe marijuana for our patients so quickly, without preparation. We asked ourselves: “How much? What strain? For what indications?” Most of us were bewildered and resistant. We worried that the tensions of being a gatekeeper of a drug that many felt entitled to use regardless of indications, would strain doctor – patient relationships.

Since last April, medical marijuana clinics have sprung up to absorb the bulk of patients clamoring for prescriptions in the face of this physician standstill.

These clinics are not yet governed or regulated, so that some clinics have doctors willing to prescribe more potent strains and higher doses of THC than other clinics’ doctors. Rules and recommendations over marijuana prescribing seem to change week by week. There seems to be wild-west frontier mentality in the field, heightened as medical marijuana promises to be a highly profitable venture.

Drastic changes were outlined to come: individuals who had been given federal clearance to grow their own individual stash or those who bought their drugs at ‘compassionate clubs’ all over the city were expected to buy from government licensed growers instead. They were asked to clear out their home grow-ops and to buy the legit stuff for three times the price of growing it. Neither doctors nor patients were happy about these changes.

When the dust settles, it is likely that medical marijuana will be tightly regulated, with weaker strains and doses than are currently being endorsed. I suspect that potheads will find that their prescriptions may not meet their needs or expectations. I also predict that decriminalization and broad scale legalization of marijuana may be the next steps as doctors attempt to maneuver themselves out of this impasse. For now - it’s a smoking muddle.

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By Sanderson Layng President, Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Television Host for Living Clean, Living Well Image by Brandbook.de

THESTIGMA OF

I was intrigued and delighted to see the recent Mental Health media campaign championed by Bell Media do so well. The campaign raised significant funds and brought about much needed awareness of the subject.

It particularly made great strides in addressing the stigma attached to mental health issues – something that has been too long in coming.

The stats about mental health as provided by CAMH, Canada’s leading hospital for mental health, tell an astounding story: Mental illness is the leading cause of disability and premature death in Canada.

70% of mental health problems and illnesses have their onset during childhood or adolescence. $51,000,000,000 is the estimated cost per year of mental illness to the Canadian economy (yes, that’s $51 billion).

Why then, has it taken so long for us to get on top of such a critical issue in our society and our economy?

We all report to survey companies that the economy is one of our top concerns, and yet we burn through all this mental health money every year as if we didn’t care.

We care all right, but what we care about more is not having to peek behind the curtain to see the reality of what this says about our society, our norms, values and beliefs. We would rather spend the money and go without all the things it could pay for, then complain about the misuse of funds by government as if that was our big problem. Mental health issues are sticky. They are the wet spot in our denial blanket. But we would rather try to hide it, than get our hands dirty and deal with the consequences, as we pretend it doesn’t exist – not in our families, not with people we know, not with me!

So congrats, Bell Media – well done.

Now, why do we not see campaigns like this for those 500,000 Canadians are unable to work in any given who are in recovery from drug and alcohol addictions? week because of mental illness.

Surely the stigma is similar and in some cases, the two are closely related. But no one is stepping forward

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to tell the story of addicts and alcoholics in this way.

“Living Clean Living Well” is a live interactive television show that addresses addiction and mental health issues every week on Canadian television. The show says it’s the only one of its kind on Canadian TV – why is that? Drug and alcohol issues are generally regarded as costing our corporate structures up to 10% of their revenue. Is that not important enough?

Is the courage of those fighting back from an addiction not as big a struggle as someone overcoming a mental health issue? Are addicts the poor cousin? In short, yes. The perception for many is that addiction is a selfinflicted wound. It is the result of an individual’s self indulgence and not a disease – not an illness that is visited upon the individual beyond their circumstances or control.

Consider the case of the person who is hurt in an accident at work and prescribed an opiate for pain by their doctor (who wouldn’t steer them wrong), only to find them five years later still on the pain medication and securely addicted. These folks are now lumped in with the recreational drug user that overdid it and

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took the easy way out, only to end up addicted and in a downward spiral (sometimes with no return). How do you build any public sympathy for that group? And who wants to be lumped in?

Those in recovery are people who have moved beyond “How they got there” to “Where am I going now?” It is a triumph of the human spirit, and a physical and emotional accomplishment for which we usually give gold medals.

But there is seldom any coverage of the podium. No one recognizes the achievement except those who have run the course or have had to reluctantly stand along the route, such as family members and friends. Sometimes, the victor doesn’t even show up for the prize, because they don’t want anyone to know that they were “One of those” – those self-centred, self obsessed people who don’t consider all the lives they took down with them.

The self-image of the addict or the alcoholic is the biggest obstacle, and public events like Recovery Day are starting to change this imagery. But it’s going to take a PR campaign of some magnitude to change the image, and that will only happen when everyone is willing to stand up and cheer.

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