Issue 9 by Recovery Wire

March April 2014

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

Gamble

With Your Recovery

TOP 10 WaystoMakea FRESH START

Do You Feel

TRAPPED

In a Relationship?

Understanding

a Hoarding Disorder

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR When did your recovery begin? Was it when you found help, or the first time you tasted freedom in relief? Our Editor in Chief spells it out her way.

TOP 10 WAYS TO MAKE A FRESH START With spring just around the corner, we look at the best ways to make this year a great one.

DO YOU FEEL TRAPPED IN A RELATIONSHIP Darlene Lancer, author of “Codependency for Dummies” tells us how to alter our perceptions around a difficult relationship.

DON’T GAMBLE WITH YOUR RECOVERY Writer Michael Burke, expert in the field of gambling addiction, talks us through the risks of becoming a gambling addict.

UNDERSTANDING A HOARDING ADDICTION Writer Terrence Daryl Shulman, expert in the field of hoarding/theft, teaches us the ins-and-outs of a hoarding addiction. Could you be a hoarder?

Q&A WITH DR. T Are e-cigarettes the real deal, and can eating pooh help you lose weight??!

MEDICINE: A HELPING PROFESSION? Dr. Tarman gives us an indepth perspective of working within the medical field. She asks the ultimate question: is it actually helping?

FROM FAILURE TO FREEDOM Have you learned the art of experiencing failure without feeling like one yourself? Our recovering codependent tells us how she did it.

MOVIE REVIEW: THE WOLF OF WALLSTREET Our resident movie expert talks about the “3 hour odyssey of greed, gluttony and debauchery”. Curious?

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Issue 9, March/April 2014

But if this statement does not make sense to you, allow me to explain.

Editor In Chief Dee Christensen dee@recoverywiremagazine.com Contributing Writers Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Terrence Daryl Shulman Michael Burke Kimberly-Robyn Covey Dr. Vera Tarman M.D. Aakilah Ade R.N. Cover Illustrations SUPERHOLIK Veer Illustrations PixelEmbargo Veer aleroy4 Stock omeree Veer antonbrand Veer patrimonio Veer Curvabezier Veer Photography Liam Philley Released digitally 6 times each year: January/February, March/April, May/June, July/August, September/October, November/December Mailing Address 360A Bloor Street West P.O. Box 68506 Walmer Toronto, ON M5S 3C9 1.416.922.9227 Reprints For permission to reprint any portion of this magazine requests should be sent to: info@recoverywiremagazine.com

I often do speaking engagements for large audiences. I entered my first twelve step meeting with a family member when I was nine years old, and I started speaking at conventions a few years later. Once in recovery for my own addiction, and since launching the magazine, I get asked to do quite a few public speaking appearances. And there’s a little something I share each and every time, right near the end. It’s a statement that generally causes a tense reaction at first. I know every time I say it that I’ll feel the bulk of my listeners, retreat slightly in their chairs and cringe a little. That is, until they sit with the statement and really give it time to permeate. This is the statement:

“My recovery did not begin when I entered a fellowship, my recovery began the first time I got drunk.”

I do not remember a time, not since my very first memory, when I wasn’t in some kind of palatable angst. Even as a child I was somehow tortured inside. I was awkward; I did not have a clue who I was. I had no authentic identity, but instead I was a collection of “character traits”: traits that I would systematically rotate, through each experience in an attempt to escape whatever the situation, unscathed. I did not enter into recovery and begin to remember the original version of myself, because there honestly was no original version. I remember watching a kids show as a child called Mr. Dressup, in which a man would dig into his tickle trunk and pull out an outfit which would dictate who he would become that day. That was me: my life was one big tickle trunk.

to inventory what I actually liked and didn’t like, what I wanted or didn’t want, and piece together the version of myself I believe the Universe intended me to be. I don’t envy people who aren’t part of our community, because they don’t have the advantage of latching onto a clear verdict: “Addiction”, and using it to establish a base upon which to cultivate divinity and opulence. We are the most rebellious and dynamic people on the planet, and once in recovery, we can endure challenge and accomplish unimaginable things. I am so utterly grateful to be an addict, irrational tendencies and all. Active addiction was my first taste of freedom, which allowed me to later spread my wings without crutches.

Dee Christensen The first time I realized it was humanly possible to be inside my skin and not feel agony, was the first time I got drunk. That was my first sign of redemption. I can guarantee, without a doubt, that had it not been for my addiction I would have been a suicide statistic. Being an addict saved my life; it would become the foothills of my recovery, and through active addiction I would later attain sobriety and learn I could exist, sober, in my skin.

I would later realize that I could live without vices, and survive the compulsion to obsess. I would grow into someone who recognized that my mind seeks an obsession when it’s under-stimulated, or when I’m afraid, If this statement makes sense to or when I’m on the cusp of a growth you, then I’m glad we could connect so spurt. What the addiction community quickly. offered me was the freedom to figure out who I was; the autonomy

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Editor in Chief

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs

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TOP 10

WAYS To Make A Fresh Start

EVALUATE

LEARN YOUR LESSON

Time to evaluate the people in your life, your goals and inspirations. Best way to make a fresh start is planting roots in clean soil.

Take a moment to reflect on the lessons from the year past.

Time to forgive yourself and forgive others.

This year we will learn our lessons as we go, a daily inventory to assess the potential learning experience in daily events. This is neither a judgment nor praise, but a combination of both and perhaps a means of learning where our pitfalls are.

There is no quota of guilt and resentment that will result in overdue joy: time to just let go. There is no magical day in the future when forgiveness will be made easy. Letting go of our internal and external angst is a mandatory step toward making a fresh start.

It’s only in reflection that we see patterns immerge, and now that we’re about to launch into spring, it’s a great time to get into the habit of a daily assessment. If you can brush your teeth before bed, you can jot a few lines down about the day. You’ll be amazed by the power of regular selfevaluation.

Whether it’s a riff in a relationship, or something you just haven’t let yourself off the hook for: now’s the time. Let go. Roll it up in a ball of wax, and let it melt.

It’s easy to become stagnant in life. We settle into jobs, friendships, partnerships and routines without examining them unless something goes terribly wrong. How about evaluating things from a calm state, when everything is status quo? How about asking a few fundamental questions about the significant inspirations in your life, like “Does this job/ relationship bring mostly joy?” or “Is this partnership/ relationship equitable?” Part of healthy recovery is taking inventory on a regular basis, and choosing to grow rather than being forced to when the sh*t hits the fan. Imagine that!

FORGIVE

ACCEPT CHANGE Don’t resist change; learn to embrace it.

OVERHAUL Time for a new hair cut, new cloths; time to refresh the outside to reflect the inside. This is more than esthetic; it’s about taking responsibility for how your environment/body/ appearance reflects who you are? It’s all part of the package. How synchronized is your outside/inside? Are you claiming spiritual health but operating a mismanaged vessel or a scattered home? It’s time to do an overhaul: what does that mean to you? Fitness, haircut, organize, wardrobe: make the appointments and stick to them. No time like the present.

ACCEPT DEFEAT When there’s a loss, close the battle; let go. How many times can we look back at a situation we participated in, and see the pointless amount of time we lingered around, fighting a losing battle? Whether it’s a battle at work, with kids, with a partner or that complicated friendship; when there’s no win in sight, put down the sword. This year we will not waste time on regret or digging our heals into the ground when its’ futile. This doesn’t mean we’re giving up, it means that when the battle is lost, we’re going to let go and invest our energy in more fruitful ways.

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When you’re scared of change, endure the discomfort and try not to self-destruct. Change can be a daunting prospect, but learning to embrace it helps us to become people open to evolving. The greatest pitfall of experiencing change is that, for most of us, it challenges our state of security. So many of us grew up in unstable environments, where “change” meant the rug was about to be pulled out from under us. But today, life is up to us, and we are not vulnerable little beings anymore. We are strong and capable of healthy transformations that can serve to bring us one step closer to the amazing people we were meant to be.

BUILD A NEW HABIT There is scientific evidence to suggest that a key ingredient in a happy existence is change. The brain needs stimulation, so getting stuck in a routine for too long can, not only cause a deflated mood, it can add to speeding up the brains aging process. Change doesn’t have to be huge. Start by changing your daily routine. Take a new route to work, walk the dog in a different park, check out some new meetings this month or try stepwork from a different fellowship. Maybe start including a short meditation into your day for a whole week and see how it feels? Take a walk before dinner or play a board game afterwards. Time to consciously build some new habits!

BE REDICULOUS

DO SOMETHING RISKY

CLEAN YOUR MIND

Try “Comedy-only” Sundays; carve an evening for board games, go roller-skating or glow in the dark bowling.

Go skydiving, mountain climbing, do something beyond your normal experience.

Don’t believe everything you “think.” Maybe you tried something new and failed, that does not mean you are a “failure”, despite your outdated belief system. The important thing here is to track these perceptions and cut them off at every turn. Get out your journal, and every time you feel like a flop, ask yourself the questions:

Make time to be silly. It might seem ridiculous to plan…. well, “ridiculous”, but when was the last time you belly laughed? During that camping trip you took months ago, or in an unexpected moment during a random conversation. Most of us can’t remember the last time we laughed until we cried, and although scheduling the ridiculous can’t guarantee a belly full of laughter, it certainly sets the stage for it. If we can schedule phone calls, training courses and step work; why shouldn’t we schedule “goofy”. How many creative and comical ideas can you come up with for a one-hour time slot each week?

Learn to stretch your limits! This year, let’s make a commitment to be larger versions of our former cautious selves. Let’s take more risks! Let’s scare the crap out of ourselves doing some of the things we’ve talked about, but never had the courage. Be afraid, go ahead, but JUMP! There’s not time like the present.

1) “What actually happened?” 2) “What was my perception?” You are not your thoughts. Learn to separate the feeling of disappointment from the toxic instinct to turn the disappointment into cause to redefine yourself/your level of success. Screwing up does not make a screw up. This year, practice the art of separating those disappointing feelings (which are normal and healthy) from growing into dodgy perceptions that make our lives and our minds unmanageable.

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By Darlene Lancer JD, MFT Find out more about becoming assertive in Darlene’s ebook: “How to Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits.”

parenting is a major source of self-esteem. Some people have never lived alone. They left home or their college roommate for a marriage or romantic partner. The relationship helped them leave home – physically. Yet, they’ve never completed the developmental milestone of “leaving home” psychologically, meaning becoming an autonomous adult. They are as tied to their mate as they once were to their parents. Going through divorce or separation brings with it all of the unfinished work of becoming an independent “adult.” Fears about leaving their spouse and children may be reiterations of the fears and guilt that they would have had upon separating from their parents, which were avoided by quickly getting into a relationship or marriage. Guilt about leaving a spouse may be due to the fact that their parents didn’t appropriately encourage emotional separation. Although the negative impact of divorce upon children is real, their worries may also be projections of fears for themselves. This is compounded if they suffered from their parents’ divorce.

Do you feel TRAPPED In a Relationship? Do you feel trapped in a relationship you can’t leave? Of course, feeling trapped is a state of mind. No one needs consent to leave a relationship. Millions of people remain in unhappy relationships that range from empty to abusive for many reasons; however, the feeling of suffocation or of having no choices stems from fear that’s often unconscious. People give many explanations for staying, ranging from caring for young children to caring for a sick mate. One man was too afraid and guilt-ridden to leave his ill wife (11 years his senior). His ambivalence made him so distressed, he died before she did! Money binds couples, too, especially in a bad economy. Yet, couples with more means may cling to a comfortable lifestyle, while their marriage dissembles into a business arrangement. Homemakers fear being self-supporting or single moms, and breadwinners dread paying support and seeing their assets divided. Often spouses fear feeling shamed of leaving a “failed” marriage. Some even worry their spouse may harm him or herself. Battered women may stay out of fear of retaliation should they leave. Most people tell themselves, “The grass isn’t any greener,” believe they’re too old to find love again and imagine nightmarish online dating scenarios. Less so today, some cultures still stigmatize divorce. Yet, there are deeper fears.

A Way Out The way out may not require leaving the relationship. Freedom is an inside job. Develop a support system and become more independent and assertive. Take responsibility for your happiness by developing your passions instead of focusing on the relationship. See more at: http://darlenelancer.com/blog/do-you-feel-trapped-in-arelationship#more-516 ©Darlene Lancer 2013

Lack of Autonomy -

Unconscious Fear Despite the abundance of reasons, many of which are realistic, there are deeper, unconscious ones that keep people trapped – usually fears of separation and loneliness that they want to avoid. Often in longer relationships, spouses don’t develop individual activities or support networks other than their mate. In the past, an extended family used to serve that function. Whereas women tend to have girlfriends in whom they confide and are usually closer with their parents, traditionally, men focus on work, but disregard their emotional needs and rely exclusively on their wife for support. Yet, both men and women often neglect developing individual interests. Some codependent women give up their friends, hobbies, and activities and adopt those of their male companions. The combined effect of this adds to fears of loneliness and isolation people that they envisage being on their own. For spouses married a number of years, their identity may be as a “husband” or “wife” – a “provider” or “homemaker.” The loneliness experienced upon divorce is tinged with feeling lost. It’s an identity crisis. This also may be significant for a noncustodial parent, for whom

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Autonomy implies being an emotionally secure, separate, and independent person. The lack of autonomy not only makes separation difficult, it naturally also makes people more dependent upon their partner. The consequence is that people feel trapped or “on the fence” and racked with ambivalence. On one hand they crave freedom and independence; on the other hand, they want the security of a relationship – even a bad one. Autonomy doesn’t mean you don’t need others, but in fact allows you to experience healthy dependence on others without the fear of suffocation. Examples of psychological autonomy include:

You don’t feel lost and empty when you’re alone. You don’t feel responsible for others’ feelings and actions. You don’t take things personally. You can make decisions on your own. You have your own opinions/values and aren’t easily suggestible. You can initiate and do things on your own. You can say “no” and ask for space. You have your own friends.

Often, it’s this lack of autonomy that makes people unhappy in relationships or unable to commit. Because they can’t leave, they fear getting close. They’re afraid of even more dependence – of losing themselves completely. They may people-please or sacrifice their needs, interests, and friends, and then build resentments toward their partner.

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Don’t Gamble

By Michael Burke Motivational Speaker Author of “Never Enough: One Lawyer’s True Story of How He Gambled His Career Away.”

With Your Recovery Every week I am contacted by people dealing with problems created by their gambling. Most of them have lost everything and are trying to figure out what happened to their lives. All are in deep financial trouble and many are facing criminal charges. Some are contemplating suicide. Compulsive gambling has the highest suicide rate of all addictions. There are two reasons, which allow the gambler to get so lost in his addiction. First, compulsive gambling is known as the hidden addiction. There are no outward manifestations. There is no odor, no staggering, no slurred speech. People do not realize a problem is starting to consume a loved one or a friend until it is too late. Second, as long as the gambler has a token, the gambler has hope. The gambler will only seek help when all the money is gone. A large number of gamblers have one other thing in common; they are in recovery from substance abuse. Many in this group have been clean and sober and in a twelve step program for many years. The last two people who contacted me both had an active gambling addiction, one with eight and the other with fifteen years of recovery. Gambling is an insidious addiction. A person predisposed to develop a gambling problem may spend years gambling socially and suffering minimal ill effects. But that person will eventually cross the line into a full blown addiction. The chains of addiction are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. The devastation we gamblers leave in our wake can take a lifetime to recover from. Relationships are often fatally destroyed because of the betrayal of trust by the compulsive gambler. Studies have shown that between 12% and 20% of substance abusers in inpatient rehab programs also have a co-occurring gambling problem. We should start treating this group immediately. This can be accomplished by implementing an aftercare program to specifically offer treatment for a gambling problem.

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I conducted a survey of substance abuse patients at Brighton Hospital in Brighton, Michigan. I screened 8,000 substance abusers, primarily alcoholics, for a gambling problem. Sixteen percent of the patients screened identified as having a problem. What was more interesting was that the majority of the remaining eighty-four percent did not gamble at all. The reason for this turned out to be quite simple. The addiction that brought them into the hospital was working just fine. They did not need another addiction at that time. Unfortunately it is this group that, after treatment for substance abuse, will trade their substance abuse addiction for a gambling addiction. They leave their alcoholism or drug abuse at the hospital and walk down the street and find a new addiction to replace it. This is a large group of people who are predisposed to problem gambling and, at the same time, the most economical and easy to treat. All we have to do is educate them about the dangers of gambling, just as we currently educate alcoholics about the dangers of other substances. The theme should be addiction is addiction is addiction. Education should lead to well informed and appropriate choices for the person in recovery. Another area that holds great promise is educating people in recovery in the twelve step programs. There is a need to start discussions relating to gambling and other process addictions. Members need to be warned of the devastation that gambling can cause a person in recovery. I am deeply saddened by the hundreds of gamblers coming out of twelve step programs who have lost most of what they had gained back while in that program because of a lack of knowledge about gambling addiction. The message is simple. If you are in recovery, do not gamble.

By Terrence Daryl Shulman, JD,LMSW,ACSW,CAADC,CPC Founder and Director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding Author of, “Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending & Hoarding”

Unless you’ve been living on another planet, you’ve probably One man’s hoard is another man’s collection.—Anonymous noticed the ever-increasing media coverage over the last few There are different degrees of hoarding—from a Level I to years around the “latest” disorder: hoarding. Several cable a Level V—and there are different things that people hoard, programs on hoarding have garnered big ratings and endless including: fascination: A&E’s “Hoarders,” TLC’s “Hoarding: Buried Alive” and “Storage Wars,” Animal Planet’s “Animal Hoarders,” and • New purchased items; OWN’s “Enough Already!” And you thought you or someone • Used purchased items (garage sales, flea markets, discount you know was the only one with this “secret.” Of course, stores); these TV programs tend to highlight the more extreme • Freebies and junk (picked out of garbage, the side of the road, cases of hoarding, but hoarding is either on the rise or we’re etc…); finally starting to come to terms with it. While statistics and • Food; prevalence are still sketchy, here’s what the latest research • Animals; shows: • Newspapers, magazines, bills, other papers; • Scraps or parts for artistic or utilitarian projects; and • Hoarding affects about 6-15 million Americans.—2010, • Intangibles (email, DVR recordings, etc…) Time magazine • There are over 75 U.S. National Hoarding Taskforces.—2010, Time magazine • Personal consumption expenditures and storage unit rentals increased over 20% since 1980.—U.S. Chamber of Commerce

Understanding A

HOARDING DISORDER 14

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Hoarding can lead to many negative consequences, including:

• Loss of money; I became interested in studying and treating hoarding • Loss of time; disorder several years ago when many of my counseling clients • Loss of relationships; divulged their struggles with clutter and stuff—especially • Shame and embarrassment and isolation; my clients who were compulsive shoppers or shoplifters. I • Arguments with loved ones; also recognized several family members and friends who • Germs and disease; were “packrats” and, bit-by-bit, even found my office getting • Accidents and injuries; disorganized. Then, it occurred to me: my father had been • Loss of freedom and movement; and a hoarder, too! And for every hoarder still “hiding” behind • Increased mental illness (especially depression, anxiety and OCD) closed doors, more public faces of this disorder are “coming out,” including Micahaele Salahi, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, Lisa Kudrow, Mariah Carey, Kevin Federline, Celine Beauty is Nature’s coin, must not be hoarded, must be Dion, Marie Osmond and Paris Hilton (17 dogs might qualify as current.—John Milton animal hoarding). Why Do People Hoard? Looking at the bigger picture, society has encouraged superconsumerism; hoarding often is its byproduct. When everyone While pioneers and experts in the field of hoarding are still bought a home before the housing bubble burst, we had to fill unlocking the puzzle of what causes hoarding, it’s believed those homes up, didn’t we? And if there wasn’t enough room that hoarding has both genetic and socialized components in your McMansion, have we got a storage unit for you! Or two, (nature and nurture). Hoarding has been related to obsessiveor three or four! But what, actually, is hoarding? Compulsive compulsive disorder and anxiety disorder but it is distinct in hoarding (a.k.a. pathological hoarding or disposophobia) is a itself. Theories about what causes hoarding include: hard condition to pin down. While no clear clinical definition or set of diagnostic criteria exist, certain defining features have been identified by researchers in dealing with chronic • Getting a high from accumulating and feeling pain/anxiety when hoarders. These criteria include: discarding; • The acquisition of and failure to discard a large number of possessions that appear to be useless or of limited value; • Living spaces sufficiently cluttered so as to preclude activities for which those spaces were designed; • Significant distress or impairment in function by hoarding; and • Reluctance or inability to return borrowed items; as boundaries blur, impulsive acquisitiveness could sometimes lead to stealing or kleptomania.

• Reaction to change, trauma, loss, stress—control over little things; • Social anxiety/phobia, isolation/protection; • Shaky sense of self and over-identification with objects; • Problems with attention/organization • Problems processing information/categorizing; • Problems making decisions; • Problems with memory (too much/too little); and • Attempts to experience safety, security, control

The Shulman Center 20-Question Assessment: 1. Are some living areas in your home cluttered? 2. Do you have trouble controlling urges to acquire things?

MISSION

3. Does the clutter in your home prevent you from using some of your living space?

To offer a progressive, professional, and caring treatment community where those affected by alcoholism and drug addiction can begin a new life.

4. Do you have trouble controlling your urges to save things? 5. Do you have trouble walking through areas of your house because of clutter? 6. Do you have trouble throwing away or discarding things?

Yoga Art Therapy Anger Management Meditation

Group Therapy Individual Therapy Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Introduction to 12 Steps

7. Do you experience distress throwing away or discarding possessions? 8. Do you feel distressed or uncomfortable when you can not acquire something you want? 9.Does the clutter in your home interfere with your social, work or everyday functioning? 10.Do you have strong urges to buy/acquire things for which you have no immediate use?

CALL 1-855-693-6090

11. Does the clutter in your home cause you distress?

www.newawakenings.ca

12. Do you have strong urges to save things you know you may never use?

Dianne Piaskoski BComm, BSc, MMath, MA

but’terfly effect` The “butterfly effect”is a term in chaos theory that depicts how one small change (the flap of a butterflies wings) in one place can result in a large and unpredictable change (a hurricane, say) in another place. The same can be true when we make small changes in our lives.

Addictions Counselling (416) 522-9421 dianne@butterfly-effect.ca www. butterfly-effect.ca

13. Do you feel upset/distressed about your acquiring habits? 14. Do you feel unable to control the clutter in your home? 15. Has compulsive buying resulted in financial difficulties? 16. Do you avoid trying to discard possessions because it’s too stressful/time consuming? 17. Do you often decide to keep things you do not need and have little space for? 18. Does the clutter in your home prevent you from inviting people to visit? 19. Do you often buy or acquire free things for which you have no immediate use/need?

CORE VALUES

20. Do you often feel unable to discard possessions you would like to get rid of?

Commitment – “Investing in People” Quality – “Striving for Excellence” Dignity – “Restoring Self-Respect” Care – “Helping More People…Better” 16

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Most hoarders will answer “yes” to at least 7 of these questions. We are hoarding potentials so great they are just about unimaginable.—Jack Schwartz www.recoverywiremagazine.com

TIPS for Dealing with Hoarding: • Admit you have a problem and need help; • Seek professional, specialized counseling/therapy; • Read books/watch TV programs on this subject; • Visit the websites www.hoardingtherapy.com and www.hoardersanonymous.org; • See support groups (Messies Anonymous, Clutterers Anonymous); • Hire a professional organizer • Set a timer to clean a certain amount of time per day • If you are trying to help a hoarder, don’t move or throw out their possessions • Seek help categorizing things: trash, keepers, recycling, gifts, for sale; and • Maintain order and cleanliness through ongoing support/ accountability

Are E-cigarettes the real deal or just a lot of hot air?

In 2007, the electronic cigarette was introduced into the marketplace. At a price of a dime a smoke, this device gives you nicotine straight up. No more nasty tobacco filled with dangerous chemicals and pesticides. Safer and cheaper; how can you lose? Are e-cigarettes safer? The USA’s FDA and Health Canada both are uncertain about the safety of these devices. They claim that e-cigarettes deliver a drug, nicotine, that should have the same precautions as any new drug introduced into the market. The companies are claiming that these are recreational devices, not medication. So who has tested these for safety? Not the tobacco companies, not the food industry, and not our health care watchdogs, the FDA and Health Canada. Unregulated products means: buyer beware! Are e-cigarettes cheaper than real cigarettes? An e-cigarette costs anywhere from $50 to $150 for the holder and one cartridge costs $2 to $3 each. A pack of cigarettes is $11 so yes, it is cheaper to smoke e-cigarettes once the initial outlay is paid off. Some people have bought these as an aid to quit smoking. Do they actually help people quit? Well..... the faster the brain gets its jolt from a drug, the more addictive that substance is. Smoking is the fastest way to get a drug to the brain. Inhaling the vapour from the e-cigarette is just as fast or even faster than smoking. Chewing nicotine gum or using the patch works to help people quit because the oral or dermal method of delivery to the brain takes longer than smoking. A pure source of nicotine from the e-cigarette travelling in this more direct way (vapour) to the brain theoretically makes smoking even more highly addictive. An e-cigarette works to help you quit regular cigarettes because you have just picked up a more addictive way to use the drug.

Eat Shit! Can a Fecal Implant make you lose weight? Do you suffer from Crohn’s Disease or diarrhea that just won’t stop? The latest fad is to transplant the feces of a healthy person into the gut of the person doubled over with cramps. This donation can be done with a nasogastric tube, with poop pills or, the most common way, through an enema. The bacteria from the healthy poop will inhabit the sick intestines and provide the necessary bacteria to heal the bowel disorder. There are a number of clinics in the US, UK, and Australia that are using this experimental technique with great success. They have even applied to the USA’s Food and Drug Administration to investigate this procedure as an Investigational New Drug. Could this work for weight loss? Experimental research has found that obese mice have gut flora that contain particular bacteria, called Firmicutes, which pack on the weight. Lean mice have a different type called Bacteroidetes. What would happen if one mouse nibbled the stool of another mouse with different gut bacteria? As you might have guessed,the thin mouse gained weight when chowing the stool of the obese mouse. Some promising research of humans shows that implanting the feces of a thin person actually improved the metabolic profile of the obese people - fewer cases of diabetes, lower cholesterol and, eventually, less weight gain. It may take some time for an entrepreneur to come up with a palatable way of getting a fecal implant into prospective customers e.g., special sauces or shakes? In the mean time, you may want to reconsider your next unnecessary prescription of antibiotics for a viral infection. Those meds could, in fact, be killing the very bacteria that are keeping you in shape. If you are interested in learning more about this radical procedure, google ‘the power of poo.’

If you are a smoker, you might be thinking that all this is worth the risk… if you can at least get to smoke inside a bookstore, a restaurant, or even in your own home. Second-hand vapour has, however, proven to cause irritation to nonsmokers. It might not be long before you are back outside, shivering with all the other smokers. Worse yet, instead of just bumming a light, now you have to look for somewhere to plug in the batteries.

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MEDICINE:

By Dr. Vera Tarman M.D.

A Helping Profession? “Why do you want to become a doctor?” Money, status, and free access to jobs sprang to mind immediately, but I answered the medical school application with great care and diplomacy. I wrote instead about how medicine was the perfect vehicle to make meaningful changes in the world, a powerful way to help others, something I have wanted to do all my life….. all the typical answers expected of an eager applicant. I meant what I said; I really did want to have a job that helped people. If money and status were part of the picture, that would be the dream job. Through the years, I have occasionally been very helpful. I even solved some problems dramatically: once a young man came into my office doubled over, sweating and feverish. I sent him to the ER with a note shrieking that he needed immediate surgery - he had developed testicular torsion that, a few hours longer, would have rendered him infertile for life - or dead. He got surgery that day. I was elated. Score one for the clever doctor! Often my value is just to validate a person’s suffering; tell them they have a condition that others also have (depression, lupus, addiction) and although there may be limited treatment, just telling the person that he or she is not alone and is not ‘weird’ is a big deal. Sometimes it is the best medicine I can give that day. I feel useful in a ‘humane’ sort of way. But most of the time, my interventions have not been

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helpful. Many times I have filled out a disability form so that the person would not have to worry about paying the rent. They were not disabled, but to get that monthly check, they eventually became disabled. Many times I wrote prescriptions, which temporarily helped to abate someone’s anxiety or depression or pain. Helpful initially - but not in the long run. These interventions seemed to demotivate the person: They did not leave their stressful job, or their toxic relationship, or change their life that they felt was pointless. They felt better, sort of, for a short period of time, but did not make the necessary changes. They continued to isolate. They continued to eat poorly. They continued to live in housing that was subsidized, but kept them in the neighbourhoods that triggered their addictions. They got addicted to their pain pills. They couldn’t sleep, even with their sedatives. So,they came back wanting to increase or change their meds. “I need something else doc….” They wanted another diet. Another something… “Isn’t there anything you can do?” I would scrape at the bottom of my toolkit for the latest medication. “Let’s try this new med!” Or a new technique: “have you tried hypnosis, eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), emotional freedom therapy?” Or I would scan the disability form for a new box I could check off so that they could get another $30 a month, maybe for transit tokens. “Are you sure you aren’t lactose intolerant?” I would frown, wondering how

forms anyway? The patient and I would have a few hopeful visits and then, the inevitable disappointment. “It’s not enough….” Over the long term, my efforts seemed to generate more slow-growing frustration and dissatisfaction than help. Each patient encounter reminded me of how helpless I was, even in my cloak of competence and power. If I was not dealing with their complaints about me, I was furious with them, their ignorance, their weakness. What was wrong with this picture? I became cynical. Bored. I was afraid to see people, even hated some patients. I fumed when people did not take my advice. Why were they asking if they didn’t listen? I gave instructions more to relieve my own distress, rather than to help the person. After all, how was pointing out that they didn’t do their ‘homework’ helping them? I ended up blaming patients for my misjudgments - filling out a disability form consigned patients to an aimless life of poverty; writing a prescription got them physically or psychologically hooked for years. I burned out. The desire to help was like a romance gone sour. Honeymoon over. The money and status grew but was never good enough. There was never enough

money or power to soothe the despair of hopelessness and anger I felt each morning when I looked at my day sheet of needy patients that I could not help. I hated my perfect job. I know that most people who have worked in the health and social service industry have felt this way. It is a fork in the road that we must all come to. I often saw others in the same boat as me, trying to mill through the same treacherous darkness, crazy with the latest fad that promised redemption or near drowning into the depths of disappointment. We even joined peer professional support groups - where we could commiserate and try not to hate our patients and our own helplessness. It was only through the help of a 12 step community and program that I came to learn that I can not help anyone ever. Not unless they were willing to help themselves first - and that is the key ingredient to success; even when they asked, cajoled, begged, paid me to fix the problem for them. Sure, there was always the quick buzz of hope when I pulled out my medical tool kit but… it never worked on its own. If I was working harder than the patient - my help usually made things worse. They had to take the first step and continue on with it themselves. I am not even sure how necessary my input has been to those who

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ultimately achieved good health.

have to give.

To think that my medical bag of tricks was ever a critical part of someone's transformation was part of the illusion my patients and I have bought into. The medical degree is my cloak of competence, but like Hans Christen Anderson’s, The Emperor's New Clothes, it is often just an illusion. Money and status make the cloak look shimmery and grand, but really I am a naked creature underneath with a doctor’s name tag stuck to my chest. Where next to go in this murkiness called daily life? Your guess is as good as mine.

Over time, I have learned to just sit back and let others find their way into and through their own version of the human muddle that we all share. I am most helpful if I can remain intact and not burn out before someone is finally able to accept the encouragement and direction I am able to give. My goal is to be there when someone dips down into the depths and to still be there when their head comes up for air; a hand in the dark, waiting.

I am not discrediting my profession, just recognizing the limitations of what one person can do for another regardless of what wizard’s wand they are holding. With my clinical knowledge and experience, I can sometimes provide a roadmap that is unique and useful for a person. Maybe I can make a diagnosis that will determine a course of treatment, maybe I can point to a direction that makes more sense, saves time and error for a person - if he or she is willing to walk that walk. I might even aid in providing some temporary bridges or crutches (meds, short term financial relief). But these are temporary aids. They are dangerous pitfalls if seen as permanent or as the solution. This short-term aid is the best that I

For any worker in the field who is experiencing burn out, my prescription pad would read three dosages of a 12 step meeting (Al-anon as a first choice) each week for the first six months and then maybe scaling it down to one or two meetings after that – forever. This is especially for a worker in the field of addiction. Otherwise, we are all - service provider and patient - looking for a quick fix.

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By Aakilah Ade

From Failure to Freedom

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I have been in the recovery rooms for codependency for approximately 6 years. I have done the twelve steps twice, and I work with other codependents. I know I am not the person I once was before recovery; I have had a fresh start in life, a new beginning.

But I was hurting and reeling from being spoken to based on who I was, not who I have become. My program was being challenged, I forgot the instructions “Stay in the eye of the storm”; I was blowing in the wind, and being uprooted. Tewntyfour hours later I attended my 12 step meeting, the topic was about step one: I am powerless over anyone, anything and any thoughts; the reading addressed my recent experiences. In sharing my experiences with the group we talked about separating ourselves from unhealthy ownership of failure. I realised I am not a failure just because someone was not pleased with me.

I used my program to come out my stupor; I acknowledged the right of the client to feel the way she felt, I acknowledged that I had a history of blunt speech, but I did not acknowledge that I had a “new beginning.” The conversation with my boss did not open the door to that part of my life. I tried to set some healthy boundaries by being clear on my intent to be of service not a disservice to others.

The program teaches me to accept the things I cannot change, and to let go and let God. I cannot change someone’s feelings, thoughts or beliefs, but I can change my reactions. After the meeting I reflected through my steps; step 4 showed me where I had decided to be a victim, decided to be reactive, decided to be more concerned about my image and feelings than anything else. It was all about me, poor me.

I was able to move on from this experience, but 4 days later I got another call about another interaction that upset a client whose home I had visited. This complaint so soon after the first one pushed me into a desert storm, my body and mind reacted. I pushed out of serenity and into the maze of insecurity, fear, resentment and anger. As I listened to the complaint, I realised that I did not do what the client claimed I did, but I did understand

I am not perfect and I have much more work to do. The next morning I woke with the plan to reach back into my steps, starting at step 1, and continue on the journey of doing better one day at a time. Every day is a new beginning, a fresh start in the recovery journey. I do not need to stay stuck in the mud of “failures” and “poor me.”

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her perception, it was the language she used that made the incident worse than what it was. The scenario is health care and there is no easy way to talk about death to someone trying to live. I got it.

Last week I got a call from my boss, her concern was a complaint she received about my topics of discussion with a client. The client felt uncomfortable with me, she felt I was judging her based on some of her hobbies and……the list went on. Inside my head were small explosions. I was in shock and awe, and the feelings created holes in my defenses. I went straight into denial; I did nothing to intentionally upset the client, I could not recall offensive language or behavior. Part of my brain was saying “I don’t believe this, I am recovered, and these things are not supposed to happen to me anymore.”

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By Kimberley-Robyn Covey

MOVIE REVIEW Martin Scorsese’s ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ is the autobiographical account of crooked stockbroker Jordan Belfort’s (Leonardo DiCaprio) meteoric rise to a life of unprecedented wealth and outlandish privilege garnered by selling worthless stocks to unwitting marks, known as the penny stock scam . Sometimes in voice-over, sometimes in direct ‘asides’ to the camera, Jordan narrates his experience of living in a state of unlimited access to anything money can buy, continuous consumption , ever growing greed, prolific drug use and perpetual disregard for rules. His tale ends with his descend into hard core addiction, his eventual arrest by the FBI and sentencing to serve 22 months in a federal minimum security prison, ( a country club with barbed wire fencing) for securities fraud and money laundering. It is a bit perturbing to see the lighthearted, tongue in cheek approach Belfort takes in telling us his story, especially the glib, easy way that he glosses over ripping off so many people.

intoxicated, this film is chock full of absolutely shocking yet incredible performances. Thank goodness for this stellar acting in this movie, otherwise I don’t think it would have been palatable, particularly for the readers of this magazine. From the perspective of an individual in recovery, true story or not, parts of ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ could be considered counter productive to watch. Although it was fun at first to watch a few scenes of drunken, stoned depravity, after awhile, it became a bit narrow in scope. I also found it a bit creepy that there was no sense of Belfort being even remotely sorry for hurting so many individuals.

Belfort’s life had been so distorted and over the top, so full of chaos and constant action, that he naturally felt bored and under stimulated when he stopped using. One day after a fight with his wife, he tears into a big hidden cocaine stash he had buried in his couch and ends up hitting a proverbial bottom. Besides that, there didn’t seem to be any allusions From moments deeply troubling to moments hilariously to any recovery programs or the reality of what it is to be a funny, this dark saga takes us on a crazy spin through desperate addict trying to get clean. extreme self indulgence. We see Belfort snorting coke out of The film’s point became further convoluted to me because a hooker’s butt, dwarf tossing contests at the office, women taping wads of cash on their bodies to sneak it out of the it appeared in the end that crime does indeed pay. After country and a plethora of other drug related insane activities. Belfort’s release from prison he moves on to a new, lucrative career as a motivational speaker, whereas, the last scene Great acting but too much shock valu. from the film shows the FBI agent who arrested Belfort It is too much, almost. This film works because of the sheer (Kyle Chandler) sitting on the subway, looking stressed and talent of the film’s actors. Regardless of how offensive the unhappy with his station in life. content becomes, super powerhouse performances by an A So here is the long and the short of it; I really enjoyed the list cast keep us glued to the screen. acting and the story was compelling. However, a lot of the DiCaprio delivers a rich, intoxicating portrayal of Belfort’s ‘drugalogs’ were unnecessary and repetitive. I don’t believe drug fueled insanity. His complete lack of ethical concern that the subject matter merited almost 3 hours. In fact, I actually consider it rather repugnant that Belfort makes the debauchery appear even more depraved. is making even more money by telling his story about how he Jonah Hill gives an amazing performance as Donnie Azoff, made money by ripping off thousands of people, the majority Belfort’s right hand man and chief enabler throughout the of whom have not even received restitution. rise and fall of Statton Oakmont, Belfort’s famed New York It is a funny coincidence that the abbreviation for this brokerage firm. In one memorable scene, Azoff and Belfort , both intoxicated beyond belief on barbiturates, have a ‘slow film title is WOWS. I experienced a multitude of ‘wow’ motion’ fight that leads to Belfort saving Azoff’s life in an moments watching this 3 hour odyssey of greed, gluttony and debauchery. At first it was, “Wow! What amazing acting,” unbelievable twist. and, “Wow, I can’t believe they did that,” followed by, “Wow...I From Matthew McConaughey’s spell binding, terrifically can’t believe Jonah Hill didn’t have a heart attack doing mad monologue as Belfort’s first boss and mentor, Mark all that coke. Wow, I can’t believe Belfort’s second wife put Hanna, who advocates for swindling, bribing and cheating up with so much stupidity,” and finally, “Wow, three hours, clients while beating on his chest and chanting mantras… to really?” the mesmerizing, deeply disturbing and eerily realistic scene where DiCaprio suddenly gets a delayed quaalude high and becomes completely incapacitated, loses all his motor skills, belly crawls to his sports car, and drives home completely

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