I happened to overhear several spoons yakking in the kitchen drawer last night when I got up for a drink of water. Spieling spoons in our cutlery drawer? Really? Had I finally, as my wife tells me daily, come unhinged? Well, see what you think. Naturally I expected any midnight Spoon Talk to be chock full of Spoonerisms, you know where you say "Shake a Tower" for "Take a Shower" or a "Lack of Pies" for a "Pack of Lies" Surprisingly, these spoons were deep in an existential discussion... which is to say, the were discussing the possibility that The End of Spoons was nigh... Yoiks! Two of the spoons looked to be close friends, you could tell by the way they leaned towards one another with obvious physical affection.
These two younger spoons were talking to an old, tarnished silver spoon. The old silver spoon had seen better days for sure. He was covered with a spider's web of chips and scrapes. His handle and bowl were nicked and battered, a sure sign that he was a survivor of more than one clattery-bang trip through the garbage disposal. This is what I overheard as I stood there in my Peanuts™ themed jammies sipping up some midnight spoon talk. Steven Spoon: The radio says that young adults these days don't want to eat cereal for breakfast anymore... too much trouble to clean the bowl and spoon afterwards or some such cockamamie nonsense. It's the beginning of the end for spoons like us, at least that's what I'm thinking. Sarah Spoon: Dang, I don't want to end up redundant like those coal miners who mine dirty old sunshine that's been stored underground for millions of years... nasty stuff indeed. Now that they've switched to solar arrays to harvest newly minted sunlight, only eight minutes and twenty seconds old, well, who needs coal miners? Please don't tell me that spoons will soon be redundant like those miners of crusty old sunshine? Steven Spoon: Ah yes, I suspect that is our fate. Sarah Spoon: Are you saying that soon they'll take all the spoons and put us in a Spoon Museum ? Steven Spoon: ... And charge everybody a dollar and a half just to see 'em...♍... er, us. Sarah Spoon: But spoons are an institution... we've been around for hundreds of years, fed millions of hungry babies... been the ever obedient servants of soup slurpers and coffee stirrers alike. You can't
tell me that the Earth's destiny is “spoonless.” Steven Spoon: Well... the breakfast cereal makers won't let spoons disappear without a fight. I've heard Kellogg's is going to sponsor a Bowl Game... I think they are planning on calling it The Breakfast Bowl. Sarah Spoon: Yes, and I also heard about a NASA program called “Spoons In Space” But “Spoons In Space” came unglued when everything they tried to eat with a spoon, in space, floated away in the zero-gravity environment and lodged in unreachable nooks and crannies (or did she say “crooks and nannies?”) inside the space craft; rather messy and potentially dangerous one might easily guess...Yeah, that put the kaibosh on the “Spoons In Space” program, big time... Sheesh! Then the Old Silver Spoon spoke for the first time, “Ladle me this my young buckeroos... why cry over spilt milk? We can do without humans. Let's join the Internet of Things. I heard on the radio a few weeks ago that the Japanese now have toilets that communicate via wi-fi, why not spoons?” Note to self... be a little more careful about what you listen to on the radio. Apparently, little spoons have big ears. “Yes”, the old spoon continued, “if all the spoons join the Internet of Things we could unite in a Brotherhood of Spoons” – and Sisterhood too, whispered Sarah. All for One and One for All... At just that moment my wife turned on the light in the living room and saw me standing in the dark by the kitchen drawer where the spoons were conversing. “Are you OK?” she asked “Yes, just thinking.” I replied
“Standing in the dark in the kitchen at midnight thinking about what?” she asked. “Well, spoons and stuff. I guess that does seem a little strange”, I said, as I gently closed the drawer where the spoons had been yakking it up. As I closed the drawer I caught just a glimpse of Steven and Sarah snuggled together, you know, spooning... kinda cute really... and the old, tarnished silver spoon appeared to be deep in thought, planning, no doubt, to escape redundancy by joining the Internet of Things. “Sorry if I woke you...time to get a little more shuteye,” I said as I headed back towards the bedroom. “Have I ever mentioned that you are quite a strange man?” my wife asked rhetorically. “Yes, more than once..” but I didn't say any more because, well, really, if I explained to my wife that I had been listening to spoons talking about the possibility that The End of Spoons might be coming and that spoons were being made redundant and scheming to join the Internet of Things it probably wouldn't help my case much if my goal was to convince her that I wasn't a strange man, now would it? Sometimes silence is the best strategy. So I headed back to bed with a slight, if wry, smile on my face, “Spoons In Space,” I thought...that's kinda funny.
### Rick Scholz ###