Woodchucks and their Shadow Selves By Rick Scholz
You might say that Punxsutawney Phil, Wiarton Willie and Woody the Woodchuck are the Holy Trinity of Woodchucks.
One of the lesser known Woodchucks: Ann Arbor Andre
All three of these illustrious 'chucks saw their shadows on Groundhog Day foreshadowing six more weeks of winter.
A lesser known 'chuck lives in our back yard in a den along the stone wall. He is a very large and somewhat woebegone woodchuck known locally as Ann Arbor Andre. Like his better known brethren, Ann Arbor Andre emerged from his burrow, precisely at noon on February 2nd, called forth from his dark den by some of the better and more hopeful angels of our neighborhood. A convivial crowd of onlookers had gathered along the stone wall in our backyard to see if Ann Arbor Andre would, as the prophets of old foretold, see his weather-wise shadow. Yes, Andre emerged, and a spontaneous "Hip-Hip-Hooray!" erupted from the crowd. Personally, I waved my blue knitted watchman's cap in the air and shouted.... Yahoo! Andre looked confused. He looked at the crowd, He looked at the Sun and then he tried to look at his shadow... OMG! What a look of confusion! Yes, Andre was confused and frightened to discover that dwelling for months in his den with only Kierkegaard for a companion had made him Shadow-Blind! The crowd was stunned into silence by Andre's panicky demeanor. Then Andre gathered his wits for a moment and said, “My thoughts are so dark. I've been reading Kierkegaard in my little den and the dour Dane's gloomy eloquence has transported me into my personal 'Dark Night of the Soul.' Sour Soren's words have compressed my mind and squished me mentally in a thoroughly un-therapeutic manner. Do I see my
shadow? Or am I nothing but a Shadow? After many hours of Kierkegaard inspired reflection, I feel compelled to discover whether my sole purpose in Life is to provide a suitable opaque object to be used to determine whether or not the sun is shining. Will my opaque self cast a dark spot on the earth, you ask? "How is it that my shadow has become more important than my self, my soul? With that Andre scurried back into his den, forecasting an indefinite extension to the Dark Night of his Soul and perhaps sadly, by extension, yours and mine Needless to say, Andre's party pooping attitude threw cold water on the crowd's enthusiasm. As the crowd thinned out, I decided I should do the same... when this thought slapped me sideways to Sunday. I think Andre needs a joke book to provide a counterweight to his Kierkegaard obsession. On the one hand, it's probably somewhat logical to get Andre a dirty joke book... because, after all, he lives in dirt. But Andre is an exceptional and unusually profound woodchuck so he needs something extra special and profound. So how about this book? Your Life is a Joke – 12 Ways To Go From HAHA to AHA! Twisted but inspirational... just the ticket, perhaps, for an existentially afflicted 'chuck.
Could this book do the trick? I put a copy in a waterproof envelope by his den. ### FINIS ### Comments to rscholz@comcast.net