Retaining Walls Security & surveilance Swimming Pools & Maintenance TV / Satellite Water Softeners Welding Engineers
Pg 29, 43 Pg 9 Pg 37 Pg 33,41,69,79 Pg 32 Pg 33
Advertising Bar / Shop Supplies Printing / Graphic Design Web Design & Hosting
Pg 8,18, 63 Pg 7 Pg 74, 75 Pg 5
Computer Sales / Repairs Data Storage Internet Providers
Pg 12 Pg 67 Pg 13, 26
Horseriding Music Lessons Scuba Diving
Pg 39, 44 Pg 63 Pg 64
Bars, Restaurants & Clubs Entertainers
Pg 14 - 19 Pg 10
Astrologists
Pg 10
Dog hotels Kennels & cattery Pet Transport
Pg 69 Pg 71 Pg 47
Businesses for sale Estate Agents Holiday Apartments Private Sales / Rentals
Pg 10, 59 Pg 54, 57 Pg 56 Pg 54, 55
Accountants / Finance / Legal Insurance
Dentists Doctors Hair & Nails Hypnotherapists Massage & Beauty Centres Nurse / Care Worker Physiotherapy
Air conditioning & Heating Builders / Construction Electricians Furniture & Auctions Gardeners Garden Centres Glazing / Glass Curtains Mould Removal Plumbers
Pg 51, 65, 71 Pg 3, 45, 47
Pg 22, 23 Pg 20, 21 Pg 22 Pg 20, 21 Pg 21 Pg 22 Pg 58
Pg 9 Pg11, 28, 29, 30, 40 Pg 32 Pg 43, 59 Pg 39 Pg 39 Pg 27 Pg 31 Pg 30, 31
Greeting Cards / Gift Shops Jewellery Online Shopping
Pg 46, 71 Pg 58 Pg59
Car Hire House Clearances Mechanics Removals Van Hire
Pg 6, 80 Pg 73 Pg 72 Pg 45, 59, 73 Pg47
from gassy bubbles hit overflow sensors. Now thousands of litres of water have been removed from the 12ft deep turtle tank to reduce the water level by six inches to keep it clear of the sensitive alarms. Sprouts make turtles flatulent too An aquarium in the UK has taken action to prevent flatulence from a Brussels sprout eating turtle from triggering overflow alarms. Staff at the aquarium give George the turtle
a seasonal treat of Brussel sprouts at Christmas. But turtles, like humans, are prone to heavy bouts of flatulence after eating the vegetables. Last year, a turtle triggered overflow alarms in the middle of the night after the splashes
Spiderman takes free trip A passenger was seen hanging onto the rear of a public bus for nearly half-an-hour to avoid paying the fare. A witness said he was amazed to see the man's stunt during the rush-hour. Mr Yang, of Dongwan said: "The man was dressed in white, with two hands clinging to the metal holes on the bus rear, and legs stuck in the slots in the tail, looking like a frog or Spiderman." "During the 4 km trip, the man kept the posture the entire trip." A spokesman for the bus company, said the whole route of the bus takes around two and a half hours, and the fare is 15 Yuan (€1.50) "It's not worth neglecting personal safety to save 15 Yuan," he said. Great balls of fire A patient broke wind having surgery and set fire to his genitals. The 30 year old man was having a mole removed from his bottom with an electric knife when his attack of flatulence was ignited by a spark. His genitals, which were soaked in surgical spirits, caught fire. The man, who is suing the hospital, said: “when I woke up, my ‘equipment’ was burning like hell. Besides the pain, I can’t have sex with my wife.” Surgeons at the hospital in Ljellerups said: “It was an unfortunate accident.” Swimmer trapped by beach balls A man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deckchair and found his testicles had become stuck between two slats of wood. Mario Visnjic had been swimming naked off Valalta beach in Croatia and his testicles had shrunk in the cool sea. When he sat down they slipped through the slats and then, as he lay in the sun, expanded back to normal size. He was freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deckchair in half.
Q. What is Hospital Confinement Benefit?
A QUESTION OF TRAVEL INSURANCE Q. Why should I bother with Travel Insurance if I have an EHIC? A. The EHIC does not pay 100% of medical costs. It does not pay for bringing your family home in the event of your illness or injury and nor does it pay for an air ambulance in case you need to be flown home, dead or alive! Q. I am flying to UK to connect to another flight to my holiday destination. Are both flights covered for delays and missed departure? A. Most travel insurance policies only give cover for the original outward flight. But Globelink policyholders can rest assured that both flights are covered.
A. In addition to Emergency Medical Expenses cover of ÂŁ5 million per person, Hospital Confinement Benefit is a daily benefit paid to you for the inconvenience of being hospitalised, whilst you would otherwise be enjoying your holiday. Q. I have a pre-existing medical condition, can I still be insured? A. Yes, you have two options. You can either have a policy which will cover you for claims that are not related to that medical condition, or you can speak to our confidential Medical Screening Service who may include additional cover for a small extra premium. Q. Do I need Single Trip or Annual Multi Trip Travel Insurance? A. Single trip is best if you only take one holiday, or if you will be away longer than 4 months. Annual Multi Trip will give you a good saving if you will make two or more
trips during the year and offers a much bigger saving for couples or families. Q. I live in Spain, What Credit or Debit card can I use? A. When you visit www.globelink.co.uk, you will be able to select payment by Euro or Pounds and pay by any Credit or Debit card except Amex. Q. How can I get more information or arrange cover? A. Visit www.globelink.co.uk You should find everything you need to know. You can get a quote instantly and you can arrange cover securely online. Your travel insurance Policy, Certificate and Emergency Assistance Card will be delivered to you immediately by email. Or you can call us on our Spanish link line on 96 626 5000.
Reasons why the English Language is hard to learn: The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of injections my jaw got number. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Economy: Japan has the world's second-largest economy and the third largest in purchasing power parity. It is also the world's fourth largest exporter and sixth largest importer. It is also the only Asian country in the G8. Japan is this month’s A-Z feature of ¨Around the World¨ Population: 127,590,000 Total area: 377,873 km2 Number of people per km2: 337.6/km2 Official language: Japanese Currency: Yen Capital city: Tokyo Japan has the world's tenth-largest population, The Greater Tokyo Area is the largest metropolitan area in the world, with over 30 million residents. Location: Pacific Ocean. It lies to the east of the Sea of Japan, People's Republic of China, North Korea, South Korea and Russia, stretching from the Sea of Okhotsk in the north to the East China Sea and Taiwan in the south.
Life Expectancy: 83 years. Japan has the highest life expectancy of any country in the world! Famous for: Inventing Karaoke (Daisuke Inoue) and the video game Pacman (Toru Iwantani). Biggest Celebrity: Yoko Ono National sport: Sumo Worlds largest: Japan is the largest automobile producer in the world. Some of the largest enterprises in Japan include Toyota, Nintendo, Canon, Honda, Takeda Pharmaceutical, Sony, Nippon Steel,
Tepco, Mitsubishi and 711. It is home to some of the world's largest banks, and the Tokyo Stock Exchange stands as the second largest in the world. Big Catch: Japan accounts for nearly 15% of the global fish catch, second only to China and Tokyo’s Tsukiji market is the world's largest fish market. Did you know: Raw horse meat is a popular food in Japan. Sometimes the trains are so crowded railway staff are employed to cram passengers inside. More than 70% of Japan consists of mountains, including more than 200 volcanoes. Japan's literacy rate is almost 100%. Many toilets in Japan have a built-in bidet system for spraying your backside.
Vending machines in Japan sell beer, hot and cold canned coffee, cigarettes, and other items. There are around 1,500 earthquakes every year in Japan. It is not uncommon to eat rice at every meal, including breakfast. Tokyo has had 24 recorded instances of people either killed or receiving serious skull fractures while bowing to each other with the traditional Japanese greeting. In a Sumo training "stable" the junior rikishi Sumo wrestlers must wash and bathe their senior sumo wrestlers and make sure their hard to reach places are clean.
Fish and Chips at The Waterfront Restaurant review by Lynn Mallone On Sunday we were a bit hung over from the night before, after having maybe one too many and I decided that I was not going to cook, so Tony suggested we go to the Waterfront on Santa Ana beach (on recommendation from our friends). So we took the bus from Torrequebrada along the coast road and within ten minutes we reached the castle Bil Bil. From there we walked down the slope to the Paseo and chose one of the best tables at the restaurant which is British owned by Mel (front of house). Tony decided on the ‘Special’: cod, real chips and mushy peas with bread and butter for only five euros, and I chose a scampi
dinner with all the trimmings. The service was very quick, and what a great choice we made, even with the ‘Special’ at €5 the portion size was great; well-cooked batter with beautiful white slices of fish, the greenest mushy peas we have ever seen and chips to die for. My scampi dinner was just as good, and where else better to eat fish and chips than overlooking the sea? Other things are available on the menu including battered sausage, Pukka pies etc; snacks are also available with an array of drinks to suit everyone. We were so impressed we stayed for two hours soaking up the sunshine and the boys’ hospitality. No wonder this take away, bar and restaurant is a hit with locals and tourists alike with the prices being so reasonable. For directions see map page 53
- 700ML VEGETABLE STOCK - SALT AND FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER Garnish with sage leaves and crème fraiche.
by Jan Morley
WINTER WARMER´S
A bowl of steaming hot home-made soup always entices a smile on a chilly winter´s day. Smooth or spicy, creamy or chunky, we love them all! One great thing about making soup, is that recipes are often interchangeable. If you don´t have the exact ingredients, just substitute with something similar, or experiment with different herbs and spices. There are few rules to follow when making a good soup, just use the freshest vegetables in season, fresh herbs and good tasty stock. Flavoured bread served warm, is great for dunking and a little extra effort with a special garnish can transform a mediocre bowl of soup into an exciting lunch! These could include flavoured homemade croutons, deep-fried vegetable crisps, a drizzle of pesto…………… Just be wary in case some things need to be pre-soaked, or pre-cooked (if dried, such as pulses ). Don´t forget to keep tasting to check the seasoning, as some stocks can be quite salty, and the more herbs you use the less salt you need. When boiling ham joints , the stock makes a great base for a tasty soup, or when cooking vegetables, keep the water off them as well.
SPICED BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP Ingredients: - 1-3KG/3 LB SQUASH PEELED, - DESEEDED AND DICED - 3 TBSP. OLIVE OIL - 2 CLOVES GARLIC PEELED, CRUSHED - 2 TEASP. GROUND CUMIN - 1 POTATO, PEELED AND DICED - 1 TSP. FRESH THYME LEAVES
Method:
• Heat the oil in a large pan, add the onion, stir for 3 minutes, tip in the squash, garlic and potatoes. • Gently sauté for 5-6 minutes, stirring occasionally • Now pour in the stock, sprinkle in the thyme with a little salt and pepper. • Simmer over a low heat for a further 15-20 minutes until all the veg is soft. • Whizz with a blender until smooth and lump free! • Taste and add more seasoning if required • Garnish with sage leaves, deep fried in hot oil for a few seconds and a spoonful of crème fraiche. SERVES 6 PREP TIME APPROX. 45 MINS
Enjoy!
Hypnotherapy Every one of us has some kind of irrational fear. Whether it’s a fear of heights, spiders or confined spaces, this kind of fear or phobia can make our lives a misery. Of course, if you live in Spain and have an irrational fear of elephants, then you can live your life relatively certain that an elephant won’t be lurking around the next corner! However, an irrational fear of flying is another matter. I would say that, after smoking and weight control, this is the single most popular fear that people come to me for help. Many people simply cannot get in their cars to drive to the airport, let alone get in a plane. However, the good news is that it is very treatable through hypnotic induction with a professional hypnotherapist. Next on the list would be the panic attack, which often has its root cause in some repressed thought from the past in that person’s life. As a Professional Hypno-Analyst, I see many clients who suffer panic attacks on an almost daily basis. Analysis is an extremely effective way of dealing with these attacks as they are invariably psycho schematic. Lack of confidence and low self esteem are both treatable through suggestive hypnotherapy and clients can expect to see an immediate improvement even after only one session. The one treatment that has jumped in popularity in recent years is weight control, especially for those who are overweight. Fighting obesity has become the major challenge of our generation and as people discover more and more that dieting is not a long term solution, they are using hypnosis not only to reduce weight, but to maintain their ideal weight once it has been achieved for the rest of their lives. Contact us today for full details: Tel: 952 199 298 www.hypnotherapycostadelsol.com www.hypnoband.com
Rescue Centre The Andalucian Rescue Centre for Horses held a successful Christmas Fayre at La Finca in Alhaurin el Grande on 12th December. With Santa in residence, along with a combination of sunshine, snow, ´reindeer´rides and festive refreshments, the day had a magical feel and great atmosphere. The Christmas carol singing was led by Tracy Banks with everyone joining in and music by ACE FM. A big thank you to everyone who came along and supported ARCH and the numerous stalls. All proceeds were gratefully received and will help us towards recent vet bills and the upkeep of our steadily increasing animal family. ACE Charity needs your help! The thing that surprises you most when you move to Spain is the number of stray dogs roaming around, my friend has on more than one occasion found a puppy at the Basura and has now run out of space at home. Thank goodness for the rescue centres like ACE. These people give up their time and money in an effort to save the dogs that after 10 days in the pound (perrera) are exterminated without a care, Spains solution to growing problem. There is no RSPCA here in Spain so there is no protection for the old animals that have served their purpose or the young animal that has lost its puppy charm. Their future is as bleak as can be, thankfully they have a saviour, whose mission is: You cannot save all the dogs in the world but you can save the world for one dog. They desperately need your help, you can donate anything from food to bedding to your time. Winter is upon us can you help save a dogs life??? Tel: 952 93 37 88 / Mob: 610 752 350 Web: www.ace-charity.org
A man was driving home in the early hours after a drinking session and was stopped by the police, before they could breathalyse him another car came around the corner too fast and crashed 100 yards down the road from where they stood. The two police officers rushed down to help the crashed car. Seizing his chance our drunken driver jumped in his car and rushed home concealing his car in his garage, he rushed in and told his wife that if anyone asked he had been home all night. Approximately 2 hours later there was a knock on the door, his wife answered to find two police officers standing there who proceeded to enquire as to the location of her husband. She dutifully replied ‘‘he’s been here all night’’ ‘‘can we see him?’’ enquired the officers. Moments later a bleary eyed sober man appeared ‘‘what seems to be the
trouble officers?’’ ‘‘have you been out tonight sir?’’ they enquired ‘‘no I’ve been home all night’’ he sheepishly replied. ‘‘would you mind opening your garage so we can see your car sir?’’ asked the officers, the man muttered and complained but opened the garage ‘‘there you are officers, my car’’ he gestured looking at the two men, he noticed the smug smile on their faces and turned to see why they were smiling his jaw dropped seeing the police car neatly parked in the garage.
Slugs have 4 noses. Owls are the only birds that can see the colour blue. A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years! The average person laughs 10 times a day! An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed. Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon. "Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel. One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet! On average a hedgehog’s heart beats 300 times a minute. The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words. Earth is the only planet not named after a god. It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA. You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206. Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food! Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
Linea directa, a company designed for your needs Línea Directa is aware of the difficulties that foreigners experience when residing in our country (little knowledge of Spanish, of the Spanish legislation and the procedures taken during the handling of a claim), for this reason we wish to make theses matters related to car insurance easier. Our company is based on a direct service without the middle man (intermediary) and allows us to know first hand our customers problems and demands, and present solutions especially thought to cover their needs. Thanks to the excellent service provided by our company, our customers can proceed to report an accident in a direct and simple manner, using their own language, and
having at their disposal a breakdown van (tow truck) within one hour of the accident occurring. We forward you a few interesting advantages Línea Directa can provide to our clients: - Línea Directa offers assistance to drivers under the age of 26 years. This gives free assistance for those drivers who have drunk alcohol, or find themselves indisposed to drive. The vehicle will be towed back to the client’s house, and a taxi will be provided for the driver under 26 back to his place of residence, without any additional cost. This service is provided as long as the distance between the area located and the customer’s place of residence is up to 25 kilometres during 0 to 7 am hours, seven days a week. - Integrated Medical Treatment: Towards the end of 2004 Línea Directa launched the Integrated Medical Treatment for all policy holders within the company. This is based on a network of private medical assistance which guaranties our customers who have experienced personal injuries during a car accident, a complete medical treatment. This is a totally free service and at the disposal of both the driver of the insured vehicle and any passengers inside the vehicle at the time of the accident, irrelevant of whether the driver is the innocent or responsible party in the accident
We are pleased to help you, so call us for further information on 902.123.104
Choosing the Best Type of Pool for Your Garden or Terrace The first thing to consider is whether the pool is going to be in-ground or above-ground. In-ground pools, whether built from scratch in concrete, or a prefabricated moulded acrylic pool mean excavation. A concrete pool will also need planning permission and a building license, so this option needs careful planning and it is unlikely that the pool can be completed in under one month and
can take considerably longer if the permits are not easy to obtain. Above-ground pools need no planning permission and no building license, they are portable. Above-ground pools of course require no excavation, just a solid, level concrete base on which they sit. The most popular type of above-ground pool is the wooden pool. A good quality wooden pool can last 20 years and generally speaking costs well under half that of a similar sized in-ground concrete pool. Wooden pools are quick to install, an example being a 6m x 4m pool, 1.2m deep can be installed, filled and ready for use in just two days.
Wooden above-ground pools also have the added security feature that by removing the external ladder after use, no child, elderly person or animal can fall in. Wooden pools come with a heavy duty vinyl liner, and if opting for this solution, ensure that the pool you buy comes with a long guarantee and comes absolutely complete. You won’t want to be shopping round to buy bits and pieces to complete your pool after it’s built! If anyone still has doubts about which type of pool is best suited for them, please do not hesitate to call us for a free consultation. Perfectos Pools Piscinas SL. Tel: 952 59 40 31
Laptops vs. Towers Inevitably we all have to buy a new PC at some stage. They get old, they break, they just give up the ghost. In the past, the majority of people have always used Tower or Desktop style computers. Internet access was usually not wireless and people didn’t really need to bring their computers with them so much. Nowadays, it’s all about laptops. We find that the majority of people nowadays are choosing the portable option. There are even 3G USB Modems available now so you can use the internet virtually anywhere. But what are the pros and cons of using a laptop as opposed to a tower? Well, the things we usually suggest that you take into account are: 1) Do you need to take your computer with you. If so, how often. 2) What do you need your computer to do? Is it for internet access, email and basic office work? Is it for heavy graphics processing or gaming? 3) Do you think you will need to upgrade the computer in the future? 4) Think about space considerations, are you tight on space at the location where you want to use the computer? 5) Also consider mobility – do you need to be able to move around while you use the computer, or will it be in a fixed location? Answering the above will help you decide on what you need. The principal differences between a Tower and a Laptop are that a laptop will allow you to move around freely, it takes up much less space and you can always take it with you if you travel. However, being so portable also means that it is a lot more easily stolen. It also means that the parts have been made extra small in order to fit into such a small device. This
means that most of the important parts of the computer are permanently attached to the main board inside and therefore it can be a lot more expensive to repair if something goes wrong. It is also more difficult to upgrade in the future. The RAM and Hard Disk can be upgraded, but not a lot else. With a Tower on the other hand, it is not portable as you need a separate monitor, keyboard and mouse attached, but you usually get more power for your money in a Tower PC. It has more room inside for expansion, to add extra memory, disks, or expansion cards to add extra features. It is also much easier to upgrade the processor, the graphics card or almost any other part. We would recommend a Tower PC for anyone that needs more power to carry out graphics processing, video editing and especially for gaming. Nowadays, the games are very sophisticated and need huge power, particularly graphics processing, which most laptops simply cannot provide. To sum up, you should think carefully before you decide, as it can be a costly mistake if you choose the wrong option. If you need advice, you know where to go - ComputerNET – 952 49 49 13. We’re here to help!
of fat and black skin. This helps it to soak up heat from the sun. As it gets all the liquid it needs from food, it doesn't need to drink water. The big bear with the built-in snow shoes is this month’s Amazing Animal! The polar bear is the largest land carnivore (meat-eater) in the world. Despite its size when fully grown, the polar bear cub weighs less than less than a kilogram. The cubs have very fine fuzz and are blind and deaf. In November or December the cubs are born in dens in the snow. They stay in the den for about three months. It lives in the Arctic where temperatures reach minus 55°C and wind speeds can be up to 48km/h. To stay warm the polar bear has a thick layer
The polar bear is a good swimmer, using its fat and two layers of fur to help keep afloat. Its large feet make good paddles when swimming and act as snow-shoes on land. Polar bears have been known to swim 100 miles at a stretch and can swim an average of 6 miles per hour. It can eat 45kg of seal blubber in one go. About half of the energy from a polar bear's food is used to keep it warm. The colder it gets, the more it must eat. It can smell a dead animal 32km away and a live seal 1m under the ice. A polar bear gives birth every third year.
pot they "Didn’t have a pot to Piss in" & were the lowest of the low.
There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''. If he said YES it was referred to as “ONE FOR THE ROAD” If he declined, that prisoner was “ON THE WAGON” They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor". But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"
CAPRICORN - There is a sense of relaxation and comfort about January for you, it will be easier to express how you really feel towards someone and it is likely they will reciprocate the feelings - this will make you feel more emotionally secure than you have for a while. An old friend you haven’t seen for years may get back in touch. You return to work refreshed from the break and ready to make your mark. It may take an authority figure a bit of convincing but the effort will pay off by 14th when you receive a host of positive feedback.
AQUARIUS - Arguments with close ones are possible this month and your normal daily routine is likely to be a bit fraught with complications and upset. Relationships have taken a serious turn lately and this will become the focus, by the end of Jan you will begin to see the situation with more clarity. Mid month a flow starts to occur and conclusions are made, perhaps an informal arrangement will be drawn up that will suit you; this will probably occur around 21st. By the end of January you will realise that there is room for movement and negotiation after all.
PISCES - This year you need to start off by focusing on your health so get a regime started. Money matters will need sorting out, financial plans drawn up and decisions as to how to make the money go further are all key issues. Someone could be playing mind games with you or sweet talking their way to your heart – this person may not be exactly what they are making themselves out to be. You will be putting a lot of effort into all areas of your life; the New Year kick starts you into action. ‘Out with the old and in with the new’ is definitely your motto. ARIES - Money seems to flow in a far more constant manner this month and you should find that the missing pieces of a puzzling jigsaw are found, enabling you to put some kind of security in place, for the future. There may be moments when you clash with a family member as someone in your immediate circle is intent to push the boundaries, testing you, to see how much you will take. Your energy will increase as January progresses, by the 25th you will be at a peak and this is when your romantic life heats up too. Singles will find that their flirting skills are very successful around 30th. TAURUS - You will be forming important connections, gaining allies and making alliances this New Year, it is all part of your focused strategy for survival. The month starts off on a romantic note and you will be snuggling up with someone special. Mid month is an ideal time to deal with bank managers, bosses or anyone in authority. By 22nd you have one moment of glory followed by another ending the month on a real high note, make sure you lap up the successes as they come along. A relationship will become sizzling by the end of Jan and you are likely to act in a way that surprises even you. GEMINI - If you have been suffering with migraines or feeling a bit under the weather then your health is set to improve as the month kicks off. Something will make you ‘count your blessings’ as you begin to appreciate all that is going well in your life. It could be wise to listen to a trusted friend around 12th they will have some wise advice for you. The end of the month will be quite hectic as you will have a lot of errands to perform. You may be putting money away for a holiday or at least perusing the internet or travel brochures for ideas. CANCER - Cancer is full of life this month and you begin 2010 by ringing it in with a loud dong. Then it is down to business with a lot of activity happening on the work front. Facts and figures, information that seemed hidden is now revealed mid January enabling you to decide upon the appropriate route to take. On 18th you will be making bold decisions and putting plans into action. By the 23rd you will be feeling super zesty and up for social functions. Romantic liaisons occur around 27th and you will iron out any creases by 31st. LEO -If you know what you want then it is yours for the taking this January. At long last it feels as if the world is on your side and you will want to jump for joy and celebrate, it is as if a burden has been lifted that has been weighing you down for a long while. Consequently you are exuding magnetism, appeal and charm so attention comes very easily. A chance meeting early in January could develop into something special by 25th - this person is likely to be fiery in nature and could have some connection with a foreign country.
VIRGO - January brings a strange kind of consistency that makes you feel far more secure than you have of late. The main focus for this month is work and career matters; there will be a lot of hard graft and hours to put into something to ensure that you get the rewards that you truly deserve. It will be worth the effort if you do put in the time. A fitness regime is likely to be worked in your busy schedule as you have a desire to get healthy. By the end of January you will be a lot nearer towards achieving your goals and dreams.
LIBRA - You have the power to set pulses racing this January; it is definitely a steamy, seductive month for you. The passion and ferocity of your feelings are setting your world on fire and you could even be considering taking the plunge with someone. Opportunities abound and you will be making the most of each one that comes along, it could feel that luck is on your side. Your confidence is set to rise and so is your reputation and you could find yourself in some bizarre situations as you take on challenges that you would normally pass by. SCORPIO - There are a few challenges to face as January kicks off but all it is endeavouring to show you is that you have the ability to handle anything that comes your way. A big decision is looming but take your time it doesn’t have to be made overnight. You could discover a way to make a bucket load of money by an inventive business idea you come up with. A meaningful deep connection with someone is likely and you will feel able to confide your secrets to them, they probably feel the same way you do. SAGITTARIUS - 2010 sees you bouncing your way from one scenario to another perfectly happy and achieving, progressing and moving ever forwards towards your goals. There are likely to be other strong personalities around, as like usually attracts like, so watch out for personality clashes especially mid month. Short and long distance travel could play a part towards the end of Jan. Around 26th you could join a group with those of a like mind or who share the same interests as you – the mental stimulation will feed your enthusiasm.
Honouring those who improve the species... by accidently removing themselves from it! Double Dipping (3 June 2009, North Carolina) Greensboro was innundated with four inches of pouring rain in two hours leading to standing water, and stranding cars on several roads. Rosanne Tippett, 50, was not deterred. She hopped on her moped and drove to a convenience store where she possibly had a beer, according to her mother, before deciding to blunder home through the storm. She phoned home to share her intentions, saying, "My moped has two rubber wheels, Mom, I'll be fine." North Carolina does not require a license to own a moped. Ms. Tippett had acquired hers two years previously after a DUI conviction. The Highway Patrol had blocked off several roads that were inundated with water, including Ms. Tippett's path home. But Ms. Tippett rode right past the officer and the barriers, lost control of her vehicle, and fell into the swollen creek below. The officer retrieved rope from his vehicle and proceeded to haul her from the water. He then interviewed Ms. Tippett, probably inquiring about her motivation for speeding through a roadblock during a flash flood. The officer began to suspect that she had been drinking. When he briefly returned to his patrol car, Ms. Tippett took the opportunity to confirm his suspicions. She escaped - by jumping back into the creek! The Highway Patrol officer attempted to rescue her again, but alas, it was too late. The victim's mother speculated that her daughter's motivation for jumping into a flooded creek was to rescue her drowning moped. "She loved that thing." An Illuminating Story (26 February 2008, France) A 71-year-old pensioner met a shocking end when his frugal attempt to illuminate his yard with power siphoned from the National Grid backfired spectacularly. The gentleman in question illegally opened a major power junction box at the front of his house, intending to hard-wire a cable to his garden shed. Unfortunately, the poor chap attempted to do this rewiring during a major downpour. The fatal result was all too predictable. He was immediately deep fried, and declared a Darwin Award-ee at the scene.
by Ann French of WeDoBling.com It is Christmas holiday time and the season of parties, family dinners and chocolates. A season in which we can all put on a few kilos. So as you get back to your healthy eating and exercise plan after the holiday, how would you like to look as if you weigh less? Here are a few tips on “How to Look 5 kilos Slimmer”. First of all, don’t cover up your figure with tent-style dresses. Wear clothes that hint at your curves without being clingy or tight, they are the most flattering. You have some great features, so accentuate them and accessorize! Remember a few rules of proportion to show off your best features: • Choose this season’s fashionable darker colours as the basis of your wardrobe: navy, charcoal grey and black. • Use undergarment foundations from all-inone shapers to control top pantyhose. • Focus on playing up your best features: show off shapely legs with a knee-length skirt. • Choose fabrics that don’t cling, avoiding stiff or bulky textures. • Use accessories to draw attention to your face: scarves, earrings, etc. • Scale your accessories, from your handbag to your earrings, to your size. • Add small shoulder pads to sweaters and other knitted tops to make them hang better. • Choose clean-lined clothing without big embellishments or buttons. • And finally add some bling! – black may be thinning, but it can also be boring. Glam it up with jewellery. Stick with silver or gold and choose a necklace with a long chain to make you look taller and thinner. Visit www.wedobling.com or see a range of bra straps, jewellery, WonderBoas© and handbag hangers at Papeleria Martin, Alhaurin el Grande. See you next month….. Ann
New in Fuengirola: THE NELSON MUSIC ACADEMY is now open and offers a totally new holistic approach to teaching music, fitness and dance. By integrating all that we teach, we make learning a fun and rewarding experience. You will be surprised how we are able to awaken skills and talents that you never knew were there. We explore everything you love about music, fitness and dance. NMA offers lessons in all musical instruments and vocals as well as the Musical Theatre and puppet show which is growing fast in popularity. We welcome people of all Nationalities and
ethnic backgrounds of all ages. Our Music spans all eras and all styles. Open Monday to Friday from 10am for tuition and every Saturday from 10am the Musical Theatre and Wacky Weekenders Club. Saturday Programme: 10am - 12 Wacky Weekenders mini’s & juniors aged 3-8. 12.15 - 14.15 Wacky Weekenders seniors 9-12 years. 14.30 - 16.30 Musical Theatre 9-12 years. 1645 -1845 Musical Theatre teens 13+.
Call to book – First class FREE.
Jack Dee is well-known for his sardonic, deadpan style of humor. Here is a collection of some of the funniest jokes by the British comedian. “I hate people who think it’s clever to take drugs…like custom officers. Aren’t they a bunch of b*****ds, all that finger up the a***hole, all day long. They put a uniform on, for a job like that, can you imagine doing that? ‘Just off to work now dear’. ‘Have a nice day at the orafice’.” “One of my friends went on a murder weekend…now he is doing life for it” “My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night…First question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?” “I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’, and shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I’m all right. Lazy cow hasn’t even taken her milk in for a fortnight!” “Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange…It’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.” “The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.” “Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called Not Poodle.” “The film industry is like Anne Robinson… always on the look-out for a new face” “Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.”
The Australian Tennis Open : Melbourne, January 18th-31st 2010 Nine months is a long time in world tennis. Think back. Rafael Nadal was king. Roger Federer – could he bridge the gap? What of the chasing pack of Novak Djokovic, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Fernando Verdasco and that big Argentine talent Juan Martin del Potro? In the women’s game, Serena Williams appeared to have the tennis world at her mercy, having just raised the Daphne Akhurst Trophy for the fourth time. Could Dinara Safina, Ana Ivanovic, Jelena Jankovic or any one of a number of former world number ones ever break her stranglehold? Maria Sharapova had no chance, she wasn’t even there, a shoulder injury forcing her off the tour. Alicia Molik was there, but was building on a promising media career. Half a world away, watching her on the telecast while tending to her family, was a very happy mum in Kim Clijsters. Meanwhile countrywoman Justin Henin was planning her post-tennis life.
Things however have changed . “So much has changed on the international tennis landscape,” is Australian Open Tournament Director Craig Tiley’s assessment. “I think the respective title races will be more open than they have been in years. Australian Open 2004 champion Justine Henin has been granted a wildcard into the 2010 tournament.
Tournament Director Craig Tiley said, “Justine is the ultimate competitor, the winner of seven Grand Slam titles, and we are looking forward to welcoming her back to the Australian Open. “Watching Kim Clijsters’ amazing win at the US Open was inspirational – who knows, perhaps the two will meet again at the Australian Open – I’d certainly look forward to that match,” Tiley continued. “Del Potro’s win in New York has blown the men’s event wide open and Clijsters’ effort, combined with Henin’s comeback, has had a similar effect on the women’s.” “We can expect some amazing tennis and absorbing drama. Can Rafa defend? Will Roger go one better than last year? What
influence will Juan Martin, Novak, Jo-Wilfried, Fernando and the Andys (Murray and Roddick) have? Not to mention Lleyton who will come in with some good form, a seeding and a full season under his belt,” Tiley reflected. “Of course Serena has won here four times and again stands tall at Melbourne Park in the women’s draw, but Kim is obviously back, Justine is the ultimate competitor so expect her to be ready, Maria was so good last time she was here. It should make for a very exciting tournament!
1. What is the longest river in Italy? 2. By what name is an elk known in North America? 3. Which author created the detective Hercule Poirot? 4. What was the name of the dog owned by “The Woodentops” in the TV series? 5. In which game do players try to reduce their score? 6. What is the sum of the interior angles of a triangle? 7. What is a labyrinth? 8. Which famous mountain overlooks Rio de Janeiro? 9. On the roads what shape are the signs that give orders? 10. Gordon Sumner is the real name of which popstar? 11. Which Australian word is slang for a friend? 12. What flavour is the Greek spirit ouzo? 13. What name is given to the tracks on which tanks and bulldozers run? 14. What are the colours of the Italian flag? 15. How many times did Red Rum win the Grand National? 16. What was Frasier’s surname in the TV sitcom? 17. Which city is referred to as the city of Dreaming Spires? 18. If an MP changes party what are they said to cross? 19. How many oars are used to propel a gondola? 20. Who passed sentence on Jesus?
Answers on page 78
Using the letter grid below, how many words can you find. Each word must contain the central H and no letter can be used twice, however, the letters do not have to be connected. Proper nouns are not allowed, however, plurals are. There is at least one nine letter word. Advanced: 50+ words. Average: 25 words.
1. My first half is a container, & I am language understood by few, if any. What am I?
2. Name 3 things that have eyes, yet cannot see. 3. Pronounced as one letter, and written with three, two letters there are, and two only in me. I'm double, I'm single, I'm black, blue, and grey, I'm read from both ends, and the same either way. What am I? 4. Glittering points that downward thrust, sparkling spears that never rust. What am I?
Answers on page 78
ACROSS
DOWN
6. The act of avoiding capture (7) 7. Rundown (5) 9. A device that emits light (4) 10. Creative thinking (10) 11. Hand clapping (8) 13. Apprehended (6) 15. Bowl over (4) 17. The joint just above the foot (5) 18. Cousin of a mandolin (4) 19. Lecture (6) 20. Deserter (8) 23. A language of India (10) 26. Skillful (4) 27. Tropical lizard (5) 28. Needing a drink (7)
1. Instability in the atmosphere (10) 2. Setting (6) 3. Auth. unknown (4) 4. One of ten in Canada (8) 5. Leave in a hurry (4) 6. Provide (5) 8. Shield from harm (7) 12. Glacial ridge (5) 14. Nonsense (10) 16. Sometimes, it's whipped cream (7) 17. Stickiness (8) 21. Healthcare facility (6) 22. Keen or peachy (5) 24. Small European freshwater fish (4) 25. Parts of a play (4)
Answers on page 78
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Discover how to break a code: Every number in the codeword grid is 'code' for a letter of the alphabet. Thus the number '12' may correspond to the letter 'L', for instance. We have given you 3 letters, 1 = C, 3 = Y & 24 = K Answers on page 78
One Wish A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years... I'm good but not THAT
good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man." The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again!� The Bunny and the Snake Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the
forest and tripped over the snake and fell down. 'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth and can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am.' 'That's ok,' replied the snake. 'Actually, I too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and figure out what you are so you'll know. 'That would be wonderful' replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit.' 'Oh, thank you, thank you,' cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, 'Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me.' So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'Well, you're smooth and slippery,
and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be a team leader, a supervisor or possibly someone in senior management. Sent in by David Jackson EU Directive No: 456179 In order to meet the regulations and conditions laid down for unification under the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Gibraltar, Malta, Cyprus and Eire must be made aware that the phrase ‘Spending a Penny’ will be banned from use after 31st December 2009. As from 1st January 2010, the correct terminology, which must be used will be: EURONATING Thank you for your co-operation Sent in by David Jackson
ACCOMMODATION Accommodation.com 50,000 Cheap Hotels Online. www.accommodation.com
BED & BREAKFAST Casa 65 B&B, Heart of Andalucia. Weekend Breaks (Fri/Sat/Sun Nights) 120€ Includes Sunday Lunch Midweek Break (Mon/Tue/Wed/Thur) 120€ Prices or Per Room For 2. Tel: 953 570 089
BUILDER
ELECTRICIANS 16th Edition BS7671 qualified, Apprentice trained, 21 years experience. Rewires, extra sockets, lights, fault finding etc. Pay as you go electric meters supplied and fitted, ideal for holiday lets, aircon etc. Ian: 650 151 569
FASHION UNIQUE BOUTIQUE
o up t
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Ladies - Gents - Childrenswear c/ San Telmo, 20 Arroyo de la Miel *Visa Accepted* Tel: 952 440 042 High Performance Decorative Flooring Why is the HiBond SL surfacing better?
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Rent a car 3000, delivery to & from airport / accommodation free of charge, Tel: 952 490 692, 639 682 081 Website: www.rentacar3000.com Email: rentacar3000@hotmail.com
Quality Cards still on Sale Best Selection Best Prices Alhaurin de la Torre & Inland areas For More Information: 618 200 155 Also Postal Service
HEALTH & BEAUTY
DRAIN SERVICES
Clinica Salca, Home & surgey visits. Travel & residence Insurance accepted. Edif. Agata, Avda. Gamonal, 2, Arroyo de la Miel, Benalmadena Telf: 95 256 25 95 / 95 256 04 33
Euro drain services, cctv surveys, drain jetting, septic tanks, soakaway installations fast and efective. 24hr blocked drain clearance. Call Darren 629 640 754 all areas.
INTERNET SERVICES
LIST YOUR BUSINESS HERE FOR AS LITTLE AS 60€ FOR THE YEAR!!!!!
EMERGENCY CALL 24hr 619 059 500
Riosat SL, No landline required. High speed Internet and telephone services. Some areas free installation. Prices starting from as low as 20 euros per month. Call 951 239 310 / 626 679 018 Email:info@riosat.com Website:www.riosat.com
PLASTERER Elite Plastering Services * Plastering, rendering, re-skims, dry lining, screeding * First class tiling service and general reforms * All works carried out by time served tradesman * * No obligation quotes * Gary 651 138 256
RESTAURANTS Carihuela Carvery, All you can eat for €10.95, A La Carte menu, Functions catered for. Calle de la Luna 8, La Carihuela, Torremolinos. Tel: 664 342 858
SIGNMAKERS www.redhousesigns.com All kinds of signs Marbella to Motril. Stainless Steel, Illuminated, Canopies, Car Livery, Pavement Signs, For Sale Boards, Window Graphics, Etched Glass Effect. Call 628 594 387 Email: redhousesigns@yahoo.co.uk Free Design. Prompt & Reliable Service.
VAN HIRE Man with Van & Trailer. € 20 p/h No job too small, Local & International. Call Dave 665 034 005 or 695 888 870
VETERINARY SURGEONS BRITISH VETERINARY SURGEON Home visits at no extra cost. First and second opinion work, vaccines, Id chip, blood analysis etc. Consultations in the comfort of your own home. Tel: 652 302 985 Mr Wayne Hockenhull BVMS MRCVS
BOX IT IN FOR ONLY 95€ (12 ISSUES) All our advertisers are placed on our Online Business Directory
EMERGENCY NUMBERS Emergency Ambulance Fire Brigade Local Police National Police Guardia Civil Helpline in English
112 061 080 092 091 062 902 102 112
HOSPITALS Carlos Haya Hospital Civil Hospital Maternity Hospital Costa del Sol Hospital Hospital Clinico Univ
951 030 100 951 030 300 951 030 200 952 102 112 952 649 400
MALAGA AIRPORT Information 952 048 771/952 048 484 Arrivals T2 952 048 844 Arrivals T1 952 048 845 Departures 952 048 804
TAXI Alhaurin de la Torre Alhaurin el Grande Benalmadena Coin Fuengirola Malaga Torremolinos
952 410 444 952 491 010 952 441 545 952 453 587 952 471 000 952 327 950 952 380 600
MARKETS DAYS Tuesday - Antequera, Fuengirola. Wednesday - Alhaurin de la Torre, Arroyo de la Miel, Saydo Hotel Mollina, La Cala de Mijas. Thursday - Alora Country Farmers Market (Los Caballos), Alhaurin el Grande - Feria, Pizarra, Torremolinos - Feria Ground. Friday - Arroyo de la Miel, Cartama Country Farmers Market, Mijas Costa. Saturday - Benalmadena - Los Porches, Coin, Fuengirola, La Cala de Mijas. Sunday - Benagalbon, Coin La Trocha, Estacion de Cartama, Fuengirola, Malaga next to the Stadium, Pizarra Car Boot, Torremolinos by Crocodile Park.
Get Quizzical: 1) River Po 2) Moose 3) Agatha Christie 4) Spotty 5) Darts 6) 180 degrees 7) A maze 8) Sugar Loaf 9) Circular 10) Sting Brain Teasers:
11) Cobber 12) Aniseed 13) Caterpillar 14) Red, green and white 15) 3 16) Crane 17) Oxford 18) The floor 19) 1 20) Pontius Pilate
2 degrees below zero
Backward glance
I understand
He’s by himself
Riddles: 1. Jargon 2. Needle, Storm and Potato 3. An eye 4. Icicle Codeword: 1=C, 2=B, 3=Y, 4=A, 5=W, 6=V, 7=D, 8=J, 9=S, 10=U, 11=P, 12=H, 13=X,
14=L, 15=N, 16=Z, 17=T, 18=I, 19=G, 20=F, 21=O, 22=M, 23=Q, 24=K, 25=E, 26=R