Advertising Printing / Graphic Design Web Design & Hosting Workwear
Internet Providers
Pg ,16 Pg 12,52,53,57 Pg 54, Pg 49
Security & surveilance
Pg 57
Swimming pools
Pg 33
TV / Satellite
Pg.15,71
Water Softeners
Pg 5,
Botanical gardens
Pg 27
Bouncy castles
Pg 49,
Theatre
Pg 28
Alhaurin el Grande
Pg 58
Benalmadena
Pg 60
Coin
Pg 62
Fuengirola
Pg 64
La Cala
Pg 66
Torremolinos, carihuela
Pg 68
Holiday Apartments, hotels
Pg 40,37
Private Sales / Rentals
Pg 41
Pg 28
Bars, Restaurants & Clubs
Pg 11,16-20
Takeaway food
Pg16,17,19-20
Accountants / Finance / Legal Pg 35,39,49 Insurance
Pg,3,10,23,
Dentists
Pg 24,25
Hair & Nails
Pg 3,24,
Bookshop
Pg 11
Hypnotherapists
Pg 45
Greeting Cards / Gift Shops
Pg 51
Home cook
Pg 18
Florist
Pg 6,
Supermarket ( English)
Pg 7
Cup cakes
Pg 8
Pg 29,34
Air Travel
Pg 32
Pg 14
Car &Van Hire
Pg 43,72
Pg 56
Car Sales
Pg 72
Pg 29,
Car transfer service
Pg 31,39,55,
Pg 9,13,
Mechanics garages
Pg 35,62,70
Removals
Pg 30,35,37
Car itv
Pg 55
Air conditioning & Heating Furniture Gardeners Garden Centres Glazing / Glass Curtains
Hi folks, Where did that month go? It’s November already, as we ready ourselves for the sprint finish towards christmas. You know the festive season is fast approaching when you have to put the duvet back on the bed and you see a robin in the tree in the garden. We were so thrilled to see it we managed a photo and decided it would make a good front cover. It’s been an interesting few weeks, we have seen some people go, my friends have gone off to China for 6 months to look after a hostel, I told him he will come back half the man trying eat with chopsticks for six month he won’t eat anything, He will just shovel it in was the answer. We have seen some come back, namely Gaz and Nige at Bar 27, welcome back and good luck in the newly located bar ( see map). The new restaurant and bar guide is in it’s infancy but you should see the idea, you the customer rate the bar, we at the sentinella tell others how good they are, simples. so if you wish to be seen get yourself in the guide.
This months find Georgie winner was Mr Del Smith.10 points, Mr Bell, 8 points,Mrs Davis Coin 6 JUST A REMINDER TO ALL BUSINESSES We are updating our on line directory so you not only go in the magazine but online aswel
Kevin
Showjumper leads horses on foot through Liverpool McDonalds drive-thru for late night snack Police were called after the man arrived at the restaurant near to the racecourse and ordered a late night snack, to the disbelief of witnesses looking on from their cars. It is understood the incident happened after the owner had a row with his girlfriend after they had been out celebrating following success in a show-jumping event at the racetrack but the mood turned sour, when the police arrived and the long-faced sportsman led the horses away with their tails between their legs. A member of the public rang police, concerned that the man did not look as if he knew how to handle horses and was concerned they could have been stolen. A police spokeswoman confirmed the call had been received at 9.50pm, or ten to ten – “cowboy time”. Eye-witness Tris Brown, who took photos as he sat in a growing queue of traffic trying to get to the drive-thru, said he couldn’t believe his eyes when
he pulled up for a burger. Mr Brown said: “I pulled around the corner and there were all these cars backed up, and then I saw these two horses where they give the food out. “The guy who was leading them made his way to the junction with the main road and started to try to get on them, but he seemed to keep falling off. “Two police women came running across the McDonald’s car park. He looked like he was trying to get on to one of the horses to get away. “People were getting out of their cars and laughing, and then a horse box turned up and the horses were put in them. “It was very bizarre” It is believed the horse box belonged to the showjumper’s partner, who arrived to retrieve both him and the horses before driving away. A police spokeswoman said: “It seems to have been resolved amicably and he and his horses went on their way.” A spokesman for Aintree, said they knew nothing of Sunday’s incident. There was no-one from McDonalds available to comment Man calls police to check his 'nasty' marijuana purchase A Uniontown man Wednesday called police because what he believed was marijuana that he bought on the street tasted "nasty." Now, investigators said, the 21-year-old man could be charged with possession of a look-a-like drug. He was not immediately arrested, and police declined to release his name. Police were summoned at 9:59 p.m. to the man's apartment on Millview Street. He reported that he had just bought a small amount of what he thought was marijuana. The taste turned him off, so he called police to check it for him, said police Det. Donald Gmitter. Officers arrived and found the green, leafy substance laid out on a paper on a table. Police said a field test kit used on the material was negative, Det. Gmitter said. Officers still confiscated the substance, which may be a kitchen spice instead of intoxicating weed. As dumb as the complaint sounds, Det. Gmitter said it's not nearly the first time someone has called to report being ripped off during the commission of illegal activity. "We've had people call about prostitutes who, after they give them the money, they run away," Det. Gmitter said. "That's happened quite a few times."
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Next generation QROPS What is a QUALIFYING RECOGNISED OVERSEAS PENSION SCHEME (QROPS), quite simply it is a way of moving your pension away from the UK and into an area that will offer better terms than the UK and normally greater tax efficiency. This month I am going to concentrate on the New Zealand QROPS New Zealand QROPS This is by far the most popular of the jurisdictions used here in Spain, because it allows for full encashment of your pension. However it does have many pitfalls that need to be looked at carefully before you take this route. Again this month I urge you to only use qualified, regulated financial advisers. Q;Is it legal to en cash your pension fund through a New Zealand QROPS A; All QROPS providers need to submit an application to Her Majesties Revenue and Customs (HMRC) for approval once this is received a QROPS can conduct business subject to complying with the relevant QROPS regulation, as long as the scheme complies with the rules fully, the scheme is deemed legal. Q: Will I be taxed if I encase my pension whilst I live in Spain?. A; Should you encase your pension whilst you are a Spanish resident, you will need to advise the Spanish tax man, this could result in a tax charge. Q; You say that using an unqualified adviser is dangerous, why? A; If the plan is not en cashed in accordance with the rules set out by HMRC you could find that you receive a tax bill of 55% of the total money encased (including the advisers commission and charges if this is taken from the proceeds). For example your plan is encased and does not meet HMRC rules. You encase £50,000 the adviser charges you £2500 and the scheme charges £2500 you receive £45000 in cash, the Inland Revenue investigate and find the plan was encased illegally, they place a penalty charge of 55% from the £50000 this totals £27500, because you only physically received £45k you are left with just £17500 of
which the Spanish tax man may wish to take a slice. My advice as always, is seek the help of a professional qualified and regulated adviser, if the adviser used is not regulated and has no indemnity insurance you will increase the risk of poor advice and have very little chance of being compensated . Q; Can I take regular withdrawals and a lump sum from a New Zealand QROPS A ;Yes you can, however due to the tax treatment of regular withdrawals in New Zealand you would probably be best advised to use another jurisdiction if a regular income is required. The average adviser charge for full encashment is 5% with a minimum fee of £2500 if you are being charged more than this proceed with caution. Remember to receive professional advice, and don’t be embarrassed to ask the adviser for proof of qualification and regulation. There have been many examples of rogue traders in Spain, so don’t let yourself be their next victim. Best wishes Paul Eaton Associate Partner QROPS Bureau The QROPS Bureau do not offer advice to the general public and deal only with regulated, qualified advisers. Should you require further information or wish to find a Professional Financial adviser in your area please email pauleaton@qropsbureau.com or call me on 689 969 151
Can you afford to travel? I make no excuse in repeating myself. If you can’t afford decent travel insurance, you can’t afford to travel. There is no excuse to go on holiday without travel insurance. We always think “it will never happen to me” and the last thing you want to think about is what can go wrong? But it is not always straightforward when something happens even when taking a quick trip to UK. If you have an accident or are taken ill and you have an EHIC, you may receive free medical treatment. But what about the other costs such as additional accommodation costs for your travelling companion, cancellation of any ongoing trips or your return flight, and crucially, the cost for getting
you home when you are fit enough to travel? The cost of Repatriation by Air or Road Ambulance will certainly make your eyes water! What if your flight is delayed because of bad weather, industrial action or breakdown of your aircraft, train or ship? Or you miss your flight because of delay in public transport, or the vehicle taking you to the airport breaks down? Consider the additional costs involved if your passport is lost, stolen or damaged, if your airline goes bust. Your baggage gets put on the wrong flight, or it is lost or stolen. The staff in you hotel go on strike. How about the cost of Cancelling or cutting short your holiday because you or your travelling companion in unwell? Or if a close relative, business associate or someone you have planned to stay with becomes ill? The Foreign and Commonwealth Office advice is “Get comprehensive travel insurance”
Visit www.globelink.co.uk get a quote instantly and arrange cover securely
online. Your travel insurance Policy and Emergency Assistance Card will be delivered to you immediately by email. Cover for people living in Spain and all other EU Countries. Call our UK office on +44 1353 699 082 or our Spanish link line on 96 626 5000.
With over 15 years experience and the finest products money can buy, why not make Vista Glass Curtains your first choice for all your glazing needs. They specialise in the manufacture and installation of a variety of quality products. Their Glass Curtain system breaks down the traditional division between exterior and interior space. The benefits of this system include: Utilisation of your balcony/terrace area all year round, Noise Reduction, No more wind, rain, dust or dirt, Enjoyment of the winter sun all year round, Easy Cleaning from inside, Expansion of your living area, Increasing the saleability of your home. It is a unique bottom running system which can be utilised with a flush bottom track for a seamless threshold. This stylish sliding system gives you unobstructed panoramic views while protecting you from the elements. Using advanced technology innovative materials and quality stainless steel fittings, their glass curtain system is master crafted in elegant clean lines with a superb finish. With all their Glass Curtain projects they only use 10mm toughened safety glass as standard and offer all their clients a 5 year guarantee. Their product range includes: Glass Curtains for interior or exterior separations Unique flying door and locking solutions Side lock system Aluminium windows and doors Conservatories Double glazed sealed units Glass Cut to size Vista Glass Curtains continually rises to the challenge of producing high quality products to satisfy the most demanding of customers. They have a solid and ever growing portfolio of discerning customers. The company is well suited for forging sound, long standing supplier relationships with all its customers, whatever their specific needs. All trade enquiries are welcome.
Singapore Population: 4.8 million Total area: 655 square kilometers Languages: English, Malay ,Chinese (Mandarin) and Tamil Curency: Singapore Dollar (S$) Capital City: City of Singapore National Sport: Soccer History The history of Singapore dates to the 11th century. The island rose in importance during the 14th century under the rule of Srivijayan prince Parameswara and became an important port until it was destroyed by Portuguese raiders in 1613. The modern history of Singapore began in 1819 when Englishman Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles established a British port on the island. Under British colonial rule, it grew in importance as a centre for both the India-China trade and the entep贸t trade in Southeast Asia, rapidly becoming a major port city. During world war 2, Singapore was conquered and
occupied by the Japanese empire from 1942 to 1945. When the war ended, Singapore reverted to British control, with increasing levels of self government being granted, culminating in Singapores merger with the Federation of Malaysia to form Malaysia in 1963. However, social unrest and disputes between Singapore's ruling Peoples action party and Malaysia's Alliance party resulted in Singapore's expulsion from Malaysia. Singapore became an independant republic on 9 August 1965. Facing severe unemployment and a housing crisis, Singapore embarked on a modernisation programme that focused on establishing a manufacturing industry, developing large public housing estates and investing heavily on public education. Since independence, Singapore's economy has grown by an average of nine percent each year. By the 1990s, the country has become one of the world's most prosperous nations, with a highly-developed free market economy, strong international trading links, and the highest per capita gross domeststic product in Asia outside of Japan. Tourism If you want to visit one of the cleanest cities in the world where it is even illegal to chew gum for fear it might be tossed onto the sidewalk, then come to Singapore.
A small island off the coast of Malaysia with a population of more than 4.48 million, second in density only to Monaco, Singapore is a feast for the senses with all of its exotic flair. An immigrant country that contains a mixture of cultures primarily from China, Malaysia, Indonesia, India, and Europe, the country of Indonesia is an expression of ethnic diversity that celebrate their own cultures while harmoniously intermingling with one another. There are many things to see and do in Singapore.
Dining is a popular activity and is very representative of all of the cultures that reside there. In fact, food has been considered as one of Singapore’s attractions by the Singapore Board of Tourism. Considered a gourmet’s paradise, dining can range from humble street stalls to 5-star restaurants, so there is something for everyone’s budget. Other attractions to experience in Singapore would be the Singapore Botanic Gardens if you like being in natural outdoor settings, the Singapore Science
Centre to learn new things about science, and possibly the Singapore Bath Culture Foot Therapy to get a massage after a hard day of shopping and sight seeing. Go on the world’s first night safari Voted best Leisure Attraction of the Year for three years, set in 40 hectares of secondary jungle. Watch the mystery and drama of the tropical jungle after dusk and admire its stunning effect. You will have an opportunity to see a myriad of nocturnal animals in the secondary jungle full of mystery and drama. Look out for fierce predators and timid forest dwellers in their natural habitat under the subtle glow of the moon. Take a scenic cable car ride from Mount Faber to an island of peace and tranquility where you can see a dolphin lagoon and join a voyage to the bottom of the sea Dine by the River at Singaporean’s latest sunset haunt. Take in the beautiful sights of the central business district via Benjamin Sheares Bridge and see the world’s largest fountain. Visit the Raffles Hotel and sample the famous Singapore Sling
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by Jan Morley Pulse recipes These are very cheap to buy and add valuable nutritional elements to any meal. Plus you need less meat per portion. Pulses and lentils are the ripe edible seeds of a wide range of pod-bearing, leguminous plants. Versatile and highly nutritious, they are used in soups, stews, curries, salads and both sweet and savoury dishes all around the world. Dried beans, pulses and lentils have a long shelf life, usually up to a year, but once opened, keep the packet or bag in an airtight container in a cool, dark and dry place. Canned beans and pulses are an invaluable addition to the store-cupboard as it’s not always convenient or practical to soak and boil dried ones. Although not costly they are, however, more expensive than dried beans and pulses, and they also tend to be softer and blander than homecooked ones. Once cooked, beans, pulses and lentils keep well in a covered container, for a couple of days in the fridge and reheat well. Spicy Bacon & Bean Casserole
Ingredients (serves 6): Chick-peas and kidney beans add soluble fiber to this spicy casserole. 1 packet diced bacon 4 large chicken fillets, diced 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 coarsely chopped onion 2 sticks chopped celery 3 cloves garlic, crushed 1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained 1 can kidney beans, rinsed and drained 1 Tin chopped tomatoes 1 carton tomato frito 1100ml chicken stock 2 chilli peppers, finely chopped 1 teaspoon chilli powder 1 Pinch sugar 11/2 teaspoons ground cumin Splash of Lea and Perrins Worcester Sauce Salt and pepper Bunch of fresh oregano 100g/4oz fresh or frozen cut green beans Fresh oregano for garnish
Preparation: Heat oil in large frying pan, over medium heat until hot. Fry the diced chicken and bacon, until lightly browned, Keep warm on a plate, cover with tin foil Add onions, celery and garlic. Cook and stir 5 minutes or until onions are translucent. Add remaining ingredients except green beans and oregano. Bring to a boil, stir in the chicken and bacon Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, 20 minutes. Add green beans. Simmer, uncovered, 10 minutes or until beans are tender. Garnish with fresh oregano Serve with rice, or crusty bread.
Enjoy!
Kim Kardashian's Perfume Launch is "En Fuego" Bringing a brand new smell for all of the ladies out there, Kim Kardashian presented her new fragrance "KK" in New York City on Wednesday evening (October 27).The E! reality star, who's situated out east filming a reality spinoff show, looked fabulous as she proudly held up her latest concoction at the Macy's Herald Square venue. Tweeting to her millions of fans and followers ahead of the event, Kim wrote, "On my way to Macy's in Harold Square NYC! Who's coming? Did u guys get my fragrance! Can't wait to meet u!" Seemingly pleased with the response in which she received, the brunette beauty messaged after the gig, "Macy's was on fuego! Thanks to everyone who came out to support! I love u all so much!" MakTaylor Swift Unveils Wax Replica Doing her rounds in New York City (October 27), Taylor Swift showed up for the unveiling of her wax figure at Madame Tussauds. The “Love Story” gal happily smiled as she posed next to the spot-on wax replica, with both donning sparkly multi-colored dressed and heels. Earlier in the day, Taylor stopped by a Scholastic Store - where she put on a small, private concert for the lucky fans inside the SoHo locale. Ms Swift popped in at the Ed Sullivan Theatre for a promotional appearance on “The Late Show with David Letterman,” where she excitedly spoke about her just-released album “Speak Now”. Kendra Wilkinson Turns Down Playboy Offer While she's currently ready for the kickoff of another season of "Kendra" on E!, Kendra Wilkinson has opted against baring all for the magazine that started her career, Playboy. The blonde beauty recently received an offer to once again pose for the popular men's mag - but sources tell Life & Style that Kendra said no due to not being in the right physical form. The Life & Style insider tells, "She's not worried about her husband, Hank [Baskett], or offending people. She just wants to lose more weight before doing it.""If and when she's ready to do it again, she will," the source adds. "But not right now."
Kym Marsh is pregnant. The 34-year-old Coronation Street star's rep has confirmed the wonderful news. 'Kym Marsh and Jamie Lomas are delighted to announce they are expecting a baby together,' says the statement. 'They are very appreciative of the love and support that has come their way in the last 12 months, but they won't be saying anything further about Kym's pregnancy for the moment. 'They have confirmed this news now as both Kym and Jamie feel they'd like to be able to share their happiness with family, friends and colleagues.' Kym and Jamie's son Archie, who was 18 weeks premature, died moments after he was born in February last year. 'It's hard to give birth and never hear those precious moments - the first cries a mother cherishes when their child enters the world,' Kym, 34, revealed.'To leave the hospital without your baby is even harder. It was the most painful experience I have ever gone through. Not a day goes by when I don't think of my beautiful son.' Pricey trying for a baby Katie Price opened up on live TV today about her two failed IVF attempts. The glamour model and her husband, cage fighter Alex Reid, have desperately been trying for a baby since they fell in love, but have had no success so far. 'I've actually done two IVFs,' Katie revealed. 'It hurt me, because in the papers at the time they said I was looking fat, or wondering if I was pregnant. 'It's like they're tempting fate, and I felt like phoning them up saying: "Yeah, I'm going through IVF, I'm trying, I'm injecting myself, I'm needle phobic, you know?"' Katie, 32, already has three children from previous relationships: Harvey, 8 with Dwight Yorke, and Junior, 5, and Princess, 3, with ex-husband Peter Andre. 'Just because I've got kids, it doesn't mean to say I can fall pregnant with someone else, you know. It doesn't work like that,' Katie told This Morning's Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford. 'The second time seemed like it'd been more successful...then you get a call from the doctor saying no it hasn't worked. It's quite traumatic on the body.' But Katie remains upbeat about her chances of conceiving, telling Eamonn and Ruth, 'It'll happen when it's supposed to happen.' See you next month
Lyndsey Davenport you can email me on Thesentinellamalaga@gmail.com
Granite Direct Plus As a small family business, which has been established in Spain for over 12 years we strive to supply quality products at competitive prices. As agents for one of Spain’s largest solid surface fabricators we are able to supply both natural and man made surfaces at factory prices. Included in our product portfolio are granites, marbles, Silestone, Corian, Zodiaq, Montelli and Roxton giving our clients hundreds of colour options. We offer a free no obligation visit and quotation within an area from Estepona to Malaga and inland. Should we be invited to site we can offer advice and information on the products we supply and the suitability of each for the requirement in question. Should the project be simple we can supply a quote there and then or otherwise promise to have the quote available in 48 hours by phone or e-mail. Once the quotation has been agreed our dedicated surveyor from the factory will visit to take exact measurements or templates and re-confirm colour choice etc. Most products are then available approximately five days from this date. To make life even simpler, should you be changing kitchen work surfaces we can arrange to remove your old ones and then re install your existing appliances. Alternatively, we can also supply and install new sinks, taps hobs etc. at very competitive prices, in fact we can even supply you a brand new kitchen. We also specialise in made to measure slim line shower trays in a selection of materials. With an anti-slip finish, and in what could be a matching colour to your tiles, the effect is stunning. What ever your needs, why not give us a call for informative information on your requirements or to book a no obligation visit. What have you to lose? Telephone: 952486310 or Mobile: 666719531 Hi this is Georgie, he is the Sentinellamalaga’s mascot. A Yorkshire Terrier who loves to run around and hide from us his owners. We are always trying to find him, he hides in the magazine every month. If you spot him please email us and tell us where he is. At the end of the year the person who spots him most and fastest will earn a reward. Email thesentinellamalaga@gmail.com
Honouring those who improve the species.... by accidently removing themselves from it! or almost! Saw It Coming! 2009 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (27 June 2009, New York) A severe storm damaged power lines and left 17,000 homes without electricity. Mieczyskaw Mil, 64, was one of the affected parties. His power line serviced only 17 homes and therefore was one of the last to be repaired. Seven hours after the line fell, Mieczyskaw Mil finally lost his patience. The old man had been shooed away repeatedly by firefighters who were guarding the power line. "Police and firefighters literally chased him away. We did everything we could," said Dick Martinkovic, commissioner of public safety in Sullivan County. But they were not prepared for the homeowner's sudden bold move. Frustrated with waiting, Mil emerged from his home shortly after midnight with an industrial power saw in his hand and plastic bags on his feet. He stood in a puddle of water and attempted to saw through a 4800-volt feeder line that was dangling off the pole. He fell and became tangled in the hissing and buzzing live wire. While emergency responders waited for utility workers to shut down the power, Mil was busy being killed by continuous electrocution. The story says it all. He was repeatedly shooed away from the power line, but insisted on cutting it while standing in a puddle, and now is safely out of the gene pool. Thanks for doing our species a favor, Mil! Race To The Bottooommm 2009 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (5 September 2009, Oregon) Jake reached the summit of Saddle Mountain, and then and there he informed his friends that he planned to make a controlled slide down the cliff face. He would meet up with them in the parking lot or on the trail below. Some folks are satisfied with the risks and rewards of dune sliding, and the chance of a 150-foot broken-limb tumble. Not Jake. The 18-year-old decided to 'git-r-dun' down a thousand-foot cliff, instead. He slid pell-mell down the escarpment and what was intended to be a controlled rockslide ended abruptly 1000 feet below the summit, when his body came to rest in a steep ravine. Friends were shocked. "We are shocked," they said, "because he is always doing stuff like this and coming out smiling."
LÍNEA DIRECTA LAUNCHES HOME INSURANCE FOR FOREIGN RESIDENTS IN SPAIN It guarantees the widest possible cover, such as damage caused by atmospheric phenomena. The product, unique in the market, is offered entirely in English. Madrid, 6 September 2010.- Línea Directa Aseguradora, market leader in the sale of direct insurance, have launched top-quality home insurance designed exclusively for foreign residents in Spain. It caters for all their special circumstances and requirements. The policy, an innovative product which covers all the eventualities pertaining to the best multi-risk insurance, will be sold entirely in English. Línea directa’s new home insurance for foreign residents contains the best cover on the market at a competitive price. As a result, damage caused by atmospheric phenomena such as wind or rain, garden deterioration, aesthetic damage up to 3000 euros or family civil liability up to 300,000 – among many others – are covered by the policy, which is unique in the insurance market. The new home insurance policy is supplemented by other services, such as home assistance. It also includes additional services such as telephone medical assistance, medical second opinion or legal assistance, among others. According to María Dolores Dancausa, Línea Directa’s CEO, “We are a company which is constantly evolving, and our customers’ satisfaction is our highest priority. We were the first to offer our services entirely in English in order to facilitate the process of making contact with our English - speaking customers residing in Spain. Now, in further
attempt to improve the quality of our service and attend to all their personal requirements, we have designed a home insurance policy to suit their every need.” As in 1996 with car insurance, Línea Directa’s International Department will use English to attend to all its foreign customers purchasing the new home insurance policy. Taking out the policy, making enquiries, presenting claims and sending documentation will be carried out entirely in the customer’s language, at a time which is convenient for them and with just one phone call. About Línea Directa Aseguradora Línea Directa Aseguradora, 100% owned by Bankinter, is currently the fifth largest motor insurer in Spain, and specializes in the direct sale of car , motorbike, company fleet and home insurance.
Manure... An interesting fact In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet,but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction 'Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks
so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has comedown through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a golf term. It’s the dog’s...... The strong British term for testicles, which rhymes with 'frollocks', To talk this word would mean to talk rubbish or to be misinformed, while to say something is 'the dog's...' (often expressed as 'the mutt's nuts') would suggest it is the best there is. Legend has it that in the 1950s, construction kits like Meccano would be sold in boxes of various sizes. The list of contents which came with the standard size box would be headed 'Box, Standard' (which elided into 'bog standard' when spoken) and the larger box was the 'Box, Deluxe' which was spoonerised to create the phrase 'The Dog's B******s'. This is such a satisfying explanation for two common forms of British English usage that one really wants it to be true.
Ants The life of an ant starts from an egg. If the egg is fertilised, the progeny will be female; if not, it will be male. Ants develop by complete metamorphosis with the larval stages passing through a pupal stage before emerging as an adult. The larva is largely immobile and is fed and cared for by workers. Food is given to the larvae by a adults who regurgitate liquid food held in their crop. This is also how adults share food, stored in the "social stomach", among themselves. Larvae may also be provided with solid food, prey and seeds brought back by foraging workers and may even be transported directly to captured prey in some species. The larvae grow through a series of moults and enter the pupal stage. The differentiation into queens and workers (which are both female), and different castes of workers, is influenced in some species by the nutrition the larvae obtain. A new worker spends the first few days of its adult life caring for the queen and young. It then graduates to digging and other nest work, and later to defending the nest and foraging. These changes are sometimes fairly sudden, and define what are called temporal castes. An explanation for the sequence is suggested by the high casualties involved in foraging, making it an acceptable risk only for ants that are older and are likely to die soon of natural causes. Most ant species have a system in which only the queen and breeding females have the ability to mate. Contrary to popular belief, some ant nests have multiple queens while others can exist without queens. Workers with the ability to reproduce are called "gamergates" and colonies that lack queens are then called gamergate colonies; colonies with queens are said to be queen-right. The winged male ants, called drones, emerge from pupae along with the breeding females (although some species, like army ants, have wingless queens), and do nothing in life except eat and mate. Most ants are univoltine, producing a new generation each year. During the species specific breeding period, new reproductive, winged males and females leave the colony in what is called a nuptial flight. Typically, the males take flight before the females. Males then use visual cues to find a common mating ground, for example, a landmark such as a pine tree to which other males in the area converge. Males secrete a mating pheromone that females follow.
Females of some species mate with just one male, but in some others they may mate with anywhere from one to ten or more different males. Mated females then seek a suitable place to begin a colony. There, they break off their wings and begin to lay and care for eggs. The females store the sperm they obtain during their nuptial flight to selectively fertilise future eggs. The first workers to hatch are weak and smaller than later workers, but they begin to serve the colony immediately. They enlarge the nest, forage for food and care for the other eggs. This is how new colonies start in most species. Species that have multiple queens may have a queen leaving the nest along with some workers to found a colony at a new site, a process akin to swarming in honeybees. Ant colonies can be long-lived. The queens can live for up to 30 years, and workers live from 1 to 3 years. Males, however, are more transitory, and survive only a few weeks. Ant queens are estimated to live 100 times longer than solitary insects of a similar size. Ants are active all year long in the tropics but, in cooler regions, survive the winter in a state of dormancy or inactivity. Nest construction Complex nests are built by many ants, but other species are nomadic and do not build permanent structures. Ants may form subterranean nests or build them on trees. These nests can be found in the ground, under stones or logs, inside logs, hollow stems or even acorns. The materials used for construction include soil and plant matter, and ants carefully select their nest sites and will avoid sites with dead ants, as these may indicate the presence of pests or disease. They are quick to abandon established nests at the first sign of threats.The army ants of South America and the driver ants of Africa do not build permanent nests but instead alternate between nomadism and stages where the workers form a temporary nest from their own bodies, by holding each other together. Weaver ants build nests in trees by attaching leaves together, first pulling them together with bridges of workers and then inducing their larvae to produce silk as they are moved along the leaf edges. In South Africa, ants are used to help harvest rooibos, which are small seeds used to make a herbal tea. The plant disperses its seeds widely, making manual collection difficult. Black ants collect and store these and other seeds in their nest, where humans can gather them en masse. Up to half a pound (200g) of seeds can be collected from one ant-heap.
areas they can offer secure and modern stabling. Together with superior quality, from food to accommodation to ambiance. Finca la luna azul Coin's exclusive country retreat So you've done the hotel, villa, apartment by the sea, relaxing but you want more, so how about something different? What you are looking for is a country retreat. The advantage of being a small retreat is that what they have to offer is of Their spacious double en suite rooms are all well equipped and include TV and Wi Fi connection. They are also known for their generous weekly rates and even better monthly ones! ( Buying the owner a drink always helps when negotiating! ) For those who own horses and would like to ride in the beautiful surrounding
Moving along to the rest of the amenities, there is a cosy bar with cafe where dinner is served ( see Ad ) by reservation only or just enjoy a quiet drink before settling down for the night. In the summer months, relax by the lavish lagoon style designed pool. They also cater for any type of celebration, from births to burial, weddings and even your divorce! Interested? Detailed information from their website www.fincalalunaazul.com or phone Diane 626697727 or Elena 620104936
Capricorn 22nd December – 20th January The Emperor; The peace and joy of home life is advanced this month for Capricorn. A mood of withdrawal is replaced this month with a more outgoing, relaxed attitude that encourages you to share the tranquillity of your home life with friends and family. New growth in friendships will bring you greater joy. Improved health puts a new spring in your step. Aquarius 21st January – 18th February Death; Great change is afoot in your relationship world this month, Aquarius. Power struggles and manipulations from someone near to you will result from this. Your stable, solid emotional nature will serve you well at this time. Your values are sure and you are secure in your sense of right and wrong. As you move gently with the flow of events, a wish you hold dear to your heart comes true, allowing a certain freedom you've longed for to become a reality. . Pisces 19th February. – 20th March Six of Wands; A victory in your emotional or relationship life brings you to a much longed for state of contentment. Somehow, it's an improvement in your financial affairs that allows this new state of enrichment of the heart to blossom. For many Pisceans, a long-awaited pregnancy is in the cards. For others, it's the opportunity to live in greater freedom, the birth of a new style of living, that brings the peace and joy. Aries 21ST March – 20th April. Justice; November is not the most comfortable time for emotional issues, dear Aries. Justice comes to you, but the need for justice implies the righting of a wrong. Positive as this outcome may be, the negative issues that precede the course of justice must be lived through as calmly as possible. As one door closes for you, Aries, another opens up to new possibilities. Taurus 21st April – 21st May The Sun; After a rather dark period for the emotional status of Taureans, the Sun comes out to shine again. A wonderful opportunity is now before you, but past experiences do seem to have left you a touch over-cautious where the heart is concerned. Do be sure to allow that warmth and sunshine into your life, even if it means juggling those old demons of fear of change that can sometimes hold you back. Gemini 22nd May – June 21st Nine of Cups; So what is it you're wishing for, Gemini, where relationships are concerned? It will, of course, be a different wish for each of you, but be prepared, because that wish is soon to come true. This is a time of karmic events unfolding for you. Your more adventurous side has come to the fore recently, urging you to take risks, if necessary, by leaping into the unknown. A person either not born in your home country or educated in foreign places is likely to play a part in a new emotional adventure.
Cancer 22nd June – 22nd July Ace of Wands; Either the beginnings of a new, potentially romantic relationship arises for Cancer, or an existing relationship is given a renewed potency and closeness. What has been a mere suggestion of possibility proceeds forward into greater enrichment. An unexpected blossoming into full blown love. . Leo 23rd July – 23rd August Six of Cups; After a period of struggle, you and your partner re-engage in the hopefulness and simplicity of love and life from younger years and days gone by. For single Leos , connections with old friends or childhood contacts enriches your life considerably. The hearth and home hold great joy for you, especially when you have the chance to entertain your near and dear, sharing the riches of a fine harvest in life.
Virgo 24th August – 22nd September Two of Cups; You're a bit dissatisfied with your emotional life at present, Virgo. You've been rather withdrawn as a result. But November sees you enjoying a rich partnership or friendship that helps you open up to greater emotional possibilities. Although it will be distressing to discover that someone close has been less than honest with you, the situation will start you on a renewal program; you'll shed undesirable associations, and concentrate on those relationships that you find enriching Libra 23rd September – 22rd October The Emperor; You're an idealist, Libra, yet a practical one. The budding potential of a new domestic situation, revolving around a blooming relationship is both practical and ideal. New living circumstances usually take a certain amount of strength, tempered with balanced flexibility. You have what it takes to attain a beautiful, harmonious circumstance at home, as long as you don't allow fears from the past to overwhelm you. Scorpio 23rd October - 22nd November King of Pentacles; You feel that you've been strong-armed into undertaking too much of a sacrifice recently within your relationship world. Although you see clearly that your sacrifice was, as promised, financially advantageous, you are still left with a feeling of disenchantment with whoever persuaded you into the situation. Your thoughts are revolving around walking away to a whole new start. Take time to think before you act. Sagittarius 23rd November - 22nd December Ace of Swords; Some incisive thinking will lead you to realize that a recent move has actually trapped you into a lifestyle that goes against your grain, holding you in a situation where you feel restricted and bound. Communication comes your way this month that urges you to withdraw from the circumstance in question. You'll find you have to defend yourself against trickery, but, if you carry through with the withdrawal, ultimately your greater wishes will be fulfilled.
Japan As expected, nobody could hold a candle to the Red Bulls in Suzuka. Sebastian Vettel led home team mate Mark Webber by nine-tenths of a second in a gripping race in which the five title contenders finished in the top five places. Vettel’s third triumph of the season, and Fernando Alonso’s third place for Ferrari, moved the German into joint second place with the Spaniard, as Webber moved out extend his lead to 14. Jenson Button’s bold decision to qualify on the harder tyre paid off with fourth place, as he was able to catch and pass McLaren team mate Lewis Hamilton when the latter’s car lost third gear around the 40-lap mark. Hamilton finished fifth .The race began with a bang - several of them, actually. Vitaly Petrov didn’t quite clear slow-starting Nico Hulkenberg as they raced off the line, and the Renault was pitched into the wall. In the first corner, Ferrari’s Felipe Massa made a wild run down the inside of Hulkenberg, before spearing across the road to crash into and take off very fast-starting Force India of Vitantonio Liuzzi on the outside of Turn One. Hulkenberg was also involved, so at a stroke four cars joined nonstarter Lucas di Grassi, who had a huge shunt in his Virgin during his out lap on the way to the grid.Then, while the safety car controlled the race for the first six laps, Robert Kubica’s brilliant start to run second, ahead of Webber, came to naught when his Renault threw its right-rear wheel. Apart from Button’s intervention due to McLaren’s strategy, Vettel had complete control of the race, keeping Webber’s challenge under control as the Australian in turn kept Alonso at bay. The two McLarens ran close behind them, and until Hamilton’s transmission problem the five title contenders were all closing up for what seemed like a dramatic finish. As Hamilton slowed, he let Button by at the Hairpin. Michael Schumacher inherited sixth place from Mercedes team mate Nico Rosberg, who stopped early because of an accident damage.One of the heroes of the race was BMW Sauber’s Kamui Kobayashi, who did his usual energetic overtaking, passing team mate Nick Heidfeld to take seventh. Heidfeld finished eighth, making it a fruitful day for BMW Sauber. Tenth seemed destined for Adrian Sutil until his Force India blew its Mercedes engine Thus Sebastien Buemi came through for the final point after Toro Rosso team mate Alguersuari had to make a late pit stop. The Spaniard finished 11th, ahead of Heikki Kovalainen who led Jarno Trulli home for a Lotus one-two in the newbie stakes.Virgin’s Timo Glock came through 14th . Sakon Yamamoto was another hero with a gutsy drive where he stayed ahead of Trulli and Glock until his tyre stop on Lap 32. Bruno Senna ultimately beat him, having made an early tyre stop, but Yamamoto brought his HRT home an honourable 16th behind him. Korea Ferrari’s Fernando Alonso scored one of the biggest wins of his career in a rain-affected Korean Grand Prix and a day of total disaster saw neither Red Bull driver finish. Mark Webber crashed out early while running second, and Sebastian Vettel’s engine blew up as he was leading on the 46th lap.The result puts Alonso into an 11-point championship lead over Webber, 231 to 220, with just two races left.As dusk fell and the race was just completed before the two-hour cut-off point, what had begun as impending disaster for Korean race organisers turned instead into a brilliant triumph. But it was edgy. After the rain got heavier just before the start, the race was red-flagged after just two laps had been run behind the safety car. That led to a lengthy delay until it was resumed as conditions got marginally better, but after the restart the safety car continued to lead the field for another 15 laps before racing finally began on the 18th. Vettel sprinted into the lead from Webber with Alonso third and Mercedes GP’s Nico Rosberg deposing McLaren’s Lewis Hamilton for fourth. But then Webber spun and hit the wall in Turn 13 on the 19th lap, collecting Rosberg. Out came the safety car again until Lap 24, whereupon Vettel resumed control ahead of Alonso and Hamilton.Vettel built a lead of 2.7s by Lap 41. On the exit to the corner Vettel’s engine blew, allowing Alonso and Hamilton to pass as Mark Webber breathed a sigh of some relief, Red Bull had their head in their hands. Now it was Alonso’s race to lose, but though Hamilton gave it everything he had, but a badly worn right front tyre forced him to back off as a delighted Alonso took his fifth win of the year and his 26th overall.The day was also a disaster for the fifth title contender Jenson Button, who lacked Hamilton’s pace as he suffered brake problems and was taken off the road at one stage by Force India’s Adrian Sutil, who was involved in five other incidents in an adventurous afternoon. Button’s McLaren sustained some damage, and that and his brake problems limited him to a 12th place finish. With 189 points he is almost out of the title fight.Felipe Massa made it a great day for Ferrari and boosted their once flagging hopes in the constructors’ championship, by taking a distant third place ahead of Michael Schumacher, who had his best race of the year to fourth place in the second Mercedes. Red Bull still lead that, with 426 points, but McLaren now have 399 and Ferrari are back in the hunt with 374.with just the Brazilinan ( 5th- 7th Nov ) and Abu Dhabi (12th-14th Nov) races left in the season
CHAIN and ARCH joint Charity Dog Show The 3rd annual Joint Charity Dog Show was held last weekend at La Finca, in Alhaurin El Grande, to raise funds for CHAIN (Charity for Animals in Need) and ARCH (Andalucian Rescue Centre for Horses). It was a blazing hot day and over 70 dogs and their owners competed in thirteen classes, ranging from the Dog With the Waggiest Tail to The Best Rescued Dog Looking for a Home. The Egg and Spoon race was hotly contested and the Best in Show was won by Zac a beautiful German Shepherd puppy with the Reserve Best in Show awarded to Luna a sweet little dog who had been abandoned with S.O.S. 5 days earlier. In the interval there was a exhibition by Javier of Attack and Protection with his German Shepherd dogs and Sabrina once again demonstrated her skills as a dog trainer. A bouncy castle, stalls, barbecue, candy floss and cream teas made it a memorable day for all ages. A profit was made in excess of 1700 euros, to be split between the two charities. Our thanks to all those who supported us, and we hope to see you all again next year at the 4th annual CHAIN and ARCH Dog Show." Kind regards, Jan Hunt Calling all keen gardeners in the Coin/Alhaurin area. The Coin Gardening Club is now expanding and looking for new members. The only stipulation is to have a love of gardening, attend an afternoon meeting once a month at a member´s garden and be willing to open your garden up to the current club members within the first 12 months of joining. Members have many benefits including shared expertise - someone always has the answer, for a small cost of 6 euros per year per person plus we shall be organising some outings to local famous gardens in 2011. For more information please call Jan on 952 594 371
Dental Studio Dental Studio is a dental clinic opened in 2009 in the centre of Fuengirola. Our main dr and owner is Maria Jolanta Stenka who finished her medical academy degree (PAM) in Szczecin, Poland in 1986 and is specialized in dental surgery, prosthesis, implantologi and esthetic dentistry. After 23 years of experience she has got clinics in Poland, Ireland and now here in Spain. We do all kind of dental treatments like tooth whitening, tooth implants, gum disease treatments, cosmetic dentistry (using for an example metal-free restorations, porcelain crowns, porcelain veneers and much more) bridges, maxillofacial surgery, root canal treatment, fillings and a lot more. Our doctors are specialized in Implantology and we use all different kind of implants that suits you and you bone structure. Our main dentist has also been teaching other doctors implantology for 20 years. We are also specialized in Esthetic dentistry and aim to give you a nice nature look to your smile. All checkups are for free and during the checkup you will get a full check up, treatment plan, calculation price and most important, we will show you dental animations on our computer with every step of the planned treatment for you so that you are in knowledge of every step. All this to make us work together. We always use the newest and the safest technologies to be able to achieve the best results. In fact Polish dentists are considered some of the best dental practitioners in the world with significantly affordable prices. At the moment we have big promotional prices like for an example: Teeth cleaning from 30 € Teeth whitening from 150 € Crowns 200 € Bridges 600€ (200€per crown) Implants from 900€ (depending on difficulty and bone structure) Another advantage we have is that we are multilingual and speak in Spanish, English, Polish, Swedish, and Russian which gives us the opportunity to help our patients in their own language. We also are a 24h emergency clinic which means that we are able to receive patients at any time of the day. Come in for your free consultation! (See advert P24)
1. How many countries have a border with Cornwall? 2. Which planet is known as the red planet? 3. What is 3 cubed? 4. How many times has Liverpool won the European Champions Cup? 5. Who invented the hovercraft? 6. Who was the first King of the Israelites? 7. Who was the first person to walk in space? 8. Who composed the opera Carmen? 9. On which river does Guildford stand? 10. What is a mamba? 11. How many yards in a chain? 12. Which country owns Easter Island? 13. Which Italian side did Gazza play for? 14. How many degrees in a semi-circle? 15. What is the heaviest organ in the body? 16. What was a London pea-souper? 17. What colour is quartz citrine? 18. Phobophobia is the fear of what? 19. Who recorded Brothers in Arms? 20. What is a Sheep Shank
Answers on page 55
Talk Radio Europe Telethon in aid of Cudeca Talk Radio Europe is once again holding their annual Telethon in aid of Cudeca and you are all invited to join in on Friday, 10th December from 10.00am to 8.00pm. The show will be hosted by the TRE team alongside some special guests and there will be an array of musical talent performing live on air in the studio. You can help make this a record-breaking year in one of the following ways: You can bid for the auction items – please look at the website www.tretelethon.com; You can donate auction items; You can call in and make a dedication from a preselected list of songs; You can call in and make a donation; or You can do all of the above! To donate items please call either Laura Haggis on 692 256375 or David Jelley on 626 817130 or e-mail pr@cudeca.org
Stereo grams Turn the page sideways clockwise and look at the image you should see cheerful girls? Can’t see it, heres some tips that might help The Pullback Get very close to the stereogram, and very, very slowly pull it away from you. At first you won't even be able to focus on the image... However, keep moving the image in and out, relaxing, and it will appear. Look at the Reflection You'll need to LOOK at something about twice the distance of the image. It turns out we have something that is almost always available that is the exact distance... your reflection. By looking at your reflection, this will help, if not put the book one side of a glass door enough to let you see your reflection.then... After looking at your eye, simply stop focusing on your eye, and try to see the image. Repeat, switching your focus from your eye to the image, and your reflection... and suddenly you will get it.
Answers on page 55
You can listen to Talk Radio Europe on 88.9fm on the Costa Del Sol East, 91.9fm on the Costa Del Sol West and on 92.5fm east of Malaga. Anything you contribute will help Cudeca to continue offering its Special Kind of Caring to patients suffering from advanced cancer within the province of Málaga. Help us to continue giving life to days! Help Cudeca with a Tan Fake Bake gives an instant sun-kissed colour and develops into a long lasting sunless fake tan by combining naturally derived tanning agents DHA and Erythulose guaranteeing longer lasting (up to 50% longer), more natural-looking results. They have developed botanical ingredients to remove parabens and artificial preservatives. Added benefits include anti ageing, anti cellulite and anti oxidants. Fake Bake has become the choice of beauty experts and celebrities alike. So if you want to fashion a tan like Jennifer Anniston and Cheryl Cole then Fake Bake is establishing itself as the best fake tan. 5€ will be given to Cudeca for every tan up to christmas. contact Michelle orTiffany Tel 654 833 356
Across 1. Accelerator pedal (8) 5. A lesser ape (6) 9. A building or place (8) 10. A picture puzzle (6) 12. Bird's nest (5) 13. Express a good opinion of (9) 14. Medieval (6) 16. The wide part of a river (7) 19. Bullfighter (7) 21. Leave behind empty (6) 23. Nightstick (9) 25. Not these (5) 26. Quirkiness (6) 27. Space is the Final one (8) 28. Quick (6) 29. Streetwalker (8)
Down 1. A low seat or a stool (6) 2. Repeated (9 )3. Soft fine silk (5) 4. Sidelong (7) 6. Parlence (9) 7. Sew together loosely (5) 8. Today (8) 11. Pimples (4) 15. Set apart (9) 17. Approve (9) 18. Feelings (8) 20. Marsh plant (4) 21. Not dorsal (7) 22. Nerve (6) 24. Unjustified (5) 25. Article of faith (5)
Answers on page 55
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Discover how to break a code: Every number in the codeword grid is 'code' for a letter of the alphabet. Thus the number '12' may correspond to the letter 'L', for instance. We have given you 3 letters, 8 = S, 10= D & 22 = V Answers on page 55
" Fuengirola Masonic Lodgedonates 2000â‚Ź to loca Alzheimers society At a recent meeting with the Directorate of the Alzheimers Society, the Fuengirola Masonic Lodge presented a cheque in the sum of 2000 Euros to the centre's Director. Due to the increasing demand for the care the centre provides, the association is currently in the process of providing a newly constructed facility within the Fuengirola area, as the present building is not of a sufficient size for the specialist care the centre provides. The new site currently under construction is located on a 900 square-metre plot which has been donated to the Association by the Fuengirola Town Hall. As in every year, the Social Committee of the Fuengirola Lodge is responsible for the raising of funds to present to local charities and worthy causes. This year the Committee has been under the direction of Worshipful Brother Ian Hunter, pictured here, with his Committee, presenting the cheque for 2000 euros to the society's Director."
Using the letter grid below, how many words can you find. - Each word must contain the letter in the middle (A in this example, so KEY is not allowed) - words must contain 3 or more letters (so AS is not allowed) - each letter can only be used as many times as it appears in the grid - no proper nouns , -There is as always a 9 letter conundrum. ( TERRORIST? ) If you score more than 15 words well done
Age Care Association New El Zoco Charity Shop The Age Care Association Charity Shop has successfully moved to the El Zoco Complex, C a l a h o n d a , B e v e r l e y, t h e Manageress, has some lovely items for you to view and purchase so make your way along to the new shop. Donations for the new season are welcome, but please consider the condition of the clothes you are donating, good quality clean clothes are required, and a good rule of thumb is to donate only what you would be prepared to buy. For more information please contact Beverley on 675 874308.If you need help or advice or would like to help as a volunteer please contact us on 691 761 088/655 903182 or visit our website at www.agecarecosta.org
Route to congress A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Half way through thesemester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home."Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! Theyactually have a program here in Austin that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!""That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?""Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out..The boy calls home."So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks."Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!""Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of theyear, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor
read. So he shoots the dog.When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited."Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!� "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that S.O.B. before he talks to your Mother!""I sure did, Dad!""That's my boy!"The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman Relaxing Flight Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:' Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto The weather ahead ls good, so we should have a smooth uneventful
flight. So sit back, relax and..OH, MY GOD!' , Silence followed! Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!' One Irish passenger yelled... 'bloody hell' ....... you should see the back of mine!!!' Time waits for nobody My name is Alice Smith and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name. suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 30 -odd years ago could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then? upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate. after he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended morgan park secondary school .
''yes, yes i did. i'm a morganner! 'he beamed with pride. when did you leave to go to college?' I asked he answered, in 1965. why do you ask? 'you were in my class!' I exclaimed. He looked at me closely; then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat arsed, grey haired, decrepit, bastard asked.... 'what did you teach?' Pre nuptual agreement An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long Conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered. 'Is that one word or two?
1) 1 (Devon) 2) Mars 3) 27 4) 5 5) Sir Christopher Cockerell 6)King Saul 7) Alexei Leonov 8) Bizet 9) The Wey 10) Snake
11) 22 12) Chile 13) Lazio 14) 180 15) Liver 16) Smog 17) Yellow 18) Fears 19) Dire Straits 20) A knot
Codeword: 1=P, 2=R, 3=C, 4=Y, 5=W, 6=U, 7=X, 8=S,
9=Z, 10=D, 11=E, 12=K, 13=I, 14=T, 15=G, 16=H, 17=N,
18=L, 19=B, 20=A, 21=M, 22=V, 23=J, 24=Q, 25=O, 26=F,
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DRAIN SERVICES Euro drain services, cctv surveys, drain jetting, septic tanks, soakaway installations fast and efective. 24hr blocked drain clearance. Call Darren 629 640 754 all areas.
ELECTRICIANS 16th Edition BS7671 qualified, Apprentice trained, 21 years experience. Rewires, extra sockets, lights, fault finding etc. Pay as you go electric meters supplied and fitted, ideal for holiday lets, aircon etc. Ian: 650 151 569
INTERNET SERVICES Riosat SL, No landline required. High speed Internet and telephone services. Some areas free installation. Prices starting from as low as 20 euros per month. Call 951 239 310 / 626 679 018 Email:info@riosat.com Website:www.riosat.com
LOCKSMITHS Locksmith, Emergency/Appointment. Doors opened without destruction, Locks changed, Patio Doors & Windows Secured, 24 hour service. Call Paul 657 466 803
PLASTERER Elite Plastering Services * Plastering, rendering, re-skims, dry lining, screeding * First class tiling service and general reforms * All works carried out by time served tradesman * * No obligation quotes * Gary 651 138 256
ROLLER SHUTTERS(persianas) Roller shutter repairs, sameday service, 7 days a week also new installation ,conversion to motorized,and security formats.call 681177568 SIGNMAKERS
SIGNS
For all your sign needs
Bars, Shops, Cars & Vans
A-Boards, Boats & Jet Skis Tlf: 65 1111 88 5 Fuengirola Port
elitevinylsigns.com VAN HIRE Man with Van & Trailer. â‚Ź 20 p/h No job too small, Local & International. Call Dave 665 034 005 or 695 888 870
VETERINARY SURGEONS BRITISH VETERINARY SURGEON Home visits at no extra cost. First and second opinion work, vaccines, Id chip, blood analysis etc. Consultations in the comfort of your own home. Tel: 652 302 985 Mr Wayne Hockenhull BVMS MRCVS
TRAIN A1 Andalus Express Coastal Service RENFE Ticket Info
952 537 227 952 360 202 902 240 202
BUS EMERGENCY NUMBERS Emergency Ambulance Fire Brigade Local Police National Police Guardia Civil Helpline in English Red Cross Ambulance
112 061 080 092 091 062 902 102 112 952 444 499
HOSPITALS Carlos Haya Hospital Civil Hospital Maternity Hospital Costa del Sol Hospital Hospital Clinico Univ
951 030 100 951 030 300 951 030 200 952 102 112 952 649 400
HEALTH CENTRES Alhaurin de la Torre Alhaurin el Grande Alora Benalmadena Cartama Central Health Service Coin Fuengirola (Los Boliches) Fuengirola (West) Health 24hr Response Mijas (La Cala) Mijas (Las Lagunas) Torremolinos
952 410 426 952 595 000 952 498 100 952 440 305 952 424 042 955 018 000 952 453 336 952 460 036 952 468 835 902 505 060 952 492 150 951 062 247 952 386 484
CONSULATES British Irish U.S.A. The Netherlands
952 352 300 952 475 108 952 474 891 952 380 888
MALAGA AIRPORT Information 952 048 771/952 048 484 Arrivals T2 952 048 844 Arrivals T1 952 048 845 Departures 952 048 804 Gibraltar Airport 956 773 026
Alhaurin el Grande Benalmadena Fuengirola Malaga Torremolinos
952 490 709 952 443 563 952 475 066 952 350 061 952 380 965
TAXI Alhaurin de la Torre Alhaurin el Grande Benalmadena Coin Fuengirola Malaga Torremolinos
952 410 444 952 491 010 952 441 545 952 453 587 952 471 000 952 327 950 952 380 600
TOWN HALLS Alora Benalmadena Campillos Coin Fuengirola Malaga Mijas Torremolinos
952 496 100 952 579 800 952 722 168 952 453 018 952 589 300 952 135 000 952 485 900 952 379 400
MARKETS DAYS Tuesday - Antequera, Fuengirola. Wednesday - Alhaurin de la Torre, Arroyo de la Miel, Rincon de la Victoria, Saydo Hotel Mollina, La Cala de Mijas. Thursday - Alhaurin el Grande at the Feria, Pizarra, Torremolinos at Recinto Ferial Ground. Friday - Arroyo de la Miel, Cartama Country Farmers Market, Cartama Feria Ground, Mijas Costa, Rincon de la Victoria. Saturday - Coin, Fuengirola, La Cala de Mijas, Ojen, Caratracca Car Boot. Sunday - Benagalbon, Coin La Trocha, Estacion de Cartama, Fuengirola, Malaga next to the Stadium, Pizarra Car Boot, Torremolinos by Crocodile Park.