The Sentinella Malaga Issue 45/6 Dec/Jan 2010/11

"Every time I go to a championship they all say to me the same thing, 'We know you don't do training and we know your age but seeing you there for us is a privilege.'"

Skydiving Granny Proves You're Never Too Old A 77-year-old Spanish granny is taking her love of the skies to new heights by becoming the world's oldest professional freestyle parachute jumper.

Montse has already jumped 903 times - the first time when she was 30-years-old.

Despite carrying prosthesis in her hip, the Catalan granny has not given up."I started with skiing. Then I continued with swimming and trampoline jumping, sailing then Windsurfing came out... and so I tried them too," she said.

"Up to now I have jumped 903 times from a parachute, it's not bad is it?"

Montse has practised her passion all over the world - she did her first world championship in Empuria Brava in 1993, then in Arizona the following year.

Vase Found In Bungalow Sells For £51m A Chinese vase discovered during a routine clear-out of a bungalow in northwest London has sold at auction for a record £51m, leaving the sellers flabbergasted.

In scenes reminiscent of the famous Only Fools And Horses episode that finally made Del Boy Trotter a millionaire, the price of the vase kept rising... and rising.

And the mother-and-son owners who had inherited the piece had no idea of its value.

The 18th century work of art, described as "a piece of exquisite beauty", was eventually snapped up by an anonymous, private collector from China.

The vase is decorated with a fish motif and has a yellow painted trumpet neck.

It has a double-walled construction, meaning an inner vase can be seen through the perforations of the main body.

Qianlong was the fourth emperor in the Qing dynasty and served from 1735 to 1796.

During that era the ceramics industry in China was known for the perfection of its porcelain and development of decorative techniques.

Bainbridges Auctioneers in Ruislip, northwest London, had estimated the Qianlong-dynasty porcelain vase would fetch between £800,000 and £1.2m.

But the bidding attracted many Chinese buyers keen to get their hands on a piece of their imperial past, and the cost went sky high.

The staggering price it fetched surpassed the expectations of the auctioneer and the owners.

Helen Porter, of Bainbridges, said: "They had no idea what they had. They were hopeful but they didn't dare believe until the hammer went down."

The 16-inch-high masterpiece is believed to have fetched the highest price for any Chinese artwork sold at auction.

Bainbridges described it as one of the most important Chinese vases to go on sale this century.

A posting on the auctioneer's blog said: "It is a piece of exquisite beauty and a supreme example of the skill of the ceramicist and decorator.

"How it reached Ruislip is something we shall never know, and that it is in such fine condition is amazing."

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Over the past 3 years life has changed considerably, where once purchasing a property was seen as the guaranteed way of making money, reality struck and the markets crumbled around us. Something that hadn’t happened since the late 80’s when UK property prices crashed by upto 40% of the original value.

I recall a friend purchasing his first home in Brighton he paid £77, 000 for a 3 bed terraced house within months the price plummeted and was later to be valued at £50,000 Interest rates had reached a crippling 16% but where many people were unfortunately repossessed or handed back the keys he stuck it out and although struggling financially by the late 1990’s he had recouped his losses and today his property is valued at £250,000 over 3 times what he had paid for it.

I was talking with a friend recently about Spanish property prices and he was explaining to me why he wouldn’t buy in Spain. The reason he gave was

that he had friends in Spain who couldn’t sell because the market was so quiet and that those that had sold thier property for “peanuts” and that builders were offering huge discounts to sell pushing the prices still further, I had to agree, I too have seen this, but for me that was the reason to buy.

My reasoning is simple, the best time to join the stock market is after a crash because stock is often then undervalued in real terms. Property is no different, had I purchased my friends property at the lowest point I could have made a 5 fold increase in my original investment. I believe that it’s a buyers market and if you have the available funds it’s a great time to invest in Spain, with many retailers and bars reporting that business has increased on a year on year basis I can see positive signs on the horizon..

Paul Eaton Associate Partner QROPS Bureau The QROPS Bureau offer advice to the general public and deal only with regulated, qualified advisers. Should you require further information or wish to find a Professional Financial adviser in your area please email pauleaton@qropsbureau.com or call me on 689 969 151

Travel Insurance – Why bother?

Traveling is interesting and exciting. The new experiences will strengthen your understanding of the diversity in the customs and way of life in other parts of the World.

Extra care should always be taken when visiting unfamiliar places, Have you received suitable vaccinations or medications and correct precautions to protect form illness and disease? Have you acquainted yourself with the different laws and customs of the countries you will be visiting? Be particularly careful about what you eat and drink and how and where it is prepared? Consider the hygiene of the cafĂŠ or restaurant. Look out for distraction crime, particularly in crowded markets and tourist areas. There will always be opportunistic pickpockets and thieves in these areas, so be aware and be safe. Be especially careful to look after your passport,

your travel plans could be ruined if that important document is lost or stolen. If the unexpected occurs far from home such as sickness or injury, travel delay, baggage loss, or worse, what help is available to you? The cost of medical treatment has increased substantially around the world. Most Hospitals and Clinics now demand payment in full from foreign visitors for medical services. Make sure that you have a decent travel insurance policy and that you are aware of their emergency assistance service, it is a good idea to keep that telephone number with you at all times during your trip.

Airlines and tour operators become much tougher in their cancellation policies, so if you have to cancel a trip it is less likely that they will refund any unused portion of your pre-paid travel expenses. If you have to interrupt (curtail) a trip mid-way (a close relative at home is suddenly taken ill for example), the cost of getting home is likely to be eye wateringly high. What if miss your outward flight or it is delayed, will you miss your connecting flight or cruise? What if your airline goes bankrupt?

What if you are injured in an accident or as a result of terrorism? What if you cause injury to someone or damage their property? Are you going to participate in any hazardous pursuits, activity sports, such as skiing, snowboarding, scuba diving bungee jumping sky diving etc? Will you be working whilst you are away from home? Sensible travelers purchase travel insurance to protect themselves from the substantial financial costs and disruption resulting from crises such as the cancellation of a big trip due to death or illness of a family member or a required emergency medical repatriation.

Visit www.globelink.co.uk get a quote instantly and arrange cover securely online. Your travel insurance Policy and Emergency Assistance Card will be delivered to you immediately by email.

Cover for people living in Spain and all other EU Countries.

Call our UK office on +44 1353 699 082 or our Spanish link line on 96 626 5000.

Thailand Population: 67,386,383 Total Area: 514,000 Square KM Languages: Thai, Chinese, Lao, Malay and Mon-Khmer Currency: Thai Baht Capital City: Bangkok National Sport: Muay Thai ( Thai Boxing) and Takraw ( similar to volleyball ) Thailand, formerly Siam, is an independent country that lies in the heart of Southern Asia It is bordered to the north by Burma and Laos, to the east by Laos and Cambodia, to the south by the Gulf of Thailand and Malaysia, and to the west by the Andaman Sea and the southern extremity of Burma. Its maritime boundaries include Vietnam in the Gulf of Thailand to the south-east and Indonesia and India in the Andaman Sea to the south-west.

The country is a kingdom, a constitutional monarchy with King Bhumibol Adulyadej, the ninth king of the House of Chakri, who has reigned since 1946, making him the world's longest-serving

current head of state and the longest-reigning monarch in Thai history. The king is officially titled Head of State, the Head of the Armed Forces, an Upholder of the Buddhist religion, and the Defender of all Faiths. The largest city in Thailand is Bangkok, the capital, which is also the country's centre of political, commercial, industrial and cultural activities.

Thailand is the world's 50th largest country (slightly larger than Spain), and the 20th most populated country, with approximately 66 million people. About 75% of the population is ethnically Thai, 14% is of Chinese origin, and 3% Malay; the rest belong to minority groups including Mons, Khmers and various hill tribes. There are approximately 2.2 million legal and illegal migrants in Thailand. Thailand has also attracted a number of expatriates from developed countries. The country's official language is Thai. Its primary religion is Buddhism, which is practised by around 95% of all Thais.

Thailand experienced rapid economic growth between 1985 and 1995 and is a newly industrialized country with tourism, due to well-known tourist destinations such as Pattaya, Bangkok, Phuket, Chiang Mai and Ko Samui, and exports contributing significantly to the economy.

Thailand is a kingdom of wonder, filled with spectacular natural, cultural, and historical attractions.

Tourism Royal Grand Palace & Temple of Emerald Buddha This city landmark should be the first place on any itinerary and a 'must see' for all visitors to Bangkok.

The Grand Palace, once a royal residence is a huge compound surrounded by high white walls and occupies an area of about a square mile, The Royal chapel, Wat Phra Kaeo, is in the same compound, houses the Emerald Buddha, the most sacred Buddha image in Thailand.

Floating Market at Damneon Saduak This popular attraction is 80 kms west of Bangkok.

Everyday hundreds of vendor boats crowd the market area in the early morning till noon. Visitors can also travel around by boat to see the local village, and the way of life of the people in the countryside More than 200 small canals were dug by local peasants to connect with it to get water to splatter their land. The Floating Market is routinely crowded with hundreds of vendors and purchasers floating in their small rowing boats selling and buying

or exchanging their goods.

The Bridge on the River Kwai (the Death Railway Bridge) Thanks to several films and books, the Bridge on the River Kwai has become notoriously famous and attracted both Thais and foreigners to the site. The bridge spans across Maenam Khwae Yai which is a branch of Maenam Mae Klong. During the Japanese occupation of Thailand in World War II, the Japanese Imperial Army brought the iron bridge from Java. It was then resembled by Allied Prisoners of War (POW) under Japanese supervision Ayutthaya Tour The Phra Nakhon Si Ayutthaya or Ayutthaya in short, is one of Thailand's historical and majestic highlights.

Serving as the Thai capital for 417 years (1350 1767: Kingdom of Ayutthaya), it was once glorified as one of the biggest cities in the world a Southeast Asia centre for civilizations. During the 17th century, most foreign visitors to Ayutthaya, traders or diplomats alike, claimed Ayutthaya to be the most illustrious and glittering city that they had ever visited. The map of Ayutthaya published in 1691 by Simon de la Loubre in Du Royaume De Siam is proof of such recognition

by Jan Morley DUCK IN BLACKBERRY AND PORT SAUCE This is a brilliant diner party recipe, or even an alternative Christmas Day treat.

You can use a whole duck, or the breast fillets.

If using a whole duck, remember that you need to allow 450g, or 1lb per person, as they have less flesh and more bone weight than a chicken, for an adult portion.

If using an oven ready duckling,weigh to calculate the roasting time, Allow 30-35 minutes per 450g (per 1lb), at 180 deg C, 350 deg F, Gas mark 4For example a 1.3kg (3lb), duck allow 30 x 3 = 1hour 30 minutes, Preparation Prick the skin all over with a skewer to allow the fat to escape whilst cooking, and the skin will be crispier.

Sprinkle with salt and pepper, place on a trivet in a roasting tray, this allows the duck to cook quicker with out sitting in the fat.

If using duck breasts, score the skin in diagonal lines with a sharp knife., season with salt and pepper They usually weigh 250g to 300g (8-10oz) each.

Place the duck breasts skin side down into a hot frying pan, cook for 5 minutes until skin is golden, and then turn and cook for a futher 5-7 minutes, depending on how pink you like them, allow to rest for 5 minutes before carving.

FOR THE SAUCE 250 ml Port 45g caster sugar 250g blackberries 1 tsp cornflour, mixed in a little cold water Juice and rind of orange Salt and pepper METHOD Keep a few blackberries to one side for a garnish Pour the port into a pan, warm gently, add the sugar and stir until dissolved Add the blackberries, cover and simmer gently for 5 minutes With a wooden spoon, press the sauce through a sieve into a bowl, to obtain all the concentrated sauce and remove the pulp Return the sauce to the pan, add the orange juice and rind, stir in the cornflour mixed with the water, stir until thickened , just a couple of minutes.

Carve the cooked duck,and top with lashing of sauce.

Serve with a selection of roasted root vegetables, such as parsnips, sweet potatoes, roast potatoes .

Garnish with the extra blackberries.

You can use raspberries in this recipe instead of blackberries, or even mixed fruits of the forest.

Enjoy!

second of my life,' Nigel declared.

'If you are gaining something, that's a fantastic thing. But if you're not gaining something...'

He is now relaxing at the luxurious Versace Hotel.

Lady Kate's Replica dress sells out in hours Beautiful lady Kate Middleton, who stole the heart of future King of England, Prince William is again in the limelight. After the, sapphire-blue dress that she wore to announce her engagement with William is the latest talk of the town. Many manufacturers have already sold out Kate Middleton’s replica blue diamond rings and now the news is that replicas of Kate Middleton’s blue Issa engagement dress are also sold out.

Women all over the globe are going crazy for Kate Middleton’s engagement dress and want to buy it at any cost. The demand for Kate Middleton replica engagement dress is evident from fact that all dresses sold out within hours. Tesco.com launched many beautiful copy of Kate’s blue dress and one hour later, there was no stock left. Tesco had designed a copy of Kate Middleton’s blue dress with shorter sleeves with price tag of $25, according to reports. “Kate Middleton looked extremely elegant in her choice of outfit and many women wanted to find a high street replica of this now iconic dress,” Tesco’s Jan Marchant told the paper.

Actor Nigel Havers quits before wife sees him in prison clothes Nigel Havers says he quit I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! 2010 because he didn't want to look an idiot.

The actor's wife, Georgiana Bronfman, never wanted him to sign up for the show in the first place and he knew she'd hate seeing him in the Kangeroo Court challenge, set in a makeshift courtroom. 'The final straw was if his wife had seen him in those prison clothes,' says Nigel, 59. 'I wouldn't have my life worth living.

'I would have worried myself sick in here because of it.'

Nigel left the jungle after just 10 days. He was game about having maggots in his hair but put his foot down about the criminal's costume - and the prospect of being tortured. In the Kangeroo Court task, the contestants were told to bang a gravel every time they saw a baby joey shoot out of a toy kangaroo - with the slowest given electric shocks.'I'm not up for it, I don't do electric shocks so I'm leaving. I cannot waste another

Harry potter prank Check out the photo to see the most epic Harry Potter-inspired prank in history! In fact, it may be one of the best pranks in history IN GENERAL! An absolute genius. Somebody placed a circle that reads "9 3/4" on the 14th St. Union Square subway sign in NYC. For those of you not in the know, you should be ashamed of yourself that's the number for the platform where students board the train to Hogwarts.

It looks REALLY spot on! Could the MTA have been involved? Warner Bros? Both of them?

Here's what MTA spokes person Kevin Ortiz had to say about it: "We are not part of any sort of Potter campaign, but I've seen things like that before."

If the guilty party comes forward, they'll be subject to a $75 fine and it will be worth every penny!

See you next month

Lyndsey Davenport you can email me on Thesentinellamalaga@gmail.com

Hands Of Medicine Mildred Gut-Omen’s Asian Massage Salons are one of the best exotic places along the coast. They are located in Marbella at Calle Severo Ochoa 49 and In Benalmadena on the avenida de Alay , next to the Alay Hotel.

Here you will find a haven where you receive the hands of medicine, a treatment where you feel the oldest natural, most effective treatment of various types in the form of asian therapy massage.

The salon explores the concept of natural healing that can be applied to the health of humankind, such as thai, bali & hilot traditional massages, foot treatment, sauna and acupuncture. There are no chemicals, no machines, just natural healing by the art of touch.

The treatment is for all ages.

Ask yourself these questions?

Do you want to release muscular tension and pain?

Do you want to reduce blood pressure and improve circulation?

Would you like to reduce your mental and physical fatigue and stress levels?.

How about improving your concentration and having better sleep.

Let them reduce your anxiety, cure cramps and spasms.

Improve your natural defence mechanisms against toxic invaders by stimulating your lymph system.

If you are looking for the answer then you will find it at, The asian massage salon, treat your self to the luxury of the hands of medicine, the magic touch of their asian therapists will allow you to experience true bliss using traditional methods. for more information call 952 567 177 or 660 587 171, Visit www.asianmassagesalon.com Email info@asianmassagesalon.com

Using a mixture of sensory stimulation and advanced hypnotic techniques Conor helps his clients remove chronic depression in a matter of a few weeks, and phobias, sometimes, in minutes.

MALAGA’S NEW HEALER OF MINDS Are you desperate to give up smoking? Do you suffer from some crippling phobia, chronic depression your doctor just treats with pills? Do you suffer from anorexia, bulimia or obsessive disorders? Have you been told your condition cannot be cured, only managed? If so, take heart. Conor Corderoy, recently moved to Benalmadena, who practices neurolinguistic programming (NLP), claims to be able to treat these and other disorders with remarkable success.

He tells me, sitting on his balcony in The Pueblo, ‘A businessman came to me recently.

For twenty years he’d been terrified of aeroplanes, crowded public places and, worst of all, boardrooms. The best psychologists in Spain had told him he could not be cured.’

Conor laughs. ‘I love proving experts wrong.

Two days later he attended a business meeting in Madrid in a really crowded restaurant, and a week after that he flew to Senegal for a month’s fishing. His condition was not incurable. They just used the wrong technique.’

‘Psychiatrists and psychologists often say a condition is incurable, when what they mean is they don’t know how to cure it,’ says Conor.

NLP is a branch of psychology developed in San Francisco in the 1970s. It takes a radical approach to the human mind. Conor explains: ‘Our behaviour and our feelings are shaped by our neural networks, but what most people don’t realize is that we shape our neural networks.’

I ask Conor what he enjoys most about his work. He smiles. ‘The look of wonder on people’s faces when they realize it doesn’t hurt anymore.’

Conor practices at his home in Benalmadena Pueblo. Visit his website at www.conorcorderoy.me.uk

Yes, December is with us again ! I can't believe another entire year has passed us by already.

Several Christmas fayres are happening this month in the inland areas giving local residents and visitors a great opportunity to buy some lovely gifts, enjoy a day out as well as a drink and maybe a mince pie or two.

Sunday 5th December, the Triple S charity event is being held at Lauro Golf on the Malaga Road just outside Alhaurin el Grande. Starting at 11am, there will be lots of stalls providing a variety of goods and games to entertain all ages.

For further details, contact Ann on 952 417 452.

Saturday 11th December is the day of the ARCH charity event at Finca La Finca on the Coin Road near Alhaurin el Grande. Also starting at 11am, you can take a pony ride to meet Santa in his grotto, join in with Christmas carols or dance to the music of Steve & Wendy.

For further details, call Sue on 622 249 157.

A slightly different day out is being held on Saturday 18th December. The Rancho Guadalteba Christmas Horse Show in Teba (between Campillos and Ronda) promises to be great fun, especially for horse lovers. From 10.30am, there will be a horse show, gymkhana games, even a tuck shop for drinks and snacks. You can even hire a horse - or bring your own !

For further details, call Fiona on 952 031 518.

The Christmas Party Season is upon us and Ace FM are presenting another first for the inland areas of Andalucia - TWO evenings of entertainment featuring The Dreamweaver Comedy Hypnosis Show followed by an "all-night-long" Discotheque.

The difference is that the first night Friday 17th December is in SPANISH and the second night Saturday 18th December is in ENGLISH !!

Our local celebrity hypnotist Stuart Ashing can entertain in both languages so our Spanishspeaking friends can also enjoy a great night out.

The tickets for Saturday evening cost just â‚Ź10 which also includes a delicious Chicken supper, so what are you waiting for ?

To book tickets, simply visit the website www.acefm.info or call Sandie on 667 44 80 40.

Whatever you decide to do during this month, have a wonderful time and a great festive season. If you know of any other events, please let us know via email : studio@acefm.info and we will mention it on the radio.

106.8 Ace FM wishes you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Speak to you all again in 2011.......!! Dave Tel: 951 77 33 42

Honouring those who improve the species.... by accidently removing themselves from it! or almost!

Wheelchair Access 2010 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (25 August 2010, Daejon, South Korea) you tube news : A handicapped man, annoyed that an elevator closed and departed without him, thinks it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors not once, not twice, but three times in all only to plunge down the now-empty elevator shaft to his death. Simultaneous success and failure combine to earn the 40-year-old lasting immortality as a Darwin Award winner.

The tragic downfall of this rashly rushing rammer provides a heartening example of how brilliant you are compared to some! However, natural selection just got a little harder. The authorities traced the "problem" to elevator doors that cannot withstand a large impact. Safety regulations were strengthened three years after the elevator was installed, to prevent accidents "such as might happen to children and drunks."

Textbook Double Double Darwin Award 2010 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin Who would park the car on a busy freeway in heavy fog, for a quickie?

Picture this: A young couple driving on Via Dutra, the major freeway in Brazil with tons of heavy traffic, at 6AM under heavy fog the couple decided to park the car for "dating," according to the charming Google translation. And yes, they parked in the right lane of freeway, not on the shoulder or at a gas station and naturally, a huge cargo truck comes by and runs right over the car, immediately killing both inside during the act. Double Double Darwin! Two (2) people making two obviously stupid decisions, and natural selection acts at the very moment the two are reproducing . . . Textbook Darwin Award.

Tiny Elec Fence 2010 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (10 January 2010, Brazil) An electrical discharge made toast of municipal guard Arthur de Souza Coelho, 47, on Sunday evening. According to police reports, he had installed a tiny electric fence around his car to protect against the frequent robberies that occur in his neighborhood in Belem, Para. Then (direct translation from Portuguese) "he forgot that he had left the fence on and he ended dying with the electric shock."

After all, we are all dying, but some end sooner than others.

Linea Directa offers it’s Internatioanal customers access to a complete claims service with just one simple call Madrid, 28th November 2010 - Línea Directa, Spain’s leading direct motor insurance company, offers its international clients a telephone claims handling service operated

by English, German and Spanish speaking professionals from Monday to Friday, 9am to 17:30pm.

Using this service Línea Directa customers are able to report details of an accident in just one simple call. Within 24 hours, Línea Directa will send an assessor to inspect the insured vehicle and, in the case of injury, Linea Directa’s partner network of private medical centres will offer medical treatment advice.

In recognition of our claims service, a Línea Directa customer recently sent us this letter of gratitude: We feel we had to e-mail you to say how impressed we were with the way yourself and the Linea Directa Team handled our claim.

The whole process was made so easy from start to finish, no complicated forms to complete, no language barrier as Linea Directa staff speak perfect English, and we were kept fully informed throughout the whole process, even to the point of updating us on the delayed completion on behalf of the garage.

The assistance you gave us liaising with the repair garage in particular was a massive help to us as our Spanish tuition has not reached the level of dealing with car repairs yet!

We would have no hesitation in recommending Linea Directa as indeed it was recommended to us.

About Línea Directa Línea Directa is owned by Bankinter, one of Spain’s principal financial organisations.

For further information call 902 123 104

Christmas in Aspen Once again TAPAS are about to transform Restaurante Los Arcos, nr Coin - Km6 A7059.

While only a few weeks ago TAPAS’s cosy theatre at Los Arcos was the venue for an Old Time Music Hall it is now set to be a Log Cabin in the heart of the Rocky Mountains. The production in the style of “The Andy Williams Christmas Show” will include all the old favourite Christmas songs such as “Chestnuts Roasting” and “White Christmas”, with just a sprinkling of Carols. Performed by the Choir and Cabaret group under the Direction of Jane Busby the show will undoubtedly maintain the high standard we have become used to. So why not come and be whisked away to a Winter Wonderland for a little of that Christmas Magic.

Friday 10 Dec 7.30pm, Saturday 11 Dec 7.30pm and Sunday 12 Dec with the popular 4.00pm Matinee. Tickets €5 Members, €7 Non-Members.

Box Office 653 526 897 or from all the usual TAPAS outlets.

Winkles Story (A True story) Some years ago, whilst busy in his garden, my father in law happened across a funny looking creature. At first he was unsure what it was, so he called his wife to see, they both looked, then on closer inspection he realized it was a baby squirrel.

Being animal lovers, particularly squirrels, ( there were always some visiting the garden from the overhanging oak tree, who regularly came for a biscuit or the food they put on the bird table), they called the local vet to ask for advice.

The vet told them to leave it alone, the mother would come and retrieve the infant in due course.

They retired to the kitchen and watched and waited. As the evening drew in with no sign of the mother they decided to take action. The vet was now closed so donning gloves they picked up the squirrel and put it in a box with a small fluffy hat and hot water bottle.

They put the box in the spare room and went to bed, could they sleep? no. the squirrel scratched around in the box keeping them awake all night, they finally drifted off expecting the animal to die during the night.

In the morning they ventured into the room opened the box to see the squirrel alive and obviously hungry, they tried a few nuts but being so young it was obvious it needed something more.

They called the vet. “We want to take care of it”, he told him, so on advice from the vet they were told that special formula for puppies was the closest thing to its mothers milk and that it must be fed every 4 hours and kept warm. So they became adoptive parents to a baby squirrel , “we must name him” they thought and so Winkle became part of the family. So the first of many nights of broken sleep arrived as they cared for Winkle. The first few days he rarely ventured from the box but as time wore on he would be out sitting on the box waiting to be fed. After a few weeks Winkle would sit and wait for him to come home, the squirrel would sit and feed in his arms and then on his shoulder as it was weaned on to solid food. As he grew he began to chew, starting with the chair leg moving on to the table, kitchen units, then anything it could get at. It was time for release back into the wild. They opened the door and let him out, off he ran up into the tree and soon discovered some friends, excellent they thought.

Later that evening there was a noise at the back door, it sounded like someone was trying to get in.

Sure enough they were, it was Winkle, hanging on the door handle rattling it to get in.

At first this was cute, he was out by day but coming home at night they laughed but then a change Winkle had mates and they started to come too.

A decision had to be made, relocation, it was the only way. A plan was hatched to capture winkle and take him across the river Thames and to Bushy park, there were loads of squirrels there so he would be fine. So next day they grabbed him, put him in a box , drove the five miles to the park and released him, patting each other on the back for a job well done they headed for home, leaving Winkle to his new home the other side of the river. Next day they heard a familiar sound at the back door? It sounds like someone trying to get in, yes you’ve guessed it Winkle, there he was rattling the handle trying to get in , how the hell has the bloody thing crossed the river and found his way home? the realization then hit them, they had captured the wrong squirrel.

Do you have a funny story to tell send it in to us Thesentinellamalaga@gmail.com

The Praying Mantis has lived among us for centuries. Their beauty and mystique stirs our curiosity. Long and slender, quick yet graceful they stand on top of the insect world as regal creatures of the fields even in all their many colours of camouflage.

Origins of the Name A praying mantis, or praying mantid, is the common name for an insect of the order Mantodea. The word is sometimes misspelled “preying� mantis, understandably since they are natural predators. They are in fact named for the typical "prayer-like" stance. The word mantis is actually derived from the Greek word mantis for prophet or fortune teller. The world's largest praying mantis was recorded at about 18 inches long, in Southern China, in 1929. That is almost the length of a humans forearm!

Interesting Praying Mantis Facts Their famous forelegs are extraordinarily powerful for their size and can crush their prey in half. Their mouth parts have several strong cutting components to tear and consume insect exteriors.They have huge compound eyes mounted on a triangular, almost alien-like head, giving them a large field of vision for detecting movement of prey. The flexible movement of their head brings their prey into their binocular field of view and is one of the keys to their hunting. They are able to turn their head 180 degrees for excellent vision and hearing. Their antennae are most likely used for smell.

Praying mantises can be found in all parts of the world with mild winters and sufficient vegetation during the late spring to late summer months.

Praying mantis will spend most of their time in a garden, forest or other vegetated area.

Another one of the praying mantis facts is their ability to use their camouflage to blend in with the surroundings and wait patiently, sometimes for long painful minutes for their prey to reach striking distance. They then use their vice-like front legs to quickly snatch the victim and devour it alive.

EnemiesAn interesting praying mantis fact is that they are often the prey of large frogs, monkeys, larger birds, bats and snakes. Similar sized spiders and giant hornets are also natural enemies. As notorious cannibals, praying mantis will also prey on each other, usually during the nymph stage and often during mating.

When threatened, the praying mantis will stand tall and spread their forelegs with their wings fanning out wide and mouths open. This defensive stance is used to make the praying mantis seem larger, so that it can scare the opponent, with some species having bright colours and patterns on their hind wings and inner surfaces of their front legs for this purpose. If the harassment from the attacker persists, the mantis is in the position to then strike with their forelegs and attempt to pinch or bite.

Praying Mantis Enemies The male praying mantis often fly at night as they seem to be attracted to artificial lights. This is a time however, when bats feed and they use their ultrasonic sound waves to track their prey. Bats are one of the mantids most formidable natural enemies. Interestingly enough, according to studies, praying mantids are able to hear these ultrasonic sounds and when the frequency begins to increase rapidly, indicating an approaching bat, the praying mantis will stop flying horizontally and take a nose dive down vertically at an incredible speed towards the safety of the ground. This sudden descent will be of a downward spiral or an acrobatic loop motion.

Mating and Reproduction Some praying mantis do not develop wings at all, or may have small wings that cannot function for full flights, just short and jumping bursts. The praying mantis will often fly when the adult female begins to emit pheromones which attract males for mating. As with the black widow spider, it is a common belief that all males become the unfortunate meal of the female praying mantis.

This provides sufficient protein for the female for the egg producing.

The Praying Mantis Eggs.

The life of the Praying Mantis starts in an ootheca egg mass. Taking place usually in the fall on a small branch or twig, the egg mass then hatches in the spring or sometimes early summer as the temperature rises and helps facilitate the time for the hatching of the numerous eggs.The natural lifespan of a praying mantis in the wild is about 10 - 12 months,

Heart FM are always moving ahead with new and exciting ideas, we have now improved our signal throughout the Guadalhorce Valley so that we can bring our diverse range of programs to you where ever you are. We have also started broadcasting on a new frequency locally in Alhaurin just try 96.1 FM Meanwhile we continue with our internet service so it doesn’t matter where you are in the world Heart FM Spain is there with you on www.heartfmspain.com Congratulations to Alhaurin Council on the opening of the new Municipal Theatre situated on the Ferria Ground. The Teatro Antonio Gala is dedicated to the internationally acclaimed Poet and Playwright Antonio Gala Vasquez who was present at the inauguration and gave readings from his works.

What a range of shows we now have, Heart FM is the only English language radio station to bring you a Spanish music show Musica con Carlos. Listen in on Thursday evenings and discover a whole new world of music - there’s more to Spain than Flamenco - find out with Carlos. Dani is our own Sports Girl (she does know the off side rule Really) and she brings you daily updates on all the sporting Gossip, plus Dani has her own Saturday show with all the results and some excellent music from 3 - 6pm Winter has arrived and how, cold dark nights and chilly winds, perfect really to avoid the boring stuff on TV and get into some really good music and of course what could be better for Christmas than a new CD. We spoke with one particular international record company and asked for an interview with one of their artists only to be told that we don’t sell his music in Spain, mmmmmm never heard of i tunes, Amazon or any other of the many music sites where you can either download mp3´s or buy CD’s.

An interesting new release dropped on the desk last week from Chris de Burgh - there’s a lot more to him than Lady in Red. The album is called Moonfleet and is inspired by the J. Meade Fuller book of the same name. It is a Concept album in the truest form as so many of Chris’s songs are. If you are a fan of his work and enjoy relaxing into a good story you will love Moonfleet. Chris has signed a copy of the album and if you would like to win it just log on to www.heartfmspain.com click the competition link and let us know what nationality is Chris de Burgh.

Many of the reformed 80´s band have releases ready for your Christmas stockings, Squeeze have got together a re-mastered and remixed collection of their favourites entitled Spot the Difference which I had as my new album of the week.

Sometimes it isn’t that easy to spot the difference but it is a damn fine album for anybody’s pile of prezzies Talking of reformed bands I cant ignore Take That now back to their original Line up, is there anybody in the world who hasn’t heard Robbie is Back. The big question seem to be for how long, the new album Progress has had a mixed reaction so far with Dani our resident Take That-Robbie oracle pointing out most of the vocals are being taken by Mark and Robbie. Gary Barlow only has a couple of lead vocals. I will leave it up to you but if you’re a fan it could that you will find this album a bit more grown up than previous Take That offerings.A couple of new artists to keep an ear open for, remember Simon and Garfunkel, Paul Simons son Harper has a self titled album out at the moment that is so much like his fathers early recordings its rather scary. Chocolate for Holly is a remarkable new offering from Daniele de Andrea a very accomplish new Soul Jazz singer who has a warm and smooth style all of her own, perfect for snuggling up with Have a great Xmas. Lee

have difficulty accessing pensions and benefits and need to contact the relevant department at the British consulate for further help.

The Royal British Legion, Coin Branch, recently had a day trip to Cómpeta and Marina del Este. 80 members and friends were greeted in Cómpeta by Tom Ferber, Tourism Councillor, and 10 volunteer, English-speaking guides. The group visited the local museum, had an escorted trip around the village, sampled the local wines and had lunch. Each member of the group received a free gift with the compliments of the village. After lunch, the group visited Marina del Este, a quiet port, where a drink was taken before the journey back to Coin. Pictured are Jo Taylor (Chairman, Coin RBL), Tom Ferber (Tourism Councillor) and Denise Walker (Social Secretary, Coin RBL).

The Branch has a number of trips and events during December, which include a visit to Rute to see the Chocolate Belen, anise and turron factories (11 December) a shopping trip to Gibraltar (16 December) and Christmas Party, open to all (17 December). There is also a trip to see the Malaga lights on the 4 January. For further information contact Denise Walker on 637474753 or visit www.coinrbl.info Latest news from Age Care Association Charles Betty, President of Age Care Association, welcomed the volunteers to the Training Day which was held at the Hotel Tamisa Golf and introduced the two patrons, Baroness Golding from the House of Lords and Mr Bruce McIntyre, MBE. Mr McIntyre gave a talk about the problems facing the Age Care Association in the current economic situation. A great many of the British pensioners living on the Costa del Sol are now in their late 70`s and 80`s and have difficulty in managing financially, some are ill or frail or suffering from other problems and often have no close relatives to help them. There is a growing problem facing the authorities on what to do for these pensioners and the best way to help them. Some pensioners

It is very important to note that unless residents have registered with their E121 in the Spanish Health System it is only possible to receive emergency treatment in extreme cases. Many elderly residents require assistance with language especially in medical centres and hospitals and also to access the social help. This help can only be provided through the Spanish system where one has to be registered on the “Padrón”, otherwise you can only access care privately which will cost a great deal of money. This is covered by “La Ley de Dependencia”.

Mr David Graham took the floor to explain what is covered by “La Ley de Dependencia” and how it can be accessed to provide care or help for elderly residents who are entitled to receive help from social services. It should be noted that some of the Ayuntamientos are holding informative talks on how to understand and access “La Ley de Dependencia”.

Charles Betty thanked the speakers and gave a brief explanation of how funds raised are used to help people living in the area. He then went on to explain how Age Care works closely with other help organisations often on the same case.

Charles pointed out that Age Care Association is not an emergency service and is staffed only by volunteers on a part-time basis; in cases of emergency you must dial 061.

Information and helpline on 691 761 088 / 655903182 or website at www.agecarecosta.org.

Hi this is Georgie, he is the Sentinellamalaga’s mascot. A Yorkshire Terrier who loves to run around and hide from us his owners. We are always trying to find him, he hides in the magazine every month. If you spot him please email us and tell us where he is. At the end of the year the person who spots him most and fastest will earn a reward. Email thesentinellamalaga@gmail.com

Capricorn 22nd December – 20th January Death; Big changes coming in your career life, Capricorn. But it's all good. Even though there is always a touch of sorrow in leaving behind the old and familiar, it's more a case of a renewal of what was an option in the past than a loss of what you have now. Some well-judged assessments of possibilities will lead you to a far greater sense of security, as well as a richer home life. .

Aquarius 21st January – 18th February Knight of Swords; You've been trying to approach difficulties in a relationship with a firm but calm attitude. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the opponent, what you are approaching in a conciliatory fashion turns into an all-out battle. You would choose to negotiate, but are forced into an adversarial position that will have significant repercussions. .

Pisces 19th February. – 20th March King of Pentacles; Partnership or friendship brings positives into your emotional and domestic life. I see the joy of sharing contentment in a happy home situation with friends.

Money is also something of a key to this new state of domestic happiness and the association brings the necessary money to you, either to change address, or to decorate and renovate the home you are currently in.

Aries 21ST March – 20th April.

Three of Wands, Co-operation in business affairs or some group undertaking will be of immense importance to your emotional wellbeing this month. Endeavours or undertakings could well involve the harmonious co-operation of three people, one of whom is a particularly good friend. That person's support will show you just how loyal and loving that person truly is.

Taurus 21st April – 21st May Judgement, The renewal of a relationship that has seen you bound in a circumstance that goes against your grain is short lived. The person in question is not telling the truth and is far from what they appear to be. They will take much more than they are promising to give. The outcome, Taurus, of avoiding facing facts here could be very explosive.

Gemini 22nd May – June 21st Six of Cups, Gemini is in the mood for taking more chances where career is concerned. A career path that meant a lot to you in your past, perhaps even your distant past, is taken out of mothballs, given a shake down, and put on the primary agenda again. Sure, there are nerves associated with this undertaking, based on disappointments experienced in that past, but this time you're in for a win, as the touch of the hand of destiny is upon these circumstances.

Cancer 22nd June – 22nd July The Hanged Man; A sacrifice on your part will be asked of you where a relationship is concerned. You'll be juggling both money and emotions as a result of the demands of others. Ultimately, you'll need to fight for what you feel is right in the circumstance.

Support will come your way as you battle for fairness. A person from another country, who you can trust, is associated with these conditions Leo 23rd July – 23rd August Queen of Pentacles; You've been taking career life slow and steady and that's certainly been the wise and worthwhile way to operate. But this month a chance comes your way to make a big leap forward. Yes, there are risks when one takes a punt and embraces the possibilities of the unknown. The risk is worth it. You may face dissention from those around you who resent your will to make a change, but the outcome will be positive.

Partnership offers should be worth undertaking.

Virgo 24th August – 22nd September Three of Swords; A bit of a heartbreak for Virgo this month. A situation you'd assumed to be stable, both financially and emotionally, proves to be less than you'd hoped. You will, however, muster your strength and, as a result of news coming your way, realize that other emotional options can now evolve, precisely because the one that dissolved has set you free.

Libra 23rd September – 22rd October Nine of Cups; December brings the opportunity of ascertaining if a heartfelt wish of yours can come true. Having worked harmoniously with someone up to this stage, it's time to see whether the relationship can go further. Do allow your head to have a say in this matter, not just your heart. If you find there is an appropriate balance between the observations of your head and the feelings of your heart, then gently proceeding to the next stage of the relationship is well-timed.

Scorpio 23rd October - 22nd November Ten of Cups; Happy times, happy heart for Scorpio this month. Finances allow for refurbishment in the home, not to mention the mellow times of entertaining friends and loved ones. Some of you will actually be enjoying moving house after an exciting purchase of real estate. Family takes a prime position at this time, with harmony and love abounding.

Sagittarius 23rd November - 22nd December Knight of Swords; Oh! Battles are raging for Sagittarius in the relationship sphere at the moment. The sunshine phase of a particular relationship seems to have passed, and it's more a thunder and lightning situation now. A Karmic factor is at play here. Lessons not learnt in previous relationships have been put into fast forward mode. You will walk away from a circumstance that has become untenable

Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel is the new world champion, and the youngest in history, after a gripping Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.Vettel led from the start and only surrendered the lead after his tyre stop, but the outcome of the championship was effectively decided on the opening lap when Mercedes GP’s Michael Schumacher spun and was mounted by an unsighted Tonio Liuzzi. As the safety car came out, Renault crucially pitted Vitaly Petrov, as did Mercedes Nico Rosberg. Both stops would later play key roles.When the racing resumed, Vettel opened a lead over McLaren’s Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button, who had beaten Ferrari’s Fernando Alonso off the line. Red Bull’s Mark Webber chased the Spaniard, but would be destined to spend a cheerless afternoon struggling in the Ferrari’s slipstream.As Vettel controlled things, Webber pitted for Bridgestone’s harder rubber as early as the 11th lap, with Alonso following suit four laps later. But as they fell into the midfield behind Petrov, Hamilton did not stop until the 23rd lap, Vettel the 24th. That put Button into the lead, but as Vettel resumed behind the man he replaces as champion, Hamilton was crucially trapped behind the ever-quick Robert Kubica who was on a long opening stint for Renault on the harder tyres.Alonso, meanwhile, was still trapped behind Kubica’s team mate Petrov as BMW Sauber’s Kamui Kobayashi, Kubica, Force India’s Adrian Sutil, Toro Rosso’s Sebastien Buemi, Rosberg and Williams' Nico Hulkenberg duked it out ahead of them. Kobayashi, Sutil, Buemi and Hulkenberg all fell way back when they finally changed tyres, but Button only dropped to fourth when he finally pitted on the 39th lap, and that became third when Kubica eventually did likewise on the 46th in the most crucial stop of the race.Neither Rosberg nor Petrov, of course, needed to stop again, so by now it was clear that Alonso’s hopes were doomed even if he managed to pass Petrov, because he needed fourth overall if he was to avoid losing the title on fourth place countbacks if he finished fifth. Even that was not a realistic hope, as he failed to dislodge the Russian. Going into the final eight laps the order was Vettel, around 10 seconds clear of Hamilton, with Button a couple more seconds back, then came Rosberg after a great but unobstrusive performance, Kubica, who got away with momentarily crossing the white line on the pit-lane exit, and… Petrov. Try as he might, Alonso just could not pass the Renault, and the frustrated Spaniard exchanged a few uncomplimentary hand signals with its driver on the slowdown lap, although later said the Russian had driven a good race.Thus the final tally showed Vettel with 256 points, Alonso with 252, Webber with 242 and Hamilton with 240. In the constructors’ stakes, Red Bull of course had already wrapped things up but finished a brilliant season with 498 points to McLaren’s 454 and Ferrari’s 396.It barely mattered that Jaime Alguersuari took ninth for Toro Rosso, not having helped his Red Bull stablemate Webber at all in the laps immediately after the Australian’s stop, then came a disgruntled Felipe Massa for Ferrari in 10th from Nick Heidfeld’s BMW Sauber, Rubens Barrichello’s Williams, Sutil, Kobayashi, Buemi and Hulkenberg.Lotus’s Heikki Kovalainen won the newbie stakes for Tony Fernandes’s team, ahead of Lucas di Grassi’s Virgin and the HRTs of Bruno Senna and Christian Klien. Jarno Trulli’s Lotus was the final classified finisher after both his front and rear wings suffered failures at different parts of the race.Joining Force India’s Liuzzi and Schumacher as a non-fnisher was Timo Glock’s Virgin, which stopped late in the race.And so the most dramatic season of Formula One racing in many years draws to its close, and as Bridgestone bid farewell, the era of Sebastian Vettel dawns. One has to feel sorry for his team mate Webber, for whom things just didn’t go to plan, and for Alonso, but with 10 pole positions the young German has laid just claim to the title, and the joy at Red Bull literally knew no bounds. As for the boys at Alhaurin garage it has been a close call at the time of going to press it seems that Brian may have been the victor in the latter weeks where Steve was ahead in earlier races, when we have confiration we will let you know. Until next year see you race fans.

1. What does the abbreviation GMT stand for?

2. Peter Sutcliffe became known as what?

3. Which writer & guitarist sang Annie’s Song?

4. What is the popular name for the star Sirius?

5. What is 4 cubed?

6. In which country is the City of Baghdad?

7. Which is the only star in our solar system?

8. What colour was a telephone kiosk that would only take phone cards?

9. Who sits on the woolsack?

10. Who was the first British Prime Minister murdered while in office?

11. What colour was the Trotter’s Independent Trading van?

12. Who painted The Nightwatch?

13. How many Sky channels were there originally in 1989?

14. Who signs himself as Ebor?

15. What is heraldic black called?

16. In which museum is The Mona Lisa?

17. Which element has the atomic number one?

18. What colour tongue does a chow chow have?

19. What is Shakespeare’s longest play?

20. Which organ in the body produces bile?

Answers on page 55

Stereo grams Turn the page sideways clockwise and look at the image you should see a cool gentleman?

Can’t see it, heres some tips that might help The Pullback Get very close to the stereogram, and very, very slowly pull it away from you. At first you won't even be able to focus on the image... However, keep moving the image in and out, relaxing, and it will appear.

Look at the Reflection You'll need to LOOK at something about twice the distance of the image. It turns out we have something that is almost always available that is the exact distance... your reflection. By looking at your reflection, this will help, if not put the book one side of a glass door enough to let you see your reflection.then...

After looking at your eye, simply stop focusing on your eye, and try to see the image. Repeat, switching your focus from your eye to the image, and your reflection... and suddenly you will get it.

Answers on page 55

Using the letter grid below, how many words can you find.

- Each word must contain the letter in the middle (A in this example, so HAS is not allowed) - words must contain 3 or more letters (so AS is not allowed) - each letter can only be used as many times as it appears in the grid - no proper nouns , -There is as always a 9 letter conundrum. ( SEASONAL? ) If you score more than 15 words well done

Across 1. Display (9) 6. A type of small lizard (5) 9. Broadly speaking (7) 10. Enter uninvited (7) 11. Attire (7) 12. Surpassing the ordinary (7) 13. Recall the past (9) 15. Come to pass (5) 16. Repeat an action or statement (5) 19. NaivetĂŠ (9) 22. French for "New" (7) 23. Footstool (7) 25.Inability to remember (7) 26. Embarrassed (7) 27. Culinary herb (5) 28. Prankster(9)

Answers on page 55

Down 1. Derived from the sun (5) 2. Self-importance (7) 3. In that (7) 4. Underground burial chamber (5) 5. Devoted to pleasure (9) 6. A separate section of a legal document (7) 7. Graduate (7) 8. Welding gas (9) 13. Superfluous (9) 14. Amphetamine is one (9) 17. Tournament (7) 18. Supervise (7) 20. Curtail (7) 21. A sexually attractive young woman (7) 23. Relative of a giraffe (5) 24. Low point (5)

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Discover how to break a code: Every number in the codeword grid is 'code' for a letter of the alphabet.

Thus the number '12' may correspond to the letter 'L', for instance.

We have given you 3 letters, 18 = B, 20= N & 22 = H Answers on page 55

Sitting on a fortune One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring. "Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks."Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings." A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat. Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks. She replies "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings. " Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari...You guessed it: Her share of the lotto winnings.That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug. "What's this?" she asks her husband. "Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?"

Praise the lord The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation

would like to express Praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium.She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible golf cart wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they shuffled uncomfortably in their seats and imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced."Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom."Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.

"All the men sighed with relief.The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom."The entire congregation held its breath."I just want to tell my wife that the word is 'sternum'."

Capitalist program Little Johnny understands the program and will do well as a capitalist.The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give atalk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer'scivil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.""Very good," said the teacher.Little Jenny was next:"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained toeveryone that magazines would keep them up on current events.""Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.The teacher held her breath ...Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a boxfull of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said."$2,467 !" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?""Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny."Toothbrushes !" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to

make that much money?""I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set upa Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit !"Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush ?""I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth.

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.He begins to worry.

'Is this your husband?'he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers. 'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear 'That's me before the surgery.' ...

A mans desire One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.

1) Greenwich Mean Time 2) The Yorkshire Ripper 3)John Denver 4) The Dog Star 5) 64 6) Iraq 7) The sun 8) Green 9) The Lord Chancellor 10) Spencer Pervical

11) Yellow 12) Rembranot 13) 4 14) The Archbishop of York 15) Sable 16) The Louvre 17) Hydrogen 18) Blue 19) Hamlet 20) Liver

Codeword: 1=Y, 2=J, 3=E, 4=W, 5=I, 6=C, 7=S, 8=G, 9=U,

10=L, 11=Z, 12=V, 13=D, 14=A, 15=P, 16=X, 17=O, 18=R, 19=B,

20=N, 21=K, 22=H, 23=Q, 24=T, 25=F, 26=M,

CAKES & CATERING

ACCOUNTANTS Cohesa consulting BMC

952 451 318 P41 952 386 294 P49

ALARMS Need a intruder alarm with no monthly contract, No landline no problem. We have the latest in GSM self monitoring intruder alarms. Prices start from 349€.

Call A1 Security Systems 657 466 803 or 679 831 166.

Simply Cupcakes

627 021 918 P6

CAR HIRE

Country Car Hire Quality car hire at competitive prices

Tel 951 773 342 See advert Page 47

Rent a car 3000, delivery to & from airport / accommodation free of charge, Tel: 952 490 692, 639 682 081 Website: www.rentacar3000.com Email: rentacar3000@hotmail.com

COMPUTERS & INTERNET SERVICES BT INTERNET 902 733 633 P33 Riosat SL. No landline required, High speed internet & telephone services. Some areas free installation. Prices from as low as 20€ per month 951 239 310 / 626 679 018 www.riosat.com , E mail info@riosat.com

CHIMNEY SWEEP BE SAFE Proffesional Sweep & maintenance service All areas covered. Call 654 184 242, or 607 441 959

DAMP TREATMENT Mouldbuster

610 121 398

P47

AIR CONDITIONING Esola Systems

952 550 323

P35

DENTISTS SEE PAGE 30/31

BUSINESS SERVICES

DRAIN SERVICES

Malaga Graphics for Business cards, fliers, posters, menus, graphic design, advertising web sites 633 244 599( p52-53)

Euro drain services, cctv surveys, drain jetting, septic tanks, soakaway installations fast and efective. 24hr blocked drain clearance. Call Darren 629 640 754 all areas.

GLASS & GLAZING

ELECTRICIANS RDMC Vista glass

16th Edition BS7671 qualified, Apprentice trained, 21 years experience.

Rewires, extra sockets, lights, fault finding etc. Pay as you go electric meters supplied and fitted, ideal for holiday lets, aircon etc. Ian: 650 151 569

ELECTRONIC CIGARETTES ATTENTION SMOKERS! Don't get left out in the cold when Spain goes non-smoking in January. The Regal e-cig is a realistic smoking experience. Monthly supply of cartridges available contact http://www.costadelsolecigs.myinlife.com

FURNITURE Pages

22, 39

GARAGE SERVICES Alhaurin garage

952 499 430 P37

ITV Specialist San Cristobal

603 201 475 P62 620 084 667 P58

952 477 963 951 773 598

P13 P9

HEATING Firewood Smokey Joe’s

649 526 922 952 753 282

P8 P14

HEALTH & BEAUTY Hairdressers, Nails, Massage, Hypnotherapy

P26-31

INSURANCE PAGES

3,10,23

LOCKSMITHS Locksmith, Emergency/Appointment.

Doors opened without destruction, Locks changed, Patio Doors & Windows Secured, 24 hour service.

Call Paul 657 466 803

OPTICIANS Heiko Sturmbeck

P25

PLANT HIRE

GARDENING

Webb & Sons

649 526 922

P43

PLASTERER

Elite Plastering Services * Plastering, rendering, re-skims, dry lining, screeding * First class tiling service and general reforms * All works carried out by time served tradesman * * No obligation quotes * Gary 651 138 256

PLUMBER Viveros

952 400 973 P35

REMOVALS

GREETING CARDS The Irish Card & party store Precious Moments 696 818 595

Need a plumber? Call Craig 626 747 242

P43 P59

AJC Transport 679 050 674

see P41

Back2Back Removals, Local/ International any size anywhere, we go to the uk every 6 weeks. 666 763 396/648 299 290 Man with Van & Trailer. € 20 p/h No job too small, Local & International. Call Dave 665 034 005 or 695 888 870 Roy Trevor Transport 951311 118 see P34

VETERINARY SURGEONS BRITISH VETERINARY SURGEON Home visits at no extra cost. First and second opinion work, vaccines, Id chip, blood analysis etc. Consultations in the comfort of your own home.

Tel: 652 302 985 Mr Wayne Hockenhull BVMS MRCVS

WORKWEAR

RESTAURANTS & BARS Pages

5, 16-21

ROLLER SHUTTERS(persianas) Roller shutter repairs, sameday service, 7 days a week also new Installation , conversion to motorized,and security formats.call 681177568

SIGNMAKERS WATER SOFTENERS

SIGNS

For all your sign needs

Bars, Shops, Cars & Vans A-Boards, Boats & Jet Skis Tlf: 65 1111 88 5 Fuengirola Port

elitevinylsigns.com TV SERVICES Pages

15,55

TRAIN A1 Andalus Express Coastal Service RENFE Ticket Info

952 537 227 952 360 202 902 240 202

BUS EMERGENCY NUMBERS Emergency Ambulance Fire Brigade Local Police National Police Guardia Civil Helpline in English Red Cross Ambulance

112 061 080 092 091 062 902 102 112 952 444 499

HOSPITALS Carlos Haya Hospital Civil Hospital Maternity Hospital Costa del Sol Hospital Hospital Clinico Univ

951 030 100 951 030 300 951 030 200 952 102 112 952 649 400

HEALTH CENTRES Alhaurin de la Torre Alhaurin el Grande Alora Benalmadena Cartama Central Health Service Coin Fuengirola (Los Boliches) Fuengirola (West) Health 24hr Response Mijas (La Cala) Mijas (Las Lagunas) Torremolinos

952 410 426 952 595 000 952 498 100 952 440 305 952 424 042 955 018 000 952 453 336 952 460 036 952 468 835 902 505 060 952 492 150 951 062 247 952 386 484

CONSULATES British Irish U.S.A. The Netherlands

952 352 300 952 475 108 952 474 891 952 380 888

MALAGA AIRPORT Information 952 048 771/952 048 484 Arrivals T2 952 048 844 Arrivals T1 952 048 845 Departures 952 048 804 Gibraltar Airport 956 773 026

Alhaurin el Grande Benalmadena Fuengirola Malaga Torremolinos

952 490 709 952 443 563 952 475 066 952 350 061 952 380 965

TAXI Alhaurin de la Torre Alhaurin el Grande Benalmadena Coin Fuengirola Malaga Torremolinos

952 410 444 952 491 010 952 441 545 952 453 587 952 471 000 952 327 950 952 380 600

TOWN HALLS Alora Benalmadena Campillos Coin Fuengirola Malaga Mijas Torremolinos

952 496 100 952 579 800 952 722 168 952 453 018 952 589 300 952 135 000 952 485 900 952 379 400

MARKETS DAYS Tuesday - Antequera, Fuengirola.

Wednesday - Alhaurin de la Torre, Arroyo de la Miel, Rincon de la Victoria, Saydo Hotel Mollina, La Cala de Mijas.

Thursday - Alhaurin el Grande at the Feria, Pizarra, Torremolinos at Recinto Ferial Ground.

Friday - Arroyo de la Miel, Cartama Country Farmers Market, Cartama Feria Ground, Mijas Costa, Rincon de la Victoria.

Saturday - Coin, Fuengirola, La Cala de Mijas, Ojen, Caratracca Car Boot.

Sunday - Benagalbon, Coin La Trocha, Estacion de Cartama, Fuengirola, Malaga next to the Stadium, Pizarra Car Boot, Torremolinos by Crocodile Park.