accepting the truth
By Martha Beck
Many people will tell you that rejecting your present situation is the way to create positive change. You may notice that these people achieve virtually no positive change themselves. That’s because, paradoxical as it seems, the best way to improve your situation is to accept it. Unconditionally. Warts and all.
Rejecting our failures is the reason why denial exists and that most of us never learn to draw. If it’s unacceptable for you to be as chubby or poor or sluggish as you are, the truth is sheer horror. You become a walking version of Edvard Munch’s painting The Scream, hands clapped to your ears, mouth open in a continuous shriek. Yet lots of people think this kind of self-loathing is “motivational”. If you’re one of them, please join me in the following thought experiment.
1. Think of something virtuous you haven’t been able to make yourself do: consume only green smoothies until you lose 20 pounds, keep a strict budget, finish all your work on time, what have you.
2. Now feel the anxiety of believing you must do
this undone thing. Really rev up the intolerance. Hate on your fat thighs, your weak will, your laziness. Insist on immediate, total, permanent change. Scream at yourself.
3. Notice: do you feel more or less inclined to fall back into your bad habits? do you feel more or less like eating, spending, or stalling? And by the way, how happy are you?
4. designate the next ten minutes as a time-out from life—a little vacation you’re going to take for the sake of this experiment. Release your anxiety, self-hatred, and non-acceptance. You can have them all back in a jiffy, but right now, as writer Anne Lamott says, just leave everything where Jesus “flang” it. Say to yourself, “For these ten minutes, it’s all right to be as fat as I am,” or “For these ten minutes, it’s okay to be in debt.” If judgement and criticism arise, tell them to take ten.
5. Next, drop your resistance to your emotions. If you’re angry at yourself, tell yourself, “It’s okay to be angry.” If you’re scared, say, “It’s all right to be scared.” You don’t have to like these feelings. But let them be as they are.
6. While accepting your outward truth (what’s really happening) and your inward truth (what you’re really feeling), notice how tempted you are to indulge your bad habits.
He’s just said the three words you’ve been longing to hear: “Meet my friends”. Now you just have to win them over.
S TEP 5 - B E POSITIVE
don’t criticise your boyfriend in front of his friends or try to get them on your side of a disagreement. It should go without saying that you shouldn’t criticise them, either.
Make your boyfriend’s buddies like you
S TEP 1 - L EARN NAMES
Ask your boyfriend if he has a picture of his best friends so you will be able to put faces to names. Using a person’s name is a proven way to get on their good side.
S TEP 2 - M AKE THE ROUNDS
Introduce yourself—shake their hands, make eye contact, smile, and repeat something about them that your boyfriend told you, like “You play soccer, right?” or “Glad to hear that rash cleared up.” on second thought, just smile.
S TEP 3 - B E f RIENDL y, NOT f LIRT y
Come across as friendly but not so friendly that your behaviour could be misconstrued as flirting. Their first loyalty is to their pal, so if they think you’re coming on to them, you’re screwed.
S TEP 4 - B E UNASSUMING
Tip – Keep your tongue out of your boyfriend’s mouth, it will make his pals uncomfortable, and they’ll give him grief later.
Be low-keyed. Your boyfriend may treat you like royalty, but that doesn’t mean his friends want to be your faithful subjects. If something irritates you, bring it up with your boyfriend later—not by throwing a public temper tantrum.
S TEP 6 - B E A SPORT
If forced to watch sports, be a good sport yourself. don’t whine, don’t ask when the game will be over, and most important, don’t make him regret bringing you!
S TEP 7 - W IN THEM OVER WITH TAST y TREATS
Not sure you’ve conquered them? Then it’s time to bring in the heavy artillery. Goodwill comes cheap when you’re armed with cookies, brownies, and pies.
Tip – Don’t
try
picturing them naked to settle your nerves. You’ll only be more nervous, and probably never sleep peacefully again.
coca cola bOdies
I know that a body shaped like a Coca Cola bottle has a lot of haters...yeah that’s right...I said it. My “friend” is jealous of me – she is ashamed of wearing an extremely tight top because she is afraid that the sides of her Coca Cola can body will show. And she has the guts to tell a Coke bottle that she looks like a Coke can! When you hate...more people love me...It’s not an act…It’s real…It’s me.
Jealousy kills
I’m not jealous. My “ex” now has a new girlfriend and ever since I met her, even before she hooked up with him, I never liked her. If I try to tell my “ex” he will just think that I’m jealous and the truth is I AM jealous because I still have feelings for him and I know he still has feelings for me too.
hate my job…
Sometimes I see homeless people on the street and I am jealous that they don’t have to go to work every day. Completely irrational I know, but that is how much I hate my job.
it’s a 10-year relationship... but i don’t love him!
I’ve been with my man for 10 years and counting. He is a wonderful man and treats me like a queen, better than any man has ever treated me. He spoils the hell out of me and gives me everything I want. We live together. I have no kids and have never been married. He’s been married and has three grown kids. He is 15 years older than me. But I feel like I’m missing something. I don’t think I really love him. I love everything he has done for me. But I don’t love him the way a woman should love her man. I want to go out and meet other people. I feel trapped except I have the key and lock to go free. Help...
haunted, tormented…aching,
I’m currently in a relationship with someone who makes me very happy. We have fun together, and we do stupid things and trust me it’s a good relationship. We work out every problem immediately, so to be honest we have literally no problems. That is until recently, when the only thing that seems to be on my mind is my best friend. I’m with him almost every day, and when I’m not I miss him. When he smiles, it literally takes my breath away. When he laughs my heart races. And on the rare occasion that he hugs me, I swear time freezes. It sounds unreal and crazy, and yes horrible because I’m in a relationship. I’d never cheat on someone, and trust me this is making me sick enough, so telling me how wrong it is won’t do anything. I just need to know what to do. What to say, if anything. I can’t hurt my boyfriend because he’s a great guy. But, I can’t be without my best friend. In my opinion, my best friend is 100 per cent out of my league. He’s handsome, inspiring, talented, and has the perfect taste in music. It’s like he’s the guy I’ve always wanted, but he was brought to me when I couldn’t have him, and when I’m not good enough to get him.
of it!
Most of the time when I dress up in lingerie for my husband, I am I’m really dressing up for me, because of how good I feel about myself and my body after having two kids. I would say about 90 per cent of the time it’s for me, the other 10 per cent it’s for the look on his face…
the Verandah restaurant
We were pleasantly surprised when owner Phyllis Vieira of the Verandah Restaurant accepted our offer to visit her restaurant for this oMG Magazine feature. A place that has never advertised but has been in existence for close to 30 years, the Verandah’s homely and very Caribbean ambience reflects their menu. They started at Marli Street, next to the American Embassy, in a little ginger bread house with just about nine tables, with lunch literally on the verandah, hence the name. They then moved to Gray Street before settling on Rust Street some 16 years ago till today. The Verandah boasts of a strong business clientele who have been coming there for lunch for years. Ms Vieira says, “It’s a home away from home. We make everything from scratch. We are cooks here, we don’t have a chef and we cook as we would for the people we love”. They have a very strong repeat customer base, people who will eat there three to four times a week. “A lot of time they coming in and shouting out, ‘Aunty Phyllis, we here’”. The space is classic Caribbean, with tall ceilings and lots of lush plants surrounding the beautiful verandah where you can have lunch.
The Verandah changes its menu regularly and aims to make you feel you are coming home to lunch but with some special surprises in store. There is always a fish or shrimp dish and they try to keep the fresh tamarind juice coming. They are only open two nights in the week, for dinner which is Thursday and Saturday and have just started an English afternoon tea on the second Wednesday of every month. It is not a buffet; it is brought to your table on a cake stand with four savoury and four sweet items, with your own pot of tea to enjoy. It is a very intimate affair. The Verandah can be rented for your special event, with private spaces which can be used for business meetings, cocktail parties, weddings and any event that will suit the location. If you would like to book your special adventure at the Verandah Restaurant, you can join them at 10 Rust Street, St Clair, or phone 622-6287 or e-mail them at verandah.food@gmail.com.
As usual one lucky oMG Magazine reader and a guest will be going for lunch at the Verandah Restaurant. Just like the Express oMG Magazine page on Facebook and say on the message board, “I want the Verandah Restaurant” and you and your friend can be chosen for this fantastic experience.
Scan the QR code to see the music video for “Blue”
the QR code to listen to the song “Goodmorning neighbour”
the QR code to see the music video for “Talk yuh Talk”
50/50 LOVE
Love the Music = Love Yuhself: Doh Fraid Yuhself!!!
The oMG crew met up with 3Canal, the rapso group whose iconic sound has been part of the Trinbagonian music landscape for over 18 years. They are preparing for their “50/50 Love” concerts on August 25 and 26 at the Central Bank Auditorium, shows that promise an unforgettable experience for all those who attend. The concerts commemorate Trinidad and Tobago’s 50th Independence Anniversary and keep up 3Canal’s cries for 50 per cent local content on radio and television. 3 Canal will perform with their live band, the Cut and Clear Crew, with special guests Ataklan and omari Ashby, formerly one half of Rapso group Kindred. omari will be there with his new band, Soul Quarters, which also features Shannon Bailey, son of the Mighty Shadow.
The members of 3 Canal started a Jouvert band in 1994 called White. The next year they did Black, then Red and in 1997 they produced Blue the Jouvert band and released a song called “Blue”. Based on the tremendous response to “Blue” 3Canal the rapso group emerged. Roger says, “We have always been passionate about this place, Trinidad and Tobago, where we live in and where we seek to encourage a passion for our country and the growth of our people through our music”. Wendell joined in, “We are very committed to the idea of who we are and where we’re from and how best to express that as Trinidadians in the world. We are not afraid to embrace other rhythms, other vibrations, but the root of all that we do is Trinbagonian”.
How they feel about the 3Canal journey over the past 18 years? Roger says, “oh, I think it’s been a great journey man, fantastic. As a physical journey we have been to so many countries, places I would have never been to on my own steam and to spread the word and the music from this country and to see it touch people, regardless of where they are from or what their circumstances may be, I think it is a blessing to do that”. Wendell says, “Certainly, being a part of the musical landscape of Trinidad and Tobago, for me, that is a biggy, working and making music for 18 years”. Stanton says, “We give thanks and praises that we have the strength and energy and the will to continue, because it is work and a lot of work still to be done in this country in terms of where we want to see ourselves in the future, so the work continues. The journey and the work is one part but making sure we concretise the messages that we want to send and encourage people to believe in Trinidad and Tobago, is the real objective”.
About the message of their 50/50 Love concerts Roger says, “The question I keep asking as we approach 50 is where do we want to see ourselves, individually and collectively
as a people and how are we going to take responsibility for getting there. don’t say that, ‘this one eh do this and that one eh do that’. It should be ‘what am I going to do to create a better T&T’”. Wendell says, “We have to focus on what is uniquely sweet and great about us. We can’t blame governments, because corruption exists everywhere, contempt for differences exists everywhere. It is really how we are going to counteract those things. If we go to focus on all that’s bad and all that’s wrong and not good we will end up there. We have to counteract it, because what are we going to leave for the children? We need to be more human. If we’re more human, then we will encourage others to have big dreams and help them realise their dreams, because we could say the government doh encourage you to have dreams but yuh neighbour don’t encourage yuh, yuh father, yuh family, yuh brother, yuh sister. If yuh say yuh want to sing they will say ‘Wappen to you, boy? You could sing?’ If yuh want to kick ah ball they discourage yuh and we need to work against that discouragement that we bring to the table.”
have put into power. If they don’t do what we expect from them, we have a choice, we give someone else a try”.
The future for 3Canal is to constantly build on what they have, find a space they can call their own, where people will be able to come and interact and grow, people who have ideas, who don’t know where to turn to get support for their creative ambitions and dreams.
The oMG moment for 3Canal was when they released “Blue” in 1997 and the reaction they got from the country. Wendell says, “It’s the moment when I realised, ‘my God, this thing has gone way beyond us’. We never set out to be a band, but when we sang “Blue” it changed everything. our Jouvert band usually had 30 or 50 people, but when we sang “Blue” we said 10,000 blue devils coming down and in fact we had over 10,000 people in that band coming down the road. We were not prepared for that. It was frightening. “Good Morning Neighbour” is the other song that did that for us and the impact it had on people”.
3Canal’s advice to the nation for the next couple of weeks leading up to our Independence day, is to take a break from the politics, focus on self, family, community, and bring what we want to see for this nation from that loving place, turn the whole thing around, say “morning neighbour”, get to know our people. Stanton says, “Because we are the politicians, they are us, they belong to us, they are from us, so let’s not separate ourselves from who we
The trio: “We want to end by wishing our nation a truly happy Independence and to invite everyone to come down to the Central Bank on August 25 and 26 to the House of Rapso and – doh stop believing.”
Photography and Story Stephen Doobal
stantOn keWLeyWendeLL ManWarren rOger rOberts
tariq cheekes 19, Rugby Player Santa Cruz
oMG team caught up with Tariq Cheekes at his home in Santa Cruz. This is a pleasant young man with an obvious passion for rugby who welcomed us with a beaming smile. Tariq recently returned from a tournament in Barbados with the national schools team in which T&T took first place against the host country. Last year Tariq captained the National Under-19 team at the North America Caribbean Rugby Association (NACRA) Games in Mexico where they took second place. Tariq started playing rugby, or “touch” as it is called at Fatima College, seven years ago and joined the Harvard team two years later. Although he is one of the youngest members of the national team he feels like a veteran because he has been playing for seven of his 19 years. Next Saturday he will be heading to ottawa, Canada with the national team to participate in the NACRA Games.
Tariq attended St Joseph Boys RC School until Standard Three, transferred to Newtown Boys RC and then proceeded to Fatima College where he spent seven years. As a Fatima sixth-former he captained the team that won the schools title twice. He has since graduated and so the school team will be seeking a third straight championship without him but he is sure they will win because they have such strong players. Victory means they get to keep the trophy, which will be great for his alma mater. does any other sport interest him? He laughed and said, “I tried out cricket,
that didn’t suit me, then I tried water polo but that was hard, it is a difficult sport, I must say, you need to be really be fit for that sport. other than that I could play football, not too good but I could knock ball.” His passion remains rugby for which he trains five to six times a week.
In his scarce spare time Tariq enjoys going to the movies and partying with friends. He says he hates getting up early in the morning and hated school because it interrupted his sleep every day. He nevertheless left Fatima with four distinctions. Imagine if he had loved getting up early to go to school! He dislikes household chores like dusting and cleaning and yard work but on the other hand he has no problem helping out with anything. This young man loves to eat; he eats every four hours. He has no favourite food, however. He eats everything but if he had to choose it would be chocolate – he loves chocolate… chocolate ice-cream, chocolate cake… anything chocolate.
Tariq’s future is filled with more rugby. He wants to play professionally in the UK over the next four years and has applied to two universities there. Soon he will be making a decision on which school he will attend. He is also hoping to play for T&T in the 2016 olympics.
The oMG moments he enjoys involve the daring jumps, dives and impossible tackles he makes to help his team beat their opponents.
annya Li, Mark hardy show the world ‘this Love’
Local artistes Annya Li and Mark Hardy are preparing to take the world by storm with their new single “This Love”, produced by Mavrick Records (Jamaica) and don Jalys Productions (Guadeloupe).
“’This Love’ is a feel good love song that captures love in a very passionate and unbridled way,” says the beautiful and talented NY-based songstress Annya Li (real name Annya Lee Inniss). “When we wrote it, my hope for the track was for it to be the kind of track you could give to someone and say ...’This is what you mean to me’ or ‘This song says the things I didn’t know how to say.’”
“Annya and I have been really good friends for years and since being part of a music project in New York together back in 2007, we’ve always
discussed doing a collaboration,” says Hardy (real name Marcus Braveboy). “When Renzo (Mavrick Records) sent me the riddim I knew that Annya would be perfect for it.”
The single is about to be launched officially online and on radio stations and the singers are also planning to release a related music video which fans can expect to see before the year ends. oMG readers can get a listen. Just scan the QR code and let us know what you think at info@omgtt.com , BBM 29479195 or oMG Magazine on Facebook www.facebook.com/ ExpressoMGMagazine
Scan the QR code to listen to “This Love”
LOckdOWn aLL star MUsic FestiVaL
Eleven years ago, an idea was born: celebrate and highlight local original rock music in Trinidad and Tobago. This idea snowballed into a massive following of diehard rock fans, coming out to see the favourite bands perform their music that made them into the best in this country. Lockdown was born.
For all its history, Lockdown has always been a south-based event, most notably 2010’s Lockdown in Prive Nightclub. This year, however, Lockdown has ventured into the east and will be unleashing its most spectacular show to date. The Lockdown All Star Music Festival will be held at Kaydonna drive-in at Valsayn on August 25.
The Lockdown All Star Music Festival will feature some of this country’s top local original artistes: From the feel-good sounds of Gyazette, Checklist, Goodnight Parliament and Kin Sound System to the raw, brutal energy of Vox deus, Mindscape Laboratory,
Scan the QR code to visit LOCKDOWN’S facebook page
The Escobar Project and Lynchpin. Lockdown also welcomes local veteran mainstay Jointpop into this epic line-up.
But what would a show such as Lockdown, with all this prestige and years of delivering the greatest rock event for years ,do to make the night more special? They can add main acts such as orange Sky (back from recording their new album in the UK) and Incert Coin (who are currently wrapping up their new album after appearing with Evanescence, who performed in Trindad some time ago). Come out and support local talent at its finest. Get merchandise available from all bands that will be on sale and leave knowing that you were part of the greatest idea in rock history. Ten years....11 bands....1 stage... Lockdown!
What’s behind those Kaydonna walls you ask?
Tickets are priced at $100 and $150 at the following locations: Screamerz at Gulf City Mall; Richards at West Mall; Rock of Ages, Chaguanas; Tropic Topic at Trincity Mall; Lollabee Cellular stores nationwide, all bands and committee members.
Check out LoCKdoWN’S facebook page http://www.facebook.com/ events/269608249806772/
Orange sky
tO’s
stage entertaining and healthy contests with
‘chupid’ partners
If you lime with the type of friends where an olympic sport called “pointless challenges executed at significant risk to life and limb” takes place why not be a gold medallist. Here’s how to turn your competitive drive into something that can actually help benefit your body.
S TEP 1 - H OST A PUBCRAWL RACE
Inject some rivalry into your next pub crawl. organise teams that have to complete a physical task at each bar before moving on to the next one. Last team to arrive at the final bar pays the tab!
Tip – Choose bars that are within walking or jogging distance of each other.
S TEP 2 - C HALLENGE TRASH TALK
Next time your loudmouth buddy plays the Monday morning quarterback role,
make him walk the walk. Challenge him to a throwing or passing contest while others look on, and he won’t be able to refuse.
Tip – Carry a football or other sports equipment in the trunk of your car so you’re always ready for an impromptu match.
S TEP 3 - P LA y W II
Put down the Xbox and pick up the Wii. It will get you off the couch, but you’ll still have the creature comforts of your man cave around you. Must. Keep. Beer. Close.
S
TEP 4 - J OIN THE G y M
Take the ultimate step and go to the gym. There’s no better motivation to ratchet up your workout routine than getting lapped − or worse, schooled on the chin-up bar. You want raw competition − you got it.
S TEP 5 - T AKE A CLASS
Sign up for a yoga class. You might not be impressed by your friend’s downwardfacing dog, but those foxy yoga ladies will be. Game on!
saVe Water by taking a shorter shower
With apologies to the opera singers among us, there’s almost nothing we do in a shower that can’t be done in a few minutes less.
S TEP 1
Install a water-efficient showerhead. At about 2.5 gallons per minute, the showerhead will use less than 13 gallons for a five-minute shower—as compared to 30 to 50 gallons for a typical bath.
S TEP 2
Time your shower. Right before you jump in, set the timer to five minutes.
S TEP 3
Soap your limbs, wash your hair, shave your face, legs, whatever you like, and rinse. You’ll be surprised how fast it goes if you don’t dawdle.
Tip – Put a bucket under the shower before turning it on. While you wait for hot water, you can collect water for your indoor plants.
S TEP 4
Short hair can be quicker and easier to wash than long tresses.
S TEP 5
Shower with a friend and cut the water you use in half. As the song says, “scrub the one you’re with”.
James hackett caribbean iLLUstratOr
James Hackett has been a Caribbean illustrator for the past 15 years. He seeks to tell stories, whichever way he can and continuously, with art at the centre of his being.
The holder of an Associate degree in design from John donaldson Technical Institute, James has spent the last 11 years working primarily as an illustrator. Currently working toward his bachelor’s degree in Fashion design, Hackett aspires to be a leading creator of Caribbean images. He works primarily as a digital artist using that format as a canvas to construct his batik-inspired artwork.
the art of James Hackett on facebookwww.facebook.com/shazadahluke
5
music videos of the week
selena gomez caught smooching with new guy
Gasp! Selena Gomez was recently caught making out with someone other than Justin Bieber on the set of her new movie, Parental Guidance Suggested.
The mystery guy was 17-year-old actor and singer-songwriter Nat Wolff. The “Boyfriend” singer has no reason to be jealous since the make-out session wasn’t exactly rated R. However, their chemistry looks pretty believable, don’t you think?
The creative team of Art Narin and Koi Thitiporn make custompainted shoes and accessories at their What’s Shop in Bangkok, Thailand.
We’re not sure which of these were made by him and which were made by her, but it doesn’t really matter ’cause they’re all ridiculously awesome.
We especially liked their take on characters from Batman and The Avengers. Although we have no doubt that, if we bought a pair and wore them outside, we’d immediately step into a puddle full of bleach. Who just leaves a puddle of bleach in the street like that? This is why we can’t have nice things.
We’ve collected the pictures of of our favourite geeky handpainted sneakers from What’s Shop below. Thanks to Fashionably Geek for the assist.
Although Rihanna recovered physically from Chris’ horrific 2009 beating, she admits that the emotional scars remain.
She often keeps silent about the end of her relationship with Brown, but now she’s telling oprah Winfrey about the domestic abuse incident which shocked her fans. Rihanna, 24, told oprah, 58, that the beating was difficult to recover
from, Us Weekly reports. “It was embarrassing,” she said. “It was humiliating. I lost my best friend. I was resentful. I held a grudge. I was dark.” The interview will be shown in full on oprah’s Next Chapter, which airs tomorrow at 9 p.m. Scan the QR code to see a clip from her sad and honest interview.
the Man With the iron Fists
Quentin Tarantino presents “The Man With the Iron Fists,” an actionadventure inspired by kung-fu classics as interpreted by his longtime collaborators RZA and Eli Roth. Making his debut as a big-screen director and leading man, RZA –alongside a stellar international cast led by Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu – tells the epic story of warriors, assassins and a lone outsider hero in nineteenth-century China who must unite to destroy the clan traitor who would destroy them all.
Since his arrival in China’s Jungle Village, the town’s blacksmith (RZA) has been forced by radical tribal factions to create elaborate tools of destruction. When the clans’ brewing war boils over, the stranger channels an ancient energy to transform himself into a human weapon. As he fights alongside iconic heroes and against soulless villains, one man must harness this power to
ever
become savior of his adopted people. Blending astonishing martial arts sequences from some of the masters of this world with the signature vision, as the leader of the Wu-Tang Clan and as one of hip-hop’s most dominant figures of the past two decades, RZA embarks upon his most ambitious, stylised and thrilling project to date.
wondered what the largest desert is? it’s not the sahara!
A desert by definition is a landscape or area that receives very minimal amounts of precipitation. The actual measurement to be considered a desert is less than 250 mm per year, or around ten inches, and in fact nearly a third of the entire Earth’s land surface is considered such!
Actually, the largest areas on Earth which fall into this category are both polar regions. Antarctica has a surface area of
5.5 million square miles, which makes it over two million square miles larger than the Sahara. In fact, the Sahara is the third largest, behind the arctic region, which consists of parts of Alaska, Canada, Greenland, Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Finland, and Russia!
Don’t worry, if someone corrects you that the Sahara isn’t the largest desert just specify that it still is the world’s largest Subtropical, or non-polar, desert!
