JUNE / JULY 2022
THE QUEEN OF SMILES
Dr. Kanesha Cole
SIZZLING SUMMER RESORT WEAR OVERCOMING IMPOSTER SYNDROME LCSO SUMMER SAFETY UWBB COMMUNITY GOLF CLASSIC SCRUMPTIOUS APPLE SALAD HIGH FUNCTIONING ANXIETY STRATEGIES
Summer Bucket List
WHEN IT COMES TO MY BABY,
I DON’T PLAY GAMES.
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CONTENTS
10. LETTER FROM PUBLISHER
CULTURE & CUISINE 12. RESORT READY FASHION 16. SUMMER BUCKET LIST 18. THE DISH: APPLE SALAD
LIVING LOCAL
22. LCSO SUMMER SAFETY 24. W.E. ELEVATE: ROBIN VERNON 26. AROUND TOWN: UWBB GOLF CLASSIC
BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP
34. INVESTING TIPS FROM MR. WONDERFUL 36. RETIREMENT PLANNING 38. LEGAL WRITES: DANA BROOKS 40. 7 SELF-CARE STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESSFUL WOMEN
28. DR. KANESHA COLE
TRAVEL
42. MADAME XHALES AT BILTMORE ESTATES 43. GETAWAY TO A BEACH NEAR TALLAHASSEE
MIND, BODY & SPIRIT
46. BEATING IMPOSTER SYNDROME IN COLLEGE 48. HIGH FUNCTIONING ANXIETY 49. A WELLNESS REMINDER
LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS 50. SUMMER FUN WITH KIDS
W.E. INSPIRE
51. EMBRACE THIS MOMENT
28. ABOUT THE COVER: | PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRA DERRYBERRY | MUA: IMAGE BY LISA | WARDROBE: PRIVATE COLLECTION | JEWELRY: NARCISSUS
Tallahassee
WOM A N
MAGAZINE
June - July 2022 • Volume 17 • Issue 4
Publisher | Editor-in-Chief Dr. Michelle Mitcham
EXECUTIVE EDITOR Laci Swann EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Tavia Rahki EDITORIAL ASSISTANT | WRITER Ashley Dickey CREATIVE CONSULTANT Briana Smith RELATIONSHIP MANAGER Cristina Carter RELATIONSHIP MANAGER SarahVi Pate INTERNS Sofia Jimenez Amber White
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Olivia Heyward DIRECTOR OF PUBLIC RELATIONS Marcia Warfel DIRECTOR OF LEADERSHIP INITIATIVES Paula DeBoles-Johnson DIRECTOR OF LUXURY TRAVEL Regina Lynch Hudson DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT Renee Rivers ADVERTISING For advertising, visit talwoman.com, call (850) 893-9624, or e-mail ads@TalWoman.com.
TALLAHASSEE WOMAN is a publication of Mitcham Media Group LLC Post Office Box 16616 | Tallahassee, FL 32317-3401 Phone (850) 893-9624 | Fax (850) 254-7038 | info@TalWoman.com Tallahassee Woman is published six times per year and is distributed on a complimentary basis throughout Tallahassee and the surrounding communities.
TALWOMAN.COM The information in this publication is presented in good faith. The publisher does not guarantee accuracy or assume responsibility for errors or omissions. Copyright © 2022 Mitcham Media Group LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, without expressed written consent of the Publisher is prohibited.
tallahassee woman | 6 | june • july 2022
Photo by Kira Derryberry Photography
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CONTRIBUTORS
DANA BROOKS WRITER Dana Brooks of Fasig & Brooks law firm, is an author, attorney, champion for women, collaborator, mother, mentor and one of Tallahassee’s 25 Women You Need to Know. Dana is passionate about empowering women and advocating for justice. She is a tireless advocate for social justice.
REGINA LYNCHHUDSON WRITER Veteran publicist and luxury lifestyle experience-aholic, JANE MARKS RENEE RIVERS Regina Lynch-Hudson, WRITER WRITER pens MadameXhales, Renée is a wife, mother Jane Marks, licensed slated towards the psychotherapist “life of two, educator and mental health advocate. coach” with more than 50 vintage of woman that years specializing in child enjoys more time to As the founder of travel. MadameXhales Mental Health in Action and adolescent behavior. Host for “From the Heart” explores destinations, Inc. she is passionate cruises, resorts, spas and and the Mental Health about educating and extracurricular activities. and Wellness expert for empowering youth and the Black News Channel. young adults. As the Director of Community Jane is a motivational Engagement for TWM, speaker / lecturer with a focus on mental health she hopes all women loves each issue as much and adolescents. as she does.
KIRA DERRYBERRY PHOTOGRAPHER Kira Derryberry is a Tallahassee-based portrait photographer specializing in families, headshots and boudoir and commercial photography. She books locally in Tallahasee and is available for travel worldwide. View Kira's portfolio online at kiraderryberry.com
ANGELA GREEN WRITER Angela Green, MARCIA WARFEL Public Information WRITER Officer for the Leon Marcia Warfel is County Sheriff’s a consultant with Office; former awardMICHAEL MITCHAM expertise in emergency winning journalist/ management. She is communication’s WRITER CRISTINA CARTER immediate past president specialist. She has over Michael N Mitcham WRITER of Club 25. Marcia is 20 years broadcast news, Cristina Carter, owner/ is a retired senior network engineering and dedicated to community media & public relations founder of Tallahassee service and volunteers experience. She prides operations executive, Notary, LLC, holds for many organizations. herself on using those possessing over three a Master of Arts in skills in every aspect decades of experience in She was recognized as International Relations a finalist for the 2021 that LSCO has to offer. from FSU and has taught the telecommunications Women Who Mean industry. He grew up in several courses there. Business service award. She also co-directed/co- Detroit, MI and earned She is completing her produced, “Las Chica’s”. a BSEE from Michigan State University, and an masters degree at FSU. MBA from Northern Illinois University.
tallahassee woman | 8 | june • july 2022
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tallahassee woman | 9 | june • july 2022
Synovus Bank, Member FDIC.
Bula Bula!
This warm greeting in Fiji means welcome. It is typically said twice with a big smile. In the Fijian language, Bula imbues several meanings such as welcome and hello. It is short for “Ni sa bula vinaka” which translates to “wishing you happiness and good health.” I will never forget our trip to Turtle Island and the wonderful people there that greeted us daily with, Bula, bula.
H E L LO S U M M E R !
“Summertime and the living is easy…”
PUBLISHER
In this issue, we look at fun ideas for the family, self-care, girlfriend getaways, swimsuits and above all, summer safety. Don’t miss the safety tips by the Leon County Sheriff’s Office. The dynamic Dr. Kanesha Cole graces the cover shot by Kira Derryberry. You will enjoy her heartfelt story about the journey
to motherhood and overcoming some challenges, which is truly inspirational. On behalf the TWM team, happy Father’s Day to all the special dads, grandfathers, and those men that are father figures. Children are so lucky to have their fathers. Celebrate the fathers! Have some fun this summer and try something new! It is the perfect time to engage in a new fitness program or sport. In June, Women’s Golf Month is celebrated to promote the sport and get more women to participate from non-golfers to beginners. At the recent United Way of the Big Bend annual golf classic, team TWM represented the only all women’s team for the second year. It was so much fun playing for a purpose. Please reach out to us if you are interested in learning more about golf and meeting other women. Have a safe summer! Bula, Bula!
Dr. Michelle Mitcham President | Publisher
tallahassee woman | 10 | june • july 2022
Photo by Jennifer Powell Photography
I
love this line from George Gershwin’s Summertime and can hear the velvety voice of Ella Fitzgerald, in my mind’s eye. This timeless classic evokes memories of cozy, lazy summer days basking on the beach. For many, this is the best time of the year, after surviving end of school parties, exams, graduations, recitals, plays, and incessant celebrations. Not to mention college tours, seminars, professional development conferences, community service, all on top of fulltime jobs or running businesses! It is time to exhale and engage in summer selfcare and family fun. Take time to unplug and practice relaxation and renewal or whatever you need.
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tallahassee woman | 11 | june • july 2022
CULTURE & CUISINE
M
ake a statement this summer as you pack for Cabo, 30A, Martha’s Vineyard, Miami, or any other destination across the globe. As people are ready to dress again, after being quarantined for over two years, the fashion rule is this – make your statement. Jewel tones are hot and sizzling this summer. Classic black and white will always be a winner. From summer maxi dresses, wide-legged jumpsuits and rompers, one-shoulder floral print dresses, to stripes, it is all about what’s comfortable for you. Don’t forget to pair a statement hat, sandals, and accessories to complete your resort look. From the minimalism of a t-shirt and leggings to the maximalism of create-your-own layered diva look, there are no rules. Decide on your look based on the weather and your comfort. The theme for this summer is eclectic and unique. Check out these styles for inspiration!
ARE YOU
tallahassee woman | 12 | june • july 2022
RESORT READY?
tallahasseetallahassee woman | 13 woman | june| •13july | june 2022• july 2022
THE THEME FOR THIS SUMMER IS ECLECTIC AND UNIQUE. tallahassee woman | 14 | june • july 2022
RACE AMITY DAY Sunday, June 12 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM A Celebration of the Power of Diversity and the Oneness of Humanity
Tallahassee Baha’i Center
1310-D Cross Creek Circle, Tallahassee FL 32301 For more information visit http://raceamity.org *sponsored content
tallahassee woman | 15 | june • july 2022
Marcia's
SUMMER BUCKET LIST By Marcia Warfel
tallahassee woman | 16 | june • july 2022
• Spend the day by the water • Take a walk on the beach • Go swimming at your favorite watering hole • Make lemonade • Collect seashells • Watch a sunset • Have a picnic with sweet corn on the cob and delicious strawberries and watermelon • Make s’mores • Watch the fireworks • Go stargazing • Build a sandcastle • Treat yourself to ice cream • Be on the lookout for fire flies • Go on a bike ride • Drink some iced tea • Take a vacation • Go on a road trip and enjoy the wildflowers • Enjoy a cookout • Enjoy the sunshine • Go to a local farmers market • Pick up some fresh flowers on your next outing • Go on a nature walk • Make a wish with a dandelion • Do something kind for someone
tallahassee woman | 17 | june • july 2022
MY FAVORITE APPLE SALAD By Thais Gonzalez
I
love apples and grapes and when you mix them together with lemon, sugar and mayonnaise something magical happens: the taste is superb! If we add chopped pecans, walnuts or even pistachios we have our necessary protein. Enjoy this amazing salad. It is very easy to make.
INGREDIENTS: 4 large apples peeled and cubed The juice of 1 lemon 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon turbinado cane sugar 1 cup seedless grapes halved 1/2 cup marshmallows 1/2 cup chopped pecans, walnuts or pistachios.
PREPARATION: Toss apples and lemon juice in a large bowl. Separately mix mayonnaise and turbinado sugar. Add grapes, pecans, walnuts, or pistachios to apples and be sure to stir well to coat. Add mayonnaise mixture and be sure to stir well to coat. Refrigerate covered until ready to serve. Enjoy!
tallahassee woman | 18 | june • july 2022
View the Landscape Gallery
Landscape Design, Installation & Lighting
tallahassee woman | 19 | june • july 2022
Pride Month 2022
LIVING LOCA L
HAVE PRIDE IN WHO YOU ARE LOVE IS LOVE
tallahassee woman | 20 | june • july 2022
HARNESS IN. THEN, LET LOOSE. Tree-To-Tree Adventures is an aerial obstacle course complete with 16 ziplines situated high in the canopy above the Tallahassee Museum. Come climb, tightrope and zip your way to family fun with us today.
tallahassee woman | 21 | june • july 2022
Does Your Hot Girl Summer Plan Include a Safety Plan? By Angela Green
T
he hot summer months are the perfect time to let your hair down and relax, but are you thinking about your personal safety? Hopefully, we all do the normal things: lock our home and vehicle doors, be vigilant, and stay alert. Those are the obvious tips for being safe, however, the sad reality is that many of us do not prepare beyond that. Here are some tips from the Crime Prevention Specialists at the Leon County Sheriff’s Office to help you get on the right track. 1. SAFEGUARD AGAINST HOME INVASIONS: The primary way to prevent a home invasion is to never, ever open your door unless you either are certain you know who is on the other side or you can verify that they have a legitimate reason for being there. If an intruder breaks in while you are home, you should have a safe room in your house to which you can retreat. Your safe room should be equipped with a strong door, deadbolt lock, phone (preferably a cell phone), and a can of pepper spray or fire extinguisher. 2. SECURE THINGS IN YOUR CAR: LCSO sends out nightly reminders about the “9 P.M. routine” to lock your vehicle doors. But are you securing the items in your vehicle? Make sure your garage door opener is out
tallahassee woman | 22 | june • july 2022
of sight. What about your car registration? Many of us carry our car registration in our car. So, if a criminal breaks into your car, they not only have access to your car but now have your address and an easy entry to your garage. Find a new way to secure those items or simply take them out, just remember to have them on hand when you need them. 3. AVOID A CARJACKING: Lock all doors and keep windows up when driving. Most carjackings take place when vehicles are stopped at intersections. The criminals approach at a 45-degree angle (in the blind spot), and either pull you out of the driver’s seat or jump in the passenger’s seat. 4. BE PROACTIVE: Before you and your girls take the ultimate summer trip, make a backup plan in case the group gets separated during an outing and have a scheduled meeting place and time. If the group splits up or someone has solo plans, make sure they check in with you at a set time or when they arrive back from their destination. These prevention tips are simple steps to avoiding summertime crime. You can find more resources and ways to protect yourself and your family by visiting our website www.leoncountyso.com.
Get ready for an energizing day, with the best experts in finance, fashion, home décor, health and so much more!
! k c a b s ' t I ! s Ladie Star 98.9 and 96.1 Jamz bring you the 12th Annual “What Women Want”!
Your day to escape from your everyday routine. Explore your own personal style, renew your soul and pamper yourself! It’s the event you love, at the North Florida Fairgrounds! Saturday, June 11th at the North Florida Fairgrounds! Bring your sister, mother, girlfriends, daughter, or work friends to What Women Want” 2022
tallahassee woman | 23 | june • july 2022
W.E. ELEVATE Women Empowered Elevate
Forbes Finance Council is an Invitation-Only Community for Executives in Accounting, Financial Planning, Wealth and Asset Management, and Investment Firms
R
obin Vernon CLU®, ChFC® a Partner and Financial Advisor with Proper Wealth in Tallahassee, FL., has been accepted into Forbes Finance Council, an invitation-only community for executives in accounting, financial planning, wealth and asset management, and investment firms. Robin Vernon was vetted and selected by a review committee based on the depth and diversity of her experience. Criteria for acceptance include a track record of successfully impacting business growth metrics, as well as personal and professional achievements and honors. “We are honored to welcome Robin Vernon into the community,” said Scott Gerber, founder of Forbes Councils, the collective that includes Forbes Finance Council. “Our mission with Forbes Councils is to bring together proven leaders from every industry, creating a curated, social capital-driven network that helps every member grow professionally and make an even greater impact on the business world.” As an accepted member of the Council, Robin has access to a
variety of exclusive opportunities designed to help her reach peak professional influence. She will connect and collaborate with other respected local leaders in a private forum. Robin will also be invited to work with a professional editorial team to share her expert insights in original business articles on Forbes. com, and to contribute to published Q&A panels alongside other experts. Finally, Robin will benefit from exclusive access to vetted business service partners, membership-branded marketing collateral, and the high-touch support of the Forbes Councils member concierge team. “I am so excited to be a member of this prestigious group. My participation in the Forbes Finance Council community will help Proper Wealth further cement our leadership role in the financial industry.”
In Forbes Councils, exceptional business owners and leaders come together with the people and resources that can help them thrive. For more information about Forbes Finance Council, visit forbesfinancecouncil.com. To learn more about Forbes Councils, visit forbescouncils.com. ABOUT PROPER WEALTH Proper Wealth, a premiere financial advisory group located in Tallahassee Florida specializes in helping individuals and businesses develop sound financial plans. At Proper Wealth, clients are treated with personalized hands-on service, and educated about financial concepts including everything from investing and insurance, to estate conservation and building wealth. For more about Proper Wealth, visit pwadvisors.com, or contact Robin Stefanovich at robin@themitchellsagency.com.
ABOUT FORBES COUNCILS Forbes Councils is a collective of invitation-only communities created in partnership with Forbes and the expert community builders who founded Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC). tallahassee woman | 24 | june • july 2022
Robin Vernon
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tallahassee woman | 25 | june • july 2022
AROUND
Morning on the Greens Supports United Way of the Big Bend’s Mission of Crushing Poverty
O
n a beautiful May 16th morning, golf enthusiasts & supporters of United Way of the Big Bend gathered at the Southwood Golf Club for the 24th Annual Community Golf Classic to enjoy a round of golf and raise money for crushing poverty and helping those at the edge of poverty. Twenty teams and over eighty people battled it out on the fairway in good-natured competition all in the name of a very good cause.Caitlin Yancey Moore was awarded the prize for the “Closest to the Pin” putting contest, and Chris Adkison won the “Longest Drive” contest. The winning team with the net score based on their golf handicaps and representing the Leon County Sheriff’s Office was Lee O’Connor, Jason Glover, Eddie O’Neal, and Jack Powish.Accompanying the competition on the greens, United Way of the Big Bend with the help of their sponsors provided exciting silent auction items, and terrific raffles allowing everyone to share in the
winning no matter their golf handicap. United Way of the Big Bend also partnered with Jerry’s Famous Cigar Shop selling locally branded cigars with proceeds donated to United Way of the Big Bend.With the 24th Annual Community Golf Classic now having successfully played out on the back nine, United Way of the Big Bend is looking forward to their 25th Annual Community Classic in the Spring of 2023 at the Southwood Golf Club. “Thank you to everyone who came out to support United Way of the Big Bend and for contributing to the event’s success! Your support impacts the work we do every day – helping our neighbors living in poverty or at the edge of poverty. A few of the ways we are making an impact are providing rental assistance in Housing; providing childcare tuition assistance in Early Learning; providing Health & Mental Health and Skills Development services, and providing for basic needs,” said Berneice Cox, President & CEO.
Winner Closest to the Pin- Berneice Cox, Caitlin Yancey Moore, and Erik Davis
tallahassee woman | 26 | june • july 2022
TOWN
Erik Davis, Board Chair and Berneice Cox, President & CEO
Winning Team - Eddie O'Neal, Jack Powish
Erik Davis, Board Chair and Berneice Cox, President & CEO
Team Tallahassee Woman Magazine on the green for the The United Way of Big Bend 24th Annual Community Golf Classic
W
hat an incredible day supporting United Way of the Big Bend at the 24th Annual Community Golf Classic! We are happy to be a sponsor and put together the only all female team for the 2nd year! & Thank you to Berneice Cox, Erik Davis & Alaina Gilpin for your incredible work in our community!
Quia Atkinson, Dr. Michelle Mitcham, Marcia Warfel and Caitlin Yancey Moore
Marcia Warfel, Quia Atkinson, Caitlin Yancey Moore and Dr. Michelle Mitcham
Quia Atkinson, Caitlin Yancey Moore, Berneice Cox, Dr. Michelle Mitcham and Marcia Warfel
Marcia Warfel, Quia Atkinson, Dr. Michelle Mitcham and Caitlin Yancey Moore
tallahassee woman | 27 | june • july 2022
COVER
tallahassee woman | 28 | june • july 2022
THE QUEEN OF SMILES Dr. Kanesha Cole
By Laci Swann | Photography By Kira DerryBerry
W
hen our paths cross with a brilliant, lovely person, someone with a kind heart and refreshingly gentle spirit, we often assume they face fewer obstacles due to their peaceful, beautiful nature. The truth is their inner and outer beauty are reflections of their heart and strength to overcome some of life’s hardest challenges, challenges they were never exempt from enduring. At 15 years old, after suffering from extremely painful menstrual cycles since 12, Dr. Kanesha Scott Cole began facing two of her most difficult health struggles, as she was diagnosed with endometriosis and fibroids at the age of 19, which became two of her biggest physical and emotional struggles. With the debilitating physical pain she endured combined with the news she may never have children, Dr. Cole’s physical battle became emotional and trickled into her relationships with others and the most important human relationship of all—the relationship with herself. “Upon my diagnosis, I began experiencing image issues,” Dr. Cole explained. “When I was told I would never have children, I started questioning my womanhood. It felt awful. That’s an understatement, really. The pain was so heavy.” Although she was learning to live with her diagnosis, that did not stop her mind from wandering through a downward spiral, a spiral that many women have
traveled regarding their futures yet often do not discuss. “My mind immediately led me to think the worst. I did not want to be in a serious relationship,” Dr. Cole revealed. “I figured what man would want to marry a woman who couldn’t have children? What I didn’t realize, though, was that there was purpose in my pain, something that I would recognize years later. My journey wasn’t over. It was just beginning.” In addition to struggling emotionally and physically to manage her diagnosis, Dr. Cole faced body image problems. Sadly, this began before her diagnosis. As a child, she was told she was overweight. From strangers to peers at school, their cruel, unsolicited words did not fall on deaf ears. Instead, she began looking in the mirror and believing their words. “Looking back, I wasn’t overweight,” Dr. Cole reflects with a slight chuckle. “But their words stuck in my head, and it took years upon years to change my way of thinking.” Words hold power, the power to uplift or deflate. And as Dr. Cole journeyed into womanhood, her mind began to shift dramatically, acknowledging the fact that her words hold power, too. This time around, she looked in the mirror and started training herself to see herself the way God sees her. Accepting the fact that everyone has differences, Dr. Cole chose to see her differences as
tallahassee woman | 29 | june • july 2022
COVER
tallahassee woman | 30 | june • july 2022
God’s intentionality. “I came into my own,” she shares with a confident smile, “but the truth is, I didn’t come into my own until I turned 40, and in talking with other women, I’ve learned that 40 seems to be a strong turning point in many lives.” Dr. Cole’s admission is something women commonly experience—that walking into your 30s, 40s, and 50s just might be the first time a woman feels true confidence and contentment with self. “Today, I not only acknowledge my roles and titles, but I allow myself to honor my strengths, too. I am a woman. I am smart and hardworking. I’m a mother, leader, healer, and teacher. I am so many things to so many people, including myself.” The happy ending and profound growth did not stop there, though. Despite Dr. Cole’s teenage concerns about one day getting married and having a family of her own, she, indeed, met her happily after ever. Married at 30 years old, Dr. Cole and her husband began the journey to seeing several doctors, which also led to several surgeries for Kanesha, including the removal of fibroids. Conceiving a child of their own did not seem possible, so the couple contemplated adoption. But before fully immersing in the adoption process, the unthinkable (or so she thought) happened— Dr. Cole discovered she was pregnant. Not only did she discover she was pregnant, but she learned she was pregnant with twins. “There’s beauty in it all,” Dr. Cole smiles. “Yes, I conceived two beautiful miracles, but if I didn’t have twins, I truly believe I would have realized that beauty was always around me, including finding someone to love me despite my physical struggles and learning that I was strong through it all.” Life, though, has an interesting way of coming full circle, sometimes a few times. During her pregnancy, before she turned 40, Dr. Cole had gained quite a bit of weight.
Unlike years past, the number on the scale was hardly her concern. This time around, she was pregnant, healthy, and happy, and she had every intention of enjoying her pregnancy, which meant enjoying lots of French fries and chicken tenders. After giving birth, her post-partum journey was more about enjoying every moment with her children and less about the pressure-induced “snapback” culture. However, in 2017, her three-year-old daughter innocently approached her and asked, “Mommy, are you fat?” “That question stung,” Dr. Cole admitted, “But that day, I looked in the mirror and told myself I need to be healthy, not only for myself but for my children. I wanted to be a good example for them.” This realization led to a complete lifestyle transformation, resulting in an incredible 140-pound weight loss. Dr. Cole lives a low-carb lifestyle, something she loves talking about with others and sharing her experiences and insight. Her weight loss, though, was so much more profound than a smaller number on a scale. Her weight loss journey is a true testament to her level of self-love and willingness not to quit. She put her mind to creating healthier habits, and she followed through until her habits became a lifestyle. With experience comes wisdom, and Dr. Cole walks in the confidence of a woman who has traveled many roads. “There’s power in growing older,” Dr. Cole confidently shares. “I’ve tapped into my inner self and figured out who I actually was, what I like, and what I don’t like. From my parenting style to how I operate in the workplace to my personal decisions, I stopped allowing myself to be influenced by anyone else. I stand in my truth and do not let anybody put their opinions on me. It’s a miserable life when you’re consistently living for others. I had to find the joy within me and let that light shine. And it carried over into my career and every aspect of my life. I feel like I’m a better (MOTHER AND) doctor, just better all around.” tallahassee woman | 31 | june • july 2022
“
Whatever God gave you in this life, it was given to you with intention
”
Dr. Cole has been practicing dentistry for over 14 years ago and upon graduating from Meharry Medical College School of Dentistry in Nashville, Dr. Cole eventually found her way back to Tallahassee, in 2014, and the rest is history. Now, with people-pleasing ways behind her, long gone in her rearview mirror, Dr. Cole welcomes every opportunity to water herself in a way that facilitates ongoing growth, which has trickled into the growth of her children. Upon noticing her son’s shy nature and not looking people in the eye, Dr. Cole and her husband started asking questions to uncover why their son was crawling into his shell at such a young age. “I refused to let my child go down the same path that I went down,” Dr. Cole states. “My shyness was because of others’ hurtful remarks, and I wanted to be sure that my son wasn’t experiencing the same. So, we turned this into a positive thing, a teachable moment.” Dr. Cole uncovered that her son was selfconscious about a mark on his forehead. He was born with this mark, a mark that they learned could be cancerous which led to surgery. Because of his scar, someone told him he looked like a monster, a comment
COVER that could easily hurt a child to their core. “My husband and I kiss his scar every day, and we tell him that his scar is his superpower. We affirm him, letting him know he is handsome and no one else has this scar, which makes him special and unique.” Today, their son proudly lets people know about his superpower, no longer shying away from others or being his authentic self. “It’s all about staying positive,” Dr. Cole avows. “Whatever God gave you in this life, it was given to you with intention. Choose to live it and embrace it. Celebrate yourself!”
tallahassee woman | 32 | june • july 2022
for women by women about women.
tallahassee woman | 33 | june • july 2022
DO YOU HAVE A FINANCIAL PLAN? Investing Tips from Mr. Wonderful
B
BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP
usiness leaders, aspiring entrepreneurs and students packed FSU’s Ruby Diamond Auditorium last year to listen to Shark Tank's "Mr. Wonderful," Kevin O'Leary during FSUs Power Forward series. Mr. O’Leary is a regular contributor on ABC, CNBC and CTV, and a bestselling author. From modest beginnings to building a billion-dollar business, O’Leary shared insights about life as a Shark and what it takes to be successful in business and in life. Presented by First Commerce Credit Union, the Power Forward Speaker Series brings successful men and women together to discuss effective business practices that help reshape the business world. “We believe small businesses are the backbone of our community, and Power Forward is just one way we support entrepreneurship by inspiring and motivating local business leaders,” As small businesses across the country continue to power the economy “Kevin O’Leary’s story of perseverance and hard work speaks to the heart of what every business owner can accomplish when you dare to dream big” said First Commerce CEO Cecilia Homison. There were many insights that Mr. O’Leary offered to the aspiring business leaders in attendance. He began with the focus on the pitch. He shared his approach that all business owners should be able to pitch their idea in 90 seconds or less. The two most important points to include in your pitch should be— why should an investor decide to invest in you or your company? And, you should know your numbers. Your numbers could include things like your sales gross, staff numbers, sales num-
bers, years in business, years of experience, number of locations, etc. Also encouraged was to always be aware of what investors look for in regards to investing in their business. He stressed the importance of having a patent on their product or concept and expressed that investors will inquire about their return rate. Having answers to these questions, determine whether an investor will invest his or her time and money in your company. Interestingly, in regards to successful businesses it is women who are succeeding in businesses now more than ever. According to Mr. O’Leary, there are 5 key reasons why women in businesses are succeeding. First, women have great time management skills, and are excellent multi-taskers. For example, moms have proven to very capable at juggling doing their personal and business responsibilities. Second, women are good at setting realistic achievable goals. For
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instance, after a business industry study regarding business growth rate, women tend to not worry as much about business growth rate such as increasing staff and/or having a large office or facility and focus more on just hitting specific measurable targets or goals to grow their business. Thirdly, women-owned businesses tend to have less employee turnover. As business studies suggest, women-owned businesses tend to accommodate to working mothers, and that increases employee’s loyalty to the company. Fourth, women-owned businesses tend to be more customer service oriented meaning that women businesses listen to customers, employees, investors and public commentary and take action to correct the situation. They place a large amount of value in their customers or clients this in effect changes the market, and market trends. Lastly, women tend to focus on branding and building a story into a brand. This confirms what
in things like Boeing and/or Apple, companies that offer worldwide public use. Third, Don’t live beyond your means, do what you can with what you have, and don’t worry about the Jones’s. Also, don’t do high risk things with your money if you are over 40. If you’re over 40, it’s time to get serious about your investments. The fifth golden rule is to always keep some cash around for emergencies. Finally, he stated that you must always give back. He expressed that the best way he has found to do this is through charitable contributions. He stated that giving to those that really are doing good work on the ground level is very impactful and makes a significant difference.
On the other side of the business spectrum, Mr. O’Leary shared his insights on why companies are failing. He expressed four reasons. The first is advertising. If your company does not have the means to advertise then it can’t survive, he stated. He further stated that the public must know who you are and the more people know, you the better it is for your business. Two, if you have an opportunity to get on TV— get on TV like QVC. Three, your company should be on all social media outlets such as Twitter, Facebook now LinkedIn. He said if not on social media then you’re not up to date and you’re behind the curve, and your competitors will have the advantage. Four, follow up with customers and/or clients it’s time well spent and costs nothing.
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Before closing, Mr. O’Leary offered 5 Golden rules of investing. First, 1-10 percent of your investments should be into a stock, specifically, a dividend paying stock. He stated that almost everything he owns is in a type of stock. Secondly, buy stock
850.219.2000 2030 Fleischmann Rd. ~ Tallahassee, FL tallahassee woman | 35 | june • july 2022
RETIREMENT PLANNING By Michael Mitcham
R
etirement planning is important for just about everyone regardless of education or wealth. It can help you avoid running out of money in retirement.
START SAVING (OR KEEP SAVING) Start small if you must and try to increase the amount you save each month. It’s never too early or too late to start saving. If your employer offers a 401(k) retirement savings plan, sign up and contribute all you can. Your taxes will be lower, your company may contribute to it, and automatic payroll deductions make it easy. Otherwise, open a personal Individual Retirement Account (IRA) account. You can put up to $6,000/year into an Individual Retirement Account (IRA); you can contribute even more if you are 50 or older. IRAs also provide tax advantages. DON’T TOUCH YOUR RETIREMENT SAVINGS If you withdraw your retirement savings now, you’ll lose principal and interest, and you may lose tax benefits or have to pay early withdrawal penalties (if you withdraw before age 59 ½). If you change jobs, leave your savings invested in your current retirement
plan, or roll them over to an IRA or your new employer’s plan. MANAGE YOUR EXPENSES Estimate what you will need to maintain your standard of living when you stop working. Will you be debt free? Will you have a mortgage payment or rent payment? Make sure to estimate your monthly health insurance costs. LEARN ABOUT YOUR EMPLOYER’S PENSION PLAN If your employer has a traditional pension plan, check to see if you are covered by the plan and understand how it works. Ask for an individual benefit statement to see what your benefit is worth. Before you change jobs, find out what will happen to your pension benefit. RESEARCH YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS On average, Social Security retirement benefits replace 40% of preretirement income for retirement beneficiaries. You may be able to estimate your benefit by using the retirement estimator on the Social Security Administration’s website.
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recently tried to help a family desperate to ensure their brother’s end of life decisions were handled in accordance with his wishes. They explained to me that after several years of absolutely no contact or support of their brother, his estranged wife showed up at the hospital and demanded their brother/her husband be taken off life support, that the family have no contact with the patient, and that he be sent to hospice to die alone. Their brother had made it clear to his family that he wanted to die peacefully in his own home surrounded by loved ones, however, he never lawfully executed the appropriate legal documents to ensure his wishes were honored. Despite the desperate pleas from his family and all of the notes and documents they produced showing very clearly what their brother’s wishes were and despite how high up they went at the hospital, they were unable to prevail because their brother’s documents were not in order and he was still lawfully married. Regardless of how the parties spent their time, a lawful marriage carries significant weight. Conversely, even when a couple lives together and shares income and support for years, if they are not lawfully married, the law is not going to treat them as if they are. The documents the family produced looked like they were downloaded from a website, did not meet the minimal requirements, and were not executed in accordance with Florida law. In essence, they weren’t worth the paper they
were printed on. The family had great difficulty accepting that the documents had no legal effect when they so clearly stated what their brother’s wishes were. This was especially painful given how hateful the estranged wife’s behavior was in keeping the family from seeing their brother as he lay dying alone in a hospital room. This is not unlike so many potential clients who contact me wanting to circumvent a contract they’ve entered into or provide additional information outside of the contract that they hope will nullify the provisions they agreed to in writing. I’m afraid it just doesn’t work that way. A legally executed contract binds the parties to the terms of the agreement, including how they should go about resolving any disagreements. Often contracts contain waivers of the right to sue in court and take the matter before a jury. It’s important to read every aspect of a contract before agreeing to it because you cannot later say you didn’t read or understand the terms or present additional evidence contrary to the contract. It is important to talk to an attorney before these crises occur. Contact a wills and estate attorney about executing healthcare surrogates, powers of attorney, and wills before you need them. Believe me, you do not want to put your loved ones through what this family suffered simply trying to ensure their loved one received the dignity and respect he deserved in his dying days. Get your house in order today.
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BRING THE FAMILY. MOTHER NATURE’S ALREADY HERE. Come explore the trails, exhibits and natural beauty of the Tallahassee Museum. From our new aviary to our boardwalk nature trail, you’ll find plenty to enjoy with your family as you welcome the newest members of ours.
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7 SELF-CARE STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESSFUL WOMEN By Dr. Michelle Mitcham, LMHC-QS, NCC, CCMHC, CFM
1. She prioritizes time and makes an appointment for fierce self-care. This includes exercise, personal training, massage, spa time, yoga, walking, getting sunshine, pampering, and quality sleep. 2. She eats healthy. Making smart food choices. Eating clean/organic. Taking CRAP out of her diet: Carbonated drinks – Refined sugars – Artificial food – Processed food. 3. Successful women flex their minds and engage in creative thinking – new ideas, learning, reading and creating things; new business ideas, art, new skills – it is never too late to learn. 4. She engages in mind, body spirit balance; those things that speak to her soul. This may call for some alone time to meditate; reflect and renew. This also includes quality time and connecting with those special people in your life. 5. She uses her voice to “walk the talk” and be congruent, maintaining healthy boundaries with others and learning to say no if something doesn’t fit in her plan or life. 6. She focuses on the positive perspective, the upside. Being thankful and having the attitude of gratitude every day. She does not engage in negativity, drama or spend time with negative people. 7. She shines her positive light on others, giving back, volunteering or mentoring someone.
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IMAGENAILSPAANDSALON
MADAME XHALES AT BILTMORE ESTATE BY REGINA LYNCH-HUDSON | PHOTOGRAPHY BY COURTLAND BIVENS III
TRAVEL
Historic house museums―such as the world-famous Biltmore Estate, the largest privately owned gilded mansion in the United States, have long paid homage to illustrious proprietors, like George Washington Vanderbilt II, the royalty behind architectural marvels. Wealthy art collector, philanthropist, and socialite Vanderbilt commissioned acclaimed New York architect Richard Morris Hunt, to design the Châteauesque-style manor that’s become the virtual Taj Mahal of America ─ attracting over 1.7 million visitors per year from all over the globe. The opulent 175,000-square-foot manor was constructed between 1889-1895, nestled in the majestic Blue Ridge Mountains of Asheville, North Carolina. The French Renaissance-inspired castle rolled out its welcome mat to Vanderbilt’s family and friends on Christmas Eve 1895, but opened for public tours in 1930─showcasing a glimpse of designated rooms and spaces. The behind-the-scenes enormity of the sprawling spectacle comprises 250 rooms, 65 fireplaces, 43 bathrooms, an indoor swimming pool, bowling alley and gymnasium. But who made up the talented workforce that made Vanderbilt's vision a reality?
www.biltmore.com After decades of trekking the iconic site—both as a travel writer and impassioned descendent of a skilled Biltmore artisan, I was finally able to see my pleas and prayers fulfilled. Long-overdue permanent exhibition ‘Building Biltmore House’ premiered in the estate’s basement-level, recognizing the sweat and toil of nine laborers, including my great-great-grandfather, Lead Blacksmith, George Washington Richard Henry Lee Payne─no longer among the legions of faceless workers who labored on estate grounds. Spanning seven-years, a proficient community of roughly 500 craftsmen (estimately, over 50% African-Americans)
painstakingly worked to erect America’s Largest Home®. Born some twenty-four years before tycoon George Washington Vanderbilt (1862-1914), industrious George Washington
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Payne (1838-1927) proudly bore multiple middle names─and distinguished himself in yet other ways from laborers and men of his era. In George Washington Richard Henry Lee Payne’s displayed formal portrait he distinctly dons his ‘Sunday best’ ─ a dapper bowler hat, suit jacket, crisp white shirt and bow tie. When he wasn’t firing up wrought iron and meticulous-
ly bashing it into form, he was pastor of Shiloh African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church and a 32nd Degree Scottish Rites Mason. Letters discovered at The Biltmore Estate include correspondence in 1893 that George penned to his lofty employer, asking to take off from work to attend a Sunday school convention. Biltmore’s 1893 payroll archives reveal that my forefather was paid $2.25 per day. To put his earnings in perspective, a highly trained white stonemason earned $3.50 per day, while general laborers of any race earned less than half of his wages─approximately $1 per day. Blacksmiths were
among the more specialized tradesmen of the times. The trade encompassed innovative creation of every metal object then in common use. George W. Payne’s high demand entrepreneurial prowess is evident. By 1904 he was working for himself. Records show that he remained self-employed through the 1920s, performing the physical tasks of blacksmithing well into his 80s.
The celebratory viewing of George Washington Richard Henry Lee Payne’s exhibit presence called for wearing my Blacksmith Kimono, an original design, embedded with historical documents and handscribed letters honoring my forefather’s life. The sweeping curvature of his signature on the kimono’s lapel captures his exquisite penmanship. It’s said that he taught slaves to read and write. Fabrics used in the Blacksmith Kimono capture the authenticity of the 1890s─the Biltmore Estate construction period, an era when blacksmiths wore linen, cotton and duck cloth, which allowed them to stand over a sweltering hot forge without overheating.
While George is remembered for his work at America’s largest historic mansion─ his life story reminds us that no fire burns as hot as the inner-fire that ignites mastery of skill ─and self-sufficient preservation.
Veteran publicist and luxury lifestyle experience-aholic, Regina Lynch-Hudson, pens MadameXhales, slated towards the vintage of woman that according to studies: enjoys more time to travel, indulges in longer trips, and selects more extravagant travel accommodations. The exacting taste of MadameXhales finds her exploring destinations, cruises, resorts, spas, and extracurricular activities—where like-minded Xhalers have experienced inner-exhilaration! © Contact MadameXhales: thewritepublicist@earthlink.net tallahassee woman | 44 | june • july 2022
T
allahassee might not be a beach town but if you ask me, it’s close to so many beaches sometimes it’s hard to choose which one to go to. If you are looking for some fun in the sun this summer, check out some of these beaches located in the surrounding areas:
DID SOMEONE SAY BEACH? By Cristina Carter
1. Alligator Point or as the locals call it “The Point” is just a hop, skip, and a jump away. Located about 45 miles from home it’s a great spot to check out if you want to make a day trip to the sun. While you are there, do some fishing or even better – go to Bald State Park or my personal favorite the nearby St. Marks Wildlife Refuge. It is the oldest refuge in Florida and home to many animals including bald eagles. 2. St. George Island is a must see. It is 98 miles from Tally and a little further than Alligator Point but trust me when I say you don’t want to miss it. There is a nice lighthouse and miles of beautiful beaches and even camping grounds if you love nature and want to spend an evening amongst the stars. 3. Panama City Beach or PC is one of the most beautiful beaches I have been to in the world. Sure Acapulco, Barcelona, and Dubrovnik were amazing but coming home to PC and stepping foot on its sugary sands puts them all to shame (in my opinion). Sit back and watch the dolphins in the background as you soak up the sun. Although its 100 miles from away it’s well worth the trip. 4. Seaside is a tucked away gem a lot of people do not know about. It is 145 miles away it’s a small resort town that hosts lots shopping spots. Fun fact: the Truman Show was filmed there. It’s a picture-perfect little town. Rumor has it our own Southwood was inspired by this town. 5. Mexico Beach is where my family and I would vacation to every year growing up. It is 102 miles away and makes an easy weekend trip. Known for its sportfishing and emerald waters you will keep coming back for more. If you want a laid back, relaxing vacation with the family; this is your spot!
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MIND, BODY & SPIRIT
BEATING IMPOSTER SYNDROME IN COLLEGE By Ashley Dickey
H
ave you ever felt the joy of accomplishing your goals, but it feels too good to be true? It’s like swooping in to collect a trophy that doesn’t have your name on it. If so, we share a similar experience: imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome causes us to doubt ourselves and question whether our work is worthy of success. Though it’s a common experience, no one deserves to feel this way. As a recent college graduate, I’ve frequently dealt with imposter syndrome. College is full of new experiences that push us out of our comfort zone. When we overcome challenges, imposter syndrome stops us from recognizing our accomplishments. During my college experience, I found a few ways to fight that nagging feeling and enjoy the moment. With imposter syndrome, it helps to recognize what makes you feel detached from your achievements. Selfreflect and identify why the doubt arises. Then, you can work towards pushing away that sour feeling. Personally, I find it helpful to keep a journal. Journaling is a great way to beat imposter syndrome because it allows you to express negative emotions, while also giving you a place to record your achievements. When doubt creeps in, revisit your journal for reassurance. When you have written evidence of overcoming an obstacle, it gives imposter syndrome less power over your thoughts.
Taking care of yourself should always be a priority, especially during college.
No matter how you choose to deal with imposter syndrome, I want you to remember this: you deserve to celebrate every victory, big or small. Whether you aced a test or attended a study group for the first time, celebrate the joys in life. You’ve worked hard and should be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Embrace your wins!
Overall, self-care can lessen imposter syndrome. Getting lost in a book or movie helps distract from the doubt that accompanies imposter syndrome. Try taking a walk and getting some fresh air to clear your mind. It helps to step away from the feeling and remember the things we enjoy.
tallahassee woman | 46 | june • july 2022
HAPPY FATHERS DAY
FROM TEAM TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE
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tallahassee woman | 47 | june • july 2022
HIGH FUNCTIONING ANXIETY By Jane Marks
D
o you often find that, during the day, you feel a little worried, distressed, or even fretful? You are still able to accomplish everything, but you feel plagued with a little uneasiness along the way. If this sounds like you, you may be experiencing a condition that I—and a lot of my patients—struggle with: high-functioning anxiety. While this is not necessarily a clinical disorder, let’s take a closer look at some of the indicators: • People-pleasing. You might find that you’re anxious about saying no, worried about being a bad friend, spouse, employee, or letting people down.
• Overthinking or struggling to make small decisions. You spend too much time “what if-ing”—whether it’s how to respond to emails, decide what to wear, or even manage driving directions. • Doubting your “enough-ness”. You question whether you accomplished a task fast enough, or whether you were thorough or thoughtful enough. • Comparing and contrasting. You spend so much time being caught up in comparison that you are not relaxed enough to enjoy the moment. You feel like you may not be meeting your own expectations.
Here is the good news: high-functioning anxiety will often propel you forward rather than leave you frozen in fear. So here are a few tips to help: 1. Acknowledge the fact that anxiety will occur during the course of the day. 2. Look for times when you don’t have to be perfect. It takes a lot of energy that you could use for other things. 3. Take time to observe experiences and people around you. Focus on the here and now—it pauses anxiety. 4. Find your healthy motivators: hobbies, meditation, and, for many of us, prayer. 5. As always, do a balance check: sleep, diet, and exercise. Personal housekeeping is a must. 6. Reach out. Remind yourself that you’re not alone by reaching out to your support squad—family, friends, or even a mental health professional. This can make a huge difference.
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A WELLNESS REMINDER By TWM Staff
WHERE FOCUS GOES, ENERGY FLOWS. FINDING CALM AMONG THE CHAOS CAN START WITH THE FOLLOWING:
Q U I E T the mind. Take a break from television, computers, phones. Find silence or relaxing music to settle into yourself. Create a space to pray, meditate, and breathe.
outside or doing something away from the kitchen area. Stay hydrated and practice mindful eating (slower paced, more chewing, observing taste, texture, emotions before, during, and after eating).
R E S T the mind and body by getting adequate sleep. Establishing a bedtime routine may include putting away electronic devices, avoiding large meals close to bedtime and self-care time.
O V E the body. Exercise comes P L A Y & L E A R N for C R E A T E your environment. M in so many forms - find yours and set some Clean, organize, prioritize and use your imagination to cultivate a space at home that brings comfort and peace. Work on unfinished projects, express yourself through writing, reading art, music, dance, language, etc.
N O U R I S H the body.
time aside for it. One easy way to add fitness into your day is to do a different exercise on every break (study breaks, cleaning breaks, commercial breaks). Take the dog on extra-long walks and as you walk focus on keeping your posture upright taking deep full breaths along the way.
While it may be tempting to binge on snacks, choose nutrient dense foods to nourish the body and stay full longer. Before eating, ask yourself, “Am I actually hungry, or am I bored?”. True satiety comes from nourishment found in fresh whole foods. If you feel like snack binging, get away from craving triggers by going
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fun. With family, pets or alone. Play board games, card games, hide and seek, puzzles, etc. Listen to podcasts or educational channels and read for leisure.
SUMMER FUN WITH KIDS By Renee Rivers
A
LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS
re you wondering how to entertain and teach your kids this summer without hurting your budget? The great news is that there are so many free and budget-friendly activities that your whole family can enjoy! 1. Explore our local parks! Tallahassee and its neighboring cities are well known for their diverse offerings. You can enjoy over 700 miles of hiking, biking, equestrian, paddling, and bird-watching trails. There are tons of excursions to keep you and the whole family active, exploring, and learning all about our natural habitat. 2. Did someone say beach day? Pack your swim gear, sunscreen, and picnic basket! In less than an hour, you can enjoy the waves at Wakulla, Carrabelle, or Panacea beach. Whether you want to sunbathe, surf some waves, or catch fish, summers on the beach are a must for Florida residents everywhere. 3. Want to stay in? No problem! Host a family game night or enjoy an outdoor movie to create memories that the kids will remember for a lifetime. There’s something extra special about roasting smores and enjoying a movie under the stars that everyone will love. 4. Take learning beyond the classroom and explore local museums like the Museum of Florida History and the Florida Historic Capitol Museum which offer free admissions to learn all about Florida’s rich history. 5. Get creative with family dinners and host a backyard barbecue. Invite the neighbors and compete in field games like the potato sack race, scavenger hunt, or the infamous egg and spoon race. You’ll be the talk of the town for weeks!
tallahassee woman | 50 | june • july 2022
W.E. INSPIRE
S
pecial moments are all around us if we slow down and pause, practicing mindfulness experiencing the here and now. I often sit outside by the pool with my coffee and listen to the birds chirping, the water flowing, staring out at the lake. In these early morning moments, I reflect on appreciating life, family, love, health, and community. Starting with God and gratitude allows me to set my intentions for an optimistic day. There is no need to look back for an extended peri-
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od of time because I want to be present and not miss this moment. Being fully present physically, emotionally, and spiritually is a gift that we may all choose to give ourselves each and every day, if only for a few minutes. I encourage you to close your eyes or find a space to practice mindfulness and deep breathing regularly. Know that you are worthy. You are worthy of honor, happiness, respect, and love. Practice positive affirmations daily to stay present and embrace this moment.
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