Volume 1, Issue 2 | 9/22/11 - 10/13/11 | theblacksheeponline.com
F so ree. lve ..li th ke f e p re uz e s zle wa in t g if he you bac k!
The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
How Stereotypical of You Megan Walsh wrote this Dear Freshmen, If you’ve doubted yourself even once over the past few trying weeks of college, I would just like to say one thing to boost your spirits: You are adorable. The way you wander around in large groups as if you know where you’re going…its cute. If another freshman comes up to me at a party and asks where she can fill her cup up, I might burst out in giggles. But let’s face it; all you want is to fit in. Being the kind, respectable senior that I am, I decided to provide you a complete guide of how you are expected to act, broken down by major. Thank me later. English Clothing: Guys wear jeans that are way more expensive than they look, v-necks from Urban Outfitters, and Keds of an interesting color. Bonus points if they wear Ray-Banesque glasses without the lenses. Girls wear jean shorts with tights underneath (even on warm days), clunky lace-up boots, and a men’s flannel they found at Goodwill. Favorite activity: Reading a novel on the Green with absolutely no intention of tanning. Current job: Coffee shop “barista.” They occasionally write puns on the wall and make fun of the customers who order decaf. Future career: Dead-end publishing job and part-time (unpaid) writer. Pick-up line: “Haaave you met [insert their own name here]?” Most likely to be seen: At a poetry reading in Homegrown. Favorite drink: Straight whiskey. It’s ironic because… Expect: Lots of snide comments from adults about what you want to do with your life.
Favorite activity: Driving. It gives them a chance to point out interesting water runoff systems. Current job: Job? Who has time for a job? Future career: Working for the Pennsylvania Transportation Department as a project manager. Pick-up line: “Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.” Most likely to be seen: Running from class to the lab. Favorite drink: Water. It’s actually much more exciting than you think! Expect: Late nights studying before exams that will literally determine whether you succeed in life. Also expect your friends to come to you with any sort of academic question imaginable, even if it has nothing to do with engineering. Business Clothing: Ever seen Jersey Shore? Favorite activity: Talking about how rich they will definitely be. Current job: Any get-rich-quick scheme involving the sale of overpriced products to students and bombarding them with Facebook messages about it. Future career: Managing a Best Buy. Pick-up line: Something cocky along the effect of “Your place or mine?” Most likely to be seen: At Grotto’s with their eyes glued to a TV or boobs. Favorite drink: Beer. Just…beer. Expect: Lots of men in class. If you are a desperate girl, congrats! If you are a desperate man, switch majors.
Engineering Clothing: Practical. Who knows when they might be called out for a bridge inspection? Usually sneakers, worn jeans, and a t-shirt (absolutely no v-neck).
Other stuff
Inside
04: Guys Talk Cosmo
How does a dude react when salacious advice and scented pages are put in front of him?
06: Sexy Vs. Skanky?
...Contined on Page 11
What’s appropriate and what’s not for the ladies of Newark.
12: New Show Schizo here's a breakdown of everything you "should" watch this fall.