Volume 1, Issue 1 | 8/25/11 - 9/16/11 | WWW.THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
The
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Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
summer’s over, the party’s not Megan Fontaine wrote this
With school bells ringing from I-10 to Capital Circle, the time has come to bid farewell to summer. No more fighting off the blistering heat by cracking open a cold one. No more balmy nighttime beer pong tournaments. Time keeps marching forward, and it’s time for all of us good little students to fall in line, lock our liquor cabinets, and cozy up to our undoubtedly massive mountains of textbooks for the semester. Right? Wrong! The changing of the semesters (because what college student measures time by any season but football?) could never kill the fun of getting completely schnockered with your friends on a Friday night. All it does is lay down some new guidelines for your dazed debauchery. Day-drinking is, without a doubt, the highlight of the summer scene. There’s nothing wrong with popping the top off of a longneck and kicking back poolside. It’s summer, after all. Fun is the name of the game. You try doing the same thing in November and people will look at you like you’re crazy. Walking around with an open beer in one hand and the rest of the six-pack in the other doesn’t make you the life of the party, it makes you a drunk. Besides, you’re going to be spending most of your time on campus, and FSU is drier than a vodka martini (shaken, not stirred). The solution, obviously, is to switch into night owl mode. The sun even sets an hour earlier during the fall and winter! With the temperatures falling and the whole student body rolling back into town, fall semester is ripe with opportunities to indulge. More people means bigger parties, and bigger parties means a better-stocked bar. Avail yourself of the finer things or get rip-roaring wasted on college swill; all doors
Other stuff
Inside
04: pass the class
Electives are supposed to be easier than your mom, so make sure you’re taking the right ones.
are wide open, and if you’re lucky they’ll swing both ways. And student-hosted parties aren’t the only hotspots that come back to life as summer dies: bars and clubs that shortened their hours during the unpopulated summer months will be back on track. If you don’t want the party and its mess to come to you, you can take yourself to the party! Unfortunately, the start of classes means just that: your days will no longer be unscheduled marathons of living free and easy. You’ll have lectures to attend, homework to do, papers to write—the list goes on and on. And unless you’re one of those rare gems who enjoys dragging himself to class hung over, you’ll have to plan accordingly and get creative. Random Wednesday boozefests will need to be kept to a minimum, while Thursday and Friday nights will be enjoyed to their fullest potential. Schedule your classes in the middle of the day, to leave the morning open for kneeling before your Porcelain Goddess. And definitely make friends with some of the incoming freshmen; everyone needs a good D.D., and those black X’s will mark the spot every time. The end of summer doesn’t have to herald the beginning of a four-month slog toward winter break. If anything we students will have just as much opportunity for fun of the intoxicated variety, provided you know where to look. So don’t despair! The Drink Fairy doesn’t take vacations, and B-Double-E-Double-R-U-N isn’t just a summer campfire song. Party on, my friends. Party on!
14: The Next Big Power Conference
Can FSU help the ACC stop being the SEC’s barely-there little brother?
17: the black sheep interviews:
we talk to sweedish rockers Peter, Bjorn and John!
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of the
Issue!
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Letter from the editor Hi there,
I’m James Tufenkdjian, and I’ll be managing The Black Sheep here at FSU. Here at The Black Sheep, we want to write about what YOU care about. No one cares about upcoming campus improvements we won’t get to enjoy before we graduate. No one cares about generic college dorm tips. Student government is boring. Crosswords are lame. No, here we talk about FSU and nothing but. We tell you how to sneak kegs into Smith Hall (PROTIP: Very carefully.) We tell you how good FSU football is going to be (PROTIP: Really, really.) We tell you what bars go easy on fakes (PROTIP: Not Bulls.) Want to find out about the best bars, the coolest restaurants, the swankest apartments? Crack us open. We drag campus happenings out into the light and make dick jokes about it. We want to grasp the turgid, throbbing mind of your average ‘Nole and tug on it until it explodes into a shower of laughter. Basically, we’re here to serve you. We’re like your insanely good-looking manservant in paper form. Your loyal puppy with a massive schlong. Your parents away from home if they held you up during keg stands. So welcome to Tallanasty, and enjoy the paper.
Come Join the Team! We're looking to bring on some writers, marketers, and groupies. Think you got what it takes? Email us at jobs@ theblacksheeponline.com
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THE ULTIMATE HYPOTHETICAL
QUESTION: If you could have any super power you wanted for a year at the cost of losing your non-dominant hand, would you do it? Which super power would you choose? Send your answer to hypo@theblacksheeponline.com, or reply on Twitter (@TheBlackSheep99) or Facebook.
James Tufenkdjian
! s m a r g a n A Sexy Can you guess these hotties? Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com The first 5 right answers win prizes!
Word of the week Abruptuous:
Dreary Nylons
Derby Rock Elk On
Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com
Definition: Suddenly becoming very attractive for no specific reason. “I don’t know if Karen got a new haircut or what, but she’s abruptuous.”
03
Table of
contents 5 13
6
Page 4
Page 5
Page 06
Page 09
From the Streets Where’s the funniest place you’ve woken up?
Awkward Internships How did you deal with ending your crappy internship?
Hell is Other Apartments Party Pics + Shoutouts Why you should be more care- If you send us nudity, we’ll ful where you choose to live. print it. (Maybe.)
Pages 10 & 11 The World Famous Bar Grid!
Get your drink on every day of the week, fo' real cheap.
Page 13
So You’re Rushing A Sorority How to make sure you’re picking the princesses that are right for you.
Page 14
Top 10: Restaurants in Tallahassee Um, because you’re not a good cook.
04
From 'da Streets
pass the class: a guide to electives
“Where is this weirdest place you have ever woken up after a long night of drinking?”
Samantha Malone wrote this Throughout their years at Florida State, students will learn certain tidbits of information that can’t be found in any pamphlet or guide book. Orientation leaders won’t talk about them, and adviser won’t bring them up. For instance, how to pass a test without actually ever opening your textbook or what doctor at Thagard will write you a sick note for pretty much anything. One of these nuggets of knowledge is the relative ease of certain elective courses. Specifically, which elective classes are real cakewalks and which are deceptively difficult. Here is a quick guide to some of the more popular electives that make or break your GPA. Race and Ethnicity in the US is a great middle-of-the-road elective. It may not be the easiest class you ever take, but can be pretty interesting. It satisfies the Multicultural class requirement as well as the Gordon Rule requirement, which can be a lifesaver for those among you who enjoy classical literature as much as a bullet in the leg. This is a great entrylevel class to help new students get acclimated to college classes. Multicultural Film is another popular pick among freshmen. It satisfies the Multicultural requirement and the Gordon Rule requirement, just like Race and Ethnicity. There are a set number of movies that students must go see that play at the Student Life Cinema on campus every week, but if you can’t make it- no sweat! Just go rent the movie from Netflix. Imagine lounging in your comfy bed after a long night of drinking, watching a movie for class. Who would have thought a hangover could be so productive? The book that accompanies these films talks about current social issues, and can be a decent read. The class itself is hit or miss. Depending on the professor, class can be mildly interesting and very simple with weekly quizzes on the films; it can also plunge students into a very intense discussionbased class that relies heavily on the text, which tends to be dense, and uses the films as examples. Before signing up for this class look at the professor’s online reviews and ask around. Picking the wrong professor here could doom you to a much more trying class than you bargained for. Music World Cultures is another class that could be easy and fun or could be the bane of your existence for the entire semester. More often than not, it is the latter. While it does satisfy the Multicultural X and Gordon Rule requirements, this class typically involves listening to music from many different cultures and how each culture uses music. This makes it a bit of a crapshoot. Somalian drum beat may expose you to another, beautiful side of music you had never experienced, or just give you a headache. The drudge work in this class comes in when students have to write very long,
If I had to think about it, I guess I’d say on the floor of my bathroom?
Mikayla C.
tedious papers about them. The tests can be killers too, with almost as much required material as a core class. Even if you are interested in music or other cultures, think carefully before signing up. Oceanography is a great elective to take, especially if you are interested in science. Drag yourself to class and stay somewhat conscious and you should finish the course with an A or B. The information can be a little dry, but professors that teach this class do a good job of breaking everything up and making it easy to understand. You ARE in college, it can’t all be beer bongs and booty shorts. Electives can be the make-or-break classes your first few semesters at school. Always choose classes you think you will be at least remotely interested in. If they bore you before they even begin you’ll just skip class and end up with a bad grade, no matter how light the coursework is. Also, use the FSU database of class evaluations, along with ratemyprofessor, to give you a feel for the professor and workload of the class. But try to talk to someone you know to find out more about the class and professor. Just remember, you have the entire week of drop/add to escape from classes that seem too difficult and to find something a little more your speed. Everyone ends up taking a class that turns out to be way more difficult than they expected it to be. In that case, sorry, you’ve got to open the book and make an attempt at studying… who knew school would be so much work?!
"Imagine lounging in your comfy bed after a long night of drinking, watching a movie for class. Who would have thought a hangover could be so productive?"
Articles | Bar Specials | Party Pics Get more at theblacksheeponline.com
I don’t know, I fall asleep everywhere. I guess the weirdest place would probably be on the toilet.
Alex C. In a cat box. I guess it’s more like a bed. For a cat.
Kayla S.
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Last Day as an Awkward Intern: Setting Forth With Awkward Goodbyes, Farewells, and Sendoffs
05
Sarah Meitz wrote this
Semester after semester an endless parade of unmemorable interns come and go through the revolving door of corporate America. In order to garner a stellar new reference, recommendations and recognition, interns spend a few months doing free labor for professionals in the hopes of one day taking their jobs. Being an intern is irritating, frustrating, tiring, dull and even degrading at times, but above all it is awkward. Many awkward experiences will present themselves throughout the duration of an internship. Bar none, the moment that takes the awkward-looking cake is when it comes time to bid adieu to your shoebox-size cubicle, your plastic “Intern” name badge, your daily coffee-run duties, and to say your awkward final goodbyes. Some companies and organizations out there may feel as if parting with their unpaid, hard-working interns is just another day at the office. Some companies tend not to make a big fuss over the departure of their now familiar-faced little coffee-slaves so often seen running around the office like chickens with their heads cut off. But for the interns who felt a bond with the office
staff or became super popular with everyone (even some of the Big Kahunas of the company), deciding how to appropriately say thank you and farewell can be tricky. Should I write thank you cards? Should those cards be handwritten or typed? Is gift giving, even in a smaller office environment, weird, creepy and slightly inappropriate? If I do give them small thank you gifts, what in the hell should I buy these people that I hardly even know? Is a goodbye handshake considered less or more awkward than a friendly goodbye hug? If you give one person a hug, should you give everyone a hug? Maybe I’d be better off just leaving a farewell sticky note on my cubicle’s computer screen, or quietly slipping out of the office without a peep. Or perhaps I’ll just call in sick on my last day and weasel my way out of all those awkward goodbyes altogether! For other less paranoid and self-conscious interns, there exists no such thing as an awkward send off or awkward goodbyes. The more professional and polite the goodbye, and less warm and fuzzy the brown-nosing, the better. Don’t waste your time writing a fourth draft of the 500-word letter expressing your indebtedness and gratitude on your pricey, personalized “Thank You For This Opportunity” cards. No need to feel as if you owe freshly-baked cookies, a new desk organizer, or a lengthy Hallmark card to Steve, the nice guy from Technological Services that fixed your computer monitor. And there certainly isn’t a need to do the same thing for the entire nighttime maintenance crew that emptied your cubicle’s trash can every night. A handshake, strong eye contact, and a brief verbal account of your deepest appreciation and gratitude for the opportunity to have had been
an intern for Company XYZ seems more than appropriate to the more confident, less 24/7-people-pleasing interns. Your time and experience as an intern would simply not be complete without the uneasy, uncomfortable and humiliatingly awkward goodbyes and farewells on your last day. There’s nothing quite as awkward as those uncomfortable ass-out, farewell half hugs, the unnecessary gift giving, the sweaty death grip handshakes, and the standard “come back and see us after you graduate!” false hope statements. And you may even find yourself at a going away lunch break pizza party that only the other interns and the mailroom staff showed up for. The most awkward instance of all the rest however, is when you encounter a forced, fake, unenthusiastic, and clearly uncomfortable “Suuuuree” response from your internship supervisor when you asked if you could list her as a professional reference. Lets face it, being an intern in general is an awkward concept. Thus, it’s only natural that nearly every boring duty, ridiculous errand, mindless task and out of place office experience be just as embarrassing. When it comes time to bring down the curtain on your role as the misplaced, coffee-running, inappropriately dressed, mailing label-making, experience-hungry, unpaid and overworked intern at Company XYZ, awkward goodbyes and farewells are a given. Even on the final day of your internship, as you graciously thank and say goodbye to all of the people from the office that made you jump through impossible hoops and assigned you the lowest possible grunt work, the awkwardness and out of place feelings are not yet lost on the goodbyes, farewells and sendoffs.
06
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hell is other apartments Chris Agri wrote this Taking advice on where to live from friends isn’t always as beneficial as you would think. They may claim this apartment is great, or that apartment is perfect, but you could still end up hating the place the second you move in. As someone who has moved 27 times in the last 4 years, I have a bit of experience in this field, and know a thing or two about less-than-desirable living. I could easily write up a bad, to worse to shack-on-the-side-ofthe-road list on all the places I’ve lived, but it’d be pointless, my experience will have been wildly different from yours, plus, I don’t want to break down in tears thinking of those places again. Instead, here are a few suggestions on making the shantiest of shanties somewhat livable. This might seem a bit obvious, but do research on a place before you move in. The internet was made for more than just illegally downloading music and porn (I was surprised when I discovered this). Check out reviews from other people and see what they have to say. Your best friend may say this is a great place to live, but chances are that if it’s absolutely terrible, and they just want someone to drag down to their level of misery. If everyone complains about break-ins and rats bigger than their dogs, you should keep searching. The most important step to take, one that is also strangely often glossed over, is choosing the right roommate(s). There’s no such thing as the perfect roommate. It’s like Sasquatch or a girlfriend who doesn’t nag you, it simply doesn’t exist. That said, not all roommates are created equal, and it’s up to you to weed out which will be a swell dude and which will eventually become your archenemy. And make sure you’re picking your own roommate, not having someone do it for you. The people who match roommates together are apparently the same people who work on making new sitcoms. That’s why you hear so many stories about Hasidic Jews living with extremist Muslims and waging residential civil war on each other. On the other side of the coin, living with your best friend may seem like the greatest idea you’ve ever had, but when the novelty wears off well into the first month it’s hard to
remain buddies with someone you’re seeing for several hours a day, every day. Eventually their disgusting habits (I know you jerk off as soon as you get home from class every day, Justin) wear you down to the point where you have to ask yourself why you ever associated with this person to begin with. The easiest roommate solution: live with a disposable friend. Someone you get along with, but won’t feel too bad about curbing with the rest of your broken furniture when you tire of their existence. In the end, it’s not going to be perfect, unless you have rich parents who are willing to hand out a lot extra cash for your comfort. Have them buy a spacious one bedroom apartment (two if you want to give yourself an office) in the upscale part of town. Make sure they pay the rent and include all the amenities. This way you don’t have to worry about any of the financial woes that come with renting, and you’re free to be as much of a slob as you please because you won’t have an annoying roommate breathing down your neck. But, if you’re like the rest of us and don’t have rich parents at your disposal, then I guess my only valid suggestion would be to do what I do: drink so much that your horrible living situations don’t even phase you anymore.
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SO YOU WANNA RUSH A sorority?
07
samantha malone wrote this
Whether you’re Greek or not it’s hard to miss recruitment, I don’t know any other activity that makes girls spontaneously cry in the middle of Jefferson Street. But, as a Pan-hel woman who didn’t rush until my sophomore year and still wasn’t convinced that being in a sorority was right for me, I’m saying this: if you’re thinking about rushing, do it. Even if it is just a passing thought, give it a try. I’m a big believer in doing and trying everything you want in college, hangovers and diseases be damned. Can
Greek organizations be superficial? You betcha. It’s practically a requirement. Will you be best friends with every girl in your house? Doubtful, unless you’ve got enough money to pay all of them for it. To help some of the incoming freshmen decide what to do, or help convince those sophomores to give it another go, I’m going to share a little bit of my experience with being Greek. Warning: this is a real account; I’m not putting Spanx on it to make it look prettier. When I came to FSU during Summer C of my Freshman year, I had no idea about Greek Life except for what I had seen on TV. I was definitely NOT interested in fake, pretentious girls judging me from behind their bug-eye sunglasses. But my suitemate knew all about recruitment. She told me about the parties, the volunteer and leadership opportunities, and always having someone to hang out with. So I started to get interested. But alas, I was getting my wisdom teeth out smack dab in the middle of recruitment—and Lord knows you can’t flash a convincingly fake smile with wads of cotton in your cheeks. I was S-O-L. At the beginning of spring semester, I was invited to a couple of houses. It was kind of fake. Scratch that—it felt REALLY fake. At the end of dinner my cheeks hurt from having a smile plastered on my face for two hours
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straight, and if I’d had to make one more bubbly giggle I was going to shove some girl’s Louboutins where the sun doesn’t shine. And you know what? I still had fun. When I didn’t get a bid I was crushed. But life goes on, and I managed to convince myself that it was for the better because the corners of this town are crowded enough as it is, and that would have been the only way I could afford it. During that summer, some friends and I decided to go for broke (quite literally) and rush again. I went shopping for the clothes that rooms full of girls would judge me in without ever talking to me. Right before I paid the fee to sign up for recruitment I chickened out, it was too much money. I spent the entire fall semester watching my friends in their new sororities and kicking myself for not going through recruitment. I couldn’t wait for spring rush. I got invited to a few houses then, I was home! I am a Rho Gamma, and proud of it. The frat parties, socials, and formals are fun. Yes, it costs an arm and a leg. I’m not friends with everyone-hell, some of them STILL make me contemplate murder. I don’t love it all day, and there are plenty of times when I find myself rolling my eyes. But the benefits vastly outweigh the cost and I take all of those annoying moments for all of the fun I have had any day of the week.
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y: a d s r u h T y Ever
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september 4th: Divas of Duval Car Wash Benefiting Leukemia and Lymphoma Society! Free Koozies!
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Science Salon Hands on demos and star gazing!
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Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints Come Enjoy Live Music!
Indie Night! Dance party with gorgeous gals and lovely lads
FRI
$12.50 Miller Lite and Coors Light Buckets!
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Ladies Night! Free Wine/Champagne for Ladies $7 Double Captain Morgan & Jim Beam $2 Shots
Gameday Specials to Cheer on the Seminoles!
Alternative 80s Night
SAT
Welcome Back! Great specials all weekend long!
$12.50 Miller Lite and Coors Light Buckets! Bayou Brunch 10-2
Party on the Patio w/ NFL Sunday Ticket! Happy Hour ALL Day $2 Domestics $3 Imports and Wells
Hospitality Night $2 Domestics, $3 Imports $3 Wells
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SUN
$0.50 Bonless Wings and $1.50 Yuengling Drafts (4-Close)
All Day: $4.25 Ketel and Crown $3.75 Captain and Jose $2.25 Domestic Bottles $0.50 Bonless Wings and $1.50 Yuengling Drafts (4-Close)
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Blue Monday! $6 Double Wells $2 Shots
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MON
Ladies Night! FREE Draft Beer from 9-12
All Day: $4.25 Ketel and Crown $3.75 Captain and Jose $2.25 Domestic Bottles $0.50 Bonless Wings and $1.50 Yuengling Drafts (4-Close)
Happy Hour Until 9PM $2 Yuengling $3 Guinness Peanut Butter Pretzels
Open for Rentals
Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints Come Play Trivia 8-10
BBQ Night! $1 Off Most Beers Classic Country and Honkey-Tonk Music
TUES
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All Day: $4.25 Ketel and Crown $3.75 Captain and Jose $2.25 Domestic Bottles
Wasted Wednesday! $3 Wells, $2 Shots Happy Hour Until 9PM
Winning Wednesday Free Champaign/Wine for Ladies $7 Dble Captain Morgan $6 Fish Bowls, $2 Shots
Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints $10 All You Can Drink Bud Light from 9-2
Ladies Night! $3 Maker’s Mark & Stoli Drinks DJ Chantel Spinning!
WED
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Every Happy Hour Enjoy $5 Jager and Irish Car Bombs!
Welcome Back! Great specials all weekend long!
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Bartender of the Week BRITNEY CALLINS SPACE BAR Relationship status: Seeing someone Craziest night on the job: Kicked 45 people out of the bar in 4 minutes Favorite sexual position: Unicorn Supernova Weapon of choice: Knife Anywhere in the world you’d want to go for vacation: Northern Oregon Boxers or Briefs: Boxers/none Guilty pleasure: Alcohol Favorite TV show?: Tie between Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deadwood Favorite movie?: Who Framed Roger Rabbit or The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance Favorite beer?: 2005 Bigfoot Barley Wine-Styled Ale How do you
drinking game:
stacks
Are you willing to bet your laundry money on your quarters skills? If you are, stacks will appeal to you, kinda like that four-toothed hottie you stalk at the laundromat. Number of Players: At least two. What You Need: A bunch of quarters and some beers. Intoxication Level: That pre-teen’s gonna look stacked. How to Play: -Stacks is played on a standard table, have all players sit around the table. -Place one quarter in the center of the table. -Each player takes turns attempting to bounce another quarter so it lands on top of the quarter in the middle of the table. -If a quarter stops and is touching the center quarter, the player doesn’t have to drink. Stack the touching quarter on top of the middle quarter. -The game continues in this manner. If a player misses the quarter, they must drink. If the player’s quarter ends up touching the quarter (or stack of quarters), place it on top. -As the stack grows, the game becomes more difficult. -If the stack falls, the player causing it must drink one drink for every quarter in the stack. The Game Ends When: The group decides to put the quarters towards a Taco Bell feast.
spend a lazy Sunday: It would start at Bearpaw, end with drinks in Midtown, and definitely involve mimosas Mayo or Miracle Whip?: Aioli Favorite food: Something with cheese, whiskey, and pasta Worst sexual experience: The first one If you were stuck on a deserted island and could only bring three possessions with you, what would they be?: My knife, whiskey, and potatoes Biggest pet peeve?: People who mix good scotch, and people who light alcohol on fire Drink You Dare People to Try: Cement Mixer: Mix Baileys and lime juice. Swish in mouth until it curdles
recipe for disaster:
Bugle Nachos
Bugles, the highly addictive salty treat, are a versatile snack. Much like a blank canvas, Bugles can be dressed up in lovely ways. Here is one of those wonderful ways. What You’ll Need: Nacho Cheese Bugles, queso, shredded cheese, ground beef. Cook Time: About 15 minutes. Fatty Factor: 100% of your recommended daily sodium intake is an understatement. Let’s Get Baked: - Cook up the ground beef on the stove top. Add in some delicious spices. - Warm up some queso in the microwave, but it only has to be lukewarm. - With a spoon, fill each Bugle with queso. Put them on a plate like nachos. - Add the ground beef on top of the Bugles. Sprinkle with shredded cheese, then pop it in the microwave to melt the cheese, about 45 seconds. - Of course, you can add any amount of nacho accessories; green onions, black olives, jalapenos, salsa, guacamole, sour cream… mmmm. You can always make double or triple layer nachos, depending on how patient you are with filling the Bugles precisely with queso. Also try dipping the Bugles into the queso. This way, you’ll get most of the queso on your fingers, which you can then decadently lick off.
How to Avoid Being “That Guy”
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vince wrote this
I’ve been lucky in my college career, the number of awesome parties I’ve attended have far outweighed the lame ones. But, it seems that no matter what there is always “That Guy.”Whether it is the overly ecstatic beer pong player or the guy with the backpack on--no one enjoys their company. Here are a few reasons to avoid being That Guy so you’ll be invited back: Firstly, this is college and I have seen many freshman guys, as well as girls and upperclassmen, just get
absolutely shithoused and unable to carry their alcohol. Look, drinking is great, it’s what college is all about, but when you can’t say your first name and are falling into people at a party, no one wants to be around you. Now I know many of you young ladies will completely ignore this, but if you want to keep friends duringyour freshman year, actually enjoy the parties, and remember some of it then you should heed the advice I am giving you, you’re not Frank the Tank. Onto the next one, remember that overly cocky kid in your high school that always thought he was pretty good at everything but in reality he had a 3.0 GPA and was 5th in scoring on the basketball team? Okay, well high school sports were cool in high school and all the other shit was too, but this is the major leagues, man andno one gives a fuck. I can’t tell you how many worthless conversations I’ve had with guys and girls full of reminiscing about the glory days. Next time I hear Johnny tell me about how he won the state championship on the last play of the game I’m going to remind him how Friday Night Lights went while I commit suicide. So maybe it’s harsh, but the past is the past, come to a party to have a good time in the present. Plus you’re kind of an adult now and you should be able to have a
real conversation with the new people you’re meeting. “The Ladies Man”, yeah you know exactly who the fuck I am talking about. The guy who thinks his dick is God’s gift to women. Whenever I see these so-called hot shots walking around the party on the prowl for women, I just laugh. I enjoy socializing with girls as well, but can we show a little damn respect? One of the most obvious things you see these guys do at party is just striking out time after time and going on to the next girl. For Christ’s sake this isn’t the damn Jersey Shore, keep the abs locked up under your Affliction tee and go back to wherever the hell you came from. Almost always, the next thing you will hear from them is complaining, “These girls suck blah blahblah.” After striking out more times than they can keep track of, they will proceed to drink heavily and most likely try to fight someone or continue to be obnoxious. The only step to get rid of these guys is to kick them out as soon as you see them, they’re always trouble. Bottom line, kids: just be you and remember to never be That Guy at a party. Everyone will enjoy you a whole lot more, including the girls; they know there already too many of Those Guysand they enjoy a break from them much more than you’d think.
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The Next Big Power Conference Harley Shinewrote this Much to the chagrin of college football fans around the country, it is abundantly evident that the SEC has been the cream of the conference crop since the start of the BCS era. Since 1998 the SEC has taken home seven BCS National Titles and to date is undefeated in the BCS National Title game. The SEC boasts a 15-7 overall record in BCS bowl games and has a winning record against every other power conference. In the BCS era the Texas-centric Big12 and super-traditional Big Ten conferences have both enjoyed success, but year after year they have been upstaged by their nasty siblings in the southeast. Speaking of sibling rivalries, that brings us to the ACC: the Arnie to the SEC’s Gilbert Grape. The ACC and SEC have been seen as rival conferences since the inception of the ACC. In addition to numerous cross-conference rivalries, many ACC schools occupy the same states as SEC schools. Like, you know, that one school in Gainesville. Outside of these timehonored traditions ACC and SEC teams have been booking each other for regular season games for ages. The point? These folks are like cats and dogs, and will do anything to prove their dominance in the South. The ACC is 2-11 overall in the BCS, those two wins being Florida State’s BCS National Title from 1999 and Virginia Tech’s 2008 Orange Bowl victory. Despite being the least successful conference of the BCS era, the ACC is in a position to be the next big power conference. This is starting to sound like the plot of a sappy underdog football team movie; but these folks have what it takes to make it a reality. Glimmers of hope can be found in many of the ACC’s markets, but the brightest of these shining stars are in Tallahassee and Blacksburg. With Jimbo Fisher dragging FSU football out of the dark ages with three phenomenal recruiting classes, the hiring of additional personal necessary to compete in 21st century college football and the announcement of an indoor practice facility, the Seminoles stand poised to take the field by force. FSU finished 2010 with a 10-4 record, the ACC Atlantic Division title, and (most importantly) wins over both the Miami Hurricanes and the Florida Gators. Jimbo and Co. had a good reason to party like it’s 1999, the last time FSU managed to defeat both in-state rivals in the same year. Frank Beamer’s excellent consistency-wining 10 or more games for Tech every year for the past seven years-is nothing to look down your nose at either. Virginia Tech ended 2010 with an 11-3 record, the ACC Coastal Division title, and perfect record in the ACC, a feat never accomplished in the modern/post-expansion ACC. The stars are certainly shining on these schools—but which will come out on top? Who knows? While there can be only one champion, things still bode well for whoever comes in second place. Both teams are so evenly matched and so close to being king of the hill that even number two has nothing to cry about: after all, that would be mad Tebow-ish. While the ACC is known for underachieving, fans from Boston down to Miami have a reason to be optimistic for a change. Gone are the days of having teams falling in and out of the Top 25 all season long. No longer will mediocre conference races come down to the wire because all of the best teams play like none of them even want to win their own divisions, as the preseason Top 25 features both squads, with Florida State ranked 5th, and Virginia Tech 13th. If Florida State and Virginia Tech can both show up in Charlotte this December posting perfect records—which is not impossible—both of them could end up bound for BCS bowl games—making this the first time two ACC teams have gone to BCS bowl games in the same season. Some might argue that the rest of the ACC are, in the words of Gorden Gee, “The little sisters of the poor.” If that’s true, their little sisters must have beaten the hell out of them growing up. For those who say FSU and VT shouldn’t be respected for being at the top of their conference, they can pull down their jorts and keep on whacking it to the SEC. With Clemson consistently bringing in top talent, NC State and Maryland showing new signs of life, the future looks bright. Boston College and Georgia Tech appear to be saving face as mediocre teams and Duke, Wake Forest, and Virginia look like they might just be in for a resurrection from the bargain basement bin of college football back to the middle of the road. College football is in turmoil. Multiple SEC powerhouses and the heart and soul of the Big Ten are all under investigation, the Pac 12 scheduled itself into a wall, the Big 12 is furiously shitting the bed between their loss of a conference title game and their nightmarish schedules getting more intense due to round robin scheduling, and the Big East is going to have TCU tear it a new one in 2012. When all the dust settles, there’s good reason to believe that the ACC can come out on top. With the climate of the football world changing so many, coaches getting hired and fired every year, and the dramatic conference realignments of 2011 onward, ACC fans have a good reason to be optimistic. Unlike everyone else, we’re stable. And there’s nowhere to go but up!
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TOP TEN
www.theblacksheeponline.com Must-Visit
Restaurants In Tallahassee
10: Bagel Bagel Café: This breakfast and lunch establishment is a great place to go for a fresh breakfast sandwich or bagel in the morning, Or if you find yourself sleeping in until 2PM like we Seminoles so often do, you can still swing or by for a delicious turkey and cheddar bagel sandwich, a salad, or buffalo chicken wrap. Bagel Bagel is a good change up from your average chain sandwich shop. It’s definitely worth a try. 9: Super Perros Colombian Restaurant: There isn’t much quality Colombian food near the university, with the exception of Super Perros. This local establishment on the corner of Tennessee and Ocala has a variety of delicacies on the Menu. From giant hot dogs to Colombian steak to the best rice and beans in town, you’d do well not to be deceived by the looks of this Columbian gem. 8. Jim and Milt’s: This restaurant serves up the most popular BBQ within 5 miles of Florida State campus. Jim and Milt’s serves homemade breakfast, lunch, and dinner at prices that we college students can afford. The service is quick and the freshly cooked meats and sides are particularly popular on game days. So move over Sonny’s, this is the only way to go for BBQ in Tallahassee. 7. Momo’s Pizzeria: This legendary pizzeria is famous for their monstrous homemade slices. Typically this pizza joint will attract a large lunch and dinner crowd. Momo’s serves up New York style pizza with all the toppings you can think of, and usually one giant slice of pizza is enough for a whole meal. 6. Mr. Roboto Tokyo Grill: Every college town has got to have a good hibachi/sushi place, and in Tallahassee that place is Mr. Roboto Tokyo Grill. If you want a large portion of goodness that will last all but the hungriest stomachs for at least two meals, then this is the place for you 5. Gordo’s Cuban Cuisine: In the mood for some fresh empanadas, or a hot-pressed Cuban sandwich? Gordo’s has got you covered. The biggest Cuban restaurant in town offers all the classic dishes. From chicken and yellow rice to delicious burgers and special seasoned fries, there is something for everyone here. 4. Andrew’s Capital Grill: Didn’t blow all your money at the bars on Friday night and thinking about going somewhere nice? You should check out Andrew’s. This restaurant has a nice atmosphere located downtown near the capital, yet the prices aren’t too steep for a restaurant near the business district. Andrew’s has a wide variety of American favorites on the menu that come in large quantities so you won’t go home hungry. 3. Po’ Boys Creole Café: This Cajun restaurant definitely gives off a friendly, college-town vibe, offering New Orleans style food only minutes from campus. Po’ Boys offers unique appetizers like gator-tail and fried pickles. You’ll also find classic Cajun dishes, tasty boneless wings, and (of course!) their namesake Po’ Boy sandwiches that will have you full for days. 2. Los Compadres Mexican Restaurant: This place has become wildly popular over the past 5 years, and is the hot spot for drink specials on margaritas and oversized beers. And of course, this restaurant has the best Mexican food in the Florida State area. A full menu of homemade Mexican delicacies are available, along with the best salsa in town. 1. Wells Brothers “Monk’s” Restaurant: Otherwise known simply as “Monk’s”. A Tallahassee institution. You’re not going to find any other restaurant like this one. Monk’s has 10 specialty burgers (including the popular “Gator-Hater”), homemade pizzas, sandwiches, signature chili, and tasty hummus dip among the tantalizing treats on the menu that keep this restaurant jam-packed night after night. Monks has a welcoming feel because it is locally owned and operated, and is a must-visit upon arrival in Tallahassee.
Bryce Josepher wrote this
SHOUT OUTS!
Let’s hear it for another great season for Jimbo Fisher and the FSU ‘Noles. I’d also like to make a shout out to my amazing girlfriend Isabella. - Fernando Pinto I’d like to give a shoutout to all of my lovely sisters in Alpha Gamma Delta. You guys are the greatest and you truly are my second family!! - An Alpha Gam Sister Julia Bomfim, most phenomenal roommate in the world, I adore you with every bit of my being and hope to wake up to your precious face for the rest of my FSU career. -Kelly Valdes So I want to give a thank you shoutout to my twin Glenycia for sticking with me through thick and thin and to the love of my life Alex for not giving up on me... - Ruth Etienne Shout out to my boys Mike and James the craziest SOBs I know. - Max Ramos
SEND IN YOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
G I loves u but ur a freaken nut fuck and ur out to lunch - Ari Sup Florida State, you kick ass. Now go win
I wanna give a shoutout to the original Smith Family crew. I got 5 on it. - Liz Mulligan
Sarah - how much weight did you lose over summer? 25 pounds? Did it go straight to the boobs? - Danny Shoutout to the two freshmen who sat with me during my sexile, when I was pretty sure i was drunkenly talking to myself. To the lonely man walking outside Shoutout to pizza for being delicious last night, I’m sorry I threw beer at when drunk. you but you were totally being a dick Shoutout to Larry- sorry my friend told to your girlfriend on the phone you you were her soul-mate, lured you into our cab, and then made you pay our $20 fee...you win some you lose some. At least you’re “more mature” some football and bring back that NC =p than we are.
SHOUT OUT OF THE WEEK
-Raymond Mak
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Fall 2011 Crappy Movie Guide
We were going to do an actual fall movie guide, but when we looked at the release schedule we couldn’t help but think, “Holy shit, all of these movies look terrible.” Hey, gotta do what the market dictates, right? By: Brendan
Title: Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Release Date: September 9th Starring: Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci, Don Johnson Why It’s Gonna Suck: Look, Nick Swardson seems like a nice enough guy. His stand-up is pretty funny, and he was genuinely hilarious in Grandma’s Boy, but the rest of his filmography includes such classics as 30 Minutes or Less, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and his (7 episode long) TV series Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time. What is this dude doing starring in a movie, again? Scene Guaranteed to Happen: The camera cuts quickly to everyone in the room just after Swardson makes some sort of thinly-veiled allusion to Bucky’s homosexuality. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Lick pus from an oozing foot blister.
Title: Abduction Release Date: September 23rd Starring: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins (daughter of Phil Collins!) Why It’s Gonna Suck: The tagline for the movie is “The fight for the truth will be the fight of his life.” He’s not Martin Luther King Jr. people, he’s a shitty, emotionally void actor who finally gets to fire a gun instead of shape shifting into a werewolf. Scene Guaranteed to Happen: A low-angle camera circles a shirtless Taylor Lautner as he stares menacingly into the distance, gun in hand. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Inject baby shit into my own ass with a turkey baster.
Title: Dolphin Tale Release Date: September 23rd Starring: Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr., a dolphin Why It’s Gonna Suck: A heartwarming tale about a dolphin losing its tail? Puns in the title? Harry Connick Jr.? Dolphin Tale has “schlockfest” written all over it. Expect life lessons about friendship, social responsibility and questionable movie roles (why, Morgan Freeman?) all up in your grill, because every time a dolphin gets caught in a tuna net, it’s your fault, you filthy consumer piece of shit. Scene Guaranteed to Happen: An emotional moment is had by all when the dolphin, new tail in hand, breaches the water in a display of friendship with the young protagonist. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Your mom. Boosh.
Title: Real Steel Release Date: October 7th Starring: Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly, robot boxers Why It’s Gonna Suck: Because for some reason this movie will have a plot. A stupid, contrived plot. Down-on-his-luck Jackman meets a kid that inspires him to get back into the ole’ robot fightin’ game? No. Robots punching each other? Yes. It doesn’t matter how much robot fighting is in this movie, unless there’s 8 hours of clobberin’, there needs to be more metal-on-metal action. Scene Guaranteed to Happen: An absolutely ridiculous montage featuring Hugh Jackman teaching a robot how to box. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Eat a random item out of a Planned Parenthood dumpster.
Title: The Three Musketeers Release Date: October 21st Starring: Orlando Bloom, Christoph Waltz, Milla Jovovich Why It’s Gonna Suck: The first two sentences of the film’s Wikipedia entry note The Three Musketeers is a “steampunk-influenced reinterpretation…shot in 3D.” My god, you can practically see the studio execs massaging their boners as they think about the buzzwords attached to the flick. “Hey, Harvey, do you think the synergy between a steampunk movie shot in 3D and the vertical collaterals of a burgeoning franchise will get us each another bathtub full of money?” “I dunno, Lewis, would you like to suck my dick while I think about it?” Scene Guaranteed to Happen: Some weird steam-powered flying contraption zips out into the audience. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Go down a Slip N’ Slide full of an obese family’s taint sweat.
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The Black Sheep Interviews: John (but not Peter or Bjorn)
the MUSIC page
Like that IKEA where you bought your scummy dorm futon, Swedish indie rockers Peter, Bjorn and John are pretty damn big, and they’re all over America. The trio is kicking off their All You Can Eat tour in Chicago with dates across the nation until they wrap up in San Francisco on October 8th. Drummer John Eriksson was kind enough to let us interview him. What a handsome gentleman. The Black Sheep: How did having a hit like “Young Folks” change your approach to writing songs for Gimme Some? John: I think we’re 50% “screw it” and 50% “let’s not screw it up.” Having a hit in the genre of “indie-pop” — or whatever we are — could be a bit like if the most popular dish at a steakhouse was fish, in other words, “confusing.” For us “the hit” works like a carrot on a stick, “Young Folks” has a life of its own and that is what you want to happen to all of the songs you write. We wanna make evergreens, classic fucking pop songs that will last forever, and we try to do that all the time. Sometimes we fail, of course, but on Gimme Some we think that there are some pretty decent ones, for sure.
CD REVIEW
Out Now
CSS
La Liberacion
CSS’s upbeat attitude is barely a hit, nor neither a miss. Guys, we aren’t in 2007 anymore. The mind frame of “Let’s not worry, Obama is going to come in and fix everything, so let’s be optimistic! Dance, dance, dance!” is now more like “Fuck this. Let’s drink a lot of something cheap and fuckin’ dance.” We weren’t all the way torn down by the recession, so the upbeat, poppy dance music that came out then (Justice, LCD Soundsystem, M.I.A.) was unabashedly fresh, upbeat, and just what the doctor ordered to help ease our wounds. Today, well, we’re a little tired of working 10-hour days and getting laid off. Is CSS’s La Liberacion just what we need to stop feeling so sorry for ourselves? Lord knows we all know their tune, “Music is My Hot, Hot Sex” from good ole’ 07 because it was on an Apple commercial (as the hipster’s roll over in their graves at how they listened to it a whole year before.) But most of CSS’s music doesn’t stray too far from the catchy, uptempo beats of their hit song. Their latest album has their signature unique sound, but with a 2011 spin on it; think more Robyn, Lady GaGa, Ke$ha. The first single, “Hits Me Like a Rock,” has that chanting, anthem-like beat that is super catchy, but perhaps a bit too slow and a bit too tame for a club song. “City Grrl” is a sad, sad song to the tune of Ke$ha, better
C+
known as “crappy and unoriginal.” The lyrics sound like nothing more than a 12-year-old’s glittery dreams; “short shorts, short skirts, flower tops.” But do we listen to electronic, rave music for lyrics? No way! Just take a listen to ““La Liberacion,” a song entirely in some other language, but has enough passion in the singing and intensity in the beats that all you need to do is dance to it, nothing more. While there are tunes with some kitschy sounds (“Echo of Love”), there are some slower-tempo songs (“Partners in Crime”) that fit in without sounding out of place or cheesy. So, I bring you back to our own current economic state; it’s really lookin’ rocky, ya’ll. One day the market has bombed and we are all starting to can fruit to store up for the apocalypse, and the next the market is up and though none of us really know what that means, we rest assure that we can go to work and buy more booze one more day. So while Obama can’t fix anything, neither can CSS. But at least we can dance until we forget about it all. Sounds Like: Robyn’s wannabe little sister. Download: Hits Me Like a Rock, La Liberacion Listen to it When: Pre-gamin’ with your grrls and your gays.
>>> UPCOMING RELEASES David Guetta - Where Them Girls At Lil Wayne - Tha Carter IV Ry Cooder - Pull Up Some Dust & Sit Down Cobra Starship - Night Shades
Lenny Kravitz - Black And White America Mike Doughty - Yes And Also Yes Red Hot Chili Peppers - I’m With You The Red Suit Apparatus - AM I The Enemy
TBS: What’s the creative process for you guys? Like, talk me through how you get an idea for a song to how you get a finished product. John: Things start when I’m on tour, walking the streets of some city and a melody starts playing in my brain. I’ll pick up my smartphone and record the melody. Then, when I get back to Sweden I’ll go back to the smartphone for the melodies and the lyrics or notes I made for it. I use that to build a song. Three months later I’ll make a demo and sent it off to Peter and Bjorn, we’ll meet in some deserted cellar and rehearse it for 30 or 40 minutes. Eventually we’ll book a studio with some decent mics, walk into a studio and spend 8 or so hours recording a song. Of course the song gets changed like, 6 times. After a few beers and some more mixing we’ll like how it sounds, and we’ll head to mixing (the most mysterious part of the creation). We’ll fight over the mix for a while, and a few weeks later it’ll be finished, we’ll master it and it’ll be ready for a person’s ears. TBS: Can you talk about the differences, if any, in touring different countries or continents? Can you make—or speak in—generalities about venues and shows in different parts of the world, or is that just a myopic point of view from an ill-traveled interviewer? John: People are more or less quite similar all over the world, believe it or not. The biggest difference — and the stuff that will affect the show — is the way the stage works and what kind of food you eat before playing. (And we have eaten much better stuff in Texas than in France). During our upcoming US tour we want to explore those differences even more. In Chicago, for instance, we play at like four different venues during one week. We had this idea that people could get a super ticket and go to all of the shows, we want it to be like a big PB&J buffet, hopefully no one will throw up afterwards. TBS: You’ve shown a lot of support for hip-hop, and hip-hop artists have shown a lot of love to you. Why do you think your music lends itself so well to that genre? John: I think it’s because the drums and the beats in our music are so awesome. (Editor’s note: Because John is the drummer, you see.) TBS: When you’re not busy doing music things, what are you doing? John: At the moment mostly kissing and eating. Not at the same time though.
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Madlib: Welcome back to campus! 1) fast food place 2) best friend 3) type of dog 4) body part 5) one of the senses 6) vegetable 7) minority group 8) type of car 9) action 10) number 11) sexual move 12) current crush 13) dance move 14) campus building 15) type of beer/booze 16) old roommate 17) campur bar 18) body part 19) last hookup 20) non-sexual body part 21) name of campus bus 22) friend 23) type of clothing 24) greek house 25) eating/drinking item 26) condiment 27) type of student
Wow, am I glad school is back in session! This summer I worked at ____1____ with ____2____ and it sucked ____3____ ____4____. Every day I had to ____5____ the ____6____, and then take the ____7____ still there from the night before and throw them in the ____8____ outside. Embarrassing. Anyways, enough about my ____9____ summer, time to focus on the future. I’m thinking I’ll go on a ____10____ day bender, during which I can finally ____11____ ____12____ and then ____13____ in the ____14____. We all know he/she deserves it. The one thing I won’t do is drink ____15____ with ____16____ again, last time that happened I ended up at ____17____ showing everyone my ____18____ and well, nobody was impressed. I really hope I run into ____19____ soon though. We left last semester all weird after we rubbed ____20____ on the ____21____ and ____22____ walked in on us. They asked why we weren’t wearing any ____23____ and we told them we had just seen some ____24____ and they took them. Somehow that worked, but come on now. So, raise your ____25____ to another great year starting up. Let’s hope we all manage to rub some ____26____ on some ____27____ this week!
Meet The Staff! campus manager James Tufenkdjian Advertising Manager Skylar Fillmore editorial Manager Megan Fontaine distribution Manager Micheal Fury EDITOR Samantha Saletos Writers Chris Agri Harley Shine Stephanie Hernandez Samantha Malone Bryce Josepher
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Founders James Tufenkdjian, Skylar Fillmore, Brendan Bonham, Atish Doshi, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, and Jessica Sommers
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change classes:
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Cause of expulsion:
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AND MORE!
happy hour: monday - thursday, 6pm to 8pm BUY AN SIZE BOWL AND GET THE SECOND ONE FREE! Plus! $10 Hookah All Day Every Day!
An Authentic Hookah Experience 535 SILVER SLIPPER LANE | TALLAHASSEE | (850) 385.5125 | ALADDINSTALLAHASSEE.COM