Volume 1, Issue 4 | 10/27/11 - 11/16/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
Black we go on a Sheep frenchtown
The
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
F danree.. cin .like gc e om nt pet eri iti ng o on ur at pol Bul e ls!
safari
Evans Prater wrote this
Want to know why my job is better than yours? Because last Sunday my colleague and I, James Tufenkdjian (yeah, he’s a terrorist), had an idea. And when a Tufenkdjian threatens you with an idea, you better obey. So, we decided to get some chairs, some whiskey, and sit outside in one of the sketchiest parts of town, just to see what happened. What part of town, you ask? Well, none other than that 4.3 square miles little gem of liquor stores, crackheads, and hobos: Frenchtown. For those of you who don’t know, “Frenchtown” is a neighborhood just behind the Tennessee strip. It boasts a large, murky-green, floating Schlitz pile in its “lake,” the Governor’s Mansion (what?), and some of the coziest little dilapidated brothels in the Tallahassee area. Now my colleague and I, being quite experienced in the art of human observation and gratuitous whiskey drinking, were more than qualified to undertake such an expedition. What we weren’t prepared for was how difficult it would be to walk back inside under the drunken haze of Canadian Hunter. But I digress. Here’s what we saw: 4:03p.m.: “Tuf” (that’s his nickname, douchey I know) and I each pour a tall glass of whiskeyginger, grab a chair, and proceed to sit in his driveway on West Virginia street. 4:05p.m.: Scared sorority girl drives by, obviously afraid and speeding in her BMW. Letters THXDAD on the back. 4:10p.m.: Hobos start to pour in to the parking lot of the homeless shelter across the street. The smell of dried urine and poopy pants fills the air. We notice we can see the capitol building, the shelter, and a Baptist church across the street at the same time. 4:14p.m.: Another scared sorority girl drives by. A cop is behind her. She looks only slightly less frightened than the previous one. James comments that he doesn’t feel safer, despite frequent appearances from TPD on his street. 4:19p.m.: An old, beat up Buick LeSabre pulls in to the adjacent driveway. It immediately shuts off. The driver attempts several times to restart to no avail. Several muffled curses can be heard from inside the vehicle. The driver exits, pops the hood, and proceeds to pull wires and pipes he obviously has no knowledge of. He is a large man who looks to be in his early thirties (but who knows? Crack makes you look much younger than you really are, right?). Tuf and I attempt to hold back serious bouts of laughter in spite of the man’s proximity. What seems to be the man’s girlfriend also exits the car, pulls out an iPhone (what the hell?) and proceeds to sit on the trunk. Her large buttocks create a small dent while her freeze-dried hair and 4 inch nails make it hard to refrain from smirking. I am out of whiskey. 4:20p.m.: I look at my phone, it’s 4:20. A little dance party starts in my head. I refill my whiskey and return to my post. A thin man in an Oakland Raiders shirt and Levi’s that look like they’ve been through a stump grinder walks by, nods, and says, “Ay, owya’l doin’?” We acknowledge him with a nod. “Just fine, good sir.”
Other stuff
Inside
04: The Ever-SoTypical ‘Nole Cycle
Life as a FSU football fan has been pretty predictable this past decade.
4:33p.m.: More groups of people begin to roam the streets. I feel slightly unwelcome and threatened; however, I maintain the obligatory (aka, false) air of manliness. James grabs his ‘Frenchtown Stick’, a stainless steel tube about two feet long. A cop drives by. I feel slightly better. 4:39p.m.: A group of two males and two females, all wearing flat-billed hats walk across the street. Loud, obnoxious noises can be heard, although syntax is unrecognizable. The man fixing his car has now been pulling at random tubes and wires for twenty minutes. His car still will not start. 4:44p.m.: The man in the Raiders shirt from earlier is now walking the other way down the street. We make eye contact; this time he approaches us. “Ay fella ow yal dern?” He has no front teeth. “Good. You?” “Ay, I jus wan yal ta kno, I a dam goocleaninman. See dos house? I don cleant alladem. Me an Ms. Lawson, mmhmm.” “Cool.” “Yeuh man yu kno i ant ask fa no mohney but yu kno.” James gets up, walks inside without a word. The man mumbles some indiscernible gibberish to me, I notice his eyes are extremely red and his posture is much more relaxed than before. I have just witnessed a 4 o’clock crack run. James returns. He slaps the man’s hand and I can see some dollar bills exchanged between them. He says “Tankya” and leaves. “See, you just gotta give ‘em some money, then they leave.” Living here must get pretty expensive. I notice my second whiskey-ginger has run out and I’ve grown fairly buzzed. I give up observing and convince myself I have enough material for an article. Tuf and I venture to get barbeque but they’re closed. We head to Mike’s Liquor to get beer and pong paraphernalia and return to his house. On the way in, we see the guy next door now has a friend beating on the bottom of his car with a large monkey wrench. I think he’s performing some voodoo ritual. And that is why my job is better than yours.
14: Pointless Clubs at FSU
What? Most clubs are blunt objects, right?
14: top 10: last minute (cheap) costume ideas Guys, grab a mask. Ladies, grab some horns.
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Definition: The strategic mapping of local pubs, dives, cantinas, clubs and watering holes that allows for maximum drinking during a bar crawl. Sentence: “Steve’s bartography skills ensured that the entire sweatpants barcrawl was sufficiently drunk by midnight.”
03
Table of
contents
5 13
P5: How To: Argue Like An Adult Because they can definitely scream louder than small children.
P13: How To: Make Anything Into A Drinking Game Drink every time someone cries at grandma’s funeral!
P6: The Infamous Mrs. Degree Four steps to being the best wife he can afford.
P16: the death of some pop stars... We really hope a few of these people meet their demise soon...
P9: party pics and shoutouts Hey don’t judge us, we’re just the ones printing them!
6
P12: Bartender of the issue Elise from Bullwinkle’s is a reverse cowgirl who fell from heaven, we think.
P17: we interview: cut copy An Aussie band you better learn to love soon...or be a loser. P18: Music Review: Holiday Shores We look at Tallahassee’s own best new band!
04
From 'da Streets What Are You Looking to Find This Halloween? A friend—I don’t think Paulie Shore has any, maybe I’ll haunt him. -Casper
the ever-so-typical ‘nole cycle bryce Josepher wrote this November is around the corner, which means we’re in is where we do the most damage. Seminole fans are the heart of football season. Here at Florida State we never more rowdy than during those first few games and love football season. We even took the crown for the tailgates. Something about seeing our streets crowded best tradition in college football from ESPN. But what all with opposing fans just makes our blood boil. The kickoff of us have been witnessing for years is inconsistency and to the season is the ultimate climax for a Seminoles fan; over-hype, and it seems like Seminole fans have finally because this is when the wait is over, and the game-day had enough of it. After being a student here for three keg stands and trash talking begins. There’s nothing like football seasons, I’ve seen all the ups and downs, wins roasting in the sun with a beer, counting down the hours and unexpected losses and trash talking. I am referring until your top-5 team destroys a no-name school for the to the “‘Nole Cycle,” the cycle of love and loss that first game of the year. Sure, this adds to our already-giSeminole football fans have endured for years. ant egos, but why not live it up before Oklahoma shreds The cycle begins with the preseason, all the hype our title hopes apart? whipping up excitement among The third part of the cycle is endurstudents and fans. Take this year for “...when those preseason rankings ing the rest of the season. After one example: FSU was ranked number or two unexpected losses that really five in the country when the season came out, we talked a lot of shit to shouldn’t have been a surprise, we kicked off. This period, only months our friends down at UF and blew up slip into the Seminole Slump. This ago, was great for this univerhappens every season, whether it’s our Facebook pages with articles losing to Miami or surrendering to the sity. We were getting the positive recognition nationwide, we (once about the top-5 football team” Tar Heels at home in the 4th quarter. again) came into the season stacked Seeing these crushing losses in person full of talent, and we were able to for the past three years teaches you brag about it, because there was no way the team was how to deal with it. Until the Noles can pull all of their going to lose three games in a row this year, right? Well, talent together and go all the way, my advice is to think we’ve seen how things have turned out, but when those realistically and ignore the hype. If you don’t, I hope you preseason rankings came out, we talked a lot of shit to enjoy having your soul crushed. our friends down at UF and blew up our Facebook pages with articles about the top-5 football team. And because Luckily, here in Tallahassee we don’t know how to stop we are at FSU, we drank in celebration every chance we partying, so the festivities go on no matter what the could, because who really knew when our national title outcome of the football season is. Of course, if we could hopes would all come crashing down? Ah yes, if you were even pull off a one loss season and get back into a BCS smart, you took advantage of the overhype while it lastbowl, Seminole fans would be ecstatic (and drunk). But ed, and if you were a firm believer that we would still be for now, we have to continue with the Circle of Seminole in the top-5 by now, well...my condolences to you. Life, usually ending with an 8-4 record and the goddamn The second phase of the ‘Nole football cycle is Citrus or Chic-fil-A bowl. It’s not the conference chamwelcoming the beginning of the season, the cupcake pionship, but hell, we might as well drink to it. Hakuna games and tailgates up until that first crushing loss. This matata.
True love...I think I have a shot with J Wowww...look muscles! -Frankie
Some delicious Ciroc for all this blood, thanks P-Diddy! -Dracula
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how to: argue like an adult
05
J.N. Bordonaba wrote this
I’m throwing down the gauntlet- is it possible to argue without your fists? We all get into arguments, be it in a spat with your roommate, a tiff with your significant other, or an exasperated temper tantrum with your family. We’ve all erupted over issues, big or small, with just one goal in mind: winning. Whatever the issue, we know our opinion or approach is the “right” one, and arguing is just a tactic used to make sure that anyone within shouting distance knows it. We all have that one incident, or maybe several incidents, where a cool and level-headed discussion quickly devolved into juvenile bickering. If you want to win an argument, you’ll want to keep your com-
posure and maturity. You’ll want to argue like an adult.
ning an eye patch.
Be Aggressive. B-E-Aggressive! A lot of people might avoid arguments by using passive aggressive notes (like putting a post-it on the bin lid reminding your roommate to take out the trash). This might be effective, but it isn’t exactly mature. A real adult’s aggression is anything but “passive”. Using post-its is a flawed system, mainly because it lacks direct confrontation- real adults thrive off of direct confrontation. You’ll want to directly tell your roommate to take out the trash and, when they do, you should lock them out of the house. To teach them a lesson. Because taking out the trash is just an act of civility, dammit.
Know Your Enemy I’m not advocating altercations with complete strangers. In fact, I strongly advise against it (you never know who’s got a crossbow these days). No, if you’re going to pick a fight with someone, it should be someone you know. Use everything you’ve got against them. Did they have a particularly rough childhood? Terrible taste in music (“Really? You love Air Supply?”)? Maybe they just smell funny, or have a debilitating physical deformity, whatever- hold nothing back. If it’s someone you don’t know that well, attack their stylistic choices. “Lemme guess, you’re wearing that tacky Christmas sweater ironically.” Knowing your enemy will also help you anticipate possible counterarguments, so you can prepare for the inevitable onslaught of insults or pathetic blubbering that is to come.
Stand Your Ground Your attitude while confronting someone (your “enemy,” we’ll call them) should be, of course, aggressively direct, but you should also try to be as tough as possible, for credibility purposes. Volume is key- try to be as loud and boisterous as Kanye West. Maybe you should consider having a drink to boost your confidence. Go for a hard liquor, preferably scotch. Looking tough is important, too. Get some stubble growing (I’m talking to you too, ladies), and wear cut-offs to show off your muscles, be it a sleeveless shirt, your Never-Nude shorts, or both. And consider don-
So the next time you’ve got a beef, be an adult about it. When your roommate discovers you lying in the pile of trash that you drunkenly strewed about the place, yelling and asking “What the hell are you doing?” or “Why are you wearing an eye patch?”, you’ll be prepared. You are an adult, damn it. And you’re more than willing to throw down.
06
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SEX
the infamous mrs. degree
and FSu
Jessica Green wrote this
Marriage. Not necessarily the top thing on a college student’s mind. The amount of beer present at any given moment can really make it hard to focus on anything, especially the idea of getting hitched. But there are people out there who believe no amount of alcohol could sway them from pursuing their dreams. Now, I don’t mean dreams of PhDs and passing the bar; I’m talking about the ever-popular dream of snagging a husband before you graduate. Although a law degree does seem rather difficult, obtaining the phenomenon known as an “MRS degree” can be much more challenging. Here are some words of advice to successfully obtaining your MRS. You must look your best at ALL times. We all have those days where we just don’t want to brush our hair or color-coordinate our outfits. If you are pursuing a degree in the MRS field, this can never happen again. Get rid of all those sweatpants and oversized t-shirts and replace them with your tightest skirts and skimpiest tops. Don’t get too slutty though: you’re looking for a husband here, not a pimp daddy. It’s probably a good idea to set your alarms an hour before the time you used to wake up to ensure that your hair and makeup are the best they can be. In fact, dress every day as if you are going to prom. There’s a lot of competition out there and if you step
TRIVIA NIGHTS mon 7-9 + tues 730-930 & 10-12
every game, every week!
Socialize. Frat parties are the way to go. Yes, there are cute successful guys out there not in frats, but those boys have more on their minds than landing a hot girl to have as arm candy. You want to be arm candy. So, attend a frat party. Flirt as much as you can but try not to go home with anyone on the first encounter. You want these boys to think of you as wife material, not a booty call. Take harder classes. I’m not advising any of you to switch your majors to finance or pre-med, but I do advise you to find some space in your schedule to take a business or science course (no, oceanography doesn’t count). Yes, I am sure there are some decent looking boys in your major, but an MRS degree is only completely fulfilled when you are walking down the aisle towards a man with a pre-engineering degree. If hard classes aren’t your forte, try to at least lurk around the library when those classes give exams. Sit close to a cute boy, pretend you’re taking the same class, and ask him questions until he’s slipping a diamond on your finger.
3
am!
great food til
20 BEERS ON TAP + FULL LIQUOR BAR
outside in sweats for one day, your potential husband could be snatched away by a girl who took the time to look her best.
every night of the year
KARAOKE thurs & sunday 8 til 2
HAPPY HOUR
WEEKDAYS 4-7
49c Wings + $5 Domestic Pitchers 2-4-1 wells, wines, pints & frozen drinks
Be a fighter. As I said before, there’s a lot of competition in the MRS field. You may see pretty girls “studying” in the library, but don’t be fooled. If they seem to be a bit over dressed and tend to look up from their pink-cased Apple computers every now and then and bat their eyelashes, they’re the girls you need to watch out for. If you’re at a party and a girl is chatting up one of your potentials, don’t be afraid to steal him away. If you are putting your whole heart into this degree, friendships can come along after you’re engaged. I mean, you can just hire girls to be your bridesmaids, right? Getting an MRS degree can be extremely difficult. But if you stick to these tips, you’ll be on the right track to a Vera Wang wedding dress and a fat diamond to show off to all your friends. Those same friends who are just wasting their time pursuing actual careers, when they could have spent their four years pursuing the more important thing in life: a husband.
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n i t s e b the ! s c i p y part
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To the fool who threw the dead possum on my porch, you’ve got a dead raccoon coming your way. 83, we’ve been hoping you’d trip down the stairs for a year. Have a great Fall. 84. To the ginger whose debit card I lost: Stop crying like a lil girl. –NMP Leggings and Nike shorts, Y’all are an item again? Really? To my Spanish midterm: Prepare to die. If I order a stripper I expect him to show up on time dammit. Dave, I do remember your name and I do remember the camera. Thanks for nothing! -Holly Happy bday K-Fel, you better believe we’re re-enacting last year’s debacle, personal shot glasses and all! -Brit Whoever put mustard on my car, prepare to pay...I have ketchup and know how to use it...,Red Accord Jackie, it’s called wine night, not whine night...get a grip and stop crying everytime we try hanging out. -Bridgette To Maggie, is this the year we pull the costume switch/boyfriend switch? I think so...get excited! -Steph Megs, thanks for the best 21st EVER. Nothing beats wearing a crown while hugging a toilet...just don’t share those pics! Steve, please don’t dress like cock and balls again. Getting lame...love everyone you know.
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The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
TUESDAY: 2-4-1 Shaved Ice and Bubble Tea!
Sunday, Oct. 30 Sexy Costume Contest Over $1000 in Cash & Prizes! Saturday, Nov. 5 Rock the Pole Competition Over $2,000 in Cash & Prizes!
THURS
Buy one wrap, get the second one half-off!
$7 All You Care to Drink from 7:30pm til 1am
2-4-1 Margaritas and Draft Beer
Smoking Thursdays All Smoking Cocktails Only $5
FRI
Buy one, get one half off on all tea kettles
$10 Top Shelf Buffet (All You Care to Drink) from 5pm til 1am
Margaritas Pitcher $9.99
Downtown Getdown Half-Off Specialty Drinks from 10-12
TUESDAY: Club Night! 10-2 2-4-1 Drinks
Every Day: $3 Champagne $5 Skinny Tinis $5 Goose & Crown $8 Smoking Cocktails
SAT
Buy one, get one half off on all tea kettles
Ladies Night | $3 Cover Ladies Drink Free
Margaritas Pitcher $9.99 2-4-1 Wells
Ladies Night! $2 Bellinis and Champagne Martinis All Night Ladies Free All Night
SUN
Call to book a private party!
Closed
Lunch Especial $4.75
Closed
MON
Buy one, get one half off on all smoothies
Monday Night Football! $5 All You Care to Drink from 8:30pm til 1am Free Pizza
$.99 Tacos
Mellow Mondays $13 Bottles and Half-Off Glasses of Wine
TUES
2-4-1 Shaved Ice and Bubble Tea!
$4 Beer & Liquor Pitchers DJ Dubya No Cover
Club Night! 10-2 2-4-1 Drinks
Tini Tuesday All Skinni Tinis Just $3
Get a free kettle of tea with any premium flavor
Ladies Night Live w/ Hot 104.9 $3 Cover Ladies Drink Free
$3.99 Lunch Special $5.99 Dinner Special
In the Big Wednesdays! $3 Champagne $5 Skinny Tinis $5 Goose & Crown $8 Smoking Cocktails
WED
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FUNNY WEIRD Sexy TOP THREE COSTUMES WIN A SWEET PRIZE PACKAGE
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Happy Hour 4-7PM Every Night 50% Off All Drinks 25% Off Bottles of Wine $4 Martinis & Wine
Wasted Wednesday! $3 Wells, $2 Shots Happy Hour Until 9PM
SAT: Ladies Night! Free Wine/Champagne for Ladies $3 Wells & Imports $6 Fishbowls & $2 Shots $7 Double Beam/Captain
Happy Hour Every Weekday from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints
SPECIAL NIGHT
Live Music Open for Party Booking!
Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints Karaoke 8-2!
THURS FRI
50% Off Cocktails from 4-7
Live Music!
50% Off Cocktails from 4-7 2-4-1 from 10-12
Metro Night $6 Double Wells Happy Hour Until 9PM
Metro Night!
Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints Come Enjoy Live Music!
50% Off Cocktails from 4-7
College Football Saturdays! Happy Hour Until 9PM $3 Domestics $4 Imports
Ladies Night! Free Wine/Champagne for Ladies $3 Wells & Imports $6 Fishbowls & $2 Shots $7 Double Beam/Captain
Gameday Specials to Cheer on the Seminoles!
SAT
$9.99 Dinner Special 50% Off Cocktails from 4-7
Party on the Patio w/ NFL Sunday Ticket! Happy Hour ALL Day $2 Domestics $3 Imports and Wells
Hospitality Night $2 Domestics, $3 Imports $3 Wells
Sunday Brunch 11-4 $1 Bloody Marys $1 Mimosas All NFL Games Karaoke 8-2
SUN
$9.99 Dinner Special 50% Off Cocktails from 4-7
Monday Night Football $6 Double Wells Happy Hour Until 9PM
Blue Monday! $6 Double Wells $2 Shots
Happy Hour and Monday Night Football! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints from 4-7 Come Play Trivia 7-9
MON
$9.99 Dinner Special 50% Off Cocktails from 4-7
Happy Hour Until 9PM $2 Yuengling $3 Guinness Peanut Butter Pretzels
Open for Rentals
Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints Come Play Trivia 8-10
TUES
$9.99 Dinner Special 50% Off Cocktails from 4-7
Wasted Wednesday! $3 Wells, $2 Shots Happy Hour Until 9PM
Winning Wednesday Free Champaign/Wine for Ladies $7 Dble Captain Morgan $6 Fish Bowls, $2 Shots $2 Domestics, $3 Imports
Happy Hour from 4-7! $5 Pitchers, $.49 Wings 2-4-1 Wells, Wine, and Pints $10 All You Can Drink Bud Light from 9-2
WED
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The Bar Grid
12
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Bartender of the Issue Elise Hardy bullwinkles Major: Family and Children’s Sciences Relationship status: Taken Favorite Movie: Dazed and Confused Why is Bulls the best bar in Tallahassee: Best atmosphere, best drink specials. Favorite Sexual Position: Reverse Cowgirl Favorite color: Green If you could be any animal, which would you be?: Spider monkey Favorite TV show: Single Ladies Pet peeve: Rude people Kryptonite: Carbs, I love ‘em.
drink
Crown & Water
+ Crown Royal + Water
drinking game:
teeth
The infamous film, Teeth, needs no introduction. It’s popular among stoned high school kids with vagina obsessions and dental hygienists who are horrified at the thought of teeth being subjected to the horrors of down below. But now, thanks to alcohol, this film can be enjoyed by anyone! Number of players: Two. You can play by yourself, but that would be really awkward if your mom walked down into the basement and caught you watching Teeth alone. What you need: The DVD Teeth, shot glasses, and Pinnacle Marshmallow (To play on the vagina theme, you pussy). How to play: - Put in the movie! (They key is to decipher whether it is VHS or DVD. Proceed accordingly). - Every time the word “vagina” is said, you must take a half shot (I say half shot because vagina is used liberally in this movie. I’m looking out for you!). - Every time you watch an appendage get bitten off by Dawn’s vag-chompers (I wonder if she got braces on those things…) you must chug a mixed drink for the entire duration of the injured person’s dramatic bloodcurdling screaming. - If at any point in time a viewer hides his or her eyes from the graphic images of severed genitals, they must take a full shot, because that’s super embarrassing. - Any time you roll your eyes at Dawn’s blatant innocence take another half a shot. Honor code here folks, but seriously – who is this girl kidding? The Game Ends When: The movie does.
Favorite musical artist: Lil’ Wayne What do you love about your job: I get to have a party at work. What do you look for in a guy: Someone who can make me laugh. Favorite quote: “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” PC or Mac: Prefer Mac, own a PC. Boxers or Briefs: Boxer briefs Worst pick up like you’ve ever heard: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Favorite fast food: Steak ‘n Shake
shot
Crown Royal + Straight Up!
i dare you
Long Island Broken Down + Shot of vodka, Shot of gin Shot of rum, Shot of tequila Shot of triple sec, Chaser of sour and Coke
recipe for disaster:
Nacharido
Legend has it that in 1995, a wise, old luchador named Adalberto Montoya attended a Phish concert in Mexico City. When he wasn’t wooing women in the ring and making piñatas for his niños, he loved to cook. At the concert, several kids recognized Adalberto and begged him to fill their stomachs with some paella or enchiritos. You see they had been smoke La Marijuana. Up to the challenge, Adalberto gathered all of his supplies and created El Nacharido. What you need: Nacho chips, huge flour tortillas, cheddar cheese, colby-jack cheese, sour cream, salsa, jalapeños, lettuce, pizza rolls, ground beef, liquid cheese, onions, tomatoes, chicken fingers, guacamole, and Taco Bell packets. Health Content: The calories might be as hefty as your County Market bill, but it’ll be worth it! Directions: - Cook ground beef in a hot pan on the stove until all of the pink is gone. - Stick frozen chicken fingers and pizza rolls in the oven for about 15 minutes. - Layer chips on a huge pan and melt the variety of cheeses on them. - Next, once the cheese is melted layer the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, beef, jalapenos, sour cream, guacamole, chicken fingers, and pizza rolls onto the nacho chips. - After everything is all layered, roll everything into huge tortillas and cover them in Taco Bell sauce.
Now you have yourself a crazy nacho-burrito that all your friends will be jealous of… until you puke it up moments later.
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how to: make anything into a drinking game Samantha Malone wrote this While we may not remember everything we’re taught in college, students will invariably walk away with one truly important life skill: the ability to make anything into a drinking game. That is, the ability to make anything and everything into a drinking game. Now, this is not as easy as it may sound, there are a specific set of guidelines you must follow in order to transform a mundane, everyday activity into a fun race to intoxication. The first thing you have to remember is that you need alcohol. I know that might sound like a no-brainer to a lot of you, but let’s face it: we all know there are a few people at FSU that make us wonder how in God’s name they got into this school, when we barely squeaked by with our 3.9 high school GPA’s and a metric fuckton of extracurriculars. Some drinking games require the ingestion of a ton of alcohol in a short period of time. Others are less of a sprint and more of a marathon. These require something that will give you a good buzz early in the game that you can hold onto for the next two to seven hours of playing time. The next step is imagination. This is the ability to be staring at a fly buzzing around the room and make a game out of it. Think outside the box, or use another game (whether it calls for drinking or not) as an outline to form your new rules. Some of the best games come from using your surroundings as an excuse to get hammered. A good example of this is the game where players stand out on the back deck
of Pots, pick a car color, and drink every time that color car drives by. That brings me to my third point: board games. The best kinds of drinking games are those that you don’t have to make up at all. You just have to add the drinking. And while old classics like Pictionary or Battleship are great, some newer ones like Apples to Apples are fun too. They allow you to still play the game you like, but with the added bonus of not being able to remember who won. Another option for those of you wanting to turn of the section of your brain you are probably about to kill anyway is the tried and true making a movie or TV show into an epic boozefest. Some come with one built in, like Eurotrip. For others, it’s really easy to think of a dumb rule. One example might be drinking every time Phil makes a corny joke on Modern Family. This gives you the added bonus of being able to claim that everything he says is corny (which is true) and taking a shot whenever it strikes your fancy. Most importantly is that drinking games should be fun. If a game is complicated and your friends have the attention span of goldfish, then switch to something simpler and faster-paced. Or you could try drinking and talking...but who does that anymore? Just remember: if you’re not having fun, and you’re not getting drunk, then you’re not doing it right.
D GET N A HASE P C E R E U H P S E K IP P AC FF YOUR N THE BL O IO % T 0 1 N E & M SCREENS E IP P E E R F
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pointless clubs at fsu
Cheap, Last-Minute Halloween Costumes Halloween is right around the corner and you—like every other college kid on earth—procrastinated. Now you’re without costume and the big day is right around the corner. Not dressing up isn’t an option- you’ve donned a costume since before you could walk, and now that you’re in college the point is to drink while wearing your costume until you can’t walk. So you, my friend, need a cheap, passable costume to wear as you bounce around the city to your obligatory Halloween shindigs. Here are a couple options to keep things a little less lame:
Ashley Romano wrote this
Men: 5: Jason Voorhees This all-inclusive costume takes just a signature shirt and mask. Carry around a large plastic blade to complete the look, and make crude jokes about penetrating women at your own risk.
We’ve all heard about them: I’m talking about organizations that are totally useless, rivalling classes like Underwater Basket Weaving 101. Extracurriculars are supposed to pad your resume, not be useless mumbojumbo likes these organizations. Seminole Scuba Club For those of you who didn’t know, FSU is located in Tallahassee. Landlocked Tallahassee. Maybe a scuba club in Fort Lauderdale would make sense, but people don’t travel to Northwest Florida to scuba dive (because it’s covered in oil). That’s what the Caribbean is for. It doesn’t make much sense for an oceanless city to have a club dedicated to the pastime of exploring underwater. What does the president even talk about in general meetings? They probably show a Powerpoint of a reef since they won’t be looking at a real one anytime soon. Quiddich Club In case you didn’t know what Quiddich is, it’s the sport wizards play in the Harry Potter series. To play Quiddich, you must ride a flying broomstick. If your club involves some imaginary element, it’s pretty pointless. We’re in college; we should’ve outgrown that makebelieve crap years ago. Running around Landis while humping a broom does not make you a wizard. We’re at FSU, not Hogwarts, so you should probably join an intramural team like normal students do. Lady Spirit Hunters There’s one word to describe what the Lady Spirit Hunters are about. That word is “vest.” That’s what these ladies are known for: their garnet and gold vests. Isn’t it a little ridiculous to pay fifty dollars to paint your face and wear a vest? Why don’t you douse yourself in glitter and face-paint sans vest like the rest of us? Just because they have “spirit” in their name doesn’t make them any more “spirited” than anyone else. Give me the kid covered in body paint wobbling on the bleachers in 100 degree weather, puking into a fanny-pack because he’s shotgunned too many beers. That’s Seminole spirit. Unicycle Club Looking for something practical that you could use
4: Charlie Sheen Mask The options here are endless. You can be as simple as you want with jeans, a basic tee or button-up, cigarettes, and shots all night. Add a bag of powdered sugar and a heaping serving of the crazy and, voila, you’re winning the cliché costume contest.
daily? Well, you won’t find that in the Unicycle Club. Doesn’t Florida State already have a circus school? Who rides a unicycle who doesn’t want to be in a circus? It’s not even realistic to use a unicycle to get from point A to point B. I understand having a bicycle club, or a motorcycle club. You can’t even go on a solo ride on a unicycle for very long, much less a group ride. These guys must have calves of steel if they’re unicycling up the hills in Tallahassee. Where can you even ride a unicycle? They call them bicycle lanes for a reason. Badminton Club When I found out we had a badminton club, I immediately thought, “Who plays badminton?” Does the average college student even know what badminton is? We have a sport like this in the United States and it’s called tennis. Having a club for a sport like baseball or rugby makes sense. I didn’t even know people still played this sport. The only thing intriguing is that you get to hit a shuttlecock. Now that’s a great word... shuttlecock. Anyway, college kids are supposed to tossing footballs around and playing Ultimate Frisbee. We’re not in England or France, badminton isn’t the cool thing to do. College isn’t for the lazy, there’s a lot of school work, social life and sleeping that goes into being a productive, happy student. Why waste those precious moments on something that’s not one of those three things?
STALK US! @blacksheepFSU
3: 70’s Disco Kit Time travel to the psychedelic seventies with this costume kit that includes a mustache, sideburns, and a hairy chest. It’s time to get funky! Add swinger aviator shades, tacky button down (from Goodwill), and some bell-bottom slacks. You’ll be ready to shake your groove thang all night long while the ladies won’t be able to resist your faux-hairy chest. 2: Old Man Set Make everyone call you “Pops” for the night- a polo button-up, slacks, loafers, a golf hat, walking cane and a pipe. For a scary twist incorporate blood, scars, and wrinkles by selecting from an array of makeup kits. A possessed, elderly serial killer? Pretty original. 1:Rock Star Sleeves Slide these puppies on and you’ve got an instant sleeve of tattoos without the pain. Pair with ripped jeans, a trashy band tee (What? You don’t have a Quiet Riot t-shirt?), a few spiked cuffs, black eyeliner and messy hair. The more over-the-top, the better. Women: 5: Poodle Skirt Turn into a Pink Lady this Halloween! In addition to the skirt all you need is a collared short-sleeve shirt, white socks, and white sneakers or black oxfords. Add some pearls to make it classy, or give the dress the scissor treatment, chop and hem to add some sex appeal. 4: Hippy Jean Leggings Get your grunge on in comfy jeggings with an assortment of 60sinspired, colorful appliqués scattered about. Tie-dye your own shirt for a far out top and flip flops for shoes. To really sell the look, have someone in a cop costume beat the absolute hell out of you. 3: Classic French Maid Oui oui, monsieur! Ha ha, dick joke. This costume includes a lace headpiece, black dress with white lace trim, and a lace apron. Get sexy with curly hair, fish nets, heels, and a feather duster. 2: Red Hot Devil Be smoking hot this Halloween with a red dress with a sawtooth hem and headband with horns. Add sultry makeup, pumps, and pitchfork to complete. Actually, this is pretty much the recipe for any chick’s outfit. Slutty dress, headgear (cat ears, devil horns, tiara, etc), and uncomfortable shoes. 1: Wicked Witch Dress An all time classic costume- black dress with a sawtooth hem and sleeves. You can jazz it up with scary accessories like a long, crooked witch nose with a mole, a pointy hat, a broom, and black fish nets. Or, become wickedly slutty with sexy, big hair, red lips, dramatic makeup, and skyscrapper heels.
Carmen Dual wrote this
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The Black Sheep
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Maybe we’re just getting too old, but the
popularity of some mainstream music really baffles us these days. Hell, we understand why Justin Bieber and Lady GaGa are “the bee’s knees,” as kids are wont to say. These six artists? Not so much.
drake
mumford & sons
lmfao
Artist: Drake Known For:”Find Your Love,” looking tired and sad all of the time. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Rapping an entire bar then pausing like this…to deliver a shitty punch line. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “If a million 4-year-olds chained to a million crayons were locked in a room, how long would it take them to write a Drake song, 25 minutes? 30?” Poetic Death: Everyone—from Lil’ Wayne to Nicki Minaj—who carried Drake on a track would take turns literally carrying Drake to a set of railroad tracks, where he’d finally meet his demise. Artist: Mumford & Sons Known For: “Little Lion Man,” being vaguely earnest. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Staaaaarting ouuuuuut playyyying a sonnnnng reallllly slowwwww, thenplayingthechorusreallyfast. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “If you sang all your lyrics at the same pace, couldn’t each and every word get their due?” Poetic Death: Tearfully, the band sacrifices themselves for a cause greater than themselves—one that flames out a few months later, like the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Artist: LMFAO Known For: “Party Rock Anthem,” enjoying shots in Miami. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Looking and sounding like fucking idiots. Loudly. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “Redfoo, SkyBlu, you both dress like your parents’ spent their lives shunning you. Sorry, that isn’t a question, just wasn’t sure if you realized that or not.” Poetic Death: Major Lazer challenges the LMFAO boys to a drink-off, only to trick them into pounding shots of liquid cyanide.
katy perry
dropkick murphy's
bassnectar
Artist: Katy Perry Known For:”I Kissed A Girl,” “California Gurls,” marrying Russell Brand, tits. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Catchy pop tracks with hooks and videos that imply women are sexually closeted idiots. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “Whose entire routine is more of a gimmick, yours, or your husband’s?” Poetic Death: No longer popular or famous, Perry offs herself in one last attention grab. It fails to generate the headlines she oh-so-desperately craves.
Artist: Dropkick Murphys Known For: “I’m Shipping Up to Boston,” being the musical equivalent of The Boondock Saints. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Wishing desperately to be from Ireland, using an accordion and bagpipes without a hint of irony. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “You’re the kind of assholes who roots for Notre Dame because you’re 5th generation Irish, aren’t you?” Poetic Death: Alcohol poisoning, via Jameson suppositories.
Artist: Bassnectar Known For: Being an integral part of the dubstep trend that’s sweeping the nation. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Having a shtick and a light show that mask glaring musical inability. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “Did you and Beyonce mean to get your extensions from the same guy, or was that just some sort of happy coincidence?” Poetic Death: A fan—while rolling their balls off on MDMA—sticks a turntable needle through the heart of a voodoo doll made from his hair, killing him.
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the interview
Dan Whitford of Cut Copy
The Australian electronic band Cut Copy has been blowing up in recent years, probably due to rave reviews from Pitchfork as well as picking up traction from the cool kids who follow the site. We got to chat with lead singer Dan Whitford about electronic evolution, writing lyrics to classic songs and playing tennis against Franz Ferdinand. The Black Sheep: So you’ve been playing electronic music since 2001. How has the electronic music scene changed since? Dan Whitford: Like anything, music’s kind of a slave to fashion and trend as much as any art form. To me, it feels like electronic music has been welcomed more as a mainstream form of music at the start of 2000. I’d guess partly because we had come out of an era of music where sort of indie stuff was really what all the cool kids were into, and anything with synthesizers kind of went a little bit into a niche world for a while there. I felt like dance music and guitar based music were very separate things and I guess that was sort of the mission statement of what Cut Copy was about, being passionate about both pop music, guitar based indie music or whatever you want to call it and also being really inspired by synth based stuff, and club and dance records. So, I think over that period of time those things have come together very much and it’s interesting that there’s the whole scene in the States now based around Pitchfork and stuff put online by sites like that. We like both parts of that music equally and use them interchangeably, and it feels like our mission statement has been fulfilled in a lot of ways. TBS: You guys do have such a great balance between using the synth samples and beats with the instruments that you play. Was it a natural collaboration of those two sounds? DW: It was tricky in a way because there really was no blueprint for that kind of combination. Finding a way to combine those things was the biggest challenge. For me it feels like fusion, one of the real dirty words in music, and I guess the idea of fusing synth and rock music probably could turn into something pretty bad. So thankfully we’ve found a really tasteful way of doing it and a way that was works for us and works for a lot of other people. It’s definitely not a mathematical operation, it very much goes by feel. TBS: Your music is super upbeat and fun to dance to, and it’s interesting because you’re from laid back Australia. Did that relaxed culture have an effect on the music you play now? DW: I think it has an effect on our personalities, I don’t know whether musically it did. Our music is a reflection of the music that we love. When I was starting out and being really passionate about music was about when The Avalanches were doing shows in Australia and just before they did their first album was when I first met them and came into contact with them, and I found their music really uplifting and inspiring and really upbeat as well. It almost felt like that sensation musically was something that I would like to express as well, in Cut Copy. In our own way, we felt like we were doing the same thing. TBS: You mention that The Avalanches were a big inspiration for you. What else inspires your music? DW: I think it’s a unique combination of stuff, just being inspired by different areas of music, art, film, just different things across the board. A lot comes from bands that we love. For instance Talking Heads, we listened to a lot of Talking Heads in mak-
MUSIC REVIEW
Holiday Shores: New Masses for Squaw Peak
From what little has graced my ears from the local music scene here in Tallahassee, I must say—I am impressed. There are a couple bands around here producing awesome and polished music. Holiday Shores is one of these bands. Their recently released album, New Masses For Squaw Peak, is an indie rocker’s wet dream. When I first listened to it, I thought they were a bunch of Deerhunter-wannabes. After allowing the album to seep into my brain, I realized two things. One: maybe being a Deerhunter wannabe isn’t so bad. In fact, it’s one of the best kinds of wannabes. Two: This album is more than just upchuck– it’s way awesome in its own right. Perfect for those of us with shoe-gazing tendencies, this album will seize you and carry you around in its misty, ethereal atmosphere. Listening to it makes you feel like you are wandering through the glimmering aisles in the shopping mall of the afterlife. I don’t know about you, but I’m a sucker for organs. The keyboard has a superficial, warblychic sound to it. The eerie quality that the music has makes many of the songs memorable. The calling, echoing vocals of singer Nathan Pemberton have the perfect level of subtlety most of the time. His voice loses its magic couple of times though, with his crooning approaching a Coldplay-esque level. New Masses For Squaw Peak is a pleasantly cohesive album. The first couple of songs have a weird elevator-music vibe to them, with the youthful vocals pulling them out of complete creepiness. Let’s just say you’ll hear sleigh bells more than once in this album. The superficial quality in the sound of the organ/keyboard makes you feel like you are completely disconnected from the people around you. A couple of good tracks made up only of ambient noise (“Ocotillo Dipping,” “Squaw Peak”)
provide a mature plus. The band makes use of a lot of great sounds in this album, but also manages to keep it catchy. The easiest song for untamed ears to enjoy is probably “Spells.” The album makes a turn down an alley of awesomeness with “Mystic Pharaohs,” which has a sleek, defined style to it. The velvety bass and the soft, echoed vocals make this song stand out. The next song, “Coming To Shores,” makes you feel like you are being ferried through an abandoned carnival. The album gets better - and progressively more downbeat – with every song. The instrumentals are the stand-out feature of this album for sure. Even though the Deerhunteresque vocals almost made me cream my jeans, they were definitely too upbeat at times. A couple of downright unearthly vibes were sullied by the bubbly vocals. A marriage between eerie indie music and downbeat vocals would have put this album on a different level. New Masses For Squaw Peak definitely makes me want to hear Holiday Shores’ other album. Sidenote! The fact that they thanked Wim Wenders (an amazing German director) on their album makes me crazily intrigued. Acknowledging the creator of Wings of Desire and Paris, Texas earns them 100 cool/badass intellectual points in my book. Holiday Shores are a talented young band, with a couple streaks of awesomeness. Overall, worth a hear. Check ‘em out on Youtube, Myspace or – god forbid – take a departure from your ordinary lifestyle and hit up a local show. -Elizabeth Hodapp
ing Zonoscope. It’s just a bit of a patchwork of our experiences and things that we’re inspired by and hopefully just our viewpoint in reinterpreting all of these things ends up being something unique even if really, at the end of the day, we’re just music fans. TBS: Did you write the song “Need You Now” about somebody in particular? DW: One morning I sort of wrote the basis of that track, and had some synths and some keyboards and a drum machine and just kind of penned out the whole thing while I was waiting for Tim and Ben to meet me at my house. And in the few hours that I was waiting for them I ended up putting that track together and doing some quick vocals that sort of fit with it. And, essentially, the vocals were as it appears in the final track, I didn’t change the lyrics at all. So it wasn’t specifically written about someone, it just came off the top of my head that morning. But it fit so well, I couldn’t bring myself to change it. We tried a few alternatives but it just didn’t sound right. TBS: Man, that’s awesome. That’s such a good song, and it’s cool that it kind of came out of nowhere. DW: Yeah, and that’s one of the things I was worried about. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a classic song but when you read about other people who’ve written classic songs often they say they do say it comes out of nowhere, or that the best songs happen really quickly and it’s almost as if it was meant to be. TBS: What else do you like to do when you aren’t playing music? DW: I like to get outdoors a bit, because I spend most of my time indoors when we’re touring. We have this thing we organized, before we started touring, where me, Mitchell and Ben from the band and various other musicians and DJs would play tennis against each other once a week. It got to the point that if there were touring bands or DJs that would be available, we’d get them to come down and play against us. TBS: What other bands have you guys gotten to play tennis with you? DW: We played against the guys from Franz Ferdinand when they were in Australia last, so that was pretty cool. TBS: Who won? DW: I think it was one set off, so we didn’t have a deciding set. They took the first set and we took the second, and I felt like we were going to come back and beat them, but it wasn’t on the scoreboard so it’s hard to say. TBS: Drink of choice? DW: These days I’ve been enjoying red wine before the show, I like a good Merlot. It’s nice, smooth, easy on the vocal cords and provides a good romantic, artistic vibe in the band room. Spirits can get you a little too wasted before the show.
jess sommers wrote this
( class time )
The Crossword
Candy Bars! Candybars
1
2
3
4 5 6
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8
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10 11 12
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14 15
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17 18
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20 21 24
chew it 11 Made up word 13 Actor Ledger 14 Two for me 16 Chatters, whispers, laughs 17 Wealthy candybar marketing team 18 Give me a break Aaron (Manager) When you feel like a nut 20 Ramirez Kelly Valdez New(Intern) York street 21 Famous Philippa Main (Intern) was on Seinfeld 23 This heirress 25 Overheard at studios
Meet The Staff! 2 5 8 9
12 15 19 22 24 26 27
South Carolina capital Candy pieces in a bar. Slippery digits Jelly's sandwich companion campus manager plus drink container. DOWN Trio team James Tufenkdjian Famous Yankee 1 Orchestra Advertising Manager Nectar of bee. 3 Located in Penn Skylar Fillmore 4 Snap, ______, pop Oompa Loompa Galaxy 6 Minty cake Manager He's goodeditorial to the Mrs 7 Superman's day-to-day name. Almost Tony Soprano's wife. Megan Fontaine 10 The sound you make when you
Writers Bryce Josepher Harley Shine Stephanie Hernandez Samantha Malone Evans Prater Ashley Romano Jill Bordonaba Jason Montes distribution Team Micheal Fury (Manager) Gordon Safko (Intern)
campus director Brendan Bonham
Founders James Tufenkdjian Skylar Fillmore Brendan Bonhan Atish Doshi Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers
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C H A R L E S T O
Every other friday Bball term Peaceful bird Friend's star Joey's favorite Synonym of heaps
Candybars
28 29 30 31 32
Solution:
ACROSS
S K Y R M A P C H K O P E A N L Y
www.CrosswordWeaver.com
C L A R K B B A R
31 32
B
30
N C H E W E R S H E Y B W A A B Y R U T H C K H I A T M L K Y W A Y A C T A L R M E L L O I A K T
Cheater!
W O N H H E N R Y
R O N E
29
F M I F T H C A V R E N U L E
27 28
A Z I N G P B U T T E R F I N G E R P U T B U T T E R C U P P R E M U S K E T E E R S N W M S C I I N H X N I Y A T C L P K M A E O T R N T T S G O O D B A R I J K E A Y O E Y F A S T B I V E T O B
26
S
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R
23
DOWN 1 Orchestra 3 Located in Penn 4 Snap, ______, pop 6 Minty cake 7 Superman’s day-to-day name 10 The sound you make when you chew it 11 Made up word 13 Actor Ledger 14 Two for me 16 Chatters, whispers, laughs 17 Wealthy candybar 18 Give me a break 20 When you feel like a nut 21 F amous New York street 23 T his heiress was on Seinfeld 25 Overheard at studios T H R E E E A O T N T O H O N E B H A B A R U R N D M R E P A Y D G R D O V E B A N M O U N D
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ACROSS 2 South Carolina capital 5 Candy pieces in a bar 8 Slippery digits 9 Jelly’s sandwich companion plus drink container 12 Trio team 15 Famous Yankee 19 Nectar of bee 22 Oompa Loompa 24 Galaxy 26 He’s good to the Mrs. 27 Almost Tony Soprano’s wife 28 Every other friday 29 B-Ball term 30 Peaceful bird 31 Friend’s star Joey’s favorite 32 Synonym of heaps
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or underage drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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