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Volume 1, Issue 1 | 9/01/11 - 9/20/11 | theblacksheeponline.com
The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
Bleeding Black and Gold Katie wrote this
We all know the phrase “I bleed black and gold.” However, I am here to teach all you half-ass Hawkeyes the true meaning of the expression. You can’t simply buy a t-shirt that says “MUCK FICHIGAN” and suddenly become pure Hawkeye to your core, it requires devotion and loyalty to become a true fan. You must be in a committed relationship with the Hawkeyes. Bleeding black and gold requires that you go to every home game, and don’t even consider leaving at half because “it’s too cold.” That’s what (beer) jackets are for! And a true fan doesn’t just scream when the rest of the crowd does. Don’t think just because you have two X chromosomes you don’t need to pay attention. Watch and learn, you might actually gain some knowledge of a Hawkeyes’ favorite part of football season, tailgating. Although our Hawks have had a rough couple years, we refuse to let a few small issues stop us from hardcore tailgating. While the success of the team does affect our spirits post game, it does not affect the spirits we enthusiastically imbibe prior to kick-off. Most seasons in fact, we party more enthusiastically when preparing for a loss. In my opinion, tailgating can be broken down into three vital categories—the three B’s—bags, brats, and beer. The first category, bags, is essential for obvious reasons. It’s an activity to do while hanging out and getting the morning started. We could sit around our mini-grills and stress about the upcoming game versus Northwestern—because they definitely have our number lately—but that seems lame. Instead of throwing hot dogs at anyone wearing the opposing team’s colors, we distract ourselves with another game that we can be just as competitive about, bet on, and gain bragging rights through. If you can perfect your bags skills, you can be a legend around campus, earn the respect of those who doubt your athletic abilities (we’ve seen you try catching a football), and maybe win some money, or better yet, free drinks from friends. While not all tailgates serve food, I find that it does help with preparing for the long day ahead. We put our stomachs — and our livers — through a lot during our time at Iowa. From mixing beer and
Other stuff
Inside
05: Top 10
Worst Roommates to Get Stuck With.
liquor, to late-night food made with who knows what, to skipping meals to fit back into those jeans. If you spend every Saturday morning tailgating and don’t put any food in your stomach, you won’t be able to last all day and still make it out at night. Planning is essential if you don’t want to be the kid passed out in a tailgating chair before kickoff (with penises drawn on your face, by the opposing team’s fans, no less). Think before you drink, as we were all taught in our 5th grade D.A.R.E. program. In order to avoid this demoralizing situation, I recommend food that will confuse your stomach into believing that it’s past noon. If you eat a brat at 9:00AM, your stomach will assume it’s later in the day — when it’s normal to eat a brat — and will handle everything else better. Note: there is absolutely NO study proving that this will actually help. So, take my advice and have a brat for breakfast every Saturday. Maybe two. The final piece to a perfect tailgate is, of course, beer. If you are a lightweight and can’t handle beer in the morning or just don’t drink beer (believe it or not, these people do exist at Iowa), you can substitute it for a Screwdriver or Bloody Mary. But come prepared with all the fixings, because I doubt any guy would willingly leave his own tailgate to get you the ingredients for a Bloody Mary, no matter what sexual favors you promise him in return. Whether we are playing Northwestern, Iowa State, or even Louisiana-Monroe (who the hell is that anyway?), tailgating to the fullest makes the wins that much sweeter, and the losses that much easier to forget. Now, if you are reading this article and are two seconds away from dragging me to an AA meeting, pause. Consider the fact that everything I said was absolutely true. Also, keep in mind that I was the one who told you to eat before you drink. And I was the one who reminded you not to throw hot dogs at the opposing teams’ fans. If you end up in the stadium jail for falling asleep in the front row of the student section (it happens…), don’t blame a random Black Sheep writer for telling you how to make the losses easier.
07: 90’s Cartoon Characters
Where are they now? Dead, mostly.
11: the black sheep interviews:
Swedish rockers Peter, Bjorn and John!