Volume 1, Issue 3 | 9/28/11 - 10/19/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
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The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
Black Sheep Investigates: oxford Legends Uncovered J.B. Cole wrote this There are many legends swirling around campus that allow students to conjure up wives’ tales and half-truths that mystify and mortify students every year. Here at The Black Sheep we am to clear the air and hit you with some goddam truth. If you were quite the achiever in high school and it hasn’t panned out for you in college in the grade department, predominately because you go out every single night getting black out, you, my friend, are in luck. You can still salvage that first semester of college and bring a report card home that your parents will be proud to stick up of the fridge. The only catch, and there is always a catch, is that you will have to somehow convince your roommate to do the unthinkable: Off themselves. After you post Photoshopped pictures of him butt-pumping a helpless canine on Facebook, you are well on your to way whistling Dixie with a 4.0 in your back pocket. Rumor has it our lovely administration here at Ole Miss believes that if you suffer the loss of your roommate while living in the dorm, you need not worry about excelling in the classroom. Instead, they hit you with a nice round 4.0 GPA for the semester so you can focus on the more important aspects of college: sippin’ booze and chasin’ tail. Just remember, don’t let the trail lead back to you. So what if your grades are already good with your roommate still intact, but you are tired of paying off Uncle Sam and the financial aid office? The Black Sheep has a solution. Always economically conscientious, we have devised a way for you to go tuition free for the semester. All you have to do is camouflage yourself to look like a crosswalk and wait for a University vehicle to come cruising along on campus. Once you have that navy blue van in your cross hairs, hide in some bushes near a cross walk of your choosing, and suddenly sprint out in front of said University vehicle. If you're
Other stuff
Inside
04: SEC Roadtrip!
Part one of a guide on how to party with the enemy.
wary of broken bones or a messed up face, you better start taking some acting classes, because to pull of a stunt that secures you free tuition, it better be an Oscar-worthy performance. Fake blood and a few pre-applied bruises will go a long way in fooling the driver and the University into giving you money. So earn yourself a scholarship, cross walkstyle. After getting pummeled into a storm drain by a University vehicle, you find yourself in a magical and mystical place. You are not at Hogwarts or in Hell; you have stumbled upon the path that James Meredith took to class. If you don’t know who James Meredith is, read a damn book and visit him between the library and the Lyceum. This short, subtle man did not get to walk to class amongst his peers in the hostile and heady sixties because he didn’t look like everyone else on campus at the time. And because the people he didn’t look like weren’t too fond of his presence on campus, the administration and the Feds gave him his own special route. This route was a series of tunnels that kept him out of harm's way and into the classroom safely. You will be hard pressed to find this majestic maze, as these routes are consciously inconspicuous and hidden from the most seasoned searchers on campus. Now that you are informed, go out and get you that 4.0 you have always dreamed off the easy way. Don’t worry about student loans or working nights and weekends to afford your college tuition. Instead, take that time to explore what is underneath the Grove and walk in the steps of history. But don’t just take our word for it. Go and find out for yourself! (Seriously though, don’t take our word for it…for, y’know, legal reasons.)
05: Swap Time
It’s getting to be Greek swap season. Why aren’t there vacation days for this?
11: Nicktoons
Hey Arnold! Yeah, you! Where my money at, Arnold?!