The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 4 3/22/12 - 4/12/12
F fouree. nd! ..lik Oh e t wa hat it. do .. it llar ’s a yo poo u ju dol st lar .
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Belle Isle, Hangovers and Train Hopper Saints Getting “out” of the city and into some trouble ben palmer wrote this Burn your Snuggies, folks. It’s that time of year again. You can hear it in the harsh chirp of rogue, fixie bike bells. You can see it in the awkward return of the v-neck (If you need to ask, it’s too deep). The sun is finally flourishing after countless weeks of moderately pissy weather, heralding the inebriated abomination that we mortals have respectfully named spring break. As always, it will come and go, leaving behind a trail of lost cell phones and blurred memories. But midriffs aren’t the only things that are revealing themselves. Spring is primed to explode, bringing with it an erotic palate of greens, purples and pinks. Hell, even the red, white n’ blue of Richmond’s city mascot, Pabst Blue Ribbon, will soon be adorning the front porch of every brownstone from the Fan to Forest Hill. And if the Mayan Long Count calendar is anything to be trusted, we’re about to begin the last spring of our lives. So why spend it locked up on campus, highlighting your days with Netflix marathons of The X-Files and late night visits to Coldstone? Put down that mellifluous monstrosity of cake batter ice cream. Which brings me to one of the more mystical locations in our great city: Belle Isle. This hidden gem lies right smack in the middle of the James River, accessible by a narrow footbridge or, for the more adventurous among us, an ill-advised and undoubtedly doomed quarter-mile breaststroke through some of the dirtiest shit-soup this side of the Mississippi. Sure, it was the location of a Civil War prison that witnessed the deaths of as many as 1,000 prisoners, and it’s even been the center of an assassination conspiracy involving the Battle of Walkerton. But have no fear, intrepid explorer, for Belle Isle is now the domain of train hoppers and geese. The Isle “closes” at dusk, but with the ghosts of Civil War soldiers rumored to stalk the grounds after dark, the police won’t be the only ones asking you to leave. Regardless, Belle Isle is more than old buildings and hungry waterfowl. The greatest experiences come from the people. In my escapades (that I actually remember) I’ve met a ‘60s era hippie holdover tossing rocks and debating marijuana law with a crowd of totally smacked hipsters. I have jammed out to acoustic Joy Division songs with train hoppers from Idaho. The only common theme to days on Belle Isle is there is no theme. You have to experience it in all its slipshod majesty, and now is the perfect time to do so, before the summer hits and the tiny isle is occupied
If you’re looking for a cheap date night free of saccharine chick flicks, make a trip down to the Canal Walk. Beginning on the corner of 14th and Dock Streets, within walking distance of the Hat Factory, the Canal Walk is a leisurely saunter through four centuries of Richmond history. It’s open 24/7/365, perfect for a sunset stroll with your significant other. Not only will you score major brownie points for a unique evening, but your wallet won’t have an aneurysm; and if you play all your cards right, these final wintry March sunsets can
they look so cool and in unison doing it. see page 5
Other stuff
Inside
by half the student body. Go ahead, round up a few of your friends and head over. Just head south on 5th Street, past the American Civil War Center, and you can’t miss it. It might look like a giant floating turd, but it’s got moxie in spades.
The Coming Out
lead to some serious temperatures in the bedroom. With midterms soon bearing down like Thor’s hammer on all chances of relaxation, now is the perfect time to crack one open and enjoy life. Get outside, walk to Carytown, join the LARP League (you’ll thank me later). In the words of the immortal Bukowski, “Your life is your life. Don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.” There’s a whole city around you, brimming with amazing stories and countless escapades, waiting like a wallflower in the corner of the bar for you to make the first move. Buy her a drink; she’ll always show you a good time.
Where to go when the munchies are drunk dialing.
you never leave a fallen man behind, unless it’s for a taco.
see page 7
see page 12
Late Night Dining at VCU
The Partying Chronicles: There’s No I in Team
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Table of > > > PAGE 7>>>
contents
The Top Ten
Signs Your Significant Other is in Love with a VCU Basketball Player.
PAGE 9>>
Bartender of the Issue
Nate is very single and loves pickup trucks, dog.
page 10 >>
Keeping Up With the...
Real Bad Girl Pawn Stars of the new york shore, duh.
page 11 >>
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The Black Sheep Interviews: Maps & Atlases these chicago rockers have never gotten lost on tour, or anywhere.
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the coming out
timothy jones wrote this
The sun is shining, birds are chirping, girls are wearing fewer clothes and male students are enjoying every bit of it. And then of course, you have your fraternity and sorority probates. For those of you who don’t know, a probate is when a particular fraternity or sorority crosses its pledges for that semester, making them official members and resulting in a whole bunch of people in the Commons Plaza on a Thursday evening.
the tributes have a little sexual innuendo in them, which is only weird if you think of them as actual brothers and sisters.
Probates are pretty cool to watch, but after a while they get predictable. The pledges usually show up late. They have been forced to memorize rather uninteresting fraternal information, which is regurgitated as a modern-day cotillion ensues. Family members and fraternity or sorority kin have reserved seats in the middle section conveniently surrounded by crime scene tape. Yes, it’s that serious. And if you dare cross the tape, someone will be there to paddle you.
And then, the reveal! As if we didn’t already know their fraternally closeted identities, the pledges have donned strategically-placed masks, face paint or sunglasses. Sometimes they even shave their heads or have a haircut in the shape of their letters. As the crowd discovers the newborn brothers and sisters, the pledges each announce their new names and their life journeys up to this moment. The “line names” are really just nicknames and their stories are really just boring. The crowd roars with applause because they finally realized that their friends who have been missing all semester didn’t fall off the face of the earth. Instead, they have spent many long days and nights quietly yearning to join the ranks of countless others. They have bled, sweat and cried to reach this moment.
The probate theatrics are presented as a boot camp. The pledges must stand in line from shortest to tallest, march on beat and do everything that the “big brother” or “big sister” directs (also known as Simon Says amongst the kindergarten crowd). All of their moves are choreographed, rehearsed and memorized. Now that’s dedication. With all that marching and dancing, they get tired, so occasionally while the pledges are on line, one of the other members will give them a drink of “water.” Sometimes, the pledges will do a tribute to their fraternity or sorority counterpart. Often,
As the pledges embrace their new brothers, we remember the hazings: 4 a.m. death marches, fire hydrant licking and the walk to Shockoe Bottom for cheesecake and Cambodian breast milk. Having run the fraternal gauntlet, they are officially a part of a Greek organization. They finally have a place to call home, complete with their own distinct colors, calls, hand signs and a clubhouse. So what’s the moral of the story? It’s simply this: Instead of going through the trouble of actually making friends in college, you can get beat up, jump through hoops and pay for them.
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Signs Your Significant Other is In Love With A VCU Basketball Player Aggravating amounts of both pollen and love fill the spring air. You expect gushing romance and warm love-dovey feelings from your partner, but something’s up. They’re never around anymore. They’re always wearing face paint, and they incited a riot after every VCU basketball victory. Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but it just so happens that your boyfriend or girlfriend may be head over heels, in love with a VCU basketball player. And why not? Let’s face it, the basketball players have a lot going for them. They’re frequently on television, they get into all the parties for free and they can reach all of the really high stuff at the top of the shelf. All you’ve got to offer is your undying love.
Late Night Dining at VCU
Ta Trammell wrote this
After all the random winter weather, spring is finally here. You pull out that giant trash bag of all your spring clothes and take a really long look at them. You realize the clothes look like they’ve been in the dryer for about a year because they’re extremely small. You ask yourself if these were meant for a toddler or if you really were that skinny last season. So you do what any normal college student would do – you stand in front of the mirror and take off all of your clothes. You take a long, hard look at yourself. Details reveal themselves. Some of these things may even scare you. It’s not entirely your fault. You may have a crazy class schedule or a job that works you until the wee hours. But fear not, you can be helped. Spring is the season of change, of rebirth. A new diet that can get you ready for a scantily-clad summer! But wait! Actually, you’re screwed. That tough schedule makes proper nutrition impossible, meaning you’ll have to eat long after the sun goes down. Thankfully (?), VCU offers several dining options after dark: Shafer Court’s Market 810, Raising Canes, Croutons and IHOP Express. That’s not to say they are all worthy of a summer body. Many of them aren’t. Let’s take a trot down the tubby trail, huh? Market 810 is broken up into six different meal selections. Basil’s has pepperoni, cheese and veggie pizza. Usually a “creative” style is offered, as well. Sometimes it makes sense like buffalo chicken pizza, but typically it is something the manager thought of when he was puffing on a little of the school-supplied oregano. It’s really hit or miss. Next are Fanfare and Rams Grill, which are the most random of the six. I’ve seen pretzel-crusted chicken, smothered in gravy with a side of undercooked potatoes - things your toilet doesn’t even want to flush. A full meal from these two could definitely lead to a heart attack or stroke, on or off the toilet. Field of Greens and Sgt. Peppers are the salad and soup options of Market 810. Field of Greens alludes to perfectly light and healthy blends of mixed greens, bountiful assortments of toppings and a wide variety of tasty dressings. This is a lie. It’s more like brown, wilted lettuce that has been sitting there all day, carrots mixed with eggs, mixed with beet juice, and a watered down bottle of dressing. If this is
your dream salad, dig in, but I would hate to see the repercussions of that meal. As far as the “soup” at Sgt. Peppers goes, imagine a mixture of baby poop and lemonade and you have the soup du jour. It looks the same whether it’s chicken noodle, tomato, or gumbo. Hungry yet? Stir Crazy might as well be the nexus of the universe with cuisine ranging from spaghetti to lo mein to fajitas. They use the same veggies and meat daily, which is, uh...consistent. Today could be chicken and broccoli, dripping in oil. Tomorrow could be oil, garnished with broccoli and chicken shavings. Hey, it’s a recession. Okay, I know what you’re thinking - there have got to be more options after 9 p.m. The newly-built Raising Canes and Croutons stay open 11 p.m. Canes would be more aptly named “Heart-Attack-In-A-Box.” You have a choice of fried chicken strips, bread and fries or fried chicken strips on bread with fries. Both options come with a mysterious sauce called “Cane’s Sauce,” which is a mixture of mayo on top of mayo, on top of mayo with some special seasonings. Croutons is your usual salad place with a little bit of this and that - probably your best choice late at night. Open until 3 a.m., IHOP Express is the only option if you’re looking for food when cramming late night for your biology exam. Don’t get IHOP Express confused with regular IHOP; there’s a reason for the “Express” tag. Options include the following: Bacon ‘N Beef cheeseburger (the bacon is already rolled into the meat) and the Express Quick (two of pretty much every breakfast item.) It sounds good, but it is called the Express Quick with good reason. It will make you want to quickly express your dislike for everything being thrown together so rapidly. Omelets are available, but the ingredients are unidentifiable. Last but not least, if you like your toast dripping in egg wash, order the French toast stack. Calorie counters, beware. All of these meals require more than simple math. Who’s to blame? VCU for their poor meal options? Or the students, for our poor judgment or lack of grocery shopping? Probably a little bit of both. There’s always a final option, though: Denial. As you look in the mirror just say it out loud, “It’s not my fault.” You’re feeling skinnier already.
10) They refuse to wear anything but VCU athletic apparel: While black and gold are very attractive colors, sometimes t-shirts aren’t appropriate attire. It is not okay for your lover to wear a Rowdy Rams t-shirt to your great aunt’s funeral, even if it’s black. 9) They cancelled dates to attend basketball games and pep rallies: One or two games are understandable for the hardcore fans, but when your baby didn’t show up for your three year anniversary dinner-slashengagement proposal at Can Can, you should look for a new prospective fiancé. 8) They compare you to players on the team: If your love is constantly pestering you about how short you are or how you’ve never won any CAA championships, they probably don’t love you. 7) They auditioned for the cheerleading squad, the dance team and the pep band without prior experience: If your significant other has expressed no previous interest in dance and lacks any musical talent, they are just looking for ways to get closer to the team. Rodney the Ram auditions will be next on their tryout list. 6) They accidentally call you “Bradford” in bed: It’s pretty difficult to confuse Jessica or Chris with Bradford, and if your partner makes the mistake during an especially passionate moment, there’s probably cause for concern. Either the basketball team is always on their mind or they’re pretending that you’re two feet taller. 5) They are frequently caught trying to sneak into the athletic residence hall: If your boyfriend or girlfriend has been permanently banned from Ackell for trespassing and they have no friends who live in the building, they are creepy Fatal Attraction-level stalkers. 4) They Photoshop themselves into team photos: If your lover refuses to take photos with you, claiming that it’s super cheesy or that their hair is never up to par, but their last 13 profile pictures have been doctored photos of them in team huddles or at the top of a team pyramid, your relationship is in trouble. 3) They’ve made three dubstep remixes to Wiz Khalifa’s, “Black and Yellow.”: Sure, hearing the original song at every VCU-sponsored event may get repetitive, but a dubstep remix has never made anything better. 2) They have changed their Facebook relationship status to single: If your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to hide your existence to appear more available to the VCU basketball team, you’ve probably lost the battle. 1) They got a new tattoo: I’m not talking about the flaming dragon on their face or the incredibly profound Chinese characters on their shoulder. No, I’m talking about that “VCU Rams 4 Life” tattoo that mysteriously appeared on your lover’s chest a month ago or the team photo that’s tramp-stamped a little too far south.
Lanee’ Sanders wrote this
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Bartenderof the Issue
Nate Peterson embassy suites richmond
Age: 21
Do you like sex?: YEAH, DOG.
Status: SO SINGLE
Favorite sex position: Blowjobs
Major: Advertising
Have you ever hooked up with a co-worker?: No, and that’s why I’m still employed.
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What turns you on?: Light switches What would your porn name be?: “Nate the Sexy Man” Who would you take on your dream date?: My dream girl. Weirdest place you’ve hooked up: Back of a pickup truck. HELL YEAH.
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• MUSIC DAILY •
Welcome to Keeping Up With The Real Bad Girl Pawn Stars of the New York Shore, the show that has your favorite bitches, morons, douchebags and idiots from America’s scummiest reality TV shows! These contestants are vying to win the only truly important prize: their lives! Let’s see what these dolts are made of!
THE CAST: Johnny “Bananas” Devenanzio (The Real World) Dani and Gabi Victor (Bad Girls Club) Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola (The Jersey Shore) Kendall Jenner (Keeping Up With the Kardashians)
WEEK 3
Abby Lee Miller (Dance Moms) Soulgee (Ice Loves Coco) Kelly Bensimon (The Real Housewives of New York City) Chumlee Russel (Pawn Stars)
The Challenge:
lEarn a ChorEoGraphED DanCE, To BE pErformED in fronT of a Class of 3rD GraDErs.
The Outcome: Unsurprisingly, Abby Lee Miller leads this challenge, as she convinces the remaining contestants to do a striptease to the Mos Eisley Cantina song from Star Wars: A New Hope. All is going well until Kendall Jenner removes her top, “just like Kim taught her.” Because Jenner is a minor, she gets
WEEK 6 The Outcome: Kendall easily passes as she chats up a high school male about what it’s like seeing Kim Kardashian naked “like, every day.” Chumlee approaches a mentally handicapped person waiting in line to play the demo Playstation 3 at Best Buy. After ten minutes talking they decide that blue is the best
off scot-free, while Miller is arrested for breaking public indecency and child pornography laws. Karmic Death: Wearing only a leotard and eight-inch heels, she’s forced to fight a herd of 25 six-year-olds until she succumbs to their tiny fists of fury. The Challenge: EnGaGE in ConvErsaTion WiTh a ToTal sTranGEr for TEn minuTEs WiThouT TalKinG aBouT yoursElf.
color. Soulgee isn’t so lucky, as he accidentally references himself when discussing the loving relationship Ice-T and Coco have, the one he “tries not to force himself into.” Karmic Death: Suffocation via a gay black man’s nightmare: Coco’s enormous white tits.
WEEK 1 The Outcome: Most of our contestants do well, some surprisingly so. Abby Lee Miller scores a 29, and upon hearing the results lambasts the others for, “Doin’ so shitty cuz your moms didn’t raise ya’ll right.” Pawn Stars legend Chumlee scores a lowly 4 after skipping the English and Reading portions, but is saved when Sammi Sweetheart fails to complete the test in time.
WEEK 4 The Outcome: Used to constructing makeshift dildos on the fly, Soulgee produces a sex toy that judges deem a reasonable facsimile for a spacecraft. The Victor Twins - having never played with Legos before - hastily slap some blocks together, but continue onto the next round after secretly switching their construction with rival Johnny
WEEK 7
WEEK 2
The Challenge: GivE a homElEss pErson $5.
The Outcome: Kendall Jenner cries as she hands over the money, certain that her mom will bestow on her the beating of a lifetime. Chumlee Russel tries to talk the homeless man down before realizing he’s the one trying to give the cash away. In a purely malevolent move, the Victor twins turn their bill into a “Poo Lincoln” before
dropping it in front of a homeless man while walking away. Bensimon fails when she gives her $5 to Soulgee, as she assumes all black people are homeless.
The Challenge: TaKE ThE 'aCT'. She’s busy sobbing on the phone with her mom because Ronni forgot a smiley face emoticon in the text message he sent her wishing her good luck on the test. Karmic Death: Suffocated to death in a gas chamber set to emit a deadly mix of hair spray and spray tanner. LMFAO’s “Shots” plays at her wake.
WEEK 5
The Challenge: BuilD a spaCEship ouT of lEGos. Bananas. Bananas calls their deceit, but producers refuse to believe him, citing his frivolous lawsuit against the producers of Entourage as a reason not to believe him. Karmic Death: Devenanzio is forced to hang out with Kevin Dillon until Devenanzio kills himself.
The Outcome: In a moving moment that will forever go down in the annals of reality TV history, Chumlee apologizes to pawn shop owner Rick Harrison for the litany of fuck-ups he’s had since the show’s inception. The Victor twins lose when Gabi apologizes to Dani “for being dad’s favorite,” while Dani apologizes to Gabi “for being
The Challenge:
sinCErEly apoloGizE To an immEDiaTE family mEmBEr or ClosE friEnD you havE WronGED.
dad’s favorite.” A brawl ensues until the producers drag each off set, preparing them for their execution. Karmic Death: From behind a two-way mirror the twins’ parents push a big red button that electrocutes the twins to death. The parents go on to live full, happy lives in their twilight years.
The Challenge:
piTCh a shoW To famED WriTEr/proDuCEr DaviD simon (The Wire, Treme)
The Outcome: Kendall Jenner pitches Simon a show about, “You know, me, and stuff.” Chumlee, struggling to breathe under the weight of his own obesity, tells the writer/producer that he’d, “like to do one’a them shows where them girls come in and give Chumlee them blowjobs, and shit.” Simon attempts to walk off set before his
Karmic Death: The producers drop her off in Harlem dressed as a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard. No one attends her funeral.
agent reminds him that this appearance will help provide funding for his critically-acclaimed but little-watched show. Karmic Death: Distraught with the state of modern media, Simon commits a murderdouble-suicide. His final words are, “Let’s see McNulty solve this one.”
While th at expecte didn’t end how d we , it cert better t ainly en han we d e d could ha Join us n ve hope ext year d! as we co the sma ntinue ll-scale g e nocide p are actu eop ally hap py abou le t!
the music page
the black sheep interviews:
Maps & Atlases
Our compasses pointed due north when we were lucky enough to score an interview with loveable rockers Maps & Atlases. Guitarist Erin talks to us about keyboards, soy products and his pet Pegasus. The Black Sheep: Your new album, Beware and Be Grateful is set to be released on April 17th. Can you talk about your progression as a band, from your EPs to Perch Patchwork to this album? How is this the next step in your sonic evolution? Erin Elders: I think it’s a continuation of things we were exploring on Perch Patchwork. On that album we really started with texture, whereas our earlier EPs were more stripped down with a lot of guitar. Here we moved on past the Perch Patchwork orchestration, but we found new ways to layer sound with crazy guitars and whatnot. I think the writing style is a steady evolution from our previous album. TBS: How does the writing process work for you guys? Erin: Every record has been different, but I think that’s what most bands hope to do, where you let the process and story behind the record be its own thing. It’s good to break out of your own habits and artistic patterns. For this record there was these group of songs [lead singer] Dave had been working on during his tour and when we had a little off time. It happened in a really stripped down way. We figured out which songs worked as an album, fleshed them out and worked it out over multiple sessions. We’d then throw as many ideas down as we could, then see what worked and what doesn’t. TBS: Considering the length of time it takes to put a record out, how much of what you work on actually ends up on a record? Erin: It’s really interesting. When you think about how much time writing, recording and playing music and
cd review
out now
The Shins Port of Morrow Five years later, The Shins still don’t disappoint. The Shins are like your best friend from high school who you haven’t seen in five years. You’re slightly nervous things might have changed, but as soon as you sit down (at a bar, of course), it’s like you just saw her yesterday; you’re as comfortable as you’ve ever been and it’s just as familiar as when you were causing a ruckus together back in band class. Formed in Albuquerque, New Mexico, James Mercer (your imaginary best friend), and the gang have technically been putting out alternativerock goodness since 1996 when they released their first EP and gained popularity by touring with bands like Modest Mouse. Things were going swimmingly, albeit slowly, but they were eventually signed to Sub Pop in 2001, releasing their classic album, Oh, Inverted World with such gems like “New Slang” and “Caring is Creepy.” With a slew of tunes featured in all sorts of movies and television shows, The Shins officially became a band with integrity—one that
produced quality songs that were both earnest and catchy. Two more popular albums later, the boys ditched Sub Pop to release albums on Mercer’s own label, Aural Apothecary. Switching out a few band members and letting half a decade fly by, Port of Morrow is upon us and it’s certainly worth the wait. The album has an all around classic Shins sound— never breaching the barrier of being too heavy and never slowing down enough to bum anyone out. The first single “Simple Song” isn’t my favorite on the album, but it’s by no means a bad tune; softly building up to an optimistic chorus that is safe and upbeat, it’s kind of like nice spring weather. “September” is a stand-out song that slows you down a bit, but keeps you interested with little patches of breezy beats. In fact, the entire album consists of numerous wonderfully upbeat tracks that make it a great listen without ever really needing to hit next. By the end of it, you’re not going to hear anything too crazy or shocking, but you’ll be
GRADE B+ pleased if standard Shins music always seems be the perfect thing to listen to when you don’t know what to listen to at all. Admittedly, none of this can be very shocking to anyone who is even remotely a fan of The Shins – they’ve just never let us down and, four albums later, they keep getting better. If you are a part of the handful of people in this world who have never listened to them (maybe their hype from Garden State a billion years ago turned you off for some reason), it’s certainly time to give them a chance. But for those who are longtime Shins fans, it’s worth the five-years-coming to hear them again, just like your high school BFF. Sounds Like: A plaid shirt smiling. Download: Simple Song, September Listen to it When: You’re the first one done with classes waiting on the porch for your roommates to get back to start drinking, gifting them with a beer.
you contrast it with the amount of time you actually produce the sounds that end up on the record, it’s small. You have to get to that point, though. TBS: How do you strike a balance between making music you find personally gratifying, but also something that is something your fans want to hear? Erin: It’s a tough thing. Everyone has different interests, and some are able to pursue them under the moniker of their band. But there’s other bands where an out-there record doesn’t work in the parameters of what the band is. Our band, we want to grow and change every record, but the way we move in the same direction, together, allows us to explore new things. TBS: How ambitious do you get with your sound? When you incorporate a new instrument is it out of necessity, like, “this thing makes this sound, so we will use it,” or is it “we want to push the boundaries of how we consider ourselves as musicians”? Erin: With Beware and Be Grateful we started with these cheap Casio keyboards to get the sound up and running, and from there it was experimenting and seeing what stuck. Running with our instincts. We’ve tried doing it before, and it’s worked on certain songs. On this record, though, it helped us produce a really loose sound. TBS: You guys are headlining a tour right now. How do you prepare? Do you prepare? Erin: I think when you’re on tour it’s one of those things where you’re constantly trying to stay on schedule while being exhausted all the time. It’s basically keeping up until you crash and just stop caring about a timetable. TBS: Is there different pressure being the tour headliner? Erin: I think we’re always making sure we’re playing well and presenting the songs as best we can every night, regardless. I mean, you feel obligated to put on a good show for people who paid money to see you. Plus, how often do you get a chance to play a place like Shreveport, Louisiana? Once a year? You want to put on a good show for someone who might be seeing you for the first time. TBS: For someone who hasn’t seen you play live before, describe your show in five words or less. Erin: Four guys, lots of sound. TBS: What’s a band or artist you listen to that no one would think you like? Erin: I listen to a lot of top 40 radio. When we’re on tour peoples’ iPods get exhausted pretty quickly. I think Nicki Minaj’s “Superbass” is an incredible song. TBS: Describe to me your perfect sandwich. Erin: I think a sandwich is a great culinary invention. I think a baguette, smoked tempeh, some tomato, avocado and spicy mustard. TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what would it be? Erin: A Pegasus seems ideal, you can ride it into town if you need to, or you can fly. TBS: The most practical of the mythical creatures.
UPCOMING RELEASES Brad Mehldau - Ode Melanie Fiona - The MF Life
Casey James - Casey James Odd Future - The OF Tape Vol. 2
Paul Van Dyk - Evolution Anti-Flag - The General Strike
Diggy - Unexpected Arrival Margot and Nuclear So & So’s - Rot Gut Domestic
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The partying Chronicles: There’s No I in Team Brandon Conn wrote this The college experience can often turn hazy when the weekend comes around. With tests, projects and internships to worry about, sometimes a night on the town is just what we need. Let’s be honest though, we’re not always responsible when we go out. I’m going to lead you on a night of debauchery, along the way I’ll give you, dear reader, some tips on what to do when you are out in Richmond trying to have a good time and what not to do to avoid getting yourself in some trouble. Collect Your Teammates: A solid team will ensure a successful night. This particular night included my friends MJ, Newt and Lips. Lips was designated as our chauffeur for the evening. I don’t think it’s necessary to cover how important it is to have a designated driver. Their role goes beyond making sure the ride home is safe. They keep character intact by making sure one doesn’t make an utter and complete moron out of oneself. Warm Up With a Pre-game: The night begins at a friend’s place for a little bit of pre-gaming. Bar drinks are far too expensive. That bottle of beer you bought at the store came attached to five other bottles just like it for around six bucks. At the bar it’s three dollars for just that lonely bottle, a 300% markup. The cost dilemma, however, can work in your favor if, and only if it discourages you from over-indulging. No one likes to walk up to the bar to pay their tab and find out they owe two or three textbooks worth of drinks. It’s important to find your balance between pre-game and game.
Stretch...Everything: What you will encounter inside a bar can be mythical. The dark, sweaty clusters of friends. The inevitable shouting, belligerent man. The enigmatic demeanor of the bartender, ebbing and flowing with the tides of the drunken masses. It’s important to be relaxed and ready for anything. In this case, the bar was crowded, but we made our way in with ease. It wasn’t very long before I had said something in an attempt at small talk with a girl while waiting for our drinks. This proved to be a huge mistake. This girl was absolutely plastered. After she received her drink, she proceeded to try to dance with me, then pulled me into the bathroom. Before I was able to gather my surroundings in the mystical women’s bathroom, she had pulled me into the intimacy of the stall. Classic Bad Girl Syndrome. Stay Cool in the Clutch: Then there was vomit. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do. She had suddenly whirled around and started heaving. I stayed for a good fifteen minutes to console her and make sure she was safe as she filled the toilet with a bile cocktail. Classic Good Guy Disease. Eventually her blonde friend stormed into the bathroom, probably under the impression that we were doing something illicit. “Finally!” I blurted out, urging her friend into the stall. I simply wished her good luck as I tried to wash my hands of both the incidents and some of her hair chunks…and no, I’m not talking about “chunks of hair.”
Forgiveness Follow-Up: The day after can be manageable or the most desperate hole of your life. As you plead with your body to forgive the mistakes of the previous night, you simultaneously make your vows for “next time.” I woke up on my friend’s sofa with the worst hangover imaginable. In an effort to escape the abyss, the team assembled for the drive to Denny’s for breakfast. It felt as if a brick was being driven through my skull. Luckily, I remembered a hangover cure. V8 Juice and a shot of hot. Almost instant relief. Almost.
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