The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 5 4/12/12 - 5/3/12
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Spring Nudity: How Much is Too Much? Lanee’ Sanders wrote this Spring is inarguably the most beautiful time of the year. What with the sun, the flowers and the tremendous amount of socially encouraged nudity, how couldn’t it be? The springtime brings out the naked person living inside all of us, and it can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. There’s something about the sun’s rays caressing our skin that pushes our sense of decency and concerns about skin cancer to the mind’s periphery. It’s a truly magical time when you realize the girl who was always wrapped up in a puffer coat weighs 30 lbs less than you originally anticipated. Unfortunately, sometimes we get more skin then we bargained for. Suddenly, the sweet girl next door looks like a harlot, and the beefcake downstairs has let masses of chest hair out to breathe. As college students, we should all be fully capable of dressing ourselves without help, but I understand that some will always fall behind the learning curve. This is to help ensure that no student or primary article of clothing is left behind. Don’t break any of these rules, and you’ll remain the classy, respectable student that you are from Monday through Thursday. If you were getting dressed this morning, threw on some shorts and a bra and then stopped, you are too naked. If every time you take a step, the campus gets a peak of alternating booty cheeks hanging out of your dress, you are too naked.
If you’re rocking your wife beater to class and you are not an aspiring rapper in 2002, you are too naked.
you haven’t done a sit-up since 10th grade gym class, you are too naked.
If the campus ministries stop you on the street repeatedly to shower you with the Lord’s forgiveness, you are too naked.
If you’re wearing a black lace dress over bright red lingerie and you are not in the VIP line at Mirage, you are too naked.
If you don’t believe in panties but do believe that mini skirts and mountain bikes are a good combination, you are too naked.
If your junk is hanging out of your denim cutoffs (yeah, I’m talking to you, hipster kids), you are too naked.
We’re not in high school anymore. No one likes a dress code or being forced to censor one’s individuality or skankiness, but sometimes too much of a good thing goes bad. In the case of nakedness, there’s a complete loss of mystery that accompanies the spring wardrobe. There’s this great thrill in seeing someone naked for the first time, but the whole campus has eye-banged them, they’re kind of old news. So try to keep your modesty in check until the weekend, no one cares what you’re wearing while you upchuck vodka shots into a bathtub.
If you’re in church and your pastor is sweating before he’s started preaching, you are too naked.
If your biology classmates keep asking you if you work at Daddy Rabbits, you are too naked.
If you insist on walking everywhere shirtless even though
Other stuff
Inside
How to avoid the spring bling blues. see page 5
Warm Weather Break-Ups
Get mad drunk like your forefathers would want!
see page 7
Turning 21: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Got a Light?
It’s so bad, but it’s so cool! see page 12