Volume 1, Issue 3 | 9/29/11 - 10/19/11 | WWW.THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
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If Beamer Ran The ‘Burg
ty hodges wrote this
With all due respect to Virginia Tech President Charles Steger, every Hokie agrees that Tech really isn’t his campus. No, no, that honor goes to the real El Presidente. I’m clearly talking about Frank Beamer here, if you haven’t already caught on. Frank Beamer runs this campus from Lane Stadium, across the drillfield, and right into Steger’s office where he makes the big time decisions that affect the school. Wouldn’t it be interesting if Frank Beamer really had the reins to the school? What would campus be like? I’ve got a couple ideas. 1) Goodbye ACC, Hello SEC This move wouldn’t take long. Frank Beamer wants that BCS title in college football and the best way to get there is to play in the SEC. The SEC has won five straight national titles. There’s a reason for that right? Of course there is! Because in the SEC you get to play Alabama, Florida, Auburn, LSU, Ole Miss, Mississippi State and the list goes on. It’s not that we don’t enjoy playing UNC (About to get hammered by the NCAA), Miami (Still under investigation by the NCAA), Georgia Tech (Was already hit by the NCAA), and Duke (They still have a football team?), but at some point, we need a little more. Beamer would take care of this within the first minute of being in power. The best part is that the Hokies would still get to whoop up on the Frenchmen of UVA every year with the outof-conference schedule. 2) No More JMU Transfer Students Yeah…next.
3) Thursday Nights On Gameday Are An Observable Holiday Thursday nights at Lane Stadium might be more widely celebrated on campus than most religious holidays. Sorry Christmas, this article isn’t for you! Honestly, what’s more exciting than celebrating a holiday with 66,000 of your best friends? Nothing, that’s what. Lane Stadium gets HYPE for Thursday night games and that’s exactly why Beamer would decree that all classes be cancelled that day and the Friday afterwards. All students would be encouraged to start pregaming once they woke up. The more inebriated Lane Stadium is, the louder it is. Our gamedays would be the envy of the entire SEC (see what I did there). 4) Get Rid Of That Stupid New Traffic Circle This really has nothing to do with anything, but seriously that thing is so annoying. Get on it, Beams. 5) Replace All Academic Buildings With Training Facilities Let’s all be honest. This whole “learning” this is way overrated. Everyone at this school loves going to football games and loathes going to classes. The clear solution is to get rid of the school aspect and embrace the football aspect! Imagine how much better our team would be if instead of Intro to Psychology our wide receivers could be taking Route Running 101. Why the hell would David “I Catch Rabbits” Wilson want to take Floral Design when he could just as easily be taking Advanced Ankle Breaking? This all makes perfect sense. College athletics is becoming its own entity so why not just embrace that? It’s less about the university now-a-days and more about the team. Beamer isn’t afraid of changing with the times. Now if we can only get him to wear some Sperry’s on the sidelines we’ll be set.
Other stuff
Inside
04: Things You’re Not You may never be an astronaut, but there’s also dozens of other things you’re unqualified for!
07: How to Land an Engineer We’ll use CAD to map out a path to his heart...
09: we Interviews: Fighting Gravity VT’s very own world-famous dance troupe talks to us.amazing place.