Clemson - Fall Issue 1 - 9/5/12

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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 3, Issue 1 9/6/12 - 9/19/12

theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem

The Official The Black Sheep’s Guide to Clemson chris dart wrote this

Freshmen: Welcome to Clemson! After a summer of saying goodbye to high school sweethearts and anxiously awaiting your first night on campus, you’re finally here! You’ve made the best choice of your life by coming here. There is no place on earth like this little nugget of orange paradise in the entire United States of America. But, as you may have noticed on your college trips and tours, Clemson happens to be pretty darn big.

It would be impossible to fit this much awesome into anything smaller than our beautiful college town. In short, you’re going to get so very lost during your first month or so in town.

But, alas! We, your new favorite college newspaper, have decided to construct for you “The Official The Black Sheep Guide to Clemson”. Now, before you get to anxiously reading this article to find out where the hell Holtzendorf is, it’s not that kind of guide. Think of it as more of a “where can I get delicious hot dogs named after famous Clemson athletes for cheap after grabbing a few drinks downtown” kind of guide. In fact, let’s start with the answer to that question!

It’s inevitable that at some point in your Clemson career you will be hungering for some affordable, delicious, late night junk food. The kind of food that you demolish in seconds, but pay for the entire next day. Right now you’re asking yourself, “Where do I go for such a feast?” Sorry, we don’t have a Big Dick’s Sausage and BBQ House here in Clemson. In fact, no place has ever had one of those because it’s made up. Instead, we have Cookout, Jugheads and Little Caesars. Cookout and Little Caesars, as you may know, are chains. Cheap, delicious, and lots of food. The perfect college student-approved trifecta.

Jugheads, on the other hand, is quite unique, and a staff favorite. Awesome hot dogs with endless toppings, it’s cheap, and each dog is named for a Clemson sports great. Eat through your new school’s past athletic success while simultaneously satisfying your late night hunger. Good eats.

While here at Clemson, you also might get a little bored with your constant procrastination. Lucky for you, we have plenty to do on this campus. Beautiful Lake Hartwell is just around the

Freshman: A Guide for UpperClassmen

believe it or not, you were one once, too.

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corner! No seriously, it’s like five turns away. Grab some friends, grab your suits and go to the lake for a day of sun, fun and maybe a little skinny-dipping. Just make sure it’s not all guys.

Then you might as well be hanging out at Big Dick’s Sausage and BBQ House. If that doesn’t suit your fancy, grab some pals and go play some disc on Bowman. Or head to Fike for a swim, a quick pump, or a game of pick up basketball with a bunch of guys who have nice shoes and no understanding of the word “recreational.” Backcourt violation? Bro, seriously? If sports or the lake don’t sound like your cup of sweet tea, grab your new college hookup and take a stroll into the Botanical Gardens for an eye-gasm of unbelievable natural scenery.

Reading this guide, you might be wondering to yourself, “This

what’s inside

is all awesome and expertly written, but I’m 21. Where can I grab a brew doggie?” Clemson’s nightlife, although small, is extremely diverse. Tiger Town Tavern offers a typical college bar, with indoor-outdoor seating, pool tables, trivia and bartenders who love big tips (hint, hint). TD’s is just across the street with a live band, drunken girls singing karaoke and lots and lots of beer. Even Wingin’ It, Club Crocs, 356, Backstreets, Loose Change and Overtime have their special characteristics.

Just take a walk around the town and find your niche. And remember: don’t drive home. The CAT bus offers routes that cover most surrounding areas for a reliable, safe ride back to your own bed, hopefully with a fun-time play partner. And if that doesn’t work out, just go home with someone you met downtown. It would be so college of you. continued on page 13

pre-season horn fest

bartender of the week

you people are about to get freak-nasty.

ciera from td’s doesn’t actually have an onion booty, trust us.

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page 12

contents page 5: The New Back to School Supplies List

Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com

page 5

less markers, more condoms.

page 5: the top ten Worst Things About Going Back to School

page 7: from the streets

Table of

What’s YOur roommates worst habit

page 9: People you don’t want to get stuck beside at the game like the girl who is white girl wasted, who you rarely want to be around anyway.

page 11: the black sheep interviews baltimore native and total weirdo, dan deacon.

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word of the week

Blognosis: Any self-categorized illness one gives him or herself after researching symptoms of diseases on the internet. “Toby gave himself a spinal meningitis blognosis after researching neck pain on WebMD.�

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Freshmen: A Guide For Upperclassmen staff wrote this You may have noticed them around campus. Uncharacteristically small (having yet to gain that beer weight), bizarrely misdressed (they haven’t yet gotten the memo on college vs. high school wardrobes), way too much Clemson everything (and here we were thinking that wasn’t possible), and shrouds of dignity somehow still surround them (those will be gone soon). They are freshmen, and as the school year gets started it seems that there are more of them clogging up campus than even last year or the year before that (or for the victory lap scholars, the year before that). As upperclassmen, it is our job to help assimilate these budding collegiates into our fine university. Whether it be helping them handle classes, campusnavigation, partying, hookups and the like, we must be there for our rookies. However, there are a couple key things to remember when dealing with our little infant Tiger nuggets…

Be Mentors, Not Predators: It’s one thing if you’re a sophomore hitting on the hot freshman at the party. It gets a little creepier when you reach junior status, and it’s pretty charttoppingly weird if you’re a senior, or super-senior, or superduper-senior. Some of these kids JUST turned 18 a few weeks ago. There’s a very specific preying-on-freshmen window, and it pretty much closes after your junior year. Not to say that seriously dating a mature freshman is unacceptable, but when you’re drunk-predator status at a party and there’s a million thirsty - scratch that - parched, freshmen roving about the scene. That’s when it gets weird, y’all. Keep the paws off the babies and go grabbin’ for the thirsty sophomores if you’re really looking for a fresh tongue dance.

Class Experiences: As some of us are seniors, super seniors and super-duper seniors, it’s safe to say that we’ve all been around the block once or twice. We all know who the professors are that suck and which ones give open note everythings.

So when the time comes, give your Tiger rookies some advice with their classes. “Yeah, always remember to mention trains in your essays for Professor Choo-Choo. That guy nuts his pants over trains.” A little nugget of knowledge like that could save a freshman from getting a D, dropping out of real college, and being forced to go to USC. Nobody deserves that.

Remember, You Were There Once Too: It’s easy to discount freshmen as essentially more mature high schoolers, but let’s not forget we all came in as freshmen once too. There was a time when you thought it was still cool to wear jean skirts and double polos with both collars popped. Let’s not forget that we all had that time when we couldn’t handle our liquor (eh, some of us still can’t), and we were all enthusiastic about classes,thinking that Clemson professors were the best thing since elementary school snack time (although some of them are). But everyone has to start somewhere, and it’s our experiences that got us to be the badass, cool people we are now.

So be patient with the newbs. They’ll grow into it just as we did. Give them the time and be nice to them even when they seem impossibly stupid. We all owe our own growth to some kind and patient upperclassmen who guided us through our shit, bought us alcohol, and picked our drunk asses up from that frat party when we ended up plastered, puking on the

FRIDAY IS LADIE’S NIGHT!

stairwell. Be that guy.

Keep in mind that freshmen are just like younger siblings: They get in your way, ask stupid questions and piss you off like no other. But in the end we are all part of this Tiger family. So sack up and help a brotha (or sista) out.

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The Top ten

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Worst Things About Going Back to School Yes, Going back to school is great. No more curfews, you get to see your friends and you get to come back to our little Clemson bubble where a case of beer is only like, $13. However, it’s not entirely as awesome as you may think.

10. Roommates: Most of us were lucky enough to have our own room growing up, sharing a bathroom with a few other people. Going to college means you’ll be either in the dorms, with multiple people sharing your room and your bathroom, or in an apartment with a few roommates and even fewer bathrooms. Say goodbye to pooping in peace with the door open.

9. Homework: Summer jobs end when your shift is over and you can go home. School ends after you go home and finish your English paper…at 2:19 a.m.

8. Buying books: You’re paying $1,376.50 for 5 books. Of which, you will only ever open two of them to read a total of 23 pages. Sound like a good deal? We didn’t think so.

The New Back to School Supplies List chris dart wrote this One of the most important establishments in America is a certain superstore in which you can get almost anything. From denim shirts and pineapples to tires and flat screen TVs, this store provides college students with any and everything they might need throughout their four years of school. This establishment, of course, is Wal-Mart.

Walking through Wal-Mart recently, I noticed a stand shaped like a giant pencil. Upon closer inspection, the big pencil stand contained the school supplies lists for the local elementary schools. Feeling nostalgic, I read one of the lists over: crayons, 2 binders, glue stick, scissors, colored pencils, markers, notebook paper…blah, blah, blah.

Now my initial thought upon reading this list was, “Why the hell would a kid need crayons, markers AND colored pencils. That’s just absurd.” My second reaction was, “Damn, a student’s needs really change as they get older.” Other than the typical laptop, TV, bedspread and shower caddy, there are some key items that I would have on my list today that I certainly couldn’t survive college without.

Let’s see, the first thing on my college school supplies list would be a mattress pad. Like most students, I spend most of my down time at home in my room, laying in bed. Whether I’m working on schoolwork, watching Netflix or trying to get a quick nap between classes, my bed is one of my favorite places to be, and my mattress pad is what makes it so hard to leave. It also protects me from whatever germs or bodily fluids the past tenant may have left behind.

The next thing on my college school supplies list would be my mini fridge. I hate a lot of things in this world, but one thing I truly despise - and I know my male readers can agree with me on this one - is putting on pants just to go to the kitchen and get something to eat. Having a mini-fridge in my room allows me to store my GoGurts, Coca Cola, beer and Reese’s at a nearby no-pants-zone.

The next thing on my list would be a whole shit-ton of purple and

orange clothing. Obviously, since we go to Clemson, we all have a bunch of purple and orange in our wardrobe already. But let’s be real here, doing laundry is about as much fun as uh…doing laundry.

Between solid orange Fridays, game days, and the 1,000 other events that call for us to wear orange, one has to have options. Lots of minty-fresh options.

The fourth thing on my back to college supplies list would be a good pair of running shoes. The dreaded “freshman 15” is not just for freshmen. In fact, I know people who put on the sophomore, junior, and senior 15 as well. So, you came in at 160 and left at 220?

For shame. A good pair of running shoes will allow you to run the hilly campus we love so you can keep that half-decent frame of yours in half-decent shape.

The fifth and final item that would make it on to my college supplies list is a good set of headphones. Whether you’re studying in Cooper, doing your homework, or just walking to class, music is key for all students. Get yourself a pair of decent noise-cancelling headphones so that you can block out your bed-knocking sexaholic roommate and the rest of the world during homework time. They’ll come in handy when you’re trying to cram four and a half months worth of Japanese History into your noggin come finals. Beats by Dr. Dre, Bose, Skullcandy and Sony are all top choices. You may have to pay a little extra cash, but it’s worth not having to hear little freshman girls chirp all night in the library.

Trust me, this school supplies list includes five of the most important items you will own in college. They’ll help make your four years here at Clemson both more enjoyable and comfortable. Plus, it’ll severely cut down the time that you have to wear pants, which is awesome.

But best of all, you only have to go to one store to get all of them: Wal-Mart.

(Note: This is not a paid promotion for Wal-Mart, you cheap bastards! You owe us money!)

7. Douchebag professors: A bad boss during your summer jobs is one thing, but keep in mind that they’re paying you. Douchebag professors? You’re paying them. No excused absences, a semester-long group project worth 50 percent of your grade and quizzes every day? We should dock their pay.

6. Freshmen: Not to rag on the rookies, but it‘s irritating when you’re rushing to class and have to make your way through a maze of orange-everything-wearing newbies holding maps of the campus up next to their class schedule trying to find out where Tillman Hall is located. Tillman… really?

5. CAT bus: Although we’re all in the prime of our lives, we all hate walking. But when we finally do find a parking spot in The Pit, we have two choices: walk up that enormous hill and sweat through our shirt, or wait for the CAT bus. True, the CAT bus means we avoid the walk, but it also means a 10 minute wait only to cram yourself inside of a sweaty, stanky bus that takes another 10 minutes just to get to Daniel. L-A-T-E…LATE! 4. Dining halls: No more home cooked meals for you. It’s time for long lines and food that makes you poop out of your butt a whole bunch.

3. Fike is packed: The first week of school is a lot like New Year’s Day. “This semester is going to be different! I’m gonna work out every day and get in great shape!” Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s what everyone else is thinking, too.

Good luck sticking to a workout past the first week or so of school.

2. Finding parking: Just like how people swear they’re going to work out in the beginning of the semester, people also swear they’re going to go to all of their classes. It won’t be until about a month into the school year that people decide to just roll over and use an absence. Only then will you be able to find a parking spot without having to do 13 loops around the lot and stalk some poor kid to his car.

1. Early morning wake up: Using the “Marimba” iPhone ringtone as an alarm clock really makes one hate that noise. It’ll be even worse when it’s waking you up for your 8 a.m. class in Brackett. Maybe you’ll just use another absence…

chris dart wrote this

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Pre-Season Horn-Fest Meredith Davidson wrote this

theblacksheeponline.com

It’s the beginning of the school year here at Clemson, which means it’s about time to welcome everyone to one of the most glorious times in a college student’s academic year: the Pre-Season Horn-Fest. As Clemsonites we’re annually placed in a situation in which we have the opportunity to meet an abundance of people on an hourly basis.

We’re all young, all similarly located in our lifepaths, and oh, we’re all lookin’ for a bonin’, or at least a hot dance floor makeout.

Having cleared out last year’s relationships (doesn’t commitment make you cringe?), and washed our hands of our summer romances, many of us have entered that bizarre time period that is the Pre-Season Horn-Fest. You know, the time after you’ve had your last Grease-inspired stroll on the beach with Sandy Fajina, but haven’t yet met your fall semester bone-buddy. The time of the year where you’re feelin’ all ballsy and bangable (cuz like, you’re tan, duh), everyone is a prospect, and everyone, right along with you, is feeling horny as hell. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

During this magical time no one has yet to lock down girlfriends or boyfriends and everyone’s sexier than they were when you last saw them (not to mention the abundance of sexies you haven’t seen before). Pair that with the fact that everyone is coming in with money to blow from their summer job, and you’re set up with the ideal situation: actual dates before you clock in to the bedroom for the night. A novel concept, certainly. We’ll get fancy dates instead of the end-of-fall or early

winter three-word booty call texts we’ve all come to know far too well. Nothing says “I want you so bad” like a text that reads, “Cum. Over.Plz.” at 3:30a.m. Now that’s just gross.

It’s pre-season and everyone’s cryin’ out “Put me in, Coach!” Embrace it! Fire up that iPhone and get flirting. Pass that “Call Me Maybe” napkin with your number on it, and keep your room clean, because every night brings a multitude of opportunities. You’ve got weekly tailgates to break the ice, and the easiest conversation topic ever: Clemson football. “So, do you come here often? Would you like to come more often?” Also, make sure you’ve got Hunger Games fresh on DVD. Grab a 12-pack and snuggle up while watching a movie that gets both sexes feeling a little bit sexier. “So, you wanna Katniss my Everdeen?” And while it’s nice out, did someone say, “Meet me to play fetch with my dog on Bowman? “Give me the bone please! Oh yeah, you too Sparky.”

So send out that kissy face emoji instead of the 8, equals, equals, equals, equals, capital D text, you’ll have plenty of time for that come mid-October.

Be open-minded, and consider every person you meet as a possibility. There is a multi-thousandperson student body roaming the streets of Clemson ready to start anything new. Put your big kid panties on, approach that prime prospect at the bar and go ahead and say it: “Hey, wanna just… bang it out?” If all else fails, grab your roommate and buy him a beer to jump on a grenade for you.

After all, that’s what friends are for.

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From the Streets

[PartyPics]

Got a question you want us to ask?

FTS@theblacksheeponline.com

What’s your roommate’s worst habit?

“My old roommate used to fry spam at 5 in the morning... the whole apartment smelled like rotten dog food. Disgusting.“ - Kep, Senior

“The girl I lived with last year would take my clothes all of the time! Of course, when she’d leave the apartment I’d search her things and find my stolen apparel. So annoying! Thank god I’m not living with her anymore!” - Kristen, Senior

“My roommate likes to use the same pan for cooking all of her meals. I’ve seen her take this dirty pan out of the dirty sink and pour the dirty water out then use it. Even talking about this makes me want to vomit.” - Victoria, Senior

send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

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The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

Monday Night Football Special $12.50 Buckets of beer (4 Beers) $3 L.I.T.

FRI: Ladies Night! $2 Drink Specials No Cover Before 12 Ladies Free All Night!

Drink specials coming soon!

Happy Hour!

Mon. - Sat 4pm-7pm .50 cent Wings and Half-Price Pitchers

THURS

32oz Thursday $10 32oz Margarita (Regular, Peach, Melon)

College night! $2 Drink Specials $0.25 Rolling Rock No Cover w/ College ID

Drink specials coming soon!

Half Price Pitchers (4 - 7) $0.25 PBR All Day!

FRI

$3 Red Stag & $3 Capt Morgan

Ladies Night! $2 Drink Specials No Cover Before 12 Ladies Free All Night!

Ask about our fun desserts

Half Price Pitchers (4 - 7) $5 Subs and Small 1-Topping Pizzas from 3-6 pm (dine-in only)

SAT

$3 Pinnacle Flavors

GAMEDAY! GO TIGERS!

Free Cheesy Bread with Purchase of Any Large or XL Pizza at Regular Price ALL DAY (dine-in only)

Closed

Large 1-Topping Pizza and 10 Wings for $15.99 (dine-in only)

(No special on gamedays)

Dance Party! $1 Jello Shots

SUN

Closed

Call to book your next mixer!

MON

Monday Night Football Special $12.50 Buckets of beer (4 Beers) $3 L.I.T.

Call to book your next mixer!

Start off the week with a great lunch at Super Taco

$3 Martinis

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Half Price Pitchers (4 - 7) 1/2 price appetizers (excl. wings) ALL DAY (dine-in only) Dirty Bingo @ 8pm

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People You Don’t Want to Get Stuck Beside At the Game Blake Miller wrote this Although the start of a new school year may not be the most exciting time for most students, we at The Black Sheep think we can all agree that football season more than makes up for whatever assignments you may have due next week. However, there is one way that your weekend of football glory could turn into your weekend of football hell (besides the Tigers losing, obviously.) We’re referring to sitting at the end of your group of friends and being forced to intermingle with complete strangers. Ninety percent of the time this won’t present a problem since we will all hopefully be standing on the Hill. But, oh God, that ten percent is devastating. Here we outline your stereotypical game-time neighbor who seems makes it their priority to get on your last nerve.

Two-Beers-Too-Many Girl: A girl who can hold her own is attractive. A girl who gets completely white girl wasted and distracts everyone around her is not. No one needs to be tapped on the shoulder every five seconds to be notified of how drunk someone is. They put two and two together when you threw up on your shoes earlier. Two-Beers-Too-Many Girl exsists at either extreme: screaming nonsense at the top of her lungs or blacked out by the end of the first possession. There is no middle ground.

Overweight-But-Shirtless-Anyway Guy: We get it, you’re proud of your body. You’ve got plenty of school spirit, and you just want to paint your chest and have a good time. But plenty of people have a good time by holding up a sign or singing the fight song. And they do this with their shirts on.

Without a big “SAMMY” painted across their moobs. Know your role. Or, more accurately, your rolls.

You-Looked-At-Me-And-I’m-Drunk-So-I-Want-To-Fight-You Bro: Similar to Two-Beers-Too-Many Girl, this guy can’t handle his liquor. He should have stopped drinking a long time ago, but now he’s drunk. And probably due to some underlying issues that are best dealt with in therapy, he’s mad at you for simply looking in his direction. You could hand him a basket of puppies and the keys to your car, and he would still think that you’re threatening him. Reason will not work. It’s best to just try to water down his beer bottles or switch places with someone else.

Go-Getter-Chant Man: All of the various cheers and chants at Death Valley are what make game days special. We get that you might be caught up in the moment and really want to start the cadence count. But there’s a guy with a megaphone whose sole purpose is to start chants and cheers.

You’re not needed here. Screaming right in our ears to try to get attention to feel a sense of accomplishment will definitely take you off the Christmas card list. Oh and screaming to “Put Sammy in!” when we’re on defense definitely won’t win you any points either. Ambition is a fine quality to have, but we’d rather learn sign language due to intellectual curiosity rather than necessity.

Being caught next to one of these few people is the worst. More than half the time your mind is occupied dreaming up ways to “accidently” trip them down the steps, instead of the actual game.

You fight to keep their back sweat from getting on your face, or keep from making eye contact with the Chant Man. The only advice we can offer is to keep an active eye on any spot that might open near your friends. You might have to deal with a confused student, but it’s better than what you had before.

.

M !

S E C I H P T Y T E R T A A P H R R YOU O S U M D E N E H S T E .

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D E K M O A .C N E N T I L E N G O P R E E O H , S THEBLACK LAUGH,CRY (WAIT, WHAT?)

Guys Fawn Over in College Though many will say college is the beginning of adulthood, walking onto campus isn’t just flipping a switch into

grown-up-ville. We hold on as long as we can, littering our new reality with memories of yesteryear. You roll over in the morning to find a sleeping beauty in your bed, and it reminds you of when you were young, holding Lucy Rachelson’s hand as Prince Phillip kissed his love back into life. Well, what other Disney Princesses does a man fall for in college? By: Brendan

The Jasmine A Whole New Wet Dream:

Ah, you have fond memories of Sally Birchwell—the prettiest girl in class, and the senior prom date of a lifetime. She was the best thing Podunk, USA had to offer; shame she got knocked up after you went away for college. Suddenly you snap out of the daydream and realize you’re absentmindedly gnawing on a chicken nugget, staring right at—wait! Holy crap, that’s the most exotic looking hottie you’ve ever seen; big white eyes set in caramel, dark skin. Your openly racist uncle didn’t tell you they made them like that over in…over in…well, over in whatever country that was where he served.

The Cinderella The Glass Slipper of Regret:

As soon as your eyes open and you remember what you’ve done the phrase starts ringing in your head: “After two, she’s a ten. After ten, she’s a two.” Well, after enough Jagermeister everyone thinks they’re Prince Charming, and this pumpkin of a pick-up that fell into your lap managed to hold on until the clock struck midnight. You do your best to feign sleep, hoping beyond hope she’ll wake up soon and make a quick and shameful exit. Finally, her iPhone buzzes and she starts collecting her things. As she exits your place you carefully peer out of the corner of the window—yup, two bitchy (sorority) sisters are picking her up. Looks like she’ll be on maid duty for a few weeks for this little incident.

The Belle

The Snow White

Beauty with the Busted: Couples in a classroom are

Pure as a Powdery Addiction: Every Tuesday and

The Ariel

The Mulan

always an annoying proposition. When they’re not busy holding hands, they’re swapping notes. When they’re not swapping notes, it’s forlorn “I can’t believe this aisle separates us, I love you so much, baby” glances that make you sick to your stomach. Well, these two are the cardinal sinners of classroom coupledom. He’s hairier than a Greek yeti and sports a googly eye, while a doll of her hair would fetch a pretty penny on the pervy black market. “If only I had his money,” you think to yourself as they tear off in his BMW M5 after class. Alas, you’re reminded of your ramen-only lifestyle on your rainy bike ride home.

A Sea of Men:

Freshman orientation feels like a distant memory, but you’ll never forget her. She sat upright in the front row of the placement exam, hair in a bun, no make-up, with a “daddy’s little girl” t-shirt proudly covering up whatever genetics gave her. You still think about her, wondering what corner of the library she squirrels herself away in on a Friday night. In line at Walgreen’s, the thought of her inches across your brain as a party girl sporting a clamshell bra orders a pack of Marlboro Golds.

Wait, red hair? Button nose? It’s her! You try to get her attention, but she’s too busy cackling with her girlfriends about last night’s experience with sexual inadequacies. This Eric guy she’s howling about, he must be a dead fish in the sack, or something.

Thursday she passes you as you walk back to your apartment. Every Tuesday and Thursday she has a half-dozen bros tripping over their own feet, trying to win her favor. Every Friday and Saturday you fail to spot her in the bars among the dolled-up strumpets, and when you stalk her on Facebook it’s all “I love Jesus” this and “I support Chick-fil-A” that. What gives? Sure, she’s the fairest in the land, but how does Mrs. Goodie Goodie keep the testosterone and semen-fueled bro train in line? To you, it’s worth finding out. The group could really use a seventh dope fawning all over Miss Pure-as-the-Driven-Snow, right?

Tonya Tough Tits:

You thought you had an easy in when she entered Shakespeare I sporting her intramural basketball t-shirt. You tapped her on the shoulder and asked if she’d be interested in shooting hoops. When she hissed, “4:30, be there,” through pursed lips you should have known you were in trouble. Instead, you started sporting half a chub when she rolled up in short shorts, a sports bra and Jordans. She crossed you over once. Lucky.

Then she crossed you over again. Then she picked your pocket and did the prettiest reverse layup your eyes ever did see. Fast-forward and she wins 21-6, while you’re almost certain she handed you a few of those points. To her, college is not a man’s world.

the interview

Dan Deacon

Ask someone what they first think of when Baltimore comes to mind, and often the response will be one of two things: Crime or The Wire. Well, there’s also Dan Deacon, people. Part of the vibrant Wham City Collective, Deacon’s brand of music is as weird as it is catchy. His latest album, America, dropped August 27th. Be patriotic and cop that shit. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: I’m not as interested in how you started playing music, but when did it hit you that this is something you wanted to do for a living?

Dan Deacon: Actually, I think the “this is it” moment came in three parts. When I was young and I first heard the trombone, I knew at that moment I was really interested in music. The second step toward my life in music occurred when I first started using MIDI files (Editor’s Note: these are used in making music on a computer.), it showed me how much one could actually toy with sounds, and those sounds became music. It wasn’t until my first tour that I was sure that this was what I wanted to do for a living. I wrapped up a tour and realized that I got paid a little bit of money to play music in parts of the world I didn’t think I was going to see.

TBS: Your live shows are notoriously awesome. Do you plan ahead for them, or is it all spontaneous?

Dan: When I’m playing a live show, a lot of what happens really is playing off the crowd’s energy. I’ll try to introduce one or two new ideas on each tour, but a lot of what happens are spontaneous reactions to the crowd’s energy. Like, if the crowd is going crazy, I’m having a great time up there. If the crowd doesn’t seem like it’s having a good time, I take it in one of two directions, either I’ll try harder to try to win them over, or it’ll be like, “fuck ‘em, I’m doing this anyway.”

TBS: So what’s it like playing in front of a crowd that’s not into it?

Dan: Oh, I mean, that rarely happens. I’d say nine out of ten times the crowd is really into it. I mean, really, I can’t even remember the last time I played a show and the crowd wasn’t having a good time. Even then, when I say, “fuck ‘em,” it’s more, “I’m going to put on the best show I can, regardless of what they may think about it.”

TBS: Over the past few years electronic music has really came on the scene, though it’s music that’s very different from the stuff that you do. Does that excite you? Make you wary?

Dan: I’ll just be happy when it’s not considered electronic music anymore. I may not be really into a lot of what people consider electronic music, but I’m really interested in the way artists are able to create sounds that we’ve never seen in music before. Even more than that, many “electronic” musicians add non-electronic elements to their music. What I don’t want to see is us going backward- music that sounds like music that was popular in the eighties and the nineties.

the big three

entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.

bachelorette

in theaters september 7

TBS: When you started to introduce elements like strings into your music again, was that difficult? Was there a learning curve?

Dan: Well, when I started working with acoustic instruments again, it was challenging. I was rusty, having not used them in so long. Creating music isn’t like riding a bike—you don’t just pick it back up right away; it’s like speaking a language, if you don’t practice regularly, then you lose those skills. When I picked up some of the compositions that I had written when I was in college I was sitting there wondering how I had put them together back then.

Yes, it's similar to the Kristen Wiig classic Bridesmaids, but who doesn't love a good tale of a bunch of gals gettin' together and having a good time (aka, getting drunk at a wedding)? Plus it stars Rebel Wilson, the hilarious Australian lass who is definitely going to say an inappropriate thing or seven throughout the film.

TBS: What the fuck is “Crystal Cat” about?

Dan: [Laughs] I’ve never heard anyone ask that before. Well, on “Crystal Cat” I took the instrumental part of the song and I just started making nonsense noises that fit with how the song was progressing. After that, I worked on turning those noises into words, which fit with the music.

British indie group The XX are back with their much anticipated second album Coexist. They broke out way back in 2009 with their critically acclaimed self-titled debut, releasing great single after great single. Coexist is a danceier album than the subtle, sexy tunes that we're used to, but it's still going to be awesome.

TBS: Watermelon or cantaloupe?

Dan: I guess it would depend on the situation that I’m in, but nine times out of ten I’m going to choose the watermelon.

the mtv video music awards

TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what animal would you choose?

Dan: A dragon.

TBS: What is one thing you want to see or do before you die?

Dan: I’m not sure. Nothing.

The xx - coexist

out september 11

thursday, september 6th at 8pm

It ain't The Grammys, but it's a hell of a lot more interesting.

Comedian Kevin Hart hosts this year's event, and the potential shenanigans is what gets us most excited. Will Kanye propose to Kim? Will Carly Rae Jepson be recognized as a real artist? Will Skrillex flip that hair around on stage to accept the first EDM award? We're just dying of anticipation over here.

page 12

theblacksheeponline.com

bartender of the week Ciera G. td’s Relationship Status: Single

If you could be a holiday, which would you be?: National Boss Day

Major: Marketing Favorite Drink: Yuengling Favorite Shot: Baby Guinness, Patron Cafe layered with Bailey’s Irish Cream Worst Drink Ever: T-bone, it’s bourbon and A1... gross!

What celebrity would you most like to punch in the face?: Bethenny Frankel What is the worst pickup line you’ve heard on the job?: “You must have an onion booty, cause every time you walk by I can’t help but cry.”

What holiday/event is craziest at (your bar)?: It’s a tie between the Christmas party and St. Patty’s day, both get pretty wild.

What dead person would you want to bring back to life?: Michael Jackson If you could have any superpower, what would it be?: To cure a hangover.

Who do you most want to have a tickle fight with?: Elmo!

What’s one thing you never want your mom to know about you?: Just one thing?

What Disney character do you most want to hook up with?: Aladdin

How many 4-year olds do you think you could take in a fight?: 5

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard on the job?: I’ve heard a lot, but most recently, “A chalice? We live way too close to Atlanta to not call it a pimp cup.”

During the time at your bar, about how many numbers have you gotten on the Job?: Haha...I’m not sure, don’t really keep track.

the drinking game

Candyland So maybe we’re trying to hold onto our childhood, or maybe we just find pleasure in corrupting childhood games. Either way, this game is bitchin’.

What You’ll Need: Candyland board game, alcohol of your choice, beer.

Number of Players: 4 Level of Intoxication: You’ll be trying to get Princess Lolly and Queen Frostine to skinny dip in the Ice Cream Sea.

Favorite place to party?: TD’s!

Recipe for Disaster

Cereal Fruit Pie It’s hard getting away with eating dessert for breakfast, but lucky for you we’ve come up with an airtight recipe that will have you cramming sugar down your gullet on a daily basis.

What You’ll Need: Fruity Pebbles, strawberries, cool whip, butter, plastic bag, 9 inch pie pan.

Cook Time: 30 minutes Fatty Factor: You’re basically eating a stick of butter, so take that for what it’s worth.

How to Play: - Set up your Candyland board game and stack your shuffled cards together in a pile.

- Set up four shot glasses and four cups of beer.

- Players must choose a color that will remain theirs for the rest of the game.

- First player must draw a card and move to the closest corresponding color.

- If the color on the card matches the player’s color, they can move ahead to the closest square of that color. This player also chooses one other player to chug a beer, one second for each square the piece moves forward.

- If the color on the card is not their color, they must move backward on the board to that color and chug beer for one second for each square the piece moves backward.

- The player then sits on that color until they pull their color, taking a shot every turn they don’t.

Let’s Get Baked: - Fill a large plastic bag with Fruity Pebbles.

- Smash the bag until all the cereal is crushed to little pieces.

- Combine ½ cup of butter with the cereal in a bowl and microwave until the butter is melted.

- Stir until all the butter and cereal is one hot primordial soup.

- Take your “pie crust” and lay it down on your buttered or non-stick pan.

- Place in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes, take it out and let it sit for another 10 minutes.

- Once cooled, fill the crust with cool whip.

- Pop in some cut-up strawberries.

- Dig in!

The Game Ends When: Someone reaches Candyland or someone gets Gloppy all over the board.

You might think because it has the word “pie” in it that it must be a dessert. Well, it also has the word “cereal,” and therefore you can eat it for breakfast!

download our app for all of our drinking games!

Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com

continued from the cover

page 13

For those of you that are thinking “my parents pay a lot of money for me to get a good education, where can I go for all of my academic needs?” Don’t get your undies in a bunch; Cooper Library offers quiet study spots for you bookworms, and even has late night munchies stations so you can add to the fatass freshman fifteen you’re already working on. The Barnes & Noble in Hendrix contains all of your classroom necessities, including books, pens, highlighters, and anything you could think of with a Clemson logo on it. We also have a Wal-Mart nearby. So there’s that too.

We’re going to go ahead and assume that most of you know about Death Valley: the single greatest stadium in college football. But this year, explore some of the other sporting complexes on Clemson’s beautiful campus. Wander on over to the athletic village on the west side of campus and check out some soccer, tennis, basketball, baseball or volleyball. Because nothing is more fun than seeing the Tigers dismantle our ACC foes and the always-awful Gamecocks.

Plus, our athletes love hearing a cadence count roar through the solid orange home crowds.

Undoubtedly, some of you are going to be thinking to yourself, “Why am I even reading this awesome paper right now?! I have so much homework to do!” And to you we say: relax. Grab a towel and some sun block and head down to Lever Beach. This “beach” behind the Lever dorms is essentially just a grassy hill. But for years, it has been the makeshift tanning station for sorority girls, freshmen girls and perverted guys with no shame. If you happen to be a European who only brought a Speedo to college, then please skip Lever Beach, keep your clothes on and plop your bottom down on one of the grassy steps of the Outdoor Theater. In the middle of campus, right beside the reflection pond, the Outdoor Theater offers a quiet place to nap, read or just close your eyes and think. Think about life. Think about puppies. Think about how you’re going to tell your parents that Parking Services just towed your car. On occasion, you might even get to see a yoga class in session. But for our male readers, don’t wear mesh shorts.

Trust us.

Due to word count, we can only give you this much of a guide to Clemson. But admit it, you’re already better off. Even though this guide doesn’t give you a 100 percent detailed description of the “go here, don’t go there’s” of Clemson, the best way to learn about your new home is to explore it for yourself. Grab a new friend and take a walk around our amazing college town.

After all, we all came here for a reason. And soon you’ll see why nobody ever wants to leave.

“Stop looking at her booty, dude.”

If you don’t start following If you don’t start followingus... us...

Go Tigers!

YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SOSODAMN YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S DAMNFUNNY. FUNNY.

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@BLACKSHEEP_CLEM @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM go right to the page!

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the riddle

Oh, so you think you're so smart, do ya? send us your answer to riddletheblacksheeponline.com and if you're right, we'll send you something cool!

the classtime

messing with mixies crossword

Across

3) This dessert may get you falling.

5) UTI cure, sort of?

8) Bubbly Vitamin C. 9) A biblical reference.

10) Poor man’s mimosa.

11) Shaken, not stirred.

14) An odd mixture and a college staple.

16) A tool we all should have.

18) A borough of New York.

19) Readers of this magazine probably also enjoy these.

20) A punch with vino.

21) Very European, very trippy.

6) A drink for The Dude.

7) Very muddled.

10) A fairly legitimate meal.

12) Drink this then shout “Slainte!”

13) Fun, but sandy.

15) If you like this, and getting caught in the rain.

17) Lindsay Lohan’s birthplace, and probably drink of choice.

Down

1) Ichi... ni... san!

2) Katrina, that bitch.

4) It’s not Taco Tuesday without these.

Answers

Meet The Staff

Find Us At...

campus manager Molly Griffin

pr/Marketing TEAM Zach Adamo

Editorial manager Chris Dart

campus director Brendan Bonham

Advertising Managers Frances Johnson Writers Meredith Davidson, Blake Miller, Sarah Padva

owner Atish Doshi

photographer Victoria Cervone

Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers

Cartoonist Andreas Aristides

Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com

distribution manager Jason Glover

Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com

Social media manager Lauren White

Hate Us? lame@theblacksheeponline.com

Top of the Tavern Subway Backstreets Pub Firehouse Nicks Tavern Brioso Overtime 356 Pepinos Pita Pit Moes Todaro Little Ceasers Wingin It Grouchos Loose Change Burger Joint TD’s The Bronze Tiger Triple T’s Sloan Street Tap Senn’s Flowers on Sloan Room

Esso Jersey Mikes Tiger Properties Student Union El Jimadore Ultratan Columbos Pizza Hendrix Student Hair South Center Monterreys Croc’s Clemson Brackett Hall Hudson Bagel MH Frank The Shoeboxes Mojo Coffee Blue Berry Frog Fike Recreation Tony’s Pizza Woodstone Pita Center Beef O’ Bradys Osaka The Horseshoe Off the Vine Hibachi Grill Dorms Bojangles Cookout Harcombe Dining Friars Tavern Fuji Hall Waffle House Mellow Mushroom

Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

Shilletter Dining Hall Sirrine Study Room Cooper Library University Village Chimney Ridge Crawford The Woodlands The Retreat GREEK HOUSES & MORE!

Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Ave. Suite 1 Chicago, IL 60622 217.390.1747

the classtime I’m just reading over my ___1___ entry from yesterday, where I live-blogged my first day of college.

Holy ___2___, I am awesome: 8 am: Okay, so I’m getting ready for my first “class” lol. This to-go coffee mug is so perfect for ___3___ and ___4___. Plus I’ll look so ___5___ around the guys. I hope some are wearing ___6___!

10:20 am: Thaaaat was boring. Skipping ___7___ because I don’t even know what I want to be yet.

I’m thinking I could be the next ___8___ because I’m so emotional and creative. Hopefully my roommate is back, she’s from ___9___ but I can tell she’s got a wild side to her, like that bitch ___10___. Maybe she’ll want to rip the ___11___ and go H.A.M. in the caf.

11:55am: I just Googled hiccup cure. :/ 1:30 pm: So I went to the Caf by myself and spilled a tray of ___14___ all over this cute dark-skinned boy. I said “___15___, you ain’t trippin’, I am trippin.’” Everyone laughed at me! Maybe I’ll be the next Chelsea Handler?

2pm: I just ordered an extra-large, double ___16___ pizza, about to carry it down the hall to make some drinkin’ buddies.

4:35 PM: OH MY GOSH I just got this sophomore to buy me alcohol, but she insisted on a 6-pack of ___17___ instead of the 30 rack I hoped for. She goes, “You don’t want to end up like ___18____.” I was kind of offended, but I took them anyway.

9:30 pm: Wow, I’ve never had a nap like that before!

Feels like I’ve been on ___20___ for like three years.

I went to the bathroom and saw I had vomit on my ___21____ so that’s cool. Met some girls bonging ___22___ in the bathroom, so I think I’m going to meet up with them now. College is awesome!

1) online blog/journal 2) expletive 3) Cheap liquor 4) unusual mixer 5) adjective for smart 6) type of fabric 7) Entry-level math 8) Trendy author 9) foreign country 10) rowdy celebrity 11) weed smoking device 12) adjective for dork 13) expensive liquor 14) drunk food 15) slang for boy 16) meat topping 17) craft beer 18) celebrity in #10 19) Trashy mtv show 20) Planet 21) Article of clothing 22) cheap beer

welcome back! go tigers!

welcome back! go tigers!

11:30 am: WOW what a ___12___! She said she won’t smoke yet because she usually waits until right before dinner. I wonder if everything is okay?

I found her fifth of ___13___ and I’m just going to have a sip.

madlib: 1st day of freshman year